#but without it i have no tools to keep the loneliness manageable

[nartml]

"Itachi was a good brother"

"He did nothing wrong"

Sigh

CW: Entirely unorganized, I had thoughts to express and no order in which to do so.

What are some of y'all on? Respectfully, what are some of you guys talking about? Why is this even a debate? Some hardcore Itachi stans need to get their eyesight checked 😭

There are ways to acknowledge a character's tragedy, their impossible situation, the excruciating circumstances they're under, without justifying genocide and inhumane torture.

Itachi was a tool. Thoroughly manipulated by everyone, and exposed to horrifyingly gruesome sights at a young age. He was a tool, which did Konoha's bidding, followed instructions to a T. And yes, the stuff that he's done will forever haunt him. He possibly hasn't known a moment of true peace or happiness in his life. All very tragic.

That said, he still. Well, sucks. And fucked up badly. You can feel sympathy for him –you probably should– and I do too. But the fact that he didn't regret it makes me side eye him.

His clan was planning a revolution, because they were all alienated, discriminated against, victims of unbelievable prejudice and racism based on a bunch of nonsensical bullshit (fuck Konoha btw)

So naturally, when the government mysteriously found out, he was ordered to slaughter all his people –including pregnant women and little kids– mercilessly. And naturally, he did as they asked.

But he couldn't kill his little brother, because apparently "Konoha's orders were not more important than your life, Sasuke, doesn't he love you so much".

So instead of killing him, he makes him relive the massacre of his family a cool 500k times, then sets him up for a lifetime of hatred, pain, anger, bitterness, survivor's guilt and loneliness.

Manipulates Sasuke's worldview, makes him believe that in order to achieve his goal of killing him (something that Itachi set him up for as well btw), he needs to be entirely isolated without any sort of connection to other people. Shows up 5 years later, traumatizes Sasuke some more, tells him he needs to kill his best friend. Yk, all the stuff a good older brother does.

Then some years later Sasuke manages to kill him, just as Itachi wanted, and Itachi ofc pokes him on the forehead, even in death keeping his distance from Sasuke without ever clarifying what it means.

Isn't he just the loveliest?

He's a tragic character with an abundance of issues, who absolutely fucked Sasuke's life entirely, and no matter how much you kick your feet and scream, he's not a good older brother.

"But he loved Sasuke so much"

I'm sure he did; at least in a twisted sort of way. But holy shit, this might blow your mind to smithereens, just because you love someone doesn't mean you love them right, that you're good for them, or did good to them.

Itachi loved Sasuke, but he sure as fucking shit did not love him right, was not good for him, nor did good to him.

"But Itachi was so guilty, it's not like he was having fun when doing all this, he'll forever be traumatized by what he did"

This shouldn't even be up for debate. Feelings, intentions and actions are not of equal importance. The impact of an action you took is more important than your intentions and/or your feelings regarding that action. One is tangible and affects others, the other is internalized and all you.

Itachi's situation was complicated, and there was no realistic outcome where everyone is happy. He was cornered, more or less.

So he held his head down and did as he was told.

Regardless of how he felt about it before, during and afterwards, despite his intentions and reasoning for what he did to both his clan and Sasuke, despite the guilt he feels, it doesn't change the cold, hard reality of the negative impact he had on his little brother and his family's name. Sure, intentions/feelings/reasoning plays a role in feeling sympathy for him, but you gotta hold him fucking accountable for the atrocities he committed.

You could say that he did it for peace, because the revolution would've been bloody, that Konoha had to do what it did to avoid countless deaths, or whatever bullshit arguments y'all want to make. It's inconceivable to me how you can't even hear the wrong in those statements.

Konoha did not do it for peace, there was NOTHING peaceful about any of it, no justification for it. If you think genocide is the only solution to a rebellion that hasn't even been executed yet, then I guess y'all's mindsets are way too fucked up and you should look into it. Konoha most certainly used this coup as an excuse to rid itself of the thorn that were the Uchihas. Because you know what ended up happening?

Konoha, the very government who orchestrated this, ended up then writing Itachi off as living proof of "the curse of hatred", as someone who went insane because of the clan's innate ugliness, that damned, forsaken curse that no wretched member of that family can shake off. Entirely shoved this disgusting, fucked up situation under the mat.

In the end, when it's time to write the history books, Itachi and the Uchiha clan will be registered as vile creatures who were full of hatred and that's how they'll be remembered. No justice was served for them, and that is heartbreaking.

___________________________________________

TL;DR

Moral of the story: Konoha sucks, Itachi was not a good brother and did a lot of things wrong, and the Uchiha clan is a forever misunderstood tragedy.

Bonus: fuck Tobirama "curse of nonexistent wiener" Senju

___________________________________________

To clarify something:

I am not one of those haters who sit on their moral high horse, point fingers and go "They're such a horrible person, I would never do such a thing. Look at me, the angelic good person, I can't even fathom how someone could do this". Shut up, you're annoying, and what you're saying makes no sense, because you quite frankly can't know what you'd do if you were in that character's shoes, and moreover, it doesn't even matter because it's, guess what, not about you. Quit judging how much of a "scumbag" a character is based on your morality without showing any sort of empathy or understanding of a situation.

You can't relate in the slightest (which is good in this case, I wish nobody ever relates to Itachi's situation), therefore your judgement and morals are irrelevant

Specifically talking about Itachi, I don't can't know if I would've done what he did, because I'm 120% disconnected from the circumstances and laws of his reality. If I were in his shoes and in his universe, I would be an entirely different person with different ideals. Same goes for you.

All this being said, I personally feel iffy about Itachi. I have sympathy for him, but I still think he has objectively fucked up very, very badly.

Plus, I am a Sasuke defender to my core and from a purely pro-sasuke standpoint, he annoys me.

I think I rambled a bit off topic at some point, this is a mess

[shaarlslec]

The “I can see that you are lonely, and I don’t know how to fix that.” Prompt with Charles pls

don't tell me to write charles only if you want long-ass drabbles, i cannot help myself; thank you so much for your request, let me know if you liked it; prompt list and masterlist here;

safety nets

short summary: in which you break-up with your boyfriend and charles tries to help in the aftermath;

words: 5658 & warnings: angst, depression, alcohol, arguing with charles;

The last couple of months have not treated you great – not even a bit, not even at all.

You broke up with your boyfriend of three years at the beginning of the year and tried to cope with living alone ever since in the apartment you two once shared for most of your relationship as you took the risky decision of moving in together three months into your relationship claiming that you were nothing but madly in love with the dude.

Wrong, you were so wrong. “In love” was not exactly what you were back then, infatuated with the hopes of what is about to come in an unrealistic scenario that you played in the back of your head, yes.

And yet, who does not have a screwed-up story about a relationship up the age of twenty-five?

Moving too fast together and thinking that you were the one to change the man’s toxic behaviors was yours. Now, you had to cope with your learnings that people do not change just because you put in the efforts to help them to do so, and that being madly infatuated with the idea of love was not as great as it has first seemed to you. 

Moving back with your parents was not one of the options afterwards, as you were trying for the last five years to show them that you can be your independent little self without having to depend on their wealth and connections.

After the break-up you have tried to switch the narrative and to focus on your work instead of malicious habits, but working non-stop in the sales world in such a place as Monaco took a tool on you fast, and without you even noticing that all you were doing were meeting after meetings after meetings with pretentious customers that wanted the best real-estate assets with little money just to keep their names well-known and well-renowned, your mental state became heavily affected by the higher ambitions you had and all the pressure on your shoulders.  

In between trying to make a name for yourself in the industry, keeping your mental and physical state in check as tight as you managed, being as out-going as you were once when your boyfriend played music in the clubs you two enjoyed spending countless nights at, you slowly yet surely lost your spark as the bubbly-loving-warm daughter, friend and lover that everyone around you knew and admired for her free-spirited personality.

Your laughs were all faked, your giggles barely heard within your group of friends, and your enthusiasm for life taken away by the fact that you found yourself in a place you were not yet so familiar with – utter and complete loneliness. 

“I am fine, guys.” You nervously lied once one of your friends popped the question that you had heard all year being addressed to you, brushing the soft air of autumn with one of your hands that held a cigarette in between your fingers as you were taking a break outside the club during one of your “drinking until I pass out” weekends. 

Those happened a lot lately as your newfound mechanism of coping after months of pretending to be fine in front of everyone, considering that alcohol at least made you funny to be around people – trying to get back at least one thing about you that you loved.  

“You are sure, Y/N?” They continued, showing you the same worried eyes that you got from everybody lately and that you despised from without your soul, “Take it easy with the drinks, we barely arrived here.” They emphasized, pointing to the half-empty gin and tonic that you held in your other already shaky hand. 

Oh, fuck off and let me be, you would have wanted to shout straight into their worried little blurred faces. 

You were fine, completely fine. That was what you kept telling yourself not to go insane every single time when you watched the mirror and saw a completely far different person that the one you were during the same period last year when two shots would have been enough for you to get you tipsy and ready for bed in the arms of a man you thought was loving you back as much as you loved him.

Instead of letting your outrage shine bright, you just laughed it off with a silly huff as you threw the cigarette’s butt in the ashtray with a loud hit, “Come on, let’s go back in.” You added, already on your way to the door and down to the bar to get you another gin and tonic. 

Your friends stood perplexed for a short while behind you, watching you getting through the crowd of people drunkenly so on your already stumbled feet, “Charles is back for good in three weeks, he will know what to do with that. That is if they met.” One of them told to the group in a soft tone, grabbing one of your shoulders not to accidentally spill your drink on one random stranger that was questionably looking at you, “Let’s get her home for now, I will let Charles know that the situation has not improved since the last time he asked about Y/N, Charles will not be happy about it.” They uttered to each other in mumbles for the words not to reach your ears, pulling you closer to the group amid your loud rejections of not wanting to go home so early in the night. 

Your friends meant well – they really did, letting aside the critiques of your new-found drinking improved game. Besides your parents that you visited once or twice every other month since your break-up, they were your safety net in the absence of Charles.

No one was able to save you from your own personal hell that you have created, and no one was willing to go through the pits of that hell as much as Charles has done in the beginning of all that was happening with you, even though the man was not obliged to do so.

And yet, being your closest friend that knew you the best amongst the bunch – Charles took that duty upon himself and was not going to give up that easily no matter how much you resisted him. Your own personal safety net, always there to catch you.

That was what Charles has been to you since a long time ago, and what you liked to think you were for Charles too. Not just friends like you were all friends within the same group, but something much more than that. You knew him since you were children, your parents living nearby and always organizing brunches together and some other pretentious neighborhood events such as shiny parties, charities and all that jazz that all adults around you liked to attend to keep their network busy and growing while you were playing hide-and-seek with the Leclerc brothers. 

At some point during high school years after your last serious hide-and-seek game, the parties had stopped and yet you and Charles were already tightly bonded for your meetings outside your houses to stop. You watched yourselves grow together being that much of a constant presence into the other’s life. Even when Charles got severe about the whole racing thing, and he was gone most of the times away from home, weekly calls were still on the table, and attending his races became a tradition as well as him attending most of your important life events such as graduation from college, getting your first pay-check, and getting your heart broken for the very first time – although Charles would have preferred to not be a witness to all the pain it caused you, troubling your mind in such a way that you even fought with Charles due to that. 

Right after Charles found out that your boyfriend moved for good from your apartment, the man tried anything within his efforts to keep your mind busy with anything else but not the break-up. Charles was rarely home still as the season begun, but every single time he came back even for two or three days, Charles went out of his ways to plan something for you two to do with or without your other friends.

Movies, plays, camping, road-trips, finishing, laser-tag, dinners, breakfasts – Charles done everything for you to light up a little and to not feel empty and alone all the time. For most of the times, Charles succeeded at first. At least, that was what your best friend thought.

You were faking your smiles in front of Charles to as you did with many of the people back then, trying to enjoy the time you knew your friend planned just for the sake of his own good rather than yours – upsetting Charles was the last thing you wanted to do, yet another person about whom you cared and loved deeply pushed by your behavior was the last thing you intended. You went to whatever Charles booked you tickets for and attended all the mentioned above goings, trying not to upset Charles by not appreciating the man’s efforts, wanting to keep him close. 

That was until the boiling point.

You needed time to get over what was happening and to clear your head on your own pace, and although being around Charles managed to ease the pain – you wanted nothing else right after the break-up rather than to be alone in a caged mind full of what you could have done differently, while Charles’ intentions were to break you completely out of that. 

“You know what you are to Y/N, Charles?” One of your friends was brave and drunk enough once to ask him as they noticed the Monegasque glaring at you across the campfire during one of the times in which Charles booked an entire cabin somewhere far away from the city to get you spending time with your closest friends instead of locking yourself in your apartment as you often did when Charles was away racing, hopping that you will show up at one of his races this season – always having a pass ready for you.  

