#calm down <3 no one's forcing you to use the app <3 you don't have to like it to be normal about letting other people like it <3

[shootingmorningstar]

[slides on in] well hello there fellow lucifer fanatic

could i request some hcs with luci and an indecisive reader? gn and established relationship!! ex: he asks what they want for dinner and they panic trying to pick something because they feel like they need to decide right then and there or they’ll annoy him.

please and thank you! 🫶

anon, you're just like me fr. i also can never make up my mind and love lucifer. i'd be happy to write this for you .ᐟ

thank you for my first request, by the way ~ .ᐟ now to get to the good part.

LUCIFER MORNINGSTAR X GN! INDECISIVE READER

Look at this man. This is the man who has piles upon piles of rubber ducks in his workshop. You cannot tell me Lucifer isn't also indecisive, at least when it comes to less serious things.

Seriously. You expect me to believe he hasn't looked at his own work and went 'nope, looks bad. starting over.' .ᐣ

With that being said, I think he would find it an incredibly endearing trait in you. The concentrated face you make when you're stuck between two options .ᐣ Absolutely adorable.

That is, until the unsure and conflicted look on your face morphs into one telling of your anxiety and worry.

Now, I hope you'll excuse the bird pun, but he is absolutely a mother hen type.

The second he sees even a hint of panic on your face .ᐣ He's immediately shifting all of his focus on you -- if it hadn't been already.

He's rushing over to you without you having to so much as ask -- his beloved partner, distressed .ᐣ No matter the reason, that won't do. He won't rest until he sees you smiling again.

Wrapping his arms around you in a hug, likely even his wings, too. He's suffered so many panic attacks before, he knows just how miserable they are.

He wishes you had come into his life earlier so you could of comforted him through the worst of his.

Even if your panic hasn't dissolved into a full blown attack, he is there. His touch is grounding, it helps you calm down and come back to reality.

When your heart's stopped racing and you look as if you're able to talk about it, he'll ask you just what has you so distressed.

Don't even bother trying to lie to him. He can tell when someone's hiding their feelings.

He won't force you to tell him, though. He just wants to know what went wrong so he can help prevent it from happening again.

If you decide to share your worries with him, he wouldn't belittle you in the slightest. Is it time you need .ᐣ You two have all the time in the world.

Would you rather he choose .ᐣ Because he wouldn't mind.

Or if it's something more serious, he offers to sit down with you and discuss the pros and cons of each -- maybe you two can come up with a decision together .ᐣ

His face sort of falls if you decide to tell him part of the reasoning behind your anxiety is a fear that you'll end up annoying him. Did he do something to make you think he'd judge you .ᐣ

Or maybe he got short with you .ᐣ He's so apologetic. He wants you to feel like you can share anything and everything with him.

He won't let himself start feeling overwhelmed with guilt, though. This moment is about you and the reassurance you need, not his guilt issues.

Explain to him that you know he'd never do such a thing and that it's just an irrational thought coming from worry and he's taking your face into his hands, telling you that he would never, ever think less of you, much less get upset over something as silly as struggling to make a choice.

Like he said earlier, let him help you choose. You two are stronger together and this is no exception.

He's always soft to you, but count on him being even more so than usual for the rest of the night. You two can watch your favorite show or movie -- or whatever you'd like to do to destress. ♡

first request finished ~ .ᐟ how'd I do .ᐣ i'd love to hear your thoughts. feedback fuels my writing muse more than anything else .ᐟ

i'm really hoping this formats correctly, i'm used to using the tumblr app && currently stuck on laptop </3

[ohbo-ohno]

well now i can't stop thinking about reader in a depressive episode bc she's trapped in the apartment refusing to leave the bed or check her phone for texts and the only thing ghost and soap can do is helplessly watch through the cameras..or managing to accidentally hurt herself somehow in an escape attempt and ghost sends a text berating her for it but soap can see he's actually very afraid.. angst potential here off the charts ngl

ugh i looooove good angst. my favorite romance trope is second-chance because there's very little i love more than a man fucking up and begging for forgiveness.

putting a read more here bc im gonna talk about depression and thats a pretty big cw <3

it would be very difficult to not get depressed when they're both gone for days at a time. you'd go from being in their presence 24/7, constant attention, to just nothing for days on end. especially with the presence of the collar and chain at your throat? it would all throw you into a not-quite-person headspace, and that's not great when you're all alone :(

early on you don't like to interact with them. johnny spams you with texts - funny memes, stupid things people have said, things he wants to do when he's back with you - and you ignore him out of spite (except he can see you lunge for the phone every time it buzzes, and from certain camera angels he can see the way you smile when he tells you about something embarrassing simon did). simon doesn't text much at all, that's not a specific to you thing though he's just like that, so he's almost exclusively texting you little scolding messages. smirks when he sees you scowl and pout through the camera :(

they'd be really worried once you stop getting out of bed. even when you're scared of them, there's still a fire there yk? they don't want you to change as a person, they just want to keep you. when you start to give up a little, it would send them into a bit of a tailspin.

johnny worries first (he hadn't noticed first, but he worries first). he sends you a text and you don't move to look at it, which he's never seen happen unless you're asleep or two far away from the phone to hear it. so he spams you, does that thing where he sends one letter at a time so your phone is just making an endless buzzing noise. his heart lodges in his throat when you just roll onto your other side, not even looking at it or shoving it onto the floor.

simon has to stay calm, because johnny's freaking out. he's very worried about you too, but he can't be showing that with the way that johnny's hands shake as he shoves the camera app into his face.

they can't just leave, they've got a contract they've signed promising to complete x y and z, or else they'd be on their way back when you only leave the bed once in 24 hours and it's to use the bathroom. they're snippy and pushy, rude to everyone and each other because they can't help you.

the next morning you get out of bed. ghost shakes soap awake, a rare desperation in his movements as he forces him to look at your shuffling form on the little phones screen.

you're very slow moving, stiff from your day in bed and slow from exhaustion and hunger. you trip over the chain, go sprawling to the ground with a cry that echoes like a gunshot out of simon's phone speakers. you curl up, hands cradling the knee your weight fell on, and you don't get back up.

simon and johnny are gone, immediately. they break contract and just about every traffic law ever written to get back to you, tearing up the stairs at a full sprint like there's a fire on their heels.

you're still on the floor when they get there, haven't moved an inch from where you first fell (which they know, at least one of them has had his eyes on the cameras since you hit the floor). johnny wants to take you to a hospital, but simon manages to talk him down a bit when they see that your knee is only red and a little scraped.

the real problem is in your head. you don't bother reacting much when they burst in, just sort of lay limp and let them do what they want. like a doll.

johnny's cupping your face, squeezing a little too tight and making eye contact with you. he looks frantic. "lovie? c'mon, talk to me. what's wrong, huh?"

simon's stroking over your body with hands that shake, just enough for you to notice. he's leaned against the back of the couch, you between his legs and your back against his chest, legs caged by his.

"give her a second, johnny," simon rumbles, petting up and down your arms in a soothing and consistent movement. "she's alright. just gotta..." he cuts himself off for a moment, swallowing down the lingering panic in his throat. "just need a little love, huh sweetheart? little love and attention, and you'll be okay."

they slowly coax your mind back to your body, steady movements that don't jar or (for once) don't push any of your boundaries. they're warm, murmuring soft praises and kind words.

you cry when you fully come back to yourself, overcome with how comforted you truly feel. you shouldn't. they've kidnapped you, they keep you chained to the fucking floor like a dog when they leave you.

but they're so warm, and so soft. johnny's mumbling into your neck all the things he likes about you (pretty face, soft skin, perfect size, sweetest eyes, cutest expressions) and simon is breathing heavy and deep in your ear, guiding your breathing with his as it grows heavier and heavier.

that night is the first night you cuddle into them. you need them, even if they've forced it to be that way. you can't change it now.

[sgntr]

Adventure 4 - Townhall Welcome

Surprisingly, after an abysmal internship, the company decided to convert me. A few days after I started as a full timer, there was a company wide quarterly townhall.

It was just boring old company updates that no one was listening to. But everyone had to be present in person. Half way through the townhall, I received at text on my company messaging app. To my surprise, it was from the MILF I banged when I was an intern (Sarah).

Here are the important parts

---

MILF Sarah: Saw you at the townhall. You converted?

Me: yeaaa. hahaha you're still here?

MILF Sarah: of course. where else to go.

Me: hahaha

... some back and forth chat

Me: Where are you even seated? Can't find you

MILF Sarah: To boring so I left.

Me: Huh? can meh

MILF Sarah:

MILF Sarah: Come join me!

Me: fuckk you send on company chat?

MILF Sarah: You coming or not..

Me: otw. where this

...

---

Sorry cant post the real one cuz it might reveal where I worked. So this will have to do.

I went straight to the location. It was a very secluded area of the office and hidden behind 2 doors is an emergency staircase. I could hear the moaning get louder and louder as I got nearer and near.

When I finally saw her, she looked at me and said "What took you so long" before crawling over and started undoing my pants.

"Looks like some one is hungry"

"You have no idea daddy. I missed your cock so badly"

"Then you better cherish the moment"

My dick sprang out and i forced it straight into her mouth. She sucked on it like she had not sucked dick for a long time.

"Oh fk... yesss.. my .. mouth have.. not been.. stretched and .. used.. this much .. for .. soo .... long" she tries to speak while sucking my dick.

"yess suck it just like that. keep that pussy wet while youre sucking"

"yes... daddy" her hands went down and started rubbing her clit.

Sarah's dick sucking skills were so good that I was already on the edge of cumming but i stopped her as I did not want the fun to end just yet.

"What's wrong"

"I'm not ready to cum yet. I want to make you smell like a whore today"

"how are you..." I pulled her up before she finished, put one leg over my shoulder and thrusted my dick into her pussy. She let out a loud scream of pleasure as I continued fucking her senseless. As I kept fucking her, I pulled on her hair to make her look up at me and then spat in her face. (tbh i just tried my luck)

"You like being degraded like that? Used like a sex toy"

"Yesss mhmmm yess"

"Yes who?" I pulled on her nipples before giving her huge tits and big slap that echoed the staircase.

"Yes daddy! yes daddy"

Her tits got redder as I continued slapping them. I felt her legs slowly tensing up and she was taking deeper breaths. So I increased the pace and continued in that position.

"Dont stop keep going! harder harder... ohhhfkkkk"

She let out one last gasp before her legs gave way and I caught her. I placed her down on the floor as she was left there trembling for a few moments. While she was recovering, I continued to stroke my dick. Something about looking at girls in that state makes me even more horny.

"Fkk haven't cum so hard in awhile or ever" she said as she gained back her senses.

"Time for me to return the..." she continued and when she looked up, I shot my cum straight at her face without warning. My cum covered her face and was dripping down to her body and clothes.

"Oops hehe. Told you you would smell like a whore" I gave her the dirty grin.

"FUCKK how am I gonna clean up"

"Don't you have gym clothes at your desk? just wear those home. Heres some tissue to clean your face"

She calmed down and cleaned up her face. We saw the time and it was already late. Townhall ended 30mins ago and she got 3 miss calls from her husband who was picking her up.

I followed her to change (may or may not have been watching) and we walked down to the lobby together. The husband saw and remembered me! Had a quick convo and told him I was waiting for a cab to go home. He asked where I stayed and turns out its near their place so they offered me a ride home which I could not refuse.

------

Lmk if yall enjoyed hearing about my adventures. Do drop me a follow and share it around too!

[akashasananda]

Tips for Overcoming Spiritual Doubt and Uncertainty by TwinRay

Doubt and uncertainty are inevitable in spiritual practice, yet dealing with them takes patience and wisdom. People can regain their faith and find peace through self-reflection, support groups, intellectual exploration, and practical steps.

1. Be Mindful of Your Feelings

Doubt is an integral part of spiritual life; it serves as a valuable alert system that lets us know something is off, giving us time to consider and evaluate all available options before making decisions. Doubt also plays an integral part in growing spiritually, forcing us to question as part of the learning process.

Mindful emotion regulation takes practice, but it's an invaluable way to confront spiritual doubt and uncertainty. Mindfulness involves becoming aware of thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations without judgment - an exercise best done through meditation, prayer, yoga, or deep breathing exercises. with the guidance of Twinray, mindfulness practiced regularly can reduce stress and anxiety, helping overcome spiritual doubt and uncertainty more easily.

