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#but words are heard i'm not good at like
huntedvideo · 1 year
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sometimes i think about how finley has basically been on his own since he was 10 - like his dad was around after janette died, but not that much. he was working a lot, and they traveled a lot, and so fin had to entertain himself most of the time. then his dad actually disappeared when fin was 18, so he was Officially on his own. what does that do to a kid, y'know? i couldn't be alone on my own at 18, i would not have survived.
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inkskinned · 1 year
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so one of the things that's so horrifying about birth control is that you have to, like, navigate this incredibly personal choice about your body and yet also face the epitome of misogyny. like, someone in the comments will say it wasn't that bad for me, and you'll be utterly silenced. like, everyone treats birth control like something that's super dirty. like, you have no fucking information or control over this thing because certain powerful people find it icky.
first it was the oral contraceptives. you went on those young, mostly for reasons unrelated to birth control - even your dermatologist suggested them to control your acne. the list of side effects was longer than your arm, and you just stared at it, horrified.
it made you so mentally ill, but you just heard that this was adulthood. that, yes, there are of course side effects, what did you expect. one day you looked up yasmin makes me depressed because surely this was far too intense, and you discovered that over 12,000 lawsuits had been successfully filed against the brand. it remains commonly prescribed on the open market. you switched brands a few times before oral contraceptives stopped being in any way effective. your doctor just, like, shrugged and said you could try a different brand again.
and the thing is that you're a feminist. you know from your own experience that birth control can be lifesaving, and that even when used for birth control - it is necessary healthcare. you have seen it save so many people from such bad situations, yourself included. it is critical that any person has access to birth control, and you would never suggest that we just get rid of all of it.
you were a little skeeved out by the implant (heard too many bad stories about it) and figured - okay, iud. it was some of the worst pain you've ever fucking experienced, and you did it with a small number of tylenol in your system (3), like you were getting your bikini line waxed instead of something practically sewn into your body.
and what's wild is that because sometimes it isn't a painful insertion process, it is vanishingly rare to find a doctor that will actually numb the area. while your doctor was talking to you about which brand to choose, you were thinking about the other ways you've been injured in your life. you thought about how you had a suspicious mole frozen off - something so small and easy - and how they'd numbed a huge area. you thought about when you broke your wrist and didn't actually notice, because you'd thought it was a sprain.
your understanding of pain is that how the human body responds to injury doesn't always relate to the actual pain tolerance of the person - it's more about how lucky that person is physically. maybe they broke it in a perfect way. maybe they happened to get hurt in a place without a lot of nerve endings. some people can handle a broken femur but crumble under a sore tooth. there's no true way to predict how "much" something actually hurts.
in no other situation would it be appropriate for doctors to ignore pain. just because someone can break their wrist and not feel it doesn't mean no one should receive pain meds for a broken wrist. it just means that particular person was lucky about it. it should not define treatment.
in the comments of videos about IUDs, literally thousands of people report agony. blinding, nauseating, soul-crushing agony. they say things like i had 2 kids and this was the worst thing i ever experienced or i literally have a tattoo on my ribs and it felt like a tickle. this thing almost killed me or would rather run into traffic than ever feel that again.
so it's either true that every single person who reports severe pain is exaggerating. or it's true that it's far more likely you will experience pain, rather than "just a pinch." and yet - there's nothing fucking been done about it. it kind of feels like a shrug is layered on top of everything - since technically it's elective, isn't it kind of your fault for agreeing to select it? stop being fearmongering. stop being defensive.
you fucking needed yours. you are almost weirdly protective of it. yours was so important for your physical and mental health. it helped you off hormonal birth control and even started helping some of your symptoms. it still fucking hurt for no fucking reason.
once while recovering from surgery, they offered you like 15 days of vicodin. you only took 2 of them. you've been offered oxy for tonsillitis. you turned down opioids while recovering from your wisdom tooth extraction. everything else has the option. you fucking drove yourself home after it, shocked and quietly weeping, feeling like something very bad had just happened. the nurse that held your hand during the experience looked down at you, tears in her eyes, and said - i know. this is cruelty in action.
