#captain daimio

[waw1x]

Where are all my Ben stans at

[ellieheim]

Ben Daimio is one of my favorite characters.

[quarkmaster]

Captain Daimio

Hi all, I share with you a new BPRD portrait (+WIP), Captain Benjamin Daimio. He's a BPRD "double face" but with a Mignola's touch. He has the jaguar spirit which allow him to turn into a powerful monster but without control Cheers, David

David Alvarez

[captainbuzzard]

ben daimio's date of birth

i was curious how old ben daimio was in comparison to the other bprd characters so i calculated the most probable range of birth dates based on the information that we get in the comics. credit for the estimation also goes to @rumblingbunny, who discussed this with me and added many good points.

tldr: probably born 1966-1970. when ben is introduced in 2004 he is most likely in his mid to late 30s.

rationale:

whole age range and most likely ages

(this image can be found in many issues of plague of frogs. this was specifically taken from the front of an issue of garden of souls)

the only numbers we are given for ben are how many years he served in the marines (13 years), and when he stopped (2001). this gives us the date he began his service: 1988.

the youngest one can be to enlist in the marines is 17 with parental consent, and the oldest is 28. since he started in 1988, ben could have been born from 1960 to 1971.

captains in the us military are officers, not enlisted personnel. most officers have to complete college and receive a bachelor’s degree while completing certain officer preparatory courses. in 1990, near when ben would have started his service, roughly 9/10 of us military officers had degrees, though the proportion is slightly lower for the marines.

by probability alone it is most likely ben likely did have a college degree before joining the marines. assuming he graduated on what is generally considered a regular schedule, he would have been around 22 when he finished college. if he went directly into service after university, he would have been born in 1966, so in 2004 he would be 38.

from what i found it is also possible (though uncommon) that enlisted personnel can be raised to officer status during their service. given that it is noted he served with distinction throughout his 13 years, it could be plausible that he was an enlistee who was elevated to an officer during his service. most sources i found said that new enlistees for the marines are on average 18-22. if we include this range of ages for when he became a marine, he could have been born from 1966 to 1970. with this range he could be 34-38 when he is introduced.

upper age limit based on his father’s age

with the findings from above ben could still be older and have joined the military later on in life. however the below information about his father makes this unlikely.

(regarding the age and timeline of ben’s father, masaru “max” daimio. this image was taken from garden of souls issue 3, page 17)

the most important pieces of information in the above image are that his father was born right before the tripartate treaty was signed, and that ben was born by his father’s second wife. the tripartate treaty was signed in 1940, so max daimio was likely born earlier in the same year or late in the year before.

in 1960, ben’s earliest possible birth year, his father would have been around 20, not yet old enough to be married twice. if ben was born sometime from 1966 to 1970, max would have been 26 to 30 years old, giving him a more reasonable amount of time to have married, divorced, remarried, and had a child. at some point during this period max was fighting in vietnam, though we cannot use this information to narrow down ben’s age because we do not know at what point during the war he served.

.

tldr:

by these calculations ben was most likely born between 1966 and 1970, making him 34-38 in 2004 when he is first introduced. he is one of the younger members of the bprd task force.

[space-blue]

Honestly, what is it? The cool cloak of darkness? The cursed demonic-Shiva arms display? The scars? The missing cheek a-la captain Daimio?? Strange, why are you hotter dead than alive?

[is-the-bug-video-cute]

can I request an image of every single one of your pets?

Of course!! I have a lot of pets so I'm gonna put it under a cut :D

The Peruphasma schultei colony (my first bugs, currently on their fifth generation. My pride and joy even though they keep pepper spraying me):

The Diapherodes gigantea colony (acquired this year, so they're all still teenagers and haven't bred in my care yet):

Scooby, the Tliltocatl vagans (mean, scared of everything, the only spider that has tried to defend itself against me so far):

Queenie, the Tliltocatl vagans (old and experiencing male pattern baldness. Also lost two legs to what I believe could be an infection. Sweet and gentle unlike his brother):

Candy, the Hapalopus formosus (sweet little hell child. Would eat me if she could, but she looks so cute I honestly don't mind):

