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anghraine · 4 months ago

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I stayed up hours later than usual with the femslash TOS!Spirk fic, finishing up S'paak and Jessica's first meeting! So I had fun writing a scene in which S'paak makes a number of objective empirical observations and is 100% logical:

San Francisco was no Shi’Kahr, of course, but it was often sunny, and the day of the Enterprise’s command transfer proved no different. As she followed Captain Pike and Number One from their appointed meeting place at headquarters towards a crowd gathered near the ship, S’paak could feel the clear, light warmth of Sol on her skin. A pleasant sensation, to be sure, all the more in conjunction with the lavishly oxygenated air of Earth and the olfactory evidence of its abundant plant life. A eucalyptus tree must be nearby. She focused her attention on the crowd, which included randomly selected members of the crew, but also three small human boys attached to two strangers, a man and a woman. The man carried one of the children, while the other two held the hands of the unknown woman, presumably their mother. All five stood near several full admirals among other, more unfamiliar, Starfleet officers of lesser rank. And one of the admirals, a man whom S’paak quickly recognized as Admiral Jilani, was talking to a young woman in the gold of command—a woman whom a logical process of elimination indicated could only be Captain Kirk herself. As a result of the conversation with Jilani, Kirk had turned herself somewhat away from Pike’s party, only part of her profile visible, and that from a distance. Now and then, others from the crowd passed by and obscured her altogether, making observation more difficult. S’paak could see that the captain was rather pale, but with a warmer tone to her skin than S’paak’s or even Amanda’s. And like most other women already on the Enterprise, Captain Kirk’s hair was pragmatically pinned up on the back of her head. S’paak had found it a duller color in the captain’s small personnel photograph, only just blonde rather than brown, but in the full light of her native star, it was a surprising rich gold. Little else about her could be observed at this range, except that Kirk had very correct posture and had locked her hands behind her back as she spoke with Admiral Jilani.

Captain Pike paused for a moment, taking in the crowd, then continued walking forwards with Number One and S’paak close behind him. Multiple members of the other party now noticed them, waving their hands and calling out in a manner that would have been wildly disrespectful on Vulcan. S’paak had long since learned that humans meant no more than friendly welcome by it, often admiring in its own way, though she couldn’t imagine conducting herself in that fashion. Even her mother did not. In any case, the woman S’paak presumed to be Captain Kirk did not join the flamboyant gestures, though she turned in their direction and strode forward with the admirals.

As they drew near, S’paak could see that Captain Kirk’s height must be multiple inches less than her own, though Kirk was not remarkably short. S’paak had not anticipated that from the paragon described to her. Otherwise, the captain looked strong enough by the standards of full-blooded humans, and no doubt was. The visible slope of her legs from hemline to boots was smoothly muscled, and the solid set of her shoulders and shape of her arms did suggest a woman as youthful and athletic as described.

But her strength must be of an entirely different form than S’paak’s, even apart from the differences of species. S’paak had always been lean, a woman of hard lines and prominent bones. Captain Kirk, though, was soft—at least, softer than expected, particularly along the pronounced curves of her hips and breasts. Given the standard Starfleet uniform that she wore, there could be little probability of error. The open circular collar and impractically short skirts of their uniforms did not leave much to guesswork.

By the time they arrived, S’paak had politely lifted her gaze to Captain Kirk’s face, curious about the demeanor of the woman who would command her. The captain’s face surprised her almost as much as Kirk’s entirely normative height and build, but for a different reason: she was pretty. Not that this had any bearing on her capabilities as S’paak’s commanding officer, of course, but S’paak hadn’t imagined that the features of a decorated captain described as a brutal combatant would be quite so aesthetically pleasing, least of all in such a glossy, fine-boned, regular fashion.

“Chris!” said an admiral S’paak didn’t recognize, smiling and clapping Pike on the shoulder. “It’s good to see you. I don’t think you’ve met Jessica Kirk yet?”

“I haven’t had that honor,” Captain Pike said cheerfully.

Captain Kirk laughed. In a clear, mid-range voice, she said, “The honor’s all mine, fleet captain.”

“It’s Chris,” said Captain Pike, reaching out a hand without hesitation.

