#can't wait to reread this again...!
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I miss all of them so much aaaaaaaaaaa
#the locked tomb#gideon nav#gideon the ninth#tlt fanart#tlt#my favorite redhead#i just can't wait to read nona in french like please#and i have to read it again in english anyway#ah yes#rereading the whole book series again instead of making progress on the homework#chrysart
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I just went through and reread one of my favorite webcomics and realized it's been quite some time since I've drawn fanart for it.
It's not much, but here's a quick sketch of Thistle from Daughter of the Lilies
@bludragongal as always, I love this story, love this character, hope you like!
#Its kind of a sad Thistle because I had on a sad movie in the background#can't help but bend to the whims of my surroundings I suppose#art#fanart#daughter of the lilies#Thistle#dotl#meg syv#it felt so good to reread this comic again#I dunno its kind of nostalgic for me at this point#I've been a fan of it for how many years???#Since like 2015#I'm not going to think about how long that is thank you very much#LMAO WAIT I MESSED UP HER OUTFIT A BIT#WITH THE CUFF THING AROUND THE NECK#ALRIGHT ITS FINE I WAS CRYING BECAUSE OF THE MOVIE WHEN I DREW THIS#I LITERALLY COULDNT SEE#ssshhh shshhhshshshshshsh
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#23.2 Teases
Dan sighed wistfully. He couldn't help but feel jealous as he witnessed the couple kissing.
It must be great to be Grace. He was attractive, rich, powerful, talented, and respected. He had everything every person in the tower could ever wish to have. So it should come as no surprise that even Princess Endorsi would want him.
But despite all that, Dan didn’t want to be in Grace's shoes. Power and fame came with a price, and he knew how hard Grace had to work for it.
Maybe he wasn't actually jealous of Grace's charm. He was just not willing to let his goddess, Princess Endorsi, pick anyone else as her partner.
Dan let the realization sink in, sulking while chewing on another spoonful of meat curry. Gyetang must've felt even sadder than him, considering that his reason to join their team was to meet Princess Endorsi.
"What happened?" the guy in a tracksuit –Sibisu, if he remembered correctly– asked, as he and the others took a seat.
"Princess…" Hatz trailed off. "She used her tag to 'talk' with Grace. And when they returned, Grace had a kiss mark on his cheek."
That was a surprisingly objective summary.
"You know, I realized something after kissing him." Boss commented. He was looking at Princess Endorsi mirthfully. "The kiss mark on his cheek earlier was tilted in an odd way."
Princess Endorsi raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"
Boss waited a few beats. Then he shrugged. "Never mind. I was simply sharing my thoughts."
Princess Endorsi gave him a long stare, before her eyes lit up in realization. She chuckled, "How observant."
Dan could only sit there. At least he wasn't the only one that was confused. After all, he didn't really pay attention to the mark position before Grace wiped it out, so he didn't know what kind of odd that Boss meant.
"Woah! Bam–"
The Khun guy whisper-shouted, loud enough to pull Dan out of his thoughts.
"–You learned how to use chopsticks?"
Khun looked pleasantly surprised, and it kind of baffled Dan. He didn't think anyone, especially from the Khun family, could be impressed by such a mere act.
Viole grinned sheepishly. "Yeah. I've wanted to learn it ever since you showed me how."
The smile that crept up on Khun's lips was genuine and fond. It was a familiar expression, one that Dan often saw Boss wearing when he looked at Grace.
He noticed that everyone was also looking at Khun and Viole, as the conversation around died down. Hatsu coughed, and Princess Endorsi rolled her eyes.
Khun, noticing this, glared at everyone. "What?"
Sibisu waved his hand dismissively, grinning. The others avoided eye contact.
Grace smiled as he glanced at Boss…expectantly? Teasingly? Dan couldn't tell.
Boss glanced back at Grace, smirking.
Grace chuckled, as if they were gossiping telepathically.
They did that enough times that Dan had gotten used to it. Exchanging looks without words as if they could read each other's minds. And honestly, Dan wouldn't even be surprised if they revealed that they actually had a telepathic ability.
Khun was now frowning. Dan could imagine two cat ears on his head pointing backwards. "Are you making fun of me?"
Grace quickly waved his hands in front of him. "What? No! I would never."
