#by reach out I mean I sent her a friend request on fb from my actual account instead of reaching out on my old hs one

[jackies-ear]

Turns out all it takes to reach out to an old friend is getting wine drunk at 3 am

Now excuse me while I go throw my phone in the river

[create-a-positive-mind]

My Experience in an Abusive Relationship

This isn’t something that we every really talk about. Most people don’t want to hear about it and the people who go through it don’t want to talk about it. 

But I think that it needs to be said. I don’t know why I picked now other than it was on my mind and I’ve recently talked about it to some people in my life since I recently moved back to my hometown temporarily. 

I’ve mentioned it in passing before, but I wanted to give actual details this time. And please know if you are in an abusive relationship, please feel free to reach out to me if you need it! You are not alone and I never want you to think you are!

This is a really long post, so I’ve added a ‘keep reading’ break.  

I was in it for a year. Not as long as some people sure, but it felt like a lifetime by the time I got out. He never got physical with me, it was all mental and emotional abuse. He showed the signs of future physical abuse though and when I look back on it now I know it was only a matter of time - in fact I found out later that he hit his next girlfriend. But I got out 10, almost 11 years ago and up until when I moved to the other side of the country (in 2015) he still tried to contact me regularly by phone, FB, or text or did little things to show that he was still watching. I can't even be sure if he's not still watching - even virtually - he randomly requested me on LinkedIn a couple months back in fact. The first contact since 2015, so I know he’s probably still occasionally watching. 

In some ways I lucked out. I was still in high school when I was with him so I didn't live with him and I didn't have to worry about trying to get out and find a place since I still lived at home with my parents. Because I was in high school I didn’t have to worry about being 100% isolated from everyone who could help me - but that doesn’t mean he didn’t isolate me, he did. He was still around - though not at school because he was 6 years older.

A week after we started dating was my birthday. At my party, when I was surrounded by so many people, he preformed his first major act of manipulation by giving me a written will to hold on to ‘just in case’ and telling me that he loved me so much and I was the only thing keeping him alive. We had known each other for 2 months at this point. We were together a year. One of the other major ones was he convinced me to tell my parents that he was gay so that we could hang out more without my parents suspecting anything. 

I helped him find a new apartment, helped him get back into college, helped him mend his relationship with his family, encouraged him to make friends, helped him job search, helped him budget, and so much more. I spent basically every weekend at his place (which was an hour away once he moved and 30 mins before he moved), often lying to my parents to do so. He essentially became my life and he frequently called me his ‘sole pillar of support’. This isn’t an easy thing to be for someone, in fact it should never be placed on one person like this - and it was definitely another aspect of the emotional manipulation. 

He cheated on me too, he admitted to 2 of them in tactics to try and keep me throughout the relationships (And there was also the time he proposed to me with a ring and everything when it looked like I was going to take our ‘break’ (he still contacted me daily and expected me to do so as well) and turn it into a ‘break up’.). But later on a mutual friend had mentioned “he feels really bad about cheating on you with a and b”...except the names he gave her were not the names he originally gave me. So there are at least 4 instances I’ve heard about, but honestly I suspect there were at least 2 other girls he cheated on me with.

It was tough because despite the fact that we didn’t live together, he worked like hell to put me in a position where I didn't feel like I could tell anyone what was going on - from friends to family, I felt like I couldn't tell anyone for various reasons. In fact it was only later that I told anyone and every last one of them was shocked. They didn't realize I wasn't in love with him, I had them all fooled. I was really good at putting up a front. I finally got out on my next birthday (I say it was a birthday gift for myself, but to be honest while it was liberating and needed, my birthday has now turned into a reminder of that time...), we were together for just over a year. 

Side note while I’m on it- please please please think about what you say, especially if you are in high school - and I don’t just mean in a situation where you know your friend or family member is going through a rough time. I was in this relationship for a year and I never told a soul until it was over that it was abusive. One of my friends told my parents I had sex with him, my mom would make snide remarks, my dad was so openly disappointed in the fact that I had lied (and is the type of dad to want no details of a relationship, stated by him) that I retreated into myself and didn’t speak of my ex to my dad, my closet friend had been alienated from me early on because of her open dislike of him and she had eventually told me it was him or her, most of my other friends all defended him or said I was exaggerating whenever I brought up anything to do with worries (one even convinced me to give him a second chance after one of the cheating instances, as a side note, she later ended up the mother of 2 of his kids and is the one he hit...), and the few that were left tended to only dislike him because of how much time I spent with him (I had to text him multiple times a day, school or not, or he would flip out - this was back in the day of flip phones too) or talking to him or I wasn’t close enough to them to confide something like this. I just really needed someone to take the time to talk to me about it all not just blow up or judge me about it and for all of these reasons and a million more that revolved around his words, I felt alone and judged and felt I could tell no one. Support the people in your life and their relationships, don’t criticize, don’t judge, don’t coerce, don’t yell, don’t blame. Let them come to you if they push back to you asking them about it, let them know that they can count on you to be there for them. You don’t have to agree with them, you don’t even have to say that you like that person they’re with - but no matter what you need to make it very very clear that you will support them and their decisions because you want them to be happy, safe, and secure. This will give them that support they need and it will allow them to know there is an out. I needed this, and I’ve since tried to be this for others.  

I finally ended it when he wished me a happy birthday in complete monotone and then when I said 'I love you' (I was conditioned to say it by that point, he would flip out if I didn’t) he said 'yeah I know, see you tomorrow' and that was it. I just snapped - one of the main tangible reasons I was still with him was because he had me convinced that he would kill himself if I left him because he loved me that much, and yet he can’t even say ‘I love you’ on my birthday?. That was when I broke up with him though it took 2 hours of conversation because he kept trying to manipulate me back and at times he almost did.  And Honestly, it's a good thing it was over the phone because he'd already managed to convince me in the past to stay with him when it was in person. Though I did eventually accept that if he did kill himself, it would in no way be my fault (spoiler alert, he didn’t).  

Later, after I had ended it and before my birthday party was over with he sent me a link to his LiveJournal (yeah...don’t know who will remember that one, but its an online journal that people can comment on - or it was, no idea if it still exists). And in that online journal was more attempts at manipulation, more attempts to hurt and cut me. Because he didn’t just send it to me for the post where he ranted and raved about me dumping him. He sent it to me because he had spent months, months, bad mouthing me online. Months talking about how I never did anything in the relationship. Months of him saying he was worried I may be cheating on him. Months of him describing everything from a view point that was solely designed to cut me down and build him up. Months of getting sympathetic ears telling him how he should break up with me if I wasn’t going to put in the effort that a relationship needs. I may have never seen it before that point but he made sure I saw it then. It was an attempt to manipulate me back into the relationship, make me believe that I was to blame, make me believe that I hadn’t put in the effort, make me believe that I was the cause of everything that I had brought up in our breakup conversation. He called multiple times after ‘giving me a chance to cool down’ and even brought it up to me one of the times I answered, trying to see if I had ‘seen the relationship from his side’. 

And you know what’s worse? If he had waited a couple more days for all my friends to have gone home, for me to be alone with my thoughts, it may have worked - I can’t 100% say that it wouldn’t have. As it is I think he sent it when he did thinking that either I would be embarrassed and want to save face with my friends by taking him back to prove I wasn’t like what he said, or he wanted to ruin my credibility with my friends by showing them all what I ‘was actually like’. Because he knew that when I saw the email my friends would convince me to open it and read what was said right then with all of them as well. 

