#but yeah as a whole I prefer them with The Bond and weirdly close but in an unplaceable way

[rawliverandgoronspice]

Just thought about Zelink for a bit and my opinion on it (and basically it's: makes sense in some games but not really in others imo, or it's more interesting for them not to be romantic in certain games even (OoT comes to mind, I love love love what their non-romance can be in that one and it has wild layers to unpack) but you do you as long as people don't get extraordinarily weird with it which can and do happen), and it kind of made me realize I dooon't... I don't think I really vibe with them as a couple in the Wild era? I know the game, especially TotK, kind of pushes that a little bit, but... I feel like they're too codependant in a bad way for it to be a good idea for either of them honestly? Zelda never really gets over her urge to destroy herself in order to overcompensate her shame at not being perfect nor embody a perfect idea of what she should represent, and Link never gets over his literal oath of dropping whatever he's doing to constantly reshape his life around her. I feel like, for them to be together and for it to be cool and a good time and not a constant loop of feeding into each other's negative tendencies, they would need to completely and utterly dismantle Hyrule and then be a little selfish and unimportant for a while. And even then, old habits would die hard I think.

[clean-bands-dirty-stories]

Limp Noodle ~ S.H.

A/n: I have never once been good at making choices so I’ll be doing both OOF! This request is dirt old but whatever. I’m actually writing requests now look at me go!

Request: “...prompt 20 or 21 Steve Harrington x clumsy male reader” by anon

#20 (here): “I can’t do this without you”

#21: “Guess who broke their nose! Me. It’s me. I broke my nose.”

Word Count: 2000+

MASTERLIST

“Are you SURE that this is a good idea?” The words came from Y/n as Steve parked the car, waving through the windshield window at Jonatan, Nancy, Robin and a new friend, Bianca. They’d all decided on a triple date and like idiots they’d let Steve, Bianca, and Nancy decide so they were now all headed on a hike. Robin was the least athletic of all of them and hated exercise of any kind. Jonathan was the one in the group who hated being outside in the sun and much preferred being inside cuddled on the could other swaddled in bed. Y/n... well Y/n was the single most clumsy person you’ve ever met.

Now, take whatever image that popped in your head when I said that and then make it ten times worse. Then take THAT mental image and multiply by it by ten AGAIN. Y/n was worse. He was absolutely sure he was going to thrip and fall over the side of some steep hill and fully die. He would be lucky to make it out of this trip without a stick going through his eye. Y/n and the outdoors didn’t mix. They never had. He could barely walk, let alone when it was uphill and outside and humid and hard to breathe and everyone was so beautiful and distracting.

Steve didn’t agree with that analysis.

“This is a great idea actually,” Steve decided with complete confidence. “Don’t worry about it okay? You’ll be fine.”

“Incorrect,” Y/n Aries immediately. “We started dating because I tripped seven times and you caught me every single one. I tripped seven times in three days Steve - and that was just the, what, one hour a day you’re with me? In THREE HOURS I TRIPPED SEVEN TIMES!” He was whisper yelling, getting rather heated. “I’m going to knock my head into a tree and bleed out.”

Steve laughed. He reached over, taking his boyfriend’s hands. “Do you trust me?”

Y/n’s shoulders sagged. “That is a cheap trick, Harrington.”

In response Steve only raised his eyebrows. When Y/n refused to answer, Steve sighed. “Y/n. Do you trust me?”

Closing his eyes a second, Y/n held in a sigh. When he opened them again, he managed a small smile. “Yeah. I trust you.” Steve went to get out of the car and Y/n caught his wrist. “Just promise you’re going to stay with me okay? I can’t do this without you. I’m serious.”

Steve rolled his eyes. “Come on Drama King.” They both got out and made their way over to the other four.

“Hey guys!” Nancy greeted warmly. She had calmed a lot since Y/n had first met her. Darkened. But she was still pleasant enough, and Y/n tolerated her for Steve. He didn’t know why they were all friends after Nancy’s brutal ripping up Steve’s heart but... he expected it was that trauma bonding things that Steve and Robin refused to ever talk about with Y/n in the room.

“Hey bestie.” Robin winked at Y/n and he felt himself relax. Around her he always felt more comfortable. She got him on a much deeper level than Steve did. She had actually been the one to set them up after failure after failure of Steve’s attempts on girls who came to the ice cream shop they met at originally. It had gone up in flames recently, but they’d snagged a job at a movie store so they still worked together. Y/n was pretty sure neither of them would have it any other way, even if they sometimes pretended to hate each other.

“Hey loser,” Y/n joked back. Robin shoved him and he laughed, accidentally ramming into Jonathan as his feet almost came out underneath him. “Sorry,” Y/n mumbled.

Robin scoffed in amusement. “I always forget you have two backward feet.” This was something she said often, in reference to the popular statement of ‘two left feet’. One day Robin had proclaimed that Y/n was something worse than two left feet, and then being backward had kicked off as an inside joke.

“I’d you have that problem standing still, how do you think you’re going to do on a hike?” It seemed Bianca was trying to get in on the joking, but it hit a hard cord with Y/n.

He wasn’t in the mood to joke. “What can I say? Great day to die.” He put on the fakest smile ever. “Come on everyone!” Then he began to surge ahead, onto the trail, and the others scrambled to catch up.

It didn’t tale long for Nancy and Bianca to hit the head of the trail. Steve dutifully stayed by Y/n, but he watched the girls head with a sort of forlorness. Because Y/n was so slow and Jonathan and Robin lagged even behind him, the two girls in front were racing up and down the steep sides of the path they were on, jumping over logs and hopping up on stumps to make the path harder. They were laughing hard and having a great time. Y/n knew that Steve desperately wanted to join them.

What kind of a boyfriend would Y/n be to stop him? “Go on,” Y/n sighed, nudging Steve forward encouragingly.

Steve looked at Y/n with an expression that tried far too hard at innocence to succeed. It was so obvious he was full of crap that Y/n was rolling his eyes before the brunette even spoke. “What? What do you mean? I’m having a great time with my boyfriend which was the point of this whole thing. Have I bored you already?”

“No, but I’ve bored you. Go and do parkour with the bad ass chicks up there. Go on.” Steve hesitated, but when Y/n shot him a look, he finally did speed ahead to catch up and join in the unnecessary shenanigans that gave Y/n extreme anxiety just imagining himself doing. He sighed watching Nancy and Steve. He knew that things were WAY over between them, but Y/n found a little jealousy in the way they worked together so fluidly. They were perfect for each other - even as friends. She just kept up with him and challenged him in a way that Y/n never could, and Steve thrived.

Slowing down in his moment of annoyance, Robin and Jonathan caught up to him. “Welcome to the world of those who have to sit back and wonder why they’re not still dating,” Jonathan sighed. His voice was as laced with bitterness as Y/n’s thoughts were.

“They’re so complimentary,” Y/n complained.

“You could argue that you guys are the same,” Robin pointed out. “You both hate doing anything outside or away from home. You both love reading and photography. I mean Y/n’s incredible view of the world allows him to be a great writer, but it also connects you two. Writing and photography aren’t far from each other and you prod that every day. Nancy can’t slow down enough to appreciate things like Jonathan does, and we all know Steve is no reader.” She chuckled. “And we’ll never know how awkward and snappy got buff and pretty.”

Jonathan and Y/n smiled at that. “Imagine another world where Nancy and Steve stayed together. Then maybe you and me would have-“ suddenly he lost his words as he tripped, and Jonathan reached out to catch him. The two boys busted up laughing. “That’s the second I have to say both sorry and thank you for your reflexes Mr. Byers.”

“Ah anytime. That’s what friends do. Share interests and talk about alternative world where they’re dating and catch each other when they almost die.”

That made Y/n laugh harder.

Suddenly there was a very unpleasant thump and a scream. The three in the back snapped their attention to the three ahead and saw Nancy and Bianca freeze and look back at Steve, who had landed on the ground. His hands had risen to cover his face, and he slowly turned on his side, curling in on himself. It seemed like he’d misstepped at some point and tripped and fallen.

Perhaps Y/n shouldn’t have been the one they worried about on this trip...

-

When they finally got Steve to the hospital, it was a mess. There had been blood everywhere, and Y/n’s weirdly good driving had saved the day in a pinch once again. They’d gotten there quickly and in one piece without getting pulled over.

Only an hour later they were given news. Steve came out with the skin around his nose already bruised and puffy. “Guess Who broke their nose,” he mocked in a song songey voice.

“Me?” Y/n joked.

“Me!” Steve agreed, pointing at himself. “It’s me. I broke my nose.” He slung an arm over Y/n’s shoulders and the other four covered their mouths to hide laughs. People wouldn’t be forgiving in public if it got out that the two men were dating, so they were trying to be lowkey.

The Doctor came over behind Steve. “He’ll be fine. I’ve given him direction son how to ice it and even given him some pain killers to help with the next few hours. But it is just a broken nose, so nothing too severe.”

“Thanks,” Y/n told the Doctor. They left then, everyone heading home. Y/n designated himself in charge of caring for Steve, and called his parents to let them know that Steve ‘got tired’ after the hike and totally knocked out. They didn’t mind, liking that Steve was actually spending time with other kids again, so it went without too much problem.

As Y/n was tucking Steve into bed, Steve caught his hand to still him. “I love you.”

Y/n’s eyes widened. They hadn’t said that yet but... well, if hypotheticals with Jonathan had taught anything today, it was that Y/n was glad he was in this version of things, even if it was a little more complicated this way. So he meant it when he replied, “I love you too Stevie.”

Steve glared. “Not Jonathan?”

“Jon-“ Y/n’s deep confusion cleared as he realized what had been happening right when Steve had tripped. Jonathan and Y/n had been close. Laughing. Talking. Touching. “Oh my god Harrington did you break your nose because you were being a jealous idiot?”

“Maybe,” Steve grumbled, looking away.

Y/n laughed, gently tugging on his chin so their eyes met again. “Please sweetheart, you can’t get rid of me that easily. Me and my two backward feet are going to plague you for the rest of our lives.”

Steve’s eyes got very soft. “Do you really mean that?”

Getting sincere, Y/n leaned down and kissed Steve’s forehead. “Stephen Harrington, I’ve never meant anything more. I know we can’t get married or anything, or even date publicly, but... I don’t care. And maybe that’s some really forward thinking and we haven’t been dating that long, but I fell... a LOT of times in my life. It only made sense that the first time someone ever caught me, it was you. And it made me realize that I was gifted with my two backward feet so that one day I’d fall for you.”

Steve groaned. “That was painfully cheesy.”

“Okay, okay,” Y/n dismissed, rolling his eyes. The sweet moment was completely ruined.

“No seriously I would break my nose again before hearing that-“

Y/n reached over, turning the light off before climbing into bed with Steve. “Shut up Harrington, or I WILL break your nose again.”

Steve laughed before pulling Y/n close so they could fall asleep curled up with each other. “My cheesy, dumb, clumsy boy,” Steve mused quietly.

That made Y/n scoff. “If either of ya is the dumb in this relationship it’s YOU, Harrington.”

“Shut up,” Steve whispered. It was quiet a while before he finally followed up with, “I’d like that future with you too.”

To hide his smile, Y/n mumbled, “Good night Stevie.”

After a second, Steve replied, “Good night, Y/n.” And for now, that was the end of it.

[pridewhatpride]

do you have any gx rivalshipping hcs!! im super curious on your take of them :]

When I saw this ask my immediate reaction was thinking: "Yes, I have an excuse to talk about gx rivalshipping, YES."

So yeah. I love this ship a lot, like a whole damn lot and it's a little hard to explain why, especially when gx has so many open possibilities for romances involving Judai. By which I mean two, really, and Manjoume is not one of them (sadly for me). I am referring to Yubel and Johan, by the way, I refuse to acknowledge Asuka as a love interest.

I'll start off with a bit of fluff headcanons?

Manjoume thinks Winged Kuriboh is really cute and that its friendly and fluffy appearance screams Judai, in a way. But he will never admit it because of what that might imply for him and the Ojamas.

Manjoume is fueled by caffeine and monster, he only really starts to recognise how nice it can be to have a meal because of how much Judai enjoys his food. He tries to sit at the table with him with dumb excuses.

Judai feels a bit guilty for how his actions impacted Manjoume's life, but Manjoume generally tells him that it's fine, it's better this way, that he's never this happy, that the only reason why Judai should maybe feel bad about it is because of his tendency to get overly invested in other people's problems and getting hurt in the process. Judai responds with bear hugs.

Manjoume brags about Judai a lot, actually. "Oh you think that's cool? One time Judai managed to do a backflip, you loser." "Slifer reds suck, but they do have redeeming qualities, by which I mean one of them is actually good."

Judai likes to indulge himself in the thought that he's Manjoume's most trusted, that he's the only one who could ever be allowed to have that many incriminating pictures of him. Because Judai just loves taking candid pictures of Manjoume. He thinks he looks and and cool in every situation, so yeah. A part of him does it because he has an inexplicable fear of forgetting people and the way they look, but he just can't say why that is.

They hang out in silence a lot, but once they start talking they just never stop. You'll find them on the beach at 3 am with a smiling Manjoume listening to Judai go on about how crazy it is that you can fry food in so many different ways and how he once caught a butterfly as a kid and named it Kujaku.

They share their music a lot, so Manjoume's tastes switch from just emo to fast paced rap and the weirdly happy sounding songs about very morbid things Judai listens to (plus emo). Judai starts to enjoy a bit of angry screaming into microphones thanks to Jun. Do they sing along like idiots as they share earphones? Yes. Is Manjoume mesmerised by Judai's singing voice? Also yes.

Judai loves hiking and sometimes invites Manjoume, but because he's a lot weaker and has less stamina, they take it slow. Manjoume keeps cursing himself for being slow and dead weight, but Judai is just happy to have a companion. Admittedly, going slower makes the walks better as he has the time to enjoy the scenery properly. He never teases Jun about his lack of physical training.

Now... I wanted to talk about my general view on the ship, plus headcanons I guess, but this is going to be EVEN LONGER (you are getting more than you asked for, your fault for enabling me, really). For the sake of the sanity of mobile users, I'm adding a cut so nobody has to unwillingly scroll through endless text.

On to the the juice, then. My thoughts on the ship. Manjoume and Judai are, of course, the rivals of the series and, if my thoughts on rivalry weren't clear enough, I am one of those people. It's just really romantic to me. What is very interesting about the two of them specifically is that they are polar opposites in the way the reason why they play, throughout the whole series. Hell, their views end up getting reversed completely: Manjoume goes from "if I don't win I'm gonna have a breakdown breakdown" to "losing is ok, as long as I enjoy the game and am true to myself", while Judai does the 180 from "I really just love playing cards with my friends, who cares about the outcome, it's fun" to "I have card game related trauma, nobody speak to me, games are only an excuse to assert a sort of power scale and honestly fuck that".

Manjoume is sort of the only person in the 'friend group' (he's never actually part of it, sadly, literally only Judai and Fubuki like him) to not idolise Judai, not explicitly. He clearly has an admiration for Judai from the beginning, but he is adamant on expressing it as hatred towards for being better than him. A part of me feels that a lot of his superior act is meant to try and fool himself and Jaden into thinking that he's a worthy rival, because I know for a fact that Manjoume doesn't believe that. He wants it to be true, yes.

What I am trying to get at is that Judai is probably a little confused by the fact that Manjoume doesn't drool all over him like the rest of the school does, but it soon becomes a crutch. Judai is under a lot of pressure because he is the hero who will save everyone and people like to remind him of how much they count on him. Manjoume is in it for Judai. He wants to be acknowledged by him, he wants his recognition and his attention, but he never asks for help or expects Judai to fix his problems for him. Judai is probably thankful for that.

Manjoume is also really scared of being left behind and cast aside as soon as he stops being useful and that's exactly what the writers do to him!!! hooray!, but Judai keeps insisting that he's not a bad guy, that he's fun to be around, that he's competent. Manjoume doesn't really believe all that that much, but Jaden keeps playing him despite his repeated losses and to Jun that's the equivalent of someone kissing his tears away. Manjoume only learns to accept his losses and shortcomings because Judai did it for him first.

So basically Manjoume is the only one who fully sees Judai as a person, while Judai is the only one who is really willing to look past his pretentious facade. I fully believe that Judai was relieved to learn that Manjoume was not just a perfect boy with perfect manners, by the way. They both just love to learn about every imperfection that the other has and silently thinking that they just add to the beauty of the other's character. Will they tease eachother about it? Fuck yes. Do they feel awful when the other tries to fix something about themselves because they pointed it out? Also fuck yes.

They are in a dumb competition against themselves to be better in order to earn the right to be friends with eachother, but because they are fucking dumb they never actually communicate (until they do), so for a long time it's endless pining that is definitely not gay because admittedly Judai just doesn't think that dating is a thing, while Manjoume is straight™, really straight. He has never liked a boy in his life, he's so very fucking straight, I swear.

So Manjoume is a bisexual disaster (and in my headcanon he prefers boys, actually, the Asuka incident is the biggest example of denial™ ever. He prefers Fubuki, fight me over this). The problem is that he never really considered he might be crushing on Judai, but at the same time admitting to maybe liking boys too means that there was more to wanting to stay at DA, to hanging out with Judai's crew despite their mutual dislike, to his continuous playful headlocks and ear pulling. To add onto that, there is probably a certain amount of guilt over having betrayed that bond with Judai by trying to throw away his cards and everything. Judai, on the other hand... is confused at how bothered he is by the public declarations of love, because Manjoume is his rival and rivals are supposed to focus on eachother, not on some girl, no matter how good said girl is at card games.

So maybe they are a bit gay for eachother. And maybe they just want excuses to be together as much as possible. And it's really just the vibe of highschool romance between two people who don't want to admit to caring for one another on a deeper level, but are also weirdly possessive of eachother for no apparent reason. And I think I'll stop here with my gay retelling, but really if you look at the two of them you do see that they do a lot for eachother's characters. It's kind of beautiful, really. They are the two socially inept characters who find comfort in someone being just like them and understanding them as they change and grow up.

I have a lot to say about how that changes once the transfer students come in, but I think I've bored everyone for long enough- as in nobody will read this lol. That's ok. I thank you again for the ask and for allowing me to gush about this ship that is so close to my heart. If anyone ever wants to talk about them, just. Do. Break into my house at night and I still won't mind, I just want to talk about them.

[dumbdotcomm]

lessons in opposites

(a/n) a commission for my pal @fanfic-inator795! enjoy some raph and donnie bonding !

It’s not that Raph really prefers one brother over the other; he’s been blessed with three great brothers and one fantastic sister and Raphael is grateful every day, as sure as he’s got life and breath in him, he’s so grateful that he’s not alone. 

April asks, just for laughs, for a silly documentary on their Lair Games, if Raph had a favorite brother; and off the bat, on instinct, he wants to deny that he does. He loves them all. But then he blurts out Mikey’s name without thinking and then things start to shift, and Raph starts to wonder if he’s a terrible brother for that.

“It’s not a big deal, Raph,” Donnie says, after having seen the clips of how little faith his brothers had in his athleticism, and that one little clip of Raph easily admitting Mikey was his favorite, followed up by Leo, “It’s just a joke…”

But he says it in the way that’s pinched and just a little forced like he does when he takes hard hits and bad falls and just wants to laugh it off because he’s fine. 

Raph swallows, nods, presses a smile that feigns belief in Donnie’s words, but he can’t stop glancing over at his brother’s face the whole rest of the time they watch April’s (incredibly edited) documentary film. 

His brother keeps his eyes downcast and does that thing where he wrings his hands till they get weirdly slick with this mucusy stuff. 

Like when he’s hurt and holding back. 

And Raph makes a silent promise, then, that he’ll definitely make it up to his brother.

---

Life has a funny way of just screwing plans and promises over. Raph trains extra with his father on early mornings, learning to think, to focus, to get his fears under control. Donnie locks himself into work by the time training is over, and then they go patrol and watch something on Netflix and then the day is spent and it’s 4am. 

So it’s not exactly intentional, the way their paths just don’t cross long enough for Raph to really get the chance to make it up to Donnie. But it’s still shitty and Raph knows there’s something he can do- he has to. 

And so he googles a bunch of stuff going on in Manhattan, something that wouldn’t be so obviously intended on compensating for basically saying Don is his least favorite brother. Something Donnie won’t suspect, because if he did- 

“If you asking me is a way of ‘reparations’ for the Lair Games documentary, Raph…”

“It’s not-” Raph raises his arms in innocence, and crosses over his plastron, “Turtle’s honor, Donnie. ‘S just the guys...they’ll be all ‘that’s lame’, and you…”

“Wouldn’t think a teddy bear world is lame?” Donnie quirks his perfectly drawn brow and cocks his head a little at Raph.

This is going abysmally, but not quite in a way that wasn’t expected. Raph bites his own tongue from just spilling his intentions heartfeltly- because he can’t scare his brother off right now. He’s gotta play it cool. 

“Uhhh, I mean, I-”

“Because you’d be pretty accurate,” Donnie interjects, and despite his voice remaining flat, his lips curve into a ghost of a smile, and Raph’s heart stops pounding so hard, “I was wondering when you would finally ask one of us, ugh a dream come true.”

Raph genuinely cannot tell if Donnie is being sarcastic, though roughly fifteen years of training has at least let him gather, from that weird way his brother’s eyes got super overbright when he was excited, that Donnie really, like super straight up, means it. 

“Wow…. well, aight then,” Raph laughs with his words, still not believing how easy it was to simply…ask to spend time with his brother, “Just pick a disguise and we good!”

“Yup, normal disguise. Friday it ‘tis,” Donnie returns the laugh, a touch awkward, before taking his sandwich back to his lab. 

And the slightly manic look that Raph catches in his brother, just as he slips from view, makes a lot of little pieces in Raph’s head come together, like a little, horrifying jigsaw puzzle.

Because Raph has been blessed with having Donnie as a brother for fourteen years, he knows a terrible plan forming when he sees one. 

-----

Donnie takes pride in his intellect, like not in a super cocky way, he’s just glad he’s been gifted with the ability to make a pea shooter in one afternoon that also has the capability to laser off a bastard’s face. 

Still he’s not too prideful to admit that he’s sometimes stupid as hell, in the emotional department, and social department. And while that’s not exactly ideal, Donnie’s got four pretty incredible siblings to lean on for that and so he doesn’t really complain about the impossibility of picking up social cues. 

But sometimes, like when his older brother is standing across from him uncomfortably stiff, babbling on about Teddy Bear Town- well sometimes Donnie kinda wishes he did get it. 

It’s only until he’s stacking his third layer of his sandwich that Donnie really understands what this is all about. Because Raph’s got his ‘I’m nervously trying to make it up to you’ stink, and then Donnie remembers the documentary, and Raph’s commentary, and the really…awful way Donnie pretended not to feel afterwards. 

He doesn’t want Raph to pity invite him, he doesn’t need that. And Donnie’s gonna make sure his brother knows he’s fine- he’s chill and and he’s okay with potentially being Raph’s least favorite. 

So he’s supposed to respond to Raph nonchalantly, to just go with Raph and be cool about it but- 

“Shelldon, download all the info you can find on Teddy Town…”

-----

“Rise and shine, bud!” 

