#but these ones would be some of the most mentally taxing IMO

[juriyuna]

⛏️...

i doubt this will be addressed directly in the story, but if shii experiences other people's suffering and abuse as her own in her dreams, that has... some really, really dark implications about the sorts of things she has to go through every night.

on the bright side, it's only a dream, and she has the fortune of waking up from it safe and unharmed. so in a sense, she is better off than the victims themselves. but she'd still be left feeling shaken and filthy, and then she'd have to live through it again later. and again. and again. on top of the other awful dreams she has.

just. god. poor shii.

[dual-fantasy]

chase fic has the worst timing cause my gen2 obsession is coming back. i love mike in a way nobody else does or understands. he actually kind of sucks a little bit and its not okay but it is justified. they shouldve let him kill scott i think. i want them to kiss. as an experiment. party scike is in the house 2nite. but again in a way nobody else understands. both of them suck just different amounts and i think that makes them compatible in an awful way. they hate each other. there is no romance in their relationship its probably for tax benefits. people want them to kiss i want to watch them fight. three dollars on mike winning. mike understands his mental health but would rather lick a busy sidewalk then ever confess it. scott has no idea whats going on up there but he'd tell anyone as a funny. they are made for each other. jo as well. my queen forever. she was the blueprint. theyre both dog motifs but in awful horrible ways. in the same way actually. i think theyd be great friends but in the worst way. the mutant maggots plus scott mean a lot to me actually. worst team plus scott ever. the most dysfunctional found family. emphasis on dysfunctional. they hate each other and have the worst time ever whenever more then 3 of them are together. Grave Dog. sorry for gen 2 posting i need to rewatch the reboot to like chase more then them again

don't apologise for gen 2 posting you're so real. party scike is in the house tonight. mike means a lot to me too but one of his best qualities is that he's a bitch sometimes. imo he isn't always a nice person but it's completely justified, but that justification doesn't make him a good person. he's at least a little bit of a cunt and ppl seem to make him some perfect and "wholesome" guy because they can't stand that a character has morality deeper than the black and white rubric they have.

scike is real too you're right about them. they shouldn't get a happy ending they need to be violent. they shouldn't kiss they should clean their blood off eachothers hands after they fight. they aren't in a good relationship it's bad and tragic but it's everything. they're also funny as shit. they're both just going through shit and shenanigans. very funny but also they're the actual worst. scike is awesome

jo was the best too. to be honest I didn't like her but on a rewatch she was literally the realest character. she's an icon shes the moment she's incredible

the mutant maggots were one of the best teams in total drama. on tier with team Amazon and team skunk butt. easily one of the top 5 at the very least. theyre never having a good time literally ever they literally all hate eachother so so much and also they're sooo sweet and mean everything.

again dw about gen 2 posting they're so good

[br1ghtestlight]

I am a teenager who is scared of adulthood, do you have any advice on what I can do to live a happy life when I become an adult?

I don't think adulthood is all that bad tbh!!! take this with a slight grain of salt bcuz I don't remember most of my life especially before i was like nineteen or twenty but I think the level of independance and freedom makes up for the new responsibilites, and they don't all hit you at once

general advice I guess??

taxes honestly aren't that difficult outside of like specific situations like if you got a large sum of money from somewhere outside your work or if you switched jobs multiple times in the same year. it's all automated now and you probably wouldn't even have taxable income so the government would be giving YOU money for doing your taxes (that's what tax returns are I think) mostly jobs take taxes out of your paycheck so you dont have to worry about it that much. people are overdramatic about them imo (and I don't think you have to start doing your taxes the minute you turn eighteen it's like. whatever)

if you have a job or source of income (and it's okay if you dont) and you aren't doing a lot of things that require money its good to put MOST of your money away until you're an adult bcuz it will be useful then when you have more exenses. I think my sister got like 10k when she turned eighteen just from her own jobs/savings

opening a bank account is a good idea. maybe a credit union. also saving any documentation like your medical services card, birth certificate etc will make everything way easier in the long run bcuz replacing those is a Long process

most people really do just want to help you and support you tbh!!! don't be afraid to just show up somewhere (like a bank, new job etc) and ask questions especially if you're in your late teens or 20s bcuz you're still pretty young. nobody figures everything out on their own and you aren't going to have government agents outside your door if you dont have everything figured out the Second you turn eighteen

until you get yout own apartment or job probably most of this won't apply to you. legally you're still Kind of a dependant as long as you're living w/ your family and even if you go to college I think??? and then when you do that stuff there are resources out there to help you with everything

JOIN A CLUB like at your local library they have programs etc or a book club. like 80% of adult life is just social connections getting you a house or a job or being a reference and I learned that the hard way bcuz now I have literally zero social connections. maybe keep in contact with anyone from high school that you can still tolerate (or college if you decide to do that) or coworkers from your job. just try to know lots of people its good for your mental health and life. in general. humans are social and they help each other

don't take out financial loans (like those "$200 for $20" places). very bad idea. also in general don't ask people for money unless you really need it and are 100% sure you'll be able to pay them back. taking money from your own savings is okay

go to food banks if u need.... food. its expensive nowadays and food banks have food that's mostly okay. I think signing up is pretty easy (I haven't used one as an adult) probably less relevant until you move out unless u have food problems in your family but yknow. its fine. they literally don't care

keep receipts from any large donations to charity or perscription medication and you can use them for your tax returns to get your money back (at least in canada. fair warning im Not american) also business expenses if you're doing that for some reason

eat your fruits and veggies :)

[banyanas]

Fic Authors Self Rec

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you’ve written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love!

Tagged by @vivifrage ! Sorry it took so long for me to get to this lmao. Some of them might be from the same fic series, btw.

In Word and In Deed (A Hat In Time, 72k, complete)

The bulk of the Thirteenth Crusade AU, and honestly my best longform fic I’ve posted so far. Low-fantasy AU featuring an original setting! Dragons! Found Family! More Dragons! Trust As A Theme! A causal chain that, to quote, “rips like hell”! if you like Dadtcher content this is where you’re gonna find mine.

Mu travels across the continent with a dragon’s soul bound to a book, on the promise that as she upholds her end of the deal, the dragon will rain fire on the heads of the force occupying her home island.

Quantum Crucible (Amphibia, 5500 words, complete)

Okay this rec is both a plea of ‘please pay attention to this fic I worked very hard on it and it’s one of my favorites and it’s underappreciated’ but also I genuinely think it’s one of my better fics.

So y’know how the Shadowfish are just kinda Still There under Marcy’s room after she and her pals disturbed them? They’re curious about her. So is Marcy about them. And isn’t it interesting, that she was placed right above where the monarchs of the old empire keep all their interdimensional prisoners and trophies...

Day One Dark (Promare, 50k, complete)

Also super underappreciated tbh, this is the longfic that took me two years to write. A canon-divergent and VERY worldbuilding-heavy AU that covers events after the escape from Freeze Force Detention Center, without the escapees being tracked. Lots of looks into Burnish culture and physiology, with attention paid to the world outside of Promepolis.

Death and Taxes (Brave Animated Series, 14,700 words, complete)

I would also say this one is underappreciated too but tbh it’s doing fantastic for how tiny the fanbase is lmao (pls give Brave on netflix a shot). Primarily a story and character piece regarding the events between Morewant’s sudden crowning and the end of the short-lived King of War’s reign. 

Blown Buds of Barren Flowers (Amphibia, 3,800 words, complete)

Has a much longer sequel in the form of Light of Presage, but THIS ONE is solid as hell imo. Do you like insight into the Core possession? The most crunchily visceral and vivid mental dialogue? Marcy getting to literally say “fuck you” to the Core? Go! Go look! Seriously it’s my favorite example of the mental dialogue specialty at the moment!

THANK YOU JAXX so ok um to tag people you didn’t already hmm [spins wheel]. @lemonadesoda @rindomness @arcadiii @iturbide @mythicandco

[markets]

ok well c!shittypenis analysis essay under the cut

c!shittypenis is so fucking sad. let me explain.

during season 1, c!shittypenis was inseparable. they had the most beautiful relationship on the whole penissmp imo (you dont have to agree, that opinion does not affect the points made in this essay as i tried to keep it as unbiased as possible). c!penis kept c!shitty grounded when necessary and showed him the importance of sacrificing things for those you care about, while c!shitty helped c!penis be ambitious and stand his ground when necessary, showed him that he didn’t have to settle for anything less than what he deserved. if they hadn’t had each other, they wouldn’t have been able to survive the cockberg war and dethrone c!admiral_anal. and that was what made their love (whether you interpret it as platonic or otherwise) so special. it was about survival and growth, whereas so many others on the smp (eg c!hairballs and c!gargle) were about power, about one of them wanting something from the other. it was refreshing, the only reason cockberg won the war (c!pisskink69′s betrayal would have decimated them otherwise, since they had little to no resources or morale left afterwards), and the driving force between season 1.

but during season 2, we saw c!shitty slowly distance himself from c!penis. props to cc!shitty for this, because it was really fucking subtle. he showed up to the bridge where they would hang out less and less, didn’t help c!penis during the confrontation with c!milfboss that ended up taking one of his canon lives (which directly paralleled the fight with c!pisskink69 at balltown from season 1, but thats for another essay), among other things. 

but it all culminated when he destroyed the bridge. the one they had built together at the start of season 1, the one they started a war for. and it was such a heartbreaking scene. cc!penis’s voice acting really does not get enough recognition. but im getting off topic. the point is, c!shitty did all this for one thing and one thing only: power.

 after freeing cockberg and becoming vice chairman of the cabinet, he was in a vulnerable position: the war, especially c!admiral_anal’s threats towards c!penis, put him in a really bad mental state, one that made him doubt every decision he made and made him desperate for some kind of security. that combined with the amount power that being vice chairman held, just enough for him to see what it was like to have power but also leaving him hungry for more (if you still don’t believe this, rewatch the scene where he imposed taxes on c!glorp’s neighborhood, shitbitch, from the beginning of the season, it foreshadows the conflict super well), made him unable to resist c!bigfuckingboobs’s offer. 

