#cant believe i hadn't posted this here

[coalbones]

Found this team fortress classic audio that sounded like fox from A Fox In Space, so naturally,

[ddejavvu]

anakin being so pussy drunk that he cant sleep bc he didn’t fuck you at least once that day but you’ve already gone to sleep. he can’t help himself seeing you all so pretty and peaceful sound asleep that he doesn’t even bother to wake you up just sinks his cock in without a second thought.

does anyone know where to get a wet floor sign cause i gushed

obvious cw for somnophilia, very quick and fleeting mention of anal (no actual activity), don't like don't read.

this post is 18+, minors dni.

His cock is already hard from the moment he steps through the door- perhaps if he hadn't spent the elevator ride thinking about sinking it into your wet, warm cunt, he wouldn't be so inconvenienced.

But it's hard, and aching, and only getting worse, so he sheds his Jedi garb as quickly as humanly possible. A belt here, a tunic there, boots sloppily discarded by the door. By the time he gets to your bedroom he's wearing only an undershirt and briefs, but he disposes of the thin cotton shirt in the doorway.

You're sleeping. Illuminated gorgeously by the two of four moons that are visible from Coruscant's surface. They spill a pale halo of light around your sleeping form that catches on your sleek satin gown, pools deliciously in the space just beneath your thighs where the chub of your ass takes over and- Anakin's even stiffer.

It's a gift from whatever god Anakin unconsciously believes in. Whether it's a local legend from his days on Tatooine, or the will of the Force, some higher power has shed ethereal light on your body, and Anakin feels called to indulge in its divine gift.

You're laid out on your stomach with one knee tucked up to your side, and an arm thrown beneath your ribs to offset the heft of your breasts. You complain about pain when you lie on your stomach for too long- Anakin's surprised that you're sleeping like this. But he is not complaining, not when it offers him a perfect view of the gentle curve of your mound that rests between your thighs, parted to offer your leg enough room to bend the way that it does.

His cock begs for your pussy, tearing and ripping and struggling against the fabric of his briefs, and when he yanks them down his thighs his cock springs so tightly that it hits his stomach, leaving a sticky smear there.

No matter - things will get messier.

Anakin can't spot a wet stain on the pad of your panties, but it's no matter. He can supplement until your body catches up. He retrieves a bottle of lube from your bedside drawer- almost empty, seriously, do you guys fuck that much? -and pools some on his palm, stroking his dick with it so that it smears over his length.

He has to be careful not to work himself up too much with his own hand- no self-achieved orgasm will ever be as good as what he'll experience in your cunt.

His dick is properly slicked now, but he squirts a generous stream of the stuff onto your cunt once he pulls back your panties, unable to resist the urge to spread it through the split of your ass.

That's not the hole he's going for tonight, but he's never been able to keep his hands to himself.

Hands braced on either side of your body- one slick with lube - he leans his weight on the mattress, and draws his wet hand back to his cock. He needs no help after the initial guidance of the first thrust, and once he's gently pushed his cock through your artificially slickened entrance, he huffs out a sigh that blows hot against your back. The slip you're wearing is low-cut enough that the heat hits your bare skin, and he's not sure if it's the penetration or the sudden gust of air that makes you shiver.

You let out a strangled moan- something between surprised and pleasure, and Anakin is relived to feel his cock sliding smoothly through your cunt. You nag him about wasting lube; he's a very generous pour, but if it means you're feeling pleasure and not discomfort, he'll empty the whole bottle.

He dips down to kiss your cheek, his broad shoulders flexed against his muscled back- not that you're awake to enjoy it.

"Shh, s'okay angel," He groans, drawing in a shaky breath as he drags his hips backwards, pushing in once more to the heat of your cunt, "It's- it's okay, I just- agh, I need this. Just- let me have this, angel, let me- let me take it."

[drdemonprince]

Autistic friend anon here — thank you so much for your answer and the substack post. I was kind of stuck in the “rejection” feeling of “wait but if being autistic isn’t a bad thing then why are you so upset at the idea that YOU might be autistic”. I took it really personally and wasn’t really thinking about how much it sucks when someone acts like they know you better than you do. I’ll have to keep working through that.

I also often get stuck in the idea that “well if someone had just TOLD ME I was queer/trans/autistic then I could have figured it out sooner and life would be better” or whatever. But after many years of being out as queer/trans, I think that isn’t actually true and even if it is, I don’t interact with other possibly queer/trans people by “diagnosing” them with queerness/transness any more. In my head it seemed like autism was different for some reason, but of course it is not.

Anyway, your answer was really thoughtful and diplomatic, while also being very clear about what is bad behavior on my part. It is genuinely going to be a big benefit in my life.

Hey, nice to hear from you again!

I totally feel you. When I told a friend years ago that I thought she might be a BPDer, I was incensed that she ended up not taking that comment well. I meant it in an affirming, pro-Mad-Pride kinda way! I was a BPDer too! if she thought it was bad to be BPD, what did that mean she thought about me?

But I was looking at it the wrong way. I had just hurled a still very stigmatized label in her direction as a response to her complaining about real relational struggles in her life, which felt diminishing and presumptive. Telling various people in my life that I'm pretty sure they're Autistic can have a similar effect, even if they're on board Autism acceptance as an idea.

I used to fixate on the time I lost not realizing I was trans or queer or whatever the fuck I am yet. I had a vision of an older me materializing before me at age 16, specifically on the corn-lined roads I used to bike up and down furiously, and imagined telling myself the Truth of who I was and what I had to do to be happy. I believed that if i had known I was trans younger I would have avoided a lot of upsetting relationships, eating disordered periods, and general angst.

Now. I am pretty damn sure that is not true. It turns out that being trans was not a solution to all my problems, it was just another problem that I had. In the sense that it's a challenge to navigate on this bitch of an earth. if i hadn't chosen to be trans i would have chosen some other shit to do that also would have been a major pain in the ass i'm sure. that too would have been an interesting back story.

I dont think I was ever going to be outgoing and unneurotic and breezily well adjusted. That's not my lot in life. Feeling a little uncomfortable in my body and around other people is as definitional a part of me as my wit or my weird laugh. I can kinda love that about myself now, or at least accept it. nothing and nobody actually could have saved me. its just not that simple. but it's been a pretty interesting life.

i think we tend to impose our self-narratives onto other people when we are not happy or we are harboring deep regrets about having gotten something wrong or missed something in the past. but we cant spare our friends those journeys. they should get to have them. it's interesting and enriching to get things wrong, be in denial, cope in elaborate stupid ways, soul search, change our minds, miss something, find something, never know what's true.

[blackpilljesus]

There's a strong link between the way moids treat cattle/animals and the way they treat women. Believing they're here for moids to use as they see fit, keeping them in enclosures to extract from them while claiming to protect them when they've forced them to be dependent on moids, forcing them to reproduce so they can have more fodder to exploit, and domesticating them.

Saw a video of torture devices that were used on women that were anything but quiet docile submissive slaves. Considering this and things like the witch trials, authorities turning a blind eye most times when moids kill women but imprisoning women who fight back against abusers, moids impregnating -raping- girls whose bodies hadn't developed yet (which could be a contributing factor to why we have a huge gap inbetween our physical strength) moids seeking younger women & girls to reproduce with because these women wont have reached a level of self actualisation to realise how pathetic the xy is, etc. I believe that moids have -attempted to- domesticate women through femicide as well as social punishments & torture.

Emphasis on "attempt" because I dont think women are naturally the empathetic emotionally observant yet mindless mommy bangmaids moids want them to be. There are a few far gone but most just act in a manner that pleases maIes to survive. The difference in womens behaviour when there's maIes around vs when there's not is the biggest telltale sign of this.

Women who weren't useful to maIe supremacy were killed off or brutalised into conforming. Women who conformed went on to reproduce.

This reddit post from the (rip) blackpillfeminism sub explains this concept so well:

This is all something that explains our environment. The war has been fought & the damage has been done. What we see/live today are consequences of the aforementioned. Moids have taken everything from women they are literal terrorists they wont change & cant be forgiven idgaf. Most we can do is save possible lives going through this by refusing to add to it.

Side note; I'm not saying this to absolve anybody of responsibility. In the end moids choose to be evil & women choose to love n worship them so long as other women to be shields are around. My point is about how maIe terrorism has shaped womens behaviour/being as a whole. Those who are separatists/blackpilled wouldn't reproduce so our ideologies & systems die when we die. Sure there's outliers of every batch so I dont think the concept entirely will die but it's maIe supremacy that has systems guaranteeing its ingrained continuation.

