#c: fear

[firexima]

c!tommy <3

[heartorbit]

the narcissist fools himself

[rozugold]

Missed him..

[livfordoodles]

Recent playthrough went crazy

[op-dumpstertruck]

I always feel like Sanji is at his core an easy crier, but we don't actually see it often (I mean he didn't even cry at merrys funeral, or at least we didn't get to see it) so this is intended to be a bit out of character. Zoro is 100% mentally going 'what the fuck, shitshitshit-'

[avpdpossum]

can we talk more about avpd being a (proposed) schizospec disorder? because i almost never see that theory talked about but i wish it was. like…

avpd makes me censor my thoughts because i think someone might hear what i’m thinking and see what a horrible person i am on the inside or judge me for thinking embarrassing things.

avpd makes me so afraid of someone walking in on me doing something i Shouldn’t Be Doing that my brain twists background noise into the sounds of whispers and footsteps behind me.

avpd makes me so worried about people staring at me that in my peripheral vision, anyone near me looks like they’re already staring at me, and it’s only when i look at them directly that i realize they’ve been looking in a totally different direction the whole time.

avpd makes me so convinced of how much everyone must secretly hate me that i often start thinking everyone secretly wants to hurt me too, to the point where i’ve had panic attacks from a person walking too close behind me because i feel like they’re getting ready to attack me (when i haven’t had any kind of trauma that would create that fear), and the paranoia just serves to reinforce my need to avoid people.

avpd makes me lose my ability to speak or reduces it to nothing more than one word answers only when spoken to, turning the thoughts i wanted to express into a jumble that’s impossible to turn into words or just throwing them away completely and making my mind go blank, so i end up just staring at people silently or even acting like i don’t see them standing there at all (not on purpose but because my brain won’t let me engage with them).

avpd makes me look damn near emotionless around everyone but my safe person (and sometimes even around my safe person) because showing my emotions would be far too vulnerable for its liking, so it completely takes away my ability to express them.

and i could keep going! there are so many things i experience because of avpd that i’ve seen really closely reflected in the experiences of schizospec people. i don’t know how common these kinds of things are in avpd overall, but they’re a really prominent part of my experience with it, so when i found out that some research suggested it could be considered a schizospec disorder itself, that made so much sense to me! and i’d be so curious to see how many other avoidants have dealt with this stuff but haven’t talked about it because it’s never mentioned as being part of avpd.

[spoopdeedoop]

my ocs kyle guacity and backpack

[see-arcane]

Trying to imagine Lucy’s situation right now.

Sleep means nightmares (if you’re alone).

Sleep means your blood is disappearing (if you’re alone).

Sleep means you’re doing worse than dying (if you’re alone).

And it’s all just Dracula playing with his food. The only thing keeping him from getting straight to the conclusion is his own restraint for the sadistic sport of it and practicing stealth in a land where he doesn’t yet rule the whole territory through fear.

But he could get away with it in one go. He could find half a dozen easy ways to pull it off before Van Helsing starts meddling in earnest.

…and that would end the game, wouldn’t it? No, no. Can’t have that. He wrung two whole months of fun out of Jonathan. Your turn now, Lucy.

[evercelle]

2024 art summary! it sure has been a year

[vaguely-concerned]

you ever think about how the horrific thing dorian almost had done to him... is exactly the thing iron bull went to the reeducators to beg them to do to him. yeah. me either. for ten years straight now. what the fuck. wanna be my narrative foil dude. we could fuck about it if you're game and single

[xydo4art]

This is for @nosramvs and @teleeportedbread2233 :>

[bleue-flora]

It’s kinda interesting how Dream logging on pretty much always caught people’s attention in an ominous way, meanwhile Technoblade logging on pretty much always caught people’s attention in a comical and funny way. Like if either of them logged on people noticed but the anticipation was for different reasons. (Like so much so that when Dream was being silly on Puffy’s stream, she kept wondering if there was ulterior motives and stuff…)

Even Techno’s enemies didn’t fear him as much as Dream. Like their plan to kill Dream was to stab him in back when he was armorless for the festival, and later clingy duo’s plan was sneaking in the middle of the night to slit his throat in his sleep, which are quite the contrast to showing up to Techno’s doorstep requesting he come to their trial. I mean Sam and Quackity literally thought Techno would enter the prison not expecting it to be a trap.