c!bigfuckingboobs is arguably one of the most, if not the most, powerful people on the server: she’s the richest member with the best pvp skills. if they teamed up, there was no amount of power he couldn’t have, no height he couldn’t reach. even if it meant cutting of his friends, it could guarantee them safety in the long run. it could be worth it. it was extremely risky, but then again, c!shitty was never one to shy away from risk. so he took it. c!bigfuckingboobs used this to manipulated him into craving more and more power, until she could use his position in the government and the distance he had placed between him and his friends to take over cockberg and either make it hers or destroy it. 

that’s why c!penis killed c!clitoris on the ruins of the bridge. he saw what power was doing to his friend, and that was his ultimatum, his way of letting him know that he had gone too far. that was the reason c!shitty felt the need to distance himself from c!penis in the first place: the second c!shitty started craving more power, c!penis was wary, if not outright critical of it (dont forget that after the shitbitch dispute, c!penis went to c!hairball behind c!shitty’s back to try and take him out of office). however, he now had what season 1 c!shitty probably would’ve viewed as a valid concern, since the way he was acting directly paralleled c!admiral_anus. hence c!clitoris’s murder, which i personally don’t agree with, but i will say that many c!penis antis ignore the fact that, since its minecraft, pets arent regarded in the same way as they are irl, so while still bad, its not as harsh as many of them are making it out to be imo.

but anyway, c!shitty knew that c!penis was warning him. he knew. but the way c!bigfuckingboobs had twisted his worldview, he saw it not as c!penis trying to keep him safe, but as him dragging him down, trying to keep him from achieving what he wanted, which had originally been safety for c!penis and the others, but was now power for him and c!bigfuckingboobs. the meaning behind c!clitoris’s death, not the death itself, was what prompted the electric chair execution, which so many people seem to not understand. 

and that was what was so sad about it: c!bigfuckingboobs was using the very things they had learned from and taught one another to turn them against each other. c!shitty’s ambition and what c!penis had taught him about sacrifice had caused him to take her deal and distance himself from c!penis in exchange for what he thought would guarantee them safety in the first place, while c!penis’s careful nature and the things he had learned from c!shitty about standing up for himself caused him to directly oppose him. this all led up to c!penis’s execution, directly paralleling c!hairball’s in the cockberg war arc.

c!bigfuckingboobs let them drive one another into ruins, because with that, the very foundation cockburg had been built upon would crumble, and she could take power without ever having to lift a finger. the war left c!shittypenis with different desires, and c!shitty’s desire for power and c!penis’s outright aversion to it due to his trauma with c!admiral_anal clashed and ruined everything they had once had. that is why c!shittypenis is the most heartbreaking dynamic on the penissmp, and why they are some of the best written narrative foils i have ever seen. 

TL;DR: c!shittypenis contrast each other perfectly, and these differences ended up pulling them apart after the war for cockberg

[letoscrawls]

What are your Extremely Italian Opinions? Anything from politics to pasta, drop some hot takes

mmmmm good question! even though i'm not a proud italian as i'm very critical of this country and i'd love to live abroad in the future, i do have typical italian opinions that i'm ready to die for. I’m sure these will be mainly about food, but let’s see:

-say whatever you want, but italian food is the best food in the entire world, not only it’s healthy but it’s also delicious and no nation can compare :) no you can’t change my mind :) every time i watch Ratatouille i cringe so bad at the beginning when they say that French cuisine is known to be the best in the world??? that’s so false and i don’t even find it funny, we italians take food so seriously and if you dare criticize something about our food we take it very personal, yes, IT IS THAT DEEP.

-idk if it's a take but i find it funny that we don't use ice that much?? like i was so shocked to learn that smoothies are made WITH ICE?? we almost never use it, we definitely don't put it in coffee and we have this strange belief that ice gives you stomachache, especially if you want to take a bath, we usually wait two or three hours before taking a bath after a meal, especially if there's ice in it somewhere lol i think it's a typical Italian Grandma Advice but we all follow it religiously. Even though i know it's bizarre i can't help but wait at least two hours after my meal before having any kind of contact with water

-No one dubs movies and cartoons like italians. Our voice actors are superior (but the italian Rebels dub is terrible, don’t watch Rebels in italian, everyone sounds very bad except for Thrawn, surprisingly his voice better than the original and i've already talked about this in my ig stories some time ago haha) and i often watch shows and movies in italian even tho it's "trendy" nowadays to watch everything in english. Tbh i think that  a country with a strong tradition of voice acting shouldn't neglect it in favor of the original language, just because something was made in english it doesn't make it better. For example, the prequel trilogy is insanely better in italian, while i love Hayden's performance as Anakin i think that sometimes...it lacks emotion? the italian dub makes up for those parts, i couldn't understand why international fans used to despise the PT so much at first, especially the acting. There isn't one single character in the prequels that sounds bad, really. Same thing goes for Disney classics, i find them 100% funnier in italian (the most memorable example is Emperor's New Groove, the main characters are voiced by some of the funniest comedians we have, they all did an amazing job), even tho some characters are voiced by celebrities who don't do voice acting on a regular basis the result is always phenomenal. Honorable mention to the Genie in Aladdin who is voiced by Gigi Proietti, an actor and comedian of immesurable talent who passed away a few days ago, his performance is on the same level of Robin Williams' imo. So yeah, i'm a huge fan of italian voice acting in case you didn't notice

-regarding politics, lots of people here say that we have the "best democracy in the world" or something like that.........eh, i highly doubt it. I hate this country because there is no meritocracy, you're most likely to succeed if you have good connections or a powerful family. The worst part is that this applies to EVERYTHING and it's terrible. Also there's a big imbalance between North Italy and South Italy, so it's hard to succeed and have access to a good education if you're born in the South and you're poor. And it's a shame. I was lucky enough to live near a very good university so i pay for taxes and nothing else, but only those who are born in wealthy families in the south can afford university in the north as universities in the south are not that good in general. it's really a shame bc south italy is freaking beautiful but the government doesn't spend the same amount of time, energy and money and that's also one of the reasons crime rates are so high there. truly every single issue in Italy could be resolved by funding our education system but most politicians don't give a flying fuck about it and it shows :/

-University in italy is considered a privilege, something that people do because they are too lazy to go to work and get "a real job". we have one of the lowest rates of student getting a degree in europe and yet a lot of people are expected to be jobless for years after graduating uni. it's crazy. there is no respect or consideration for university students since you're not obliged by law to attend one but it's your choice. university professors are terrible, they act like we don't have a personal life and in most cases will make everything so hard that you'll need to take an exam even 15 times before passing it. a friend of mine who is a prodigy in Math attended a really good university in Switzerland and he told me that you can take exams a max of 3 times there but you usually don't need to because they are much easier to pass?? also exams are so hard to pass, my degree is a living hell, you have to take multiple tests, do projects and assignments to pass one freaking exam, while the entire world has the paper system, so you basically write a paper and then the teacher grades it and guess what??? YOU LEARN STUFF ANYWAY. i hate that university in italy takes so much years, tears and mental energy to finish and this leads me to my next point

-healthcare. Italy has one of the best healthcare systems in the world because, well, it's free! You have some kind of bills to pay, but they are not as expensive as in the US, the country got a huge debt at some point in the 60s/70s (i guess??) to afford free healthcare but it was really worth it!! HOWEVER, i think it's pointless to have free healthcare for literally anything besides mental health. sadly, mental health is a tough topic here, if you suffer from a mental illness you're considered crazy, an attention seeker, incapable of being a normal citizen and stuff like that. therapists are super expensive and only wealthy people can afford them. personally, i can't afford one and i would love to since i suffer from anxiety and maybe other things (but i guess i'll never know since my country doesn't give a fuck lmao). and university students are most likely to have mental health issues due to the terrible conditions we live in, yet society ignores us, this results in very high suicide rates among students in their twenties. i honestly hate it so fucking much, especially because studying psychology is considered "easy" and you'll probably be jobless after your degree. psychologists are doctors, they deserve to be paid like any other doctor because they save lives, for real.

So uhm this was supposed to be funny but ended being very critical hahahaha

[facepalming-since-chernobyl]

Ok, so the “funny” story about the twitter drama around idm anxiety shirts.

Because I was talking about a lot of people who said the shirts were dismissive (funny thing is that no one said that the tweet where the OP was making fun of Mel’s anxiety and marriage was dismissive, but whatever), it would not help anyone and people wearing this shirts would just upset people who have anxiety.

I tried to stay objective, explaining why the idm’s shirts with anxiety prints were not offensive, but then someone asked me if I have anxiety and I almost wrote that I don’t.

But I stopped and remembered (yes, REMEMBERED) that I fucking have it. I just don’t talk about it. Why? Because no one in this country treats it as something serious. No one really talks about it. And for me, as the mature, serious adult who has a serious job and pays the taxes, it’s not anxiety but an inconvenience I need to deal with, because you know, answering the calls and talking to angry/annoying people is part of my job and I get paid for it, too bad I want to throw up all over my desk every time the telephone rings and I have palpitation.

So for me, the IDM anxiety t-shirts is normalizing the idea of people taking their mental issues in a public area, without fearing to get mocked or misunderstood. It’s bringing the problem to a wider audience and starting a discourse. Yes, I’m pretty aware for most of the people it is too soon, but a lot of the topics that were taboo once upon I time are now something openly discussed in public. And someone started to talk about them on some point of time, where most of the people were not ready for it. IDM’s goal is that one day, seeing someone wearing a t-shirt with anxiety is going to be normal. And if wearing something like that is normal, then talking about is too.

Aside of the other problems that were born during the all discussions, would I wear it? I don’t know, because for sure wearing t-shirts with some kind manifestations is not the way I deal with my problems. But for sure it made me THINK about the possibility. And that’s something.

Imo, the t-shirts are not meant to dismiss anything or offend people. But we all are different and we all deal with the problems differently, so of course some of us will don’t agree and feel upset about it. And that’s normal and good and should be talked over.

[ssaalexblake]

the reactions to 13′s Terrible mental health are kind of. Wild. In some places. She is in the middle of a breakdown in s12, she is refusing to talk, which is her right, but it’s also not good for her either at all and is actively contributing to her still deteriorating mental situation, simply because the isolation she’s Actively angry at the whole season is something she has enforced and caused by her own bad coping mechanisms. 