[kennysimp101]

i’m begging for an Aj imagine where he dates a (female) f1 driver for red bull and in the beginning his friends don’t believe that they are dating cause of how pretty she is 🙏🙏🙏

btw love your work 🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼

"No chance": Aj x reader ☁

A/N: Hello Anon!! Im not a big Aj girly but I love f1 so ofc I loved this idea. I tried my best but it's like I forgot how to write 😭

Also, thanks Love <33, appreciate all of yall, and sorry for the very late update

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You and Aj have been dating for 5 months. It's been amazing. You are a racer and this year you got signed with the leading team in F1, Redbull. You were overjoyed and had your first race in a week. You invited Aj and told him to get his friends along as well. 

A week later

The first GP was in Baku, and you had just reached. You went to your hotel and were planning to have lunch with Aj and his friends. You had never met them but you had watched a few of their videos when Aj showed you their channel, and you thought they were hilarious. Aj texts you to come downstairs. You go to the reception and you see Aj standing. “AJ!!” You shout and run over to hug him. You hadn't met in a week since you were so busy with practice. “Y/N, I missed you soo muchh” He says hugging you back. “Are we ready to go?” You ask about the lunch. “I just need to go to my room and wait for the guys to get ready too” He replies “Okayy, im just gonna go get ready as well” You both go into the elevator, Aj gets off on the 3rd floor, where u see his friends, wave slightly before the elevator goes to your floor.

Aj goes to his friends. “Your telling me you pulled her??” Kenny asks. “NO CHANCE MAN BROS LYING” Chunkz shouts louder than expected. “Yeah??” Aj replies confused to all the commotion. “Aj, you know your my friend right? Like we live together and im so close to you, but i call bullshit” niko says. “Aint no way shes your girlfriend, shes too pretty” sharky added on. “I cant believe this man. HOW DO YOU LOT NOT BELIEVE ME?” Aj gets upset. “Nice one bro, its gonna be a great video for you” Chunkz laughs and the rest join in. “I dont even care, just go get ready in 10 minutes for lunch” Aj says as he shakes his head and goes to his room.

10 mins later

All the guys meet up downstairs and are waiting for y/n. “Sooooo your “girlfriend” isn't here yet huh aj?” Niko says, air-quoting girlfriend. “She's coming omg guys believe me she's my girlfriend,” Aj says getting sick of his friends. “Right right we totally believe you bro,” Sharky says sarcastically. Then y/n comes out of the elevator “AJ!! Here!” you shout at him. “Y/N!!” He says back as you walk towards him and his friends. “Guys this is y/n my girlfriend, and y/n this is Niko, Chunkz, Sharky, and Kenny,” He said pointing at each one. “Hey guys, im glad I can finally meet you all!” you say while smiling. All the guys stand with their jaws dropped. “SEE I TOLD YOU!” Aj shouted at them. “What?” you say confused. One of them, you remember as Chunkz says “We saw you in the elevator before, and since youre soo pretty, we just assumed Aj was making this whole thing up as a prank, and we didn't believe him at all… Clearly we were wrong”. You laugh while Aj stands there pouting. “But why?” Kenny asks. “Cause y/n is beautiful, kind and ambitious af?” Aj says like it's the most obvious thing. “No I get that, i was wondering why she would choose you, she's literally a goddess-looking F1 driver, and you're a rat,” He says and all the boys laugh. “Awww, he may be a triangle, but he's a cute triangle” You reply which gets then laughing even more. Aj smacks your arm as you giggle. “She's funny too?? Damn Aj you got nothing over her” Niko says as all of you walk out to go to lunch.

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Kinda short so sorry about that, finals approaching BUT IM TRYING TO START POSTING AGAIN SOOO YAYY. Also I went off the story so many times lmaoo (Thats y the ending is shit sorry). Im gonna try and finish up all the requests I have soon, then I was probably gonna put some f1 fics (Open to requests too)

Anyways love yall <33

[astroninaaa]

Can I just.... cellbit suing these people on Twitter feels weird to me. Like they were just believing a potential victim and cellbit didn't exactly refute anything she said previously.

Like I fully believe cellbit and feel bad for him, but suing Twitter users that didn't know that sasa was lying is just odd to me. He should just sue sasa no?

okay yes yes yes yes this is a veeeery good point!!!! thats what i was saying in one of my previous posts - imo the BEST defense these people have is they were just trying to believe a victim, he never denied the claims, in some ways he even agreed with them! he admitted to making mistakes, said he got therapy and changed for the better! and he said all that regarding the accusations, so, like. it was easy to draw the implication that he was owning up to it.

the thing is that there was never any proof, never any investigation, never any judicial action taken against him, never even an official accusation, nothing. it was all sasa's words against his silence. and while yes people were just believing a potential victim, there are limits to things. i believed her for years. i didn't, however, harrass him online because of it. i think the only good way of understanding WHY he's suing specific people is to actually see the tweets, so i'll put some under the cut and talk about them:

[TWs: mentions of pedophilia, abuse, racism, sexual assault, domestic violence, suicide]

this says "here cellbit, a fan for you to abuse just like you did with sasa."

erm. erm. erm. i don't think i even NEED to say anything like what the FUCK is this about.

"Cellbit morally harrassed his ex, made nazi and pedo jokes in old minecraft videos and on twitter, now he changed and everyone likes him because he measures his words, why doesn't Forever get the same treatment? It's selective, admit it"

now, analogies to nazism and pedophilia are both crimes in brazil. this person is accusing him of both without even indicating any proof whatsoever? those are both very serious crimes with very serious punishments.

(i don't speak spanish bear with me. pls feel free to correct me if i translate it wrong)

"the hispanic QSMP community should ask itself if it's right to follow and support someone like cellbit, someone who abused his ex girlfriend, who is a racist and a pedophile, never apologized, and his fans say that his ex girlfriend doesnt want to keep talking about the topic but the truth is that she doesn't for people to keep associating her with something like cellbit, not that she wants people to forget what he did or to act like it never happened. being friends with roier doesn't mean he's a good person."

all the racism and pedophilia claims come mainly from a joke made over 10 years ago. again, he never got convicted of or investigated for anything. this is both difamação AND calúnia tbh

"people are calling him [forever] a pedo because he made a nasty joke lmaooo cellbit would beat the fucking shit out of his girlfriend and it doesnt matter, everything's okay lmaoooo i cant believe this"

there are actually quite a few tweets about cellbit supposedly beating his girlfriend up but sasa never claimed that he did that. she accused him of psychological abuse, not physical. so saying they were just "believing the victim" doesn't work with this accusation specifically, because they literally made it up and it doesn't match with any of her claims, specially back at the time when she hadn't accused him of sexual assault yet.

so interesting to see people literally admitting theyre accusing him of abuse without knowing the details

"people juggle like crazy to ignore the fact cellbit hit sasa, now understanding what Authentic said is impossible"

again, she never claimed he hit her. authentic is another minecraft youtuber who got canceled for saying homophobic stuff.

"is cellbit the one who abused sasa? i'm hoping he kills himself"

yeahhhhhhh there's over 200 of these.

the reason he's suing all these people isn't simply because they believed sasa - it's because they harrassed him. harrassed him, actively tried to harm his image, brought him up when he wasn't even a topic (like to defend forever or authentic) just to say he commited crimes without any proof that he actually committed. so while i think people will be able to say they were just believing the victim, the truth is that he has a lot of support to his claims of being accused of shit without proof. he even added documents to his action that prove he's never been investigated or sued for ANYTHING.

finally, regarding him suing sasa: i bet he will. i'm like, 100% he's already suing her. it's probably under judicial secrecy for now, and we might never get access to it, but,,,,, yeah. he's definitely suing her as well, i think he's just also taking action against people who harrass him online after seven years of taking it silently.

that's the overall i hope it made sense and wasn't too long asjkdbkajsbd still open to answer any other questions :)

[lyss-butterscotch]

After seeing your most recent post about HCs, im curious on what exactly you ment by how pebbles "cant bring himself to look at Moon when shes struggling physically"

I was wondering what she deals with, as i dont believe ive seen you go into detail on that!

I probably should address this because I fear it sounds kinda offensive.

What I wanted to say here is that this whole time Pebbles' view of an iterator life is essentially a mechanical god. Sure they have biological parts but they do not... live like biological life. Iterators are supposed to be computers, AIs, a mostly mechanical being with powers that potrays them as untouchable gods.

Moon's collapse truly was a slap of reality to him because hey HE'S suffering from the rot but he is still standing. He is not a perfect machine but he is still... untouchable in a sense. Moon's collapse made him realize truly how mortal they are as perceived untouchable gods. HE is mortal, Moon is mortal, and he just KILLED her.

And him, with all his godly glory, can do nothing to fix it.

Now that Moon is completely seperated from her structure, he can't help but be constantly reminded of this looming awareness of mortality. How ALIVE she is now. How she is no longer the untouchable god Looks to the Moon. She is... Moon, she's alive and she's LIVING. How she now have struggles like living biological life. She sometimes forgets things, she sometimes trips when she walks, she sometimes squints when looking at something far...

She sometimes gets hurt. She sometimes lets out a whine of pain. She sometimes shed blood like fluid from her wounds.

