#cant stop thinking about sam vimes

[cosmospoons]

[ah0yh0y]

OH MY GOD SAM VIMES REMINDS ME OF EL HIGGINS

THATS WHY I AM GOING INSANE

[p4nishers]

vimes realizing he's in love with vetinari. now that. hmm. listen. how long it took for him to ACTUALLY fall in love with sybil? oh he liked her, he loved her SO much, but he wasn't IN love with her till jingo. he just thought he was in love. (that doesn't mean he loved her any less or that their love is any less, it means he didn't know her, didn't really have the time for her till he made it so. till he wanted it. really, truly wanted it.) but what would it take for vimes to realizes he's in love with vetinari? well, to be honest with you, not one damn fucking thing. like vetinari's is quite literally the thing he's the MOST stubborn about. he only starts to begrudgingly like him in fucking THUD! that's the SEVENTH book in the watch series. like my man is NOT here to play about his feelings (or, what he'd like to think, the lack thereof) for vetinari. so, what would it TAKE??

another attempt on vetinari's life? this time a SERIOUS one? or vetinari ACTIVELY saving someone sam loves? like young sam? would that. would that ever happen and how would vimes feel about it?? or would it be bc of some kind of jealousy?? or or or OR WHAT

like this is driving me insane i cant fucking figure it out bc there's no universe for me where sam vimes isn't freakishly in love with his boss but how the actual FUCK does that happen and how do i get it thru his thick skull that it's happening??? HOW

what if they like go on ambassador shit together like idk to lancre (bc this is me we're talking abt what did u expect of COURSE imma bring the old women into this) (listen. yes vetinari wouldn't ever go bc why tf would he that's why he has fucking ambassadors and VIMES but. just give me this one thing please and thank you) and sybil outright refuses to go bc sam i have Things to Take Care Of and and you can jolly well run along and do your job and and and. right. yup. go on (she wants them to spent time together for fuck's sake what will it TAKE for them to stop this bloody silly dance already she is so so so tired of toxic yaoi. give her a break) and so they go and sam is perpetually angry bc his Emotional Support Wife basically kicked him out of the house and now he has to endure this bloody fucking trip with his boss who he has Feelings that he would rather not think about and vetinari keeps bloody smiling and being bloody cheerful and bloody handsome in the sunlight and– nope. Not Gonna Go There.

so anyway they arrive whatever it's fine but obviously there was some misunderstanding some (willful) spelling error on vetinari's part and turns out everyone thinks the patriarch and his HUSBAND came to the princess's wedding which is. fine. totally and utterly fine. everyone is suupper normal about it. especially since esme is marrying A Girl. wild, right? so you can imagine how vimes is feeling. how many walls has he punched? who knows we can never know (none bc vetinari Raised His Eyebrows and he had to settle for kicking a few trees and almost rolling down the mountain. Gracefully, of course).

obviously there's the There Was Only One Bed trope. obviously there's victorian woman having gay thoughts for the first time yearning (repressed). of course there's the beast (repressed. for now). of course there's a moonlight conversation which inevitably leads to the Slight Softening of Sam Vimes's Heart and the next day which turns out to be Sam Vimes's Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day. it's the evening before the wedding. a party. with nobs. and idiotic clothes and vetinari and stares and nosy witches and vetinari and awkward conversations and vetinari and vetinari asking (ordering) him to dance and oh shit oh fuck oh what the bloody shit is this why is the bastard SO GOOD+??!!??! does he practice has he practiced will he practice and want a partner– no. no. No. NOO not happening vimes is perfectly sane and Will Not Fucking GO THERE!!!

anyway of course shit happens. of course it ends with vimes and vetinari trudging thru the forest, drenched in rain and mud and fuck knows what else and both of them have fuck all idea about mountains and vimes is fucking Pissed bc his lordship shouldn't be here i dont need his lordship here this is bloody fucking daft. sir. and he gets nothing but that infuriating fucking smile in return and a "ah, but your grace, i am simply enjoying a brisk walk. i wasn't aware that was crime" and he's fucking COVERED in mud and his clothes are sticking to him and vimes had never actually seen him WET before and there's mud on his CHEEK and his hair is mussed and. vimes walks into a tree. gets tangled up in a few tree branches, perhaps. trips and falls flat on his ass, even. vetinari laughs at him in that way of his where he's not laughing but you can tell, deep down, he IS. and vimes is still pissed. and suddenly vetinari is helping him up and looking at him from up close with that expression of his that suggests he has inside jokes with himself and he. kisses him.