Her in general anger at her own isolation and being misunderstood by the fam is actively used by her at times to be angry at the fam when She’s the one enforcing it, which is Definitely a line crossed.  It is okay to not be okay, but even when you’re not okay you don’t get to do stuff like that (lbr, they’ll never get an apology for baring any of the storm of her moods in s12). 

She’s also not got the spoons to really deal with anybody else’s problems (she can do Epic Hero Saves, but that’s her form of escape, that’s not mentally taxing to her, but she doesn’t have it in her to offer much in any way of mental support),  she’s too wrapped up in her own problems that she lacks constructive ways to process and deal with, let alone anybody else’s. Again, fair, not to be condemned. 

She just. Doesn’t Know how to deal with her problems. And not all of her reactions and actions in s12 were okay, at all. Most of it was unhealthy, which is one thing and a lot of what she gets condemned for is Not fair or okay, but on the flip side, her behavior was, actually, sometimes unacceptable and to say she’s completely innocent and some weird uwu thing is just as poor of a take as the complete condemnation. 

I’m just in general frustrated, she needed help dealing with her trauma, saying that is not bad? She was clearly making her own situation even Worse by her own actions, simply because she lacked the skills to process it. That’s not a thing to condemn her for, but also, ‘she should just work it out herself’ as a take imo has an edge of genuine cruelty to it because like... She’s not going to because as established, she lacked the tools to do so. It is basically the ‘sit and watch somebody suffer’ route. She deserves support. Wanting somebody to give her tools to heal or just in general survive is not controlling or out of line, it’s compassion. 

She is traumatized, unable to heal herself, unwilling to let the fam in but Also taking it out on people around her. Trauma and mental illness is not a free pass to treat people as poorly as you wish. Ever. She may have a good reason for acting as she does, and i could write out a long essay on her reactions and how they make sense for the character, but that’s not an excuse, merely a reason, she should not have treated people around her badly, full stop (like, even the lousy people. She tore Strips out of Kane even Before she knew exactly what she’d done, it was not a logical condemnation of character, she wanted somebody to treat that way and she found one, it was just coincidence she’d zeroed in on a Genuinely shitty person). 

tldr? totally condemning her for her behaviour in s12 is unfair, but not holding her accountable for her own poor behaviour due to trauma is also not right, she Did behave poorly. Wanting her to have help healing is not shitty, it’s basically what the fam were trying to do and i’m very tired of them being condemned for how Well they handled all of this despite their enforced ignorance. Nobody could have Forced her to get help, but the sentiment that people would wish she’d have some is compassionate, not cruel or an attempt at controlling her against her wishes. She was suffering and a big part of that was through her own poor coping mechanisms, wanting that fixed so she’d Not suffer or make the people around her suffer either is merely a compassionate wish, not an effort to Force her be a better person or something?????

Sometimes it just sucks to watch people suffer, and you watch, even when it’s on a tv show, and wish they’d get help so they wouldn’t continue to. See; ‘Can You Hear Me?’. 

[the-based-brit]

I don't believe that you had the life of reilly. Tell us about your abuse, your feelings are valid

*WARNING! LONG AND VERY DEPRESSING POST INCOMING!*

My biological mother smoked and drank while she was pregnant with me, and I was born with two very severe and debilitating disabilities because of her - Dyspraxia and physical difficulties. The former significantly affects my ability to communicate, makes my brain to slow to process information, and it’s a lot like autism in that it makes me struggle to understand certain social cues and hold a conversation with other people etc.. My short-term memory is...well, very short. I forget things. I can remember stuff that happened years ago, but sometimes I forget whatever it was I did five minutes ago. My brain is broken.

The latter affects my motor skills. My hands are not very strong, and I don’t have a very good grip. Sometimes, I struggle to do things that require a strong pair of hands, such as opening a jar, and I have to get my dad and my stepmother to do it for me. I also can’t bend my right thumb properly, and my handwriting is very childlike and scruffy because I have difficulty holding a pen or pencil properly and it takes a while for me to write things down by hand. I’m much better with a laptop or smart device than a pen and paper. And I’m a writer. Or at least I hope to be some day. My right foot also flicks out and my left foot is actually stronger even though I’m right-handed.

My biological mother never bothered to quit drinking or smoking while she was pregnant with me because she was a selfish bitch with a heart made of stone. Instead of nurturing me and raising me right like she was supposed to, she emotionally abused and neglected me for many years. My dad divorced her when I was three years old because she was horrible to him, and more importantly, to me. He left her for my stepmother and never looked back.

When I got a few years older, she told me he cheated on her with my stepmother, but that was a big fat LIE. Nothing could be further from the truth. My dad was never a cheater and never even thought about having an affair. My so-called “mother” was just butthurt because he left her and thus, could no longer control him.

But she still had me, her boy, who was only three years old and, being so young and impressionable, I was easy to manipulate. So she used me to get back at them. The so-called “affair” was not the only lie she told me. She raised me to believe that my dad and stepmother were the ones who were abusing me and they were trying to take me away from her. I suppose that wasn’t a complete lie because my dad and stepmother did fight for custody over me, but that was only because they wanted to save me from my abuser.

But I was just a kid. I was young and dumb and naive and because she was my mother, I believed her. And every Monday afternoon (I lived with my dad and stepmother during the week and my biological mother had me every weekend), I came home from school, with an attitude problem because she told me horrible things about them. And I accused them of those horrible things and needless to say, they got SUPER angry with me and they would defend themselves, and afterwards, I’d feel bad for what I said, I would cry and I would apologise to them profusely.

And I would be left feeling confused, upset, angry and very stressed out. Until the end of the week, I would come home to her and I would tell her what they told me and she would lie to me again. And again. And again. I felt like I was in the middle of a battlefield. In fact, that pretty much sums up my life at home when I was a kid. Now it’s a lot more peaceful, but the damages that were done to me still never fully healed even to this day.

This happened every single fucking week because of her, and it took a massive toll on me. I was very stressed out, exhausted, frightened, traumatised, confused, anxious and depressed and it literally made me feel physically ill, as well as mentally. I could barely eat or sleep. I would often run to the toilet and throw up in it after eating even just a little bit of food because I was so stressed and anxious, I could not hold it down. And because of that I’m very skinny and underweight and even now, I still have problems eating, though I’ve gotten a bit better at it since then. I also suffered terribly from insomnia and that made sleeping just as difficult.

And this made it hard for me to do well in school. Because of all the shit that was going on at home, and because of my disabilities, I struggled to keep up with the other students. I could barely concentrate, I almost always needed help and I could barely get any work done. My grades are mediocre, at best and nobody could understand why and no one cared to. My parents and teachers just nagged me to work harder, and my special helpers in school insisted on doing more or less all my work for me.

Homework was a bitch, too. It took me, like, three hours at the LEAST to get it done because of my problems. To be fair, I was a pretty lazy kid who deliberately put it off because I didn’t wanna do it and I was young and stupid enough to think it would eventually make me not have to. I HATED my maths homework the most. In fact, maths was basically my WORST subject and I preferred English and IT and History, which I was better at. Science and Religious Education were also pretty cool imo. But I digress.

My learning disorder wasn’t the only thing that broke my brain. My biological mother emotionally manipulated me for years, and that broke me even more. Mentally, physically and emotionally, I was a mess. So many attacks on my mind. My body was left in pretty bad shape, too.

And I think the worst part about all of it was that there was basically jack shit I could do about it. I couldn’t defend myself physically because I was too young, too small and too weak. I couldn’t defend myself verbally because I was far too tired, too over-emotional, too terrible at verbal communication and couldn’t articulate myself well enough. And I was too emotionally abused and bullied, both at home AND at school to even TALK about it. That’s the thing about abusers, they don’t want their victims talking to anyone about their abuse.

And on the rare occassions I did talk about it, no one gave two shits and a fuck. Most people didn’t know about it. Some did, but most of them didn’t give a damn, at least not enough to do anything about it, like get me some help or get me away from my abuser. Because I grew up in a shithole of a town, where there are some good people but there’s a lot more BAD people.

Plus, my abuser was a woman and I’m male. And no one gives two shits about male abuse survivors like myself. I was often told to “man up”, “grow up” and “stop being a pussy” just for trying to open up about my feelings instead of bottling them up inside.

She was a feminist, too, my abuser. I had a biological half-sister who was nine years younger than me and she was treated like a princess while I was treated like dogshit. She never admitted to being one of those crazy man-hating feminist types, not in front of me, but looking back, I realised her actions spoke louder than her words. She was in part the reason I stopped calling myself a feminist years ago.

My dad and stepmother were fairly well-off. Not rich, but not broke, either. Definitely not. I come from a family of teachers. My dad was a teacher, my stepmother is, or was a teacher, and so is my older brother. I could have been a teacher myself if I wasn’t born disabled and abused and neglected for so many years. My dad works in a school full of kids with learning difficulties similar to mine, and he gets paid a lot of money to teach them. And they’re very materialistic and money-oriented people who vote for the UK Labour Party every year, but only because they tax you less. And they think they’re such good parents because they have money and they can buy me nice things, but in my experience, you need more than just money to be a good parent. You have to support your children physically, emotionally and mentally as well.

As George Carlin once said: 

It’s good that they had more than enough money to put food on the table, clothes on my back, a roof over my head...plus entertainment and any luxury item I wanted, but if they had just provided me with equal amounts of love and emotional support, if not more than equal, I would have been mostly ok. But I’m not. I’m broken. I’m aloof. I’m mentally scarred. I’m traumatised. I’m anxious and depressed. I’m very mentally ill, tired and damaged beyond repair.

Because truth be told, they weren’t much better than my so-called mother. Especially my stepmother. I guess she was not as manipulative, but she was very emotionally and verbally abusive. She would often yell at me over little things, and bully me constantly. Just like my abuser, and the other kids at school who harassed me every. single. schoolday. She was horrible to me. Far as I’m concerned, they are both as bad as each other. She’s calmed down quite a bit and she’s not so abrasive anymore, but she still has her moments, and the damage she’s done to me, emotionally, mentally, psychologically, had a permanent effect.