Boss laughed at Khun, as if daring him. "You are so obvious, it's embarrassing."
Novick coughed, trying to hide his laugh. "It somehow reminded me of that one time Grace tried to make a perfect apple pie, and we ended up having a week’s worth of pies. All because he wanted to impress Boss."
"The pie was delicious. I was impressed." Boss nodded approvingly.
Grace closed his eyes, smiling proudly. "Worth it."
Oh, the lovebirds, Dan thought to himself. Khun must've reminded Boss of himself, which was probably what he and Grace were making fun of earlier.
Princess Anaak raised her hand, palm facing Boss and Grace. "Please don't kiss again. I'm trying to eat."
Dan heard Viole whisper to Khun. "So that's what a kiss is…?" Which was just another whiplash to him.
The more he learned about Viole, the less he fit a slayer candidate's fearsome and mysterious persona. FUG's god, as they called him. He was still a kid at heart, clueless and learning.
"What's up, Blue Turtle? Did you finally find your banana?"
Khun whipped his head, and Dan noticed a light blush on his cheeks. "What does that even mean?! Stupid crocodile."
"I wonder who's actually the stupid one," Hatz shrugged.
Khun growled, took a deep breath, and sighed. "Let's just ignore them, Bam."
It seemed like Khun was used to being antagonized by his own team. But Dan thought that he might understand why.
The strong temptation to tease and nudge the lovebirds, especially when they were so obvious yet clueless. Case in point: Grace and Agni, when Dan was new to their team. He couldn't keep himself from smiling at the memory.
He enjoyed Grace's old team’s company so far. He used every opportunity to join the conversation, especially when everyone started bickering and exchanging stories. The cafeteria had never been so lively before with only the five of them.
The chaotic energy that Grace's old team brought was like adding new flavors into the mix. Only time could tell whether it was a good combination or not, but he hoped that they'd get along. Especially because it would be a lifelong regret if he were to lose the chance to have Princess Endorsi around.
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Bonus explanation under the cut:

#Happy new year! I' have returned~ (re)starting the story with a jelly fanboy. a hint of kb. and agr team offscreen event. wheee#I hope the bonus explanation image is enough because idk how to put that into words#I used my break time to reread ToG S2 from the start up until end of workshop battle. and oh boy do I have a lot to think about#There are some details that I forget. so I need to consider some changes into the plot that I had cooked before#and that's why I have a good news and bad news for you:#good news is that we're approacing the end of S2 (6 more updates. woohoo) and soon we will finally get to the exciting season 3!#(like damn I can't wait to finally have SnS into the story. you don't understand how much I yearn for them 😭💖)#bad news is...I *might* take another hiatus after valentine 😅 to plan things and stock up some drafts (again)#Though it's still one and a half month so do enjoy the ride until then~#tower of god#tog#two sides of the same coin fic#my fic#the 25th baam#the 25th bam#jue viole grace#koon#khun a.a#khun aguero agnis#khunbam#koonbaam#bamxkhun#shibisu#ship leesoo#endorsi jahad#rak wraithraiser#edin dan#novick#gyetang
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Some very goofy BMB doodles




References under the cut:

#blind man's bluff#ladyredms#l4d2#bmb spoilers#phil trying to intimidate the group by telling them to shoot him but he just looks like that#and on my reread i had the image of the “yeah we gay” meme in my head when nick shot the hazmat zombie LMAOOO#i can't wait for nick to experience more of the beauty of reciprocated gay love#and finally a little doodle tribute to the bridge arc#honestly the bridge arc has the most satisfying and emotional payoff that I’ve EVER read in fiction#like I’m still in awe of it!!!! what a beautifully written and depressing and immensely cathartic arc!!!#and the way it sets up the potential for soooo much positive change even within all that darkness!!!#it seriously had me sobbing like a baby at some parts and made me fall in love with the characters all over again!!!#okay i need to stop blabbing about the bridge arc but I love it sooo much
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Good evening gamers! Hope you've all been well <3 Just wanted to see how y'all are doing and apologize fir not being online often ^^" Life has been pretty busy
Also the fact I've been rereading one of my favorite manga (N.aoki U.rasawa's M.onster) means my Brain has been there instead of Self Shipping-akfsnkfnsk
#pan rambles#I still think about my f/os! it's just a little less bc I get so invested in rereading#If y'all ever wanna fundamentally understand me as a person you gotta read Monster bc T.enma changed me as a person /hj#He's a special character to me <3 Not in a self shipping way or anything like that#If anything he's like a parent to me#And a character I look up to#I could talk all day about how he motivates me to be kind and that sometimes I struggle to accept the compliment when people call me kind-#But I won't#That would take all day#On an unrelated note#Y.akuza men am I right? 👍#I can't wait to play 2 to see R.yuji amd D.aigo#And Play 4 to see A.kiyama#And play Like a Dragon to see I.chiban#Afkandksn And Lost Judgement to see my beloved Y.agami again ofc
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i keep having to stop and go whoa whoa whoa DAAAAMNNN every now and then while coding vivienne's route because i forgot how crazy the sexual tension between qot mc and vivi is
#i'm going through s3 ep 5 and 6 and the two heart scenes in those are just so WOWWWWW#it's been a while since i properly reread her route too so it frels like experiencing them for tbe first time again lol#i can't wait til i get to coding season 4 though... jealous vivi!!!!!#ten rambles
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hello good fucking morning.