- 

I took years for myself to figure out myself again. Because with that relationship I also realized that a lot of my friendships weren't healthy either. So many of my friendships were all about what I could give them and had nothing to do with what they could give me. I had to spend my college years relearning what a friend should be like and had to figure out how to relate to people again. It's only been in the last 5 or so years that I've even been going on dates again and I haven't been in a serious relationship since him, no one I would call a boyfriend. Hell, I've only be intimate with one other person and that turned into a one night stand type of deal.

Honestly, I’m still struggling with parts of this. I still struggle sometimes to have a healthy friendship, my early friendships and this relationship make it difficult for me to confide in people or ask for help (though I am better at it than I was), I also find it difficult to trust others and sometimes my own judgement. The lasting affects of going through something like this can’t be ‘fixed’ overnight. 

It's incredibly tough to get through the abuse - physically we can heal, mentally and emotionally it takes much much longer and the scars are harder to see. People say that mental and emotional abuse are the worse - and some people discount physical abuse because it can heal - I haven’t had any physical abuse so I can’t say for sure, but I will say that it is impossible for physical abuse to happen without there being mental and emotional abuse as well, don’t discount any abuse. 

Abuse is abuse and no one should every have to go through it.. 

Once again. If you ever need someone to talk to, please message me. I’m here to listen. 

[maakenzee]

PLEASE PLEASE FRIENDS, SHARE THIS. (Click the link to view all the photos and please share all over!!)

If you never share any of my posts again I don’t care as long as you share this. I am providing all my screenshots. Every single one. The only screenshots I don’t have are of when I had to leave comments to get a response. I also don’t have screenshots of others reviews but I wish I did as many had the same experience as myself. And her responses were incredibly rude.

DO NOT ORDER FROM ”Kat's CT Handmade” on Facebook.

This shitshow (for lack of a better word) started on December 8th 2018. I saw a Facebook ad from a lady in the States making custom minky Harry Potter blankets.

I saw a pattern I fell in love with and despite being a student and not working much I decided to place an order. It was $65 USD which was about $85 Canadian. (I incorrectly say it’s $97 later in our conversation).

I was unaware that it was a 3 month (12 week) processing time when I ordered as it wasn’t stated in the ads or on her website. I had seen comments on her posts after others had ordered and that’s how I found out about the wait time. When March came I messaged her on the third (as it had almost been 3 months since I ordered) to confirm my blanket would ship soon. She claimed she had been sick twice and fell behind on orders and it would ship mid month. No biggie right? Wrong. So, so wrong I was.

March 29th 2019- My blanket should have been finished on March 8th and shipped mid month. After receiving no information regarding it I message Kat and was told her system was down and she couldn’t get anything done.

I sympathized as, being someone who works with technology, I understood things go wrong. But I was hopeful as I was told my blanket was on that weeks agenda!

April 6th 2019- I message Kat to confirm my blanket will be shipped that weekend and she responded it would be sent out the next night.

April 11th 2019- I message saying my blanket should have been shipped April 7th but I wasn’t given a tracking number so I wanted to confirm the shipment. It was then that I was told it went out last night on the 10th of April and not April 7th as I had been told and that it wouldn’t receive a tracking number until after midnight but she would send it via FB messenger.

April 16th- I haven’t received a tracking number so I reach out and don’t receive a response. I leave a comment on a Facebook post in order to get her attention.

April 19th- I finally get a tracking number and since at this point I’m annoyed with this process I’m happy to finally almost get my blanket and be done with this

April 30th- package says it’s delivered but I never received anything. I message Kat who says it can say that but still be delivered up to a week later so I wait it out.

May 4th- I decide to see if the USPS tracking number will transfer over to Canada post. It works! And I find out my blanket has been delivered!!....to a house in Saskatchewan. A whole province away from me. So I reach out.

May 5th- I receive a response and Kat says she’ll follow up regarding what happened. But will reship if necessary.

I ask if this means another 12 weeks of waiting and she assures me that no, she makes 3-7 blankets a day and I’d be at the top of her list.

She tells me to check in the next day regarding a plan (notice how she doesn’t offer to message me first? Notice how I always have to get in touch first for anything even when I’m told I’ll receive a tracking number the next day?)

May 6th- I follow up asking for a plan. She says she has the fabric coming in that weekend and will ship it out Monday.

May 14th- I ask for a tracking number because of course I haven’t received one. And guess what? I’m told it will be going out tonight.

Yup. Not May 13th as I was told before.

May 18th- I message AGAIN asking for a tracking number.

May 19th- I am sent a long message about her husband being in the ICU and that I was on the top of the list for getting postage assigned so it can be on it way.

Wait. Excuse me? It’s still not on its way?? So first it was May 13th, then it was supposed to go out May 14th and now May 19th I’m told it still hasn’t been shipped and due to the circumstances it won’t be shipped for another 4-5 days.

Unbelievable. I don’t argue it, there’s no point. You may think I’m a bad person for being angry when someone’s husband is in the hospital, but at this point it’s been 5 months since I ordered and I’d been given the run around too many times.

May 23rd- I ask for an update. No response.

May 26th- “hello?” I get a response saying I’ll have a tracking number tomorrow.

May 27th- no tracking number given

May 28th- I message asking for one. I finally get one!

June 6th- my shipment has been sitting in pre-shipment since May 28th stating “shipping label created, USPS awaiting item” 🤔

Kat says that’s not good and she will look into it and follow up that night

June 10th- I haven’t heard anything, I ask for an update.

June 12th- never got a response on June 10th so I try again. I am told she is in the middle of a miscarriage and will follow up with me the next night.

I do not need to know such personal information. And now I am in an uncomfortable situation. I am angry but don’t feel right lashing out at someone if they are indeed going through something like that. So I send as nice of a message as I can explaining my frustrations regarding the whole situation. That I understand her rough time but it has been 6 months since I ordered, that I splurged as being a student and not working much $85 CAD was a lot for me. That I don’t understand it being shipped to the wrong province. I even state I don’t want to come across as rude. I am trying my best to be polite.

She responds thanking me for my patience and being kind.

June 22nd- I ask for an update. No response

June 26th- she responds after I leave a Facebook comment on a post of hers and claims it’s a postage issue and as per usual she’ll “follow up tonight” 🙄

July 2nd- I ask for an update because god forbid she reaches out to me!!

July 6th- still no response and I message her asking her to please respond. I’m told a new shipping label was assigned and it will be on its way and she would send the notification as soon as she got it (nope!! Didn’t happen!!)

July 12th- I ask for a tracking number.

July 13th- “hello?”. Finally gives me a tracking number.

July 19th- my package has been stuck in pre shipment again for a week so I reach out. No response

July 20th- I ask for a response. But finally I’ve had enough. I send a screenshot of my original order and ask for a refund via PayPal and ask her to understand my reasoning as it’s been 7 months since I ordered. She tells me she doesn’t have PayPal but will put in a request for a refund. It should take 5-10 business days.

August 2- 10 business days later and nothing. Now I am pissed. I am done. I have been nice.

I have been so nice to this lady who had lied to me, ignored me and taken my money without any product exchange. I message.

No response.

I leave a comment.

It gets deleted.

Now I’m absolutely livid.

I message again saying it’s unacceptable to delete my comments and ignore me.

She responds it wasn’t deleted and was auto hid. I’m assuming she has set it up to auto hide any comments that are negative.

She tells me to send a refund request via PayPal. This is confusing since 10 days ago when I asked for a refund via PayPal she claimed she didn’t have it. Funny how that works, hey?

She also says “I’m done with this” as though all of this is MY fault and I am inconveniencing her.

Now I’m realllllllly mad.

I send her a message (please see photos below) and tell her how I feel. (Yes I say the wrong dollar amount)

She gives me bullshit excuses for why her reviews are turned off. And I regret not taking screenshots but let me tell you there were SO MANY bad reviews. All from people complaining they hadn’t received their blankets after MONTHS of waiting.