I never had a REAL mother. The kind who nurtures her children and loves them unconditionally. My family hates my guts because they think I’m a spoiled, entitled little brat and a very spiteful, vindictive, hateful little shit (I was a very angry kid. And for good reason) who always cries and complains when he doesn’t get his own way. I never had any real friends, either. I hardly ever speak to anyone in real life because I’ve tried so many times and it seldom ended well. That, and I’m crippled by a horrible social anxiety, which is not as bad as it used to be, but it’s still there.

I’ve never had a girlfriend, either. Or a boyfriend. I’m a virgin, and a loner. Fuck my life.

[breadclubrising]

I am hearing news about Kota Ibushi actually signing with NJPW (instead of being a free bird)... does this mean... he will finally be the heavyweight champion?

OFFICIALLY, it’s still a rumor right now—we haven’t heard an official announcement from NJPW. So, because Kota… I’m going to wait until something official is announced. Keep in mind that he did the entire Cruiserweight Classic and was in NXT during that time, but still hadn’t for-sure signed in time to win the tournament. He then continued to be in NXT for a couple of months, even though he didn’t commit, and WWE kept offering him shorter contracts, better schedule flexibility, and more money. According to him, after all of that, he physically attended a secret hotel room meeting with WWE for the sole purpose of telling them no, never, and that his mind would not be changed by any money or promises they could make.

I’m not even really saying the rumor is dubious—I think it’s likely he has done exactly as he says—I’m just saying I’m gonna wait for actual official confirmation with this guy.

That said, I’m going to write a long thing about his character arc. It’s what I do.

Let’s start with the obvious: Kota Ibushi is really fucking good at wrestling. He could show up on the doorstep of any wrestling promotion in the world and be welcomed with immediate upper-card booking, open arms, and a fuckton of money. He’s just that good. He’s pretty much universally admired by other wrestlers and wrestling critics. Very few people would argue with you if you called him one of the greatest pro wrestling talents of all time.

And if breathtaking natural ability isn’t enough (it’s not), Ibushi has all the magnetism, star power, and understanding of emotion needed to make a wrestling superstar. Sure, it often gets missed or overlooked in light of his talent, and yeah, sometimes he really sucks at promos. Still, you don’t get to be ace of a company like DDT on flips alone. Don’t let the dumb jock act fool you: he’s the whole package. Let no one tell you otherwise.

In sports, a reputation like Ibushi’s usually comes with a small museum’s worth of titles, trophies, and accolades. But Ibushi doesn’t have the trophy case to back up the praise he’s earned. And that’s because in most sports, talent usually translates directly to winning and becoming legendary—but not wrestling.

Because, of course, in wrestling, the outcomes of matches are not decided by talent, they’re chosen based on the best interests of the wrestling promotion. Ibushi has been a freelancer since 2016, which neatly coincides with when he stopped winning stuff. 

Because he’s just that good, he’s gotten far better booking than most freelancers could ever dream of. But he hasn’t gotten serious pushes, because no matter how talented someone is, it ultimately doesn’t make good business sense for a wrestling promotion to have a champion who only works for himself, to invest money and reputation in someone who can’t—explicitly will not—promise your promotion a return on your investment. Which is why Ibushi’s trophy case is so empty compared to his reputation.

He obviously knows all these dots are connected. Titles never really mattered to him, back when he had titles more often. Now, he knows the reputation he has, and he knows that all he has to do is want to be the best in the world. Ibushi doesn’t love making choices, but this one he cannot avoid: achievement or freedom. His dazzling talent grants him access to both, to an extent that’s simply not available to others. And he’s actually had a really impressive amount of cake-and-eating-it-too as a freelancer; much more than most could hope for.

But since 2016, he’s deliberately chosen freedom, knowing that the cost is achievement. 

The truth is, when you’re as talented as Kota Ibushi is, sometimes your gifts feel like a burden. No matter what you want out of life, your talent is so obvious and striking that it demands you account for what you’re doing with it, both to yourself and to other people. Your talent is bigger than whatever it is that your heart wants, and you will be obligated to answer for that, to yourself and others, constantly—wherever you go and whatever you do. And that will remain true even if fulfilling your potential has a cost you don’t want to pay.

Ask Kota Ibushi. His amazing talent meant that NJPW and DDT were both willing to give him full-time contracts at the same time; he was the first wrestler to have two home promotions. Someone as good as he is almost has to accomplish unprecedented things like that, right? No one else can, and no one else would be allowed to even try—who else would be worth that level of accommodation; two promotions both willing to not only have a guy who spends half his time making money for a rival promotion, but both push him as far as he wants to go, and work their scheduling so he could successfully maintain two schedules? And even before that, he won Best of the Super Juniors as an outsider. He was the first. He was the only one. He did that. 

Buuut, the cost of fulfilling that amazing potential was his mental and emotional wellbeing. For one, it meant he had to give up one of the things that made him happiest—being a Golden Lover. For another, his life was not his own. He later said that he learned that even one schedule is incredibly draining for him, and that one of the hardest things was how little emotional investment he was able to give his performances and the storylines happening in each promotion. 

His surgery in late 2015, the reason he left both DDT and NJPW, was for a cervical disc injury he’d been living with for a while. It probably sucked, but it was also a way out of his contracts, because the bigger and more grindingly burdensome issue was that he was horribly emotionally and mentally burned out from answering to two promotions. 

In other words, to Ibushi: dismal failure. Leaving your job for mental health reasons in Japan is not a thing. He felt like he just couldn’t hack it, didn’t deserve the acclaim he receives. In his mind, he’d failed his fans and critics, and exposed himself for being the flaky, emotionally weak weirdo he always saw in the mirror. When he was well enough to wrestle again, he left Japan, a bit humbled and humiliated. If being exceptional in Japan didn’t work, maybe just one contract, but with the world’s largest and most famous wrestling promotion, home to the majority of history’s greats, would be a way to live up to all of that potential.

And just like NJPW and DDT did, WWE was willing to make accommodations they rarely make for anyone else—a major reason WWE organized the Cruiserweight Classic was to try to sign him. Not only did they famously beg him as I noted above, they offered him contract flexibility—WWE does not do that; the vast majority of WWE contracts are quite exclusive. They let it be a pretty open secret that Kota Ibushi was definitely going be the ace and crown jewel of their new Cruiserweight division. And when he didn’t sign in time to win the tournament he was going to win (if he’d signed), they didn’t tell him to fuck off. They let him stay as long as he was willing to entertain the idea of signing. 

But he ran up against the same problem: he doesn’t do well in a tightly-controlled, heavily scheduled environment. So he told WWE no, definitely not, never. And he went home, forced to come to terms with the fact that some people can handle the schedules that come with a full-time contract, but for him, it’s too emotionally taxing. 

So this perception of him that’s out there, that ‘haha that’s our fantastic dolphin son, what a ~free spirit,’ is a little unfair.  Dude isn’t a freelancer because he’s flighty, unserious, or afraid of commitment. He’s a freelancer because he quickly gets burnt out when he has to follow someone else’s rules/schedule, and his talent gives him the privilege of naming his price. It’s not that he just doesn’t feel like being serious, it’s that he hates his life when he has the kind of commitments that come with a full-time contract. When he talked about saying no to WWE, he said “I don’t wrestle for the money anyway.” That didn’t mean I don’t care about money because I love wrestling, it meant I literally can’t function as a person if I start to think of wrestling as the thing I do to get money.

That means that when he came back to Japan in late 2016, he did so on his own terms, because that was the only way he could. His solution to the problem of burnout and emotional health has been controlling his own time; deciding where, how much, and how he works (he has a school now apparently, and he does stunt work on the side too). 

But now, as the grim march of time eventually comes for all of us, his back is to the wall and he knows: if he ever wants the titles to match his talent, if he wants wrestling history to remember him as something other than a could-have-been, it’s now or never. 

So, it’s now. He’s clenching his teeth, apologizing to Tana, going back into Serious Wrestling Star mode. He even said last night that he’s still trying to get his feet back under him, and IMO that’s because he’s still readjusting to being Professional Working Guy again. ‘Cause that’s who wins titles, and he knows that now.

Back in baby Golden Lover days, Kenny looked at Kota and saw all the things he wasn’t: natural, easy talent, and the booking to match it. Kenny was jealous and felt lesser; he worried he’d be a footnote in the history of Kota Ibushi. So when the Golden Lovers broke up, Kenny chose achievement, and achieve he did. Now, Kenny has a legacy: a huge pile of best bouts, worldwide fame, a name that will never be forgotten by wrestling history. The only titles he hasn’t held in NJPW are the NEVER Openweight Championship and the Heavyweight Tag Team Championship.

Now, Kota looks at Kenny and sees someone who didn’t have the burden of obvious easy talent, but did do all of the things you’d expect of someone who did. He’s not jealous like Kenny was, but he thinks: what have I done with what I’ve been given? Kota hasn’t held a Heavyweight singles title in NJPW. Kenny’s had all of them. Kota feels overshadowed now, irony of ironies.

Now, Kenny’s choosing freedom, and Kota’s choosing achievement. But it’s not a simple swap, because there’s a third element here: happiness. Both Golden Lovers are quite obviously happiest when they’re together. The first time they were apart, they both tried to fill the void where happiness belonged; Kenny with achievement, Kota with freedom. Then, they came back together, and happiness was so important to Kenny that in the end, when he won the biggest prize, he managed to tell a story in which all that he sacrificed and fought for was ultimately, distantly, secondary in importance to being happy. 

Now they’re apart again, but don’t mistake it for the same story. Before, they thought they could replace happiness with personal fulfillment. They learned, after years of unhappiness, that they couldn’t. This time, the Golden Lovers aren’t under any illusions that they’re going to replace happiness with what they’re doing instead. Bittersweetly, the lesson is the same as before, but from the other direction: personal fulfillment isn’t compatible with happiness right now. Now, both of them are setting their sights on accomplishment, but it seems pretty clear that they’re doing so with the intention of being back together as soon as they can be. 

Serious Wrestle Guy is explicitly not personally happy. But Ibushi’s at his best when he’s happy, even if he’s not winning titles. Titles make him feel fulfilled, and he needs that, but being a Golden Lover makes him happy, and I think he’ll always return there, and so will Kenny.