#MAN my body clocked has relapsed into oblivion HAAHAHAHHA.#anyway....wowerz!!! it's been a whole ass week since i last yapped on here!!!!!#ive been a little busy with org work as of late bwahahha and i still am which is tragic.#but i'm gonna write until sunlight this time bcs its currently 12am......and i have been asleep since 6pm HSUDHSJAJAKS.#and i have chinese language lessons in the morning so sleep is put at an awkward spot rn 💔💔.#mayhaps i will be finishing nabi this session HUAHSHSHA i reread what i wrote for part three so far the other day and i missed!!! gyu!! so!!#much!!!!#ive also been picking up my juldarigi wip again because i kept getting brain possessed by ideas.#i can't wait to release this mess into the wild too BWHAHAHAHA#anyway.....i need to eat dinner (it's 12am. time is an illusion) and ill answer some asks later!!!!#buhbye mwa
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I'm rereading QOTD and I'm living for the Lestat/Marius/Akasha tension.
Specifically, Marius being equally pissed and likely grateful for Lestat both loving him enough (and likely Akasha too) that Akasha at least uses Lestat as a plausible excuse for not putting Marius in his place, while Marius patiently tries to put her in hers. ALSO, that Marius glare had to have made Lestat shit himself emotionally. That shit scared me.
Also, those Louis/Gabrielle looks at their loveable, blonde idiot that both want to likely hit and hug at the same fucking time.
Not to mention, Gabrielle straight eyeing Lestat and Akasha back and forth through the whole beginning of that meeting. 👀 It has me dying.
Also does this mom-o-phile have some damn nerve obsessing and having a blood orgy with another mother figure he's sexually attracted to, while leaving his OG independent milf with his bf?!?! Like she doesn't have other badass things to do! It's a tale as old as time itself.
#I forgot how much of a shitshow Lestat got into in this book#Queen of the damned#QOTD#vampire chronicles#lestat de lioncourt#You big dumb mutt of a person.#louis de pointe du lac#louis de point du lac#marius de romanus#gabrielle de lioncourt#I can't wait to see Armand again. Will it be love or shade?#[outofblood]#VC Rereading Commentary
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why does consuming content destroy me. i am so bad at this. why can't i just read books and play video games like a normal person
#e#i'm sorry for this but i never make posts with essays in the tags so bear with me for once#every time i find a new Thing it eats me alive until i can forget about it#after i finished earthbound i cried for 2 days straight. u think i am exaggerating but i am not... it was scary. i could not stop bawling#when i read the locked tomb series i was literally emotionally destroyed for a whole ass month#while i had the books out from the library i just kept reading them. and rereading them. and rereading them#and i read really fast so i probably read each book like 5 times at least. and the emotional parts i read over dozens of times#anyway this time my Thing is lore olympus. i read all of lore olympus in two days and now i don't know what to do with myself#(ok to be fair i was caught up in like 2021 but it's been a while so i had to start from the beginning again)#side note: i can't wait for alecto to come out so i can be completely destroyed for the rest of my life
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ONS chapter 134 spoilers
I was so excited this chapter, I really thought, oh! We're going to see some of Shika's backstory, I want to see why they were punished by god and sent down to Earth. Instead we get to see my fucking GUY I love Ferid, even better we see him and Crowley. Holy shit!!