Donnie must’ve drank four extra shots of espresso to be this hype this early, and Raph grips the steering wheel of the Turtle Tank a little harder to try and not smell so nervous. Because there’s no way Donnie could have actually known what Raph’s intentions were, like he had to have just thought that this was a normal thing, and not a ‘I’m so sorry I made you feel less than appreciated, please forgive me’ type of thing. 

And Donnie is definitely onto something, even if he’s not onto Raph. He’s just got that glint in his eyes, and Raph feels just a little bit selfish for wanting this to be a normal day- for his brother to  just be-

“Uh...thanks for taggin’ along,” Raph doesn’t intentionally cut Donnie off, but his brother’s talking a mile a minute about the history of Teddy Bear Town and Raph knows that he’s only doing it because he feels he has to. 

Donnie stops himself, blinks, and puts his hands in the pockets of his hoodie, “It’s no big deal…” he says, in complete contrary to his hyperactive Ted Talk, “Being benched for a sprained ankle was shit, needed to get out anyway…”

He glances over at Raph and looks instantly, incredibly smaller. 

Raph thumbs the steering wheel, drumming against it in thought, in a search for words. 

He doesn’t have to do this kinda stuff with Mikey, and Leo never shuts up- and Donnie is just…

“Bluetooth, connect to my phone,” Donnie says abruptly, before Raph even gets the chance to think of something to say. 

And they stay quiet, listening to music the whole way there.

------

Things feel significantly less awkward in the bigger crowd. Raph is grateful for all the noise and movement that he can shift his focus on, instead of the downcast way Donnie’s been carrying himself since halfway through their ride over here. 

And Raph’s always kinda felt his younger brother had a tough time expressing himself- that they were different that way. That Raph carried his heart on his sleeve and that his brother didn’t. But now he’s starting to see that maybe he’s got some things twisted. That he and Donnie are a lot more alike in these things than Raph thought. 

“Stay close,” he tells his brother, because as aloof as humans are, they’re still humans, and they don’t always accept what’s different.

Raph remembers telling Donnie that, when they first met April, when Donnie surprisingly was the first to reach out and grab her little hand and compare it to his. And Donnie had looked at him weird, and yeah, well humans aren’t the only ones that don’t understand ‘different’. 

The memory hits Raph so suddenly, and almost makes him miss a step. 

He turns to find Donnie staring at him, which must mean Donnie noticed, because of course he did.

And Raph stares back because oh. Holy shit. 

“Uh…” Donnie glances around awkwardly, “Raph, you’re giving off a weird...vibe right now. You good-”

“Can we talk?” Raph blurts out, and surveys their surroundings, for a place to dip, “Like real quick?” 

Donnie looks like he wants to bolt now, which would be ideal in the packed hallway of the mall. But he doesn’t. He just swallows and darts his eyes and nods.

Sure. 

Pros to being trained ninjas is the ability to disappear quickly, and they find a quiet, tucked away spot where Raph finally lets himself breathe. 

“You’re different,” he says it quickly and rushed and Donnie’s eyes briefly widen in some sort of surprise, but Raph presses on despite his sloppy start, “You….you think different, you think, like, way smarter than us, an’ you make different jokes and express differently an’ that doesn’t. It’s not bad, Donnie.” 

His brother keeps his eyes to the ground, kicking gently at nothing, “I don’t care that you said I’m your least favorite, Raph,” he mumbles. 

“But you do,” Raph counters back, and keeps his voice leveled, tries not to talk to Donnie too softly or else he’d feel babied, “And that’s normal, and I wish I could say that what I said wasn’t...I dunno, like a…”

“Reflection of how you feel?” Donnie poses, but his words aren’t angry, even if Raph feels his brother’s got full rights to be.

He sighs, deflating a little, “Yeah...yeah, I guess it’s that. But not because I think...it’s because I get really...weirdly insecure man. You’re a freaking genuis and I know you never try an’ make us feel dumb, but- and then we’re both super bad at words and I just… I dunno Dee.”

Raph takes the extra step to go close the distance between him and Donnie, and Donnie stiffens up- at first, for just a couple of seconds, “But I love you, ‘cause you’re an awesome person, and ya not my least favorite. You’re not. And ya don’t gotta pretend you’re cool with everything.”

Donnie pulls back, a dorky smile on his face, which is infinitely better than the sad way he looked earlier, even better than the way he pretended like everything was good and it wasn’t.

“You don’t have to pretend either,” Donnie says, unlocking their eye contact, and staring back at his feet, “I know you were trying to...to make it up to me, but. You could’ve- you didn’t have to invite me.”

“But I wanted to,” Raph says it and means it with everything he’s got, “Really, Donnie. A-and I wanted to do somethin’ that ya wouldn’t think was me just tryna get on your good side, ya know. Somethin’ we could just...do.”

“And I messed up, the whole info-dumping….” 

He’s doing it again, he’s making himself smaller and Raph’s not allowing that. 

“Okay, half of that stuff, I woulda never known- and ya looked all’a that up just to get to understand me better. I just didn’t want you...t’ think you had to...say all that.”

“And I didn’t want you to think you had to invite me,” Donnie quips back, but ends it with a small smile, “So I guess we’re in the same proverbial boat.”

Raph snorts, “The boat of insecurity…”

And Donnie, stiff and awkward and still full of feeling, takes his turn to hug Raph fully this time, “Screw that boat.”

-----

In the end Donnie makes his bear with a shitton of detail, getting so wrapped up in it that they spend a couple hours there.

And Raph’s bear is simple, not all that complex like his brother’s- but that’s more than okay, actually.

Their differences were more than okay.

[multifandomaddictedfangirl]

The Vampire Diaries Thoughts & Opinions (rewatch)

S1 :

OMG I completely forgot how cheap was this show! The dialogues in s1 feels so forced and fake 🤮 Not to blame the actors, but sometimes it feels really unnatural, like you know you’re in a fantasy young adult tv show. It doesn’t feel like real life, like what real people would do/say. It’s too obnoxious and dramatic and... overly intense ?? 😕 Rewatching it, it might be the biggest flaw of the early seasons 🤷‍♀️

They all look SO YOUNG tough 😳

Mmmm... Stefan acts like a total creep in s1, it’s really giving me Twilight vibes 😅 like if I was Elena/Bella, I would be terrified of Stefan/Edward ! 😰 They’re creepy and stalky and weirdly intense / edgy about ordinary stuff... Their entire personality screams : “I AM A VAMPIRE AND I CANNOT CONTROL MYSELF AROUND YOU” which... #yikes 🤔

Caroline Forbes is my favorite character of the entire show, I love her SO much ❤️ “I’m never the one” is still one of the most powerful lines, for me, and I loved her characterisation throughout the show

Matt has been irrelevant since s1 🙄, honestly he was maybe funny/quirky in the double-date episode and regarding his relationship with Caroline (while not having moved on from Elena)...? But that was like a couple of episodes and apart from that he was just useless. I do not understand why he stayed alive that long

Jeremy.... oh Jeremy 😔 He was... such a cliché! He was what adults see as the “typical” rebellious edgy teenager who does nothing of his life except smoking weed. And no, I don’t like that caricature. His relationship with Vicky... 🤷‍♀️ I mean, sure, it was sweet that he cared for her that way and that he saw more in her than just the “stoned-ass trashy girl” 💁🏻‍♀️ that she was supposed to embody. But Jeremy really acted like “The Nice Guy”and it seemed like he was expecting something for being nice with Vicky. He acted like if Vicky owed him something, while she never asked for him to interfere in her problems 🙅‍♀️ I don’t know, I guess he was just supposed to be a lost teen, damaged by trauma, and I get that.

OK, so if I was Elena, seeing Katherine’s picture would FREAK. ME. OUT 😱 I would run away. So far away. I would tell everyone I love to run away 👀 I would just completely shut down. I would never want to see the guy ever again (who clearly has a fetish and an unhealthy obsession!!). I mean, talk about being clinched to your ex

Damon and Caroline’s relationship was SO TOXIC in s1 !! 💥 And the show never really acknowledged that!! I mean, sure, they did, but I don’t think Damon realised the pain he caused her: he manipulated her, fed on her, hurt her, compelled her, used her to get what he wanted, abused her, put her life in danger, over and over again 🤢🤬😡

LEXIIIIIIIIII 💖💖💖 Finally! I remember I liked her a lot, but she’s just one of the best, purest character! I’m so happy Stefan can AT LEAST count on her 💕

WHAT?! 😱 SHE DIED SO SOON IN THE SHOW??!?? 💔😭 I didn’t remember that at all! I think my mind erased that fact from my mind because it hurt too much!

Ugh, Logan 😑

I hate what they did with Bonnie 😡 In s1 she’s this incredibly judgy character who ruins every single plan by having ridiculously high moral standards (for this fictional universe, at least), ugh. I love her but they used her to create unnecessary conflict in the show and she didn’t deserve that. Also she didn’t deserve all the pain, the deaths & the misery. She’s one of the (many) characters who have suffered SO MUCH throughout the seasons and they really did her dirty and i’m so mad about that !!

The flashbacks from 1864 were quite well done. I always found it interesting to learn more about Katherine’s past and the Salvatore brothers’ tragic origin story.

*sighs* John Gilbert... urrffffgh 🙄

Isobel being Elena’s biological mother AND Alaric’s ex wife was... so weird 🤨

Overall, I don’t have a lot of opinions for that season because I was bored half of the time 🤷‍♀️ I just really wasn’t interested about the plot and/or the characters because it was all so cliché and cheap. This season was really bad. It’s not working at all, for me at least.

S2 :

Katherine is a GREAT character and you can’t fight me on that 💁🏻‍♀️👠👑

The addition of the werewolves was quite a good idea, though it was predictable so far. Werewolves and vampires often come together in fantasy 🤷‍♀️ Tyler’s storyline was interesting though 🤔 The whole idea of a curse that you activate when you become responsible for someone’s death, no matter your intentions, was good.

CAROLINE BECOMING A VAMPIRE WAS ONE OF THE BEST THING HAPPENING TO THIS SHOW : YES ! 👏 She was such a better person as a vampire. She was arguably the best vampire of them all, the one who truly succeeded the most at adapting at her new life 💕

I DO NOT understand WHY Damon would ask for troubles to Mason, a werewolf, whose bite is DEADLY to him 🙄

Elijah was so different in s2 than I remembered. So uptight, and yet so evil ?? I remembered him as the nice brother in the Michaelson family. But the way he relentlessly targets Rose and her family and friends... yikes 😣🥺

Klaus was so HYPED by the show. Even Katherine herself was terrified of him 😱 And when you think about it, he might be one of the most dangerous creature of TVD’s lore... 🧐 But compared to other vilains, he was quite friendly.

Bonnie and Jeremy... mmm.... sure. You know what, it doesn’t scream “soulmate” but it doesn’t have to be. It can be just a messy, complicated, unexplainable crush. It can just be two people liking each other and enjoying each other’s company without trying to look for a deeper thing. Plus the situation is so awkward, with Jeremy being Bonnie’s best friend’s little baby brother, that it was fun to watch! 😄

My heart still feels for Jenna 💔 She had just learnt the truth about vampires and she had JUST figured out why everyone in her life was acting so weird... and then she died. And idk she was a lovely, messy, funny, pure heartface, completely lost gardian... 💕 and I’m gonna miss her. I would have liked to see her react to what happened next on the show (and how she could have supported Elena & Jeremy through all of this, etc.) 🥺

OF COURSE STEFAN WOULD MAKE A DEAL WITH KLAUS TO GET A CURE FOR HIS BROTHER! Is this Supernatural?

So, yeah, same thing here: most of the storylines developed in this season didn’t interest me whatsoever. So I don’t have a lot of things to say about this season, but just bear with me pls 🐻

S3 :

I absolutely adore Stefan as a ripper in s3. Especially regarding his complicated relationship with Klaus... I think his dependency / addiction to blood is really interesting 🤔 Stefan can’t be a regular vampire, drinking blood from humans then erasing their memories / drinking from blood blags. He can’t because he feels so guilty for the lives he takes / the pain he inflicts on other. So he’s like all or nothing 🤷‍♀️ A human blood-free diet guy. Or a merciless killer.

Regarding of the whole delena / stelena ship war... *sighs* 😔 I honestly don’t know 🤷‍♀️ Both relationships seem hella toxic (for different reasons, but still). I do believe Elena loved them both (maybe not at the same time, though). So, I don’t know who she should have ended up with... I remember shipping her with Damon on my first watch, but now I realise that was purely for the bad boy vibes (i.e bad boy, who, deep down, isn’t so bad because turns out he can change and blah blah blah... ugh what a cliché i know 🙄). So anyway, I’m not gonna defend Delena, it’s as messed up as Stelena if you ask me. But that’s where my heart went on the first watch and that’s who she canonically ends up with, so I’m not gonna fight it and try to make a case of whether she should have ended up with another person (or alone?). In my head, she’s with Damon 🙃 Just cause’ it’s easier, more convinient, and I’m lazy that way 😅 But I understand people who ship/prefer Stelena over Delena. I’m just not THAT invested in this freaking love triangle anymore ✋

The show really took off when they introduced the original vampires if you ask me 🧛‍♂️ Their backstory is so tragic, and after that, it makes more sense why Elijah, Rebekah and Klaus are so close, trust each other so much and manage to forgive the worst of each other💖

Rebekah, that poor girl who only ever wanted to have a human normal life and to BOND with people (whether they were family, friends or more than friends...) 💕has been betrayed by EVERYONE 🔪She was daggered more times than I can even count, and I’m surprised she hasn’t killed everyone out of pure revenge yet!

Yeeeeep. Still ships Klaroline. ❤️

My God, what would I give to see Caroline explore this world and enjoy the perks of her vampire life with Klaus...🥰 She wanted that. She secretly dreamed of that. And frankly, she deserved that. She deserved to feel happy and fulfilled and excited about her future! She deserved more than the life she got in Mystic Falls ✨ More than Tyler! More than Jessy. More than Damon. And more than Stefan too, even if she did seem happy with him in the end. I think I liked Klaus as a romantic option for the same reasons I liked Damon back then. For the challenge. For the way they always push their girlfriends further, and make them want more of life than what they’ve got. For the way they make them ambitious.

I think the reason this season feels so useless is because they try to find a way to eliminate the Original family... only to find out that if they do that, EVERY VAMPIRE EVER WILL ALSO DIE 👏

I despised the whole evil alter ego trope that they did with Alaric 😪😴 I liked the idea of the ring having real bad consequences. But here, Alaric can’t take responsibility for wanting to cheat on death precisely because he has a second personality that he cannot control. The blame is just put on somebody else, an entire other person that just cohabits in Alaric’s body. I never really liked the whole Dr Jekill & Mr Hide trope 🤷‍♀️ And I don’t think it was bringing anything to the table, honestly. It’s boring (because SO obvious and predictable) and it takes forever to deal with (ugh) 😑

NOOOOOOOOOO RICK 😭💔 He was one of my favorite character. I really loved his relationship with Elena and Jeremy + his friendship with Damon. I’m gonna miss him really hard. The scene with Damon on his grave was really sweet 🥺

S4:

Elena being a vampire : YES! 👏 We’ve been waiting for this for so long, the show really needed this to go on (realistically the show would have had trouble to move on if Elena would have stayed human for a lot longer). So I’m really glad about that being the premise for s4 ☺️ Plus her transition is well handled, with her memories coming back + her emotions being heightened (the scene where she bursts into laugh and cannot stop was really funny and somehow relatable 😂).

The scene in the car with Stefan, Matt & Elena VS Stefan, Elena & her father was really well done! 👏 I loved the parallel where she wants Stefan to save Matt first, just like her father wanted him to save Elena first. So touching 💕 It’s a tough choice and Stefan will have to live with both consequences for the rest of his life, which will NOT be easy with Damon blaming him for Elena’s death. But, really, Damon kinda has a point : "in what world are you [Matt] the one that gets to live?”. Matt has been saved so many times on the show and it’s legit to ask yourself : WHY? Why him? 🤷‍♀️He’s so irrelevant and useless. But I get that’s the whole point. Human life is irrelevant and useless (in the great scheme of things). And yet, we fight for it ✊ Because somehow it matters.

S4 helped me remember what I didn’t like about Stefan, regarding his relationship with Elena. He really had a big problem with her being a vampire, and he spent half of his time trying to “control” / “fix” her 🙄 He’s got such high standards for Elena when she turns into a vampire. It’s like he expects her to not make the same mistakes as he - or any other vampire in the history of vampirism - did. He desperately wants her to be a “good” vampire right away and avoid the “killer without humanity” phase 🤔 Which is understandable. He doesn’t want her to become a bad vampire who doesn’t care about human life, as he was during his ripper phase (or like Damon).

Damon truly accepted her, the new her, vampire! Elena 👐 You can argue that it’s because he’s selfish and he wants people to act as bad and carelessly as him (that’s why he tried to manipulate Stefan into drinking human blood again in s1 : he doesn’t want to be alone and he needs someone else to party with)... But he isn’t selfish when it comes to Elena 🤷‍♀️ The show proved us that. He wanted her to have a human normal life, to be happy, to grow old and have children. He wanted to give her that, and that’s why he would have saved her over Matt on the bridge. He’s not happy that she is a vampire. That’s not what he wanted. Never. But now that she is, and that there’s nothing they can do about it (that they know of), Damon tries to make the best out of it

Anyway, Caroline is such a better teacher then Damon or Stefan 😅 Drop the Salvatore brothers and get educated on the vampire life with your bff, Elena !

Elena being sired by Damon, OMMGG! 😮😮😮 So much drama, I really loved it. It was smart to use that as a way to postpone Delena for a little bit - playing on the general doubt that Elena might not truly love Damon and she might just be under the influence of the sire bond. Which, let’s be honest, was a legit consideration to have. So, yeah... REALLY GLAD that, in the end, the sire bond didn’t create those feelings out of nowhere, it only heightened and amplified what was already there beforehand. Otherwise, it would have been really problematic, especially regarding consent issues 😕

I love that Damon makes the right choice again with Elena and “sets her free”. He doesn’t want their relationship to be fake. And so he uses the sire bond to send her away, to be herself, to live her life without worrying about what makes him happy. You can say everything you want about Damon, at least he gets it right by her ☝️Just like when he confessed his feelings to her, but compelled her to forget because she’s in love with Stefan and he doesn’t want to mess it up. He was not selfish when it came to her.

It was really heartbreaking to see Jeremy becoming a hunter and having the sudden urges to kill his own sister and basically everybody else in his life 😢

Poor Carol Lockwood! 💔 She didn’t deserve to die. She tried so hard to help for Tyler, even when she learnt he was a werewolf, she cared so much for him...😭

Their inability to communicate with each other is INSANE. At some point in s4, they all know Shane is practicing a magic called “Expression”. Damon and Stefan also know that kind of magic is incredibly dark and dangerous (from their little trip to New Orleans when they tried to find a way to deactivate the sire bond and the witch there told them she wasn’t practicing this kind of magic). But NO ONE has still put two and two together. And so, Bonnie keeps blindly trusting Shane and hanging out with him 🤦‍♀️

The whole search for the cure was quite interesting and entertaining to watch! Each one of them wanted it for a different reason : destroy it, use it, share it, give it away, save it for later... Which really well portrayed how people can react to the idea of mortality. The fact that there’s only one dose was really genius! That makes it even more interesting to see who’s gonna fight for it (i.e. Rebekah, Stefan), who’s gonna just drop it because turns out they didn’t really want it to begin with (i.e. Damon, Caroline), who’s gonna exchange/bargain it and for what (i.e Katherine, maybe), who’s gonna get it the end and what will they do with it. Will it all be worth it? 🧐

Jeremyyyyy 💔😭 R.I.P 💀

Honestly, even though I still think Matt is irrelevant to the show, let’s remember he also has lost every single person in his life (his dad and his mom are basically gone, Vicky is dead, Tyler left town again, his goddamn history teacher died too) - and now he can add Jeremy, his best friend, to the list 😭 He’s handling it all WAY better than anyone else. I mean you don’t see him burning down the house he grew up in for instance! However, I agree that Elena have lost more people in her family than him (her adoptive parents, Jenna, Alaric, Jeremy, even John... and Isobel is basically gone too). But it’s not like you can compare their lost, anyway. They boty suffered a lot, but I just wanted to say... I liked that the show acknowledged Matt lost someone important for him too 💕

No humanity! Elena, OOMMMGGG!! 🤯 I was so mad when it happened, because Damon could have just used the sire bond to make her deal with her brother’s death, he could have just helped through the grief and tell her it was going to be okay. He didn’t need to make her turn off her humanity 🙄 Real dumb move here!

I kinda liked the friendship between Elena without humanity and Rebecca! Their little trip starting off in NY was fun!

Katherine is, and will always be, the baddest bitch in town! ❤️ I was quite surprised to see her kill Jeremy so heartlessly, but I guess it fits the character. She’ll always be looking out for herself and the opportunity to take the cure and be one step ahead of everyone was obviously too good to leave out. She always had to fight for her own survival, in a world that’s always been dangerous and ruthless against her, so it makes sense she became who she is 🤷‍♀️

Of all the things that could have triggered Elena’s humanity flip switch, really? Matt Donovan? 🤨😑 I mean, it makes sense since Elena seems to value his life over everything else, including her own. But from what we’ve seen so far, she wasn’t really happy when she was dating Matt 😕 They used to fight a lot, they didn’t want the same thing out of life, they just were really different people. And that’s fine, they didn’t work out as a couple, but they can stay friend... Except you don’t really see them interract THAT much as friends. I mean it’s a lot of "say" and not enough "show", for me 🧐 You don’t feel the bond that two best friends should have... between them. You don’t see inside jokes, common interests, similar hobbies, laughters and tears, serious conversations that last for hours, or small talks over the phone... Anyway, from what we were shown so far, she shouldn’t feel that close to Matt. Not more than, idk, Bonnie, Caroline, Damon or Stefan for instance! So the fact that she cares SO MUCH about him is kinda strange 🤔

“He was your first love, I intend to be your last. However long that takes” LOOK WHO’S BAAAACK 👀 My favorite hybrid! Awww of course he was gonna come back for Caroline ❤️

Btw the ceremony was very cute 💕 It’s the end of high school! The end of an era! And they all graduated 🍾🎊🎉

Awwwwww, when Bonnie dropped the veil and everyone got to see their dead friends and family again! Stefan & Lexi, Damon and Alaric, Elena & Jeremy 💖

BONNIIIIIE, OH NOOOO, WHYYY 😭💔 oh no no no no no no no, she wants to keep her death a secret from everyone, that is such a bad idea!!! 😣

OMG SILAS IS A DOPPELGÄNGER OF STEFAN !!! 🤯 POOR STEFAN IS STUCK IN THE BOTTOM OF THE LAKE AND NO ONE KNOWS, NOOOOOO 💔😭

S5 :

The whole college experience with Caroline and Elena was so fun to rewatch😁 I wish Bonnie could have been there though, even if she kinda was.

It feels good to watch Elena and Damon being happily in love together and enjoying the summer ❤️☀️ But when you think about Stefan drowning over and over in that lake... it feels so bad :(

Katherine as a human is devastatingly entertaining! "I’m the freaking moonstone" 🤣 So iconic that she, of all people, took the cure! I loved that twist.

