#but they've both now admitted to the feelings that they've done such a great job of showing through subtext

[soulfireblue]

crazy that we got canon confirmation today of tubbo explicitly saying that he's not taken seriously and sunny saying she doesn't think someone likes her

[sneeperspoi]

One of my favourite aspects about Sniper and Spy's relationship (platonic or romantic) is how they both have a mutual understanding of like, quiet time and what it's like to genuinely feel this certain flavour of solitude:

Sniper has a lot of his work done completely alone; hiding, playing the waiting game, and all that jazz, while Spy has a somewhat similar experience. Sure, his espionage lifestyle has a more active role at times, but his job still requires maintaining distance (physical and emotional) from both clients and targets. Both are dedicated to their work enough that they'd avoid getting genuinely personal with people altogether— even if they wanted to, they know it'd negatively impact their abilities to perform. Sniper having the mindset of having "a plan to kill everyone you meet" and to just "take the shot", and Spy being described as a "puzzle, wrapped in an enigma, shrouded in riddles" is telling of how much of a wall either can put up and any given time.

Now, I'm not saying that the other mercs don't know what it's like to be isolated or that they could never relate to Sniper or Spy in that regard, but their roles aren't necessarily fundamentally built around it, y'know? They aren't required to hide away or to work solo (you could make the joke of "then why are there always 5+ snipers and spies on my team at any given time??" but shhhh this is more in the context of the lore/comics lolol).

I feel like this concept of them realizing their niche similarities and how "hey, maybe I'm not really alone in this world" has so much potential. Like... the idea of them not really participating often in team activities or usually hiding away (in a van and smoking room perhaps?) is great, but to add on the angle that they now have someone who finally understands?? To finally have someone that you don't have to explain anything to?? It hits differently. They could have a smoke together, not saying a word the whole time, and consider it a successful hangout— they don't expect anything from the other, or feel the pressure to act differently because they just get it, and know why things are the way they are.

There's so much angst potential too, forbidden friends/lovers who both know the consequences if things go sour. Maybe they've suppressed so much of that desire to have a relationship (platonic or romantic), that when they finally admit that this is the case (realizing they both feel the same way), something clicks and they try to make it work. Don't even get me started on the potential "hey, maybe I can trust you" aspects either lmao. Regardless of what direction you take though, their relationship growing feels special and unique.

The media too often depicts the whole "can't get close to no one. I don't need friends" attitude as mostly negative and something that needs to be fixed... but with these guys, they're just allowed to be like this. Not saying that there are no cons to this attitude ofc, but it's not necessarily a thing they have to change about themselves or each other or anything. I guess it's refreshing to see that there are still characters out there who can be loners and just be content about it. Unless of course, you want to go down that route. Love that type of angst, but it's nice to have that option without it feeling too OOC. Ugh, there's like so much to explore and deconstruct and so many directions to take this fr fr

((Also, I realize now it's kinda like being an art kid and that moment when you finally meet someone where you don't have to explain why you keep drawing the same old soggy men who shoot each other cuz they just understand. Artist to artist communication lol))

[zeroducks-2]

Hi, could I please request a Slade/Dick with 16? Thank you!

Coming up :D

This is also for @madamesmoke, for @anawrites3, and for the lovely anons that wanted Dick to have babies of his own after what happened here :3

16. "Finally at peace" Dick Grayson/Slade Wilson

Dick pats his coat for the keys while walking up the last two flights of stairs, hoping he hadn't left them in his lighter jacket. Hot as it still is in Chicago, the rain's been consistently preventing him from bringing Wally's kids to the park, having to hang out at home with them while on babysitting duty.

Not that he complained overall. Things were going pretty well in the last couple of months, especially with the whole thing he and Slade apparently have going on. The sex is great and the night outs among the best Dick had in years, and Slade's apartment is way nicer than Dick's shared room anyway.

Nightwing's business in Chicago is almost done though, and soon he's going to have to go back to Bludhaven. Not that there's anything that compels him; he lost his job as a cop, had to close his gym, won't be able to do social work anymore... but the apartment there is his, while the room in Chicago is rented and expensive and he's not even been using it, so he doesn't have much of a choice there.

Oh well. He supposed he'll think about it later, for now he just wants to take off the Nightwing suit he's still wearing under his civvies, grab a shower and sleep for a few hours. Maybe Slade is already home, that would also be great.

Finally at peace, he thinks with a satisfied sigh once the door is locked behind his back, closing his eyes for a blessed moment before taking off his raincoat. Only then he hears a sound which makes him jump out of his skin, then quickly collect himself and sprint towards the living room. It's the sound of a baby crying. A second one joins not even three full seconds later, and Dick almost kicks the door open to Slade, in full Deathstroke suit, holding a fucking bag from which the crying is coming from.

«Come give me a hand.» The man says, unfazed and with a level tone like he'd just walked in with Mcdonalds. He did just walk in, using the window apparently, and is currently dripping all over the carpeted floor.

And despite wanting to scream from the top of his lungs and shake the other by his neck, Dick's instincts to make sure the babes are okay kick in, and he's ripping them off of Slade's arms a moment later, then out of that bag, and then he's rushing to the bathroom.

Five minutes later they've both calmed down. They're about six months old, with big eyes and curly brown hair, and mahogany dark skin. Dick keeps making soothing noises while checking them over, gently pressing on their little palms to check their reflexes, waving a finger before their eyes to see if they follow. They're kicking and vocalizing, and reflexively smiling. They're okay.

«Jesus christ, Slade.» He says with a sigh, trying not to get agitated again. He realized the man is hovering on the doorframe, half his suit taken off, surveilling the scene. «You gave me a stroke. You can't walk in with babies in a bag...»

«It was raining.» The man replies with a small shrug like it was the most normal thing ever. «They're alright, hm? Alive and breathing. And dry.»

Dick is about to answer but one of the babies grabs his thumb and makes an excited little noise, and Dick smiles and turns to them with an approving hum. The other is busy chewing on their own tiny fist.

«Yeah, they... seem okay.» Dick admits as Slade walks in and wraps an arm around his waist. Dick feels more tension leaving him as the man's solid presence presses against his side. «Thank god. Sorry, I... overreacted. We should bring them to their parents now, though.»

«I'm afraid that's not possible.» Slade leans down with a small frown and kisses the top of Dick's head. «There was a fire today near a church downtown. Kids got evacuated from the orphanage. I just took these two while I was going away.»

«What...?» Dick blinks, and this time he doesn't react to the baby cooing for him. «You did... what?»

«I figured I could take care of them for a while.» Slade leans down and kisses the top of his head again. «Look at this.» He lifts one of the little one's feet, ignoring the way they kick, and exposing a plastic tag tied to their ankle. «You know what this means, right?»

Dick was too busy looking for injuries and didn't realize, but yes, he knows what it means. «They're metas.» He observes with a frown and Slade hums again.

«I can take care of them better than whoever runs that orphanage. And their genes make it almost impossible for them to get adopted.»

That's... true. Dick is aware of the heartbreaking fact that children with metagenes get often abandoned if the parents find out soon, and the foster system is not equipped to take proper care of them and find them good homes. Which is why so many criminals are metas. Dick hates it, but he still hasn't found a viable way to help with the issue.

«I'll go get some formula in a moment.» Slade is saying, letting the babe play with his fingers. «Let me just take off the rest of the suit. There's a night shop just around the corner.»

«No, it's... it's fine. I'll go.» Dick says, feeling his heart beat somewhat fast. He can't tell Slade what to do with these babies, can he? It's his own choice if he wants to adopt them. Like... Dick himself has no say in it, and even if he doesn't think that Slade has been a good parent to his own kids, he surely won't mention it to the man.

And it's true, at least they wouldn't be in the foster system. It's better like this, isn't it...? They're better off with Slade even if the man is... well, Deathstroke.

«Are you sure?» Slade looks at him, unaware of the turmoil. «You look tired, sweetheart. You can go to bed if you want, I'll take care of this.» Saying that he leans down and touches their foreheads together, and Dick's heart beats even faster, bringing him to rise on his tiptoes for a kiss.

«I'm sure.» He says with a half smile, reaching into the touch on his cheek as the man's rough hand comes up to cup it. «I'll go. They need formula and baby food, they're likely being weaned... and also diapers, and probably some clothes. I'm not going to find everything tonight though, I think. I'll do what I can.»

Slade is smiling at him in a way that makes Dick flustered. He doesn't know why, but ever since that day he accidentally bumped into Slade at the park, the man keeps looking at him like Dick was the most precious person in the world, and he never knows how to take it.

«Grab what you can. I'll clean these two up in the meantime, they need a bath.» Slade says, and Dick smiles back and hurries away, hoping his stupid heart stops fluttering.

«Slade...?» He calls once he has his jacket on, smiling again as he hears him singing to the children in a half voice.

«Yes, little bird?»

«Do you...» He peeks into the bathroom again, not really know how to put it. «Do you mind if I stay here a bit longer? In Chicago I mean. I should go back to Bludhaven next week, as I was telling you the other day, but... maybe you need help. With the kids.»

«Why not.» Slade replies casually, still focused on the two little ones. «I could surely use a hand, and you know how to take care of tiny humans already.»

Dick breathes in relief, nods and hurries down to get the formula and everything else.

-

Thank you for the prompt confusedshades ♥ the baby saga continues lol.

Here's the prompt list for whoever wants to peruse it, or send me another prompt :)

[thehollowprince]

The Acolyte, episode five...

I will admit, right off the bat, that I did enjoy this episode more than the first four, but that in and of itself is part of the problem. Should we have to sit through several mediocre episodes, which equal half of the show, just to get to what they've been promising as "the good stuff"? I mean, would you read a book that was a thousand pages long but told before you even opened it that the first five hundred pages were pretty bad?

But let's get into the good and bad (from my perspective).

The Good

I did enjoy the lightsaber combat, even though I don't think it was anywhere near the level of Duel of the Fates as we were "promised." That being said, it was leagues better than Ahsoka, which treated lightsabers like glowing baseball bats.

The Jedi are gonna Jedi - specifically seeing Sol and Jecki trying to save Mae despite all the horrible things she's done (and I'm sure will do in the future).

Jecki's entire fight with Mae leading into her fight with Qimir. I will admit I wasn't too fond of the character when she was first introduced, but she grew on me.

Yord being incredibly clever by using Qimir's own cortosis helmet to negate his lightsaber. That was clever, even if it ended tragically moments later.

Sol's entire arc this episode, from trying to save Mae to trying to avenge Jecki and Yord (and the others) to him remembering himself at the last moment. Lee Jung-jae has been one of the highlights of this show for me.

Amandla is doing a great job distinguishing both Mae and Osha as separate characters, to the point where I never confuse one for the other.

Manny Jacinto is very hot!

Also loved the secret shoto lightsaber.