And him, with the luxury of still having his can, still having his powers, still having the choice to live as an untouchable god.

Would she have that luxury too if he hadn't underestimated her mortality?

[spamgyu]

Another thing about this hybe drama 👀.... I was thinking how was it affecting the idols and I realised as much i o would like to say svt is not affected at all is false 😭

Like I'm 100% sure the boys are gonna get soo over worked now

Like did u see how hybe didn't promote them at all 👀 and we had to do all the work!!!

I feel like it was all to try and divert the attention from the banning hybe songs movement. Cuz when we saw that hybe was lacking, we took the matter into our own hands. Like a lot of ppl stopped the movement. Because of tht move I think svt got a bit of extra streams, can also be termed as pity streams👀 because I'm 100% sure if they hadn't got the mistreatment it wouldn't have made us mad and made us stream them more

Next the concerts and all. Its jam packed !!!

The boys have no time to breathe 😭

I think all the groups under hybe is suffering especially the pop ones😭😭

Like if we don't count enhypen cuz they are overseas for concerts and lesserafim cuz of the 'cant sing' scandal.

Everyone else is getting dragged 😭

RM had to release and album he can't even promote, bonedo are trying to divert the attention of their fandom so is txt, like everyone is in shambles

I hate this, as much as I hated pledis, it was never this bad with them 😭😭😭 I hope hybe burns down to ground and leaves the poor poor souls of its artists alone 😭

-✨

I have been waiting for someone to bring the HYBE issue up in my inbox lol.....

I have my own "theory" as to why PLEDIS was even acquired by HYBE in the first place and it's a very obvious reason - especially at a business standpoint.

PLEDIS was acquired simply to "kill" the "competition". Take that information as you will. But we all know what I mean. SVT has a demographic in a country outside of Korea that is known to be VERY hard to break through. A country which HYBE artists do not have. I can go on and on as to why svt isn't promoted in the west as well.... but that topic may be a little iffy to post about.

I do have to say though, and this is by no means defending HYBE or PLEDIS, but this is in conjunction to my theory as to why PLEDIS was acquired in the first place: Seventeen has told us over and over again that they have a lot of say in their schedule. They are working non-stop but it's also under their approval. The contract has been reworked and I have no doubt that this time it's under their own terms. That being said I also do believe that HYBE doesn't care for promoting Seventeen in the west the same way they do with their other groups because well... that wasn't the reason as to why they were acquired.

I hate HYBE very much as the rest of svt stans and I hope they burn to the ground..... I feel terrible for all the groups under HYBE .... esp the backlash LSFM and NJ are receiving. It literally all boils down to selfish money hungry execs.

(As for RM I do genuinely think he released his album for the fans in by no means for streams or money but he loves music and he loves ARMY so he did it as kind of like... hey, I'm away but here's something from me)

[sarahsmileslikesarahd0esntcare]

A Poet Could Not But Be Gay — part 2

Part 1

Pairing: college!au Ellie Williams x f!reader

summary: You and Ellie text after you like her post and see each other in class again. You talk to each other, slowly growing closer.

word count: 2.1k

warnings: mutual pining, reader has no rizz, anxiety, English class

a/n: M (minors and men) DNI, please! Y'all I can't believe you guys gave me 34 notes on my first-ever fic!!! I'm literally on top of the world and it really motivated me to write another chapter so here it is!! 😁

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Ellie Williams: Hey stalker (;

You were frozen. Your breath had caught in your throat and you felt your entire body burning up as though you'd throw up at any second. Your phone screen had gone black by then and you only had time to blink before another notification came in.

Ellie Williams added you as a friend.

Finally, you were able to breathe. What the fuck is happening!? you thought. She has to be playing some kind of prank on me 'cause no one should be this cool about a random girl like a — how old was it? 5-week-old picture!

You decided that the best thing to do was to respond. She already knew you were online and you would only look more guilty if you ignored her. Ellie had caught you red-handed, sure, but she didn't need to know why you were looking her up. You started typing, probably taking way longer than you should to write a simple text.

you: hey! sorry i was just struggling with the homework and youre the only person i knew from that class so i looked you up

you: how are you handling the last minute assignment she sent us?

Really? A double text seconds after I was caught stalking her? I'm fucking dead. Every second that passed by felt like an hour. You were biting your nails, staring at the screen impatiently. She hadn't even seen it yet and you felt like she was judging you through the phone. After one minute, she opened the chat and started typing. Looking at those three taunting dots, you couldn't help but imagine all the texts she could be writing. Nightmarish thoughts were flying through your brain when her text finally appeared.

Ellie Williams: Oh fuck I hadn't even seen that email! What kind of psychopath of a teacher sends an assignment at 6pm?

You let out a relieved sigh, thankful she hadn't asked any questions regarding your lie. Your shaking thumbs started typing but you received another text.

Ellie Williams: And who even has a favourite poem to write 500 words about

Ellie Williams: Well you definitely do

You had to read that twice. She remembers about my poem. Your small smile grew into a grin, and the little exhale from your nose grew into a fit of giggles. You rolled onto your back before remembering you had to answer her.

you: im glad i was able to tell you about the assignment! and yeah i have a favourite poem and i absolutely LOVE telling people about it but i know how scatterbrained i can be so idk if ill be able to make sense

The two of you texted back and forth for a few minutes but your shyness held you back and your conversation eventually dwindled. After several minutes of radio silence on both ends, your phone vibrated again.

Ellie Williams: Well I'm gonna start writing that paper but I'll see you on Wednesday!

you: good luck with that!

you: cant wait to see you again :)

You held your breath, frightened by your boldness.

Ellie Williams: Don't miss me too much (;

You honestly thought you could have died at that moment. And there was that winking face again. You couldn't believe your clumsy mistake had led you to have an actual conversation! Outside of school! Sure it was mainly about your shared class but now it felt more personal. She wasn't just "Ellie, the hot girl from my poetry class" anymore. She was Ellie Williams, the charming girl you'd met in class and befriended and fell in love with and moved in with and married and — ok now. I shouldn't get ahead of myself. I don't even know her favourite colour yet. I don't even know if she likes girls, let alone me!

You decided that the best thing for you to do now was to focus on your assignment. It wouldn't take very long but at least it would keep your mind occupied for a little while.

Though the poem was about the beauty of nature and all it has to offer, you couldn't help but relate every verse to Ellie.

"they / Out-did the sparkling waves in glee" Ellie outdoes everyone and everything. There was not a single thing you could think of that you would rather look at than Ellie. There was no sound you'd rather hear than her laugh and no word you'd rather read than hers. I'm so fucking gay, it's ridiculous, you thought.

Some verses you felt rather poetic about, while others felt like they were describing the slight gay panic you'd had upon first seeing her, "I gazed — and gazed — but little thought". That's exactly how you'd felt. You'd stared at her sheer beauty and focused on nothing but her. The only thing you could remember from your time staring at her was the warmth that had formed in your belly and the tingling in your face.

You had known this girl for barely 8 hours and you could already see her in everything. Fuck, this is gonna hurt.

-------------------------------------

Tuesday was somewhat uneventful. You'd been awoken by your alarm once again and had rolled over to check your phone. You were barely awake when you saw that Ellie had changed your name on messenger to "y/n🌸". Has she been thinking about me? you thought with a grin plastered to your face. Before you had time to overthink, you quickly changed her name to "Ellie 😉".

Neither of you texted the other again until Wednesday. It was a cool and cloudy day meaning everything had grey undertones and you refused to let yourself darken because of some stupid clouds. That's why you chose to wear your long sleeve, bright yellow shirt underneath short, green overalls.

The sky might be grey and sad but I'm looking like a ray of fucking sunshine! you told yourself in the mirror. The colour you wore made you feel invincible, as though you could conquer the world and make it bright again.

Eventually, after an interminable lecture, you were sat at your seat in your and Ellie's shared class, awaiting the girl herself. To busy yourself, you started taking out your books and laptop, putting your pens neatly out onto your side of the desk. While you were distracted, Ellie walked into the class.

Ellie's thoughts

Ellie's mind was racing, trying to figure out what to say to you when she saw you. She knew she would say hi; that was a given. But what then? She didn't want to just be an acquaintance to you. She wanted to be on your mind as much as you were on hers, which was constantly. Dreams of you consumed her nights which she loved until she woke up and realized you had barely talked to each other.

When she walked into the classroom, she nearly froze in the doorframe. Of course, she thought, on a gross day like this, she has to look like a ray of fucking sunshine. It was as though you were trying to make her fall head over heels for you.

When she started walking normally again, your head popped up and a genuine smile graced your lips. Ellie felt like the Earth had stopped spinning and smiled back with false confidence. She sat down next to you and told you her scripted, "Hi," in her usual, honeyed voice, adding an improvised, "how you doing?", proud she hadn't stumbled over her words.

