#but ye gods not in romance novels where it seems to be a popular choice oh no

[thegirlwholied]

not to have a grudge against all books written in a certain POV but first-person alternating, we meet again, my beloathed

[leilas-digital-scrapbook-blog]

Giving Love a Bad Name – Confessions of a Fanfiction Writer

I know we’re supposed to blog about our major projects this week and I promise I will get to that soon, but I’d like to go off book for a moment to address something that’s been bugging me since last Thursday’s class. As someone who’s always tried to engage with fandom in as creative a way as possible, I hoped a class on user generated content would offer a fresher perspective than the usual amount of prejudice and self-righteous superiority that sadly seem to accompany the subject of fanfiction even amongst people that make stories and their passion for it their bread and butter.

Guess I should have known better.

In the world of professional writers, fanfiction is still a filthy word. It sums up everything that’s wrong with the people you’re sharing your stories with: the obsessiveness, the entitlement, the disregard for boundaries, the penchant for making everything about sex. Worse, gay sex, as unspeakably dirty as it’s hilarious. Be warned, writers: if you make it big, your stories will inevitably become a free-for-all at the mercy of those people. A worse fate than even George R. R. Martin could wish on his own characters.

I’m used to seeing the world of fanfiction belittled and disparaged, of course, and I’m the first to admit that the community is often its own worst enemy. But for some reason it still hurt a little to sit in class and listen to people I’ve come to like and respect during these past few months buy into every bad stereotype associated with the form. Not because I felt called out (though yes, I do write fanfiction from time to time, and I happen to quite enjoy reading it too), but because of the underlying assumptions that 1. something that’s not 100% original cannot be art, it’s a violence in fact, especially if it twists someone else’s creation into something it was never meant to be (in this case, queer representation); and 2. there’s something wrong with creating exclusively out of love, without ever expecting to be paid for it. And I have Strong Opinions on that.

So let’s talk about fanfiction.

Actually, scratch that, let’s talk about my favorite subject – yours truly. As you may have gathered by now, I love fanfiction. A whole fangirly lot. My gateway drug into it was my obsession with Lost about 10 years ago and its pesky habit of offing every character I was foolish enough to get attached to. But lo! Someone was keeping them alive through their stories! I felt blessed. I got to spend more time in a world I loved, and I stopped flirting with the idea of giving up on the show every time another character I liked bit the dust. Everybody won.

Even more than as a fan, though, I appreciated the world of possibilities that fanfiction opened up to me as a non-native speaker. I come from a small town in the north of Italy; the access I had to foreign books in their original language was limited, and if I wanted to read something in English I’d have to spend quite a lot of money on one of the very few novels (usually chunky airport bookshop thrillers or housewife romances – not exactly my preferred genres) that shared a single shelf in the bookstore with German, French, Spanish titles. But fanfiction was free, accessible, and there was so much of it. If I didn’t like a story, all I needed to do was move on to the next. Suddenly there was an infinite library of engaging stories to help me make my English better. True, they didn’t all read like a published novel would – there’s a lot of unpolished, error-plagued, stream-of-consciousness-y material out there. But there are also so, so many beautifully written works, and believe me, even for a non-native speaker it’s very easy to spot the difference.

Fanfiction also gave me the chance and motivation to practice my English writing in a way school never could have done. I’ve been writing my own stories since I could hold a pen, but I didn’t dare write in English until I was a fanfiction-loving teenager. It was a marketing decision, really – my first foray into writing fanfiction was for a fandom so small that I wouldn’t be surprised to find out I’m the only Italian representative, so if I wanted any kind of feedback on my work I’d have to suck it up and try my hand at writing in a language that didn’t come natural to me. I would never argue that the feedback I got on my works made me a better writer – contrary to popular opinion, the fanfiction community is made up of the nicest, most supportive people, and alas, you’ll never get a comment on everything you did wrong with your structure or even just pointing out common grammar mistakes from them (though I was lucky enough to have someone explain to me how dialogue punctuation works differently in English than in Italian, so I guess something can be learned even from the Internet). It did motivate me to keep writing, though, and that made me a better writer. If you think I’m being too dramatic, dishing out this monster of a post nobody asked for just to declare my eternal devotion to fanfiction, it’s because it’s personal to me. I can’t even count the number of times I’ve been told that I write in English as well as native speakers, and fanfiction is a big part of why that’s true. I doubt I would even be in this course if it wasn’t for it.

And then, of course, there’s the gay thing. I’m not going to argue about how heteronormativity sucks and representation matters because I’m sure everyone’s as sick of talking about it as I am, but please try to understand how it felt for a gay person like me, used to be depicted in media as a plot device or token secondary-character representation if at all, to be able to step into a world where queerness was the default for once. Where queer protagonists had meaningful queer love stories and queer friends and got to save the world from the Apocalypse too. Or to fight the Empire or go to Hogwarts or everything else fictional straight people have had a right to do since the dawn of storytelling in addition to romancing the hottie of their choice. I’m not asking you to feel as passionately about it, of course, but (especially if you’re straight) you might try and empathize the next time you think a fanart of two boys kissing is something deserving of your amused contempt.

I hope I’m not coming across as the person that screams “homophobe” at everyone who disagrees with her because I guarantee that’s not what I’m trying to do here, but I think the general distaste for slash says a lot about the way our society sees heterosexual relationships as love and homosexual relationships as sex. Yes, there’s a lot of gay porn in the world of fanfiction. But you know what you’re most likely to find? Romance. Not in the saucy literary sense of the word, but in its simpler, most literal acceptation. Fanfiction is just one more way for humans to express themselves, after all, and love has always been front and center in our art. Love, not sex – even if it’s gay. In fact, explicit material doesn’t even make up the majority of what you’ll find on a fanfiction website. Don’t worry, I don’t want anyone to taint their souls by visiting one of those dens of iniquity so I pulled some stats myself. Here’s the number of works for each rating in three of the most popular fandoms on Archive Of Our Own, the current go-to website for the fanfiction community (sorry Fanfiction.net) – Harry Potter, Supernatural and the Marvel Cinematic Universe as of 9/3/2019:

Even counting both Mature and Explicit works as straight-up porn (which I don’t think is quite fair, but that’s a discussion for another day), they only make up less than 1/3 of the material. Kinda disappointing, for a medium that’s supposed to be all about filthy graphic gay sex. Imagine if only one in three musicals actually featured singing and dancing, or superheroes weren’t in the majority of superhero movies. They’re lucky fanfiction is shared for free, or I’d be screaming for my money back.

Maybe I’ve just been brainwashed by SJWs, though, and this has nothing to do with my being an immigrant or a lesbian. Maybe my inability to see what’s so bad about appropriating someone else’s intellectual property for your own amusement is a cultural thing. I apologize – as mentioned, I’m Italian, and we all know Ancient Roman culture was basically just a ripoff of everything those inventive Greeks came up with. It’s in our blood. Hell, our 2€ coin, the biggest, has the face of Dante Alighieri on it, a writer most famous for having written 14.000+ verses of self-insert real-person-fic in which the girl he fancied as a teenager, his favorite author, and God himself all fall over themselves to tell him how awesome he is and he gets to prophesy an eternity in Hell for his political enemies. Talk about wish-fulfilling entitlement. Not to mention all those creatively arid Renaissance “artists” celebrated for stealing characters from the Bible and Greek mythology (seriously, the fact that Greece hasn’t unleashed an army of lawyers on us yet is nothing short of a miracle) and putting them in their cheesy paintings. Other countries can rely on a much stronger moral backbone and endless imagination – I’m sure Shakespeare, Milton, Goethe, those creative geniuses at Disney and countless others never had to resort to something as cheap and despicable as borrowing other people’s characters to tell the stories they wanted to tell.

Either way, I can’t help it – I see the prospect of creating something that will resonate with people so strongly that they’ll make it a part of themselves, that it’ll compel them to make more art, to reach out and connect with other fans, as something incredibly beautiful rather than scary. Maybe this is my usual naiveté speaking, and I will come to eat my words. It’s certainly disturbing that a bunch of entitled fans bullied the Mass Effect developers into changing the series’ ending, and sending actors explicit fanart of themselves is straight-up harassment, but is fanfiction really the problem here? Or is it social network culture, with its power to destroy all barriers and foster hive mind? To give resentment a platform to spread and be heard? I promise that the average fanfiction writer wouldn’t campaign to get an ending changed. They’d just roll up their sleeves and write a better one themselves.

[mermaidsirennikita]

July 2018 Book Roundup

This was a bit of a slump month for me in terms of reading.  But wait!  I read so many books!  Yeah, but I savored very few of them.  Some were mediocre, and several were bad.  Very bad.  Standouts included Riley Sager’s “spooky summer camp reinvented” thriller The Last Time I Lied and the very satisfying conclusion to Kiersten White’s super underrated Conqueror’s Saga, Bright We Burn.  You win some months and lose some months--I hope the next one is better.

My Plain Jane by Cynthia Hand, Jodi Meadows, and Brodi Ashton.  2/5.  A retelling of Jane Eyre, My Plain Jane sees Charlotte Bronte and Jane Eyre as friends at Lowood together, with Jane able to see ghosts and Charlotte desperate to get to the bottom of her secrets.  As Jane takes a job at Thornfield Hall, she is pursued by Charlotte and intrepid paranormal investigator Alexander, in a tale full of ghosts, secret wives, and romance.  I... really don’t want to say I hate this because it had its funny, cute moments that remind me of My Lady Jane, but... I kind of hated it?  It’s partially my own fault, really, because the book was exactly what it described itself to be.  But what worked when twisting history--My Lady Jane focused on Jane Grey--just doesn’t work when retelling a popular book.  Charlotte was quirky girl’d to the point of being twee; she also seemed into Jane Austen, which bugged me because she wasn’t.  And much of Jane’s side of things seemed like condescending fix it fic, in a way.  Don’t you know that Jane only falls for Rochester because she’s a romantic young woman with no life experience (and an obsessed with Mr. Darcy because I guess)????  Maybe I just like the real Jane Eyre too much.  Either way, I’m still going to read the next Jane book, but cannot recommend this one.

