Tumgik
#but.. I kinda want to try to draw something for the other one
entiqua · 4 hours
Note
I love your artstyle!! Do you have any tips for drawing?
thank you so much! i'm really happy you like it!!💗 as for tips, what i would say would change drastically depending on what kind you're looking for, but some very general ones:
draw what you love and want to see most, regardless of whether anyone else wants to see it. if you don't enjoy what you're drawing it'll never come out as good or genuine as something your whole heart and soul is in. i mean you'd think this would be a no-brainer but sometimes i've had to sit back and ask myself 'if no one was ever going to see this except me, would i actually spend time drawing this?' and i was surprised by the answer
that said, it is also completely valid if your motivation for drawing is to draw for other people! there have been plenty of times where i was too artblocked to draw my own ideas but was still able to draw commissions or gifts and enjoyed it simply because making other people happy with my art makes me happy.
don't get too caught up in having a consistent art style. in my experience this 1000% hinders you
having your sense of anatomy degrade over time without you noticing because you keep drawing the same types of characters is a very real thing! if this is a concern to you be sure to draw a variety
follow a billion artists that you like the art of and you will have endless inspiration injected directly into your brain every time you open social media
my favourite practical tip for those who draw at a desk: keep a small mirror next to you at all times. absolute game changer for quickly referencing hands
if you're drawing digitally, make the canvas huge! in my experience this lets you draw messier/faster and you can't tell at all when you zoom out. if you tend to get stuck spending unnecessary amounts of time micromanaging pixels (me💀) keep it zoomed out while drawing
related to the above point, messy drawings can have far more expressiveness in them than neat and polished drawings. nowadays i never do lineart and go straight from 'barebones stickman pose' to 'varying-levels-of-coherent sketch' and use that as my lineart. sweet freedom from the sketch-looks-better-than-the-lineart phenomenon
if your goal is to improve, then you really do have to scrutinize your art, figure out what you're not satisfied with, and commit the time to focusing on it. 'practice makes perfect' kinda rubs me the wrong way because of how much i've seen it interpreted as 'just draw everyday and you'll magically improve' but genuinely it won't get you very far if you don't actively think hard about what you're trying to improve and take the steps to do it. is this a hot take idk. also hand in hand with this, not every artist is trying to improve and you shouldn't feel bad for this! maybe you just wanna make a little headshot doodle of your fave blorbo and that's your only drawing goal ever. awesome. maybe you know your art has flaws but it's passable enough to convey what you want and you're perfectly satisfied with that. (this is the stage i'm usually at). also awesome!
don't hesitate to draw something because you think it's out of your skill level. the worst that can happen if you draw it is that it comes out terribly but you learned something and can always redraw it better in the future. the worst that WILL happen if you don't draw it is that you'll never draw it. and then it will sit in the back of your brain haunting you for years. it's not like i'm speaking from experience or anything aha
look up 'hand stretches for artists' and do them if you draw a lot unless you wish to summon the wrath of the carpal tunnel demons
of course, these may not necessarily work for you, and most importantly(!) these are coming from the perspective of someone who is primarily a hobbyist. some of this won't be practical for people who need to build an audience, maintain a consistent style for work, etc. these are just things that have personally helped me over many years of drawing :)
52 notes · View notes
Note
been loving your work recently... I think I need some richie angst to fluff in my life pleasee😆
Hey there anon! Thank you for your sweet words ♥️ I hope you enjoy this! I got kinda carried away with the fluff, lol.
I love you, Richard Lawrence Jerimovich!
Richie Jerimovich × female reader. Angst + Fluff
Warnings- some angst, but other than that nothing else. Brief mention of sex. But other wise just some tooth rotting fluff. There is a age gap between Richie and reader (didn’t specify age, only to keep it imersive for the reader). All my work is 18+, even if it's not smut. Although some of my work is SFW, I do still advise that minors do not interact, only because sex and other adult situations might be mentioned. I can't control what you read, but please be advised.
Author note- Richie's fluff makes me all mushy. This was so much fun to write <3
Word Count- 1,495
Request are open💕
Tumblr media
“I have a feeling she is almost ten years younger than him.”
