#cant do much else im afraid | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

roadkill-dreaming · 1 month

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#rate my setup #smoking and watching movies and writing #cant do much else im afraid #i dont see myself doing much else for a while #its going to be so different from Juniper #a careful hand rather than a blunt instrument #oh i changed my url while kind of delirious sorry #sore and tired and hoping to pass out #pavi talking #pavi updates #etcetera

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todayisafridaynight · 2 months

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I’m fairly new to the fandom, but I do have a question if you can answer it! Why do people ship Daigo with Aoki / Masato? I tried looking to see if they’ve interacted before, but couldn’t find anything! Sorry for asking I’m just </3 dumb AND I LOVE YOUR ART OF THEM!!! Nerd looking ahhhhhh

hi ! welcome to the community i hope you're having a lovely time so far and ty for enjoyin my stuff :) no need for apologies it's a very fair question to have :]

i cant speak for everyone (all. ten people into masadai anyway) but Personally To Me i just think the idea of them together is very funny. thats quite literally it im afraid..

#snap chats #//twenty page google doc in the background// ignore that. it's mostly for comedic purposes #might also be my fault idk sorry about that. allegedly. idk ive had like three people tell me they started to ship them cause of me 🧍‍♂️#@mementoasts is another person who's drawn masadai and whose stuff i love and am inspod by .. i love their disneyland fic sm ...#there was another artist on twitter who posted a neat drawing of them but i cant remember who they were and i didnt bookmark it //screams//#recently there's been ANOTHER masadai artist ive started following on twitter - @wifekiryu. his account's n/s/f/w fyi before you go looking #he has a tumblr too @foxdies. i say cause i realized as much recently vjeaKLGJALKGJ #oh but I GUESS ill get deeper into why. /i/ personally ship masadai or whatever #first off they're opposing factions yet their character alignments Do Not Match their roles. stereotypically anyway #aoki who leads the 'surface' of society and is meant to be an admirable figure and someone 'just' when really. he sucks LMAO #though that's not atypical of politicians but just from a stereotypical This Is A Respectable Individual perspective of his role #daigo on the other hand leads the 'underbelly' of society- yk comprised of dangerous criminals and outcasts and whatnot #yet as we know him daigo's compassionate and considerate of his men- he doesnt treat them like tools like aoki does #if put in a room with the two daigo would be most people's choice of person to hang out with. probably open a trapdoor on aoki tbh #and i think thats really cool and epic i always love that kinda Subverting Expectations thing #theres also the fact they both started off like. edgy/angsty in the franchise and then brush up down the line #masato does a stronger 180. publicly. obviously but its still really funny they both have to get their act together #if you wanna talk about in-text reasons. there really is none LMAO I TELLS YOU masadai is pure crack #but if i wanted to pull a muscle reaching then there's daigo being on aoki's side while everyone else is on arakawa's during the funeral #im lying of course. mitsu was behind him. rgg tryna make me forget mitsu exist .... put him back in y8 ....#and ofc ichi joins that side to even out the seating but moving on another Goofy Reason is arakawa being like #'the chairman and my son are like p much the same age Surely he knows how he thinks :)'#and then i just think daigo being all smarmy about outsmarting aoki is really goofy and im choosing to interpret that as personal #they both also have issues with their dad. s. dad/s/. anyway.#tbh the google doc tag was a joke but i really could sit here and list every dumb reason why i think theyre funny together #like i started going over the tag limit so uhhhh yeah needless to say i have a lot of. dumb reasons 💀💀💀💀#one day ill use the main text for long rambles like this but todays not that day Point Is my imagination is rampant im afraid #so the short and sweet of it is I Think It's Funny. And They'd Be Terrible Together. Which Is Why It's Funny.#and the unfortunate part is anything i find funny i obsess over for a year so. //gestures to the mountain of bullshit thats my masadai tag/

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saeshiraw · 9 months

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tired girl hours i’m just ranting bcos i don’t have enough time to cry