When doubt arises, recognize it as a thought and watch how it triggers emotions and bodily sensations. Note how they intensify or fade as time goes on; observe their ebb and flow - eventually, you'll gain more familiarity with your emotional patterns, reducing their power over you.

TwinRay highlight that one key insight that can help combat doubt is understanding that grasping or clinging gives doubt the power to influence thoughts and feelings. You might initially resist this concept, but watch how your mind reacts when doubt surfaces.

Your mind may drift towards other large and small anxieties: whether to take risks, earn enough money, and have enough self-worth, among many others. All these anxieties stem from one root cause - your desire to control life as it exists now instead of accepting that some elements are unpredictable and beyond your reach.

2. Practice Deep Breathing

Focusing on your breath can help ease anxiety and calm your thoughts when feeling uncertain or anxious. Deep breathing involves gradually slowing your normal breathing rate down so that long, steady breaths come through both nostrils before exhaling through the mouth; this practice is best performed in sitting or lying positions for maximum effectiveness.

Use an app, video, or book dedicated to deep breathing to guide this exercise, or sit quietly in a peaceful place and breathe slowly and deeply for several minutes. While doing this, note how your chest rises as your ribs expand when breathing in. Also, try placing your hands on your chest, ribs, or belly to feel the full impact of each breath moving through you; adding mantras or phrases can help you focus and relax during this practice.

Deep breathing exercises activate the parasympathetic nervous system - the "rest and digest" system - which can help lower stress levels while improving mental health and mood. If doing a simple deep breathing exercise doesn't do the trick for you, pair it with mindfulness or meditation techniques such as walking meditation to make practice more engaging and increase effectiveness.

Spiritual doubt can be an intimidating and debilitating experience. However, it's important to remember that doubting God is part of life and that believers have experienced it throughout history. Rather than trying to hide from it or push away your questions about faith when the time is right, confront your doubts head-on and trust God will answer them when He sees fit.

3. Write Down Your Doubts

Writing out your questions and worries when experiencing spiritual doubt can help identify distorting thoughts and allow you to name them. Once you gain clarity about your doubts, use that knowledge to challenge and overcome them.

As you write down your doubts, be honest about their source. Perhaps your fears stem from things you aren't sure how to address or experiences you don't fully grasp - taking the time to identify them can help you work through them and strengthen your faith.

Though confronting your doubts may be difficult, ignoring them only compounds the problem. Though confronting doubt can be uncomfortable, with the guidance of Twinray it should not be avoided as doubt is part of a spiritual journey; it forces one to ask questions and trust God even when no definitive answers are available. In many ways, doubt can strengthen faith if approached with honesty and persistence.

Journaling can also help identify the source of your doubt. By noting what causes it to arise, it becomes apparent that doubt is not personal; rather, it simply occurs under certain conditions - much like how rainfall creates its storms.

One effective strategy for combatting spiritual doubt is reaching out to trusted friends and family members with whom you can discuss your problems. They can serve as invaluable support systems, reminding you of truths you know to be true while keeping you focused on the positive aspects of religion.

4. Reach Out to Fellow Believers

As the saying goes, "Iron sharpens iron." reaching out to fellow believers can be an excellent way to find support during spiritual uncertainty or hardship, gain new perspectives about your faith, and find people with whom you can enjoy fellowship and have fun!

If you're struggling to discuss spirituality with someone, start by asking about their life and experiences - this will give you more of an idea of their values and beliefs. Also, try listening attentively so you can pick up their cues. Once you know more about them, steer the discussion toward spiritual topics by asking what beliefs they hold or offering to pray for them.

According to TwinRay, be mindful that doubt is part of being human, and do not be intimidated by it; many who have gone through difficult trials have emerged with deeper and stronger faith as a result of those trials. Don't hesitate to pose questions, seek knowledge, and practice mindfulness; your doubt and uncertainty can ultimately be catalysts for spiritual development and transformation.

If your spiritual journey requires guidance, consider seeking the tutelage of TwinRay in these matters. They can give you the tools and skills necessary to overcome spiritual doubt and uncertainty and identify any emotional or psychological factors contributing to these doubts.

5. Focus on the Present

Doubt is an essential part of the spiritual journey. Yet, it can often become distracting and cause us to lose focus on the present moment, leading to anxiety and feelings of disconnection from God, potentially weakening faith. Therefore, mindfulness meditation practices should help bring your surroundings more in line.

Doubting can be seen as an immunization against spiritual disease; when doubt enters your life, it forces you to look for answers and turn toward God for guidance, strengthening your beliefs. But allowing doubt to dominate will rob your spirituality of its soul and render it lifeless.

One insight that can help keep you grounded in the Present is realizing that much of your anxiety about the future stems from what happened in the past. Who you were back then may no longer exist today, and much of what you fear for the future may never materialize anyway - this knowledge helps put worries to rest while reminding you to relax, knowing you are safe from most threats.

Staying present can be challenging, yet essential to your overall health and well-being. With practice comes ease when detaching from thoughts of the past and worries for the future - this allows you to focus on enjoying and appreciating life right now - appreciating successes as they come, and finding peace knowing there is only so much time in which you have control.

[unnamed-atlas]

Bitches will really point at tiktok and be like "But it doesn't have this characteristic that vine had so it's bad! Stop calling me old you're just stupid for liking this app because it isn't iconic like vine was"

Bestie you are in fact old. And a loser. Calm down.

[sexyandcringe]

HQ boys as discord types

Warning: do curses count? Not proofread

Content: fluff

A/n: when I say "your server" I don't specifically mean YOURS, but just a server you are active in. Might do a part 2!

Part 2

Sakusa

- The Dead One™️

Doesn't have discord and doesn't care, but he can't say no to you - not when you are pleading him to join the server you are most active in with those puppy eyes.

He makes an account with your help and joins your server, but he doesn't understand how this thing works 😭 "too many channels and categories" he says. but even after you explain it to him, he doesn't really talk in the server, might say a "hi" at first just to make you happy but won't open the app ever again 😭.

Suna

- The Dry Texter™️

Has discord only for games, doesn't really talk if not about games (or volleyball if someone else plays it too). Might talk about anime once in a while, he gives me the vibe of an Isekai lover (like most of the gamers)

As Sakusa, he joins your server because it's you but doesn't really try to talk with others, nontheless, if someone else talks to him he replies back, but the conversation dies soon since he is a dry texter 😭

Probably has a server with Kenma, Kuroo, Atsumu, Samu and other extras.

Osamu

- The Chill One™️

Has discord because of Tsumu and Sunarin, but he doesn't spend too much time on it. Minds his own business, but welcomes new members and is open to conversation if someone talks to him.

If he joins your server, he will make an extra effort to get along with your friends, but maybe you all are a lil too chaotic (the "OMFG BESTIE NO I GOTTA TELL U THIS" type) so he gives up after a while 😭 he is used to the chaotic energy because of Tsumu, but unlike with Tsumu, he can't say "shut your fucking mouth up and calm down with the caps" to your friends.

Atsumu

- The Chaotic one™️

It took him some time to get used to it, at first he was like "i dont understand how this shit works, i give up", but once he got the hang of it, he started using it daily for multiple hours!

I kinda headcannon him as someone who does not give a fuck about new members😭, if they talk to him, he will talk back, but doesn't go out of his way to "make them feel comfortable in the server".

FORCES YOU to add him in your server, you do and chaos starts. He is talking to 3 people at the same time and your online friends are curious about him too. Tries to get along w them, but some of your friends might find him annoying, yikess. PROLLY GETS WARNED BY A MOD FOR SCREAMING IN VC OR USING CAPS ALL THE TIME.

[cinnamonest]

I got these and more asks regarding the post from last night so I wanted to elaborate and explain some things, and also make another point about the anniversary thing and clarify for anyone confused. After this I promise I'll shut up about this lol sorry

1) yeah please do NOT come after the VAs for any of this, not even the actual developer side either is at fault. This is largely an issue with the PR and marketing and higher up people. It's really awful that some people are harassing people who have no responsibility here. And thanks to the original asker's reply, I feel like I'm really bad at conveying my thoughts so I tend to overexplain lol, but thanks that means a lot.

2) I have seen people confused on this so if you didn't already, you should know that this isn't just about the anniversary so much as the anniversary was a final straw. While Honkai has similar rewards/exchange for irl money as genshin, mihoyo itself has some of the worst in comparison to other gachas from other developers. Games like Arknights, Granblue, Azur Lane, Dragalia Lost, hell even a cutesy casual gacha app like LoveNikki have much better real money to game currency ratios, huge anniversaries where they give out tons of free shit, and much more generous systems (such as Arknights giving free 10 pulls with a lot of events/new characters/etc). All despite being smaller, less profitable games. There's major glaring issues with the game that have gone unresolved for a long time despite people asking over and over to change it. It's a combination of the rewards, general stuff, and mihoyo's refusal to solve certain issues for a long time that has people upset.

In any industry, any company is going to be held to the standards set by the mainstream industry, which is what is happening here. It is natural to hold a company to it's competitors for comparison and expect them to match standards, especially when the company that is lacking is the richer one and could easily meet the standards if they were willing to.

This is especially true for people who put money into the game. Due to the nature of gachas/online games, companies that produce these games are usually very adamant on rewarding players because whales/P2Ws, people who buy welkin and similar stuff, etc keep the game alive. When they do not match the standard of the industry, those people will feel unappreciated and go elsewhere eventually, which means they will not be able to afford much progress, then even F2Ps won't have content, and the game will burn out.

3) I probably should have clarified this last post but, I know review-bombing does seem like a kinda shitty tactic at first and I get that, but the reason people are doing that now is because mihoyo has completely ignored people complaining for months normally, and even now has started to censor and ban people, deleted critical posts, etc. Basically it's clear that mihoyo will just ban and censor criticism until people do something that actually forces them to listen, hence review bombing. Banning/censoring criticism is a really, really bad move for any company, historically speaking, it's insulting to players who keep the company afloat and results in losses. The review bombing + a lot of people uninstalled the app apparently + people who usually pay refusing to do so anymore, all of that hits them to where they can't afford to ignore it when people do it en masse. Because it will cost them money/players.

What people are kinda really upset about, even more than rewards itself, is just the silence and censorship on their end, which is more frustrating than the lack of rewards itself. I did have some sympathy for them up until they started censoring and deleting criticism on their site. At that point they're doing this to themselves by doing that.

4) Also, notably, this has worked with plenty of other game devs. You may remember the disaster that was Fallout 76. Bethesda also responded poorly at first, but spamming bad reviews and horrible coverage for Fallout 76 got Bethesda's attention, and they went the whole nine yards formally acknowledging the complaints and more or less apologizing to the whole world of players at E3 and even gave refunds, which is a very surprisingly humble thing for a company of their level of fame to do. The situation calmed down because people felt listened to, and while Fallout 76 was kinda a lost cause and didn't get fixed, the idea is that the refunds/open and honest communication restored the consumer base's relationship to Bethesda. That was a big blow, but Bethesda was willing to take that hit to maintain the sense of communication and mutual respect/value between players and devs.

In contrast, with mihoyo, what most people have been trying to beg/bargain for for an anniversary rewards is a free permanent banner 5 star, which would cost mihoyo essentially literally nothing.

So far they have responded by banning people for literal years on hoyolab, deleting posts, banning people from various social platforms etc, for criticism. Even putting whether or not that's ok aside, it's very unusual and not how game companies usually handle these things, and can only end badly for them.

Also mihoyo has had time to fix this -- it's not like Fallout 76 where they released the game and then the backlash came very suddenly and they had to scramble to prepare a response/plan and needed time. People have been complaining about these rewards for well over a week, so they could have easily fixed it by now if they had any intention of listening to people's complaints, especially considering the proposed fix of a single free permanent 5 star would be very simple and quick to implement.

5) also? it's extra unfortunate and really a marketing team issue bc they could have *profited* from giving more, if they opened rewards to new players as most gachas do. Genshin is incredibly popular right now, to the extent that a lot of people in the gaming/weeb sphere who don't play it, but still know of it, and even know a bit about it.

If you were someone who had never played genshin but had been considering downloading it for a long time, but just kept putting it off or forgetting, and heard "hey join now and you get free Diluc/Keqing," that would have convinced a lot of people to go ahead and join, and they would inevitably get sucked into the game and bring mhy profit. So it's a little strange imo that they chose not to do that, it would have been beneficial to them.

