#but this is ridiculous i am SICK of road trips and we got two 14 hour trips this summer fml

[verystressedcollegestudent]

god ive just completely wasted the last two months of my life haven't i 🙃

[katofdiamonds]

[TW: Saying goodbye]

48 hrs ago, we spent some time outside together for the last time. This morning, we had to say good bye. Today has hurt so much. Her imprint is everywhere and I know it will be with me always. It’s just a lot right now. I am thankful that she’s no longer in pain. She was barely herself these last 24hrs. This summer she would have been 15 and her kidneys just didn’t have it in them. Friday through Saturday I knew something was wrong and when she stopped purring yesterday, I think deep down I knew though I tried to convince myself otherwise. I’m so thankful that my father was there to help me in saying goodbye and I didn’t have to go through this morning with a stranger.

She was a goofball. She was spunky. And she was basically always by my side, many times literally.

There are pictures in this of her as cosplay supervisor on her red pillow I made, outside plotting to see if her harness would let her eat grass, and waking up from a nap because she’s dead weight cuddling on my hip.

Here are some way I already miss her.

I miss her waking me up via the dead-weight method.

I miss her waking me up via crunching paper, ruffling plastic, or cardboard box hitting when the first way failed.

I’ll miss waking up to her between my legs or behind my knees still soundly sleeping and looking betrayed at it being time to wake up.

I’ll miss her groggy look of betrayal whenever I was the one to end our cuddles first.

I’ll miss her coming to check on me every hour past midnight I’m still streaming asking when I’ll be coming to bed for bedtime cuddles.

I’ll miss her casually walking past the craft table as I past hours there like she’s not coming to check on me.

I’ll miss her sitting on my fabric in the middle of my floor when I’m trying to cut out patterns.

I’ll miss her zoomies and seeing ghosts.

I’ll miss her chitter noise at birds or squirrels out the window.

I’ll miss her waiting by the door for me to come home from either a shift at work or home from traveling.

I’ll miss her welcome head boop and then equivalent amount of hrs of shunning to the days I’ve been gone.

I’ll miss that first curl up in my lap telling me I’ve been forgiven for being gone.

I’ll miss her hoping onto the bed when I haven’t finished putting new sheets on.

I’ll miss her following me from room to room if not for cuddles but to just keep an eye on me.

I’ll miss her coming to give me cuddles when I’m sad or sick.

I’ll miss knowing exactly how, where, and when she wanted pets, skritches, and affection.

I’ll miss her comforting purrs and weight curled next to my chest at night.

I’ll miss her kitten green eyes that never truly yellowed out in her nearly 15yrs of life.

I’ll miss the way I could tell how much we were bonded through those eyes and through the love languages we developed.

I’ll just miss her❣️

14 years my companion. 14 years of helping me grow and growing with me through adventures 💖

Kona was rescued from a grocery car park in 2006 and I will forever be grateful to Casey for bringing her into my life. I remember Kona’s affection hidden away in the dorm closet and calling my dad to ask how to tell if a cat was pregnant. I remember thinking of adopting one of her kittens but Kona and I choosing each other instead.

14 yrs of moving between uni places and also moving out to Nashville with me. She travelled so well. That road trip to Nashville took two days with no true breaks and yet she crossed her paws and never made it difficult. I remember the nervous ridiculousness of giving her kitteh relaxant when we had to fly home to Colorado suddenly due to my car accident. I remember her reluctance to living with other pets and how much patience it took to cohabitate with other pets and how many times I picked “only childhood” because it was better for her even if it meant not living with friends. I am a cat lady to my core and I want all the cats but she was a street rescue and the importance of weighing her happiness against my whims forever changed me.

We moved back in with Auntie Amy for a couple years who has known her since our years at uni together and our first roommating adventures. I’m so thankful for Amy and her Kona updates on top of taking care of her while I traveled. Our loving teasing when Kona wanted to go outside but it was snowing and when she was temporarily renamed Donut a couple times due to the very few health issues she ever had.

Kona was so weird. She was as obsessed with trying to steal Spicy Nacho Doritos from me. She never reacted to catnip BUT would roll around in my wet bathing suits and towels and try to suck on my hair if it was wet with chlorine; that weird chlorine over catnip quirk was just one example of why we were a perfect pair. How many cats chase their tails on a semi-regular basis? She never played with “cat toys” other than the “red dot” but would play with hair ties, socks, sparkley craft puff balls, a random hoodie tie, and pattern paper cut free from the pattern; her toy preferences were upcycled.

She was also freaking beautiful. Her kitten green eyes stayed green until the end. She mostly didn’t like me taking her picture but obviously if it was during cuddle time, it was tolerated. I have so many pictures of her sleeping, it’s be creepy if it wasn’t completely understandable that I am a crazy cat lady. She also never left me alone for long. When living with roommates, if she wasn’t cuddling, she would position herself in a room to watch over us all. She could be grumpy towards other people as she didn’t want to share me but for the last few years, she would greet people at the door with a leg rub before coming back to be by my side. But still, unless I was gone traveling or visiting friends over night, she would have been by my side if not on me. She’d sleep on my chest as I edited YouTube videos or did homework. In the last few years she would look at me expecting to have one leg to herself if my laptop needed the other. As I got into cosplay, #helpercat was born. When I spent hours reading, purring would often be the soundtrack. On my side or by my side or sleeping with my arm claimed as hers, a piece of my soul will always me hers as for 14 years she was my most constant companion.

My heart is broken, my arms are empty. I know I will grieve and heal but I’ll love you forever, Kona.

[ratmonologue]

you knew it was coming aLL OF THEM

*darth vader voice* NOOOOOOOOO

1. Favorite action film? Does Raiders of the Lost Ark count as action? If so that2. What movie(s) could you watch over and over and not get tired of? JURASSIC PARK I’ve watched it about a trillion times by now and the soundtrack’s been stuck in my head for like a month straight and even now I’m kinda like “hey I should watch it YET AGAIN”3. Any old school favorites (pre-70s)? I don’t even remember how many pre-70s movies I’ve seen I’m so sorry Belle I know I’m a disappointment to you4. Top 5 directors? Idek if I can name five directors lmao5. Favorite dead actor/actress? Alan Rickman was pretty great