Kali, the Ceratogyrus darlingi (pet hole, but he likes to explore when he doesn't think I'm looking):

Starlight, the Heteroscodra maculata (my sweet little baby angel who can do no wrong ad whom I would give my life for. Highly venomous and the only one of my spiders who has managed to escape. Thrice. I love her):

Tigermis the Phormingochilus arboricola (she's been in premolt/molt/postmolt since I got her, so I haven't gauged her personality much yet, but she seems to be a scaredy cat and food lover):

Vexx, the Neoholothele incei (tiny sweet baby, talented architect, would eat until they exploded if I let them):

Captain Daimio, the Scolopendra dehaani (very hard to get photos of because he hides a lot and also I don't wanna get bit :s)

[aestherians]

can we see some of ur bug pets :0 i saw a few pics on ur carrd and h. bug

I post photos over on @poppys-pets-and-arts :D

That said, here's my second-in-command, Captain Daimio<3

And here's som monchin and cronchin

[deer-head-xiris]

Ok ok I'm kinda failing this lol. Why don't you tell me any miscellaneous facts about your oc's and I will listen intently

LOL that's ok, it's kind of hard to answer vague OC questions since I have hundreds of OCs but since Coyote is the main one on my mind I'll list his major info incase you or anyone wants to ask about him!

Coyote is a Hellboy/BPRD OC- I'm particularly passionate abt him though because his origin story can be used pretty universally, and I'd like to make original content of him someday

here is copy/pasted info from his main ref:

"I adapted Coyote into a BPRD agent! He's a cowboy from the old west who was abducted by aliens and got heavily experimented on, only to be frozen in a stasis chamber and released back on earth in present day. The BPRD found him lost and confused in the city, and after explaining his situation he got hired as an agent. He has no memory loss and recalls every horrid procedure the aliens put him through in vivid detail!

Name: Coyote Kennedy (code name: Space Man) Pronouns: he/him Age: Physically 30-ish (chronologically 200+) height: 6'2" Playlist: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLiZ3tzV9x8XKM1kqprxLdwaHdd0N8QSe4 Power Set: -Stretchy limbs, his arms can split into three sections each and stretch to three times his body length -Enhanced strength and physical endurance, spine implant lets him carry up to 13,000 lbs! -All his bones were taken out and replaced with an unknown material that is highly durable and flexible -His skin is extra tough but not completely bulletproof  -Can breathe underwater and in super low oxygen environments, most toxic gasses have no effect on him"

as a BPRD agent, Coyote crushes bigtime on captain Daimio

Coyote was originally made as a Marvel OC that goes with my spider-sona's universe, I like to recycle characters

recently I've enjoyed RPing coyote with friends' OCs so I can flesh out his character a bit more, he's very fun for me

that's all of his basic info, if anyone's got questions I would love nothing more than to gush about this space man

[multiversecarnavep]

Edit

Hellboy, or "Anung Un Rama" as he was called, was conceived on October 5,[1] 1617, the day his birth-mother, Sarah Hughes, a human woman, was on her deathbed. In life, Sarah was a witch who gained her powers from being a consort of the archdemon, Azzael, an Archduke of Hell, and Hellboy's "biological" father. Taking Sarah's body to hell when she attempted to repent on her deathbed within a church in East Bromwich, England, Azzael burned her away so their child would be born, and chopped off the newborn's right hand to replace it with the "Right Hand of Doom", a relic tied to the Ogdru Jahad. When the other princes of Hell learned of his actions, Azzael sent his half-demon child away while he was stripped of his powers and imprisoned in ice (like Lucifer in Dante's Divine Comedy).

