#can you tell im so fucking tired of losing people

[another-punk-trans-woman]

I feel like not enough people talk about the overwhelming grief that comes with being transfem. The grief that punches through your ribcage and hammers on your heart and won't ever stop because in feeling like yourself, you're also doomed to be so alone.

The world demands a perfect performance of trans women, but no one can be perfect forever. And so you lose everything and everyone, over and over again because youre in that group of societies favorite outcasts and it Hurts. But you tell yourself that it could be worse. You could still be who you were before you realized.

But that doesn't stop the grief of all that loss from swallowing you whole. And it doesn't stop you from needing connection (for long, at least) but there's no connection to find. And so you sit there and you grieve, and you hurt and sob, until it gets to be to much and now those trusted few are grieving you, too.

And fuck, we all need less grief in our lives so please, please, PLEASE hug your trans friends for me today. Send that wierd, off-putting girl a hug emoji, tell her you think of her. Ask your old friend that you don't talk to anymore to hang out again sometime.

Love EVERY trans woman you meet before it's too late.

[goldiipond]

the word terrorist has lost pretty much all meaning to me because 90% of the time a white person says that word its used as a shorthand for 'nonwhite people resisting oppression'

[iloveyouitisruiningmylife]

spending my whole life trying and trying and trying and trying to be good enough for people who don't give a fuck about me

[nosleep83]

‼️REALLY LONG VENT IN THE TAGS PLS SCROLL PAST IF YOU DONT WANNA SEE THAT OR ANYTHING IM OK JUST FRUSTRATED (Ik I also say this in the tags but just in case)‼️

Maybe I do need to see a therapist 🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔

[hecksupremechips]

Girl like. The reason he said "this is how it should be" and faced death with a smile....is cuz he wanted to die. For 2 years he sat there thinking he was worthless and deserved to die. If he hadn’t be shot, his death would’ve been suicide, he was fully planning to die in a gutter somewhere undetected. When saying "this is how it should be" hes literally saying "don’t cry because I’m dying, my death is a good thing actually because I fucking suck and you are better off without me". I don’t think that’s badass even slightly, it’s actually really sad and really shitty. Shinjiro is so convinced that he deserves to die and hates the idea of anyone giving a shit about him because he literally can’t wrap his mind around the idea that he will be missed when he’s gone, that his death is a bad thing actually. And his last words were meant to be comforting because he fully did not intend for anyone to be there when he died, he intended to die alone, so he says them as a reminder that he’s not worth crying over

Personally, if it were me, if I was holding my dying best friend in my arms who was deeply depressed and suicidal and he said "this is how it should be" uh. I wouldn’t admire him for it??? Like am I losing my mind when I say the way this game handles Shinji is bad or is anyone else seeing this too 😰

[femmespoiled]

I've been seeing more infighting than people outside of the community hating us lately, it's time some of you wake up, because this whole mess is convenient to people who hates us and we're all enabling it. we're so busy fighting each other we don't have any time to fight them, maybe let's look at people who actually hate us.

[orcelito]

Honestly hate how hard it is to start writing again when you've gone too long without it. Like for fuck's sake man Why's shit gotta be like this

[chewysgummies]

Dead ass, just thought about killbot 86 & sharp sight having a couple goals where they both hate on the main protagonist duo💖✨

[pizzapizzadickz]

:/

[redstarwriting]

shit happens

spider squad x platonic!reader

request?: yes

request: “Okokok, first of all CLASH WAS SOOOO GOOD OMGGI come bearing a request only if u want to. Teen!spider!reader who is Miguel’s favorite because they don’t cause him trouble. But it’s only because they get severely anxious when they break rules (I’m not projecting, you are). So he assigns them to go on a mission with the problem children hoping they’ll rub off on them, but the problem children just corrupt them. I just need more spider children being chaotic together and tired spiderdad MiguelMwah mwah love ur writing )pls only write this if u feel like it)”

requested by: anon​

word count: 2k

genre: platonic

Warnings: language, anxiety, Miguel being unrealistic with his expectations, electrocution, spider squad gettin thrown around

A/N: omg wait no bc same HAHA as someone with diagnosed severe generalized anxiety i get so anxious to break the rules even though my spirit always tells me to lol, i hope you enjoyed this anon! thank you for the request :)

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You were the golden child. There were quite a few teens in Spider Society, but you were by far Miguel’s favorite. And that’s all because you did what he said. Now did that mean you never questioned his authority? Of course not, you questioned him all the time. But you were too nervous to go against him. You were too nervous to go against anyone. It’s proven a problem in your job since the police are not your biggest fans, but luckily you befriended a nice police captain who eases your fears every now and again. Your weekly visits with Spider-Therapist have been helping with the problem, too. Which is great for you. But you still did what Miguel said. Mans could be scary.

And that’s how you ended up here. With Hobie Brown, Gwen Stacy, Miles Morales, and Pavitr Prabhakar. There was an anomaly that needed taken down in Hobie’s world, and Miguel stuck you with the four of them. To say you were nervous was an understatement. “Right, so anyone got a plan?” Hobie asks, in his thick accent. “What? What do you mean, dude, we’re in your world,” Miles says, and Hobie shrugs. “So? Not my villain, dunno ‘ow to stop ‘im.”

“Okay, well we know that he’s an electro variant, so… what can we do with that?” Gwen asks, and Pav sighs. “Be electrocuted,” he says sadly. “Miles can handle that,” Gwen says, and Miles snaps his head toward her. “Miles cannot handle that! Why are we saying Miles can be electrocuted?!” Miles yells, and the other three shush him. “’ow ‘bout you, mate, any ideas?” Hobie asks you, and you shrug. You look around before pointing up to the water towers on the roofs of the multiple buildings in New London. “Water,” you suggest, and they all look where you’re pointing. “Smart,” Gwen says with a nod. “How do we get the water to him, though?” Pav asks, looking at you again. You frown. “I… actually didn’t think that far.”

“Well, ‘at’s, easy. We just bust ‘em. Get ‘im to fly near one and,” Hobie makes an explosion noise and uses his hands to imitate an explosion. “What? But what about all the people who will lose water?” you ask, and Miles cocks his head to the side. “It’ll get fixed fast, probably. It’s our job to fuck shit up and then have other people fix it cause if we don’t fuck shit up, shit gets fucked anyways,” he says, and you sigh. “But Miguel said to try and not cause too much of an issue—”

“Oi. Who gives a flyin’ fuck what ‘e said. Not me. And this is my bloody world, I’ll cause as much damage as I want to,” Hobie says, and you look down. “Sorry.”

“You don’t gotta apologize for nothin’, mate,” Hobie says, and you mumble another ‘sorry.’ “You know what? I think Electro can wait a minute,” Hobie says, turning towards you, “More important matters to figure out ‘ere.”

“Like what?” you ask, and he shrugs. “Why are you so nervous?” he asks, and you gulp. “I-I’m not, I just—”

“You definitely are,” Gwen says, and Miles throws in a ‘yup!’ with a nod. “Is it us?” Pav asks, a hint of sadness in his voice. “W-What? No, that’s not it,” you say, waving your hands in a frantic way to say no. “I just am nervous in general. It really isn’t that big of a deal, guys, we should be focusing on—”

“Nope. You’re not gettin’ outta this, you been in ya ‘ead this ‘ole time.”

“I’m always in my head, it really isn’t that big of a deal—”

“Is ‘at why you try to avoid everyone? Don’t talk to no one?” Hobie asks, and you gulp. “I-I talk to some people…” you mumble, and a small frown forms on Gwen’s face. “The therapist in Spider Society doesn’t count,” she says, and you look down. “Well, why not…? He’s a person...”

“Because he’s like 40, and you’re our age,” Pav says, “you’d get along better with us, bro.”

“Miguel said that if anyone could make us not as ‘moronic’ it would be you, but I feel like he just kinda takes advantage of you instead of recognizing the pressure he puts on you. I have some experience with that,,” Miles says, and you sigh. “He scares me, okay? If I break the rules then I might simply pass away from him yelling at me,” you say, and Hobie shakes his head. “Love, the rules are all bollocks. Made by people who just wanna control your life.” Gwen nods. “Miguel is cool, sure, but if anyone can get away with anything… it’s you,” she says, and Miles chimes in. “And if you’re really that scared, remember he literally chased me around his world and destroyed a train because of me. You’ll never piss him off to that point.” You stay silent, playing with your fingers. Pav reaches out and grabs your hands. “Rules are meant to be broken, (Y/n), I learned that from Hobie. And besides, the villains we face are the biggest rule-breakers imaginable,” Pav assures, and you nod slightly. “And rules are such rubbish. ‘ey’re always different anywhere ya go. Try not to put so much weight on your mind ‘bout it, breakin’ ‘em ain’t a big deal,” Hobie says. You do actually kinda feel better. Hobie brings up a good point. Rules are different everywhere you go, so breaking one every now and again isn’t that big of an issue. In fact, it can be kind of encouraged. “Besides, breaking rules is almost like challenging ideologies, you know? Like, in breaking a rule, you challenge a system in place that is telling you not to break them. No one likes that. Where would we be if people didn’t break rules?” Gwen says. “That was deep,” Miles says, and Pav nods. “'at was a wicked way a’ puttin’ it, Gwendy.”

That’s a good point, actually. You think for a bit. If you look at it as challenging a system, or even doing what’s right, who’s to say it’s a rule that shouldn’t be broken? Hobie smiles underneath his mask because he knows they’ve gotten through to you. “So, whaddya say we go blow up some water tanks, eh?” Hobie stands, rubbing his hands together. “Okay,” you say. Gwen and Miles fist bump, and Pav does a little clap. The five of you jump into action, immediately starting to taunt and lure Electro to get him close to the towers so you can douse him and put him out.