People saying she blocked them on messenger and they couldn’t get a refund...smh.

Kat threatened to take them to court. And what leg would you stand on, Kat? How can you say to a judge “these people are upset that I didn’t provide them with a product they paid me for so now they’re leaving me bad reviews”?? That makes no sense. They aren’t slandering your business, they’re telling the truth about what happened. Just as I am now.

I told her I sent my request and hours later I still have no refund, even though I stated I wanted it before the weekend. After all, IT’S MY MONEY. My hard earned cash. Not hers.

I have sent one last message and I don’t expect to receive my refund. So I guess I’ll be disputing it with my credit card company.

SO PLEASE do NOT order from this lady. She will take your money and provide nothing in return. She is a scammer and doesn’t deserve your business.

PLEASE SHARE so your friends and family know. And maybe, JUST MAYBE, her business will be shut down and no one else will lose their money.

8 months and I have no product and am out $85. Really freaking sucks.

(Also I apologize if I got any dates wrong, but you can see them all in the messages)

[carrietrekkie]

Through the grapevine.

Hello together!

This one cames to my mind today, while I was waiting for my shuttle(car) to be fixed. A little one shot about some crew members of the Enterprise during their weekly breakfast.

Something funny for the weekend! I hope you like it and leave me a little fb. Also let me know, if you want to read more about the four in here!

@bold-brave-courageous @allthetrek @reeselivesforeverinmyheart

Meet our four gosippy people:

Yeoman Ensign Connor McAdams Lieutenant Lanissa th`Zhinnat, engineer, Andorian Lieutenant Barian Lanos, science officer, xeno-anthropology, Betazoid. Ensign Samantha Winter, Nurse

The Enterprise mess hall was well attended, as every morning at breakfast time, a wild jumble of the fatigued members of the gamma shift, hectic officers of the alpha shift, anxious to be late, and the rest of the crew with free time or flexible service. At one of the tables in the corner, with the best view across the room, sat a sworn group of officers, their eyes wandering through the room as they enjoyed their weekly ritual that had established more and more over the last mission. "Can you believe this is the last time?" Connor McAdams, Pike's Yeoman leaned back in his chair. "After mentioning it for the third time, yes, we can believe it." He was followed by a long sigh. "And you're acting as if it's the end of the world." "Let him Lanissa." Barian Lanos, the senior of the group, punched the Andorian lightly. "Not everyone is such a sentimental sissie like you." She tapped something in the PADD that just barely fit between the cups and plates. "Or he." "Well, I too, think it's sad." Samantha Winter, the youngest at the table, took her cup. "And you're just so grumpy because you know it's your fault." "Yes, exactly!" Enthusiastic, finally to find someone on his side, Connor got back into the conversation. "The three of us will still be there on the next mission, but you have decided that you want to go back to Andor."

"Connor!" Lanissa went up in her chair. "Oh crap." He pinched his lips. "Sorry, that was really no intention." "You go back to Andor?" "I thought that was a joke."

Stunned, the two new initiates stared at their friend. With an Andorian curse seemingly too special for the Universal Translator, Lanissa sank back in her chair, looking at her friends in turn, before explaining herself. "Yes, I'm going back to Andor. I submitted my resignation to Captain Pike and he approved it. " "Oh yes, that pretty much spoiled his mood." Connor glanced at her. "You leave Starfleet ?! You ... "Sam put down her cup before it was slipping out of her fingers. "You throw up?" "I'm not chucking! I will accept the offer of the Technical University and train engineers and mechanics." "Lanissa." Barian put a hand on her arm. "That cannot really be the solution?" It was a few months ago when an outside mission involving Lanissa went terribly wrong. She had been captured, tortured, and when the rescue team finally found her, she was more dead than alive. It had Dr. Boyd's full skill and countless hours of therapy with Counselor Hanson needed to make her reasonably fit for service. Lanissa's first act was to hand over her departure from Starfleet to Captain Pike. "I cannot do this anymore. Every time there's a bit of wobbling in the engine room, a noise somewhere that I cannot assign right away, or people looking for a away mission, I panic, cannot sleep, and prefer to crawl under my bed. I know, I'll hang you, but it just will not work anymore. " Barain and Samantha stared at her, then she took a swing and slammed Connor against the forearm. "Ouch, hey, what should that?" "You knew that and say nothing!" She glared at him evilly. "We could have stopped her, change her!" "Are you crazy? I'm glad if Pike didn´t find out I was blabbering!" "Oh, such a nonsense! You just didn´t dare! "

"Sam, stop it." Lanissa looked at her. "It would not have worked." She nodded to McAdams. "Connor tried it so many times that I wanted to break his nose because he was so annoying." Now she smiled at her friends. "I'm not gone, I'm just going back to my family, we will see us again. I'm happy with my decision, could you please too. " That had sat and after she had all been silent for a moment, they nodded and decided to enjoy their breakfast. If Lanissa left them on Earth, there would be enough tears to flow.

"Have you seen Spock's new look?" Samantha tipped some milk into her coffee. "Yeah and I think it fits him really good." Lanissa stroked her chin. "Looks daring." "I'm sorry I have to disappoint the ladies, but the beard is off." That brought Connor two sad looks. "Yesterday he came without to the bridge." "Great and I didn´t take a picture." "Well, now you can all thank me." Barain pulled up the PADD and called up the photo folder of the Enterprise Crew, a colorful collection of photos and videos which the crew had collected during their time on board. "And here it is." He grinned at the women. "Ahh, that's a nice picture." Samantha marked it. "That's on the wall in the bar." "He delete it faster than you can upload it." Connor shook his head slightly. "Not even Spock can crack that code, trust me." The Betazoid smiled conspiratorially. "There is a god somewhere." "Did you hear that from T'Pal?" Barain glanced around, making sure that the Vulcan was not around. "No, what?" Connor looked at him while Samantha already smiled widely. "She accidentally opened the wrong valve in botany last week and gotten a huge load of nitrous oxide." He chuckled a little. "That was the weirdest half hour I've ever experienced!" "You're pestering us?!" Lanissa's eyes widened, her antennas jiggling in amusement. "She laughed?" "Like a little kid!" The Betazoid lowered his voice. "And not only that, she was really happy." "The poor mouse has been hiding in our quarters for three days." It was a stroke of fortune for her to share quarters with T'Pal. "Does she know you call her that?" Connor waved to someone shortly before he turned back to the conversation. "Of course, and I'm sure one day her eyebrow she pulls up will slip under her hairline." “What did Louvier say when you told him you were leaving?"

"He was crying." Lanissa placed her arms on the table and rested her head on her hands. "He almost got me to stay." "Oh, the chief is just smooching right?" All eyes suddenly rested on the Betazoid. "If you could hear your thoughts, people." He shook his head. "I mean that in an honest and innocent way. With Louvier, you always know what you have, he is sincere and has his heart on his tongue." "Yes, that's right." Lanissa smiled. "I think I'll miss him a lot." "If one can fix it, then Louvier!" "Ah Sam, I would be careful with that, the new one could almost surpass him." "Whom do you mean?" Barain started stabbing the fruit in his bowl. "He has such a typical earthen name." "Montgomery Scott." Connor raised his hand. "The captain personally requested him." "Well wow, it smells like trouble in paradise." "He's fresh from the Academy until he can reach Louvier, some stars will bless the time." "Oh hey, is that her?" Lanissa interrupted the men and pointed to the door. A brunette woman in a blue uniform had just entered the room. "Whom?" Connor looked unobtrusively over his shoulder, then grinned. "Yes, that´s her." Three days had passed since their rendezvous with the Discovery and the return of Captain Pike to the Enterprise. He had brought someone besides Spock, and since then the rumor mill has seethed. Despite their size and crew, everyone knew everyone on this ship. Rumors spread faster than an infectious disease, and when someone appeared as abrupt as this woman, it quickly became the topic of conversation. "I bet she's sleeping with him." Three pairs of eyes stared at Lanissa. "What? " "How can you be so insensitive!" Samantha waved to Cathrin when she saw her. "Oh please, you probably don´t want to tell me that you did not have that thought yet! I bet even every crew member with a spark of sexual desire in the body had that thought before. " "Oh please not again." Connor nudged Lanissa. "I'm so done with this conversation." "Spoilsport." The Andorian sighed exaggerated dreamy, then squinted conspicuously inconspicuous in Connors direction.