The Last Time I Lied by Riley Sager.  5/5.  Fifteen years ago, Emma Davis was the last person to see Vivian, Allison, and Natalie before they disappeared from Camp Nightingale--and the world--forever.  She accused a boy she liked of doing something terrible; and she vanished into obscurity, reinventing herself as an up and coming artist.  But she can’t seem to stop painting the girls, even as she covered them up afterwards.  Upon the prompting of the camp’s owner--and dogged by guilt--Emma returns to teach at the reopened Camp Nightingale, given three new girls to mentor.  Yet she still can’t seem to stop seeing the girls--especially the entrancing, manipulative Vivian.  Riley Sager does something with his books that make me really happy: he keeps on taking a classic teen slasher trope and making a whole book about it.  I loved the sexy-teens-in-a-cabin angle of Final Girls--and this book takes on the whole creepy camp thing, complete with a spooky lake and campfire legends.  He also throws in--for good measure--toxic, intoxicating girl relationships!  Because yes, Emma had a crush on a boy, but her world was really dominated by Vivian.  At one point, I thought that this book would be a 4 out of 5 because as much as I love the tone and atmosphere and the overall story, I wasn’t a big fan of how Emma’s hallucinations worked and the ending seemed rather predictable.  But that wasn’t the REAL ending.  And the real ending?  Just... yes.  The present storyline in this book is good, but the past--mostly Vivian, let’s be real, that’s a girl after my own heart--is fantastic.  

Bring Me Back by B.A. Paris.  1/5.  While stopped at a gas station with her boyfriend FInn, Layla goes missing. Twelve years later--after enduring a period as the prime suspect in Layla’s murder, despite the fact that her body was never found--Finn is engaged to Layla’s sister Ellen.  Out of nowhere, little signs begin appearing that lead Finn to wonder... could Layla still be out there?  WHAT A DUMB BOOK.  I didn’t realize that I’d read one of Paris’s books, the super underwhelming The Breakdown.  If I had, I wouldn’t have tried it.  God, this was fucking stupid.  Literally every twist you would think of, every basic “surprise” is here.  And then one that is so--but the real issue is Finn.  I don’t take issue with flawed protagonists, but Finn was more than flawed.  He was creepy (fine in certain cases) and stupid (never fine).  And for that matter, everyone else was so one-dimensional that it was impossible to sweep aside his shortcomings.  I skimmed this after a point, and I’m glad I didn’t waste any more time on it.

The List by Joanna Bolouri.  1/5.  IT GOT WORSE!!!  I won’t bother with a summary, because this is actually pretty fucking simple: a year (!!!!) after her ex cheated on her, thirty-year-old Phoebe still isn’t over it.  In an effort to revitalize her sex life, she makes a list of sexual experiences she hasn’t tried and wants to, and sets off to check them off with her best guy friend, Oliver.  Okay, admittedly, I should have known that this would be a diary book, which is a style I usually don’t like (with some notable exceptions).  Phoebe has the most annoying voice I have ever read.  It’s as if the author wants to mimic Bridget Jones, but doesn’t understand why people like Bridget and why she came off more as hapless but amusing, instead of just... a moron.  Phoebe is a FUCKING MORON.  She hates her job, she uses cutesy slang words (like, my least favorite cutesy slang words from the U.K.) and describes sex acts in the least appealing way possible.  But it’s not as if the author wants the sex to feel real, because aside from a few mishaps, Phoebe overall has great sexual experiences, even when you imagine that if this is the first time she’s doing them, it’d probably be more awkward.  Like... we’re supposed to buy that Phoebe LOOOOOVES anal after the first time she’s tried it, but she describes it as feeling like “she’s going to the bathroom, but good” basically.  HOT STUFF.  And she’s just a dipshit in general.  She and all of her friends are.  I knew this was definitely going to be 1/5 after Oliver made a joke about stereotypical “Native American” names (a joke that is somehow worse knowing that an author from the U.K. wrote it) but even before then, Phoebe is talking about her lack of sexual satisfaction with her friends all of whom are in their thirties and one of them... is like... humping a couch?  I don’t know why authors who write “sexual” books think that this is normal behavior.  I am in my 20s; I’ve been in weird situations; I know a lot of weird people.  Never has some dry-humped a couch in front of me... as a joke.... or in general.  Wow.  Stupid.

Choose Your Own Disaster by Dana Schwartz.  3/5.  Dana Schwartz’s memoir--detailing her struggles with eating disorders, mental illness in general, romantic travails, and finding herself as a millennial--is laid out in the style of a choose your own adventure novel.  While it’s certainly well-written and takes advantage of its gimmick, I can’t say this was as enjoyable as My Lady’s Choosing.  Obviously, they’re totally different genres, but...  I don’t know.  This wasn’t a fun read to me, even though I think it was important.  Some parts hit too close to home, which isn’t Schwartz’s fault, while other parts seemed overwritten, which is.  A mixed bag.

The Silent Companions by Laura Purcell.  4/5.  Shortly after marrying the wealthy and handsome Rupert, Elsie finds herself widowed and pregnant, sent away to the Bainbridge family’s country estate to wait for her baby to be born.  She’s met with eerie villagers and angry servants, as well as Rupert’s awkward cousin, Sarah.  All of that, however, she could deal with--what’s more unsettling are the violent events that begin occurring in the house, and strange painted “silent companions” that seem to pop up everywhere, their eyes appearing to follow Elsie around.  Perhaps most disturbing of all is the diary Sarah finds, detailing the story of Rupert’s ancestress, Anne Bainbridge--and her mute daughter Hetta...  This kicked off with a slow start; I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to get through it.  But about 50 pages in, things PICK UP.  Especially when we get into Anne’s diary, which is where some of the really creepy stuff takes place.  It’s a spooky, unsettling story that feels like it’s of another time.  If you’re a fan of “The Others”--which I am--I’d highly recommend the novel.  

Bright We Burn by Kiersten White.  4/5.  The final book in The Conqueror’s Saga sees Radu finally forced to make a choice for his future, as Lada’s conflict with him and Mehmed--and all of her enemies, really--finally comes to a head.  I can’t say much more than that, because... final book in the series, and all.  I really can’t recommend this trilogy enough.  Yes, a gender-flipped Vlad the Impaler story sounds weird.  But Lada is a great character you so rarely see in YA--a truly horrible female lead.  She’s awful.  Not a monster, but not really redeemable either, especially after this installment.  And I wouldn’t even say that Lada is the most complex character in the series--that goes to Radu, her brother who is a) gay b) a Muslim convert and c) in love with Mehmed, their childhood friend who is in love with Lada, who kind of loves Mehmed but kind of hates him because he’s about as horrible a she is.  I loved this poisonous triangle of scheming and bad people--Radu is significantly less horrible than Lada and Mehmed, but has his moments--and the world and the supporting characters, and the only reason this book didn’t a full 5/5 is because I think there needed to be more.  The conflict of the trio really petered out a bit for me, and it came down to Lada and Radu.  And I love Lada and Radu, but Mehmed was the kind of antagonist that got their asses in gear, and the book needed that extra kick.  Overall, however, this was a great conclusion--super satisfying, and quite bloody.

An American Marriage by Tayari Jones.  4/5.  Celestial and Roy are upwardly mobile Atlanta residents--she a rising artist, he a young executive--and just over  a year into their marriage when Roy is arrested for a crime he didn’t commit.  Sentenced to twelve years in prison, Roy writes to Celestial as their marriage gradually disintegrates.  When he’s exonerated and freed five years into his sentence, he returns to her.  But Celestial has built up a relationship with Andre, her childhood friend and the best man at her and Roy’s wedding.  The question isn’t just one of who Celestial belongs with--and whether she belongs with anyone--but of whether or not she and Roy ever would have worked out in the first place?  This is a DEEP literary book, y’all.  Not light reading.  And I can’t say it was super enjoyable?  I mean, this is one of those harshly realistic, love isn’t enough tearjerkers.  But it was very well-written, and it examined themes and questions that I don’t think you’d necessarily expect from such a relatively simple premise.  Of course, much of the novel does revolve around being a black man (or woman) in 21st century America--so I can’t critique that aspect.  The only thing I really can say as a criticism is that the older characters in the novel--Celestial and Roy’s parents, primarily--do essentially repeat themselves a good bit.  And again, I can’t say that I like everything every character did or said--but every action came from a very real place.  It’s a harsh one.

Give Me Your Hand by Megan Abbott.  3/5.  Kit is an ambitious scientist, hoping to gain a spot on a PMDD-related study led by her idol.  She’s the only woman in the running, and considered a shoo-in the the “woman spot”--until Diane shows up.  Diane and Kit knew each other when they were younger; and Diane told Kit a secret that derailed both of their lives.  With the weight of Diane’s secret on her mind, Kit begins to slowly unravel, questioning how she should handle a secret that has gone from being another person’s problem, to hers as well.  I’m not one of those people scared off by Abbott’s squicky, literary style of telling domestic thriller stories.  I’m used to her obsession with the female body and feminine mysteries in general.  I’m not sure why this one didn’t click with me.  The writing was still there, and on paper the story is something I should have liked--so I’m saying it’s me, not her.  It may be that the books of Abbott’s I’ve really liked have dealt more with the truly domestic sphere or something more mundane and universal than scientific studies?  I just wasn’t attached to this story or the characters.

The Death of Mrs. Westaway by Ruth Ware.  3/5.  Down on her luck tarot card reader Hal is shocked when she receives word that she is the possible recipient of an inheritance.  Her grandmother has died, and Hal is summoned to her home to hear the will being read.  The only issue is that to Hal’s knowledge, her grandmother was already dead--and with her mother gone, she has no way of knowing who this woman is.  Desperate for money, she goes to the Westaway estate, only to find that the inheritance may not be worth the risk.  This is a very standard mystery/thriller.  Kind of predictable.  I really don’t have much to say about it.  The book wasn’t bad but it didn’t thrill me, so it might be another me/my slump thing.

Love and Other Words by Christina Lauren.  4/5.  Macy hasn’t seen her childhood friend and first love Elliot for eleven years.  When they run into each other in a coffee shop, he’s an aspiring novelist and she’s a resident on the brink of marriage.  As the novel traces the story of Elliot and Macy’s past--and what he did to make her cut off contact with him the same night he confessed his love--Macy is confronted with a decision about her future, and owning up to who she is in the present.  A slump-breaker!  This is a really good romance, y’all.  Elliot and Macy’s chemistry is palpable.  You spend the whole novel worrying less about what drove them apart, and more about when they’re going to get together.  That being said, the best part of the book was definitely the past.  Their friendship felt genuine, which made the sexual tension buildup even better (speaking of: this is one of the few contemporary romances with legitimately good sex scenes).  The stakes aren’t quite as high in the present--it seems painstakingly obvious from the beginning that Macy can fix her issues in a pretty simple way.  And if she didn’t know that, I’d be a bit less annoyed, but she does.  Not much happens in the present, really--that’s just the payoff for what started in the past.  Still, this is a very sweet, sexy, and kind of heartwarming book that I would recommend to anyone who needs something that’s light without being TOO light.

