#caleb azumah nelson

[smokefalls]

Perhaps that is how we should frame this question forever; rather than asking what is your favourite book, let’s ask, what continues to pull you back?

Caleb Azumah Nelson, Open Water

[nope-nora]

an ode to summer

Lorde, “Solar Power” | Ocean Vuong, “Because It’s Summer” | J. L. Carr, A Month In The Country | Taylor Swift for 1989 (Taylor’s Version) | Caleb Azumah Nelson, Open Water | Louise Glück, “Heaven and Earth” | Mary Oliver, “The Pond” | Julia Quinn, Romancing Mister Bridgerton | @butterfly

[convulsionofhonesty]

top 10 books of 2022

i read 50 books this year and i’m going to share my top 10 and what i loved most about them (in no particular order)

1. writers & lovers by lily king - this book legitimately changed my life by reminding me of how desperate i am to lead a creative life. there are certain books that make you want to be a writer. this is one. featuring clean-cut, economical prose that gets straight to the point, and the point is diving into one of the most compelling characters i’ve had the honor to spend a story with. i read it twice this year because i will never be ready to part with this main character.

2. last night at the telegraph club by malinda lo - this was a reread for me and i appreciated it infinitely more the second time. the vividness of the writing strikes me as a particular triumph of this work. you can feel every emotion, see and hear every setting. that and a deeply engaging narrative make it one of those books that i continue to think about constantly.

3. crush by richard siken - my favorite poetry collection i have read, and reread, both within this year. he is one of those writers that reminds you how amazing it is to be a human that can feel and say so much. sharp images, glorious repitition, and stunning formatting that has inspired much of my own adventure into the world of unique poetic structure on the page.

4. homegoing by yaa gyasi - probably one of the most ingenious books i have ever read. to this day i fail to understand how it is possible to cover so much in so few pages and not leave the reader feeling like something is missing, but she certainly does it. sweeping multi-generational story where each chapter reads like both an exquisite short story that could stand on its own and a part of the richly woven whole. phenomenal novel that i wholeheartedly believe will be a classic in the future.

5. the idiot by elif batuman - another character that weaseled her way into my brain and has never left. a plotless, indulgent, meandering character study that struck such a cord with me. i read this at the exact right time in my life and for the week that i was making my way through it, there was no distinction between the narrator and myself in my mind. i don’t know how to explain this, but i was narrating my own life through this character’s eyes. captivating.

6. piranesi by susanna clarke - an exemplary work of fantasy that explores the nuances of knowledge and gratitude, balancing expertly between critiquing the pursuit of knowledge and power and exalting wonder, curiosity, and science. a book written in journal entries which flows perfectly and never feels choppy. leaves you thinking differently about the world.

7. open water by caleb azumah nelson - a short novella you can read in a day, and you will have to, as it is so enchanting and haunting that you cannot stop. it fully took over my mind until i finished it. it features second person narration which creates an unmatched level of closeness between reader and narrator. triumphantly evocative, intimate, and precise prose. the most poetic novel(la) i've had the pleasure of reading since on earth we're briefly gorgeous.

8. the great believers by rebecca makkai - the highlight of this book is the dense prose; every sentence feels perfectly chosen and hits you just as hard as the last. there is never a break, never a breather from the stunning writing. for that reason it is a slow book to move through, but in the best way. also accomplishes using dual pov/timelines in a way that does not detract from the fluidity of the work. very heavy subject matter but imbued with hope, gratitude, and affection.

9. the starless sea by erin morgenstern - prior to reading piranesi, this was my favorite fantasy read of the year. the world is so engrossing and the formatting of the novel is unique and inventive. vivid world builidng and a meandering, cris-crossing plot that enthralls from the beginning. an ode to humanity and the interconnectedness of the stories we tell.

10. babel by r.f. kuang - a lengthy novel that is well worth the time it takes, featuring a slate of morally ambiguous young people bumping up against the limits of their social power. similarly to piranesi, it embraces curiosity, drive, passion, and learning while chastising the intrenchment of power in academia. kuang cements herself as figurehead of the historical fantasy subgenre, tapping into its full potential.

[soracities]

You ever had to play dead? Have you ever not been seen? Are you tired?

Caleb Azumah Nelson, Open Water

[reverie-quotes]

The gaze requires no words at all; it is an honest meeting.