 "Why are you looking at me like this?" The Yeoman tried to hide behind his coffee mug. "Because you know everything about Pike!" "I don´t do that! Nothing at all private and certainly not about that topic! " "Gosh, you're a lousy liar." Barian laughed. "And you should not spit in my head!" "Connor, I don´t need to look into your thoughts for that." An unfathomable smile on his face. "What do you know?" Sighing, he put down his cup, then waved them all a little to him and they leaned toward him. "The Federation can be happy that none of us is part of the intelligence service, that looks so suspicious that even a blind Dorian would recognize it." "Sam." Connor looked at her. "All right, but you have to swear to me that you keep that for yourself." He waited until everyone nodded and Lanissa's antennae signaled to him that they had understood. "Last night he sent me to the infirmary. He had to cancel theire date because there was another thing I could not mention, intervening. "

 "Ha, I knew it!" Lanissa jumped up. "They sleep together!" "How can you be so unromantic!" Barain shook his head. "Think I'm crazy, but there's more between the two." "Now comes this lethargic Betazoid ramblings." The Andorian rolled her eyes. "How did your society actually manage to reach the warp age? If you've been busy with your feelings all day? " "Just like you, just that we have not hit each other's heads!" "Man, how will I miss that." Connor chuckled a little. "Well, I'd like to hear what Barian has to say." Samantha tried to sound as casual as possible, but she didn´t really succeed, but he did her the favor. "Did you ever see them together? That's so incredibly cute. He's so anxious for her, worried and in love head over heels, I tell you! Both are!" "Don´t you violate one or the other policy?" "Not really, that their feelings are so present, I cannot do anything." "Yes that's right, that's not really hard to tell." "Is she talking about him?" Lanissa turned to the nurse. "With me?" "Ever." "Not really." Samantha thought for a moment. "Once she eradicates his first name when she talked with Dr. Boyd, but that's it. " "How is she?" Connor began to collect the dishes.

"Nice, attentive." She went to help him. "She is great! No comparison to the low-flying hedgehoppers we usually get from the academy. Boyd is quite ravished about her. " "Boyd is thrilled by everyone." Barain stood up too. "Except for the Talosians, even he didn´t like them." “Is there anyone who liked them?" Lanissa, however, remained sitting, but collected the remaining crumbs. "Personally, I find it very nice for him to find someone who means something to him. That he has something different than this ship and his crew. "Connor realized how everyone looked at him and shrugged. "What?" "You're such a softie, you know that?" The Andorian now rose as well, picking up remaining cups and plates and bringing them back to the counter. "Do you like that?" He shrugged his eyebrows, whereupon she, embarrassed, as Samantha and Barain found, laughed. The Betazoid leaned over to the nurse, but she raised her hand and interrupted it before he could say anything. "No." She shook herself slightly. "I don´t even want to imagine that." "The horror." He chuckled stupidly, then put his arm around her. "You still have me."

"Cathrin!" Sam shook off her arm and beamed at her colleague. "Sam, good morning! Hello everybody!" Merry, but also a bit uncertain, she smiled in the round. She was a little pale and a few deep rings under her eyes. "Night Shift?" Sam smiled sympathetically. "Yes, my first." She stubbornly stifled a yawn. "It gets better. It's best to lie down right away and wake up around noon, so it'll be easier. " "Thanks, I'll try it right away." Then she looked at everyone. "It was a pleasure." Then she disappeared again and she was not yet right around the corner, the four put their heads together.

  "Connor, which shift has Pike?"

"Alpha." He looked at the clock. "And he should turn up for breakfast right now."

As if they had received an order, the four of them hurried to the door, and thanks to the still unbroken stream of hungry crew members, it was not suspicious that they stopped and looked after Cathrin.

"Guys, that's kind of wrong." Samantha looked around as if she was afraid to get caught.

"Come on, we're just checking a few theories." Barain punched her. "If that makes you nervous, what do you do when you're sent on an external mission?"

"Keep your mouth shut."

"God, finally have a date, that we have this behind us."

"Lanissa!"

"Psst." Connor pointed to the front, if he knew anything, then Captain Pike's morning ritual. "And there he is."

The turbolift in front of Cathrin opend up and spit out the still drowsily commanding officer of the Enterprise. Even from where they stood, they could see the two of them beaming, exchanging a few words with each other, and like Pike, as Cathrin walked past him into the elevator, put a hand behind het back, and her turning around to him looking directly into his eyes. She nudged him with her finger against his nose, he reached for her hand, held it for a moment before Cathrin disappeared backwards in the elevator and their fingers parted.

"Yeah okay, that was really cute." Lanissa found her again stared at by her friends. "What is? You are not satisfied with anything! "

"And that surprises you because?" Barain grinned at them before they all adopt a little attitude as the captain came to them.

"Good morning!" He nodded to them all and they returned the greeting. "Connor, I hope it's just a coincidence that you're here."

"Sorry Sir." The Yeoman grinned crookedly. "You have ten minutes, then a conference call with Admiral Shanoba is already waiting for you."

Pike's answer was a deep breath, then he said goodbye to his crew members and went for breakfast.

"He desperately needs a girlfriend." Samantha looked at him, then at her friends. "But that's beyond our salary and I'm late."

"Wait, I'll come with you, I'll have to pick up some more samples at the infirmary." Barain joined her and Connor also said goodbye to prevent Captain Pike from sneaking away.

Lanissa stayed behind, watching her friends for a moment, sighing softly, then heading for the engine room.

Oh yes, she would miss them all.

Masterlist

[morethanamillennial]

Peace Corps Vs. Teaching Abroad: Finding A Path After Graduation

     In June 2017, I had just gotten back from an amazing experience of living in Europe for 7 months. First studying abroad in Paris, and then going on a three-week tour through the Scottish Highlands, small UK towns, and the AMAZING Snowdonia National Park in Wales (seriously, go look up pictures- LIFE. CHANGING.). With more than 10 more countries checked off in my Been app, I couldn’t wait to get back out into the world to explore some more. But the logistics of, how to pay for it and when I would have the time to go, settled in. The experience solidified my need for adventure and to live abroad once again after graduation. Determined to do just that, I thought of all the ways to make that possible and the most popular ways are either teaching abroad or volunteering in Peace Corps. 

     As my college career at Chestnut Hill College (CHC) came quickly to an end, like most graduates, I had been struggling with what I want to do with my degrees in psychology and global affairs. CHC let me expand my leadership skills, both academically and socially, as well as gave me a place to make new friendships, but figuring out the next steps for my life was on my mind 24/7. But let’s back track for a second.