Roomies by Christina Lauren.  3/5.  Holland is obsessed with a guitarist on the subway, and has been for about six months.  By a twist of fate, they finally meet, and through her connections she is able to get him a job opportunity.  The only problem is that Calvin--an Irish immigrant who’s overstayed his student visa--is in the States illegally.  So, out of the goodness of her heart and not at all because she wants to jump his bones, Holland offers to marry him so that he can get his green card.  What could go wrong?  Christina Lauren is, again, great at building up the sexual tension between her characters, and can actually write good sex scenes.  This is a sweet, fluffy, silly book.  I’d recommend it to romance fans.  It’s just not as substantial as Love and Other Words and the plot could have been stronger; I basically skimmed over that stuff because it didn’t really grab me, and focused more on the romantic bits between Holland Calvin.  A quick, nice read, but I’ve read better romance novels.

Lying in Wait by Liz Nugent.  2/5.  Andrew and Lydia, a wealthy couple who’ve fallen on hard time, have buried the body of a young woman in their back yard. Though Lydia desperately tries to keep the secret from their son, Laurence, he discovers the truth before long.  Meanwhile, their victim’s sister investigates Annie’s disappearance, struggling for answers.  Ugh, this hasn’t been a great month for me + thrillers.  This one sucked.  In theory, there were good ideas, and moments of good voice, but the overall execution was very poor.  The characters came off as caricatures, one of the worst things you can do in a thriller imo.  And ooooh, there was so much emphasis on Laurence’s obesity, Annie’s lack of education--it seemed lurid and borderline exploitative at times.  Hard pass.

[anditjustmadeherkind]

Normal has always been the watchword: character growth, resistance to change, and 'Veronica Mars'.

Comment to author of meta on the following link:

http://cadhla.livejournal.com/969717.html

Normal has always been the watchword: character growth, resistance to change, and 'Veronica Mars'.Today's essay contains references to and spoilers for all of season one of 'Veronica Mars', as well as the first part of season two, focusing primarily on 'Normal Is the Watchword' and 'Driver's Ed'. There are no spoilers for unaired episodes of 'Veronica Mars', or spoiler-based speculation on where the series is going, although there is some thematic speculation relating to and tied into the way Rob Thomas tends to treat character growth and resistance to change. 1. Are you content with where this story ends? / There was a time when all of us were friends. You can call the end of the first season of 'Veronica Mars' a lot of things -- shocking, satisfying, jarring, unfair, visceral, too much, not enough -- but you can't really call it a happy ending. Veronica got what she thought she always wanted; she uncovered Lilly's killer, and saw to it that justice would be done, her father's name would be cleared, and her life could return to something resembling what it was before -- in short, to a state she could call 'normal'. We see Veronica's isolation throughout the season, along with her association of the loss of everything from her life-with-Lilly to the solving of Lilly's murder. Find out who killed Lilly Kane, and her father can have his position in the community back. People will stop blaming her for backing him. Possibly, the mystery of why Duncan left her will finally be resolved. In short, finding out who killed Lilly will actually restore Lilly: find her killer, and Lilly comes home. This isn't an uncommon sort of reaction in someone grieving deeply for a loved one, especially not when that loved one died under unusual or extreme circumstances. 'Lazarus, come forth' becomes a very tempting phrase. If you find the hit and run driver who killed your son, everything will be repaired. If you find the flaw in the fabric of the world that allowed this impossible thing to happen, God may take it back. A great number of public service organizations have been founded on the irrational, unspoken belief that if something can be rendered impossible, it will somehow be retroactively repaired; it will be taken back. The first season of 'Veronica Mars' is, in a way, a year-long attempt on Veronica's part to get Lilly Kane back where she belongs, and thus get herself back where she belongs. Prove that it shouldn't have happened, and perhaps the universe will finally repair itself. There are two major issues with this plan. First, and most glaringly, the dead don't come back just because you say the magic words and unmake the accident. (Not unless you're in a Stephen King novel, and sometimes, dead is better.) So the subconcious 'I can fix everything that has been broken' that was very likely a motivator is something that can never, unfortunately, play out. Second, and more insidiously, the reason that they say 'you can't go home again' is that it's true, because things change and are changed by the forces that act upon them. Through the very act of trying to fix what has been broken, Veronica has changed. Before Lilly's death, the loss of her mother, the loss of Duncan, and the effective loss of her innocence, Veronica was a very different person -- something pointed out not only by the living, but by Lilly herself, both through flashbacks and through dream sequences. Veronica becomes more Lilly-like through her actions, but always lacks both the thoughtlessness and the willingness to play with the hearts of the people around her that Lilly displayed. If anything, Veronica has managed to become a synthesis of the two, taking on many of the best -- and worst -- aspects of both personalities. Can you see the reasonably meek, demure Veronica Mars who played lily-maid to Lilly Kane pulling off some of the setups our current Veronica has gone for? Before she was forced to learn to be Lilly, such actions simply weren't taken. (Please note that I am not canonizing Veronica, who has, as I noted above, also taken on many of the negative aspects of both personalities -- while she lacks Lilly's thoughtlessness, she does have a strong degree of 'I matter, because I am doing right, and you do not, because you're in my way' self-righteousness that can arguably be attributed either to the influence of our dear Miss Kane, or to her own natural inclinations, inherited from her father. In this world, after all, nature tends to trump nurture. Veronica is flawed, yes, but that is not the topic we are addressing today.) So Veronica's 'home', symbolized in the form of Lilly Kane, is gone forever, and cannot be reclaimed, no matter how much she might wish that it were otherwise; furthermore, Veronica herself has been so transformed by her time away from home that, even were she to somehow go back, she would be unable to stay. Consider, if you would, the case of one Miss Dorothy Gale, a little Kansas girl who -- when she was swept away from home by a force of nature as sudden and unexpected as the death of a beloved friend -- wanted nothing more than to go back, to go home again. And, if we leave her after a single story, she achieves what she claims to want; she gets back to Kansas. If, however, we return for the later books in the series, we find that Dorothy has been so transformed by her time in Oz, by what she's seen and done and been forced to do, that Kansas can't contain her anymore. Eventually, after several attempts to normalcy, she gives up, and returns to Oz forever. Veronica, like Dorothy, has been to see the Wizard, and has been transformed by the things she's seen, done, and caused to happen. She can go back to Kansas if she likes, embrace the monochrome as much as she wants, but the only chance she had at getting her normal life and a normal ending wasn't a chance at all; it was closing the book after the first story, and that's not so much 'the end' as 'I refuse to let the rest of the tale unfold'. For Veronica, the state of 'normal' has changed. She just doesn't know it yet. 2. Come and be normal with me. For Veronica, in a pre-Lilly's-death world, normal was at least partially defined by a certain level of playing the follower. She followed Lilly with devotion, and while she wasn't slavishly devoted to her desires (she refused the velvet dress, after all, until it became a symbolic part of her transformation into a more Lilly-like role), she was more inclined to take the easy road, and obey. She followed Duncan with all the passivity of a stereotypical teenage girl indulging in her first love. (I am aware that not all teenage girls are sheep just because they have boyfriends, having been a deeply stubborn teenager; Veronica, however, seemed to believe that being in love with Duncan meant being a character out of a stereotypical YA romance novel, all doves and flowers and flowing draperies.) She followed orders from the adults around her, and had very little reason to exercise a moral code, even though she clearly had one. She was, in short, exactly the sort of girl who hangs with the popular crowd in every high school, but is forgotten ten minutes after graduation, because they were just hangers-on. It thus makes sense that a return to normalcy would involve a return to a more passive role, at least for someone whose standards for 'normal' were originally set the way Veronica's were. Her trading Logan for Duncan isn't just a matter of 'one of them is being batshit crazy and the other one is actively wooing me'; it's trading the active for the passive. How did Logan win her? By punching a man, by racing to her defense in forum after forum, by actively attempting to keep her from harm, and by initiating acts of physical affection. How did Duncan win her? Through passivity. He comes to the coffee shop, he presents himself as harmless, he gives her gifts, and he slowly nudges the world around to where their actual reunion is an anti-climax. By picking Duncan, Veronica picked both a return to the past, and a return to the passive. Life with Logan may not be any better or any worse, but it would be undeniably active, and finding Lilly's killer means that she has the right to turn her back on the future, at least in her own eyes, at least for now. Duncan's relatively heartless-seeming exchange of Meg for Veronica can be directly rooted into this same syndrome. Meg was, after all, in many ways his substitute for pre-Lilly's death (shortened from here on out as 'pre-LD', because I'm lazy) Veronica: she was popular, pretty, not from one of the better-to-do families in town, on the pep squad, and reasonably willing to be a follower instead of a leader. Her evident devotion to Duncan was enough to allow her to fill the Veronica role to at least enough of an extent to make it worth trying. When Veronica seemed to be returning to 'his' Veronica, however, the urge to return to a more peaceful time made her seem like the more appropriate choice, and so he fled back to her, looking for a girl that no longer existed. His discomfort with this exchange becomes evident fairly quickly, as Veronica is rather clearly playing a part that she's no longer any good at, but too much has been disrupted in his life; too many pieces have been knocked out, and won't be coming back, no matter what he does. Giving up Veronica, even after the disturbing changes that have been made in her by the past year, would be too much like giving up on Lilly completely. Let me note that I am not questioning whether Duncan and Veronica love each other, or whether they did love each other at one time: it is quite possible to love someone based entirely on a person that they no longer are. I don't think that Duncan has changed all that much; really, I think the emotional stasis that he's forced himself into is a great deal of the problem. Duncan is a constant state of 'is', with no option for change, because he won't allow it. Duncan is in love with Veronica. Never mind that she's become a stranger; he knows that he is in love with her, and he can't let that be false, because to allow it to be false would be to admit that he's different now, and that's the last thing he wants to do. So he remains in love with someone he can't fully comprehend, and things just keep getting worse between them. Veronica, meanwhile, is someone who is in love with Duncan Kane, and moreover, can see fairly clearly that he really hasn't changed. Ergo, since she's back to normal, back to her pre-LD life, and she hasn't changed, she must still be in love with Duncan. It's not negotiable. Logan is also suffering from this urge to return to the norm, although to lesser degree than the others. Veronica is, after all, a Lilly cognate by the end of season one, and while I do feel that Logan, having witnessed this change with clearer eyes than either Duncan or Veronica herself, is genuinely in love with who Veronica is, the fact that she doesn't know that person means that their relationship is fairly doomed, and that much of Logan's attraction, at least initially, is very likely founded on her similarities to Lilly. Unlike the others involved in this little circuit, however, he's more aware of it, and thus has more of a shot at still loving Veronica once she's found out who she is...and once he learns that fact for himself. 3. Once you become a Queen Bee, you can't go back to being a worker. Oddly, it's the character of Jackie that throws the changes in Veronica into the sharpest, and most undeniable, light. Jackie is, after all, arrogant, bitchy, pushy, and utterly convinced that she's going to get her own way in all things. She's an alpha female, very much like Lilly was, and it's only the undeniable affection felt towards Lilly by most of the cast that saved her from being as unlikable a character as many have found Jackie. (Well, that, and the fact that we really see Lilly only at her best, through flashbacks. We never actually see Lilly being as heartless as her position in the local social structure would have sometimes -- often, even -- forced her to be.) Given Veronica's pre-LD position in the social structure, she should have welcomed Jackie with open arms, and gladly changed positions to follow her. That is, after all, what she's claiming to want. Only she doesn't do it. While protesting that she's just another drone in the great hive of Neptune High, Veronica sets herself up to face off against Jackie as only another Queen Bee would dare to do, questioning her choices, undermining her embryonic authority within the circle that, under natural circumstances, she would eventually come to rule. Veronica is, in short, resenting a new Queen coming to town -- not just because Jackie would be taking Lilly's place in the social structure, but because Veronica, on some level, has lost the ability to follow. The changes she has made in herself run too deeply, and her rejection of Jackie shows that her vaunted normalcy is really just a veneer slapped over the surface of the 'true' Veronica. Veronica's apparent selfishness is also supported by this contradiction. In her pre-LD life, she would have had Lilly to check and balance her -- basically, to tell her 'no' and set firm limitations. With Lilly gone, all those limitations were lifted in a way that didn't seem all that bad; they had been lifted by Lilly, in leaving, and because they had been lifted, she could do what was required to get Lilly back. Solving the mystery would, in some way, return the limitations, because it was going to make everything exactly the way that it used to be. Only it didn't quite work out that way; Lilly didn't return, and the only person actually setting limits on her -- Keith -- is someone whose limits she spent the last year learning to ignore. Duncan doesn't expect Veronica to need limits, because he always associated with her in tandem with Lilly, who limited her naturally. Wallace and Mac have never been in a position to put those limits down. The two characters most likely to act as a functional limiting factor on Veronica, given the social constraints that already exist, are Weevil and Logan. Weevil because he's outside the social hierarchy, and has no qualms about questioning her actions or blind acceptance of 'the way things are'; Logan because, despite his own dependence on the past, he has previously lived with and been in a position to place some limitations upon a full-blown Lilly. Even in her Queen Bee state, Veronica's selfishness and tendency to demand her own way has nothing on the behaviours we've seen from and heard attributed to the late, lamented Lilly Kane. People have questioned the reasons for including Jackie, a character who didn't really seem to have a role, in the cast. I say that her role was a very simple one. Just as Meg represented Veronica's original, innocent state, Jackie represented the darker parts of being Lilly, and of following a Lilly. Veronica, for all her protests of normalcy, can't be fully devoted to either of them. She can neither become Meg, nor embrace Jackie. The world has moved on, and the only people trying to pretend that it hasn't are Veronica, and Duncan. They're the ones trying to freeze themselves in time and space, and are thus, inevitably, the ones that are going to fail. 4. Where do we go from here? The lie of normalcy -- the illusion the normal is the ideal, and is something that can be achieved just by trying hard enough -- is one that, like all lies in the world of Neptune, is inevitably doomed to failure. We can see the cracks forming well before we hit the climactic events of 'Driver's Ed'; they're present every time someone reminds Veronica that for the past year, she wasn't normal, and every time we see her trying to force herself back into a role that she has, quite frankly, outgrown. For the moment, however, it remains a necessary role, because lies only die in Neptune when you prove that they're not the truth. If Veronica walked away from 'normal' right here and right now, before proving to herself that it no longer worked, she'd never get over it, just like Duncan couldn't get over her without getting her back, and no one could get over Lilly without closure. Right here and now, Veronica is in an abusive relationship, and the name of her partner is 'The Status Quo'. But just like the death of a loved one can deify them and make them impossible to move beyond, the way she lost her original, normal state has been romanticized to such a degree that the only way to say 'y'know, maybe it's better off gone' is to get back together, play through the emotional abuse, and finally come to the breakup on her own terms. The breakup is coming. It's coming fast, and it's coming hard, because Veronica is starting to understand the limits of her chosen place in society. It's not going to take that much more to make her realize that while she doesn't have to be Lilly, the Veronica she's pretending to be died, quietly, in her sleep, at some point over the last year. And really, that's for the best.