Without taking his eyes out of you, Charles huffed a short “What exactly?”

“The boyfriend without the rewards.” They spoke, clicking yet another glass of liquor with Charles who now turned to look at his friend with an ironic side-eye, “Don’t look at me like that, man.” They loudly panted back before placing their lips on the edges of the glass and then pulled Charles close to him by one of his shoulders so they can make sure that you and your other friends next to them gathered around the fire were not hearing what it was spoken, “Everyone here knows that it is true – even you two.” They added with a short sigh and an arched eyebrow that questioned Charles on what he was going to do about that.  

“Oh, shut up, asshole.” Charles commented while visibly rolling his eyes even in the dim light of the windy spring summer you were having aside of the cabin, “She just broke up with that dick of a boyfriend of hers, and you are out here talking about boyfriend rewards to me.” He then added, glare now on the one mocking him at his side rather than at you who were attentive enough at the orange sparks that light up the air rather than at the conversation across from them, “I know her since we were like ten – I cannot just stand by and watch her close herself. I am her friend, friends help each other.” Charles added with a loud sigh, knowing that has happened before in the past and knowing how hard it for you was to open again after feeling blue for larger periods of time, “I do not want any rewards.” Charles then stated, drinking part of the liquor in his glass as well before standing up to find a better seat rather than one in which he was questioned regarding his feelings for you. 

Charles’ defensive mode that was just activated by your common friends’ statement was not random. He has been in love with you for years, long before you met your ex-boyfriend, and long before Charles had even realized that is how love was supposed to feel like. That aching yet calming throb of his chest when you glanced at him, and that twist in his stomach when you smiled into his direction. Charles felt them all, and yet there was never the right or enough time to confess them to you.

Racing has always been a priority for Charles to which he fully dedicated first and putting all his other feelings rather than the thirst for winning second, thinking that you will always be there next to him and that maybe, just maybe, you will be the one to make the first step when the right moment will come. Charles thought that you and he had enough time, and when you first told him about that little crush of yours three years ago, that was when he figured out that the assumptions was wrong – you were not willing enough to wait for him until he decides what to prioritize best. 

Fast-forward three years and a couple of weeks later you were standing next to Charles still, but with a broken heart and with the idea that no one, not even him, will have access to your soul ever again. Charles went behind you, placing one of his hands on your right shoulder to tightly squeeze you, announcing that it was him behind to guard you from the wind and no one else – as you were not allowing any man to touch you since your break-up.

You looked up to him as your fingers pressed against Charles’ on your shoulder, “What?” You had asked, watching Charles’ eyes reflect the orange sparks of the fire as he was looking down at you with somewhat of a poignant smile and yet with warmness within the irises of the man’s eyes, “Has anything happened?” 

Charles declined with a nod and then scooped in the chair next to you that was now emptied by one of your friends leaving, everyone knew that the one who could talk you out of your mood was Charles, “Just wanted to check on you.” He then smiled, taking both of your hands to warm in between his own.

Your heart sunk seeing how Charles blew hot air on them to make sure that you were all comfortable, and then it ached again when your friend refused to let them go back into your lap as Charles guarded them with his. You would have wished for him to do that sooner, three years and a couple of weeks sooner to be exact.

As complicated as Charles’ feelings were for you, so were yours.

You were in love with Charles too, or to be more specific you had been in love with him too in the past when you were able to feel something, anything at all. And yet, Charles was never home – not like you would have craved him to be. 

You were not to blame him for that, you were very much very aware of how important racing was for him and you had done nothing but support him through all of it. Still, you would have secretly wished for him to carry a type of lifestyle that selfishly permitted you too to be more than just friends. You were way too needy in the beginning of your twenties and trying to make a move with someone who was barely home was none of your options.

You were in this constant need of attention, need that was fully satisfied by dicks who were from there and who were more than willing to spend every single minute of their day with you having no other things to do rather than drive you completely and utterly crazy over meaningless stupidest things. 

Now that you had lived that kind of a burning love where all you did was fight and make-up, you were mentally kicking yourself in the joint for refusing a calm and soft love that you knew Charles has been always capable of giving you. You wanted that now, and yet you were not ready to open yourself again – not even in front of Charles.  

“I am fine Charles,” You muttered as you glared away from him, millions of thoughts of what could have been pricing your mind, “I am not a child, you don’t have to check on me every five other minutes.” You added with a short roll of eyes, also letting the sarcasm within your bitter tone to go through Charles’ ears. 

“Y/N, I know that you are not a child, and I am not trying to baby sit you I just –” Charles then spotted, your chair loudly being pushed back by you lifting from your seat as you snatched your hands from below Charles’ – that was the tenth time somebody asked you if you were fine that day alone. 

You needed a break, a break that Charles was not willing to give it to you, “I want to sleep Charles.” You breathed, “Can I please go to sleep?” You inquired looking at Charles getting up too, “You don’t have to walk me, I am telling you for the second time – I am fine.” You sharply demanded with a nervous chuckle, and yet it was already too late to play pretend in front of Charles who had figured all your fake laughs and giggles.  

Charles’ already walking up in front of you giving you a glance over his shoulder, challenging you to move and follow him to the cabin meaning that you two had to have a talk alone in between closed doors, leaving your other friends behind to watch the fire still burning up to the sky. 

You huffed as the door to your room closed behind Charles, “Look, Charles – I love you,” You paused, both of your hands resting on the man’s chest as you were looking up at him, “I appreciate all the things you are doing for me, and all the things that you had done for me – I just need space and time for my own stuff now, that’s all.” You softly added, departing inches away from him only for your back to be blocked by one of Charles’ palms that sustained your body close to him. 

“I love you too, Y/N.” He then spoke, “And that’s exactly why I cannot let you out of my sight for now.” Charles muttered with a heavy chest, “I know what you do to yourself once I am gone, they told me everything – the bars, the guys, the alcohol, the loads of work.” He added, voice shaking while his eyes were fixed on you, “You will break at some point, I know you will – you have done it before, and I cannot watch you do it again.” Charles continued, feeling your back tensing beneath the man’s touch, “I can see that you are lonely, and I don’t know how to fix that.” Charles then almost sobbed, eyes softened in a nostalgic type of a sadness that you have seen him looking at you with before. 

You took a deep breath in, glancing away from the man who had eyes only for you. You took two steps back, forcing him to release you from the embrace. Taking your head in both of your hands, you ruffled your hair in nervousness as you spoke, “Why do you always think that you have to fix everything?” You answered back, “Am I that bad that I need to get fixed?” You inquired as you took as many steps as they were needed from Charles not to resist the urge of jumping straight into the man’s arms no matter how much you would have wanted for that mere touch to fix everything for you, “I am not some sort of a patient that you need to find remedies for Charles, and I have never asked you to do so in the first place.” You busted out with your voice cracking, “You don’t see how fucked up that is?” You inquired, tears slowly streaming down to your cheeks now. 

Charles took two steps ahead, and you took two steps behind you, “I am here to help Y/N, I am not trying to get you fixed or to be a prescription to you. I cannot—” 

“That’s the thing Charles.” You interrupted in between the sobs, “You are barely here.” You mumbled glancing once into the man’s direction, “You are away for most of the time, and I cannot just ask you to take care of me two days once in a blue moon when you are back home – that is not healthy for either of us.” You commented after a loud sigh, your cheeks burning and being washed by your fingers helplessly trying to wipe away the tears, “I need you to stop.” You ended, your fingers touching the edges of the widow’s sill for better stability unless you were about to break down completely. 

Heart shattered – right there. Charles’ heart in million pieces. You were slipping in between his fingers again. There were many things that Charles could kept his promise for when it came to you, being there for you all the time was one of the things that he was not able to pledge to you and that caused him another type of hurt. You not being alright was something, you two not being alright was something else – something that cut deep, and something that he did not know how to mend for the better in that very moment, no matter how fast he was searching for the answers in the back of his mind. 

“Don’t you talk to me about what’s healthy and what’s not.” Charles fought back, resting now his right shoulder on one of the room’s walls, “When you are the one who is using all the unhealthy ways of coping after breaking up with a fucking sore loser and rejecting all of the help from anyone who truly do love you back.” Charles uttered and there was a type of spite in the man’s tone and use of voice that you had never encountered before coming from him, “I will let you sleep.” Charles then spoke, watching you shockingly staring at him back, “We will talk about this tomorrow.” He then nodded, putting an even greater distance in between your bodies by completely leaving the room and silently shut the door behind him, leaning on the other side for a minute holding his breath at the top of his lungs before a long release of a sigh, maybe you were right and what you needed was space and time, Charles thought then. 

Tomorrow’s talk never came as Charles got a call the first thing in the morning being announced that he had to switch for an earlier flight to Italy where he had to get ready for the Imola GP and you returned in the city with your other friends after yet another day when you spoke nothing but replayed the words of yesterday’s little clench. Pushing Charles away from you was the last thing that you wanted to do, but that was the right call in the moment – he had to focus on his races, while you had to focus on getting out of the vicious circle that you caught yourself into. After all, it was not Charles’ duty to get you out of trouble – you needed to fix that yourself. 

You thought about apologizing days after you returned to the apartment after you watched Imola’s race, and yet Charles was not picking the phone after what had happened there for him and the team. As much as Charles knew you the best, you knew him too. Watching him spinning and losing points will cause him to not want to talk about right away with you or anyone else, and that gave you part of the same treatment you gave to Charles in the last couple of weeks. 

You thought that will pass, and that Charles will undoubtedly so phone you when he calms down, and when everything goes back to the normal flow of things. And yet, from then on nothing was considered a normal flow of things for Charles. You texted from time to time, but neither of you were ready for a phone call or to meet in flash and bones, you both needed space and time to deal with your own personal things on your own instead of searching for your safety nets. 

Time passed in this matter, and as much as you would have loved to not grow cold with Charles as much as you did with everyone else around you – it happened. Life got busy for the both of you, and days have passed without texts, calls or seeing each other. It was for the very first time in years when you two took a break from your friendship, and maybe that was exactly what was needed. 

You found excuses not to see him when he was back in town, and you even booked a whole entire holiday away from Monaco during his summer break to clean your head from all the working that you have done since the last time you saw him. You were deliberately avoiding Charles, knowing that you two meeting in those fragile states of yours will only do both of you worse than good. And yet, you knew that you cannot avoid Charles for the rest of your lifetime, and neither of you wanted that to happen. 

After the season ended, Charles was home for good for a couple of months that were enough to get his mind off a hell of a season that was, and that was when he found out that you were still out there having not-so-much a lovely time being alone just as you wished back after your break-up. Charles was not the type to give up, especially on you. You were given the space and time you needed from him, and now he was back to take what was his. That is when Charles ambushed you during one of the weekends when you decided to paint the town red with your friends, tagging along too without letting you or anyone know that he will be there. 

Your eyes widened in surprise as you spotted him on the dance floor having the time of his life with a couple of girls, all of them wanting to impress him in all ways known: dancing, flirting, touching. 

“Look who’s back.” One friend spoke, elbowing you as they were already ahead of you to greet Charles and join the group of girls. 

“And in what a fashion.” The other friend laughed, giving you a glance over your shoulder as they joined too, Charles’ arms spread widely to welcome them in a hug. 

“Oh fuck.” You muttered underneath your short breath, Charles’ eyes catching yours in an instant as the man’s attention was switched from the girls to his friends, and then to you – completely and utterly looking astonishing in your little black dress. 

Charles came to you moments after as you stood there perplexed watching him approaching you. Your heart raced, and there was no point in trying to escape the man’s glare on you as he was passing through the crowed with two beers into his hands already to hand you one as a greet. 

“You look great.” Charles spoke, opening one of the beers for you as he took a quick look at you from head to toes. 

“Thanks.” You muttered, taking the beer from his hand to make it your first drink of the night, “You look drunk.” You commented, watching the man’s already ruffled hair and white unbuttoned shirt that you guessed it was not his doing but one of the girls he was dancing with earlier.

Charles’ eyes rolled in annoyance, “Oh come on now Y/N, don’t critique me on this matter – I have heard that you had loads of fun without me here.” He added, bottle on his lips now as he was head bumping on the played song’s rhythm that blasted your ears, “Have fun with me too, come on.” Charles spoke, grabbing you by one of your wrists so you could join the middle of the group too. 

You shortly sighed, and yet you knew that Charles was right. You were in no right or position to tell him to stop drinking, you were the one who has been indulging in this type of behavior for the last couple of weekends. One single beer was enough for you that night to stop as your eyes were curiously searching for Charles each time that your friend left the group to go and fetch another drink for himself. 