And there’s also the suprise whenever Techno does what he says and goes against them. Their suprise when Techno blows up L’manberg either time as if that isn’t what you’d do to get revenge and protect yourself from a second trial and as if that isn’t what an anachist would do if you tried to set up a government right in front of him. Versus, I hardly remember many moments when anyone questions Dream. Like sure Tommy asks why but it’s not out of curiosity or suprise, he already made up his mind on the answer. And like even back to the first L’manberg war there are few characters who are actually surprised by Dream’s declaration of war as if that’s expected. There just seem to be few moments where people try to reason with him as if they think there’s a chance he won’t go through with it. I mean they believe the item vault despite its nonsensical elements, they aren’t surprised. Not in the way they are for Techno or Punz’s later reveal.

What’s kinda funny though, is that in reality, Techno killed far more people than Dream did, especially in the wars. So if they were going to fear anyone it should have been the guy who fought multiple battles against whole groups and won and was being encouraged by a chorus of voices for blood, not some homeless teletubby. And yet, on their own with no specific circumstances Technoblade joined the game never drew the same fear and anticipation as Dream joined the game.

[buggsxp]

doodles of 3rd life scar cause i missed him

[jesncin]

this Clois comic is inspired by something my comic prof mentioned in class- he's a huge Superman fan but he said he's doesn't like Clark and Lois as a couple traditionally. He prefers Clark and Lana together because "Lana loves Clark for who he is, and Lois loves Superman- the idea of who Clark is". And he's not entirely wrong!

Classic Lois likes Superman because he's the macho guy and Clark is a wimp in her eyes. Once Lana was introduced as her natural opposite (loves Clark over Superman and knows his secret identity), Clois as a couple became harder to root for as an endgame. Canon is aware of this, so usually their way to combat this is "Clark doesn't feel the same way for Lana". in a way that doesn't feel convincing.

Still- I think this dynamic just needs more nuance and attention. I don't see this "Lois loves Superman, Lana loves Clark" dynamic as a problem- I see it as the basis for a compelling love triangle. The best love triangles have it so there's no perfect couple, and everyone is flawed in some way.

[thelilylav]

Valentine’s day sketch feat. the pink trio based on @matthasnobinary ‘s post cause I fw these three wearing strawberry clothes so much

reference:

[betty-fran]

A couple of thoughts on Spock and McCoy's relationship (and, probably, about K/S too).

It becomes more apparent in season three, though it's actually an ongoing trend, that McCoy often worries about Spock more than about Kirk when they're both in danger. Not because he worries about Kirk any less, but because he worries about Spock differently. In S3EP10 "Plato's Stepchildren," the most psychologically difficult episode that N and I watched the other day, this is well-read in the moment of bullying that Parmen arranges when he tries to convince McCoy to stay. Kirk, of course, orders McCoy not to accept Parmen's offer under any circumstances:

KIRK: McCoy. No matter what he makes me say or do, the answer's no. MCCOY: No, Parmen! Stop it!

And as hard as it is, McCoy holds himself back because he respects him as a captain first and foremost. He worries about Kirk, of course he does, it's natural for him, it's a habit developed over the years and close friendship, but he trusts his decisions:

(Kirk rolls in agony.) PARMEN: Well, Doctor? MCCOY: I have my orders.