[trueloveisrarelyafairytale]

20 Banned Books you've probably read

Banning books from schools and libraries is a form of censorship that predominantly hurts the people that would benefit most from keeping the book(s) available. It is not up to a few to say what book is available to who. Making a choice for a group of people based on the decision of a small group is morally wrong in my opinion. There is a difference from a book being challenged, which probably happens to just about every book at one point, and banning, which is when the book is actually removed from a library or school. The following is a list of some of the best books ever written that were banned at one time or another.  

1. The Scarlet Letter by: Nathaniel Hawthorne (1850) A woman has an affair with a man of the church which results in a love child. As a punishment for her transgressions, she has to wear the scarlet letter “A” for Adulterer.  There were some that felt the author was too lenient in the character Hester and that she didn’t get what she deserved. There was complaint of immoral content and sympathy to the sins committed. Considering the time this was written, this one isn’t too surprising.   2. Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll (1865) My wedding was Alice in Wonderland themed so this is obviously one of my favorite books. This has had some controversy because of suggested drug use (eating mushrooms that change your size, a caterpillar smoking a hookah…) as well as speaking animals which is considered evil or something. It was banned in Hunan China for that reason in 1931 because of the way the animals acted like humans. The Censor General feared children would see animals and humans as equals and also believed allowing the animals to speak was offensive to humans. I have also read something about the author’s sexual preference, but that refers to Lewis Carroll, not the story.   3. The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by: Mark Twain (1884) I enjoyed this book quite a bit growing up. I was oblivious to the racism in it as a child, but ultimately that is why it was banned. Now, of course racism isn’t ok, but during the time the story takes place (and at the time it was banned oddly enough), racism was a very large part of everyday life. Jim was Huck’s friend and seeing the way he was treated was cruel. Though, I personally feel it was showing the intensity of racism many feel like the book itself was racist. While it may have been called “trash”, it is now considered an American classic.   4. The Tale of Peter Rabbit by: Beatrix Potter (1902) When I saw this book was banned, I couldn’t think of a single thing that would do it besides the fact that Peter’s father was killed. That wasn’t it. This book was banned for portraying “Middle class rabbits”. Yep. I don’t even really know what that means, so while I technically know why the book has had controversy, I’m still really confused.   5. The Great Gatsby by: F. Scott Fitzgerald (1925) This was fairly recently made into a film that did well, and it’s a favorite of many readers, but this novel has had its fair share of complaints. The novel contains a sexual affair (which is never portrayed in detail), bad language, and violence, which is the formula to set people off. The novel is set during the prohibition where the drinking was heavy and the partying described was also considered uncomfortable to some.   6. Winnie the Pooh by: A.A. Milne (1926) Pooh? Pooh was banned? This one was a little all over the place. The talking animals being against God is brought up with this one as well. Piglet being a pig had some controversy over if it would offend Muslim children. One thing that blew my mind, was apparently pooh wore a swastika and was seen as a Nazi supporter. It’s been awhile since I’ve read it, but I don’t remember that.   7. Gone with the Wind by: Margaret Mitchell (1936) This is the only book on this list that I have never read, which is horrible considering I am a romance writer. I will remedy that soon, but that is neither here nor there. The book was primarily banned because of the racism and the way they treated slaves. Like I said, I haven’t read it, but I’m pretty sure slaves were never treated well, hence the name “slave”. As an author I strive for authenticity, and while slavery has never been acceptable, it did happen. Slaves were, in fact abused, so reading about it isn’t going to be pleasant.   8. Of Mice and Men by: J.D. Salinger (1937) I remember the effect this book had on me the first time I read it. While it was intense I still don’t feel as if I was too young to be reading it (around 12). A major complaint was that this book didn’t fit in with the age group it was being taught to in schools. There is bad language and violence, but another problem was that the book glorified euthanasia. That seems like a bit of a stretch to me, but ok.   9. The Catcher in the Rye by: J.D. Salinger (1951) The Character Holden is often compared to number three’s main character Huckleberry Finn. The book follows a teenager who has a pension for drinking (Underage) and a potty mouth. Those were two large reasons the book was banned combined with sexual content. While the book still faces controversy, it has come back from being banned and continues to have an influence on teenagers all over the United States.   10. Fahrenheit 451 by: Ray Bradbury (1953) Yeah, a book about burning/banning books was itself banned. No irony there. Yes, there is bad language, blasphemy, as well as the bible being burned, which is what lead to the banning, but I think the message of this one was lost on more than a few.   11. Lord of the Rings by: J.R.R. Tolkien (1954) This was another beloved book that spawned multiple, wildly popular films. One issue with this book is the smoking. The characters do smoke, from a pipe mostly, but if we ban all books with smoking in them… that is a lot of books. The magic involved is seen as witchcraft and un-Christian. What I find interesting is that apparently, J.R.R. Tolkien was not only a Catholic, but the book are said to be symbolic to Christianity. Similar to The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe by C.S. Lewis (with whom he was actually friends).   12. Lolita by: Vladimir Nabokov (1955) When I first heard what this book was about, I was shocked that it was put into print, but later found it was done so through a pornographic press.  When my curiosity got the best of me and I read it, I was stunned because it was so beautifully written. Yes, the story is about a pedophile that makes my skin crawl, and is infatuated with a twelve year old, but the truth is, it was so tastefully told that it didn’t make me as uncomfortable as it would have otherwise. Humbert Humbert was the narrator, and I hated him, but still, I loved the book. France, United Kingdom, Argentina, New Zealand and South Africa have all banned it for its obscenities and is was temporarily so in Canada.   13. Green Eggs and Ham by: Dr. Seuss (1960) I thought for sure we would have more talking animal issues, but the only complaint I have been able to find is that portrayed “early Marxism”. Dr. Seuss was open about the fact that he wanted kids to question their government. From what I can gather (because I had no idea what that meant), Marxism is a belief that our social class system, and the constant conflict between upper and lower class, is responsible for the way history has turned out. And apparently that’s why it was banned, but the ban has been lifted since the death of Dr. Seuss.   14. One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest by: Ken Kesey (1962) This book is pretty crazy. There is a lot of sexual material and has been called “pornographic”. Many parents and school boards have fought to get this removed from shelves. It was said to glorify immoral activity and the profanity, torture, and death was seen as inappropriate for high school students. Let me just say, the story is told by a character who is mentally ill, which I always saw as unique and eye-opening and is set in a mental hospital so it isn’t going to be gumdrops and unicorns.   15. Where the Wild Things Are by: Maurice Sendak (1963) The fact that any childhood is without this book is sad to me, but when I saw why this book was banned, I had to laugh. Because Max was sent to bed without his supper, apparently his hunger sent him into hallucinations of monsters, and is “psychologically damaging” to young children. Really? Because he missed one meal? The book made it clear that Max has an active imagination and was rambunctious hence why his mother called him “Wild Thing”.   16. Where the Sidewalk Ends by: Shel Silverstein (1974) This book is a fantastic compilation of poems that often have the message to not listen to everything you are told, and use your imagination. A lot of parents and teachers don’t like that message because they believe it teaches them to be disrespectful. It was also accused of having references of suicide, Satanism, and drug use. There is one poem called “Dreadful” about the baby being eaten and the narrator burps at the end insinuating he ate the baby. Ok, maybe it’s a little disturbing, but children are just going to find it funny and amusing, not resort to cannibalism as some parents were concerned would happen.   17. American Psycho by Bret Easton Ellis (1991)  In Australia, the book may be purchased by someone over the age of eighteen, but at one point in the State of Queensland sale and purchase of the novel was illegal. The story is of a man who is extremely concerned with how the world sees him is also a sadistic killer. It was a concern that the book would bring about violence. Simon and Schuster dropped the title three months before the book was scheduled to be released because of a lot of pushback from the media. The problem people had was with the inner dialogue of Bateman, but when you write, the characters become their own entity in a sense. That was who Bateman was, and being true to the characters and their story is the art of storytelling.      18. Harry Potter Series by: J.K. Rowling (1997 -2007) The most common problem with these books, is the fact that the characters are good witches and wizards that perform magic. Since religious teachings say witchcraft, demons, sorcery, etc. are a sin against God, they feel this is confusing to children because the [main] characters are seen a good. The themes in the book can get somewhat dark and there were concerns that it would be too intense for children. However, the millions of adolescent Harry Potter fans would probably disagree. Another problem is the fact that Harry and his friends lie, sneak around, steal, and break other rules to accomplish what they are doing in the story. Parents were upset that he never got in trouble, but that’s probably because the headmaster was in on it half the time.   19. The Perks of Being a Wallflower by: Stephen Chbosky (1999) This is a novel about teenagers coming of age. The sexual content is the main concern, especially the witnessing of date rape. There were complaints by parents for drug and alcohol use…did I mention the book was about teenagers? The mention of masturbation was reason for some controversy (Again…teenagers). What really got me, is the fact that people were appalled that homosexuality is even mentioned in the book. Like homosexuality is some terrible thing. You want to talk about offensive… and this was published less than twenty years ago.   20. Fifty Shades of Grey Trilogy (2011-2012) Compared to the other books on this list, this isn’t exactly surprising, but I primarily read and write within the same genre as FSOG, and this book is like the training wheels for the genre. I kind of have to wonder what these people would say about books like “Captive in the Dark”. It was taken out of libraries for immoral content and sadism. They don’t want pornography or erotica in their libraries, and there were also concerns of the character’s religious views. It’s no secret what these books are about (Hot young Billionaire + Virginal young woman + mild BDSM= Book), so if someone wants to read it should be available for them to do so.   These are the books that have shaped us (Well, maybe with the exception of number twenty) and if these books aren’t safe, I don’t know that any books are. I am a proud reader of banned books and will do my part to fight censorship in any way possible.   *What would you add to the list? Did you enjoy this post? I would love to hear from you!     Charity B.