#tw rant #studying med is no joke. ik it was gonna be a commitment n that it wasnt gonna be easy n i thought i was prepared but im not #its my passion. i love what im studying and ive dedicated myself to this path but i just. its so hard n i just want to cry. everyday feels #so tiring. morning to night classes. when i get home i have to read 4 chapters MINIMUM n the books are so thick + exams almost everyday #i feel worse knowing there’s this 1 girl in my friend group that cant decide whether she likes me or not. one moment shes complimenting me #n asking where i get my outfits or my nails done or my earrings or whatever then praising me that i probably study the least out of everyone #yet still reach high student rankings but its not that im lazy im just so exhausted n its hard to have motivation... lowkey envy how my #friends study minimum 4 hours a day. we’re all tired n sleep deprived. even taking 30mins to eat makes me feel guilty. cant even watch 1 ep #of an anime bcos ill be thinking about the amount of work to do. and i have sm plans. i wanna be more active and have a healthier lifestyle #but i cant find it in me to wake up every 5am to go to the gym when i just wanna get as much sleep when im lucky to finish my studies today #i also dont see my bestest friends everyday anymore. some of us move to diff unis or some in diff majors. i just miss them so bad it hurts #and i miss the girl i used to be when i still had time and energy to indulge in my hobbies. i miss playing genshin and writing fics #just when i got back to writing and enjoyed it LOVED IT i had to go back to uni. i feel terribly lonely even when im always with people #im afraid ill completely lose grasp of the little things that make me happy bcos the weight of my responsibilities are heavier #im afraid ill be too focused on success again like i was when i was 17 and forget that its okay to relax too but idk #and i wanna meet more people make more friends have new experiences. i wanna feel alive again. and theres sm i wanna talk to or get to know #but im so afraid of people hurting me or disappointing me or people getting to know me only for the friendships to fail or we’ll dislike eac #h other. i wanna date and fall in love again and experience the romance my peers have. i wanna have someone to call my own person but the fe #ar of having someone only to lose them someday scares the hell outta me. im not ready for another heartbreak so i isolate myself and watch #people from afar. uni gives me sm freedom to do everything else and form my own identity but i dont wanna be Perceived. I wanna be heard and #seen n connect with people. but w my curreny state idt i can handle being vulnerable with others. it feels so lonely that the things i want #are out of my rrach but idt i can manage my time to meet new people and make new memories. i console myself by shopping a lot and going to #spas to relax yet i still find it hard to sleep. im afraid im wasting my time. im not as brave as i used to be. im not as efficient as i was #i get older and more tired and while i never questioned if studying med was the path i want i do question what will happen next #“is this all im ever going to be?” im good at what i do but day by day i lose sight of tje girl who knew how to laugh n smile. ik what makes #me happy but i rarely smile genuinely anymore. im so tired and want to sleep for a long time but i dont wanna fail. i dont wanna be NOT good #but it makes me cry when i know i can do many great things but i dont feel loved. people compliment me but dont approach me bcos they say im #intimidating or that im too quiet in class. i wish i could tell them i wanna join their parties too or i wanna meet their friends n hangout #but what if it doesnt work out? what if i wasted my time getting to know someone id eventually regret? what if im the disappointing one?#the days are getting shorter but it always feels like a long day. im ashamed to admit i want someone to hold me yet refuse to have anyone

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haemosexuality · 5 months

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i feel like im probably gonna be talking about this a lot here since i cant talk to Her about it and it really is bothering me so much

#but i feel bad about this too bc it just feels like im talking about her behind her back. which i am kind of. aughhhhhh #its just. idk large age gaps have just Always bothered me no matter how much my opinions on everything else change!!! i think its a bad idea #and dangerous! almosf everyone else she knows thinks its fine so maybe i am just annoying and insane but i literally cant change how i feel #ive tried #like theres. so much that could go wrong here #hes 10 Years Older. hes had experience dating. hes been an adult for 13 years #shes 21. has basically 0 experience dating. and her mental health is really not great #like she just realized she liked men too a few months ago and shes been in this cycle of getting really really obsessed with guys older than #her really fast and everything they do really affect her. she has trouble recognizing sus behavior and is too afraid of upsetting ppl to her #own detriment #i really hope that this guy is normal (as normal as you can be when ur 31 being with a 21 yr old) but if hes not then this has the potential #to go so so bad #and im worried #no one else seems to be tho so idfk!!! am i just too child brained compared to people who date. maybe. but im so worried