"Hi," you answered, voice quieter than hers, "I'm doing pretty good. I actually finished the assignment on time, so the semester's off to a good start!" you said with a laugh.

Ellie laughed back, happy you had initiated a topic so she would get to keep talking with you. "Wow! Three whole days in and no late assignments yet! I'm extremely impressed." she replied, the glee evident in her tone.

You giggled and said, "You should be!"

There was a beat of silence and she was scared you had run your conversation to its course before it had even started. Then you surprised her by asking, "How have you been?"

She looked up at you, taking a few seconds to admire every line and curve in your face. "Oh, you know," she said, "I've been busier now that school started up again but I've been good." She paused for a second and continued, "I haven't been too busy to figure it out though."

A smile crept onto your face and she thanked her lucky stars that she'd kept talking. "Figure what out?" you asked.

With slightly shaking hands she hoped you wouldn't notice, she reached out to your arm and pushed up the sleeve of your shirt to reveal the tattoo you'd shown her. "This," she said looking back up, her eyes boring into yours, "It's Wordsworth right?" You nod and she goes on, "That's a sick name for a poet. I read the poem and I have to say, you've got some good taste, pretty girl." The name just slipped out of her mouth. Her eyes widened and she noticed your smile falter. She pulled away from your arm.

She cleared her throat, trying to regain her composure but you spoke before she could, "I feel like with a name like that, he couldn't really go into any other profession, you know." you laughed dryly, clearly trying to ease the tension.

She laughed the same dry laugh and let out a quiet, "Yeah, he had to go into writing."

Luckily, your awkward moment only lasted a short time and Ellie was saved from any further embarrassment as your professor began her lecture.

About 30 minutes into the lecture, Ellie was flipping the pages of her textbook like crazy, trying to find the poem the class was discussing. She figured you had noticed her struggling because you tapped her on the arm and whispered the page number. She thanked you and started flipping to that page. In doing so, however, a page managed to slice through her skin, causing her to flinch and immediately suck on her cut.

She was cursing the paper when you tapped her arm again. She turned to you, finger still between her lips. You gave her a small smile and lifted something in your hand, "Do you need a bandaid?" you whispered. How could she say no when you were looking at her like that, big doe eyes full of concern.

She took her finger out of her mouth and agreed with a low, "Sure". Before she could do anything else, you grabbed her hand and wrapped the bandaid around her injured finger. Ellie could only stare at you, marveling at the care you gave to such a minor cut. "Thanks, y/n" she whispered. She thought she may have caught a glimpse of a blush on your cheeks but you had turned your head too quickly for her to tell for sure.

When she picked up her pen, she got her first good look at what you'd wrapped around her finger and laughed to herself. Of fucking course this personified beam of sunlight would carry around flower bandaids. I'm never taking this off. she thought as she admired her finger.

Back to your thoughts

You were looking up front but your mind was nowhere near whatever subject the professor was talking about. I touched Ellie! you though. Not the other way around! I touched her arm and then her hand! I'm gonna pass out. You were ecstatic, to say the least. You couldn't wait to call Taylor and tell her everything that happened during this second class with Ellie.

Soon enough, the class ended and you started packing your books. You got up, still giddy from excitement, and got ready to say goodbye to Ellie. She stood up after a few moments and spoke first, "So I was thinking," she said, her usual confidence seemingly vanished, "if you wanted to study or do assignments for this class, I'm free in the afternoon on Thursdays. We could meet in the library if you want. Or not even necessarily for this class, like, we could study for any class together if that was something you were interested in."

You gave her a quick open-mouthed smile. "Yeah!" you beamed, "Yeah that definitely sounds good. I know a secret spot in the library nobody ever goes to so we won't even need to worry about other people."

"Sounds great. I'll see you tomorrow then."

You both hesitated a little before moving to leave the classroom, and then again in the hallway, not sure of where the other was going. Seemingly amused by this, judging by the smirk on her face, Ellie put her hand on the small of your back, guided you in the direction you'd been headed in, and walked backward in the opposite direction.

"Bye, pretty girl!"

-------------------------------------

Part 3

a/n: I got a little carried away in this one... Did you see how much touching there was! Whoo, that was borderline smut! But I told you there would be more talking! Also, I am obsessed with Romantic poetry, specifically William Wordsworth so sorry if there was too much of him in this chapter but I really love his work! You guys should all read "I Wandered Lonely as a Cloud". It's a really short poem that may or may not have made me shed a tear. Anyway, leave any ideas you have for this story in the comments! I can't wait to see what you think!!

ps: lemme know if you wanna get tagged in the next one!

tags: @lonelyfooryouonly

[substantial-exposure]

Happy Bad Batch Day! This idea came in hot and it hasn't left me at all. I had to post a day late but shhh

This is just a Dasibri and Ventress lore drop lolz

Warnings: mentions of character death, lightsaber duel, impalement w a lightsaber, blasters and general angst?

-

The force occupied the space of Dasibris mind frequently. It would hum in her ears and trail in an out. It was comforting, steady, and reliable. But right here, and right now, as she stood on the other end of the island, it sang. With volume and decibel loud enough to make her ears ring and her head pound.

She had been enjoying the afternoon to herself. She'd taken a nice stroll around the fog covered island and taken a trip to the market. Within seconds the locally grown produce had become the least of her worries. Everything had been perfectly normal as she stood on the permacrete stone. And then the humming started. She had found that on Pabu there was never much need for concern. The nudging warnings from the force were usually for children running by or falling baskets. But this... this was something else. The usual humming turned sour, filling her ears with a noise so intense, it ached. All of her senses were on high alert. Her head felt just as foggy and dense as the island she stood on.

The force lacked its usual familiar gentle nudge it usually gave to guide her. Instead it felt as though it was pulling her, ripping her away and begging her to return back home. And what kind of Jedi would she be if she refused the force?

She bolted. The last time she felt an urgency like this... well she tried not to think about it. With her basket in hand, she ran through the streets. Robes and cloak flowing behind her as she called upon the force to aid her in speed and strength. What was going on? What could it possibly be?

Dasibri dodged people, carts, and children all during her mad dash back home. As she thought about what it could be, she didn't like where her head went. 'It's the Empire. They're here. Kriff, what if something happened to Crosshair? I cant lose him again. I cant. No wait! What if something happened to Omega? What if she got hurt? What if Omega is like seriously hurt? Can I save her? What if I cant stop it? I can stop it. Of course I can stop it. I have to." In her own self induced panic she found herself picking up speed until finally she let the force pull her to the entrance of the cavern by the shore.

Dasibri felt danger in the air, she felt it and then she could hear it. The sound of scuffling, of grunting, blasterfire, and then finally the constant and steady hum of a lightsaber.

Finally, inside the cave and seeing with her own eyes, Dasibri nearly doubled over from the sight. Crosshair, Wrecker, and Hunter wee huddled up and shooting at a woman with a yellow lightsaber. The air smelt of electricity. Her eyes narrowed in on that woman. Dasibri would know her anywhere. She would be able to know her while blind.

Asajj Ventress.

Without thinking, without any care or concern, disregarding the guilt and second guessing that had plagued her so long ago, Dasibri drew her saber from her belt. She hadn't even reached for it. Before she could even think it, her blade snapped into her hand. Bright emerald green light emanating from the blade and illuminated her face. She had reached out and she had already known it in her bones that this was not an illusion or trick and was just as real as the metal in her hand.

The two girls had crossed paths plenty during the war. Enough for a very personal distain to grow between the two. They had crossed paths again, even after Asajj had apparently "renounced the Sith". Something Dasibri didn't believe a word of. People could change but not like that.

It was a long time ago and by now it had felt like ages. It was Dasibri's most disgraceful act.

Within no time at all, their history of violence and detestation of eachother rose quickly. They had crossed blades once again and fought like they had so many times before, only this time, it was different. It had only ended once one of them was dead. Dasibri had lost herself in Vaapad.

She had let herself become an open channel to the force. It is truth to say that she had been enjoying this fight far too much. More than any Jedi should. She'd been so immersed in Vaapad, too eager to end this fight once and for all, that she didn't stop. She didn't allow herself to. There was a split moment in the force where she knew she could end the fight without bloodshed. But she didn't listen. The fight would only stop once her opponent was dead.

And that was exactly how Dasibri had left her. Dead.

She knew it wasn't right, she knew she shouldn't have wanted it. But as soon as she saw her lightsaber beaming through the stomach and protruding out the back of Asajj, she knew she had won. It scared her more than anything. It had felt like a victory, it almost felt good. It felt like that for a minute but after... that was a different story.

The murder had eaten her alive. She had sulked and contemplated it for months after it had happened. Was it a misstep or had it been fully intentional? Could it of been an influence from the dark side that she'd exposed herself to? Even she didn't know the truth. But Dasibri knew herself well enough to guess the answer. She had let it happen. It was wrong and she shouldn't have done it. She should of found a way to make peace, or even taken her in alive, but she didn't. Channeling the force in all of its whole left room for the darkness as well as the light. Back then she had still had her Master at her side. Mace Windu had dutifully helped her through it to the best of his ability. He had made sure that she used Vaapad instead of it using her. After the murder of Asajj Ventress Dasibri had become a husk.