[lalka-laski]

Have you ever gotten into an accident with you parents’ car?: I’ve never been in an any car accident. Though you might think I have based on my debilitating fear of driving or even sometimes just being in a car. 

Ever thought of just picking up and moving far away?: The thought’s crossed my mind but I’d never do it for 2 reasons.  1) I’d miss my family too much 2) I know that simply running AWAY from a problem doesn’t solve it.

What’s the wallpaper on your computer?: I’m on a work computer right now so it’s just my company’s logo 

What is the last thing/person you took a picture of?: The iced coffee that my coworker generously bought me this morning!

Name a band/artist you like that isn’t that popular.: Fever Ray comes to mind. She might be popular in her native Sweden (or elsewhere) but not so much here. Although I’m not good at measuring popularity of music artists. I just like what I like. I fucking love Coldplay but apparently it’s the cool thing to hate them?

Can you lift your significant other (your best friend if you’re single)?: HA I actually try to often. I can lift him like an inch off the ground but that’s it. 

What is the first vehicle you recall your parents/guardians owning?: My mom had a white van growing up. God, that was a wreck but we had so many great memories and road trips in it. 

You only have $5 for the whole week; What do you buy with it?: Taco Bell

What was the worst job you’ve ever had?: None of my jobs have been particularly great but none have been horrendously bad. My current job sucks and brings me terrible anxiety every day but I wouldn’t say it’s necessarily worse than any other one I’ve had. 

Have you ever seen counterfeit money?: Not that I know of

Have you ever lost a pet you were attached to?: Three times :( 

You’re at an amusement park; What ride do you want to go on first?: I have a much lower threshold for rides now that I’m older. I used to love rollercoasters but now they make me far too anxious. 

You can read minds; Whose mind do you snoop around in first?: I’d rather not. Some things shouldn’t be messed with. 

What was the most rebellious thing you’ve ever done?: I’m not very rebellious, so I’m not sure. 

Do you ever talk to inanimate objects?: FREQUENTLY

Pick one: Laundry, Dishes, or Vacuuming?: I despise doing the dishes, and laundry is a hassle just because of how never-ending it is. I’ll go with vacuuming. Plus a freshly vacuumed rug always feels nice! Have you ever moved and had to change schools growing up?: Yep, I moved to the next town over when I was 12.

You are forced to move out-of-state. Where do you go?: Definitely no red states, and nowhere too warm.

Name the most meaningful thing a non-relative has done for you.: Almost every thing Glenn does for me is meaningful and just so special. 

The highway and back roads take you to the same place; Choose your route.: Back roads maybe 

You’re going to be a mom/dad; What do you think/do?: Right now? I’d panic because I’m nowhere near ready. But I know we’d make it work. 

Have you ever tried to fold a piece of paper more than 7 times?: Sure have!

Are you more likely to give up or persist when you’re having trouble?: Avoidance is one of my fatal flaws. I have a tendency to just throw in the towel and give up rather than confronting the issue. 

Do you resemble one parent more than the other?: I have physical features of both my parents, but personality-wise I resemble my mom a lot more. Although my dad and I have very similar humor and music taste. 

Your best friend needs a kidney to survive; Do you give them one of your’s?: No question about it.

Name a big life event that has taken place for you within the last 2 years.: Moving into my own apartment & living alone for the first time. Followed by Glenn moving in & living with a boyfriend for the first time.

Do you end up regretting things you say often?: Every other word that comes out of my mouth

Would you rather have a huge cat or a tiny dog?: I’m not much of a pet person but I always prefer cats to dogs. 

Pringles or Lay’s Stax?: They’re both disgusting.

Name one difficult lesson you’ve learned.: Well as I’ve mentioned several times in this survey already, I’m learning that avoiding your problems is no way to “deal” with them. 

Name one thing you look forward to as you get older.: I look forward to getting married and building a family with Glenn. 

Do you use your hands when you talk to emphasize what you are saying?: I do, though not as much as other people seem to. 

You own a huge business; What is it?: I’d love to run my own magazine or website. 

Are you afraid to ask for help when you know that you need it?: Actually no. If I can say anything about myself, it’s that I’m never too proud to ask for help. Life is a team effort. 

Should adopted kids be allowed to find their birth parents if they want to?: That’s entirely their choice. I know I would feel a strong urge (well, a curiosity more than anything) if that were me.

Name somebody you think died before their time.: Nora

Name the possession you’ve had the longest.: My bunny “gammy” (blanket). 

You’re writing a novel; Is it horror, mystery, romance, etc.?: Domestic fiction 

You have an embarassing secret; Do you tell anyone?: I have a LOT of those... 

Will you usually admit it when you’ve made a mistake? Yes. I actually have such poor self-esteem that I assume everything I do is a mistake anyways

[flashhdtv]

Private Lives Episode 1–2020 (K.DRAMA) on JTBC

Private Lives Episode 1

Watch Private Lives Season 1 Episode 1–10 1–2–3–4–5–1–7–8–9–10 Full Episode Private Lives Temporada 1 Capítulo 1 Sub English / Español 2020 ➤ http://flashserieshd.dplaytv.net/tv/107442-1-1/private-lives.html VISIT HERE ➤➤ http://flashserieshd.dplaytv.net/tv/107442-1-1/private-lives.html

In a world where data is no longer private, con artists uncover a sinister surveillance scheme headed by the government and a greedy corporation.

🎬 Private Lives Season 1 Episode 1 Online Free 🎬

Watch Private Lives — Season 1 Episode 1 : Episode 1 HD free TV Show | TV Shows & Movies In A World Where Data Is No Longer Private, Con Artists Uncover A Sinister Surveillance Scheme Headed By The Government…flashserieshd.dplaytv.net

Watch Private Lives — Season 1 Episode 1 : Episode 1 HD free TV Show | TV Shows & Movies In A World Where Data Is No Longer Private, Con Artists Uncover A Sinister Surveillance Scheme Headed By The Government…flashserieshd.dplaytv.net

Title : Private Lives First Air Date : Oct 07, 2020 Last Air Date : Jan 01, 1970 Number of Episodes : 2 Number of Seasons : 1 Genres : Crime, Action & Adventure Networks : JTBC

Private Lives

A con artist who unintentionally gets involved in private matters on a national scale and competes against massive corporations.

Lee Jung Hwan is a team leader for the major corporation. He looks like an ordinary company employee, but he is a mysterious figure. Meanwhile, Cha Joo Eun is a swindler, who has the looks of a sweet & innocent woman. She supports herself with her crimes.