“I don’t know what women would date that loser.”
“I bet she’s just a rebound.”
“She won’t last another year with him”
Every cruel word from their bitchy mouths stung like a bee sting as I stood in line to pick up Eva. Did they think I was stupid? Or did they not care? Yes, I was younger than Richie. But it didn’t bother me until now. Tiff was always nice to me. I think she was happy Richie finally found someone who made him happy. I silently prayed for Eva’s class to let out so I wouldn’t be scrutinized by the snotty mom crew.
Small children burst out of the front door, all running towards their moms, dads, or whoever was waiting for them. Eva came bouncing toward me. She held up a drawing. “Y/N! I made you something” she beamed. I took the pink piece of construction paper. There were three stick people. There is a tall stick figure with brown hair, a shorter one with long hair and a triangle dress, and a short one with yellow hair drawn in with crayon. There was an attempt at a heart above the two adult stick people. My heart clenched in my throat. “It’s you and Dad, and then me.” She said with a smile. I felt tears prick my eyes. “Eva. I love this so much. Let’s go home and we’ll put it in the fridge for your Dad to see.” She grinned as I took my hand and walked her toward my car. 
As we walked to my car I felt the two of the bitchy moms eye me. 
“She’s so pathetic..thinking it’ll last between her and Eva’s dad. Poor girl.” Women A said. I hurried along with Eva, trying to get away from them as quickly as possible, hoping that Eva wouldn’t catch on to what was being said about me.
Eva hugged me before turning to her mom. “Thanks,” Tiff said with a smile as I handed her Eva’s school bag. I nodded trying to keep my expression at bay. The words from those women haunted me. What if I wasn’t meant for Richie? What if he didn’t love me? What if…what if.
“Eva, go run inside,” Tiff told Eva. The spunky kid ran inside as Tiff instructed. “Is everything ok?” She asked me once Eva was out of earshot. “Oh, I’m fine..just tired” I lied. “Hey, look. I know it’s probably weird for you being that I’m your boyfriend’s ex wife…what I want to say is that if you need anything you can talk to me. I know Richie can be a lot to handle with his temper, but I see that he cares a lot about you. And so does Eva.” I smiled at Tiff’s words. “Thanks. I appreciate it.” I felt nice that Tiff was on my side, but the insecure part of me was taunting me.
I held my tears together until I got home. Normally stuff like this didn’t get to me, but maybe the women at the school pickup line were right about me and Richie. Maybe we were destined to crash and burn. Maybe we’d end up with a sad story. Tears soaked my pillow as my thoughts ate me alive.
The door to my and Richies apartment swung open. He usually stopped to hang up his leather jacket, but today, he made his way to me, where I was a ball of emotions. “Hey, babe..are you ok? Tiff called and said you seemed upset while dropping Eva off.” Richie said softly while rubbing my arm. “I’m fine.” I lied. “No, you’re not; you’ve been crying. Come here.” I felt him gently lift me to make room for him to sit next to me on the couch. His arms pulled me in, making me even more emotional. I didn’t deserve him. “Talk to me, sweetheart.” He encouraged me. “It’s fine..” I said as I enjoyed the comfort of his embrace. “You’re not fine. Please tell me so I can fix it.” He said with sadness in his voice. I knew he hated seeing me like this, but I was afraid if I voiced my concerns he would realize that I wasn’t worth his time. “Richie..I swear I’m ok. I’m just really tired.” “I’m not buying that bullshit, Y/N.” His voice was a little more firm Indicating he was getting frustrated. “There’s no bullshit, Richie. Stop asking.” “Why won’t you let me in!? I’m your boyfriend for fuck sake. I’m supposed to help you. You’re shutting me out” He said with his voice raised. Tears fell from my eyes, my lip quivering to keep myself from crying harder.
