#but you know.. its not every day you get photos with rammstein

[googlekromer]

the amount of people who see rammstein and its members as a commodity or a thing rather than a network of 6 humans is... scary. i'll be honest. Something to have and experience rather than a collective of people making music for **your** enjoyment. people who are there to make your day instead of, idk, living theirs?!

and i wouldn't be surprised if people stopped being fans solely because they weren't 100% perfect angels all ready to smile and nod and cater to their every whim. and it has happened before!

"Oh no! Till wouldn't sign something for me and walked away! He's such an asshole!" i'm sorry to hear that. by the way, did you notice his young grandson fritz at all during that exchange? and the fact that you and a bunch of others decided to swarm him at the zoo where he was taking fritz? or did you just see till and think "autograph?" without any regards to his private life?

"Man, why does Richard look so angry in our photo? He's such a diva, I swear 😒" hmm. maybe it was because he was trying to enjoy his sunday, y'know? like i get being disappointed, but maybe you shouldn't have just randomly showed up to wherever he was trying to relax and pestered him for a photo. maybe think about that if you want a better photo.

"Aww, that hug with Paul seemed so forced. I thought he was a cool guy :(" he is! he isn't cool with jumping into the boats though. not only is it just a selfish thing to do, and just all around douchebag behaviour, it's also dangerous. one wrong tussle and paul is on the floor, potentially crushed by fans.

my point is, celebrity culture has pushed people into two camps. either you worship a celebrity and go after all who even dare to critique them, or you treat celebrities like objects to entertain rather than human beings with thoughts and feelings. and i'm not a fan of either camp. being cold towards people regardless of their fame has never been for me.

i know that the boys appreciate and love their fans. but sometimes, as a till girlie especially, when i see photos and videos where it's clear that they were pressed for one, do i wonder if till ever thinks of going back to his old life as a basket weaver.

[notafraidofredyellowandblue]

I noticed that Till travelled separately from the rest of the band in the last photo set, but we've seen footage of him travelling with them previously. Do you reckon its more just a matter of where they're all coming from (since all members tend to jump around between dates), or is he distancing again?

I lean towards the former, but I could just be optimistic. What do you think?

Imo no need to worry, Till has been largely travelling seperately from the band for a couple of years already (at least from 2019, when i started really following everything), but in 2019 and 2022 he even on occassion used a different hotel than the rest of the band, and from what i've glimpsed this year that is not the case now 🌺

I think they are all happy not having to travel all together on one tourbus anymore, i think if that would have continued Rammstein would have ended long ago (maybe even 20 years) because they are such different people and were getting on eachother's nerves. After all, they have known eachother for more than 30 years, some even going on 40, and you get to know each person's peculiarities and habits, and once something starts to annoy you it's hard to be unannoyed (i remember i watched a documentary once on a convent of nuns who weren't allowed to speak to eachother (one of those silent orders) and when peeling potatoes one nun always tapped the peeling-knife against the table; one of the other nuns remarked in a private interview how aggravating that was..🌺)

The Rammstein guys can afford to relax and do their own thing between venues, they don't have to do commercial exploits if they don't want to, and with their experience they don't have to practice every day. Each of them has different ways to relax, but i bet it often involves hanging out with personal family and friends (for Schneider we definitely know this, because he has friends among other celebs in Berlin who share snaps with us). Thing is, for the other guys the family and friends reside (mostly) in Berlin, at home, so if they want to meet up, they travel back there. This is what the Rammstein musicians usually do, except when one or other takes a short vacation and stays longer at a venue, or takes a short trip to a nice holiday location, but most of the guys' partners/family/friends have a job themselves, so that's imo quite a nice way to handle the stress of touring.

The big difference imo is that Till has a team (his 'entourage' i usually call it) travelling with him. He may seem to travel alone from that airport photo, but he always has people travelling with him. Anar Reiband (his manager), Joe Letz (his PA, also bandmate in his other band), and usually some more people who may vary a little bit per city. Till often chooses to travel from venue to venue, or with a stay at another place he likes in between, between Frankfurt and Klagenfurt he and his entourage went to Munich to hang out, relax and have a good time. And that obviously works for him, he had a very relaxed smile at the airport pic imo (he smiles a lot more often than we think, but for photos he usually has his serious face on, you can tell when someone is filming the actual phototaking itself, he often straightens his face before the photo is snapped).

In a way imo it makes more sense the way Till travels, because often he flies straight to the next venue, which saves him from having to fly back and forth; but ofcourse for the others i can imagine being able to spend time with the family outweighs the inconvenience of extra travel 🌺

What we have seen in 2023 and also in 2024 is that on each venue, 1 or 2 guys from the band actually skipped going home and travelled with Till. From what we've seen in the out and abouts, it appears they don't so much hang out with Till' entourage, but i bet it's nice for Till to have one of the band there too for moral support and if he wants to talk band-stuff or something. Off the top of my head this year i've seen Olli/Paul do a venue with him, Paul/Schneider, Richard, so I assume Flake likely did one as well 🌺 It's great to see the guys being there 🌺 I don't think this happened in 2022 and 2019, certainly not as often as it did from 2023.

I think this was the one time that after Frankfurt the band all went back to Berlin, and Till on to another town (Munich and from there to Klagenfurt), so it's probably a total coincidence that this one time a photo was taken at the airport 🌺

Most importantly, they all seem to have a great time on stage, and also behind the scenes, from the little snippits we see (and how cute is Till with Flake on stage 🥰) so i wouldn't worry, I think they are all in a good place, and looking forward to have a couple of great concerts to go ❤️

Sorry it got long again 🌺

[gggoldfinch]

Rammstein rant post ready GO!

I know like nothing about them but I love hearing about people’s interests info dump to your heart’s content my friend! Teach me all about these concerningly sweaty dirty (?) men and their pyrotechnic shenanigans I am sitting here with my favorite pen and notepad ready to take notes. <3

anon. I love you so much. thank you for enabling my insanity. this is gonna be a long, unhinged post

Okay, here we go. My darling anon, I had to HUNT in my blog archive to find this post, but here is my basic rundown of Rammstein itself as a band (<-linked). So come back here after reading that post if you really don't know anything about the band bc this def won't make any sense. In THIS post I'd love to discuss WHY I'm so obsessed R+ and all the things that I personally love about them. I will format it in bullet points to spare myself and everyone's sanity:

I feel like the most obvious point should be the first; I love their music! I grew up on industrial and synth, so introducing metal to that mix is like a heavenly mashup. The heavy guitar, the synth keyboard, the gorgeous vocals and deep (often complicated) lyrics??? I would insert the music directly into my chest cavity if I could and that sounds really fucking weird but that's where I feel like it should live 🧍🏻‍♀️

I have daddy issues point blank, that much is obvious from my blog LMAOOO so ofc latching onto gruff middle aged men is a fundamental human need for me at this point

The style and uniqueness of the band is incredible. Who else do you know that lights everything on fire while looking like they just walked off a movie set? Their outfits are so fucking awesome. Like every time I see a new fit I eat that shit up and stare at pics for hours on end because they're so intricate and cool and kinda kinky?? I WISH I could be their fashion designer like jfc. Also their makeup/ face paint is always killer. I need to kiss their stylists fr !!! The 90's-y2k looks are some of my favs

the history of the band is also very interesting. a bunch of weird dudes from East Germany end up becoming pals and form a band and rise to stardom while soldiering through the trials and tribulations such fame throws their way? love an underdog story. I highly recommend watching the documentary Rammstein in Amerika, it gives a lot of insight into the band's origins and history up through 2015

Some of the shit they pull is so freaky and weird that its camp at this point. The dick mold dildos? camp. The fact that they need licenses to use all their pyrotechnics? camp. Being arrested for public indecency? camp.

I am incredibly, overwhelmingly, unhingedly down bad for Till, Richard, and Paul (and also Schneider to an extent but not as much). I would allow for unspeakable things to be done to me if given even the slightest opportunity if you know what I'm saying

PAUL'S HAIR !!!! He is so silly goofy but I fucking LOVE Paul's stupid little haircuts. like yass go off with your little monk bowl cuts I'm eating it up I'm putting you in my pocket

(the photo of his red hair isn't even showing the back where he LITERALLY shaved it like the fuckin monk tonsure)

everyone is so fucking queer. like. deadass. Paul and Richard regularly kissing on stage is so precious ???? they're just two besties being besties kissing n shit. The band also supports the lgbtq+ community and are outspokenly against bigotry which is always a win. A lot of people have accused them of being bigots themselves and they're like ummm haha no get fucked (cue "Links 2 3 4")

Richard is a perfect little baby angel and I would die for him. I love his spiky hair. I love his nail polish; I paint my nails like him. He is so cute. I love the way he speaks, in German and in English. I also LOVE his band Emigrate, esp the most recent album. He's so awesome 😭 that being said I wish he wouldn't smoke like a chimney because I dread hearing the news one day that he has cancer but ofc I can't do anything about that in the slightest

I mean. do I need to make a bullet point dedicated to Till being built like a fucking brick house?? because I think I do. He is soooo,,, AUAUGHHHHH !!!! Like, the guy is 60 and still looks that incredibly built ?!!!!! homeboy was an olympic swimmer he can swim in my p *gets shot*

Till has a precious smile 🥺 I love his fucked up teeth. he's such a sweetie fr, a big scary looking teddy bear. I need him fr

Flake in his entirety is just so silly goofy. Like homeboy looks like just Some Dude.. he's so normal (he also looks like my step grandfather only tall and skinny, which is very strange...). But then he pulls shit like whacking Till with a keyboard or getting fake fucked on stage. Homeboy also apparently just up and ditched everyone in America and went home after 9/11 because he was so freaked, which in itself isn't funny but imagining him just fucking leaving is a little bit...