The plan was going pretty well for the first two attempts, but he eventually catches on to what the five of you are doing. Which makes it harder. Miles does, in fact, get electrocuted. As does Gwen and Hobie, and coming in as no shock to anyone, Miles is definitely the least affected. You were able to dodge all of the attacks. “You’re doing great, (Y/n)! Mind telling me how the fuck your spidey sense is so strong?!” you hear Miles yell. “MILES LOOK OUT!” Gwen screams, but it’s too late. He gets electrocuted again. “Ouch, bro! That one looked like it hurt!” Pav yells, and Miles, who is now lying face down on a roof, raises his hand up in the air, flipping him off. You snort, and then see Hobie fly past you, landing on another water tower. “Hey! Dumbass! Over here!”

“Oh, please. You expect me to fall for that? I know what your little plan is, and I’m not about to be put out,” Electro says, firing some electricity out at Hobie. Unluckily for Hobie, it breaks the water tower and electrocutes him and the water that pours out of it.

You land next to Hobie, who is now just laying on the rooftop, but he grunts and mutters some British slang that you wouldn’t understand even if he explained it to you. So, you know he’s fine. “I have an idea,” you say, and he nods. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. But we need to make sure no one is on the street.”

“What’s the goody-goody plannin’ on doin’, huh?” he says, standing. “You’ll see, just make sure there are no civilians or anyone who will get hurt. And keep him distracted.” With that, you leap and go to another one of the water towers. You take a deep breath, thinking back to what Miguel said before the five of you left.

“Try not to destroy the city while you’re at it. (Y/n), I trust you’ll keep them all in line,” Miguel said, and you timidly nod. You’d love to not destroy the city, but it’s so hard doing that as a Spider-Person. But you also don’t want him to yell at you for going against his orders. Now you’re conflicted. “No promises, Miguel. We’re gonna do what we gotta do,” Miles says and Miguel sighs. “If anyone can reign the four of you in, it’s this one. Don’t let them pressure you into acting up, okay?”

You frown. Fuck that. Miguel is pressuring you into not doing your job right. You can’t always be perfect and careful. And lucky for you, the four of them were really good at distracting villains. You web two of the support legs, yanking them and breaking them off the water tower. It starts collapsing, but you catch it. “Shit, you’re heavy,” you grunt, but regain your balance, holding it on your shoulders. You twist your body, ripping the other supports off and making the water tower completely free. You get Electro in your sight and take a deep breath. You lift the water tower, tossing it up in the air before leaping out of the way and towards Electro. You shoot webs from both hands, connecting them to the water tower and yanking it towards you. You swing it around, connecting it with Electro’s body. Sure enough, it knocks him down and explodes on impact, drenching him. And you. And Hobie, Miles, Gwen, and Pav; but hey, you did it.

You land on a roof and look down. Sure enough, Electro is knocked out cold and completely out of electricity. You swing down, placing him in one of the technological cells that Miguel developed specifically for Electros, and nod. “That… probably could have gone better,” you mutter to yourself. Your self-deprecating thoughts were cut off immediately. “That was AWESOME, (Y/n),” Gwen says, giving you a thumbs up and hug. “Yeah, little Spider, that was bitchin’,” Hobie says, giving you a fist bump. “You made it look so easy! How did you do that, you have to teach me!” Pav says, clearly excited and impressed. “You were out here talking about how you didn’t wanna break rules so instead you broke an entire water tower? That’s cool, why don’t you try being less cool next time for the sake of us,” Miles says giving you a pat on the shoulder. You smile. “Thanks, guys.” Their praise was enough to make you feel better for completely and totally wreaking havoc.

But when the five of you return, soaking wet, Miguel pinches the bridge of his nose. “I said… to not destroy the city…” he mutters, looking at you with disappointment. You look down. “City’s still standin’, mate. (Y/n) kicked ass,” Hobie says, and the other three make sounds of agreement. “Y-Yeah, Miguel. All I did was break one water tower, it’s not that big of a deal,” you say, and he sighs. “One? You all broke four water towers on four different buildings! And you flooded an entire street! You’re supposed to be the responsible one.”

“Dude. I’m a teenager. Shit happens,” you say, a sudden burst of confidence from being around the group of four allowing you to speak out. Miguel puts his hand on his jaw, sliding his hand down. “Remind me to never team the five of you up again,” he mumbles, and Hobie elbows you. “Nah, we’re a band now. Sorry ‘bout it,” Hobie says, motioning everyone to leave Miguel’s sight. You all follow. When you’re out of Miguel’s office, Hobie bumps your shoulder. “See, that wasn’t all that bad, was it?”

He was right, it wasn’t that bad.

───────────────────────────────────

[yveaart]

how to lose a guy in 10 days — csc

choi seungcheol x reader

genre : fluff, smut, enemies to lovers, jealousy (?), fake relationship, bets (yk how the movie goes), profanities

synopsis : you had to prove to your friends that you could easily make a guy lose interest within a week, having no interest in indulging yourself in a relationship after your past ones. all those relationships led you to narrow down a list on how to make a guy sick of you. you had all the card in your hands and seems like you don’t get to play it.

warnings : mdni, proceed with causion bc this is my first actual svt fic it might be shitty. not proofread lol, reminder that this is my take on the plot and it will not flow the exact same plots in the movie

i do not feel so confident about this bc i wrote this with mind in shambles. literally me comforting myself with svt while i'm dying from my studies rn :') pls tell me if you like it bc i would most def appreciate it <3

it was another slow day at work when you sat down at your desk and sighed. all your work mates and friends seems to confide in your reaction but your circle knew that this sigh wasn’t a “damn-im-so-stressed-and-sick-of-work-sigh” for them it was more of a “wow-life-is-hectic-its-almost-making-me-want-a-man”

and just like clockwork their brains clicked and hovered over your cubicle. poor u so startled that you almost gagged on your coffee.

“what?” you shooted

“are we gonna meet boyfriend number 13?” karina said in a sing song voice

“more like fling number 17?” sakura retorted

“maybe a first situationship since she haven’t experienced one yet” yunjin said curiously

“jesus christ i’ve had that much men and i’m not gay yet?” you said surprised

“maybe you just need a new set up?” yunjin asked

“like what doggy style?” karina questioned

“not like that you idiot” sakura glared

“maybe i’m just meant to end up in a church and dedicate my life to holiness” you huffed

“please you would burn the moment you step in a cathedral” sakura laughed

“well i just know how every relationships end, it’s almost like completing all endings for a video game, its predictable and cliche” you sighed

“let’s welcome fling number 17 then” karina announced

“i’m too tired for just fucks you know? it won’t take long before i actually get infection and i turn into a zombie and bite you all from all these stupid ideas” you rolled your eyes at your friends.

right now you just actually need to see if theres a guy out there in the world who could actually commit and actually accept a persons flaws out of love.

all too cheesy but you would like to find a partner who would find no flaws in you and probably just call them your little unique antiques that they can live with.

you were so sick on seeing tutorials or manifestation hacks on the internet because does anyone genuinely love each other anymore? all these “how to become a maneater”, “how to make them dream of you”, “how to make him fall in love using a potion” bullshit got you sick of people now.

why did god even create men to accompany themselves if they’re preferences and expectations are for the deities taste themselves.

“OH MY GOD I GOT IT!” yunjin screamed making all your peers look over to your area

“what is it?” you asked dying for a solution

“what if you meet a guy and just unfling him?” she said as if there was a light bulb above her head

“yall need to make her stop doing overtime” sakura deadpanned

“NOO, like you’re talking all these commitment things all the time then what if you find a random guy and make him not fall in love with you and see if he stays?” she said

“so like i should go out being an annoying red flag and see if he stays?” you giggle but it all went away when all your friends kind of agreed because they’re also sick of u having these guy problems already.

“i guess thats not all bad” karina suggests

“you should wear your best outfit tonight because we will find your lucky target then y/nnie” sakura winked at you before discussing the plans with yunjin and karina

it was not long until the night came as you got ready, you scoffed on how stupid this bet is because it’s like you claimed “very predictable and cliche” to lose a guy.

it was then your friends picked you up and pulled up to the bar. a few shots came by as you hustled through the crowd searching for your so called the one. but as you surf through the tables everyone fell short to your friends standards as if it was a big serious thing.

you grew tired, what was the point, you knew your fate then you should probably accept it now.

you drank your last shot for tonight planning your weekend with whole lots of tubs of ice cream until you flinched by karina grabbing your arm.

“him” she said, audible enough for the three of you to hear. you faced the guy she was referring to as all the noice fade into the background blur hearing yunjin screech and them clapping happily, your time froze.

the most goddamn, drop dead gorgeous man came to sight.

“isn’t that choi seungcheol?” sakura stating a rhetorical question

“they said no one could ever bag him up” yunjin replied

“ooh sounds like one of y/n’s guys” karina giggled.

“are you up for it then?” sakura challenged you

“please this will probably come by a breeze, so? 100 bucks each?” you winked as the three of them agrees after a total chaos.

“choi seungcheol, let the games begin” you muttered

on the other side of the bar there was a crowded group of 13 people who were mindlessly taking shot over shot as they were crowned as the most obnoxiously loud people for the night.

most of them spitting out tipsy thoughts to one another as they joined forces on pinning and choosing choi seungcheol as the victim for tonight.

“here comes the virgin joseph for tonight, choi seungcheol!” dk hooted while hoshi was giggling to any phrases the latter would make out

“isn’t it mary though?” joshua pondered drunkly on the edge of the couch munching on the nuts hoping it would make him sober as it was too early to go home.

“whatever, we still get the point. so what’s with the anti-women behavior cheol?” jeonghan grinned. his smile too wide to seem oblivious of the answer.

“i think dating is now deemed predictable to me,every woman i dated either wants my money, my body, fame, or a father figure” cheol sighed deeply

“wait you’re a dad?” dino’s brows furrowed in deep confusion as cheol stood there with utter disbelief

“i thought we we’re supposed to have a fun hangout today, and now all of you are just looking like alcoholics with all these bottles in our table” seungcheol complained

“WHO ARE YOU CALLING ALCOHOLICS?!” mingyu exclaimed looking at the opposite direction of where cheol was.

“FUCKER I DIDNT CALL YOU ANYTHING” minghao retorted to a confused mingyu facing him causing cheol to place a palm over his forehead.