6. Favorite movie from the 90’s? JURASSIC PARK (apologies in advance for how many times I’m going to answer that)7. Ever been/are you such a hardcore fan of an actor actress you watched/will watch any movie they were/will be in? I tried with Harrison Ford a few years back. Watched a handful of movies but didn’t even come close to all of his. I watched a bunch of things solely because Richard Armitage was in them. And as soon I find Diego Luna’s spanish movies with subtitles I’m watching those8. What movie are you looking forward to coming out the most? THE LAST JEDI9. Pixar or Dreamworks? I like both but am not a diehard fan of either?10. Favorite animated movie? Disney’s Atlantis11. Favorite musical? …I’m gonna be controversial here and say the 2004 Phantom of the Opera movie because it was my introduction to the wonderful world of musicals in general so... Ooh or does Dr. Horrible count?12. Are you against book-to-movie adaptations? In theory I’m all for them. It’s just that in practice they’re rarely good.13. Your guilty pleasure movie(s)? The Outsiders. It’s not very good (like, at all) but everyone’s just so pretty (and now younger than me… yikes)14. Robin Williams or Eddie Murphy? Robin Williams15. Favorite chick flick? Legally Blonde and/or She’s The Man. I don’t really watch chick flicks so those are the only ones I can really think of16. Ever watched a movie just because you heard the effects were awesome? No17. Favorite indie film? I don’t even know honestly18. Favorite movie heroine? Princess Leia, Marion Ravenwood, probably others that I can’t think of rn19. Favorite movie action hero? Indiana Jones obviously20. Ever read a book so you could understand the movie? Not to understand the movie, no, but I’ve read books after seeing the movie because I enjoyed it and wanted to know more, because movies always leave things out.21. Favorite kids movie? Atlantis, Mulan, why is my brain malfunctioning there are many more…. OH and I loved the first two Ice Age movies22. Favorite Disney movie? see previous question23. Favorite movie soundtrack? JURASSIC PARK. Also the Lord of the Rings trilogy24. Movie that makes you cry every time? Serenity, Rogue One, and LotR: Return of the King25. VHS, DVD, or Blu-ray? We only have a DVD player out of those so26. Best experience going to the movies? I have two. One was when my friend Nicole and I went to the opening night of the first Hobbit movie, and while the movie itself was… kind of a disappointment, to put it mildly, we had a great time poking sleep-deprived fun at it and attempting to sing Thorin’s ridiculous bass notes (I was sick so I could actually kind of do it). The other was Rogue One; I was… not in the best emotional state going into that, or coming out of it for that matter (can I really call it a “best” experience if I sobbed my way through the last 40 minutes? discuss) but at the same time you know how when a movie or character comes along at the exact right moment in your life? Yeah. That.27. Top 5 actors? Currently Harrison Ford, Richard Armitage, Diego Luna, Nathan Fillion, Hugh Laurie28. Top 5 actresses? (It’s a testament to the fact that most movies are very gender-imbalanced that I’m having a much harder time thinking of actresses than actors) Daisy Ridley, Catherine Tate, Carrie Fisher, Lauren Lopez, Kate Winslet?29. Movie you completely regret seeing? Trainspotting was… strange. And very very TMI. There was also this German movie about a restaurant owner’s misadventures that was just no get this away from me this is cringey and gross and also just utter nonsense. I think I liveblogged it on the OT actually. I had to keep pausing and watching it in small chunks because I just couldn’t handle the terribleness all at once.30. Movie you wish was never made? That German movie. Most sequels and remakes (none of the German movie exist though, thank god).31. Movie your parent showed you? My mom showed us The Great Race, a 60s comedy about an automobile race (I’m imagining that in Tony Curtis’s voice, heh) around the world, and it’s wacko and completely amazing. On the other side of the coin, my dad let me watch Bladerunner when I was way too young for it…32. Last movie you watched? Probably Rogue One33. An overrated movie? Groundhog Day. It was so stupid34. An underrated movie? Atlantis. It’s one of the least-well-known Disney movies, which is crazy because it’s completely amazing35. Favorite comedy movie? SPACEBALLS36. Movie quote you live by? Now I’m just thinking of Spaceballs quotes. None of those are particularly good life advice…37. Movie quote that will always make you laugh? The “everything that happens now, is happening now” “go back to then!” “when? now?” “now!” “I can’t” “why” “we missed it” “when” “just now.” “……when will then be now?” “SOON.” exchange from Spaceballs is PURE GOLD38. Film(s) you’ve watched on a date? Jurassic World. The movie sucked, but the date was fun. There was also one about a recovering heroin addict and his pet cat, which I should have taken as a sign that the dude I was with was not a good match for me. There were also plenty of movie/tv-show ‘dates’ outside of movie theaters.39. Favorite cult film? I don’t think it’s well-known enough to count as a cult film as such but it was on Mystery Science Theater 3000, so…. Teenagers From Outer Space, made in the fifties on an approximately $20 budget with no actual teenage actors. It’s…. it’s an experience in so-bad-it’s-good-ness. Cannot recommend highly enough.40. Directors you’d like to see work together? I don’t pay attention to these things I’m sorry I don’t know41. Actors you’d like to see work together? Everyone from the BBC already has worked together42. Films you wanted to watch, but never got around to watching? Pretty much any so-called classic film you can think of43. Favorite teen movie? It was more elementary school than teen, but The Lizzie McGuire Movie was pretty iconic. (Also I’ve seen a grand total of, like, three “teen movies” so)44. Top 5 favorite films? Raiders of the Lost Ark, Jurassic Park, LotR: Return of the King, can I count the entire Star Wars series as one, and Spaceballs. Such a wide repertoire I know45. Favorite superhero film? Uh….. Thor? Maybe….? That’s solely because of Hemsworth’s and Hiddleston’s faces though. Maybe Guardians of the Galaxy?46. Favorite cop film? The Fugitive isn’t a cop movie but Tommy Lee Jones was a great cop in it so that? (I can’t even think of any cop movies I’m sorry)47. Favorite road trip film? The Great Race, simply because it’s also the only one I can think of48. A disappointing film from your favorite actor? Diego Luna was not exactly a main character in Elysium but I still watched it solely because of him and then his extremely underdeveloped character was killed off halfway through to motivate Matt Damon and basically that movie was a dumpster fire. But, like, a really boring dumpster fire. I think I’d rather watch a literal dumpster fire, actually….49. A disappointing film from your favorite director? I wouldn’t say Peter Jackson is my favorite director my any means, but LotR was amazing and then The Hobbit movies happened and just… why…… why would you do this…..50. The first movie you ever remember watching in theaters? I don’t remember. Maybe one of the Ice Age movies?51. A movie that was better than the book? I wouldn’t say Jurassic Park was better than the book because it left out so much cool stuff, but I did actually like many of the changes they made. And I also saw it before reading the book so that probably helped my opinion of it quite a bit.52. Vin Diesel or Bruce Willis? Vin Diesel was the Iron Giant and Groot so him53. A movie that not many have heard of that you’ve seen? Nobody I know has heard of Teenagers From Outer Space. (How did I hear of it, you might ask? It was on tv at three in the morning and I was really really bored that night)54. A movie that changed the way you view the world? The LotR trilogy certainly changed the way I view New Zealand. I wanna go there.55. Favorite sci-fi movie? I know Star Wars is more space opera than actual sci-fi but I’m answering that anyway.56. Movie you completely nerd-out over every time it’s mentioned? Really any of my faves57. Movie that you’ve seen all the behind-the-scenes action for? Not all because there’s so damn much of it, but I’ve definitely watched a majority of the LotR behind the scenes stuff.58. Movie where your favorite actor was the only good part? Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights was absolutely AWFUL and I enjoyed it immensely, because tiny Diego Luna dancing and being otherwise adorable. That being said he was the only one that knew remotely what acting even was and the parts when he wasn’t onscreen were just… really bad. The script was also awful, but at least it was unpredictable (because it made no sense). At least it was the entertaining kind of dumpster fire.59. Movie from an actor you hate that was better than you expected? First I need to think of an actor I hate….60. Most visually stunning movie you’ve seen? LotR was just beginning-to-end scenery porn.61. A movie your parents introduced you to? Didn’t I already answer this62. Favorite genre? “Soft” sci-fi and/or space opera is usually a good bet. Alternately, anything at all involving archaeology. And if you combine them I’ll love you forever.63. Least favorite genre? Romance. I’d like an actual plot, please64. Comedy movie that you didn’t find funny? Most of the ones I’ve seen tbh65. Horror movie that didn’t scare you? Also most of them, but I rarely watch horror66. Favorite remake of an old movie? I can’t actually think of any where I’ve seen both the original and the remake67. A movie that started a passion for you? Jurassic Park. My dinosaur phase lasted into high school….68. A movie that sparked an interesting conversation? Also most of my faves. Though whether those conversations were interesting for the other person too remains up for debate.69. The main movie you remember from your childhood? Star Wars: A New Hope70. The first movie you saw on it’s opening night? The first Hobbit movie71. A move that made you ache for love. ? Is this asking for a movie that hurt because I loved it so much, or a movie that made me want to find love in my real life, or…? (I guess Rogue One for both? It was painful af and I really want a Cassian, so)