I loved the complicated and messy love triangle between Quetsiya, Amara and Silas. I want to empathise with Quetsiya and support her, because Silas screwed her over in such a supernatural, mystical way... he cheated on her and tricked her. He manipulated her to get what he wanted. So yeah, I’m all team Quetsiya ✊ but then again, she is sort of over-paranoid and obssesive? 🤷‍♀️ And being screwed over by a guy doesn’t exactly justify her quest for vengeance. So... I guess the only one who’s okay is Amara?? We don’t see a lot of her but I respect her wish to die after thousands of year in pain, as the anchor of the other side (which, btw, was BRILLIANT! 🤯 Quetsiya’s a genius! o.O)

"You are my life" ❤️ GOD, Damon always finding the right words!

I hate the travelers storyline 🙅‍♀️ I find it incredibly boring and I’m not that attached to Nadia. The only thing I liked about her was her relationship with her mom, Katherine. But apart from that, I don’t really like them as villains, nor as their storyline with Silas 😑😕

Stefan loosing his memory is okay-ish. It’s such a cliché as a trope, but it sort of works because Paul Wesley does such a great work at portraying different Stefans 👍 and it’s always entertaining to watch. And even though I usually ship Delena, I have to admit Elena recreating some moments with Stefan was very cute! 💕So it works but I’m not a big fan.

What I am a big fan of is the evolving relationship between Damon and Jeremy! 🥰 I mean, you can see that he didn’t really care about him, that he was mostly protecting him as a way to please Elena... But then, something changed 🤔He started caring for him for real, kinda like a big brother would:)

"You’re Katherine Pierce. Suck it up" hell yes 💪 keep fightingt, love !

Awwwwwww Bonnie 💔 Why do you always have to sacrifice yourself and put everyone else’s happiness before your own?? It’s really sad to see her becoming the anchor of the other side, feeling literally every single death of all the supernatural beings out there :’(

The Augustine vampire storyline!! 😮I’ve had completely forgotten about that! I love how they connected Damon with that institution, and how they introduced Enzo as Damon’s old mate. Well done👍

Katherine in Elena’s body: OMG! Love it! She’s such a survivor ❤️ That’s gonna mess things up so bad xD (btw the fact NO ONE notices anything is kinda weird and if I was Elena, I would be offended)

Nooooooo, don’t break up with Damon as Elena !!! 😱😱 Uuuughhh!!! Whyyy 😭

OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG CAROLINE SLEPT WITH KLAUS !!! ❤️HELL YAS B**CH!!! SHE FINALLY ADMITTED HER FEELINGS FOR HIM !!! THEY KISSED !!! IT’S OFFICIAL !!! (i know klaus will never come back to TVD ever again buuuut... i’m still so so SO happy about that Klaroline reunion!)

Awwwww my baby Liv ❤️ I’ve missed her, she was so precious in season 5 !

Katherine AGRESSIVELY flirting with Stefan, while pretending to be Elena, was... both fun and hard to watch 😅Katherine was soooo pushy! And the fact that Stefan still doesn’t see she’s not Elena was infuriating! Like there’s just no way Elena would ever act like that!

"You’re never gonna as interesting as the next guy she wants to sleep with” poor Nadia 😭 that’s so true though :/ she didn’t deserve to die, I was really sad for her. She deserved a better life than the one she’s got 💔💔💔

FINALLY! 🙌 Finally they put two and two together and figured out Katherine is inside Elena’s body! Thank God 🙏 Caroline made me laugh so much with her "it’s Elena, we would have noticed something" speech. I was like YES. MY POINT EXACTLY 👏 I loved when they figured out all the little details that have been wrong ever since the beginning of this whole mess, like : Katherine was the reason that Tyler knew Caroline slept with Klaus. And Caroline’s like : oooohhh it all makes sense now. Wow. Congrats for figuring this out just now! 🙄

R.I.P Katherine ❤️ Weirdly, she will be missed. She did deserve better.

Jeremy was kind of a jerk with Bonnie in s5 ? I mean he was okay in the first few episodes i guess but then he completely ignored her... not cool bro, not cool 👎

The whole "Why do people seem to expect more of me?" speech of Caroline felt very relatable 👏 Just because she’s kind, because she’s trying to do good, doesn’t mean it’s easier for her! 😤 Plus, why do people keep slut-shaming her for having sex with Klaus when she’s not the first, nor the last, to have had one night stands with - arguably - bad people! ✋

Damon and Elena breaking up : lol 😆 As if. We know they’re endgame. Please. It’s only a matter of episodes until they find their way back to each other, which is why they are kinda cute as a couple.

Ugh 😑 Markos 🤦‍♀️ I just can’t ✋

Bonniiiiiiiiiiie !! Stop lying to everybody!! I hated how she was pretending she had a spell to escape the Other Side collapsing! Haven’t you learnt anything by now? Talk to your friend, figure out a plan together and if not, at leat say your goodbyes and enjoy your last moments with them!

Did I already say I hate the travelers storyline? Well, I do. I hate it 🤬

Season 5 finale was PEFRECT, I loved it. Bonnie resurrecting everyone, Liv doing the spell, Silas helping them just to be destroyed in the end (a fitting ending), Damon and Elena driving through the Grill to kill all the travelers, Alaric coming back, Markos dying... BUT. But, but, but, I was so upset about Damon!! It was just a matter of time and if they would have just kept going with the spell for a few seconds (damn you, Luke!), he would have been able to come through! And Lexi, omg 😭 at least she found peace❤️

Btw, that’s exactly what I meant about Bonnie’s character. Throughout the seasons she never stops sacrificing herself for other people (sometimes those people don’t even deserve it). She keeps lying to everyone. She lied when she died the day of graduation. She didn’t say how much it hurt her to be the anchor. She lied when she said they had a way to bring her back from the Other Side when it was collapsing. She kept minimising her (big-ass) problems. She kept putting other people before herself. And she’s one of the characters who suffered the most. Her storyline revolves around pain. The show doesn’t allow her to be fully happy. And btw, no one truly cares about her happiness (except maybe Jeremy and then Enzo), at least not when somebody else’s safety or comfort is at play. She’s never number 1 on the priority list. If somebody needs her to do a spell or whatever, they will use her. No matter how much danger she puts herself in 🤬

"Please don’t leave me” 😭😭😭 I felt that... It crushed my heart 💔

S6 :

I loved the way everybody coped with Bonnie and Damon’s deaths 💕 Elena got addicted to some magical herbs that made her hallucinate Damon again because she couldn’t deal with his death. Jeremy left a tone of angry voicemails to Bonnie’s old phone - which he paid for. Caroline got dragged into work and research in order to find a way to get back in Mystical Falls. Stefan moved on completely and started off a new life. It’s just... a nice way to show grief 😊

Ooohh I smell some Steroline moments!! Poor Caroline. To me, she deserved better than Stefan! He was such a jerk to her, especially in the beginning 😤😡

NOOOOOOOOOOOO 💔 ELENA DON’T ERASE YOUR MEMORIES! WHAT! WILL! YOU! DO! WHEN! DAMON! INEVITABLY! COMES! BACK! Elenaaaaa 😤 You have to learn how to deal with grief for real !

The fact she trusts Rick completely to do that was so beautiful though... They’re family and it was nice to see their bond.

Bonnie and Damon were kinda cute ! Like I don’t ship them, per say. But I get why some people do 🤷‍♀️ They had chemistry and they worked as an enemies to lovers trope. Anyway, I personally liked their friendship, how they both learnt how to support each other, how to function as a team, how they helped each other through the worst! In the end, Damon truly cared about her, and that’s why he was ready to do anything in order to save her 💪

Kaaaaaaiiiiii 🙈 i’m so conflicted about ya

I totally ship Jalaric ! ❤️ I loved how Elena tried to fix them up together! They’re really cute together. They both have complicated pasts and a messy family. They understand each other :) And Jo is such a confident woman! She knows what she wants, she’s not afraid of speaking her mind, she’s kinda fierce!

The fact that Elena wanted her memories back JUST when Alaric became human again was just... aaarrghh 🤬

"I think I deserve better than that” YES 👏 YOU 👏 DO 👏 CAROLINE! Stefan treated you like shit and you’re right to protect yourself, sweatheart 💕 I really didn’t like how he tried so hard to make amends... without acknowledging how much he hurt her, how he abandoned everyone, how he behaved like a jerk. I liked that Caroline took some distances for her own good 💖 #SelfRespectIsReal

The Gemini coven was really interesting. This idea of such a dysfunctional family, with a psychopath brother who killed half his siblings to merge with his twin sister in order to get leadership for the coven... it was all very compelling! Loved it ❤️

I think I have a thing for storylines about supernatural families in TVD : the Salvatores, the Mikealsons, the Parkers !

Liv and Tyler... mmm... don’t care 🤷‍♀️

You’re telling me that Damon got out of the prison world, even KAI got out, and BONNIE still gets stuck over there!! 🤬 Wtf ?? Why does this show hate this character so much? Why is she always the one who gets screwed in the end?? I just hate the way they treated her!! 😱

There was literally no good outcome to that whole twin-merging-together mess. If Liv merged with Luke, one of them would die and that’s not an option! If Kai merged with Jo, there was a huge chance he would win, which is simply not acceptable at all. Anyway, what a mess!

Kai literally sucking all the magic from the travelers’ spell, finally breaking it, allowing vampires to come back to Mystic Falls, was just... wOw! o.O

Luke merging with Kai 😭 R.I.P 💔

The ONLY good thing about that merge was watching Kai trying to deal with his feelings like ??? what’s going on??? 🧐🧐Why do i... feel??... stuff ?? 🤨🤨

"So I googled how to process emotional pain", i mean i hear you my boy, let’s not pretend that’s not my usual monday 👩🏻‍💻 "so i start writing and this water literally started pouring in my eyes ?? does that ever happen to you ??”, again same 😂

Jeremy going to art school... meh, it was okay. Clearly they didn’t know what to do with him anymore, so yeah, why not art school? 🤷‍♀️ The going-away party was nice :) Damon giving a joint to Jeremy was sort of sweet, Elena smoking it with him was also cool and quite funny!

Ugh 😑 Enzo & Sarah Salvatore... 🙄 this storyline was so boring, i just didn’t care

First Steroline kiss! 😳😮 Okay, that was kinda cute, I have to admit. But still, I don’t like the fondation of this ship, I think that Stefan hurt her too bad and, most importantly, didn’t respect her enough to get to come back and kiss her.

Sheriff Forbes being sick was KILLING me 😭😭😭 She didn’t deserve that at all, she was the sweatest, kindest, purest, most compassionate woman on this show... and she passed it on to Caroline...

The scene with the bike and little Caroline was so touching ❤️❤️😭 RIP Liz’!

OMGOMGOMG!!! Caroline flipped her humanity switch! 😱 "I just need the pain to be gone" 😭 I get why she did it, and I also thought Elena was being a little bit condescending with her. She had the right to turn it all out. Everyone else did. I get why she thought it was unfair :/

BONNIE’S BACK Y’ALL ❤️❤️❤️

I do not understand why people on this show just won’t accept people turning off their humanity switch 🤷‍♀️ I mean, Stefan, Damon, Elena,... they all did it! And every single time, the others tried really hard to fix that. And I’m like : why? I’m not sure it’s the smartest move here 🧐 Because they usually end up making things worse 😑 Look at Elena : she just wanted to not feel the pain of her brother’s death for a while. She even tried to make a deal with Stefan and Damon : leave me alone, let me do my things and I’ll behave. But of course, they refused 🙄🤦‍♀️ Because they couldn’t accept the fact that their precious Elena would ever be bad and do bad thing 😒🙄 And then Elena became ruthless! Who would have thought? 🙄 Same for Caroline! The poor girl lost her mother. She just wanted to get waisted, sing some karaoke songs, and live her vampire life without any care in the world. She even erased Liam’s memories when she fed on him. Her first instinct was to buy new clothes to start over and come back to her dorm to keep leaving her old college life! She kinda had it under control 🤷‍♀️ And then, she suggested a deal, kind of like the one Elena tried to make with Stefan and Damon :☝️ one year without humanity, and she behaves and doesn’t kill anyone. That’s a good deal if you ask me 🤷‍♀️ Why not let her have that? Why not agree with that deal? Caroline without humanity is still Caroline (sort of) : she’s functional, and to quote Caroline herself : she is not an idiot. She doesn’t want to feel so she’s ready to do anything to not be bothered. I think she would have respected her end of the deal. If you take a good look at it, in both cases, it’s when other people tried to bring them back, when they broke the deal, that Elena/Caroline became killers.

Stefan shutting off his humanity was so dumb 🤦‍♀️🙄 Elena was going to find Sarah, he still had time! And even if she didn’t, and Liam killed Sarah, it’d be one ☝️ dead body. But by turning off his humanity, Stefan practically ensured that there’d be more dead bodies after that!

Damon’s mom... urf, yeah? sure. I guess I should care? 🤷‍♀️ Honestly, even when I first watched the show, I found that storyline super boring. She didn’t inspire me anything whatsoever. Anyway, using her as Stefan’s emotional trigger was sort of smart, but kinda reckless. I mean, they had no idea if it was gonna work or not, and still they still risked it, I-... urf 🤦‍♀️

I liked Stefan’s little revenge 😈😈 He’s like : no, no, no, Caroline, you don’t get to have an elaborate system that protects you from feeling guilt whenever you’ll decide to turn your humanity back on. I’m gonna make your life a living-hell. I’m gonna break you. You don’t get to ruin MY life and keep being the same control-freak, organised, college girl 💁‍♀️

Alaric&Jo thinking about baby names 🥰

The cure is BACK??? Hell no 😤 I mean, sure, it was interesting the first time, don’t get me wrong. But we’ve already watched that storyline. So 🤷‍♀️

Btw, I hate how suddenly, everybody’s like "omg poor Elena will NEVER get the life that she truly wants, she’s condamned to an eternity as a vampire, without ever having the possibility of settling down and starting a family" 😱 like i don’t know Elena’s been FINE about her vampirism for like 4 seasons. She seems happy, she seems to have found a way to make the best out of it. But sure, NOW that the cure is back, she feels like her life is unbearable - how convenient🙄

"For the first time, I’m putting ME first" HELL YES, BONNIE ✊🏿 I wish she could do that more often though.

Awwww Caroline getting her humanity back was really sad and emotional 💕💕The LETTER 😭 The fucking letter 😭 "I’m sorry Stefan, I ruined everything" 😭

Are we gonna address Matt, Tyler and Alaric’s alcoholism or are we simply gonna pretend they don’t have a drinking problem and their behaviour is totally socially-acceptable ?? 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

I know it was her choice and it was probably for the best, but I think Elena taking the cure was a big mistake 😕 The show was way more entertaining when she was a vampire, and they basically erased every possibility of a "happy" ending for my favorite characters 💔 Elena will loose everyone she ever cared about, including Stefan and Caroline. She will have to move out of Mystic Falls and isolate herself from all her former friends. Damon is taking the cure with her so he will have to say goodbye to his own brother, the only family he has left. All of that... for a human life ?? A meaningless job?? Bills to pay?? School?? Money issues?? A house to maintain?? Misery and despair?? Children?? In that messed up world?? With that economy??? And the environment crisis we’re living?? Nope, I don’t get it 🤷‍♀️ I just don’t.

Secretly, I had always dreamed of Elena, Stefan, Damon and Caroline all being vampires and spending eternity together. And double date forever, I guess 😅

NOOOOOOOOO 😭😭😭 R.I.P Jo 💔

LIV !!!! 💔 NO, NO, NO, NO! Whyyyy 😭

AND THAT BASTARD GETS TO LIVE!!! What did do you do Lily? Oh my freaking God, why would you turn Kai into an heretic? He was already such a pain in the ass and now he’s even more powerful! Thanks to you, he has killed his entire family and he gets to live!! 🤬🤬

I ABSOLUTELY HATE WHAT THEY DID WITH BONNIE AND ELENA!! That whole "I linked your life with Elena’s" 😡 Cause it’s like : OF COURSE, we want to pick the main character. Of course we want Elena to come back to life. Of course we would be ready to sacrifice Bonnie if it means that Elena gets to live in the present with her friends and family. BUT BONNIE DOESN’T DESERVE THAT! She deserves to be the one, as Caroline used to say, to be picked upon everybody else. She deserves to live as much as Elena, even more (after everything she has done, everything she has sacrificed for her friends). She deserves to be happy! But now, everyone resents her for being alive, because if she’s alive then that means she is taking "Elena’s place". Now she feels guilty for being alive and breathing. For. Fucking. Being. Alive. Think about that. Again, I’m sorry if I repeat myself but : WHY THE HELL DID THIS SHOW HATE BONNIE’S CHARACTER SO MUCH?? 🤬🤬🤬

I’m just gonna say it once : The show is just not the same without Elena 🤷‍♀️

Btw, I KNOW Kai specifically said not to try anything to undo the spell he casted - otherwise Elena and Bonnie would BOTH die... But I’m surprised they didn’t even try to search for a loophole 🤔 I mean, let’s be real, when has Damon ever listened to anyone trying to reason with him? When did any of them? 🤷‍♀️ Bonnie would NEVER stop looking for a magical loophole to save her best friend. Caroline would read an entire library of mystical books to find a clue. Stefan and Damon would travelled the whole world to meet with different witches, trying to find some kind of magic that could undo the spell. No one would ever listen to Kai and just do nothing! I mean, he could be bluffing for all they know 😵 He could be saying that in order to mess with them. Were they really gonna take his word for granted? 🤔 I’m not saying "try the first anti-spell you find and roll the dices", but at least try and look for something!

S7 :

Anyway, AT LEAST, we get to see some good sweet Bamon scenes ! I love how Damon seemed to genuinely care about Bonnie. He didn’t want her to die, even if it meant he would see Elena again 💕

"You’re my best friend" awwwwww ❤️

I... liked the Heretics!😳 They were a fun new, even if they reminded me of Pearl and her vampire friends (in the "we are trying to coexist with humans but some of us don’t want to" trope). And again, I kinda have a thing for supernatural dysfunctional family, so... 🤷‍♀️ Valerie was very relatable as a depressed immortal being, Beau was so loyal it was really sweet, Malcom was boring but he died pretty quickly so he wasn’t in the show for long, Mary Louise and Nora were... the absolute cutest couple ❤️

How many times can they evacuate Mystic Falls without people realizing something’s wrong? 🤔 How many stories about gaz leak can they come up with?? 🤦‍♀️ Where are all the humans going? They’re moving away because they’re all compelled, sure, but to go where? like how can that many people find new homes in new cities, especially considering this crappy housing market? It just seems pretty unlikely that these people would just start over so easily, find new jobs, new homes for their families🧐

Stefan & Valerie was basically Steferine all over again 🤷‍♀️ I don’t have anything against Valerie herself. I think she’s probably the nicest one amongst the heretics. I even liked her chemistry with Stefan but it’s the same storyline recycled all over again, so I don’t really care much. Plus, I liked the idea that Katherine was Stefan’s first love (💕). First of all, Katherine being Stefan’s first love makes their story... EPIC. We, as an audience, care deeply about Katherine (whether we like her or not). She’s a regular and important character. We want her to have a compelling story, one that fits the legend that was Katherine Pierce. Valerie, as nice and interesting as she can be, only appears in the two last season. Plus, if Stefan had already been in love with Valerie and had already had his heart broken BEFORE knowing Katherine, then he should have acted differently when he met her 💡 He should have been way more suspiciously towards her 🧐 he wouldn’t have so easily trusted another woman, coming at his door with a pity story... if he had already been betrayed and abandoned by THE FIRST WOMAN he ever loved, the one who took his "v-card", his first love.

Hello Oscar... Goodbye Oscar 👋

Are you kidding me ? Bonnie is in pain yet again, because of some mystical element AGAIN, and nobody cares AGAIN. People keep using her, lying to her, manipulating her to get what they want and I- 🤬 Btw HOW is she okay with this? How would Bonnie ever agree to help raise people from the dead? What about her values and morals? What about everything she believes in??

These "Three Years from Now" scenes were just TERRIBLE 🤦‍♀️ Epic failure. I simply don’t care about whatever happens in the "future”. I’ll make my own headcanons, thank you ✋

JULIAN... UGH 🤢🤮 Could you be even more despicable?? Beating up a pregnant woman to the point of loosing her baby?? Poor Valerie, she didn’t feel like she could tell her own mother about that cause’ she knew Lily wouldn’t believe her 😢

Awwwwwww Ric bringing ""Jo"" back from the dead 😭💖 I felt bad for that poor vampire who just woke up in somebody else’s body, after years being trapped in some hell... And It was really heartbreaking to watch him get his hopes up and then realise she wasn’t his wife :’(

OMG CAROLINE’S PREGNANT??? 🤰WITH RIC’S BABIES??? 😱 I... I don’t even know what to think of that. I don’t really know how to react... Good for the twins? I guess? Yay, they’re alive? But... I don’t know, seems kinda rapy to put someone else’s babies inside a woman’s body without her consent ?? 🧐

The fact that Valerie HAD to confess her very traumatic story, to multiple people, MULTIPLE TIMES... because it was convenient to the plot was disgusting! 🤮🤬 She was merely used as a reason to try to kill Julian... Valerie was beaten by Julian to the point she lost her baby! She never said anything because she was afraid no one would believe her/people would judge her/people would hurt her - which is completely understandable considering how traumatic this must have been for her! But then she comes back to MF and Stefan keeps asking her to justify herself like she owes him a goddamn explanation for not having returned earlier as she had promised... um? I get that Stefan had his heart broken back then, but aren’t you mature enough NOW to understand something wrong must have happened?? And that maybe she just doesn’t want to talk about it because it still hurts?? It’s HER life and she is entitled to live it however the hell she wants?? EVEN if she just changed her mind and decided not to come back for an entirely different reason, it’s her choice! Having sex with someone ONCE doesn’t mean you OWE them anything! 🤦‍♀️🤬 Promises were made, sure, but they were both very young and things can change! ANYWAY... And when they need allies to kill Julian, she is almost forced to tell her story again, just to make people feel pity and sympathy... She’s not a damn tool, for God’s sake, respect the poor girl! 😤

While rewatching the show, I kind of like that they addressed Lily’s romantic patterns and how she had a tendency to chose violent, controlling, abusing husbands (first Giuseppe, and then Julian...) 🧐 It was touching to hear her story, and to understand that she only stayed with Giuseppe back then to protect her sons, Damon & Stefan. She had a plan to run away, she wanted to escape because she knew she was in danger with him, she was well aware he wasn’t treating her right. But sometimes you can’t just go away. Sometimes things are more complicated. 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️ I liked that she realised her own pattern and that she tried to stand up for herself against Julian after that... even though it didn’t end well (which... seriously? 🤦‍♀️ She killed herself? Is that the message you wanna send to all the people stuck in abusive/violent relationship? 🤮)

Poor Lily 😭😭😭 R.I.P. 💔

Damon burning Elena’s coffin... 🔥🔥 Yeah. Sure. As if 🙄 Honestly, even on my first watch, I wasn’t believing it. The show without Elena is such a catastrophic mess! If she had died in her sleep, it would have been devastating. I don’t think the show would have survived that. I think it would have been cancelled before s8, or something like that.