Show Info

Network: Korea, Republic of jTBC (2020 — now) Schedule: Wednesdays, Thursdays at 21:30 (90 min) Status: In Development; premiering October 2020 Language: Korean Show Type: Scripted Genres: Drama Crime Romance Episodes ordered: 16 episodes

With dozens of films genre being released each year, a typical one that gets overlooked by the more popular ones (action, drama, comedy, animation, etc.) is the subgenre category of religious movie. These films (sometimes called “faith-based” features) usually center around the struggles and ideas of a person (or groups) identity of a religious faith, which is, more or less, has a profound event or obstacle to overcome. While not entirely, the most commonplace religious type movies focus on the religion of Christianity, sometimes venturing back into the past in cinematic retelling classic biblical tales, including famed epic films like Ten Commandments and Ben-Hur (the original 1959 version) to some more modern endeavors from Hollywood like Risen, The Young Messiah, and Paul, Apostle of Christ. Other Christian “faith” films finds a more contemporary setting to tell its story, with some being “based on a true-life account” like the movies Unconditional, Heaven is Real, Unbroken, I Can Only Imagine, Indivisible, and Miracles from Heaven, while others might find inspiration from literary novels / fictionalized narratives like The Shack, Overcomer, War Room, and Same Kind of Different as Me. Regardless, whether finding inspiration from true life, references from the bible, or originality, these movies usually speaks on a person’s faith and the inner struggle he or she has within or one society’s views, spreading a message of belief and the understand of one’s belief. Now, after the success of 2018’s I Can Only Imagine, directors Andrew and Jon Erwin (the Erwin Brothers) and Lionsgate studios release the 2020 faith-based film / music biopic feature I Still Believe. Does the film walk a fine line between its religious aspects and cinematic entertainment or does the movie get entangled in its own faith-based preaching?

THE STORY

Its 1999 and Jeremy Camp (K.J. Apa) is a young and aspiring musician who would like nothing more than to honor his God through the power of music. Leaving his Indiana home for the warmer climate of California and a college education, Jeremy soon comes across one Melissa Henning (Britt Robertson), a fellow college student that he takes notices in the audience at a local concert. Falling for cupid’s arrow immediately, he introduces himself to her and quickly discovers that she is attracted to him too. However, Melissa holds back from forming a budding relationship as she fears it will create an awkward situation between Jeremy and their mutual friend, Jean-Luc (Nathan Parson), a fellow musician and who also has feeling for Melissa. Still, Jeremy is relentless in his pursuit of her until they eventually find themselves in a loving dating relationship. However, their youthful courtship with each other comes to a halt when life-threating news of Melissa having cancer takes center stage. The diagnosis does nothing to deter Jeremey’s love for her and the couple eventually marries shortly thereafter. Howsoever, they soon find themselves walking a fine line between a life together and suffering by her illness; with Jeremy questioning his faith in music, himself, and with God himself.

THE GOOD / THE BAD

Sorry if this sounds a bit familiar pieces from my review of I Can Only Imagine, but it definitely says what I feel about these films. While I am a devout Christian (not a crazy zealot or anything like that) for my bases of religion and my outlook beliefs in life, I’m not a huge fan of the “faith-based” feature films. That’s not to say that they’re bad or that I find them deplorable to the other more popular movie genres out there, but sometimes they can a bit preachy and corny / honky in their religious overtones and overall dramatic direction. Personally, I like the more biblical tales that Hollywood as put over, with Cecil B. Demile’s The Ten Commandments and William Wyler’s Ben-Hur; both of have proven to stand the test of time within filmmaking. Of course, Hollywood’s recent trend of put out more “remakes” movies puts an overcast on those biblical epics with 2014’s Exodus: Gods and Kings and 2016’s Ben-Hur; both of which failed to capture a sense of cinematic integrity and had a messy religious outlook in its zeal aspect. Of late, however, Hollywood as retreated more into contemporary pieces, finding narratives that are, more or less, set in a more “modern” day and age to their Christian-faithful based features. As I mentioned above, some have found success in their literary forms (being based on a book and adapted to the big screen), but most derive their inspiration from true life accounts, translating into something that’s meant to strike a chord (with moviegoers) due to its “based on a true story” aspect and nuances. Again, some are good (as I liked Unbroken and The Shack), while others kind of become a bit too preachy and let the religious overtures hamper the film, making them less-than desirable to mainstream audiences or even members of their own faiths. Thus, these religious-esque films can sometimes be problematic in their final presentation for both its viewers and in the film itself; sometimes making the movie feel like a TV channel movie rather than a theatrical feature film. This brings me around to talking about I Still Believe, a 2020 motion picture release of the Christian religious faith-based genre. As almost customary, Hollywood usually puts out two (maybe three) films of this variety movies within their yearly theatrical release lineup, with the releases usually being around spring time and / or fall respectfully. I didn’t hear much when this movie was first announced (probably got buried underneath all the popular movies news on the newsfeed). My first actual glimpse of the movie was when the film’s movie trailer was released, which looked somewhat interesting to me. Yes, it looked the movie was gonna be the typical “faith-based” vibe, but it was going to be directed by the Erwin Brothers, who directed I Can Only Imagine (a film that I did like). Plus, the trailer for I Still Believe premiered for quite some time, so I kept on seeing it a lot of time when I went to my local movie theater. You can kind of say that it was a bit “engrained in my brain”. Thus, I was a bit keen on seeing it. Fortunately, I was able to see it before the COVID-19 outbreak closed the movie theaters down (saw it during its opening night), but, due to work scheduling, I haven’t had the time to do my review for it…. until now. And what did I think of it? Well, it was pretty “meh”. While its heart is definitely in the right place and quite sincere, I Still Believe is a bit too preachy and unbalanced within its narrative execution and character developments. The religious message is clearly there, but takes too many detours and not focusing on certain aspects that weigh the feature’s presentation. As mentioned, I Still Believe is directed by the Erwin Brothers (Andrew and Jon), whose previous directorial works include such films like Moms’ Night Out, Woodlawn, and I Can Only Imagine. Given their affinity attraction religious based Christian movies, the Erwin Brothers seem like a suitable choice in bringing Jeremy Camp’s story to a cinematic representation; approaching the material with a certain type of gentleness and sincerity to the proceedings. Much like I Can Only Imagine, the Erwin Brothers shape the feature around the life of a popular Christian singer; presenting his humble beginnings and all the trials and tribulations that he must face along the way, while musical songs / performance taking importance into account of the film’s narrative story progression. That’s not to say that the movie isn’t without its heavier moments, with the Erwin, who (again) are familiar with religious overtones themes in their endeavors, frame I Still Believe compelling messages of love, loss, and redemption, which (as always) are quite fundamental to watch and experience through tragedy. This even speaks to the film’s script, which was penned by Erwin brothers playing double duty on the project, that has plenty of heartfelt dramatic moments that will certainly tug on the heartstrings of some viewers out there as well as provide to be quite an engaging tale of going through tragedy and hardship and finding a redemption arc to get out of it. This is especially made abundantly clear when dealing with a fatal illness that’s similar to what Melissa undergoes in the film, which is quite universal and reflective in everyone’s world, with the Erwin Brothers painting the painful journey that Melissa takes along with Jeremy by her side, who must learn to cope with pain of a loved one. There is a “double edge” sword to the film’s script, but I’ll mention that below. Suffice to say, the movie settles quickly into the familiar pattern of a religious faith-based feature that, while not exactly polished or original, can be quite the “comfort food” to some; projecting a wholesome message of faith, hope, and love. Personally, I didn’t know of Jeremy Camp and the story of he and Melissa Henning, so it was quite a poignant journey that was invested unfolding throughout the film’s proceedings. As a side-note, the movie is a bit a “tear jerker”, so for those who prone to crying during these dramatic heartfelt movies….get your tissues out. In terms of presentation, I Still Believe meets the industry standard of a religious faith-based motion pictures. Of course, theatrical endeavors like these don’t really have big budged production money to invest in the film’s creation. Thus, filmmakers have to spend their money wisely in bringing their cinematic tales to life on the silver screen. To that effect, the Erwin Brothers smartly utilized this knowledge in the movie’s creation; budgeting the various aspects of the background and genetic theatrical make-up that feel appropriate and genuine in the film’s narrative. So, all the various “behind the scenes” team / areas that I usually mention (i.e. production designs, set decorations, costumes, and cinematography, etc.) are all relatively good as I really don’t have much to complain (whether good or bad) about them. Again, they meet the industry standard for a faith-based movie. Additionally, the musical song parts are pretty good as well. As mentioned, I really didn’t know anything about Jeremy Camp, so I couldn’t say what songs of his were good, but the songs that are presented in the film were pretty decent enough to certain highlight points throughout the movie. Though they are somewhat short (assuming not the whole song is being played), but still effectively good and nice to listen to. Might have to check out a few of the real songs one day. Lastly, the film’s score, which was done by John Debney, fits perfect with this movie; projecting the right amount of heartfelt tenderness in some scenes and inspirational melodies of enlightenment in others. Unfortunately, not all is found to be pure and religiously cinematic in the movie as I Still Believe gets weighed down with several major points of criticism and execution in the feature. How so? For starters, the movie feels a bit incomplete in Jeremy Camp’s journey. What’s presented works (somewhat), but it doesn’t hold up, especially because the Erwin Brothers have a difficult time in nailing down the right narrative path for the film to take. Of course, the thread of Jeremy and Melissa are the main central focus (and justly so), but pretty much everything else gets completely pushed aside, including Jeremy’s musical career rise to stardom and many of the various characters and their importance (more on that below). This also causes the film to have a certain pacing issues throughout the movie, with I Still Believe runtime of 116 minutes (one hour and fifty-six minutes) feeling longer than it should be, especially with how much narrative that the Erwin Brothers skip out on (i.e. several plot chunks / fragments are left unanswered or missing). Additionally, even if a viewer doesn’t know of Jeremy Camp’s story, I Still Believe does, for better or worse, follow a fairly predictable path that’s quite customary for faith-based movie. Without even reading anything about the real lives of Jeremy and Melissa prior to seeing the feature, it’s quite clearly as to where the story is heading and what will ultimately play out (i.e. plot beats and theatrical narrative act progression). Basically, if you’ve seeing one or two Christian faith-based film, you’ll know what to expect from I Still Believe. Thus, the Erwin Brothers don’t really try to creatively do something different with the film…. instead they reinforce the idealisms of Christian and of faith in a formulaic narrative way that becomes quite conventional and almost a bit lazy. There is also the movie’s dialogue and script handling, which does become problematic in the movie’s execution, which is hampered by some wooden / forced dialogue at certain scenes (becoming very preachy and cheesy at times) as well as the feeling of the movie’s story being rather incomplete. There’s a stopping point where the Erwin Brothers settle on, but I felt that there could’ve more added, including more expansion on his music career and several other characters. Then there is the notion of the film being quite secular in its appeal, which is quite understandable, but relies too heavy on its religious thematic messages that can be a bit “off-putting” for some. It didn’t bother me as much, but after seeing several other faith-based movies prior to this (i.e. I Can Only Imagine, Overcomer, Indivisible, etc.), this particular movie doesn’t really rise to Cursed in Love and falls prey to being rather generic and flat for most of its runtime. As you can imagine, I Still Believe, while certainly sincere and meaningful in its storytelling, struggles to find a happy balance in its narrative and execution presentation; proving to be difficult in conveying the whole “big picture” of its message and Jeremey Camp’s journey. The cast in I Still Believe is a mixed bag. To me, none of the acting talents are relatively bad (some are better than others…. I admit), but their characterizations and / or involvement in the film’s story is problematic to say the least. Leading the film’s narrative are two protagonist characters of Jeremy Camp and Melissa Henning, who are played by the young talents of K.J. Apa and Britt Robertson respectfully. Of the two, Apa, known for his roles in Riverdale, The Last Summer, and The Hate U Give, is the better equipped in character development and performance as the young and aspiring musical talent of Jeremy Camp. From the get-go, Apa has a likeable charm / swagger to him, which make his portrayal of Jeremy immediately endearing from onset to conclusion. All the scenes he does are well-represented (be it character-based or dramatic) and certainly sells the journey that Jeremy undergoes in the movie. Plus, Apa can also sing, which does lend credence to many of the scene’s musical performance. For Robertson, known for her roles in Tomorrowland, Ask Me Anything, and The Space Between Us, she gets hampered by some of the film’s wooden / cheesy dialogue. True, Robertson’s performance is well-placed and well-mannered in projecting a sense of youthful and dewy-eyed admiration in Mellissa, especially since the hardships here character undergoes in the feature, but it’s hard to get passed the cringeworthy dialogue written for her. Thus, Robertson’s Melissa ends up being the weaker of the two. That being said, both Apa and Robertson do have good on-screen chemistry with each other, which certainly does sell the likeable / loving young relationship of Jeremy and Melissa. In more supporting roles, seasoned talents like actor Gary Sinise (Forest Gump and Apollo 13) and musician singer Shania Twain play Jeremey’s parents, Tom and Terry Camp. While both Sinise and Twain are suitable for their roles as a sort of small town / Midwest couple vibe, their characters are little more than window dressing for the feature’s story. Their screen presence / star power lends weigh to the project, but that’s pretty much it; offering up a few nuggets to bolster a few particular scenes here and there, which is disappointing. Everyone else, including actor Nathan Parsons (General Hospital and Nadia: The Secret of Blue Water) as musical talent and mutual friend to both Jeremy and Melissa, Jean-Luc Lajoie, young actor Reuben Dodd (The Bridge and Teachers) as Jeremy’s handicapped younger brother, Joshua Camp, and his other younger brother, Jared Camp (though I can’t find out who played him the movie), are relatively made up in smaller minor roles that, while acted fine, are reduced to little more than just underdeveloped caricatures in the film, which is a shame and disappointing.