Captain Kirk shook it without reservation or appearance of uncommon attachment. S’paak reminded herself that this, too, was typical behavior.

“Jess,” she replied.

Once his hand was free, Pike gestured at the gleaming Enterprise. “The refits should be done. What do you think of your ship, Jess?”

Captain Kirk turned, one hand shielding her eyes. In a softer voice, she said,

“She’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”

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anghraine · 16 days ago

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This (my reblog) is super rambling, but I very much agree. I was really surprised by the break-up interpretation of S3 until I got around to re-watching the movies with all their retcons and resets (all invented many, many years after S3 was aired, and often pretty aggressively disengaged with TOS and not anticipating an audience that would have seen the original show at all recently).

At least to me, though, the Kirk/Spock relationship in S3 as aired (despite the occasional wtf??? episode) feels broadly very much more like the dynamic you get late in a will they-won't they courtship story, the phase of the story where the major obstacles are largely out of the way, and the final movement of the relationship towards a declared romantic resolution feels most inevitable—rather than like drama between an established couple.

ETA: even for me this is a lot, but the tl;dr is that I think the OP is extremely right about S3 K/S being especially marked by desperation, understanding that their feelings and actions wrt each other can be extreme, intense and intimate beyond all comparison to anyone else in their lives, irrational, even unethical, and them leaping right into it anyway. There are backrubs on the bridge (every bit as gay as rumored, yes!) and then there's Spock silently listening to McCoy rant about how he racially can't understand love triangles, waiting for him to leave, and then wiping his rival from Kirk's memory or Kirk clinging to Spock through a full on panicked meltdown until Spock calms him by murmuring his name.

(I think this desperation also has broadly shifted from the initial emphasis on Kirk being protective, supportive, affirming etc towards Spock in S1 and often S2—sometimes to the point of being pretty brutal towards other people—to Spock being wildly protective of Kirk as Kirk gets progressively more beaten down in S3. There are definitely occasions of Kirk leaping in to defend Spock in S3, sometimes viciously, but the emphasis skews more towards the intensity of Spock's determination to protect/save/help Kirk, even if it means very consciously and deliberately doing something highly risky or irrational or ethically dubious for him, none of which he or Kirk give any signs of regretting. The series finale leaves us with a Spock who was absolutely set on doing anything he could to help Kirk escape and who fearlessly faces down a court martial for it, and a Kirk who emphatically told Spock that he has no competition.)

But anyway, I feel like, in S3, the arc of their relationship has reached a stage where, narratively, even the possibility of pretense that this is anything else or going somewhere else is just kind of crumbling. Within the story, though, I think Kirk and Spock don't fully register this at the time (also classic late-phase will they-won't they behavior!).

In particular, I think that Kirk—not without reason—has little expectation of Spock turning to him that way, and assumes he'll have to find the serious unambiguous romance he clearly wants with someone else, though both of them are very aware of the unparalleled intimacy and intensity of their mutual devotion and are fundamentally hostile to any challenge to its supremacy in their emotional lives (e.g., Spock visibly resents McCoy's attempts at solidarity that equate McCoy's friendship with Kirk and what Spock feels for him, and Kirk gets twitchy just about any time Spock has a potentially romantic interaction with anyone).

But narratively, there is something inexorable about this phase of things. And their always-paper thin repression becomes all the more visibly desperate and acute as it fractures and breaks down through the season while they struggle through various crises, many of those crises involving dubcon romantic/sexual scenarios or outright coercion/rape/violation.

I think that, as aired, S3 Kirk and Spock are not drifting apart; they're drifting closer. They've never been more trusting, readier to reach out, more dependent on their intimacy and same-wavelength rapport and mutual respect, more able to offer sanctuary to each other despite all the frantic fear and inarticulate yearning that drives them in the season, more of a unit who can completely depend on each other to come through for them in any circumstances, more unambiguously, intensely tender as well as desperate and inextricable from each other, in a way that is marked by the show itself as fundamentally different and distinct in nature from all their other relationships—I think the relationship has never been more unique and incomparable for them than it is here, their feelings and behavior with regard to each other exceeding anything that could be rationally justified. Metaphorically, their orbits around each other are moving towards merging, not decay (total union between two people, one might say!).