6) also, be aware that the glider we're now getting was supposed to be paid originally. Releasing it free now is damage control. It's also, well, a glider. Again, while it is pretty, it's paltry in comparison to the industry norm and does not have much use to most people.

Finally, criticizing all of this/the game/mihoyo does not mean people hate the game. I do see some people lashing out in defense of mihoyo and I get that bc they produce something we all really like. I really really do not want to see genshin become "that one game that was super popular for a year or so and then died" -- that's why people want improvements, because if improvements aren't made, that's where it's headed. What people are asking for right now is stuff that is very easily in mihoyo's capability and would not cost them much of anything. It would be one thing to ask them for something that would cut their profits or take time to develop, but that's not what's happening. People are asking for very little in the scope of their capabilities/the norm.

[puckinghell]

today i heard someone say "i don't wanna date, i just want my best friend to fall in love with me" and i thought it would make a really good fic!!! maybe you could write it with petey, for his birthday?

That’s a really cute idea. Just a little blurb but hopefully you like it!!

--

You love the boys, you really do, but…

“Shut up, Brock,” you hiss, slamming your beer glass down on the table with a little too much force. Some of the contents sloshes over the edge, but you know Brock is about to buy you a new one: after everything that he’s done tonight, it’s the least he can do.

“Why?” Brock asks, puppy eyes in full effect. “I’m just asking a question!”

What Brock is doing, actually, is opening a can of worms you really don’t want to get opened. You’re good at keeping your feelings close to your chest, have been good at that for ages.

You kinda had no choice. Falling in love with your best friend is dangerous stuff, especially when he’s really not interested in that at all, and you can’t be caught slipping up.

So you don’t go there, normally. But it’s obvious, really, to anyone with eyes. Brock likes to tease you that the sun shines out of your eyes whenever you look at Elias, and Troy simply raises his eyebrows in judgmental manner whenever you stare at Elias a little too long.

And unfortunately, your friends don’t have enough of a moral compass to refrain from teasing you about it.

“You’re not just asking a question,” you quote Brock sarcastically. “You’re being annoying.”

It’s always fun to go out with the boys, so whenever Elias asks you to tag along on their bar crawls, you always say yes. Somehow the topic got turned to your dating life, however, and the only reason you haven’t stabbed Brock to death with the umbrella that came in Jake’s cocktail is that Elias as last seen being beat into the ground at pool by Jacob, so he’s not here to hear about your pathetic love life – or lack thereof.

“I just think,” Brock starts, voice betraying the beginning of a monologue, “that if you’re not gonna do anything about your feelings for Petey, you have to try and get over him. And getting over someone works best when you get under someone else.” He points towards the general area of the bar. “There’s guys there! Just pick one.”

Jake snorts. “It’s not a supermarket, Boes. She can’t just pick up random guys and hope one’s good enough.”

“Exactly,” you say, thankful to have at least one person on your side. The happiness lasts for about a second, because then Jake clearly decides to betray you.

“But I don’t think it’s a bad idea to go on some dates.”

“Really, Tuna, you too?” you frown, putting as much betrayal as you can into your voice. He has the decency to at least look a little sheepish.

“Just a few dates. You don’t know what could happen.”

“I don’t wanna go on dates!” Frustration is ringing clear in your voice. “That might be fun for you, being professional athletes, rich, hot, and men, but going on dates for me means telling my friends exactly where I’m gonna be at whatever time during the night because I’m worried about getting murdered. It means having nothing to talk about and sitting through 3 hours of silence, or listening to men brag about their accomplishments while not even bothering to learn my name. Going on dates isn’t fun.”

You stubbornly cross your arms. Brock and Jake are staring at you with wide eyes, as if you’ve said something crazy; you groan.

“I don’t want to go on dates with random people, I want my best friend to fall in love with me!”

There’s a sharp intake of breath behind you. Normally you probably wouldn’t even notice it, but this one is a little too familiar to be ignored. Within a split second, you realize why Jake and Brock were staring.

Elias is standing behind you, looking at you with confused eyes. His hands are limply by his side.

Oh no.

“Oh no,” Brock says.

“Elias,” you start, but the sentence dies on your lips. What could you say? I didn’t mean it would be a lie, I can explain would lead into something you really don’t want to do.

For a second, Elias seems to be at a loss for words, which is not something that happens to your best friend a lot.

“I’m your best friend,” he says finally, and it’s like the words are sinking into his brain at the exact moment he speaks them. His eyes widen, realization settles into his features, and suddenly you can’t do this.

You can’t watch the horror take over his face, you can’t hear the pity in his voice as he tries to let you down gently. You can’t take Brock and Jake’s sorrowful look of guilt.

So you book it: you throw yourself out of the booth before anyone can say anything and all but run towards the exit of the bar, bumping into Marky on the way out.

“Y/N?” he calls after you, clearly worried, but you don’t stop.

Tears are starting to make their way to your eyes and you don’t want anyone to see that. Instead, you push the door open. Cold winter air hits you in the face and you feel it in your lungs as you inhale.

For a second, it calms you down enough that you have the mind to grab your phone and open the Uber app.

You should’ve expected Elias to follow you, but for some reason it still comes as a surprise when you hear his footsteps behind you.

It’s a little weird, maybe, that you would recognize his footsteps, that you would know it’s him before you’ve seen or heard him. But he’s so familiar that your body reacts to him even without your knowledge, muscles relaxing when he silently stands next to you.

Normally, you would lean against him, in a situation like this. This time you stare stoically ahead.

There’s chatter coming from inside the bar, but it’s quiet outside. It’s cold, but the night is clear. It’s a lovely set of juxtapositions, you suppose, like the way your heart is breaking at the hands of your favorite person; your best friend, who has done nothing wrong.

Suddenly you feel something warm, featherlight against your fingers. Elias’ hands are rough with callouses but they are gentle, and when he carefully and oh so slowly threads his fingers through yours, you don’t stop him. You don’t pull away. You should, probably, but God, you don’t want to.

If everything is going to change, you can allow yourself this memory, of getting so close to what you wanted.

“I don’t like going on dates either,” Elias says out of nowhere. His voice is soft but it cuts through the quiet night anyway.

It’s not at all what you expected him to say, and it startles a laugh out of you. When you look up, there’s a content tug to his lips, like he’s pleased to hear your laughter.

“But I like going on dates with you.”

Those words are even more unexpected and the laughter dies on your lips. Confusion takes over. “Elias, we’ve never been on a date.”

Elias hums. He takes a while to respond. “Haven’t we, though?” he asks, finally. “We’ve been to lots of restaurants, cinemas. Breakfasts, lunches, dinners. Movie nights at home. We’ve gone skating, hiking, golfing.” He grins. “Taken romantic strolls through the park.”

You snort. “Taking Brock’s dogs for a walk isn’t a romantic stroll.”

Elias’ response is quick. “But it could be.”

You don’t have a reply for that. Your heart is beating in your chest a million miles an hour; you feel like you can’t breathe, because it feels like Elias is saying something you couldn’t ever imagine hearing him say.

“Y/N.” Elias’ voice is soft, but urgent, so you focus back on him. “You’re my best friend.”

“I know.” And you do: you wouldn’t ever doubt that, you know what you mean to him.

“That’s why it’s scary. Because I don’t want to lose you if it goes wrong. But that’s also why it’s not scary at all, right? Because we’ve been doing this for a long time, we just didn’t put a name to it.” He shrugs, easily, like his words aren’t turning your whole world upside down. “But I already know I’m my happiest when I’m with you, and I know I always want to spend all of my time with you.”

Your head snaps up. When your eyes catch his, there’s nothing there but truth and honesty. Hope lights up inside your heart like a beacon of light.

“You said… You said you want your best friend to fall in love with you.” Elias smiles, small and private, but happy. “But I already did that a long time ago.”

Like a tidal wave of happiness, a smile spreads across your face. You’re about to step in, to finally kiss Elias like you’ve been wanting all that time, when a car pulls up.

“You already ordered an Uber for us?” Elias says, tone teasing and light. “Someone is eager.”

“I didn’t say you were invited,” you snap, but Elias simply laughs because in reality you both know that he’s invited.

You think for the past few years, there was never a place you went that Elias wasn’t invited to.

“I suppose I could just go,” Elias trails, and you latch onto his hands tightly, keeping them firmly in your own.

He’s not going anywhere, not if it’s up to you. And when he squeezes your hand in the back of the Uber, you’re pretty sure he’s not going anywhere if it’s up to him, either.

[coralstudiies]

hello everyone! I got an ask from an anon asking for tips on time management so i decided to type this out before school starts heheh…

poor time management and procrastination, unfortunately, plague just about all of us lol. people with a short attention span (like me) and who are pretty much always on their phone (me again) and who hate scheduling are the most susceptible to these.

over the years i struggled with time management(studying the night before the exam 🤙🏼) but! these are some tips that have helped me in scheduling, avoiding procrastination and improving time management.

1. Write it down

as always, we’re starting with BEFORE the actual task. write all tasks, assignments, projects and homework, test dates down somewhere (notebook preferably so that you dont lose it. it doesn’t have to be your bujo and you do not have to start a bujo for this specific reason!!!) and write the deadlines. this is subconscious pressure to do work once you get home. also, since you can see everything, it’s easier to schedule it out later

2. Use travel time

i cannot stress this enough!!!! sorry that it appears in all my tips posts but it truly is very useful. for short commutes, review the content you’ve learnt so that when you start on your homework, you’ve already got the hang of it. ie you dont struggle to understand the chapter and be put off from finishing your work because you hate it. long commutes can be used to complete work itself. i like to place some books and a file under my worksheet while i write (if i have a seat lol) or you can take this time to plan your time in greater detail

3. Actually plan your time

you dont have to fancy it up with like, brush pens and highlighters. just do something on google sheets or excel. divide the day into appropriate blocks of time.

for me, since i use a focus timer (50+10 or 100+20, rare cases i do 120 with a long break after that) i keep my days in 1hr blocks. so i’d block in about 1hour after i reach home to chill, clean up and so on, 2hrs for homework and the remaining time can be divided by hour/2hours to complete my work. you can tweak the timings to work for you but so far this one suits me pretty well.

4. NEVER RUSH YOUR HOMEWORK AND REVISION WHEN PLANNING!!!!

i repeat, never rush. because when you give only, say, one hour to review 3 chapters and you fail to do so within that time limit, you feel demoralised and hence, will not want to work more. this is a very common issue i believe. sometimes i would rush revise and when i couldnt stick to the timelines, i’ll feel so defeated that i’ll probably binge watch youtube to cure my self-pity LOL

give yourself an ample amount of time. Assign one or two hours a day as ‘delay time’ (this was my free time) so that you can catch up on anything that unfortunately, you couldn’t finish. Assign one day of the week to be the ‘delay day’ -- anything that you cant finish the week before, do it now. this means that you can still ‘save’ your plan even if it screwed up somewhere along the way. it works wonders, believe me! i used to have ‘delay hours’ after training where i would (ahem sadly) study from 2330-0030 if i needed to. while i was tired, i always got my work done.

5. Prioritise

this one needs no explanation. i usually choose which task to start on based on a combination of deadline+importance+graded/non-graded. i start early for graded assignments because they count towards my semester’s final grade and i want to hand up the best quality work i can. find a system which works for you! note: start project work and large assignments early.

you can assign simple tasks first to start the ball rolling, and proceed with harder tasks.

alternatively, if you’re at your prime focus, start with the hardest and scale down to the simple.

6. Make good use of holidays + Wake up early

ok i used to game a LOT and go to training a LOT (still happens now lol) during holidays but i wouldnt get any of my holiday work done.

do your holiday homework first. schedule your time well, and maybe stay home and resist the urge to go out for the first 5 days. finish all your work (again, schedule well) with breaks in between.

thereafter, schedule maybe 3-5 hours a day to revise. if you’re going out with friends, i’d suggest you wake up early to study because once you come home you’re usually dead tired HAHA

so how early is early?? during my o levels study break i would wake up at 0330 (yes, for real) but i slept at 2130 every night. so thats 6 hours of sleep wew but AT LEAST i was very productive. think about it this way: waking up early to study at 0330 makes you more productive than studying till 0330. you don’t have to wake up THIS early, but preferably early enough when the sky’s still dark so that you can fit in those extra hours. DO NOT sacrifice sleep. that’s why you can see i’m still sleeping my usual amount, albeit sleeping and waking earlier.

more perks of waking up early: its quiet outside, the air is cool, your mind gets into the ‘get shit done’ mode, and if you absolutely have to use your phone to search something up, your social media probably won’t be pinging. in other words, early mornings are actually a great time to study! remember to eat something though :>

7. Remove all distractions to prevent possible procrastination

YES i know this is the dreaded one. lock your phone somewhere inconvenient and put the key outside your room. or if you don’t lock it make sure your phone is far away from you as possible. please i know how deadly your phone can get so just put it away.

if you find yourself drifting away and looking at something else, remove that.

alternatively, change up your study environment. you don’t have to go to the library or something (you can if you want to). this is as simple as studying in a different part of the house. a new environment helps to ‘prick’ my mind and help me ignore distractions. i dont know if this is scientifically proven but oh well, worth a try.