“Hey, hey…” He soothed me while pulling me in tight to his warm body. He gently wiped the tears from my eyes with the pad of his thumb. “I’m sorry for not telling you why I was upset..” I said as I leaned my head against his shoulder. “I understand that maybe you’re not ready to open up about everything, and I get you need to process some emotions alone. But, it kills me to see you hurting.” He whispered into my hair. “The ladies at school pickup were talking shit behind my back when I was picking up Eva,” I admitted. I felt Richie stiffen. “What did they say?” He asked in a voice that was laced with anger. “Just stuff about how I’m too young for you. How we won’t last. That I’m just your rebound.” All those words they said were like a knife in my gut as I repeated them. “Fucking bitches! I’m gonna pick Eva up tomorrow and give them a piece of my mind. Nobody talks about my girl like that.” I felt his lips brush against my forehead. “babe..don’t cause a scene.” I warned. “I don’t care if they send their prick face husbands after me.” He kissed my forehead again. “Plus, baby..they are just jealous,” I laughed sarcastically. “Seriously sweetheart. Your so fucking beautiful, they’ve got nothing on you..” He declares as he brushes his lips against mine. “And…maybe they are just jealous because I’m so hot.” He teased. “oh, look who’s got a big ego.” I laughed as I gave him a playful swat. “You gave it to me, babe…telling me how good-looking I am all the time.” He winked. “They wish their husbands were as good-looking as you,” I said with a flirty smile and I straddled his lap to face him. He gently cupped my face bringing it close to his. A serious look washed over his face. “You know? I’d love to make you Mrs. Y/n Jerimovich.” The air escaped from my lungs. “You mean…that?” I asked breathlessly. “I’m serious. I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately..want to buy you a ring, put it on your finger” he said with a boyish grin while he brought my ring finger up to his lips and placed a kiss on it. “What do you say, babe? Make me the happiest guy in the world?” I nodded as I was too emotional to speak. I hovered my lips over his and answered his question with a deep long kiss. The heat from our mouths mingled, sealing his question with a kiss. “Well, I take that as a yes.” He said with a husky voice as he separated his lips just a space from mine. “I love you, Richard Lawrence Jerimovich,” I whispered against his lips. He lets out a growl of approval. “I love the way my name sounds coming from that pretty mouth.” He pulled me into a tight embrace, his arms making me feel safe and protected. The steady beat of his heart against me. This is where I belonged, in his arms. Loved and protected. 
We lay in bed, a tangled mess of limbs and sheets basking in the afterglow of sex.  “I completely forgot. Eva drew me a picture at school.” I told Richie, my head lying on his chest. “Yeah? What did the little artist draw?” He asked. “A stick family. You, me, and Eva. She drew a heart above you and me.” I said while picturing the artwork in my head. Richie smirked, giving me an indication he had a secret. “Spill it!” I said while poking his side playfully. “Fine, fine before you tickle it out of me.” He laughed as he grabbed my hands and interlaced his fingers with mine. “I may have already bought a ring. Eva helped me. I’m shocked she kept it a secret this long.” I felt my heart pound with excitement, a smile forming on my lips. “Try and act surprised when I propose? Ok?” He teased me. “I fucking love you, Richie. So much!” I grinned as I attacked his face with kisses. 
22 notes · View notes
g0nta-g0kuhara · 9 months
Note
and oh my god i can't imagine the way gonta feels in the post trial thing when everyone is just pissed at kokichi and insisting he tricked gonta and stuff..... like he begs them to stop blaming kokichi already and keeps insisting he's guilty, he did it, he's a murderer, and they like won't listen!! of course in any other situation it would be like "aw they're sticking up for him they care" and they Do care but it must hurt gonta so much, even more than he already is, for them to like. insist he didn't do anything wrong when he Did. he feels awful about himself at this part and calls himself stupid because all he did was make everyone suffer more and here they are insisting he was just tricked............. it reminds me of kaede in ch1 being like "you should be disgusted by me and what i did" like gonta deserves kindness because the killing game fucking sucks but also none of them treat him with enough agency to have done anything wrong ITS SO TRAGIC RIPS A PIECE OF PAPER IN HALF AUGH
Quinn YOU GET IT!! I think in postgame, a lot the rest of the cast would do the exact same thing and try to fully absolve Gonta of what he did, and while it's a kindness, I think it would leave him feeling empty and more upset than before. He doesn't know what he wants, because fully facing and accepting what he did hurts too and everything is so difficult, but everyone trying to let it go completely still feels wrong.