     I worked all last summer at a camp where I was able to meet girls from around the world in exchange programs working at other camps in the area. They served as my ticket to the world through their stories and adventures. As the end of the summer approached I was getting more questions by friends and family (though mostly family because they want to know what I am doing at all time) about what I was going to do after I graduate. THAT WAS THE MILLION DOLLAR QUESTION! All throughout my last year at university, I continuously was asked the same “what are you planning to do after graduation?”. In August of 2017, I started to sit down to really think about this question because I had no ideaand if anyone reading this is going through something similar I just want to say that THIS IS COMPLETELY NORMAL! I’d say that if you knew what you wanted to do or know where you wanted to apply for jobs, you’re in the minority and I envy you.

     I sat in my room pondering this question with the help of YouTube videos (waaaay too many YouTube videos), books, and talking to my recent graduated friends. I had this dream of serving in Peace Corps, a US government program which sends US citizens to developing countries and work on projects in various fields (environmental, health care, economic development, etc.), ever since I had a teacher in high school who told me all about her experience within the program. I soon realized that after graduation would be the perfect time to do apply due to the long commitment of just over 2 years abroad. I decided to reach out to a recruiter and after many hours at Starbucks and revisions to my resume with his help, I applied to Peace Corps.

     I had applied openly, which basically means that they would take my degrees (in my case global affairs and psychology) and place me in any country with any job they saw me as a good fit in. Quick side note: if there is a specific country or region or job you wanted to do within Peace Corps, I wouldn’t recommend this, but I was up for anything and applying this way would allow me to be considered for more placements which meant more of reality that I would be offered an invitation to serve. So, by August 2017 I was applied to Peace Corps and I started the agonizing waiting game the US government loves to play (no, but seriously if you taking this route be prepared to not hear back for months at a time). This of course gave me more than enough time to constantly worry and debate of whether I will get an interview which would lead to an invitation, but at least the hard part was over- or so naïve Cynthia thought.

     Because I need to have a plan out every aspect of my life (seriously, it’s a problem), I researched other ways I could live abroad after graduation as a backup plan. I looked into nannying, woofing, working in hostels, but one job that stuck out to me was teaching English abroad. So, like everything I do, I turned to google and typed into the search bar “teaching English abroad jobs”. All these sites popped up with schools/ programs all around the world that wanted native English speakers, it was very overwhelming. Some wanted me to have a TEFL certificate (which I do not have), others wanted teaching experience (which I did not have), and others wanted an education degree (which I did not have), and some wanted you to pay to teach (which I was not doing because I am a broke bitch). 

     I had to narrow down my search to a continent and I chose Africa because it holds a special place in my heart after volunteering in Ghana for a period of time after high school. I once again stared at the search bar under the google logo and searched for African teaching positions and ended up finding a request to teach English in Ethiopia, which is in East Africa. I didn’t need a TEFL certificate and I didn’t need to have a teaching degree- PERFECT. I quickly sent my resume and heard a response back in October of 2017 asking for an interview.

     At this point you might be thinking, “wait what about Peace Corps?” Well by the end of the summer I found out I was being considered for a health extension volunteer position in Benin (in West Africa- I had never heard about it before either). I was interviewed by August and then the waiting game started again. I wouldn't hear back from them again until December, but I will come back to that.

     I was offered a position to teach English to third graders by School of Tomorrow in Ethiopia and for something that was supposed to be cause for celebration, it caused a panic for me as the questions came pouring in. Do I turn the position down to wait for Peace Corps? Do I accept the position and continue with Peace Corps if I get in? Do I email Peace Corps and rescind my application??? Needless to say, I was confused. So naturally, I turned to my trusty pros and cons list. In the end I decided to accept the teaching position and not say anything to Peace Corps just in case I didn’t end up getting into Peace Corps.

     I decided to relax now about what I was doing after graduation and when people asked me about what I was doing after graduation, I would just say that I had options and that I was definitely moving to Africa. I was content and happy with that answer because my next adventure was starting to come together, and I would soon be leaving the US for at least a year, YAY! However, in December my world would be turned upside down when I finally I saw an email subject like that read, “Invitation to Serve”. Man did I ugly cry! My years of dreaming to serve in Peace Corps was going to be in a reality! I was going to be leaving September 15, 2018 for Benin as a health extension volunteer BUT (AND THIS IS AN ENORMOUS BUT), I had to pass medical and legal clearances. Long story short, with $1,000 spent, countless appointments at government services and EVERY SINGLE doctor imaginable (I needed teeth x-rays! Like what?!) and almost 4 months later, I did not get cleared to leave for Benin due to my past struggle with mental health. So again, more ugly crying occurred. But I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason and Ethiopia was now my next destination!

     It is now July 2018 and I have officially signed my contract with School of Tomorrow in Ethiopia and will be moving there by September 1. I am now preparing for the move of the lifetime by buying the Lonely Planet Ethiopia book and language book, along with the typical FB announcement, and of course dragging all my friends to Ethiopian restaurants to prepare for this next chapter of my life in Ethiopia.

     So, for anyone thinking about what to do after college but know they want to get out to experience the world, look into these options but also the other ones I mentioned. From my experience, you have to be prepared for rejection and countless hours sending out resumes and waiting around for responses if living abroad is something you want to pursue. But the rush when you find out that you’ll be living in another country for a year and traveling as you go, is all worth the stress and uncertainty. I try to remind myself that just because I was brought up to get a conventional 9-5 office job and I have the degrees to potentially do so, does not mean that is what I have to do that anytime soon. There are so many options out there to live abroad and if it’s something you’re personally thinking about, I say GO FOR IT! Travel is the best way to understand and fall in love with yourself on a deeper level. 

     I don’t know what will happen in Ethiopia or the experiences I will get to have, but I do know that it’ll be an adventure. Life is meant to be experienced and that’s exactly what I plan on doing.

Happy travels, Cynthia

[judeesill]

on the whole buria situation

i didn’t want to say anything because i didn’t want to fan the fire but shes been posting screenshots with my full name and the posts about it are getting some (albeit limited) traction so i feel like i have to at least state my side of things

like most of you, i am very committed to resisting racism and abuse particularly in our feminist circles so i’m really hurt by these incredibly false allegations. i want to present my side of the story because i feel like it’s not fair of buria to say such inflammatory things about me and my friends without any evidence and i think the fact that allegedly radical women are willing to share them is incredibly suspect, given how much our community talks about the cultish callout culture of liberal feminism. i realise that if these allegations were true it would be deeply fucked up, but i maintain that what happened is not exactly what buria has said. i also do admit that i as a white women am certainly still in the process of unlearning racism and acknowledging my white privilege but racism was absolutely not a factor in anything that transpired on my end. i was acting out of concern for a friend (the much-maligned max mason) who is a survivor of abuse and trauma and who has very much been misrepresented in this situation, and who, like me, is nearly a decade younger than buria.

i’m going to tell this story in vaguely chronological order because that’s the only way i know how. i also don’t have access to screencaps rn but i can summarize them to the best of my ability here and will provide them upon request

buria and i met a few months ago at an irl radfem happy hour in nyc, we talked for a bit and got along fairly well and were thereafter connected on social media

a few weekends ago, a friend of ours organised a protest at the 2017 left forum against the cancellation of a gender critical panel. i was working the left forum and had a lot of people i knew there that i didn’t want to know i was involved, so i avoided being seen with them and instead went inside to find a reporter that had mentioned wanting to talk to them. buria has since made this an example of my racism because i was avoiding women of color, but i would have avoided them regardless of race because i was worried for my personal and professional safety. i know there were some reservations about my micromanaging that action because i drafted the statement we gave out and kind of ran logistics, and i admit i was being kind of bossy but it was 100% bout wanting the action to go well and (i admit, selfishly) wanting to preserve my reputation. i feel like that’s not relevant to this situation, but she’s brought it up so i’m going to clarify.

anyway, a few days later buria became the mod of an nyc lesbian group that the other woman at lf–let’s call her A–was also involved in and they got in an argument bc buria immediately blocked a woman who posted something about bdsm/seeking a sub, and the A said she should have asked the other mods. this spurred her to accuse A (a radical feminist lesbian woc) of being a pedophile apologist/rape apologist/etc.