We're finally explained what happened to Chess and Horn, sucks, but hey what can you do about it? At least Crow- oh NEVER FUCKING MIND. It's clear Ferid is gonna die soon too. I think within the next few chapters bc dude is crazy, and genuinely just wants to die. Again, I think! He still wants to fuck up Shika's plan so if we look at it in a optimistic way, maybe he was just sparing Crowley some pain that might go into that plan?? (coping)
Makes me so fucking sad though, I love Crowley c'mon. He was so sexy you can't do this to me 😭😭 I really hate that we didn't get any information of how he turned or why. I probably missed something, but all I got out of this was that Ferid has always been a little wrong up there.
Especially because he's still taking Crowley's dead body with him, so I can only assume he'll either need it for a plan, or he's just 🥥 and is taking him around because he's used to having him around.
Sometimes I feel I have to reread this constantly so I can put my two braincells together and try and predict what's gonna happen, but half the shit that happens is so not something people can come up with. Bc be fr who in the world could have theorized "look, we have to go back in time with the dinosaurs and we'll actually find out Mika and Yuu souls switched bodies when Shika wasn't looking so they can find a way to save him which is why Yuu is actually Mika and Mika is actually Yuu but they're still using their Mika and Yuu identity rather than the original" oh yes this is something I thought of before it came out, because clearly this is the answer. What everything has been leading up to, so true!
That being said, I still like it but it's like... Be serious, I'm not gonna spend too much thinking power on the sillies. Hopefully we can still get more info about Crowley via Ferid because IT'S ABOUT TIME that we got something about him and Ferid.
#just rambling about nothing#I love it I'm not dropping it but it's so silly#Ferid and Shika are good so I'm good#Shika is my favorite#🧎🧎🧎 I'm going to live for Shika and Yuu/Mika interactions#hopefully they see Shinoa squad again and have a fight n leave like#sjbshshhsjsd#please I need to see them fight#still thinking about last chapter and how Yoichi and Kimizuki didn't answer who they had a crush on 🏳️🌈🏳️🌈#we've been severely lacking Shinoa squad in general and I've completely forgotten who tf is supposed to be with who rn bc Guren and Krul#are still with them right? god I am not rereading all that#can't wait for the action and fights and most likely Yuu and Mika joining back with the squad for a new plan maybe#probably not since Shinoa made up her mind to kill Mika but maybe she won't I doubt she'll stop though I want to see drama#I am in desperate need of drama see them all try and kill Mika only for Yuu to be like stop touching my mans rn#owari no seraph
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being alive at the time i gleaned some general elements abt encanto but never actually heard we don't talk about bruno beyond awareness it existed popping off & i think i heard like the title recited off key off rhythm but in a way that indicates speak singing nonetheless lol so upon experiencing it it's like oh but it's the Verses? while the last refrain goes harder but prior to that it's comparatively underwhelming to said verses which feels appropriate like verses / pieces of a larger picture & that a "we don't talk about him" as a disappointing Lid on infinitely richer more characterful & dynamic "but: talking about him" instances. like well personally it'd be like um seven foot frame....anyway besides being able to firsthand go like oh damn Real (the kind of thing you know exists if alive at the time) it's like alright hang on lol. one thing when a core theme is yeah like "is it a refuge if 'especial' vulnerability ultimately gets pushed out rather than made safer" subset like the parties whose even observation of truths (problems) & drawing attention to them is seen as Ruining Things, like if you're painted as Making futures that aren't simply what's desired or reassuring rather than a guidance via just observing & sharing the truth. but then it's like whaddaya mean living in fear of bruno stuttering and stumbling you could always hear him sort of muttering and mumbling lmao like now that's just Association between the Truth Perceiving & Telling behavior & behavior that's just apparently distinctive of the same person. & like Not Accidentally when [what if people were magic] specifics are obviously primarily abt a metaphorical meaning & like, indeed it was made clear like oh this situation isn't Just b/c [boo we hate your prophecies] & that [an Ability that isn't directed towards what anyone Wants / is "weird" even by these magic standards] isn't Coincidentally given to someone who just so happens to already be "weird" in other ways & be set up to have a different perspective & be pushed away due to having the supposed "extra" vulnerability of unmet needs / insufficient support, same as someone who doesn't "correctly" have any kind of magic ability....like yeah banger and also like Oh Yeah Kind Of Devastating re: that metaphorical resonance allowing for like [set the metaphor aside] now hang on with this about this disabled family member lol. misinterpretation to The Ruinerrr / The Problemmm / The Maliciousss etc (i.e. the scapegoatinggg) despite their efforts likely entirely to the contrary. then despite like, efforts aside, Just Existing, always kind of muttering & mumbling like & what of it. & then like oh sorry weird pets. weird [auspicious for adaptable tenacious thriving surviving; either way simply creatures, existing] pets.