Stefan was... surprisingly not reacting a lot to Caroline being PREGNANT🤰?? I mean... I don’t know... I was expecting some kind of big talk about it. Like "hey Caroline, how are you feeling about all this? What are your thoughts about having Ric’s babies? Do you even want to pursue the pregnancy (cause you DON’T have to carry someone else’s babies!)? What does this pregnancy mean to you? What will happen once the babies are born? Would you consider having shared custody with Ric? Or if you don’t want to be involved at all, would you like the twins not to know you were the one who carried them? Did you ever or would you ever want to be a mom? Would you want to have children of your own in the future? Do you ever think of that?” 🤷‍♀️ And those are just EXAMPLES. He didn’t have to ask all of these questions all at once! But you know, I wish they could have at least discussed some of these points together. Instead, he just let her "handle her things", because good old organised Caroline has every figured it out, of course! 🙄🙄 sure, she can take care of everything on her own 🤦‍♀️

I didn’t like the idea of putting Damon & Stefan in the Phoenix Stone... if it was all JUST to do THAT in the end. They tried to add some PTSD, pain and remorse but failed at making it compelling to the audience. Wooow, Stefan must let go of his toxic relationship with his brother in order to save himself... How obnoxious can you be, TVD? And oooohh, Damon must get rid off his toxic masculinity to face the fact that he loved and misses his mother... how original!! 🙄 I just feel like TVD was trying hard to be deeper than they were, and it didn’t work (for me)

FINALLY JULIAN IS DEAD 🙌🙏🎉

The Huntress was, like, a JOKE, okay? She’s supposed to have killed a thousands of vampires. Even heretics feared her. Stefan & Damon should already have been dead by now! What is she doing? How are we supposed to be afraid of her? She’s not doing anything, she is barely a threat 🤦‍♀️

Am I the only one who kinda saw great chemistry between Nora and Bonnie?💕

I LOVE how Klaus just IMMEDIATELY understood that Caroline was NEVER gonna let go of these kids 😍 I just love how he ultimately gets her, how he’s able to predict exactly what’s she’s going to do because he just knows her that well. Their phone talk was VERY cute ❤️ I love how he teased her with her own words : how she said she couldn’t possibly allow herself to be with him because she was "in college, building a life for herself” and he just wasn’t in the picture... and then turns out... she had kids! 😅 He sounded surprised but not completely shocked and I love how he was very understanding and sweet with her, she needed that 💕

Btw this season is just desperately LONG!

Awwww... Caroline... 😬 I understand why she wanted to stay in Dallas, and why she asked Stefan to consider moving here... but she should have been honest with him right away, the minute he picked up the phone. She should have told him she wanted to be involved in these kids’ life. I know that she was afraid Stefan wouldn’t want to “settle down" with her and take care of the twins... but she could have asked him. Directly. Clearly. Maybe he wouldn’t have minded living with her and raising the twins in some kind of shared custody 🤷‍♀️ Family comes in all shapes and sizes (💖), and as long as they told the truth to the twins, it wouldn’t have been a problem. And if Stefan didn’t want that at all, or wasn’t ready, or whatever, then they could have ended their relationship in a healthy way. By acknowledging they both wanted different things and that it just didn’t work out, as it often happens in life. But here, they’re just stuck in the middle... and it’s awkward 😳😐 Clearly, Caroline wants to live near the girls. She wants to be their mom, and clearly Stefan doesn’t seem THAT into it. But no one is saying anything and it’s just weird! 😤

I understand why Damon would make the choice of dessiccating in a coffin until Elena came back 🙂 He didn’t do it just for love. Not just because he missed her. Not because life was unbearable without her. That would have been really lame btw 😒 He did it because he didn’t want to directly or indirectly hurt people around him. And you know what, for once that was kind of the best, most reasonable - and most noble - decision to make. I was proud of him. The letter he gave Alaric was pretty sweet, but I’m glad Bonnie got to catch him before he left 💕

Bonnie saying "I’m not okay with that”😭 I was soooo glad that FOR ONCE she said what she was really thinking ! 👐Damon is her best friend, and I truly believe learning he left in a letter would have been devastating for her 😞 His choice means she will most likely NEVER see him again, ever, in her entire life 💔 I can totally understand her asking sincerly "are we friends?" cause if one my friends dared to do that, I would be pretty upset. I liked that she asked him to be honest. No joke. No deflecting mecanism. No sarcasm. No insults. Just the truth. ❤️

I REALLY REALLY don’t care about what happens "three years from now" 🤷‍♀️ Ugh I hate this season, things are so slow and boring, the storyline isn’t interesting at all, and frankly... i wanna die💀

NOOOOO MARY-LOUISE AND NORA DIDN’T DESERVE THAT 💔😭😭

Ugh 😑 The whole idea of the vampire souls trapped in the Phoenix’s stone being reunited with the wrong bodies was just lame and boring 😒

I genuinely felt bad for Valerie 😞 you can see she truly loved Stefan and it must have hurt to see he didn’t feel the same, despite having spent basically three years together :/ Again, that’s kind of my general problem with Stefan: he’s so afraid he’s gonna hurt people that he’s never fully honest with anyone! 🙄 Same shit with Caroline. He just abandoned her because he couldn’t deal with this situation. What Stefan fails to realise is that he does hurt people by keeping things from them, by always running away. I’m sorry but women around him deserve better 🤷‍♀️

Bonenzo... I remember shipping it back then, but now, I just don’t feel it 🤷‍♀️ i get why people do, sure they both care deeply about each other and you can clearly see that (the guitar scenes were very cute 💕)... but it’s mostly flashbacks and that doesn’t have the same effect on me. Because I wasn’t there to see them developing a special bond over time. I still think they’re cute and I’m happy to see Bonnie finally fall in love with someone who truly loves her back ❤️

OF COURSE BONNIE IS THREATENED BY SOME MAGICAL ELEMENT THAT IS SORT OF CONVENIENT FOR THE STORY. OF COURSE. 🤬😡 I’m so mad, I’m so fucking mad at the show for treating her this way. She’s always the one in danger. She can never be happy for more than two episodes!!

Ooooohhh nooooo Bonnie’s the new Huntress 😭😭😭 She’s gonna want to kill everyone: Damon, Stefan, Caroline, even Enzo!! Nooooo 💔

OH THANK GOD, SHE DIDN’T KILL ENZO 🙏🙏🙏 I was so afraid. For Enzo but most of all for Bonnie! She would have been devastated if she’d killed him!

“You changed my life” awwww I feel bad for Ric, the same way I felt really sad for Valerie... They both hoped the moments of pure happiness they shared with their partner would turn out to be something more. They both dreamed of starting new with their loved one, to have their own perfect little happy life... 💕 even though they knew deep down the other one didn’t love them back. Not the way they wanted to be loved. And that’s sad 😭

Damon & Enzo being manipulated and brainwashed by that thing in that vault, at the end of s7 🙄 seriously? Who would have seen that coming ? 🙋‍♀️

Ugh, s7 was PAINFUL to watch 😑

S8 :

Yiiiiikes 🤢🥴 whatever that thing is, it’s not friendly! That scene where Damon and Enzo feed it was kinda freaky!

Ric running the armory makes sense actually! I’m quite happy about that :) he’s been wanting real hard to get back to his Indiana-Jones type of life ✊ He would have never been happy with a perfect little family life... even with Jo, I believe 🤷‍♀️ He truly loved her but at the end of the day, he has just seen too much. He knows too much to just stop fighting at all. That’s what makes him Ric.

A SIREN !!!! Cool ! Now we’re talking 😎

I understand why Damon would submit completely to Sybil : he has always hated himself for all the terrible things he’d done, he has always thought he wasn’t worthy of redemption, and now Sybil provided him a proof of that, a vision of literal Hell, of eternal torture... 👺😈 plus she erased all memories of Elena 😭 he has no reason not to work for Sybil. She’s the only one who can provide a way out of Hell. Who wouldn’t take that deal? If I suddenly found out no matter what you do, you’re damned to an eternity of pain and misery and loneliness, and the only way to escape that is to work for Satan, aka Cade, I would probably do it too 🤷‍♀️

The way Enzo resisted Sybil’s mind control for Bonnie was really sweet 💕 I felt bad when he had to shut down his humanity to save her life 😭

Honestly, I know I should care about Tyler’s death but he was never my favorite character and he’s been so... in and out of the show that I kinda stopped caring about him at all (since he wasn’t exactly a regular character) 😕 But he surely didn’t deserve to be collateral damage in that mess :( Also, I thought Caroline would react a bit strongly. I mean, Tyler was important for her and she barely said something? Weird 🤷‍♀️

CAROLINE AND STEFAN ARE GONNA GET MARRIED !! 💍 She said YES! OMG! Tbh I might not ship them (because I think Stefan got away with the pain he caused her a little bit too fast) but I’m happy for Caroline: she finally got to have her June Wedding!! 💛🎉 (though I’d prefer she married Klaus of course!)

I really liked the whole mythology of the sirens 🧜‍♀️ the story about the village girl and the island girl becoming sisters, having to kill and eat people in order to survive, was heartbreaking! But I was so sure Sybil was the “nice” one 🥺 Poor girl

Noooooo, poor Georgie 😭💔 knowing she is going straight to Hell is horrible, considering she’s seen and experienced it before and she knows what awaits her :(

Sebine played her game very well, no one suspected her to be Sybil’s sister 🤔 she’s really creepy and I’m so so so afraid for the girls 😱 she clearly has an evil plan for them and I’m so anxious 😱

"I’m your brother and I love you. Please come home with me” awww Stefan ❤️

Awwwwww Enzo and Bonnie ❤️ “I’m never leaving you” okay now I remember why I shipped them! They’re adorable! She chose him over her own best friend. She picked Enzo because no one else did. Ever. And she thought he deserved a chance, because deep down he is such a sweet, loving, caring person. He might not look like it, but he’s maybe the one who cares the most and who’s actually ready to do anything for his loved ones. I think Enzo might be the big love of her life. And I’m so happy she got to have that. I’m so happy she got to meet him, to enjoy his company for a little while, to appreciate every happy moments ❤️

AAAAAH SELINE TOOK THE GIRLS!! 😱

Caroline finally doing the healthy thing and prioritising her daughters over everything else 💖💖💖 Take that ring back, Stefan. At least for now. Caroline took the right decision. She cannot make compromises when it comes to the girls. She cannot allow herself to add any more variables to this already messy situation. Yes, it’s selfish but she has to be.

WHAT? I seriously hope you’re kidding Ric! HOW DARE YOU telling Caroline she isn’t the girls’ mother? 🤬😡 She carried them, she agreed to pursue the pregnancy and give birth to kids who weren’t even “her own”, she raised them, she put food on their table, she tucked them in at night, she loved and cared for them more than anyone could have ever askef her, she basically had to let go of her entire life in order to live with them as a family... She IS their mother. She will ALWAYS be ❤️

Damon and Stefan’s deal with Cade to take the twins’ place !! 😱😱🔥 I really hope they find a way to get out of this one, but I don’t see how, right now... And Stefan is heading to a dark place :/ I hope Damon will be able to bring him back!✊

Speaking of Damon, I am SO glad he got to free himself from Sybil’s influence! 🙏 Stefan, on the other hand... meh? 😒 I’m not so sure I’m a fan of the old ripper storyline, I mean we already watched it once and we KNOW it’s not gonna last for long cause they have to wrap it up eventually, and I feel like this is just here as a cheap way to create drama between him and Caroline and idk that was kinda unnecessary 🤷‍♀️

ENZOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 😭😭💔 NONONONONONONONONOOOOOO!!!!! Poor Bonnie 😭 She was finally gonna get the happiness she deserved! RIP Enzo ☠️

OMGGG STEFAN’S HUMAN 🤯🤯🤯 Wow I wonder how he’s gonna take it, I mean on one hand being a vampire brought him a lot of pain, but on the other, it’s all he has known for centuries... rethinking your entire life, the basis of your existence, after all that time... ouch!

Kai is BACK ? Seriously ? Again ? I mean I like him, but let’s just say there are other people I would like to see again (#enzo❤️)

Btw I’m really conflicted about Bonnie trying to bring Enzo back : I want her to do it, of course, I want Enzo back, but I don’t want her to loose herself in the process 😱😭 I’m so scared for her :(

Stefan literally killing the Devil like 😎😎 “oh yeah bitch, bet you weren’t expecting that uh” ☝️ I am so so PROUD of my babyface :) also I’m really glad they got rid off Cade (ugh, I was so done with him)

Ahah, Kai’s in another prison world 🤣

OF 👏 COURSE 👏 KATHERINE 👏 IS 👏 THE 👏 QUEEN 👏 OF 👏 HELL 👏

Aaawwww I really really loved when Damon gave Elena’s necklace to Caroline 💕 their little chat was very cute: he knew she was quite sad because her wedding was being rushed and used as an excuse to drag out Katherine; she was going to walk down the aisle without her mother; Bonnie wasn’t gonna come; Elena wouldn’t be there; Alaric didn’t want to come... the MOST important day of her life was basically ruined 👰 and... idk he was being very sweet and compassionate with her :)

OOOOHH THEY’RE ACTUALLY GETTING MARRIED FOR REAL THOUGH! And Bonnie’s here!! Soooo cute 💖 I love how Damon insisted on the “does anybody want to object against this wedding?” part, like “really? No one?”

NOOOOOOOO THE GIRLS 😱😱🔥🤬

Omg they’re fine, I’m so relieved 🙏

Awww Bonnie saying goodbye to Enzo for real... that was so... bittersweet 😭 But he’s right: she’s gotta live her life. She cannot spend her entire life thinking about the people she could have spent more time with: Enzo, Elena, for instance. She has to focus on herself. On being happy. And I’m really glad for her ❤️

Katherine is literally gonna blow up the WHOLE TOWN !! Seems a bit extreme but I’m really not surprised xD such a Katherin-y thing to do, if you think about it

OMG FINAL EPISODE 😱😱😱

Okay, first I was like “I don’t understand why is everybody so obsessed with the idea of saving Mystic Falls”. 🤷‍♀️ Sure it’s their home, their childhood town, full of memories and all... but since Matt helped evacuate the entire town, there was no immediate danger for the population of MF. And at the end of the day, it’s JUST a town 🏙 It’s just buildings and roads and objects that can be replaced. It can be rebuilt over time. So Bonnie, Caroline, Damon, Stefan... they could have all just run far way from MF and then everything would have been just FINE 👍

But THEN Katherine captured Elena and trapped her in the high school 😈 NO WAY the Salvatore brothers would have just sacrificed Elena in hellfire 🔥🙅‍♀️

NOOOOOO I don’t want Damon to die 😭 But I also don’t want Stefan to die! Why do their plans always include one of them dying? Sounds like Supernatural 😅

THANK GOD 🙏 Bonnie’s here to save the day 💖 Damn, what would they ever do without her?? I liked how she fought for herself till the very end :) “it’s not my time” YOU BET YOUR ASS IT’S NOT 👏

OOOOMMMMGGG STEFAN’S DEAD 💀😱🔥 HE CAME BACK!!! HE CAME BACK FOR HIS BROTHER!! HE SAVED DAMON!! HE SACRIFICED HIMSELF!!! HE LEGIT DESTROYED HELL!! AND HE KILLED KATHERINE WITH IT!! 🤯

AND DAMON IS HUMAN!!! 🤯🤯🤯

AWWWWW LEXI IS THERE!! 🥰 I’m so happy to see her! I’ve missed her! Awww he found peace with his best friend 💕 I’m so glad for him! He deserves that!

“I was feeling epic” 😭😭😭😭😭😭

Honestly, it felt kinda cheap and too easy that Bonnie would just suddenly realise she had enough power to do ANYTHING, including breaking the spell that she wasn’t supposed to interfere with in ANY way, because she would be risking Elena’s life (and probably her own). Like, ok, she destroyed hell and that boosted her confidence enough that she decided she would just try it ? 🤷‍♀️ mmm... seems too easy... like why didn’t she do that earlier then ? Why did this entire season even happen then ? What was the point? What was the point of Bonnie realising she was worth living her life and that she didn’t have to feel guilty about Elena? Why would the show erase that wonderful character growth??? I- 🤷‍♀️

“We’ll see him again” ❤️ awwww I really love how they decide to develop Damon and Caroline’s relationship in the end... They both really acted like brother / sister in law. And that was genuinely cute. They both lost someone they loved and cared about deeply. I like that they know they can count on each other.

Awwwww Stefan got Caroline’s message, that’s really cute :) I hope it will help her move on, knowing he heard her, and he will love her forever too 💕

BONNIE’S HAPPY!!! SHE’S ALONE BUT SHE IS FINE BECAUSE SHE DOESN’T NEED SOMEBODY ELSE TO BE HAPPY! SHE LOVES HERSELF AND SHE LOVES LIFE AND SHE’S GONNA ENJOY HER LIFE TO THE FULLEST AND TRAVEL THE WORLD!! YAY! 🌈🎊🎉

The Salvatore boarding school : so it’s basically Hogwarts? Okay why not 🤷‍♀️ It’s not the big ending I was expecting for Caroline and tbh I’m a bit disappointed (but I guess her story doesn’t stop there and it’s more of a To Be Continued kind of ending) but it makes perfect sense for Alaric 🤔 Jo seing her daughters 💖 And Jeremy is a teacher there LMAO 😆

Awwwwww my Klaroline feels ❤️❤️❤️ “however long it takes” I CANNOT BELIEVE THE SHOW GAVE US A “MAYBE” FOR THAT SHIP. Honestly it’s more than I ever wished I would get! I’ll make my own headcanons, it’s perfect!

“I owe it all to Stefan” awww, true :’)

So what I got from Elena’s monologue: she had a great life, she was happy, she became a doctor, she grew old in Mystic Falls, she married Damon (funny how she doesn’t mention having kids? It was one of her biggest dreams, so idk 🤷‍♀️), then I guess SHE died before Damon did (-> what makes me think that is the scene where she holds his hands and says something along the lines of “I know peace exists and I know he will find it someday even though he doubts it” and then he disappears and she finds herself in the after life), and then she found peace and got reunited with her family in death 🧐 So bittersweet, I liked it! 💕 Even if I think it would have deserved to be a bit longer, a bit more explained, a bit more developed than just a “here’s what happened” 🤷‍♀️ It did feel rushed :/

“Hello brother” WAS THE LAST LINE OF THE SHOW! HOW. EPIC. IS. THAT.

[mspenelopelane]

The Desert

A/N: At the end of the first season on Succession Logan tells Kendall to "go to the desert" to "dry out." I took this as Logan referring to an earlier time when Kendall was in rehab. Upon rewatching the show, I observed a very keen bond Jess had with Kendall without much dialogue. She says so much with her eyes. I wanted to dive into that bond. What shaped it?

Jess jabbed her thumbs furiously on the screen of her phone as hunger pangs reminded her of the smoothie she’d left on her desk. Six hours ago. It had been her own fault. She hadn’t grabbed anything on her way to Teterboro. The jet had its usual Royco provisions, but at the time she hadn’t been hungry. Her stomach had been turning all morning. The flight hit turbulence over the Rockies. Jess had anticipated this; this was normal. It would mean they would land at Van Nuys in another two hours or so. Once she landed in Van Nuys, she’d have a car waiting to bring her to Malibu. She didn’t know she’d be his contact. She didn’t know—until that morning—that she’d be the one to fetch him. She didn’t know that his family had not responded when he had reached out. She only got the call from on high that she was to clear her schedule for the day and have her go bag at the ready: a change of clothes, toiletries, pajamas, and her laptop. Every other assistant that had worked under Kendall had either been fired or had quit before he’d entered rehab. She, somehow, had been reassigned elsewhere. But now, sitting in the leather-clad jet, Jess had been pulled back in. She gripped the armrests as they hit an air pocket and then closed her eyes. They opened again as the landing gear touched down on the runway. The ride to Malibu was thankfully bearable, but the emails and news alerts hadn’t stopped. Of course, the competing tabloids would get wind of this, and her job would be to ensure the most private route to the most private location in Los Angeles county. She had settled on a cool minimalist residence on the Pacific Palisades. The perfect place for him to decompress and get ready to return to New York. There was only a small pause at the front gate, but then the SUV whisked her right up to the entrance. She had expected him to be waiting; though she didn’t actually know what to expect. She had never picked anyone up from rehab before. When Jess realized he wasn’t just coming out to the car, she swung the door open with one hand while emailing Karolina with another and sprinted inside; there would need to be a statement given as the media onslaught was already beginning. Pierce would have a field day with this. She entered, distracted by a new email regarding a particularly nasty rumor that had just popped up: Kendall Roy apparently had a relapse. A relapse? Already? The man hadn’t even been checked out yet. Passing those waiting in the lobby, Jess approached the front desk and asked for Kendall. “Mr. Roy?” The attendant called to a hunched figure that sat in the waiting area—someone Jess had flown past without a thought. She whipped around, momentarily embarrassed for not recognizing her employer. “Hey.” Kendall had gotten up and, with a small duffel bag swung across his shoulder, walked up to the desk. He met eyes with her only briefly. “Thanks for…coming.” “Are you ready?” Jess cleared her throat uncomfortably; maybe a straightforward hello would have been better. Gone were the tailored suits and the large headphones. He stood before her in jeans and a hoodie. The circles under his eyes were dark and cavernous. The level of unabashed sadness he exuded in front of her made her shudder. “Yes,” the attendant cut in with a clipboard, “he is. Sign here, please.” Jess grasped the pen and scribbled quickly. She was realizing that she had been the one to release him. Up until that point, the most intimate thing she had known about him was his coffee order. The details of a follow up dentist appointment. He wrote for the Lampoon in college. The only concrete facts she knew about him were things he allowed her to know; but she had started to become good at picking up facts in other ways—mainly through merely observing him. His downward spiral and rehab had put that into overdrive. She had been the one to find him. “Can I get that for you?” She indicated the bag as her phone pinged. “No…” he answered softly, “I got it.” “All right,” she nodded, “let’s go.” Jess trotted back to the car as her heart raced—what was the protocol for this? She had no idea. She glanced at her phone again. Just another email from Karolina—no check ins from the Roys. None of them. As he watched his assistant climb back into the SUV, Kendall exhaled and tried to ignore her familiar scent as it washed over him as she brushed past. That warm, comforting rush—he welcomed it after two months of patchouli and sandalwood and whatever the fuck else they had been burning at the “resort.” “Back home, then?” Kendall muttered as he tossed his bag into the trunk behind him. “Uh…no…” Jess quickly glanced at him before deciding not to make full eye contact, “I’ve been told to set up a place—” “Where?” “Pacific Palisades,” she responded, ready with a visual, but he held up his hand before she could pull it up on her phone. “No. I need a change of scenery.” “Where?” “I don’t know—” he cut himself off as he thought. The fucking moon, maybe. “—The desert.” “The…desert…” She repeated as she mentally ran down the list of cancellations she would have to make within the next ten minutes. “Yeah. Joshua Tree or something. Not more cliffs.” “Certainly.” Kendall tried to exhale steadily to quell the shaking inside of him; her obedient, quick response made his adrenaline surge after two months of doing nothing but following directions. They sat in relative silence for the next three hours of the trip. The Los Angeles traffic delivered in spades, and Jess trained her eyes on her phone. “All right. Everything set.” She declared in a low voice as they finally pulled onto the 10. “Meals all—” “Done, yes. Chef is en route now.” “Pool--?” “Yes. I couldn’t find Olympic—” “Mmm. And amenities? Gated?” “It’s…remote. No gate. It’s last minute so—” “—Fine, fine.” He said. “It’s remote you said—but we’re plugged in for conferences?” “It will be.” She lied. “Perfect. Thank you.” Kendall relaxed and leaned back, and watched the urban sprawl give way to bare mountains.