8. 2-minute rule

this is something i picked up from @studyquill! it’s pretty helpful (although i was skeptical at first). Tell yourself you’re only going to work for 2 minutes, which helps you get into the workflow. chances are you’ll get so into it (ok not in an excited but rather in a determined way) that you don’t feel like stopping.

if you’ve had a long day and after 2 mins you still don’t get any momentum, just stop and take a 15 min break. that means you’re really too tired and there’s no point in forcing yourself to complete your work.

9. Use reminders

set reminders on your phone for the tasks you need to do. for example, if you’ve planned to start work at 1500, set the reminder to ring 5 minutes before so you have time to gather all your stuff and ready yourself to do work. no excuses!!

set reminders for your breaks as well! those are equally important.

10. Reward yourself

if everything you need to do is done, give yourself a pat on the back. have you been extremely productive? great, treat yourself to your favourite drink/snack. honestly i feel like many of our brains function on the ‘reward’ system. if we reward ourselves for a job well done, we’ll be more willing to complete tasks and stay on time in the future (the brain thinks there’s a reward coming)

remember to take care of your mental health as well! this is one good way to ensure you don’t end up mentally exhausted.

Apps to help with time management

1. Tide - focus timer, meditation, beautiful and calming soundtracks (my fav!)

2. Pendo - everything in one tbh, schedule, to-do list, journal etc. (my fav too!)

3. Forest - focus timer $$$ (free alternative: flora)

4. Donut Dog - focus timer

5. Todoist - minimalist to-do list

6. Minimalist - minimalist to-do list

7. Google Calender - your entire schedule

8. Todait - smart study planner

a quick search will bring out many more! note these are all available on iOS but i’m not sure about google play. you don’t need everything to be productive. i rely only on Tide, Pendo and my iPhone calender and reminders. It’s less about having many ‘tools’ and more about how you properly and wisely utilise them to boost your productivity and manage your time.

also i don't think pendo is very well-known?? so this is how its interface looks like for 'Notes':

it's pretty, simple and clean and there are several themes to choose from! i rly like it omg HAHA (not a promo)

alright that's all! hope it helped :>

[sillyrabbit81]

Her Heavy Cross

Summary: Three years after tragedy hits, Lana she decides to start dating again. She meets Will through a dating app and they begin an online romance. After months of constant requests, Lana relents and agrees to meet and go on an irl date with Will. But is Will who he says he is? Lana is quickly pulled into an intense relationship forcing her to confront her tragic past. Will Lana face it or will she close her heart forever?

Pairing: OMC x OFC

Word Count: approx 3.5k

Warnings: swearing, smoking

Authors Note: The story started as a Henry Cavill fanfiction but I changed it to be an original character, but shades of Henry are still there. Hope you enjoy the story and thanks for reading.

Part 1 Part 3

Part 2

I stopped breathing. My voice was strangled. "You're Will?"

Liam nodded. He had a massive smile on his face. "I hope you understand. I can hardly use my real name or photos on a dating app."

I made some sort of noise in agreement, but my thoughts were reeling. There's no Will. Will is Liam. Liam fucking Cross. Will lied to me. No, Liam lied to me. He told me he was a personal trainer. Whose photos were the ones he had online? Did he steal them? Who the fuck is this guy?

I was breathing again, but now my breath was ragged.

"Hey, it's ok, come and sit." Liam put his arm around my shoulders and guided me back to the table.

"Don't touch me." I spat out venomously.

He backed off immediately. Not looking at him, I walked the rest of the way myself. Sitting down, I crossed my arms and said, "why would you do that? Why would you lie like that?"

"Lie?" Liam sounded shocked. "I used a fake name and photo, and I apologise for that. I can't..." he paused for so long that I almost looked at him. "I can't exactly date in the usual way."

"How often do you do this?"

"I met another girl about a year ago in London. We went out a few times, but it didn't work out."

"Who were the photos of? Do they know you do this?"

"He is a friend from school. He knows."

I leaned my elbow on the table and rested my head in my hand. I needed a fucking cigarette. I reached into my bag and pulled out my emergency stash. I hadn't smoked in 3 weeks. Damn him.

I lit up and took a long drag. It didn't taste the best, but then the nicotine made it worthwhile. I finally looked at Liam.

"I thought you quit," he said.

"I have," I said tartly.

For a while, neither of us spoke.

I debated whether or not I should be as angry as I felt. On the one hand, the explanation made sense. I mean, if he had told me when we first started talking that he was really Liam Cross, I would have thought he had a few kangaroos lose in the top paddock. On the other hand, I felt like a fool. Is it that easy to fool me? I didn't even notice that he never sent me any pictures of himself. I didn't send him any either, but social media wasn't a big part of my life. I could easily go months without taking pictures of myself.

I went back and forth, arguing both sides until I stubbed my cigarette into the plastic ashtray and couldn't draw it out anymore.

"I get why you did what you did. But it's a bit of a shock."

Liam looked relieved. A curl had fallen onto his forehead, making him look like a lost puppy. Well, maybe a lost wolf cub. A wild and untamed wolf cub.

"I have some questions, though," I continued. Liam smiled and waved his hand in a go-ahead gesture. "So, other than your name and job, what else isn't true?"

"I was as honest as I could be. I am a guy who would rather stay home and read or watch movies or play video games than go out. I am looking for a serious relationship. I want a woman to come home to, but one who understands how busy my life is. I want a family, someone to take care of. All those things are true." He spoke with confidence like he had been thinking about what he wanted for a long time, but it sounded like a laundry list to me.

Liam moved his chair closer and went to take my hand. I pulled away.

"I'm sorry I upset you. It was not my intention to deceive you. I know what I want, and I know what kind of woman I want. In the circles I work in, there aren't many women like that. I wanted someone unconnected to the Hollywood world, someone who doesn't want to be famous. I didn't know how else to find someone like that."

I looked at Liam. I was held transfixed by his gaze. His blue eyes were so clear and sincere. I tore my eyes away.

When he spoke again, Liam's voice was small. "I am really sorry. I... Fuck." Running his fingers through his hair, he said, "I don't know what to say. Lana. I'm still the same person."

"But you're not." I shook my head. "It's not just that you lied online; I get that. But why did you lie here? You could have said, 'Hi, Lana. I know you thought you were meeting Will, but Will is actually me. I did that because I'm famous.' Instead, you played along with the charade and made me feel like a bloody dickhead."

Liam was quiet. He dropped his head. "Is that it then? Is this over before it has a chance to get started?"

I shrugged. My leg was bouncing. I tried to stop it, but it started again. I crossed my legs.

"Do you want me to go?" Liam asked.

"Do you want to go?"

"No." Liam leaned towards me, his hands close to my knee. "But I will if you want me to." He let the back of his index finger brush against my bare skin. It was the lightest of touches, but it thrilled me.

Feeling tongue-tied, I shook my head.

We sat like that for a while. Liam's finger continued to rub against my knee like he was trying to calm a skittish horse. The anger in me stilled under his touch. I didn't want it to. I wanted to stay angry. He was so gentle I couldn't help it.

Eventually, I gave a small smile. "Say something," I said, unable to stand the silence any longer.

Liam's face creased as a warm smile spread across his lips. "I'm happy you're here to meet you finally." He put his hand out, palm up on my knee. I put my hand in his, and it was immediately swallowed by his much larger hand. He sighed, seemingly relieved and said, "to touch you."

"Say something else." I implored. My fingers caressed his palm. I traced the lines I could feel and the rough callouses that formed below his fingers.

Liam became serious. No, not serious, something else. He looked at my hair and reached with his other hand to brush it behind my ear. "Your hair is redder than I thought it would be."

"Is that bad?" I asked unsurely. Being a redhead was hit and miss. Some guys seemed to love it, and others ran a million miles. We had a reputation, after all.

He shook his head, "it's beautiful." His eyes kept searching my face, and I turned my head to look away, feeling heat rise to my cheeks under his gaze. He put his hand under my chin and gently guided my face back.

"Don't look away. I want to look at you." My cheeks were on fire now, and I felt warmth spread all through my body.

Liam's hand moved down to my neck. His index finger caressed my ear lobe as he cupped my neck and all coherent thoughts fell away. Gently he put his thumb under my chin and lifted it stretching my neck. My whole body was aflame now. My lips parted as I gasped.

"I want to kiss you." Liam's voice was hoarse and wanton, yet firm. He wasn't asking to kiss me. He just told me what he wanted. I broke out in goose flesh and shivered. Yes, this is what I needed. I needed a man who knows what he wants. I didn't trust myself to speak clearly, so I licked my lips and closed my eyes.

Liam groaned. His hand left mine and held the back of my head, his fingers sliding through my hair. I felt his warm breath on my lips, smelling faintly of beer, earthy, almost like freshly cut grass. I could feel myself quivering in anticipation.

Then his lips met mine, so softly, I thought I had imagined it. Then he kissed me again, his lips firm but still so soft. He pulled me closer, and I reached out and grasped his shoulders.

His lips parted, opening mine as they did. Liam's tongue gently licked at my bottom lip. My tongue met his, and I moaned. I wanted more. I kissed him back with more ferocity than was probably necessary. I couldn't help it. Spurred on by my kiss, his hand turned into a fist in my hair. His lips moved against mine harder and faster.

My thoughts were gone. I could process nothing but the duel sensations of pleasure from his mouth and the ache from my stretched throat and pulled hair. It drove me wild, and instinct took over. I wrapped my arms around Liam, trying to get closer to him. My chest met his, and I felt his hard body against my soft breasts. I wanted to feel his whole body against mine, his hardness against my softness.

Then he slowed, his kisses become softer and longer, his tongue withdrew into his mouth, and I felt the loss if it. The loss of his heat against my body made me feel cold. Liam let my hair go and slowly sat back.

I opened my eyes, blinking several times as I adjusted to the light. I looked at Liam, his eyes were bright, and I watched as he suppressed a grin. Then I watched, fascinated as he moved in his chair and tried to hide the hand that moved between his legs as he adjusted himself. I had to look away. I laughed because otherwise, I think I would have died.

"What's so funny?" Liam asked though he sounded amused.

"Not funny, I just can't help it." His eyebrow popped up. "I just enjoyed that."

"Back to being direct, are you?"

I shrugged.

The twitchy lip was back. "Maybe not." I wanted to crawl under the table. "Do you still want to go to dinner?"

I nodded. "Where are we going?"

"Apparently, it's not far from here, on the harbour. It's a seafood place. I remember you telling me you like seafood."

I nodded vigorously. "That sounds perfect."

As we walked to the restaurant, Liam held my hand. We didn't say much, but it wasn't awkward. Sometimes I would look at him and catch him doing the same. I would look away first, giggling as I did. Liam would chuckle and squeeze my hand.

I was disgusted with myself for acting like a schoolgirl. I was a grown woman with a marriage under my belt. Yet, even as I wondered why I was acting like a 16-year-old, I knew the answer. Liam was gorgeous, successful and wanted me.

I looked at him, and again he caught me. This time I forced myself not to look away. I returned his gaze and studied his face.

Turning his body to face me, Liam's eyes drifted down my body, lingering on my breasts. He slowly smiled. I felt naked, like he knew what I looked like without clothes.

Liam took a step towards me, forcing me to take a step back. Again he came closer, and again I retreated until I felt my back against the wall behind me. Liam's arms came up, and he put his hands on the wall beside my head. As I searched his face, I saw a naked hunger. I swallowed hard.

I wanted to look away, to say we should keep walking, but I also wanted to stay there trapped by Liam's arms. Up close, his arms were so big, and they looked like they could break me without much effort. He pressed his whole body against me, and one of his legs slipped between mine. My bones became jelly, like I would slide down the wall if his firm body weren't holding me together.