Gonta already has such a low opinion of himself and his capabilities that he's likely to blame this weird feeling on himself rather than on how the others interact with him.
...And not to push my Kaigonta agenda (and also the amazing postgame fic Tox wrote me for my birthday) but I think Kaito- another person who killed for the sake of ending the killing game with full knowledge of what that meant, another person who was in a horrible headspace when he made the decision, another person who might be treated by many of the others like he did absolutely nothing wrong- would get it. Kaito pulling Gonta into a hug, doing the usual encouragement, but at some point he gets quiet and serious and turns to him, his face strangely neutral, and says "Gonta, I'm a killer too." (FULLY taking that from tox's fic, ITS REALLY GOOD.)
Of course I think the others can grow to respect Gonta more, like how Shuichi does in Gonta's FTEs, but they will probably need to shift their perspectives of him first before the patronizing behaviour can change
19 notes · View notes
hugs-and-stabbies · 4 months
Text
Tumblr media
The self-awareness on this guy 😞 someone pls send him an "are you bi?" quiz STAT
3K notes · View notes
somnimagus · 1 year
Text
Tumblr media
My page for @destinytriofanzine! I drew something about kids always dreaming of far off places
[id in alt!]
1K notes · View notes
a-s-levynn · 7 months
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
And I'm still full of the love you want
118 notes · View notes
spookythesillyfella · 1 month
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media
they should probably have a tea party together methinks
[click the images for better quality i beg of thee]
41 notes · View notes
good-beans · 27 days
Text
Tumblr media
Does anyone have a higher quality version of this art? :3
12 notes · View notes
maddieandangel · 5 months
Text
Tumblr media
Had a weird Hollow Knight-related dream a couple days ago, so I decided to draw a major scene I remembered from it dgsgshf
More context will be in the tags, for those interested!
#hollow knight#little ghost#hk ghost#the knight#hk hornet#hornet#alright. as of writing these tags it's been a week since the original dream so! let's see what i remember dgsgsgf#i was playing a game. which was a sequel to hollow knight ((Not silksong though))#there was some new sort of divine infection in hallownest and hornet had asked ghost to investigate it. they ended the last one after all!#the red glowy spike gate thingy is what you jumped into to enter the 'infected' areas#though it actually led directly to a hub world type of place. which was kinda like an expanded base for the grimm troupe?#more like an entire lair instead of a camp. also some greek gods were there for some reason lmao. they had their own special rooms too#so sidenote but- new headcanon that there are grimm troupe members named ares athena artemis &... venus lmao. not aphrodite for some reason#also monomon was there?? i think??? except she was cooking????? she had a sidequest to deliver something to someone though i dunno hdgfhdgh#i remember going back to the grimm troupe lair a couple times throughout my 'playthrough'#anyway. the 'infection' this time around was more of a glitchy physical corruption thing? rather than a mind corruption.#though there were still aggressive enemies to fight. but i remember getting a map from cornifer early on and he was. probably infected#i think part of his body was covered in electricity or something? so he wasn't fully visible? but he was still acting normally#there was also a moth who was the seer but then later wasn't the seer (but was still the same moth) dghgdhf. i delivered stuff to her#that glowing white wall thing in the drawing was like a one-way gate. you could only cross it from the other side and ghost came from there#i guess things looped back up somehow i dunno ghdgfhgf#anyway. ghost's red eyes. those are significant! those happened while i was walking through a corridor. it had pools of shallow water#(shallow enough to just walk through) and also creatures that were lightseeds but red.the implication was that they were full of Blood lmao#and as i went along killing them--as one does--as i walked through the hall. they started turning the water red too#there was also narration about this as it was happening ashdgsf. specifically the narrator said the water turned red before it actually did#ghost's eyes slowly turned red too. but aside from that they were fine! since. they're the player character and the player is perfectly fin#BUT. when they encountered hornet again. she thought they were infected. and that she lost the only family she had left </3#she didn't attack though. instead she just jumped into the red spike gate without a word. decided to try to fix everything herself#but eventually you'd encounter her again down below and she'd fight you. didn't actually get to that in the dream though#aand i'm out of tags </3 i wanted to talk about what i'd do to make this make more sense as an au or something now that i'm awake but. :c