Darling little (not so little...) Doom Schneider has an incredibly gorgeous side profile. And I love the pornstache he occasionally sports. He's also another one who is just like. A Normal Guy in my head. He is also very very pretty and very well spoken. I loved listening to him talk during the Rammstein in Amerika documentary

I also think Ollie is also just a Dude,, tho admittedly I don't really even think about him much because he is so normal and not unhinged that he kinda just blends into the background most times. He is 6'7 tho so that is fucking insane

Anyway yep that's all for now I'll stop torturing everyone with my depraved insanity 👍🏻 THANK YOU AGAIN ANON for indulging me for a moment

[miscreantmelon]

Rammstein M&G - Stockholm | 14.08.19

So this might not be hugely interesting to anyone, but there's a few little things I wanted to remember from last week’s M&G and what was probably the best 15 minutes of my life ♥

[Quick disclaimer; I didn’t take most of these photos, the only reason I’ve watermarked them is because I see M&G photos stolen without credits all the time and unfortunately I lost track of who in our lovely group took each photograph 💔]

BathrobeOlli™ was the first to come in and sign. He sped through very quick and didn’t say a lot - but he was still really nice. A girl near me asked him if she could have a hug and he said yes in his super low voice and gave her a big hug, it was really sweet 😭. I was super nervous and he seemed in a hurry so I just said thank you when he signed my artwork and let him move on ♥

Richard arrived next, and Paul, Till, Flake and Schneider must have been right behind him because by the time he’d greeted the first person in the line, the rest of them had all appeared in the doorway. There was a lot of loud banging (kind of like a drum roll, I guess) which I didn’t see the source of but it did sound as though one of them had been hitting or kicking either a wall or a door or something to announce their arrival 😂😂 

Flake and Schneider joined Richard in starting at the other side of the room and Till and Paul stuck around. This meant Till was coming our way next; and honestly he was laughing and smiling a lot more than I had ever expected. A couple of the girls ahead in the line were German, and whatever they said had him laughing, then when he got to the Swedish girls beside me he was listing some of the Swedish words he knew - and he asked them how to say something (it may have been “you’re welcome”? I can’t quite remember now). He just seemed totally in a good mood, and it was really nice to see him smiling so much!

When he signed my drawing he did it sooooo slow and careful because the paper is really thin and I had nothing solid to put underneath it to act as a table. It’s not a big deal really, but I just really appreciated the care and attention he put in to making sure he didn’t rush and mess it up 😭 took him like a solid ten seconds just to sign.

Till went on to chat to the girl beside me, and then Paul appeared. When I gave him my drawing to sign, he gestured to Jens (who was standing behind with a camera) and told me “this is the guy who took this photo”, meaning the photograph I’d used as a reference for the artwork. I already knew this, since - lets be honest - the guy takes the prettiest goddamn photos. So I replied “I know” and Paul said “You know? How do you know?” to which I went “...I follow him on instagram” 😂 Jens was listening to all of this and mouthed “thank you” at me which was just the sweetest thing honestly.

Then I think I stopped to take a pic of Till with the girl next to me (I honestly can’t remember what order anything happened in so could be wrong lmfao) and I probably mentioned something about hoping the pictures were okay because I was shaking so much, and then the next thing I know I hear Till laughing loudly, saying something along the lines of “look at this” whilst gesturing at my shaky hands and then he literally GRABS MY PHONE OFF ME. 

Then he fiddles with it for a few seconds before holding it up to take pictures of me and Paul together. Later when I flicked through my shots I realised not only did he just take the pictures but he also had the good sense to put the camera into portrait mode before doing so. When he handed the phone back to me he said “they are lovely photos” 😭  

Till carried on down the line and Paul chatted to me a bit more. I told him the drawing took me a month to finish and around about when I said that Richard came barrelling down the line and had signed it before I even noticed he’d appeared in the first place. Then it was like a switch had flipped in Paul’s head and his attention was completely distracted 😂. He sort of grabbed at / dragged Richard over to stand on the other side of him .. . . . and then they were both looking at my drawing together. It was the probably the most surreal moment of my life 😭 just couldn’t believe I had BOTH of them standing beside me at the same time (still can’t believe it, actually) and I don’t even remember anything they said, because my brain was just internally screaming the entire time. 

This is literally my favourite photo ever aaaaAAAAaaH

Anyway just as Richard was managing to get my totally frayed attention onto him, Paul takes the paper from me completely and holds it up so Jens can take a picture of it on his camera and aaaaaaaaaaah I was internally screaming all over again.

I was so surprised but I am still SO stoked about it. It was just the coolest fuckin’ thing. I know the boys in the band see art much cooler than mine all the time so I didn’t expect much from their reactions, but the fact that Jens liked it enough to want a picture of it made my whole life ♥ 😭

During this, Richard told me the drawing was good and that was pretty cool to hear from him in particular since he said “I’m very picky” directly afterwards. (Of course you are Richard I think we all know that   👀) He was really kind and was smiling a lot too and just, ugh 😍

Here’s Paul patiently waiting for me to get my picture taken with Richard before handing me back my art adsjglkd; I love him sm Richard moved to the next person after that but Paul actually stuck around a little longer, chatting to me some more. Out of all of them, he definitely took the longest amount of time with each person in the meet and greet and was the last person still circulating the room at the end. Not to mention that he was so lovely and smiley the whole time 😭😭

Schneider and Flake came around next, and my nerves were really shot by this point so I was probably a bit quiet and awkward, but they were both really nice. Somebody got a picture of Schneider signing the drawing ♥

Just after Till finished meeting people and went to leave, a few of the girls ran up and asked for hugs. (So many stormed him at once that he laughed and shouted “It’s like some kind of orgy!”). I don’t normally ask people for hugs but my crazed brain took over when I saw everyone doing it so I hurried over to ask for one too just as he was about to leave. He gave me a look that was like “*sigh* just ONE more then”, and gave me a hug before taking off ♥ So yeah, that’s kind of it really! The whole thing was over so quickly but it was completely incredible and even better than I ever could’ve hoped for 💖💖

♥ ♥ ♥

[laguera25]

An Open Letter to Richard Z. Kruspe on the Occasion of His 54th Birthday

When I was born, ten weeks prematurely and weighing a scant two-and-a-half pounds, the doctors told my parents not to bother naming me, as I would likely die very quickly, and even if I were to survive, I would likely be blind and helpless and profoundly retarded, unaware of, and unable to engage with, the world around me. Best to leave me be and let nature take its course. A few days of benign neglect, and it would all be over. If they were fortunate, there would be other, better children.

Fortunately for me, my parents gave the double-fingered salute to that bit of medical advice and took me home to do the best they could with very little money and no one to guide them through the strange and terrible country of life with a disabled child. I survived because my very country grandmother chucked out the baby formula that I wasn't digesting and fed me the cow's milk the doctors so solemnly swore would kill me.

There was so many milestones I missed, and of which my parents were deprived. I didn't sit up by myself until I was two. I never walked, never ran, though there are a few faded photos of me gamely pulling myself upright on chairs and the edges of coffee tables, trying to do what my brain said I ought, but my body too weak and miswired too obey. No play with other children, who were stronger and more rambunctious and would have bowled me over in all innocence. And as I grew older, no first dates or driving tests or prom dresses. No thought of an independent life.

What there was was endless rounds of physical and occupational therapy. Hours and hours on a brown vinyl mat, trying to lift my leg or raise my ass off the ground or make my hand write the words in my head. Hours and hours putting change into a slot or trying to tie shoelaces or forcing my hands into uncomfortable plastic splints for a chance at a fraction of more bodily control. While my school friends were out playing in the sun, I was inside beneath fluorescent lights, learning to button my shirt and comb my hair and brush my teeth. To hold a pencil. No time for joy, for peace, for figuring out who I was beyond this collection of aches and pains and deficiencies, just the endless tedium of learning to "be normal" and less of an imposition on the world around me.

And I did go to school. Despite the doctors' dire predictions, I was neither blind nor idiot. I was perfectly aware of the world around me, and smart. So much so that when I was nine, the school ordered an intelligence test. The score was so high that they thought it an error and made me take it again in front of witnesses. When the same score came back the second time, they wanted to move me two years ahead, but my mother, afraid it would both isolate me further and give me airs, refused. So, I stayed, face in the mat and hands in splints, learning advanced history and English, yet forced to put blocks into holes and put colored rings on a stick.

And so I lived this strange paradox for my entire childhood, the genius child that my mother crowed about to all her friends and anyone who would listen, and terrible burden who still had the coordination of a toddler, and who had ruined her dreams of ribbons and curls. When I was nine, she was convinced I could be made "normal"--or closer to it--any road, with a surgery. And so, the surgeons detached the muscles and ligaments in my legs from the bones and stretched them in an effort to relieve the spasticity. The surgeons were doing a kindness to relieve pain; by then, the muscles were so tight that when I was stood on my feet and held up, my feet rolled onto the instep and my knees pointed at each other. It was a measure of dignity.

To my mother, it was supposed to be a miracle, the cure that gave her the daughter she deserved.

I woke up screaming. The muscles and ligaments were unhappy with their new positions and weren't afraid to register their protest about this new state of affairs. They tried to administer morphine, but the levels needed to control the pain were dangerously high for a child, and so I was left to ride it out. I screamed and screamed and screamed. For thirteen hours.

My mother. who was so sure she had found her miracle, was taken into another room by an exhausted surgeon who had done the best he could, and told that at most, I might be able to walk across the room on a walker and take myself to the toilet. She screamed, too, then, at this man who had been on his feet for nine hours, trying to undo the mistakes of the hands that had formed me from the dust of the ground, and who would try to make me laugh every day when he came to check my progress. She called him a liar and a bastard and a son of a bitch, and family lore has it that she would have hit him had my father not intervened.

They tried to tell her. Kindly and patiently and incessantly, but she would not listen. God had told her I would be cured, and dammit, I would be. The day they cut my casts off and sent me home, they told her not to push me too hard, that my muscles needed time to adjust and build endurance. She said she understood, but when we got home, she ordered me to walk uphill to the house. I tried, I truly did, but it wasn't long before I hit muscle fatigue and started to cry. I want to stop, wanted my wheelchair.

And my mother, this woman who had once told the doctors who would have let me die to go fuck themselves, picked up a stick and started to beat me. "Be normal! Be normal!" Screaming and sobbing and flailing with this stick, and me screaming and begging and trying to stay upright. I don't know how long she would've kept going, but eventually, my stepfather appeared, wrested the stick away and threatened to beat her with it, and carried me into the house.

Here I must give my mother a sliver of credit even if I will carry the memory of that beating for the rest of my days. She was right, after a fashion. I did do more than walk across the room with a walker and take myself to the toilet. For a while, I even graduated to forearm crutches and quad canes, which might not sound like much, but when you were expected to do nothing, that's like climbing Everest in your underpants. My wheelchair gathered dust for years, but soon I had to choose between the demands of my education and the demands of my body. The latter simply lacked the energy to fuel both my mind and my muscles to the best of my their abilities, and since school was the only area of life in which I had ever excelled, there was no choice at all. Back into the chair I went. By the time I graduated high school, I could no longer use crutches, and by my third year at uni, even the walker was too much. These days, I cannot move myself without help, and arthritis has set in. I made my choice, and now I pay its price.

