#cant believe i actually get to kinda use my degree here. normally i just watch the lawyers do their thing

[bright-and-burning]

okay yeah i didn't know that there's the different ai stuff and that this is generative ai BUT GOD AM I HAPPY to see that you know the difference between ai and ml like !!! this is not ai !!! it's such a trend now and it's so wrong and so frustrating beyond the, in this case, misogynistic aspects of it. like this is not ai !! but that sounds catchy and URGH so frustrating. okay that's all i love ur additional tags thank u xoxo

yeah!! i did my undergrad degree focused on this kind of stuff (and dropped out of doing a phd in it at the last minute) so it's Literally my roman empire. like. i took so many courses in this and THEN it blew up right at the end of my degree and the misinformation........ chatgpt getting massive my senior year of college made me soooo mad i legit started to resent my field. like this particular use is particularly egregious (why hire a woman in an area severely lacking in women when we can rampantly misuse important computational and REAL LIFE resources to create a fake woman to "talk" abt SUSTAINABILITY!!!) but in general i am like constantly infuriated by AI bullshit from a lot of different sides bc Everyone overestimates/glorifies it/turns it into something it isn't, essentially. (rant abt AI from an AI perspective under the cut that idk might be informative or interesting LOL. i tried not to get technical but i did get mad)

generative ai drives me BONKERS bc it's literally not artificial intelligence. chatgpt is NOT AI it's fucking glorified predictive chat and all the dumbass tech bros on linkedin and twitter who hail it as like world changing infuriate me lol. like chatgpt literally works by calculating the word with the highest probability to come next in the sentence/in response to that prompt based on the data it trained on. is that super impressive ignoring the real world stuff going on? yeah!! it is! it's doing really well and it's fascinating in an academic sense. but then you put it in the real world context, where dumbass tech bros and business leaders worship it as god and where SEO morons use it to turn the internet to sludge and it's like oh god WHY.

and the ai art bullshit oh my god. ok i took a machine vision class right. and like literally one of my projects was to write code that could take in a photo and output it in the "style" of another photo. like as the cs version of a creative exercise, basically (they give u a Lot of projects that are basically write ur own version of an algorithm that's already been written more efficiently by someone else, bc that's how you can kind of pick it apart and really understand it, it's like reverse engineering) to show us how that works. (photos from that project are below; i took the cactus photo and then i "combined" it with a monet. i am STAUNCHLY anti-ai "art" btw this was Lich rally an assignment lol). but do you know what i learned (and what my whole class learned)? it's not fucking magic. it's LINEAR ALGEBRA. it's linear algebra on a truly batshit crazy level, combined with some crazy optical physics equations, but it's literally math. technically speaking, if you had infinite time, and were really insanely good at math (and really really perfect abt not making mistakes), you could do it by hand lol.

ai art from prompts? that's just turning words into numbers (not hard!! i did a project that did that in my second year of undergrad in literally 6hrs!!!) and THEN doing some crazy math and turning numbers into PIXELS! the computer does not know what is going on. it is a FANCY CALCULATOR. WHEN U THINK ABT IT LIKE THAT ASSIGNING HUMAN TRAITS TO MATH IS INSANE.

like tech bros who are like bro chatgpt is aliveeee bc they talk to it is like. if i made my high school graphing calculator draw a smiley face and then was like omg it has emotions......

anyways. like do you know how many projects ive worked on that use AI/ML for GOOD??? like. same kind of techniques that ppl use to create generative ai "art" algorithms? used to do things like detect cancer in scans before human doctors can do it with any confidence. isn't that so fucking cool???? i interviewed w a professor who used machine vision (so literally the field that is now seen as being abt ai art) to figure out what nutritional/vitamin deficiencies ppl in remote villages in madagascar are likely to have based on SATELLITE IMAGERY. so that the overworked underfunded public health ministry could more easily meet their needs without necessarily having to do expensive testing on everyone! i mean, shit, i've worked on really cool sports analytics projects using machine vision. that's not exactly saving lives lol but like. just goes to show how many positive applications there are!

in terms of chatgpt vibes like. i've worked on natural language processing! it has so much more potential than spitting out misinformation!! silly projects for classes, like classifying what political party a politician belonged to based on their tweets, but also more serious stuff in the research i did, like analyzing international public opinion by demographic and country on various conflicts based on individuals' social media posts! analyzing covid vaccine opinions based on demographics, and how to encourage vaccination rates based on that!!

idk it's just. infuriating. that ceos and dumbass business majors (sorry to business majors but i have met a Very Specific Type who like to butt into my field and i am Not A Fan) have completely twisted these really and truly interesting projects and applications. to continually make more money and to cut out/replace more and more people. and the way funding has mirrored this kind of interest, in part bc it makes money (the remote villages nutrition thing is never gonna make money. working on chatgpt on the other hand...) and in part bc of like. basically fear-mongering? you get so much more attention for research in these really dramatized fields (and people lie ALL THE TIMMEEEEEEE to get more interest) and it's all CAP. it's BULLSHIT. and it's just to create buzz for big tech companies' bottom lines. they don't care that it's fear based, or whatever. like people being terrified abt the impact of generative ai bc of bullshit headlines and disinformation HELPS THEM make MORE MONEY. and it's so FUCKING STUPID!!!! it makes me SICK!!!!!!

anyways. it's all math, at the end of the day. and i found a job where i get to use it to help people but i still am like deeply grossed out by what comes out of my field and gets popular bc . i got into this bc i loooove data i love information i love finding things out. and i love using those things to help people... and there are ppl using the things i love to hurt people......... it makes me so sad. and mad.

[angelicmichael]

Pretty Please

Jim Mason x reader

Summary: Jim and Reader decide to throw a christmas party but get distracted while trying to do so. Christmas fic!!

Words: 2.5k+

Warnings: Hella sexual tension, no smut but almost smut?? Very sexually suggestive hehe, fluff with no plot basically, SO much fluff its gross

A/N: based off this prompt I found in a christmas prompt list 'Making out under the christmas tree because the lights reflecting in their eyes just looked too ethereal for them not to kiss them until they lost their breath' sorry I cant find the specific prompt list this came from. Jim and Reader are both 18+, and this is kinda canon rewrite?? Basically as if the ending in ttopv didnt happen and Jim actually lived.. and got a gf haha. ALSO loosely based on the song 'pretty please' by Dua Lipa. Enjoy 💖 read the tags for more thots

You felt as if the wind had been knocked out of you once you entered the apartment.

The minimalistic decorations that once adorned the small apartment you and Jim owned were now paired and even doubled with new, shiny, Christmas decor. The last thing you were expecting to come home too was christmas decorations, to be completely honest. You knew the decorations were new because prior moving in together- you two had nothing.. christmas decoration wise anyway.

Saying that Jims childhood and even high school years were rough was definetly a understatement; you were thankful you didnt have to see him in that state and that you met him after that time.

You only met his parents once; well his mom anyway and almost immeadietly you knew why it took him so long for him to introduce you to her.

She was a fucking nightmare.

She told you immeadietly about Jim's dark past, probably in a lazy attempt to scare you off. She told you about Jim's father, the drugs, and even the drug overdose that nearly killed him. That didn't scare you off - but what it did do was break the final fucking straw for Jim who happened to overhear everything she said.

He hadn't talked to his mom since.

Medina frequently came over, she was practically your best friend and stayed incredibly close with Jim. In fact, you were supposed to see her in roughly a hour... along with a handful of other Jim and yours close friends.

With Christmas being so soon you and Jim decided to have a spontaneous christmas party. The idea was to decorate together but.. apparently Jim had other plans.

There was a wreath on the front door for one, and multi colored lights and Garland that were kept nearly on every surface of the house. Smaller christmas related knickknacks were placed too on the dining and coffee tables. It looked beautiful. You couldnt believe Jim would do this all for you, you meant to help but work unfortunately ran short so you had to cover a coworkers shift.

The entire living room was kept pretty dark and dim, only candles and the soft lighting from the christmas tree lights allowed you to see at all- but it was still enough. It was romantic if anything.

Jim didnt say anything as he came out to the living room to greet you. He stayed silent, watching you and your reaction as you spun around - trying to admire the apartment from every angle possible.

As you continued to keep walking in the apartment and admiring Jim's work, you couldn't help but dumbly giggle.

"Jim; dont get me wrong, I love the apartment but why didnt you just wait for me"? You marveled.

He smiled shyly, a light blush coating his cheeks.

"I wanted to spend as much time with you that I could when you got back before people started to show up for the party". He admitted, sounding slightly bashful and shy as he spoke.

He approached you, and you couldnt help but to feel butterflies at the closer he got. You dont know why you were suddenly starting to feel nervous at doing a act so simple; like kissing your boyfriend. Perhaps it was because normally when you two kissed or showed affection it was done so quickly and without second thought; it wasnt 'special'. You weren't blaming Jim for that either, you knew that was typical in long term relationships. However - tonight he was actually taking the time to be with you. It was beyond romantic.

He looked delicious. His hair wasnt messy but it wasnt kept up enough to look like he brushed it recently, yet it still managed to look so soft. You were yearning to run your fingers through it.

Once you were within arms reach, he quickly enveloped you in a hug. Forcing you to inhale his scent while you quickly buried your nose in his jacket, trying to take him all in.

He smelt like a hint of weed, but mostly like the ocean. You suspected he must've went surfing a while ago.

Even though the apartment was decorated for christmas and it was currently Winter; the air was still warm, maybe even a little muggy. The sun had finally decided to set, just sinking below the far off treeline - making the sky in a state of in between. Not dark but not quite light out either.

In the part of California you and Jim lived in, it only dropped about 10 degrees in the winter. You wore a warm cardigan since you came just home from outside; along with a pair of jeans and cozy boots that seemed to be your go to outfit in the winter.

Jim on the other hand wore a tight fitted dark navy shirt under his typical Jean jacket which you gently clutched onto.

"I missed you. I hate when you have to work during the holidays". You heard him softly grumble, which made you giggle.

You slowly moved, you backed your head up just enough so that your faces were now right next to each other. You bumped noses - you considered kissing him for a split second but you chose not too. Instead ghosting your lips over his; and gently resting your forehead together.

"Why? It's not like today is a holiday or anything". You asked, a playful tone apparent in your voice.

Your breath hitched in your throat as you felt Jim's lips inch closer, you could nearly taste his breath. Minty mostly, and warm on your lips.

You suddenly were itching to kiss him, unconsciously moving forward to ease the growing tension between the two of you. You jumped a bit when you felt a hand start to rub your back, quickly relaxing when you realized it was just Jim being handsy. You heard Jim's voice, even though you were incredibly close to him, it was so soft you could still barely hear it. A quiet, sultry whisper.

"It doesnt matter if it's a holiday or not". Jim started, he backed up a bit.

Just enough to make eye contact with you, now gently cradeling your face in his hands.

"This is the first Christmas season I've had where I'm not in between my parents trying to break up a fight. I'm so thankful I get to spend it with you, I just wish I had met you sooner". Jim said, with a shy blush starting to dust his tan cheeks again.

By the time he finished talking you were beaming. Pure happiness and joy was coursing through your veins as you stepped forward and fully enveloped yourself in him, your hands grasped his shoulders to steady yourself while your lips feverishly and slowly met his.

Jim's hands quickly adjusted, moving from your face down to your waist. His fingers gripped your skin tightly; the slight pain made you moan. It didnt really hurt persay but you knew your skin would be purple and sore tommorow. However, in this moment you didnt really care about how your skin would look - you just wanted him.

Jim kissed you menacingly slow; his lips working against yours so slowly in a deliberate attempt to make you frustrated and it was working. Your fingers flexed into his shoulders as you let out a throaty moan. You broke the kiss and let out a hiss,

"Stop fucking teasing". You spoke, titling your head slightly and arching your neck out - trying to hint to Jim that you wanted him to start kissing down your neck.