**

It was just past six o’clock when they arrived at the house. A small midcentury bungalow, the house was lit up in an orange glow, waiting for them. The chef could be seen through the kitchen window putting the finishing touches on what would be a whole food, pescatarian meal. Insisting on carrying his own bag, Kendall trudged into the house with Jess at his heels. She felt weirdly light not carrying anything for him. Jess nodded a greeting to the chef, who was plating the meal, and went to the refrigerator for sparkling water. Three kinds, as she had instructed. Aqua Panna with a twist of lemon would surely be his preference at this time of day. She prepared it swiftly and delivered it to Kendall, who was out on the deck surveying the sun dipping into the horizon. “Thanks.” He muttered, “And my phone?” “I was told—” “Just—I just need my phone.” “I know, but—” “Jess, come on.” Kendall let a weak smile flit across his lips. “They told me no.” She shook her head slightly. She followed his gaze as he took a swallow of water and turned back to the sky. “I’m sorry.” She whispered before going back inside. Kendall sat with his fizzy water as the sun disappeared into purple darkness. He heard Jess say goodbye to the chef. He heard the clinking of utensils against a plate. He felt her behind him. That familiar scent threatened to envelope him. “Do you want me to—” “Yeah, outside is fine.” He heard the plate hit the table behind him. Kendall kept his eyes ahead as he felt her pause for instructions. Always anticipating him; it made him deliciously weak. She waited a bit and moved to go back inside. “Hey, Jess,” Kendall called over his shoulder, “you want…to join me?” “Oh—I—” He heard her put her bags down. The stars had started to come out. “Hey, you’ve got to be hungry.” “A car is coming for me,” she said, “I’m going back to LA. Your recovery coach is on his way—” “No…no.” Kendall jumped from the lounge chair, “You don’t need to bring him here. I’m good.” “But they said—” “No, I can handle myself. I can handle it.” Jess stared at him as she clutched her phone to her chest. “Cancel him. He’s coming here? Cancel it.” Jess did not take her eyes from his as a way to plead with him, but Kendall held firm. She nodded uncertainly and looked up the phone number to make the call. Kendall sat down to dinner and called back into the house, “Come on, Jess. Join me.” He only started to eat when he was certain she was making herself a plate. She slipped into the seat next to him, and they ate in silence. Coyotes howled in the distance. Jess jolted slightly at the sound but recovered quickly. Her nerves had been high all day. She paused briefly before continuing her meal; she had been starving. Fifteen minutes went by before he spoke. “Compliments to the chef, then.” Kendall murmured. “You can give them to her when she returns for breakfast tomorrow.” Jess collected the plates and brought them into the kitchen, “she’ll be here at 7 A.M.” This time, instead of staring off into the distance, he followed her back into the house. “You’re headed back to LA?” He watched her put the dishes in the dishwasher. “Yeah,” she responded as she began to wipe down the kitchen island, “that was the plan. I would drop you off, wait for the coach, and head to The Freehand.” “Ooo. The Freehand.” Kendall said under his breath as he traced a vein in the marble counter. He paused for a moment, and then found a new vein. “Why don’t you just crash…here?” Kendall watched out of the corner of his eye as Jess paused in the cleaning of the counter. He watched as she weighed the possible outcomes of the answer to his question. She threw the dishtowel over the lip of the steel farmhouse sink. “I—I can’t—” “Come on… there’s more than enough room here—” “Kendall, I shouldn’t—” The doorbell. With a quick glance to her watch, Jess moved toward the door, “that’ll be the driver.” “No,” Kendall made a momentarily frantic move in front of her so that he blocked her way. “No, come on. You can stay.” She eased around him and opened the door. The driver cleared his throat and offered to carry her bag. “No, she’s not leaving.” Kendall cut in, going so far as to grab her bag before the driver could receive it. The driver looked at Jess, bewildered. “She’s not leaving,” Kendall repeated, and then, with a firm nod to the driver, “thank you. You may go.” Jess brought her full attention to Kendall. His eyes were watery. Red. “Yeah, I’m sorry,” she turned to the driver with a sigh, and produced several bills from her bag, pressing them into his hand, “I am staying.” With a thin-lipped nod, the driver turned and left. Jess closed the door and exhaled; the weight of responsibility for Kendall now burdened her—and it would have whether she had gone or not. She flipped the dead bolt and turned to him. He stood in the foyer of the tiny house, inches from her, holding her bag still. His eyes were redder, and they didn’t meet hers. “Hey.” She said softly. He looked toward the floor and didn’t respond. “Hey,” she said again, and stepped toward him, her hand daring to reach out to him. “You…OK?” “Yeah,” the word passed through his lips almost soundlessly. Tears started to pool on his lower lashes. She stepped closer. After a frozen moment, she took her bag from him and set it down. Jess stood squarely in front of him. She was wearing heels, and they were the same height. She tried to coax him into meeting her eyes, but he would not and instead trained his gaze on her collarbone. His family hadn’t reached out to her all day to check on him. She’d turned his phone on and kept a close watch on hers all day. Nothing. A wave of resolve hit her in that moment, and the barrier between them dissolved. She stepped even closer to him, inches away now, and placed her hands on his shoulders. Kendall squeezed his eyes shut and allowed a tear to escape down his cheek. “I’m…I’m glad you’re OK.” She whispered, and before she even finished her words, he threw himself against her shoulder; she could feel his warm breath through her blouse as he struggled to hold back a sob. Kendall slid his hand around her back and clung to her, there in the foyer. His other hand slid up her arm, and he gripped the silk of her top tightly in his fist. She was shocked for a moment; when she had taken the job just a year before she never would have remotely imagined she’d be where she was then. But Jess pushed past the shock, and she wrapped her arms around him in a firm embrace. Other duties as required? She set a mental reminder for herself to laugh at that later. For that second, he forgot who she was. She was now a person. A body. A warm, soft, body that he wanted to curl up against. For all of the spa treatments, the yoga, the therapy, the meditation of the past two months, being embraced was exponentially more powerful to him. “Thank you.” His voice was quiet and shaky, “thank you for staying.” He hugged her tighter. “Of course.” Was all she said. “I didn’t want—” he gulped his tears like a child, “I didn’t want you to—I didn’t want to be—" “It’s OK—it’s OK,” Jess pulled back and looked at him, her heart racing into something of a minor panic. Who could she sneak off and call for support? Karolina? Geri? She was coming up short. Kendall nodded quickly and sniffed, “yeah.” “How about you sit on the couch? Um…I can get you tea? What about a fire?” “That’s…nice. That’s really nice.” He ran his hand through his hair and tried his best to saunter casually over to the couch. There was a wood burning fireplace. It took about five minutes for Kendall to get it going at steady roar. By then, Jess presented him with a hot mug of oolong tea. “Thanks,” he said. She sat at safe distance on the opposite corner of the couch and sipped from her own mug. “The desert was a better choice,” she admitted, staring into the fire. “Heh.” Was all Kendall could muster. He felt stupid for saying it. “I’d never been here before. It’s beautiful.” “Yeah, I hadn’t either. Maybe that’s why I wanted to come.” Jess nodded in the silent pause between them. “Thanks again—for staying.” “Don’t mention it—” “I mean—” “It’s not a big deal—” “I mean, it is,” Kendall countered, “my family has you on the clock 24/7 and now they’ve tasked you to come and release me.” “It’s my job—” “It’s your job,” Kendall nodded, visibly stung, “right—” “Well, it’s not my job,” she knitted her brow, fumbling for words, “but I work for you.” “Ah, yes, you do.” He nodded again, reminded of how the people closest to him were the ones who were paid handsomely to do so. “I’m—sorry—did I--?” Jess held her hand against her heart. “No, you’re fine—” The flickering light of the fire before them only seemed to emphasize the lines in his face. She slid across the couch and laid her hand on his, which made him jolt in a small surprise. “I made the choice to stay.” Jess asserted. “You’re very convincing, but I was the one who made the choice.” She kept her hand on top of his, even going so far as to give a squeeze as something of an emphasis. “Yeah.” He responded, keeping his eyes on the curve of her knuckles. Something was missing. She followed his eyes to what he noticed: the absence of the yellow gold 3-carat east-west emerald-cut ring that had been on her finger two months ago. Jess pulled her hand back and tucked it into the crook of her opposite elbow. Kendall watched her as she took a sip of tea. He had never been one to notice something like that. But on the day that it appeared, glinting brilliantly alongside his cup of morning coffee that she always had greeted him with, it made some sort of imprint on him, like a part of her had been taken away from him. Now, that part was back. There they were, alone in the desert. No fucking ring in sight. Except, of course, for his. Jess finished her tea, stood from the couch and sighed, “I think I’m going to turn in.” This was weird. She felt nervous. But not in the usual Waystar Royco way. Not like when she had booked the wrong Ritz hotel room—Paris instead of London--on the second week of her job. This was different. She felt him staring at her. “I’m just really exhausted,” she exhaled and rubbed her forehead with her unringed finger. She rose from the couch, grabbed her bag and headed down the hall. Kendall’s heart leapt as he heard her come back to the bedroom. Maybe it was going to be the Ritz mix up. “What’s up?” He asked. “There’s…there’s only one bedroom.”

[eldritchsun]

the aforementioned Hawke/Aveline head cannons, about which I am divided:

(spoilers for the start of Dragon Age II)

One idea is that my f!Hawke and Aveline definitely had a very brief, very passionate fling during that first year, and they both mutually agreed that it was a bad idea.

Aveline knows she is imprinting on Hawke because of the closeness of being each others only link to lives Before Kirkwall, specially on Aveline’s side.

But despite the real feelings and attraction there, Hawke is still so twisted into the memories of her late husband that Aveline can’t Be With Her in good conscience. Hawke being the one who killed him really doesn’t facilitate the situation. Here is this amazing, wry woman who fought to survive right alongside her during the worst times of Avelines life but also, of Hawkes life, what with Baby Angel Bethany’s death and fleeing demon hordes away from everything you knew, with only the company of your insufferable brother and weirdly bodacious elderly mother (Bethesda U Will B Hanged For Your Horny Crimes) and this amazing, courageous, incredibly loyal strong woman who’s husband you killed.

So yeah, they trauma bonded (hard) and Something developed out of this mountain of grief and world-vs-us mentality. Of course they repress it for the longest time, what with the straightness and the Dead Husband. Aveline has sleepless nights, because Hawke is the exact opposite of Wesley, everything he hated, and she’s his destruction just as much as his salvation. Where Wesley was honour, Hawke is Survival, and Aveline has always respected one of those more than the other, despite her whole life pushing her the other way. So why does she feel like this?? Poor Aveline.

There’s lots of sexual tension of Figthing Side By Side and “you bring out the worst in me” during Hawke Favours of dubious legality. During like a month towards the end of the first year they snap and are at it with all the desperation two people can humanely put into a secret romance. They mutually agree that it’s a bad idea and isn’t good for either of them, with Aveline agreeing slightly more than Hawke. They stay friends (ride or die loyalty from Aveline doesn’t disappear just cause you had the most miserable passionate sex for like a month) and nobody is none the wiser.

Hawke refers to Aveline as “my ex-girlfriend” in her head because while she totally agrees that being together was a bad idea, she still has that part of her that really Liked-liked Aveline and that’s the way she validates those feelings within herself, like yes it happened and yes it wasn’t nothing.

The other idea is that the very same twist of complicated feelings is never acted on, but Hawke, a whole gay and a half, can definitely feel that the Something is reciprocated, but she knows that it would only end badly, so she calls Aveline “my future ex-girlfriend” in her head as a way to remind herself that she should never go there.

but yeah, i personally prefer my characters to NOT be in angsty death-tinted romances, so i’m wooing sweet Merrill. (if any da2 old timers are giggling at my ignorance of future merrill angst don’t tell me! i deserve to suffer this hate crime on my own terms)

[worangetravellertravels]

The One Day My Heart Vanished

“I’M JUST TIRED OF EVERYTHING!” I shout as I throw violently my bag in my room and lay in my bed with tears running down my eyes like a river. What a misserable and annoying day. First my parents at breakfast scolding me for my choices. Then at school my classmates being annoying to each other and to me! Then all the jealousy I get around me while watching all the couples flirt on my way home. Then my little brother pestering me to play with him to the point that I do so and then becomes an annoying pest, and on diner? My parents asking me how my day was and the second I try to FOR ONCE for them to understand my feelings they say “You could have it worse you know?” YEAH GUYS REAL HELP HOW COULD I NOT NOTICED!

And here I am... crying in my room again, a solid mess who wishes their heart vanished so I don’t get to feel more pain. And in my tears I fell sleep...

When I woke up I saw a poem on my door wrote in my own handwriting:

I know that you wish for your heart to just vanish But truthfully doing that would leave you life just tarnished So here comes quite simple the very next thing Those that see you today will send their feelings to sleep.

Weird? It most sounded like I wrote myself a curse or something. But whatever. I took a shower and dressed to go down stairs to eat my breakfast... UGH, it probably gonna be awkward for how I literally left the table last night screaming how nobody understood me (which they don’t) so lets see how they gonna judge me today...

My breakfast was... normal? My mom gave me my milk and toast and my dad was there just reading the newspaper, not a word uttered, not a complain about who I am or what I do... nothing. It was a weirdly nice change of pace, and yet, when leaving for work, my dad just said goodbye absent minded without looking at any of us. Normally he kisses my mom and me on my forehead, its a tiny sweet act that reminds me that deep down, despite the judgment he cares about me. Was he still angry about last night? 

On school things where... I wanna say normal but something felt a miss. My friends stood quiet, in fact the whole class was like that from when we arrive until we left. I know I complained yesterday how loud and obnoxious they were, but I knew deep down that while not the best way, that obnoxiousness was the way that many of my friends showed they cared. But today? nothing... it felt... weird...

Walking back home felt peaceful yet, once again, lonely. Yeah being single and surrounded by couples fills me with sad and anxious feelings, but also sometimes when a couple kiss, or hug or simply watching them smile next to one another, filled my heart with fuzzy feelings... I guess I didn’t ever noticed that of myself until now, cause I always was worried of the “I’m alone” feeling...

When I reached home I was expecting my brother to finally bother me and for me to feel something normal today. Instead he had the door in his room closed. He never closes his door! What’s going on here? I opened the door and instead of an angry comment of “GET OUT OF MY ROOM!” Which would lead to a fun brotherly bonding time. (have I ever thought about it THAT way before today?) Instead he turns his head to me and says “hey” in the most unfeeling tone of voice I can imagine... I began pester him, playing the “I don’t wanna play” when in reality I just wanted for him to react... nothing... he just turned back and keep playing by himself... like I wasn’t even there...

That night... at diner... I lost it. After 20 minutes of a silence so loud that you could hear a pin falling on the floor. As soon as my family stand up and turn to their room I broke my plate and begin shouting: “I’M SORRY OKAY? I DON’T KNOW WHAT EXACTLY DID WRONG BUT PLEASE DON’T GIVE ME THE COLD SHOULDER! DON’T IGNORE! DON’T LEAVE ME ALONE PLEASE I PREFER YOUR OBNOXIOUS AND JUDGMENTAL SELVES THAN JUST YOUR SILENCE AND UNCARE PLEASE... DON’T LEAVE ALONE... please...”

silence... not a single reaction from them as they turned away and left...

“... I’m sorry too, cause that actually not the correct answer either“

“What?“ I say as I turn around and see... me? There’s another me in front of me, like a reflection or a ghost or... “OH COME ON! I’m dreaming?“

“Yeup“

“Then what was the big idea of all this, me?“

“To show you that wishing that your feelings (or heart) were gone would be horrible. Everyone you saw today missed their “heart” and at best were human zombies“

“Then what am I supossed to do? Endure the mockery? the obnoxiousness? the judgement?“

“Off course not! But also now you know there’s more to their actions than those ismple bad traits, maybe you can change how you look at stuff or change how they treat you. Hopefully... even both“

“Would it work?“

“You know as much as me... so as you I can say... I have no idea“.

“Figures“

And so I woke up. When to my parents and brother to hug them. They were puzzled but happy I didn’t wanted to distace from them. Turns out the DID felt kinda guilty for how sorta dismissive they were last night (the real night where they were dismissive, not the one I dreamed of where they were emotionless zombies) plus they heard me cry so they got really worried, but wanted to give me space. It felt nice to feel validated for once...

Your feeling matter, and so does the rest I know it’s hard to balance, but please do your best. Because in the end comprehension is cherished And clearly much better, than a heart that just vanished.

Notes:

Took me a while to do this (although I was distracted by childhood nostalgia and videogames more than anything) but basically I wanted a story from a concept from my favorite magical girl show Card Captor Sakura. Basically in there at the climax of its main arc the punishment was what the character of this story went trought... more or less... probably only the emotionless zombies is the only parallel.

I also wanted to point out how the character’s feelings aren’t invalid, they can still be pissed about how they get treated... but MAYBE you can do something more than just complain? Maybe could have wrote that better... on another day :P

Now read the story again but listening to:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QC5gvR7f1Mk (Yoru no Uta, instrumental. From Cardcaptor Sakura)

[lacnunga]

due to the recent attention quincey and my strange love child has gotten, i’ve decided to do a post of my ‘character building’ aka ‘me just aimlessly rambling at Q in tumblr chat and getting overly invested in our hopeless little loser’. enjoy (or dont idk idc)

Naruto oc Gear

·         platonic bff w/ kankuro

·         i feel like they deserve a mullet. they're completely oblivious to why other people Hate it. they think it's cool.

·         "it feels swishy kank. kank. feels like Wind Country style. kank why are you laughing?"

·         nobody understands why someone 'cool' like kankuro hangs around with this dork

·         its like kakashi and gai. kankuro just shrugs - "dude is a good listener. and they write valentines cards to karasu. they're a weirdo and i love them so back tf off'

·         gear:: nyah

·         kank: what?

·         gear, staring at him through their souless glasses: you know, nyah *makes kitty motions*

·         *gear proceeds to be drop kicked all the way to fire country border*

·         also, nobody know whether gear is male or female or...other?? except their doctor, who enjoys keeping it a secret from a frustrated kankuro.

·         gear has promised him a years worth of buying hi hamburger steaks if he manages to find it out, so kank has some incentive

·         its been nearly ten years...no luck

·         temari doesnt understand the friendship, but its not the weirdest thing her fam is involved in so

·         gear is v scared of gaara though, especially when gaara, in a bid to 'understand his family better' tries to get to know him. gear tries to avoid gaara, but he's. always. there.

·         kank in the end tells gear to Just Talk to Gaara, there's like a 50% chance he won't kill them (if only for kank's sake)

·         wind forwards to a v awkward interrogation session where gear tries to explain the appeal of fireworks and the concept of second hand embarassment

·         no wait

·         i just had a brilliant idea

·         gear is the pioneer of light up ninja sandals

·         are they practical? no way

·         are they weirdly satisfying? hell yeah

·         (when too many shinobi got caught in the field bc their sandals lit up, by decree of the kazekage they can only be worn in the village

·         and preferably never, according to Temari)

·         also gear is a big fan of shino. why? (because I love shino) but Actually because kankuro is still bitter about losing to him

·         so when gear meets shino they make it their mission to become Great Friends, aka the Hoopiest of Froods

·         Rub In That Salt. Can You Taste It Kank? All That Salt.

·         their name is now Gear, or in the japanese version, Giya ギヤ (aka just Gear in katakana - hell, if it works for Lee.) fter visiting konoha kank is sulking bc gear went on and on about how shino was a Cool Guy and had Flair and a certain je ne sais quois ( doesnt know what that means, but it sounds adoring and he Hates it. Gear is his friend, not Shinos)

·         Especially when he remembers that Shino kicked his asssss

·         eventually gear gets ticked off and commisions a cake with big writing on it 'STOP SULKING, KITTY'. kank is weirdly frustrated that gear has remembered his favourite flavour cake

·         gear makes him sarcastic friendship bracelets

·         though gear and shino bond over the fact that nobody knows what their faces/eyes look like. its sort of like an Achievement Unlocked.

·         Gear is then integrated into the Aburame family as a honors member

·         Gets home made pies when ever they visit

·         Kankuro is jelly as usual but does not argue over the pie

·         when shino demonstrates his kikaichuu technique, gear waves their arms around making obnoxious buzzing noises. shino sniggers.

·         hell most things can be forgiven for pie

·         gear actually becomes very good at mimicking the kikaichuu noises so when they go back to suna gear makes the noises when kankuro is least expecting it. the suprised punches to the nose are so worth it.

·         I can just see kankuro just spazzing out before just decking this nerd in the face!

·         Ok but Kin adopts them and loves them but just...just hates their fashion sense more then anything in the world

·         she just eyes their mullet with a twitching brow. gear is holding onto their visor with all their might and watching out for any kunai that might come close to his fabulous mane.

·         lets face it, if shino and gear had a bit of a 'snip snip' training accident, kin wouldn't be disappointed

·         and of course if gear becomes friends with shino, they gotta get along w/ team eight as well. kiba is eyeing their hair with a strange mixture of envy and incredulity. hinata draws gear up some new face-masks. they love them, even the pink floral ones.

·         hinata, handing over the masks: d-do you like them?

·         gear, choked up and holding back sobs: they're fine

·         Gear has a habit of coming to Kank in the middle of the night with the weirdest shit. They knock on his door at three in the morning looking like they're about to cry.

·         G: Kank I've done something awful I'm a murderer

·         Kank is basically ready to help bury a body

·         K:okay okay don't panic what did you do?

·         G: *whispering* I eat eight spiders a year kank. EIGHT SPIDERS. HOW MANY SPIDER ORPHANS HAVE I LEFT TO GRIEVING SPIDER WIDOWS KANK. I'm a MONSTER.

·         K:...go home.

·         K: Spends the night googling 'is it true you swallow eight spiders a year?')

·         i have the idea that gear was a really plain child. you know the kind that never really got noticed and people just realised they were there when they tripped over them.