[winstonhcomedy]

How’d Winston Do This Weekend? 10/12-10/14

WHATTTTT A SWEET DELICIOUS DADDY OF A WEEKEND! I had a show each night. Two booked and one open mic. I love weekends where I am working. This coming weekend I’m off because of a wedding, but then after that it is back to work!!!

Let’s start with Friday night. I figured I was in town so I might as well head down to Slyderz in Richmond. This room on Friday night’s is run by Lynn Painter, who used to run a show at Cary 100 on Wednesdays. It’s an urban room with dope staff, and killer wings and sliders. I got there at around 7:15 and only other person there was the bartender. 

I ended up ordering the dry rub wings and they were absolutely delicious! I am a wing boy. I love chicken wings. This was like the 5th time in 7 days where my dinner was chicken wings. I am going to die young, but I will have a huge smile in the casket with sweet buffalo sauce and lemon pepper running through my veins.

Lynn showed up around 7:50 and started to set up. We caught up a bit, and shot the shit until a couple other comics showed up. Chris St. John and Moe Singleton. Both newer comics who are out here grinding at shows. Chris had a ukulele with him and was also carrying a copy of the book Psycho Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz. It’s basically a self help book written by a plastic surgeon. I know nothing about it other than it sounds like it would be some of the most superficial wack ass shit of all time, but Chris swears by it. 

Turns out he set some of the groundwork for a lot of modern self-help books and workshops. It’s all about getting a positive outcome through visualization. So sounds pretty interesting, but honestly I’ve never been into self-help stuff. It always feels like common sense with fancy wrapping paper and a price tag on it. But if it works for you laydees more power to you. I am definitely a proponent of self-fulfilling prophecy so I don’t have too much room to talk.

At this point it starts to look like nobody is going to show up. It is after 8 (the start time) and we have a limited number of comics and no audience, but then they started to come in. When the show started we ended up with about 11 ppl there, so we were ready to get it on the road.

Lynn went first and was performing with hip-hop music playing super loudly behind him. He did a good job of making sure the audience was done ordering, and eating by the time he brought the first comic up which is always appreciated.

The first comic up was Moe. The best part is Moe had been waiting like 35 minutes for his wings to get there. As soon as his wings arrive and he takes his first bite Lynn yell’s, “give it up for MOE SINGLETON!” 

That is one of the great fears as a comedian. That your sweet, delicious, precious, dripping with sauce wings will arrive as soon as you’re called on stage. 

So Moe is up there doing his material with Asian Zing sauce on his hands an the has an ok set. A lot of stuff doesn’t work but he has some stuff that does. There is one lady in the audience who is throwing shade the entire set. Just side comments and being salty during the set. The highlight of which was Moe closing super strong doing his best joke, and people start clapping. She responds by saying, “y’all really gonna clap for that? Ok then.” Which honestly absolutely destroyed me. 

I am up second and I decide that Im going to have to get control of this crowd. So I start my set by talking to “the mean lady”. Just busting her balls by asking her why she had to be so mean to Moe. That we are all following our dreams and she’s just ruining them, and it was killing. It was a super fun set. I ask her what her name is and she avoids the question multiple times by shoveling fries in her mouth which was absolutely hilarious to me. This goes on for like 5 minutes and I get other people involved and it turned out into being a super fun set.

Honestly those are the best and most fun ways to handle a heckler. It was addressed to the point where she apologized to Moe but nothing was said that was so mean that she’d feel offended and walked out. She was laughing and having a super fun time as well. 

After getting control of the room I did about 2 new jokes and they both worked really well. They were both race jokes, and I like gauging an all black crowd to make sure that what I'm saying makes sense and isn’t ridiculous and offensive. 

I’d give this set about an A-. I felt really good about it, and it was definitely the best set of work week. It put me in a good mood for the two booked shows I had the rest of the weekend.  Definitely a dope start to the weekend.

Saturday I had a super chill and relaxing day which was nice. I almost completely forgot I was booked at The Push comedy theatre in Norfolk VA. I was supposed to be on the showcase, but regular host/comic Hatton Jordan was under the weather and needed someone to host and zaddy needs the money so I agreed. 