However; that's not what he fucking did.

Instead of feeling Jim's soft warm lips on your neck, you felt his wet tongue lick a fast stripe down your neck - most likely tracing a vein. You yelped and jumped, only realizing after how stupid you probably looked for getting startled. Jim was laughing too, fucker.

"What the fuck, Jim"?! You asked, laughter mixing in with your voice.

Jim giggled before quickly leaning in and stealing another slow kiss from you before mumbling against your lips;

"As much as I would love to sit here and make out with you all day.. we have business to attend too".

He pulled back suddenly, his lips up turning in a smile as if he knew what exactly he was doing.

"Business"? You mused.

"Yes. We have company coming over in 30 minutes, love" Jim reminded you.

You rolled your eyes, completely unamused.

"Do they have to come"? You whined.

"Yes. They do. Now c'mon make yourself useful". Jim said.

He turned around, grabbing a box that sat idly in the living room which you didnt notice previously. Opening it, he pulled out a ornament. You dumbly smiled, knowing exactly what this meant. He approached you, ornament in hand with a corny smile on his face.

"I decorated everything but the tree. I wanted to save something for us to decorate together". Jim stated.

"Your such a sap". You said fully laughing.

You grabbed one of the ornaments out of the box and walking up to the tree. You felt dumb for not noticing how bare the tree was before. No ornaments, no lights, no tinsel.. nothing. Well, nothing execpt for the one shiny ornament that you had just hung on one of the branches right center in the tree.

The one ornament on the tree quickly doubled, and then tripled until the tree was fully adorned with ornaments. You and Jim (mostly Jim) hung a string of lights around the tree. Making the already ambience scene in your living room even more cozy and romantic.

"This was a good idea, babe". You said, quickly kissing him.

You quickly checked the time, there was still 20 minutes before anyone was supposed to show up.. An idea popped up in your mind.

A wonderful, awful idea.

You were already standing comfortably close to Jim; you turned casually around and place your hand square on his chest.

"Its too bad we finished decorating so early, hmm"? You purred.

You didnt dare take a step forward; you knew Jim would make the next move and sure enough he did. He took steps closer to you.

You cheeks were slightly rosy, with the slight embarrassment you felt from suddenly taking the reigns and being in control. Needless to say this wasnt something you were really used too.

"We still have the tinsel to put up, you know". Jim chuckled lightly.

You looked down for a split second and looked back up into his circealean blue eyes, batting your eyes at him.

"Or.. you know, theres something else I can think of we can do that's less boring". You said.

You let your hand slip and travel from his chest up to his shoulder, feeling the muscle that lie underneath your hands as you took your other free hand up to his other shoulder. Your heart skipped a beat when you heard Jim groan.

It's not like you two have never been intimate before; that was far from the issue. Even though you knew Jim for fucking ever and you two have had sex countless of times - he still managed to give you butterflies.

That's how you knew he was the one for you. Even after all this time he still seemed to make you nervous and blush.

"Is that what you think"? You heard Jim say. His voice lowered in a husky manner.

You felt his arms quickly grab you as he gently pushed you onto the ground. He pinned you on your back; his hands on your shoulders as he softly panted above you. His face hovered right above yours - and his legs on your thighs. Not that you were complaining but you certainly couldnt leave or escape even if you desired too.

You merely giggled beneath him at this realization, not really wanting to switch from this position at all.

It sounded incredibly corny but you honestly wouldnt be surprised if you had took a brief visit to heaven. You felt pure, unfiltered ecstasy as you looked into Jims eyes.

The aroma from the pine tree that was directly above you and Jim filled your senses; the smell along with the candles set the atmosphere perfectly. Ornaments hung directly above you two, the rainbow lights from the tree reflecting in Jim's light blue eyes.

Because of the nature of how light Jim's eyes were, typically seeing reflections of other objects or anything really in them was close to impossible... but, maybe it was the already dark lighting in the room or a bit of christmas magic that made seeing the lights in Jim's eyes possible.

It made the already beautiful man look nothing but ethereal. You were left speechless as you could do nothing but stare, and get lost in his eyes.

You couldnt help but feel how lucky you were to even be in this situation, how lucky you were to be loved by him.

You could do nothing execpt for smile cheesily and blush at your new realization. Instead of craning your neck awkwardly to reach his lips, you chose to be smart and innovative instead, by taking one of your hands and pushing his head into yours - gently of course.

His lips met yours and you nearly moaned from the anticipation. You kissed him slowly, relishing in the feeling of being on the floor with non other than Jim Mason. You knew for a fact you would never do this with anyone else, nor did you even want to spend the time thinking about doing so.

His lips were warm and soft - not chapped in the slightest. They danced perfectly with yours; making separating for air almost a painful and undesired act.

When you separated, Jim still didnt let up off of you. He remained on top, breathless. His lips were swollen and pink, and were his cheeks. His eyes still looked beautiful, but even more so now that his pupils were dilated.

You heard him let out a soft, shallow growl. Bending down swiftly, almost animalistically, to the side of your mouth to give you a quick kiss. His lips ghosted and drifted down over your jaw; until you felt them meet your neck in gentle soft kisses.

Your mouth fell open, your fingers gripping the soft tree skirt below you that was riddled with tree nettles.

"Jim, wait". You spoke, barely even able to get the words out of your mouth without moaning.

You saw his head immeadietly snap up, those gorgeous blue eyes meeting yours again.

"Arent we having company over in like.. 10 minuets"? You asked, laughing.

You noticed Jim let out a brief chuckle as well before replying.

"Ugh, your right but if only I could bring myself to get off of you, baby". He spoke, gently attacking your neck in slightly more aggressive kisses than what you were typically used too. Although, you certainly weren't complaining.

You felt Jim slightly push his hips into yours, you automatically opened your legs - wrapping them around his waist and lower half. He gently started to grind into you; and there was no point in even trying to bite down or mask your moans at this point. All you felt was pure, unfiltered love for the man who was on top of you.

"I love you, Jim".

~

Taglist: @mina672 @michaellangdonstanaccount @langdonsexual @jimmason @blakewaterxx @dark-mei-rose @9layerdevilfoodcake @prophecy-is-inevitable @matildaofoz @beautyiswithinchaos @frenchlangdon

[camiddletonxox]

Heatwave and Iced Coffee

Pairing - Male Avery Wilshire and Charity Middleton

Rating - General

Note - As a British girl, english heatwaves for me are crazy as wonderful as they are. I’m one of these people who loves the hot weather but my body doesn’t agree with it. And costa is my go to most Fridays before work but I’m more obsessed with the hot chocolates right now as it’s coming to winter.

Taglist - @drakewalkerfantasy @ao719 @princess-geek @polishchoicesfan @binny1985 @adriansbiss @desireepow-1986 @i-bloody-love-drake-walker @hatescapsicum @itscassandral @gardeningourmet @thequeenofcronuts @heauxplesslydevoted @kaavyaethanramsey @imonlybibecauseofethanramsey @waitingforalana @regencylady1810 @storyofmychoices @dailydoseofchoices @sanchita012 @sushiharrington @akshara16 @maurine07 @choicesficwriterscreations

—————————-

Summary - When Avery returns with a costa, Charity realises how hot it really is.....

Word Count - 840

☕️🧊☕️🧊

The two sat in the recording room, Avery watched as Charity thought through some lyrics for her new song, Avery had just sat down and watched his girlfriend hum to herself, the melody she was humming was a new one she had come up, he was amused when she didnt look up to see her iced flat white with caramel shot.

“It sounds good so far” His British accent startled his girlfriend and she looked up to him, noticing her iced coffee and a costa paper bag in her hand, she had been o lost in her thoughts, in her creative mode, the fact he had been watching her for the last 5 minutes came as a shock to her.

“How long have you been there?” She stood up, setting her notebook to the side, and she stood up, her summer dress fell down around her knees gracefully as she leaned up and kissed her boyfriends lips.

“About 5 minutes, you were in your zone and it felt wrong to pull you out of it” He responded, as he gently placed the iced coffee and the summer cooler he had grabbed himself on the side. Charity looked at the costa coffee that was awaiting her, her favourite iced one, and she kissed him sweetly.

“You know I feel like I can get more done with caffeine in me” She uttered softly and Avery chuckled.

“I also grabbed you carrot and walnut cake and some cashew nuts since I know you love those at the moments” He enlightens and she grinned, she had the most amazing sweet boyfriend ever. He was the best boyfriend and girl could wish for, as he treated her like a queen, he made sure she was always looked after and knew she needed things before even she did.

“You are amazing, thank you” she murmurs as she presses another kiss onto his lips and he kisses back,cupping her beautiful face in her hands.

“Are you getting anywhere?” He quizzes softly, as his fingers tuck a strand of curled brunette out of her beautiful eyes.

“I have a verse and half a chorus, I’m not sure though” She answered as she picked up the plastic cup with her drink in, she held the cold beverage in her hands, only just realising she had been so hard at work she hadn’t realised how hot it had become, it was a english heatwave so was intense to put it lightly. “When did it get so hot in here?” The American beauty asks, and her boyfriend cant help but laugh, she was so not use to the english heatwaves, she was used to the American ones, but England was a complete different kettle of fish.

“Its 24 outside” He says.

“Degrees?” She asked, pressing the iced drink to her arm in attempt to cool herself down.

“Yes” He nodded and tried not to chuckle.

“I’m glad you got me a iced coffee and not a actual coffee then” She muttered dramatically as she sipped her drink, the strong coffee taste with the coolness of the ice gave her some kind of light relief and it tasted so good, Costa coffee was one of the best things in England.

“I cant believe an American girl who lives in a country and visited California and Miami so much as a child finds this English heatwave intense” He had a teasing smile on his face but his comment earned him a pout, she loved England but there was just something about the heatwaves in London that just didn’t feel normal, maybe because England was renowned for the rain and cold weather.

“Its different though” She argued as she sipped her iced coffee, the refreshing taste was cooling her down at least on a caffeine addict psychological level.

“It is just hot weather” He responded, a smile on his face.

“But like England is so known for having rain even when it is sunny and it has been so hot and not a cloud in the sky for days, not that I’m complaining” She spoke and Avery laughed, patting her nose affectionately.

“Are you sure you arent complaining” He asks and she gives him a look, as she digs out the packet of cashew nuts, honey roasted no less, and she opened the packet.

“I really am not” She insisted and he just looked at her, she was so perfect and somehow she was his.

“Ok, if you insist” He chuckled and she pulled him to sit with her on the sofa.

“Just sit with me and shut up” She asserted playfully and he tried not to grin, damn she was really everything to him.

“You dont want to continue with your work in progress?” He kissed her hair as he asked that but she shook her head.

“I just want to enjoy my drink and spending time with you” She informed him in a matter of fact kinda voice and he smiled, kissing her softly, who was he to argue with her?”