“how about you start charming women for who you truly are?” vernon continuing the passed topic.

cheol didnt know if he was thankful for vernon re entering a topic, all the “seemingly” sober people joined up on the topic. they soon somehow convinced cheol to meet new people and try making them fall in love with him.

kkuma needed a mom, maybe he did too (but not in a maternal sense

“i doubt scoups can make a girl fall in love with him” dino giggled in the verge of passing out.

“i sure can ! it’s like a walk in the park” seungcheol defended.

“not even within a month” jeonghan added

“not even a week” jun stared blankly.

seungcheol always had placed his pride on a pedestal, it’s the source of his cocky behavior.

“oh please, give me 10 days it would be like she’s under a love spell” cheol snickered blanketing his bruised ego.

“deal, i bet 20 that we’ll have another meeting on the 10th day having cheol drop dead drunk at thus exact spot” jeonghan screamed only standing for the first time for the night.

it was chaos after that, but the group was almost divided equally in the process of them making bets and weighing the odds of cheol’s fate.

seungcheol wished the ground opened its jaws and buried him six feet under

even he was lying to himself with his statement, but one thing about choi seungcheol— he always wins.

“i’m gonna head home now” cheol said, he wish he didn’t.

he somehow wished that they were all too drunk to force him into the grave he dug himself. mercy will be the end of their bond, so as fate has written cheol’s fortune.

“i guess cheol is accepting his pussy title” jeonghan sighed

“i am not a pussy” cheol responded

“then i guess you’ll have to prove that” joshua sighed blankly at him

“let’s start by choosing the lucky girl who’s gonna take cheol’s v card”

“i’m not even a virgin” cheol rebutted with a frown, the liquor making him submit to his true emotions.

“please you barely lost it” dk laughed

“well i barely felt it….” cheol muttered

“let’s do her” dino pointed at the wall as he stood quickly stumbling with his head spinning

“who’s he pointing at? did he shave his eyes as well?” woozi said laughing

“shut up pink panty guy, i’m talking about the girl that has red hair and wearing a black dress” dino said laying on the floor

“ooh, she looks hot like seungcheol’s type” jun teased

if he didn’t spot your bright auburn hair he would’ve sworn to himself that these guys we’re just throwing a hate crime at him, but god, you we’re his type.

“go on mr. choi, show us your charm” mingyu pushing cheol closer to your area in the bar

you were planning on stepping up, but you had to make one thing sure, so you turned around to your friends with burgundy rushing through your cheeks with the thrill throwing you into your pit of endless thoughts.

“makeup, and outfit : perfect” yunjin started with a wide grin

“hair : gorgeous and can easily make a ponytail” karina winked as you glared at her

“teeth clean and ready for sucking” sakura smiled

jesus christ you were asking for a reality check and they just simply can’t avoid adding scandalous statements as if that’s all you do.

you were ready

were?

are?

was?

fuck.

you backed up quickly as you saw a guy charging at your direction ready to barf up on you.

quick arms catches your moving physique, as your back became dependent on the person unbeknownst to you.

two groups filled your senses with squeals, laughing and cheering waking you up from your not so cute dilemma

you turned to the person behind you seeing the man of the night

choi seungcheol.

“you okay, sweetheart?” his voiced hush, you felt warm and you swore that is was just the buzz from the liquor

quickly you went to work

“omg thankyou o-oppa” you’re voice cracked because you simply cannot believe the words that escaped your lips.

there was terror in his eyes, the moment you saw it, it went away. a pretty grin was graced upon your lips because this will be one hell of a ride

he better be sure to keep his seatbelts on because you’re gonna totally rock his world.

day 1 : the tortoise and the hare

spoiler, the hare never wins

guys hate being speedy, if they’re looking for a woman they can take home to his mom it would definitely not be the woman who wants to be dicked down after the first date.

and this wasn’t even a date

he took you to his place after your so called friends left the both of you in the landmine

he only intended you to sober up, and you only wanted him to curse you off his life. but it would be no fun if you just did it in a day, wouldn’t it?

the sound of the collision of class and marble led to both of your eyes to be met.

“thank you, really, or what else i would’ve smelled like vodka and whatever the fuck that person just ate” you sighed in relief genuinely

“no worries, you don’t smell like barf or vodka…. maybe a little of tequila but you’re good” he smiled

fuck. he’s hot and he knows it, a part of you wished that he was some sort of narcissist so you could do this thing in a easier way.

his face sculpted and graced with beauty his eyes filled with wisdom and maturity, his lips full and shaded like cherries.

you we’re definitely down to have a fling with him, but according to you, you were planning to change your ways and test the purpose and ability of men.

“mhm, i’m tired let’s watch a movie?” you smiled with your forced high-pitched voice

you love how he would hide the way his face would wince when you talk or the way his jaw slacked on your statement.

you smiled at the thought of him trying to take you out of his multi-million mansion because you were pushing boundaries he built for you

“yeah.. sure, what do you wanna watch?” he assisted you by the waist as he brought you up the stairs.

you wanted to get out, you wouldn’t think that it would go like this. fuck the boys manual maybe it doesn’t work with hot rich guys

“the notebook, i LOVE that movie” you smiled and you could see how he expected that

as you laid in his sheets, which you felt deeply sorry for actually staining his pearly and silky shits with your outside clothes, but your pride held you high. if you fell from your pride or for him then maybe then you could wash his sheets.

the room was dimly lit, the ambience warm as he intended.

he sat next to you, with distance for respect according to cheol’s brain.

you couldn’t predict him, and maybe he sends mix signals, and that made you feel less guilty because you concluded that he’s a womanizer. he knew all of these antics a little too well.

“it’s getting hot” you sighed fanning your face adjusting your dress to the right extent, you held your hair exposing your neck to him making sure he saw it.

"really? my ac is so low right now" he was surely acting oblivious.

you may be frustrated at him for not taking your hits but you guess it would make a good build up, meanwhile he was there dumbfounded from all the tricks you pulled, he was slowly getting hard but that's another story.

he was thinking if he should drop it, it seemed like you just wanted a one night stand, but speaking of the devil (angel) jeonghan sent him a text showing him how much money he would be getting if he proved them wrong.

somehow in the end all of his friends were convinced that he would stay bitchless. there was a whole chapter within their groupchat making fun of what he said earlier at the bar.

truth be told, he didn't give a fuck about the money, he wanted his dignity and pride back.

"my body is so warm because of all the shots i took though" you reasoned out quickly.

"well my body is really cool right now" he faced you slowly pulling you close but you had other plans

you quickly kissed him as if you were desperate for it.

"mmm- i think we should slow down y/n" he rushed to tell you.

you wanted to grin so bad, victory laid on your side, but you had to put a sad face asking him if he no longer likes you repeatedly as he escorted you out of his house.

you quickly twirled and skipped across the road when you were sure he was inside already. he was there though, watching through his window.

maybe he had to step up.

day 2 : the in-laws

there was not a single text on cheols phone the next morning, soon learning your phone was inside the purse you left at his house.

he wanted to scan your purse thinking of a way to sweep you off your feet today. but a gentleman doesn't mess with a ladies purse.

after the the long chat you had last night, you exchanged your details to each other which now led cheol to your apartment building with flowers and a wide smile.

"hi i got these for you-"

"wait cheollie, say hi to your mom !" you cut him off with a smile

his face quickly shifting, you what?! he was slowly shaking on the inside quickly settling down your purse, flowers on your coffee table.

"h-hi mommm" he grinned as if his mom could see him.

"seungcheol i didn't raise you to hide your partners from me like this, i really like y/n you know, so when's the wedding?" his mom ushered

"a wedding?" you gasped and started screeching as if it was real

"we'll see mom haha.." he replied deranged from the situation made just 2 minutes ago. he quickly hung up before his mom could get any more ideas.

"well that was interesting, i didn't know that you knew my mom" he restrained himself from losing himself.

"well i have to meet your parents anyways right, cheollie?" you smiled at him

"yeah, but we just met yesterday" he deadpanned

"well, you don't think we're gonna work out" you started sobbing in front of him making small obnoxious hiccups

"well that's not what i meant baby" he hushed and spent the afternoon babying you while whispering sweet nothings in your ear.

day 3 : monday flings

"i seriously cannot fathom how much patience he has to reach day 3" you genuinely lay your opinion

"i was a complete total psycho, but he must be mental" you said to yourself

"that's fucking crazy because if i had to put up with that you would never hear from me again" sakura said bluntly which bruised and praised you at the same time

"i need a break from my alter ego as well, i hope he has no plans on asking me on anything anymore at least"

the day went as if you had never met choi seungcheol at all, which made you relieved for at least having a rest day, sure it was such a short time but god how tiring it was to be somebody else

"i just really realized how to fit in somebody else's shoes" you sighed as you and your friends exited the building together ready to go home and simply pass out.

"then don't fucking wear them" karina said

"but this is the whole point, being a stereotypical woman in a relationship"

you all soon parted in your own ways as you walked through the neighborhood near yours, you realized you just walked passed by seungcheol's house and this made you walk a bit faster and try to fabricate your distinguishable looks. but guess what

"aw baby don't hide from me" he coos slowly pulling you in his embrace.

"i was just looking for you" he smiled as he rushed you into his home

you somehow wished he could just stab you right now.

he led you to his living room filled with rose petals and candles dedicating a whole playlist of his vinyl records for you. you spent the evening sharing his home cooked dinner, which was actually delicious. and he soon brought out his photo albums from when he was a kid.

"do you think our children look just like you?' your sentence made you freak out but you supressed it wanting him to be affected by your vicious visions.

"how about we go back about the marriage thing for now" he faked out a laugh.

"i want this to be our family's house too" you sighed in content while scanning the architectural structure.

"if that's what you want" he smiled and pecked your forehead, which had caught you by a surprise.

"it is" you smiled, you didn't want to admit it but something formed within you when he said that.

"i'll be having a boys night tomorrow so i might not respond quickly to your texts"

"is it strictly 'boys only' ?" you asked forming an idea and swallowing these funny feelings that have bloomed within you.

"well it had always been"

day 4 : poker night

if fate was inevitable, they should you hit you up then.

you were in a cab with your hands filled with cheol's place in mind.