The child is eventually summoned to Earth in the final months of World War II by the "Mad Monk" Grigori Rasputin on Tarmagant Island, off the coast of Scotland, having been commissioned by the Nazis to change the tide of a losing war ("Project Ragna Rok"). As a direct result of this ritual, the child appears on Earth in a fireball at what remains of the ruined Bromwich Church on December 23, 1944. Proving not to be a devil, in the traditional sense, but a devil-like creature, the child was dubbed "Hellboy" by Professor Trevor "Broom" Bruttenholm.[2]

Taken by the United States Armed Forces to an Air Force base in New Mexico, Hellboy is raised by Professor Trevor Bruttenholm in as normal a home environment as possible (and as a Catholic), and the United States Army where the Bureau for Paranormal Research and Defense (BPRD) a private organization dedicated to combating occult threats, begins. Due to the success of his first mission in 1952, Hellboy is granted "honorary human" status by the United Nations and becomes a member of the BPRD as the "world's greatest paranormal investigator".[3] As such, Hellboy interacts regularly with humans, primarily law enforcement officials, the military, and various "scholars of the weird", most of whom are not presented as overtly reacting to his strange appearance.

As an adult, having matured physically within years yet aging slowly with a teenaged mind, Hellboy becomes the primary agent for the BPRD, alongside other human and quasi-human agents that include Kate Corrigan, a professor of folklore at New York University; Abe Sapien, an amphibian humanoid (Ichthyo sapiens); and Liz Sherman, a young pyrokinetic. Things change dramatically for Hellboy during the events of Seed of Destruction when he searches for Professor Bruttenholm after he disappears during an expedition in the Arctic. He finds his adopted father only to witness his death at the hands of a Lovecraftian frog monster. The search takes Hellboy, Abe, and Liz to the Cavendish Hall mansion, which is a trap established by Rasputin to lure Hellboy into an embrace of his own "destiny", with the assistance of Sadu-Hem; one of the spawn of the Ogdru Jahad. Controlled by the spirit of one of the ancestral Cavendish men, Abe impales Rasputin. Liz's firestorm then incinerates Rasputin's body alongside Sadu-Hem's and destroys Cavendish Hall. Soon after, during a visit to Bromwich Church, Hellboy gets a glimpse of his conception 300+ years ago and learns he has two human half-siblings; a nun and a priest whose spirits haunt the church after their deaths, attempting to stop Azzael from claiming Sarah.

During the events of Hellboy: Wake the Devil, Hellboy's journey of self-discovery leads him to Romania to investigate the theft of an ancient box containing the corpse of Vladimir Giurescu, a Napoleonic officer who was, in fact, a vampire before he was "killed" on the order of a fearful Adolf Hitler. The culprit of the theft is revealed to be Ilsa Haupstein, one of the surviving members of Project Ragna Rok, who was revived from suspended animation and then aided in Giurescu's resurrection. Finding Castle Giurescu after splitting up with the other search groups, Hellboy learns that the source of Giurescu's rebirth is the ancient goddess Hecate. Though Hellboy destroys Hecate's original body, he faces her again after Rasputin unintentionally provides her with Ilsa's iron-maiden encased body. Hecate swallows Hellboy, but he returns to his own reality after he denounces the dark purpose he was born to perform.

Hellboy later learns that Liz is dying after losing her powers when she accidentally revived a homunculus while searching another location for Giurescu, finding Roger in the events of Hellboy: Almost Colossus as he convinces the homunculus to save Liz's life. Following the events of Hellboy: The Right Hand of Doom, gaining insight about his stone hand and being referenced as a harbinger of the Apocalypse, Hellboy is accompanied by Abe to hunt down the warlock Igor Bromhead in Box Full of Evil. But it turned out to be a trap conducted by Bromhead and the demon Ualac to capture Hellboy, using his True Name, Anung Un Rama, to restrain him, so that the latter can claim Hellboy's normally invisible Crown of the Apocalypse to increase their power. But this act, however, proves to be counter-productive, as it allows Hellboy to no-longer be controlled by his true name, Anung Un Rama (as one of the translations of this name is, lit. "and upon his brow is set a crown of flame"; with the theft of his crown, the name is no longer accurate), and he kills Ualac's mortal body before the demon and the crown is taken to Hell by the archdemon, Astaroth, who is later revealed to be Hellboy's paternal uncle.