— Caleb Azumah Nelson, Open Water

[hometownangels]

Open Water, Caleb Azumah Nelson

[utterlyconfusedacademia]

When Madeline Miller wrote “And perhaps it is the greater grief, after all, to be left on earth when another is gone” and when Caleb Azumah Nelson wrote “So now you’re here, without her presence, which is heavier in her absence” I felt heartbreak so painful that my soul teared apart.

[emmersreads]

My Top 5 Best Books of 2023

Scrolling through bookstagram's endless reels of folks bemoaning the state of readerly types - new publications are disposable crap, everyone else is reading too much, etc - it might seem like 2023 was a terrible year for books. But, of all my longlists, this one was the longest, and the one I had the most trouble cutting down to only six. I read 119 books in 2023 (you can read my round-up of my five worst here), and here are my five favourites. Every single one of these books deserves to top your tbr for 2024.

Read the post on my blog!

Honourable Mention: Yellowface - R. F. Kuang

R.F. Kuang has figured out how to use irony and its a good look on her. Kuang’s political messaging is great — I particularly enjoyed her depiction of the publishing industry’s white fragility as deeply stupid — but we already knew that. I would expect nothing less from the author of Babel. The think that elevates Yellowface in particular is Kuang’s self-awareness in depicting Athena, the Asian writer whose novel the protagonist steals, as a talented literary wunderkind, but also as frustrating and not necessarily innocent in the problem of who is allow to tell ethically-loaded stories. I’m definitely looking forwards to her next project.

Fifth Place: Small Worlds - Caleb Azumah Nelson

This is the diverse romance novel you’ve been looking for. This is the inspiring hopepunk novel you’ve been looking for. This is the insightful and emotional coming-of-age novel you’ve been looking for. Small Worlds is all the more comforting and heart-warming because it is primarily about persistence and joy in the face of crushing personal failure and devastating systemic violence. Caleb Azumh Nelson’s motif of relationships in which both partners must break up in order to become the kind of people who can be in a long-term relationship with each other is a kind of romance arc I unexpectedly love. This entry in particular gets extra credit for its incredibly good audiobook adaptation. The audiobook is narrated by the author, whose southeast London accent and obvious emotional connection to novel make it the ideal way to read.

Fourth Place: Breasts and Eggs - Mieko Kawakami

After a couple of truly miserable memoirs this year I declared that I simply did not want to hear writers talk about motherhood. I spoke too soon because then I read this. Breasts and Eggs is in incredible reflection on being a woman that has something to offer if you love being a woman, if you hate it, or if you feel ambivalent about it. I don’t like children and can’t imagine ever wanting one — to the point that I find the endless angsting about the conflict between writing and motherhood faintly nauseating — but I found that this was the first book about being a mother that had something interesting to say even for people who never want to be mothers. Kawakami’s novel-in-translation has (for the anglophone reader) a sense of strangeness both in form and content. The book’s approach to gender and family is often intimately familiar, but just as often introduces a perspective that is deeply strange to a western reader, provoking us to think about our own assumptions about the importance of family. I particularly liked the scene in which protagonist Natsu visits a bath house and encounters a woman in a relationship with a trans man in the female section of the bath. Natsu struggles through a long thought process of whether she ought to be offended or not. Would she be similarly offended if she encountered cis lesbian PDA?

Third Place: Penance - Eliza Clark

For me, Penance was intensely personal, like looking back on my own teenagerhood. I also grew up as a deeply strange child, something that was immediately recognized by the other children. That feeling of somehow being a different species from other kids, not doing anything right and not understanding how it is wrong, is something that this novel absolutely nails. That might be a strange association for a true crime story about a horrible schoolgirl murder. This is the dramatic extension of what could happen to five people who were once very lonely little girls, and I think reading too much into the ‘how could they do something like this?’ of it all is missing the forest for the trees and playing into the true crime gaze that the book criticizes. Clark is interested both in true crime that dehumanizes its subject matter, and true crime the aspires to humanize and platform them. Is it any more ethical to demand access to someone’s life out of love?