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radlegowaffle · 30 days

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love bluh bluh bluh

#初音ミク #ラビットホール #rabbit hole #hatsune miku #vocaloid #illustration #artists on tumblr #dooblenauts #i liked how this looked better while i was working on it #now it looks. so bad #the handcuffs look stupid. the background is stupid. the shading and rendering is stupid #why am i so afraid of trying new things my rendering now sucks idk what im doing its so unpleasing to look at #eugh. eugh #trying to get my shit together by trying to get a better sleep schedule. as a first step #cause that shits been fucked for ages #i slept at midnight and woke up at 6am and stayed up ALL day. i was SO proud of myself #then when i went to sleep at 8 or 9 last night i stupidly took a lil bit of a gummy to pass me out easier #it was apparently too much and i woke up at midnight freaking out #now im pissed off at myself for waking up at 10am cause of a fuck up i should have avoided but i wanted to go to sleep quicker #why do i suck. why do i suck!!!!!!!!!!!#anyway gonna burn myself out on drawing cause im useless and cant do anything else otherwise #hoping someone will be like 'hey nice art! heres some money draw me a thing'#but thats probably not gonna happen in a VERY long time #so im probably just gonna be useless for the rest of my life #dont take this as me trying to gain pity or anything im going through a mood and just really pissed off at myself 😭

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lycanthian · 2 months

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there is nothing more inhumanly frustrating to me than when someone tries to correct you on something and by all accounts theyre right except that in doing so they have wrongly assumed what you are trying to do

#like dick????????? do you know my intent??????????#does it matter to you so much that you are willing to come out here and tell me im wrong about something that you dont know?#ive been on the verge of verbally fucking this guy up for actual months and like. i cant #because i dont hate him and i enjoy when we actually talk as friends but he has this inhuman need to sound smart and right abt everything #and to make quips abt everything that he ever sees #and its incredibly insulting because it feels like he does this a higher amount to me. which isnt a problem in and of itself #but he is incapable of reading the fucking room ever or even vaguely comprehending why something hes saying can be taken badly #and i dont know if this is just by nature or intentional but the longer i talk to him the more intentional it feels #it feels like he intentionally says things to get rises out of people because hes fucking afraid of being genuine and normal #youre not funny man. youre not extra cool because you dont care about people #youre just a dick and a loser and you need to learn to shut your goddamn mouth #and the worst part is that hes so intertwined with all the other people im friends with that cutting him specifically off #would make things infinitely harder just to Exist in the same space as everyone else who i do love the company of #UAAAAAAGHGGHGHGGGHGHHHHHHHGHH #lycan howls

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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year

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#yesterday i was wandering around the campus where ive resided these last 4 years bc ive banned myself from running until my leg heals #and i was thinking like. what am i gonna miss about this place when i leave? bc im always thinking abt the things i cant wait to get away #from. and its a real short list. ill miss the palm trees bc i never get sick of seeing thrm. theyre so weird #ill miss the yucca. again bc theyre so weird looking. ill miss the way u can see where all the ants r bc in the non human populated areas #there isnt grass everywhere bc desert. ill miss that there r so many birds of prey hanging around. and the road runners and all the lil #lizards. and maybe in an abstract way ill miss being so close to the boarder bc when u live near a boarder boarders feel like bullshit #like staring down the road into another country. idk theres something i like abt that. ill probably also miss being able to run outside #all year long bc in the winter during the day all u need is a light jacket lol. where im going it gets real cold 🥶#maybe ill even miss the constant blue skies. but idk ive always liked a cloudy sky better. makes me think of home haha #ill def miss how convenient my apartment rn is. the loft bed. the low cost. the 5min walk to campus. sigh. but thats pretty much it. i #dont think ill miss anything else. im not really close with anyone. my boss was the reason i came here and she left this school in January #so thats it i guess. i think i stayed a year too long and was not well for a lot of my time here but so it goes #just gotta move to the next place. just gotta pray pray pray that i find an apartment soon. i dont even wanna say anything abt it bc im #afraid to jinx things. even tho thats irrational. like. i just gotta somehow project how good a tenant i am. im so quiet u will never see #me and i never complain abt anything bc i have brain problems. sigh. i cant wait for this transition to b over #im so so so ready to be in a new place doing new things. but at least my energy is back. im back to high energy on little sleep lol #i dont understand how my body functions lmao. somehow when i get a normal amount of sleep it's a sign that i feel awful #unrelated