·         and they finally got sick of it when they graduated the academy like

·         'well now im just going to be so Extra you wont have a choice but to notice me fuck you'

·         now thats not to say they realise the mullet is a bad idea, however it does have the extra incentive of people going 'oh hi- DEAR LORD WHAT'S THAT ON YOUR HEAD'

·         plot twist, they look so completely ordinary under the glasses and mask that even the people who saw their face don't remember it the second they look away

·         surprisingly gear makes an excellent undercover operative

·         Just take off the mask and goggles and visor, fashion their hair a lil, and put on a plain kimmon and BAM Gear is an under cover cop

·         exactly. kankuro is really weirded out by the idea that any of the sort of twenty yo people he passes on the street could be gear

·         Kankuro was terrified of gaara but boy o boy does Gear just raise the steaks a lil

·         They could be anywhere

·         Behind that bush, near the bush, IS THE BUSH

·         one time gear was on a mission with their team and they got separated. in the fight, gear lost his mask, broke his glasses and his visor got tossed. when they returned to their team they had to spend the whole journey back convincing them that 'YES this is me i swear see? im wearing the same underwear!' 'how would we know what underwear you started out wearing?' 'I THOUGHT WE HAD A BOND'

·         they meet kankuro on the way into town and gear is just like 'here, kank is my buddy, he'll tell you im me'

·         'well kankuro-sama, is this Gear?'

·         K:...im gonna be honest i cant fucking tell

·         K:but are they wearing blue boxers with ducks on them?

·         Squad captain: WHY DO YOU-???

·         Kankuro: THINGS HAPPENED OK THEYRE WEIRD AND JUST- DO THEY OR DONT THEY?

·         Gear: *shit eating grin*

·         Temari actually thought those two were together for a long time and they both just missed her euphemistic references to their ahem 'friendship' until Gaara mentions they couldn't put romantic partners on a team together and Kank just

·         ucking falls off his chair like

·         K: Wait what? Since when have we been romantic partners?? News to me??

·         When he talks to Gear about it they seem unfazed just straightfaced tell Kankiro that 'you make my kokoro go doki doki'. Kank doesn't speak to them for a week

·         Aka Gear is once again relegated to the sofa

·         Gear seems to say 'so worth it' a lot

·         Most of the time it really isnt

·         Gears surprisingly good a dancing, specifically the fancy pants type dancing.

·         So bc Kank is the kazekage's brother he's invited to a fancy do somewhere and he brings along Gear as his +1 bc hes a loser w/o a bf/gf. before the do he's just pointedly asking Gear like 'look do i need to teach you how to dance? because there will be dancing. fancy dancing. it will be Expected of You. do you want a dance tutor. are you sure? Are You SURE?'

·         Gear is just waving him off 'Relax kitty, its cool' Kank is just mentally preparing apology speeches for Very Important Peoples' crushed toes

·         the night comes along and Kank is making awkward small talk with some girl who roped him in when suddenly he's yanked away from the convo by Gear

·         before he knows it they're on the dancefloor and SURPRISE gear is waaaay better at dancing than kank's stiff penguin shuffle

·         gear takes great pleasure in dipping him really low at the end

·         and they never let kank forget about it

·         so i dont know if kankuro went to the ninja academy but lets assume he does

·         *did

·         so he and gear are in the same class

·         but gear is of course always forgotten

·         until one day kankuro notices them because IDK he runs into them and knocks them over or something

·         so somehow they hang out that day and kank realises 'yeah this kid is a good one i could hang out with this dude like forever. mine now.'

·         and the next day kank tries to find Gear except

·         the fucker is so Unnoticable

·         kank is just standing in the middle of the room scratching his head trying to figure out who the fuck he was talking to yesterday. gear of course doesnt have their sparkling personality yet and so is too shy/embaressed to go up to kank and remind him that 'hey this is what my face looks like'

·         eventually they do hang out again though

·         and the same thing happens

·         kank gets fed up and brings in his face makeup and like draws reminders on gears face

·         gear is fine with it, just wandering around all day with purple paint on their face

·         except ppl keep making fun of them so kank wears the paint as well as like a solidarity thing

·         of course gear finds his own look at the end of their academy days but kank carries on wearing the paint from then on(also gear used to be the kind of person who cried really easily and the paint showed it ALL up. they weren't too keen on walking around with tear tracks and smudges on their face, so mullet it is lol)

·         sad idea

·         gear is kankuro's first and best friend

·         sure, kankuro has other friends, but no real Friends outside of his fam later on, bc when he was smaller every interaction with other kids was coloured by him being related to the Sand Demon

·         kids didn't want to be friends with him bc they were scared for their lives (and kank threw himself into his puppet making for something to do bc puppets werent to emotionally fickle as kids)

·         so he latched onto gear and they became integral parts of their lives without even realising it

·         one day, gear leaves on a mission. they dont come back. they're declared MIA

·         it varies between villages but generally its one-two months before a MIA ninja is declared KIA

·         kank isnt worried about gear. gear is a tough dude, they'll come back.

·         a week passes and kank isnt worried

·         two weeks passes, and he's getting twitchy, spending more and more time hunched up in his studio, tinkering with his puppets

·         three weeks passes without a sign from gear, and he's wrecked seven puppet prototypes in senseless death battles and he doesnt want to think about why he's become so snappy and easily frustrated

·         (temari pops in on him every so often, forcing sandwiches and energy drinks on him even as he ignores her, whittling down a wooden ball joint with singular concentration)

·         the fourth week draws to a close and kank is visiting the mission room every day, lingering inside the doorway, scaring returning genin teams with his impatient aura. he's making trips around the hospitals in case they had an unidentified body turned in (he knows gear by their scars even if their face just wont stick)

·         saturday rolls around and kankuro is dragging himself down to the morgues, the crematoriums, clamping down on the threatening waves of despair - he asks by name, by description, by the rate of decay on any bodies returned by scavenging teams sent out across the sandy oceans

·         there is no sign of gear, not a peep as the fourth week draws to a close, the deadline for Suna mia operatives

·         he goes to the records office to bear witness as they change the status on gear's paperwork, and he feels hollow, like karasu as the red ink is drawn through the status box

·         he returns to his house, silent. temari is there, waiting, with a worried furrow between her brows (he thinks he even saw gaara, who was so changed since the chuunin exams, peer at him through his bedroom doorway opened just a crack, that emerald stare assessing, before retreating again)

·         he closes the door to his workshop with a calm firmness, blocking out temari's questions

·         kankuro stares at his puppets, propped up on various stands and in the corners, half assembled carapaces that seemed to mock him with their glassy stares

·         he snaps

·         kankuro thinks this is what gaara must have felt like, pulled under by the whirlwind of emotions as he rampages, trashing models and ripping up drawings and smashing incomplete headless, armless bodies. it feels like there isn't enough destruction to match the hole gear's death has left in his own chest and he only stops when his fist pulls its punch instinctively, barely an inch to karasu's face, those lovingly sanded planes and features carved with years of practice and patience

·         now karasu is left, his friend before, during, after Gear, and he never thought there would be an 'after Gear' - gear was only a chuunin, they didn't leave the village on any dangerous missions, not like the sand siblings

·         kankuro doesnt leave his workshop for three days

·         on the third he comes out, with karasu and gathers his supplies. he leaves for the funeral, to send off his friend

·         when they had visited konoha, he's seen their Memorial to the dead - a great stone slab, with their names carved into it, the oldest names almost worn away with time and touch. suna doesnt have a memorial - the souls of their shinobi are memorialised at the Oasis

·         the spirit oasis lies a few hours run outside of the city of suna, towards the east - once, or so the tales go, the oasis was part of a giant aquaduct that fed the blooming gardens of a wealthy empress, a long time before the establishment of the hidden villages. now, the oasis is a forest of crumbled stone and faceless statues, a giant pair of stone legs, broken at the knee marking the entrance. past there runs a river, mysterious in its crystal clarity - many suna scientists have tried to find the rivers origins and where it disappears to, but it remains one of the sand's greatest mysteries

·         it became known as the spirit oasis by the first kazekage, who saw the electric blue lights bob and weave above the rushing waters at night - he took it as a sign, and saw, from the top of the tallest ruin, the great crater that he would build his village in.

·         it is to the oasis that the suna shinobi go to remember their dead, and to let them go. it is where kankuro went. it is where he ended up kneeling beside the gently gurgling river, amongst the offerings of food and sake left behind from the visits of other shinobi. bells tinkle melodious in the soft winds, accompanied by the flutter of the shimenawa papers. he looked into the water, so clear he could see the mosaic tiles on the bottom of the aqua duct, and tried to imagine the corpse of his friend, buried somewhere under the grains of sand, lost, decaying until only his bones are left, to be collected one day many generations down, or simply to be forgotten until the gods reclaimed their peoples. kankuro imagines gear's spirit, their soul, instead, bobbing along in this river, laughing and dancing in the night, blue, bright, electric

·         "I- Geez, I can't believe you're making me say this, you idiot. I guess, I miss you. It hardly feels like you're gone. It's been, huh, i don't know how long. For me, weeks, since you've died, but I guess it only really hit me some days ago. You- urgh, you really always need to have the last word, don't you, G-"

·         Kankuro froze as the wind moaned. It was the wind, right? He knew the reports from the shinobi who had visited this place - odd sounds like groans and moans of the deceased spirits, and the embittered jounin who simply waved the tales off as the sounds the wind makes as it howls through the archways and pillars of the ruins.

·         he strains his ear for any other sounds and- there, again. It doesn't sound like the wind, he decides. it sounds like a person, a flesh and blood person. he rises to his feet, slowly pulling a kunai silently out of his pouch. he's ready for an attack as he makes his way through the labyrinth of ruins, following the sounds of grunts and pants of pain. he turns a corner and finds his quarry.

·         a fellow suna shinobi, judging by the tattered dull flak vest. brown hair matted to the head with crusted blood, the shinobi is slumped over a large piece of the ceiling that had fallen down centuries ago. as kankuro approaches, the shinobi gestured weakly with their own kunai, dripping blood onto the weeded tiles.

·         "who..." the shinobi rasps out

·         kankuro doesnt have to hear any more than that word - he recognises the voice, knows it because it's been cycling around his head with endless quips and puns and sarcastic riddles over the past few days. it was a voice he didnt think he'd ever hear again, and now that he has-

·         he dropped his kunai with a metallic clutter and swiftly crouched in front of the shinobi, casually brushing away the brandished knife that couldn't have speared a paralysed mouse. slowly, his hands grasped the drooped chin and he straightened the slumped head, so he could look the shinobi in the eyes.

·         they were brown and bruised around the edges. they stared back at kankuro for a moment, almost dead, before a spark of recognition lit up in them, and they crinkled up. the blood-tinted mouth stretched up too, showing a set of battered teeth. one hand come up to tug at kankuro's hair.

·         "...hey kitty. was the service...good?"

·         kankuro laughs and leans forwards, so his forhead touches the other.

·         "you're- you're a fucking idiot. you asshole-"

·         Gear just grins.

·         ………..

·         also i had an idea about gear's family

·         since they're hoity toity ima imagine they're an Old Clan

·         they were maybe friends of the first kazekage, and howsabout they built the water delivery system for the village

·         sooo even though they're not really relevant anymore (especially with the rise of more modern technology etc) they're still trying to regain that 'friendship'/allience whatever they had with the first kazekage

·         they consider themselves one of the village founders bc of their water systems but they're Not Really. basically the family is pretty stuck up and gear's parents are pretty peeved that Gear doesnt care more about his family history/doesnt conduct themselves with dignity

·         Gears parents are snooty plumbers

·         family name = 水瓶座/mizugameza

·         aka Aquarius/water bearer

·         not their original name but they rebranded themselves all fancy like after doing the village plumbing lol

·         gear is actually kind of embarassed about their family's attitude which is well known (and sometimes mocked) around the village

·         they prefer to just be known as Gear minus family name hence Kankuro didn't actually know which family Gear was a part of until quite a bit into their friendship

·         Gear ur a beautiful child I'm glad u were made

·         gear deserves all the happiness

·         the only reason im glad they're not canon is so they're spared the boruto ending

·          

[entj-werewolf]

Hmmm... MBTI-related bit of a huge ramble below the cut. I won’t go into much personal detail though since it’s something I’m still needing to figure out with my close friends who know me pretty well; but I haven’t had a chance to have a big discussion about it with any of ‘em yet. So yeah, expect some vagueness for the meantime.

To the point: Individual development is strange and confusing. Mental illnesses make it even more-so that very fact.

More elaborate...

Being into psychology myself and having learned about different people by having the different siblings, acquaintances, friends, and even enemies I’ve made in my life - all of that has shown how so many factors can influence a person. It can sway them from parts of themselves, the whole of themselves, or the influence can actually be encouraging for them and provide the lucky opportunities they need for early healthy development. Another way influence can affect a person’s development, is if maybe it also pushes the weak traits out because those traits are more “preferred” by the surrounding environment (be it family, school or work peers, etc.) and, unfortunately, the person loses a sense of their natural state when that push goes on for extended periods of time. They end up believing those weak traits are their strengths until they realize how many other people actually have it come more naturally and effectively to their own processes. In MBTI terms, this could be someone who’s been pushed into a grip for long periods of time and believe their inferior function is better than it really is. Or, even more confusing, that long grip tricks them into believing that it’s how they naturally function and drive themselves in their lives. Even though, instead, this trait proves to be quickly draining and unfulfilling for them. Their only way out of this is to finally come to a point in their life to wonder: “Who am I as a person, truly?” “What’s my natural state without these factors and influences in my life blurring it all together?”

Another unforunate, confusing influence, can come from mental health as well rather than environmental factors. Mental illnesses in Thinking-guided types could easily cause them (or others) to assume they run on emotions and doubt having “logical” skill or drive. Although, one has to remember - even myself - that Feeling functions aren’t quite as strongly associated with emotions as what gets focused on within F function profiles (for surface understanding, at least). At the core, F functions are more about human connections, human focus, and morality/ethics. However, because F functions are focused on humanities and morals, that is what gets them associated with emotions. Emotions are a universally human experience (to most degrees), and so that’s where F functions get their involvement with such.

On the other hand, I also notice in my Feeling-guided friends that their mental illnesses can make them much more focused on detachment that differs from Thinking detachment in ways I hope I can explain well.

I think one way, at least, to describe this difference... It’s that high Thinking functions naturally won’t have a constant feeling of that “human connection” because of their low Feeling functions. Thinkers still can have deep and strong human connections! But it differs from how Feeling types will structure around and/or involve themselves in these connections. So, basically, “detachment” for Thinking-guided people isn’t about having no friends at all when it’s in a healthy state for how they naturally work. It’s just more due to the fact that human connections aren’t a high priority in their lives, and that’s where I start recognizing the difference.

When my Feeling friends get this detachment, they still strongly show desires to want better connections because it continues to be one of their high priorities. They want human bonds, they want people who care about them or people for them to care about in return.

Uh... Anyways, where may I be going with this? Anxiety Disorder is just a very strange thing to have when it’s at its worse. Lately, I’ve thought about how it affected me and how I thought of it as a whole after I discovered it earlier in my life before it got cripplingly bad.

Of course, being into these cognitive functions and how evident they are in psychology, I started strapping this reflection to how it probably influenced my own functions throughout my life.

Starting from the beginning: When I first learned about anxiety disorder being a real thing and not only emotions people seem to feel. “Everyone has had anxious moments in their lives!” I would hear. But, one day, I also learned of it being a constant in peoples’ lives and how daunting that sounded to me. Overwhelming, if anything.

I don’t recall my specific age at all for this, but I was either about to start high school soon, or already started it. I only remember I was being put with a behavioralist(?) to get further testing and study done on whether I have autism or aspergers, etc. After this appointment, one big thing stuck out to me and stayed in my memory for good. It was that I was curious what this lady observed of me, and I listened in on her conversation with my mom from the waiting room I had to stay in.

“She shows signs of aspergers, but she hides it very well and makes it hard to tell. However, I am concerned that she may have an anxiety disorder. It’s not bad, so she doesn’t need it tested immediately, but I would keep an eye out for it.”

Well, it was something along those lines. I can’t do exact quotes and all.

Anyhow, my first reaction to learning that was just pure denial. I kinda remember my train of thoughts being things like: “There’s no way I have anxiety! Anxiety is bad and shameful/embarrassing. I can’t have it - no way.”

Yeah, you can imagine what my perception on anxiety was at the time just from that thought process alone. And how absolutely stubborn and persistent I would be to completely ignore any probability of me having anxiety.

This fuel continued in my high school too - when I went to a private school for 9th and 10th grade at least. My teachers would notice my constant and frequent habit of “foot tapping” and pacing around. Did I ever think it could be anxiety at that point? Nope. It was just “habit” and “how I get my mind thinking more.” During one class, which I guess was health class, the teacher also mentioned how such “habits” can come from excessive amounts of adrenaline caused by anxiety and/or stress.

Stress was one thing I could believe due to pressures from school, but still not anxiety. I started to wonder about anxiety, but wanted to avoid thinking too much on it because I still didn’t want to have it at all. If I had it, I wanted to ignore it for as long as I freaking could. That was, in summary, a bad idea.

[I mean, this probably sounds like “personal details” that I said I wouldn’t get into, but believe me when I say these are just more impersonal statements I’m using to explain where I’m going with this. The focus is on how an anxiety disorder influenced my processes, but things like family matters and other personal enviromental things outside of this experience are the details I’m keeping until I discuss them with close friends first.]

Anxiety, I still viewed as shameful and embarrassing. In fact, to this day, it still feels shameful. But the effect it had on me during its worst has given shameful a different feeling and meaning. And I’ll get into that in a moment...

On the other hand, stress was something I saw as less shameful, but still not something I liked expressing or showing signs of to others. It’s something I recognized much more easily than anxiety, thus I was more seeing it as some “normality” and something that happens from school. (This made me far more easily envious, however, of those who wouldn’t get stressed easily because they fit this “mold” of how schools teach - at least the schools I went through - but the ones who were stressed still managed all of the work loads and details involved in said work loads. The Te-users most sites say would do well in school? They’re likely mostly Si-users with that good attention to detail and less overwhelm from such matters. Or they’re xNTJs who had the chance to properly develop their Te enough to at least get them through the school work regardless of details... All in all, the school work and lessons I had didn’t teach in ways I could understand or learn from in an effective and lasting manner. Took a toll on my confidence early in my life.)

Back to the anxiety disorder I ignored being possible at all..

Last year of high school came around, though for me that was my 5th year because I embarrassingly (and frustratingly) ended up repeating 11th grade. Having to go through this 5th year put so much stress and strain on me for graduation, that my anxiety I denied and ignored for so long exploded and imploded all at once near the end of my first semester.

Because this explosion was so huge, it weirdly became a rather clear memory for me although it was a pitch dark time all at once. My health dropped quickly and I felt like my body was deteriorating. The anxiety and panic disorder symptoms were so bad, that the entire week before my Economics test, I felt like death was always around the corner. I would be irrationally convinced that I would die tomorrow. Each day it was like this, despite these “tomorrow deaths” not happening. That’s how miserable my body felt from this explosion and implosion.

While my anxiety - or at least the big explosion of it - seemed to begin as a fear of my body’s health... Looking back lately, I realized I forgot one major thing. This began from school. It began from too much stress/pressure, and too much ignorance of anxiety being a part of my “emotional system” at all. It began because I was afraid of failing (despite seeing grades as unreliable, fallable “proof systems” of one’s intelligence/abilities), afraid of having to spend more years in high school in some endless loop of stress and feeling incapable of achieving anything in my life. “If I screw up in this final year of school, it won’t be my final year and it’d keep going for another year. Or more years. Who knows how long I’ll be stuck here. I want to move on and have time to pursue the things I want to achieve already!” These were my thoughts at the start of this year before my anxiety stabbed me “out of nowhere” just months later.

I also remember it making me feel so helpless, that this anxiety “bang” turned this helplessness into becoming crippled quickly. It hurt to walk, it hurt to do anything. School became more difficult. I couldn’t sleep with the feeling that time was running out for me. Going to a doctor felt like a hassle, and I had my worst pains when having to go to my Economics first semester final that next week after it all “began.” It was as though I became lifeless, and a slave to my deepest, darkest fears that I never bothered with or knew how to confront and conquer.

All of this contributed to an all new feeling of how I viewed anxiety as “shameful.” Instead, I see it as shameful only in myself. I gained more sympathy for others who have to suffer it as a disorder, as I personally understood it to a grand extent (put in urgent care/ER one or two times as well). I hate anxiety so much more than I used to, but only because I had to experience its build up suddenly strangle and beat up my obliviousness of it. It was like a bizarre, twisted, insufferable wake up call for me.

This... Lasted for about 3 or 4 years. It kept going after graduation in that final year, and left me within a stagnant (nearly vegetated) state for what felt like ages. I badly wanted it solved, I wanted to stop feeling it - even if that would mean risking my need to only share my “vulnerable” feelings to people I trust.

When the 2nd or 3rd year rolled around, I pushed myself to “risk” going to a therapist. Of course, still being stressed and anxious beyond belief, I had to rely on my mom to help find me a therapist. This process - waiting on my mom to find a therapist - took a few more months. It really was testing my patience.

The restlessness grew more, and I got more pushy about getting me with a therapist so I can maybe get help with how to control this anxiety. My mom finally found one therapist to try first, but I went to this “introduction appointment” with that therapist... And didn’t like her. At all. I almost ended up in an argument with her, but had to hold back to avoid accidentally seeming “overreactive.” Basically, I was hating that she assumed to know my entire “life story” in just an hour of me barely telling her much about myself. I was keeping myself guarded, and yet she was giving advice that I couldn’t see as being helpful at all. I was expecting such suggestions to wait until she’d get a better understanding of what’s going on, etc. But nah. She was more “you have textbook anxiety and these generic methods (that I already tried) along with medicine will be your solution. Done.”

Something didn’t feel right, ‘cause I knew this anxiety didn’t just “appear” from a sudden and drastic chemical imbalance deal. If it did, that wasn’t my only problem, and I knew it. There hadn’t been any proof of it either from tests I had by doctors, so it really as more deep-rooted and “non-physical” than some chemicals, honestly.

Before that first hour was over, I already decided “no, this is not the right therapist for me to go to” and let my mom know of it after the therapist left. My mom canceled any further appointments with her, and we went to the next one.

The next therapist was my truly helpful and effective therapist. My first appointment with her, and everything felt promising! I had an easier time communicating with her - which says a lot because anxiety really makes wording and talking more tough for me (thus what created weird misunderstandings with the other therapist). She wasn’t trying to find “final solutions” for me on the spot before I’d give enough information. Plus, she let me take my time to feel comfortable opening up to her with more personal stuff.

I started my first appointments with her by always explaining my anxiety in a more “this is what it does, how it happened, and what it turns my thought processes into” sort of manner. Her way of providing solutions/suggestions to me would occur in pieces that best fit what I had actually told her (and not what she would assume of me) for each appointment. Although, I do give her credit for helping me realize another process in my thoughts I didn’t notice before. She pointed out something that I’ll never forget, and to this day I try to keep in mind.

She would recognize that my mind would jump to “probabilities” rather than “possibilities” in what could happen to me while I’m feeling the anxiety. That, whatever is going on in the moment, would translate into or become a specific health problem that I only know some stuff about with similar symptoms. Example: “Oh, I’m feeling bad pains in my chest and now I have some aches and nausea. I’m having a heart attack!” rather than “oh no I could have this or this or this or...” that’s commonly associated with anxiety (health-related in this particular case).

Crazy how much that would sound like an Ni-Se thing, huh?

Anyways... These appointments progressed and I was finally okay with expressing the more emotional aspects of how anxiety impacted and influenced my life while leaving me crippled so much. This was especially more intensified when I had an appointment with her again just a month after my final grandparent passed away months ago (which kinda messed me up for a while). It was hard to keep myself from sounding like I would cry when I had to break that news to her, so I tried to make it “quick” and wanted to focus on other stuff for the appointment.