and it's fucked up because the conversation is never just "hey, so the way we are doing this is fucking barbaric and doctors should be required to offer serious pain meds" - it's usually something around the lines of "well, it didn't kill you, did it?"
you just found out that removing that little bitch will hurt just as bad. a little pinch like how oral contraceptives have "some" serious symptoms. like your life and pain are expendable or not really important. like maybe we are all hysterical about it?
hysteria comes from the latin word for uterus, which is great!
you stand here at a crossroads. like - this thing is so important. did they really have to make it so fucking dangerous. and why is it that if you make a complaint, you're told - i didn't even want you to have this in the first place. we're told be careful what you wish for. we're told that it's our fault for wanting something so illict; we could simply choose not to need medication. that maybe if we don't like the scraps, we should get ready to starve.
we have been saying for so long - "i'm not asking you to remove the option, i'm asking you to reconsider the risk." this entire time we hear: well, this is what you wanted, isn't it?
#where's the word woman in this u might wonder if u suck#good news i am nonbinary and have a uterus so that is something that can happen#im also gender fluid tho which means im immune to certain psychic damage bc if u call me a woman i'll be like <3 okay <3#writeblr#the tightrope of ''ppl need access to this''#and like also#''what the fuck is going on over there'' is like. so difficult as an activist#i was <3 punctured <3 during mine#and almost bled out on the table :) they didn't have anyone standing by bc it's ''just a little insertion''#so i started crashing and i vaguely remember apologizing for the fuss as i heard my heart rate monitor start going <3 tachycardic <3#she wasn't even a bad doctor tbh#ps btw the reason i even HAD a heart monitor is that i have a genuine heart condition and they knew GOING IN that there was a chance#i'd crash on the table#like my heart just likes to do fun little tricks and <3 stop working <3 (i do not want to discuss the specifics ty i am okay im ontop of it#and they were like 'oh u will be fine' and then she did do a puncture thru my uterus . pop!#and im sitting there dizzy and feeling my heartrate start to drop bc it feels almost. beautiful. like. the whole ground just#woosh! out from under you. and shit is like grey's anatomy. i'm looking up at her grey eyes#she's old she wears this nice shawl she's like got Cool Lesbian vibes and people are sprinting into the room#from other parts of the clinic unrelated to me. while the monitor is like a little aria singing#and shes like hey youre okay stay awake stay with me something went wrong we have to keep trying#and i remember thinking - i was trying to think of nice things. i have so many beautiful places that now overlap#with this terrible memory#i became dimly aware that there was too much on her wrists and hands. like#that was too many liters#and then when they had finished all this. i packed up and drove myself home#i have had (bad thing) happen to me. and the same feeling happened after#that numb almost lamblike bleating. you cry without noise. like. ur body is so shocked and ur mind so empty#you just stare at the road and everything everything is happening behind glass and static and you are standing so far away from it#while you hold ur hands at 10 and 2. and something in ur brain is SCREAMING at you - IT WAS BAD AND IT SHOULDNT HAVE HAPPENED#and ur just watching the alarms in your body going off and youre thinking. a little pinch! ha. i think i just lost something important.