Buria then messaged Max, a mutual friend of both A and myself, to complain. this is where things get hairy. Max used to be briefly employed as a pro-domme, and from what i can tell she wasn’t involved in sex but just like. whipping dudes. either way that was a short time a long time ago and she is now very much against the kink community, and is a radical feminist. max told buria this, mostly to be like, “full disclosure, i used to be involved in this and think it’s fair to let you know, and also i have experience here, i know what these people are like, i can step in and talk to these women”

this upset buria, who then started harassing max about her involvement and saying that she was a rape apologist, violent, etc. she accusingly asked why max had been involved, apparently ignoring the effects of socialized femininity and grooming, and started harassing her for having been involved because apparently that means she’s inherently an abuser and not to be trusted. mind you, i know max quite well and i know she has a lot of regret over this and as i stated above, is an anti-bdsm radical feminist. buria just wasn’t hearing it. she was relentless and at one point max was fed up and was like “i hope this [attacking me] is cathartic for you” and buria took this as mocking. yeah, it was a little sarcastic, but buria was ruthless and horrible to max.

at this point she messaged me in a ploy to accrue some sympathy because she knows max and i are friends. i take accusations of abuse and violence very seriously, so i started off willing to listen to buria and confront max if need be, but it became clear i wasn’t getting the whole story. i told buria i would deal with it later because i was at work and didn’t have time to reach out to max. finally i realised something wasn’t sitting well with me because i know max is not an abuser in the way buria as describing so i talked to her and heard about all the ways buria had been harassing and triggering her. she texted and fb messaged and found other ways to attack max, and i was like. this is not cool

at this point, i started to ignore buria because i didn’t want to further engage. at one point like the next day she messaged me that was on some “lyndie england guantanamo style shit” which pissed me off because it’s so false and disingenuous and really shitty of her to compare what max has been thru and has in fact been a victim of to something that horrible? so i was a little snarky and asked “literally how” then unfriended her. 

then she posted a long rant calling max a rapist in our irl radfem group, and when people were like whoa hey this is a big accusation can you explain what’s going on she turned on everyone in the comments. people tried to reach out to her and she turned on them too. the last straw was when she began to harass an 18yo friend of mine who really doesn’t need any more shit to deal with, especially not from a woman over ten years older than her. she also found my email address through my university and sent me harassing, accusatory emails, and as you’ve seen, has been posting my name and the names of other women to tumblr.

i’m not trying to call her crazy or irrational because i realise she is a mentally ill trauma survivor but that does not excuse her terrible behaviour. apparently she has done this to other women in the past in various radfem circles on tumblr and facebook, and this time it’s really unfortunate that it’s happening in real life. not to play the “i’m an innocent teenager” card but like. in this case i’m literally innocent and literally a teenager and i am incredibly uncomfortable with the smear campaign she has been waging against my friends and i out of a personal vendetta (won’t get into the details but i feel like this is literally a revenge fantasy for her given some past stuff w her and max). she’s turned on me because i’m an easy target because i indulged her for so long and she knows she can call me racist and ableist and an abuser or whatever and have people side with her and like? that’s fine i am white and neurotypical and definitely not a perfect person but she’s also doing this to women of color and trauma survivors and mentally ill women so i really just can’t sit by while she pulls this shit and so-called radical feminists indulge her bullshit

anyway. sorry for this long stupid personal essay please message me if u have any other concerns i guess i just want this to be over !!!!!

[marvelingjules]

Some cousin I haven’t even, like, SEEN since I was maybe like FIVE sent me a friend request on FB earlier this summer, and I’ve spent all this time hemming and hawing over accepting it or not.

There’s... well. Let’s say things actually get complicated, messy, and full of bad blood on my mom’s side of the family REALLY FAST (my uncles have a history of Bad Choices, and that’s just that generation). I haven’t seen let alone spoken to this girl for two decades. I don’t know her, she doesn’t know me, basically. We may share blood but I’m firmly of the opinion that it doesn’t make family.

But.

A lot of the shit that is why we don’t even really talk about or acknowledge those members of the family/former family has more to do with her mother, not her, you know? If she wants to reach out, then I shouldn’t just shut her out because of who her family is.

What I’m trying to say is I accepted a friend request on FB from a family member that’s basically a stranger, mostly because I think it’d be mean and unfair not to. At least I’m not much on FB anyway, so, you know, avoidance is possible. And she lives halfway across the country, so it’s not like I’m going to have to SEE her at any point.

[xseildnasterces]

i'm a loser baby (so why don't you kill me).

Well, it’s been a while. Quite a lot has happened since I last wrote here. I guess I got bored of writing every day when nothing much was changing and the expectation I put on myself to write made me not want to, so I gave up on the daily diary entry and instead I will go back to writing when I feel like it. 

Birthday:

Yep, that’s right, like many other people this year I celebrated my birthday in quarantine. Unlike many other people though, I did so alone, thousands of miles away from the people I love. However, my birthday made me feel very lucky to have such an amazing bunch of people in my life - it really, really did! I didn’t even cry on my actual birthday which is amazing considering that’s all I’ve seemed to do over the last few years. (We will ignore the bit when I did cry the night before when I received a message that said ‘happy birthday btw’. Yeah, that hit me pretty hard and I lay on my yoga mat surrounded my candles and cried away the internal pain I felt on reading that email. 

Thankfully, my family and friends went out of their way to make me feel loved and special. I got all my lovely cards from my family, even K which was a surprise, O sent me a huge delivery of cupcakes from my favourite DC cafe, C sent me a bunch of UK chocolate and R sent me a super cute little care package which I loved. I felt so incredibly lucky to have people in my life that made such an effort on my birthday when they were all so far away. We all chatted all day, video called and just had a really nice time. H sent me flowers and chocolate and L even drove around and dropped off a cake they had baked for me with a candle in it! It was so cute and made me so happy. Everyone at work sent me happy birthday emails and messages, and I just felt lucky, and considering I was physically alone, I still had a wonderful day and it was so much better than I had expected. I was glad to not have FB active because it took away another way for me to feel sad when certain people didn’t wish me happy birthday. It made me realise even more who was a valid and important part of my life, and who indeed wasn’t.

Work

I am hating work right now. I have lost count of the times I have sat crying my eyes out after receiving an email, after a meeting or a phone call and wished I could find another job. I’m not the only one who has noticed that I am criticised openly more than anyone else in our team, and I feel that no matter what I do I cannot do anything right. I could go on and on. I have my APR on Monday and I have never dreaded anything more in my life. I am absolutely petrified. Cue no sleep this weekend and major anxiety all day until my meeting.

Friends

R and I are trying to video call once a week which is great. We spend so long on the phone together and just laugh our heads off for hours. It makes my day every time I see her face and we chat. Neither of us care what we look like and can be so unbelievably open about everything and anything. She is, and will forever be, my day one. J and I video call at least once a week too, he always cheers me up beyond belief and he’s great to talk to about work issues but also just general chitchat. Another person I am very lucky to have in my life. L and I talk most days on and off and it’s nice to have someone here in a similar position to me. H and I talk a lot either work related or non work related and F always comes in to say ‘hi’. She told H that she loved me the other day and if that isn’t adorable. I also have frequent email and WhatsApp chats with various people I have worked with over the years and it’s so interesting to hear how everyone is dealing with this in lot’s of different countries. (Much better than the US and UK... which comes as no surprise).