FINAL THOUGHTS

The power of faith, love, and affinity for music take center stage in Jeremy Camp’s life story in the movie I Still Believe. Directors Andrew and Jon Erwin (the Erwin Brothers) examine the life and times of Jeremy Camp’s life story; pin-pointing his early life with his relationship Melissa Henning as they battle hardships and their enduring love for one another through difficult times. While the movie’s intent and thematic message of a person’s faith through trouble times is indeed palpable as well as the likeable musical performances, the film certainly struggles to find a cinematic footing in its execution, including a sluggish pace, fragmented pieces, predicable plot beats, too preachy / cheesy dialogue moments, over utilized religious overtones, and mismanagement of many of its secondary /supporting characters. To me, this movie was somewhere between okay and “meh”. It was definitely a Christian faith-based movie endeavor (from start to finish) and definitely had its moments, but it just failed to resonate with me; struggling to find a proper balance in its undertaking. Personally, despite the story, it could’ve been better. Thus, my recommendation for this movie is an “iffy choice” at best as some will like (nothing wrong with that), while others will not and dismiss it altogether. Whatever your stance on religious faith-based flicks, I Still Believe stands as more of a cautionary tale of sorts; demonstrating how a poignant and heartfelt story of real-life drama can be problematic when translating it to a cinematic endeavor. For me, I believe in Jeremy Camp’s story / message, but not so much the feature.

[stupendousbananatiger]

[ENG] RECORD OF YOUTH EP 8 KDRAMA 2020

Watch Record of Youth 09/28/20 Episode 8 1–2–3–4–5–1–7–8–9–10  Full Episode

Record of Youth Temporada 1 Capítulo 8 Sub English / Español 2020 ➤ http://watchepisode.online-tvs.com/series/376921/1/8

Watch Record of Youth — Season 1 Episode 8 : Episode 8 Online Free | TV Shows & Movies This Is A Story About Youth And The Challenges The Youngsters Will Have To Face Along The Way In The Modeling World.watchepisode.online-tvs.com

This is a story about youth and the challenges the youngsters will have to face along the way in the modeling world.

🎬 Watch Record of Youth Episode 8 Online Free 🎬

VISIT HERE ➤➤ http://watchepisode.online-tvs.com/series/376921/1/8

Title : Record of Youth Episode Title : Episode 8 Release Date : 29 Sep 2020 Runtime : 70 minutes Genres : Drama , Romance Networks : tvN

Record of Youth

A drama about the growth record of young people who strive to achieve their dreams and love without despair in a generation where dreams have become a luxury and the passionate record of young people who beeline for their dreams in their own way, presenting excitement and empathy.

Show Info

Network: Korea, Republic of tvN (2020 — now) Schedule: Mondays, Tuesdays at 21:00 (90 min) Status: Running Language: Korean Show Type: Scripted Genres: Drama Family Romance Episodes ordered: 16 episodes

With dozens of films genre being released each year, a typical one that gets overlooked by the more popular ones (action, drama, comedy, animation, etc.) is the subgenre category of religious movie. These films (sometimes called “faith-based” features) usually center around the struggles and ideas of a person (or groups) identity of a religious faith, which is, more or less, has a profound event or obstacle to overcome. While not entirely, the most commonplace religious type movies focus on the religion of Christianity, sometimes venturing back into the past in cinematic retelling classic biblical tales, including famed epic films like Ten Commandments and Ben-Hur (the original 1959 version) to some more modern endeavors from Hollywood like Risen, The Young Messiah, and Paul, Apostle of Christ. Other Christian “faith” films finds a more contemporary setting to tell its story, with some being “based on a true-life account” like the movies Unconditional, Heaven is Real, Unbroken, I Can Only Imagine, Indivisible, and Miracles from Heaven, while others might find inspiration from literary novels / fictionalized narratives like The Shack, Overcomer, War Room, and Same Kind of Different as Me. Regardless, whether finding inspiration from true life, references from the bible, or originality, these movies usually speaks on a person’s faith and the inner struggle he or she has within or one society’s views, spreading a message of belief and the understand of one’s belief. Now, after the success of 2018’s I Can Only Imagine, directors Andrew and Jon Erwin (the Erwin Brothers) and Lionsgate studios release the 2020 faith-based film / music biopic feature I Still Believe. Does the film walk a fine line between its religious aspects and cinematic entertainment or does the movie get entangled in its own faith-based preaching?

THE STORY

Its 1999 and Jeremy Camp (K.J. Apa) is a young and aspiring musician who would like nothing more than to honor his God through the power of music. Leaving his Indiana home for the warmer climate of California and a college education, Jeremy soon comes across one Melissa Henning (Britt Robertson), a fellow college student that he takes notices in the audience at a local concert. Falling for cupid’s arrow immediately, he introduces himself to her and quickly discovers that she is attracted to him too. However, Melissa holds back from forming a budding relationship as she fears it will create an awkward situation between Jeremy and their mutual friend, Jean-Luc (Nathan Parson), a fellow musician and who also has feeling for Melissa. Still, Jeremy is relentless in his pursuit of her until they eventually find themselves in a loving dating relationship. However, their youthful courtship with each other comes to a halt when life-threating news of Melissa having cancer takes center stage. The diagnosis does nothing to deter Jeremey’s love for her and the couple eventually marries shortly thereafter. Howsoever, they soon find themselves walking a fine line between a life together and suffering by her illness; with Jeremy questioning his faith in music, himself, and with God himself.