There's a lot of repressed feeling on both of their sides throughout the show, but in the earlier seasons, it tends to be either lighter-hearted (as in Kirk covering for Spock's emotional display at the end of "Amok Time" or their many wildly flirty bantering games) or much more successfully repressed (there's yearning and melancholy in the earlier seasons, but these tend to be very much overshadowed by how much raw delight surrounds so many of their interactions in S1-S2; they are often having a great time being together and pretending they're not flirting). S1 and S2 aren't identical this way—the S3 dynamic definitely doesn't come out of nowhere—but to me, S3 feels so much more emphatically a point of no return where the barriers between them are falling apart and their intimacy is becoming inescapably critical than like the relationship is falling apart.

And Kirk and Spock have always been prone to becoming intensely preoccupied with each other and willing to go to extremes for each other's welfare. But a lot of the cases where the sacrifices they're willing to make, or the inarticulate expressions of devotion they feel driven towards, reach a peak level of irrational intensity are in S3 specifically.

The basic situation between them in S3, to me, is that they are both aware that they love each other deeply. They are not fully sure (especially Kirk) that the nature of the other's love is romantic, but conscious of the depth of feeling they both have. Kirk in general is more strained and tired and desperately lonely than ever in S3, he has little reason to expect Spock would ever initiate romance with him or probably anyone (and it's something Kirk fundamentally craves as a person), so he tries to find what he's looking for while running on fumes and having his autonomy repeatedly violated in various ways (including sexually) throughout the season. His attempts to find love unsurprisingly fail, and he's often saved from the ongoing violations by his absolute trust in Spock and their intimacy + Spock's wild devotion to him, and it feels like they're verging ever closer to real honesty as the season goes on.

It seems fitting that Kirk's clearest articulation of what their relationship is comes all the way in the series finale. That's, of course, when he insists to Spock that he (Spock) is closer to Kirk than anyone else in the universe and knows his thoughts in order to invite a mind-meld, followed by the meld itself and a protracted sequence of *gasp* Spock holding his hand as they try to escape together.

But there's much less "haha of course you don't care ;)" in S3 and a lot more of Kirk soberly contemplating the void or just collapsing outright while Spock hovers anxiously nearby. Spock himself is increasingly desperate to protect or save Kirk when he's in trouble in S3, to escalating extremes; he makes it clearer by the hour that he would choose Kirk over his principles or reason any day, and the show emphasizes that his love for Kirk is fundamentally different, and far more extreme, than what others feel for Kirk and are driven to do for him.

S3 Spock is entirely aware of this, affronted at any equivalence made between the nature of his feelings for Kirk and what other people feel, processing the last of his hang-ups that have kept him at that final bit of distance, and I think reaching the point of internal stability and acceptance of his warring drives where he's voluntarily creeping closer and closer to crossing the last line (and I do think it would have to be him who crosses it, given Kirk's extremely consistent opposition to propositioning his crew members in any sense). Like, theoretically they could be already having an affair where they just haven't talked honestly about it or whatever, but I really don't see it in their characterizations or interactions or motives at all.

Most of this (on my end) has been vague and generalizing, but it's like:

Kirk wistfully contemplating a life where he doesn't need to always be making decisions and in control, followed by his blithe amnesiac marriage and gut feeling that he was never actually able to feel happy or at peace in his previous life (à la Spock in "This Side of Paradise"), while Spock simultaneously takes major risks to find him, up to and including barely eating or sleeping for some 58 days while traveling on impulse power towards him and shrugging off McCoy's suggestions that he take care of himself in any way at all, happen in S3. All this culminates in Spock forcing a mind-meld on the wounded, confused, amnesiac Kirk to clear the amnesia, only for Spock himself to get overwhelmed by the experience of Kirk's mind. This is their first meld, but definitely not last; he melds with Kirk more than with anyone else in the show, despite only getting to the point of doing it at all in S3.