[courtinggrievances]

[[I’m gonna... take this time to put up a log kk had with eri this morning. this was rushedly formatted and it took me a bit to figure out how, so there might be some random < p > or something in there

PS: any formatting we did have from the discord got... erased so.... that sucks but you’ll get the point, even if they both get a bit, uh, runon? we tried to figure out a solution but right now i want to sacrifice quality for speed cause i need to sleep and we can fix it later if we really gotta]]

eridan | mags - Today at 7:37

so uh hey kar howwvve you been

Court (Kam) - Today at 7:42

HEY! NOT TERRIBLY TERRIBLE, IF I'M HONEST. IT'S NOT GETTING ANY COLDER, AND THE DRONES HAVEN'T CAUGHT US YET, SO THERE'S THAT.

eridan | mags - Today at 7:43

that doesnt relievve me all that much if im bein honest but alright i guess at least theres that just try and not get killed alright

Court (Kam) - Today at 7:43

HEY, WE'RE THINKING THE SAME THING HERE. I MEAN, I'M NOT RELIEVED AT ALL, BUT IF ANYTHING ELSE, I'VE STILL GOT MY LIFE, HAHA. FUCK, YOU KNOW I'M LITERALLY A FUGITIVE RIGHT? LIKE IF I WAS ON YOUR ALTERNIA, HOW LONG DO YOU THINK IT'D BE FOR A DRONE TO MATCH MY PROFILE UP IN THE DATABANKS AND SWOOP DOWN TO CARRY ME OFF IN ITS GRUBBY LITTLE CLAWS? LIKE I'LL TRY, BUT HEY. NO PROMISES.

eridan | mags - Today at 7:45

yeah ill nevver bring you to alternia thats for sure

Court (Kam) - Today at 7:45

I'M ACTUALLY KIND OF LOOKING FORWARD TO THE EARTH TRIP, HONESTLY. I'VE BEEN DOING "RESEARCH". IS IT TRUE THE SUN DOESN'T BURN YOUR SKIN THERE???? WHAT DO THE HUMANS DO AT NIGHT? IS IT TOO COLD, THEN, FOR THEM TO THRIVE? IS THAT WHEN THEY SLEEP, OR IS THAT WHEN THEY GET THE MOST OF THEIR WORK DONE?

eridan | mags - Today at 7:47

god you really are excited for it huh

Court (Kam) - Today at 7:48

FAR BE IT FROM ME TO SHOW ACTUAL EXCITEMENT, YOU KNOW. HEH. DEFINITELY, THOUGH. WHY SHOULD I NOT BE? I'M SPENDING TIME IN A NON-MURDEROUS PLACE WITH AN ACTUAL, HONEST TO GOD, NON-MURDEROUS FRIEND. LIKE HOLY ACTUAL FUCK, THAT DOESN'T HAPPEN OFTEN ENOUGH. EXCITED? EVERYTIME I THINK ABOUT IT I KIND OF JUST... THROW MY HANDS IN THE AIR. WHAT AM I GONNA DO? I GOT NO FUCKING CLUE. BUT IT'LL BE GOOD, I'M SURE.

eridan | mags - Today at 7:50

wwell good ill try my best to make it good for you so you get to havve a fuckin break for once but yeah its kinda flipped on earth wwhich i still cant get used to to be honest i havve the wworst sleepin problems the sun feels great there but i still cant bring myself to sleep normally at night

Court (Kam) - Today at 7:51

ALLOW ME TO SHOW A SMIDGEN OF CONCERN AND CARE FOR YOU BUT, HEY, I DON'T CARE IF WE DON'T EVEN LEAVE YOUR HIVE. I'LL RAID YOUR FOOD STORAGE BLOCK AND CRASH ON THE COUCH AND MAYBE WATCH YOU DO SHIT AND WE'LL BE GOOD. HELL, IT FEELS "GREAT"? CAN'T WAIT TO FIND OUT WHAT THAT FEELS LIKE. OUR SCHEDULES ARE KIND OF FLIPPED ANYWAYS, HONESTLY. WE TRAVEL DURING THE DAY A LOT, BECAUSE MOST TROLLS (ORPHANERS AND THE LIKE,) WON'T TRAVEL DURING DAY, SO WE GET A HEADSTART ON THEM. CAN'T OUTRUN THE DRONES THOUGH. MISERABLE EXCUSES FOR ORGANICS. JUST HAVE TO HOPE THEY DON'T CHASE US, DOESN'T SEEM LIKE IT SO FAR. I THINK WE LOST MOST OF THEM WHEN THEY RAIDED KANAYA'S HIVE AND RAZED IT TO THE GROUND? BACK WHEN I GOT MY SECOND CONCUSSION... OR FIRST, I'M NOT SURE, THAT PART IS KIND OF. BLURRY. IT WAS A LOT OF WAITING IN A DARK, WATERY CAVE. NO, SECOND, ACTUALLY. OR MAYBE, AN EXCARBATION OF THE FIRST, BECAUSE I GOT THAT ONE WHEN I GOT SLAMMED INTO A WALL BY A DRONE, EARLIER THAT... WEEK? LIKE THREE CYCLES BEFORE THE HIVE-RAZING, AND THEN I GOT HIT IN THE HEAD AGAIN WHEN WE WENT DOWN THE ROCKY WATER SLIDE OF DEATH WHEN THE DRONES ATTACKED THE HIVE. OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT. LIKE I SAID. BLURRY.

eridan | mags - Today at 7:56

ok this is a lot first off wwere absolutely gonna go outside and do cool shit ill showw you the city and stuff like theres this space needle that ivve honestly nevver been on evven though ivve been livvin here for a wwhile but you should see it its like a huge towwer wwhere you can see the entire city from its supposed to be real pretty but its also real pricey so i wwas nevver interested second howw the fuck do you evven travvel at day dont you get burns or anythin isnt that shit dangerous i mean yeah its dangerous already for you to travvel at night but like i dont knoww be safe ok readin shit like this makes me wwanna practise usin my rifle again honestly

Court (Kam) - Today at 7:59

IT WAS WORSE WHEN WE HAD TO TRAVEL THROUGH THE DESERT.

Court (Kam) - Today at 8:01

I BOUGHT REALLY NICE SUN GEAR BEFORE HAND, AND I ALREADY HAD MOST OF MY BLISTERS IN THE TWO-HOUR TREK TO TEMP'S HIVE BEFOREHAND. I GUESS, ONCE YOU BLISTER UP ENOUGH, YOUR SKIN GETS USED TO IT. THEN YOU JUST SWEAT TO DEATH. I'M STILL 99% SURE WE'VE ALL SHORTENED OUR LIFESPANS BY SOME DEGREE, THOUGH. UNFORTUNATE BUT COULDN'T BE HELPED. BURNS GET CAUSED BY THE CONTACT OF THE HEATSOURCE TO YOUR SKIN- IF YOU GET TOO HOT, YOU BAKE AND BLISTER UP BEFORE YOU ACTUALLY BURN, WITHOUT ACTUAL EXPOSURE TO THE RAYS OF THE SUN, LIKE WHEN YOU WEAR HEAT GEAR. WITHOUT IT, OH YEAH. HELL YEAH, YOU ABSOLUTELY BURN AND IT'S HORRIFIC, BUT WE'RE ALL PAST THAT POINT. WE'VE BEEN ON THE ROAD FOR.... ALMOST HALF A SWEEP? WE TRY TO FIND SHADE WHERE WE CAN. RIGHT NOW IT'S COLD AND PATCHY SNOW SOMETIMES, WHEN THE SUN ISN'T OUT. IT'S SOMEWHAT TOLERABLE THIS FAR NORTH, THE SUN I MEAN.

eridan | mags - Today at 8:06

howw the fuck are you not dead yet holy shit

Court (Kam) - Today at 8:06

TEMP REFERS TO ME AS A "BRICK WALL SHITHOUSE".

eridan | mags - Today at 8:06

pretty accurate can i ask you somethin though howw did all of this start the runnin i mean

Court (Kam) - Today at 8:15

I ACTUALLY PASSED OUT ONCE IN THE DESERT, WHILE WE WERE TRAVELING TO KANAYA'S HIVE, AND TEMP HAD TO CARRY ME. ALSO, YEAH. THIS IS TOP SECRET SHIT, OKAY?

eridan | mags - Today at 8:16

god

Court (Kam) - Today at 8:16

DON'T JUST GO TELLING THIS SHIT TO JUST ANYONE.

eridan | mags - Today at 8:16

i dont evven knoww wwho to tell honestly

Court (Kam) - Today at 8:16

I GUESS TEMP PINGED HER BATTLESHIP.

eridan | mags - Today at 8:16

they cant really do much wwith this information

Court (Kam) - Today at 8:17

GOT EVERYTHING. LOCATION COORDINATES, CABIN ROSTER, EVEN THE FUCKING MENU FOR THE FOOD LINE. ANNNDD I GUESS TEMP FIGURED OUT HIS ANCESTOR IS THE UNWILLING PILOT FOR THAT SHIP. OBVIOUSLY SHE DIDN'T LIKE THAT SOMEONE GOT THROUGH THE SECURITY ON HER SHIP. BUT BEFORE SHE DID ANYTHING, TEMP CAME TO ME, AND I NOT-SO-LIGHTLY SUGGESTED WE LEAVE TOWN. AS WE LEFT HIS HIVESTEM, WE SAW THE GAGGLE OF HIGHBLOODS IN UNIFORM FORCING ALL THE PSIONS THEY COULD FIND OUT OF EVERY BLOCK IN THE NEARBY VICINITY AND INTO CHAINS. TEMP DIDN'T THINK SHE WOULD BE THAT QUICK IN PINPOINTING HIS LOCATION BUT I FUCKING KNEW BETTER. ANYWAY, HE COULDN'T SIT WITH THE IDEA THAT HE'D CAUSED THESE THIRTY-SOMETHING PSIONIC TROLLS TO BECOME ENSLAVED OR TO REACH AN EARLY ASCENSION AND RITES OR WHATEVER, SO I BASICALLY WENT IN AND KNOCKED THE SHIT OUT OF SOME OF THE FUCKS, BROKE THE BINDINGS, AND JUST FUCKING RAN. BUT THEN THEY KNEW WHAT I LOOKED LIKE, SO WE WERE BOTH RUNNING FROM HER AND FROM THE LOCALS.

eridan | mags - Today at 8:23

so basically it wwas your mate bein a curious idiot that got you into this situation

Court (Kam) - Today at 8:23

WE WENT BACK TO MY HIVE, RAIDED MY SHIT, AND THEN WE CROSSED THE CITY IN THE SEWERS FOR THE DAY AND THEN HEADED OUT OF TOWN, STAYED AT A MOTEL FOR A FEW NIGHTS, AND HEADED OUT TO THE DESERT, AND THERE'S JUST A BUNCH OF BULLSHIT I'D RATHER NOT TALK ABOUT FROM THERE. IT'S MOSTLY BULLSHIT ABOUT THE COVERUP OF WHAT I'M DUBBING THE ANCESTRAL REVOLT AND THE WRONGFUL IMPRISONMENT AND SLAUGHTER OF THOSE WHO PARTICIPATED IN IT. TEMP'S JUST ALL WOUND UP BECAUSE HIS ANCESTOR IS STILL ALIVE AND SUFFERING AND GOD. I MEAN DIP'S ALL WELL AND GOOD, HE'S GOTTEN US OUT OF A FEW PICKLES SO FAR. BUT MESSAGES ARE SPARSE, AND IT WORRIES TEMP, I GUESS. BUT YEAH, BASICALLY.

eridan | mags - Today at 8:25

so wwhats your plan are you just gonna run forevver

Court (Kam) - Today at 8:26

DO YOU WANT THE LONG ANSWER OR THE SHORT ONE.

eridan | mags - Today at 8:26

givve me the long one im invvested

Court (Kam) - Today at 8:27

WE JUST RECENTLY LEARNED THAT SHE'S CALLING ALL THE PSIONS TO HER IN A CLASS-ACT LEVEL OF BULLSHIT, EVERY SINGLE!! FUCKING!! PSION!! INTERPLANETARY SHIPPING IS HALTED, SHE'S LAID SIEGE TO ALTERNIA ITSELF IF WE CAN'T GET THE RESOURCES WE NEED FROM OTHER PLANETS EFFECTIVELY. SHE'S REARRANGED THE CLASSES OF THE STELLAR-CLASS PSIONS AND BASICALLY RESTRUCTURED THE ENTIRE ALTERNIAN TRANSGALACTIC FLEET'S INFRASTRUCTURE JUST TO KEEP DIPSHIT ALIVE. SO RIGHT NOW, WE'RE SCRAMBLING TO GET THE MESSAGE OUT. ANYONE WITH POWER NEEDS TO GET OUT OF THEIR HIVES AND GET UNDERGROUND BEFORE THEY GET BROUGHT UP INTO THE STARS TO BE USED UP AND THROWN AWAY. SHE'S EVEN TAKING EGGS, IF DIPSHIT IS TO BE BELIEVED. NO PSIONICS ARE TO BE LEFT ON ALTERNIA, AND EVERYWHERE ELSE THEY'RE ABOUT TO BECOME A CLASS A SCARCE RESOURCE.