truly like As Is The Idea I'm Sure quickly becomes like hands behind back standing at the window Uh Oh Sisters musing on all the [disabled person] metaphorical & already literal elements there. blair witching it in contemplation like We've All Been There whether being so resented for the mere disruption of "existing in a group as the 'abnormal' odd one out" or like people talking shit abt anything associated w/you as soon as you've left the room, which is also made relevant like, this wasn't Only directed at this person when seemingly permanently gone, nor were they unaware / unaffected prior....pacing in the Musing parlor like things don't Have to be compared to billions but i only ever even see so many things & it's like billions sure is like "get scapegoated rword" & then said scapegoating is presented as only beneficial & we hate autists & even beyond that it's like, grabbing billions, Imagine If Things Meant To Be About Something Were About Something. quite a contrast when they are & furthermore like, deliberate thought & Care for [who gets scapegoated & why] & the truth of like, people getting pushed aside & out who have a key perspective & are primed / liable to come through for others similarly vulnerable & the supposedly Ruinous, Problems Generating disruptiveness is actually the strongest effort to make essential changes to a group. & come through with like, it'd be undermining thee point if it was "reassuring" us like oh haha people will be supportive b/c bruno will be more normal, so great that it Didn't like no, no Normality Reassurance(tm), presence of abnormalities(tm), Good, & everyone Can Deal b/c if you don't then it's pushing this person away, is exactly what happens, including even if they're still Around but are being mistreated b/c that is entirely part of that pushing away like anyone's victim blaming is ready to pounce at any time but if someone can't stand to stay / leaves b/c they can't see another option like that's not out of nowhere nor Regardless of what full support & flexibility they were getting lol. these Active Measures everyone loves so much, which are everywhere always & would include Staying & Trying To Make It Work & those efforts would be "disruptive" & resented & Bringing It On Oneself & etccc smh
that is to all say like. Woww when clearly basically the core thread was these beats of like, the crucial site of [thee scapegoated], & why that comes down on someone & how that plays out. endless ideas about how someone weird(tm) & disabled (&/or queer. but there's no Or here lol. & again like it's a Context like, to even be the one person without kids? likely not living up to "full" correct sexuality in that way alone; any oppression's logics of "inferiority" being logics of ableism, ready examples being that "inferior" race, gender, sexuality (& their experiences as people classed as inferior) all being pathologized as disordered) are seen & treated as someone Ruining Things & who cannot belong like whew. bracing. winding. which, i also recall like i was watching with headphones & during this one dialogue pause i was like "?? what's this Extra Sound i heard there" & had to go over it like twice before being hit upside the head like well it Was still the dialogue pause but it was also bruno Stuttering in a very quiet whisper for the duration of that pause before continuing like iiiiiiii x_x
#[sitting waiting right here] for billions to have its vulnerable weird scapegoated misfit outcasts actually band together lmao....#like Sure Doesn't b/c billions is like we all hate weirdos & we all love telling them to shut tf up & go away to die or w/e. correctly#can't believe ultimately the Different fund disappears w/o its scapegoat & the Correct ''weird'' char is full axe cap mode finally#& it's sure not a Comment when billions affectionately gives them their free heavenly reward & Ensure zero scapegoating consequences#the [imagine if something about something was about something] approach to Banished Relatives being thoughtful & loving like#& here you see how even As they're banished everything isn't Really fixed for it incl. that people aren't Really just happy he's gone#billions is like no we killed him And everyone has gladly & legitimately forgotten he exists (save the instant it's time to use him)#the hilarious(tm) tragedies surrounding rian like billions' can't make her ''care'' abt winston be anything save more violence#can't pretend rian was anything more than [again we all Know your nads like w/taylor like w/winston] bagina + dialogue source combo in s6#when it's still dimly relevant for prince in s7 but you miss Nothing re: rian if you have no idea that plotline exists#& speaking of actual ''weirdness'' rian was never allowed to have: the tragedy of the tension of Closeted Transness present on screen fr#just as billions has no idea / further willingness to let rian be so ''weird'' as to actually care abt winston or abt not being a bully Lol#meanwhile i figured like oh i'll like a scapegoat. did know ahead of time like bruno's just some guy; not even ''redeemable'' antagonist#but In Practice & w/all that beloved Disabledness & crucial appreciation like you Need this guy; the understanding is Key#like well ofc i would kill for him. ofc just constant like mhm go off king slay fire etc. god tier character cherished forever thanks#but then also like im sure a zillion [intention; inspiration; thoughts] going into Tfw Family Things characters; a zillion interpretions &#thoughts to follow like it truly is Arresting like this clarity on A Disabled Person In The Group like. much much to consider & whew.