Charles was not the type to drink, and you knew this based on all the previous encounters you two had at a party or in a club, or even during casual dinners. Your friend was not the type to hold his alcohol, and Charles stumbling on his feet with one arm around a random girl’s neck while looking at you with lazy sleepy eyes and the start of a hiccup confirmed you once again what you had already known. 

“It was such a fuckery – this season.” Charles drunkenly shouted when you were back to your booth surrounded by only your friends now and no random girls, “I want to forget all about that. So, cheers to that.” He then nodded before taking yet another shot down his throat, being accompanied by all your friends but you, “What’s going on Y/N, not in the mood for drinking tonight?” Charles teased with both eyebrows up and a sly grin, “Everybody in here told me that you are a big fan of it now.” 

You leaned back into your chair with your arms crossed at your chest as you were eyeing him, “Someone has to be sober enough to take you home, Charles.” You replied, giving a sharp look afterwards to all your friends present at the table for spilling the beans to Charles about your recent behavior. 

Charles laughed at your words, “So thoughtful of you, Y/N.” He then replied, chin rested on one of his palms now as he was looking at you with a slight tilt head, “Taking care of me, when you were the one to tell me to stop when I was trying to do the same.” He bittersweetly continued, cueing all your friends that it was time for them to leave you two alone at the booth – everyone knew that you had things to talk about, and none of you wanted to be in the middle of your fight. 

“Charles I—” You began, but your words being cut short right away by one of his fingers waving “no” in the air in front of you after you two were left alone, everyone else suddenly wanting to dance again. 

“Don’t “Charles” me with those eyes of yours, Y/N.” Your friend spoke next to you now as he switched seats so you could hear him better, “I have been nothing but a good friend to you, and all you did was pushing me away when you needed me the most.” Charles helplessly breathed, “And then again, when I needed you the most.” He then added, head resting on your shoulder as Charles’ eyes closed in the comfort of your body being again so close with his, “I have missed you.” 

You closed your eyes too, one of your hands catching his into yours to squeeze it tightly as a sign of even more comfort, “I have missed you too, Charles.” You added after a short breath which Charles’ felt on his forehead, sending shivers down the man’s spine in an instant, “Let’s get you home, and we will talk all about it somewhere where we can actually hear the words.” You chuckled, cupping the man’s face into your hands for him to be attentive at you inches away from your face, “Let’s get it fixed together.” You added, getting the man’s hair out of his eyes with a short brush of fingers, “Whatever we both have to fix.” You laughed, thinking about the many things that has been going sideways in both of your lives lately and the methods in which you could help each other to mend them. 

Charles nodded, but not before placing a short peak on the top of your lips as you two were too close for him not to resist the urge to do so as the man struggled to contest the need of your lips on him too many times in the past. You were taken aback by his sudden move, and yet so deeply happy that he was the one to make the first step.

"I don't want to be the boyfriend without the rewards anymore, Y/N." Charles muttered as you were confused by the words not making any sense to you, "I want all the rewards, love." Charles then mumbled, forehead glued on yours now, waiting for your lips to be back on his to confirm that indeed he will get all the rewards.

You chuckled, nuzzling your nose with him and putting yet another short peak on the man's lips, "You will get them all."

You took him out of the booth with one shoulder across your neck stabilizing the man’s unbalance due to the alcohol, guiding him in a cab and going home together that night with an understatement that everything was going to be alright for the both of you if you were together in this, accepting and returning the soft kisses, warm embraces, forehead kisses and strong clasps of hands.

[olreid]

ok the other thing i have to say about fitz as a character is like. it's not that he spends his whole life making every situation worse with the shadow of a super competent heroic version of himself hanging over him... the shadow that haunts the person he becomes is the shadow of the guy who fully buys into the project of monarchy, the guy who [calvino voice] becomes the inferno and gives himself up to the violence that has been required of him with no reservations. the guy who rationalizes and makes excuses, who finds ways to justify his killings and perhaps even comes to believe in himself as someone who righteously enforces the king's justice. but fitz is never allowed to become this person, because the formative abuse he experienced growing up means that he is always for better or worse identified with the child, the victim, the kicked dog, the disabled person, the shamed woman, and anyone else who knows what it is to be powerless in a place of power, to be made a victim because you were there and it was convenient, to have no protection from those who wish you harm outside of your own wits.

when he sees the bruises on the fool's face, he thinks of his own capacity for violence but also of his best friend molly's childhood beatings and abuse, and of how it felt when burrich hit him; when he gets to know kettricken he is supposed to have the mindset of a representative of the royal line but can't help himself from empathizing with her loneliness as she is brought into a strange place where everyone is trying to trip her up, much like they did him when he first arrived at the keep. in later books he is with women and children every night through the skill as they meet their ends at the hands of raiders; he is with young people who take up arms for the first time in desperate attempts to defend their homes. he never gets used to it, he never stops being sickened by brutality, because for every time that he wields an axe he spends hours with those who get cut down for being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

what they did to him never managed to kill the part of him that knows what it is to be victim to violence; he was never given the tools or the space to harden himself and turn those he hurt into objects or monsters. he never had the luxury of killing someone without thinking of them as a full person, without remembering all the times he came near death or experienced things that made him wish he were dead. no one was there to protect him from harm; even as he was designated a tool of the king's justice, he felt the full force of the crown's violence, whether through the advisors that were allowed full access to him, the enemies of the crown that tried to take his life, the demands of the crown that made his life into something he barely recognized. he was poisoned, raped, used as a battery, tortured, buried and left for dead. he was awake for all of it; he had to keep his eyes open the whole time. he knows exactly what he did, because it's all been done to him. he'll never forgive the people who hurt him, but by the same token he'll never be able to forgive himself. :)

[nimblermortal]

Why are there wraiths in my gardening game?

A Wildmender review

The point of Wildmender is that you are given a big ol' desert, and some plants and gardening tools. The plot is superfluous.

So why do the wraiths keep attacking me?

I beat the game! I murdered their leader! Why are they still staging attacks at regular intervals!

Okay, that said, the difficulty settings are super easily configurable in many different ways, so you can turn wraith damage off, etc, to make the game fit your needs and desires. I haven't actually messed with this because I'm cool with smiting a wraith every so often. Also, on standard difficulty you can just surround your home base with tower defense sigils and they will literally take care of everything up to and including the final boss for you. With the teleportation system, all you have to do is go home when a wraith attack occurs, and then lead the attackers to their doom. So the wraiths don't have to be a problem.

I really like climbing around a 3D world building my garden. I think there's a lot of end game potential - I really want to see if, if I upgrade all the springs fully, I can fill the channels of the salt flats with water, for example. (In which case I will need some sort of swim mechanic to get more pearls to upgrade the rest of the springs in the game.)

I liked how you can just garden your way past the game's obstacles. You're supposed to have a special bracelet for the salt flats to keep them from draining your water, but if you just fill your inventory with acorns and revive every spring you come across, the water drainage is manageable without that.

I think there should be more plants. There are a lot at the beginning of the game, and then toward the end it starts to feel kind of repetitive, you've got some half dozen base plants that come in different skins and all the loot is the same. You could get some really cool DLC in there by adding end-game quests to revive old strains of plants, explore seed bunkers, etc.

It's also a very lonely game. You are literally the only living creature in the world when you start. Oh, there are the gods, and your tutorial leader, but once they run out of tutorials it's just... you and the plants. Which is great! It's exactly what I'm looking for! but the loneliness creeps on you. Maybe I'm not hugging my frogs enough.

(Pro tip: Collect pearls from the salt flats and feed them to your frogs not for the upgrade capability but so that they glow purple and you can find them more easily.)

I had a lot of fun, but it would be more fun in co-op. I really want to play with Tea, but Tea cannot handle combat at all - I was hoping for a combat-free game, and then I was working on my save to beat the final boss so that the wraiths would go away so I could get Tea to come garden with me. So that's really why I'm upset about the continued wraiths. (Mind, Tea doesn't have a Windows operating system to work with, so the day is far anyway.)

Blooper Reel

It's about impossible to play the game without a mouse. You can't strafe without one, and even climbing the spiral staircases was extremely difficult. (The difficulty level dropped dramatically when I plugged in a mouse. Wraiths were a minor concern compared to getting the timing right to WASD myself around a spiral staircase with no rails.)

The game does not prevent you from going off the edge of the map, it just puts a really big cliff there. So if you want to push your boundaries, empty your inventory of important material first. I do not recommend jumping off the cliff with all the easily-obtained instances of the most difficult resource in the game. Usually you can reclaim your body, but not if it's rolled off the bottom of the cliff into doesn't-exist land.

The game tells you that you can cycle through tools using the keyboard shortcut T. It does not tell you that if you have a mouse with a scroll wheel, you can also use that scroll wheel. For a long time I thought it was the worst glitch in the game (there are others) and also that the game was poorly designed in terms of giving you about a dozen tools that you have to keep jabbing T to get round the circuit of. I still think a hotkey system with numbered tools would work better.

It took me a really long time to find out the cape of winds was useful. I got it to tick off the quest box, and then kept on climbing and using the vine bridge mechanism. Once I figured out the cape holy crap were the salt flats less miserable. up down up down up down infinite umbrella mushrooms...

[wyverns-blog]

You know, I'm still suffering from the fact that they didn't give Obito a legitimate summoning jutsu. I mean, he had the Gedo and the Kyubi, but they were due to a time limit and what I'm going for is a more "normal" summon, like the one with Kakashi's dogs.

I usually think he would have a fun mole summon, at least like Tobi. It would be very fun to see him place bombs underground while the moles help him or distract the enemy.

Going for something more serious, I would say that it would have a summoning of wolves.

Wolves are considered by many people to be solitary and solitary creatures, which is false because wolves depend on their teamwork to survive and obtain sustenance, forming packs and having souls etc etc. Although I remember that at some point in their lives, when the wolves stopped being puppies, they began a 'journey' as adults until they found a pack to which they belonged.

Without a doubt, teamwork and camaraderie was something that marked Obito's life, with his legendary phrase that we all know through Kakashi's mouth. That was how his shinobi path began, regardless of what happened next. And even after that "later", camaraderie remained fundamental for this Uchiha, in a darker or twisted way, but still there at the core. The moments that stand out from this were his trust in Kisame, how he protected him from an attack even though Kisame was completely capable of defending himself.

Or when he was angry at Konan for betraying him. Obito credits the Akatsuki as tools for Infinite Tsukuyomi, but when they die he ends up thanking them for their efforts, even when most of them only participated in the hunt for their own interests.

In short, Obito never stopped appreciating his companions, it was just that hatred destroyed his own philosophy of not abandoning them.

On the other hand, as a child, Obito was considered far inferior to Kakashi, despite his Uchiha genes. Although we don't know the Hatake clan very well, it is clear that the Uchiha has more dominance. Watching Obito lose to Kakashi is like watching a wolf lose to a dog. And I really don't know if you've heard that saying about "a dog raised in a family of felines", but I think it completely complements Obito and how he couldn't adapt to those who would become his family.

When Obito loses his team (post kannabi accident), it is the same as a wolf losing its pack and being vulnerable to more ferocious creatures and famine. Having to coexist with others like Akatsuki to move forward, being truly alone and just keeping watch. Lonely until he manages to redeem himself through the combined words of Naruto, Kakashi and Minato.

Obito has this appearance of being lonely and dangerous, and he is, but deep down, he wanted to return to what he could consider was his family. Very similar to the wolf, huh...

Wolves have their strength in their pack, where the group hunting strategy is a pillar for their survival. Obito was alone and away from his clan as an outcast, weak because he didn't have someone who would take the time to really motivate or teach him (Minato is not a good sensei, sorry), and wolf cubs need training to learn to hunt and be strong.

In short, Obito is the idea of a wolf who lost his pack and had to survive by adapting to loneliness alone.

[soggypotatoes]

auuugghhh

I'm trying to go to my parents place more, bc it's beautiful!! it's a gorgeous place, in the mountains with so many places to sit and read, second hand SciFi/fantasy bookstore 10 mins walk, a lake to swim in, god.. it's beautiful here and my family has become very nice to be around!!!

but god DAMN my issues hit harder while I'm here. I was feeling a bit shaky and weird and that was fine but then I had the thought of like.. what would it be like if I had someone I could message about this? and ask hey can you go on call with me while I settle down? what would it be like to be close to someone like that? bc Ive never experienced that and suddenly I got so overwhelmingly sad, I managed for a bit but I've only calmed down now bc I stole one of my dad's razors and dissected it and hid it in my room lmao.