But standing in this cave, watching Ventress go against her husband and his brothers, she simply didn't care. Watching Crosshair brace himself for impact as Ventress threw him to the ground, she disregarded it all. The Nightsister had kicked Hunter down and left him on the ground. Her saber drawn and ready. Dasibri took a deep breath and put aside all of that guilt and pain. She tuned out the memories of the path she had walked and of the nightmares that followed. Nights of anxiety induced nausea. Regret so deep that no amount of meditation could rid. Dasibri had been put through hell and yet without a second thought, she leapt right back into the fight to do it all over again. The same fight that had followed her throughout the war. The fight she tried for too long to forget.

But it didn't matter. It was the fight that she had never left.

She would go through it all again to protect them. To protect anyone. She would put her fragile heart between any evil and anyone it ever dared try to touch. Asajj Ventress was back from the dead and it seemed Dasibris methods would have to rise back up to the challenge.

Ventress' voice snaked its way into the ears of everyone present. "Dasibri Taraay. I should of known you'd be here" she spat. She didn't bother to fix her hair, it fell slightly before her eyes as she tried to stare down the Jedi a few feet from her. Her armored hand and arm dropped, subsequently dropping Wrecker who she had been suspending in a force grip. "Now contrary to what you might think, I wasn't the one who escalated this."

The woman's words left a trail up Dasibris spine. Her feet moved against stone and within the blink of an eye, Dasibri was full force swinging her blade. Every strike had the potential for a deadly final blow. Gone were the days of exquisite displays and grandiose technique.

"I thought you died a long time ago." Dasibri muttered out. Her green blade held off the yellow one that was being thrown her way. "Then again... I'm not surprised you found a way to kark that up too" she grumbled.

"Dasibri..." Ventress said as if scolding her. The yellow blade slid off from the deflection. "How unbecoming of you." She said smoothly as the other woman swung at her. Ventless held her own saber and used it to hold off the attack. "It seems you really missed me." She chuckled.

The Jedi wasn't sure what to say in response. Something witty, something threatening. But all she could think about was her inner calling to vanquish the threat that lied in front of her.

Ventress pushed back her blade and let Dasibri take a few staggering steps back. The Jedi tried to keep her feet planted into the ground, she used it to hold herself and push herself forward. However the 'bounty hunter' called upon the force and leapt into the air, shooting herself backwards a few yards and taking stance. Ventress twirled her blade and looked across the cave to the Jedi.

The dance was on and the fight continued.

The Nightsister held her ready stance as she spoke. "I find it intriguing they called me for help." She chuckled and looked down through her lashes. "Couldn't figure it out then hmm?" Ventress said circling the Jedi. The two women circled eachother slowly, waiting for the other to strike. And for a moment, neither of them did.

"What are you doing here?" Dasibri asked her and looked down the length of her green blade.

Ventress cocked her head upwards, a smirk plastered over her dark lips. She looked smug as ever, happy to have a victory over the other girl. "Fennec reached out. It appeared you and your battalion of clones here had some questions." She said as she got closer. The circle was growing smaller, they were getting closer now. "I find it hard to believe that you had no idea about the kid." She continued. "Losing your touch, huh? Or was this a trap all along? Why didn't you tell them the truth?" She asked looking between the Jedi and the three soldiers that stood on the sidelines watching.

"I'm not an idiot." Dasibri answered. "Of course I knew." She grumbled and finally made the move to strike. Ventress immediately moved to deflect it. They continued on like that for what felt like a lifetime. Their altercation illuminated the cavern with sparks of lights. "I thought I'd finally gotten some peace and quiet from you." Dasibri said again after a moment. "How are you... how are you even here?" She had asked as Ventress held her blade tightly.

The Nightsisters blade was held against the Jedis, they intersected right before their faces. Ventress spoke happily. "You may have ended one life... but I have enough left to finally finish you off." Her threat almost sounded like a promise.

Dasibri looked at her. "Maybe... but you're going to need them all for that." She had said warningly. This fight would last until they tired themselves out and began to slip up. That was how it would always go. Until their were called off, maimed, or killed.

Ventress knew she could redeem herself in this moment. She could end the life that had taken hers. Finally, another point on the board. But even now she didn't agree with that sentiment. Maybe this didn't have to end this way. It was odd for her to have such revelations in the middle of a battle. She wasn't exactly the forgiving type. Especially under the circumstances when staring at the woman who kriffing killed her.

As Dasibri sank further into Vaapad, losing herself inside the fight in more ways than one, her blade moved wickedly fast. Ventress had remembered just how fast once she had to counter each and every strike. She couldn't even see which direction the Jedi's saber was coming from, it felt like it was coming from everywhere all at once. She found herself relying on feeling where it was, rather than seeing.

The rocks hadn't gotten any less algae slicken, and Dasibri used the strength she pulled from all areas of the force, to make the Nightsister back up towards them. Dasibri used strength and will alone to back the renounced Sith into a corner.

Hunter, Wrecker, and Crosshair all stood on the side lines. Watching with their mouths agape in horror. This was... not the average fight. They hadn't seen this side of Dasibri since the war. Even then she seemed to be consumed in her form of practice. Crosshair was worried. Very worried. He had no way of helping but he wasn't quite sure what he could even begin to do to help.

Fast footsteps reverberated through the cavern. Omega and her trusty side-kick Batcher had both come bolting into the cave. The young girl held a white flower in her hand, high over her head and she waved it joyously. "I got the-" she had begun to say long before her eyes finally registered what was going on.

Her eyes widened in shock. Dasibri held Ventress against the rocks, there was barely a breath of space between them. The light of their sabers were bright in the cave as the night sky darkened and the sun disappeared from outside. Omega watched as Dasibri pressed further on with her blade, which in turn brought Ventress's blade even closer to her own face. The Nightsisters expression turned into a scowl.

"What's going on in here!" Omega nearly yelled. Her voice and volume demanded an answer. She stood a step back, distancing herself from the fight. Her gaze faltered between the bounty Hunter, Jedi, and her brothers.

Crosshair and Hunter both had dashed across the cavern to stand in front of the girl. Their guns raised and ready just incase Ventress managed to find an out and try to hurt the girl. Of course she never would of dreamed it but the clones certainly didn't know that.

Omegas voice seemed to snap the Jedi back to reality.

"She was helping us! Dasibri! What are you doing?" She asked loudly. Omega shoved her way between Hunter and Crosshair, standing in front of them and begging the Jedi to come to her senses and explain what had transpired inside the cave.

"Helping you? Omega, do you know who this is?" Dasibri said looking over her shoulder to glance at the girl. "She doesn't help people. She kills them." The Jedi explained and turned her gaze back to the woman held up against the rocks.

"and you don't!" Omega argued back. She took a few steps closer. She didn't notice Crosshair try and reach out after her and pull her back, he had missed her by an inch. "Dasibri you're a Jedi! You don't kill people" the girl said moving closer. Omega met eyes with Ventress. "You were helping me right?" She had asked.

Ventress let out a gruff from the effort of trying to keep Dasibri at bay. Her voice was strained as she spoke. "You asked me to test you. That was exactly what I was doing" she said turning her gaze to the Jedi above her. As the light reflected in Dasibri's eyes, Ventress lifted her leg and managed to knee the girl in the stomach and use the momentum to kick her back. While sending the other girl a few stumbling steps backwards Ventress sent herself airborne for a single second. Enough time to perch herself on top of the rock she'd just been held against. "I came here to help." She repeated looking the Jedi in the eyes. "That is all." She clarified.

Dasibri stood panting.

That was when the most surprising thing could of happened. Ventress turned off her saber and stood to her full height. Dasibris eyebrows knit in confusion.

"I never came here to fight. I had no idea you'd even be here." The Nightsister confessed as she jumped down and stood before the other woman. "Why don't.. why don't we talk." She said cautiously. This had been a feud that had spanned years now. And it seemed now, if Dasibri allowed it, they could both throw in the towel and call the whole thing off. It was the right thing to do. The Jedi thing to do.

But deep down, Dasibri didn't know what action to take. She could feel the aura radiating off of Ventress and it seemed genuine. This could end. Distant memories came to light. She remembered a very important lesson she'd learned once. The battle of Geonosis could of been thwarted by a single death. Mace Windu had once said "It could happen again. It will happen again." And everyday Dasibri made sure that she remembered it. If you are going to strike, make sure it's enough. She never wanted to hold a regret of that caliber. She wouldn't let herself be deceived.

She wasn't stupid enough to trust blindly.