They had several dropouts so I had to snag a comic to ride with. I figured I’d pick a newer comic who could use the experience, so I guilted Rick Williams to skip his hockey game to ride with me.

We headed down, and had a super good conversation about comedy, Richmond, goals, aspirations, and just bad show stories. So it made the 2+ hour trip go by super fast.

We get there a little early and decide to look for a bite to eat. We find this hole in the wall taco bar called Sanctuary. It is sketchy looking af. It is down an alley, it has a flickering light overhead and absolutely no way to see inside or out. 

We go in and we are in this super narrow but dope spot. There is two tables and then the rest of the building is a bar that runs all the way back to the kitchen.  There is like pop/punk art on the wall, and they’re playing some rocking tunes over the speakers and running music videos that don’t match the songs on the televisions. It is like we are in a refurbished lane from a shooting range it is so narrow.

The tacos were delicious and the bartender was super nice. This will definitely be my spot to eat whenever I'm invited back to The Push.

We go over and check out part of the show going on before us. It is an improv theatre so they’re doing an improvised Halloween show to a nearly sold out crowd. The audience is loving it even if Improv isn’t my cup of tea. We watch for about thirty minutes and decide to head to the lobby to get ready for the show.Once in the lobby the other comics start to arrive including Kyle Phalen and Nick Deez (rva transplant). 

The first show ends and they make na announcement that if you were there for the first show you get into the stand up show for free. This is dope and we get a pretty good retention with about 20 people staying for the stand up show. This coupled with the people that bought tickets led us to having about 35+ ppl at the show which was sick.

They had us set up with a music mic stand stand, I said bump that and went to the car to get a traditional one. I just never really like anything but a round base mic stand. I might be crazy but it just is comfortable.

The show starts and I do about 15 or 16. I had a pretty good hosting set. I get so in my head and don’t do what I should do which is crowd work. I do about 1 minute of it and then go into my material. Half of my stuff hits really hard, the rest does ok, and only one thing doesn’t work at all. All in all for a host set it was pretty dope. I’d say this was a C. 

Honestly compared to what I can do I’d say this was definitely average, but that’s ok. People are now settled down and ready for the show. I did my job as a host, and I can tell people appreciated what I was doing. The big pops really popped.

Next up is Rick Williams, and he DID NOT DO SO HOT. Oooooweeeee laydees. He definitely was having one of those sets where you can tell the person on stage is hating it. It was a good learning experience for him. He’s in that stage of being a new comic where a lot of what he writes is sexual, violent, edgy, etc. 

It was cool to see him work through that, end up getting a few laughs and realize once he got off stage that he has other things he needs to work on. Always impressive to see a new comic really understand that not everything is going to work everywhere and it is good to be versatile. 

Later Nick Deez went up and had the set of the night. The people really dug and vibed with what he was doing on stage. He’s about a year in, and def making some strides. These are some of my fav people to bust balls with, so we were having a blast after the show.

I was singing a cover of Harvey Danger’s Flagpole Sitta where I changed all of the lyrics to being about Rick bombing. I had so much fun I’m definitely recording a cover of it on Garageband and when he leasts expects it I will release it haha.

All in all a super dope night with good friends. The ride back was fun as well. We got deeper into comedy, and our fears about doing it. Talked about my hopeful future move, and why I’m so scared of it. 

We really got into some kinda deep territory, but it was definitely good to do. I am super self conscious about my self and especially my comedy. I pride myself on being the hardest working comic in the area. All I can control is how many shows I do, how much I write, and how critical I am of myself. I legitimately will do and have done shows anywhere. I’ve done clubs, colleges, coffee shops, urban rooms, improv theatres, dive bars, redneck bars, nightclubs, alt rooms, theatres, I've opened for bands, singers, poets, drag shows, and this week I’ll be performing on my first burlesque show. Unfortunately I always have this fear that I can’t cut it in certain rooms, but each show is a reminder that that is bullshit and I’ll put my stuff up against whoever.

We ended our night getting McDonalds drive thru at 2 am, and that is the perfect way to end a night of comedy. I went to sleep happy knowing I had brunch and one last show the next day.

Sunday I go to brunch with Brock Hall and Rick Williams at Metro Diner in Willow Lawn. It was a nice relaxing brunch which I followed up with watching the last Harry Potter movie. 

Then it was time to get ready to head down to Newport News to be on Sunday Funnies at Cozzy’s Comedy Club which is Virginia’s longest continuously running comedy club. I always enjoy this show, because it is run and booked by my good friend Holly Owens. 

This week Mu Cuzzo was hosting and the lineup was filled with some of my favorite people to hang and chill with. Closing it out was Sid Bridge who runs the open mic at Cozzys and is an all around swell jew. We also had Jounte Ferguson, Torrey Huggins, and Ryan Valentine on the mic. Allison Moore was also on the show and finally there was Mike Jay. I’ve never met or seen Mike Jay before but he seemed like a good guy.

This is one of those shows that you have to make fun. There were 13 people there and 5 of them weren’t on the show and weren’t employees. But honestly Mu brought some good energy in what I assume was his first time hosting. We all just got into it and it became one giant super fun workshop.

Jounte did a new joke about how he might have slept with a r******d girl. I work at a school for autism so I don’t use that word on stage, it doesn’t work for me personally, but I will never police a comic’s language on stage. 

When I went up I just made myself have fun. I did nothing but crowdowrk for the first 8 minutes and it was all me asking questions to Jounte about how it was a “maybe.” Like how didn’t he know, and asking him a bunch of questions. he was getting so uncomfortable it was hilarious. Everybody was dying laughing and we were all having such a good time. I then closed with 4 minutes of new jokes and they didn’t go so hot. With an intimate crowd they really wanted the crowd work which was ok. I had a super hot and fun set and I'd honestly say for the room and how everyone else’s set went I’d give myself an A-.

The rest of the show was fun. Allison had a fun set as well, and Mike Jay did fine. He had some questions after the show about Clash of the Comics at the Richmond FunnyBone so we chatted about that for a bit before I left. 

Sid closed it out and I forgot he has a few jokes I really really dig. He has one about replacing any word in a sentence with the word “jew” and it becomes offensive and it’s a great joke. I’d never seen him play bass on stage but I guess that’s what he closes with. 

This was a fun show and my entire ride home I just kept thinking to myself how good it felt to do super well in front of nobody.

All of my success is tied directly to how much fun I am having on stage and I always forget that. Even in tough or weird rooms with or without audiences I need to remember I love comedy and that this shit is supposed to be fun.