The Bad

While I did appreciate most of the fight choreography, the very beginning was a little sloppy. When Osha wakes up and looks toward the battle, we just see a bunch of lightsabers waving back and forth through the air, even though some of them weren't anywhere near Qimir. It took me out of the story, and I didn't like it.

The Jedi all died (except Sol), which I called back when we saw the first trailer because you can't have the Jedi come up against a sith before the Phantom Menace and live to tell about it. It was very predictable.

Speaking of predictable, having Mae take Osha's place was something we all saw coming, right? From having the same actor play both roles to having both characters have the exact same hairstyle despite not having seen each other in sixteen years. Which leads me into my next point...

Mae's sudden about face again. Last week, she was fully ready to surrender to the Jedi and work with them, and now she's back to wanting revenge. She's exhibiting very Vadar/Anakin-like traits, and we'll have to wait until the end to see if they stick the landing on that, but as of right now, it's not looking so good.

Yord and Jecki dying. And not in the "two of my favorite characters died" kind of way, but in the "what was the point in introducing them as named characters" kind of way. We didn't get really any character development with them. We actually got more info on them from cast interviews than the actual three and a half episodes they were in, and now they're gone. It feels more like they were just put in to be killed off for shock value than anything else.

And finally, the fact that we're in the home stretch, with only three episodes remaining, and one of them is going to be another flashback, when we still have a mystery happening in present day.

I know I said this before, but given how they're stretching things out and how short most of these episodes are, this show could literally just have been a long movie.

[the80srewinders]

part two.

your hate seems misplaced. you feared anti-endos and what they say, you feared that they might call you a faker. the fear that your trauma might not be enough is completely valid when anti-endos refuse to acknowledge those without it. it seems that you overcame that and now you fully realise what type of system you're in and the reasoning behind why it is like that (congratulations! understanding your own nature is often difficult, but you managed to do it. good job. /genuine).

now you realise how endos feel, right? they fear not being "plural enough" because their origins are not the same as yours. i know what you feel when you say that you're jealous. skip to the start if the next paragraph, please, if you don't want to read about my experience as a member of a system with unknown origins and about my relationship with trauma. [|||] i was jealous of those like you. when i doubted our identity, i wished we had trauma more severe than what we already have. silly, isn't it? why on earth would you wish for that? because i never felt like we were enough to be actually plural. i wished that our dissociation was more severe and we switched more often because i never thought we had enough proof to be called a system. i would even say this obsessive thought made me abusive towards my headmates and i take full responsibility for that. i was bad. still am to some degree. i still feel like all this would be better if our life was even worse than it already is, more full of trauma. at least then we would be sure.

so what is the reason you hate endos? i can't understand. because they weren't traumatised? because they are perfect, happy systems with good communication? but that's not how it always is, is it. some endos are traumatised. some of them are dysfunctional. some suffer from things that come with their plurality. not all of them, of course, but so are not all traumagenic systems actively suffer for the same reasons. and while it may seem unfair that thir plurality doesn't stem from trauma, it's just how it turned out to be.

there are "perfect" systems, of course. but they want to exist in peace like we all do. they've done nothing to deserve your hate. maybe one day your system will be functional, with great communication, with positive relationships between your system's members, including you. but hate doesn't help with healing.

hope this helps! :D

P.S.: sorry if my words seem incoherent in some places, headache is killing me. casting Something Good Will Happen Soon spell on you, have a great morning/day/evening/night!

- B-a

first, I'd like to say I relate to the "I feel like my trauma isn't enough, I don't switch enough, I don't dissociate enough, I wish I had more severe trauma" thing, but that itself is a trauma response. it's a clear example of how people can think they're endogenic, when they are actually an OSDD system or a did system that doesn't fit the stereotype of the most horrific abuse as a small child or switching every five seconds. there's so much misinformation, which I will admit plenty of anti endos help spread, caused by symptom exaggeration.

I've been on both sides- I've wanted more trauma just to feel valid, and I've wished I had none so I could be the "perfect and cool" collective. so I relate to what you're saying.

again, I realize some endos have struggles similar to those with DID/osdd. I'm not doubting that endos are human; even though I don't like what most of the endo community has done, and it's impossible to have headmates without trauma, I still care about endos as humans. I don't hate them per se; I just hate their actions.

personally, I believe most endos have DID/OSDD but are in denial because of the toxic anti endos who make high standards for what a "real" did/OSDD system does and exaggerate their own symptoms. not all anti endos are like that, but I feel like that's why because endos are so hostile to anti endos.

you have your opinion, and I have mine. I respect yours even if I don't agree, and I hope you can respect mine. at least you're more civil than most endos we've had in our asks, and wishing you a great day too. that was actually mature of you and it's well appreciated.

[eisforeidolon]

It really bothers me that people feel like JA is floundering without Jared around to clean up or cover his messes for him. As if Jensen is unable to manage his own career or do things unless Jared is there to help him thorough it like a helpless child. I love Jared and think he is doing great post SPN but to think Jensen is only able to make good decisions if he has Jared involved is ridiculous to me. Jensen is his own person why do ppl feel the need to belittle him like he is not smart.

I mean, I'm guessing by people you mean Jared stans obsessed with the whole idea of competition between the Js. Like the hellers/AAs, neither group is happy with their fave being successful alone, the Other!J has to be actively failing to prove just how inadequate they always were compared to Fave!J. In their heads, Other!J was always just a lesser sidekick who is ridiculous for thinking they could succeed post-SPN without Fave!J to make their projects a success. Everything they've both done since SPN proves this is true!!11!!!

Jensen said a few different times there were various things he'd wanted to do while filming SPN that couldn't be fit around it and still maintain a decent work/home balance, and his approach since SPN ended seems to have largely been to take anything that crosses his radar that sounds cool. Make some albums, voice act Batman, do a western, work with Kripke/be a live action super hero, play a sheriff, do a live action version of a video game character, etc.

Of course, if Jensen is Other!J to you? Well, he can't possibly be doing a bunch of different projects because he wants to. Nope, he's broke and desperate and taking literally anything he's being offered because he has no judgement and is probably secretly having to beg for offers. Putting aside TW, which is a whole tempest in a teacup on its own, but ultimately just a CW-typical YA fantasy drama on a network that no longer wants to be the CW?

When there's really nothing controversial, they go with shit like: The Boys is a terrible show and Jensen was both awful in it and had a blink and you'll miss it role anyway! Actors doing albums is always a pathetic joke, enough said. He only did animated Batman because no one would hire him for the real thing and he's only pretending to like superheroes now after never mentioning it before (lol), and superheroes are a stupid tired trend that is so over.

When there are questionable aspects to something, they're more than happy to bolster any controversy they'd dismiss and/or mock if it were Fave!J: Didn't you hear how Big Sky is misogynist for its first season centering on women being abducted and racist for not making those misogynist abductions Indigenous women because it's filmed in an area where a disproportionate number of abductions have occurred within that population, so it should be about that instead of the novel the show was already being loosely based on?! Obviously there were problems on the set of Baldwin's western, anyone should have known when they were looking for a replacement actor that late something awful was going on and never taken that job (and that's about the least shitty thing said on that one). Why didn't Jensen do in depth research into a game company before agreeing to do a trailer to make sure a random FPS game in a bog standard sci fi setting wasn't controversial? He's just so dumb/careless/desperate and actually a terrible person that he would take such awful, awful projects!

See? See? He's incompetent and literally all of his choices are bad and/or pathetic. This is, of course, COMPELTELY DIFFERENT than hellers/AAs claiming the exact same thing over everything Jared does. Ours are all totes valid complaints, theirs are just bitter stans whining because they refuse to admit they know our fave is better than theirs! Nah, everybody in this bar is ridiculous.

[tabbytabbytabby]

All the truth that I can tell

Read on AO3

Eddie's always been careful with his words, in most cases at least. He only reveals what he has to. Everything else stays closely guarded to his chest. What he doesn't say can't be used against him. Or something along those lines. It's what his father always told him. 

"Be careful what you say, Edmundo."

And so Eddie just kept it all in. 

Until he couldn't. 

Until it all got to be too much, and everything came rushing out. All his fears and doubts. Everything he's fought so hard to keep inside.

But then Buck was there, walking into the mess with him, helping him pick up the pieces and assemble them back together, both outwardly and inwardly. It may not look the way he used to–  he knows he certainly doesn't feel the same– but somehow, it's easier. He's taking it day by day, breath by breath, and he's somehow come out on the other side okay.

He knows he wouldn't have made it half as far without Buck. 

Buck, who would probably scoff and roll his eyes if Eddie ever said half as much to him and tell him he got here on his own. He was simply there to offer a hand if Eddie needed it. 

"You have a great partner in Buck," Frank says one day a few months into their sessions. 

Eddie shrugs. "Maybe, but we don't work together anymore."

"I wasn't just talking about just on the job, Eddie," Frank says. "At home. In life."

"Yeah, well, Buck he's..." Eddie trails off, unsure how to put what Buck is into words. "He's my best friend."

And yet, that doesn't seem like enough. It seems too small for what they've been through. 

Frank must sense Eddie's uncertainty because he raises an eyebrow. "Is that all?"

"What?" 

"The way you talk about Mr. Buckley and his place in your and Christopher’s life," Frank continues. "Is he simply just your best friend?"

"I've never had a lot of friends," Eddie admits. Certainly none like Buck. "You know? I've never let anyone get close to me."

"But Buck has," Frank says. It's not a question. 

"Yeah," Eddie says. "Buck is different. He's always been different."

"And why is that?" Frank asks him. 

"I guess I just feel differently when I'm around him," Eddie says.

"How do you feel?"

Eddie looks away, once again thrown by the enormity of the question.

He can't answer Frank, but he also can't get the conversation out of his head. He's still thinking of it when he gets home an hour later, and Buck is making dinner with Christopher. The two are laughing as Buck shows him how to break the pasta. 

All Eddie can do is watch. He leans against the doorframe and smiles as he looks at the two most important people in his life. 

And that– Eddie's known Buck is important– has known for a while. He put him in his will to be Christopher’s legal guardian, for Christ's sake. But this is different. 

"How do you feel?"

Eddie thinks he knows how to answer that, but it's terrifying. Because it could change everything. And if Buck doesn't…

"Eddie?"

Eddie snaps his head up to find Buck watching him. Christopher is nowhere to be seen. 

"He went to wash up while dinner finishes," Buck says, answering Eddie's silent question.

Eddie nods. Clears his throat.  "He really loves you, you know?"

Buck smiles at that– not his usual wide grin but something softer. "Yeah, I love him too. He's a great kid."

"He is," Eddie says and steps closer. "But he's not yours."

Buck's face falls at that, and Eddie reaches for him, takes his hands in his, and carries on before Buck can get too far in his head. Because that's not what he meant at all, and Buck needs to know that. "I mean, he is, but he wasn't always. But you've always been here and done so much for him. For us. And I– I'm making no sense."