In the aftermath of Hellboy: Conqueror Worm, assisted by the ghost of Lobster Johnson, Roger, and Abe, a disillusioned Hellboy resigns from the Bureau before it later gains new agents in Johann Kraus, the spirit of a German medium kept in a containment suit; and Captain Ben Daimio, a special operations soldier that became an Olmec were-jaguar. From there, Hellboy decides to find out the truth of his existence once and for all. But, as revealed in Hellboy: Strange Places, Hellboy ends up being stranded on an island where he inadvertently resurrected an ancient mystic who gained knowledge of the secret history of the creation of Ogdru Jahad and the Right Hand of Doom.

6 years later, as Hellboy: Darkness Calls opens, Hellboy's search takes him to England where he finds himself in the middle of a power vacuum caused by Bromhead incapacitating Hecate in Italy. Refusing to serve the witches as their king, Hellboy ends up in the dimension of Baba Yaga, a witch whom he encountered in the past and happens to be an ally of Rasputin's. Managing to defeat Baba Yaga's champion Koshchei, Hellboy returns to his reality and is led to Bromhead after he became monstrous and in agony from his attempt to take Hecate's powers for his own. Hellboy gives Bromhead a merciful death before returning to England during the events of Hellboy: The Wild Hunt where he encounters Alice Monaghan, a young woman he saved as a baby from a fairy named Gruagach who has revived the lunatic sorceress Nimue to fill the void left by Hecate.

During that time, Hellboy encounters the spirit of Morgana le Fay who reveals to Hellboy both the names of his parents and that Sarah Hughes was her descendant, which names Hellboy as the last living heir to Arthur Pendragon and the rightful king of England.[4] But as he also learns from Astaroth that he is destined to kill Satan and become the new King of Hell, Hellboy is reluctant to wield Excalibur (which in his hands becomes a flaming sword) and the army of undead British nobility amassed to face Nimue's army. Therefore, enlisting Baba Yaga's assistance with his eye as payment for the injury he did to her in their first meeting, Hellboy decides to face Nimue one-on-one in the events of Hellboy: The Storm and the Fury. But in the aftermath of his battle with Nimue, who was possessed by Ogdru Jahad at the time, Hellboy is killed by the witch in her final moments. As revealed in Hellboy in Hell, Hellboy ends up trapped in Hell, where he encounters what's left of his demonic kin and the souls of the damned, and ultimately comes to terms with the destiny he has been shrugging off his whole life. Hellboy later returns in the mini-series BPRD: The Devil You Know, revived and joining Liz and Abe in the final arc of the series. After defeating Rasputin again, he and Hecate see the fall of the Ogdru Jahad and get back the Right Hand of Doom from the Osiris Club, killing them. Despite their efforts, however, Ragnarok is fulfilled and most of humanity is destroyed. In the end, Hellboy and Hecate fuse together to create a new world on Earth

[space-sweetheart]

[OLD]Romantic F/O List

Krieg [Borderlands]

DoomGuy [Doom 2016]

Fl4k [Borderlands 3]

Lilith [Borderlands 3]

Biker [Hotline Miami]

Flagellant [Darkest Dungeon]

Jospeh Seed [Far Cry 5] {ship name: the lion & the lamb}

Jane Doe/Soldier [TF2]

Tavish Finnegan DeGroot/Demoman [TF2]

Nero [Devil May Cry]

Ashley "Ash" Joanna Williams [The Evil Dead Franchise] {ship name: my hero}

A. Traveler [The Twilight Zone 2019]

Gabriel [Good Omens 2019]

The Wishmaster/Nathaniel Demarest [Wishmaster 1997] {ship name: make a wish}

Bill [Body Bags 1993] {ship name: kills and kisses}

Coach Bobby Finstock [Teen Wolf] {ship name: catch these kisses}

Frank [Subway Surfers]

Maleficent & Diaval [Maleficent]

Borra [Maleficent]

Paul [The Lost Boy's 1987]

Jester [The Jester]

The Dealer [The Outer Darkness]