So that was my weekend and it was super fun and delicious so until next time LAYDEES!!! I LOVE YOU ALL XOXO

[808randolph-blog]

#808Randolph The Mom Whose Second Pregnancy Revolves Around Her Toddler: In our new series Pregnancy Diaries, we ask expecting women to jot down every pregnancy-related detail of their lives for a week. (Special thanks to New York mag and Refinery29 for the inspo.) Work-related conundrums, struggles with IVF, and a whole lot of nausea, ahead. For our eighth entry, we have a 33-year-old part-time publicist from Connecticut who's 25 weeks along. She and her husband of almost eight years have a “spirited” two-and-a-half-year-old girl, and don't know the sex of baby number two.  How long did it take you to conceive?  It took just a couple of months to conceive baby #2. My cycle has tended to fluctuate month-to-month since having my daughter, so it was a bit of a challenge to track accurately. We've been incredibly fortunate and have not experienced any fertility issues to-date. Any other details relevant to your pregnancy? Our daughter was born three weeks and one day early, and I gave birth less than three hours after my water broke. This is known as precipitous labor, and it's not the most normal scenario for someone's first baby. Oh, and my husband was traveling on business at the time! Luckily my parents live nearby, and my mom was able to meet me at the hospital. I had accumulated all of the “stuff” I needed for the baby, but I was not ready to give birth or bring a baby home. Needless to say, the big theme of this pregnancy is PREPARATION. I hope to have everything ready for baby #2 at least four weeks before my due date so that we're not caught off guard this time. Of course, this is easier said than done when most of my days are spent catering to the needs and whims of a two-and-a-half-year-old. I'll refer to the new baby here as “the baby” or “it.” We don't know the gender! We also kept our daughter's gender a surprise. I'm very Type A and typically need to know every detail about everything, but this is one area of life where I truly feel that ignorance is bliss. MORE: A Glimpse Into What Pregnancy After a Miscarriage Is Like DAY 1 7 a.m. – Rise and shine! My daughter (we'll call her S) usually wakes up around 6:30am, but she's content to hang out in her crib for a little while and I use that extra time to wake myself up. In an ideal world, I would get up before her and eat breakfast, but she *knows* if I'm up and my plans for early morning productivity are always thwarted. We head downstairs and make a smoothie to share—almond milk, strawberries, raspberries, chia seeds, and cacao powder–and I fix myself a bowl of Kashi Blueberry Clusters and a cup of coffee. Decaf. The horror. I quit caffeine when I was pregnant with S and it has made me feel really sick ever since. 10:30 a.m. – Our weekly playgroup was rescheduled to an earlier time today, so we skip Mommy & Me gymnastics class and head to playgroup. (Chase S around a large gym, or sit on the floor while she plays with friends? I'll take the latter!) 12 p.m. – It's a ridiculously beautiful day, and S does not want to get in the car to go home after playgroup. I promise her we can go for a walk right after we eat lunch at home. I make her a PB&J sandwich and slice up an apple, and suddenly I feel like my blood sugar has plummeted and like I might pass out. S is desperate to go outside and can't understand that I need to quickly eat some food and sit down for a little while. I inhale a PB&J, two clementines, and several glasses of water and start to feel better. 1 p.m. – Ok, let's take that walk! We live within walking distance of town, so S gets into her favorite pink push car and off we go. I'm pretty sure I'm going to die after walking up the hill from my house to the main road. It's a perfect day for a treat, and I decide that our destination will be the gelato shop. 2 p.m. – Nap time for S! I use nap time to tackle dishes from the morning and early afternoon, catch up on work emails and take care of any work items that have popped up and need my attention. 7:30 p.m. – I keep S up late because my husband hasn't seen her all week. He works in finance in NYC and has an hour-long train ride to and from work every day. He puts S to bed before jumping in the car to drive to Vermont for the night. I bailed on our trip this weekend after looking at weather reports, and he needs to pick up some of his ski gear before a trip next week. (Note: No, I'm not skiing while pregnant!) 8 p.m. — I chat with my college roommate, who just gave birth to twins one week ago. The box of goodies that I sent her arrived today. Hooray! I do a final kitchen cleanup and shut the house down. 9 p.m. – I wash and dry my hair and catch up on some TV before falling asleep around 11. So far, I've been sleeping really well without too many restless nights or middle-of-the-night bathroom trips. I tell myself the baby knows that Mama needs her sleep. Pregnancy is an afterthought most days, but sometimes the realization that a baby is coming soon hits me like a bolt of lightning and sends me into a tizzy. DAY 2 6:30 a.m.– Our two cats are clamoring for breakfast, so I roll myself out of bed to tend to them before they start fighting directly outside of S's room. 7 a.m. – S gets up and opts for blueberry waffles for breakfast, while I once again settle on Kashi Blueberry Clusters. This has been my daily go-to breakfast since getting past the first trimester. I never threw up during the first trimester with this baby, but I generally felt nauseous all day every day and could rarely eat anything more than an English muffin or chicken noodle soup. With S, I threw up every morning from weeks 6-14 but felt fine the rest of the day. 8:45 a.m. – It's going to rain this afternoon and I want to make sure that we stretch our legs and get some fresh air today, so I suggest to S that we get dressed and go to the Nature Center in town for a walk. I have to borrow a sweatshirt from my husband because all of mine are too tight now. It *only* takes us 45 minutes to pull ourselves together and get out the door. 11:30AM – My husband is back home, and we take S to the diner for lunch. I get a buffalo chicken salad because I am a sucker for buffalo chicken, but the salad makes me feel like I'm making an effort to be healthy. I also steal pickles from S and my husband. 2 p.m. – My husband takes S up to her room for her nap, but she asks for me to come up to read her a book and put her to bed. I'm planning to clean my room this afternoon while she naps. 4:30 p.m. – Oops. I fell asleep and got nothing done! As a general rule in life, I REALLY don't like to take naps. Pregnancy is just about the only time I make an exception. 5:30 p.m. – We always get the most delicious macaroni and cheese on our way home from Vermont, and my husband dutifully picked one up this morning to make for dinner tonight. Sadly, it's a bad batch. It looks and tastes terrible. Just looking at it makes my stomach turn and I can't bear to think about eating ANYTHING. I don't tend to have specific food aversions during pregnancies, but some days I struggle to find anything that I'm willing to eat. This evening, I force myself to at least eat a toasted English muffin so that I get something in my stomach. 9 p.m. – After getting S to bed and tidying up the main floor of the house, I make a mug of peppermint tea and head to the basement with my husband to watch “Planet Earth II.”  