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dandyshucks · 6 months

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going to cry because i am worried i won't finish all the crochet gifts in time :''")

#okay wait time to decide on a vent tag sjdkskl UHHHHH #can i just... tag it with ... ''vent //'' or is that annoying to add to a the tumblr filtering system fhdkdl #thats how old school tumblr cw/tw tagging worked fjdkl they'd just put slashes in so thats what im used to #vent //#we'll go with that ig? lmk if that doesnt work for anybody for any reason and u want smth else and I'll accomodate!!!#okay. um. anyways yeah idk fjdkdl i have been crocheting pretty much all day? i havent done anything else other than eat meals fjdksl #just... crocheting. my wrist hurts sm fjfkdl #i would still be crocheting but after messing up three times on this wing and frogging it all the way back i gave uo #up*#decided to just call it a night bc damn thats frustrating! idk what i was doing wrong but i kept ending up w the wrong amount of stitches!!#i think theres a possibility i can finish everything but im rly not sure fhdkdl tomorrow is already the 17th #im just. afraid fhdkdl i rly want this to work out !!! agh!!#I cant tell if my current chest pain is from anxiety or from medication (which i take for heart pounding from anxiety) wearing off djdkdl #ough. uncomfortable. I'll go draw and hopefully i can calm down bc im just sbdhdkl so afraid rn #IT ALSO DOESNT HELP that im the only one besides Kam in the system who knows how to crochet well fsbdhdkl #so the others cannot take over bc they cannot crochet either at all or as fast as i can :') i am stuck! in front!! AGGHH #i want a break man djsksl this season is so bad for me mentally fbjfdkl but by god i am getting thru it #okay off to go draw now fhdksl i have several ideas for drawing yay

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vampiredeck · 9 months

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guy who used to think he had a dissociative disorder, decided "nah im making that up" and forgot for 7 years, now realizing he may in fact, have that dissociative disorder

#gil.txt #like im always me right? but who 'me' is changes distinctly sometimes #and most of my memories feel like someone elses #like im seeing them thru my eyes but they happened to someone else #and i frequently feel like i am piloting a strangers body #no amnesia but i do have a real real bad memory #like i have very few memories of my childhood #and most of the ones i do have are brief flashes of a place or like. an impression of something #and most of them i cant really place on a timeline #to elaborate on the first point: sometimes 'me' is gil the 22 yr old bisexual trans guy who could write and impromptu speech on corsets #and sometimes 'me' is an approx. 15-17 yr old girl who loves space and pretty girls and she still believes in god #but shes afraid of what that means for her #and sometimes 'me' is he/him in a girl way and i dont really think i know much abt who i am when im him but hes different than gil me #and when im gil those other two mes feel like other people who are not me #and the same with the others #im not sure if me is just those three or if there are more versions of me but #mental health talk #fun

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lupismaris · 1 year

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I'm just gonna complain in the tags tw medical stuff tbd etc