The alien-induced amplification of Kirk's deepest insecurities until he has a panicked meltdown ("I'm alone...") and Spock bringing the whole thing to an immediate screeching halt by letting Kirk cling to him and murmuring "Jim," which immediately restores Kirk's sense of command, only for Spock to grasp his arm to make sure he's really fine as their shadows meld is in S3. The revelation that Spock was the first one offered Miranda Jones's position and refused it ("I was unable to accept. My life is here") is in S3, as is Kirk's vicious screed at Miranda when he thinks she's not truly trying to save Spock (it's deliberately cruel to provoke her, but he does fully believe that what he said was true). Kirk requesting another mind-meld in "Spectre of the Gun" and despite the violent and intrusive experience of the first one, welcoming Spock's mind calmly while Scotty and McCoy are visibly uncomfortable is, of course, also in S3.

Kirk and Spock being all "sounds fake but okay" about McCoy's quite sweet heterosexual marriage is in S3. Spock willingly jeopardizing the lives of over 400 people on the Enterprise multiple times for a slim chance at saving Kirk from the interphase, McCoy correctly questioning the ethics of the decision, Spock flatly refusing to explain his true motives, and his tight, resentful "What would you have me say?" when McCoy equates their grief over Kirk all occur in a single S3 episode.

Kirk hovering quietly and supportively beside Spock as Spock struggles to regain his self-control after the Platonians' ritual humiliation is in S3. Kirk desperately getting out a message to Spock while trapped in what are only seconds of time for Spock, and in a situation built on a chilling degree of sexual coercion/assault that he's clearly fucked-up about, while his captor/rapist makes prurient remarks about his strong affection for Spock and hopes of seeing it demonstrated -> Spock figuring out the message and ignoring McCoy's warning about the experimental drug that will let him rescue Kirk and immediately drinking it down -> Kirk and Spock working together to strand the Scalosians on their planet and leave them to die out is in S3. Spock watching Kirk sleep and the strength and tenderness of his feelings distracting the resident mute empath -> Spock fumbling to pretend he's paying attention to his tricorder when he realizes he's being observed physically and empathically and completely failing to convince her, but it's okay because she's so charmed and touched by his feelings for Kirk as tinkly romantic music plays—also S3.

Kirk being uncomfortable and disinterested when the only sexy green-skinned alien babe he ever encounters hits on him, and just looking at Spock, is in S3 (and notably, Leonard Nimoy disliked the culmination of this episode, in which there's a forced fight sequence while Spock figures out how to distinguish the shapeshifted "Kirk" from the real one; Nimoy felt, I think correctly, that Spock would be able to identify the real Kirk just as, in the episode, Kirk himself feels Spock should have been able to do). Kirk getting abducted for the lingering strain of meningitis in his blood and Spock ordering Sulu to scan the area for years if necessary to find him, telling off Starfleet when they forbid him to search personally, and then defying direct orders to do it anyway and attacking those who get in his way—also S3.

Spock being a bitchy asshole to the crew as acting captain when he fears Kirk has been killed, while Kirk in fact is tensely navigating a starvation crisis, is in S3. Kirk finally getting a more or less consensual romance 20+ episodes into the season while Spock exudes jealousy in the background, leading to the batshit finale in which McCoy goes on an unprovoked rant to Spock about how Spock is racially incapable of understanding the pain of love triangles or feeling the ecstasies or agonies of love, then leaves the room, and without so much as a scene cut, Spock goes over to the exhausted, lonely, unconscious Kirk and wipes the romance from his memory—S3.

McCoy figuring out that Spock's mind is being fucked with by the pressure of ancestral Vulcan memory because Spock is suspiciously unconcerned about Kirk ("It's not like you to give up trying") is in S3. And of course everything in the series finale up to and including the fourth mind-meld (now no longer even requiring words from Spock to perform), the explicit statement that they're closer to each other than to anyone else, the hand-holding as they try to escape together, Spock being the first to recognize that something is wrong with "Kirk" in the first place and the most insistent about trying to protect him, and being punished by Kirk's abusive ex/stalker/body-stealer for trying to save him is in the final episode of S3.