eridan | mags - Today at 8:29

wwho the fuck evven is that dipshit youre talkin about

Court (Kam) - Today at 8:29

WHICH MEANS TEMP AND AA JUST BECAME SUPER VALUABLE TO ANYONE LOOKING. HE'S HER PILOT, THE ONE TEMP CONTACTED. I'D SAY HIS PROPER TITLE BUT I'VE GOT TO BE CAREFUL WITH BUZZWORDS.

eridan | mags - Today at 8:30

wwell alright

Court (Kam) - Today at 8:30

ANYWAY! SO WE'RE TRYING TO GET THE WORD OUT TO HIGHBLOODS ABOUT THIS CLASS A RESOURCE THING, SO THEY WANT TO KEEP THEIR PSIONICS ON THE PLANET, AND TO THE REST, TO KEEP HIDDEN. ANYWHERE IS BETTER, BUT IF THEY GET INTO ORBIT, THEY'RE BASICALLY DEAD IN THE WATER. IT'S THE GENOCIDE OF AN ENTIRE FUCKING CLASS, IT'S WHAT SHE'S TRYING TO DO, ALL TO KEEP HER PRIZE FROM SAID ANCESTRAL REVOLT. ANYWAY!! MY PERSONAL GOAL IS TO LEARN MORE ABOUT MY OWN ANCESTOR AND HOW HE TIED INTO ALL THIS, BUT I GUESS WE'VE GOT MORE IMPORTANT THINGS TO PLAN, LIKE HOW WE'RE GOING TO GET NEWS LIKE THIS SHIT OUT ON A MASS SCALE. I'M THINKING OF GETTING SOME SORT OF RADIO TRANSMITTER AND GETTING THE WORD OUT FOR OUR STATION NUMBERS OR WHATEVER. LONG TERM, TEMP WANTS TO FREE DIPSHIT. SO I GUESS WE'RE GONNA BAIT THE EMPRESS PLANETSIDE. AND THEN... I DUNNO. WE'LL FIGHT, I GUESS. SHE'S SO FAR OUT, THOUGH, THAT'S THE PROBLEM.

eridan | mags - Today at 8:34

do you really actually think youvve got a chance against the condesce

Court (Kam) - Today at 8:34

IT'LL TAKE /SWEEPS/ TO BRING HER THIS WAY, PROBABLY, UNLESS SHE PUTS DIPSHIT AT RISK, AND TEMP DOESN'T WANT THAT AND NEITHER DO I. MAYBE NOT NOW, BUT BY THE TIME SHE GETS HERE? I'M HOPING. I MEAN, IF ALL ELSE FAILS, I'LL STAND IN THE DIRECT SUNLIGHT IN MIDDAY, WITH ALL MY RESISTANCE TO IT, AND CHALLENGE HER OUT? HAHAH. ... HONESTLY...? I THINK MY PRIORITIES LIE MORE WITH THE REST OF ALTERNIA. TEMP CAN WORRY ABOUT DIPSHIT ALL HE WANTS. BUT FOR THE REST OF US? I THINK THAT'S GOING TO BE MY MAIN CONCERN. ALL INTERPLANETARY SHIPPING IS GOING TO STOP FOR A WHILE- WE'RE SWITCHING TO FOSSIL FUELS FOR FUCKS SAKE!! SO RESOURCES ARE ABOUT TO BECOME EXTREMELY RARE, AND I NEED TO STOCK UP AND MAKE SURE WE HAVE WHAT WE NEED TO SURVIVE THE NEXT FEW MONTHS. I'VE ALREADY PUT THROUGH MY ORDER THROUGH SOME OF MY LESS REPUTABLE CONTACTS, SO I THINK WE'LL BE FINE, BUT IT'LL BE ROUGH, PROBABLY. SO THAT'S THE LONG VERSION OF THE MAIN PLAN.

eridan | mags - Today at 8:39

this is this is fuckin stupid howw can you think you can change somethin wwhy do you think its YOUR job to help evveryone your biggest concern should be that you and maybe youre friends are safe like fuck the rest they nevver did anythin FOR you and i doubt they evver wwill just get out of this fuckin place this plan is bound to fail and youll pay wwith your fuckin life

Court (Kam) - Today at 8:40

YOU MISUNDERSTAND ME, DAC. I DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT ANYONE BESIDES MY GROUP, AND THE PEOPLE MY GROUP CARES ABOUT. TEMP HAPPENS TO CARE ABOUT THE CODEJOCKEYS, THE ONES I SAVED EARLIER FROM THE HIGHBLOOD ROUNDUP? AND I CARE ABOUT FAVORS. YOU GIVE ENOUGH INFORMATION OUT, PEOPLE ARE GONNA WANT TO KEEP YOU AROUND. IT'S... INSURANCE. DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME. WE NEED A NETWORK.

eridan | mags - Today at 8:42

wwell then fuckin knock that care out of him and get off this stupid fuckin planet before you actually die you dont need a netwwork you need a safe place

Court (Kam) - Today at 8:42

WE NEED PLACES TO STAY, THINGS TO EAT, PLACES TO RUN, AND YOU CAN'T GET THAT WITHOUT GIVING SOMETHING.

eridan | mags - Today at 8:42

this is not goin to wwork do you understand me

Court (Kam) - Today at 8:42

DAC. I HEAR YOU LOUD AND CLEAR, BUT I LOVE HIM, AND I'M GOING TO STAND WITH HIM.

eridan | mags - Today at 8:43

youre goin to die for it both of you

Court (Kam) - Today at 8:43

I MAY WANT TO GET THE HELL OUT OF DODGE A WHOLE HELL OF A LOT MORE THAN YOU THINK. BUT HE WON'T. HE'S HERE FOR THE LONG HAUL, AND I... I THINK HE CAN DO IT.

eridan | mags - Today at 8:43

if you really cared about your mate youd get him to safety

Court (Kam) - Today at 8:43

BUT HE NEEDS SOMEONE TO BE BY HIS SIDE. DON'T SEND ME ON A GUILT TRIP, BECAUSE I'VE BEEN THERE ALREADY, I TRIED THAT. I KNOCKED HIM OUT SO HE WOULDN'T FIGHT THE DRONES, AND SENT HIM DOWN THE WATERY ROCK SLIDE OF DEATH SO HE WOULD SURVIVE AND I WOULD FIGHT THEM.

eridan | mags - Today at 8:44

try harder maybe

Court (Kam) - Today at 8:44

HE JUST GOT MAD AT ME.

eridan | mags - Today at 8:44

temp is insane

Court (Kam) - Today at 8:45

YEAH, HE IS. BUT I BELIEVE IN HIM ANYWAY.

eridan | mags - Today at 8:45

yeah cause youre goddamn stupid

Court (Kam) - Today at 8:45

I'D DO THAT FOR ALL OF MY FRIENDS.

eridan | mags - Today at 8:45

stupid is wwhat you are both of you

Court (Kam) - Today at 8:45

INCLUDING YOU, YOU KNOW. ALL YOU'RE DOING IS MAKING ME FEEL BAD, AND IT'S NOT GOING TO YEILD ANY RESULTS OTHER THAN "I CAN'T TRUST DAC WITH PERSONAL INFORMATION".

eridan | mags - Today at 8:46

im makin you feel bad cause i i nevvermind

Court (Kam) - Today at 8:48

I MEAN... I WANT TO BE ABLE TO TELL YOU SHIT WHEN YOU ASK, BUT I DON'T WANT TO BE ABLE TO FEEL LIKE YOU'RE JUST GOING TO TELL ME THAT WHAT I FEEL IS STUPID AND THAT I'M STUPID. BECAUSE THAT'S NOT A GOOD FEELING, KNOWING I'VE GOT TO DO THIS SHIT REGARDLESS, BECAUSE HE'S MY FRIEND AND... GOD, THE LENGTHS OF SHIT I'LL GO TO FOR HIM, I DON'T THINK YOU UNDERSTAND. IT JUST DOESN'T FEEL GOOD IF I TELL YOU SOMETHING AND YOU TELL ME THAT IT'S DUMB AND POINTLESS. I ALREADY KNOW THAT. I DON'T CARE, I'M NOT DOING IT FOR THE POINTLESS ASPECT OF IT, I'M DOING IT BECAUSE MY BEST FUCKING FRIEND, DUMPTRUCK OF SHIT THAT HE MAY BE, NEEDS ME TO. ANYWAY. YOU'RE RIGHT, THOUGH. IT IS STUPID, BUT LIKE I SAID. I DON'T CARE.

eridan | mags - Today at 8:50

yeah alright

Court (Kam) - Today at 8:50

SOMEONE'S GOTTA, AND I GUESS IT'S GOING TO BE ME, BECAUSE WITHOUT ME, TEMP WILL /DEFINITELY/ DIE. KANAYA MIGHT MAKE IT ON HER OWN, BUT SHE'S STILL TOO SECLUSIVE TO KNOW HOW TO HANDLE A BIG CITY, SAME WITH TEMP. BOTH OF THEM COULDN'T WEASEL THEIR WAY INTO AN UNDERGROUND FIGHTING RING IF THEY TRIED, AND I'D GET IN BASED ON MY LOOKS ALONE.

eridan | mags - Today at 8:53

yeah ok

Court (Kam) - Today at 8:55

TEMP SEES... THE SMALL PARTS OF THE PICTURE. HE'S GOOD WITH CODE AND GOOD WITH KNOWING HOW TO DO THINGS ON A SMALL SCALE. KANAYA'S GOOD WITH WEAPONS AND HAND TO HAND COMBAT, AND SHE'S A JADEBLOOD, WHICH MEANS SHE GETS EASIER ACCESS TO FOOD. PERSONALLY, I KNOW HOW TO FIGHT, AND I KNOW THE DREGS OF THE CITY LIKE THE BACK OF MY CALLOUSED HANDS. I CAN WANT TWO CRATES OF HIGHLY ILLEGAL SHIT AND KNOW EXACTLY WHO TO TALK TO AND WHERE TO GO TO GET THEM, I'VE ALREADY GOT A LITTLE NETWORK IN SOME CITIES WILLING TO BET BIG MONEY ON ME IN THE FIGHTS, AND MAKE SOME GOOD CAEGERS THAT WAY, AND I SEE THE BIG PICTURE. WHERE TO GO, ULTIMATELY. WHAT TO ASK. WHO WE NEED. WE ALL PULL OUR WEIGHT.

eridan | mags - Today at 8:56

alright

Court (Kam) - Today at 8:56

NEXT QUESTION?

eridan | mags - Today at 8:57

howw did you twwo start datin

Court (Kam) - Today at 8:57

I GOT AN ANON MESSAGE ON TUMBLR SAYING HE WANTED TO KISS ME, AND THEN IT KIND OF SNOWBALLED. HE HID FROM HIS FEELINGS FOR A WHILE AND WE TALKED IT OUT, AND I ENDED UP STORMING OUT THE DOOR BECAUSE SOME PISSFACE WANTED TO TALK TO ME ON ANON ABOUT THAT SORT OF NSFW BULLSHIT. YOU KNOW HOW THEY CAN GET.

eridan | mags - Today at 8:59

yeah

Court (Kam) - Today at 8:59

HE ENDED UP CHASING AFTER ME AND UH, HONESTLY I'M KIND OF A SUCKER FOR PEOPLE SHOWING THEY ACTUALLY WANT TO BE WITH A HOTBLOOD LIKE ME. MOST OF THE TIME PEOPLE... DON'T. I GUESS. PROBABLY. I ASSUMED IT WAS BECAUSE I WAS HEMOANONYMOUS BACK THEN, AND THAT SPELLS TROUBLE TO ANYONE WITH EYES?