I tell you all of this to illustrate that whatever the fool doctors might have said as they clucked and tutted over my incubator, I was keenly aware of the world. Of everything I was missing while my mother insisted I just bootstrap myself out of my disability and be normal. Of her seething resentment of all that I was not. Of her wish that I was someone else.

There were two bands that got me through, kept me sane and kept me moving when all I wanted to do was just lie down and not get up. The first was Metallica, whom I discovered at thirteen, and who told me it was all right to be angry about my circumstances, to kick and scream and argue with God and call him a rotten bastard--as long as I kept living, kept getting up in the morning and trying to inch down the road. I didn't have to swallow my anger for fear of upsetting God and hurting my mother's chances of getting into heaven(my mother believes that I am a test she must pass in order to get into heaven; therefore, my suffering is irrelevant and should never be questioned, lest it anger Him. Don't ask; I don't get it.)

If Metallica was the band that gave me permission to be angry as long as I kept trying, it was Rammstein that told me it was okay to want more from life than an endless regimen of therapy and prayer and gratitude to a God that had, or so it seemed to me, sent me into the world with a ramshackle body and precious little armor or defense against the assholery of my fellow human beings and yet still expected me to praise His holy name allelu. To want joy and friends and human contact. To have a libido and ogle whatever flipped my switches. To, in short, be human, and more than just a symbol of all my mother's broken hopes.

I discovered the band through a book, believe it not. I found a copy of Tom Reynolds' <i>Touch Me, I'm Sick</i> in a Barnes and Noble I had gone into to browse and hide from a cataclysmic thunderstorm, and in it, he began to talk about a band called Rammstein and a song called "Heirate Mich." The more I read, the more gloriously improbable it all seemed, and the harder I laughed. By the time I got to the line, "As the music pounds like a collapsing factory...", there were tears streaming down my face, and I was having trouble breathing. The saleslady must've worried I was having a stroke.

And so it was that I found the key to everything that would come after. From the book to my creaking dial-up Internet(don't laugh, it was what I could afford as a broke-ass cripple on the government dole) to the CD shop, where I blew my food budget on Rammstein CDs and lived on Hamburger Helper for weeks. This is a terrible dietary choice, by the way, but at least I had Rammstein music in my ears all day, every day. A few weeks later, I put another dent in my food budget buying all the DVDs. Ah, the vigor and stupidity of youth. If I tried that foolery now, I'd be semiconscious on the floor in a day and a half. Back then, I had a more stalwart constitution.

I knew by the second song I heard that Rammstein was going to be special to me. My German, which consisted of a year of study in high school and a disastrous two years in college, was pretty poor, but thanks to snooping around Internet forums and squinting at grainy videos, I knew much of your catalogue dealt with taboo subjects. I didn't care. For all its dark subject matter, the music made me want to dance. It made me feel something other than apathy and a persistent wish for this whole mess to be over and my soul to be recycled into a body that didn't make me want to scream until I was too tired to do anything but sleep.

And I did dance. Constantly. Seldom in public because dancing in a wheelchair often looks like the Devil is trying to stick his finger up your ass, but often at home, just shimmying away until the chair developed some alarming creaks and the bolts needed adjustment. Rammstein made me happy. It made me curious. It made me want to see just how much was out there.

And, if I am honest, it made me want to see those silver MC Hammer pants for myself. The combination of those pants and the diaper rash cream in your hair was a striking look for you, if I may say so, though perhaps not so grand as the black spikes and the lion pants you wore with such swaggering panache on the Reise, Reise tour. Alas, this was not to be, as I suppose you had wearied of slathering ass cream for infants in your hair. I can't blame you, though I suppose it must've been a sad day, indeed, for the ointment companies. Still, those Hammer pants and their Reynolds Wrap, space-age splendor will always hold a special place in my heart.

Stymied in my hope to witness for myself the wonders of those Hammer pants--and those lion pants as well, as it turned out, oh, unhappy hour, long may they reign in the storage closet--I nonetheless wanted to see a Rammstein show. Not much chance of that, the morose American fans assured me. The band hadn't come here since they foolishly took the American commitment to freedom of expression at face value and Till and Flake landed in the Puritan pokey for playing Loose the Dachshund into the Badger Burrow in front of delighted fans. Besides, the band's management had scant interest in repeating that little experiment.

Even so, I held out hope. I hung out on message boards and kept me ear to the ground. You can imagine my delight when the MSG show was announced. I wasn't so foolish as to think I could attend, mind you; New York might as well have been the moon for someone who cannot safely fly, but it was fun to indulge in a bit of wistful what-if? What if I could find a way to get there that wouldn't give me a lethal clot? What if I could score tickets? What if I could afford a hotel in Manhattan where the rats and roaches wouldn't kill me in my sleep or carry me off to be devoured in the sewer system? These were all very big ifs for someone who lived in the boonies and was only supposed to spend money on medical expenses and basic bills. Besides, MSG was going to sell out before I could gimp my way to the phone.

Knowing all of this, I took to my blog to whine and moan and feel sorry for myself. It wasn't fair, I whinged to the ether. I had wanted to see Rammstein for so long, but it just wasn't possible. It was too expensive and too far and too haaaaard. And woe is me.

And then...

And then...

And then a bossy German lady dropped a punk alarm in my inbox.

I don't remember now how or why she came to my blog. Maybe she was drawn by an unconventional perspective on life and fandom and moving through the world, or maybe she just wanted to snortle at my friend and I's discussions of your sartorial splendor and the ridiculous dramas going on in the Rammstein fandom at the time. Either way, she'd been been watching my sulking and stropping for a few days, until she'd reached her limit and this woman, who had never said an unkind word to me in years, called me a coward. Just straight up said that I could either find my spine, stop pissing and moaning, and try my hardest to see Rammstein in New York, or I could keep being a coward and making excuses. But make my choice and stop sniveling because she was tired of hearing about it.

At first, I was stunned. Of all the things I had ever been called, a coward was not one of them. Then I was mad. How DARE she call me a coward when she had no idea how much pain I was in most of the time or how difficult it was to move around a world that had never been designed for me and been but grudgingly retrofitted by handymen who thought that grab bars fixed everything!

So I stewed and pouted for a few hours, but the longer I thought about it, the more I realized she was right. I hadn't tried very hard to research my options. I hadn't checked hotels or called the venue or gotten my finances in order. I had claimed Rammstein was so important and meaningful to me, but I hadn't shown it. I had assumed defeat before I'd even started the charge up the the hill and wallowed in self-pity. Sure, maybe I was right and I wouldn't be able to go, but I'd never know if I didn't square up and try.

Before I proceed, a word about the tried-and-true deutscher Fuss zum Arsch(not another aside in a letter full of them, I hear you cry as your eyes begin to glaze. I know, Mr. Kruspe, believe me, but if you speak to the world through your guitar strings, I speak through my keystrokes, and so I beg your patience. We're almost there.). If a German you have gotten to know puts their foot up your ass and calls you on your bullshit, they are not doing it to be a prick, and it's not done with the intent to create hard feelings or demolish your self-esteem. It's harsh, man, is it harsh when you're used to American doublespeak and soft-pedaling, but they're doing it because they see something in you and are trying to stop you from making a dumbass or a jackwagon of yourself. They're doing it because they want to keep being your friend.

So.

Punk alarm duly dropped and head dislodged from ass, I started making phone calls. To the banks do get my money in order. To bean counters to make sure I would have access to it. To Amtrak to discuss their booking options. I went to disability websites and forums to discuss precautions to take in case my health or my equipment gave out on the road. The best hospital for the broke-ass should I get mown down by a taxi while trying to cross the road. Emergency numbers and insurance forms and blah blah blah. A raft of bureaucracy and safeguards and double-checking, all for a concert I might not get tickets for.

But I did, because for once, my disability worked in my favor. MSG sold out in twenty-five minutes, but that venue, bless its heart, doesn't put disabled seating up for general sale. You have to call the disabled patron assistance line, and they don't release unsold disabled seats for general sale until three days before a show. So I called the magic line, and a very amiable fellow talked me through the process. Two weeks later, the tickets were in my mailbox.

I am not ashamed to tell you that when I opened the envelope and held the tickets in my hand, I screamed like a debutante that sat on an upturned spoon. It was really happening.

And yes, my German friend gave me a giant "I told you so!" But she was right, and she'd earned it. Besides, she was happy for me, too.

So I did it. I got on a train(where I soon learned that accessible or not, I couldn't use the toilet because the train swayed too much for me to keep my balance), and I went without eating, drinking, or urinating for twenty-two hours(I do not recommend this to anyone, by the by. It hurt, and it was dangerous)to get to New York. And when I got there, I stood in Penn Station and simply stared because I was somewhere I never thought I'd be. It was simultaneously everything I thought it would be and nothing like I'd expected.

There were still obstacles, of course. There always are when you have two hands and four wheels and see the world through asses and elbows. Clutching my luggage while my trusty and ever-present companion pushed me over the cracked sidewalk with one hand and dragged the rest of the luggage behind him. Finding out that the "accessible" hotel room was, in fact, not all that accessible and wrenching my knee every time I used the toilet. Being accosted by my first sidewalk screamer within ten minutes of being in the city. Meeting my first hustler.

Freezing my ass off outside the venue for four hours before the show and called not fan enough by other fans because I didn't do it for fourteen, because hey, if you were really a fan, you'd risk pneumonia to see the show, even if it would kill you. Being shunted and shuffled to four different doors by event staff because no one could agree on where the disabled fans were supposed to enter. Being let into the building to warm up by an MSG employee, only to be booted out by event staff three minutes later. Whee! Aren't the logistics of being disabled fun?

But Mr. Kruspe, it was all worth it. I've never felt an energy like that before. Whatever snitty elitism some of the fans might have been nursing outside, inside MSG, we were all fans, all people who had waited and wished for this for a very long time. The primal roar from the crowd when the band began to break through the wall raised the hairs on my nape, and you'd better believe that I joined them with all of my energy.

From the first note, I forgot my pain. It was still there, mind, waiting for me, black-toothed and patient as the grave, but I was beyond it, in a state of suspended euphoria. No pain, just joy. I watched everything as best I could despite my near-sightedmess and my rather distant seat. I soaked it all in--the music and the unapologetic bombast, and the pageantry of the fire. It was all so starkly, darkly beautiful, and according to my companion, who has all the sentimentality of pavement, when he looked over at me during "Ich Will", I was "radiant." He, who had known me for thirteen years by then, said he'd never seen me like that before, and that he would never forget it.