"cheol having a 4 day record is worth celebrating" jeonghan teased

"it's been that long?" mingyu asked actually impressed

"i've been in a lot of relationships since college, stop making it seem like im a loser" he sighed

"probably just in college" minghao retorted

"it's probably going well, maybe next year she could meet his parents" seungkwan noted

"please, she met them the second day we met" cheol answered scoffing at the thought

"now i know why girls are driven away from you" jun cringed at cheol

"she called them herself the day we met, she even said that our children will live here, and she tried to sleep with me the first day we met !" cheol finally shared his experience the past few days

"ooh feisty and a woman with a plan, that's so horanghae coded" hoshi smiled reaching his palms out and curling the ends of her fingers.

"you're going delusional again hamster" minghao smacked the back of hoshi's head causing the latter to relieve it by rubbing his head.

"maybe cheol could get laid now with her bold behavior, someone who can tame mr. pride-over-pants-down-choi-seungcheol over here" joshua said

"she's just a bet-"

the violent reactions that flashed through the faces of his group-mainly cheol when you came in the door in the middle of the game.

the guys quickly recovered teasing cheol for being so attached already calling her over for a boys night.

"hi guys!!" you said excitingly trying on your best cute expression you could muster up while hoshi replied to you with the horanghae pose as you quickly reciprocated it.

"i just thought i could put some of my stuff here so you could always remember me cheollie" your eyes twitching the moment your face was parallel with the wall

cheol was in awe with the first few vases you put out, until there were at lest 13 in his living room only. his house looking like he was out there selling urns

you were going around his place disrupting them, even changing their ambient music into some of britney spear's playlist

and even making very concerning screams around the kitchen just behind the living room.

"cheollie, can you get me some water" you whined when you heard them telling cheol it was his turn

he caught you reaching out unto the cupboards for a glass, he quickly got you what you requested and leaving you there

you were quick to grab onto his arm and grab the cigarette out of his mouth.

"you need to stop smoking" you tell him genuinely, his demeanor sensing your honesty his brows rested as he gave you a smile.

"i need to keep my lungs healthy for our children huh?" he teased you with a knowing smile

day 5 : ghosting

after his game with the boys, you two spent so much time together after.

he was being sulky after receiving his first losing game last night from all your disruptions last night.

but he never mentioned you being a nuisance, and just maybe because it was stored somewhere deep his chest the frustrations he held

but you stayed clingy to him filling him up with your presence even when you already went home flooding his texts until it was dawn

today you decided to stay low, you were lying in wait in this part of the plan

by doing so much the past few days today you decided to give ghosting a shot

"god i just wanna die if i need to go through this just to find a decent human being" you sighed frustrated at yourself

you wish you could stop now, there was 150 bucks on the line

or this is what you thought that hindered from you from stopping, you stared longingly on your laptop

quickly dialing his number you grinned at the sound of his voice

day 6 : a large iced diet coke and a kiss to go

today you planned on watching a knicks game with cheol, it was both your favorite thing to watch.

the stadium filled with cheers as you were shaking with thrill watching the tight game among your favorite team handling each other by the neck

most of the game went well according to cheol

during the break the venue managers continued to do the kiss cam.

you were interested looking at random people sharing affection through this stupid camera. but you didn't know it would face you.

you saw your face light up with surprise as the other guy next to you exposed on the kiss cam

you were looking at him

"i'm-" the guy was cut off when seungcheol grabbed you by the nape sealing your lips with his plush ones, the camera then panning to the both of you instead of you and the other guy.

"you weren't in the kiss cam" you said smiling- wait no don't.

"well i was just now" he said cockily

"i'm not gonna let you kiss him when i'm here" he said and that lit a fire within you

the final part of the game resumed as you both were cheering wildly through the crowds

it was time.

you asked cheol to bring you coke since you were extremely famished according to your words.

cheol quickly glanced at you, the bottom of the stadium, on the scoreboard, and back to your eyes.

he quickly ran getting you the drink that you wanted.

"i cant drink too much sugar though i need the diet one" his face turning into a distressed one jogging back up the long steep flights of stairs as he huffed to the vendor that you wanted the coke one, being only available to watch the game through the small monitor by the ceiling

there was about 3 minutes left, your team still having time to win over

he rushed back to you quickly handing you your coke, but there was another thing-

"i need ice cheollie" you whined at him, he groaned but still went over to do it

only a few moments left before the game ends the vendor still working on you precious drink, seungcheol staring at the monitor.

you felt bad, like actually. but you had to keep this up

you were enjoying the game until you were drowned in your thoughts on how you were ever gonna ask for his forgiveness after all this

you were a bitch and get over your act.

the crowd calling out through your ears realizing your favored team won, you had to force a smile especially a lovely one at cheol to make him think you were being a menace

maybe if you pushed him enough you could end this sooner, you can't admit that he was charming, handsome, and his behavior is no less than how a gentleman should act.

sorry coups.

the game ended, you were exiting the venue with cheol as his arm around your shoulder quickly calling you a cab home.

"thank you for this babe" you smiled passing him the cup, hoping you were rude enough for him to not call you up anymore

"no problem, you gave me your other ticket to watch with you anyway" he smiled pecking you before you left.

he crumpled the cup and threw it away.

day 7 : the revelation

you and cheol spent this day with a quick breakfast by the small cafe nearby, chatting through the busy streets of your city, he asked you to come to his event tomorrow which you accepted. after breakfast there were barely any interactions coming between the two of you.

why stay through this conditions?

well we bring you to the day 1

you were troubled writing your new article on the magazine company you were working for.

your boss expecting so much from you, you simply cannot write anything too political or anything controversial at all, so you stuck on to writing these stupid "how to" to articles which was a huge success for your company.

you were stuck, nothing to write, drafts filled with calling out peace for all countries experiencing genocide and territorial invasions or calling out to politicians who were legitimately caught only on scandalous events but never the seat of any meetings.

you were a writer a "how to girl", you swore you did it all and wrote them, how to talk your way out of a ticket, how to feng shui your apartment and even having those little tests you wrote printed by the magazine.

seungcheol was a lawyer, he stayed in his grandfathers law firm, his grandfather desperate for him to get wed and have a family who will take care of the firm and would take care of him as well.

seungcheol's grandfather knew his luck in love, so he prayed that even when he passes, his grandson will still have someone to be with.

day 8 : pride over love

cheol came over to your place at dusk seeing you with your flattering yellow dress with a backless cut on the back.

he was stunned by your beauty, his hand leading to his chest.

"my god" he whispered to himself as he paced closer to you

"you're gorgeous" he smiled as he kissed your temple

"you don't look to bad yourself" you grinned at him

you decided to stay in your apartment for a while as you settled a few of your stuff before you leave

he glanced over your record player and fidget over your albums then he finally sat down digesting the whole essence of your place, it was hard for him to stay still thinking that you were some dumb bet but he knew you were more than that, he knew you we're attractive but the breeze tonight was only revealing your true selves to each other.

you came in the room with your purse settling it by the coffee table as your favorite song came by, you couldn't help but singing along to it

and other girls dreamed that they'd be cheol's partner

they'd be cheol's partner and

you're so vain

you probably think this song is about you

and then you both exploded in to giggles proceeding to do silly dances before heading out.

you both arrive at an immaculately decorated building, you could already hear all the people chattering inside the building making a light buzz on your ears

"cheol, you should come meet our new stockholder" his coworker ushered him as he looked at you with slight worry

"i'll be fine you should go" you pushed him lightly and he just nodded at you making a phone call sign telling u to call him if anything happens

it was a while when you were just sitting by the bar drinking your nth drink for the night, it wasn't your intention to do so, but that was the only thing that can occupy you. you didn't want to bother cheol on his night so you stayed lowkey.

you weren't drunk but you rethink because you didn't know why seungcheol's grandfather ushering you to talk to him.

"so i heard that you have been seeing my grandson" he started

"oh yeah i am" you politely answered, guilt wrapping you up when you realized that you were only feigning everything.

"i'm glad that he told me about a girl he goes out with, he barely tells me anymore because they don't last long" he giggled

"oh really? i would expect him to be married by now actually" you joked with him

you felt comfortable around him, his friends, his relatives, and even his co workers, they really provided you with a nice environment.

"i'm happy that you stayed with him even after knowing that you just started as a bet-"

"excuse me?" you were violated.

"i mean please excuse me i need to get some fresh air"

there was regret in mr.choi's face but it also held worry, was it true? you were a bet? what did he win for you? for this? what did he mean that you started as a bet?

you were furious, you knew you were also doing him wrong, but you felt bad for all of it.

it wasn't helping that you had to admit to yourself that you did like him. even through the fucked up situations you had this week, it was all messed up, fake.

but even in all that chaos, he was consistent, he was there.

now you're doubting if that was his acting as well

because now you were burning everywhere, because you knew you crossed the fine line along the feigned adoration over real devotion.

you adore choi seungcheol.

but now that meant nothing.

quick and heavy foot steps were heard behind you

"y/n!" cheol managed out with huffed breaths

you faced him with disdain painting your face.