In fact, I’d guess that’s why there’s been no announcement about Kota’s contract: even from the interview posted the other day, there were some allusions to the possibility of working with Kenny again in the future. I would imagine that NJPW is still trying to figure out their relationship with Kenny, and Kota’s still trying to figure out how involved he can be with AEW. (I think I just outed myself as a Golden Lovers Truther—yeah, I think it’s somewhat likely that they’re an IRL couple, and as many IRL wrestling couples do, they’re working on separate continents.) My guess is Kota’s contract won’t be final until those details are ironed out. I don’t think they’d do all that work to get back together only to close and seal the door on it.

Only time will tell, but Kota hasn’t changed: fundamentally, he is still motivated by happiness. It’s just that he was happy long enough to know he can have it forever if he wants it, but he only has a few more years to get the trophy case his talent demands, to be the Kota Ibushi he thinks wrestling history deserves.

[hanjisungz-archive]

noo i agree actually aksks that's why when i heard ark was going to justice my mind went ?¿? although it's only one player, having more than two players per position can be really beneficial for a team and with nyxl having 5 dps players but only fielding libero and nenne (and less sbb now) i feel it's like,, taxing on the benched players bc they're probably always thinking "when can i play?" especially after hearing sbb wanted to retire bc he wasn't getting any play time - fleta anon (1/?)

((ill put ur other messages under a read more btw !!!!!))

also YES nyxl has the most vocal fans (a good amount are usually bandwagon fans) along with probably fusion (the amount of shit i see their players get for not winning is insane,,,, especially on carpe it's so gross :/) and yeah i understand the stress that the players must feel especially since they weren't able to reach playoff finals at all in the last stages and agree !! the "we have to WIN" mentally, i feel, is one of the most taxing mentalities a player can have... - fleta anon (2/?)

i mean look at the amount of players that always apologize for playing bad/worse than usual, REGARDLESS win or lose (like dynasty's game v. valiant... three of them apologized for not playing well although they won and i went rlly :() and not to mention all the expectations that the nyxl players feel they have to reach, with all the great results they've achieved already, it might've affected them mentally,,, - fleta anon (3/?) (im sorry im making this so long ssksks) 

i KNOW i make quite a bit of jokes abt teams choking but i do feel bad abt it after bc i know they're at least trying aH especially when players apologize (idk why i get so affected by it but it does make me kinda said to see them apologize for the way they play :(( hhHh) i hate seeing teams' "fans" shit on/call names/ask teams to bench _____ on the players for losing but then claim to have supported them through everything :/ agh im so sorry for this becoming so long omg - fleta anon (4/4)

dont apologize !!!! i totally agree like yea i forgot abt philly and i think a lot of it has to do with overwatch world cup like half of the nyxl players were on the winning world cup (along w carpe and some players from spitfire too) so like i think they have the most pressure to win in owl because they had success in owwc

AH I KNOW like the players apologizing for not playing good when they WON like ????? even if you had an off day you should still celebrate that you won and yea like nyxl have achieved a LOT but i feel like they will always think they are one thing short (grand finals) 

i also agree w benching players and thats Exactly why i was so upset abt ark (and even janus) leaving because that just puts more pressure on anamo and meko !!!! 

it just sucks seeing nyxl look so defeated (like i couldnt watch the stream after the hunters won and i Knew they would show nyxl and their faces after being 4-0ed for the first time like i couldnt take it and im sure it crushed them and i seriously think that they have the mindset of ‘we can drop a few games as long as we are ready for playoffs’ but like ??? losses in regular season hurt just as much as playoffs imo so like adding more losses in games that could arguably be won im sure isnt good for them either ://////

[putschki1969]

Please buy Wakana’s album!

The release of Wakana’s first solo album is right around the corner, just a couple more weeks to go.

I am imploring each and every one of you to please support Wakana by purchasing her album. She deserves to have a successful solo career, she is an amazing singer and she finally gets the chance to flourish and realise her full potential.

Foreign fans actually make up a considerable amount of the fandom so we can be pretty influential if we want to. I know, buying Japanese items can be quite the hassle. Not only is it difficult, it’s also quite expensive. But rest assured, it’s actually not that hard and it can be affordable if you choose your spipping method wisely.

You may wonder why I am making this post now. The answer is easy, I want Wakana’s solo debut to be a great success but that won’t be happening if people don’t buy her releases. Most foreign fans rely on illegal downloads because it’s easier for them that way. I can understand that mentality to some extent but honestly, it’s not as hard as it used to be to buy things from Japan. You can make it work if you want. As for the money issue, yes, Japanese music releases are not cheap but they are far from unattainable. You don’t need to have a lot of money to be able to afford it, you just need to make a conscious choice, it’s all a matter of prioritising, if you truly like something, you should be willing to throw some money at it.

Also, I have read MANY comments by fans stating they really love Wakana and they want to support her but they won’t be buying any of Wakana’s CDs because they refuse to give money to Space Craft... Like really? Are you serious? I am sorry to say that but that’s complete and utter bullsh*t. Stop thinking like that RIGHT NOW! What exactly are you trying to achieve by that? All you are doing by being this petty and childish is to negatively affect Wakana. Antagonising Space Craft until the end of time won’t get you anywhere, you need to realise that.

Below I have listed some options for all of you. First of all I would like you to know that each and every purchase counts no matter how or where you get your copy. You will be supporting Wakana in one way or another and that’s the most important thing. However, we have to differentiate between “normal” purchases and the ones that actually contribute to the sales aggregated by Oricon - Japan's largest music statistics-tracking company. While charts are not the be-all and end-all, it is a great thing for an artist to reach a high rank. So if you want Wakana to reach a high position in the charts your purchasing options are slightly limited because Oricon does not count any data of products that are sent overseas. Not to worry though, I’ve got you covered.

Without further ado, let’s get started 〈(•ˇ‿ˇ•)-→

Options that WON’T affect the Oricon charts

CDJapan ➕ Ships overseas [Pretty much worldwide] ➕ Wide range of shipping options ➕ No tax ➕ Everything is in English ➕ The site is very easy to navigate ➖ Purchase won’t affect the Oricon sales ➖ No store specific postcard tokuten [Please note that the external bonus mentioned on the CDJapan item page is the application form for the double-purchase tokuten]

Amazon Japan ➕ Ships overseas to many countries ➕ You can switch between Japanese, Chinese and English [The most important information will be displayed in English] ➕ The site is pretty easy to navigate ➕ Comes with a store specific tokuten (postcard E) [Be sure to choose a copy that comes with the tokuten, look for the “Amazon.co.jp限定”] ➖ Purchase won’t affect the Oricon sales ➖ You need to register a new account [Your local amazon account won’t work] ➖ Only one shipping option [At least that was the case for me, it’s an affordable option though so I don’t mind] ➖ Import Fees Deposit [Ordering the Limited Edition Type B I was charged with a so called “import fees deposit”. Not sure what to think of this yet. I guess my package is very likely to get stuck at customs so that money will be used to pay a potential fee. But if I am lucky and my package doesn’t get charged then I will have paid that deposit for nothing. It does state on the page that I will get a refund...maybe...but meh...it’s my first time ordering on amazon.co.jp so I have no idea what to expect] ❈ IMPORTANT: You can use a proxy service to order from Amazon Japan

Digital Media Stores/Streaming Sites (iTunes, Google Play Store, Spotify, etc) As of right now, there hasn’t been any announcement that Wakana’s album will get released in digital form but based on her single I think it’s safe to assume that the tracks will eventually become available for download and streaming on various sites. ➕ Available internationally ➕ Very affordable ➖ No store specific tokuten ➖ No physical copy ➖ Digital sales also do not count towards the Oricon charts

Options that WILL affect the Oricon charts

Buy it yourself if you're in Japan around the release-time If you get the chance to buy a copy in one of the supporting stores (Animate, Tower Records, Gamers, Tora no Ana, Tsutaya Records, HMV, Softmap) that’s obviously the easiest option. ➕ Quick and easy ➕ No extra costs ➕ Will count towards the Oricon charts ➕ You will receive a store specific tokuten [Please note that the stores run out of stock quickly when it comes to tokutens so you better get your copy fast. You can buy your copy one day before the release ~furage~ to make sure you get your postcard]

Have a Japanese friend pre-order or buy it for you That’s obviously the next best option. ➕ Quick and easy ➕ You can discuss the costs of shipping with your friend ➕ Will count towards the Oricon charts ➕ You will receive a store specific tokuten [Your friend can pre-order from all the supporting online stores so you are definitely gonna get that tokuten]

Use a proxy service (Buyee) Of course there are many other proxy services out there but Buyee is the one I am most familiar with. I have been using their service for quite a few years now and I have not once been disappointed with them. They are especially great if you want to order from big online stores in Japan. Basically what happens is that they buy the item for you, it is shipped to their warehouse and from there it is shipped to you. ➕ Will count towards the Oricon charts ➕ You will receive a store specific tokuten ➕ The Buyee page itself is in English and very easy to navigate. Some of the biggest online stores (ZOZOTOWN, Rakuten, Yahoo Shopping) can be accessed through a Buyee interface. ➕ For most other online stores Buyee has its own “add-on” which is called “Add to Buyee”. Be sure to install it. If you are browsing a Japanese online store and go to a particular item page you can simply click the “Add-to-Buyee” button and the item will end up in your cart. The rest is done through Buyee so you don’t have to deal with any of the Japanese in the online store. ➕ They ship pretty much worldwide and offer a wide range of international shipping options [Be careful though, their shipping prices get crazy once your package exceeds a certain size/weight] ➕ Buyee has great customer service ➕ You can choose between different safety/security plans [I always go with the LITE Plan since it’s free] ➖ You have to create a Buyee account and you need to install the add-on ➖ You have to pay a service fee [However, it is very affordable! Usually around 150~400 yen depending on the price of the item] ➖ You might have to pay for domestic shipping as well as international shipping [Depending on where you order from, they might charge for domestic shipping, usually ranges between 200 and 1,000 yen. But don’t worry, most bigger stores don’t charge any domestic shipping if your order exceeds 2,000 yen] ➖ It takes pretty long because it’s not a single process. You first put in your order with Buyee and pay the item price (+ service fee + security plan). Then the item has to get to Buyee, once it’s at their warehouse you get notified and you can choose between various international shipping methods. Once you have paid for the shipping (this is where you would also have to pay for any sort of domestic shipping fee) Buyee will ship out the item.