#reference point like when autistic ppl in some job see an obvious [problem to future mess] pipeline; so you know bruno madrigal. My Vision#When You're So Hated like hey i wanna live unseen w/my so hated little friends lol. just reread how to disappear completely never be found#when it's like grabbing people Who Cares if someone's being ''obviously'' disabled or weird just as how they are existing godddd#people get so mean like Who Cares just talk to them; be around them. some effort some mind your own business some You're Not Above Them#when it's obviously You like yeah. nonzero but limited applicability like [specifically my own nuclear family] but re: Weird; Disabled#as ever i'll Relate & be like but i probably seem nothing like that. or maybe i am very much like that. kind of difficult to tell b/c like#you Do get the disinterest lol & feedback is Not that familiar / in depth even if positive like well. the emergent So Hated / Scapegoating#noting like if a character just seems refreshingly familiar; Understood; comfortable; fun; what's the odds they're cishet allistic lol....#anyway the epiphany like oh it was figurative blink & you miss it stuttering....did [waiiit] Pace that one off like inhaaale Waugh#in fact i'm sure the Verbalizing Effort has staved off the kind of [thinks about all of it a moment] to go Aauughhh about again#which; again; also something happening 5 yrs in re: the clairvoyant soothsayer autistic neuroqueer quant on the show w/No Thoughts abt it#ppl being invalidated by others having to validate themselves (& others in the same boat); billions going & How We Hate Them For It lol#oh & encanto's [excluded party's effort to partake] tragedy vs billions' [where's winston in this office? this event?] good riddance idc
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i miss. my fic
#it's been so BUSY i havent had time to UWUITE i miss the GUYS !! i miss this stupid bitter Process !!!!#i can't wait until i can give them their little treats again. \\\ CREATION /// \o/#bc i havent been able to touchy it i've been rereading the earlier chapters even tho it feels nostalgic. like chapter 4 compared to now. oo#Midnight from the OST holds a soft spot for me now bc ch 4 (i think??) felt quite sweet and that's the chapter title. we were so sweet
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School is draining any small motivation I had for art



or creativity in general
(tw: I got pretty much depressive in the tags but I needed to dump this somewhere and this may not be the best place but is where I feel better talking about my problems or insecurities, so feel free to ignore)
#vent in the tags#tw vent#i'm tired#and I hate that I'm tired#everytime I try to finish education is worst than the last time. my head can't take any sort of information from the class#no matter how many times they try to explain me or how many times I read and reread the same text#I can't focus. I can't memorize anything. I'm just sitting there in the classroom waiting for the 4 hours to finish to go back home#and spend the rest of the night just doing nothing. staring at the walls or doomscrolling till I have to go to bed and wake up again#for another day of fighting against an stupid anxiety attack in class because I'm going to fail this again#I hate school. I fucking hate it. the most boring stressing overwhelming way of learning#having the teacher talk for 1-2 hours straight and the student listening the whole time not saying anything is stupid#it's so fucking stupid they only want them to be mindless sheeps that only listen#because if you say anything 'no. you're wrong. I'm the teacher and I know better' fucking bullshit#this system is bullshit#and how am I supposed to study a whole school year of history. biology. math etc in less than 4 months??#everybody was like#'oh it's just 4 months and you'll be out of school!' 'in 4 months you'll get the education!' 'you can finish this in just 4 months!'#I fucking can't! I can't do this in such short time! I can't. focus. on 6. subjects at the same time. my brain can't!#and it's so fucking depressing. I have 4 opportunities to finish this. the longest it could take me is 2 years#I could just focus on 1 or 2 things each time but if I fail too many times I won't have another opportunity like this ever again#and I won't be able to finish highschool education and I. just. can't.#I'm tired of giving my biggest effort and not being enough. I'm tired of getting no satisfaction from any achievement I get#I hate so many things right now#and I have a lot more things in my head right now but I better shut up#you don't have to comfort me. it's ok. I'm not searching for confort. I just needed a place to dump my frustration or something#idk#you can ignore this#I might delete this later