“wow, you’re gonna run away after you defy me?” he laughed sarcastically, his face sullen his eyes filled with fury

“defy you? what about you making me a bet?” it dawned on him realizing that you knew about his faults too.

it was true, you did defy him, not that it was your choice, you had to do it for your job, you wrote about him, one of your how-to blog and magazine experiments.

how to lose a guy in 10 days

this was your last project being a part of this magazine line. you swore you couldn’t keep on using people for an article, you planned on being a journalist after quitting, after making him your last.

because after all, you love him.

your article could also be called “how to stupidly fall in love and find a man in 10 days”

“it was a bet at first, then i fell, but you just played me” he looked at you as if you just stabbed him straight to the chest

“what?” you said confused

“leave. i don’t ever wanna see you anymore” he warned

“didn’t know you could stoop so low, and don’t worry i will”

“how to lose a guy in 10 days huh?” he started “lucky you y/n because you just lost him” he uttered walking away.

the night turned completely upside down, both of your chests swelled with guilt, shame and anger.

your heart dropped, but you just swallowed you pride and left.

day 9 : drive me out of town

quickly packing your things to leave, you won’t do any good here now that everything is tainted by the man you met just a little more than a week ago.

you spent your whole day just wallowing the sadness from your love life leaving your friends, your apartment.

you published that article about choi seungcheol to have income before you left your low life and start as a struggling journalist to do what you always wanted, to write about more important things

conventional, innovative, a cry of the oppressed.

but people seemed to worry if blondes were more fun than brunettes.

you truly regret using him, but you both did the wrong things to the write people, only fate knew that.

you rode your cab ready to leave this damned city to move to another identical one.

the familiar streets slowly blurred into the abyss of the distance as you called your friends and relatives one by one just catching up and telling them little life updates.

you were sad, but you knew that seungcheol is probably feeling a lot more than you were.

the darkness of the sky basked you a sense of comfort, there’s always a new day.

you wished him peace.

it was a fault writing about him and confessing about you felt at the same time, but he deserved the last bit if honesty left to your fake situationship.

a raging motorcycle suddenly honks at your vehicle endlessly. your cab giving way but it seemed like it wasn’t what the motor rider meant

“OH MY GOD PLEASE STOP” you told the cab driver when you realized it was cheol’s bike.

was he planning to run you over?

you got out displaying yourself in front of the man you loved.

“y/n, it was all true” he said taking his helmet off he huffed tiredly but not slowing down his pace to get close to you

“what are you saying?”

“i liked you that’s why i agreed with the bet, hoping you would like me back, even though your personality was hard to work with” he laughed to himself

“why are you saying this? why now?”

“maybe i flipped the page too quick not seeing that you loved me as well”

“love”

“what?”

“i still love you” you whispered

“you won your bet a little too well mr.choi seungcheol”

“i love you too, and i don’t care if you pull your annoying your girl antics i still love you”

“that wasn’t me” you laughed

“well there was a part of you who did it, and i love all of you” he smiled showing his gummy grin.

you couldn’t help but feel free, you weren’t stuck in that annoying girl’s body forcing the guy you love to hate you.

“kiss me, cheol” you teared up

he didn’t need to be told twice as he rushed to close the distance between the two of you, his lips crashing to yours savoring every inch of it. your head shifting in sync as you both connected not wanting to let go.

today’s day 1. the first day of making it real.

day 10 : my heart, it lies within yours.

passed 12 am

i guess you did actually lose your bet now with your friends. at day 10 choi seungcheol was plush against your skin his lips in yours, and your hands in his hair.

“i hate that you have me wrapped around your finger” he groaned onto your lips

“i hate that you actually won your stupid bet” you sighed

“i always win, and this feels so much better than winning” he said lifting you

your bags left on the floor the moment you reached his home, he told you to call it yours as well, from now on.

your silence didn’t last long when the both of you were longing for each other leading you up to this moment.

“hm so cocky huh?” you teased him as you started kissing down on his neck as he laid you on his bed.

you pulled down on his tie realizing he was so busy at work all day.

you kissed him once more and switching the positions that you were previously on as you climbed onto his lap and continued making out

your hands wandering on his hair and his hands on your ass.

your tongue interacting as he let you do whatever you want, his hands started wandering on your body leaving your skin burning for more.

your kiss being more needy as you started to grind on his hard on. he groaned onto your lips leaving you to grind harder.

you started to unbutton his clothes as he followed suit, removing yours as well.

he was pulling on his tie

“no” you stopped him

“keep it on love” you commanded

he could throw you and turn this around, but he didn’t. he enjoyed this a little too much, loving the feeling of being taken care of.

you both were left on your under garments except him having his tie on

he looked so hot having his tie rest on his smooth and hard muscles, his abs and pecs shining from the moonlight.

you continued grinding on him until he held your hips to stop.

“let me have you first please” he sighed as he laid you down on the bed as he knelt on the ground facing your crotch.

he looked at you as if he was asking if he could remove it and you nodded back at him.

his blonde hair a bit messy as you caressed it and tugging while he was removing your underwear

his face getting closer to your heat as he started kissing on your thighs slowly.

his lips then met with your clit as he sucked slowly then proceeding to lap on your entrance already making it soaking than it already was.

his tongue bending slightly when met with the entrance teasing it and slowly stretching it.

his right hand caressing around your waist as the left one kept it on your thigh refraining it from moving.

his fingers slowly worked his mouth as he slowly dipped one into your hole.

his finger was thick, 2 of your fingers were your frequently used ones, but his reached so much deeper, felt so fuller.

he hummed against your clit as vibrations flooded through your veins. he added another finger making you writhe and pull on his hair more.

you pulled him up kissing his plump lips before making him lay down on the bed.

you held his hands as you put it above his head, you weren’t intending to restrain them at all.

his biceps protruding so well when you raised it keeping it there as you licked and sucked on his neck slowly removing his boxers.

you wanted to cum with him tonight.

his eyes went dark seeing his large dick lining up to your entrance, he wanted you to ride him, he wanted to stare at your beautiful body while you felt pleasure because of him.

"no condom?" he asked heavily, he wanted it, he wanted this, but he also wants to make sure that you're doing what you desire, not wanting to make regrets again.

"i don't care, fill me up, make me pregnant" you said in a daze, but even without the lust you had right now, you still would say yes.

"fuck" he groaned hearing your words

his length standing tall, he was already so girthy, his tip leaking red.

he wanted to feel pleasure with you, not just sitting there like some fuck doll.

you lined the tip with your entrance as you slowly sunk down already feeling an enormous stretch.

"god your cock is so big" you moaned as you rested your head by his neck sucking there to distract yourself from the slight pain.

his hands went down to your waist as he pushed you further, taking him all in.

he was sent to paradise with your walls crashing to his length, engulfing it in its warmth

"your pussy was made just for me, love" he groaned as his hands guided your waist to ride him.

you were releasing moans as you rode him, it's as if he was still getting bigger inside you.

you then leaned back to your position staring at him with his tie, he looked so hot with his abs clenching every time you squeeze his dick, and how his sweat made it look like he was glowing.

he was laying back with the most drunk in lust face he got as he bit his lower lip just staring at you bouncing at him.

every curve of him filled you even more hitting the right spots that led you to your high in a few more moments.

you both released at the same time, but cheol was far from over with you

he flipped you around entering you in a missionary position, he was truly strong as he pumped himself in you with a new found energy hitting even deeper than before.

he caressed the bump his dick made deep on your stomach.

he made a guttural moan just by the thought of you being able to carry his children by the very belly he's fucking oblivion to.

you pulled onto his tie causing it to tighten a bit that he moaned. you kissed him sloppily as your saliva mixed and dripped to the side of your chin.

he went down leaving marks on your delicate skin, already having red marks on your neck, he made sure to give your tits some love.

he sucked onto your left one and massaged the one on your right, continuously flicking it. his other hand made its way to massage your clit, which made your back arch and scream his name.

"fuck seungcheol" you moaned

"seungcheol? i thought you called me cheollie" he smiled at you with a shit eating grin

you could barely even give a response, you were simply brain dead from all the pleasure you had.

his pace going faster and faster as massaged your clit to a higher intensity, you both were sent over the edge for the second time tonight.

he slowly removed his length, as your hole felt the emptiness you groaned. your mixed arousal slipping out of your pussy as cheol just stared at it.

he inserted two fingers fucking the cum back into her, you moaned at overstimulation, he continued fucking you with his fingers.

"aren't you doing too much mr. choi?" you glared at seungcheol.

"gonna make sure you keep all of it" he said as she shakes his head giggling.

you pulled him down onto the bed as you sat up stuffing your underwear in his mouth making him moan out loud.

"your turn?" you grinned.

i felt like i could do better :") im sorry if this is bad.

taglist <3

@luchiet @sebongmochi @yawnseu @christinewithluv @musingsofananxiouspotato @raggedypansexual @90s-belladonna @nerdycheol @xcynthiaaa @inexistent-bluemind @jenoxygen @i-dont-give-a-fok @nmosyne @sleepzyy @justanarchiveforfics @springdaybreaks @k07-1313 @dunixxd

[lovers-rck]

summary after a day of patroll, ellie come back into your arms

pairing ellie williams, fem!reader

intentional lowercase, +18

☆

"how was patroll?" you asked from the bed, watching ellie come out of the bathroom, pearls of water falling down her hair. she shook her head like a dog, laughing as droplets fell on your face.

"good, i guess" she crawled to where you were, your legs covered by the blanket "we found some canned food, and an old gossip magazine"

"really?" she nodded, sitting by your side and tucking a strand of hair behind your ear "can i see them?"

ellie laughed at your excitement. she was very familiar with your fascination about learning what the world was like before, how people behaved and what they talked about. Ellie wasn't as interested, but enjoyed listening to you talk about anything.

she pretended to forget to tell you that the magazines were picked up especially for you "sure, you can keep them"

"i wish i was there"

she smiled, not wanting to talk about gossip magazines but about you, looking at your face, caressing your cheek "i like you here, where you are safe" ellie moved closer "i missed you"

you leaned in her hand, enjoying her touch "i missed you too" you couldn't help but smile at seeing her, seeing her safe, by your side.

you hated patroll days. you spend the day worrying, not being able to concentrate on your responsibilities and imagining terrible scenarios where ellie doesn't come home.

but she always does, doing her best out there just for you.

after a few seconds, you feel her lips in yours. her kiss is slow and delicate, trying to demonstrate you all the things she is unable to say. you lean towards her body, your hand grabbing her arm, looking for support.

you feel her tiredness in her movements, slows and lazy, it's grip losing strength as the seconds pass by.

"we should go to sleep" you murmured when you saw what direction her kiss was taking "you must be tired" you say, a weak whimper coming out of your mouth, the sound of saliva and lips hitting eachothers echoes in the room.

she groaned and grabbed your neck, kissing you more deeply "im not tired" her tongue assaulted your mouth, making you part your lips to welcome her sweetness.

except that she was tired. she was so damn tired that all her muscles felt numb. she wanted to sleep for a couple of good hours –or days but she also wanted to be with you, doing whatever.