15 notes · View notes
arttsuka · 3 months
Text
So, please don't send me anymore asks right now, I don't think I'll be able to finish them 😢
I won't be home for the foreseeable future so I won't have most of my art supplies with me
Tumblr media
Yes all these, I can't just take them all :(
Btw I won't be closing the ask box or anything
17 notes · View notes
shepards-folly · 1 year
Text
Tumblr media
Like an angel crushed underneath god’s boot [+ wip images under the cut]
Tumblr media Tumblr media
#shep arts#content smp#csmp#arathain#mason arathain#tw eyestrain#cw gore#<- its very mild I’d say. i kinda just fucked up one of their arms... in my defense it was annoying to draw so I just didnt draw part of it#the eyestrain isnt too bad either in my opinion i just wanted to tag it just in case#honestly just tell me if this needs more tws I'm awful at knowing what I need to trigger warning and what I dont#okay uh art rambling time so i made him a bug for this one honestly just cause i thought it looked neat#this was a really fun for a drawing that took like an hour to sketch and a million years to finish#it's just an experiment in coloring a lil different and using layer styles other than multiply and add...#there are add and multiply layers in there if i remember correctly but its mainly color/linear burns and hard/soft light i think#fun fact there was supposed to be more paint but uhm I got lazy and it was already a pain trying to balance the values on this one#so yeah its just the pink splatter behind his head there. imagine that there's more pink paint there for me pretty please#I have a dozen versions of this with various overlay layers will probably end up adding those to this post in a rb or something#this post was supposed to go up earlier but yeah I was comparing overlays for like two hours...#honestly im surprised my procreate didnt crash in the middle of this since it crashes everytime I do anything with a lot of overlays#it did die immediately after I finished it though so then I had to wait several hours to just sign the damn thing :/
45 notes · View notes
dockaspbrak · 2 months
Text
Jobs for someone not cut out for real life but who excels at mimicry
#idfk#im like good at saying the right thing but i feel like in my heart i know#im a failure#i am not good at anything really in any stunning way. im ugly im hard to talk to#im good at liking many niches of music. im good at roleplay. im good at having fun sometimes#idk. i was so chipper last week#i feel like a pagliacci stupid clown whose life is in crumbles around him#i cant keep talking to people and seeing the contempt in their eyes when i fumble my words#i have a stutter now like. howd that happen i didnt when i was a kid#but a couple years ago it started and its been. worse in the last few months#im so like. i feel like such a failure#likea fake person who had so many opportunities to make my life real#pinocchioesque maybe#ughhh#im just feeling sorry for myself sorry guys#im trying to draw here at 1 am bc. i kinda drew something kinda nice the other night but#every compliment ive ever gotten feels unearned and like. a social lie#like imposter syndrome but im an imbecile for real and also the lamest person ever#i cant make friends. i seem to be annoying in an unnameable way to everyone who has ever met me but no one will have the decency to tell me#why#i have been longing for the past a bit lately too. nothing in particular though? just like.... how i felt about the future when i was young#and full of hope#i had a horrible childhood. i didnt enjoy being there and my dad always seemed preoccupied with the fact i would grow up and not want to#be his friend anymore?#but in an adult now and he seems to never have time for me#and he didnt back then either idk#i guess im sensitive to that. and i struggle myself#if smthing is transitory its unreliable and therefore i should wait it out#haha learned behavior!!! autism!!!! but god i feel so lonely and stupid. im gonna#draw my teddy bear giving me a hug
3 notes · View notes
ukusreticence · 2 months
Text
Tumblr media
tfw you have ideas in your noggin but can't properly convey them
ignore the yellowish doodles as it was just kinda brainstorming but the "fractures" thing and loose concept of the more concrete version is kinda what i really wanted to get out
exploring ideas on like, ig how to interpret God (for HH purposes)? dunno my brain kept thinking of The Stranger from Slay The Princess.