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desperately trying to remember if there are any books i read this year that i cannot find on my library borrowing history or simply cannot remember. i am so bad about remembering books. LITERALLY REMEMBERED ONE AS I'M WRITING THIS POST. anyway i am attempting to compile a list of books that i've read this year so that i can reference it without having to forget everything. wish me luck. i have fifteen titles on there right now but i can't shake the feeling there's something i'm forgetting
#checking my shelf of books i got for school??? idk#none of this is helped by the way that i have seven thousand books waiting to be read right now and all of them are on my mind#and several of them i am partway through. but i cannot put bell hooks all about love on my list yet i just can't#opened this is how you lose the time war today. not liking it super much but it's not even 200 pages so we'll pound through it#and then my three books from merc (princess bride and two books from the fight club guy)#and all about love. and interview with the vampire#WITCHER NOVELS!!! I READ WITCHER NOVELS AGAIN!!!! adding two more books to my list#god i'm not even through blood of elves yet. awful. this is why i can't keep anything up i forget my ebooks exist as options#then i should read that book about eleanor roosevelt that my grandma got me. as a token to her dskfjghs#wanna reread the hours! have a physical copy just for that so i can annotate#gotta finish the once and future king.#all that to say that there are many books that will be on this list once i actually sit down and read some of them#have to remind myself that i Am actually doing good i'm at over a book a month rate. this is fine#two books a month rate! actually!#shout out to library due dates for being a fantastic motivator#seventeen books on the 'read' list this year. this is fine bracken. you're doing good#realistically this is SO much better than previous years 😭 good stuff. just gotta keep reading#valentine notes#list that would have been so useful to have when we were doing that book recommendation thing
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patron saint of girls being disconcerting lil freaks when u least expect it 🙏
#out.#i can't wait to reread acotar from the beginning again she was so fun in acowar#el: i can hear the worms#everyone: jesus christ#lucien get ur girl away from these ungrateful people
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Just finished rereading Nona the Ninth and. Heartbroken. Again. Lifenis too short and live is too long. You can't take loved away. I will make myself remember.
#Nona the ninth#I hate these books <=lying#At least this time i did understand what i was reading#Proof that reading a 500 pages book in 10 hours with no breakes the they it comes out is not a great idea#I really didn't remember anything#But it was sooo good i needed to know what was gonna happen#Let's ignore that it sent me in reader's block for months because it made me so nauseus to read for so long in one day#But it was great#I'm obviously gonna do the same thing with alecto because why not#I'll probably read it all in one day and then start it again the next#This was my first reread of the books and it really gives you a greater appreciation of what the author does#She was so clever with everyrhing#I LOVE THESE BOOKS AND I LOVE GIDEON NAV#and i can't wait to read alecto#I also can't wait to rereread them because this felt like a 1.5 reading#I just really didn't understand anything the first time around#And the second time i had to read the wiki for like an hour after finishing the second book#Like i didn't underatand what was happening to cytherias body#Like why is it moving#I didn't understand until i read the wiki lmaoo#I think at the end of the book there shoud be a ''tlt for dummies: 10 things you might have missed''#Because my brain is really bad at retaining information if i don't know if it's important#So i read but i forget information going along because i don't know if it's gonna be useful or not#So i should know some things but i don't because i forgot#But i really really can't wait to read alecto#Like as soon as they announce it i'll provably lnow it because i'll see it here but i still check every like. 3 days if they announced it#So sad#Anyways
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