"ellie" you whispered, your words dying in her kiss "it's late" you could hear her agitated breath, her getting more desperate "you should rest" you wanted this as much as her, but you knew that the next day ellie has to go to patroll again until late hours, and you didn't want to be the reason of her lack of sleep.

but ellie was ellie, and she didn't gave up easily. her lips traced a path to your jaw, leaving kisses as clues "can you just shut up and let me fuck you?" she murmured and you gave up, her mouth licking and bitting the skin of your neck. you moaned softly as her hands cupped your breast over the shirt –her shirt— and she start massages them. her touch is hard and possesive, making your tits hurt in pleasure, showing how needy she is.

your hands caressed the back of her neck, your breathing getting louder the moment she grabs the hem of your shirt, lifting it up to take it off your body. she quickly spread her legs to position you in between them, your naked back facing her chest.

ellie tossed her arm over your neck, grabbing your shoulder and pressing your body against her, leaving you immobilized "i really mean it when i said that i missed you today" she says in your ear, her free hand caressing your torso, playing with your nipples as you watch "did you miss me?"

you nod, watching her hand go lower "i missed you too ellie" your voice high pitched as she cup your cunt over your panties.

your whimper when she start making little circles in your clit, feeling your underwear become wet with just a little touch. she spreads your legs and locks them with her own to keep you still and open to her.

her fingers move your underwear to the side, finally making contact with your heat. you inhale deeply when she drags her finger in your folds, collecting all the wetness and spreading it in your clit, filthy sounds fill the room.

ellie's movements are not slow and lazy anymore, her grip in your shoulders is strong and hee fingers move with decision, making you feel like only she knows. she smiles to herself when you drop your head on her shoulder and start to play with your nipples unconsciously, enjoying yourself.

your moans get louder and louder as ellie trace circles on your clit, pressing from time to time, teasing you. you feel her wet mouth in your neck one more time, bitting and kissing after, her moaning softly at your reaction.

something about you being almost naked and ellie being fully clothed get you off, driving you to the edge. she put a finger inside you and start pumping in and out, tearing desperate moans from you "you like that?" she murmure and you nod

you feel her finger curl inside and you have to grab her arm for support, your breast moving slightly at her thrusts "ellie..." you whine.

"tell me what you need" she says "ellie" you continue, too lost in pleasure to even understand a word of what she is saying. ellie decides to add another finger and watch how your cunt swallows her digits with a wet sound, feeling your walls get tight with every thrust. she moves faster and in a matter of seconds you are moaning and whining her name.

"im here" she says, "im the one fingering you babe" she says in a chuckle, her pace not getting any slower "fuck off" you replied laughing and moaning at the same time. ellie leaves a kiss in your head and curls her fingers.

"im... ellie..." your voice is getting desperate, your lip almost bleeding by how hard you are bitting it "i can't"

"you can handle it" ellie gets deeper "cum for me"

your body paralyze when you reach your climax, quickly grabbing ellie's hand to stop her movements, your cunt over stimulated. ellie admires her shiny fingers covered in you, and without a doubt shove them in her mouth, cleaning them with her tongue. you are too occupied with your recent orgasm to react, your head falling in ellie's neck and your body curling into her's.

she takes off her hoodie to put it on you, your limp body obeying her and receiving the warmth of her clothes. she leaves a kiss in your forehead and tucks you under the sheets next to her body, your head on her chest "you are the one who is tired now" she says

"i can't imagine why" you murmur, your eyes half close, relaxing into her warmth "don't forget about that magazines"

she laughed and hugged you more into her "i will not forget you freak" you smiled into her chest "you are obsessed with those people"

"obviously" the cloud of sleep started to posses you "can you imagine not having to hunt to eat?"

"no"

"exactly" you said in a yawn.

[mariclerc]

Hiiii,,

Im in a very angsty mood and was wondering if u could write charles x driver!reader where reader gets in a crash similar to jules’? Maybe have her in the hospital for a bit and charles is scared that he’ll lose her? Thanks ahead of time. Hope u have a nice day!

thanks for this request! I made the effort to write angst, since it is the first time I do it. I hope you like it!!

Fighter | cl16

Summary: where you have a serious accident on the track and Charles's memories of it aren't the most pleasant ones.

Warning: a little bit of angst, a worried and scared Charles, injured reader, some swearing.

a/n: This is the first time I've tried to write angst, so sorry if it's not quite perfect. There's going to be a little point of view from Charles. Let me know if you want a part two of this <3

Part 2

“Are you excited about the race, coeur?” Charles asks you as you enter the paddock. (heart)

You nod. “Yep! I think we can give Red Bull a good fight, and you? Are you excited?” you ask him as you stop to sign some autographs for the fans.

“As long as you don't pass my shiny red car on track, everything's fine.” He says and you roll your eyes with a smile, he giggles.

You two have been a couple for years, specifically since you were both racing in European F4, and although it took you a bit to get up to F1, you finally did it and this was your fifth season. You currently race for Mercedes and there is always that rivalry with the Prancing Horse, a rivalry which you both do not pay much attention to since, if it were up to you, you would support each other on the track as you do off track. You are the most loved and appreciated couple in the paddock, people love the dynamic of the two of you, how you are with each other and so on, and knowing each other from karting and then being a couple and staying together until now is not for everyone.

“Well, I think it's time, see you honey!” you said as you walked up to him to give him a kiss on the cheek. “Be safe, okay?”

“You too chérie!” He said as he also gave you a kiss on the cheek and you both walked to your respective teams. “Love you!”

You enter the Mercedes hospitality and go up to your driver's room and change into your racing suit and then go to the starting grid. Everyone was making the final preparations to start the race and the formation lap, you start in 4th position behind Fernando Alonso and in front of Esteban Ocon, maybe you have to make a good start, but you are confident that you can reach the podium together with Max —who starts first and Charles —who starts second... It's going to be a busy race.

***

So far the race is going well, already in the last part of the race, you are in third place fighting with Max for second place, there is a chance of rain but nothing to worry about...

Or at least that's what you thought...

The track began to get very wet even though it was a "light drizzle" and overtaking became a difficult task, likewise, no driver went into the pits to change tires and there was no warning from the FIA as to whether the drizzle was going to evolve into a storm.

Fighting with Max for second place, you got lost and the car took a turn until the nose was almost inside the net that separates the track from the stands, your head, despite having the helmet, was pushed back... You only remember the big impact against the barrier and your head going numb.

Charles' pov

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, please tell me y/n is okay?” I tell my track engineer as I see Y/n's car under the barrier.

“Apparently not, but they say she's fine.” my engineer answers.

But of course she's not fine, fuck it, she's not fine at all. All the cars line up on the pit line while y/n's strong crash repeats on the screens of the circuit, I get out of the car upset and needing answers.

“Shit, shit shit. Why the hell didn't they report about the rain? They think this is a fucking game?” I say to myself as I take off my helmet and throw it somewhere in the box, Andrea hands me a bottle of water and I take it. “I don't understand, I... The same thing can't be repeated, fuck it.” I murmur as I place my head in my hands. “It's incredible that years go by and the same old fucking shit is always repeated, because of them and their inability.”

Upon hearing over the circuit loudspeakers that the race was not going to resume, Andrea takes me to the Ferrari hospitality and I go up to my driver's room where I change out of my racing suit for my Ferrari t-shirt and a pair of jeans, I don't mind going to the "podium" like that and standing in first place, I just need to know if she's okay.

A couple of years ago I lost important people thanks to the same reason: a racing accident, both were horrible accidents that left a mark on me but none like the one I just witnessed. First it was my sports godfather, Jules, his accident left me scarred for life, thanks to this a new safety device was implemented —which doesn't do much to be honest. He died thanks to an accident that left him in a coma for months... Every day I went with my father to the hospital to see him, to see if he was still with us. Then it was one of my childhood friends thanks to karting, Anthoine, It was in an F2 race on the same circuit where hours later I would take the pole position that would give me my first victory in F1, but what happened to him was instantaneous... The next day they announced that he had passed away, my first victory was dedicated to him.

Just as I'm on my way to the "podium" Fred and Toto pull me from the side. “They take y/n to the hospital.” Fred says looking at me.

“Shit... Fuck, why her? Damn tell me if she's...” I couldn't finish speaking because Toto interrupted me.

“Go with her kid.”

“We'll take care of the rest, but go with her.” Fred says, patting me on the back and I run to Andrea to look for my things in the hospitality so I can go, I feel frustrated with myself and I know it's not my fault, but I wish it hadn't happened to her.

***

The sterile white of the ceiling swims into focus as your blurry vision starts to clear a little but you can't fully open your eyes. A rhythmic beeping cuts through the silence of the room. You try to speak, but your throat feels raw and unused. Strained voices filter in from beside your bed.

“...How long has it been? Do they know anything yet?” says Charles with his voice tight with worry.

A female voice is heard, calm but firm. “Mr. Leclerc, we're doing everything we can. The doctors will be with you shortly to explain the results of the scans.”

”But it's been hours!” says Charles with cracked voice. ”Can't they just tell me if she's going to be fucking alright?”

You hear the soft rustle of clothing and a sigh. The beeping quickens slightly.

“We're doing everything we can, dear. She's a strong girl.” The nurse says leaving the room.

He squeezes your hand again, his voice dropping to a frustrated whisper. His eyes don't leave your face.

“Just like Jules... just like Anthoine... why does this always happen? Why you my dear?” he says to himself. “I wish... I wish it had been me and not you amore.”

The door creaks open and the doctor enters the room. Charles straightens up, a flicker of hope in his eyes.

“Doctor, you have an update?” Charles asks.

“We've run some additional tests. There seems to be a minor head injury causing some swelling. It's putting pressure on...”

Charles doesn't wait for him to finish. “Is it serious? When will she wake up?”

The doctor sighs. “It's difficult to say for sure, Mr. Leclerc. Head injuries are unpredictable. But we're monitoring her closely.”

Charles lets out a defeated sigh. The doctor places a hand on his arm.

“She's a fighter, Mr. Leclerc. Just like you.” The doctor says and then leaves the room and gives way to the nurse.