eridan | mags - Today at 8:59

guess you got lucky there

Court (Kam) - Today at 9:00

BOY I THOUGHT I WAS HOT SHIT BACK THEN, ALL GREYED OUT AND SPECIAL.

eridan | mags - Today at 9:00

yeah

Court (Kam) - Today at 9:00

NOW IT'S JUST BECAUSE I'VE GOT A TINY-ASS LIFESPAN AND I'M A DEAD MAN IF MY COLOR EVEN COMES UP IN A SCANNER. AKA; TOO DANGEROUS TO WANT TO BE WITH, APPARENTLY. IT'S... NICE TO BE ABLE TO TALK TO SOMEONE ABOUT THIS SHIT, THOUGH. TEMP SOMETIMES BRUSHES IT OFF AND I FEEL WORSE. DON'T THINK HE WANTS TO FACE IT EITHER. YOU'RE A GOOD LISTENER.

eridan | mags - Today at 9:03

i try guess im good wwhen im not makin you feel like shit for openin up huh

Court (Kam) - Today at 9:03

YOU GOT IT, YEAH. ANY OTHER QUESTIONS, I GUESS? I'M OPEN TO ANSWERING.

eridan | mags - Today at 9:05

i cant really think of any to be honest you answwered evverythin i needed to knoww

Court (Kam) - Today at 9:06

ALRIGHT, WELL IS THERE ANYTHING YOU WANT TO KNOW LIKE, I DON'T KNOW. HOW TALL I AM. LIFE EXPERIANCES. WHAT'S THE BIGGEST TROLL I'VE EVER FOUGHT. THE MOST CAEGERS OR BEETLES I'VE EVER WON.

eridan | mags - Today at 9:06

howw old are you

Court (Kam) - Today at 9:07

NINE, NEARLY TEN. WHAT ABOUT YOU?

eridan | mags - Today at 9:07

wwell then youre evven younger than me

Court (Kam) - Today at 9:07

ALSO, YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I LOOK LIKE, DO YOU. FUCK.

eridan | mags - Today at 9:07

recently turned ten though and yeah no i dont

Court (Kam) - Today at 9:07

I'LL UPLOAD SOMETHING TODAY OR TOMORROW OR SOMETHING.

eridan | mags - Today at 9:08

i wwas alwways satisfied wwith my imagination of you but yeah id like to see it

Court (Kam) - Today at 9:11

courtingGrievances [CG] sent file -wWzIKy1g.png- to [CA] at ??:?? DOES THAT SATISFY YOUR IMAGINATION?

eridan | mags - Today at 9:12

oh oh huh you dont you dont look as bad as i thought you wwould

Court (Kam) - Today at 9:12

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

eridan | mags - Today at 9:13

you look good is wwhat i mean

Court (Kam) - Today at 9:14

DID YOU HEAR THAT?? THAT WAS THE SOUND MY HEAD MADE AS I DROPPED MY PALMHUSK ONTO MY FUCKING FACE.

eridan | mags - Today at 9:15

wwhat wwhy

Court (Kam) - Today at 9:15

NO REASON. MY FINGERS ARE COLD. I'M SLIGHTLY TIRED. THERE WAS A WIND. I DON'T TAKE COMPLIMENTS WELL APPARENTLY.

eridan | mags - Today at 9:16

oh uh i mean i didnt say anythin really you just dont look bad you knoww and its a relief

Court (Kam) - Today at 9:16

A... RELIEF? HEY, WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT?

eridan | mags - Today at 9:21

im not friends wwith ugly people

Court (Kam) - Today at 9:21

WAIT, SO IF I WAS UGLY YOU WOULDN'T BE FRIENDS WITH ME? o:B

eridan | mags - Today at 9:22

probably i havve standards you knoww

Court (Kam) - Today at 9:23

I THINK THAT SUCKS. I'D MISS OUT ON YOUR PRESENCE BECAUSE I'D BE UGLY. NOT TO BE A FUCKING DOWNER OR ANYTHING. BUT I LIKE TALKING TO YOU, AND NOT BEING ABLE TO WOULD KIND OF SUCK.

eridan | mags - Today at 9:26

wwell you can be glad youre not then but really im not all that special

Court (Kam) - Today at 9:26

BUT ALSO, I DON'T THINK YOU MEAN THAT, BECAUSE YOU THOUGHT I WASN'T AS GOOD AS I LOOK. AND YOU STILL WANT TO BE FRIENDS WITH ME. WANTED, I MEAN.

eridan | mags - Today at 9:27

people are glad wwhen they dont havve to talk to me

Court (Kam) - Today at 9:27

OKAY, LISTEN.

eridan | mags - Today at 9:27

wwell i thought you looked avverage

Court (Kam) - Today at 9:27

WE'VE BEEN TALKING PRETTY STRAIGHT FOR TWO WHOLE HOURS. IF I DIDN'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU, I WOULDN'T BE. WELL, FUCK.

eridan | mags - Today at 9:28

i mean youre doin most of the talkin so

Court (Kam) - Today at 9:28

SOOOO I'M RIGHT.

eridan | mags - Today at 9:30

shrug wwhatevver you wwanna think honestly

Court (Kam) - Today at 9:33

I TIHNK I'M RIGHT, AND I WANT TO TALK TO YOU, BECAUSE, OCCASSIONAL JACKASSERY ASIDE, I THINK YOU'VE GOT POTENTIAL, DAC. ALSO; IF OCCASSIONAL JACKASSERY WAS A PAYING JOB, WE'D BOTH BE RICHER THAN THE EMPRESS HERSELF. HAHAH.

eridan | mags - Today at 9:41

i mean to be fuckin honest but also i really doubt and evven if i do havve potential it wwent to wwaste already

Court (Kam) - Today at 9:43

STILL HERE, AREN'T YOU? DOESN'T THAT POINT TO SOME INNATE SENSE OF NEED, OF WANTING TO BE MORE? THERE'S STILL SOMETHING LEFT IN YOU, BUD. PROMISE. EVERYONE'S GIVEN YOU SHIT AND SOMETIMES RIGHTFULLY SO, AND YOU GET KNOCKED DOWN A LOT, BUT YOU ALWAYS GET RIGHT BACK UP, YEAH? YOU'RE LIKE A FIGHTER. LIKE ME. I KNOW THIS ISN'T ALL YOU'VE GOT TO GIVE, YOU'VE JUST GOT TO FIND THE RIGHT PEOPLE TO GIVE IT TO. GOD. I NEED TO STOP TALKING, PROBABLY.

eridan | mags - Today at 9:59

no youre fine but uh i dont knoww i dont feel like much of a fighter wwhen i just you knoww do wwhat i gotta do

eridan | mags - Today at 10:00

you actually fight people and protect your friends and such wwhile i just do nothin

Court (Kam) - Today at 10:00

YOU FIGHT FOR YOURSELF. AND PROBABLY EVENTUALLY, SOMEONE ELSE TOO. YOUR QUADS, OR WHATEVER.

eridan | mags - Today at 10:01

wwhenevver i do its just outta place and unneeded and people get mad at me

Court (Kam) - Today at 10:06

I GET THAT. IT'LL CHANGE, EVENTUALLY. I'M RUNNING OUT OF WORDS, SORRY. IT'S BULLSHIT O CLOCK, BUT LISTEN... PEOPLE ARE ALWAYS GOING TO HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THE WAY OTHER PEOPLE DO THINGS. IT'S NOT THEIR JOB TO CHANGE YOU. IF YOU LIKE WHO YOU ARE, BE THAT. EVERYONE WHO CARES WILL LIKE YOU FOR YOU.

eridan | mags - Today at 10:08

evven if its my owwn kismesis gettin mad at me for protectin her a feww people called me manipulativve too just cause i wwanted her to be ok

Court (Kam) - Today at 10:23

WHAT DID YOU DO?

eridan | mags - Today at 10:25

someone wwas makin fun of her in public and tellin her howw she rules is awwful just cause she uses a lot of gifs of marie antoinette so i got mad and told him off but more people joined his friends probably and evventually she told me to shut up but i didnt wwant to and then i just got called manipulativve for wwantin to help her

Court (Kam) - Today at 10:26

THAT'S NOT HER GETTING MAD AT YOU FOR PROTECTING HER, THAT'S HER GETTING CONCERNED ABOUT YOU MAKING A FOOL OUT OF YOURSELF. WHEN THAT HAPPENS, YOU SHOULD MAKE YOUR STANCE KNOWN, BUT YOU SHOULDN'T PUSH IT. STAND UP FOR HER AND TELL THEM OFF, BUT DON'T REPLY FURTHER BEYOND SCORNFUL AND LAUGH-INDUCING GIFS RAGGING ON THE PEOPLE TRYING TO GET THE ONE UP ON YOU. WHAT PEOPLE ARE DOING WHEN THEY KEEP TRYING TO GET A RESPONSE OUT OF YOU IS TRYING TO MAKE YOU SLIP UP, MAKE A MISTAKE. GIVE THEM GIFS, NOT EFFORT, AND YOU SHOULD BE BETTER OFF.

eridan | mags - Today at 10:29

i still got a screenshot of wwhat someone said to me that kinda hit me - https://gyazo.com/7cee73e22a941c972692c37965269d1e - all i wwas tryin to fuckin do is protect her and evveryone wwas just against me suddenly it felt awwful karkat and i still cant get ovver it

Court (Kam) - Today at 10:30

YOU REMEMBER HOW YOU WERE MAKING ME FEEL BAD FOR DOING SHIT I FEEL LIKE I'VE GOT TO DO AND YOU WENT "IF YOU LOVED HIM, YOU'D DO THIS?"

eridan | mags - Today at 10:30

so next time i just back dowwn and let them make fun of her or wwhat

Court (Kam) - Today at 10:31

HOLD ON, LET ME FINISH THIS TRAIN OF THOUGHT FIRST.

eridan | mags - Today at 10:31

alright sorry im just ugh

Court (Kam) - Today at 10:32

THINGS IN THAT SORT OF FORMAT, LIKE "IF YOU LOVED HER, YOU'D DO THIS", AND "WOE IS ME, THIS BULLSHIT IS HAPPENING BECAUSE OF YOU" THAT MAKE SOMEONE FEEL BAD FOR THINGS BEYOND THEIR CONTROL, THAT'S GUILT TRIPPING. IT'S MAKING THEM FEEL GUILTY ABOUT THINGS THEY CAN'T CONTROL, OR THINGS THAT AREN'T THEIR FAULT. IT FUCKING SUCKS WHEN SHIT HAPPENS, BUT MOST PEOPLE DON'T CARE, AND THEY JUST GET OFFENDED AND PUT OUT WHEN YOU TRY TO TELL THEM SO LIKE THAT. YOU COULD TRY WORDING THINGS BETTER, LIKE... INSTEAD OF "YOU'RE GOING TO TURN ON ME TOO", YOU COULD SAY "I FEEL LIKE I'M ALONE HERE, ARE YOU AGAINST ME TOO?" OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT. OR FOR THE SHIT WHERE YOU WENT, "IF YOU LOVED HIM, YOU'D DO THIS" BIT, YOU COULD JUST HAVE SAID "BUT DON'T YOU WANT TO SEE HIM PROTECTED TOO?". MOST OF THE TIME, PHRASING IT LIKE A QUESTION KEEPS THE GENERAL PURPOSE ALIVE WITHOUT BRINGING GUILT DOWN TO THE OTHER PERSONS HEAD.