I think loneliness is just compounded here bc I have so many memories of how lonely it was to grow up in my family, and how that loneliness grew around me like a skin and now I don't know how to let myself rely on someone. I'm so jealous of people who can be close to people, lol. I'm just, isolated from a lot of life, bc of experiences that are long dead now.

anyway. I deliberately didn't bring any sh tools here, but I think I'm genuinely going to have to do that when I come here so I can feel safe. it's stupid, isn't it? yes, I could face my debilitating fear and try to think of someone I could call, but it's so much easier to fight my body's self preservation instinct instead lol. ever since I went so deep I had to get stitches, though... it's hard. it's like, every time I go deep, my rat brain decides anything more shallow than that is nothing and doesn't help. and folks.. going that deep is HARD, do you know how many layers of self preservation you have to fight through??? also it's sickening!! it's sickening to do that to yourself. traumatising, honestly. genuinely traumatising to see that much of your insides and have to break through even more instincts to tell someone cause you HAVE to, now. and when you get hurt like that usually people want to look after you - when you cause it yourself it's more.. 'why would you do that?' or 'dont show me that, cover that up' (genuinely.. though I don't blame my mum for that cause she was affected by it too)

fuck, man. why can't I have a different coping mechanism. I mean. I do. but why is this the only one I feel I can turn to. and why has it been taken away from me now? my body's traumatised from that experience so now I feel intense searing pain from even the slightest cut, which should be a good thing, but now I have NOTHING!!!!!

anyway.

I'm going to keep coming here, I think. I have to break through this, I have to, because my mum's having surgery soon, she's going to be relying on me more and I need to be able to spend time with them without going insane. and I do feel like I need to work out how to do it alone, cause nobody's going to be there for me. I learned that the hard way. literally when I was here during lockdown, my best friend was there, I was in the worst mental health state and had to be forced into hospital for the first time.. and now that friend barely talks to me.. that's what happens 🙃 but it's okay. I can do this. I bought a travel case of paint and I'm going to the bookstore tomorrow. I can do this.

[ina-nis]

"I want you", and yes, it is in the way how I want anyone, at any time.

No one is special because everyone is special in their own peculiar ways.

This is what drives me to people, to most people, to virtually any person, really.

Wanting them is just one of the first steps. As time passes by and I become more knowledgeable, "wanting" gets lower and lower in the list of priorities - because only wanting, only loving someone is not enough.

"This person might not be a good fit for me actually", but I keep going because there's many factors to take into consideration. Who knows, right?

The missing piece is always, always, they wanting me back. It never really happens, huh? I guess I'm not a good fit for any of them, and that's alright.

It doesn't mean I'll be stuck with someone who doesn't want me. Life goes on and I'll keep on going, too.

Everyone wants to be special, to feel special, to be pampered and loved without putting on the work and reciprocate, huh?

So you will be just another one for me, and I'll go for you, like I go for anyone, and you're going to reject my feelings and I'll say "That's fine, thank you for letting me do this" and I'll move the fuck on, like I always do.

You don't get to be that special to me, when I'm not that special to you. This is not how any of that works for me.

You don't have to return my feelings, you don't have to feel the same either. It really is fine. I just will not wait around and massage your ego for you, I deserve better than this, you know? I take my feelings and my self seriously, and I'm not willing to play these games.

That's another point for loneliness: it is quite clear and easy to comprehend, no such games and absolutely no bullshit. It hurts but me existing on my own, where I can take care of myself and provide the support I need, is more than good enough and worth it.

I'm tired of playing these games.

There's a saying that goes something like "if your presence is not sweeter than my solitude, it's not worth my time" and this is exactly how I feel.

I put myself through constant discomfort when I'm "chasing" after people and I still try to give them the benefit of the doubt even though, very early on, I can tell that's not going to work for me. I already do the best I can by trying to disarm my defenses and lower my walls.

Just to be met, over and over, with people that are a fucking waste of time and energy for me.

I really want to scream.

I know I have to either stop looking and maybe go do something else with my life (which is precisely what I'm working currently in therapy) or I need to bite the bullet and just do everything I can think of, go everywhere I could go and use all kinds of tools I can use so I'll be exposed to as many people as possible.

This is really driving me insane. There's nothing I can do on my own to soothe loneliness - and emotional loneliness at that: the type that regards family and intimate relationships. It doesn't really matter if I have a million friends and a very strong support system, I'll feel deeply lonely, suicidal and like I don't have the support I need, because these deep needs of mine are not being fulfilled.

I asked myself if that is really a need, I still ask this myself very often. I don't need a romantic partner to survive, no one really does.

Then why is this causing me so much fucking distress?

I have done everything: pets, plants, yoga, volunteering, becoming a regular somewhere, learning something new, having different hobbies, being outdoors, good sleep, good diet, and fuck, all the self-improvement and self-esteem stuff I managed to finally achieve too, I could go on and on about all the things I do to improve my life and keep myself happy.

None of those things help me feel less lonely.

None of those things decrease this suffering.

So, maybe, it is a need for me. One that I can live without. Now it's just a matter of being able to learn how to live with the pain it causes me, huh?

[oddsconvert]

😱 for declan

🎃 for henley

🧟 for isaak

🩻 for vince, isaak, & ronan

From this ask game!

😱 [DECLAN] - What's your greatest fear? Has Whumper ever used it against you?

"I used to be terrified of being captured by a vampire?" Declan scoffs a humourless and dry laugh, nervously twiddling his thumbs.

"Loneliness was always a big one for me. I never dealt well with being alone. Couldn't bear the thought of being isolated, left afraid but... with Vince, it's become one of my favourite things. I'm not going to lie, it really bothered me at first. How eerily quiet it was and left all alone with my spiralling thoughts. Vince loved how cuckoo it sent me.

Now I love it - being alone means he's not around, and I'm free from the pain. So, that backfired on him."

🎃[HENLEY] - Does Whumper ever do fun activities with you? When they do, do you have fun?

"Uhm... He - Ron - Sir says it's fun? That I should like it when he hurts us, scares us or plays mind games. It confuses me a bit... it's not my idea of fun. His type of games aren't the ones I'd play.

When he asks me if I'm having fun, or if I'm enjoying myself, I always answer yes. G-Good pets don't say no. But that would be my honest answer.

I like when he lets me do the chores sometimes? It's something different. Something to take my mind off all this and a task I can focus on. Those activities don't involve pain. It's the closest to fun I can reach right now."

🧟[IZAAK] - How much control does Whumper have over you?

"None. Zero. Zilch.

It's so pathetic. It's painful to watch, really. His desperate bid for power and control but what has he managed to do so far? Restrain me? That's about it. He can whip, burn and shock me and yet I still hop back up to piss him off.

He'll have control when he worms in here", Izaak laughs, poking his finger into his forehead, "Until then. He's got nothing. Nada. I still have all the control he could ever want and never get."

🩻 [VINCE | IZAAK | RONAN] - Do you have any lines you won't cross?

VINCE:

"Not really. Life is a game of survival, may the best win. I'll do whatever I need, to get to wherever I want.

My one line is that I won't drink from a human child. That seems unneccesarily cruel, and I don't see the benefit in doing so. Especially when there's so many adult humans to pick from, ready for the taking."

IZAAK:

"Eh. I'm no killer. And I'm no fucking perv, either. I'm just after a nice little pet to keep me company, to obey my every word and provide some entertainment. That's all. I'll do anything I need to do to achieve that, and anything beyond is far too much hassle than it's worth. Than Henley is fucking worth. I'd just sell him off the next highest bidder."

RONAN:

"Not without good reason. I'm not above putting the pets down, if that's what it comes to. And pain is a necessary learning tool, I'll go as far as I need in that respect. Fear is essential. If I need to strike where it hurts, I'll do what I need.

I'm not barbaric. Should they face death, it wouldn't be unwarranted."

[rchl09nnv]

How ICT helped me at home, in school and in communicating with other people

ICT, formally known as Information and Communication Technology, contributes to all technologies for various devices and networks that enables the information and data gathered. It plays a role in the modern society and that includes my daily life. It is seen that most of the newly born generations couldn’t live without the accompaniment of technologies.

From the comfort of my home, applications and software activities made my life easier for grocery shopping, bills and payments, and household managements, making my tasks simpler and quicker. ICT not only ensures convenience, but rather, it also helps to keep me entertained. It offers various entertainments like listening to music, and watching movies or series. ICT benefits me for the sake of my loneliness and isolation. ICT has also enhances my safety within my home. We recently had surveillance cameras installed all over our house to secure our welfare and bring most comfort in our home. In case of any suspicious activities or immediate alerts, we would be attentive and move quickly. Furthermore, ICT made my life at home feel at ease with the quicker installments of technologies within our reach.

ICT provides various benefits, not only in our home, but also at school. Firstly, with the vast resources of websites, students can get access to educational research ad up-to-date information quickly and easier. For instance, there is a formal essay that needs to be recent, we can just simply go to the internet and research numerous data and information regarding the topic that needs to be brought up. From the years 2019-2021, we have used remote and visual learning. In those span of years, multiple schools have used applications like Zoom, Microsoft Teams, Google Meet, Discord, and a lot more. It helped the students learn within the pandemic. It has also come to my attention that most students use ICT for an enhanced learning. Educational apps offers various learning styles for different types of people since we don’t have the same way of learning. Over the past few years, ICT has also helped me for my visual aids, making me see presentations, images, and videos at ease. From the past generations, individuals have used books and newspapers for research and recent news or information, but in our modern society, ICT made it a lot convenient, especially for us students, to take up on an easier path.

Lastly, the convenience of ICT made a life changing course for communication. From writing letters and receiving it in the next weeks, we can just download applications and receive messages in a minute. ICT allows instant communication across long distance relationships through emails and social media apps like Messenger, Instagram, Telegram, and a lot more. With the use of messaging apps, communication has never been quicker and simpler. People with disabilities in communication use ICT through the form of text-to-speeches. Moreover, ICT translation tools helps individuals communicate in other languages for an understanding conversation.

In Conclusion, ICT has been a service in every aspect of my life with the way of how I interact, how I learn at school, and how it accompanies me at home. Its’ convenience made it a lot easier as it continues to evolve through the years.  

[hanagutierrez]

statement 

My main source of inspiration for the past few months has been my own mental health. I have struggled for my entire life with general anxiety and social anxiety, resulting in selective mutism as a child and difficulty expressing myself and my emotions in a way that other people can understand. As I got older I began to struggle with self-image and my relationship with my body, which I am still learning to work through. Art has always been an escape for me to focus on something other than whatever is going on inside my head, and I began to use it as a tool for self-expression as my skills developed. As I focussed on different aspects of my inspiration (for example, my anxiety or my discomfort), my art styles shifted and changed to accommodate what I had the ability to do, and what I wanted to say, from more abstract styles to surrealism to poetry and written word.

Lately, I have been admiring the works of Sarah Ball, whose portraiture strikes a certain chord in me. Pieces like Elise (2021) and Seyon (2021) depict the subject in a manner that is so simple and easy to look at but still are mesmerizing. With plain, flat backgrounds and shiny, detailed eyes, the paintings depict an anguish that still manages to portray almost an absence in the subject, which resonates with me as someone who experiences dissociation on a near-daily basis. Similarly, works by Arafin Sajedi depict a similar absence in the subject, despite her works being much more vibrantly coloured and detailed, often with realistic, shining eyes that look tear-filled, portraying a sort of misery. Her piece Like a Queen (2013) has been stuck in my head since I first saw it a few years ago. 

Photography is a medium that I have been interested in and fascinated by since I was a child, though I never went further than taking a few photos in my neighbourhood. Works by Leonardo Pucci, in which he often has faceless subjects that are turned away or partially hidden from the camera, and Vivian Maier, who became known posthumously for taking photos without anyone knowing, inspire me in depicting the inherent loneliness that comes with human existence. I have a passion for finding joy and beauty in the mundane, and I would like to use photography to portray the beauty of domesticity. 

I am interested in exploring poetry more as a means of speaking through my art. Constance Merritt has been an inspiration of mine for several years, particularly her poem Invisible Women, Dancing from 2003, as well as Erica Jong and her poem Narcissus, Photographer from 1971. I love how their words flow from simple prose into detailed and enthralling stories. Mitski’s lyrics hit me in a similar way; her words are blunt, but tell part of a story that leaves the listener wondering. (My favourite song of hers is Class of 2013, which I first heard about a month before I graduated high school. The lines “Mom, am I still young? / Can I dream for a few months more?” have stuck with me since.) In Merritt’s, Jong’s, and Mitski’s works, I admire how they all keep their words light and easy enough to read without exhausting the reader with overwhelming words, while their themes are very intense. I would like to involve something similar in my writing, especially while using my mental health as inspiration. 