Charles manages a weak nod, his gaze returning to your still form. He leans closer, his voice barely a whisper.

“Come on y/n, wake up. We have a race to win... together.” he whispers.

A faint flicker of movement beneath your eyelids goes unnoticed by everyone in the room. A single tear rolls down your cheek, tracing a path through the dust collected on your hospital gown. The faint movement under your eyelids becomes more pronounced. Your brow furrows slightly, as if struggling against the weight of unconsciousness. A soft groan escapes your lips.

Charles' head snaps up, his eyes widening in disbelief. He leans in closer, his voice thick with emotion.

”Y/n? Can you hear me love?” Charles says whispering.

Your eyes flutter open, blurry and disoriented. The harsh fluorescent lights of the hospital room assault your vision. You let out a low moan, squeezing your eyes shut again in protest.

“Hey, hey, easy. It's okay, you're safe, you're in the hospital.” he says urgently.

A wave of nausea washes over you. You try to speak, but your throat feels raw and scratchy. ”Charles...?” you say weakly.

Your voice comes out in a hoarse rasp, it's barely a whisper, but to Charles, it's the sweetest sound in the world. A relieved smile breaks across his face.

“There you are! Don't you ever scare me like that again, okay?” His voice slightly breaks.

He reaches out and gently tucks a stray strand of hair behind your ear. His touch is warm and comforting, the nurse speaks.

“How are you feeling y/n?” the nurse asked softly.

You try to lift your head, but a sharp pain shoots through it. You wince and let out a small cry.

“Easy, easy, don't try to move princess.” he says concerned.

“What... What happened Charles?” you said with a little confusion in your voice.

“You had a big crash during the race, don't you remember?” he asked softly.

You shake your head slowly, wincing again. Images flash in your mind — the roar of the engine, the blur of the track, the sickening impact...

“The car... The rain... I... I lost control” you whisper.

Tears well up in your eyes, the memory of the crash is terrifyingly vivid. Charles takes your hand in his, his grip strong and reassuring.

“It's okay love, you're okay now. That's all that matters.” he whispers.

He squeezes your hand gently, a silent promise hanging between you. The ordeal is far from over, but for now, the simple act of holding hands speaks volumes. You've survived the crash, and with Charles by your side, you'll face whatever comes next, together. You manage a weak smile at him, the sound of his voice a grounding presence. However, the celebration is short-lived. A dull ache throbs behind your eyes, intensifying with each passing second. You squeeze your temples shut, trying to push the pain back.

“Hey, what's wrong?” he asks, noticing your discomfort.

You open your eyes, a grimace forming on your face. “My head... it feels like it's splitting open.”

The nurse step forward. “That's normal after a head injury, dear. We gave you some pain medication earlier, but it might be wearing off... Let me check your vitals again, okay?”

The nurse bustles around you, taking your temperature and blood pressure. Charles doesn't take his eyes off you, his concern evident.

“Is it serious? Should they give you more medicine?” Charles asked.

“Let's see how she's doing first... Y/n, can you turn your head for me, please? Slowly, to the left and then the right.”

You try as instructed, but a searing pain shoots through your neck, making you flinch and cry out. Tears well up in your eyes again, a mix of frustration and fear.

”See? She can't even move her neck! There's something wrong!” Charles says quite alarmed and almost furious.

“It's alright, Charles. It's likely just muscle stiffness from the impact. We can give her some medication and a neck brace for support.” The nurse says calmly.

“Will I ever be able to race again?” you say a little worried with a trembling voice.

The question hangs heavy in the air, Charles reaches out and strokes your cheek gently. ”Don't worry about racing right now, you need to focus on getting better. We'll figure out the rest later.”

His voice is firm, but his eyes hold a flicker of worry. He knows how much racing means to you... For both of you it is the most important thing in your lives, but now that is in the background.

”Exactly... Right now, rest is the most important thing. We'll get you the medication you need, and we'll monitor your progress closely.” The nurse says as she looks for medicine and the neck brace.

The nurse injects a new pain medication into your IV. The relief is slow, but it gradually takes the edge off the throbbing in your head. The nurse places the neck brace on you, although it needs to be tight, as this prevents neck mobility. You lean back against the pillows, exhaustion washing over you.

“Get some sleep, love. You'll feel better I promise.” he smiles weakly.

You nod weakly, your eyelids drooping. Despite the pain and uncertainty, a sliver of hope flickers within you. You're surrounded by love and support, and that makes all the difference.

As you drift off to sleep, you hear Charles whisper a promise in your ear.

“Everything will be okay baby, I promise... Just stay here with me, okay?” He says and you give a slight thumbs up, you feel your whole body weak and destroyed.

The road to recovery will be long and arduous, but with Charles by your side, you know you can face it head-on, even with a throbbing head and a stiff neck.

The fear of not racing again persists in you, but obviously it is not something you can control, Besides, you don't know exactly if you will spend months off the track. What you do know with great certainty is that you have Charles' constant support and that is enough for you.

[sukunasweetheart]

I was rereading some of your fics and got inspired so please hear me out🙏

Reader being college!sukunas pretty little gf but going through a bit of a insecure phase. Having to wonder if sukuna using her for her body. While also having to endure people trying to flirt with him at every party (sukuna has never and would never flirt or cheat but since reader is going through something, she's obviously bothered)

This continues for a few weeks, reader brings it up but sukuna always gets annoyed and shuts it down(Sukuna and reader both not knowing how to efficiently communicate). Reader's insecurity is kind of building up😕 so atp shes debating whether to break up with him because shes just so tired of feeling like she's not enough.

One night reader gets drunk during a night out with maki and nobara so they have to call him to go pick her up. Sukunas kind of mad since she hasn't called or texted him all day so he calls her out on it while driving home. Reader being a emotional drunk decides its the perfect time to unleash how she feels. Sukuna listens to her and starts worrying when reader very briefly mentions a break up. So when they get home sukuna gets her to spill the beans before she knocks out. Meanwhile sukuna spends all night thinking about how to reassure reader that he loves her (he doesn't want to lose her😭)

Next morning reader wakes up in his arms and he tells her he wants to talk about what happened last night now that shes sober. So they have a serious talk about it (tears were definitely shed)

Edit: THIS WRITING WAS GNARLY IM SO SORRY😭i had a vision but i couldn't put it into words correctly. i gave up near the end but i kind of just wanted to hear your thoughts😖

AWWWW THIS IS SO ADORABLE FR

i love the angst and happy ending, always 😘😘😘 it hurts so good </3 just them being so unsure of each other and what to do, even if its clear that they both are so deeply in love <3

very relevant angst bc someone like sukuna would find it very difficult to understand what it feels to be insecure... it makes you wonder how much patience he could have for someone who is intensely insecure (me)

anyway i can imagine drunk reader being a sobbing, bumbling mess when shes at home with him, talking in a way thats barely comprehensible, weeping in between sentences and sukuna just not knowing what to do with you except wipe your tears away (he'd call you cute if you weren't actually so upset) but then you mention that maybe its better off if the two of you break up, which wipes the smile off his face

imagine him wracking his brains at night while he observes your sleeping face, not knowing what to do... he'd never thought that what he was doing now wasn't enough in making you feel secure with him and that he was making you so unhappy

maybe what you need is more verbal affirmation, bc sukuna is so action oriented, he realises he doesn't nearly as often tell you that he loves you and only uses gestures to show it instead.

idk this might be corny but imagine you and him practicing saying 'i love you' while sitting face to face, holding hands, and for the first time you see his ears get pink, its certainly not something he says often. you bursting into laughter at the stiff way he says it makes him even more bashful.

"stop fucking laughing! it's your turn now, hurry up."

but when you say it, it sounds so natural and genuine and sweet, even when you're saying it in between laughs. it makes him wonder how you're doing it.

anyway, seeing sukuna's ears get so pink and seeing how awkward he is for a change, is strangely healing to you and probably helps you gain some confidence back bc who else could incur such feelings in him other than you?? especially when he usually has such an idgaf attitude :)

[str4wkinzi]

JUST FRIENDS.

A friends with benefits relationship with Childe.

NSFW CONTENT! MINORS DO NOT INTERACT.

FWB CHILDE.. who you’ve been friends with for a while. He’s always had a crush on you but was too afraid to ruin what you two had.

FWB CHILDE.. who one day slides his hand up your thigh, up to your cunt. Thinking it was another flirty act that doesn’t bother you, between friends y’know? he didn’t think it would lead to anything, unfortunately.

FWB CHILDE.. who’s actions lead to you two hooking up. It was the best night of his life but he was scared. He thought your friendship was over.

FWB CHILDE.. who suggests if you two should be friends with benefits. He doesn’t want to lose you but he definitely wants to fuck you again.

You moan his name like a broken record while he pounds into your cunt.

“Fuck, you feel so good. I think im gonna-“ hes cut of by you cumming and spasming on his cock, squeezing around him like a vice. This makes his cum as well, emptying his load into your twitching cunt. Tired from the pleasure, you fall asleep after he pulls out of you, wrapping you in his arms.

The day after, you both wake up. You both too embarrassed to talk while still being in each others arms,

“Need help walking?” Childe decides to crack the joke that makes you laugh and play hit him. He looks you in the eyes.

“Did you… enjoy it? Because y’know.. i did.”

“I did too.” Voice coming out a little hoarse.

“Maybe we could… do it again sometime?” He regrets what he says immediately.

“I mean if you w-“

“I’d like that.”

Thats how it began.

FWB CHILDE.. who fucks you into oblivion. He fucks you like he hates you, but he loves you so, so, so much.

I just felt like adding this one just cuz :3

Moans and fast slaps fill the room around you. Screams of you begging him to slow down fall on deaf ears. You’ve cum for the umpteenth time and Tartaglia keeps going.

“Tartaglia, fuck, slow down!” You whine while clawing at his back.

“No.” Is all he says before somehow speeding his thrusts up.

FWB CHILDE.. who is always touching you. He always has a hand on you at all times. He never leaves your side.

FWB CHILDE.. who acts as if your dating and gets sad when you tell someone you aren’t. All he wants is you and to him… you don’t want him.