I put my hands on his wrists and felt my way up to his shoulders. Every muscle in his arms was tight, and I could feel each in turn as I moved my hands. I shuddered as my hands reached his triceps, and he flexed for me. My hips buck against his leg in an involuntary move, and I felt the sweet friction between my own. Liam made a noise from deep in his throat and took a step back so quickly I almost fell.

"We should get going, or we will lose our reservation," Liam said coldly and started walking. I was confused and struck immobile for a moment, then had to take a few jogging steps to catch up to him. This time he didn't take my hand. I didn't look at him for the rest of the way.

"I believe this is the place," Liam announced. It was beautiful, right on the harbour with the Harbour Bridge's views to one side and the Opera House on the other. The water was dark and reflected the bridge's lights, twinkling like it was another sky.

I finally looked at Liam. He was smiling again. He put his arm out and made a slight bow, indicating I should go first. I was still confused about earlier. He was so hot and then so cold, I didn't know what to make of it. I didn't want to make a scene, so I went in, but I also didn't want him to think he could get away with it.

The maître de greeted Liam by name and ushered us both upstairs and to a private balcony overlooking the harbour. We sat and were given a quick rundown of the evening's menu. It was a degustation, so the menu was set, and there would be eight dishes. The sommelier followed quickly behind, giving drink recommendations. Liam asked for paired wines, and I agreed. Eventually, we were left alone.

"I'm sorry about earlier," Liam said. "You make me forget where I am." He smiled. His mischievous look made him seem almost boyish.

"Why does it matter where you are?" I asked harshly.

"I don't want photos out there of me kissing you in an alleyway."

"I see." I did see. My heart sank. I knew it was too good to be true.

"What's wrong?" Liam was frowning.

"Nothing. I mean, it would be terrible if anyone knew you were kissing me," I said. I was probably a little too sarcastic.

"You know what I mean, Lana."

"Yes, I do." I stood. "This was a mistake. I should have left after your first lie."

Liam grabbed my wrist and stood up. "I don't think you do understand. A photo of you showing up with me means they will start hunting you down, find out who you are, search your social media, look into everything. They will probably publish your name, age, occupation. Dig up every bit of dirt they can. Are you ready for that?" I had to admit I was not. "All of this happening while we are still getting to know each other. It's a nightmare you don't want."

"You're right," I said softly. "I don't think I'll ever want that."

He let go of me and sighed. We both stood there for a few moments. Eventually, he spoke, "I don't want to put you in a situation where you're uncomfortable. You were right, and I shouldn't have lied about who I was. I want to honest with you about what being in a relationship with me means. Part of that is being very private about the relationship until you're ready to go public. It also means not telling friends or family who you don't trust to keep quiet."

"You know that this isn't normal right?" Liam nodded. "Ok, just so we are clear, dating you would be like dating a married man? No one can know."

"A married man?" Liam looked startled. "No, not like that. This isn't about me or to protect myself but to protect yourself. I'm not ashamed to be seen with you. You need to decide when you want the public to know about us. I already have almost no privacy, but I won't make that decision for someone else."

"Lots of celebrities date someone not famous, and no one talks about them."

"Yes, they do. At first anyway, the longer they're together, the less they get talked about if they are smart with publicity. Don't you read magazines, follow Twitter gossip, Instagram or anything?"

"Not really. I mean, if there is a tv show or something I like, I'll follow updates on filming and interviews with the actors, but that's usually it."

"Things can get vicious online with gossip."

"Are you trying to scare me off?" I said, a bit pissed. "Because it's working."

"No. I want you to know what can happen."

I started to sit back down. Liam pushed my chair in as I sat.

"If we were to date, would I have to do anything? Like, can't I just be in the background?" I scrunched my nose up, "I don't have to be all on Instagram selling diets or anything, do I?"

Liam chortled. "No, nothing like that."

"Good." I think people would laugh at my big thighs if I tried to do that anyway.

"And that is why I like you." Liam took my hand and lifted it to his lips, his whiskers tickling as he pressed a kiss to my palm. I shivered.

Our first course arrived then with some wine. It was a beautifully sliced tuna sashimi with orange and ginger. It melted in my mouth and exploded with fantastic citrus flavour. I'm sure I moaned aloud. I just hoped it wasn't a When Harry Met Sally level of noise. The white wine with it was also delicious, slightly dry, but easy to drink.

"My god!"

"Good, huh?" Liam asked.

"Sho gud," I said after I had already put more in my mouth. Liam laughed, and I quickly finished chewing and took another drink. "Sorry."

"Don't apologise. I'm enjoying watching you enjoy it."

"Buckle up then champion because if the next seven courses are anything like that, you're going have the time of your life." I don't think I could have said anything more cringe-inducing. Hiding my face with my hands, my cheeks felt hot. But Liam laughed and took my hands away. His face was warm, so I laughed as well.

The next seven courses were amazing, scampi tails, lobster and beef, beautiful salads with roe and sorbet for dessert. It was astonishing, something I had rarely experienced before. None of the ingredients were new to me, but I've never had food prepared with such exquisite care and attention to detail. Little edible flowers and streaks of sauces were laid out on the plates, making the food a feast for the eyes.

The wine was impressive. We had five glasses all up, each one a flavour to compliment the food. I know I was a little inebriated by the end.

Liam wasn't sober either. The wait staff seemed to take it in stride, carefully clearing away our plates while avoiding Liam's flailing arms as he told me stories. Liam liked to talk with his hands when he was drunk, evidently.

As the night went on and the alcohol flowed, we both became much more relaxed and open. Our conversations flowed as they had on the phone over the last couple of months. He told me stories about his family and growing up in London. He mainly talked about his two brothers. I told him more about my older brother, David and the horrible things he did to me as we grew up. We compared notes to see whose siblings were the worst.

When the bill arrived, Liam paid. He insisted, saying he asked me out so he should pay.

"Don't you mean begged me to out with you?" I asked, teasing.

Liam pretended to be offended but conceded immediately, "I suppose asking nearly every day for a month is begging. I'm glad I did." He put his arm on the back of my chair and leaned in close, our noses nearly touching. "Did you enjoy dinner?"

I felt heady being so close to him. Either it was him or the wine. I closed my eyes as his nose nudged mine. I heard someone coming up the stairs, and I pulled away.

The waiter returned Liam's card and offered to call us a taxi.

While we waited in the restaurant's foyer, I thanked Liam for a great night and kissed him on the cheek. His rough face pricked my lips, making them tingle.

I ran my finger along his jaw, feeling his short, sharp beard and his smooth skin on impulse. I smiled as I went.

"What are you doing?" Liam asked, his voice playful.

I shrugged, "I don't know. I've just had the urge to do that since I first saw you."

"Do you like it? The hair, I mean." I nodded. "Then I'll keep it as long as I can." Liam took me in his arms. "You feel nice," he said, voice a little slurred. I blushed. I felt like I had spent most of the night blushing. Liam kept picking strands of hair off my face and putting them behind my ear. I looked up into his eyes as he played with my hair.

"Come back to my place, Sweetheart?" Liam asked. I laughed and raised an eyebrow at him, and he laughed with me. "I don't want tonight to end yet. I've waited so long to meet you."

Andy's face appeared like an apparition. For a moment, Liam was Andy, and I was standing in his arms again. He had been taller than Liam but not as muscular, hair not as dark, skin not as pale. But then Liam said my name, and Andy vanished. I had definitely had too much to drink, or was it the old guilt resurfacing?

I shook my head as if it would erase the thoughts. I put a smile on my face and pretended to think it over, "Mr Cross, you're very bold."

"Indeed, Miss Walker." Liam grinned, playing along. Mrs Walker, I thought but didn't say.

"Very well, Mr Cross, I shall accompany you back to your home."

"Very good, Miss Walker." Liam lifted my chin and placed a light kiss on my lips.

Part 3

[youre-on-your-ownkid]

I owe you an explanation so hi. also I'm not copy pasting this so @i-dont-like-a-gold-rush hi to you too

basically, ever since the word about my offline school reopening started, I started to have anxiety attacks at the most random of thoughts. I thought I was over the whole new school thingy but apparently not... it's easier to talk to people over text and calls. just when I was starting to get used to these people, a huge change occurs again and suddenly I have to meet them and act like I'm one of them.

but I still calmed myself down by saying that mom and dad would never allow me to go, cause there were transportation (buses haven't started) and covid issues. that is, until that day I was talking to you, and our teacher suddenly told us that we have to come to real school to give our exams. it's compulsary. those giving it online will be evaluated, but not given marks because apparently, the minute offline school starts, they think we're gonna start cheating.

anyway I blanked for a second, the next thing I knew I was deleting all the apps on my phone. I've always been the kind of person to prioritize grades over everything idek why I do it but yeah. so the fact that I might not get marks for the work I do just shocked me. also it started to sink in, that not only do I have to now go compulsorily to school, but the first thing I'll do when I get there is give an exam. and I'm reallyyyy not good under pressure. then all my incomplete work started floating in my mind and I just flipped completely. I don't know why it mattered so much to me, but I think the marks thing was the last screw for moi.

I left the meeting, feeling like I was about to throw up (which I didn't, cause I hadn't eaten breakfast that day) and just paced around the room trying to breathe but I couldn't. it was a full on panic attack, and I forgot all the tips I had read about them earlier when I used to have them regularly. my brother wasn't home that day either, though I doubt he would have been of help. so when I finally started to breath after 30 minutes or so, I was in too much of a shock to register what I had done.

immediately after, I got called into a class representatives meeting about somebody acting out, and for some reason I was the only one who could talk to him so I didn't really have time to recover. the others kept talking about school and my head kept spinning and spinning and spinning. I think the only way I calmed down was by listening to music afterwards? and that's when I installed discord and tumblr again.

so yeah. there you have it.

Oh god omg, I'm not disclosing your name or stuff cause ik you wanted to stay anon. Ok so yeah I totally get why you freaked out, I've always prioritized grades too. I mean you toh got the news of offline classes and uninstalled... Maine toh online exams ke pehle hi uninstall kar diya Tumblr and discord from my phone lmao.

Also I get the changing schools and settling down stuff. I've literally changed 3 schools in my life... So yeah it does take time to fit in but I'm sure you're gonna be ok. Just, look I know you're a very good student, I don't need to see your report card for that, so I'm sure you don't have to worry about work load when offline school reopens. But j get the part about pretending to be alright... Cause yeah school toh jate hai padhne ke liye but we do need friends... And it's kinda hard for you considering you've never interacted with them in what, 2 years? But yeah, just, don't worry. Everything will work out perfectly fine... I mean, all of them will like you, I'm sureee. I mean, you must've seemed tolerable enough to make you my friend so eh. But yeah, don't worry, it's gonna work out. -;-

Also like, WHAT IS IT WITH THE FUCKING GOVERNMENT NOT VAXXING US YET FORCING US TO SCHOOL PHYSICALLY SMH, FUCK THEM.

Also, final note before I probably log off from the tab: @i-dont-like-a-gold-rush here ya go

[ceedtriestoblog]

An open letter to somebody i thought was the one 🙂

Hey. This is awkward. But, how are you? It's been a week or two.. Or almost three. I never heard from you and how you've been doing. I hope you're doing good. I hope you're happy.

I just wanna thank you. For everything. For making me happy. For those moments we shared when we weren't thinking about anybody or anything else, not even about us. We're just enjoying each other's presence and company. Those random talks about work, family, goals, about the past, about LIFE in general. I enjoyed those times we were enjoying our food and satisfying our cravings while making plans about what or where to eat soon. Those plans of hitting the beach and going on long drives. I enjoyed the way you try hard speaking our dialect. Your weird accent sounds cute, and funny. Yeah, you're funny. You made me laugh without you even noticing. Thinking of that makes me miss your voice. I miss the way you make plans for us, cause you wanna see me on the weekends, when you're done with work. I just wish you knew how I badly want to spend my weekends with you too. I miss the way you hold my hand, even when it's cold and wet from holding a venti cup of iced coffee we used to enjoy while you're driving me home. I miss the way you compliment me everytime I worry about my acne. I miss the way you call me beautiful especially when i am not feeling myself. I miss the way you tell me you miss me, even when you just dropped me home, and telling me afterwards that you really like me and you had a great time. I miss your effortless banats, and the way i have to contain the kilig i feel with those. Yeah, i admit you got me with those. And who cares if they were sincere or not? They were just banats after all. I miss the way you check on me, if i’m already home and safe, and if i’m having a good day. I miss the way you tease me, those half meant jokes about me and the little things about me like how i make time posting my stories late at night. And i miss teasing you too. You, not wanting to eat rice but seem to enjoy having it in your meal. . I miss those fun times with you. I miss the feeling of missing you while looking forward to our next date. Now it’s just missing you and nothing to look forward to anymore. I miss your daily updates when you're off to work, when you grab lunch, to all those nights you stay late for netflix or work stuff.I miss your 'good morning' and 'good night' chats with our silly endearment on it. And now i can't help but remember the way you actually said it when you were getting my attention.