In all my research and exploration, I have been collecting ideas like dust. I have experimented with new mediums like digital art and embroidery on canvas. I have been sketching ideas and lines of poetry on scrap papers, searching for reference images, and daydreaming constantly, getting lost in my own head while exploring the mountains and valleys of ideas and possibilities. 

As I mentioned earlier, I have been using embroidery and sewing on canvases lately, and I would like to use that more in the future, possibly in tandem with my poetry and other art styles that I would like to explore more, and I believe as I grow as an artist, my art can also evolve and develop as a coping skill for my health.

[maglife17]

Patience: A Virtue to be Exhibited! Part Five"For you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness." James 1:3 While exhibiting this virtue, remember that patience is not synonymous with suffering in silence or loneliness. Therefore, don't take the concept of patience as an excuse to keep quiet when you are hurt or experiencing pain in life or relationships. In fact, being patient often requires active participation and engagement. Patience is the ability to withstand difficult circumstances without losing one's composure or becoming frustrated. It is about remaining calm and level-headed even when things are not going as planned. Likewise, don't take the idea of patience as an excuse for doing nothing and just waiting for things to happen. Doing nothing is laziness that will only lead to frustration and unhappiness. Laziness and patience are two different things. Laziness is a tool in the devil's workshop that allows us to procrastinate and delay action. Patience is a tool in God's workshop that will enable us to go through the process of destiny in a planned and beneficial rather than destructive way. 2 Chronicles 15:7 says, "But you, take courage! Do not let your hands be weak, for your work shall be rewarded." Being patient means no shortcuts. Of course, it is not easy to be patient when everything seems like all hell is breaking loose. But if you have patience with God, you can get through the tough times. Your patience in that business, career, ministry, and relationship can give you a chance to achieve anything, even the greatest. That is why Psalm 37:8 says, "Refrain from anger and abandon wrath; do not fret 13it can only bring harm." Impatience will always be filled with pain and suffering. So next time you find yourself in a challenging situation, remember that displaying patience is not a sign of weakness but rather a strength. For one, it can help prevent us from making impulsive decisions that we may later regret. It also allows us to manage our stress levels better and maintain our mental and emotional well-being. Finally, patience enables us to build stronger relationships with others by demonstrating our capacity to understand and empathize with their situation. Amen. Psalm 37:7 says, "Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; do not fret when people succeed in their ways when they carry out their wicked schemes." Amen. Prayer: 1. Psalm 40:1: Oh! Lord, hear me when I call upon thee and give me the strength to wait on your promises. 2. Joshua 5:9: My Father, let every shame and reproach of marriage problem, business failure, marital stagnation, ministry lapse, or other misfortune be rolled away now in the name of Jesus. Amen. https://youtu.be/hhhXCr2S6I4 https://maglife.org/

[midmichiganproperties]

The Social Dilemma We All Face Everyday

Big data and algorithms are powerful tools for the companies collecting them, not for the average end user, yet. First and foremost it is the tech industry's way to quantify and monetize the access to the platform or program being given to the end-user. And when the person uses the company's program or application, they have to sign an end user agreement that authorizes the company to collect their data in exchange for access.  

When accessing most every new program online or on your phone, there is an agreement you must scroll and check a box that states you have read and agree to the agreement set forth, which most people don't, they just click through. 

*"If you're not paying for the product, you are the product" 

All sorts of information is collected such as your location and how many times you appear somewhere thus predicting your route, where you shop and even what you buy. This information is used to not only market to you before you hit the road but suggest what you need before even purchasing. And it is the advertisers that are the consumers of this data, your data. They pay to not only have access but to have your captive attention so that they can manipulate your behavior to purchase their products or services. 

"There are only two industries that call their customers 'users': illegal drugs and software." - Edward Tufte 

The dangers of the use and abuse of these social media and connected applications can range from subtle to severe. Let's not confuse anything, social media and the applications and programs used are similar to drugs in the sense that they are highly addictive. The users slowly become locked into a psychological, electronic reality that is purposely inclusive with others to keep them engaged while actually tuning out their physical surroundings. I like to call this the techno zombie phase where people subconsciously and incoherently slip into a trance like state at a moment's notice.  

The other real side of the addiction is with all the self-gratification from the rewards of the updates and alerts. This causes the person using it to feel good through the release of dopamine in the brain once the notification is received and likewise, there is a dramatic drop off and feeling of loneliness and depression when those rewards or notifications are not received. This can cause mood swings and other erratic behavior that can lead to other life altering events such as suicide or harm to others through violent actions. 

The other danger that creeps in is the manipulation of facts that create conspiracy and hate groups that form tribalism on social media platforms. The operational design of platforms run to not only create misinformation tribalism but foster its growth that can spin into chaos and physical actions from the people interpreting this misinformation.

On a personal and professional level, I believe we all have a duty to monitor and utilize social media and electronic applications responsibly and purposely. Allowing for self-control to help manage use to be productive but also have electronic shut down and detox times that allow for physical personal growth that can only be achieved through physical human contact and interaction. Creating a personal and professional plan that can help achieve this is challenging but necessary. 

As a society, there needs to be limited regulation and guard rails that will keep users from getting addicted and spending too much time on these platforms while still allowing for the protection of free speech. There needs to be a way to regulate and monitor these platforms to keep from sowing discord and driving divisions between groups of people and even countries.

Some of the largest tech companies, if not all, need to take a different approach and allow people to have the choice to pay for the platforms without advertising. Each person should also own the exclusive right to their data and be allowed to monetize their data through the lease or allowance of time to track their data. This could then be used to pay the platforms that the person is using without the back end phycological warfare of smattering the person with ads triggered at times based on their behaviors and location. 

*The Social Dilemma. (2020, January 1). [Video]. Netflix Documentary. https://www.netflix.com/title/81254224 

[definitelynotafurinasimp]

Ayo yandere content? 👀 Could I please get some yandere HCs for Ayaka, Kokomi, and Yun Jin?

Ayaka & Kokomi Yandere HCs

characters: Ayaka/Kokomi x gn!reader (seperate)

warnings: mentions of guilt trapping and abuse of power

a/n: Okay, I tried writing for Yun Jin, I really did, but with how little I know about her character and the little bit of knowledge I have about her (she sings, and everyone that knows her calls her very friendly and nice), I just couldn't imagine that she would be anything more than a little overprotective. And that barely qualifies as Yandere. With the other two characters I can imagine a character flaw that could cause them to do something to be considered as yanderes (Ayaka literally guilt traps the traveller into helping in a civil war they have nothing to do with and Kokomi is very calculating and has a lot of power).

Anyway, I hope you don't mind to much about my exclusion of Yun Jin and my rant and enjoy!

Ayaka

Due to her social status and lacking skills when it came to close relationships, Ayaka never had any people she could seriously fall in love with. Sure, there were some crushes, but those were never anything serious. Maybe, if she had the chance to spend time with them, these crushes could have evolved into something more, but most people were intimidated by her reputation, thinking her far too good to even waste her valuable time on them.

But when you waltzed into her life and tried to actually get to know her, Ayaka quickly started crushing on you. And this time, instead of the countless of times communication between her and others quickly halted or was barely more than small talk, you indulged her in her basic needs for social contact. You were like one of the heroes out of the stories she always heard, saving her from her eternal loneliness.

Which made it hurt even more when you told her that you would leave to explore the world. She begged you for hours to leave, but when you didn’t budge, apologizing to her over and over to her, but never relenting, she guilt trapped you. At first it was unintentional, but when she realised that she finally managed to make you consider her please, she continued until you agreed on staying.

It wasn’t like Ayaka didn’t feel bad about what she did. She knew that it was wrong and felt extremely guilty, but that didn’t make her change her ways. She loved you, convincing herself, regardless of if it was the truth or not, that she needed you and wouldn’t be able to live without you, now that she finally experienced how it felt to be in love.

Ayaka let you wander Inazuma as you liked, if you promised to come back. At night, when she was lying awake, feeling especially guilty about essentially chaining you to her, she would tell herself that she never really forced you to always come back, instead only begging you, and that you always returning was a sign that you didn’t have anything against it. And even though she could often see the problems with her logic, she couldn’t bring herself to change it.

Kokomi

The divine priestess had many people she could choose from, but that wasn’t what she wanted. She wanted you. No one else was able to make her heart flutter by just calling her name, no one else saw her as simply another human being. Others would admire her a little too much, treating her almost like a goddess, while there also were those, that saw her as nothing more than a tool to further their own climb in the social ladder.

But you were perfect, too perfect to ever let go off. And so, Kokomi showered you with all kinds of work and titles, hoping to keep you too preoccupied to thing about something like leaving. And even if it worked exceedingly well so far, Kokomi knew that she would have to confess to you some time in the near future. So far, she was able to remove any shrine maiden brave enough to think that they were allowed to show their affection for you in front of her. But with each day Kokomi began worrying more and more about the possibility of one of them managing to confess before they could be sent into early retirement or to the other side of Inazuma.

You sat at the beach, reading a book while waiting for the shrine-maiden you were supposed to meet. But when you heard footsteps and decided to look up, were surprised to see that it was Kokomi walking towards you.

“Oh Kokomi, I didn’t expect you to come here”, you told her before wanting to stand up in order to greet her, only to be pushed down by her again.

“I could say the same thing to you. Is there a reason to go to the beach only to read a book?”, she asked with her typical small smile before sitting down next to you.

“I was asked not to tell you, but I was asked by one of your shrine maidens to meet her here. But she hasn’t shown up yet”, you told her while picking up a stone and throwing it into the water, not knowing what else to do with your arms.

“Was it the one you were talking to yesterday?”, she asked you in a curious voice, only to make a sympathetic face when you nodded, before patting your shoulder. “I’m sorry that you had to wait for so long, but we needed someone to travel to the Narukami shrine to deliver a message to Lady Yae and so chose her. I guess no one thought about telling you about it, since nobody knew that the two of you were supposed to meet.”, she paused for a moment, looking into the distance as if she was thinking about something before turning to you with a smile.

“I know. How about you tell me the next time someone asks to meet you privately, so that I can let you know if something happens and they can’t attend.”

[imaginingmanyfandoms]

Paul's Lullaby | part one

| next>

"Sam?" Paul was, he was in pain. He respect Sam and Emily's privacy, but he needed to talk to Sam now.

Paul wasn't angry, he was in pain. He felt like the world had opened up and swallowed him whole. He ruined his own life, and he didn't know where else to turn.

"Paul?" Sam asked, opening the door. Emily was behind him, face covered in concern.

"I imprinted tonight," Paul said, "but she hates me. She really, really hates me."

"I'm sure it's nothing you can't fix," Sam said, ushering Emily to come closer.

"Sam, I'm not exaggerating, she told me that she hates me. In fact, she should hate me." Paul looked at his feet, but only to try and hide the distress on his face. "If anyone treated her that way I used to, I'd rip them apart."

"Paul," Emily said, reaching out. Paul flinched back.

"I don't deserve your sympathy. I just, I don't know what to do."

"Be patient. Maybe you just have to prove you're a different man now," Emily offered a sad smile, but it was the exact thing Paul didn't want. He shouldn't pitied, he didn't deserve it. He could feel his heart bruise and falter. He broke his own heart and has no clue on how to fix it.

Emily had to go back to sleep, but Sam sat up with Paul for a while longer.

When Paul finally left, it was almost two in the morning. He took off running through the woods, shifting when he knew he was hidden by the tree line. He tried to outrun the heartbreak, but obviously it didn't work.

You were sitting at your desk, staring at your computer. You wanted to work on your writing, but you were so angry at the audacity that Paul had.

You had done everything you could to avoid him the last couple years - and you managed to make it to the first day of summer after graduation. You'd run into him on the beach.

He was just such a jerk, acting like his words had no effect on anyone. Like he could just laugh behind your back and it wouldn't hurt.

But he used to tell people nasty rumours about you. Until nobody really wanted you around them. And then he had to take it that much farther, when you were both fifteen, he took you on a date, acted like he'd changed and grown. And right before he kissed you he said, "I know you fall for it."

That date alone triggered years of trust issues. You'd felt alone ever since.

Back to the beach, he was blocking the trail you needed to head down to get to work on time. You'd hoped that putting your head down and just trying to slide passed would work, but he recognized you. He tried talking to you, but you ignored him.

After taking a couple steps down the path he said, "don't be like that."

This made you look up, astounded that he would even say something like that. Until you finally looked into his eyes, and you recognized how beautiful he was. He also looked stunned, like he'd run into a glass door. He reached out to you, but recoiled, dodging his touch like he was on fire. Somehow, you'd felt even lonelier than ever.