Here are a couple of screenshots: Using Buyee as a proxy service I ordered my Limited Edition Type A from Tower Records. They have the best postcard imo so I had to get a copy from there. All you need to do is go to the Tower Records Japan page and enter Wakana’s name in the search bar. Then you can choose between the different versions, you really don’t need to know any Japanese to do that. It’s pretty simple. Once you click on it you will be led to the item page which will look like this =>

Be sure to check if it says “特典あり” on the product page because only then you will receive a postcard. Then you can click on the Buyee button and add the item to your cart.

Then you can either click on the cart button or simply go to the Buyee page. From there onwards everything else is pretty much self-explanatory. You will be asked to choose a plan and confirm the purchasing process. 

Use CDJapan as proxy service If you are already registered at CDJapan you may wanna try out their proxy service, especially when it comes to items that are not easily attainable. The Buyee add on works on most major online shopping sites but there are lots of stores that don’t cooperate with Buyee. For example, if you wanted to something from the Space Craft Online Store for example you wouldn’t have any luck with Buyee. This is where the CDJapan proxy shopping service comes in quite handy. Please check out a detailed tutorial right here. Please note that Wakana’s album is only available for fan club members!

Okay, I think that’s it. I hope this was helpful to some of you.

[the-secret-life-of-bi]

A Single Pale Rose - some thoughts

Alright, buckle up, because I just finished school and I finally have the time to write all of my thoughts and feelings about the information we got in the latest Steven Universe episode. I mean ALL of them. There may be a spoiler from some leaks in here, so consider yourself warned. Here we go:

For starters, let’s talk Rose.

So first of all, I have to say, if you have reverted to referring to Rose as Pink Diamond in every context, I think that’s very wrong. Rose is the identity she chose, and that is how she wanted to be known. If you meet someone who introduces themselves one way, and you find out years down the line that this person had transitioned from one identity to this new identity before meeting you, why on Earth would you begin referring to them as the old identity’s name? That seems wrong to me, especially on a show that is so overtly LGBTQ+ friendly. I’m not saying that the complexities of the situation aren’t problematic, just don’t dead-name Rose when referring to her in situations where she was, in fact, Rose. That makes you a jerk, imo. I do occasionally find that referring to her pre-shattering as PD is sometimes necessary for clarity reasons, but as fans of such a progressive show, we must be respectful of the way we treat other people’s identities.

This leads the way to my next point pretty clearly. Everyone is dumbfounded how PD could have kept up her her Rose Quartz form for so long. Some have speculated that it’s because she is a Diamond and therefore strong enough, but I think it’s simpler than that. We all know that keeping a fusion together can be taxing, especially when it’s not stable, but Garnet exists almost exclusively as a fusion with very little difficulty (accept during the most trying of times). What if it’s the same for shape shifting? Trying to maintain the form of something you’re not is difficult and can have serious consequences. Since Rose was her true identity, though, keeping her Rose form might have been as easy as keeping her original PD form. 

From here, I want to talk about PD’s motivations to take on the identity of Rose Quartz. A lot of people say that she was selfish and merely wanted to escape her responsibilities. They feel that her tactics only prove that she is truly evil. A lot of people feel that because she was a Diamond, she was able to do what she wanted, and was not oppressed by the system they way that a Rose Quartz soldier would be. This is true, to an extent. Under the Diamond Authority, Diamonds do hold the power and are not in any way under the same subjugation as all other gems and colony planets. That being said, we need to remember that power structures like this often also negatively impact the ones who are in power. For example, the patriarchy is rather oppressive of most non-cismale identities. However, cismen also face oppression at the hands of the patriarchy: their emotions are often forcibly stunted by others when they are young, they are expected to be  both physically and mentally strong in every situation, and their standards of beauty are equally as demanding as those for women. I am not claiming that men suffer more, or even as much, under the patriarchy, just that they do suffer. And as such, PD suffered under the Diamond Authority. She originally wanted a colony and to be like the other Diamonds. Once she got it and understood what it truly meant to colonize something, she realized that she didn’t want that at all. She wanted to be her own gem, she wanted to allow others the same freedom, and she wanted to allow the Earth to survive. However, under Diamond Authority expectations, she could not do this. She had to defy the Diamond Authority as much as any other gem would in order to do what she did, even if it seems like it was easier for her to do so as a Diamond. She used questionable tactics such as manipulation and deceit, but no one ever said war was honest. I’m not condoning the way she handled things or saying she needs to be forgiven. But those condemning her as evil need to consider what she tried to do. Her heart was in the right place, and as a person (well, gem) of privilege, she realized she had the ability to do something and she did it. That is commendable. The road to hell is paved with good intentions, and Rose hurt a lot of people, but she did what she thought was right in the only way she knew how. That is not an evil person (or gem).

Now, onto Pearl.

Poor, sweet Pearl. This is the most heartbreaking part of this story. Where to begin?

Knowing what we know, can we truly consider Pearl her own gem? She is a Pearl after all, a servant with the predisposition of being ultimately loyal to the gem to whom she is assigned. Therefore, when Rose asked Pearl to “shatter” her, could she really have said no? Could Pearl have said no to anything that Rose asked her? I don’t know. I truly do not know, and this is where I have the biggest issue with what Rose did. It is impossible to tell whether Pearl had actual freedom in this situation, at least at this point, and so I do feel that Rose took advantage of her to an extent. Even if she had already given Pearl her freedom, it was clear that Pearl was still in love with her, so I feel that she at least took advantage of her affection, even if she didn’t take advantage of her superior position by giving her a direct Diamond order to aid the rebellion.

This begs the questions, did Rose actually care about Pearl? I think yes. Rebecca Sugar states that using “my” in front of a gem’s name is a term of endearment or respect, and in “Rose’s Scabbard,” we hear Rose refer to Pearl as “my Pearl”. I think she did care about Pearl, and she did want Pearl to be free to do as she pleased. I think that it was hard for Pearl to let go of her programming to obey Rose’s wishes though, even if she was technically free, and that muddles up all of the intentions in their relationship.

What about Garnet?

Of course, we know that Sapphire is going to struggle with this, and rightfully so. She was a high ranking gem and because of this war, she lost her status, her way of life, and her home. Ruby also lost her way of life and her home, though because she was low ranking, she wasn’t losing much there. I can’t say I blame either of them for being upset. Yes, they wouldn’t have met without the war, and ultimately the freedom they’ve both gained is better than any status they held or could have held on Homeworld. That said, I can imagine it’s confusing and hurtful that the person who told them to accept themselves appears not to have been able to accept herself, either. But in all honesty, I feel like they’ll realize that Rose wanted them to accept what they could be, which she absolutely embraced.

Ultimately, I feel that Ruby feels so lucky to know Sapphire that, even though she feels hurt and betrayed by Rose too, she would rather feel hurt and have Sapphire in her life than never have met her at all. And I think Ruby will help Sapphire to realize that too. Then they get married...?

...and Bismuth?

This will be tricky. If you’ve seen the leaks, she obviously comes back. I don’t know how they will convince her not to go on a homicidal rampage when she finds out the person she most trusted was actually the person she was hellbent on destroying, but they are obviously going to figure it out. Maybe she never really trusted Rose after she was poofed and bubbled the first time, so this won’t seem like so much of a deception? Or maybe, she’ll realize that Steven is not Rose, like everyone else has, and she will spend time with him coping with the information, and do her best to help him set things right. After all, I’m sure she realizes that this is not his fault, even if he has his mother’s gem.

Other gems?

Since the mystery of PD has been solved (at least partially), it seems like the next logical plot point to address would be corruption. And you know what that means? Jasper. Yep, Jasper. Poor gem, she was created for a Diamond that she loved, and that Diamond was also the person she hated most (similar to Bismuth’s predicament, but I think its worse because she was created to do what she did instead of choosing it for herself like Bismuth). Not only will she have to cope with healing from corruption, but she’ll also have to deal with all of those conflicting emotions. I have no clear ideas on how that will go at this time, but I do know I’m very interested in a redemption arc for her now more than ever, and I was always a big proponent. This plot twist makes her 100% an empathetic character, and she deserves a chance to stop hating herself for how and why she was created.

The Diamonds - how will they react when they find out? Relief, confusion, sadness, anger, forgiveness? A combination? Again, the leaks seem to indicate that they don’t destroy the Crystal Gems, and that they reach an understanding, but HOW??!!?! How will Steven prove that his mom was, and he is, technically PD? And what about White Diamond? Will we meet her this season, as a result of this revelation? Will the Diamonds help heal the corruption? That seems to make logical sense to me, but again, there’s too much left up to speculation at this point for me to even know where to start forming theories on this one. I guess we will just have to wait an see.

I don’t really know what to say about Amethyst. She’s kind of a wild card in this situation. I have no idea how she’ll react, but I have this hunch that she’ll be very concerned about Steven and how he’s handling it. She had no stake in the war, and she’s really only ever reaped the benefits of Rose’s choices by always being a free gem. She’ll have some issues with being lied to, sure, but those lies never hurt her or her way of life, really. They’ve been more of a benefit than anything. However, she’ll see how it is affecting her friends, and she’ll see how much more weight was just added to Steven’s shoulders, and I think she’s really going to step up and be there to help everyone sort through the troubles they are facing. She’s grown up a lot in the past couple of seasons, and I expect to see that play an important part in this story arc.

Finally, Steven.

Of all the people Rose’s lies hurt, Steven is hurt the most. He already struggles with his identity and with his mother’s wrongdoings, so let’s just throw all that painfully confusing shit into one pot and stir it up, shall we? I think this revelation is a relief in some ways, that his mother did not go against her morals and shatter anyone. But it’s almost worse (read, definitely worse) that she effectively started a whole war from both sides at once, so that all of the shatterings that ensued were technically her fault. And even when she tried to stop it, she only made matters worse by prompting the corruption attack, whether she originally knew it was a possibility or not. I’ll say again, the road to hell is paved with good intentions, and I think Steven is learning that the hard way through this revelation. He’s coming to the very real realization that our parents are not always the heroes we paint them to be, even when they are literally war heroes of a sentient space rock species. He’s already grown so much, but I think this revelation will be pivotal in furthering his personal growth. I’m really excited to see how he makes amends for all of this, because we know he will, and I’m already proud of him for how he is going to do the right thing in this situation and try to help the people his mother hurt with her decisions.