#its the final stretch and i refuse to will anything into this universe other than this is the final stretch im having treatment and it ends #this is the end of this here and now i will not continue to live like this i cannot continue to live like this i cannot carry this fatigue #any further genuinely i cannot its not a matter of will not anymore i just... i cannot. im legitimately still hiding at the office #despite everyone else having gone home because it takes too much effort to gather my things and walk to my car and im afraid of falling #i forgot my cane at home and its cold and my body struggles with temperature regulating and seizes up so badly #but the fatigue has finally reached a point where its hard to lift my bag or put my coat on or my jewelry without help #or walk across the parking lot just to get to my car and its not like the usual hey we have to adjust to new level of disabled #it's fatigue kneecapping you put of nowhere with a tireiron until you can barely loft your bag or fix tea or prepare dinner #and the fact the all the joy of food has been robbed from me because everything takes so much goddamn effort now #everything takes ten more steps and an hour more planning and special ingredients and yes i know lots of people live like this always #but i haven't and its been a forced short term adjustment period with absolutely no support from medical professionals #and im the only cook in my household/family/immediate social circle so all the labor inevitably falls on me not out of malice #but by default even if they try to help they can only do so much because they dont know what to do #i am literally on the verge of a meltdown just thinking about how much effort dinner is going to take because i cant just #eat a fuckin box of easy mac or ramen with an egg and go to bed no I've got to make a special soup with special ingredients #or a proper balanced meal with protein and veg and whole grain and certain seasoning #and im just so fuckin tired im so goddamn tired if this radiologist doesn't come back and say i can eat freely come Friday #i genuinely dont know what im going to do #food is one of my greatest joys and to be limited even in such bizarrely simple ways requiring so much excess labor #is too much. its too much on top of all this hypothyroidic fatigue. i cant do it.#i dont want to go home and make a fuckin soup. i want pizza. i want take away. i want lamb curry and rice. i want food i dont have to cook.#god im so fuckin tired my body feels so ancient like something wrecked in the seabed being involuntary hoisted to the shallows again #and im not sure its going to survive the process. i mean it has to. we dont have a choice. but fuck.

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n0ct0urn1quet · 1 year

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hgonesly at this point i really do wish i could just say Fuck It and disappear off the face of the earth for a little bit bc honestly . i donot want to be alive

#2023 off to a banger start for me (got into an argument with my mom on new years about her bf reminding me of my abusive dad #and havent had peace or a good nights sleep since!!!!!!!!!!!)#i am absolutely fucking miserable and i just donot want to Do It anymore #i hate this house i hate the people i live with i hate this world and i hate everything thats happening to jme but i cant do anytihing #i cant do anything to Fix Anything i cant do anything abt my problems theres just so much Wrong With Me that i dont know how to fix #i dont know if i CAN fix most of the issues i have. i have so much ptsd and trauma from so many different things and its all just. hghg #and i want so badly to just let it out and talk to the people Around Me about it bc it is Serious and i shouldnt be just not talking about #it but. i just cant bring myself to Do That. i am constantly afraid that the people around me will be angry with me if i even so much as #speak up about the things that make me upset and its not their fault and its no ones fault but my own and i just dont know what to Do #im scared of confrontation and im worried that if i try to talk about it its gonna lead to an argument!!! i know it wouldnt but im terrifed #so id rather just not talk about it. which then leads to the problem not getting resolved because. fuck man im sure the people around me #know that somethings up but i never bring it up so therefore they never find out and it gets swept under the rug like all my other issues #i pride myself on being good at being emotional and being open but in reality i am emotional. yes. but not at all good at being open #ive never been good at it and i feel so BAD because like. yes i love you. yes i trust you and i know you would never ever be mad at me #for just talking about my feelings. i know this and i love you for it. but im so bad at conveying that. even though i trust you with mylife #im just bad at opening up. it does not matter how long we've known each other its just such a struggle for me to Be Open to anyone #of course its not much better that im coming to tumblr and puttign this here for 100+ people to see but just. i dont know #im mentally unstable ive never had good coping mechanisms and im the only person awake and everyone else that i usually vent to is asleep #so all my thoughts just get piled up into one messy little ball and it gets thrown to tumblr because i need somewhere to put them #im sorry. im exhausted. its been a long week and i wish i could just hybernate for the rest of the month and not interact with anyone #i just wish i could mvoe out and live with my gf and our cat. that is all i want and that is the only thing that would fix me

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dolltwink · 1 year

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Vent post.

So I found out I probably need a walker.

internalized ableism in tags but I'm going to clarify that this is only directed to myself and I think other disabled people are cool as hell and none of the things im describing myself with. No disrespect is intended to people who are going through similar things as me, you're strong and cool as hell. Its just different if its to myself. Please do not take this out of context, its a personal vent post describing myself and applies to no one else. Thank you.

Cw for: ableism, internalized ableism, small addiction mention.