One look at his face and you felt like you were missing something. You tried to keep your cool but you just couldn't. Tears brimmed at your eyes, and his friend Jared Cameron coughed, before walking to the water just to give you two some space.

"Y/N," he said, his voice low and hesitant. Making you panic, thinking he was toying with you again.

"Stay away from me," you warned, taking a defensive step back.

That hit Paul harder in the heart than you would ever know. His soulmate, his imprint, recoiling away from him defensively. He found the person he was supposed to protect, to be needed by, and you couldn't stand the sight of him.

"Just wait a second," he begged, not moving towards you again. He didn't want to scare you.

"I hate you," you whispered, and then louder said it again. And louder again. Until you had screamed it, and the tears had taken over your cheeks. Every time you said it was an arrow to Paul's heart. He nodded, and let you turn around to run off without another word.

You didn't notice him run into the woods, followed by his friend.

You called work saying you had a personal emergency, and then went back home for the night.

Back in the present, you were tearing up at the memory of it. You were sick, you think. Addicted to red flag behaviour because there was no way you were thinking of Paul's hurt face, and feeling bad for causing it. He should feel bad for all the pain he caused.

You looked at the clock, it was almost three in the morning, but you were too caught up in all your feelings to send yourself to bed. You walked to the window, and noticed some kind of animal by the tree line. You lived in the middle of the woods, in an old cabin your grandma used to live in. You moved in when she got sick but never moved out. You liked it. It was cozy. It was private.

Finally relenting, you crawl into bed and did your best to sleep.

The next day, you were walking along the same path on the beach. You offered to cover the shift of the girl who had covered yours at such last minute.

Paul was in the same spot, but alone this time. You tried to walk passed him without acknowledging him, but something stopped you. You didn't want to see him sad again, it hurt you. And it made no sense why, you'd spent two years hating him.

You were only a few steps passed him, so you turned around, gripping the end of your sweater sleeves in each hand.

Paul had his head down, but looked up when he heard you sigh. You were standing in front of him, looking so terrified to speak to him. Paul could've started crying.

"I'm sorry about yelling at you like that yesterday," you said. "I should've just walked away so... sorry."

"Don't be sorry," he said, a flash of excitement crossed his eyes, and you mistook it for something sinister. You tried to remain calm, but you were feeling lightheaded. You just couldn't trust his motives. "I deserved it."

Now that, threw you for a bit of a loop.

Fool me once, you thought.

"I still think we should just keep our distance," you said. "You kind of broke my heart."

"I'm really sorry about that, I was trying to impress the seniors. I was a tool. An idiot."

"Finally we agree on something," you said. He looked at you, and you both let out a small smile. He pushed some sand with his foot. His bashfulness made you want to believe him. "I work just up the hill. You can walk me if you want."

"Can I walk you home when you're done?" he asked, quickly falling in perfect tandem with you.

"No," you said. "But you can walk with me right now."

"I'll take it," he said.

"Why do you want to talk to me anyway? I thought you hated me," you said.

"I could never hate you," he said. "I do hate how I treated you though. Not my finest hour."

"I think your finest hour remains to be seen."

Paul stayed quiet after that. And you were oddly comfortable in the silence. You're not even sure why you invited him to come along, but some sick part of you wanted him to. You wanted to reach out and touch him. His arms just looked so welcoming, and the way he stretched his hand open and shut made you think he wanted the same thing. But you couldn't let him in, not after one day.

"Have a good shift," he said, putting his hands in his pocket.

You smiled at him ,and thanked him for walking you. When you smiled, he smiled. And you caught onto that.

Paul had been standing in the same spot every day to walk you to work. Out of curiosity, on one of your days off, you snuck close to the spot to see if he was there. And he was, leaning against the same railing, in the same spot that he waited for you everyday.

You got comfortable in a cozy little spot in the trees. You wanted to see how long he waited for you. You dozed off before you could get your question answered.

You woke up hours later, when the sun was already setting. You hated walking through the trees in the dark. You started walking on your own, but you had a bad feeling in the pit of your stomach. So you swallowed your pride and called someone you knew would answer.

Paul was sitting at Sam and Emily's table, enjoying the dinner she made while waiting for his turn to go on patrol. It was Jared and Quil out there now. Paul could hear Seth snoring on the couch, making him laugh. Things that used to annoy him, didn't really seem to annoy him anymore. Not since you started letting him walk you to work. He even got Sam to let him change his patrol times to make sure he could be there every day.

His phone rang, and with a mouthful of food checked the number. He almost chocked on his food when he saw your number. He answered, hitting his chest to dislodge the food.

"Y/N, hi," he said, big grin on his face as he stood up and walked outside. Behind his back, Emily and Sam shared a knowing look, and he leaned in to kiss his wife.

Paul noticed Jared sitting nearby with Kim, and didn't think too much of it with you on the line.

"This may sound stupid," you said, "but can you walk me home? I don't like to go in the dark."

"You never let me walk you home," he said.

"If this is a bad time, it's okay," you said, disappointment clear in your voice.

"No, no... where are you? I'll be right there." He stepped back inside the house to grab his shoes, but the sound of you gasping stalled his movements.

"I'm by our meeting spot," you said. His grin returned when you called it that. "It's so dumb, I wanted to see if you went there when I didn't work and fell asleep."

"You were spying on me?" he asked. You were silent on the other end and he laughed. "I'll be right there."

"Who are you?" you asked.

"Huh?"

He heard you scream, as did Sam and Emily who's cheeky glances turned to concern quickly. "Y/N?" he asked, panicked. He was already running outside, Sam on his heals.

"Jared!" Sam shouted, "Why aren't you on patrol?"

"Seth said he'd do it!" Jared yelled back. Paul dropped his phone, and shifted, running top speeds to where you said you were.

Never in his whole life had he been this scared. He could hear Jared apologizing for the mixup in his thoughts, but Paul didn't really care what he had to say. If you were hurt, Paul would die. Paul would simply die.

He needed you to be there safe.

I knew something was wrong, Embry thought. Paul didn't even see him show up. Sorry I didn't act on it.

Shut the shit up and run, dammit!

When he got to the meeting point, you were gone, but your bag was abandoned nearby. Paul sniffed it, getting your current scent memorized. He took off when he found the trail. He also smelled a retched, filthy bloodsucker. It wasn't one of the Cullens. No, this was different. And it started at the water, that's how it got passed their lines. Not that they had enough people around.

Paul howled, the pain in it was evident for anyone around. It was him saying get here, or suffer the consequences.

I don't smell their blood, Jared thought.

You don't get to talk about them. This anger didn't derive from a bad temper, it was fear. It was just fear talking.

Paul kept running, catching a fork in the scent trails. One way was Quil, Leah and the bloodsucker. And the other was you, all alone. Alone but alive. If he couldn't hear Leah or Quil think, that was a good sign. Meant that they'd changed back, and Leah would never do that unless she killed them.

Go to her, we'll find Leah. Sam nodded at Paul.

You were crying as you ran, clumsy feet stumbling over tree roots and your own blurred vision totally betrayed you. Someone had come out of the water, eyes red like rubies. And they were so pretty that you just had to look at her. Until the showed her teeth, forcing you to flee in fear. She was faster than you, but you think she was playing with you.

And then if that wasn't scary enough, when she was jumping down from a tree to kill you, a wolf jumped from the shadows and grabbed the woman. And it was her turn to flee. Another wolf jumped out, and you were sure you were a goner.

But it just chased after the other two. Leaving you alone and confused.

You stumbled back to your feet, running as fast as you could towards your cabin. You would be safe in there. Maybe. It was the best you could do right now.

You cried harder when you thought you heard more rustling in the trees. You were at your door, struggling to get your keys out and unlock the door. When you did, you slammed it shut and locked it behind you. You dove over the sofa and kept your eyes on the door, as if that's all it took to keep you safe.

Your phone was lost somewhere in the woods, but you could still hear them. Out there. Maybe it wasn't real.

There was a feverish knocking on your door, and you couldn't peel yourself away from the couch.

"Y/N! Are you in there," Paul shouted. Oh my God, thank everything, it's Paul.

"Paul, I'm coming," you struggled, fighting through your tears to answer. It killed him, but he was so happy you were okay.

You opened the door, and cried even harder when you saw his face. You couldn't hate him now, now when he came running for you. He ignored his usual boundaries and pulled you in for a hug. He was so warm wrapped around you. Your arms were still tucked into your chest. And his totally encompassed you.

"Just breath, honey," he said, rubbing his hand up and down your back. You tried to take his advice, but you couldn't focus.

"You came for me."

"I always will, you can always call me. I will always come running," he said. And you believed him.

"Will you stay with me tonight?" you asked, pushing yourself away from him enough to look up at his face. His features were uncharacteristically soft as they looked down at you.

"Of course," he said. He kissed your forehead, and you felt the instinct of pushing him away - but you ignored it this time.

"On the couch," you said.

"Sure, honey." He brushed his hands up and down your biceps, helping you take a few deep breaths. "I'm not going anywhere, don't worry."

"I don't understand what happened," you said, pushing yourself away from him. "She came out of the water, and then she..."

"It's okay," he cooed, "you don't have to say anything."

"And this doesn't change anything," you said. "I trust you with some things but not other things."

"Some things?" he asked, more amused than anything.

"I trust you with my life, not my heart."

"We'll work on it," he said, pulling you in close for another hug.

"Yeah," you agreed. "We'll work on it."

[requested] [part 2?]

I kind of love this?

[iamnightduchess]

SnK 139 (A personal thought on Reiner & Mikasa's ending)

We have finally reached the end. For those who began this fandom since 2010, it's been 11 years of happiness, tears and heartbreak, on top of character discourse with our respective favorites. This manga is rich with amazing life values that requires more than just a quick zip through of every chapter. It requires a thorough, repeat reading. Hajime Isayama weaved his universe in a way that never cease to blow all of his readers' minds away but still touched our hearts in an emotional way.

(Special thanks to @pethellhounds for the key pointers for this post!)

No doubt, I love all of the characters, each of their flaws, strengths and growth but my two favorites have always been Mikasa and Reiner, individually.

Upon the first two reads, I was saddened, I was devastated and I allowed my emotions to filter the absolute value of the final chapter; in particularly to my most favorites. All thanks to the discourse we had in our RK discord, my brethren offered me a different perspective on how we could truly perceive ch.139 for what it truly is: a bittersweet farewell which only leads to new beginnings.

Reiner Braun

Armin was destined to save humanity, Eren confided on that himself. Even if it was Mikasa's personal choice on ch.123 that is the ultimatum that had saved humanity by eradicating the power of the Titans from the world for good. As referenced on this post, it has been Mikasa that was destined to free Ymir all along through her selflessness.

Upon first read, the following panel seemed to portray the remaining alliance members in a different light. Everyone looked amazing, happy as they exchanged banter just like how old friends with shared traumatizing experiences do. After all they're all celebrated world heroes - living with possibly an upgraded lifestyle, fame and wealth even within those 3 years. But upon several more reads and deeper observation, one could not entirely disregard the rather dark and gloomy atmosphere beyond the bright surface. In particular Jean and Reiner, who seemed to be a bit more noticeable.

Jean somehow is putting on a front as a skirt-chaser (having preference for younger girls) while Reiner seemed to be simping over his old crush (who's already married & has a child in Paradis).

The above panel seemed comical because the actions & lines seemed a bit "out of nowhere", but beyond the surface - everyone's hurting secretly from within, some are masking their pain, though some remained unaffected because they all shared a heavy burden of guilt towards Eren's death & Mikasa's withdrawal from the group to lay their friend in his final resting place all the way in Paradis. Jean and Reiner both are putting on a front.

Do remember that during the Marley arc, not even once was Reiner shown to reminisce about Historia very specifically. Not even in a fleeting thought, thus why it could also be deduced that she did not actually have a huge impact on his memory or his genuine affections beyond just a fleeting crush to hide his tormented mental state from within. How could someone who has been shown to have tremendous emotional growth and a consistent, albeit shaky psychological regulation during his primary arc was reduced to a typical simp archetype in the final chapter? This is not, a "Reiner can finally be his real self who's free of his burdens & he is someone who's enjoying his new life" moment.

The last time he portrayed this "simping" behavior? When he was 17 years old during the 104th's first SC excursion and when his psyche was almost teetering on its edges as his Warrior!alter is wrestling control against his soldier personality in Utgard Castle.

Reiner's simping (which was an intended joke) was also an indicator of a bleak truth: his DID regressed, from his regulated state and his psyche was completely torn apart from that day. In Marley, he had been extremely depressed but he was a loyal, strong and steadfast soldier who had only his duties in mind. To see him do a complete 360 & reverted to a creepy old behaviour, is truly saddening. He's been masking his pain with this front. Even Pieck could be seen sending him a silent, understanding look of concern for his letter-sniffing action.