It was not without price. These things never are. There was another train journey and another twenty-two hours without access to a toilet, and by the time I got home, I was so strung out from lack of food, water, and sleep(because trufax, it is hard to sleep when your bladder is trying to pop out of your skin from the pressure)that I cried like a toddler on the drive home. And then I went home, peed forever, drank, ate, and collapsed for seventeen hours.

But it was worth it. It was so worth it that on the band's next go-round, I took a cross-country roadtrip to Vegas, during which I peed much more often, thank God, but I also fought ants and roaches in a hotel room in Texas and stayed in a room so gross I slept in my clothes and threw them out when I got home. But it, too, was worth it, just as it was worth it to get in the car and drive to Florida and Atlanta on the next tour after that.

I told you ALL of these things, Mr. Kruspe, to tell you this. I saw your interview in that documentary about depression in 2010. I heard you say you felt worthless unless you were creating.

I don't know what you're worth to anyone else, but to me, you are priceless, and always will be. Without you, there would be no Rammstein, and for me, there would have been no reason to try, to spread my wings and take a run at that hill. Without you, I might have given up, might have let my mother win, and maybe now, I'd be sitting in some care home, stewing in my own yellowing stink and getting a bath once a week and a monthly outing and rotting from the inside out. Without you, I might never have taken the chance, never pushed myself.

But you were, and are, and because of that, I did. Because of that, I saw New York, and moved, however briefly, among that anonymous throng. Because of that, I met the sidewalk doomsayer and the exasperated hustler. Because of that, I tried New York Pizza(and yes, I saw a rat, but he minded his business, and I minded mine). Because of you, I heard a Cajun patois in Louisiana and watched out the window of the car as the Texas plains unwound around us. Because of you, I saw the night sky on the outskirts of Vegas and was escorted back to the Strip after the show by two Native dudes who walked far out of their way and called me little sister. These are gifts I got from you because you were, and are, and they have sustained me ever since. They sustain me now that my world has been reduced to the four walls of my house as I ride out the pandemic in a country that believes people like me are an acceptable sacrifice.

I know this won't change things for you, won't quiet that awful voice in your head. Depression doesn't work like that, and even if it did, I am just a stranger you will never meet. But maybe it will give you something to hang on to, something to think about on the bad days. Christ knows you kept my head above the water when all I wanted to do was let it go under.

Happy Birthday, Mr. Kruspe. May it bring you joy and all that you need.

Guera

[mcrmadness]

14, 15, 33 (like generally in people, not dating-wise), 40, 47 :D

Ask game: Unusual asks.

Thanks! 8D

14: What is your least favorite word?

In which language? :D Also this is probably the hardest question in this ask game because I literally don't know XD But I try to think about something.

OH NOW I KNOW! I hope people don't get mad at me but RIGHT NOW my least favorite word is "gender envy". I just have this thing when I'm exposed to something against my will - could be a word, a celebrity's face (or name) or even just a tv series - and too often in very short time, and suddenly I just get an overload of that and I feel so fed up with it and can no longer tolerate it AT ALL and everything about said thing just gets on my nerves and makes me so angry that if it's e.g. a tv series someone's watching, I simply have to leave the room because I can't stand anything about it at all anymore, not even the musics nor actors' voices.

So lately this happened to me with this word. It just came out of nowhere and I see so many using it now and I can't escape because it's not only on Tumblr, it's also on Discord and on every freaking website I go to, and I feel like I'm going crazy but I just can't NOT SEE that word because there's no way to avoid it. Even if I filtered the tag on Tumblr, I'd still have to see the word because Tumblr would tell me "this post was filtered for the tag #gender envy". And it kinda sucks.

(I'm agender/nonbinary so I don't feel gender envy because there's no one born without a physical gender and I usually don't look at snails or so and be like "I wish I had its gender" - besides they are hermaphrodite and not genderless so...)

***

15: What is your favorite word?

This is also something I haven't really thought about. Okay my brain just said I should say: Gotham. Because it's one of my favorite tv series, after Gotham City which is Batman's home city, and if you put that word in half you get: Got-Ham.

That's why my siblings (they're 26 btw) started talking about the show with the Finnish word for ham: kinkku. So my sister would ask my brother "Should we watch 'Kinkku'?" when she wanted to continue watching Gotham :DDDDDDDD

***

This got bit long so the next ones under the cut...

33: What turns you off?

The lack of sense of humour. I seriously don't think I'd ever be able to get along with someone who either has no sense of humour at all or has it completely different from mine.

Also people who don't respect others, people who refuse to listen to others. Nothing makes me angrier and more frustrated than when I'm trying to say something and people say "I don't care." and won't let me even finish because they don't want to hear what I have to say only because they THINK they're gonna disagree. And even if they do disagree, it'd still be nice of them to let people finish before proclaiming that they disagree. Not doing that makes a person just an asshole.

And another thing is the music taste, having it different won't make a friendship impossible, but it always drops my mood a bit to learn I again listen to different bands and genres altogether than someone new I learnt to know, because it seems to be something that just always keeps happening...

***

40: First concert you attended

It was in 2007 and My Chemical Romance's concert in Finland. It was also their first gig in Finland ever. The concert took place in Helsinki, I was 16 and met a few internet friends I had but mainly spent time with my parents who I went to the concert with. The gig itself was insane, I had never been to an actual concert before because I was so afraid of big crowds because of my social anxiety and I always thought I don't care about going to concerts. But something in me needed to experience an MCR concert and I'm glad that I did that, because I really like going to concerts now. Every time I feel like dying tho, but somehow I still end up buying concert tickets anyway XD

The concert itsel was insane and I didn't even feel the anxiety there at all! After the concert we were hanging out near the venue and my parents already wanted to leave but I just had this feeling that we should not leave yet, and then they said we have to go now so I started walking after them and crying, and that's when I heard girls screaming behind the venue and as we went there, Frank was actually there writing signatures, and we quickly ran there and I don't remember anything else but this small group and we just handed him the ticket, he wrote his name and we left :D

Here's a photo, I still find it hard to believe that I got Frank's signature but this ticket is a proof of that so I guess I just have to trust it XD

After all that we then visited this "Rock McDonald's" in Helsinki, it's just some regular McDonald's with rock themed furniture and music and that night they were playing only MCR, and from there we went back to the hotel.

***

47: What’s your favorite holiday?

I think I answered this question in another ask a couple of weeks ago but I don't remember what I said :D Probably talked about Christmas but now I started wondering it this means like... those HOLIDAYS like Christmas, or just any kind of free days from school and work. Because I've been having one long weekend for the past 2 years, and before that holidays didn't really exist for me because horses need to be fed and taken care of no matter what the calendar says :D

Anyway I think I'm gonna say: Midsummer. In Finland it's a big thing. Well, for most it just means drinking and partying outside, but not for me because I hate people and don't drink alcohol lmao. No but, I actually was born on Midsummer Eve, the Eve is never the exact same date every year (it's always a Friday, tho) so when I have my birthday, it's not necessarily that year's Midsummer Eve. Apparently also not this year, so usually I'm having my birthday during Midsummer but I haven't celebrated it since I turned 18, so it's not really a big deal for me. I'd rather forget about it because I have had an age crisis since I was 23... anyhow, this year I'm gonna turn 30 so I know it's gonna be a bit bigger thing for my family and relatives but I'd rather not be reminded of that because for the past 10 years I have just been worrying about how 30 is closer every year because when I hit that age, then 40 will be closer than ever, too ::D

A "fun" fact about Midsummer and what it means in Finland: Every year everyone wishes for bad and good weather simultaneously because people want to spend the day in good weather but good weather means people like to go swimming. And alcohol + swimming is NEVER a good combination and the warmer the day, the more people will drown. Every Midsummer Day or the first work day after Midsummer weekend, you will find reports from all newspapers about how many people drowned this time. The nicer the weather, the bigger the number(s)... It's terrible, and people are adviced to look after their friends and family and never leave anyone alone near the water when alcohol is involved. Even I have sometimes kept an eye on someone because they were drunk and went close to the lake (not necessarily during Midsummer, but whenever I've been spending time with my mom and her siblings and friends at a summer cottage).

I don't want to end this so dramatically so I also want to say that I like Midsummer because in Finland, the sun never really sets during summer. And during Midsummer the nights are usually the brightest and soon after that it starts getting darker and darker again. It always makes me sad because the summer is so short here, but I really love these summer nights when there's like 3 hours between the sunset and sunrise but the sky doesn't even have time to turn dark during that time. Finnish summer is something special and magical.

It's probably impossible to imagine and incredibly difficult to show in photos too, but here's my attempt:

This one was taken in (the beginning of) June 2017, at 2:00 in the morning during this photo. I think it's very close to the actual lighting of that night. It's so easy to get too dark or bright photos with a proper camera and I can never remember afterwards which of the brightnesses was the correct one. (Btw we [aka me because I'm the only one of my family with a driver's license] were driving back home from Helsinki, we were to Helsinki because of a Rammstein concert :D)

I also have some photos taken at 9pm what looks more like it was in the middle of the day, and also a photo I took at 3am and it looks like it's a daytime too. It's slightly darker between 11pm and 2am and then it gets bright again. But I'm too lazy to add them to this because they just look like daytime photos and you only have my word about the actual time, so it still doesn't feel the same as actually being outside at 3am while it's bright as day :D

[niuniente]

That's a really sweet dream! And I think it was definitely a personal message, for what it's worth, no doubt about it. Recently I had asked my spirit guide to give me a sign, and to be very clear about it "cause I'm a bit stupid," I said. And boy did he deliver, first in the dream oh so clearly, and then with signs outside of it. For some reason, I just wanted to tell you that. I'm trying to look out for signs, and you inspire me to think of the little things

Wasn’t it! I was happy to see it in Twitter, a very first thing after waking up, which only underlines its importance as a message :3

It is always a good idea to ask a very clear message, something you can’t miss. I have a few examples of such messages,which I have told here years ago, but here we go again.

Example 1 - Right HomeI was looking for a new home. I asked that when I find the one that is mine, the universe would deliver me a white feather as a sign.

When I left from the house showing of this lovely 1 room flat in a peaceful and green area, my whole journey back to my old apartment was filled with white feathers!Surely enough, a day later I was called and asked to sign the rental contract to that apartment :3

I went to see other flats, too, but did not get feathers.