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Well, there you have it, my mad ravings. I mostly just needed to get those ideas of my chest, but feel free to reach out if you want to add something, have a question, or want to chat about it!

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #473

“please don’t make any sudden moves  /  you don’t know the half of the abuse”

Who are the 3 people you love the most? My mom, Sara, and Girt. Last person you slept in the same bed with? Sara. When is the last time you took a picture of yourself? It's been quite a long time. When was your first kiss? March of 2012. Have you recently been sick? No. Don't jinx it, especially these days. What song are you listening to? A slowed down version of "Heathens" by twenty one pilots. I REALLY like it. Do you drink soda often? Every day. :x Would you ever move somewhere like Hawaii? NOOOOOOO. I would NEVER survive living in the tropics. Have you ever had to call 911? Why? Twice for my mom. Once we thought she was having a heart attack, and the second time she had such bad abdominal pain that she was almost entirely immobilized. It was that day we found out about the cancer. Do you get out a lot? God no. Name 3 things you really like about yourself (not physical). I have a lot of empathy, I love and care a lot about animals, and I care a lot about what other people feel and always wanna make people feel better. Name 3 things you hate about yourself (not physical). My anxiety is #1, then there's how lazy I can be, and how I jump to conclusions. Would you ever consider having an abortion? If I was raped, it was ectopic (that barely even counts as one, though...), or it greatly endangered my life, yes. In which state/country were you born? North Carolina, U.S.A. Have you ever had to be put on medicine for a mental disorder? Yeah, quite a lot... I've gone through probably around three dozen different psych meds since middle school. White chocolate or milk chocolate? Milk. I can eat white chocolate in small doses, but it's generally too sweet for me. Have you ever been to an amusement park out of state? Yeah, Disney World in Florida. Would you consider yourself a crafty person? No. I'm much better at putting stuff on paper than creating stuff with my hands. What would you say is your favorite color of all time? Baby pink! Have you ever been responsible for someone’s death? Y E E S H no. Do you ever spend the night with your significant other? Not yet. We're still iffy about sleeping in the same spot though because of my sleep apnea nightmares. My new mask seems to be working great, though; I haven't had a nightmare in like a week (and keep in mind they're usually every single night), I'm just WAY too scared to lash out at him in my sleep. I need a longer period of proof it's functioning well. Do you know a lot about serial killers? No. Have the police ever been looking for you? Yes, actually. One time when my sisters, a friend, and I were at the beach, we went walking by the shore at night, after we thought we told our parents we were going. Apparently, we didn't, or they didn't hear us, because my mom was an absolute collapsing wreck and called the police to search for us. We got back to the hotel so confused, and I'll never forget how Mom was crying. Where do you get most of your accessories from? I wanna say Hot Topic? Do you cuss more than anyone else you know? Yes, actually. Have there ever been any serial killers around your hometown? Idk. Did your parents live in a different country before you were born? No. What’s something you’ve experienced that very few others have? I'd say going to a psych hospital five or six times isn't exactly common. I am so fucking glad those days are over. Do you know anyone who’s related to a current or former world leader? Not to my knowledge, no. Do you do your own taxes, or do you hire a professional? I don't have taxes. Do you have a home security system? No, but damn do I want one. What’s something you don’t think people take seriously enough? Our environmental crises, like global warming, deforestation, fossil fuels... basically just anything that involves us murdering the environment. People just don't fucking care because it's not "personal" enough, I guess. Or a fast-acting downfall. It's slow, insidious, and because of that, people think it's no biggie because it won't affect them in their lifetime and shit like that. Have you ever gotten sick from someone else’s cooking? Yes. My stomach is very, very sensitive to food it hasn't had before, especially if it's a complex recipe with lots of ingredients. What was the last kind of cheese you ate? American, on a turkey sandwich I made the other day. Have you ever abused any substance? Just Pepto Bismol. When I was in middle school, I was absolutely convinced every single day that I was going to throw up (no, I didn't actually feel sick every day; it was anxiety and just concocted in my head), so I would go to the bathroom at some point every day in school to take a pill. The habit only stopped when we ran out one day and Mom didn't get a new bottle immediately. I had to face the school day without it and, obviously, was just fine. What was the last fun thing you did? Caught up on some Tarantula Collective videos, probs. Have you ever dated someone who had a child from a previous relationship? No. Is there any drama currently going on with your family? Nah. What was the last fruit or vegetable you chopped/sliced up? An apple. When you take a nap, do you nap in bed or on the couch? In my bed. Have you ever been called a whore? No. Pretty far from one. What kind of phone do you have? It's a Tracfone. I'm ready to get a new, better one. Do you like hot chocolate? Love itttt. Do you know anyone with an STD? Yes. Are you afraid of deep water? Not as much as most people, it seems. Do you get dizzy easily? I naturally have alarmingly low blood pressure, only made worse by medication, so trust me, I sure as hell do. Have you ever been thrown up on? LKAJSDLKFJAKLWJEKLWJERLK NO Have you ever thrown up on someone? Maybe as a baby? How many times have you thrown up from being so drunk? Zero. Does the sound of fireworks scare you? No, not if I know it's coming. Otherwise I'll probably jump a bit, fearing it being a gunshot. What’s your favorite firework? I don't know how to identify fireworks, ha ha. But generally just the really big, colorful ones. Have you ever been beat up? No. Have you ever seen a jellyfish? Only in aquariums. Do you cry when you get angry? Yes. I cry to cope with a ton of emotions. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? Plan on it. What do you think people really think about you? That I'm an awkward, reclusive, leeching lowlife without goals I'll actually chase. God, that's painful to think about, what people see from the outside. What’s your favorite part about Thanksgiving? Nothing. I don't like Thanksgiving. I have to spend it every single year with horribly conservative, bigoted fucks. I hate Thanksgiving food, too. How many best friends do you have? One. What kind of car is your favorite? I don't know. Sleek, elegant ones. Do you prefer pens or pencils? Pencils. When did you go to sleep last night? Not 'til like... around 4 in the morning. Do you know anyone who’s had a stillbirth? I'm sure I do. I know MANY people who have had miscarriages. Are there any redheads in your family? I don't believe so, no. Which YouTuber do you feel like you relate to the most? Ummm maybe Morgan Adams, except I'm not funny lmao. What theme do you want for your wedding? Gothic. What theme would you choose for a baby’s nursery? Purely hypothetically, I'd probably choose pastel colors and baby animals for a daughter, and then little cute dinosaurs for a boy. Does your first crush know that he/she was your first crush? No. Do you know your first crush’s middle name? No. Who do you wish you could go on another date with? I'm happy only going on dates with my current boyfriend. Which family member did you get your height from? My mom. We're pretty much the same. Do you feel stupid regularly? ALWAYS. What style of wedding dress do you want? Most likely a ball gown one with a sweetheart top. Definitely subject to change, though; I honestly just love wedding dresses and would want to actually see how I look in varying styles, except mermaid. Mermaid gowns look AWFUL on 99% of people imo. Who was the last friend of yours to have a baby, and what’s the baby’s name? My high school band friend Marcus, his wife had their first baby just the other day. I'm blanking on her name right now. Who is the cutest baby you’ve seen on social media recently? Bindi Irwin's daughter Grace is like illegally cute. What is your opinion on Arby’s? I hate that shit. What is your favorite doughnut? Just an original glazed from Krispy Kreme fuckin does it for me man. But I just love donuts in general. Do you have a hot tub? If so, where is it located? We poor, hunny. What is your favorite party game? I don't really have one, given I don't exactly go to parties. Do you or your parents rake your yard? It doesn't need to be raked. My dad used to occasionally when my parents were still together. Have you won anything recently? No. How often do you make Excel tables? What for? Never. What was the last baby animal you saw in the wild? Umm I want to say I saw a young squirrel dash out of the road semi-recently? Do you like drag queens? If so, got any favourites? Drag queens are, well, fucking queens. I love them. Trixie Mattel is high on the list. How about drag kings? You know... somehow it never struck me that this term existed???? I'm dumb. But anyway, I think it's still awesome. I don't know any (I think?) though. Would it bother you, if your partner had cut contact with their parents? If he had good reason to, it wouldn't bother me. His father is no longer living, but I could not even imagine him cutting contact with his mother since he helps the woman so much and cares a shitload for her. As someone who relates to what I know of her and what she's gone through, I'd definitely be concerned if he cut ties with her. It'd almost feel like an insult to me, too, if that makes sense? Like I'd be scared I was next. Have you ever wondered whether you were adopted? As a kid, yes. I sometimes thought my mom didn't love me as much as my sisters, so I had an episode where I wondered. Have you ever grown a berry bush? No.

[lord-wellesbrook-ix]

The Problem with Modern Politics by Me, an unqualified, out of touch late millennial/early gen Z Brit.

Advance warning this is gonna be a long post, essay is below the break for those who care to read.

Ok, good, welcome! So yes, time for some personal details, because apparently such things are crucially important now to what one has to say. I’m 19, I’m white~jewish (ethnically, not religiously. And I list both because the distinction is...spurious at best imo), with some limited asian heritage (grandfather is Burmese, you’d not know it to look at me though). I’m bisexual, with a loving trans boyfriend, tragically kept away from me by that most perfidious of enemies, the atlantic ocean. I used to think I was trans, and started hrt, before deciding against it. I don’t know what my gender identity really is at this point, but I use he/him, and was assigned male at birth. Oh and despite my immediate family having some significant prestige (my dad is a VERY specialised doctor, only 8 people in the country can do what he does), because Britain and NHS, I’m also poor enough that I qualify for financial assistance through uni, and all that other fun stuff, so assign me whatever class you want, but I’ve never really had access to money or the like. All of these factors will undoubtedly somehow colour what my thoughts are.