Then again, in what universe did this make sense? Asajj Ventress trying to negotiate peace? That was the realization that brought Dasibri back to her feet and finally close her blade. When all choices seem wrong, choose restraint. And that was exactly what she did.

She clipped her hilt back onto her belt.

-

There's a part two for this in the works rn (as in the mental aftermath, it's just angst)

[pregnantseinfeld]

I believe that I made a post like this last year (though i can't find it because of how bad tumblr's search feature is), so here are some books I read in 2022 that I'd recommend!

Black Reconstruction in America By W.E.B. Du Bois

I started this in late 2021. It's a big thorough book but this is so it can carefully dispel every myth about the period, while also using these details to demonstrate a bigger picture: revealing just how much was gained in a short time, and how massive a squandered opportunity it's end represented. I'll have to write more about this sometime because this history is so engrossing that even seemingly minor tangents it takes somehow made me drastically rethink aspects of present day politics. (pdf)

Capital Volume 1 by Karl Marx

Another tough one I'd started the year prior, I don't want to scare anyone off but I suggest looking into some kind of supplementary material online when tackling it. There's not much I can say that others haven't of course, so I'll leave it at this, once I put in the effort and it clicked, I felt... It's as if somebody told you just now for the first time that living things are made up of cells. I hope that makes sense. (pdf)

Open Veins of Latin America by Eduardo Galeano

Read this one feverishly, it never hit me until this book how little I knew about this huge portion of the world. While as a historical text it is great, it's also is an excellent teacher on subjects like resource extraction and underdevelopment by using concrete examples. It builds a foundation to understanding the ways"wealthy" countries exploit "poor" ones. (pdf)

The Dawn of Everything by David Graeber and David Wengrow

As the fear around climate change understandably mounts there is also a growing need to combat eco-fascist rhetoric. This book takes on the misconception that the day we planted too many seeds in one place we became doomed to an unavoidable demise by offering interesting examples from our extremely long journey as a species. It's a book about how much more complicated we are, and how many unique directions we've taken. We are far from predestined for failure because of Mesopotamian farmers. (pdf)

Other Honorable Mentions!

Blackshirts and Reds by Michael Parenti (pdf) is a quick read and offered worthwhile new insights I hadn't considered, even if I was spoiled on the coolest passages from years of them floating around tumblr. A James Connolly Reader edited by Shaun Harkin is a great collection that got me really into Irish revolutionary and socialist James Connolly who was extraordinarily insightful and is not talked about enough!!! Since I cant find the book itself here's an online collection of his writing. Lastly Shame and Endurance by H. Henrietta Stockel (internet archives) is an account of the Chiricahua Apache's 27 years of imprisonment, a too often overlooked atrocity, that uses sources from this time period to document just how obviously observably cruel this situation was.

[sexydreamgirl]

i feel sad because i don’t really believe in the law anymore and cant even be bothered to test it out since i think it’ll be for nothing, like, i know i can get what i want and ive gotten to manifest stuff in the past but those same things couldve easily been a bunch of coincidences specially since theyre not rlly important and wouldve happened anyway even without me trying (as in, good grades for example)

part of me feels like im missing out by not giving it a chance, theres so many things id love to do and have but i really cant bring myself to believe in manifestation anymore after almost four years of nothing, itll probably give me peace of mind to just accept this isnt a thing and give up but idfk, what if it is?? i dont have motivation to learn, i cant believe anything neville or any of these blogs are saying and it sucks because i really want this to be true

sorry this probs doesnt make much sense im sleep deprived rn, where should i go from here,,,,??

I think the last thing you want to hear right now is to give it another chance and keep going, but I'm afraid that's precisely what I would advise. I wouldn't be here investing my time into two blogs with posts and your questions answered if I hadn't tested the law out for myself and proven it to be true. That would be a waste of my time and yours. If you choose to no longer believe in the law and you're done with it, that's completely fine. Go right ahead. But if this is really something important to you, you won't accept what you don't want.

[paleairlesscompanion]

Lost Sterek Fic Please Help!

TW: Fic contains past non-con/rape

I've posted this to Lost Fics in reddit but I'm desperate so posting here too.

I need help finding a Stiles Stilinski/Derek Hale fic that I remember certain details/plot points of, but no idea what the title was. I've put the various layers of details I remember below. I've been trying to find it forever - please help me before I go insane!

GENERAL:

- Was definitely on ao3

- Was definitely third-person Stiles POV

- I THINK it was about 2000-2500 words but it could have been longer

- I read it several years ago, pre-2018 if not earlier

- Main premise was that Stiles had been sexually assaulted in his early teens but hadn't been able to process what happened to him as being actual rape. He is then triggered when being intimate with Derek, but Derek actually stops when he asks which brings the trauma to the surface. Derek explains that what had happened to Stiles wasn't his fault, hurt/comfort etc.

MAIN PLOT POINTS:

- Stiles and Scott go to party

- Stiles ends up being raped by older girl (starts as consensual making out)

- Girl gaslights Stiles 'of course you want this/all guys want sex'

- Stiles is ashamed, doesn't tell Scott or anyone else what happened

- Few years on, Stiles exaggerates his crush on Lydia Martin to hide his trauma around intimacy/sex

- Meets Derek (canonical age difference), and actually wants to be intimate with him

- They make out but Stiles is triggered and wants to stop

- Derek DOES stop, Stiles asks why, Derek says because Stiles told him to

- Derek respecting his 'no', when the highschool girl hadn't, brings all the trauma/confusion to the surface and Stiles panics and runs

- Derek goes after him, Stiles tells him about his assault, and Derek explains that what happened to Stiles was rape and that it wasn't his fault

- Stiles cries in Derek's arms, Derek is very protective/tender

Super specific details under the cut

SPECIFIC DETAILS:

- Stiles and Scott are early teens (middle school age?) and sneak out at night to go to a highschool party

- It is Scott's idea - Stiles is worried about how angry/disappointed his dad will he if he finds out but goes because his friend wants to

- Scott leaves Stiles alone at the party (I think to go off with some cute girl from one of their classes)

- Stiles feels awkward and out of place surrounded by popular older kids he doesn't know

- He is approached by a hot older girl, and is mostly very flattered that she's showing an interest in him when he's so young/'uncool'

- She is some kind of athlete on a school team

*(I could have sworn it was the girls volleyball team, but this hasn't narrowed my search results so now I'm not sure)*

- They end up in one of the bedrooms alone and begin making out on the bed

- Stiles cant believe this is happening and is excited and willing at first when it's just kissing

- She ends up on top of him and starts escalating from making out to full on sex

- Stiles becomes uncomfortable and wants her to stop -- I can't remember if he says 'no' or 'stop' or 'I don't want this' but he definitely protests

- She is too physically strong (athlete) for Stiles to push her off -- there's a line about Stiles realising the strength hidden in her toned body and being afraid instead of turned on

- She dismisses his protests -- says something about 'don't be silly, of course you want this'/makes a comment about how all guys want sex (may have also said something about it being his lucy day and/or how many boys can say they lost their virginity to a hot older girl? i.e. bragging rights)

- She stays on top of him and rapes him - he's gone into a Freeze response, not participating but unable to stop her

- I can't remember if he comes or not

- She leaves him there - says something like "you're welcome", definitely keeps up the whole 'not even considering he wasn't willing' thing

- It takes him a while to un-freeze, when he does he's shaken but he cleans and dresses himself

- He finds Scott downstairs all happy/blushing with the cute girl from earlier

- I think there's a line about how different Stiles feels from Scott i.e. they entered the party as dumb kids but now Stiles has been changed by his experience, while Scott has stayed the same

- Stiles does not tell anyone what happened

* he's been messed up by what she said to him, lots of self-doubt, like he must have reacted that way because there's something wrong with HIM. Possibly alluded to the whole 'men cant get raped' bullshit. Worried no one will believe he didn't want it *

- The next part is more general description of the next few years going into highschool (and Scott getting turned etc cannon stuff)

- Stiles is super uncomfortable with his peer's increasing focus on sex now that they're all older

- SUPER SPECIFIC LINE but I can't remember the exact wording, something about guys thinking about sex every 7(?) seconds, and that Stiles also thinks about it that often but for a very different reason (trauma)

- He's terrified of being intimate with anyone, but since everyone else is focused on dating/sex, he tries to appear that way so no one knows how fucked up/traumatised he feels about all of it

- It's common knowledge he's had a crush on Lydia since they were little kids so he plays it up his attraction to her (canonical stuff about everyone knowing he's infatuated with her, making embarrassing public declarations about her, etc.)