At this point, only one or two appointments were left I think? And I haven’t been able to go back since then, due to the appointments being no more after insurance stopped paying for it or something.

But... Weirdly, it all worked out in the end. I gained tools to learn to manage anxiety on my own. I was able to have my final appointment on a better note than I started off, because I was able to tell my therapist about my signs of improvement. Her suggestions and step-by-step processes she figured out for my particular situation all helped! I thanked her greatly for it, and wished I could’ve at least made something to show that gratitude more before I wouldn’t see her anymore.

So, this HUGE essay of a ramble leads to another thing I’m wondering about after getting better at controlling my anxiety instead of being controlled by the anxiety itself (at least to severe extents). That crazy, intense anxiety I had really made my mind feel “blurry” and “scrambled” most times. I mean, anxiety does that in general. It was a really dark time, and it caused me to have intense retreats while still wishing I could do more in an external sense.

Which then starts to make me wonder, “is it possible I misinterpreted my function stack order during all of this?” Because I actually did discover and start learning about these functions after that explosion began. I was wanting to dig more into psychology and figure out how to get myself out of the situation, then realized there was more to MBTI than just four letters. I was lucky I got INTJ on 16personalities to begin with, because every other test would say “INFP” or “INFJ” and getting “INTJ” all of a sudden piqued my interest greatly. Mostly because I was confused and surprised at first, but I luckily stumbled upon functions in the process! (Pun not intended)

I’m certain of the functions I have, but just months ago when I was getting more of an understanding of functions in different orders (despite it still being a bit confusing to this day), I began wondering if I confused any grips with loops between either INTJ or ENTJ. But, I wanted to shrug it off, because I still couldn’t see myself as gaining energy/stimulation by external means (even if it isn’t involving people at all). My anxiety would still be overwhelming and draining for me, and that recovery process is going to take some time.

Basically: Looking back on the worst and darkest times of my anxiety/panic disorder, when I have some time to myself for trying to understand my own psychology some more... It gets me wondering now if it really blurred how I understood or viewed my own functioning order. That perhaps I got crippled enough to find external interactions too exhausting, but only because of how bad this anxiety disorder got. Who knows?

Other factors, again, I won’t get into publicly yet. I'm waiting for my friends to have time to discuss it with me, etc. Most likely gonna be my INFJ friend I talk to about it, since she’s the most updated on functions as we talk about the theory a lot (and she’s in my close circle that I’m more open with).

All I know is that I also have to have better opportunities to be in my natural state a lot more. In a healthy way, at least. Which is tough to fully reach due to still living with parents, and continue to have some familial influences, etc. But, at least I’m learning to have this natural state a bit more with my close friends. They’re surprisingly accepting of my “oddities” and somehow handle me (they’re literally 99% Feeler-driven types).

So far, I do find myself feeling to be in a much better state by completing projects for once. It was a bad idea for me to try completing big projects while having the worst of my anxiety, because that crushed the heck out of my motivational drive/energy as well. Burn out would be BEYOND common for me. That’s left me with some REALLY old projects that I haven’t finished yet, but I do want to finish when I get the chance.

Just... Currently, I’m really trying to find a new job. That’s pretty much a big priority for me right now, which is getting stressful. I need to get out of my current “job” ASAP, but I won’t get into detail on my situation with that job until after I actually get to leave with. It’s a whooolle other story in itself anyways... And after this monstrosity of a post that I decided to just write on a whim tonight to get my thoughts out, I’ll give my blog some good breathing room before making another essay-like post.

[imaginetonyandbucky]

Hi! Imagine Bucky combining his humor and protectiveness in pranks to get Tony's attention. He's initially indirect because he's new, but he's emboldened gradually! Nothing mean or destructive, just little surprises that are actually gifts or attention. Tony pranks back, but each action hides another goal, to give Bucky opportunities to bond with the Avengers (because he's a genius like that). Extra love for progressively overt flirting to smut. And supportive borderline embarrassed friends.

Author note: Combined withWord Prompt: seal, landscape, candle. Preferably fluffy. from @tisfan‘s personal prompt collection

Falling For It

No one ever knew who started them. Or, at least,no one ever admitted it.

But living in a Tower full of people who weresneaky, smart, adrenaline junkies, and for all practical purposes, as crazy asa box of bees, pranks were, honestly, inevitable.

Tony stared down at the flooded mess of hisbedroom. Again. This time, someone had gotten creative with the water. The waythe doors sealed in the Tower, sliding into hollows in the wall, the oldbucket over the door trick didn’t work. They’d gone to a lot of work to fillabout forty red solo cups with water and taped them into place over theopening. When the door slid open, they all tipped and Tony got a second shower.

Tony took his glasses off – spotted and hecouldn’t see anyway – and rubbed one hand down his face. “Friday,” he said,trying to keep his temper. “Who was it?”

“I’m sorry, boss,” Friday said, “but I’m afraidI’m sworn to secrecy in some cases. If I reveal the perpetrator in thisparticular prank, I might have to mention that the elevator filling withshaving cream was –”

“Okay, okay, Hal, I get the picture,” Tony said,holding up one hand. How was he supposed to know Natasha was going on a datethat night – with someone who wasn’t even an Avenger – when the elevator hadsuddenly filled up with menthol-scented shaving cream? Nat’s dress had beenruined, her date had been extremely unamused and Tony had listened to Natthreaten to kill any and everyone. (She hadn’t, but since she didn’t know who’ddone that one, she’d pretty much pranked everyone, one at a time, for the restof the month, to hilarious, embarrassing, and somewhat painful results. The guynever came back for a second date, and if Nat knew who’d done that to her,she’d probably spend the next month just sabotaging Tony.)

That… however, did narrow down the options.Could have been Nat, but it wasn’t really her style. Nat’s pranks tended moretoward public embarrassment or weirdly sexual things. (The time she’d managedto sneak a joybuzzer into the tasset of his armor that had sent buzzes up histhigh and right into his balls during a fight with Doombots came to mindreadily as being both publically embarrassing and weirdly sexual.)

Might have been Clint – he’d done the waterthing, more than once, really, but it was a classic, and therefore, classicClint. And also, he was 1) more likely to rat Tony out to Natasha and 2) wasabsolutely capable of getting into the penthouse without Tony being aware ofit.

Steve? Probably not. Not that Steve couldn’tgive as well as he got, but he was weirdly ethical about the whole thing, andhe never, ever started it. If he was dousing Tony in cold water (and FUCK,there’d been ice in those cups, too, so it was very cold) it was because Tonyhad done something provable to him, first. Which, far as he could remember, hehadn’t. (That didn’t necessarily mean anything, though, sometimes Tony’s prankswere so elaborate and stealthy that it took a while before someone triggeredthem.)

Not Sam, either. Sam couldn’t get into thepenthouse without help, and this prank was too simple for a team effort.

Wanda didn’t do pranks, and if you liked yourbrain unmolested, it was unwise to prank her. She was still kinda in mourningfor her brother, so, that was understandable. When your whole world changed,the last thing you wanted was to be on the lookout for a cardboard standup inyour bathroom.

And not Thor, because Thor loved pranks – theyput him in mind of his brother – and he always, always wanted to be around forthe messy aftermath. So, if it had been Thor, the man himself would have beensitting in the living room, laughing, and offering him a towel.

Unlikely to be Bucky Barnes, either. As a newresident to the Tower (and dealing with all sorts of emotional issues andrumored to have a violent streak a mile wide) he’d been left to his own devicesas much as possible. You know, with the exception of having to be in massivetherapy, which was a condition for Tony to let Steve bring him to the Tower inthe first place.

So… probably Clint.

Tony stripped out of his wet clothes, cleaned upthe pool of water around the door, took down all the cups (73 of them, JesusChrist!) and plotted revenge.

Natasha turned around and almost choked on hertea.

“Good look for you, Hawkeye,” she said.

“Shut up,” Clint said, “unless you havesomething awesome I can do to Tony for this.” He made a gesture at his hair(blue) and his face (also blue, but streaking) and his hands (very, very blue).

“Oh, gosh,” Steve said, stopping dead as hewalked into the kitchen. “What happened to you?”

“Kool-aid mix in my shower head,” Clint said. “Iam going to get him for this. Just you wait.”

Natasha smiled, slow and evil. “Let him sweat itfor a while,” she suggested.

The glitter bomb on the visor of Tony’s car wasingenious, really. He’d dropped the visor to leave the parking stub and poof.Glitter. Everywhere. In his hair. Stuck to his eyelashes. All over hissuit. Inside his shoes. On his teeth, for fuck’s sake.

And the timing… he managed to brush off quite abit of it, but on his live appearance for the Jimmy Fallon show, he stilllooked like a fucking Twilight vampire on national television.

“Really,” Steve said.

That was all. Just, “really,” in that CaptainAmerica is disappointed in you voice.

Bucky nudged Steve aside. “What?”

Everything. Literally, everything, in thefridge, had googly eyes on it. The milk was staring at them. Every single egglooked positively terrified. Tupperware containers looked like they were havingan alcoholics anonymous meeting.

“Tony,” Steve said, disgusted.

“I think it’s kinda cute,” Bucky said, pickingup the orange juice and tipping the bottle from side to side, making the OJroll its eyes.

Steve sighed. “Yeah, but this won’t be all ofit. We have evidence here that Tony has touched every single piece of food inthe fridge. So at least one thing in here’s been tampered with. He’s putvanilla pudding in the mayonnaise, or marshmallows in the milk, or…”

“You are paranoid,” Bucky said.

“You just don’t know Tony very well yet,” Stevesaid. “It’s not paranoia when he really is out to get you.”

“Someone is going to die,” Natasha declared,setting the exploded candle down in the middle of the kitchen table,smiling that icy, terrifying smile.

“What the utter hell?” Tony asked, shifting hischair back. That was not one of his pranks. Not even close. He was kind ofcurious as to how they’d managed it, though. The whole candle (which reeked ofburned sugar) had combusted.

“Someone drilled a hole in my candle.Replaced the wick, and filled the entire inside with Pop Rocks,” Natashaexplained, still cool, calm, collected. Tony noticed that her hair was damp.Oh, oh, fuck, it was one of the candles she liked to use while she was in thetub? Oh, fuck, they were all going to die.

“Wasn’t me,” Tony said, hastily, pushing evenfurther back from the table.

Natasha smiled again, tilting her head to theother side and observing him like he was an interesting science experiment gonehorribly, horribly wrong.

“That’s brilliant,” Bucky said, pickingup the candle and peering into the depths of the exploded, twisted wax.

“Sure,” Steve said, Captain America thinksyou’re an asshole voice in full effect. “If you want to chase people aroundwith flaming sugar.”

“No, seriously, Steve, think of the level ofdistraction something like this would have, I can think of at least fifteengood uses for this in a combat situation, this is fucking genius,” Buckysaid.

“Hey, hey!” Tony protested. “Do not say thatword when she’s that pissed off. I like breathing, thank you very much.”

“What word? Distraction?”

“Genius.”

Bruce, who hadn’t even been home when the prankwar started, got hit by two pretend bug pranks (a paper roach silhouette on alamp that actually caused him to knock over a chair and the spider drawn on thetoilet paper which precipitated a Hulk out and the need for bathroom repairs.Again.) and one of the food pranks within twenty-four hours of getting back tothe Tower.

Tony was pretty sure Bruce had enlistedStrange’s help for his revenge, because Tony woke up – naked, of course – inBucky’s bed. And from the screaming the floor below, Clint had the sameexperience, only in Steve’s.

Not that Tony minded, entirely. Bucky was damngood looking. He was also warm, and apparently cuddly, because Tony woke up ina vice-grip spoon position and while trying to wriggle himself free ended upwith morning wood pressed tight up against his ass.

Oh, god, this… this was going to be bad, as soonas Bucky woke up. Tony was going to getsmeared across the landscape by an angry, naked supersoldier.

Bucky woke up as soon as Clint started shriekinglike a little kid – really, Barton? Really? Tony knew that supersoldiers hadenhanced, well, everything, because he could feel the everything pressed hardagainst his thigh – but it probably wasn’t that tragic.

Bucky froze for a second, arms tightening almostpainfully as he realized he wasn’t alone in the bed. Tony held his breath, waitingto die. And then, Bucky tucked his nose into Tony’s hair, inhaled deep. “Heythere,” he said, his voice low and throaty, and when Tony craned his neckaround to see, Bucky was giving him a pair of needy, bedroom eyes.

“Hi,” Tony said, awkward, and at the same time,a little overwhelmed. What the hell had he been smoking?

“This is a nice surprise,” Bucky said, rockingup against Tony in slow, steady and almost entirely instinctual motions.

What? “What?” Tony asked because… weird, scaryassassin guy. With memory problems and psychological issues, who barely spoketo anyone who wasn’t Steve, and certainly not Tony.

For just an instant, and if Tony hadn’t beenlooking right at him, he would have missed it, there was a flicker of hurt anduncertainty in Bucky’s eyes. Then it cleared up and Bucky gave Tony a widegrin, the sort of smile that lit the room up, that had made Bucky famous backin the day, and that drove a spear of wanting so deep into Tony’s gutthat he almost couldn’t breathe.  

“Oh,” Bucky said. He blinked a few times. “I wasdreamin’, an’ then here you were. Not on purpose, I’m guessin’.” He let Tonygo, arms loosening their grip slow and reluctant.

Tony blinked. “You were dreaming about me?”

Bucky gave him an almost sad, helpless littlesmile. “Always dream about you, Tony,” he said.

Tony gaped, and then, “Is this like the end ofthe prank? You –”

“No, no, fuck, no, I wouldn’t do that,” Buckyprotested. There was, however, a flash of guilt in those steel-gray eyes. Buckyscrambled out of the bed and started looking for his clothes, but whoever wasup to the nudity pranking had stolen all of those, too. And the towels. Therewas one set of bedsheets and three floors between Bucky’s room and thePenthouse. Tony didn’t watch; Bucky might have had some of the longest fuckinglegs and the nicest goddamn ass Tony had ever seen, but it wasn’t his right tolook at it. Not… not like this.

Okay, so Natasha had gotten in on this one, too,and he wouldn’t at all shocked if there were cameras (or an audience) outsidethe door. Tony was usually comfortable in his own body; god knows, enough onenight stands had seen it, enough paparazzi had photographed it. But he usuallywasn’t fighting a sense that people were laughing at him, and this…  

Tony sighed. It wouldn’t be the first time he’ddone an utterly naked walk of shame – head held high, hands held low – butthis would at least be the most disappointing, since he hadn’t done anything.He fingered the sheet. It would make a good enough toga, he supposed, if Buckywould let him take it. He didn’t say anything, there was nothing to say.

There had been a lot of pranks going on in theTower, and that was fine, pranks were fun. They were a mostly harmless way ofblowing off steam and they’d always before backed down before someone got hurt.But this… this was hurtful.

“Tony.”

“What? Give me a minute, I’ll figure out someway to get back to the penthouse and –”

“I don’t prank like that,” Bucky said, sincere.He sat back down on the bed and didn’t bother trying to cover up, just foldedup on himself, graceful and comfortable in his skin. “You’ve seen my pranks. Iwould never, ever do something to… I wouldn’t lie to you about feelings. That wouldbe cruel.”

Wait, what?

Tony tried to back up, stumbling over histhoughts. “What do you mean, I’ve seen your pranks.”

Bucky ducked his chin a little, that tinyhalf-smile painted over his mouth. “All of them. That’s all been me. Theglitter in your car, the water-trap. Tash’s exploding candle. Clint’s radicalhair-color change.”

“Wait, you’ve been waging a prank war on the entireTower all at once?”

Bucky gave a shrug. “Thought it might… loosenthings up a bit,” he said. “But I wouldn’t… I’d never do anything to hurtanyone. Especially not you.”

“Why especially me?” Did Bucky think he wasweak, or something?

Bucky leaned forward a little bit more, brusheda strand of hair out of Tony’s face. “Because I like you,” he said,apparently sincere.

Do you like me, or do you like me? That sounded weirdly fifth-grade, so Tony didn’tgive it voice. “Yeah?” He moved closer.

“Yeah.” And Bucky’s mouth was so close to Tony’sthat he could feel the shape of the words.

Well, there wasn’t anything more to do with thisparticular prank… except fall for it. Tony crossed those last scant centimetersand let his mouth come down on Bucky’s.

As always, @tisfan

[falkenscreen]

Film Fight Club Maintain the Rage During Lockdown

From 2SER

Glen Falkenstein from FalkenScreen, Sydney filmmaker Chris Evans and freelance writer and critic Virat Nehru make up the Film Fight Club team, bringing you the latest in cinema releases every Wednesday night at 7:30pm. With the quarantine closing cinemas and new release movies grinding to a stand-still, we thought it would be a good time to catch up with the team and see how the show is adapting to suit the situation

What’s the usual format of the show?

GF: Normally we talk about new cinema releases. Sometimes we focus on a subject or talk about classic films, but the show is predominantly based around new releases and discussions of goings on in the film community in Sydney.

VN: But sometimes we completely abandon that and talk about whatever we want.

GF: We like to focus on the local Festival scene and support new initiatives.

VN: And put a spotlight on the new and emerging art scene in Sydney.

With the cinemas closed, what have you been discussing on Film Fight Club these last few episodes??

G: We’ve been covering how the industry has been adapting, new trends and initiatives in the wake of COVID-19. We’ve been watching how existing Film Festivals have moved into the online space and trying to draw attention to newly emerging online film spaces that have popped up. We’ve also asked listeners for recommendations for subjects to discuss.

CE: Just recently we’ve been focusing on Directors’ filmographies.  

VN: We can do long-form and in-depth discussions of director’s filmographies which we otherwise wouldn’t have the chance to do in our regular time slot.

CE: Nor would we have the time to watch as many movies as we do for these extended episodes.

VN: It’s a positive for the show in some ways, giving us more time to do things we otherwise wouldn’t have done.

GF: We’ve never covered pre-70’s cinema before this!

CE: And it’s something we’ve been saying we’d do for a long time, to focus on stuff we really love, instead of always talking about new movies, that half the time we’re not interested in.

CE: A Howard Hawks retrospective sprung it all off, since then we’ve looked at Peter Weir, Tim Burton and Billy Wilder.

GF: We’re also looking at some of the classics available on streaming platforms, and we plan to cover their new films as well.

CE: SBS gave us a nice focus on 70’s films, so that got us to.

VN: We just stole their idea.

How have you been recording the show in isolation?

CE: We’re all using the magic of Zoom meetings and the record button.

GF: We’re getting so much feedback, now! We’re getting feedback from each other!

VN: We used to get none. Now we finally launched our social media page, and we talk over dodgy connections, so we’re getting feedback on two fronts!

GF: It’s nice that we can see each other’s faces. It adds a lot to the ability to communicate.

VN: We can see each other’s attempts to be funny.

CE: And it’s nice to be able to do hand signals.

GF: Until the screen freezes. We try.

Has it been challenging to adapt the show for home recording rather than all together at the studio?

GF:  Finding the right platform was tough at first, until we settled on Zoom.

CE: Like everyone else seems to have, and like everyone else, NBN slow downs have been the big limitation we’ve been dealing with.

GF: I for the first time have a relatively regular home audience. My roommates can hear what I’m saying and get a sneak peek of the show.

VN: They realise you’re a crazy cinephile.

CE: It’s also changed the show – we’ve done long episodes in the past, but now we’ve entered the truly self-indulgent stage, where episodes are usually 3 hours.

VN: I feel like the lack of time constraints means that it’s a lot more free flowing, and we’re more accomodating of each other than we otherwise would be.

CE: Don’t get me wrong, I definitely prefer the energy of recording in person, but in some ways the show is better now.

VN: The three hours feels like the perfect amount of time, to talk about all the things we want to say. When we’re planning the show, we always think, ‘this will just take five minutes, we have nothing to say about this,’ but then we start talking and it turns out we have a lot of opinions.

GF: Also, while I do prefer recording in person, the logistics between travel and set-up that are reduced by this format…

CE: Travel time is more speaking time.

VN: Getting from the office to the studio on time is a nightmare.

GF:  With the extra capacity we have space for more detail and analysis per episode, and we have more energy.

VN: But less Red Bull. That’s an upside or a downside, depending on perspective.

CE: I’ve become more reliant on caffeine under quarantine, weirdly enough. Maybe because I can’t go out to do stuff to pep me up.

V: I miss the pre-recording 7/11 ritual. That was nice.

CE: Yeah, I do too.

VN: But I don’t miss coming from bloody Barangaroo to the station in peak hour traffic.

GF: We can go late if we want to, because the bed’s right there.

VN: That’s the biggest benefit. Letting the episodes go as long as they want isn’t a strain.

CE: And we can start at 7:30 in the morning, for example, something we’d only do during Sydney Film Festival.

GF: I do miss the energy of doing live episodes, which has an energy and slight adrenaline to it that changes the nature of discussion. I think it’s still very active.

CE: It will be nice to go back and do live again.

VN: Just for the thrill of it and the danger. Touching other things that other people have touched.

What have been your own isolation watching habits? Re-watching old favourites? Getting to things you have been meaning to?

GF: The nature of what’s going on has changed the nature of the films I usually watch. Its not just that I wouldn’t watch movies like ‘Contagion,’ about disasters. I’m more inclined to watch happier, upbeat films.

CE: I’ve been watching a lot of light comedies as well actually.

VN: The Tim Burton re-watch really drew attention to the pleasures of an easy watch. We could breeze through his whole filmography really easily. There’s no strain.

GF: It’s not just what the listeners want, but also what we want right now. I’m so good for it.

VN: I think that applies to a lot of people. I don’t think we want heavy cinema at the moment. I don’t want to be intellectually engaged.

GF: I don’t mind being light right now. I just don’t need heavy.

VN: Everything is such an emotional burden already that you don’t want to add to that with heavy cinema.

CE: Although, something that’s so heavy that you’re drawn in, like ‘Chinatown,’ I found to be a really good distraction. Or ‘The Conversation.’ Something that’s really involving.

VN: I wouldn’t call that heavy – just something that’s so immersive that I can forget my environment.

GF: On that note, I saw ‘Wake in Fright’ for the first time, and I was stoked.

CE: Being quarantined with family has meant lots of re-watches, because I’m being asked for recommendations.

VN: Yeah, same. My dad has been drawn into watching foreign cinema now!

CE: I’ve actually done more re-watches than I usually do.

VN: I’ve had the time to re-watch a lot of Festival films. During that run, they used to melt together in your brain into one marathon film.

CE: And they deserve more space.

VN: Re-watching critically appraised films, like ‘Portrait of a Lady on Fire,’ ‘Synonyms,’ ‘Uncut Gems,’ has solidified them into great films, now that I’ve had the time to appreciate them, giving them the space they deserve.

Whats been the highlights of your lockdown viewing?

GF: Mostly the 40’s, 50’s films we’ve been covering. Also, Saturday night I have two viewing sessions. My sixth session is coming around. Early Saturday night, get together with a few friends on Zoom and watching trashy, dumb , mindless movies, then later in the evening with other friends I watch a happy, sweet movie, like a musical. We’re hoping to keep this going for quite a while.