DAY 3 7 a.m. – My husband gets up to get S from her crib but we all have get up, so I groggily follow them downstairs. 9:45 a.m. – S has swimming lessons on Sunday mornings, which are my husband's domain. We've been away most weekends this winter, but it's so nice to have a little time in the house by myself this morning! I make an egg and cheese on an English muffin and have a second cup of coffee. I realize I'm going to have a baby in about three months and spend my alone time scurrying around the house finding homes for some stray, out of place items. Pregnancy is an afterthought most days, but sometimes the realization that a baby is coming soon hits me like a bolt of lightning and sends me into a tizzy. 2 p.m. – I finish up my grocery list and go shopping for the week while S naps. We usually shop on Monday mornings and while it's a definite treat to stroll the aisles of Whole Foods by myself, I miss my shopping buddy. I always load up on lots of fresh fruits and veggies to snack on throughout the week. I've been drawn to a lot of citrus fruit during this pregnancy. I love to have grapefruit with breakfast whenever I have time, and I snack on clementines throughout the day. I *had* to have a red bell pepper every single day when I was pregnant with S, but I haven't eaten them nearly as often during this pregnancy. I consider shopping a success because I kept myself from coming home with a ton of junk food. I maintained a very healthy diet when I was pregnant with S and rarely craved any kind of junk food. In fact, junk food made me feel really sick over the entire course of my first pregnancy. This time, I want all of the candy, cookies and ice cream you can toss my way. It's a daily struggle to make sure I'm giving the baby the right nutrients and keeping my weight in check. 4 p.m. – My husband managed to edit a video of S skiing, put all of her toys away in the basement, AND vacuum that room while I was out shopping. He is amazing and also makes me feel like the laziest person on the planet. I bought a single sumo orange at the store and eat it right when I get home. I immediately regret not buying the store's entire stock and will literally dream about sumo oranges for the next week. 6 p.m. – The Academy Awards are on tonight and even though I haven't seen a single nominated film, I'll watch red carpet coverage and the entire awards show broadcast. We get Chinese takeout for dinner and eat as a family before I return to the couch. I get the night off from being Mom. (Truthfully, my husband does most of the heavy lifting with S on the weekends anyway.) 8 p.m. – I bought ingredients to make skillet s'mores for dessert, and all I want is peppermint tea and a big bowl of fresh berries. I am simultaneously proud of myself and disappointed. The baby is constantly battering my bladder. DAY 4 6:15 a.m. – I wake up after hearing S stirring in her crib, but there's no way we're getting up yet. I have to use the bathroom, but it's just not worth getting out of bed right now. 6:30 a.m. – I look at the baby monitor again and notice that S is no longer in her crib! I am momentarily alarmed but decide that there's nothing she can get into trouble with in her room, so I leave her to play with her books while I wake myself up. 6:40 a.m. – I hear a door open and S is suddenly in my room saying, “Hi, Mommy!” Terrific. Not only can she climb out of her crib, but she ALSO can get out of her room. This is not a developmental milestone that I am looking to deal with three months before we have a new baby. 9 a.m. – S and I head out for a playdate at a trampoline park with my best friend and her daughter, who is just four months younger than S. My best friend is due with her second baby exactly two months after me, and we are trying to squeeze in as much time together with our girls as we can before the babies arrive. I'm so grateful to experience pregnancy with her again. I always have someone to text throughout the day who's facing similar toddler, parenting, and pregnancy issues. 10:30 a.m. – The baby feels really low today and is constantly battering my bladder. This is not an ideal feeling as I chase a toddler across a sea of trampolines. 2 p.m. – I'm so tired after a full morning and partial afternoon of really active play with S. I think about making a salad for lunch after putting her down for a nap, but there are three untouched quarters of a perfectly good PB&J sandwich sitting on a plate. I'd love to lie down for a little while, but I need to take care of some work emails this afternoon. I also order a couple of books for S about being a big sister to help her get ready for the baby. 8 p.m. – Leftovers of last night's takeout for dinner tonight. I'm starving and eat most of mine while my husband is still preparing his plate. We head to the basement to catch up on “Homeland.” 9 p.m. – My husband is organizing for our weekly garbage pick-up. I help by emptying the various small trash cans around the house while he cleans the litter boxes one more time and takes the garbage can and recycling bin to the end of the driveway. 10 p.m. – Early to bed! I'm exhausted from staying up late last night and a busy day with S. The baby starts kicking me as soon as I lie down, but I'm too tired for it to bother me today. DAY 5 7 a.m. – S did not climb out of bed this morning. Phew. Perhaps it was a one-time thing. 9 a.m. – My mom arrives to pick S up for the day. This is a good time to mention that our lives do not function without my mom. She's exceedingly flexible and generous with her time, and I don't know what we would do without her. My mom takes S two days a week, and I use those days as my full workdays. I'm extremely lucky to be able to work part-time, mostly from home, for the same PR firm that I was with full-time for nearly 10 years before having S. 9:30 a.m. – I settle down at my desk with my Kashi Blueberry Clusters and coffee after quickly getting dressed and pulling myself together for the day. Even though I work from home and spend a lot of time on the floor or chasing after a toddler, I need to get dressed in real clothes every day (read: no yoga pants for this mom, but to each their own!). It helps me feel like a human and have a productive day. 11:15 a.m. – I receive a call that my furniture delivery will arrive within 10 minutes, so I take a quick break from work. I unload the dishwasher, eat a clementine and refill my water cup while I wait. The delivery arrives – a new dresser that will either go to S or the baby–and I forgot that it would come fully assembled. The baby's room is currently my office and guest room, and I haven't “moved out” yet. The deliverymen are confused when I ask them to leave the dresser in the box and put it against the wall in my living room, but that is where it will live for the next month or so. Good luck to my husband and whichever friend he recruits to help him move it upstairs. 1 p.m. – The baby is kicking up a storm, and I look at the clock and realize that I haven't eaten lunch. I was extremely disciplined about my eating schedule when I was pregnant with S, and this baby is typically kicking me to say, “Excuse me? Hello? I'm hungry down here!” I make a salad with spinach, black olives, feta cheese, walnuts and red bell pepper and head back to my desk. 3:30 p.m. – I dial into a conference call that I primarily need to listen to and multitask by looking for overhead light fixtures for each of the bedrooms in the house. None of the bedrooms currently have overhead lights, but it's not a huge project. We'll have them installed sometime before the baby arrives. 