Example 2 - Thumps up!This happened after I had moved to the new apartment. I was unemployed and knew my savings would keep me head over the water only to end of the year. By December, I should have a new job. Too bad, the job markets are really bad in here due economic depression so all looked really, really bad. Even entry level jobs require years of education, different certifications and 5 years’ working experience (and that is for a post that lasts 6-12 months, then you are unemployed again).

Naturally, at the end of the summer, I was pretty desperate and worried. I asked for a sign; If I’m worried for nothing, just sulking in my fears, give me a sign within 48 hours and make it so that I get it.

The next day I got a friend request in Facebook. I never do get them. It was from an unknown woman, who was not friends of any of my FB contacts either. I went to see her profile to figure out where she had found me.On left, at friends’ section, there was a photo of a woman - and she was posing with Billy Idol! He had his thump up, too!I love Billy Idol, he is the Godfather of Creativity, Self-Confidence and Blind Faith in what you do to me. I see or hear him whenever the Universe wants to deliver me an important message.

I literally gasped “OH MY GOD! THIS IS THE SIGN!!” Took me a moment to realize that I was seeing :’D

Surely enough, in November, I got a job.

And something which happened just now!I’ve been listening to Rammstein with lyric, trying to get more familiar with German words and pronouncing. Literally just “Listen, Repeat, Listen, Repeat”. I plan to start German studies next year because I visit Germany every year and I feel it would benefit me.

The last time I studied languages was at school and I was never good in them. Exception was French (ages 13-15) because the teacher had a different teaching method. Instead of teaching us grammar (presence tense, accusative, illative etc.) he taught us how to say and write things. Simple as that! This is how you ask this question, this is how you answer the question, here is how you adjust your question/answer with different options. Then we wrote lots stories, spoke with one another in French, and watched French movies. Very “Hands in the sand and just go!”-method.

That works for me perfectly! I learn the best just by jumping head on into the language and start to learn it like babies do. I have learned food ingredient just by taking food packages in hand and going “I know that word, this too, but this I don’t know, let’s check. Ah, it is a cinnamon, now I know it”.

Now, I’m horribly afraid that next year, in whatever German course I will attend to, the teacher will have grammatical approach. What if I do not learn it? What if I do not figure them out because I keep forgetting what is accusative, what is illative etc.?

I was JUST thinking that horrible scenario with grammatical teacher, when I returned back to my laptop. Youtube song had stopped and it had this screen:

See: Billy Idol is there, together with 5 Rammstein songs! I have not listened much Billy Idol in Youtube lately, so this is an important sign. 5 is a number of joy, social activity, play, other people and it is good for communication! In astrological chart, room 5 is also for love relationships (7 is for marriage). So, no worries, forward to German studies with love, joy, play and happiness, knowing that the teacher is there to help me and not to think I’m an idiot :D 

Also, a right direction; Billy Idol never lies about right directions. Note there’s an meditation/Universe signal next to him.  

The Universe has its ways to deliver you messages, when you ask and are open  - and even when you are just open to them :D

[thecreatvre]

we’re posting our apps so enjoy this hot mess !!

STATS

Chosen skeleton: The Creature

Full Name: Tango

Age: Unknown

Gender: Agender

Pronouns: He/Him

Faceclaim: the black beast alien from Attack The Block (first choice), Tom Hardy as Venom (second choice)

(NOTE: Okay, so, kind of unconventional first FC choice, I know! But here’s my reasoning: I don’t know what FC Gecko will end up with, but it’s safe to say their appearance will be reasonably humanoid, with recognizable facial expression, clearly spoken, etc. And it’s interesting to me that Gecko and the Creature, both sweet personalities, have such wildly different assigned team personas. So it makes sense to me that the Creature would be the opposite of Gecko in looks; unrecognizable emotion, very un-humanoid, just really foreign and alien to look at. So much so that, no matter how nice the Creature is, the public perceives him as a horrible ragebeast, and that differing perception will be super fun to play with in terms of social commentary. The black beast doesn’t have the sort of emotional range typical for an FC, but, that’s what will make him interesting me for to play and others to interact with: his outward expression will be a language all of its own, that the team will have learned to identify!)

HEADCANONS

Tango is distinctly unhappy with his promotional catchphrase. Other members of the team get, “Anybody can be a hero!” or “Not all heroes wear capes!”. He gets: “RARGH.” This is due to the fact that the trial of his first catchphrase went poorly, due to the shape of his mouth leading to unclear language. “Be good to each other!” was widely heard by the public as “Baguette each other!” and the youths of the day started to use baguette as slang for fuck. One Million Moms were furious.

Tango’s former costume looked absolutely ridiculous on him, but despite some grumbling whenever he had to be stuffed into it, he wore it with real pride. He still keeps it in his room; it symbolizes everything he wanted out of life. Connection, being a part of something, having a family, and doing good.

He has only one possession from his time before the team – a set of military style dogtags. They are battered and dented, and look kinda chewed on, but Tango keeps them polished and as pristine as he can. Since he doesn’t remember if he has a real name, the dogtags are where he got his name from: TS-062 is stamped on the front. TS turned into Tango Sierra via the NATO alphabet, turned into just Tango.

Refers to all animals as dogs, and takes great pleasure pointing out every animal he sees. The winged things around the city? Dogs. The little creatures in the sewers? Dogs. Tango once attempted to petition Price for an official team pet dog, and didn’t understand why Price turned him down on account of not being able to house a great white shark in the building. It’s unknown exactly why he thinks all animals are dogs, but no amount of persuading changes his mind.

Tango thinks the Exemplar initiative is extremely important for the world, and he especially thinks the inclusion of mutants and aliens is important. He knows he’ll never be accepted into human society, and his inclusion in the team is the closest he’ll ever get, but he finds it reassuring to be included in the cartoons and the figurines and the merchandise. Humans might fear him, but he thinks they’re adorable (with their weird eyes and their fragile limbs and spindly fingers), and he’s happy to use his strength to help protect the world that has provided him with things like pizza, the internet, and music.

He has a whole playlist the team devised to help get him in the mood for Big Scary Ragebeast time. It includes Ukrainian hard house, German industrial, American thrash metal, Swedish pop-punk, etc.

Technically speaking, Tango is blind. In that, he doesn’t have eyes. Not in the typical sense, at least. Through scattered photo-receptive cells on his skin, he has a rudimentary form of sight, somewhat blurry and lacking in color. His great sense of smell and hearing tend to make up for it, but he doesn’t seem to realize that his eyesight is bad. Never ask him to get you the red mug on the counter, because he’ll come back with the blue one that Tallahassee spat in. Yikes.

THEME SONG

Radio – Rammstein

Specifically, these lyrics in particular:

We weren’t allowed to belong Couldn’t see, talk, or hear anything But every night for one or two hours, I disappeared from this world Every night a little bit happy, My ear so close to the world receiver

Radio, my radio I let myself get sucked into the airwaves My ears become eyes Radio, my radio So I hear what I can‘t see Secretly satisfying my wanderlust

Every night I secretly climbed onto the back of the music laid my ears down on the wings singing quietly into my hands Every night and again, I just fly away with the music Floating this way through brightly-lit rooms No borders, no fences

It’s a song about the singer’s experience as a young boy in East Germany before the Berlin Wall fell, when western music and media was banned. A common practice was listening to pirate radio at night, for a couple of hours, listening to foreign music in the secret of their own bedrooms, as quietly as they could so they wouldn’t be heard.

For Tango, being cut off from the world for the past fifteen years, media will have played an enormous part of how he tried to stay connected. Obviously he wouldn’t have been forbidden to do so, but he would have kept it private anyway, dreaming of a time where he wouldn’t be locked up, if such a time would ever be possible.

PARA SAMPLE

1983:

“PLEASE. NO MORE… HE-MAN.”

You wouldn’t think a creature like Tango could sound so pitiful; but he groaned nonetheless in a voice that sounded like gargling broken batteries, fangs ill-suited for human language.

He didn’t know why some of the team insisted on watching He-Man so regularly, so early in the morning, but it had become a wake-up call for him. Sleep, interrupted by a blaring theme song, which he could hear even from his bedroom. It meant that, every morning, he lumbered into the common area, a greeting yawn turning into a sad plea. Every morning, they ignored him.

“HE-MAN… BAD,” Tango insisted, desperate. On screen, the much-celebrated hero swung his loincloth to-and-fro. Half of the team looked entranced; the other half were trying to ignore the commotion by making themselves breakfast. Bacon and eggs and pancakes and cereal, pleasant enough smells, especially the bacon. Just a regular morning.

Like every regular morning, he shambled into the kitchen, and plonked himself down in the middle, a heap of black fur that somehow managed (without eyes!) to give the sad puppy dog stare at Tallahassee. The routine continued: Tallahassee patted him on the head, and slipped him some bacon.

“THANK,” Tango rumbled happily, and set about chasing after the others and their respective breakfasts.

[malignedaffairs]

Good morning! (For me lol) I know a little while ago you were taking requests, and I was wondering, would you draw a picture of your cat? I have been so curious since you mentioned him/her. I completely understand if you do not want to, it wouldn't exactly fit in with all of the character drawings. Which brings another question to mind. Are there other things that you enjoy drawing? Your interests have surely changed over time.Thank you! Have a nice day! Ps: your art is still breath taking.

Thank you for the request! I thought it was really sweet that you’re interested in my cat. I don’t mind posting some more personal drawings every now and then. As an art blog, this blog is personal as well as for fandoms, which might not show because I just love my Uchiha boys so much I barely draw anything else. Reply got rather lengthy, so read more under the cut. Also, cat photos! :D

My interests haven’t really changed that much over time as far as fandoms go, but I have widespread other interests I don’t really draw at the moment (at least not in an obvious manner). That’s because I really like getting reactions on my drawings and sharing a common interest with others, which is easier in a fandom. It’s also possible to channel a lot of the stuff that affects me through the characters I draw. But other than that, I’m interested in dark themes like death and decay and its symbolism, and I’ve been drawing love interests and landscapes and studies from Rammstein concerts and movies, I love the aesthetic of indigenous art from Africa and Oceania especially as well as from other parts of the world, and I also had a phase when I really enjoyed drawing tattoos (I even went to a studio once and asked for an internship :D). 