FWB CHILDE.. who guards you like a police dog. He lets no one get close enough to touch you. Only he can.

“Childe, y’know you can’t keep scaring people off all the time.” You look over at him while walking, hands intertwined.

“Yes i can.” he says, trying to hide the scowl on his face.

He was just asking for directions.

(This looks like a little road this is so cute wtf)

|^_^-^_^-^_^^_^ -^_^^_^-^_^ ^_^^_^^_^^_^^_^^_^_^

While walking you back to his house,

“You two make such a pretty couple!” A nice older lady exclaims

“Oh, no we arent dating, ma’am.”

“Thats a shame, you two look so cute together.”

You look over at Tartaglia to crack a joke but you see him looking away from you.

“Tartaglia?”

Maybe one day you’ll say you two are dating, maybe more.

FWB CHILDE.. who one night after fucking you, finally decides to come clean.

“Hey, um.”

“Yeah?” You respond.

“I’ve liked you for a.. really long time. Actually, not liked, I’ve loved you for a really long time and i-“

“I love you too Tartaglia.”

He stares at you, dumbfounded.

He never thought the day would come.

“Does this mean..?”

“Yeah.”

“We’re dating.” The two of you say at the same time.

He never thought he’d hear those words from such a perfect person like you.

He really does love you.

STR4WZ STICKY NOTE < HI GUYS!!!! My bbg comic loved the idea of this friends with benefits thingy so i did it :3 i hope u guys like it and im working on a couple more! 3

ALSO THIS IS LIKE SUUUPPPPERRRRRR MESSY but i like to section things a little even tho it looks like shit

[eepywriters]

I LOVED YOUR MESSAGES WITH QUACKITY ❤️❤️❤️

please do getting into an agrument with quackity headcanons please 🙏🏻🙏🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻😙😙🫣‼️💕💕🩷🩷

.✦°. • getting into an argument hcs (*´Д｀*)

warnings: a bit of angst and maybe a bit ooc? I tried 😞🤚🏻

a/n: HIII!! THANK U SO MUCH! It means a lot :D and sorry if it took so long ｡ﾟ(ﾟ´Д｀ﾟ)ﾟ｡ finals kicked my ass so I couldn’t write for a while BUT IM HERE SO LET’S GET INTO IT

EARLY INTO THE RELATIONSHIP

(thinking of a young, little experienced Alex)

Oh it’s jover

This could actually be something that could cause a breakup cuz let me tell you THIS MAN just can’t stand confrontation

If it’s something that bugged you, he’d probably understand your point of view but would also be very overwhelmed at the thought of losing you cause he hasn’t been good enough for you, resulting in him hyper focusing on his spiraling thoughts rather than listening to what you are saying

I feel like he’d also be the type to act like nothing happened right after an argument; he’d ignore the tense situation and make jokes to light up the mood and forget about it. He’s not dense, he knows it hurts you to see him seemingly ignore your feelings like that, but he’s not used to being listened so he ends up making his partner go trough his predicament as well

BUT it’s even worse if it’s something that bugged HIM; he probably wouldn’t tell you about it, much preferring to suck it up and don’t cause problems, even though he IS creating more problems

the underlying tension caused by his silence would bring the relationship to a breaking point:

1 you break up and the regret eats him up (probably also wouldn’t reach out again because of shame and a tiny bit of ego)

2 you talk about it cause it can’t go on like this

When I talk about bugging tho, I’m thinking about things that don’t surge an immediate reaction from him, because if he’s mad, he’s mad.

He’s the venomous type, forget his silence and self pity, he’ll probably laugh in your face in irritation and say whatever the fuck he thinks

He’ll retreat to his office as soon as he sees the hurt in your face, understanding he went to far and going back to he’s usual silence, ending up giving you the silence treatment. (he also feels incredibly ashamed) (he’ll just stay in his office all day, editing mindlessly since his mind is anywhere but in the work he’s doing)

He’ll either leave you alone in bed that day, making you sulk and feel as lonely as ever, or will sleep with you but it’ll be the coldest shit ever (like the typical movie scene where two people sleep super afar from each other)

Don’t misunderstand tho, he does feel guilty, he just struggles with communicating his feelings properly (*´ー｀*)

“(Name) I’m not a child, stop acting like you are my fucking mom” he spat, a look of indignation spreading on his features, shaping his otherwise gentle appearance into a strong, furious one.

“Cant you understand that I’m worried about you?” you strike back, jaw impossibly tightened “I understand that you’re very dedicated to your job, but you can’t get yourself to this state.” You sigh, not able to keep up the mad act: “You look very tired Alex”.

You take a tentative step towards him, determined to show him you weren’t scolding him, nor were you mad at him. You were trying to establish contact with him, not start a fight, after all your irritation came from worry, not anger. But he didn’t receive that well. His brows scrunching even further while his mouth twitches downwards.

“Stop acting like I’m some fucking rabid animal. I can take care of myself just fine, I don’t need a fucking babysitter”.

Seems that wasn’t the right move.

The way he was saying your name was probably what hurt the most. You find yourself missing the gentle tone he usually reserved to it when spoken.

“What are you even saying?” you breathe out, your voice being so fragile you almost don’t recognize it as your own. “Do you hear what you are saying? You are being impossible Alex”.

At this point his foot is stomping nervously on the floor. He’s getting annoyed by the minute and he can’t wait to forget about this tense situation. Arguments always put him on edge, but instead of working on the root cause of his discomfort, he always had preferred to just get himself out of the mess as soon as possible. (He hadn’t yet grasped how much that could hurt others). And that’s why, out of everything he could’ve gone, he replied with the one of the most uncalled for things he could ever come up with.

“Maybe instead of worrying about me, you should take a good look at yourself first”.

And you know what he was trying to entail.

You were never insecure of your dark circles, or at least, it wasn’t something that bugged you on the daily ever since you had found a common ground with Alex, knowing he struggled with very prominent circles cause of his lack of sleep. But for someone like him, who always had a hard time with his appearance, to clap back at you by going for your looks? Foul. Unexpected. Not like him at all.

You were sure he could tell from the look of disbelief on your face that he had fucked up.

Alex’s breathing keeps up, his chest constricts, and the anger and the pride that he has wearing like a tailored suit are stripped out of him at the sight of your frown. His mind goes haywire trying to come up with any response.

Maybe if you would’ve known him better by then, you would’ve known how terrified he was of your judgment. Even though his fame often had him deal with horrible comments filled with free hate, if judgement came from you, it scarred 100 times more than anything could ever do.

“Just leave it be, I’m fine” it’s all he mutters before booking it and hiding himself in his office, leaving you to stand there, in the middle of your living room.

Tears prickle your eyes, threatening to fall at any moment and your lip begs you for mercy as you bite into it.

God, why was communicating so difficult in this house?

LONG INTO THE RELATIONSHIP

It took time, it took healing, it took sitting down and TALKING to finally find your balance

He’s still pretty much venomous when it comes to immediate triggers, but after you are both done fighting and cursing each other out, you talk about it and come out of it somewhat unscathed

Anger isn’t easy to control or refrain after all, but you both try your best, and you are able to make up most of the times without falling into old dynamics of silent treatment or isolation

If something bugs him, he most likely will tell you; he is hesitant about it, but after many nights spent in your arms, he starts to let go on some of his biggest worries (anxiety still gnaws at his core every time he opens his mouth though, that doesn’t get old at all)

If something bugs you, he doesn’t shy away from confrontation anymore; he’s not perfect at it either, he still feels the urge to run away and laugh about it all, but he’s gotten way better at it

He’s still very scared of you having a negative opinion about him, but now you know him well enough to spend some extra time to reassure him that you won’t stop loving him for a petty fight, and that arguments in relationship are important to grow not only as a couple, but as people too

“(Name)” he calls out, and you instantly recognize the hint of anxiety that he’s trying to hide from you.

“Yes honey?” you reply, taking your eyes off your phone to stare into his pretty, brown ones. They screamed stress, fear, yet also determination. He did so much progress compared to the beginnings of your relationship. You were proud of him.

Alex took a deep breath before saying: “Uhm, It’s about the photo of us you posted earlier”. You could practically smell the tension in the air. His body is stiff, his chest is heaving, but your gaze is captured by his fingers and by how his nails are digging into them continuously, tearing his already red skin.

You take his hands in yours, preventing him from doing further damage to his poor, abused fingers. You knew he does it as a way to ground himself, but he really needed to find a new coping method - one that didn’t feature him torturing his body if possible.

He stares at his hands in yours for a while. You don’t say anything, allowing him to take his time.

“Okay fuck it” Alex whispers under his breath, so quietly you almost miss it.

“It makes me feel insecure, I don’t like it” he admits, keeping his focus on your hands as he munches his bottom lip nervously. You, in response, draw slow circles on his hands, offering him a gentle smile.

“Can you delete it..?” he sounds unsure, like he’s testing the waters instead of actually making a request. Either way you welcome it.

You put one of your fingers under his chin, gently applying pressure for him to lift his head, just enough to look at you. “Of course I can. Thank you for telling me Alex, I know it’s hard”. His once tense body relaxes.

He avoids your tender gaze, seemingly preferring to stare at the floor, yet you see the soft blush that was quickly taking over his cheeks. You also can’t help but notice that he already had found his charming smile back.

“Stop looking at me like that” he mumbles as his smile spreads. Uh oh, that can only mean trouble.

“Like what” your eyes narrow, not trusting his new found confidence.

“Like this”.

His imitation is pitiful: furrowed eyebrows, small frown and large puppy dog eyes. The more you look at him, the more he reminds you of that one emo guy that kind of looks like him (he definitely does). He looks ridiculous. How did you even fall in love with this dude?

You slap his arm, scoffing out a laugh as you look at him incredulous: “I don’t look like that!”.

“I think you do” he says with a smug tone, one that makes you want to hit him with a pillow till he goes back to sleep. And maybe you just will.

“Oh it’s on you motherf-“

The room was filled with laughter instead of unconfortable, loud silence.

(first post of 2024 yippiee)