In 139, despite having a new chance at life, having his mother's genuine love and acceptance & achieved his original dream in becoming a respected hero who is recorded in history, one could not entirely rule out the possibility that Reiner's DID has regressed to the point that either he reverted back to his soldier persona as a facąde or he'd might have developed a new alter altogether after having to experience Survivor's Guilt for the second turn. Yet this time, with no known time limit since the Curse of Ymir had been eradicated. DID is a lifelong condition. It does not go away, it cannot be healed even with modern medicine but yes, could be managed. That letter, the mentioning of Eren's name and their impending arrival on Paradis - the place he felt the happiest of his life - could be his trigger to put on that front. He, (along with the rest of the alliance on that ship) had to live with the fact that his and his family's new life and future had been at the expense of two people's livelihood; Eren & Mikasa. Eren sacrificed his life. Mikasa chose to bury Eren at his final resting place in Shinganshina and remain there to honor his memories on her own, without anyone by her side despite having fought together & almost on the verge of dying together.

(Thank you @lancerofdarkness for pointing this out!) We can see the banter between Reiner and Jean is very reminiscent of Reiner and Bertolt, where the latter cautioned the former on "not getting too carried away". Where Bertolt had a filtered approach, Jean had a more direct, head-on snipe. This dynamic had been initially observed much earlier in this post.

The alliance members could possibly have made a silent pact between them on not mentioning either Eren or Mikasa's name out of respect for that 3 years. Or if they, as well as the others, were not divulged of the real truth by Armin. With or without this knowledge, Eren's death and Mikasa's silent departure from the alliance do affect everyone. Some are more obvious than the others.

Once again, I feel compelled to share an unpopular perception that Reiner's simping is not his true self's behavior. It is a mask. A fake persona. It is a front to hide the real pain from within.

He cared about both Eren and Mikasa respectively, as much as the others do.

Mikasa Ackerman

Upon first reading, I was initially devastated for Mikasa's conclusion. It was her decision and selfless act that had saved all of humanity and won Ymir over, which completely destroys the Paths as well as removing the titan powers together with its curse. The woman who had been at the frontlines, placing her life at stake, almost dying first to protect the men in the alliance; she who had sacrificed everything ended up with nothing but only memories of the one who could never be and loneliness.

To throw salt into the wound, we saw Eren uttering in Paths on how he refused to accept the notion of Mikasa being with another man, he wanted her to only love him and have him in her heart even 10 years after his death. It was indeed a last spur of the moment declaration that ironically contradicted his plea in 138.

Their relationship was never meant to take off by riding into the sunset together, they are not destined to be with each other, even if their feelings are mutual. Despite my personal observation of their relationship as a form of enslavement in itself: Mikasa still sees it as her devotion & commitment to Eren. I have to respect her perspective on this.

Ymir mistaken Stockholm Syndrome as love, she perceives enslavement as love. Being used as a tool of war and breeding, surrendering all her will to her captor, yearning for his validation - she saw those as love. Now the glaring parallel between Ymir and Mikasa are truly obvious. Because of love, Ymir tethered herself to Paths or purgatory for 2,000 years and in exchange of Mikasa's decision & action, Mikasa remained tethered to her love for Eren & his memories for at least another 10 years if not for the rest of her life on earth. That is truly heartbreaking.

I was devastated. I personally believe she deserves better. She too deserves to have her happy end, to be loved and have a family of her own.

When Armin had dreams of seeing the world beyond the walls, Mikasa has always been a simple girl with simple dreams: i) to go back home within that forest in Shinganshina and ii) to be by Eren's side forever. Once we realised this, Mikasa actually had everything she ever desired after all. She's back home in Shinganshina, living in solitude and in peace with no burden of world peace, diplomatic affairs on her shoulder and has no need to put on a facąde. She's been grieving and she still cried for her yearning to see Eren's face again even after 3 years that she might not stop shedding tears in the next 7 years just like Eren wanted. That is how psychologically and emotionally affected she is with Eren's words, actions and death. She chose to remember Eren and keep her in her heart that it is almost seen as an imprisonment but she's also free from other wordly responsibilities unlike the rest of the alliance members.

Did I wish she would have a better ending than this? Absolutely. This young woman has never been on her own ever since she was born, it's heartbreaking to see her having to process her grief alone without even a single companion by her side. She lost all of her incredible physical strength and had to learn how to fortify her emotional strength through her grieving process. She has only learn on how to love and be loved by Eren, which has major missing components left to be desired. Mikasa deserves to be loved, to receive that affection openly in return from someone who would be ideal, respectful, trustworthy, expressive, equally devoted, the raindrop to her seed, the sun to her cold days and loving towards her and maybe one day, eventually would be able to grow a real family from that genuine love.

The last two bottom panel above we can actually observe the innocent kid!Mikasa just like Isayama promised. She is ready and curious to once again, learn more about the beautiful but cruel world. She is ready to leave the forest upon realizing that no matter where she goes, Eren will always be inside her heart.

She is at peace. Even if she looks way thinner, fragile that she should be and could be seen collapsing as she was hit by another wave of strong grief. But since the members of the alliance are coming to Paradis for a potential negotiation, it is been stated by Mikasa that they are also coming to see Eren's final resting place to pay their respects. She will be meeting her friends after 3 years for the first time and I could really hope that they can be the support that each other needed for true healing. I am holding on to the possibility of her being ready to move on and start living again after putting the course of her life on hold by mourning for Eren the moment she is reunited again with Armin, Annie, Reiner, Jean and Connie.

The bird flew over the ship carrying the alliance as it is heading towards Paradis before heading towards Mikasa's location, giving his answer to her "You're happy right?" question by wrapping that scarf around her neck for one last time. He wanted her to be free after 3 years of grief. He wanted her to move on when she meets their friends again because she does not deserve to be consumed in her grief not even another day. Not even for another 7 years. Not even for the rest of her life.

Anything that we envision happening after 139 is valid in this universe. I believe Mikasa will begin living her life to the fullest as the end of the series is also the beginning of her next journey. But this time, she will be doing it in the company of her loved ones. Together.

[mybg3notebook]

Gale: Manipulation, Lies, and Trust

Disclaimer Game Version: All these analyses were written up to the game version v4.1.104.3536 (Early access). As long as new content is added, and as long as I have free time for that, I will try to keep updating this information. Written in June 2021.

Additional disclaimers about meta-knowledge and interpretations in this (post) while disclaimers about Context in this (one).

Before anything I strongly suggest reading this post about "Context, persuasion, and manipulation" to understand in a simplified way the meaning of the words we use, so despite not being related to bg3, it's related to communication and social issues. Since fandom loves to misuse them, I think it requires a proper explanation so we all know in which frame we are analysing these scenes. 

Due to the fact that this post ended up turning into a much longer one than I wanted to, I split it into four posts, each of them showing how many sides Gale has in those scenes, how much his actions are "manipulative", how many details related to lore he shares, and possible interpretations of his behaviour, since it's rather easy to lose his scenes because they have the lowest priority. In this post I will only make a summary and a compilation of the broad details explained in those posts, so pick what you want to read since all these posts may have overlap of information and repetitive concepts (they were written to be self-contained as much as possible).

'Stew'Scene

"Loss Scene"

"Party Scene" (with Revelation scene)

"Extra Scenes": Death Protocol and Comments on Dreams

I'm analysing these scenes in detail because I noticed that many players incorrectly paraphrase Gale's words, putting in his mouth words he never said, so for the sake of transparency, I transcribed many fragments of his dialogues, making these posts more lengthy than they should be.

The stew scene

The details are shown in the post of the "'Stew'Scene". In this scene, Gale shares a friendly introduction with the stew and with a list of good deeds done by Tav. This shows that he has begun to trust Tav so he can talk about this issue earlier than he wanted to (he will wait much longer in the neutral version). As a gesture of honesty, Gale sets an explicit boundary by telling Tav to refrain their curiosity and do not ask about the 'why' of the issue he is about to talk about (under no circumstance he is forcing Tav to agree with the delivery of artefacts before telling them 'what' he needs). He acknowledges that it may be unfair not to give the whole context, but he still can't speak in detail about this very personal issue. As an interesting detail, his trust in Tav at this moment of the conversation is so honest that he has not shielded his mind, so Tav can intrude with the tadpole without Gale knowing it—if Tav succeeds— . If Gale doesn't trust Tav even successful intrusions of the tadpole can be perceived by Gale's trained and cautious mind. For more detail read the post of "The Tadpole".

I personally interpret the stew scene as one of those moments in which one is developing a friendship with a stranger, and at some point, someone has to trust first. It's a rare occasion in which the act of trust is shared in equal measure by both members in a new relationship. Usually, one of them offers a bigger portion of trust, testing the other, seeing if it was not misplaced or if it will be honoured later. It's a normal asymmetry, and in this case, Gale is only explicitly asking for that asymmetry in his favour. 

Considering how Gale opens up later, Tav passed the test in his eyes. Helping him during his direst moment and accepting that temporal trust asymmetry made Tav “earn the respect of years” despite being a stranger he met a couple of days or weeks ago. But Gale will not be blind to that gesture. He will progressively honour that trust in the Weave, the Loss, and the Revelation scenes. And by the end of EA, if it is not bugged as usual, Gale's approval status can change to “best friend” (an information given as meta-knowledge, therefore very unlikely to be "a trap set by Gale". For more details read the post about "meta-knowledge").

It's pretty common for manipulative characters (whose trait of manipulation belongs to their personality, not characters who may have circumstantial manipulative actions) to expose their pain too soon with strangers as a tool to force empathy on the listener and "catch" them. Gale does exactly the opposite: he won't open up until having a solid ground where to place his trust. Nobody wants to share their pain in unsafe places, after all. 

Helping him with artefacts is deeply appreciated by him and a great boost of his approval for obvious reasons: people tend to place their trust on persons who helped them in their most desperate situations or in their survival. It has to do with the unique connection that often happens between survivors of extreme situations (war-like) who helped each other in surviving. The shared link is deep. One could expect this link to be built with any of Tav's companions since the Tadpole experience is traumatising and extreme. I think this has higher chances of happening with neutral and good aligned companions, since evil ones may have little scruples to not honour the trust received. 

Gale could have avoided Tav's questions and mistrust for this secrecy by just lying. However, Gale opts for an explicit enunciation of his limits and boundaries. And Tav is completely free to agree or not since Gale won't abandon the party if not. We know that, in that case, he will try to find another solution that he may find in Raphael's deal. Some players consider this situation of mutual agreement in the terms and conditions that the conversation will happen as a coercive one. What I see is diplomacy and negotiation rather than manipulation.

Gale's need for secrecy is related to two factors: 

Survival: He needs to be sure that Tav won't kill him out of fear (which we saw during the scene with Nettie; it's a common procedure in Faerûn: exterminate what's dangerous). Gale's case is even worse because killing him will only activate the devastation he is desperate to avoid: Gale wants to survive but also wants to avoid the massacre that the “orb” can cause.

Personal reasons: Which is the main reason at this point: Gale is unable to speak about the "why" of this condition because it's originated in Mystra's abandonment and the horror of the “orb”: such traumatising experience that turns the Tadpole experience into an inconvenience (this is why his attitude with the tadpole is more relaxed too, he has already passed through a much worse, terrifying situation). 

The Loss scene reinforces this concept when we see Gale—usually so verbose and impossible to shut up— can't speak or find the words to say what he lost and why. And only by the end of the scene, if Tav insisted with many checks, he managed to say something. It's worth noting that these checks tend to be strangely low for a character who is struggling with a personal secret. This is usually understood in DM-code as Gale wanting to share this info (setting a lower DC than the average). Gale is not finding the way to do it, and a Tav gently pushing him will do the trick. 

It is for this reason I personally think that Gale's secretive attitude is more like a series of obvious clues he purposely leaves in his conversations for Tav to draw their own conclusions before he could finally open up. If all Gale's scenes are triggered (which at this moment is very hard to do with his priority being always the lowest) and Tav pushes him to speak more than he is willing to, the player obtains a decent amount of information to conclude that Mystra and Gale had a deeper relationship, and that the “orb” is something dangerous not only for Gale. To be honest, the death protocol is a gigantic red flag pointing out that Gale's primary condition is not to be taken lightly and “many innocents” can die because of it. 

With a neutral or lower approval, Gale will not ask Tav to trust in him. He doesn't trust Tav either, and there is no promise to speak and disclose his condition later. Gale clearly is more mindful and caring with a medium or higher approval Tav who he is starting to see as a good companion/friend, while with a neutral or lower approval Tav he cares little about keeping the contact beyond what diplomacy demands.