But when it comes to Spock, it's more complicated. He has an awareness of the limits of Kirk's endurance (and again, he has to see him as a captain first and trust him in that), and the way he worries about Kirk is objectively logical. But his worry about Spock is more of an emotional response. He noticeably distrusts Spock's ability to recognize his own limits, especially emotionally, often referring to his emotional repression. He worries about Spock in a way that Spock himself is incapable of worrying about (or at least incapable of doing so fully), about what Spock constantly neglects - his psychological state:

(Spock is forced to dance close to Kirk's head. Flamenco-style, I think, ending with a boot directly over Kirk's face. Then Spock is allowed to rest, and he starts to laugh heartily. He crawls over to Alexander, who cannot help but join in.) MCCOY: He's a Vulcan. You can't force emotion out of him. PHILANA: You must be joking, Doctor. MCCOY: You'll destroy him. PARMEN: We can't let him die laughing, can we? (Now Spock cries.) MCCOY: I beg you.

McCoy definitely cares about him. All those scenes where he suddenly and seemingly for no reason starts lecturing Spock about his inability to feel feelings and accept his own emotions are usually the very moments when Spock actually feel feelings but trying to repress it, which makes me think that McCoy is telling him all these things at those moments not because he's an insensitive bastard, but because he's just very aware of what's going on with Spock emotionally.

Unlike Kirk, who is actually very similar to Spock in his perception of the world and his way of thinking, McCoy and Spock are really radically different people. He doesn't understand Spock as fully or as deeply as Kirk does, but he can understand Spock's emotional state (and he can be straightforward with him about it). Where Kirk accepts Spock unconditionally and completely for who he is (with Spock's inability to feel in a normal human way, this complexity of his world, this internal struggle), preserving that right for Spock to be exactly that, because again, Kirk doesn't want him to be anything other than who he is, even if it means he can't be with him the way he wants to (which brings us back to the similarity between Kirk and the Companion from Metamorphosis), McCoy doesn't need to do this. He doesn't buy into all that Spock "too complicated to feel simple feelings" nonsense, and he doesn't hold back on his choice of words when it comes to talking about it. McCoy perceives Spock through the lens of his own human perception, seeking in him what he can understand and explain through emotion. And while this is not real acceptance, it's also not an attempt to change him. In fact, it's this emotional vision of McCoy, his pressure on Spock's emotions, that quite often turns out to be true, because Spock obviously still has a human side.

When we observe the dynamic between the three of them, we realize that Kirk's feelings about Spock are obviously different from his feelings about McCoy, who is apparently his closest friend in TOS (which makes me as a viewer wonder if this was done consciously, considering that K and S relationship was really positioned as special and unique, even without any romantic reading). And McCoy undoubtedly understands how indispensable, unique, viscerally important Spock is to Kirk. He, more than once, when faced with a choice between danger for himself and Spock, tries to take the hit, realizing that losing Spock would be harder for Kirk. The whole dynamic of McCoy and Spock's relationship reminds me of a situation where your best friend falls in love (so completely and irrevocably), and trying to understand why he did it and what he found in this other person, you start to look at them, and in the process of this exploration, you unexpectedly get used to them, find your comfort in their company, and (just a little, of course) you start to understand why your friend fell in love so much. This person becomes dear to you, and you start to worry about them no less than you do about your friend, and maybe even more, because you understand that this person is vital to your friend's happiness, the most important in the whole world to him. So, in the end, McCoy now has to take care of two idiots instead of one, which hardly makes his life easy.

Therefore, the well-being of these two is personally important to him. He often reacts angrily to the actions of either of them when it could hurt the other, and more than once acts as a "voice of reason", reminding (not always gently) of this super-importance between the two of them. To a certain extent, it is Kirk, their shared concern and responsibility for him, that really holds McCoy and Spock together, and I think that if Kirk had died, this delicate attachment that exists between them would have collapsed under the weight of grief, although in the opposite situation McCoy and Kirk's friendship and Kirk and Spock's closeness would have survived. But in all this, McCoy really, genuinely worries about Spock. Unable to fully understand and accept his complexity, he simultaneously sympathizes with him and tries to help in any way he can. And he's also important to Spock, not just as Kirk's closest friend, someone who's emotionally important to him, but, actually, as his own friend too. Their relationship is more fragile and complex than a simple friendship, and often exists despite contradictions, but what unites them outweighs the rest, bringing some balance.