- She is a safe bet as he knows she would never go for him/reciprocate anything, and his antics stop anyone else from showing interest in him

- There's a line I can't remember the exact words to, something like 'everyone knew Stiles was in love with Lydia Martin, so of *course* he wanted to have sex with her'

- There's also mention of Scott meeting Alison, being super into her and all the PDA -- It makes Stiles feel nauseous (trauma response)

- I can't remember the particulars of how Stiles and Derek end up being interested in each other but they do

- They're in a room in the abandoned Hale house and are going to make out

- I'm pretty sure there's a bit about how Stiles actually wants Derek, and how significant that is when he hasn't been able to feel attraction since what had happened to him -- and he's psyching himself up because he WANTS this and he doesn't want to start feeling scared/disgusted/etc, he wants to be normal and enjoy being with the guy he likes

- They're making out, I can't remember if it's Derek being on top of him, or if Derek goes to put his hand over Stiles cock through his jeans, but something triggers Stiles

- I think there's a line that draws a parallel to him behing young and weak against the athletic rapist, and him being older/bigger now but even more helpless against a werewolf with supernatural strength

- He freezes and says something like 'no' or 'stop'

- Derek stops IMMEDIATELY, takes his hands off Stiles and moved back to give him space

- Stiles is still frozen but is even more thrown that Derek had actually listened and stopped

- I can't remember the exact wording of the exchange but Stiles asks why Derek stopped, and Derek answers because you told me to but like it's the most obvious thing in the world

- It brings up all the buried shit for Stiles, because if Derek listened to him now it means the girl should have listened to him back then and it overwhelms him and he runs out of the house to his jeep

- Derek doesn't understand but knows something is very wrong and goes after Stiles

- They end up in the Jeep together -- I THINK Derek catches up with the Jeep as it's driving through the woods and Stiles slams the breaks OR Stiles is so hysterical when he reaches the Jeep thar he can't get the keys into the ignition and Derek finds him there

- Derek is very slow with his movements getting in the car and doesn't touch Stiles

- Stiles eventually starts to spill everything about his assault, but the way he describes it is through the lens of all the fucked up self-blame he has had about it

- Derek becomes obviously furious, he's mad at the rapist but Stiles sees the anger and looks terrified as though Derek is going to do something to HIM (trauma response)

- Derek deliberately calms himself because he does not want to spook Stiles

- Again, I don't remember the particulars but Derek gently explains that Stiles was assaulted, that it wasn't his fault, that it never should have happened to him, that she should have listened

- He ends up holding Stiles while he sobs and I THINK there's mention that he's going to encourage Stiles to tell his dad

[jennilah]

Happy NYE! Every year I enjoy taking a moment to write a somewhat lengthy roundup of my year, good and bad. Its a moment for me to reflect and summarize & expand on things that in hindsight ended up being bigger moments than it felt at the time

like always, I dont want anyone to feel like you have to compare your successes to mine. I simply enjoy being an open book. I like reading other people's personal posts too ♥

This year was incredible for me. This was the year of taking back my life after covid took the last two years. Vaccinated & approaching things as safely as possible according to health guidelines, I was able to do things again, and boy what good things they were!

First off, this was the first full calendar year that I've spent in the new apartment. I swear, this accounts for at least a third of my happiness this year. I can't believe I've already lived here for over a year now, it feels like I just moved in yesterday, and yet I can't believe I dealt with my old apartment for as long as I did. Even thinking about how much that place sucked ass ruins my mood, no wonder my mental health was TANKING when I had to work from home there.

New apartment, new me. This place is incredible and I really feel like I can breathe and live how I want to. Working from home is actually nice instead of unbearable (I now work in a hybrid system, home for a few days and in-office for a few days, since I like aspects of both equally.)

First things first, right away in January I got my first VR headset and I absolutely love it to pieces. That opened up a whole new hobby for me, going into VR and exploring and making whole ass new friends in VRchat. I just think it's so fucking rad and I am so glad i bought the headset.

I then joined a new private art community (lmao that sounds so nefarious. I promise it isnt. I just get to have 1 secret, okay?) that has been so fun and really uplifted my mood at the start of the year, and it continues to be very fun! I am so glad I joined!!!

In fact, that very community helped a lot when it came to silencing my two-year-long streak of "Hell Brain", what I affectionately call the daily swirling anxious thoughts in my head that constantly echo when I dont have a special interest to occupy my daydreams. (Reminder: I am autistic! I am using the term in the autistic sense. By this point, i hadn't had a special interest/hyperfocus in years and I was having a really hard time silencing the Hell Brain on my own.)

It wasnt a perfect solution but it helped a lot, at least. It also drew me even closer to an already-close friend! bonding, yay! and I have met some really cool new people in that community too, who I really hope to keep connecting with!!

I also started to get real about my physical health, trying to eat healthier and exercise more.

Then, the summer of a lifetime began.

(First of all, I saw so many fucking movies. I love going to the movies, and I ate well this year!!! so many amazing films came out.)

I had my first salary negotiation with my bosses, and it went so well that they even asked the higher-ups for more money than I asked for. Because they were super cool, and I guess they wanted to make it very clear how much they appreciate me too. They have already made it extremely clear already how much they value my opinions and skillset, but translating that appreciation to $$ was certainly a bonus.

Then, my fucking god, Top Gun: Maverick finally came out and it has felt like a dream ever since. I couldn't believe- I still can't believe the reception it has gotten. My head is in the clouds. I'm floating. I'm every happy feeling, okay? I wonder if I will ever work on something like that again, that becomes such a worldwide phenomena like this. Completely utterly blown-away. I saw the movie 3 times in theaters myself, so I cant say I'm too shocked. I loved it too!!! I am so proud and just... amazed.

Shortly after, I got to fly home and see my family again for the first time since 2019. I made the most of it. It was one of the most fun trips home I ever had. It was even more fun that I got to see Top Gun with my parents, and I got to finally talk about it with people. It was also fun being home in the summer, hanging out outside, pool parties, BBQ... perfection. I love the vibes of summer nights.

I came back to Montreal refreshed, and then Con Season started up. Comic/Anime cons are probably my favorite events ever, and I was very sad not being able to go to any in the last two years. So it felt amazing to go back again (and buy a lotttt of nerdy stuff lmao)

I even went to a virtual convention in VR! lmao. it was super cool though!

I went to a Woodkid concert for the first time. It was incredible. It also felt like a dream. A+, would go again. Absolutely love his music.

My cousin visited me here in Montreal! That was so much fun. She's the closest thing to a sister to me, and we hadn't hung out just the two of us alone since we were kids. We went to Osheaga, my first music festival, and that whole experience was incredibly fun. It was great hanging out with her and catching up and everything, and I am so glad we got to go to the festival together.

She also helped me try weed for the first time LOL

She taught me how to properly use a bong. I have since switched to a dry-herb vaporizer, but indeed this is a new sort of hobby thing that has slotted into my life this year as well.

It has actually been quite lovely for tackling my aforementioned Hell Brain and anxiety, and also just for funsies.

Then, Prey came out, and I consider it another absolute win. Two movies I worked on that came out in the same year, that have both been critical and fan successes??!!! I am so, so happy. Will lightning strike like that again next year? We will just have to see!

Then there was a really fun street food festival that I thoroughly enjoyed for hours and hours on end. And Splatoon 3 came out, which I also enjoyed for hours and hours on end.

I definitely heavily mourned summer ending, because as you can tell, I was having a lot of fun cramming in events before the weather could turn.

But, like, that's kind of okay because I had no idea that my two year long streak of not having a special interest was about to change VERY suddenly lmao

This October I worked up the courage to really dive into slasher films, like I tried doing last year. (Last year I only really worked up the courage to watch the first Halloween, lol)

and, well, oops. you know what happened next.

(In case it isnt clear: they took hold of my brain and have been squeezing the juices out every day since october. meaning: I FINALLY have a new special interest! It's not something I choose, it's not something I plan, it just happens. and while sometimes fandom drama can wear me down, I am ultimately at my happiest when I have an active special interest. It gives me something to fill my brain, it gives me something that I am excited to draw, I have so much fun talking to other fans and enjoying memes, I discover new music, old music has new meaning again for new characters.... I missed this feeling so much. It feels so good it makes my chest feel tight, like I have butterflies in my stomach. I never know how long it will last, but it's not going away soon thats for sure)

So, I've obviously been having a lot of fun with my new blorbos and my new hobbies. Sometimes I smoke a little weed while rewatching Friday the 13th films, it's so much fun haha

Then, late November, I was accepted into the Visual Effects Society. That is more of a personal badge of honor. It's something I've been wanting to do since college, so as soon as I hit the required 5 years of industry experience I applied. I got in! I am excited to check out some of the more exclusive membership perks and events, but for the most part I am just proud of the achievement. I remember when 5 years felt like a lifetime to wait to apply.

I have been working on some more extremely cool things at work that I can't wait to share. Unfortunately I am waiting for a whopping three films to come out with a trailer. Cmon, hollywood!! You're killing me!!!!! I am so excited for those movies to come out, it's eating me alive not being able to say anything.

At least the Transformers: Rise of the Beasts trailer is out. That was a fun 'un. (But I want the trailers for the other things too!!!!)