At the moment, my biggest sandbox is the Floating World Series. I really enjoy how it gives me the freedom to include whatever I like and experiment with writing own little plots. Maybe I’ll find time to draw my little cat baby one day, but until then, I’m fine with posting some pics of her

[rockrevoltmagazine]

DOWNLOAD FESTIVAL 2019 REVIEW

Review by Howard Keogh and Enda Madden with photos by Enda Madden

Some places mean different things to different people. If you mention Donington UK to a historian he may refer you the historic references in the Domesday Book of 1086. A motor racing enthusiast on the other hand will most likely tell you about the famous Donington Park Race Track and perhaps mention that Since 2013, Norton Motorcycles has had its head office in Donington Hall. To any self-respecting rock fan however, there is only one true meaning, Donington is the spiritual home of Download – rock music’s greatest festival which has been running almost every year since 1980. The festival has grown in popularity and under various names has played host to some of the biggest names in rock and metal from around the globe. However, just because the monsters of rock have played here does not mean there is no room for the young pretenders to peddle their wares. Some of the best acts have cut their teeth on the smaller stages at Download, where they are all welcomed by both the organizers and the crowd alike. As we know, even the gods of rock haven’t managed to control the weather in Donington and this year is no exception. Thursday is pretty wet but based on some high-profile mainstream media reports coming out in the lead up to Download you could have been inclined to pack a small inflatable boat or even make a start on building yourself an ark! Doubtless the revelers who elected to come early to the site were subjected to some incredibly challenging weather and there were a few who decided to call it a day. However, all credit to the Download team, who really get stuck in, making layout adjustments and spreading tons of straw around the arena each day in a mammoth effort to reduce the impact of the weather on the site and the music fans. In true defiant Download style, the vast majority of fans decided the show must go on….and so it did regardless of the rain. Navigating Download festival can be a daunting task for music fans, as the site is massive and the number of stages poses another problem, choice! There are always difficult decisions to be made as your favorite bands may conflict. However the sheer fun of Download is what makes it so special. Despite a very difficult start to the festival, spirits are high and the costumes are out again this year as many fans dress up for the event. So far, we have spotted Mario, Santa and his elves, and the Mother from the Alien movie series amongst others, and I promise you we have only had one beer! This year’s festival sees an extra environmental effort made, to reduce the use of single use plastic bottles. Another addition is a little light relief in the form of “Doom Yoga”, and Mindfulness sessions aptly named “Mind the dog” Now lets go listen to some music… FRIDAY 15th June: Tesla is the first band up to start proceedings on the main stage today. The band formed in Sacramento California in 1981 by bassist Brian Wheat and guitarist Frank Hannon. The band started their existence under the moniker Earthshaker which later changed to City Kidd. The band changed their name to Tesla in 1986 releasing the album Mechanical Resonance. They have toured extensively with Def Leppard in the past. This collaboration resulted in Phil Collen producing their most recent album Shock which was released in March. Their set today has a few technical difficulties and includes the power ballad “Modern Day Cowboy” and “Cumin’ Atcha Live.” Rating; 3.5/6 Super group Deadland Ritual, whose line up completed with the addition of Geezer Butler in 2018, play the Zippo encore stage. Unfortunately, they too suffer a few technical difficulties with sound but these get resolved. The band members include Steve Stevens and Matt Sorum. The set list draws significantly on the Black Sabbath catalog with the addition of “Symptom of the Universe,” “Neon Knights,” and “War Pigs” included in the set. The other band members back catalog also get a look in with the addition of “Rebel Yell” and “Slither.” The band’s first single “Down in Flames” released in 2018 also gets an airing. If you want to catch these guys they are also set to play Hellfest very soon. Rating: 4/6 Whitesnake are back with their new album Flesh and Blood and the mighty David Coverdale looks fresher and fitter than ever. His voice too is in fine form as he charms his way through the set. Today’s menu is full of old favorites and includes “Bad Boys,” “Love Ain’t No Stranger,” “Slow and Easy,” and the single “Shut Up and Kiss Me” from the latest album. However the highlight of the set has to be “Still of the Night” with its slow build to its epic finale. Fans have had a bit of a wait for new material from Whitesnake, with the last album being released in 2015 but the new release sees them make a glorious return. With a string of concerts planned across Europe, including Hellfest, and Graspop festivals, these boys are definitely back in full flight. Catch them while you can. Rating: 4.5/6 Opeth make a welcome return to Download with another pitch perfect performance from these Swedish masters of light and shade. Greeting the crowd in his own inimitable style Mikael Akerfeldt reminisces about dancing with one of Abba’s lovely ladies. Almost an Opeth trademark now is a short set of very long songs and Mikael Akerfeldt admits it openly. For those hoping for a preview of their imminent new album, it may be disappointing; however this is more than compensated for with a typically flawless performance that include gems like “Ghost of Perdition,” “The Drapery Falls,” and “Deliverance.” The sun makes a welcome appearance during Opeth’s performance, and Mr. Akerfeldt makes the crowd jealous, as he announces the band travel to Malaga to play on the beach. These guys are touring extensively across Europe for the rest of the year, so if they come to your town, don’t miss them! Rating: 5/6 Slash featuring Myles Kennedy and the Conspirators make a welcome return to Download this year. The set includes a sprinkling of Slash’s solo work and a blistering performance of the Guns ‘n’ Roses classic “Nightrain.” Slash is on top form pacing the stage like a tiger while Myles Kennedy knocks out the tunes. Another highlight of the set was “Anastasia” The tour continues throughout Europe until mid July before moving stateside for Canadian and U.S. dates Rating: 4/6 This year Def Leppard add another Download headline slot to their tally. Donington has always held a special place in their hearts, as it was where Rick Allen made his arena comeback after a horrific car accident in which he lost his arm. As with the recent tour, today’s offering features the band’s 1987 Hysteria album played in its entirety. Joe Elliot introduces Northern Ireland’s Vivian Campbell on guitar and after “Hysteria” we are treated to a pure gold selection that includes “Let It Go”, “Let’s Get Rocked,” “Photograph,” and the classic “Rock of Ages.” The polished performance is a fitting finish to a great day’s music. Rating: 4.5/6

SATURDAY 16th June: Saturday’s openers on Main stage are Alien Weaponry from New Zealand. Their set opens with a Haka-like chant, which draws applause even before the music starts. After a brief delay things get underway. The band’s set includes “PC Bro,” “Holding My Breath,” and “Kai Tanata”. The 3 members of Alien Weaponry all have Māori ancestry, and use their native tongue in a number of their songs. The band was formed in 2010, by brothers Henry and Lewis de Jong. Recently the band made a 10 part documentary documenting their European tour entitled “Alien Weaponry shake Europe”. Their album Tu debuted at number 5 in the New Zealand album charts on its release in June 2018. As we see more and more bands beginning to sing in their own languages, possibly inspired by the mighty Rammstein’s success, this opens up a whole new exciting realm in music as we see more bands using their native language in their music. Rating: 4/6 Next up on the Dogtooth stage are Underside from Nepal. Exploding onto the Nepal music scene with their own unique brand of metal, these guys are not afraid to take on great tasks. They instigated the “Silence festival,” Nepal’s first annual metal festival. The band was also involved in fundraising efforts, following the massive earthquake in 2015, that left many parts of Kathmandu in ruins. Underside responded immediately raising emergency funding that helped rebuild a school. With such an unshakable determination, it is no wonder they have won over the crowd here today. The band’s stage show includes a masked demon dancer, who convulses to the beat of the songs. Once again there are a few sound issues during the set, leaving the demon dancer alone onstage briefly, but after a quick resolution the singer apologizes, thanking the crowd for their patience the show gets underway again. Rating: 3/6 The Zippo encore stage is our next stop to marvel at the intricate progressive instrumental style of Animals as Leaders. This American band from Los Angeles is well up for the fray, and if today is any measure of the European appetite for the band’s trademark tunes, the upcoming Scandinavian and European dates will go down a treat. Rating: 4/6 Darkness might be more fitting for the next act on the main stage, the mighty Behemoth from Poland. They make their entrance sporting Black Death masks, to a chant of “I will not forgive.” As the set starts an inferno of pyrotechnics are unleashed, and the ritual begins. Behemoth have planned an extensive European tour in advance of their US dates in July. They have always attracted controversy, and currently, an Irish politician is trying to have their upcoming Limerick show banned in Ireland. Behemoth front man, Nergal has responded “Nihil novi. Another attention whore which Poland’s politics is full of, but do we really need that kind of publicity? Nope. But I’m thankful regardless!” Either way the band have a fast-growing fan base with many upcoming shows sold out. Rating: 4/6 Skindred have secured a Main stage appearance this year at Download following many previous appearances. Despite the pouring rain, front man Benji Webbe manages to get the crowd singing, crouching, and generally jumping about. Skindred whose album Big Tings was released last year continue, with a string of dates after Download that include Hellfest in France. During the set Reef’s Gary Stringer joins Benji onstage for the track “Machine” Benji is looking like a lean mean rocking machine after his recent well publicized weight loss, and he makes light of the inclement weather while the crowd are lapping it up. The band’s trademark crowd participation “the Newport helicopter” is rolled out during “Warning”. and fans everywhere are removing their T-shirts and swinging them wildly over their heads. This as always makes for an amazing sight. This has been another superb high energy performance from a great live band. Rating: 5/6 The Hu in the Dogtooth tent attract a massive crowd which overflows out the sides of the tent due to a combination of the heavy rain and the Bands huge popularity. It appears Download may have misjudged this one, as The Hu could easily have been on a bigger stage. The band hail from Mongolia and have s unique style, incorporating traditional Mongolian instruments like the Morin khuur. Singing is in the ancient Mongolian throat singing style giving the band a very unique sound. The current tour takes in more UK and European dates before heading stateside. Rating: 3.5/6 Trivium who have racked up eight studio albums since their formation in Florida in 1999, have attracted a huge crowd to the Main stage. The weather has improved, and this only adds to the excitement of the fans and the band. The set today includes “Like Light to the Flies,” a blistering rendition of “Strife” and “In Waves.” The show is augmented by liberal use of Pyrotechnics and smoke, which add to the atmosphere. After the last tour was received so well, it is great to see Trivium at Download. The band has grown, and they admit they have their sights set now on a festival headline slot. Following this tour they plan to start writing material for a new album, so there is much to look forward to! Rating: 4/6 Halestorm are no strangers to Download festival. Enter Lzzy Hale who delivers an absolutely amazing vocal performance. In her new leather clad Joan Jett look, she and her brother Arejay open up and let loose on the crowd in a combined vocal and percussive assault on the senses. Lzzy thanks the crowd and says she is proud to be a woman and she gets all the women present to roar. The set opens with “Untouchable” and this is followed swiftly with a request from Lzzy to little brother Arejay to let loose. Arejay duly obliges with a percussive attack that is both technically amazing and entertaining to watch.. Staples like “Ms Hyde” and “Freak Like Me” are rolled out and as usual Arejay gets the opportunity to trash his drum kit during the obligatory drum solo. Today’s set is wrapped up with “Love Bites (so do I)” and “I Miss the Misery”. “Love Bites (so do I)” sees Lzzy joined onstage for a duet by Asami from the band Lovebites who also played a set at Download. Rating: 5/6 Slipknot are always a big draw at Download and as soon as they appear on stage the whole arena erupts. Their energy is contagious, and the crowd has contracted the disease. Corey Taylor is sporting his new mask which has attracted some negative feedback from fans. No-one cares tonight though as the maggots are in the mood for a mosh pit. The high octane setlist includes “People =s,” “Psychosocial,” “Disasterpiece,” and “The Devil in I”. What better way to end an evening than in the company of Slipknot. One final thought on Slipknot is that at the festival, a poster surfaced hinting at the possibility of live gigs in 2020. With the new album “We are not your kind” set for release in August via Roadrunner records, the prospect of more live shows can only add to the anticipation. Rating: 5/6