4:30 p.m. – I don't have any additional work items to take care of today, so I take advantage of the extra time and make two phone calls that have been sitting on my to-do list. I make a two-and-a-half-year well visit with the pediatrician for S and call the hospital where I will deliver the baby to take care of preregistration details. The hospital tells me that I'll also have to stop by in-person to sign a few forms, and I make a note in my calendar to take care of that when I'm near the hospital following my next OBGYN appointment in three weeks. Then I start dinner prep before S gets home: lemon garlic shrimp with whole wheat penne. 6:30 p.m. – S's new stall tactic to avoid bedtime is to ask for a “quick bath” every night as we're heading upstairs. She doesn't need a bath today, but I'm not in a mood to argue with her and it gives us something to do before she goes to bed. There is one bathtub/shower that we share, and the bathtub is TALL. It's increasingly difficult for me to bathe her, but my husband doesn't get home early enough during the week to help with that task. 8 p.m. – I chat with my college roommate again. She has some questions about breastfeeding and pumping. I can't remember the answers to her questions off the top of my head, but I know exactly where my feeding and pumping logs are from when S was a newborn and consult them. As I review my notes from those early days, I am reminded of how incessant a newborn's needs are and jokingly ask myself why I signed up for this again. Mild panic about life with a toddler and newborn sets in. 9 p.m. – I can't drink, but I *can* have a bowl of ice cream. It's the little things that keep me going. 10 p.m. – Catch up with my husband, who worked late today, and catch up on news of the day. I don't get much time to read or watch the news during the day anymore and I don't have a TV in my office, so I often bookmark articles to read at night sometime between getting S to bed and falling asleep myself. DAY 6 9:15 a.m. – S and I head out for Mommy & Me class at the Nature Center. This is S's favorite weekly activity, and it's a great way for us to spend some time outdoors. I grab a Nature Valley granola square for myself as we leave the house because I know I'll be starving once class is over. 11 a.m. – We are back home after getting caught in a storm at the Nature Center. I can't zip my raincoat over my stomach, so I'm wet and freezing cold. 2 p.m. – I make avocado toast for lunch, which seems to satisfy the baby, and jump onto the computer to tackle a project for work that I want to send to a client tomorrow morning. I also use my time during S's nap today to educate myself about potty training and review recommended potty training products on Lucie's List. S has to be potty trained for preschool in September, and the thought of trying to do it this summer with a newborn makes me shudder. We'll tackle that in April. 5:30 p.m. – I have some chicken breasts in the fridge that I need to use, and I intended to marinate them earlier in the day but never got the chance. I settle on a dry rub and serve it with cauliflower rice and broccoli. The baby is happy that I'm eating a real meal at what it deems a reasonable time. S devours it and asks for more, and I hope that the baby develops her taste for vegetables. 8 p.m. – My husband heads out to play soccer, and I throw in a load of laundry and wash my hair. Quick showers are easy, but washing and drying my hair is a time commitment. My blow dryer and dry shampoo are really important tools these days! I look at my stomach and lament that it looks like I might not make it through this pregnancy without my belly button “popping.” It didn't happen with S, and it freaks me out, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed. 10 p.m. – We head to bed, but I've been stressed that the light fixtures and remaining nursery furniture that I have picked out won't be available if I wait any longer to order them. I make those purchases and while I've got my laptop open, I reach out to two local photographers about booking a newborn session. I can't drink, but I *can* have a bowl of ice cream. It's the little things that keep me going. DAY 7 5:45 a.m. – I get up extra early to see my husband off for the day since he'll leave for his ski trip straight from the office this afternoon. This is the last time he's allowed to travel far away from home before the baby arrives. We're not taking any chances this time! 6:30 a.m. – I'm enjoying a cup of coffee and catching up on some news when lo and behold, S opens her bedroom door and is looking for me. She comes downstairs and we make a smoothie. I make a mental note to order a toddler clock on Amazon. 9:00 a.m. – I'm going to work from my parents' house today. We're leaving later than I'd hoped, but we're finally in the car and on our way. My parents are puppy-sitting for one of my sisters, and my best friend and her daughter are coming over for a puppy playdate and lunch. There's no way I'm missing out on that fun! 12:30 p.m. – I join the crew for a quick lunch after addressing morning emails and dialing into a few conference calls. My mom picked up deli sandwiches for everyone, and yes, I eat cold cuts for lunch. I'm very diligent about avoiding most of the pregnancy no-no's, but I will occasionally make an exception for an easy (and delicious) lunch. 2 p.m. – Loft and The Gap are having enticing sales today, so I take a break to peruse their websites. I try to be very judicious about the maternity clothing that I buy, and I always wait for a sale. Most of my maternity clothing needs fell over the summer with S, while this time I've needed winter clothing. I'm also home this time rather than in an office every day. Of course, I mostly end up buying things for S. Because what toddler doesn't need white jeans for summer? 6 p.m. – S and I get home and I make my ultimate lazy dinner: quinoa with black beans, corn and cheddar cheese. I add Sriracha to mine and a little enchilada sauce to S's. 8 p.m. – I'm determined to be productive while my husband is away, and I head upstairs to clean my room. Three hours later, I've purged and re-organized my closet and dealt with a lot of the disorder that was driving me batty. 11 p.m. – My hips and feet are in so much pain. I can barely move. I've been lucky so far in this pregnancy to not be afflicted with many aches or pains, but I really regret when I stay on my feet too long or overexert myself. The cats have been staring at me for an hour and are grateful when I climb into bed so they can settle down into their spots for the night and go to sleep. I turn on HGTV to quiet my brain, and the baby starts its late-night acrobatics. I'm pretty sure this one is going to be trouble. My pregnancy sounds like it revolves around S, and truthfully, it does. I read the pregnancy and baby books when I was pregnant with her, and I don't need to worry about finding every single “just right” item for the baby this time around. Barring complications, I know what to expect from labor/delivery, postpartum recovery and a newborn and know that I can handle it. My job right now is to make sure that S is taken care of and feels loved, and I'm more focused on making sure that SHE's ready for the new addition to our family. MORE: What It's Like To Have a Difficult Pregnancy   http://bit.ly/2q1erJD