eridan | mags - Today at 10:36

so the wwhole thing wwith her wwas actually my fault and i got wwhat i deservved

Court (Kam) - Today at 10:37

NEXT TIME THIS BULLSHIT HAPPENS, JUST GIVE THEM ONE RESPONSE OUTLINING YOUR THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS ON THE SUBJECT; IE, YOU'RE NOT HAPPY WITH THE WAY THEY'RE TREATING YOUR MOIRAIL AND SHE CAN POST WHATEVER SHE WANTS, IT'S NOT THEIR JOBS TO JUDGE HER STYLE OF RULING BASED ON GIFS OF SOME FICTIONAL WOMAN. IF THEY TRY TO BRING IT FURTHER, RESPOND WITH A GIF OF SOMEONE YAWNING, OR ACT BORED OF THE CURRENT CONVERSATION, AND DON'T GIVE THEM MORE FUEL FOR THE FIRE. PICTURES ARE WORTH MORE THAN WORDS.

eridan | mags - Today at 10:38

shes my kismesis but yeah alright

Court (Kam) - Today at 10:38

AS FOR THE WHOLE THING WITH HER, I WASN'T THERE SO I CAN'T SAY FOR SURE, BUT IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU WERE IN THE RIGHT TO PROTECT HER, BUT WRONG TO CARRY IT SO FAR, AND YOU SHOULD HAVE QUIT WHILE YOU WERE AHEAD. I DON'T THINK IT WAS YOUR FAULT, THOUGH. ROSEREDMUTANT SOUNDS LIKE A FUCKING JACKASS.

eridan | mags - Today at 10:38

shrug evveryone sounds like a jackass wwhen they talk to me evveryone just treats me like dirt

Court (Kam) - Today at 10:39

THE MOST IMPORTANT THING YOU NEED TO LEARN, I THINK, IS WHEN TO STOP. THERE'S NO POINT BEATING A DEAD HORSE, AND IF YOUR KISMESIS SAYS STOP, YOU SHOULD SAY WHY, AND ASK HER TO BE HONEST. AND IF SHE TELLS YOU WHY, AND SHE'S HONEST AND TELLS YOU WHY AND IT'S A GOOD REASON, YOU SHOULD STOP, REGARDLESS, OR ASK HER TO COME MAKE YOU STOP. SHE'S YOUR KISMESIS FOR A REASON, IT'S HER JOB TO HELP KEEP YOU FROM FIGHTING WITH THE RIFFRAFF, TO DISTRACT YOU FROM OTHER FIGHTS AND MAKE YOU FOCUS ON HER. HER JOB TO HELP YOU IMPROVE YOURSELF THROUGH LEARNING WHAT BATTLES TO PICK, TO HELP YOU LEARN YOUR LIMITS, IN ARGUMENTS AND OTHERWISE.

eridan | mags - Today at 10:42

so i just kinda trust her and stop next time

Court (Kam) - Today at 10:43

IF SHE'S "BEGGING YOU TO STOP" AND NOTHING ELSE, SHE NEEDS TO LEARN TO USE HER WORDS, ALSO. THERE IS NOTHING IN THIS MULTIVERSE THAT CAN'T BE SOLVED THROUGH SOME SORT OF ARGUMENT OR CONVERSATION. YEAH, BASICALLY. SHIT SUCKS SOMETIMES BUT YOU DO WHAT YOU HAVE TO. TRUSTING HER WILL SHOW HER THAT YOU VALUE YOUR RELATIONSHIP.

eridan | mags - Today at 10:43

she didnt beg she just told me multiple times to back off and that its fine and she can deal wwith it on her owwn

Court (Kam) - Today at 10:43

HERE'S WHAT YOU SHOULD DO NEXT TIME.

eridan | mags - Today at 10:43

guess she doesnt like my help

Court (Kam) - Today at 10:43

OKAY, HOLD ON. YEAH, NO, THAT'S NOT RIGHT I MEAN. IT COULD BE POSSIBLE THAT SHE FELT LIKE YOU WERE VACCILATTING PINK, AND SHE FELT EXTREMELY DEFENSIVE ABOUT IT. YOU SHOULD TALK TO HER ABOUT THAT. BUT NO, IF SHE TELLS YOU TO STOP SOMETHING, SHE SHOULD AT LEAST HAVE A REASON, AND YOU'RE FUCKING QUADDED, SHE SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DO ANYTHING ALONE, AND NEXT TIME THAT SHIT HAPPENS. WHEN SHE TELLS YOU TO "STOP DEFENDING ME, BACK OFF, I CAN DO THIS ON MY OWN", YOU NEED TO TELL HER SOMETHING LIKE "I WILL BACK OFF BECAUSE YOU WANT ME TO AND I TRUST YOUR JUDGEMENT, BUT I NEED YOU TO TRUST ME ALSO" AND MAYBE SOMETHING LIKE "I NEED YOUR HELP TO BACK OFF, CAN YOU COME DISTRACT ME". BECAUSE, HAHA, THAT'S KIND OF HER JOB, AS YOUR KISMESIS, IS TO DISTRACT YOU FROM GETTING INTO SHIT YOU MIGHT NOT BE ABLE TO HANDLE. EMOTIONALLY OR PHYSICALLY. THAT'S THE WHOLE FUCKING POINT OF KISMESITUDE.

eridan | mags - Today at 10:47

huh alright i nevver kneww that to be honest yeah i i guess ill havve to talk to her i dont knoww

Court (Kam) - Today at 10:48

HERE. https://fluffpuffandstuff.tumblr.com/post/156045666788/what-the-heck-am-ii-feeliing-labeliing-your��

eridan | mags - Today at 10:49

i dont wwanna dig it up again but it might happen again and shrug

Court (Kam) - Today at 10:49

I SENT SOMETHING IN TO THIS E-ZINE AND I GOT THIS BACK, AND IT HELPED ME LABEL TEMP AND I INTO AN OMNIQUAD. YOU SHOULD READ IT TOO, ALRIGHT? AND EVEN IF YOU DON'T. HERE'S THE BASIC GIST. MATESPRITS PROTECT, KISMESIS' IMPROVE. MOIRAILS SOOTHE AND AUSPISTICES INTERVENE AS A TOPLEAF, AND WANT TO BE INTERVENED ON AS A BOTTOMLEAF.

eridan | mags - Today at 10:51

yeah i just got to that part

Court (Kam) - Today at 10:51

I'LL BREAK IT DOWN FOR YOU EVEN FURTHER IF YOU WANT, THIS SORT OF SHIT IS WHAT I USED TO THRIVE ON A FEW SWEEPS BACK, MARATHONING ROM-COMS LIKE THEY WERE THE HOTTEST NEW GAMEGRUB OF THE SEASONAL VENTURE.

eridan | mags - Today at 10:52

thats not all too surprisin to be honest hahaha but no i dont wwant to think about this more or else i just end up realisin i got flush feelins for my kismesis or somethin like that thatd just ruin things and make it evven wworse i just wwanted to be there cause i felt like as kismesises wwere a team you knoww

Court (Kam) - Today at 10:53

YOU WOULDN'T RUIN THINGS BY TALKING ABOUT YOUR EMOTIONS.

eridan | mags - Today at 10:53

yeah wwe hate eachother but also wwere still datin

Court (Kam) - Today at 10:53

EVERY, EVERY QUADRANT IS SUPPOSED TO TALK ABOUT THEIR EMOTIONS, JUST IN DIFFERENT WAYS.

eridan | mags - Today at 10:56

huh

Court (Kam) - Today at 10:56

IF YOU FEEL LIKE YOU VACILLATE, THEN TELL HER, GENTLY. IF SHE DOESN'T RETURN THEM, ASK IF THIS CHANGES ANYTHING. AND IF SHE SAYS YES, ASK HER, SPECIFICALLY, WHAT IT CHANGES. ASK HER (IN A DIFFERENT SENTENCE,) IF THIS CHANGES YOUR KISMESITUDE, AND IF SHE STILL /WANTS/ TO BE KISMESIS' WITH YOU. AND IF SHE SAYS NO. COME TO ME.

eridan | mags - Today at 10:56

no im not goin to do that

Court (Kam) - Today at 10:56

AND IF SHE SAYS YEAH, SHE STILL WANTS TO BE BLACK WITH YOU, THEN YOU'RE GOLDEN, AND NOTHING CHANGES. YEAH, NO, I DON'T BLAME YOU THERE. BETTER TO WAIT UNTIL YOU'VE GOT YOUR FEELINGS SECURELY LOCKED IN A BOX OR SOMETHING. THAT SHIT'S HEAVY.

eridan | mags - Today at 10:57

this could evven cause problems wwith my husband and im not into that

Court (Kam) - Today at 10:57

FAIR.

eridan | mags - Today at 10:57

ill just i guess talk to her about that stuff wwith that one fight that got out of hand but nothin more

Court (Kam) - Today at 10:58

JUST... ASK HER TO HELP YOU MORE WITH DISTRACTING YOU FROM FIGHTS YOU CAN'T HANDLE. USE THOSE WORDS.

eridan | mags - Today at 10:58

yeah ok

Court (Kam) - Today at 10:58

IF YOU CAN, APOLOGIZE FOR MAKING A SPECTACLE OUT OF YOURSELF. USE THOSE WORDS TOO.

eridan | mags - Today at 10:58

i dont like apologisin

Court (Kam) - Today at 10:58

ME EITHER. IT FEELS GROSS, DOESN'T IT?

eridan | mags - Today at 10:59

yeah

Court (Kam) - Today at 10:59

IT FEELS ALL... VULNERABLE AND SHIT.

eridan | mags - Today at 11:00

yeah i dont i dont like doin that so i rarely evver apologise i dont apologise if i dont gotta

Court (Kam) - Today at 11:00

YEAH. YEAH, YES. THAT BULLSHIT. IF I APOLOGIZE, I'M GENUINELY FUCKING FEELING IT, AND DITTO FOR YOU I'M ASSUMING?

eridan | mags - Today at 11:01

yeah actually lets start wwith it already sorry for uh dumpin this on you its not your job to do this i just i guess i cant help it i kinda wwhine to evverybody i dont knoww

Court (Kam) - Today at 11:02

DUDE, YOU'RE NOT WHINING. YOU'RE ASKING FOR HELP. THAT'S ALL A COMPLAIN OR A WHINE IS. IT'S THICKLY VEILED BUT THAT'S REALLY, WHAT IT COMES DOWN TO. YOU'RE HOPING SOMEONE WILL LISTEN AND DO SOMETHING TO STOP THE SOURCE OF YOUR WHINING, OR TO CONSOLE YOU AND HELP YOU FEEL BETTER ABOUT THE BULLSHIT THAT CAUSED THE WHINING OR COMPLAINING IN THE FIRST PLACE.

eridan | mags - Today at 11:03

i mean yeah but like its still not your duty you knoww i should be able to deal wwith my problems alone i guess god im just so pathetic

Court (Kam) - Today at 11:03

I SPENT HOURS WATCHING SHIT LIKE THIS AND YELLING AT THE CHARACTERS ON SCREEN, HONESTLY, I'M THE BEST PERSON FOR THE JOB, HAHA. UH, ALSO?? FUCK NO. DEALING WITH PROBLEMS ALONE FUCKING SUCKS. IT FEELS BAD AND YOU JUST GET FRUSTRATED BECAUSE YOU BURN OUT ON THAT SHIT. ASKING FOR HELP IS KEEPING YOU SANE AND KEEPING YOU SAFE. JUST FROWNED UPON IF YOU ASK ANYONE OTHER THAN PEOPLE CLOSE TO YOU.

eridan | mags - Today at 11:05

youre not my moirail though or evven my mate i shouldnt be talkin about this wwith you of all people

Court (Kam) - Today at 11:05

I'M NOT YOUR MOIRAIL OR YOUR MATE, YEAH, BUT I'M YOUR FRIEND. A GOOD ONE, I THINK, AT THIS POINT. FRIENDS GOTTA BE THERE FOR YOU.