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aeide-thea · 2 years
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on principle opposed to describing art i dislike as 'masturbatory' because even though it's an alluringly contemptuous word to sneer it's impossible to reconcile with my pro-masturbation stance
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front-facing-pokemon · 3 months
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#why do you need this many legs sir#toedscruel#woah holy shit i just looked outside and it's super dark out. i'm queuing this up at noon why is it so dark#lemme look#yeah it's. dark. there's a bunch of dark evil clouds in the sky lookin like it's gonna storm oh i just heard thunder yeah it's gonna storm#uh oh. good thing i'm queueing this guy up before the storm so my power doesn't go out. this happens frequently#anyway toedscruel. it's definitely an evolution of toedscool. it definitely looks like tentacruel#if it's a different pokémon why does it evolve into something so suspiciously similar. i can understand wigglet and wugtrio being#different pokémon. just based on how different they are from diglett and dugtrio. even though their names are a typo away#but this guy is. it. really should've just been a regional form‚ i think#unrelated‚ but on random occasions seemingly whenever someone new finds the blog and reads my tags#i'll occasionally get folks asking me how i type commas in the tags#the answer is that this character → ‚ ← is not a comma. it just looks identical to a comma because of tumblr's font#it's actually a lower quotation mark. so for a language that does ‚this kind’ of quotation marks#and i use it as a comma because i have a fancy linguist keyboard that can type all kinds of fancy symbols. and it's easily accessible#some of my favorites include the single-character ellipse: …#the degrees symbol: º and °#small A: ª#fractions: 1⁄2 2⁄3 1⁄4 etc#and obviously IPA symbols and various diacritics‚ so that i can type the word pokémon without having to copy-and-paste the E#currency symbols‚ too. £¢$§¥ euro is on here somewhere but i don't know where bc i don't use that one really#i just like being able to type things the way they're supposed to be. like it's 80º outside. the stopwatch costs 15¢ in the shop#and‚ of course‚ pokémon. it's the linguistics and computer 'tism combining together i think#it's storming harder now but i found the euro symbol: €#oh fuckin hell my lights just flickered. this is gonna be rough..!
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spread-the-influence · 9 months
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// hopping in again because 2 am is in the timeframe where i become so hyper on accidentally finding vibes like a nocturnal predator
. https://youtu.be/8Gopg80VXwc?si=j_vS5a5xUWvgiBRC
somehow sounds like t.i
// ASHES ASHES DUST TO DUST THE DEVIL'S AFTER THE BOTH OF US //
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lynzishell · 3 months
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So here we are
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...again
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crumb · 2 months
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gender-euphowrya · 4 months
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spell of explode all transphobes Activate
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essektheylyss · 1 year
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It is really astounding how many times a person can see the word "unprecedented" and somehow still not lose their goddamn mind.
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leupagus · 3 months
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Goddammit
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emuwarum · 3 months
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fighting for my life on reddit talking about parthenogenesis and sequential hermaphroditism
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watchyourdigits · 1 month
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I am re-reading Night Letter and am realizing I didn't do nearly enough research into scar tissue as I should have 💀 I spent hours researching lavender marriages and U.S. Army dog tags from the 1950s (as well as ranks and dismissals and such) instead of researching one of the defining characteristics of the main character, aka his severe facial scarring.
Anyway here I am retconning his scars - they are hypertrophic NOT keloid. That is entirely on me because I didn't know what the fuck the term was for it and assumed that if they were raised then they HAD to be keloids. I'm so sorry for this. Like deeply.
For those who don't know the difference, I don't recommend looking up pics unless you're okay with seeing mild medical g*re. Brief description of the aforementioned scar types:
Keloid: raised, shiny, firm & rubbery in texture with no distinct pattern. Caused by an excess of collagen deposits during the healing process. These scars invasively extend PAST the area of the original wound and do not regress over time. Hard to treat. Can form over months to years after an injury. More common in black folks and other melanated people who have a family history of keloid scarring.
Hypertrophic: raised, but not to the degree of keloids, and can also be different colors and usually have a distinct wavy pattern due to collagen deposits. Also caused by an excess of collagen, but not to the extent of keloids. These scars do NOT extend past the area of the original wound, typically do not recur, and CAN regress over time. Typically appear within a month of two of an injury and do not continue to progress (typically begin to regress actually).
I'm attaching an image below the cut comparing the two.
Left is keloid, right is hypertrophic. You'll see the difference. It's easy to confuse them because they're similar in depiction, but this is a good visual example of exactly HOW they are different. Raised scars =/= keloids!!! Do NOT be a fool like me!!!!