"You are," Buck says. "I love that kid like he's my own. I'd be glad if he was. He's... he's my world, Eddie. You both are."

Eddie takes a deep breath. There it is. That feeling bubbling up inside, wanting to break out. Normally, Eddie would keep a tight lid on it. But now– Buck's here, open and vulnerable as ever. And all Eddie wants to do is let him know he's not alone in this.

"I talk about you in therapy," Eddie says suddenly. "A lot, apparently. Frank has picked up on it. He said you make a good partner. But he didn't just mean at work. And he's right. You've been my partner in everything, Buck. And that got me thinking. He asked me how I felt– about you– I couldn't answer him. But maybe it just didn't feel right saying it for the first time to someone other than you."

"And how do you feel, Eddie?" Buck asks him.

Unlike before, Eddie's not afraid. This is Buck. His best friend. His partner. He's always had Eddie's back, and that's not going to change now.

So Eddie smiles and brushes his thumb across Buck's knuckles, his eyes not leaving his as he says, "I love you."

Buck's answering smile is small– private–  just for him. "I love you, too, Eds. So much."

It's only natural for Eddie to lean in, closing the remaining distance between them, and kiss Buck. It's soft–  chaste– a long overdue hello. He pulls back to look at Buck. His eyes are closed, mouth slightly parted, and a smile on his lips. 

"Wow," Buck breathes. His eyes slip open and meet Eddie's, his smile growing.

Eddie grins. His head drops to Buck's shoulder, and he lets out a breath he didn't even know he was holding. Maybe he always has been. All he knows is these past few months, it's like he's been learning to breathe again–  the right way. Buck's been there through it all, just like he's here now, and he'll be here still.

Buck's arms wind around him, holding him close. He takes another breath in, then out. 

He thinks about Frank's question again.

How do you feel?

And he thinks he knows the answer for certain now.

Safe. At home. Loved. Free. Like himself. Only the version he's always wanted to be but was too afraid. The version that lets himself have all these things–  things that he's craved for years, yearning to reach out for with desperate hands. But he doesn't have to yearn anymore. There's no desperation when he lifts his head to look at Buck again–  only peace, happiness.

"You okay?" Buck asks him.

Eddie nods. Any moment now, Christopher’s going to come in asking about dinner. There's a lot they need to talk about still. This is all so new. But for now, he's content to just be– here in this moment with Buck. 

Eddie smiles and kisses him– slow, lingering. "Never better."

[bi-bard]

Devil's Last Stand - Winchester Brothers Imagine (Supernatural)

Title: Devil's Last Stand

Pairing: Winchester Brothers X Reader (18)

Word Count: 2,840 words

Warning(s): mentions of birth, mentions of death

Summary: (Season 12, Episode 23) Everything comes to a head as Kelly goes into labor and it's discovered that the baby's dad is on his way there.

Author's Note: Okay... back to the OC. Here we go. A little bit of heartbreak. ALSO, we need to all show Courtney Ford more love. She does such an amazing job with this character and listening to her talk about playing Kelly is awesome. More love for Courtney!

Here's a link to other imagines involving this character!

Hey! I did a rewrite of the ending of Supernatural. It took a really long time to complete, so it would mean a lot to me if you check it out. Here’s a link! (it’s on my personal account)

------------------------------

Comfortable.

That was the first word that came to mind when Castiel pulled up to the secluded house that he had found for us. It was a white house that was tucked away in the woods. Cleary old, but beautiful. As far as safehouses go, it was damn-near a mansion.

I got out of the truck and helped Kelly follow me.

She was right at the end of her pregnancy, which made me sad. She was such a great person that knowing the inevitable was coming so soon broke my heart.

Still, we fell into a rhythm. One that suited all three of us.

One day, Kelly was up in the nursery, and I decided to go outside for a moment. Just in the hopes of giving her some deserved privacy

Cas was looking out at the lake.

"Hey," I said awkwardly.

"Hey," he replied, stepping to the side so I could stand next to him.

"Any day now," I commented.

"Yeah," Cas sighed and looked down for a moment. "Do you think this is all worth it?"

"To keep the child safe," I asked. "Definitely. This is our only option, Cas."

"I know," he nodded. There was a pause. "Have you thought about what's going to happen when you see Sam and Dean again?"

"I don't want to," I admitted. "I... I'm grateful for all that they've done for me, but... they trusted the group that tortured me. I can't just follow along with their little game. I want to feel like I'm doing good."

"And you feel like this is it," Cas nodded toward the house. "This is you 'doing good'."

"I hope so," I nodded. "We have to try and teach her child to be a good person. I... We can't let Lucifer get to them."

"He won't," Cas promised before pulling me into a side-hug. "Come on. Let's head inside."

I nodded and followed him. I looked up at the house, "If I retire-"

"You're 18-"

"I said 'if,'" I nudged him with my elbow. "I want a place like this. Secluded and quiet. Can't be tempted to join the life again."

"Do you give retiring a lot of thought?"

"Sometimes," I shrugged. "I didn't ask to be in this life. It just kind of happened. And I love the people I've met through it, don't get me wrong, but I'd like to think that one day I'll find a normal person to have a somewhat normal life with. I'd like to think it's human to want love and some form of normalcy to be happy with."

"Normal has a million different definitions."

"And I just want one that fits my life," I pulled the door open and let him walk inside first.

He stopped for a moment, "When I saw the future... When I saw what the child showed me. I saw you. You and Sam and Dean."

"Really?"

"You had someone," he continued. "I couldn't see who it was, but you were happy. Truly happy."

I let out a sigh and smiled, "Thanks."

He nodded before walking inside.

We both made our way upstairs just as Kelly told off the IKEA salesman and threw her phone away from her.

"Kelly," Cas said softly, going to kneel next to her. I just took a few steps inside. "I told you. I'd put this together. I'm very good at following instructions and you need to rest."

"No, I don't," she replied.

"Kelly-"

"No, Cas, I don't," she muttered before he helped her stand up. "I can't."

She walked over so she could see both of us.

"I just... I don't know how long until...," she looked down and took a deep breath. "I don't know how long I have left. And I... I'm not gonna be able to teach them how to ride a bike or watch them get married or even look them in the eyes. But I can build them a stupid Swedish crib! I can do that!"

I felt out of place. Useless. I was here to protect her and help her, but I had never been through this. Cas had only seen a Nephilim once and that didn't end well. I couldn't any real help. Just a shoulder to cry on. And I hated not being able to do more than that.

I just reached out and touched her arm, giving her a sympathetic look as I struggle to think of what to say.

"Kelly, I know how hard this is," Cas spoke in my absence. "That's a lie. I have no idea how hard this is for you. But I promise you... I will do everything. I will give my life for your child. And I will raise them. They will never be alone."

Cas looked over at me for a moment and I nodded to Kelly.

"And they will be someone that you are proud of," Cas continued.

There was a moment of silence before Kelly replied, "I know."

"You are not going to go through any of this alone," I promised. "Come on. Three brains should be able to put together a damn crib."

She chuckled before wiping her eyes and nodding, "Yeah, okay."

After managing to put together the crib, we all loaded up into the truck for a grocery run. It was final preparations time. Food and toys and... a crap ton of diapers because Cas wouldn't listen to me about not needing a year-long supply.

He insisted it was the best idea because of all of the books he had read. Except for the book on common sense of course.

As I was poking fun at Cas's planning skills, Kelly leaned over and groaned in pain.

"Kelly," I said softly. Cas went around me to touch her back and support her.

"I'm fine," she muttered after a few deep breaths.

I caught sight of the gold energy glowing in her hand, but shook it off as I helped Cas walk her back into the house.

She made it back to the nursery with no other problems. Cas nodded for me to follow him downstairs. I looked back at Kelly for a moment as she worked on the art she had wanted on the baby's wall.

We walked outside and stood on the small deck behind the house. I furrowed my eyebrows at the small light hanging in the backyard. It looked like a piece of golden thread.

"What's that," I asked Cas, pointing out at the energy. He didn't seem to focus on it until I pointed it out.

"I don't know," he muttered, walking up to it.

"Hey, let's not investigate with no research," I said.

He circled around it before looking back at me. He looked back at it before slowly reaching out and touching it. In the blink of an eye, he was gone.

"Cas," I called.

I took slow steps toward the light. When Cas didn't come back out, I took a deep breath and reached out to touch the energy.

I found myself in a barren wasteland with red lighting illuminating the sky. Cas was on the ground as some dude with some kind of gun walked up to him.

"Hey," I yelled, pointing my gun at the figure. "Back the hell up."

The figure looked at me, "I just saved his damn life."

I froze. I recognized that voice. Cas stood up and walked toward me. We exchanged a look as we heard him.

"Bobby," I asked.

The man pulled the cover off of his face, "How the hell do you know my name?"

I stared at him with wide eyes. He didn't know me, but that was my Bobby.

"I... I knew another version of you," I guessed. "He taught me to hunt."

Before either one of us could respond, the portal crackled behind us.

"We've gotta go," I mumbled to Cas. "Now."

Cas nodded and started pulling me toward the door.

"Goodbye," I called to Bobby as we left.

I felt tears fall from my eyes as I looked back at the portal.

"What the hell was that," I yelled. "Bobby... Bobby was there. What the hell is this?"

"It's... It's another world," Cas struggled to explain. "Another universe that God made. Each one has differences. That one... has reached its apocalypse."

I ran a hand over my face, "Jack opened it. Didn't they?"

"I think so," Cas nodded.

"I... I'm gonna go see Kelly."

"Are you alright-"

"I'm gonna see Kelly," I repeated, not wanting to think about the idea that Bobby was there.

I made it upstairs just as Kelly made a loop to look for us.

"Hey," I said.

"Where were you guys," she asked as Cas made it up the stairs behind me.

"Nowhere," I replied. "We were talking outside. Is something wrong?"

"No," she shook her head. "The baby, it's... I think it's time."

The lights flickered as Kelly groaned in pain.

Cas moved to support her. I helped with her other side, and we led her to her room.

"Everything's going to be fine," Cas promised.

Kelly got as I laid some cheap blankets on the bed. Again, I had no idea what I was doing, I just grabbed blankets that could be thrown away easily.

Hours passed as we waited.

Kelly was comfortable in bed. The contractions were still pretty far apart. The only light in the room was a lamp on the bedside table. Most of the power had been wiped out by the child.

"You're alright," Cas tried to promise. "The pressure waves are still very far apart."

"Pressure waves," Kelly asked with a chuckle.

"That's what they called contractions in my doula class," he explained. "I... I took it online."

I grinned at him. He was so prepared to raise this kid and he didn't have to be.

I blinked away a few tears and turned my smile to Kelly. I reached a hand to her. She grabbed onto it and smiled back at me.