Second Place: He Who Drowned the World - Shelley Parker-Chan

Shelley Parker-Chan’s The Radiant Emperor duology is the best queer fantasy series out there. Period. He Who Drowned the World takes its engagement with gender and sexuality to another level. At least for me, there is something much more meaningful and impactful to the theme of gender as something performed in spite of difficulties, distrust, and lack of acknowledgement. Parker-Chan understands that gender is often unpleasant or even hateful. This isn’t a book for a brave new utopia where every bra fits on the first try, it’s for the present, where the wrong bra gives you a fibrous lump. If She Who Became the Sun was Zhu embracing her gender, the sequel is about Ouyang’s often deeply upsetting ability to accept his. His hatred of any femininity, first and foremost his own, isn’t an easy read, but I found there was something incredibly resonant in it to my own ambivalent feelings towards femininity. No one else depicts self-hatred this well.

First Place: Chain-Gang All-Stars - Nana Kwame Adjei-Brenyah

As soon as I finished Chain-Gang All-Stars I knew it would be my book of the year. I read a lot of great books but this blew every single one of them out the water. It is Gladiator by way of The Shawshank Redemption by way of professional wrestling. It’s the scifi sequel to The New Jim Crow and Ava DuVernay’s 13th. It’s the best love story of the year. Chain-Gang All-Stars is an exploration of the humanity of inmates, who, in this world, are objectified both due to their involvement in the criminal justice system (as in ours) and from the gaze of sports and reality entertainment. It’s hard to decide which aspect of this book is most technically impressive. I usually don’t like when a political novel tries to comment on too many different issues, but this book deftly balances deep and effective discussions on a huge range of topics. I especially appreciated its engagement with an inmates’ personal feelings of guilt and culpability within a carceral system that doesn’t care at all about remediating the harm they have caused. This deft political messaging is combined with an insightful depiction of the ambivalent success of professional athletes, multidimensional characters, and a touching romance. My favourite part of the book was how effectively it traps the reader. I understand and agree with all the condemnations of the exploitation inherent to entertainment in watching primarily BIPOC athletes destroy their health (this is about wrestling but also boxing and American football), but I still found myself thinking about just how incredible this book would be as a TV series. The use of complicity as a theme is unparalleled.

[vlindervin7]

“… having known her so long I know the way the light holds her neck, know her rhythm even when she’s still.”

from small worlds by caleb azumah nelson

[v-readingspace]

Your few days have been spent doing nothing really, which is something is an intimacy in itself.

- Caleb Azumah Nelson

[forasecondtherewedwon]

She's beautiful. I want to say this to her, but outside of song and film, I've never heard this spoken. Still, in the moment, I'm closer to her, perhaps because I'm closer to myself, closer to knowing how I feel about her.

[smokefalls]

It’s one thing to be looked at, and another to be seen.

Caleb Azumah Nelson, Open Water

[rains-of-words]

It's easier to hide in your own darkness, than to emerge, naked and vulnerable, blinking in your own light.

Caleb Azumah Nelson, Open Water

[bonitaboktor]

"It's summer now, and you're craving a simple existence. You want to read. You want to write. You want to meet strangers for dinner, and not refuse another drink at another bar. You want to dance. You want to find yourself in a basement, neck loose,bobbing your head as a group of musicians play, not because they should, but because they must. It's summer now, and you're looking forward to worrying less. You're looking forward to longer nights and shorter days. You're looking forward to gathering in back gardens and watching meat sputter on an open barbecue. You're looking forward to laughing so hard your chest hurts and you feel light-headed. You're looking forward to the safety in pleasure. You're looking forward to forgetting, albeit briefly, the existential dread which plagues you, which tightens your chest, which pains your left side. You're looking forward to forgetting that, leaving the house, you might not return intact. You're looking forward to freedom, even if it is short, even if it might not last. You're looking forward."

- Caleb Azumah Nelson, Open Water

[soracities]

He continues to look at you as a danger. You fit the profile. You fit the description. You don’t fit in the box but he has squeezed you in. He looked scared. They all did. You wouldn’t accept their apologies, nor their extended hands, because even these are weapons in the darkness.

Caleb Azumah Nelson, Open Water

[reverie-quotes]

Besides, sometimes, to resolve desire, it's better to let the thing bloom. To feel this thing, to let it catch you unaware, to hold onto the ache. What is better than believing you are heading towards love?

— Caleb Azumah Nelson, Open Water