in a way of, i cant think of one idea of how to interpret them so fuck it its all of them
also kinda had the thought process of, well i still see them as a void being and its kinda funny imagining that if side b is forced to obey the whole equilibrium between "good" and "bad", then would be funny if God had to in a way as well but creates other beings (the angels) to do it for them so it just casually bypasses that
which is also really funny since the concept of good and bad likely came from them in the first place since its not like the void literally had anything like that beforehand
idk loose random brain rot brainstorming imma probably not come back to this concept again
3 notes · View notes
qqqqqqqqqqq0 · 3 months
Text
Tumblr media
i've been having some trouble falling asleep lately
#art#i'll be yapping in the tags#its not that im depressed or anything. it is the opposite actually#ive been using this medicine for quite some time. and it made all my negative emotions disappear#“oh wow huh but isnt it great you don't feel bad anymore”. this is the same thing my psychiatrist told me when we were discussing this topic#in hindsight it was kinda silly of her to say. i can't believe i pay a ridiculous amount of money per session just to hear shit like that#but she's cute and im a pathetic homosexual who'll seethe at the sight of other specialists like a beaten dog so I will let it slide i guess#we see each other twice a year anyway and all i need from her is the prescription for happy pills. anyway the happypillen#i would fight god if it means i can use stertraline for the rest of my life. thanks to it i can and i do live#but I don't really feel like myself anymore. do you get what i mean#the things that have been giving me anxiety attacks or flashbacks not so long ago? i feel almost nothing about it at this momet#it still haunts me to this day but the intensity of my feelings and emotions does not reach even 1/5 of what it was before#i do not want to disclose more specific topics so i will use a simple example. i used to be afraid of dogs#the fear was so severe that the mere sight of the tiniest little barfing creature was enough for me to freeze#now i can pass one without any problem. the fear i feel today is nothing more than a shadow of bygone times (something i do out of habit)#but i guess this example is not objective enough since my close irl friend has a dog that i became fond of#im still pretty sure this dog of her is capable of biting my ass off if necessary but im not afraid of it#because fear is not an option in this brain of mine at this moment#i don't feel any anxiety sadness or anger anymore. even if something close to it begins to rise in me it shuns down within a few minutes#i can't even cry. i am craving emotions that i was so eagerly trying to dispose of back then#i feel the most mentally stable I have ever been and at the same time i feel pretty much dead.#perhaps i just got used to the fact that sorrow accompanied me for a very long time and i should learn to live without it#perhaps sorrow is just as important as happiness and its absence is a mere side effect of the happy pills#and i have to put up with it in order to have a functional brain#perhaps we people are never happy with what we have in our hands. also i hate drawing#one's can tell since the picture i attached is raw as fuck#but even despite my praised mental stability if i were to stay alone with it even for a minute longer i would go insane#next time i will draw something lighter and cuter. like my favorite kpop boy or fortnite. maybe in the next century#thanks for coming to my tedtalk. bye#i made a typo in the word “sertraline” but im too lazy to fix it i would fight god for you but i will not do this im sorry zoloft
3 notes · View notes
ame-to-ame · 3 months
Text
there are things that you don't do for a year or more and pick up just right where you left off and these days i fear loving you might be one of them
#double meaning on that but. yeah.#it's like. i haven't touched the imaging software i use for an entire year. soldering iron in decades. pick it right back up. to my surpris#muscle memory is crazy#i don't draw for months and pick up right where i was with a few sketches bc the work you put in stays even when you don't actively practic#when it's something you've practiced weekly and daily it sticks with you and ig that's good#but then it's like. the horrors. that haunt you. yk? what if a part of me will always save a soft spot for my ex. what then.#what if I'm fine now and I'm doing okay and i don't miss it and I think i'm okay moving forward and i see her and suddenly I'm on the floor#what if some part of me that was in love never really went away what if i haven't managed to kill all of it yet#bc i genuinely would not know what to do. i. i don't want to admit it but one of my worst fears is liking someone who doesn't like you back#and what's even more horrifying is if it's obvious. if everyone can tell. and usually I'm good at hiding it! (not really) but it's just. id#it's shame in liking someone who you tell yourself you don't want to like and you know you shouldn't. and not having control over it.