"For first-time mothers, labor can be 12 to 18 hours," Cas continued. "Sometimes longer. It... Although, given this is the child of Lucifer and a quasi-celestial being..."

"They didn't cover that online," Kelly asked jokingly.

"They did not," he replied. She chuckled at him.

A silence settled over the room. Cas stood up and walked to the window. I stayed next to Kelly until Cas said my name.

I walked over to him. He dropped his voice down so she couldn't hear us.

"I don't care what you hear or what happens to me," he instructed. "You need to stay by Kelly's side. No matter what. Protect her and the child for as long as you can. If all else fails, she isn't going to be able to defend herself. Protect her. Protect Jack."

"Okay," I nodded. "I won't leave."

He pulled me into a tight hug, "Sam and Dean would be proud of you if they were here."

I grinned, "Thanks, Cas."

After stepping away, I returned to my spot by Kelly's side.

She grinned at me, "Cas?"

He looked at her.

"I wanted to thank you both," she said. "For everything."

"Of course," Cas nodded.

As the sun set, Kelly's contractions were getting closer and closer.

I could only hold her hand through the pain. Again, useless.

"Kelly," Cas said as he grabbed her other hand.

"Tell me again," she replied. "Tell me again what you saw."

"Right," he looked down for a moment. "I saw the future. I saw a world without pain or hunger or want. I saw the world that this child... that your child... will create. And it is a world without fear and without suffering and without hate."

He paused.

"I saw paradise."

Kelly nodded a few times before the energy started crackling again. She yelled in pain and clenched my hand tight. The power came back on.

We barely had a moment to relax before we heard a car pulling up outside.

"Stay here," he repeated to me before running out.

"It's gonna be okay," I promised, holding Kelly's hand with both of mine. "Everything's going to work out."

I carefully placed my angel blade within reach on the table and double-checked that my gun was in its proper place. I was prepared for all that I could've been prepared for.

I heard some talking downstairs, but it was overwhelmed by Kelly's next contraction.

I only let go of her hand when I heard footsteps running upstairs. Mary was standing in the doorway.

"Get out," I said angrily, almost spitting the words at her.

"I'm only here to help-"

"Get the kid to the British Men of Letters," I cut her off. "Fat chance. Get the fuck out."

"I'm here to help Kelly," she continued. "The British Men of Letters are gone."

I continued glaring at her.

"How much do you actually know about childbirth?"

I didn't respond, not dropping my gun. She had turned her back on me. Sided with the people who tortured not only me but also her son. She dragged them into it all. She drove a wedge in between me and the boys who raised me.

"Just let me help her," she begged.

But she was also right.

I walked forward a few steps so Mary could see that I was serious.

"One wrong move and I will kill you. I don't care what your sons say. Cross the line once, and you're dead."

She nodded, "Okay."

I stepped back to Kelly's side and let Mary start helping.

She got on Kelly's other side and grabbed her hand.

Kelly worked through another contraction as Mary tried to help guide her breathing.

"I think they're less than five minutes apart now," she explained. "It's almost time."

I reached over and pushed Kelly's hair out of her face, feeling her forehead for a temperature. Anything to help. That's what I had promised to do.

"How you doin'," Mary asked.

"I'm dying," Kelly whispered.

"I know," Mary replied.

"But that's okay," she mumbled. "'Cause wouldn't you die for your sons?"

Mary let out a shaky breath, "Yeah."

I was moral support for the rest of it.

Mary guided Kelly through each step. Breathing and talking and doing all that could for her. I let Kelly almost break my hand and rest her head on my shoulder.

"You're alright," I mumbled. "You're alright. Just breathe. It's gonna be fine."

I had no reason to believe that. I just wanted to trust that it would be.

Cas walked in a few minutes later, "May I speak with her?"

Mary nodded and stepped back, but I didn't move. I refused to.

Cas just nodded at me.

"What's wrong," Kelly asked.

"Lucifer's alive," Cas explained quickly. "And he's coming for the kid."

My breath hitched.

"We have a plan," he promised, walking over. "Don't worry. Everything's going to be fine."

He pressed a kiss to Kelly's forehead before leaving the room. Mary walked in a minute later.

"Ready," she asked.

"Not even a little," I replied with a forced chuckle.

"I'm sorry-"

"Mary, now is not the time."

Kelly let out another yell as another contraction started.

This was the worst of them. Mary guided her through, but neither one of us could be prepared for the lights flickering or the house shaking.

Suddenly, a wave of energy seemed to course through Kelly, stopping any pain she had been experiencing. She was glowing. Literally. She was glowing from the energy that surrounded her.

The last thing I remembered was Kelly freezing and whispering, "I love you."

After that, a shock wave of energy flew through the room, sending Mary and me flying. My back came into contact with the far wall, and I fell to the ground, unconscious.

When I came to, Mary was gone.

I stood up and ran to the bed.

I felt for Kelly's pulse. Nothing. I let out a breath and took a moment to gather my thoughts.

I grabbed one of the spare blankets and slowly laid it over her. The closest thing to a sign of respect that I could manage.

It was then that I realized... there was no baby.

Where the hell was Jack?

I took a step back and tried to gather myself again. They had to be here somewhere. They couldn't just walk away.

I grabbed another spare blanket and walked into the hall. My hope was that I was going to hear a cry or something. Some indication that the kid was here and alive.

I stood at the top of the stairs, trying to think of where to look first. Then, I caught something out of the corner of my eye. In the nursery, something was curled up in the corner.

I slowly walked inside, not wanting to startle it.

I froze when a floorboard creaked under my step.

Whatever was in the corner jumped and I was met with a pair of glowing golden eyes. It took me a moment for my brain to make the connection.

I furrowed my eyebrows.

"Jack?"

------------------------------

Masterlist

What I Write For

Some Original Characters

folklore/evermore Writing Challenge (and Masterlist)

Maisie Peters - “You Signed Up for This” Writing Challenge Masterlist

[licncourt]

What expectations do you have of AMC's IWTV? what would you like to see?

Nervous for Armand’s casting in the tv series 😅 I’m just surprised they haven’t released it yet. How do you feel about Claudia’s casting?

I've gotten a few asks about the AMC show and I'll admit I've been somewhat hesitant to talk about it much because of all the discourse, but I suppose I'll throw my two cents out there!

I'm going to start by saying that I am reserving final judgement on everything for when the show actually comes out! There are things I've seen that I like and things I've seen that I don't like, but some stills, a few script leaks, and 40 seconds of footage is not enough for me to feel confident fully endorsing or fully condemning the adaptation. These are just preliminary thoughts!

I expect that Sam Reid and Jacob Anderson will do a great job! They both seem excited about their roles and committed to the portrayal, so that makes me really optimistic! They're not how I imagine the characters when I read the books, but that doesn't bother me because this is just one way of telling the story. They're going to make out on screen for me and that's what I care about.

I have a few concerns regarding Louis' characterization based on the the script leaks, but again, I'm reserving judgment until we see the final product! Even if my worries are valid, that's not a strike against JA, just something I've been thinking about. And I've heard complaints about Lestat's accent, and to that I would say: yes he sounded English and that's very funny. At the very least, a bad accent that's not even a little bit French would carry on Tom Cruise's legacy

I'm sure Bailey Bass will do a great job in her own interpretation of Claudia and she's adorable, but I admit I was a bit disappointed that they didn't cast a younger actress, maybe around Kirsten Dunst's age in IWTV. Claudia's age is so integral to her character and such a striking element of the story that I'd hate to see it watered down, but I understand the practical reasons for why they may have chosen a teen actress. Maybe they'll lean into the unfairness of the random nature of her being "chosen" or the disintegration of her relationship with Lestat to make up for the "trapped in a child's body" aspect being less prominent.

My hunch about Armand's casting is that he'll be played by Harvey Guillen and they want to make it a surprise/build anticipation. He was on closed sets at filming and it would make a lot of sense given that he's very popular among the show's demographic because of his part in WWDITS. It would also be a fun nod to his WWDITS character's love of Antonio Banderas' Armand as well as to the original movie since he's also an older (by that I mean 30+, older than 17) Hispanic actor like AB.

I...don't love what they've done with Daniel. I feel like they've basically discounted the Devil's Minion arc by making the changes they have, and that's really disappointing. But again, we'll see how it goes!

The biggest thing I wanted from the show was actual Loustat romance since we're in a time where that can actually happen now, and we got it!! I was also hoping that the show would be more of an objective look at Interview era Loustat, and I think that's going to be the case too. It sounds like there's going to be a lot more happy moments like the kind Lestat mentioned in TVL than they put in the movie, which is awesome!

That said, it's going to destroy me even more when things go south because of that, but it sounds like they have plans to adapt more books, so I really hope they make TVL and maybe QotD so I can have the full Loustat arc to heal my soul.

(I also hope they promptly cancel it after that before I have watch TotBT: The TV Show with my own two eyes.)

All in all, I'm going into this with the knowledge that this show isn't meant to be a perfect play by play of the book, it's a single adaptation of the story to suit the creators' vision. An AU, if you will. And I'll treat it as such. I really hope everyone else tries to just enjoy it for what it is too, because I think we'll have a lot of fun!

Side note: I am in no way an expert on the AMC lore, so if anyone's interested in updates and analysis of that, go talk to @monsieur-le-rock-star !! She'll be able to help you way better than I can!

[spynorth]

👫 for villanelle!

4 headcanons for lucas and villanelle

lucas is constantly equal parts i respect this woman's abilities and equal parts i'm going to throttle her with my bare hands. She gets stuff done in a finality that he can appreciate, but the route she sometimes takes to get there gives him massive amounts of anxiety. He just wants whatever contract he passes on her to get done and while he sits at mi5 headquarters and tries to keep things free and clear, villanelle sort of plays with her food before she eats it and it drives him absolutely freaking nuts. It's very much a how long do you think i can keep this window open?? as far as trying to help cover her tracks and when villanelle comes back with stuff thats like 'oh i thought of another way. yours was boring' he becomes the perfect image of a man in desperate need of therapy due to the stress of his workplace.

the fact that no matter how often he uninstalls it she always manages to download snapchat back onto his phone drives him CRAZY. He doesn't understand how it works and he's not interested so when she grabs his mobile and opens up the app to mess with it Lucas once again has a heart attack because he's just imagining villanelle sending a filtered to selfie to the english govt and them realizing its from his phone and then there's be the whole prison thing he's trying to avoid. It wouldn't even be on accident and he knows that. It could just be a boy I'm bored and this man is too uptight kind of thing. That's worse than an accident in his mind.

He would never admit it but he's attached. Villanelle is someone who is probably closer to a friend than anyone else despite the fact they've never talked in an intimate conversation before. She knows him, knows obviously that he's playing both sides for beckett and i'm sure in odd ways every now and then they've both let slip parts of their history and lives and Lucas finds a comfort in both the easy familiarity and routine of villanelle's chaos. There's just something about being known that makes him feel a bit more human in her presence. A bit more real.