Smiling Jack [VTMB] {ship name: sucker for your love}

Beckett [VTMB] {ship name: puppy love}

Caine/Taxi Driver/Cabbie [VTMB] {ship name: every king needs a queen}

Nines Rodriguez [VTMB] {ship name: lovebites}

Morpheus/The Sandman/Dream [DC] {ship name: bring me a dream}

Harley Quinn [DC]

John Doe/The Joker [DC]

Lobo [DC] {ship name: baby blues}

Spawn [Marvel]

Neena Thurman/Domino [Marvel] {ship name: lucky charm}

Johnny Blaze/Zarathos/Ghost Rider [Marvel] {ship name: burning love}

Sam Wilson/The Falcon/Captian America [Marvel]

Nick Fury [Marvel]

Raizo Kodo [Marvel]

Doreen Allene Green/Squirrel Girl [Marvel]

Ben Daimio [Hellboy Franchise]

Kung Lao [MK]

Shang Tsung [MK]

Johnny Cage [MK]

Kuai Liang/Sub-Zero [MK]

Raiden [MK]

Grey Cloud/Nightwolf [MK]

Frost [MK]

Baraka [MK]

Havik [MK]

Auron [FFX]

Dr. Facilier [The Princess And The Frog 2007]

Vincenzo "Vinny" Santorini [Atlantis: The Lost Empire 2001]

Captain Joseph Korso [Titan A.E. 2000]

Long John Silver [Treasure Planet 2002]

General Grawl [Planet 51 2009]

Piston Hondo [Punch Out]

Unsure/Crushes

Chucky/Charles Lee Ray [Chucky Franchise]

Ash Rivers [VTMB]

Barabus [VTMB]

Dale Talley [VTMB 2]

Samuel [VTMB 2]

Jennifer Susan Walters/She-Hulk [Marvel]

Axton [Borderlands]

[waw1x]

That's me, I'm Navarro.

[ellieheim]

Having a pet were-jaguar would imply

he would probably be called Ben

 he would find you first, technically adopting you

he's a sweet and lovable creature

he would love you to take pictures of him, and it would be very photogenic

It doesn't make him sad that people are scared of him

loves to give kisses (and licks)

(Bonus kiss)

Is always watching you

It's like a Clifford

The best were-something you could ever have!

Who doesn't want a big red dog who's probably named Ben?

......

........

..............................

[noisemx]

Spencer Platt - B.P.R.D. (Bureau for Paranormal Research and Defense) theme:

01. Hellboy, Abe Sapien, Roger the Homunculus, Captain Daimios, Liz Sherman, & Johann Krauss. 02. Abe Sapien, Hellboy, & Liz Sherman. 03. Johann Krauss & Abe Sapien. 04. Captain (Ben) Daimios. 05. Hellboy/Anung Un Rama/Right Hand of Doom.

[jtpreview-review]

Hellboy (2019) Review

11-years have passed since we've seen the de-horned, satanic combatant Hellboy, and evidence shows that time can change both men and the devil's spawn alike. The cigar smoking has vanished in these health conscious times, his penchant for cats has been inherited by Sam Jackson's Nick Fury in Captain Marvel, and his sense of wit and the audience's empathy lands back on the surface world with a mild thud. 

The 2019 film is a reboot of the original Guillermo del Toro live-action films based on the Mike Mignola graphic novel character. David Harbour fills the shoes, and even bigger fist, of the tandoori-red creature born of a Nazi occult ceremony but converted to fighting the forces of demonic evil. His tongue-in-cheek humour and sardonic outlook, plus his brawn physicality makes him an admirable replacement for Ron Pearlman's iteration of the character. But at many times, he is actively fighting the forces of darkness and the overstuffed but vapid script. You can make up your own mind on which is the worse of two evils.  

It also feels like there is an R-Rated initiative, probably inspired from the budgetary successes of self-aware comic book characters like Deadpool. The configuration of Hellboy to be this cynical and foul-mouthed action-movie figure comes off with that hackneyed sense of doing things because someone higher-up told me to. British director Neil Marshall (Dog Soldiers, The Descent) only brings forth a couple of well-done action scene manoeuvres that will be largely forgotten by the intensity and gristly nature of the blood and gore that goes with it. Nothing resembling the tautness he had with the Battle of the Blackwater episode in Game of Thrones.