Parents

Thankfully my parents are doing okay. Luckily the UK has had some wonderful weather so they have spent a lot of time in the garden together and gone out very early for long walks together. What cuties. My dad is still working but wearing a mask and gloves every day and they have brought in some measures to ensure people are protected in at least some way. They also get their temps taken before entering the factory. My mum is still off work and my grandma is still shielding inside - which reminds me I need to write all my birthday ‘Thank You’ notes and send an especially long one to my grandma. 

Sister

K is still in Bangladesh. She hates it. I hate her husband and wish she would divorce him and come home. He goes out every night to play sport or eat with his friends and when she asks to go he tells her that she is fine at home. Personally, I wouldn’t be putting up with this, and she shouldn’t be either but ‘love is love’ and she’s in love. Unfortunately. She has incredibly low self-esteem and I’m pretty sure she thinks that she would never find anyone else. She’s so young and wasting so much of her life and I just hope she doesn’t live to regret all of this as much as we all think she will. 

Yoga

I have lost count of how long we have now been in quarantine but apart from one or two days at the beginning, I have done yoga every single day. I could not be prouder of myself, and what’s more I am already feeling better for it and enjoying it. I’m currently in the middle of a 30 day plan that I am following. Some days are awfully painful and I’m working muscles I don’t think have ever been worked before, and other days I am perfectly fine and can do everything that is requested. I’m excited to see my yoga practice grow, to improve my flexibility and becoming more connected with my personal well-being. (Yoga is exactly what I am going to do once I’ve posted this). I’m also doing plank before bed. So far I am only holding for a minute but I’m proud of myself for doing this each day. Plank is also part of most of my yoga flows, but I also want to build on this.

Health

IBD is a major bitch. I had an online appointment with my IBD Dr here in the US the other day and I am being scheduled for a colonoscopy over summer. I also have to have bloods taken next month and provide samples. They are trying to distinguish whether it is Crohn’s or UC because at the moment it is still diagnosed as IBD-U which means undetermined. They are currently leaning towards Crohns and that there is a good chance that my whole digestive tract is affected, so that’s pretty rubbish. In other news, from doing so much yoga I have developed a small cyst between the joint on my wrist. It’s so annoying because it is completely in the way during certain poses and causes pain. For now I have to just see how it goes. Some peoples disappear over time, but not if you are constantly using it - which I am everyday. If it gets bigger or causes me more pain then I may need to go in for hand surgery with a specialist. 

Therapy

Therapy is going well. Last week though I just wasn’t in the mood. I had so much going on at work that I just didn’t want to address anything else. We spoke about work but I didn’t feel like I got anywhere or made any progress. I also realised afterwards that I avoided talking about anything else which is frustrating because I have been doing so well. I’m still finding it hard online and look forward to being able to connect again in person. A couple of weeks ago though I did have a really good session, even if I did find myself crying during it. We discussed identity and sexuality and my therapist said how much more alive and happy my body language was when I was discussing being part of the LGBTQ+ community and feeling a part of something, meeting people and taking part in events like Pride. I expressed that I was finally reaching a place where I was proud of how far I had come, and trying to be proud of who I am despite the hurdles I have overcome and still have to face. I explained how this happiness and feelings of love just became tainted with other aspects of my life and how I felt that I couldn’t celebrate that part of myself (which is my whole self) because of other things, and again these are things that I need to work on. I love that when I talk about certain people she instantly can see and understand by my body language and emotions how much they mean to be and how special they are to me, and I think it’s important to have a relationship like this with your therapist. 

COVID-19

I had to add this topic, but honestly, what a mess. I can’t even express how much of a car crash the UK and US Press Briefings are each day. Trump now says the virus will just ‘go away’ without a vaccine, and the UK are talking about opening the country and putting measures in place that should have been in place two months ago when every other European country put them in place. The whole thing is a joke. People celebrating VE day yesterday make me so angry. In my whole 28 years of life, I have never heard of anyone having VE parties before, yet now, in lock down, people are doing the bloody conga down the street. What? Is this even real? Put simply, people have used it as an excuse the flaunt the rules. After the US idiots protesting over the lock down, people in the UK have now started to do the same in London. Absolute morons. I have nothing else to say on the matter.

Skin

My skin is an absolute disaster. I have no idea why, but clearly being inside does not work wonders for my skin. I am breaking out every single day with new spots and my face looks like the moon full of craters. My jaw and chin is covered in massive potholes and my head has a bump on it like I’ve just been hit with a hammer. I have zero idea what is going on but nothing seems to be helping. Is clear skin too much to ask!?

05.05.05

This week marked 15 years since J died. 15 whole years. No matter how much time has passed, thinking about that day takes me right back. I remember where I was, in which classroom, who I was sat next to, the empty seat in front of my desk where J should have been sitting, the cries from her cousin when she was told the news, and then the complete and utter shock as us, a class of 13 year old were told that they were never going to see their classmate again because they had passed away. I remember standing outside and a teacher asking if I was okay whilst I cried in the arms of a friend. I will never forget that day. I cannot believe it has been fifteen years. Fifteen years since I saw her little face and joked about wearing pigtails. It’s unbelievable really. Time is passing fast. Much faster than I think any of us realise, so we really must not take life for granted, or the people we hold so dearly in it. If right now wasn’t proving it to you, I don’t know what will... life is short, so incredibly short.

[Blog title:  I'm a Loser Baby (So Why Don't You Kill Me) - Beck].

[einekleinelinny-blog]

Facebook Messenger Advertisements: How you can Utilize them inside your Organization

Facebook Messenger Adverts: Tips on how to Rely on them in your Business enterprise

When Fb started rolling out Messenger advertisements on November eight, 2016, I realized we ended up in for many pleasure!

DigitalMarketer is tests at any time since, as well as in this write-up, I’m describing the ins and outs of Fb Messenger adverts and how to strategically deploy them within your enterprise. how-to-use-facebook-messenger-ads

But in advance of you may place them to work you should know the why-why this ad type matters to ANY and every business…

I understand it is effortless to presume that this ad variety (or channel as a whole) would only do the job for “high-tech” audiences, or “big” businesses which have the assets to gentleman a customer communication channel…. but, stay with me.

Which is not the case.

Following accomplishing somewhat of thinking and exploration, I noticed that assuming Messenger only performs for extremely specialized marketplaces is like declaring that Facebook as being a advertising channel only functions for remarkably technological markets…

facebook-messenger-ads1

This chart from Enterprise Insider is mind-blowing. Originally of 2015, every month usage of the best 4 messaging applications surpassed usage on the major four social networking sites.

And, above One BILLION individuals use Fb Messenger as a whole. Even my great-grandmother (she’s in her 90’s) utilizes Fb Messenger…

My position is the fact we must not only enter the discussion which is now having spot within our customer’s head, we must BE within the places where our prospects are possessing their discussions.

Apart from even advertising by means of Messenger, being reactive and aware of your people today in the course of the entire Customer Journey via Messenger is vital.

I a short while ago professional this being a purchaser.

I used to be driving in the future and noticed a brand new condominium sophisticated. I reached out by means of Messenger from their Fb web site to inquire in regards to the property.

Each individual stage of my Purchaser Journey, from scheduling a tour to negotiating the lease, was accomplished by Facebook Messenger. It’s pretty probable that whenever they weren’t as responsive on Messenger since they were, I would’ve finished up residing somewhere else.

how-to-use-facebook-messenger-adsIf you get very little else away from this informative article recall this… Messenger will carry on to be an important communication channel.

Fb described that multiple in two persons say they’re far more very likely to buy which has a business enterprise they can information, and 67% of people be expecting to message organizations much more while in the subsequent two yrs.