[charlottebent-blog]

Keep the Peace

I began this blog with the motive to prove that, despite the diagnosis of several healthcare professionals, I was not ill. I wanted to show my perspective, that to me anorexia was not an illness, it was my weakness. 6 months down the line, I find myself sat in my kitchen discussing my anti-depressant prescription. It has never been clearer that I do in fact have an illness, that makes me feel more unwell and deluded than a squirrel on speed. Talking through dosages and quantities, my Mum casually and unknowingly refers to Dr Boreman (actual name - Dr Morgan) as Dr Moron. This is comic genius, I am baffled that I have not thought of this comparison earlier and pat my Mum on the back as if to say ‘I’m proud to call this woman my Mother’. Not only have I got my usual time with Paula this morning, but tomorrow I must endure a trip to hell i.e. Dr Moron’s office. With the prospect of this crushing my mood like a stampede of hormonal hippos, my appointment with Paula feels like a  spa getaway. I hope for  a Jesus miracle that Paula can cleanse my thoughts in preparation for a mental cocktail of misery, patronisation and  dread tomorrow (plus nausea depending on Dr Moron’s clothing choice. If her previous outfit/wardrobe malfunction is anything to go by I’ll require sunglasses and a sick bucket).

En route to the clinic I find myself distracted by a large poster for 'Miss Provocative’ (like a Miss World competition, but for a mysterious lingerie shop in Salford. I get the impression that they may need a greater incentive than 'free lingerie of your choice’ to achieve the contestant standards of Miss World). I am undeniably  amused by this (more amused than when I discovered the Norwegian word for chef was kokk) and text my friend about the event, so we can laugh about it’s absurdity, not so she can submit an application.

As usual chit chat commences I tell Paula that, this week, there was no competition for the highlight of my week. Hands down, my Mum running over a cat will always surpass any other event that may occur throughout the week (I particularly found joy in discussing the possibility of a cat carcass being cemented to the front of her KA and meowing whilst my, already reluctant, Mum investigated the damage to her car). Having portrayed my Mum as a blood-thirsty feline slaughterer, talk moves to the usual mind games/prodding/blackmailing. Paula says that the clinic have been discussing my progress. I automatically panic, sweating in places I thought weren’t possible, I prepare myself to release some anorexia kick ass i.e. a shit load of excuses as to why I haven’t gained any weight, including: it’s been cold, the dog ate all the ham and I gave my lunch to a homeless person because it’s Christmas. To my surprise I’m told that, despite the fact I have a long way to go, I have also come a long way and they are pleased with my progress, especially having increased my BMI from 14 to 15 and returning to work. Paula congratulates me and I am left stunned in silence. Paula could be doing an Irish jig in her underwear and I would still remain in this bewildered state. I do not like confrontational compliments for one of two reasons: 1) it’s ridiculously awkward and I do not know how to respond. Someone might say that your hair looks nice,

if you reply saying 'I know’ the person goes away thinking well they have nice hair but they sure are an arrogant sod, thus the compliment is neutralised.  2) I don’t often agree with any compliments which again causes discomfort. By disagreeing, this, by the laws of social interaction, obliges the complimenter to reinstate the reasons for their compliment (i.e. your hair looks so shiny and smooth) to reassure the person that their comment was sincere. More praise, more awkwardness, you get the gist. I often say thank you, and return the compliment (regardless of whether they have even bothered to brush their hair), however, in this case the compliment is inapplicable to Paula. Blushing like a constipated beetroot, in a bid of desperation I ask to be weighed (this dear reader gives you a clear indication of how antagonising uncomfortable the silence became. An anorexic asking to be weighed is the equivalent of a chicken asking Ronald McDonald to be made into nuggets). Carefully examining the scales as my weight remains unchanged, Paula senses my relief and questions my plans. I don’t do plans. Plans rarely go my way. I planned a career as a teacher, I now work in a bookshop. I planned to live down South, I now live in Manchester in my parents’ home. I planned to gain weight, I now have not gained weight. Without a doubt I am fantastic at making plans, getting overly cocky and not accomplishing them (previous examples include: my quest to tackle anorexia solely with determination and shaming Dr Boreman, then being prescribed anti-depressants a mere few weeks later. Not to mention gaining weight in weeks when I’ve tried not to and vice versa). There is however little evidence to suggest that I can competently make plans. Therefore my plan now is to have no plans. If I plan to lose weight I’ll gain, similarly if I plan to gain I’ll lose. By not having plans to meet I cannot be disappointed. Telling Paula that I wish to stay the same for awhile, I explain how my current comfort means I wish to maintain my life exactly how it is.  My mind  although still mildly infected, is filled with fewer harsh reminders of worthlessness and hatred. The mental noise less apparent. It keeps the peace.  

As talk moves onto family (as you can probably gather family surrounds a lot of my talking points, besides my Mum’s latest road kill) I realise that keeping the peace is a common theme. See, there are some members of my family who are considered opinionated and whether they are right or wrong, express their view until the opposition are defeated and robbed of the last word. Having grown up with this, I was instructed from an early age to bite my tongue and be the 'bigger person’. Supposedly, this keeps the peace. However, in being the bigger person, not only do you appear a push over, but you allow the strong-minded individual to, in their eyes, win. Therefore, the next time they wish to contaminate you with their somewhat biased view, they expect to win. They become used to continual streaks of being right, that on an occasion when they are wrong, they still believe they are right. Usually I grit my teeth and ignore it, but that’s not always possible.

When someone is wronger than the wrongest of wrongiests wrongs, it’s hard to brush past it and carry on. You want to stand up and fight your corner. You want to correct the wrongs. And if others agree with you then this is fine. Certainly there will be disagreements and shouting and slamming of doors, but you unite and are supported. Except in my family this rarely happens. My parents like to keep the peace always. They say it’s easiest and that everyone is happy, but are they when I’m left to feel humiliated and crushed when I’m, so rightly, standing up for myself? Why should their behaviour be excused? Why should I be the sensible one and allow the other to walk away undamaged? Keeping the peace is safe, it’s serene and comfortable, but that doesn’t mean it’s right.

On departure Paula heads to the toilet cubicle, which (she feels the need to explain to me) is because she needs to blow her nose. I inform Paula that I have recently learnt that sniffing is in fact more hygienic than blowing your nose (knowledge I am keen to share. As an avid sniffer I was delighted to have a response for when my Dad tells me to 'pack it in and get a bloody tissue’). Looking puzzled by this trivia, I clarify that blowing your nose can propel mucus into the sinuses and increases the risk of bacterial infections. I now realise that she looked puzzled, not because she was intrigued about the functions of snot, but because she hadn’t anticipated an in-depth discussion about her trip to the loo.

Having had time to reflect on my plan not to have plans. I realise that maybe I don’t want to keep the peace. If I keep the peace I can live comfortably, but not happily. Keeping the peace is easy. It keeps my head quiet, but it keeps my weight the same and as long as I’m maintaining I’m still anorexic. I was never under the impression that recovery was easy. Easy is easy, anyone can do easy. But easy never invented computers or discovered tutankhamun. Easy never walked on the moon. Easy never solved world peace or ended Wars. And most definitely, easy never recovered from an eating disorder.