So! Let’s tackle this on two fronts - My beef with the modern left, my beef with the modern right, and my beef with all the current “alternatives”. The Left   Why do you make me hate you so?  I want to be able to side with you. Economically, we’re almost perfectly aligned. Fuck big corporations, they abuse their workers, and are broadly detrimental to societal progress by merit of the power they wield. The state should use the money of the wealthiest, to help uplift the poorest, bringing everyone as close to a comfortable range of wealth and living standards as is feasible. Wealth taxes I’m against, if only because I look at things like FIRE with some measure of hope, because I find it infeasible that I’ll be able to work a “proper job” my entire life, and equally infeasible that the state will support me before I’m in my 70s. Unsurprisingly I’m all for trans and lgbt rights, and their advancement is imperative. Likewise racial and ethnic discrimination needs to be combatted (though I have a caveat insofar as how), and linguistic minority rights are ESPECIALLY important (not to out myself as Welsh...). Minimum wages, yes, and higher! Benefits should be more generous and more accessible! All of this! And yet. And, yet. I can never stand with any significant left wing party. Because of how they behave on other fronts. The general solution to racial discrimination seems to be mandates, and quotas, which are just...not a great idea? Because they’ll only work insofar as they are maintained, and at that point you’re not solving it, you’re just leaning on people to make it LOOK like the problem is solved. Instead perhaps, a better system would be something akin to a more continental system. Pictures are banned on CVs, as are any obvious racial or sex or gender markers. Further anonymising most processes, to further make any people making significant choices unable to determine race, sex or gender of the people they’re choosing about, allows for a truly blind process. The same, incidentally, should apply to class distinctions (personal story there to follow, because there class mandates have stabbed me personally).

Moreover, however, both left and right these days seems to be based on these vicious and disgusting ideas of guilt and hatred, only changing who receives them. The modern left want me to hate myself, and hate my country. My skin means that I am somehow inherently advantaged, and thereby everything bad that happens to me is fine, my country has committed sins long before anyone alive today was born, and thereby any bad thing that befalls it is right and good. I am guilty of the crime of...being born a certain way, in a certain place, to certain people, and because of that, because of my privilege, I must apparently have the road of life made that much harder to walk for me. I must be told throughout education that this country is evil, that “Britain” and the “British” are evil, with no consideration for the fact that, well, that’s me. Telling someone that they’re evil as they’re growing up is uhhhh, not exactly a good thing. I believe in this nation that reared me. Moreover I believe in its values, I believe in Britain, and I believe every person should have the right to believe in their country. People as a whole aren’t fundamentally evil. And whilst yes every country has sins, great or small, and Britain’s past leans closer to great, that doesn’t give people the right to try and engender a sort of national self-loathing in the population for it. I won’t venture into America (because America breaks my whole everyone should be proud of their country thing, because a lot of areas should frankly be made independent from the US). And as a part of my...I don’t want to use the terms patriotism or nationalism because both have been massively tainted by groups trying to claim them for years now, but as a part of these beliefs, I stand with the British monarchy. Hell, I actually argue they should be allowed slightly greater freedoms. That they should be allowed to speak out when they are slandered (naming no self-entitled actresses), and equally, that they should be allowed to have some limited vocalisation of other political opinions. We let celebrities do it today, and they influence elections far more than the crown could ever hope to. And let’s look at things that Chucky boy, our next king unless they do something VERY silly and skip him, has gotten into trouble for speaking about: Not wanting brutalist modern architecture, which has actually been proven to make for housing that doesn’t last as long, and negatively impacts mental health. And Being an environmentalist.

And

Wanting this country to treat the mentally ill better. Ah...such controversial, evil points, made by a despotic tyrant princ-oh wait no they’re just valid things. I don’t want them to be given the power to ENFORCE their ideas, that way lies absolutism, which runs against the ideas of a constitutional monarchy. But let them speak, there are people who speak freely with greater sway and influence than they could ever have, and far less accountability. 

The Right

Oh boy, oh boy. Economically villainous. I despise nearly every economic ideal they stand for. They hurt the poor to help the rich, and just like the left, screw those in the middle. All I can credit them for on that front is that they don’t have as much of a tendency to support ugly, cheap mass housing, but only because they instead support no housing. 

Socially...ugh. I look at the modern right as a two headed beast there. There are those like those on the left, who hate Britain, but instead of just hating us and wanting some vague utopia, they hate us and want us to become a corporate hellhole like america, which is arguably worse. 

Then there’s the others. Those who take my ideals and corrupt them. Racism, sexism, transphobia, homophobia, rinse and repeat, and yes I know this is the hazard inherent in enjoying tradition and one’s nation anywhere, but can those traditions not be adapted? Anglicanism is already christianity minus any spine or sense of self, let it allow gays and trans people and all of that. Also uh yeah, don’t be racist. I don’t really know how to phrase that in any other way because...it’s not hard. Just don’t be racist. Treat people as people, not as their race. Do not treat me any different for being a jew, or having an asian grandfather, do not treat someone differently for being a person of colour, do not treat someone different for the circumstances of their birth, quite simply put.  Alternatives

So, the non mainstream (LIBLABCON) parties? Let’s see.... UKIP/Reform - Ah racism, fuck off. Plaid - Ah, vote to...leave the country I love? And to be run from Cardiff by people like Drakeford, or Woods, or really any of the major players in modern welsh politics? No.  Any flavour of communist - Last I checked they all want me to hate myself, so nah. Greens - Cool. You still want me to hate myself, and have really dumb economic ideas, but you’re a one issue party and I support that issue, so tentatively the lesser of all the evils.  Idk why I had this rant, I am just very upset. There is no voice for people like me, and it seems there never will be. And I’m nowhere near rich enough to start a party to become that voice. 

[staybythekidlaroi]

ok y'all so in regards to a few anons who want to hear about my experience teaching in korea.... here it is under the read more

i guess to begin, i majored in east asian studies and graduated in 2018. i actually studied abroad in korea two separate times (i got sick the first time and had to drop out of my program so ended up coming back a 2nd time). i used to be one of those people who was like “i’m gonna teach in korea for a year and that’ll get my foot in the door working here, get really good at speaking korean and then get a non-teaching job in korea where i use korean every day.” and i want to preface this saying that if you are thinking anything along these lines that it is literally the most farfetched idea possible lmao. the korean job market is already impossible enough for koreans, nonetheless foreigners. i’m very glass half empty about working in korea so most of what i’m gonna say is pessimistic, mostly because my experiences haven’t been compared to most people i know, so... yeah dfskjghdfjg

job wise, i came here and was fucking stupid enough to work at a poly from sept 2019-march 2020. poly is a hagwon chain that is known for its excessive working hours and lack of like any breaks/personal time. i worked m/t/th/fri from 9-7:25 and then wednesdays were the only early days, 9-5:55. i absolutely loathed working here as i felt like a literal robot. my current job now, which is in itaewon, is 9-5:30 m/w/fri and 9-4:30 t/th. i’m paid 2.35 now compared to 2.8 at poly, and it actually does kind of suck because all of my co-workers make more than i do - even the art/science teacher who is supposed to make less since they’re not a homeroom teacher. i personally know now i don’t like teaching at all. i don’t get satisfaction out of it and despise classroom management. i can honestly and openly admit that i lack the emotional maturity to “be a teacher,” for example, if a kid complains and whines that they’re tired, i’ll whine right back lmao. i don’t feel i’ve gained any skills working at a hagwon as everything is essentially for profit education and we’re forced to just shove 4896743975 books down our kids’ throats. there’s also the fact that my principal is incompetent af and she makes every walk on eggshells at our school.

my advice if you are considering/teaching in korea is to seriously ask yourself why you wanna come to korea. is it really, honestly bc you like kpop? is it because you listen to kpop casually and have never been to korea/abroad before and want to experience a new country and have a job at the same time? honestly........ korean work culture is really stressful imo and i don’t recommend it unless you’re REALLY mentally strong and have a thick skin and aren’t easily bothered by small things. i tend to feel easily inconvenienced and korean work culture is super last minute about everything. for example, our vice principal wasn’t at school yesterday, so one of the 7 year old teachers messages us and starts telling us we need to send a document to our school’s accountant to do our taxes or w/e. she texts us this saying we needed to have it done by the end of THAT DAY in the middle of our last class of the day. you’d think they would’ve given us notice a few days in advance if they knew they needed it that day, right? no. this is just how it is here. and it will happen frequently, ie. if a teacher is sick, you think they’ll get a sub? no, they will make any teacher who doesn’t have a class to teach instead. you will have a hard time trying to see a doctor/go to the bank/get anything you need done. if you can handle this sort of work attitude, then go for it, but this is the kind of stuff that has definitely worn away at my mental health here.

if you are thick skinned and are truly looking to be a teacher/go the education route, i recommend you get a degree in it because then you have better teaching options available here at REAL LEGITIMATE international schools and not a hagwon. i don’t have public school experience, but from what i’ve heard, you 1. would probably not get a true teacher experience as an EPIK teacher (legit all of them are being paid to sit and desk warm for a month and a half rn) and 2. your pay cap is literally like... 2.3 million. teaching in korea is really limiting career wise, and it baffles me that there are even “lifers” in korea who just ended up staying at these kind of places for decades. 

after working here, honestly, i’ve become super jaded and really pessimistic with the idea of working in korea. this is totally separate from just living in korea in general. but this is also coming from someone who doesn’t want to be a teacher and is so mentally burnt out that i’m counting down the days till i go back to the usa and get a therapist and take half a year off to let myself mentally rest/heal lmao. i know a LOT of people who would give very different experiences in comparison to mine, and i’ve considered making a podcast series about this and interviewing different people about their experiences and talking about why people who think about coming here should REALLY think about it before they do it. some people get lucky and have a wonderful time, but i think those are mostly EPIK teachers who end up with super good co-teachers and really don’t have to do much work. i think hagwon life is totally different and way more high stress because obvi the parents are paying an arm and a leg for glorified english babysitting. if you don’t see yourself teaching/doing education in the future, i would say pass on teaching here and just come here to travel instead. i wish i could say i had a more positive experience working here, but.... i am dying to get out of here in 20 some odd days LMAO