In the bake off verse their dynamic is amplified I think in the sense he's always so Done with a capital 'd' and she is managing to kick ass at the competition while also doing their job. She is once again very 'it'll get done when it gets done, take a chill pill' and she's turning into the audience favorite while everyone at home just thinks he's a stick in the mud. They're a great total opposites dynamic that shouldn't be able to work together in any verse or situation but they do and it's hilarious and i love it.

[nothorses]

So I have a question/something I'd like your input on, since I feel like you'd have something interesting to say about this.

Anyways, some background: i'm in a child and youth care program in a rather left leaning, relatively progressive college, in a rather left leaning/progressive city.

It's actually been a very validating experience so far--I feel so much more accepted here then at my last school, which, while it was located relatively close to the city, had a rather more conservative student body and faculty. I had to fight for accomodation and acceptance, and I didn't end up going to my convocation since, when I had asked, they said they wouldn't call my prefered name when I'd get the certificate at the ceremony, or use the right name on it (they made it seem that their hands were completely tied, even though I know of other schools who've done this exact thing, incl the school I'm at now, without needing proof of a legal name change).

Anyways, at this school, i'm even having instructors I don't even know well going to bat for me and using their connections to get the help I needed when I was having trouble with my name being displayed wrong in the online classroom. Like, thank god for having CYC's as profs, right?

So, to my point: one of our classes is all about inclusion and anti oppressive practices. It's literally the name of the class. I actually enjoy the class a fair bit--despite classes being virtual, my class is sharing a lot and there's a lot of bonding and openness going on in the virtual lecture space. It's encouraged me to be open about my own troubles as a trans person, and people have been v supportive.

In a recent lecture, we start talking about the different terms of discrimination against various groups that face oppression (like, racism, albleism, etc). So she asks us: what is the term for discrimination against trans people? And I say Transphobia. Because that's the term I see most often, and the one I say myself. Apparently the Proper term now is cissexism (or cisgenderism?), and I got chided for saying transphobia.

I went and turned my mic on and basically said that I feel like transphobia is the term the general population is only Just started to take seriously, and the instructor argued that as we're in an academic circle, and as CYCs, it's our job to use the most progressive terms to move things forward, and that we shouldn't be conflating the discrimination trans people face with a phobia. Since, not only does it validate the fear of trans people, but it's not fair to those that have legitimate phobias.

I dropped it there, but I was brave and I asked to speak with the instructor after class.

During that talk, I pretty much said that it's hard being probably the only trans person in at least first year, and being visible and open as one, and having to be told the "right" term to use for my own experiences. She could relate, she said, as she's a black woman, and have faced probably similar experiences from white people correcting her on terms she uses for her own experiences. She did say though, as she's in the role of an instructor, it is her job to educate herself, think on what they're saying, and potentially make changes to her language.

But, she also said she can't speak for my experiences, and she won't make me change my language.

I was appreciative, and I talked about things I've personally faced, and how, even just 10 years ago, trans people were treated so frequently as a joke. Even on screen deaths were funny in media. I brought up that the trans panic defense was still considered a valid defense to use in court not long ago (and still probably is in some places), and someone won a case recently that way. Even just the term "transphobia" is only just recently been taken seriously, in my eyes, while before it was often brushed off as not a legitimate concern. Even when I was first coming out, I was told I was just confused, or trans people were just doing it for attention. I still face open glares sometimes, purposeful misgendering, fights with my sister about some of her transphobic views she refuses to question... And while it was hard to be that vulnerable, the conversation ended on a very good note.

I personally don't feel ready to change this language. But I don't really know if I was in the right to argue all of this. I'm only one trans person, I don't want to talk over those who've probably fought to switch the language away from "transphobia" as the valid term. But, i'm in an awkward position of being an unofficial spokesperson as the token trans guy in the class, talking to a lot of folks who've admitted I am the first trans person they've met. So, i dunno, i'm weird with conflict and I was wondering what you're thoughts were on all of this.

This is kind of a tricky one for a lot of reasons, tbh? And I have... a few thoughts. This is already super long, so under the cut it goes!

The first thing is that “transphobia” and “cissexism” aren’t actually interchangeable; they’re different concepts. “Transphobia” refers to bigotry against trans people or transness in general, while “cissexism” or “cisgenderism” is appealing to (or is) the wider system of oppression. (x)

That’s not to say those words are actually used that way in practice, because they’re not, and I certainly don’t use them that way every time either. Like you said, “transphobia” is the word people more often understand. When I’m writing for or talking to audiences that don’t already have a strong background in trans theory, I stick to “transphobia” for clarity’s sake.

But if you’re positioning yourself as an educational authority on the subject, and even going so far as to correct trans people on those terms- you should know that. If your question is “which term refers to discrimination against trans people?”, your answer is reliant upon how you choose to define “discrimination” in that context.

It’s also reasonable to assume people would answer with the first term if they don’t know both of them, and what she’s set up sounds like an unfair “gotcha!” meant to cow uninformed cis people.

And tbh, I take issue with that. There’s a great essay on this- The Cycle of Socialization by Bobbie Harro. The core of this cycle, which allows oppression to continue and encourages its perpetuation, includes confusion and insecurity: oppression is complex, and big, and people are afraid of taking a stand and doing it wrong. They are insecure in their knowledge and position, and afraid that if they try, they’ll get it wrong, and they’ll be punished. So they stay silent. What is that “gotcha!” moment doing except enforcing that fear and silence?

The other thing here are her reasons for using “cissexism” instead. She’s absolutely right that there is dialogue about what terms to use, and her listed reasons are informed and well-educated. I don’t know how I feel about the discussion myself, honestly, as I’ve seen it from the start and I’ve watched it play out for multiple years.

I don’t know if I agree that it’s ableist, part of that being that the “-phobic” thing was originally created as a “compassionate justification” for people’s bigotry against gay people (though there is the “-misic/misia” replacement for “-phobia” if you prefer). That’s still problematic for different reasons; like she said, it might validate bigotry as “fear”. “Cissexism” illustrates bigotry as enforcing a system rather than being honestly rooted in feelings, and that’s generally a good thing, imo.

But, y’know, “transphobia” is what people readily understand, and punishing people for using it is counterproductive. Using “transphobia” as a starting point for a discussion and an understanding is helpful, too; it connects these ideas back to what people already know. It meets them where they are. If you want to add “cissexism” to their vocabulary from there, please do! But that shouldn’t be rooted in shame.

I don’t know if any of this is helpful, but I thought I’d throw out what seemed to be the core of the issue to me, in case it resonated with you. If you still feel weird about the interaction, it might be worth it to address that with her again; she seems like she’s genuinely trying, and cares, and like she’s open to making changes. If nothing else, you might be able to sort out what’s still bugging you and address it as a feelings issue, rather than a language one, if that works better for you.

Good luck! And sorry for the super long answer, lol.

[lovelydeadlysocialite]

Request for Reassignment (Vyn/Kat)

Vynette sat at her desk, finishing up the paperwork assigned to her, just like any night in the office. The only difference was her demeanor. Something about her was tense. She caught a look from Kat more than once for her heel tapping nervously, and the elf kept sneaking glances at her Director to almost make a comment before sealing her lips again.

Finally, without looking up, some of the proposed words in her head finally managed to tumble out. "I was talking to an agent from another Unit today. I guess they've had eight agents now put in to answer the call for aid. From, you know, the Covenants."

"Uh-huh," Kat muttered in response without looking at the elven operative, her focus remaining on the papers she shuffled, expression blank.

It was more or less the kind of response Vyn expected. She sighed, knowing she was going to have to move things forward. "It seems like the need for more trained hands is still pretty great. And what with the duties of wartime off everyone's plates, more or less," her voice trailed softer and quicker as she mumbled, "I was considering requesting a temporary assignment to offer my abilities. Ma'am."

Kat froze in place, staring at the document in hand as a slow exhale spilled over her lips. Eyelids shut as lips curled inward over the teeth and the paper set aside. "There are plenty of eager hero types and jar-heads t' fill the ranks." Her response monotone as the stark gaze shifted to the elf.

"We have plenty t'do here."

The air in the room thinned out at Kat's tone and in any other instance, Vyn would have dropped the topic. Unfortunately, the circumstances here were unique. "I know. There is work to be done, and I'm not ignoring or underplaying the work we do." She may have come to Unit Eight looking for a job and a safe place to hide, but she did understand the value they added to the Alliance she was somehow a part of now.

"It is just... the request came for me specifically." An uncharacteristic uncertainty softened Vynette's voice. "My teacher is part of the House of Eyes. He has called for me to aid the Necro Lords."

Without missing a beat, Kat's eyes narrowed sharply following Vyn's confession. "I see..." Her tone and demeanor turned ice-cold, and the eye contract broke, the Director diving back into her papers.

"So after everythin', I've done, everythin' I've risked, yer going t' abandon me just like that." Pain and anger laced Kat's words, her jaw tightening towards the end. "One letter from a ghost and I'm nothin' t' ya'."

Vyn's bright blue eyes went wide at the shift in tone. It was rare to see such intensity drawn from the otherwise collected and calculating Director. As someone who genuinely respected Kat, Vyn felt the pit of guilt in her stomach. "No, that's not it at all! You're... you mean a lot to me. You took a chance on me." She spoke of the risks Kat took for her in a hushed voice, not wanting to raise suspicions of anyone who might still be lingering in a nearby office. "I owe you everything."

Taking a deep breath, Vyn pressed forward, mustering up her determination. "I am not looking to leave beyond a temporary reassignment; my home is here. With you and with the Unit." Their office was one of the few consistent places anyone could find her these days. "But he was the one who got me here. He saw value in me and gave me purpose. And I failed him. And he died," she finally admitted.

"And I saw value in ya', and gave ya' a new purpose!" Kat quickly countered, pointing a finger in the elven woman's direction. "A purpose that could have, and still could, get us both killed."

With a scoff, Kat's head shook, and her arms crossed as she stood from the desk and paced. "Ya' failed him, but he sends a letter? Have ya' gone dense Vynette?" For once, the Director addressed her elven shadow by the first name rather than the forged surname. "It has trap written all over it. Or did ya' forget how ya' were ejected from the Horde?"

It would have been easy to call her paranoid; plenty of people in SI:7 had already. The real pain came from the truth in her words.

"I was overconfident when I got set up. I'm not that anymore thanks to you," she pointed out. "Being by your side is important to me."

Vyn was to the point of pleading, even when she knew Kat was not so easily swayed. What else could she do? "Kat..." She addressed the woman, not the title. "There's still closure I need from my time as an apprentice. Shit I'm still carrying with me. My loyalty is with you; no one can change that. So I'm asking-- begging for the chance to serve the cause in the Shadowlands and put my ghosts to rest."