It is how people are communicating with friends and family. A considerable portion of our society prefers to speak by using a messenger with rapid responses.MessengerUpdated1

Adapt… or reduce business to your opposition. 

Now, we, as entrepreneurs, contain the opportunity to tap into this remarkable channel to expand our small business and greater provide our shoppers.

Here’s The way it Works… There are 2 different “types” of Facebook Messenger ads.

Facebook Messenger being a spot (I’m contacting them location adverts) Fb Messenger for a placement (sponsored messages) Let’s get started with…

Facebook Messenger like a Place (Vacation spot Ads) Vacation spot advertisements seem in the newsfeed, and when clicked on, open up inside of of a Fb information (in lieu of sending traffic to a URL):

facebook-messenger-ads4

It is possible to obtain this location alternative with the ad degree when creating a marketing campaign in Ads Manager or Power Editor.

The ad seems and seems like a normal advertisement, while using the possibility to incorporate an image, movie, carousel, slideshow, and so on.:

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A handful of factors to note about spot ads…

You may focus on Any individual (this is certainly crucial - you are able to goal passions, behaviors, custom audiences, etcetera.) Accessible during the newsfeed (desktop and cell) Available for campaigns with the aim “page put up engagement” or “send persons to a location on or off Facebook” - so, really do not stress should you chose a different objective and really do not see Messenger being an possibility Methods to utilize this advert type…

one. Retargeting What’s the most important “hang-up” as part of your Customer Journey?

Use spot adverts to give people an additional touch point using your brand. Aid them overcome any limitations to acquire.

As an example, we use Messenger ads to retarget individuals who stop by our income pages but really don't order the product or service. Should you pay a visit to the product sales page for DigitalMarketer Lab but really do not purchase, you are going to see this advert:

There’s ordinarily a cause individuals do not purchase, and if you give men and women a platform to request inquiries and assistance defeat question, it really works miracles. By way of example, people want to know in the event the merchandise will actually get the job done for his or her enterprise, when there is a contract or determination, should they can include crew members, and so forth.

After their queries are answered, most are wanting to invest in the merchandise. This whole conversation is going on by way of Facebook Messenger.

two. Chilly website traffic Now we have the choice to operate location advertisements to chilly targeted traffic (persons which have in no way listened to of our model). how-to-use-facebook-messenger-ads

This tends to be used to raise recognition and receive clients, but-it have to be carried out proper.

The key here is to generate guaranteed the ad prompts a perfect sales dialogue. Such as, if your ad asks people today to respond with their beloved colour, it is possibly planning to be considered a squander of your time and money.

But, if you can prompt a dialogue that results in your excellent income conversation… you are golden.

Consider you have a home advancement organization that provides a slew of services: plumbing, landscaping, painting, and so on.

You operate an advertisement with your regional space, “If you could ‘fix’ a person aspect of your house, what wouldn't it be?”. People answer with “landscaping” or “I’d paint my property.” You now know their pain stage and might cater your dialogue to this matter, hopefully ending inside a sale.

Again, I wouldn’t endorse starting in this article as I really don't think this can be the most really leveraged exercise inside of Facebook Messenger adverts, but, it is worth a shot when you’re all set for scale.

Facebook Messenger to be a Placement (Sponsored Messages)  Sponsored messages appear within of the Fb Messenger inbox.

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It’s a similar knowledge to getting a Facebook message from a close friend, these just appear from the model.

You'll be able to discover this option with the advert set amount when creating a marketing campaign in Advertisements Supervisor or Electrical power Editor:

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When producing an actual message, you can contain back links and pictures:

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Some factors to notice about sponsored messages…

You are able to ONLY focus on folks who may have previously messaged your web site in the previous. It is obtainable for campaigns with goals of “send folks to the destination on or off of Facebook” and “website conversions.” Fb rates advertisers by impressions, you're charged if the close user opens the message or not… unless you utilize a instrument like…. ManyChat.com facebook-messenger-ads10

ManyChat is far more than a “bot” (in my view, the bot is definitely the least sexy aspect).

ManyChat builds an index of subscribers which you could mail sponsored messages to; men and women that have earlier messaged your web site:

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Though Facebook is building this record, as well, the profit is ManyChat permits you to broadcast sponsored messages to your subscriber checklist for just $10/month (in place of having to pay Fb over a CPM foundation):

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We have sent 4 sponsored messages to our subscriber checklist, and also the open up fees are Insane (particularly in contrast to electronic mail open rates)!!

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Up to now, we’ve only despatched advertising broadcasts (that mimic our email marketing calendar) to promote tickets to our annual celebration and invite prospective buyers to affix DM Lab. We do plan to start weaving in written content centered email messages, much like an e-mail publication, from the close to long run.

(Connected: Episode 72: How DigitalMarketer Generated 500% ROI in three Times Working with Fb Messenger)

So, able to place this to operate with your business enterprise? Let us communicate about…

(Note: Prepared to use Facebook’s newest “ad” platform to turn one-to-one dialogue into sales-even in the event you don’t have the staff members to reply manually? Check out the Facebook Messenger Internet marketing Blueprint and discover how Facebook Messenger Adverts are modifying the way companies converse with prospects. Learn more now.)

How you can Make Your Subscriber Listing Sponsored messages are so impressive, and-this is basically important-the actuality that you can only mail them to individuals which have beforehand messaged your website page will maintain this from becoming a spam-fest. how-to-use-facebook-messenger-ads

But, there does must be checklist constructing approaches, just like electronic mail.

You can use vacation spot ads to create your Messenger subscriber listing.

ManyChat also provides a unique URL that when clicked, opens a Facebook concept together with your brand web site.

As an example, we sent an e mail and used the website link to push messages:

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Not simply did this deliver an extra line of communication for people who would favor to make use of Messenger, it marketed tickets! As you can see from this Fb Messenger conversation between a client and one particular of our income reps…

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If you are employing a computer software like Shopify, you are able to integrate with Fb and make your subscriber listing as individuals purchase your product:

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It's also possible to mail follow-up messages to substantiate the get and send transport data:

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…Which is often a good way to make improvements to user expertise.

And, really don't forget-even people who concept your web page, (for customer company related concerns, for instance) are added on your subscriber list!

You could possibly be questioning, Wow… this sounds amazing, nevertheless it involves a great deal of human resources to answer messages!

And, you’re ideal. But, it doesn’t imply it’s not worth it AND it does not imply which you can’t gain from this advertisement type even though you are a one-person show. Here are some guidelines:

Begin super tiny, down the funnel. Use destination ads to retarget folks who're in direction of the bottom of your respective funnel. This may ensure you are owning much less, but additional highly leveraged discussions. Get assistance from the bot. Use ManyChat’s bot element to welcome people today who concept your webpage, you could potentially in essence automate the revenue procedure using this software. Utilize the tagging system inside of Facebook Messenger to remain organized. Our crew developed tags to help systemize the method: facebook-messenger-ads19

I also advocate integrating your customer company and income platforms with Fb Messenger so that your crew can leverage Messenger whilst however accessing client details.

New: Facebook’s Comment-to-Messenger Attribute If you’re making use of ManyChat.com (or identical equipment), you’ll possess the possibility to leverage Facebook’s Comment-to-Messenger aspect. This function enables you to auto-message anyone that opinions over a unique Facebook submit.

Here’s an example…

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Click this link for your step-by-step information on how to create and deploy this strategy… together with samples of diverse business enterprise types.MessengerUpdated2

Reap the benefits of this channel to communicate along with your potential clients and prospects. Construct devices within your small business that leverage this channel so that you can develop a subscriber listing, just like e mail. Then…

Exam, take a look at, test, and as always… let's know how these strategies are working in your company!

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