#hoping praying that either she does something that turns the little switch in my head that sends her into the unforgivable category#or that i become straight. or that i become straight. mhm. yep. or ig the other option is i get a crush on someone new but like. mm.#i kinda have gotten w every person I've had a crush on since hs and i kinda don't think im ready for another rs so soon.#the baggage i just got is. hm. idk i kinda don't wanna unpack it. it's something that can easily be done if i had the missing pieces but.#i don't think I'm ever gonna get them. so. instead I'm gonna take. maybe another 3 months or 5 months or a year or a few. to just. slowly.#idek. it's just triggering old things. bringing me back to when i was 14. i never really got closure from that either. it took me 3 years.#I'm sure this time it'll go away faster but idk experiencing it a second time has a different feel to it. idk. it's weird.#it's like. idk. it's like you're watching it happen and you're not even there anymore. idk. i really don't know.#oh. I've been dissociating.#idk maybe it's for the best i really don't know i really don't know and everyone says i have to do what's best for myself but idk what is#my life is on track things are moving forward I'm doing better and healing but i can't escape the feeling of dread#something is going to catch up with me sooner or later and idk what it is idk at what intensity and idk if i will be ready for it#but anyway. when you love someone intentionally every day for a while. when does it go away? will it go away?#or will i have to live haunted by ppl who are alive but changed. so practically dead w/o the opportunity to mourn. for the rest of my life?#like i don't think i get it. loving this person was like. cooking and eating. intentional. ingrained into everyday life. effortful.#what if my mind does forget but my body still remembers. what then. what if it's like searching for sth you don't remember having anymore#ig I'm just trying to figure out how much to forget these days. how much won't hurt if it all comes back to haunt me#delete later
2 notes · View notes
samarecharm · 6 months
Text
Scheming…
Tumblr media
#chattin#taking time to draw and write out a relationship/dynamics chart for the thieves and assorted friends#bc theres. alot. and it would be nice to write it out. it would help establish my thoughts about them#its not poly/thieves but its. kind of adjacent to it. but its less shippy and more focused on how they interact-#-and behave with one another. like theyre kinda bonded together over everything. lines get a little blurred but its what works for them#and i think lumping them all together as poly/thieves is a shortcut for breaking down their character#like obv akira has diff relationships for everyone; but how do THOSE people react to others ??#like pego/ryu is real and true but also ann is absolutely there. u cannot separate them.#theyre the shujin delinquents to me LOL. they are too tightly bound together to let any external relationship split them at this point#akiras not w goro; its akira AND ryuji w goro. like akira and goro would just not work; but ryuji make its work well yknow?#goro doesnt get third wheeled w ann and vice versa bc ann and goro are good friends; they just hang :)#its like. if u could SEE the fucking string of connections making a mess of my white board in my minds eye…😭#so im trying to write it down into something that works for me#i dunno. i think its fun :) i did this for ffxv too#only that was way easier bc its just the four of them. but like. how do their internal relationships affect the overall polycule ?#anyway. inspired by that love post; that theres diff kinds of love. and kiss ryuji week LOL#bc i wanted to write a small thing with different thieves for each prompt#and im like how would their relationships differ from one another ?#ryuji and akira but also ryuji with makoto. ryuji w haru. ryuji w yusuke. its like.#u cant use the same thing from most pego/ryu fics bc they DIDNT meet the same way#waugh.#rambling#just know that im insane. i have all these wips and nothing FINISHED. waaa.#this is what that post meant about being obsessed over bad media LMAO. this is just what happens#u stay up thinking about fake polycules from a game that came out seven years ago#i think….#WHAT. 2016???#EIGHT years ???#funny bc i was thinking about how ffxv was eight yesrs old and i am still a mess over it#well. could u imagine if i played p5 when it LAUNCHED instead of in 2020???
6 notes · View notes