A heated exhale pushed through the nostril as Kat turned her back to Vynette's pleading, facing the wall where documents, pins, and red string put together the tapestry of their current case. She did not appear to be swayed by the elf's begging, not entirely. Something in that final statement did bring a silent pause.

"If bein' by my side is so important, then why so eager to leave it?" She chose to hone in on other points and skip over the please, keeping her back to the elf. There was still a tinge of pain and anger in her tone.

"Livin' in th' past never moved anyone forward. I need ya' here. Or is suddenly wot I and this job I graced ya' with no longer of importance? I didn' say a bloody thing when I came back to find yer visage eerily similar to mine, plucked a hair from the office, no doubt. Even when my patience is tested by yer sometimes questionable motivations and comments in the borderline territory of breakin' my rules, I allowed yer leash to remain lax. I never asked fer anythin' other than service in return, even after footin' the bills to fake and create yer life in the Alliance. But this is the thanks I get? T'be abandoned fer some Horde dog."

Vynette got to her feet, because she disliked the tone Kat was taking regarding her teacher. Vyn rarely defied Kat; it was not in her nature. Still, she persisted. "You've let my leash remain lax because I've done everything you've ever asked of me, without question. I've followed every order, completed every mission," her voice dropped lower, but picked up its intensity, "I've done every off-book task you've needed with a smile because I'm your knife. I've committed sins for you and I'd commit them thrice over and you know that."

Scrunching her nose at the realization that her tone was getting away from her, Vynette composed herself. "He's not some Horde dog, Director; he's found a place of high standing in the House of Eyes. If I went over your head, they'd give me the go ahead. Hell, I could go to Fiske. I didn't do that because I don't give a shit about their authority. You're the one I follow."

Looking down at her desk, Vynette sat back down feeling resigned to defeat. "If you command me to stay, I'll stay. I don't ask for much. But I'm just asking for you to trust me. I have debts to repay, but he's not my master anymore."

As the Operative's tone began to get away from her, Kat looked back over her shoulder. One brow lifted as she stared the elven woman down from across the room as if cursing her for the act of defiance.

"Go over m'head or t'Fiske, and it won't be a temporary reassignment." The Director barked. Whether it was a threat or fact was anyone's guess.

Fingers ran through her raven tresses, pulling the strands back as she sighed quietly, seemingly content with Vynette's concession. "When this case is over," Kat motioned to the wall at her side as she turned to face the elf. "Then I will consider signin' off on a temporary reassignmen'. I will no' make any promises, however."

The tension in Vyn's shoulders released. Resisting Kat's authority made her physically uncomfortable, but she had made it to the other side. They both knew the elf would not go over Kat's head, but she was still being given an out. She could handle finishing their assignment at hand. She would cling to the hope that, if she continued to be on her best behavior, Kat would give her the chance to settle her past.

"Of course, ma'am," she replied with an earnest salute and a genuine, radiant smile. "Til then, the only thing on my mind is our case. I'm all yours; you have my word."

"Good," Kat murmured as she returned to her desk and the papers scattered atop it.

"Now get out of m'sight for an hour or two before I change m'mind, and there better be a bottle in one hand when ya' return."

[ @kat-hawke​ ]

[composerofshibuya]

Alright, long post about TWEWY The Animation Episode 1 Underneath!

MY BOY. THERE. IN THE ANIMATED FLESH. I love the style. I love how distinctive everyone is, and how true-to-the-game it looks. I think they translated still images into animation beautifully. And, if in the end it remains shallow, at least it's pretty. I can't to see Joshua.

Alright. So, overall, it was good to okay. I had goosebumps when Twister started playing. The music truly ties my emotions to this game in a delightful way. I hope they'll incorporate more into the show. Let's dig into the good stuff first!

1) The animation. It's crisp, it's fun, it's the game to a t. I think they really hit it out of the park with it.

Look at that classic Shiki pose! I love how they incorporated so many elements of the game into the show.

Sprinkled throughout the episode you can see the different names and symbols of the brands. I thought this was a very clever way to tease them and make them present for fans of the game, without being overwhelming to anyone new. Additionally, I doubt that they'll be important at all in the animation - I don't see them playing dress up haha.

2) The music - this is actually both a pro and con. I love the elements of the Game in the Animation. Overall, I think they blended it very well. However, I hate the version of Twister they picked for the opening, and I really hope they change it up episode-to-episode. It's probably one of my least favourite versions of Twister and it's just... not a pump up version of it. Ultimately, I'd rather the original.

3) Introduction of characters - I have some complaints about this, which I'll get into later, but overall I was happy with how many they introduced and how they introduced them. They defined their personalities (Beat, my fave himbo, Kariya and Uzuki them lazy mischievous Reapers, etc, Neku being a Lonely Boi). I thought the established them well, if not fumbling things in other places.

4) Design of noise: Fuck, they're beautiful and dangerous. I love how they've taken these flat 2D characters and turned them into something a little more dynamic. The colours are great and bright, and I didn't think I'd love them. I'd serious get art of these guys!

Also the "static" as they appear/disappear I thought was nicely done.

5) I like how playful the show is despite the dark themes. It let's itself be fun:

WLIKE WE SYNCED UP, EH???

Okay, now... some negatives. As much as I enjoyed episode one, boy howdy do I have some criticisms, and as far as these go they're pretty common for adaptations. I recognize my bias as someone who loves the game and has poured a lot of time into it, but I still am kind of worried.

1) Pacing + Character Development: WOW THREE DAYS IN AN EPISODE. That's a rush!!! That's so much crammed into one episode. The characters never get to breath and be defined beyond that initial introduction in a way. As I said earlier, it never let's the horror of the situation set in. I understand there's a huge difference between games and animation as mediums, and I also get that adaptions will always lose something that another form really embraces, but the big thing to me about this game is loss and time. There are periods of silence where characters stand and sit with their thoughts. The Animation gives them no time to deal with that and I think a lot of weight and beauty is lost through this. I'm coming at this as a person who knows the future - I've played the game - but the game was never subtle with foreshadowing, and frankly this episode had none. Shiki never checks her phone. She's never reserved. She's 100% genki girl. And that's a little tragic if you know her story. Neku doesn't ponder his lost memories - he isn't given time to! - and we don't get to see how much this bothers him. Beyond the first few Noise deaths, it doesn't feel like the, put bluntly, fucked-upness of the Reaper's Game ever gets a chance to settle in.

2) I didn't have high expectations for pin utilization or brands. I love how they've blended the pin symbols and the use of them onto the screen as Neku activates his psychs (occasionally).

However, my big complaint is there's really no explanation of what they are or how they're activated or even the fact that Shiki couldn't use them (although I do love how the animation shows her fighting with Mr. Mew <3). This isn't a problem per se, especially as it's a major game mechanic thing, but I would have loved to see some time dedicated to it. It's just such a big part of the game. Looking at the pin 777 gives Shiki he says it'll become useful/valuable depending on the future. So, maybe we'll see further development. Please please please have some Tin Pin Slam!!

3) As a direct result of 1 - this scene just didn't feel as !!! shocking to me. That being said, I still thought they did a great job with the visuals here. It was... okay. But again, I'm willing to admit that playing this scenario vs watching it is probably a huge factor.

4) I don't know how to say this, or at least put it eloquently, but I think the Animation really fell flat in the first episode. My Rule Of Anime is if it doesn't catch me in four episodes, consider dropping it. As an outsider, I don't know how I'd react to episode one, but as an insider while I loved seeing something I love and am passionate about brought to life it just didn't hit right in so many ways. The characters were flat, the pace felt rushed, and while I care about the characters, I worry what I would think of them if I didn't have prior knowledge. Like Shiki looking at her phone. When that moment hit - when the game explained WHY - every time she was caught looking at her phone just hit me. Then, in future play throughs, I noticed it so much more. So, I worry a little bit.

Overall, I am a little diappointed - my hopes were waaaaaay too high - but I'm excited to see what comes next. As I've said, I'm hoping they're pushing through this to go more in depth later. If they don't develop the relationship between Shiki and Neku I just don't see the [Major Event] that happens in the future hitting hard emotionally. It feels like the story beats of the game are getting skipped over and I think it's the future detriment of the series. But! I'm getting ahead of myself. This is episode one! Lots to come.

I loved how the episode ended, sprinkling in bits of lore. I am excited.

Also, Minamimoto and Hanekoma are FINE AND DAMN, THEY LOOK AMAZING (tho Minamimoto looks... much younger than in game, he's still A++ he can SOHCAHTOA me anytime whew).

And done! Thanks for sticking around <3 Let's all cry about this and the new Neo trailer together!!

[the-pallid-king]

The hollow thumps into a wall, but manages to shake it off and comes scurrying behind them, squawking far too loudly the entire way as it hurries to catch up. He huffs and looks back at it. “If a cero didn’t kill you, there’s no way that hurt you.” He’s tempted to do it again. Instead, he plucks it up and drops it on his shoulder where it’s claws dig through his shirt to bury themselves into skin.

He shrugs and waves it off. “It’d be a lot more work than you want. And you’d probably have to do paperwork or something. The whole thing would end up a nightmare. And I bet we wouldn’t be able to see each other much.” Because you’d probably end up being in Seireitei to stop the whole place from falling apart, and if you weren’t there, you’d be fighting to keep your throne in Hueco Mundo. He smirks and looks over again. “You know Seireitei basically keeps the balance between the worlds, right? You couldn’t halfass it.”

Now, he really is surprised. “You think my friends coming will be fun? Or you think keeping your hollows in line will be fun?” Seems like an important distinction. He nods though, they’re used to it. “They stayed here for a while as a base of operations. You’re probably right. They’d be fine.” Not so much true for his sisters he thinks. He chews his lip for a moment. “That’s true, but…” He died here more than once. Things can go wrong. It’s not a safe place and it won’t ever be one. He jerks his head away when the hollow starts nipping at his hair, but otherwise ignores it. “Maybe some other time.”

The way that hollows comes squawking back for more sounds an awful lot like it's bitching you out for kicking it. It's kind of funny. He can't help the small smirk that tugs at his mouth, though he'd refuse to admit it because he's still convinced he hates this little thing. He shakes his head a little when you lift it and he sees those claws puncturing your shirt. He can't even blame the little hollows; that's pretty much how he feels in those few occasions you pick him up too, and he's not nearly as small and doesn't have such a far fall if you were to drop him.

You're probably right, he wouldn't want Seireitei. He already wants nothing to do with them. But, "Yeah, but if I was king there too, I could have someone else do paperwork and I could make the rules, so I'd get as much time with you as I want." He slides you a look, "Bet they got a big fancy chair we could have some fun on. They got all kinds'a big fancy things." He's not sure what about his throne did it for you or if you were doing it for him, but he sure as hell liked it. Before the part where you got mad at him, anyway. He waves what you say off. "Of course I know that, but it's not like they've done a great job in the past few years. I couldn't be any worse at it." Honestly, even if they somehow managed it, he can't imagine most of the shinigami and captains heeding a hollow, even if he's not a normal hollow. It'd probably be more treacherous for him there than here in Hueco Mundo.