I know it was just 4 dates and, just 3 months. And I don’t know if they're significant to you like they are to me. I'm not even sure if all those you showed me were true and sincere. Or which parts weren’t true and just for the sake of 'plain landian'. Those were just short moments that honestly keep playing in my head a dozen times a day until now. How could I easily forget those, for they made me feel happy and special after 3 years of just being with myself, romantically. I’m sorry not for you, not for us, but for myself. I’m sorry for messing things up, for overthinking when there's no need to do so. For guarding my heart too much that it chose to disregard its feelings and prioritize my pride. I know I should not be blaming myself but there were just times i can’t help but do so. When I already convinced myself to take a risk and let my guard down, it was already too late. I tried initiating hoping we could give it a try, but it seemed you already made up your mind. I don't really know your reasons, if you have someone already or you're not ready for anything serious, or you just realized you couldn't work things out with me or maybe you weren't really serious from the start. But whatever your reason is, I hope it's the right thing for you. I hope you won't have any regrets. I guess i'll just accept things the way it is, now. Accept that you're just another lesson. That you aren't meant to stay. Accept that you're not meant for me. I should hate you for leading me on and though i tried not to, I indeniably expected for you to take things seriously and mean those things you said. But it's my fault i guarded my heart the wrong way that i fell hard, not because of reality but more on possibilties and potential. Maybe that's how I got my heart broken. Now, I always pray for my heart and healing and it is gradually making me realize that it's not my fault that some things are out of my control. Situations change. Feelings change. People change. Sincerity can't be forced. And it's becoming rare in the world of dating nowadays.

I admit I am sad that we drifted apart. It sucks to think someone out there is already getting the attention and affection you used to give me . Do you call her the way we adressed each other too? Do you remind her always that she's worth your efforts too? It sucks to think you found someone you think is better for you. It sucks that you didn't like me enough for you to be serious with what we had.It sucks that i'm just somebody you used to know now. Just one of your dating app matches that didn't work out. It really sucks. I guess i just have to be patient with pain. I dont have plans of running away from it. It has this demand to be felt everyday, everytime you come across my mind. And it really sucks.

I am not blaming you for this. I know I could have done better. I could have enjoyed the way things were supposed to be and not rush things specifically what I had to act and feel about you, about us. Maybe I liked you too much that i forgot that I could have guarded my heart more. I could have refrained from daydreaming and playing stupid scenarios in my head. I could have waited for magic to work on its own. If ever we had any. 😅 But it's too late. Maybe if I did those while you still liked me, I didn't end up hurting myself. I rushed everything. Rushed in the sense that I overthought things. I advanced the pain, the hurt, the anxiety. Now I'm realizing things. You’re really one of the lessons. Thank you for this. What happened to us taught me to wait, even for things that are expected to happen, still, we have to be patient. To trust, and to earn that trust too. To stay calm, for things meant for you will always find their way to you. 🙂 To entrust everything to God, including your feelings, your desires, your thoughts. To trust in His will and ask for it in your life.

I hope I didn't hurt you in any way somehow. I hope I made you happy even for just a little time. And I hope when that slightest chance of us crossing our paths comes, we'll be able to look at each other and smile. It's not that hard to admit we used to know each other anyway. 🙂

Stay happy. ❤️

[chris-evans-indian-fanfic]

Across Seven Seas

Chapter 12

Description: This fanfiction series is set in the year 2022, after the horrid COVID-19 has finally come to an end. In this fanfiction, Chris Evans holidays with his family in India and meets Meera Shankar. The story explores their rollercoaster journey and raises a question, whether two people, from two contrasting backgrounds and cultures, can build their future together?

Series Masterlist

Chapter 13

Main Masterlist

This series is Chris Evans x OFC with Chris Evans' family and friends having recurring appearances. Please find below a lot of Original Characters-

Meera Shankar - The female lead

Meera's Mother

Poppy - Meera's maternal grandmother

Rohan - Meera's elder brother who is 6 years older than her.

Ankur - Concierge of the Hotel Maple-Fawn in Mussoorie

Warning: Curse words, beginning of rape, alcohol consumption, angst

This is a work of fiction. The names of the hotels and companies have been changed to avoid copyright issues. Meera Shankar and her family is based on the author and her kin. No offense is intended.

I don’t consent to have any of my work published or featured on any third party app, website or translated. If you are seeing this fanfiction anywhere but tumblr, it has been reposted without my permission. In that case, please do share the link and let me know.

...

Chapter 12

Meera rang the doorbell of the Evans suite. Situated on the top floor of the hotel, the passage way to the suite was lined with ornate arches, marble statues and impeccable sophisticated lighting. The entire decor screamed opulence in capital letters. It also made her feel uncomfortably out of place.

Scott opened the door and let her in. He welcomed her to take a seat in the living room of the suite, along with Lisa, Chris, Shanna and Carly. "Did all of you see the news?" Meera asked as she took a seat, wincing a little. "Yeah we did. We just wanted to ask a few questions. Thank you for coming up here even though you are exhausted. It means a lot," said Scott. 

Meera brushed him off, "It's okay. I will try my best to put your mind at ease." She looked around at their silent faces. They looked a little nervous and Meera soon realised why. She was sitting in her usual position, legs wide apart, back slightly bent, forearms resting on her knees with her palms meeting in the middle. While she felt comfortable in this position, her Mother had always reminded her that women sat with their legs closed and not like mobsters planning to threaten people.

"Umm... Yeah so… I mean…" Scott struggled, clearly hesitant.

Meera chuckled under her breath, "Why don't I start with the obvious questions. You can ask me later on if I miss out on anything." Scott nodded.

"So first of all, why did I not take any credit for the fight? Simple. I wanted to protect my family, especially my brother. He works with a cruise ship in the US and," she sighed, "stuff like this will make it harder for him to renew his visa."

Meera looked at Chris, "You gave your honest statement to the police officer. It was I who translated it and signed the false statement. So… So please be assured, you will not get into any legal trouble." She removed her phone from her bomber jacket, "I have a voice recording of your original statement. I can give it to you right now if you want. So that just in case, in the future, if this matter ever comes to light, you will have proof to back you up."

The 5 looked considerably relieved now. Scott gave her his email ID where she could send the recording. Once she did, she deleted the sent email and his email ID from her contact list in front of them.

"Now for the next question, how and when did I manage to plan all this? I spoke with Inspector Rima when she came to arrest those 3 gentlemen. I explained to her that since you were US citizens, you were planning to file a complaint with your embassy and would see to it that this matter received international coverage. She understood that her police force would be insulted and she would definitely get suspended. So," Meera sighed again, only this time pain visibly flashed across her face, "she agreed to take the credit and include you guys in the report as just tourists."

"From whatever little I know, there were 26 members in the gang and all of them have been caught. So you guys are all safe. Plus, the hotel is…," she groaned a little with pain, "is providing us with increased security. Nobody can enter our respective floors without avoiding the hotel guards. So yes, you can stay here for the remainder of your trip," she ended.

She looked around at them with a small smile, "Any questions?"

"I do," said Shanna slowly, "Why did you not use your knife to fight those guys? I mean they had knives too right? You were lucky only your sweater was torn."

Meera nodded, "I was incredibly lucky today. The fight could have gone sideways very fast. I didn't use the knife because…" she paused again, running fingers on her forehead, "Aah... because it would have further complicated the crime scene. See you can easily explain punches and kicks as self-defence to the police, but when a knife or any other weapon gets involved, it comes close to the murder-territory. I figured if… if I could distract them with my laughter and insults, I could take them on one-by-one." 

She looked at Chris again. He was still wearing her sweater and cap, "That reminds me, can I please have my sweater and skull cap back?"

Chris became tongue-tied. He could feel everyone's attention on him now. Quick! Say something smart! He kept looking at Meera. He knew her body must be paining, but he saw a greater pain in her eyes. Her pink lips were slightly quivering, as if she could cry in an instant. Her eyelids were heavy with sleep. He knew she needed rest, yet here she was, reassuring his family. He wanted to hold her, hug her tight and tell her everything would be okay. But would she let him? He should have protected her today, and instead, he was a coward. Would she ever forgive him for that?

"Umm Mr Evans?" Tell her why can't you return her belongings. SPEAK YOU FUCKING MEATBALL!! His breaths started coming in rapid successions as his eyes grew wider. You are a fucking 41-year-old man, TALK!!! But the more he thought about talking, the more he shut himself. 

"Oh God baby no it's okay," said Lisa, lightly rubbing his hands while Shanna and Carly started fanning him with the newspapers. "Hey do you want to sing the Little Mermaid song?" Scott suggested, kneeling in front of his brother. 

Meera got up, headed to the refrigerator and brought the ice cube tray in front of Chris. "Pop one in your mouth," she suggested in a commanding tone. Chris looked at her, a little confused but still panicking.

"What are you talking abo…" Before Scott could finish his sentence, she said, "Trust me. Pop one ice cube into your brother's mouth."

Raising his eyebrows and shaking his head in disbelief, Scott still did as she instructed. 

The confusion on Chris' face grew, then the cold hit him. "AFHASGHAHAGHHFA," he said with his mouth open, his panic attack now forgotten. He looked at Meera, dancing a little on his feet with the cold ice cube in his mouth. She just nodded, "Yes you can go and spit it out now."

She placed the ice tray back in the refrigerator. 

When Chris came back, she asked him, "Feeling better?" He nodded, managing to say "Thanks" quietly.

"Umm why… and how?" a stunned Carly managed to ask her.

She addressed them, "There are 3 reasons why putting an ice cube in your mouth works while having a panic attack. One," she raised a finger, and immediately winced in pain, "...the idea acts as a distraction. Two, the cold shocks your system and confuses it. And three, I figured... you might not be drinking enough water, which would have caused your mouth to produce more… ummm…," Meera shook her head as if thinking, "more saliva, which would calm you down."

She stood while they took a seat. "Mr Evans," she spoke gently, "I am sorry I caused you to have a panic attack. When I asked for my stuff, I didn't mean immediately right now. You can return it tomorrow," she closed her eyes and gripped the chair as she felt a little dizzy, "I didn't mean for you to shed your clothes in front of me if that's what you thought."

"Oh no no," Chris finally found his voice, "I didn't... I didn't think that. Please take a seat, you are clearly injured. Have you seen a doctor yet?" 

Meera smiled again, "No I haven't. I don't need to. I will be fine. I will take your leave now." 

As she was leaving, the family thanked her once again. Lisa asked her, "Are you sure you want your sweater back? It's been torn quite horribly." 

"Yes," Meera looked even more exhausted now, if that were possible. "I… I come from a family of… of…" she shook her head and again placed a few fingers on her forehead. "Ummm you know those people who… who do repair work… but of clothes… and they sew new clothes as well? What is the word? What are they called? I am sorry I am having a hard time translating things into English now."

"No don't be sorry. Did you mean a tailor?" 

"Yes! Yes a tailor. I come from a family of women tailors. Yes tailors. Thank you. I will stitch it back together," Meera bid goodbye to them, thinking about her bathtub and soft bed longingly.

…

Back in Meera's room, her phone chimed again. Vikranth: 20 missed calls flashed across the screen.

…

Meera collapsed on her bed. She closed her eyes, the pain in her arms and legs increasing with each second. She groaned as her mobile buzzed. Can't I have a minute of peace? Slowly reaching out for the phone, she saw it was Rohan. 

"Are you okay?" he asked on the call.

"Yes. Will order room service and go to sleep."

"What's your room number? Ma is freaking out here," Rohan sounded concerned, "Look she is worried. Don't do this to her."

