on the "i was born into this, but i was never supposed to belong here" train of thought, everytime i think allaros would make a pretty decent qunari while having him dating the iron bull, it irreversibly alters my brain chemistry.
bull had to leave because he tried to fit in so much to the best of his abilities, but even with his endless loyalty something was always off. bull sees allaros, and there's this devotion to the role and to people that goes before anything personal, the strict order of things and restraint in smallest details. it's about bas like him, and cassandra, and madame de fer, they've achieved that outside the qun even though the qun promised it's impossible.
bull says, hey, vivienne, hey, cassandra, you would make a pretty decent qunari, hey, are you sure you're not, maybe, just a little bit tamassran, ma'am? bull sees allaros and thinks, hey, maybe the south isn't going just straight to crap with that hole in the sky as fast as i thought. he thinks, maybe i can respect that, exactly because allaros can be judged by the qun's standards.
the iron bull sees allaros, and they're different.
allaros is the reminder of what bull let himself overlook in himself to create a convincing mask. bull starts to respect him, but this is why allaros is the reminder of that if bull doesn't clearly separate what his role is and who he actually is, it would show how far away he's strayed. so bull has to remember that pleasures he found in the south aren't his to enjoy, that he isn't the iron bull.
allaros is the reminder that he is hissrad.
and if bas could be like that without the qun, what does it say about the qun. and if bas could be like that without the qun, what did bull fail to do.
and if bas like the inquisitor or madame de fer have ended up under the qun, he knows the simple truth about the invasion he learned years ago. that the qun is the good idea, but it would shed blood of so many he doesn't want to see that. they would be great qunari, but they would have to show it by taking stitches and serving their arvaad. there's no real place for them under the qun, and in this conclusion bull strayed so, so far away.
and then this very person gives an order a good qunari would disobey, and bull simply does not, and he's declared tal-vashoth. this very reminder in a form of an elf thinks it was a good decision, even though he has no reason to, because these men aren't even his to care about. his reminder puts a few before the duty and alliances, and so does bull.
his reminder of what the good qunari leader looks like is suddenly very bas. it's always been that way, lavellan has never stopped being bas in bas society.
bull is a qunari in the alien land of bas, and it's always has been that way. suddenly, it's much more lonely because in a similarity lies an understanding, but that bas would ever be able to understand him is just another illusion he let himself be amused by.
earlier that would serve to get him in line, now it gnaws on the empty space in his chest.
allaros now is a reminder of an unmeasurable gap between bull and home that understands him, but the one he will never be able to reach again.
then, bull finds out that allaros also always was doomed to not belong. neither to his clan, as much as they care for each other, there's nothing but damage and guilt, nor to his homeland because he loathes orlais. and he would never be a good qunari.
for both of them, their home had no place for them to fit in.
and then, there's understanding.
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