I think the Austen comparison is very apropos! For me, the late S3 feeling is a world away from incipient break-up; it's more like the tension late in Pride and Prejudice when Elizabeth Bennet is stuck pouring coffee for guests instead of figuring out her relationship with Darcy. She follows Darcy with her eyes and resents everyone he talks to who isn't her, but is too uncertain and overwhelmed by the feeling of it all to give him the clear signal he needs when she does get the chance. Then she's frustrated with herself for being so silly and they get stuck playing cards at different tables and keep sneaking stares at each other and playing badly. It's tense for them. But reading it, this is a point of the story where enough has been resolved that we're mostly just enjoying the ride of these crazy kids finally getting together.

One of the K/S talks about TOS S3

I've seen more than once how the third season of TOS is perceived as a season of breakup for K/S. I had seen many references to this, and I was bracing myself for the (bad) tension and estrangement between the two of them that was about to occur.

But being now at the midpoint of season three, I don't feel that way.

The third season has undoubtedly become much more intense and raising the level of plot drama in each episode, creating the feeling that they have crossed some point in a five-year mission, when fatigue and stress among the crew are only increasing. Which is especially noticeable with Kirk, who, as a captain, is responsible for his crew and his ship. You understand that all the things he's been through, the things he's been disappointed in, the things he's believed in, it's changed him. Kirk in S3 feels different from Kirk in S1, more serious, more desperate, more rigid in his own principles, and not as attached to following the rules.

Although TOS is more of an anthology in its structure and is not linear, I like to perceive it linearly. It's not the obvious things, it's not the specific plot connection, but it's the changes that occur throughout three seasons in the main characters, in their moods, the things they talk about, how they react to situations, and especially in their nonverbal language. TOS says a lot without saying anything. That's the part that makes it so poetic. And this linearity is clearly noticeable when we talk about K/S. They've come a long way since the first season, and in my personal opinion, the third season is definitely not the season of their breakup, but conversely, the season of them approaching the point where they can't help but be together. The K/S relationship in TOS is actually such an Edwardian romance - these are hundreds of dialogues that are conducted without words, with just glances, the silent conversations of their touches without touches, decisions that remain unspoken, and are expressed only in their actions. Considering what kind of people they are, how they perceive the world, and what they really want from a relationship, I don't think there could've been any kind of casual connection between them. They both want a serious relationship, and they really value and respect each other, appreciating this exceptional importance between them, and neither of them would risk that for something that wasn't visceral enough. There's no doubt here; if something really happens between them, it will be permanent, fundamental for them both.

They've definitely been forming and deepening this attachment to each other since the first episode, but I think until around "This Side of Paradise", neither of them had really called things by their own names. I find this episode very pivotal in how they both, Kirk and Spock, accept the fact that they can't leave each other, that they can't be without each other, and that they have no right to it. They both, for different reasons, feel they can't afford it, but from that moment on, when they can no longer ignore the existing attachment, it gradually begins to change. It still remains something completely out of reach for them at this point, but they go through different situations together, changing themselves and becoming closer. That's why the second season is actually quite comfortable with this "hey, I got you, I will be there if you need me, take your time" between them. For me, the second season is their period of understanding themselves, each other, and defining boundaries that they both try to adhere to.

But the third season leaves no room for that. They're constantly moving from one critical moment to the next, going through terrible things, and they only do so because of the trust and intimacy that exists between them. They no longer have time for the polite "I'll wait until you're ready" as they have to cross each other's established boundaries over and over again to save another, their crew, and their ship. And they both noticeably become much more desperate in their actions when the other is in danger. This is a difficult season that constantly tests them both, demanding a clear awareness of their own selves, and I think at this point, all the reasons that each of them held on to, forbidding themselves from loving each other like this, denying themselves the possibility of a real relationship, are no longer so crucial. Yes, it may not happen anytime soon, but it's no longer about awareness or accepting your own feelings; it's all here, it's monolithic, and it's all undoubtedly heading towards this. This is no longer the "Let me help" of the first season; this is constant help for each other that doesn't have to be asked. It's not about heart eyes, lovey-dovey looks, or warm flirting anymore; it's about I'm willing to do this for you because I love you, and your happiness is more important to me than other things, even if it means letting you go.

These two are so obviously into each other, and for me, season three is just blatant confirmation of that. It's still like reading Jane Austen, when you're nearing the end of the story, and you know that these people are obviously going to be together, but it's still held in a tension of unspokenness.

And, well, that's what I like about it.