It's not by chance that this Stew scene is meant to happen before the Weave scene. From a narrative, contextual point of view, the trust that Tav gave Gale during the Stew scene is afterwards paid with the Weave and the Loss scene. Let's remember that Gale would only ask for that trust if Tav is of medium or higher approval, so the Weave scene comes naturally (when not bugged). The neutral and low approval Tav is never asked for that trust and therefore the Weave scene never happens (if their approval keeps going down). In fact, Gale can leave permanently without any chance of convincing him to stay if he reaches very low approval. What I mean is that, from a narrative point of view, the Weave and the Loss scenes are Gale's way to return that trust that Tav gave him first during the stew scene and the first artefact consumption.

The Weave was not a premeditated scene. It happened by surprise, triggered by Gale's deep loneliness: Tav startled him when he was longing for Mystra while seeing her image in his incantation. He shares in that moment how important and vital magic is in his life, and only then, the previous actions done by Tav encourage him to share this experience. It's important to highlight that this is too personal for Gale, too important, and a bit painful too, since we know later (second dream) that every time he connects with the Weave, he meets with Mystra's disappointment: "What magic I can still weave is met only with undercurrents of disappointing silence." 

After a moment of rambling, Gale invites Tav to share this experience. Here is where all the branches about explicitly displaying Tav's romantic interests can be developed; a neutral option for a friendship path, or very aggressive and violent reactions can be picked as well. More details about this scene can be read in the post of "Gale Hypotheses- Part 2", section: "Proposition to Cheat". And again, for a char so guarded of his own privacy and personal issues, sharing the Weave can be clearly seen as the repayment of the trust that Gale received from Tav during the stew scene.

The Loss scene 

The Loss is a scene that starts with a mystery about Gale's incapacity to cast a spell. He keeps pushing Tav away, claiming that night to be of personal regrets. Tav knows already that something is dangerous in Gale's consumption of artefacts that can cause a catastrophe, so in this scene some links can be made between the two conditions.

If Tav gently pushes Gale to speak, we will notice that most DCs are rather low, meaning that Gale is not putting a strong resistance for the pushing: a friendly Tav pushing him can be interpreted as Gale wanting extra help to open up and speak (in the end he approves the caring despite his reserved persona). Gale gives many hints in this scene that suggest he was a Chosen of Mystra. The most relevant one is the Silver Fire reference. For more details about the Chosen's powers read the post about "Mystra and her Chosen ones".

We also see a reinforcement of Gale's pattern behaviour: He prefers to speak in this poetic way when he has to talk about painful topics (we see it after killing the druids that triggers “the barren oak” scene or during the goblin party scene). Talking in third person puts distance, but also the embellishment of his narration makes it easier for him to speak, after all he is a poet/storyteller as well. 

What's clear is that the verbose companion, who always has a lot to talk about, is basically speechless in this scene, stuck in his "loss" (literally, metaphorically, and psychologically speaking). Part of this behaviour can be understood a bit more in the post about "Gale Hypotheses- Part 1", section: "Grooming". Besides being a private person, Gale also has a perspective that talking about things that can't be changed is useless. He is so stuck in the loss, that talking about it means nothing to him, "the outcome" is always the same. 

After pushing Gale to share his burden, the presence of Mystra in Gale's life is undeniable for Tav. Gale sounds like a strong devotee that somehow lost Mystra. We know in this short description that he “did something” to impress his Goddess and earn her favour back, and in doing it, he failed, invoking death upon him. If Tav is sharp enough, knowing that Gale's consumption of artefacts is related to a “catastrophe” and a certain death of himself... maybe they can start connecting some dots and suspect that Gale's primary condition may be related to the loss of Mystra. My point is, even Tav has been informed quite a lot about Gale's “truth”. As we can see, the “Revelation” scene should not be such a shocking “revelation” as it was written, but more a “detailed description” of the situation.

The context seems clear so far: Gale knows he hides the details of his condition (which are not so hidden anymore), and knows that it's information that can cause a second abandonment (whether as a friend or a lover). Gale is at this point in his life very tired and lonely of struggling with the “orb” inside him too. He could use some emotional support, and this is why I believe he has less tough DCs that one should expect from a character who is actively holding information he doesn't want to share. We need to remember that Gale lives in a permanent anxiety mind-state, too focused on Artefacts and the disaster he can cause, increased with the dreadful, hungry feelings that the “orb” inspires with each passing day. He is getting fond of Tav at this point, and their abandonment would mean too much, even though he knows that he may deserve it. 

We know that Mystra abandoned him, but did not ban him from using the Weave. I personally speculate that maybe Gale's point of view of the situation of the “orb” and the following abandonment of Mystra is partial: Mystra may have abandoned him not on purpose but as a consequence of having that Weave-sucking power in his chest. As it was explained in the post of "Mystra and her Chosen ones", Chosen ones have a deeper connection with her, and they are able to use raw magic in the form of Silver Fire. This means that Chosen are part of Mystra herself (in Dead Masks, it's stated that Mystra leaves a bit of her own divinity in each of her Chosen), so Chosen ones are also part of the Weave, always connected to Mystra who is the Weave. If the “orb” inside Gale consumes Weave, and we all know that Weave IS Mystra, it's not too far to conclude that Mystra may have abandoned him as a safety measure since, if Gale remained as Chosen, his contact with her would be deeper and would expose her to the “orb”, destroying her eventually. But this, again, it's a mere personal speculation.

The party scene

Gale has finally reached a degree of trust in Tav that gives him enough courage to finally speak about the details of the "orb" (and I emphasise details because in broad aspects, he already shared what's most important: the “orb” in his chest is a dangerous thing. If Tav assisted in his death protocol, this is undeniable by now, unless Tav did not pushed him and respected his privacy).

If he is romanced, he promises much more: confessions in the art of conversation, pleasures in the art of the body, and, hopefully, acceptance. For Gale, acceptance is a big deal: I personally believe he shows a fair level of naivety on this matter. It seems (especially later, with his arguments in the morning) he thought he needed this level of intimacy to reach acceptance first (a process that this book guarantees to happen), so he could speak openly. He wants to have this night before any confession because he wants to acquire acceptance which, in his mind, would prevent the abandonment he viscerally fears.

Gale is so eager to spend the night with Tav first and confess later that the only way of not doing it is not romancing him at all or telling him that Tav is not in the mood. It's not clear in EA if this ends the romance; I think it doesn't since the disapproval is not big (there is no change in the approval status).

 Gale wants to be with Tav intimately so badly that he doesn't mind Tav having casual sex with other companions first as long as the "commitment" part would be established with him. This is reinforced by the fact that, if Tav never shared the Weave with Gale, there is no way to sleep with him: Gale is not a character for one-stand nights. He craves for deep connection, for commitment, in whatever fashion he can get it. Mystra taught him not to ask about exclusivity after all, and because of the ephemeral nature of his relationship with her, he craves for something meaningful and more committed.

Mystra was his first love. After her abandonment, he made the mistake of the “orb” that dragged all his energy into studying Netherese magic and possible solutions. I consider it fair to think that maybe Gale never had a relationship beyond the Goddess, and all what he learnt about romantic relationships was through books like the one he mentions or, as a poet, through novels or romantic poetry. He must have an idealisation of love (also proper of a poet) that made him believe that through sex “intimacy” there is a guarantee of acceptance. 

His pattern, in my opinion, says that he tends to make mistakes in his emotional state, which is mostly triggered by the “orb” and the potential of “abandonment”. Not so much with Mystra herself. He seems to be nostalgic, but more aware of what loving a God causes (his regret is explicit during the conversation about Karsus). He seems to be quite done with "her romantic love", but that doesn't mean he doesn't want to be forgiven nor he doesn't love her as the essence of Magic itself. More details in the post of "Mystra and her Chosen ones". 

Some players see the “Revelation” scene as manipulative. Although that's personal interpretation, if we analyse the kind of information withheld by Gale we found little new: the dangerous nature of the “orb” had been indirectly disclosed in all the previous scenes. Tav being surprised about the “orb” seems strange. And Gale sleeping with Mystra has little relevance: in a game for adults, why are past partners such a big deal? The scene is so confusingly written to make it sound as if Gale is still in love with Mystra, but previous scenes showed he has been working on getting over it. Despite loving Mystra as the embodiment of Magic herself, Gale showed to be very aware that all that love belonged to the past (second dream), to a younger self, and even though he is not certain if he loves her still, he is clear that nothing good comes from relationships between mortals and gods (comments on Karsus). He is very explicit about desiring her forgiveness (second dream). So, there is little withholding information at this point for a Tav who pushed him to speak. Now, Gale's attitude certainly has been tactless. Not the best decision to disclose a past lover with such a degree of fascination just after sharing a night with Tav. But it's understandable since in order to “disclose” the “orb”, Gale needed to provide the context of his young love for the Goddess.

The whole scene of the Revelation seems very, very unpolished, mixing tones and confusing information that was given before and presenting it as if it were a revelation when it's not the case. It jumps from one drama concept to another, and never sticks to one, and Tav's options tend to be extreme: or the player calls this disclosure a “great betrayal”, or makes it seem as if nothing has happened, giving little options of what Tav already knows, or if they want to show a moderate annoyance since most of the information has been disclosed already, but still Gale's timing is annoying. Part of this can also be written on purpose to show what a disaster Gale is when it comes to the potential of “another abandonment” in his life. Hard to tell in EA.

Tav's romantic options react as if Gale confessed to have cheated on them, while what he explains has a different degree of conflict: he confesses he is not sure he still loves Mystra, but his lines in previous scenes show he wants to get over it, without losing his magic/relationship with Mystra, because magic is too important in Gale's life. At times, Tav's options are meant for them to react with jealousy, other times as if this were a big betrayal, or as if Gale's romantic past should have been disclosed before the night, and in the last part of the scene, Larian remembered that the “orb” could be considered a conflict too, so Tav has some occasional options to react to the “orb” as if it were a big revelation (when it's not, because we had 3 scenes, four if we include the death protocol, stating its dangerous nature). So, I personally understand why every person has a completely radical interpretation of the situation: it has been written in a rush, and I see it as very inconsistent in tone and context. This all makes sense when one remembers Kevin VanOrd stream where he explained that Gale was meant to be in the second wave of companions, and not in EA. Gale's writing was rushed and it shows in the last of his scenes and his meeting scene. 

Some people may argue that talking about a previous lover right after sharing the first night is, at the least, a very bad taste. However, the player (not Tav) can understand the reason behind it: Gale started the story in order to explain in detail the "why" that has been left up in the air since the stew scene. That "why" can only be explained if Gale discloses Mystra's relationship as the origin of his mistake. So... on one hand, this disclosure right after the shared night is unfortunate for Tav (especially by picking the long version of the explanation in which Gale shares too much unnecessary detail). On the other hand, if he omits this relationship, it's harder to explain the context of why he got the “orb” in his chest. 

In general I think this scene has been handled poorly. The whole “conflict” portrayed here implies two aspects: He slept with Mystra, and he has an explosive “orb” in his chest. Neither of them are truly big arguments for the drama degree that this scene seemed to have been written because we already know, to a certain degree, about them. 

The “orb” is not truly “such a revelation” at this point. The stew scene alone gave Tav and the player a clear idea that something in Gale could cause a catastrophe without consuming artefacts. After the death protocol that certainty is clearer. So, these “revelations” are more like “extra details” of problems we already know about. Which is what he exactly says when introducing this scene: “Those are but the broad strokes. The time has come to paint you the true picture”. 

Having past lovers seems also a strange concept for a “betrayal”. Adults carry pasts. It's true that maybe speaking of a past lover in the same moment he awoke with a recent one is in a pretty bad taste; it's a bit more understandable when you finish the scene: the origin of the “orb” problem was Gale's love for Mystra, so it makes sense to start from her. However, I see the conflict of the conversation switching constantly in three directions: the fact that Gale had a lover that didn’t talk about the previous day, that “Gale is still in love with Mystra”, and that he has an “orb” that Tav “never” knew about it. A very inconsistent conversation.

It's true that Mystra is not a standard lover—she is a goddess—but she is quite known to have these affairs (at least for the player), especially during her past when her direct contact with any human was not banned. It should be more surprising that Mystra seemed to have broken that ban for Gale's case (since she only kept in direct contact with her chosen ones: Ao's decree). And it's also clear the scene tries to show that Gale is still “in love” with her, which is very confusing with what he spoke during the Loss and mainly, during the second dream. Again, I personally feel the scenes of the party and the romance are a mess from a cohesive narrative point of view, and they are the result, alongside Gale's first meeting, of his rushed introduction into EA.

This post was written in June 2021. → For more Gale: Analysis Series Index