eridan | mags - Today at 11:06

yeah i guess thanks

Court (Kam) - Today at 11:06

IF MATESPRITS PROTECT, KISMESIS' IMPROVE. MOIRAILS SOOTHE AND AUSPISTICES INTERVENE, FRIENDS LISTEN. THEY'RE THERE WHEN YOU NEED SOMEONE TO JUST LISTEN, AND MAYBE OFFER ADVICE. HONESTLY, I WISH I'D OFFERED THIS KIND OF ADVICE WHEN I WAS YOUNGER. MAYBE I COULD HAVE KEPT MY OLD FRIENDS BACK TOGETHER. MAYBE I'D ACTUALLY KNOW WHERE SOME OF THEM ARE. IF THEY'RE EVEN ALIVE.

eridan | mags - Today at 11:07

wwell at least you learnt from it and youre better noww

Court (Kam) - Today at 11:07

I HOPE I'M BETTER. I KIND OF FEEL LIKE EVERYTHING I'M SAYING IS GOING IN ONE FIN AND OUT THE OTHER, BUT YOU SEEM HAPPY WITH WHAT I'M GOING ON ABOUT.

eridan | mags - Today at 11:07

i dont knoww howw you used to be but i knoww youre good noww shrug still youre doin better than evveryone else i met before you so i guess theres that

Court (Kam) - Today at 11:08

... BETTER AT BEING A FRIEND? SHIT, I'M SORRY. YOU MUST HAVE HAD SOME PRETTY SHIT ONES BEFORE NOW, THEN.

eridan | mags - Today at 11:09

i dont just forget the things you say i got better about hemoism and i remember you havve a mate and i wwanna talk to fef about the shit and stuff friends relationships just evverythin

Court (Kam) - Today at 11:09

(:B

eridan | mags - Today at 11:10

but yeah thanks i guess im gonna take a nap i think

Court (Kam) - Today at 11:11

ALRIGHT. I... HOPE THIS WAS A GOOD CONVERSATION. SEEMED LIKE ONE TO ME, AT LEAST. SEE YOU LATER? I'M ALWAYS REACHABLE HERE... AND IF I DON'T RESPOND, SOMETHING'S PROBABLY UP. I'LL. UH. I'LL ADD YOUR MESSENGER HANDLE TO A LIST OF HANDLES ASSOCIATED WITH OUR DEADMANS SWITCH. SO IF SOME BULLSHIT HAPPENS, YOU'LL KNOW WHEN AND WHERE.

eridan | mags - Today at 11:17

oh wwell thanks thats good to knoww but yeah see you around

Court (Kam) - Today at 11:19

courtinggrievances [CG] has ceased trolling [CA?]

[marcysplaygroundd]

Don’t we all want something better?

Scorpio Annual Full Moon.

This is the one time this year where the Moon is full in your sign, meaning that so many aspects of your life are aligning. As a Scorpio, you’re a complex, multi-faceted being. You’re also a sign of extremes. You are interested in many passions profoundly, and this Full Moon will help you integrate all of your interests and own them fully. From an outside perspective, you’re still surrounded by a cloud of mystery. Everyone wants to know how you’re able to manifest things into existence with such ease. And your secret is your power, Scorpio. It cant even be expressed into words adequately. It’s just ingrained in your DNA. This full moon will help you really step into your power. You are magic! Take time today to write down what you’re ready to release so that you can let your magic flow even more abundantly. Anything that no longer serves your growth has to go. Soar, Scorpio!

Let’s start from the moment i realised what my goal and passion is. First things first I am the type of person to be completely unaware of what i am doing in my life. I am that type of person that has a weekly schedule of Sunday-Thursday routine of work and Friday- Saturday days off. I am that person who is fixed to a life where i work for money to survive and maintain my lifestyle. That is the current situation that i am in. That is fixed for me, work for money = life/survival. So, yes coming back to that. I am a person that does not know where i am going, i have no sense of direction and doesn’t have a very solid belief on future plans or goals for myself in 5-10 years as normal people do. I wing it basically. Everyday is different, different emotions, different people. For such a long time i have been tossing between so many things. I thought to myself, what is it that i want to do for the rest of my life? What is it that i truly love? those typically finding your “DREAM JOB” kinda thing that everyone “thinks” that they know but actually doesn’t know what the fuck it is. Since high school finished (thank god) and moving forward into becoming an adult, i still was unsure of what to do. I literally applied for uni and was going to go through with a Nursing course at a mediocre school and get a degree there. But knowing me and the type of environment/atmosphere i was surrounded with i didn’t go through with that. Didn’t feel right. So i literally was jobless for a bit relied on my mother to give me allowance to go out and do typical 18 year old stuff. Not till a few months later i got my laptop and was like fuck it i’m going to try and find a job myself that i felt like i could be good at. I literally applied to 30 stores maybe less and it was a few department stores, super markets and mostly retail stores so i applied and for some reason i got a hunch or a intuition kind of feeling like this store ‘Vans’ at the Galeries in the city was going to be the one even before i went through with it. It was that weird moment where you just know. It’s hard to explain but yeah it was just like that a few weeks later im already working and get full time then a 2IC role and all that jazz. (Don’t like to dig through this cause I don’t want to blab). I’m still currently working there and it’s good for me for now till i sort out what it is that i want to do with my life and what my next step is moving forward. But yes i enjoy working there, people are good, work is satisfying and i can give my 110% effort 80-90% of the time to be completely honest. (That makes no sense but it does?..) But moving from that and getting back on the main topic “GOALS/PASSIONS”. Today since my “full moon” is present a bunch of emotions and feelings are consuming me and i would say its for a good cause because i feel good. Work was good, family time was good and i was able to come to a conclusion on what it is i feel like i should be doing with my life. All day i was thinking about this and literally on my mind for a while. All i want to do is FUCKING HELP PEOPLE and that is it. Literally, i am willing to give my all to those who need my help for better or for worse i will literally give myself and devote myself into making an imprint on this world through my hands and my heart. I want to give something to people in anyway possible. What constantly goes through my mind is shouldn’t this be our aim as a nation? as a species?!! Today i absolutely got fucked in the head for thinking this. It made me so angry to see the shit that is going on in this world. IS THIS LITERALLY WHAT IT HAS COME TO? Seriously. I know there is good and there is bad. But what the fuck people? When did we become so consumed on ourselves? and less on others? When did we simple not give a fuck on what our other brothers/sisters are going through (preach it sista). The more you live in this world the more fucked up you think it is. Because we are based in an environment that distracts your soul from feeling true emotion. Distracts your mental from the real hardships of this world. ITS ALL A FUCKING LIE. Seriously, i know im going insane here and you’re probs like wtf is this chick on? But i’m pouring my thoughts and my heart here and this is how i feel. When did we let products/media/technology consume our daily lives this much? We base our lives in these homes filled with shit we don’t need to feed our eyes with pretty and cool shit to feel satisfied with ourselves while in another countries there is people out there struggling to survive on minimal resources if anything nothing at fucking all. NOTHING. Where is the help they get? Where is the support they get? Shouldn’t we all be here to fucking unite and live for one another? How can we sit here in a our pretty homes with our pretty stuff and our privileged advantages and think that this is ok? It’s not. It’s cold blood. And i feel like we do not deserve what we are given here. We do not deserve this beautiful land that God or whoever the higher power has given us. Life is so beautiful and so precious and i believe everyone should cherish that. We don’t know where were going after this no one knows. Maybe this is it? Maybe this is just an existence and then your done. There is no second world that we’re going to, so then why are we all acting as if were going to go somewhere else? This can be the only time where we have a choice, that is what we are blessed with, we are blessed with the freedom to choose our path to choose what it is that we want to do. I think it is a blessing and a curse because not everyone are grown in an environment to see the good, maybe in some cases the good is the bad for us/them. I don’t really know where i”m going with this all i know is that my mind is connecting with these keys on the key board and i”m just typing away to anything that connects through. Like this whole day, i’ve seen videos of how this world is, what it’s come to. I was watching the Charlie Chaplin video again but this time instead of the words coming out of his mouth there was images that we’re portraying what his message was and even though this video was released during the 1940s it is still till this day so accurate. His message is so strong that the images that we’re portrayed sparked something in me that wanted to fucking do something for a change and not sit around doing the same shit everyday. I am 20 turning 21 this year and i feel like (yes i have so many years ahead . if i do) I need to have some direction in my life, something with REAL purpose something that won’t benefit me but that will benefit others. We all need someone to start. I’ll begin my next chapter fighting to make a change any way possible. I literally don’t know where to begin but seriously. Just knowing is already a start. This is a short life that we live. Why the fuck not. 

[teenagetragedymentality]

Humor

We all need to laugh on a daily! Laughing is good for our health. I am blessed with a sense of humor to laugh at the most hardest of times. I am also very fortunate to have a life partner/soulmate with a sense of humor that if I am not making him smile and laugh (don’t tell anyone he actually does that because he appears and comes off to be a hard ass) he is making me smile and laugh. We have a great time. My mother and I have a blast together as well. She has the sense of humor that is just so uncut, raw, and quick you don’t have a choice but to laugh. 

Our son in the mix of this household, he gets all three of us into one little human. He is 8 and when people say the kid’s say the darnest things they weren’t lying. Sometimes I just have to go talk to him about whatever that comes to his head, by the end of the conversation I have a better outlook on life because its not so dark talking to him. Being a kid in 2020 is hard. Watching him live this is hard on us, but we are blessed beyond belief and I preach that on a daily to myself so I can model that to the people who rely on me to be there and to be there with a level head. 

Inside the household we laugh and have a great time. A lot of positivity, of course we all have our days because we all suffer from something (hell even our dog is special). Outside the world is a scary, crazy place. I look for comfort for myself so I can comfort our son with anything to make him a little less stressed out. Instead I’m just having anxiety trying to figure out who is happy under their mask and who isn’t. People don’t want to be around others like they use to it seems.  

Now the new normal is wearing masks (which I am not against because I want to protect others from what germs I might have that I don’t know about. I am immune compromised as it is) under that mask though is a smile or maybe not. I have found it increasing difficult to read peoples emotions or feelings by just seeing there eyes. I am a person who you can just tell i’m off by my body language and anyone who knows me will pick up on them cues without me having to say anything. Strangers you cant just look at eyes arms and legs and know 100 percent they have good or bad intentions. That scares me. Gives me a type of anxiety I am learning to deal with. 

Really it comes down to living in 2020 you have to have a solid family foundation and a home team that builds you up not turn or tear you down. For those who dont have that I feel like 2020 is going to be very hard for a lot of people, harder than the first 6 months. Mother Nature is even sick of us. 

A little history with me and humor comes from the trauma I have endured. I have learned to make jokes when I talk to myself alone with no one. I would really laugh because I was freaking funny. When you are all alone as an only child with an abusive father in every category of abuse you learn to laugh at yourself with somethings that you say. 

Here is an example of Today July Third 2020 while I was riding to the Dispensary I look at my man and say some crazy shit. There is a flooding problem (well was a flooding problem its recessing now because of the heat) along most bodies of water. There is a place the will let you rent a kayak and take it out on the bayou for a little while (not sure how long as I haven’t ever inquired but am so tempted in the near future.) Their building is underwater and they have decided to still run but just from a little shack and mostly everything is done outside. They had a genius idea of putting a porta-potty right by the road and for whatever reason as we were passing it today I looked at my man and said if some one jumped that little curb and hit that porta-potty with someone in it that would be a really shitty situation. I died laughing he didn’t get it right away because I totally cut him off just to say some off the wall shit but when he did get it I was laughing so hard that he was laughing at me laughing at myself. Life is too serious and honestly why?

I get the idea we have to be serious and profession when needed but your whole entire life shouldn’t be so serious you don’t have any wrinkles by the time you are 30. I laugh a lot. I have been compared to Chanel West Coast’s laugh (not my fave, but not to lie she and I have a close laugh) #ridiculousness the hyaena's off the lion king and a cackling hen house. I love to joke. 