His brows arch slightly and he looks over at you again. "Well." Ok, he meant keeping his hollows in line, but it will be fun to see you having a good time again, so, "Both, I guess." His eyes narrow thoughtfully for a moment though, "Are you gonna invite the one that didn't like me last time? The girl with the short hair and no abilities?" He nods when you agree with him; he's really not worried about your friends being in danger. He hopes to keep them comfortable and not having to look over their shoulders the whole time, but he knows they'd be able to handle it if any of his hollows decided to be assholes anyway.

That hollow perched on your shoulder starts putting its mouth near you and he pushes out a low growl, eyeing it. He's sure you'd be mad at him for the possessiveness right now, but his teeth are the only hollow teeth that get to be on you.

He shrugs when you decide about your sisters, though, not surprised. "Honestly I'm a little surprised they haven't tried sneakin' in here on their own already anyway. Karin, anyway."

[iplaymatchmaker]

Hi there, me again, if I read the rules correctlyyou said we could do a separate ask for a separate game. If I read incorrectlyplease just ignore this, if not if my first ask wasn't to much I'd love to ask for an ikerev matchup as well! I'm bi, female (she/her) sagittarius sun, virgo rising, libra moon, ENFT. I'm 5'2, chubby/curvy w/ great boobs, I have longer  brunette hair w/ peekaboo highlights (they've been every color, but currently pink), brown eyes, glasses/contacts, 7 piercings & 26 tattoos. I'm very empathetic (sometimes to a fault) and have sever anxiety and depression. It takes me awhile to warm up around new people and be myself. I often feel intimidated in big social settings, such as parties, and often use alcohol for some liquid courage to help me let loose and be me in those situations. I've suffered some emotional and mental abuse at the hands of a step parent which has left me with some trauma and triggers; people raising their voice at me or making quick movements toward me or in my direction usually result in me crying and secluding myself for awhile. Oh and I have daddy issues, thanks absent father. That said I also don't do great with authority, I hate being told what to do, and I hate being told no. I can put up with a lot of shit, but eventually it usually becomes a 'straw that broke the camels back' situation and I fly off the handle and then break down. I am also extremely generous and do all I can to help my friends and family when they need it. I have some self confidence issues from weight gain, and I usually feel my best when I'm dolled up with my makeup on and hair done, usually with a dress and heels. I'm a Ravenclaw thats hates to read, but I love learning & know tons of trivia; like I know so many random facts about so many things from history, to movies, to graveyards, and much more. I often correct people on things, which some perceive as me belittling them, but its never my intention I'm just trying to share my knowledge and trying to help them. I am very creative I love crafting; resin art, macrame, cross stich, those are just some of my favorite things to do art wise, I also enjoy coloring books. I love to laugh and think I'm pretty funny, I usually have a dark sense of humor, if you don't like humor we won't vibe together, and if you can't make me laugh we will not be a good relationship match. I like to go to the bar and do karaoke, it's one thing I've learned I'mvery good at. It took me about 2 years, but I've since learned to be confident with my singing and now its one of my favorite things to do. I drink, obviously, gin and tonic is my favorite. I also smoke, I love my hookah, and I've had my medical card for about a year and it's done wonders for my insomnia and cramps. For about 2 years I've been getting severe cramps and stomach pains, and after 5 er trips in a month they didn't find anything, its still a mystery but at least the bud helps the pain. l'm very into the witchy aesthetic; my style is either very Stevie Nicks, pinup, or 2009 emo/scene depending on the day. I collect animal skulls and bone, taxidermy, crystals, and plants; I also practice the craft & love to make spell jars for people. I love tarot and really enjoy doing it. I live for Halloween & enjoy all things macabre! My favorite show is That 70's Show and if I could live in a replica of the Forman's house that would be my dream. I am also very sex positive and rather adventurous in bed. I'm a brat and a voyeur, I'll get down with just about anything. My love language is giving and receiving gifts. I put alot of thought into holidays like Christmas, I plan months in advance to make sure I get everyone the perfect gift; but I also will sometimes see something that just reminds me of someone and have to get it for them. That is all I can think of right now to add about myself. I'd love 4 and/or 10 for the prompt part. And again thank you for doing these, I'm such a ho for them, and again I'm sorry its long.

I match you with

Edgar!

Thank you so much for requesting 🥰🥰! I’m sorry this took so long, but here it is! I hope you enjoy it ❤️! I Hope you don’t mind the sprinkle of angst in the second ask.😅

I was thinking Ray at first, but I ended up going with Mr smooth, since Ray is too predictable after Nap.

Edgar is known among the red army officers as the person who will make you feel safe, especially during your first encounters with them, before you find out they’re all dorks.  What he doesn’t expect is how at home he feels when the two of you are together. He never feels like he’s being judged when he’s around you and he lets himself go, despite the indoctrination by Claudius that he should always keep people at a distance to avoid being viewed as weak.

Not long after the two of you met, he decides to take you out along with Kyle for a drink, to help you get more accustomed to Cradle and its people. When you realize how much Kyle loves to drink, you follow suite, the two of you very quickly getting tipsy. Edgar laughs at the two of you for a bit, happy to see a new side of you as you allow yourself to grow more comfortable with them. Eventually he leads the two of you outside of the pub and arranges for a carriage to take you all back to headquarters, trying his hardest to tame the both of you.

He absolutely loves it when you sing to him, especially after a particularly hard day of work. He relaxes at the sound of your voice, often drifting off. It touches him more than he would like to admit when he finds you’re still there when he wakes up.

You are a light in his life and he wants to give back in kind, often dedicating his days off entirely to you. He loves giving you gifts, or surprising you with a romantic dinner to show his appreciation to you, for being there and understanding him.

While he doesn’t have the creativity to participate in most of your hobbies, he loves to watch you do it. The amount of passion you show for your art, the way your eyes light up when you’re working, is a picture perfect moment that he could look at for hours.

Prompt 4: Meet cute:

You couldn’t stop fidgeting as you stood outside the Red Army Headquarters, waiting for Kyle to fetch someone to help you. After you told him about burglars breaking into your house he insisted he get one of the officers to help you, despite you doubts. It was hard not to worry as you considered the prospect of having to turn to Jonah for help, knowing how hard he could be to communicate with, capable officer or not.  

When Kyle finally emerged, it wasn’t Jonah walking next to him, but a man you didn’t recognize.  

“Sorry for the wait. He’s not easy to find.” The man stood a few heads higher than you but his softer features and aura helped to make him quite welcoming. You begun to relax at his presence, wondering if he was as smooth as he seemed.

“Edgar Bright, at your service.” He offered you a gloved hand, a soft smile playing on his lips. His grip was soft but secure. He was smooth.

“Kyle filled me on the details but I’ll need a statement from you as well.” You tensed up, the idea of an interrogation being especially daunting considering you didn’t know much more than they did.

“No need to worry, it’s simply protocol. You can trust we will find whoever did this without any turbulence.” There was something very reassuring about him. Something that makes you think everything will be all right.

“Thank you.”

 The two of you left Kyle behind, retreating to Edar’s room to discuss the details of the investigation. After he poured two cups of tea he took the seat opposite you, as if the two of you were about to chat about the weather.

“Could you give me the details of what happened? It would be very helpful to hear it straight from the source.” You took a sip before starting with your statement, hoping to calm your nerves.

“I don’t know much more than you do. I was out for work most of the day and when I came back the place was a mess and many valuables were missing.” he seemed to have switched to work mode, completely focused on you.

“What time did you leave for work that day? And when did you return” he scribbled down on a piece of paper, his hand practically moving on its own.

“I left around 8 and came back around 6, I think.” When he put the pen down his attitude returned to relaxed gentleman status.

“I will start with asking the people who might have been present at the scene. I’ll get back to you once I’ve made some progress.” The conversation was over but you found it hard to leave. It didn’t feel right letting one man do the investigation on his own, despite it being his job. It was your house that had been rambled after all.

“I want to help as well. I know my way around the area, I can get in touch with some people.” His eyes widened, seemingly taken aback for the first time that day. He quickly composed himself, smiling again. You noticed something different about it now. Something in his expression told you he was more interested than before.

“I wouldn’t say no to a lady.” You smiled for the first time after the incident.

“Let’s get going then.”

 Prompt 10: Admission Of Feelings.

You continued working on the investigation for the next few weeks, the two of you growing closer by the day.

“There don’t seem to be any witnesses, but it’s unlikely no one was present. The break in happened in the middle of the day.” He rested his head on his chin, not touching the parfait sitting in front of him.

“Maybe they were there but didn’t notice anything. It’s not hard for a professional to pick a lock discreetly.” They two of you sat in silence for some time, both lost in your own theories of what happened that day.

He must have realized your worries, turning on his comfort face.

“We’ll find them. Don’t worry.” Usually you found his words comforting, but you couldn’t keep the frustration from your voice when you looked up at him.

“Realistically speaking, it’s probably not going to happen. They made a clean escape and left nothing behind. You don’t need to baby me, I can put two and two together.” Despite the harshness of your tone, you found him smiling, after the initial surprise wore off.

“You never cease to amaze me.” He opened his mouth to say something, but the words never left him, his eyes turning to the window. He was up and out of the café before you could ask what he had seen.

“What the-“when you looked in the direction of the culprit, you shot up, following after him.  

A man stood outside your door, seemingly fighting with the door. When he noticed the two of you approaching him, he dropped his bags, taking off before you could reach him.

“Stop!” Edgar run after him, his speed taking you by surprise, making it hard to catch up.

The man took a sudden turn, heading towards the narrow alleys of Central Quarter, giving you an important disadvantage in the chase.

Your legs ached and your heart was threatening to burst out of your chest. When you thought you couldn’t keep going, you rounded a corner to find Edgar, sitting on top of the man, pinning him in place. If he was tired from the chase, it didn’t show.

“I suppose I don’t need to ask if it was you who broke in a few weeks ago?” his gaze was cold and his grip was tight on the man’s shoulders.

“I- I just- I-it wasn’t me!” Edgar ignored him, turning towards you. Something flickered in his eyes, but loud footsteps coming your way didn’t let him act on whatever it was.

“The Jack? Sir, what happened? We heard the commotion and came to investigate.” A handful of Red Army soldiers stood in front of you, their eyes switching between Edgar and the man under him.  

“Take this man back to headquarters. I will interrogate him later.” Edgar pulled the man up, pinning his hands behind his back.