SUNDAY 17th June: I prevail are the first act on Main stage today and they put in a great set for the festival’s early bird punters. The band hail from Michigan in the U.S. and released their latest album Trauma in March of this year. Vocal duties are shared between Brian Burkheiser on clean vocals while Eric Vanlerberghe looks after the vocal heavy lifting. The new album is well represented in today’s set with the inclusion of “Bow Down”, “Rise Above It”, “Gasoline”, and the super heavyweight “Deadweight.” Although their slot is early they put in a rousing performance waking up the bleary eyed fans. These guys are definitely one to watch for 2019 Rating: 4.5/6 Godsmack from Boston, Massachusetts are hot on the heels of I prevail as the next act up on the main stage. The band has admitted to being excited to play the U.K. again and open with “1000HP,” then “Something Different.” Then it’s time for a duel, in which the drummer and singer battle it out on 2 drum kits through a medley featuring AC/DCs “Back in Black,” Aerosmith’s “Walk This Way,” Metallica’s “Enter Sandman” and Fleetwood Mac’s “Oh Well.” This has been a lively and varied performance from these stateside rockers. Rating: 4/6 Amon Amarth did a question and answer session in the press tent today, and they announced a tour in November with Arch Enemy and Hypocrisy. Answering a question from an Irish Journalist about their upcoming gigs, the band say they are looking forward to another Viking invasion of Limerick after 1000 years. They last appeared on Download Main stage in 2016 and since then have been growing steadily popularity. When they hit the stage, they open with “The Pursuit of Vikings,” followed by “First Kill.” A Viking battle is recreated, as two warriors do battle during “The Way of Vikings.” The latest album Berserker, which was released in May, is on show today with “Crack the Sky”, “Shield Wall” and “Raven’s Flight”. The band compliment the crowd on their determination in the mud and call a toast raising their drinking horns with a “Skol” before launching into the song “Raise Your Horns.” Amon Amarth really are on top of their game today. Rating: 5/6 Lamb of God bring with them a very energetic show. As the sun shines down for the one of the few times in the 3 day festival, vocalist Randy Blythe greets the crowd and promises to f the place up, before launching into “Walk With Me In Hell” and hails the crowd of “maniacs” for their persistence in the bad weather. “512” is next with its reminiscences of Blythe’s time held in custody in relation to the death of a fan at one of the bands concerts in the Czech Republic. Lamb of God certainly know how to work a crowd.. Rating: 4/6 On a visit to the Avalanche stage, we catch the up and coming hot ticket – Fever333, who are currently touring on the back of their debut album Strength in Numb333rs. Their songs are politically charged, tackling social issues like racism, homophobia and sexual discrimination. The crown lap it up and if the response of the Download crowd is any indication, their other U.K. dates (which the trio also like to call demonstrations) should be extremely successful. Their style cites musical influences like Rage against the machine, Black flag and Public enemy. Rating: 4.5/6 Dream Theater have attracted a large crowd for their set on the Zippo encore stage. Currently touring their 14th studio album Distance Over Time the band show no signs of slowing down. The new album gets plenty of exposure, as the band open with “Untethered Angel,” and also include “Fall Into The Light” and “Barstool Warrior.” Dream Theater are no doubt technically talented and virtuoso players but sometimes it just feels like there is something missing. They close their set with a rousing rendition “Pull Me Under.” Rating: 4/6 Finally it’s that bitter sweet moment, the final U.K. performance by Slayer, one of the big 4 giants of thrash metal. Anthrax, one of the other 3, played the same stage just earlier in the day, a testament (no pun intended) to the choice of bands playing Download. A huge crowd has gathered to witness the spectacle and one can’t help wondering if Slayer should have been billed as headliners on the main stage. “Repentless” starts the show as Slayer move up the gears with “War Ensemble” and “Mandatory Suicide”. The band thanks their fans for hanging out. Paul Bostaph puts in a magnificent performance behind the drum kit, and the rest of the band are not too shabby either. As the show progresses, they go into overdrive with “Seasons In The Abyss”, “Hell Awaits”, “South Of Heaven” and “Raining Blood” all coming in quick succession. At this stage the crowd is at fever pitch with circle pits aplenty. The last U.K. performance of Slayer and the associated mayhem, finally draws to a close with the finale “Angel Of Death” but then Slayer fans don’t cry do they? Rating: 5/6 Tool are booked to close Download 2019 and may have certainly lost more than a few audience members due to the set time clash with Slayer’s final U.K. show on the Zippo encore stage. However, even disregarding that fact, the crowd numbers are definitely smaller than that usually seen for a Download headline act. Notwithstanding the draw of Slayer, this is a rare treat for any hardcore Tool fan, as live performances in the U.K. don’t happen too often. The band’s last Download performance was 13 years ago. The set opens with “AEnema.” The backdrop on the big screens light up with imagery that melds perfectly with the music to provide the audience with a veritable “audio visual trip.” Old favorites like “The Pot,” and “Schism” are there, and we are treated to some new material in the form of “Invincible” and “Descending.” The set is brought to a close with “Stinkfist” and a group of happy Tool fans have had their dreams come true tonight at Download. Rating: 4/6 And so, we come to the end of another weekend of music, beer, fun, and well…lots of mud, but you know as usual it has all been worth it. Once again Download Festival has proved itself as the great survivor. Despite the bad weather and the unfair press, the event has once again proved itself a triumph of Rock n’ Roll spirit over adversity. Roll on 2020. I can’t wait! Enda Madden & Howard Keogh – 2019

Connect with Download Festival(click icons):

DOWNLOAD FESTIVAL 2019 REVIEW was originally published on RockRevolt Mag

[phantomlim]

Err can I ask 1-50 for the cute asks?

Of course!!!! I love a lot of these questions. Thank you for asking!.

1. Do you have any recurring dreams? What are they?

Not that I know of or that I remember. 

2. What is your favourite kind of fruit?

Strawberries or oranges

3. Sweet or savoury?

I need both. If I eat something savoury, I have to have something sweet to balance it out and vice versa. 

4. What is your smallest/pettiest fear?

Compared to everything else I’m afraid of, spiders seems pretty petty, but spiders give me the worst anxiety, so its not really small at all. 

5. What is your least favourite vegetable?

Out of everything I’ve had, probably celery. 

6. What is your favourite art movement?

Man I can do history eras but art eras never stick with me.... Probably impressionism. I love how the colours blend together, yet everything is still very abstract and colourful. 

7. Do you drink milk?

Yes, it’s good. 

8. What was the last line of the last book you read?

“The three extra days were for leap years.” One Day In The Life of Ivan Denisovich by Alexander Solzhenitsyn

9. Do you like bitter food?

No, not really. 

10. What is the most significant event in your life so far?

I don’t really think anything in my life has been significant. Probably finding out that I would finally be going to Europe. 

11. What is one thing (a book, movie, etc) that has greatly affected you?

Honestly, Rammstein has affected me in more ways than one. They’ve helped me through suicidal thoughts and depression and they’ve helped me discover my identity, and so much more. 

12. What is your favourite breed of dog or cat? 

Husky - Shepard mix. They look like wolves. 

13. List your top 5 favourite turtle names.

Does this mean like. Names for turtles or names of turtles? I’m going with the former. 

Frank, Henry, Tim, Turtwig, Torterra

14. What job would you have if you could have it without going through all of the school or experience that is required?

Probably an environmentalist, or any field that requires me going out into the wild and preserving parks and what not. 

You would’ve thought I would say historian, but I really do want to learn all everything to become a historian. 

15. Are there any names that you dislike so much that you would dislike the person with the name? What are those names? 

No, I don’t like to reduce a person to something that they’re not because of their name. However, I really don’t like the name Brittaney or any of those variations I guess. Every Brittaney I’ve ever met has been a huge jerk. But if I met someone name Brittaney, I wouldn’t keep it against them. 

16. What is your favourite letter?

ß

17. Are there any instruments you wish you played?

I’d love to play bass. 

18. List your best friends.

This is a callout post. Sid, Madi, Ellen/Chase, Jake, Ollie, Liz, Tia, Taylor, Victoria, Brooke, Mihail, Ariel, Lu, Elisa, Samya. There’s probably more but I’m a terrible person and I can’t remember. 

19. Would you rather be a skeleton or a ghost?

That’s tough actually. Maybe a skeleton. But in Skyrim, skeletons are weaker than a rabbit, so probably a ghost. 

20. Do you prefer fish or lizards/snakes? (as pets)

LIZARDS

21. Art or music?

I love both of these! I can only enjoy music and I’m not able to create it though, so I’ll probably say art for the sake that it’s something I can actually make.

This question is kinda redundant considering music is a form of art. 

22. What is your favourite type of flower?

All of them. It really depends. I really like zephyranthes because the name is RAD. 

I’ll say forget-me-nots because they’re very beautiful and colourful flowers despite their size. The name is also extremely striking to me. 

23. Soup or salad?

Salad.

24. Are you good at keeping plants alive?

Yes and no. When I have plants I’m very passionate about them and I want them to last forever. But at some point, I’ll forget to water them and everything goes downhill from there.