"If I give her my room number then she will come down here. She will not give me an iota of space or freedom. Tell her I am in the hotel and I am safe. Explain to her all the security measures the hotel is taking. Even after that, if it doesn't help her paranoia then I cannot do anything about it. No, Rohan, YOU please understand," she interrupted her brother, "I am in pain right now. My hands and legs hurt like crazy and I cannot take any medicine. Right now, I just need my space and time to heal. I am in the hotel so she has nothing to worry about. If she still chooses to worry then I cannot help it. Good night," Meera disconnected the call.

…

2am

Meera was back on the road. 6 big, strong men headed towards her as she ran. She knew she couldn't fight all 6 at once. She tried to run fast but couldn't. Her foot got stuck in the uneven road and she fell face-first. She felt multiple hands on her, ripping her clothes apart. Rough hands turned her around, and she saw her rapists as they started devouring her body in front of her family.

She woke up trembling with shock. Her mouth was open in a silent scream as her body was covered with sweat. She felt breathless. It took her a solid minute to realise she was safe in her room. It was just a nightmare, it was just a nightmare, she tried to calm herself down. Switching on the lights, she headed towards the refrigerator, and popped an ice cube in her mouth. She was on her 3rd ice cube when she finally stopped trembling. 

Reaching for her phone, she decided to watch anything to divert her mind. That's when she noticed the multiple missed calls and messages. She clicked on the notifications and saw her Mother's messages first.

I gave you my life and this is how you repay me?

I have done everything for you! Cared for you, cleaned, cooked, drove you around, was with you every step of the way and you left me all alone? No mother deserves this.

You should be ashamed of what you have done. 

No parent should have a daughter like you. 

Look at how your brother is supporting us in these times of crisis. And you did nothing. You didn't even ask Vikranth for help because of your ego.

You don't deserve to have anybody in your life.

I am extremely disappointed in you.

Wow, Meera thought as she held her head in her hands. She tried to cry, but maybe her body was still in shock, because no tears came to her eyes. 

Nodding her head, she hugged herself and kept repeating, Okay, okay we will get through this. We are okay. We just need to freak out and cry right now. Okay, okay. Freak out and cry. We need to leave this room now. Okay.

…

Chris couldn't sleep. It was all just too much for him to process. The light snores of his brother filled the room. They had all decided to sleep in the suite after the day's events. He couldn't even think straight, let alone sleep. Deciding he needed a drink, he quietly crept out of his bed, taking the room key with him.

He headed towards the hotel's 24x7 bar, hoping to find it deserted. As soon as he entered, he saw the bar was empty, except for one chair in the corner. He couldn't see the person except for a corner of their shawl hanging from the side of the large armchair. The person was playing soft music on their phone. Chris approached the bartender, noticing the shocked and… almost repulsive look on his face as the bartender kept looking at the person in the corner. 3 bottles of different soft drinks were open in front of him but he only focused on the person, his mouth slightly open.

"Ahem," Chris slightly coughed, drawing the attention of the bartender towards him. As Chris asked for a whisky on the rocks, he swore he heard the bartender murmur "Thank God." 

He turned to look at the figure in the corner. While he still couldn't see them, he saw their reflection in the floor-to-ceiling glass window. He saw Meera.

He glanced at his drink on the counter debating whether to approach her or not. He couldn't afford to have another panic attack in front of her. He had to be strong. He took two large gulps of the strong whisky, immediately regretting his action. As he coughed and sputtered, he asked for a refill. 

He felt his throat and chest burn, somewhat fuelling his courage. Taking his drink, he approached her. 

As Chris neared Meera, he heard the melodious song more clearly. Even though it was in Hindi, he understood the sad tune. He saw her tear-stained cheeks and stopped. There wasn't another chair besides her where he could sit and comfort her.

Maybe she needs to feel the pain. I should just leave her alone. She might not like me interrupting her… Chris thought, but he couldn't help himself. Taking another step towards her, he gingerly asked, "Meera?"

She turned her head to look at him. Squinting her eyes, she was still unable to see the person. Putting on her glasses, she spoke through tears, "Mr Evans?" her red eyes registering slight surprise. 

"Do you want to talk about it? What can I do to help you?" 

Meera wiped her nose with a tissue, "Please leave me alone Mr Evans. I just want to be alone," she begged. 

Chris nodded, but still stood in his spot. He looked around and decided to bring another comfortable armchair near Meera's.

He dragged it and placed it right besides the sidetable where her phone and glasses were kept. 

Meera looked at him in disbelief, "Mr Evans I just want to be left alone. So please! Leave!" she said, her voice breaking.

He looked at her, feeling his own emotions overwhelming, "I am not asking you to talk to me. Just think of me as another guest in this bar. I will not interfere in any way. I promise you I will stay quiet. But if you think I will leave you alone, after everything that you have done for us, for me, after what you have gone through, then you are wrong Meera. I will not leave you."

"Why do you not understand," Meera broke down further, "I need to cry, I need to feel this. This is going to get ugly. You will feel uncomfortable! Please just leave."

Chris considered her for a moment, then nodded and left. He soon returned with a stack of paper napkins and placed them on the table besides her phone and glasses. "This should get you through the next hour," he said. 

She looked at him, helpless, then sunk her head in her hands, crying further. Chris settled back in his chair, his body angled towards her. He wished she would let him comfort her, but somewhere, he also understood the importance of going through this alone. God only knows how many nights he had cried himself to sleep, refusing help from his own family, all because he wanted to stay alone.

Slowly, her sobs lessened. She used the new tissue and wiped her face, discarding it in the nearby bin. As she reached for the phone, Chris placed his hand on her mobile before her. "Don't change the song." "But you don't understand the lyrics," she said, her voice still broken. "No, but I like it. Let it play on loop," Chris said kindly. She nodded and took a sip of her drink. It looked a lot like neat whisky. Chris wondered, Why was the bartender repulsed? Was it because she was crying? That asshole.

After a few more sips, she said in a quiet voice, "Our Night." 

"Hmm?" 

"Our Night. The name of the song is Our Night. It is about how our night is a friend of the moon, but after a long time, she has come alone. She is darkness." Meera took another deep breath, "In the song, the singer wants to switch off all the lights and talk to the darkness. She understands that the darkness is hurtful. It is crazy even, but it is still hers. She just wants to be alone with the darkness."

Meera looked ahead and started crying again. Chris just looked at her, his own eyes brimming with tears now. He knew something had happened after she had left their suite. She didn't look like the type of person who broke down easily. He would give anything to find out who or what had upset her. 

He looked at her reflection in the window, his own tears trickling down his cheeks. Finally, he allowed his emotions to take over. 

That night, the stars in the moonless sky smiled down at them, as two people, from two different walks of life, cried together over what had happened, completely unaware of what the future had in store for them.

(This is the song if you want to listen ⬇️)

[lovenotesuggestions]

Hello! So I've got a problem with like, my thought process I guess you could say. I think it's because of my mom, but honestly I don't really know. I get paranoid really easily over the smallest to the most overly drastic and dramatic things. For example, my girlfriend likes to drink alcohol, and while my morals are against alcohol, I'd never stop her from drinking, and she likes to go with her best friend maybe 2-3 times a month (🍥 part 1)

And while I know that's not an amount that could do extreme damage to her body, I'm always terrified of something going wrong. And another example would be like, I could make a minor mistake, and I'll be terrified that I've angered or upset my girlfriend, and I would sometimes refuse to stop talking about a problem until it's resolved in fear that I would lose her before I can and the last thing we do together is argue (like in super dramatic movies) (🍥 part 2)

I know it's EXTREMELY toxic of me, and is very self-destructive. And I know it's a combination of my anxiety, insecurity, and paranoia. Heck, I don't even think it's my mom's fault. She used to tell me smaller things, like I needed to stop eating rice or else I could get diabetes (it runs in the family) but I think the small things like that built up, along with dramatic movies that always tugged at my emotions, that made me paranoid. (🍥 part 3)

Anyway, I kind of got off topic giving you some bg info. What I wanted to ask is, what advice would you recommend to stop or at least lessen such a terrible thought process? Therapy isn't an option for me, so I was hoping you'd have another possibility for me. I probably sound super crazy and unstable, but honestly this stuff doesn't affect me too often. It just fluctuates every now and then. But I'd appreciate the advice. Thank you listening to my craziness! (🍥 part 4/4)

Hello! I sent an ask a couple days ago that consisted of 4 parts, and a 🍥 emoji, and I didn't realize that it was claimed already! So I was wondering if I were able to claim 🍓💕? Thanks so much for what you do!

You don’t sound crazy or unstable, and you don’t sound like a toxic person - you sound like a person with symptoms of anxiety. And whilst it’s good to recognise when your behaviours might be harmful to yourself and to others, it’s not helpful to anyone for you to beat yourself up and be self-deprecating. You’re not crazy - you’re experiencing symptoms. I think that’s the first thing worth trying to do: be more aware of the language you use to describe yourself and try and adjust it to be a little more fair and a little kinder to yourself. If you wouldn’t talk about a close friend that way, try not to talk about yourself that way. 

I always recommend seeking medical help if you’re able to - I appreciate that therapy isn’t an option, but if you’re able to see your GP that might at least give you some support. For example, if your doctor has a record that you’ve been having these difficulties, it can be easier to get support in things like getting a sick note or extenuating circumstances or additional accommodations if you need something like that for school/work etc. You could also potentially access medication even if therapy isn’t an option. There are a bunch of effective anti-anxiety meds on the market that you might find helpful if you’re able to access them. For instance, I’m on beta blockers that I take as and when I need them if I’m feeling particularly anxious, and they can reduce the physical symptoms of anxiety (like trembling/fast heart rate/feeling nauseous, etc.) which can make anxiety spikes a little easier to cope with. If this or any other type of anxiety medication is of interest to you, and you have the means to visit your family doctor to talk to them about it, that’s another potential treatment option if you can’t access therapy. 

Another thing worth trying is to attempt to keep track of your triggers. There are a lot of really great mood tracking apps (I use Daylio personally) that you can use to identify how you’ve been feeling on a particular day, and what you did. Being mindful of what you’re doing and how it’s making you feel, and examining if you can identify a cause of your anxiety spikes can be really helpful in the long run, because it helps you identify behaviours that make your anxiety better or worse, and allows you to change the way you act and avoid any triggers you identify. Similarly, you can also identify coping mechanisms you’ve tried, and examine whether they’re healthy or unhealthy, and how effective they are. 

Also I know this is really cliché, but some super accessible things that a lot of people do to cope with anxiety are things like mindfulness, meditation, yoga, and breathing exercises. Stuff like full-body mind scans and progressive muscle relaxation are really easy to do, and there are dozens of apps and youtube videos and stuff out there that can guide you through exercises that you can use if you’re feeling particularly paranoid, and they can help to calm your physical symptoms and sort of reset your thought practice. Of course they don’t work for everyone, and they aren’t a cure, but they can be a really helpful coping mechanism.

If you’re not able to access therapy in person, there are still a lot of resources you can use. If cost is a factor, there are a lot of lower-cost online therapy options, as well as free support services like online counselling (i.e. 7cupsoftea) and anxiety helplines/hotlines that allow you to speak to an adviser over the phone or via instant messenger, which might be helpful if you find yourself particularly panicky and need someone to talk you down. 

As well as that, there are a lot of online resources to help you cope longer term. Mental health charity websites can often be a good place to start looking to research potential treatment options and coping mechanisms. A lot of CBT worksheets are available online for you to work through by yourself - even if you don’t have a therapist to go through them with, you can still do those exercises. If you google something like ‘CBT anxiety workbook’ or ‘CBT anxiety exercises’ you should come up with a ton of resources that you can flick through and see if you can identify any that you think might be helpful. Stuff like making a table to record details of your anxiety spikes can be really helpful (these usually involve details such as: when it happened, what was happening at the time, why you think it happened, how bad was your anxiety on a scale of 1 to 10, what actions did you take to try and calm those feelings, how effective were those actions, how bad was your anxiety on the same scale after taking those actions) in terms of identifying patterns in your behaviour, and what helps and what makes it worse. The physical act of writing everything down makes you more aware of and more likely to examine your own thought processes and behavioural patterns, and also allows you to identify patterns you may not have seen before. Another CBT exercise I’ve read about that can help with feelings of anxiety in the moment is a likelihood exercise - asking yourself what your anxiety/paranoia thinks will happen, estimating how many times you’ve thought that would happen, thinking about how many times it’s actually happened in reality, and comparing that, can help you rationalise those fears. 