VN: I really enjoyed revisiting the Bond films. Also seeing ‘Master and Commander.’

CE: I really loved watching ‘The Conversation’ and ‘Chinatown.’

GF:  ‘Master and Commander’ and ‘Sleepy Hollow.’ Reminded me of how much I enjoyed first seeing them, and they drew me into their worlds.

CE: We’re all looking forward to re-watching Billy Wilder films for our next episode now.

Anything you wish you hadn’t watched?

GF: I’m glad I haven’t re-watched ‘Contagion,’ as everyone’s been urging me to. Maybe ‘Tiptoes.’

CE: A film with Matthew McConaughey and Kate Beckinsale.

VN: I’m in, you just had to say

GF: That’s what I thought. But… terrible.

What’s the first rule of Film Fight Club?

GF: We had rules and we ditched them.

CE: Like and subscribe. On Twitter and Facebook. Subscribe on iTunes, Spotify, anywhere good podcasts are found! The second rule is pick a fight with us, via the aforementioned channels.

[entergamingxp]

Meet the Final Fantasy 14 players who marry in the game

It all starts with a ritual called the Ceremony of Eternal Bonding, a special rite of passage for two individuals who wish to pledge to each other a lifetime of devotion in massively multiplayer online role-playing game Final Fantasy 14.

Players venture to the Sanctum of the 12, where they are permitted to host a matrimonial service accessible to any in-game friends they’d like to invite. From stunning flower arrangements to special ceremonial chocobos, these in-game marriages often result in quite the party. So much so, that players sometimes seek to replicate them in real life – eternal bonding and all.

Final Fantasy 14 player marriage isn’t as uncommon as it may seem, and in fact it’s gone on for years. But it’s rare that two players who marry in the game go on to marry in real life. One player, named Andrea, intends to do just that. She met her real life fiancé in Final Fantasy 14, married him in the game, and now intends to get married in real life next year.

“He ended up helping me get some weekly clears and I remember picking on each other constantly about our performance and teaching each other,” Andrea remembers. “It got to the point we were doing everything together.” Eventually, they started making silly excuses to keep playing together long after everybody else logged off.

Six months later, Andrea told him she was going to be in town for E3 2017. They arranged a meetup ahead of time, and as they booked plans for LA, they decided to get married in Final Fantasy 14 – something all of their friends were already encouraging.

After a while, the in-game marriage – or Ceremony of Eternal Bonding – started to lead to some exploratory conversations. Andrea says it started to feel like they were officially dating. “It’s weird to feel that close to someone without having met them yet, but there’s a closeness that happens when you’re talking to someone on Discord for hours every single night for months that doesn’t happen with casual dating,” she says. “We didn’t have the option to grab coffee or meet for a quick lunch, so we did all of these activities together that require spending way more time with each other than quick dates.”

Andrea recalls times when the pair would talk until two in the morning, half-asleep, waiting for a dungeon to reappear so they could complete it together. Even after being on a call for eight hours straight, they would sit somewhere in the city of Ishgard and take cute screenshots together, hanging out with one another as if it were real life.

Then came the in-game marriage. “The ceremony made me weirdly emotional, like a total doofus, because it felt like a way I could tell everyone this was a thing I was proud of and happy about,” Andrea adds. “It was a way to share with friends that we considered ourselves to be dating at that point.”

Andrea says it felt slightly awkward telling friends they were going to give it a shot after only having met in person once. “But it felt right,” she explains. “When we finally met, it was like seeing someone I’d known for years. We instantly clicked. Our meeting at E3 2017 changed my entire life, and I’m so happy I got over my initial fear of jumping into this. I’ve moved on from feeling embarrassed or silly to thinking it’s super cool.”

Eventually, Andrea and her partner decided to one-up their in-game marriage. Andrea packed her things and booked a one-way flight from Mississippi to California. “It stunned my parents, but they love him now too and support it,” she says. A year later, the couple got engaged at Disneyland. They plan to marry in 2021, and Andrea already has some ideas for incorporating Final Fantasy 14 into their real-life wedding, including inviting in-game friends, ordering His & Her cakes, and playing tracks from the game’s soundtrack.

Andrea isn’t alone in finding real love in the virtual fantasy of Final Fantasy 14. Another player, who goes by the Reddit handle legenddairybard, actually married someone she married in the game. “Over time, we just started hanging out and playing the game more and I eventually gave him my phone number,” she explains.

“He was very kind, funny and supporting,” she tells me. “He asked me if I wanted to do the Ceremony of Eternal Bonding. I told him sure, it looks fun. Plus the rewards are really helpful.”

Legenddairybird remembers joking with friends who had never played the game about the whole situation. “I’m getting married Saturday, you should come,” she told them. “Needless to say, no one showed up.”

Six months later, legenddairybird flew cross-country to meet her in-game husband. “The first time meeting him, I had that feeling, and it grew even more when we got to hug each other for the first time,” she recalls. “I remember him shaking really badly, I thought he was going to faint.” They spent Christmas together that year, and met up again for Valentine’s Day, at which point the topic of real-life marriage came up.

Legenddairybird recalls her family’s excitement when she flew home and told them, although notes they initially had a different reaction when she suggested meeting up with him.

“At first, people looked at me like I was crazy,” she says. “It’s funny to look back at, but in hindsight I understand why they felt like that. I know there’s a stigma when you meet people you’ve been talking to online, especially with people making up personas. We don’t always quite know if people are who they say they are on the internet.” But after legenddairybird’s family and friends realised her Final Fantasy 14 love genuinely cared for her, they lightened up, and the pair got hitched – in real life this time – in October 2019.

“At first we thought, big wedding, both families, everyone there! We’ll have a Final Fantasy wedding with Moogles and Chocobo decorations everywhere and we’ll walk out to the Prelude!’ legenddairybird says. Instead, they went with a different approach.

“We kept it a secret from everyone for months,” she says. “The day was coming up and we had to sell a story so no-one suspected anything. We told his parents we were going to a music festival in the city and he needed the days off work.” They got married in a private ceremony with only a reverend in attendance, and had a cake that was half-vanilla, half-chocolate. “Our topper was the A Realm Reborn meteor, with bard and white mage soul crystals,” she says. “While it wasn’t exactly a Final Fantasy-themed wedding, I made us small badges to put on during the ceremony, since I was a bard and he was a white mage.”

“After the wedding, we told his parents we wanted to show them photos of the festival we went to,” legenddairybird jokes. “It was a photo of us holding a sign that said Just Married with a paopu fruit [from Kingdom Hearts] behind it, and their initial reaction was, ‘Wait, where’s the festival you said you were going to?’ “

After announcing their marriage, her husband’s dad asked, “… like, in the game, right?” However, legenddairybird quickly confirmed it was the real deal. “His parents both cried and told us how happy they were,” she says. “They were still initially upset because there wasn’t really a music festival,” she jokes.

This phenomenon is double-sided, however. Some couples have rekindled their real-life relationships in Final Fantasy 14 – or even replicated past video game marriages in the game. A Reddit user who goes by the handle “LollipopTechno” tells me when Final Fantasy 14 2.0 launched, she rebuilt her 2009 guild from Ragnarok Online with her real-life boyfriend in-game. Interestingly, that very guild was where they’d met. “I was browsing the market area of a city, window shopping, and I received a private message from someone, asking if I had a certain hat that was recently released in the game,” she explains. “I did not. But I offered to help him comb through the market to find someone with it.”

They found the hat, he thanked her, and they went their separate ways. However, they stayed in touch and eventually became friends. A few months later, LollipopTechno took a nine-hour trip up to California, where they spent their first few days together. “He refers to it as ‘trial by fire,’ ” she says. “We got some really bad food poisoning for a few days, thanks to some pizza we picked up right after he got me from the train station, so we both looked our absolute worst on day one. We did our best trying to take care of each other, and after I had finally recovered, I was like, yeah… I like this guy.” Two years later, they were living together.

Despite already having been married before – in Ragnarok Online – conversations about the Ceremony of Eternal Bonding in Final Fantasy 14 cropped up. “We redid the marriage just to get our actual anniversary dates on our rings, making them more special,” LollipopTechno says. They plan to get married in real life someday, but are in no rush at the moment. Weddings are complicated, according to LollipopTechno, and they prefer to keep things simple.

When we think of married couples renewing their vows, we often think of holiday hotspots, such as at a castle, a hotel or even at a ranch. But couples are finding the exotic locales of Final Fantasy 14 just as sweet a destination. Redditor sUnit_Alpha tells me after his wife fostered her own interest in Final Fantasy 14, the couple replicated their real-life marriage in its virtual world.

“It was similar in that our real wedding was also small, just close family and friends,” Alpha says. “In Final Fantasy 14 we didn’t have anyone attend because we don’t know anyone else who plays, so we kept it just her and me and focused on our love for each other. We always glamour our wedding rings onto our left hands with every single outfit to show our commitment.”

It’s lovely to see stories such as these, where people meet their partners-to-be in Final Fantasy 14, or reinforce an existing bond by spending time together in-game. And the developers of the game have taken notice. Naoki Yoshida, creative director of Final Fantasy 14, is well aware his game and other MMOs that came before it are capable of bringing people from all over the world together.

“Back when I was playing Ultima Online, I actually attended a wedding ceremony for two friends who had met in the game,” Yoshida tells Eurogamer.

“In Japan alone I have received reports about over 80 couples who met in the game getting married and have sent out many messages of congratulations.” In fact, Final Fantasy aficionados in Japan are now able to have officially licensed Ceremony of Eternal Bonding weddings. You even get a prop weapon for the reception.

“There is no real difference between people who hit it off when they meet through other hobbies such as surfing or snowboarding and then go on to get married, and those who meet and hit it off in online games,” Yoshida continues. “However, I often do think that something unique about meeting in online games is that because you cannot see the other person’s real face or appearance, you are not swayed by unnecessary information and can understand their inner values and intentions more directly, making it easier to make a mutual personal connection. Either way, I am always delighted when two people who have met in the world I created come together in this way.”

It’s an important detail to consider, especially in these troubling times. With most social gatherings deemed off-limits for the foreseeable future, virtual meetups are more important than ever. For some this amounts to an upsurge in wine parties on Zoom. For others, this means traversing boundless fantasy worlds together, exploring bottomless fonts of magic and mystery while overcoming divine adversaries against the will of destiny. And, if you’re so inclined afterwards – or during! – it means getting married.

Speaking of Final Fantasy 14’s Ceremony of Eternal Bonding, Yoshida says it’s a way for people to come together and pledge their bonds to one another “regardless of race or gender”.

“I am overjoyed to see it being used in this way and can only wish these two players every happiness in future!” he says. “I think it is great!”

“I don’t think there is anything particularly special in there, but the Ceremony of Eternal Bonding moves away from real world value systems, religious and educational perspectives, and was created with the idea that I wanted the intentions of the two people involved in the ceremony to be more free and more down to them,” Yoshida continues. “That it has been accepted by many different people from around the world makes me very happy as a game designer and I am very proud of it.”

Andrea, too, is proud of the ‘how we met’ story of her relationship. “I spent the longest time awkwardly confessing to friends how I met him and even lied to some about our story,” she says.

“If you’re talking to someone online, of course be safe about it,” she adds. “But for us, we realised that not physically meeting for six months wasn’t the big deal we originally thought it was. We spent hours talking to each other every single night up until that point because Final Fantasy 14 was part of our daily ritual. You learn about someone’s likes, dislikes, happy memories, trauma, childhood, career, everything, when you spend time together like that. We covered it all.

“It was such an incredible rollercoaster, and for a girl living in the middle of nowhere in Mississippi, it’s not often I run into someone I’m compatible with. I’m so lucky I found him. The best thing that ever happened to me also just happened to be waiting for me in my favourite game. I hope other people can find the courage to take the plunge and don’t be embarrassed about it.”

from EnterGamingXP https://entergamingxp.com/2020/04/meet-the-final-fantasy-14-players-who-marry-in-the-game/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=meet-the-final-fantasy-14-players-who-marry-in-the-game

[selfcompassion88]

01.07.19

I say this with certainty but I feel happy lately, for obvious reasons. I've been two weeks binge-free, until today but I'm not sure if today was considered binging or simply just freeing myself from counting calories and eating till contentment. I don't feel sick or overly full, just sluggish from the carb overload but I think that's normal. You know what, I'm just going to deem today as NOT a binge day but a free day of eating. I don’t remember the last time I’ve written, possibly early June perhaps but since then so much has happened. I got two jobs, Supre and The Trybe and damn am I so excited for The Trybe. I still can’t believe that I was one of few successful applicants who got hired. It’s crazy how much I underestimated myself. I mean I didn’t think I did horrible but I wasn’t very confident with either. My mindset for both was very ‘go with the flow’, if I get it GREAT and if I don’t, I guess I’ll keep applying. Today I felt incredibly stressed about which job I was going to keep. I’m bored of JB but shifts are flexible and plus it’s such a chill environment and the managers are so supportive. I’ll also miss the crew so much if I left and plus it’s a super easy and comfortable job. For that reason I don’t plan to quit, I know I’ll definitely keep JB so now I have to choose between Supre and The Trybe. So this is my plan, I’ll sign the contract for both, work both and PRAY that the shifts don’t clash and while I’m working both these new jobs, I’ll have to go on leave at JB. Doesn’t sound like the most promising plan but it’s the best one I’ve got. I’ll never know which one I prefer if I don’t try both. I really didn’t think I’d get both offers, that’s what’s so crazy to me. I feel like so many things are going right in my life right now. I got an ongoing volunteer position at Second Chance Animal Rescue and my goodness are the dogs so frickin cute. I feel secure in my friendships and most importantly, I feel content in the way I look and how I’m going about eating and losing weight. I haven’t lost any weight since my let binge day 2 weeks ago but the fact that I’m okay with that and that I’m consistent with continuing to track what I eat, not letting the fact that I haven’t lost any weight get me down is honestly such a HUGE thing for me. Two years ago, I’d wake up, stand on the scales and if the number didn’t drop I’d binge eat, but I haven’t done that in 14 days. As with my appearance, of course I’m not at the point where I fully love the way I look. I wonder if I’ll ever even get to that point? What I mean by ‘feeling content with my looks’ is that I’ve had a number of days where I simply felt pretty and even confident. For a few consecutive nights I’ve started watching videos from Youtubers Thatssoyin and Christine Le. Ever since then I’ve played around with make-up more. I’ve attempted to apply eyeshadow after 2 years, followed their tutorials and enhanced my base make-up application, started using falsies and wearing lipstick and because of all that I feel pretty more often.

 So there’s something else I wanted to get off my chest, something that I’ve been very insecure and embarrassed about feeling but it has to be let out in order for me to move past it. I feel like in the last two months I’ve made such great progress in terms of confidence, happiness, getting to know who I am, not comparing myself to others and loving myself whole-heartedly, but there has been one incidence that has kind of resurfaced that I thought I had already worked on and moved past from. So I have this co-worker who I’ll name A. So A is a year younger than me, really pretty, the hot kind of pretty that turns heads. She’s slim-fit, tanned, strong features, has a constant RBF, and dresses in a body-flattering way. A always tells me how many guys slide into her DMs, ask her for sexual favours, hit on her, add her on social media, try to get with her at social events, etc. I’ve worked with her for a total of 7-8 months now and in that span of time she’s literally introduced about 15-20 guys who she’s dating/dated. Frickinnn give me three years and I’ll only have one interesting guy to talk about, two if I’m lucky. Anyway the topic of her and boys comes up so often that I’m literally like “do we even talk about anything else?”. Don’t get me wrong, our friendship is not completely one-sided, she’s one of the few at work who I’m able to talk about my life with (I guess) which is rare since I never do that with pretty much everyone. I’ve been working at JB for over a year and a half and probably ¾ of the store don’t know anything about me. A boasts so much, so much to the point where I’m starting to slowly resent her for it. Here’s the thing, I don’t know if I’m slowly starting to resent her because I’m slightly jealous or because I’m genuinely sick of it. Part of me knows that I feel insecure when she talks about how many guys want her because I’m not able to relate at all. Like NO (absolutely zero) guys give me attention. If I really had to delve down and figure out why I would say 80% of it is the fact that I’m genuinely so tired of having the same conversations with her. Like yeah a customer thinks you’re hot and wants your number but this has happened about four different times and I know this because you’ve told me so like what’s ya point? I just don’t want to be an insecure, envious teenage girl you know. I thought those days were in the past and that I had outgrown them but I have to remind myself that it’s not jealousy that’s driving our distancing friendship. I’m honestly so exhausted of hyping her up. She sometimes tells me accounts like their nothing. Like if what you just told me happened to me, I would be overjoyed, I don’t get why she just drops what to me is considered exciting news like they don’t mean anything. The other day she casually told me “I have an interview with Rebel Sport”. This was around the time that I was struggling to get a call back for any jobs that I applied for online, not to mention the fact that I applied for that exact same job and didn’t even get a call back. My point is, she just boasts so much, about all these guys that want her, events that are going on in her life, drama with girls that are apparently ‘jealous’ of her, how her dad pays for everything, etc. and it’s getting to a point where I’m like PLEASE STOP TALKING! I feel like the reason why it’s so hard for me to get close to people is because very few want to get to know me. A lot of relationships I’ve formed have been one-sided and it’s honestly so mentally-draining to entertain these kinds of bonds. If everyone would just understand that it’s not that hard to ASK other people questions instead of talk about themselves all day I’d be best friends with literally everybody. It’s as easy as “how have you been?” and “anything new in your life?”. I’m tired of A greeting me and the first thing she says is “I’m mad at [insert the name of the guy she’s seeing here if there even is JUST ONE]” or “my psycho ex-best friend did this”. I’m always gonna care about the stories she has to tell me, it’s in my nature but I’m giving her advice, helping her when she’s down but she just keeps throwing herself in the same position which obviously means that she’s gonna get hurt AGAIN. Do you get why I’m so done with it and the fact that it’s not just jealousy? When I bring up what’s been going on in my life she couldn’t care less and that’s unfair. I told her that I was successful in getting a one-on-one interview with The Trybe and she’s like “congrats!”. I do genuinely think she was happy for me in the moment but she didn’t seem to have any interest in talking about it any further. I remember talking about job interviews and offers with her and she ended up turning it back on herself.  She’s honestly easy to get along with, humourous and kind but shes considerate in unimportant ways like when she offers to get you a coffee. I wouldn’t call her selfish because she isn’t, just more immature I guess. I think to an extent she’s use to things being about her.

 Ok so the next story also includes A but it involves another person too. Let’s call him B (hahaha I’m so original). So B started working at our store about a month before A did. They were both Christmas casuals. Before B started working at the store I remember I felt low-key desperate for JB to hire a cute Asian boy. And weirdly somehow that came true. I remember the first time I met B. it was during semester two’s exam period, I came in with my black hoodie and leggings looking like absolute trash because I had gained weight from stress-eating, I walked in and saw him walk out from the back room with a name tag on before the store opened. Before I could even process the thought that he was cute, I automatically just shook his hand, introduced myself and continued walking. Apparently he started a while ago but we never had any shifts together. I thought he was super cute, cool-looking, he seemed awkward as well and I kinda dug that. Then that day, I went home and stalked him on Instagram and found out that he had a girlfriend. Any plan I had in regards to getting close to him, going out of my way to talk to him and getting to know him was thrown out the window because of that. I mean if he already had a girlfriend, there was no point in crushing on him. From then on (literally only took 24 hours) I only saw him as a co-worker and I told myself that if a friendship was gonna form it would form naturally and have maintained that thought ever since. Anyway B recently broke up with his girlfriend of 3 years. Last Friday I noticed he looked quite sad when he approached me and so I asked him twice if he was okay and if anything was wrong. A was there at the time that I asked him too. As he walked off he told me that he and his girlfriend broke up and I thought he was lying because they seemed so happy together on social media and plus she was his lock-screen. I thought they were really into each other and so why would they randomly choose not to be together? Anyway Friday was a lil cray at JB. At one point in particular I was alone at the counter on the phone with Latitude and the line grew so long, all the customers were angrily watching me wondering why they weren’t being served and some guy even gave me the “WTF!”, impatient hand gesture. I paged for assistance so many times and was wondering why A wasn’t coming out to help me out. 20 minutes later I asked my manager where A was because she was gone for a while, at one point nobody was being served and she wasn’t there to help even though it was HER job to do so. Because she was nowhere to be found I had to deal with backlash from customers and other employees from different departments had to go out of their way to do a job that she was exclusive to. Anyway, after she came back I asked her what happened not in a bossy way just a curious, concerned way because maybe she was on the phone to her parents or she was out of the store. Instead she told me that she was talking to B about his break-up with his girlfriend. I’m not mad about it anymore at all but that night and for a bit the next day I was a bit bitter that she did so. First of all, it’s because of me that she found out that he broke up with his girlfriend in the first place, I don’t think she would have found out directly through him otherwise, and second of all because I wanted to be the one to talk about it with him and to give him any advice when necessary because I recently went through one as well whereas she just strings guys along. B and I have always been so so so awkward whenever we’re alone together. I think because we’re both awkward, alone we just create huge awkward energy. I’m not really close to B personally and so when I found out about the break-up I was thinking that this was my chance to kind of bond with him closely in a platonic way. But A already bet me to it. I heard that she gave him advice and hugged him for it and so now if I ever bring it up with him he’s not going to want to because he already said everything he wanted to say to A. she talked to him during his most vulnerable and so now if I do the same it’ll just seem like I’m prying. Here’s the thing, I know her intentions weren’t bad, if anything they were really noble when she tried to help him. She’s not a bad person for doing so but at the same time I can’t help but be annoyed that she couldn’t just let me have this situation. She has guy 1, guy 2 (who btw also works for us and is cheating on his gf with her), guy 3-to-probably-15 by the sounds of it so I don’t understand why she felt the need to get close to B as well. She bragged about B being able to open up comfortably with her and that she just has this aura where people can talk about their issues with her but she doesn’t realise that I don’t feel like that with her. I always thought that B felt closer to me than A because he found A slightly intimidating but now this will probably bring them closer and he’s only going to want to talk to her at the counter instead of me. She’s also rostered on with him on her next shift which is usually my shift and so any chances I have to talk to him, I’ll have to wait until the week after. It’s petty and silly and I 100% know that this situation has purely arose from jealousy. It’s just frustrating because it’s really hard for me to get close to guys. The one reasonable excuse I have to get close to one who I’m slightly interested in has been taken away from me by someone who practically gets boys at her knees in front of her. I’m not upset about this at all now and I would never hold such a petty situation like this against her, I just wanted to rant about it because it really did annoy me at the time.

 But anyway, so many good things have come my way this past month and so I’m going to stop comparing and dwelling on unimportant things. Tumblr has helped me put so much of my faith into fate and destiny. So if I was to get close to B or to anyone else for that matter it’ll happen regardless of who gets in the way. I believe so much in the saying that everything happens for a reason and if it doesn’t happen it wasn’t meant for you. I guess you could say I’m a bit of a dreamer. But I love where fate has brought me so far and I’m going to continue to cherish this happiness. No matter how good someone else’s life seems this blissful feeling and happy feeling is my own.