25. Do animals tend to like you?

Dogs, yes, because I have a dog myself. Cats, sometimes. 

26. What is the worst book you’ve ever read?

Twilight probably.

27. Do you collect anything?

Photos of paul landers on my phone. Plants

28. How many pillows do you sleep with?

One. 

29. What is the latest you’ve ever woken up?

1 pm. I hate waking up late.

30. How many pictures are on your walls?

None. Unless drawings count.

31. What age did you stop keeping stuffed animals on your bed?

I’m almost 18 and I still have a stuffed animal on my bed, are you kidding me?

I’ve had a lot of mental anguish in my life and that stuffed animal has helped me sleep so many times it deserves to stay there. 

32. What is your favourite candy?

Um. I don’t really eat candy that often. Probably skittles? They’re not TOO sweet so they dont give me migraines. 

33. What is your favourite baked good?

Y’know those brownies that are fused with chocolate chip cookies? Yeah those. I also love those frosted cookies.

34. Do you have a camera? If so, what kind?

Nope.

35. Do you wear jewelry?

I have a necklace with a dragonfly pendant on it that I haven’t taken off ever since I got it when I was 15 honestly. 

Sometimes I wear my class ring from my high school, but I’m too scared that I’ll lose it. 

36. Sunrise or sunset?

Sunrise. There’s something magical about the world lighting up at sunrise that sunsets don’t really have. 

37. Do you like to listen to music with headphones or without headphones?

Depends. If I want to be left alone, then with headphones. If I’m just somewhere hanging out, then without headphones. 

38. What was your favourite show as a child?

Heck if I can remember. Spongebob probably. It still is my favourite but whatever. I stopped watching tv when I was like 7. 

39. Describe your favourite spot in your house?

My windowsill. On it are 3 plants, one is a succulent, one is a type of flower which i can’t remember the name to, and the other is a small container of assorted flowers that my mom got me after we had to put our dog down. There’s a little toy Blastoise on there that I’ve had for a long time, and a dragon statue that’s used for incense. 

40. Do you like to be warm or cold?

Both. Cold is nice because I like bundling up. I hate the cold because my hands get dry and bleed a lot. The warm is nice because you can wear light clothes and be comfortable. It doesn’t make me bleed. I don’t like sweating though. The minute I start sweating I feel obligated to shower. 

41. The best joke you have?

Myself. 

42. Whats the weirdest thing that you’ve seen happen in a public place?

I can’t remember. 

43. CD or digital?

Both. CD’s feel really genuine. My copy of Sehnsucht is older than I am, so I have a lot of sentimental value for it. I don’t mean to brag, but it also has the rare track “Stripped” on it. But because of todays age, digital is probably my preferred choice because I can take my music with me where ever I want. 

44. Who do you miss right now?

I really miss my dog, Roosevelt. It’s almost been a month since he died, but it still hurts a lot. I’ve been seeing a lot of yorkies and it makes me miss him more. I wish he was still here. 

45. If you could combine two places in the world, which two places would you choose?

Um. I’m not sure actually, I’ll get back to you on that. 

46. Describe the worst substitute teacher you’ve ever had.

OK so in biology junior year of high school, our biology teacher had to quit because of really bad family problems, totally okay not his fault at all. HOWEVER, we had a substitute for the rest of the year, and we couldn’t do ANYTHING. We were forced to work on worksheets and nothing but that when we go to a school where COLLABORATION and PROJECTS is how we learn. It was awful. 

47. Do you believe horoscopes?

I try not to. I’m paranoid, so I often look at them and worry about the truth behind them. 

48. Are you spiritual?

This question can mean several things. Am I religious? No. Do I believe in the power of my own spirit and soul that can allow me to do certain things? Yes. 

The reason I’m not religious is for that reason alone. I don’t believe there is a deity that is stronger than I am. I don’t think there should be a deity who tells me what I should and should not do. I’m strong enough to make decisions on my own and without the help of anyone. If I do something, its because of my own will. 

49. Describe your pets.

I only have one now, but I want to describe Roosevelt too.

Roosevelt was a really small boy. He was very thin and nimble, especially as he got older. He had HUGE ears that were bigger than his head. We called them his Satellite ears. When he would get a hair cut, he would kind of look like a rat, so I called him Rat Boy.

Phin is a really sweet boy. He’s a big-ish dog, but not BIG big. He’s goofy and he really likes to play. When he’s really playful, his eyes get wide. When he was younger, his tongue had black spots, but they don’t now. His fur is really oily and greasy which is kinda gross, but my face gets really oily so I can relate. He’s really anxious, but he’s such a sweet boy 

50. Are you good at getting over mistakes?

No. I’m paranoid, so of course I can’t. It stays in my mind until someone tells me that it’s okay and until things get fixed. 

[jenniferverdon]

How Instagram Is Deciding the Future of Concerts and Live Music

A veteran concert designer explains how shows these days are just as engineered for audiences at home as for those in front of the stage

Artists these days have a new concern at the forefront of their minds when designing tours and concerts: how they look not just to live audiences — but also to millions, and potentially billions, of people at home. A chief driver of that worry is Instagram.

In the last year, the social media app has added 300 million monthly active users — doubling in size and bringing its total global user count to twice the size of the population of the United States. Of that immense user base, nearly half follow 10 or more verified musicians. And even more are making regular posts and Instagram stories about music, with concerts a particularly popular photo and video subject. “A show no longer starts when the curtain rises,” entertainment architect Ray Winkler, who designed Beyoncé and Jay-Z’s On the Run II tour, told Rolling Stone earlier this summer. “The show starts the moment the first person takes a picture of it.

As Instagram continues on its explosive growth trajectory, artists are employing all sorts of tactics ranging from practical to outlandish to ramp up the visuals of their tours and the create the perfect “Instagram moment,” says longtime concert designer LeRoy Bennett, who’s produced iconic shows for Madonna, Prince, Lady Gaga, Paul McCartney and a litany of other household names. Rolling Stone caught up with Bennett on how the trend is changing the concert industry — and where it will go from here.

We’ve seen concerts go from music experiences to visual spectacles, and this year’s big shows seem especially focused on visual theatrics. Is it fair to say a lot of that is directly because of Instagram? Yeah. Social media is making a lot of artists very concerned about the Instagram moment, about making sure their show’s photographs are the best. The whole Instagram thing is kind of a slippery slope because there’s a lot of people in the audience not all in the same spot, so some people take better shots than others, and artists see it and go “This is terrible!” You can only control it so much.

So the preoccupation with Instagram moments is coming from artists, not designers.

It’s the artists’ concern, yes, about what pictures of their shows look like. How they’re lit, how they look on stage. Of course, you can’t sacrifice your live show for Instagram, but you can take it into consideration.

Why are we seeing so many oversized items on stage this year — like Drake’s floating Ferrarri, Taylor Swift’s towering snakes, and Travis Scott’s bird? The idea has been around for decades: Pink Floyd had a flying pig, Prince’s Lovesexy tour had a Ford Thunderbird that drove around the stage. It’s about isolating the artist from other things on stage, from too many other distractions. You want to pull them out. So the Ferrari, obviously, you single out because it’s floating over the audience and over Drake, and not too many people have a flying Ferrari in their shows. It allows for a moment where the focus is on the artist — not other textures around them. If it’s iconic like that, it will be a good Instagram moment.

Another feature that seems to be ubiquitous on big tours is massive LED screens. I would say over the last 15 maybe 20 years, they’ve really grown in popularity. The first LED screen that was ever invented was used was U2’s PopMart, and since then, the tech has gotten refined and a lot more cost-effective. Everybody feels they need to have an LED screen. But sometimes when you have a big screen like that it becomes claustrophobic. With an LED screen it’s also a commitment: You have to have an image or it’s just a gray thing in the background. I like depth on stage, I don’t like to know where the horizon ends — so over the years I’ve been using transparent or blow-through screens where they’re open enough that you can put lights behind it. So you don’t have to have an image there all the time. Also, for the last Nine Inch Nails tour, we had a transparent screen with so you could play images that could interact with each other on different layers. In U2’s tour, they had a walkway that went through the audience and there’s a classic camera shot of Bono having his hand out, looking like he’s holding up the edge with the palm of his hand. The whole technology has changed a lot.

Like screens, lasers also seem to be in shows everywhere now. Laser technology has come a really long way since I started in the business. Back in the Seventies, the lasers had to be water-cooled, so you had to hook them up to plumbing and have laser-tech plumbers. Since then, the efficiency has improved, they’ve gotten stronger as far as output, and they’re a lot more compact and don’t require water to cool them. New lasers can also scan into the audience without burning people’s irises. They’re constantly improving on it, which is why there’s more lasers in a lot more shows now — because it’s more interesting than it used to be.

“The whole Instagram thing is kind of a slippery slope” — veteran show designer LeRoy Bennett

What about fire, another popular visual gimmick? How has that technology been changing? There are heavy restrictions and safety laws for pyrotechnics. I’ve designed for German band Rammstein for 16 years and they have more pyro than anyone. We have a safety officer who’s at rehearsals the whole time and literally makes this whole catalog of certificates and everything, about every single pyro effect. Sometimes cities have different rules and regulations, so once you come into a particular city, you have to present the fire marshal with what you’re doing and how it works within the parameters of their laws. For Rammstein, I’m in the process of designing a stadium show for next year that is outdoors, so the fire will be a lot bigger, and even in the audience.

So a lot of these things are striking visual effects, perfectly suited for Instagram and other social media. But it seems even with all of that, there’s still no way to make sure pictures will come out well.

The thing about creating these Instagram moments, these iconic pictures, is there’s only so much you can do because it also involves where the audience member is. If you’re in front of the stage looking at it, it’s easy to take a good Instagram. If you’re off to the side, pointing your camera sideways, it’s not necessarily the best angle — but you can’t build sets that wrap around because venues don’t sell tickets the same degree around. It’s a funny little dance. But it has become a really important factor. It can be a pain in the ass when it comes to the lighting side of things, because artists will look at these Instagrams and they get upset thinking that’s how they looked during the show when someone just took a bad photograph.

What’s the solution? We should just ban phones from any show, that’s my theory. [laughs] Social media has become not exactly a hindrance, but it’s adding more stress into designing a show, and it’s putting undue pressure on the artist. All they’re worried about is if somebody posts a really bad picture. It’s unfair. I know there are some artists trying to ban phones from shows and prevent this — and also I have to say, it’s good the cameras are getting better.

By AMY X. WANG