And to round off the year, I just got back to MTL after finally spending Christmas at home with my family for the first time since 2019. That felt really special. I got to see everyone in the summer, yes, but our traditional family christmas get-together is what I look forward to every year and I was so glad to be able to do it again.

And there you have it. A much, much, much happier year than the last two.

My new year's resolution is to keep going with the physical health habits and to not fall off the wagon. It's also to keep living my life and go to more events to make next year feel just as full and eventful as this one was. Hang out with my friends more. Watch more of my silly little movies.

I'd also love to try to plan a trip outside of montreal, maybe to Toronto or something. I want to go on a real vacation trip alone again (or with friends.) I think that would be really fun!

[nopefer-art-tu]

OH MY GOD I CANT BELIEVE I ALMOST MISSED POSTING ABT BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN'S ANNIVERSARY???? im gonna get mushy here so if yall wanna skip this go for it i wont hold it against you lol but this movie means a lot to me (if u cant tell) and id just kinda like to share a little bit abt why

I remember when I first saw Brokeback, I'd been either a junior or senior in high school, and I had watched it with my ex. I literally have no clue how we got to watching it or who proposed we watch it in the first place, but I remember that even back then I had been incredibly moved by the story.

Cut to 5-6 years later, and in January of this year I'd been in the midst of a really, super dark depression thanks to some health issues that I've been dealing w for awhile now. It made it so that on top of COVID, I wasn't rly getting out of the house for anything but school, and even then doing that took a really big toll on my anxiety. So basically, from the time that the 2021 winter semester had ended for me in early December, to when school started back up again for the spring in late January, I hadn't left the house at all.

In mid January, like a week before school started back up for me, I was scrolling through Hulu, bored out of my mind and also trying to find something to occupy my time and thoughts w bc I'd been going stir crazy, and I saw that Brokeback had been listed again. I kinda lingered on it because I remember phil (@/senditothemoonn) had watched it like a month or two before and she had started talking abt it in our group chat and posting quotes abt it and stuff, and it had been awhile since I'd seen it so I was like hey! What the hell! Lets give it a watch, its time I watch it again anyways.

And like. Something happened to the world for me after that viewing. It was like it had blown apart, and when it came back together it was completelty rearranged for me.

I'm not entirely sure why that time around the movie has such a deep, DEEP impact on me when I had seen it before, and had been very touched by it back then. I think its partly that a. I never used to watch movies with subtitles, and so before I realized that I probably have issues with the way my mind processes sound, a lot of movie dialogue just kinda. Didn't get internalized by me for some reason? Even now when I rewatch old faves that I haven't seen with subtitles, I'm always astounded by what the hell theyre saying because I had never rly picked up on it before, lol.

And like...I mean if you've seen the movie then you already know this, but their accents and dialect are kinda hard to get through. ESPECIALLY when it comes to Heath as Ennis. Which isn't in any way a jab at him, I think every part of his performance is super thoughtful and well-crafted and every acting choice he makes serves the character in only positive ways. But when you already have issues processing audio, and when you have a character who's jaw is perpetually cleched so tight that the words literally have to "fight" their way out of his mouth, its just like. Not the best combination lol.

And so this time around when I saw the movie, I saw it with subtitles and it opened up a new dimension of the film to me. Honest to God, the first time I watched the movie, I had no idea that the shirts at the end were so signifigant because Jack had stolen Ennis'. I guess the first time I saw it, I didn't catch the part where Ennis talks about having left his damn shirt up there, and Jack just kinda shrugs it off and changes the subject. When I saw that moment this time, it didn't really strike me as anything important until the movie got to the end and you realize that Jack had kept the shirts all those long 20 years and UGH. I literally remember screaming with tears in my eyes, thats what happened to the shirt! There they are! And then when I saw that Ennis had put his shirt over Jack's to hang together on his closet door for the rest of his life? Dead. Dead, I was literally stabbed in the heart 50 million times and killed dead. I'd never made those connections before and now that I had I like. got it, yanno? I got why this was an oscar winner, and why people were sk devastated by its best picture loss. Not that I hadn't before, but it just hit so much harder.

So yeah, the subtitles probably had a lot to do w why its stayed lingering in my mind for a long while, but I also think its because in a few ways it kind of spoke to me and made me think about my health issues and the self-imposed quarantine that I'd put myself through for the better part of a year at that point.

To me, the whole story is about regret, about not taking the chances we have while we have them and having to learn to live with knowledge of the things we didn't let ourselves do and the memories we didn't let ourselves make.

I hadn't seen a lot of my family for awhile at that point because I just didn't want to be out of my house, and its only been recently that I realized how much life I've missed out on living for a good year and a half-ish or so. And like yeah, I have a reason, my health issues and super aggressive anxiety have kinda put me through the ringer. But I dunno like. I kind of empathized and related to Ennis' character in a really odd way, because he also let his fear control what he did and especially what he did not do, and for that, he ended up living a half-life and missed his chance of getting to spend his time with the person he loved the most.

For me, the fear of regret is one of my biggest motivators in doing literally anything. I've realized I don't want to end up like Ennis, isolating myself from my loved ones and missing out on the chance for love and life because of some issues I have. And I mean its not like they're not real issues. Just like the fears that motivated Ennis' actions, theyre very real concerns. But since seeing the movie, I've been a lot more proactive about seeing doctors and trying to get this shit fixed up, because I don't want to end up wasting my life away. I wanna find my Jack, and I wanna be happy, and I wanna live.

Anyways. Happy 17th birthday to my favorite movie in the world <3

[jadeisbetterrrr]

amity save hexsquad

(amity stayed in the demon realm and the hexsquad is getting attacked by a spy in the forest)

its a breezy afternoon in the boiling isles,. until a blue star spy starts chasing after the hexsquad (except amity)

"what is this thing?!" hunter yelled. "what makes you think i know!" gus responded, luz is using glyphs to defend everyone. luz ran out of glyphs until an abomination wall covered everyone.

someone ran in front of them, they had a hood, everyone looked confused, they couldn't see their face and they js all stood there in awe. luz felt like she knew this person, these fighting movements felt similar, too similar. everyone's minds went blank as they saw this random person with a black oversized hoodie on. after the collectors spy was taken down, the mysterious figure took down their hoodie.

as they pulled it down, light purple hair with roots growing out revealed. it was a girl. she hadn't realized the people behind her as she realized they might've been tourists. she was still catching her breath and moved her hair out her face, revealing a scar, one on each ear. she fixed her hair and put her hands in her pockets as she finally turned around. more shock and relief washed over the teen's faces as they realized it was the one and only, amity fucking blight. as she turned around she realized the 5 people behind her. shock overtook her face.

"amity?" luz whispered. camilla then realized who this girl really was to everyone, her daughter mentioned a girlfriend that stayed back in the demon realm. "luz?" luzs face was overcome with a smile as they started running towards eachother as amity jumped in her arms and was being twirled around, like they used to. "wha- w-why- how!?" amity said, her brain lagging as she couldn't believe these people were here. once luz got a closer look she realized her girlfriend who once had a babyface and a light blush on her cheeks, now had eyebags and a scar trailing down above the middle of her jawline, near her lips.

"its a long story, oh my gosh i thought something horrible happened to you." luz said, bringing amity into another embrace. "luz, you know nobody could ever lay a finger on me, im too fast." she responded with, luz chuckled as she connected her lips to amitys, grabbing her cheeks as she pulled their faces together. "js- js look away for a bit" willow whispered. everyone's gaze went to the floor or the sky. as they pulled away, both their faces stained red, they smiled as they looked in eachothers eyes. and then luzs face went to her girlfriends scars. she frowned a bit as amity noticed and said "i'm okay sweet potato" "a-are you sure? doesnt it hurt?" luz replied, stroking it with her thumb. "no luz, i promise." amity assured.

"ahem" hunter "coughed". amity moved her face, annoyed as her eyes saw hunter, they widened at all the scars on him. she brushed it off as hunter started saying. "if you two lovebirds are done flirting now, we would like to get going" amity then stuck her tongue out at him as she let go of luz and went to say hello to her best friend willow. and luzs mom. as they got all of that sorted out, amity explained the new hexside thing and she was the ruler, appointed by the students as she was out here for a simple mission. "is that where you got your scars from?" willow asked. "some, but not all" as they strolled through the forest and their way back to hexside luzs hand found its way to amitys, she forgot how cold they always were, it gave her a chill but she liked the feeling of her snug hands coming in contact with amitys ice-cold ones. then there they were, all back together, luz with her alluring girlfriend and her amazing mother and friends. a peaceful moment she wouldn't forget.

[END]

authors note: okay oksy i'm on a lumity brain rot because i js love how healthy the ship is. anyways my tags aren't working so like i haven't been getting likes on m posts 😭 but idrc? because i use this for ideas i js cant get out of my brain, anyways gn/gm guys ily 🫶🏽

i really need to grammar check.