THE GOOD / THE BAD

Sorry if this sounds a bit familiar pieces from my review of I Can Only Imagine, but it definitely says what I feel about these films. While I am a devout Christian (not a crazy zealot or anything like that) for my bases of religion and my outlook beliefs in life, I’m not a huge fan of the “faith-based” feature films. That’s not to say that they’re bad or that I find them deplorable to the other more popular movie genres out there, but sometimes they can a bit preachy and corny / honky in their religious overtones and overall dramatic direction. Personally, I like the more biblical tales that Hollywood as put over, with Cecil B. Demile’s The Ten Commandments and William Wyler’s Ben-Hur; both of have proven to stand the test of time within filmmaking. Of course, Hollywood’s recent trend of put out more “remakes” movies puts an overcast on those biblical epics with 2014’s Exodus: Gods and Kings and 2016’s Ben-Hur; both of which failed to capture a sense of cinematic integrity and had a messy religious outlook in its zeal aspect. Of late, however, Hollywood as retreated more into contemporary pieces, finding narratives that are, more or less, set in a more “modern” day and age to their Christian-faithful based features. As I mentioned above, some have found success in their literary forms (being based on a book and adapted to the big screen), but most derive their inspiration from true life accounts, translating into something that’s meant to strike a chord (with moviegoers) due to its “based on a true story” aspect and nuances. Again, some are good (as I liked Unbroken and The Shack), while others kind of become a bit too preachy and let the religious overtures hamper the film, making them less-than desirable to mainstream audiences or even members of their own faiths. Thus, these religious-esque films can sometimes be problematic in their final presentation for both its viewers and in the film itself; sometimes making the movie feel like a TV channel movie rather than a theatrical feature film. This brings me around to talking about I Still Believe, a 2020 motion picture release of the Christian religious faith-based genre. As almost customary, Hollywood usually puts out two (maybe three) films of this variety movies within their yearly theatrical release lineup, with the releases usually being around spring time and / or fall respectfully. I didn’t hear much when this movie was first announced (probably got buried underneath all the popular movies news on the newsfeed). My first actual glimpse of the movie was when the film’s movie trailer was released, which looked somewhat interesting to me. Yes, it looked the movie was gonna be the typical “faith-based” vibe, but it was going to be directed by the Erwin Brothers, who directed I Can Only Imagine (a film that I did like). Plus, the trailer for I Still Believe premiered for quite some time, so I kept on seeing it a lot of time when I went to my local movie theater. You can kind of say that it was a bit “engrained in my brain”. Thus, I was a bit keen on seeing it. Fortunately, I was able to see it before the COVID-19 outbreak closed the movie theaters down (saw it during its opening night), but, due to work scheduling, I haven’t had the time to do my review for it…. until now. And what did I think of it? Well, it was pretty “meh”. While its heart is definitely in the right place and quite sincere, I Still Believe is a bit too preachy and unbalanced within its narrative execution and character developments. The religious message is clearly there, but takes too many detours and not focusing on certain aspects that weigh the feature’s presentation. As mentioned, I Still Believe is directed by the Erwin Brothers (Andrew and Jon), whose previous directorial works include such films like Moms’ Night Out, Woodlawn, and I Can Only Imagine. Given their affinity attraction religious based Christian movies, the Erwin Brothers seem like a suitable choice in bringing Jeremy Camp’s story to a cinematic representation; approaching the material with a certain type of gentleness and sincerity to the proceedings. Much like I Can Only Imagine, the Erwin Brothers shape the feature around the life of a popular Christian singer; presenting his humble beginnings and all the trials and tribulations that he must face along the way, while musical songs / performance taking importance into account of the film’s narrative story progression. That’s not to say that the movie isn’t without its heavier moments, with the Erwin, who (again) are familiar with religious overtones themes in their endeavors, frame I Still Believe compelling messages of love, loss, and redemption, which (as always) are quite fundamental to watch and experience through tragedy. This even speaks to the film’s script, which was penned by Erwin brothers playing double duty on the project, that has plenty of heartfelt dramatic moments that will certainly tug on the heartstrings of some viewers out there as well as provide to be quite an engaging tale of going through tragedy and hardship and finding a redemption arc to get out of it. This is especially made abundantly clear when dealing with a fatal illness that’s similar to what Melissa undergoes in the film, which is quite universal and reflective in everyone’s world, with the Erwin Brothers painting the painful journey that Melissa takes along with Jeremy by her side, who must learn to cope with pain of a loved one. There is a “double edge” sword to the film’s script, but I’ll mention that below. Suffice to say, the movie settles quickly into the familiar pattern of a religious faith-based feature that, while not exactly polished or original, can be quite the “comfort food” to some; projecting a wholesome message of faith, hope, and love. Personally, I didn’t know of Jeremy Camp and the story of he and Melissa Henning, so it was quite a poignant journey that was invested unfolding throughout the film’s proceedings. As a side-note, the movie is a bit a “tear jerker”, so for those who prone to crying during these dramatic heartfelt movies….get your tissues out. In terms of presentation, I Still Believe meets the industry standard of a religious faith-based motion pictures. Of course, theatrical endeavors like these don’t really have big budged production money to invest in the film’s creation. Thus, filmmakers have to spend their money wisely in bringing their cinematic tales to life on the silver screen. To that effect, the Erwin Brothers smartly utilized this knowledge in the movie’s creation; budgeting the various aspects of the background and genetic theatrical make-up that feel appropriate and genuine in the film’s narrative. So, all the various “behind the scenes” team / areas that I usually mention (i.e. production designs, set decorations, costumes, and cinematography, etc.) are all relatively good as I really don’t have much to complain (whether good or bad) about them. Again, they meet the industry standard for a faith-based movie. Additionally, the musical song parts are pretty good as well. As mentioned, I really didn’t know anything about Jeremy Camp, so I couldn’t say what songs of his were good, but the songs that are presented in the film were pretty decent enough to certain highlight points throughout the movie. Though they are somewhat short (assuming not the whole song is being played), but still effectively good and nice to listen to. Might have to check out a few of the real songs one day. Lastly, the film’s score, which was done by John Debney, fits perfect with this movie; projecting the right amount of heartfelt tenderness in some scenes and inspirational melodies of enlightenment in others. Unfortunately, not all is found to be pure and religiously cinematic in the movie as I Still Believe gets weighed down with several major points of criticism and execution in the feature. How so? For starters, the movie feels a bit incomplete in Jeremy Camp’s journey. What’s presented works (somewhat), but it doesn’t hold up, especially because the Erwin Brothers have a difficult time in nailing down the right narrative path for the film to take. Of course, the thread of Jeremy and Melissa are the main central focus (and justly so), but pretty much everything else gets completely pushed aside, including Jeremy’s musical career rise to stardom and many of the various characters and their importance (more on that below). This also causes the film to have a certain pacing issues throughout the movie, with I Still Believe runtime of 116 minutes (one hour and fifty-six minutes) feeling longer than it should be, especially with how much narrative that the Erwin Brothers skip out on (i.e. several plot chunks / fragments are left unanswered or missing). Additionally, even if a viewer doesn’t know of Jeremy Camp’s story, I Still Believe does, for better or worse, follow a fairly predictable path that’s quite customary for faith-based movie. Without even reading anything about the real lives of Jeremy and Melissa prior to seeing the feature, it’s quite clearly as to where the story is heading and what will ultimately play out (i.e. plot beats and theatrical narrative act progression). Basically, if you’ve seeing one or two Christian faith-based film, you’ll know what to expect from I Still Believe. Thus, the Erwin Brothers don’t really try to creatively do something different with the film…. instead they reinforce the idealisms of Christian and of faith in a formulaic narrative way that becomes quite conventional and almost a bit lazy. There is also the movie’s dialogue and script handling, which does become problematic in the movie’s execution, which is hampered by some wooden / forced dialogue at certain scenes (becoming very preachy and cheesy at times) as well as the feeling of the movie’s story being rather incomplete. There’s a stopping point where the Erwin Brothers settle on, but I felt that there could’ve more added, including more expansion on his music career and several other characters. Then there is the notion of the film being quite secular in its appeal, which is quite understandable, but relies too heavy on its religious thematic messages that can be a bit “off-putting” for some. It didn’t bother me as much, but after seeing several other faith-based movies prior to this (i.e. I Can Only Imagine, Overcomer, Indivisible, etc.), this particular movie doesn’t really rise to Cursed in Love and falls prey to being rather generic and flat for most of its runtime. As you can imagine, I Still Believe, while certainly sincere and meaningful in its storytelling, struggles to find a happy balance in its narrative and execution presentation; proving to be difficult in conveying the whole “big picture” of its message and Jeremey Camp’s journey. The cast in I Still Believe is a mixed bag. To me, none of the acting talents are relatively bad (some are better than others…. I admit), but their characterizations and / or involvement in the film’s story is problematic to say the least. Leading the film’s narrative are two protagonist characters of Jeremy Camp and Melissa Henning, who are played by the young talents of K.J. Apa and Britt Robertson respectfully. Of the two, Apa, known for his roles in Riverdale, The Last Summer, and The Hate U Give, is the better equipped in character development and performance as the young and aspiring musical talent of Jeremy Camp. From the get-go, Apa has a likeable charm / swagger to him, which make his portrayal of Jeremy immediately endearing from onset to conclusion. All the scenes he does are well-represented (be it character-based or dramatic) and certainly sells the journey that Jeremy undergoes in the movie. Plus, Apa can also sing, which does lend credence to many of the scene’s musical performance. For Robertson, known for her roles in Tomorrowland, Ask Me Anything, and The Space Between Us, she gets hampered by some of the film’s wooden / cheesy dialogue. True, Robertson’s performance is well-placed and well-mannered in projecting a sense of youthful and dewy-eyed admiration in Mellissa, especially since the hardships here character undergoes in the feature, but it’s hard to get passed the cringeworthy dialogue written for her. Thus, Robertson’s Melissa ends up being the weaker of the two. That being said, both Apa and Robertson do have good on-screen chemistry with each other, which certainly does sell the likeable / loving young relationship of Jeremy and Melissa. In more supporting roles, seasoned talents like actor Gary Sinise (Forest Gump and Apollo 13) and musician singer Shania Twain play Jeremey’s parents, Tom and Terry Camp. While both Sinise and Twain are suitable for their roles as a sort of small town / Midwest couple vibe, their characters are little more than window dressing for the feature’s story. Their screen presence / star power lends weigh to the project, but that’s pretty much it; offering up a few nuggets to bolster a few particular scenes here and there, which is disappointing. Everyone else, including actor Nathan Parsons (General Hospital and Nadia: The Secret of Blue Water) as musical talent and mutual friend to both Jeremy and Melissa, Jean-Luc Lajoie, young actor Reuben Dodd (The Bridge and Teachers) as Jeremy’s handicapped younger brother, Joshua Camp, and his other younger brother, Jared Camp (though I can’t find out who played him the movie), are relatively made up in smaller minor roles that, while acted fine, are reduced to little more than just underdeveloped caricatures in the film, which is a shame and disappointing.

FINAL THOUGHTS

The power of faith, love, and affinity for music take center stage in Jeremy Camp’s life story in the movie I Still Believe. Directors Andrew and Jon Erwin (the Erwin Brothers) examine the life and times of Jeremy Camp’s life story; pin-pointing his early life with his relationship Melissa Henning as they battle hardships and their enduring love for one another through difficult times. While the movie’s intent and thematic message of a person’s faith through trouble times is indeed palpable as well as the likeable musical performances, the film certainly struggles to find a cinematic footing in its execution, including a sluggish pace, fragmented pieces, predicable plot beats, too preachy / cheesy dialogue moments, over utilized religious overtones, and mismanagement of many of its secondary /supporting characters. To me, this movie was somewhere between okay and “meh”. It was definitely a Christian faith-based movie endeavor (from start to finish) and definitely had its moments, but it just failed to resonate with me; struggling to find a proper balance in its undertaking. Personally, despite the story, it could’ve been better. Thus, my recommendation for this movie is an “iffy choice” at best as some will like (nothing wrong with that), while others will not and dismiss it altogether. Whatever your stance on religious faith-based flicks, I Still Believe stands as more of a cautionary tale of sorts; demonstrating how a poignant and heartfelt story of real-life drama can be problematic when translating it to a cinematic endeavor. For me, I believe in Jeremy Camp’s story / message, but not so much the feature.