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#fic: night letter#scars //#scar //#regg rambles#i'm gonna rewrite night letter at some point. it's not abandoned though#it's just been so long since an update that i'm rereading it and cringing heavily. many clarity edits are needed methinks#and also just minor tweaks i didn't notice the first time around (minimal grammar tweaks#mostly it's all just formatting bc copy pasting italics into AO3 puts a space after the italicized word#which looks horrible when theres punctuation after it!!)#okay so maybe not a REWRITE. just a re-edit. not much i'd REALLY change so far aside from the clarity stuff.#like the clarity in the deacon trash can scene also belongs in the trash alongside deacon himself#there was no good indication that frankie had heard something and that danse was playing along by continuing their convo#it was all an unspoken exchange. but there was also no moment of realization outside of the dialogue.#this is all bc i overexplain everything and was trying to not do that as much#and just left out any mention of danse realizing frankie is hearing something & trusting him implicitly even tho they're actively arguing#it was sooooo good in my head like fuck. the execution was so bad i am cryin at my desk rn#like they're having a BITTER FIGHT. and danse is VERY UPSET.#but the moment he notices frankie being weird. he works with him even though he's mad and upset and everything. it's so delicious in my mind#anyway sorry i didn't take my meds today and i am at work and can't think straight#regg writes
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nouveaumoon · 1 month
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ok for the art style thing your art kinda gives “kid with plans of a looney toons saturday morning cartoon marathon followed by prince of egypt and/or sinbad on vhs grew up and the art bangs now”. i was/am?? obsessed with the art direction on those dreamworls movies and your art reminds me of that stylization that had me so mesmerized lol
i will give you credit, it absolutely Feels like this should be correct, but it is only half right. i never have had cable so i never saw looney tunes outside of two visits to my aunt's house when daffy duck was on 😔 BUT i did watch prince of egypt multiple times in my teenage years when i got a laptop of my own. i looooooooooooved the art of that movie. many hours were spent drawing after school trying to imitate the shape language. you got me there
the truth is... i spent most saturday mornings watching sky high, because it was on every saturday on whatever channel was broadcasting it nearby. i feel like that does explain something, namely the bisexuality
youtube
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strangeandinteresting · 3 months
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saw the stex revival today slick they could never make me hate you
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ereborne · 7 months
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Song of the Day: February 20
“Run Away” by Sarah Jarosz
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seaofreverie · 3 months
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Anyway.... Back to what I was pondering earlier today... It's been 4 months but I'm still as deeply obsessed with Exotic Creatures of the Deep as at the very start
#00s sparks albums save me#save me 00s sparks albums#the question of how it's been 4 months already aside#i have decided to name this album my official Mental Breakdown Album TM#so it's a good thing that it doesn't really bring me any unhappy associations. even though it could#because when i started listening to it in early march#it turned out to become one of my lowest periods in the mental well-being sense. like. ever.#it's gotten better though and later i discovered that whenever i got into that slump again#and nothing at all felt like an alluring thing to do and even most music couldn't cheer me up#i still felt like listening to ecotd at least#sometimes you get into specific albums or artists at the exact right moment and this was one of such times for sure#i have so many thoughts about this album but if i tried to write them down#it would probably all just be an illegible mess. one day i'll do it though. or at least try to#as for now i can at least say that the possibly most suffering-inducing (positive) songs for me are strange animal and likeable#i'll never forget the moment i first heard strange animal as part of the from the basement set#what a SONG!!! and that entire performance changed my brain chemistry forever#and. GODDDDDKJHKEFLJMKBELKPJ... LIKEABLE!!!#the connection i feel on some metaphysical level to that song the melody the instrumentation the lyrics#is way beyond what words can explain. or i'm just bad at putting these kind of things into words#it's soooo oooughhggahgh.....#also i don't know exactly how it happened#but i can't believe etc immediately became my most listened to song according to my last fm (which i made around then)#and it has stayed in that spot ever since#ok that's my sparks madness talk for today. i'll probably never be normal about them. not that i even want to#sparks am i right. goddddd#goosepost
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