what the FUCK, right? well. surprise element and all that. vimes' first instinct obviously is to fucking fight him. then he's like. oh wait oh what the fuck. THEN he's like. vetinari is actually a good kisser and im gonna fucking faint. Actually. then vetinari pulls away and goes on business as usual like not a thing happened. if vimes wasn't so fucking dazed and tingling throughout his whole body he'd bash his skull in but well. he just stumbles after him and tries to not have a heart attack.

unfortunately he doesn't have time to think about it bc fucking CENTAURS attack them. yeah. it's not a pretty fight. by the time they get back to the castle vimes is angry and tired and his whole body feels like a bruise and he's STILL fucking thinking about that kiss but he's so tired he actively cannot fucking speak so instead of punching vetinari's perfect fucking face like he planned to he falls headfirst into their bed and goes the fuck to sleep. of course when he wakes up the bed is empty next to him and he remembers last nights events and he just looks and looks and looks at vetinari's side of the bed and has this horrible sick feeling like Uh Oh. i would do anything to see how he looks like asleep. how he looks like minutes after he wakes up. the weight of his body. vimes has the weird thought that he's actually JEALOUS of a fucking bed for feeling vetinari's weight and has to go walk around the castle 5 times. while in his drawers. it's...he could've been more diplomatic about it, is all.

so he spends the whole day in this out of body shock and avoids the fuck out of vetinari and instead goes to do literally anything he can. he talks to shawn. he talks to hodgesargh. he talks to the princess about love and freaks the absolute fuck out. he tears out every root in the entire back garden in a burst of mania. he walks up and down the mountains. he eventually ends up talking to nanny and she implements her bottomless wisdom on him ('fine lad you got there, your graciousness, wanna share 'im? oh, come on i'm just having laugh no need to be like that. you wanna lock it down, if you ask me, that whole fruit basket is RIPE wink wink') which makes him reevaluate his entire life and walk up and down more fucking mountains.

this leads him. nowhere. he hasn't figured out SHIT. he doesn't even know WHAT he's supposed to be figuring out but it sure as shit something and he has this insistent urge to see vetinari but also he WILL punch a wall if he sees him with his entire Unaffected Self so he goes and roams the halls of the castle and he's going room from room searching for something he doesn't even know about until he comes across quiet voices talking and he looks inside and it's bloody fucking vetinari comforting esme's fiancee, nina, and he just. watches. he never knew vetinari could be so gentle. and it's bc he doesn't have to pretend with nina. she doesn't know who he is just that he saw her struggling with some sewing and he helped and they got to talking and she opened up about her fears for being a queen someday and he was just SO kind. and as sam watches this he quietly, quietly realizes that he's in love. and it doesn't hurt him, not like he thought it would. maybe it will, eventually, but this, seeing vetinari like this, doesn't hurt. it can't.

he walks away before he can be seen (though, no doubt, vetinari already sensed him) and just. goes and has a cigarette and tries very hard not to make a big deal out of it. but it is a big deal. and he cant tell anyone.

so its the night of the wedding, ceremony blah blah blah its all a blur until vetinari intertwines their fingers as they walk down the aisle as guests of honor and vimes' whole world narrows down to that one point of contact until vetinari drops it again as they sit down and blah blah blah its the reception the brides are flushed and dancing and happy and happy and vimes is watching them and thinking of his own wedding and also vetinari vetinari vetinari and then of course vetinari stands next to him and he's more scared than he's ever been in his life and vetinari takes his hand again and it is So Over for vimes. they fucking hold hands while saying nothing and it kills vimes but also it's the most alive he's ever felt and maybe there wont ever be more than this but if he has this he'll be fine. and he is. and they are. the end.

so what i'm saying with this is. maybe vimes just needs a few quiet moments where he can see glimpses of vetinari he hadn't let himself see before and also he needs to be hit over the head with feelings otherwise it wont work. vetinari NEEDS to make the first move bc our dear duke will never. ever ever. he doesn't even let himself THINK he wants it he won't do it unless vetinari Plagues him with the Images.