“Yes sir!” when the men led the thief away there was silence. Edgar’ kept his head low, not looking you in the eye as he tried to calm his breathing, the adrenaline of the chase slowly fading away. You knew you should be happy the man had been caught, but something was wrong in the atmosphere. You weren’t sure if you should speak up, or let him ride whatever it was out. He didn’t give you time to think on it, finally walking toward you. His hands were shaking when he reached out to touch your shoulders, a mixture of frustration and worry in his eyes.

“You…. Why…” you weren’t sure what to say, so you put your arms around him instead, hoping it would offer him some comfort. You stayed like that for some time, until his hands stopped shaking.

“I didn’t want you to see me like this.” His words were muffled by the fabric of your shirt. When he lifted his head again, something inside him seemed to snap.

“You shouldn’t have followed me. What if something happened? You could have gotten hurt.” He looked away, his eyes shut tight. You wondered what image was going through his head to cause him so much pain. You cupped his face, forcing him to face you.

“Edgar, look at me.” And he did. The sight of you seemed to calm him down.

“Nothing’s going to happen to me. I’m right here.” It took some time for the words to register, but when they did his face moved closer to you. You encouraged him, pulling him closer, your lips connected in a brief kiss. When he pulled away he took a step back, as if scared he had hurt you.

“I-I’m sorry.” You moved closer, smiling up at him.

“There’s nothing to apologize for. Except maybe pulling away.” You laughed. When he realized you might feel the same way he took your hands in his.

“You’re an amazing woman.” He paused to gather his breath before meeting your gaze again.

“If the thought wouldn’t be appalling, could I see more of you, outside of work?” you couldn’t keep the laughter inside.

“Appalling? Edgar, do you think I would kiss someone I find appalling?” you pulled him back in, hoping to get your point across.

“I’ll never get enough of this.” His smile was brighter than you’d ever seen it.

“I’ll hold you to that. Because we’re just getting started.” The moon was bright above you as you laughed, your happiness overflowing.

[ma-gic-gay]

Death had always been a finite concept. For both of them, presumably, but especially for Carly. Death was something she had to deal with far too regularly for her tastes (comes with the territory when you have a habit of marrying mobsters), despite her hatred of it.

Shootings, she could handle. And did, shockingly well. Despite the fact she couldn't handle being in a stable situation for more than a day, she was great in a crisis.

Of course, the fact she had Jason there was helpful. She felt unsafe, she called him and it was like she had her own personal body guard. It was, in a very strange way, nice to know he wouldn't hesitate to kill for her and has done it repeatedly in the past.

The deaths of the people who tried to kill her (or him, especially him- she prayed those bastards got the worst treatment they could) were the only ones she could handle.

It's a bit ironic she got killed from a shooting, three hours and twenty three minutes after Jason died, in a weird way. She always said she'd kill for him (realistically she knew he'd lose his shit if she ever did that because he's overprotective and hasn't taught her how to use a gun), and that's exactly what she did. He got shot right in front of her, she grabbed his gun while he was yelling at her not to and shot the person.

Slight problem though, she too got shot. Whoopsie daisies.

Getting shot fucking hurt. She was in and out of consciousness when she was at the hospital and no one would tell her about Jason's condition. They were married, for fuck's sakes, why the fuck wasn't anyone telling her how her husband was doing?!

Eventually, someone (probably Monica, she can't remember) told her he was dead. They got to him too late, they said, he'd been doa and their best efforts hadn't revived him.

After hearing that, she couldn't live with herself. He got shot because Vince was trying to shoot her and off he went to be her hero and make everything okay and he got killed. One phone call and he was at the Metro Court, hanging out with her and keeping watch when he noticed Vince in the parking lot and went out there to confront him. Vince pointed a gun at Carly and, of course, since Jason's a self sacrificing person, he died.

Which meant she was directly responsible for his death and that rocked her to her very core. She'd failed him. After twenty five years, she failed him. Even he'd have to admit this one. There was no spin on this (and she'd heard some strange ones over the years) for how she'd be able to live with herself after she failed him. It wasn't like she'd done something stupid, no, she got him killed. Carly knew he'd do something, especially since Vince was a dick, and she told him. Did he deserve to know? Yes. But only after she'd reassured his overprotective streak she'd be fine and he didn't have to kill anyone else for her.

According to something she'd heard from the doctors, in whatever fucking limbo this was, Carly had died of a heart attack. Likely brought on by stress. Bullets were fine but hearing of Jason's death killed her.

Yup, makes sense. Well, she'll be able to apologize for all of eternity once she gets to wherever she's going. Even after he forgives her (which, she's being honest, will happen as soon as they see each other), she's going to apologize and apologize.

Ooh, she gets to see Sonny and Morgan too! Her son and husband and best friend for all of eternity. What could be better?

There's something that vaguely looks like an angel and she notices it drags her up. Huh, guess she's going to heaven. Makes sense, Carly's a fairly good person. She's not a terrible one.

Except when she gets there she only finds Morgan and Courtney (Courtney, oh how she missed her), no Jason anywhere. Where the hell was he? Avoiding a party, probably. She has got to get him to go out more, especially now that nothing can probably happen. What are the rules of death?

"Where's Jason?" Carly asks after greeting the pair. They stare blankly until she asks again, "Where is he? He's here, right? I was told he's dead!"

Courtney's the first one to be stunned out of her shock. "Carly, he, um, didn't make the cut."

"For what? Give me that list, I'm adding his name at the very top. Where the fuck is he?" She exclaims. He's here, he's got to be here.

"You're aware of his job, right?" Is she aware of his job, of course she is!

"Yes, Courtney, it's why we got married. Where the hell is he? Or Sonny, or Mike!"

"Mike's taking a nap and Sonny's not dead." What?! "Or, if he is, he didn't make the cut either." Didn't make the cut for what? Carly will scheme, steal, seduce, lie and cheat go get those two up here with her, where the fuck are they?

"Because of Jason's job and the amount of people he killed, he didn't make the cut to heaven. He's in hell." Is it possible to die twice? She might just do that. He's in hell, which is a place for bad people! Her hero is in hell.

She's gonna kill someone. "I'm not perfect! None of us are perfect, I killed someone! Why the hell aren't we down there? He died defending me!"

"Shocking," Morgan says dryly. "Jason killed people for a living. He was a mobster."

"And I'm an accessory to all of that! I lead the mob for a week or two!" Carly exclaims. "He's a good person, we know that."

"We're not in charge of the decisions, Carly," Courtney attempts to comfort her best friend. It's a nice attempt. "That's for people with a lot more clout than us. If it was up to either of us, I promise he'd be here but you'll never see him again."

Never see him again? Oh hell no. "Is there any way to get sent down to hell with him?" This is impulsive and reckless and Jason wouldn't encourage it but she's got less care. She needs to see her best friend again, goddammit."Some paperwork I can file, some people's husband's I can seduce?"

"Someone can submit you for reevaluation."

"Great! Is Emily here?" Emily hates her, she'll surely want to help!

"Somewhere, yeah. Why?"

"Emily hates me. Can't blame her. Anyways, look, I want to help her write my reevaluation. I've ruined a lot of lives."

"Which Jason has always helped you feel better about."

"That's because he's my best friend, Morgan."

The next few weeks are spent making sure every single one of her transgressions is on the list and resubmitting her,,, whatever the hell it's called, Emily never gave details.

So it's really not a surprise when she's dragged down to hell by some gross creature, waving goodbye to her son and Courtney and sister in law (that's a weird thing to think about).

And when she gets there, it's just like a darker version of heaven. It's the same fucking place (away from the fire), just more her color palette. Weird.

"Excuse me, where's Jason Morgan?" She asks the creature who dragged her down here. "I was informed he'd be down here."

A shrug is all she gets in response. Well then, she's able to roll with the punches and searches up and down for him, eventually finding him in a room without decorations or anything but basic necessities.

She's got some decorating on her hands.

Carly walks right through the half opened door (he really didn't lock it? Weirdo) and gets the response of, "Get out."

"Don't expect me to start knocking just because we're dead," she quips, a smile on her face. Knocking is overrated. He looks normal and as he registers what's going on, he gets all squinty.

Once he actually realizes it's her, she's already half attacked him in a hug that he reciprocates. "What the fuck are you doing here?"

"Little bit of bargaining, Emily's assistance and voila! You'd be amazed at how many bad things I've done. Everyone sends their love, of course. Are there any stores down here? This room is so boring," she changes the subject.

"No, I mean why are you dead? You're supposed to be alive."

"I died three hours and twenty three minutes after you. Heart attack. Monica told me about you dying. No one else would." That was a very bad time when he was dead and she wasn't.

"Does this mean-"

"No, you are not responsible for my death. If anything, I'm responsible for yours. I'm sorry, more than you'll ever know," Carly tells him, eyes welling up with tears.

"You're not responsible. I got shot. It happens." Way too nonchalant for death.

"Because you were defending me, like always. Seriously, take a nice vacation off of that and start using your survival instincts. I don't have Emily to help me this time if I need to transfer afterlives."

"I was defending the business."

"Bullshit. I told you Vince threatened me and you already planned to kill him. You saw your opportunity and instead of shooting him, you got shot and died. This is my fault, 100%, and I will not let you make me feel better about this. You could've patched things up with Britt, hung out with a bunch of people but no, you had to die protecting me. Take a week off of being my hero, please."

"I'm not going to do that. The last time I thought about it, you took over the business."

"Well I can't just ask you to forgive me, so take a day off."

"You'll get kidnapped. And I don't hold you responsible because it was my choice to defend you and my choice to want to kill Vince."

"You're overprotective and it's nice but not when it kills you."

"You spent twenty five years running off every woman in my life because you were convinced they'd hurt me, you hated a ton of people because they did something to me and you almost committed several felonies. And I'm overprotective," he rolls his eyes.

"Not the point, first off and second, you've killed and kidnapped for me. In a very fucked up way, it's sweet. And you totally ran off the men in my life!"

"How did I do that?"

"By being the only person I can depend on. I don't know, look, they've all- except for Sonny, most of the time- hated you because you intimidated them. So you did the same thing, just not on purpose."

"Then it's not the same thing."

"How did we get so off topic? I'm sorry for being the reason you're dead. Do you forgive me?" Strange sentences.

"You're not why I'm dead, I made that choice-"

"You chose to die?"

"I meant the choice to jump in front of you."

"Which was instinctual, you've always protected me."

"Might have to do that even more down here. There's some real creeps."

"I really don't think they'll care that much. But okay."

"Vince is here."

"No revenge."

"He killed you and I'm just supposed to sit here and ignore that he did that?!"

"Maybe we can talk this all out."

"Carly, what part of this aren't you understanding? He killed you. I hurt him, that's how this works, so he knows better than to mess with you."

"Or we could go shop for decor. I'll pick out nice stuff, come on let's go!"

"I'm not going shopping. I'm planning revenge."

"It'll be safer if you're there with me."

"I hate it when you're right."

"Love you too."

"Love you."

The end fuckers :)

oh it's beautiful. thank you for this