Jokes are kind of a mandatory thing around here now. I actually, have “kinda”, maybe slightly, screwed myself over with our son because I joke to much and he never knows when I'm serious, between his dad and I we are some funny fools.

I numbed pain for many years by teasing myself and having a fun being class clown. Bit me in the ass come report card time but I at least could talk my way out of like severe stage. There was four groundment and only end up with like stage one. One was like pulling weeds for an hour. Stage 5 was like pushing a non-self propelled lawn mower on a 90 degree day on about 5 acres. I only did that twice. I was always friendly from what I can remember until the older version of myself came about in 2016. 

When I reflect even up until recently, I feel like I was too serious all the time, depressed, would jump on our son in a heartbeat what seemed to be over nothing. I was letting the world get to me and my meds where all wacked out. Meds are important part of my every day life (sadly) but I do it and I am happy about it most of the time. Usually they work for me and I can be my happy bubbly self. I have been complimented for many years about my happy bubbly personality.

When I finally realized that I was miserable and I needed to change somethings about my everyday life I had gained weight, didnt laugh like ever, cried every day damn near and for hours. During this time I hit rock bottom but my mom, my man and our son was struggling because of the feelings and the lack of humor. Once you have a funny bone for so long and then all of a sudden its gone people who are close to you and pay attention start picking up on the lack of your ability to be yourself. 

BOOM that’s exactly what happened. My man and my mom came to me and said laugh. I thought for a long time.

I couldn't bring myself to laugh. I couldn't, but why? That wasn’t me. I would have laughed at their jokes any other time. B is asking dad why mom is so unhappy and she don’t laugh at his jokes any more. She is just so sad and serious. I was going down hill. I cant believe i allowed myself to drop that low. I needed help but didn’t want to let my life mate in. I didn’t want to listen. Well finally after being the stubborn know everything type of person I am, I finally caved and listened and vented to him. He helped me get out of the pit like any great man and father would do.

He taught me what “laughing” and “humor” was all about. I think some times we just need to let our walls down a tad and stop being so serious. Smile a little even if you cant be seen laugh and laugh loud. Be proud of that laugh. When you aren’t wearing a mask you should smile and laugh and enjoy all of the simple pleasures we take for granted. I am blessed beyond compare. I have learned to be thankful for what you have. If more comes along great you will appreciate it even more but if you are ungrateful for what you have now real time what makes you think you will be happier with more. 

I have had nothing alone and scared and still somehow managed to make myself laugh.

This blog was only my opinion, my thoughts, my outlook. I don’t hear or see any happiness or laughter anymore in this dark world and maybe if we are more aware that we aren’t doing certain things like laughing or being compassionate to one another.

[noahhernandez]

original (April 3rd, 2013)

3 year difference (April 3rd, 2016

Difference ? (Feb 10, 2017)

3 year difference lol

1. Is this the best year of your life? tbh this year has sucked so far lol!!!!!

it is april and i have not turned up like expected

Only Feb. Things are going okay

2. What was the first thing you did when you woke up? turn on the TV and see what was on netflix

Laid in bed and contemplate whether or not to make coffee.. i did

Struggled getting out of bed for work

3. The person you like is? nobody.

my co-worker Darrell.

Kenny.

4. Is anything bothering you? The fact that my room is a disaster, my grade in Algebra 2 is a 68, and that i am not famous

The fact that my room is still a disaster and that i am dropping my biology course because it was too hard for me.

The Fact that my room remains a disaster, and that I’m constantly stressed out about school, and I’m really trying with Kenny but I’m probably too invested

5. Does anyone annoy you? A lot of people do, white people

A lot of people still annoy me

White People

6. Would you like things to go ‘back to normal’ with a certain someone? no

Angelica, Natasha, and Coby because things really were cool but it doesnt matter anymore

No.

7. What was the las,t thing you did before you went to bed last night? I was in my mom’s room with like 3 kids and some guy and i was just chillin out with them

I was laying in bed watching Family Guy

Filmed a speech for my public speaking class, finished it, submitted it, walked in on my roommates fckin on the couch, went to sleep, they fought til 530am

8. Is life good? its decent

I’m content, I have my own place, I go to school full time, I work full time, I’ve got great friends, money, a car.

Still have all those things, I’m just tired at this point

9. Do you remember who you liked on New Years? nobody.

Nobody probably wait just kidding Harry

I think I was starting to like Kenny

10. Do you still like them? nobody

No

I like him now

11. Do you still speak to them? nobody

No

Yes

12. Told your parents you were going somewhere but went somewhere else? my dad, but my mom and i have a good relationship and i can tell her i am snorting cocaine tonight and she will be like ’ ok be careful xo’

Does not matter anymore

i’m an adult now

13. Are you dating the last person you kissed on the lips? haha, no.

No I am not

Nope

14. Do you hate the last girl you had a conversation with? my cousin no she snorts cocaine

My manager no she is my favorite

I think it was Angel, and she is like one of my best friends

15. Would you go out with someone right now if they asked? what do you mean like out like lets get together or like hey im hungry wanna come with me to get wings

It really all depends on who the person is

not desperate, really depends on who the person would be

16. Three days from now will you be in a relationship? i hope not

No lol

Probably not 

17. If someone liked you right now, would you want them to tell you? they do tell me sorry fellas youre kinda ugly

Yes

Yes

18. Have you kissed anyone in the last month? no

No

Yes

19. What was the last reason you went to the doctor for? my back.

My back

Have not been to the doctor since.

20. Do you like being home alone or does it freak you out? i liked it but then everyone left for me a week and i thought i was going to go insane

It does not matter I am always locked in my room.

I don’t talk to anyone at home anyways

21. Would you ever kiss anyone you texted today? i havent texted anyone today

Hm yes, my co-worker Kevin, but only because he is the best looking person I have texted today

Hm maybe like 2 people ? haha

22. Do you have any bruises on you? no thank god

Cuts and burns from work

I cut myself at work today

23. How was 2011 for you? 2011 was great actually, i ended jr. high really well, and started high school really well too making friends and stuff

Same

lol

24. How late did you stay up last night and why? like 1230, and no reason

230? because after work me and my coworkers went to IHOP and then just chilled out, and I watched like TV til i fell asleep

About 530 because my roommates were fighting and I could not sleep

25. Do you ever get good morning texts from anyone? no

No

Kind of

26. Do you regret anything you’ve done lately? i regret um nothing

I regret nothing still

Nothing

27. What woke you up today? this sound of little Einsteins singing

My brothers gf was talking really loud for like 2 seconds

My brother waking me up and my 30 alarms

28. What makes you happy? coffee and snickers and boys

Coffee, cigarettes, friends

Coffee, boys, and friends

29. Ever kissed on a boat?

No

Still a no

30. Have you ever been told that you are amazing? yes

Plenty of times

I honestly dont think so tbh wait JK yes

31. Finish this sentence: The last person I kissed is… ugly?

A good guy. sorry lol

the person I currently like

32. This time last year, can you remember who you liked?let me think no

It is April, prom season for me… you know I think I was chillin’

Wowza, Darrell my co-worker at the time, he recently just moved to Ohio

33. Do you like when people play with your hair? yes

yes

ya

34. Do you plan on sleeping in tomorrow? nOPE GOT SCHOOL LOL

Nope, I still got school

Nope, this time I got work

35. Waiting for something? for someone to come up and be like hello u wana be famous and rich

To get my degree, then someone come up to me and ask me if I wanna be famous and rich

To become board certified and open a private practice and someone ask me if I wanna be rich adn famous

36. Was last night terrible? nah

No, it was a good night tbh, lots of laughing with all my coworkers

Sure

37. Did you lose friends when you started dating someone? no

no, i would not let that happen

I would never let that happen

38. Are you the type of person to make people laugh?  yes i am i am the class bitch ass motherfucker but they think im joking

yes

Sure

39. Don’t tell me lies, so is the last person you texted attractive? i last texted angelica and she is pretty if she tries which is rare

yes

yes

40. Is tomorrow going to be a good day? it better be mrs honings better have passes me

no, i have school and then work right after

Work til 5. Maybe something with my friends after, but I doubt it

41. Are you missing someone?no

no

sure

42. Has anyone ever tried to ruin a relationship you were in?no

no lol

no haha

43. Do you believe in karma? eh

not at all

Maybe a little bit now

44. Do you sleep with a fan on? omg i have too

yeah the ceiling fan and then a standing fan

Same still

45. You think anyone’s thinking about you right now? of course yes

i wonder

Probably not.

46. Is there anyone you wish you were spending time with right now? not really

no

yes

47. Do you go to school? imma sophomore

freshmen in college

4th semester in college.

48. Is the person you last texted single? yes

yes

technically yeS?

49. Who was driving the last time you were in a car? omg?? my mom i think

me

I was driving, brother in passenger seat

50. Have you ever used the word ‘rawr’ in an actual conversation?OMG NEVER IF ANYONE CAUGHT ME SAYING THAT I’D KILL MYSELF

lol no

jokingly now every once in awhile

51. Are the blinds on your window open or closed? closed

closed

Closed

52. Did you leave milk and cookies for Santa when you were little? still do lol

jewish

No i live alone now, so thats a waste of money

53. What were you doing at 11 last night? in my mom’s room with those people i stated above plus my brother

at work goofing off

Getting ready to get off work

54. What could you eat any day of the week & never get tired of? wingstop wings

sushi

Coffee

55. Is there someone you wouldn’t mind kissing right now? justin bieber???

a lot of ppl including celebrities

Shawn Mendes!!!

56. Someone knocks on your window at 5 am, what do you say? wat the fuck do u want im sleepig

or

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOMH

how did u get up here i live on the third floor

No i dont have a quarter

57. Would you change yourself for the person you love?no

no

Yes maybe ??

58. Let me guess, your last incoming call was from the opposite sex? wow u guesssed completely wrong

yes

um i gonna guess sure

59. What are you supposed to be doing right now? cleaning

getting ready for work

Getting ready for bed

60. Would you have sex with the 5th person on your contacts?no

im not even going to look

It is my ex, lmao, yes  I would sure

61. To who did you last give the finger to? i cant remember

my coworker Jesse

My manager, Ware

62. Did your last kiss take place on a bed? on someone elses

uh no

No.

63. Do you have someone who you can be your complete self around? brianna sam angelica michelle and others yes

the majority of my coworkers and all of my friends i still have

Angel, Brianna, Brit, and like Michelle

64. Do you talk in your sleep? no

i do not

depends on the situation

65. Do you have a good relationship with your parents? yes they buy me stuff and i am forced to like them

i dont talk to either of them that much

Haven’t seen my mom in months

66. What time did you wake up today? 7:45

1

8:30

67. What were you doing at midnight last night? IN MY MOMS ROOM

At work fixing to leave

Leaving work

68. What song are you listening to? some chris brown song

Team by Iggy

Betty Who- Somebody Loves You

69. Has anyone put their arms around you in the past 5 days? like a hug

No

Yes

70. How do you feel about chocolate-covered strawberries? mmmmm

mmmmm

mmmmm

71. Do you have nice eyes? they’re dark brown

no

lolno

72. Is your current hair color your natural hair color? not really

yes finally

Barely, the tips are brown from when I died them 7 months ago

73. Are you texting anybody? no

no

Told everyone I went to bed

74. Do you swear in front of your parents? god no

no

No

75. Concert tickets or NFL game tickets? concert tickets

concert tickets!!!!!

CONCERT

76. Are you addicted to cigarettes? not yet hehhe!:)

yes, I wish i could stop smoking.

LMFAO “Not Yet” I’m on a process of quitting right now. Very difficult

77. Do you tell your parents everything? no

no

hell no

78. Do you have any tattoos? not yet

i have 4 tattoos.

still only fucking 4

79. If something was wrong, who is the first girl you would go to? idk

Brianna

80. Do you have any nicknames? bitch

Noahita