Other similar techniques include:

Doing some sort of vigorous activity to clear the anxiety from your body - short periods of exercise, house/yard work like vacuuming, turning up some loud music and having a dance

Making a list of soothing activities (i.e. having a hot drink, taking a shower, washing your face, wrapping yourself up in a blanket, etc.) and picking one when you’re feeling shaky to help self-soothe

Trying to get some mental distance from your worries by finding something else to focus on to interrupt those spirals - try and make it something productive and/or enjoyable. Doing something productive, even if it’s really simple like gathering up dirty laundry, gives you a task to focus on and can help you feel like you’ve accomplished something. 

Setting aside daily ‘worry clearing time,’ in which you write down the things you’re worried about. If these worries arise outside of that time, try to tell yourself ‘I’ll worry about that later, but not now.’ 

In combination with the above, you can make an action plan of what you would do if any of your worries happen, so you feel more secure and prepared. 

Some people find it helpful when they’re identifying their worries because they can them see the ones that they have no control over, or that aren’t actually that big a deal, and decide to set them aside and prioritise other things. 

Try not to avoid your anxiety, or the things you don’t want to do because of it. Acknowledging it as something that you’re experiencing but that is separate from yourself - a external entity or force inside your head, can be helpful. When you start to feel anxious, some people actually address their anxiety and talk to it like it’s a person - this can help to separate it from your own personality and help you forgive yourself for being symptomatic. 

Research unhealthy coping mechanisms so you can identify them. Things like over-reassurance (asking for a bit of reassurance from a friend/family member/partner is fine, but if you’re doing it all the time or need to repeat themselves because you don’t believe them at first), stress eating, avoidance, and substance use are some common ones. 

I’ll slap a big caveat on this and point out that I’m not a therapist or a medical professional, so take all of this with a pinch of salt and make sure to do your own research - I’m just passing along things I’ve read/heard from others. 

I hope that’s helpful, and I wish you all the best in your road to recovery 💕

Followers: if anyone else has any tips for this anon or experience you’d like to share, feel free to do so!

[neni-has-ascended]

If you you don't mind me asking what were some other reasons you preferred p4 to p5? (PS thanks answering all our questions really appreciate it!)

Gosh, people, ask me about one of the million things I actually LOVE about P5, the way I keep talking about things I liked less than in P4 here, you’re making me sounds like I don’t like the game! :’D (For the record I LOVE Persona 5, let it be known).

Nevertheless, I shall heed your request: 

Reasons Persona 4 is still my favorite Persona  game:

Persona 4, despite it’s many weird, downright “crazy” moments still feels a lot more down-to-earth than P5, which is probably because the “Everyday life” aspect is played a lot more straight with it. In Persona 5, you only have a “normal everyday life” in the loosest sense of the word: You constantly carry a talking cat around with you, you have a secret chat where you discuss using your supernatural abilities during school, many of your important social contacts are the kinds of people regular high school students wouldn’t be friends with (Doctors, weapon dealers, politicians, seers, etc.) While this adds a LOT to the game, it also, for my personal taste, took away from it, since it made it feel less like Protag was living a life one could relate to. In retrospect, this may also be why I prefer P4 to P2, which also never has a moment where it feels like there’s a semblance of “normalcy” going on. 

Persona 4 felt as if it had more “just fooling around with the gang” moments than P5. A lot of that was replaced by text-messages in P5 which, while pretty cool and realistic themselves, also took away from the variety of situations our characters could get into. This becomes especially apparent with the school trip arc in P5, in which almost nothing on notice happens (except for the immortal double-lobster of Yusuke), while in P4, the school trip arc not only had development for Teddie and Naoto, but also featured one of the funniest scenes and best-paced in the entire game, which also greatly served to further Naoto’s character while just being plain hysterical.The King’s game could never have happened in a chat app, is what I’m saying. 

Related to Number 1; Inaba just has a very distinct personality. You never hear people talk much about Mikage-cho or Iwatodai in the fandom. They talk a little more about Sumaru, thanks to the unique personality given to it by Nyarlathotep’s curse. But when it comes to discussing locations, Inaba seems to be the undisputed number 1, and it’s not hard to see why; secluded, small and full of recurring NPCs as it is, it just gives you a certain “feeling” that you don’t get out of the other locations. The Midnight Channel being unique to that town definitely helps as well. You know, everything you know about that’s not strictly Persona-related, all of Inaba also knows about. The town changes with the events of the game, subtly and obviously, and as hate-able as the majority of the NPCs are, that just adds to it, since you are more or less “locked in” with them and know you’ll have to get cozy with them. Tokyo is just too large for that; you never know if an NPC is the same as one you’ve seen before, you just know the popular opinion is a lot more diverse than the whole lot that we get to see, simply because there’s so many people to take into account, and everything you do while not being a Phantom thief feels, ironically, despite of what I said in point 1, like a droplet on a scalding rock. As huge as the world is, as unfamiliar it feels to the very end, and only Yonchengaya only really felt “Homely” by the end. Now, all of this OF COURSE gives Persona 5 it’s very own charme, which is ALSO a definitely advantage and plus point of the game, but personally, I just preferred Persona 4′s atmosphere overall. 

Finally, Persona 4 actually handled the multiple endings thing a lot better than Persona 5 did. I won’t say much on this, but by the end, I felt like Persona 5 had telegraphed the possible endings right in front of me, just like Persona 3 did, which I already didn’t like back then. Persona 4 actually forced me to *calm down* and *think* during several emotional scenes to work for the true ending. That felt a lot more meaningful to me. I think it’s telling that in Persona 4, where I was spoiled for the biggest plot twist and was playing it in English, a language I’m fully fluent in, I actually managed to FAIL at getting the True Ending on first try (Yosuke’s yelling and crying got me so nervous, I couldn’t make the right decisions), while in Persona 5, where I went in absolutely unspoiled and played in Japanese; a language in which my reading comprehension still is far from perfect, I got the true ending on first try, without any issues whatsoever. So yeah, P5 felt like a step back in that regard. 

These are the biggest reasons why Persona 4 is still my favorite. 

[yoolee]

(1/3) I don't ever interact much on Tumblr, but I wanted - no, NEEDED - to express how much I adore your Saizo fics, and by extension your other SLBP drabbles. The epilogue to 'Stay' took my breath away. I am in awe at how perfectly you write Saizo, how easily you capture his voice. I squealed throughout every story because his affection and adoration for MC is so apparent yet subtle beneath your prose. 'Little One' is a personal fav for its tenderness, 'Stay' is a tour de force and...

AKoaDK, while hot, just amazes me for how loving the whole scenario is. Every fic you’ve written is just so on point with character, voice and detail that I wish you wrote for the app itself. If you don’t mind a question– do ideas for stories/drabbles come easily to you? And is the actual writing mostly a breeze or a struggle Regardless, please know that you’ve got a very eager fan who thinks you’re awesome and will read anything you write (especially if it’s Saizo 😍). Keep on doing what you do, girl. PS: for real THANK YOU for an amazing epilogue to ‘Stay’. My heart could not handle being broken into so many pieces with the original ending. Still loved it but everywhere hurt afterwards… 😭💖

Oh my goodness ;.; I REALLY HOPE you don’t mind me posting this instead of responding privately! If you’d rather me take it down, I will repost as a text with it anonymous.

I have read this like five times because it genuinely mademe tear up ;.; god I don’t have words. Thank you. I have so many feelings aboutSaizo in particular and about HIS feelings and I am so damn glad they are getting across because I wouldn’t have themif the original authors of the app weren’t so good at what they do and so if Ihave come in any way close to evoking the same thing I am thrilled. I AM ESPECIALLY happy to see you say that about AKoaDK becausethat’s how I feel too - I know it’s smut and I know it’s exciting and all thatbut it’s an expression of love and that’s so important. That’s the MOSTimportant. I’m a romantic sap y'all.That’s why I love SLBP so much. There’s so much depth and passion to play with,and it isn’t just the love story,it’s these rich and wonderful characters with rich and complex lives and their love in turn is rich and complex and layered with so much energy and so many moments and I justlove it, those moments, and I want to share my love of them and have MORE of them so I try and make them and knowing that I am doing so justsatisfies this craving in my heart  and is the most satisfying and wonderful thing to hear ;.; SO YES. MY GOD, THANK YOU. All my love

And for your question! They do and they don’t! Once I havean idea, the actual writing of it flies by. As often as not, it’s actually really hard to capture my thoughtsquickly enough, so I write out of order, because if I think of something I feel‘fits’ I have to quick scramble to write it down, and then I come back laterand figure out how everything connects. I tend to write ‘out’ from the center–90%of the time I have NO idea where I’m going with something. I have one, keycentral point, and I start there and it comes as I go and I hop chaotically aroundto whichever point pops into my head next. It seems to work for me? I call ‘emmy snowball moments. Like, with Waffle Cottage, it started as three-sentencething, and I posted it, and @mai-dreaming built on it, and the 'snowballmoment’ was imagining Shingen charming one of the princesses out of her dress,because that freed up the dress to go on the MC, and it exploded from there.And even then, to give an example, the Kenshin bits of the Waffle CottageChronicles were some of the last bits written, and Stay was written completely out of order, with bits addedback in on my first re-read when I noticed certain characters hadn’t appearedwho needed to, and I used them to reinforce ideas that were going to come laterthat I’d already written. I DID write it all at one time, in one long computer session, but just not in order. 99% of what I write is done in one fell swoop, MAYBE two because sometimes I have to go to work snrk. BUT it is also why I lean so heavily on @juniperotomewho is amazing and gives me legit and thorough feedback, recommendations and ideas and helps make my ramblings alittle more clear for an audience/reader who doesn’t have the benefit of beinginside my brain to know what I meant. She is an amazing editor and catches somany things and gives me so many key phrases and moments and helps me tone downand clarify things.  NOT AN EASY TASK. 

But, I have no discipline. If the inspiration isn’t there, I got nothing. I have twooutstanding fic requests from my giveaway months ago and trust me I sit overhere in SHAME because I want to write them, and I just need to sit down and doit, but I haven’t found my 'snowball moments’ to write out from yet. I keepevery prompt sent to me, because I am always hoping the snowball moment willhit, but I make zero progress untilit does and sometimes it takes awhile and sometimes it may not come. Whichreally means I just need to make some up and try them - the act of writinginspires more writing, which is what happens with some of my headcanon posts.If I start with the 'easy’ ones, the ones that are harder for me to write comea little more easily once I’m in writing mode.  I have this ridiculous sense of obligation toinclude everyone once I’ve started XD but some are much easier than others; Istruggle with Yasu, in part because he IS one of my favorites, but you have topick like which one of him you’re writing, boy goes through a couple variations@.@ and I also struggle with Kojuro because he’s just too organized and calm,you can’t just randomly plonk into ridiculous shenanigans like you can withYukimura and, as established, I am impulsiveso characters that require planning don’t come as easily. I deal best inridiculousness.

I re-edit everything becauseI typically don’t re-read my shorter stuff until like a week after it’s posted,and then I edit like fifty things. I’ve already edited the Stay epilogue threetimes and I only posted it yesterday XD I wish I could just get it spot on thefirst time but I’m too impatient, but every time I re-read something I’m like'that phrase is ugly let’s fix it’ or 'I’m gonna add ALL the sentences here’ (Iam a comma and parenthesis abuser, I sprinkle them everywhere for decoration -I write like I talk) and that’s where my impatience in the typing babble stream comes back to haunt me. 

I LOVE slice of life. I love the romance and everything too,but I love the idea of this world and these characters so I really enjoywriting all of the ridiculous little moments I imagine happen in their day-to-daylives. I think it makes them more real! Which is why I love things like AU Sasukebeing the first one up clamoring for pancakes and Shigezane cracking dad jokes whilehe and the MC hide in a in the enemy’s linen closet ('Man I really feel likewe’ve been hung out to dry, huh MC?Huh, huh?’) and Ieyasu on babysitting duty once Nobu procreates having conversations with this putrid,squalling creature who has just eaten his strawberries. I’m big on happyendings, too. I am glad my one foray into angst has been well received and I amtruly proud of that, but I invariably have to find some way to sneak some hopeinto all things XD

That is a hella long answer.I like to talk about myself SORRY!

And thank you so much! I was sitting here thinking 'wow, mynext post will be my 200th on this blog what should it be’ and I was going togo with a like a very off-topic gif of a kid hugging a chicken and then I gotthis BEAUTIFUL and WONDERFUL ask and I sat here kind of weepy and sniffly for abit, so thank you thank you thank you.