There is a poorly knitted together plot starting from Arthurian Britain, where an evil sorcerer queen Nimue (Milla Jovovich) was dismembered and her various body parts buried in disparate areas of the realm. Jump ahead to modern day, where her reassembly needs to be cut short by Hellboy, alongside his associates Alice (Sacha Lane) and Major Ben Daimio (Daniel Dae Kim). Hellboy, under the direction of his handler-slash-father-figure, Professor Broom (Ian McShane) have clashes with one another regarding the need for the mindless slaughter of these devilish creatures, and the potential help they could bring to their cause. Even though these are ideas ripped from the previous films, any further exploration would have hopefully relieved us, intermittently, of the ensuing boredom and heinously we do get.

Hellboy is reborn, but as a soulless franchise centre-piece with little devilish excitement.

2/5

[docgold13]

Mike Mignola’s Hellboy paper cut-outs (Roger and Captain Daimio)

[ultralaser]

i'm just gonna go ahead and spoil the fuck out of hellboy 2019 bc it's awful and i can't think of a good reason not to

thomas haden church shows up as lobster johnson! but he looks ridiculous, like, a cheap halloween costume version compared to, say, the period costumes in captain america or wonder woman. and he has NO SET UP so he just comes off like a joke, it's not, oh this is a wierd noir pulp hero in **gotham city**, it's, lobster johnson, nazi hunter. is hellboy a world with cool superheroes, and if so, why isn't hellboy one of them? is he an x men now? idk it doesnt work tho

baba yaga shows up! she has a house on chicken legs that's rendered beautifully, but then she has one of the worst face prosthetics i've ever seen, it literally looks like a cheap monster mask from party city. so much for the grace and elegant spookiness of a doug jones suit, this baba yaga mask can't even lip sync well

guy davis kaiju demons show up! but they aren't, cool, they're just, they have as much screen time as the ogdru jahad in hellboy 04, but they show up and start just gruesomly killing ppl, like same with thr giants fight earlier on, the movie uses the r rating to push a lot of just dismemberment, disembowelment, graphic bodily harm, it's gross and mean and dumb and out of character for the comics. therr's the helicopter shot of the tall man walking through the tower bridge, then two bat demons fky up in front of him and tear someone in half and all their guts fall out. what? why

king arthur and merlin show up! merlin is, christian for some reason? and king arthur is boring. this sequence is nearly saved by ian mcshane's narratiom, but not really. witches bad, she created a plague but not, the plague? england is the most important place in history, blah blah, no. king arthur legend of the sword does more with excalibur as a magic artifact, and drunk merlin from transformers the last knight is way more compelling than Christian Merlin, warrior for god

they do the quick ww2 origin flashback, ala thomas and martha wayne, joe chill, pearls. kroenen is there and looks bad, ilsa looks fine, rasputin, tbh feels like they got the same actor who did a poor job in 04, he's generic in a boring way, the whole scene is unnecessary

okay, so, then halfway! through, after hellboy has been sent to england to help the rebel general from rogue one, and they name their perennial giant hunt 'the wild hunt', and they all betray hellboy and stab him with a bunch of spears, and are killed brutally by giants, and then hellboy brutally kills the giants, and is rescued by new girl, who talks to ghosts and was rescued by hellboy from being replaced by a fairy changeling (who is back, running around putting milla back together after king arthur dismembered her and locked her still-living pieces in boxes around england?), and hellboy both knows her from all along but also hasnt been back since, and knows shes a psychic but also hasnt seen her since she was a baby, depending on the scene?

THEN finally daniel dae kim's ben daimio shows up, and he's NOT EVEN IN THE BPRD, he's with british intelligence, and he takes hank's anti-mutation polyjuice serum from days of future past to repress his were-jaguar form, and he has a special gun designed to KILL HELLBOY because he doesnt trust him not to be the actual devil, despite, HIMSELF, being cursed with a monstrous destiny

the scene in the trailer with hellboy, new girl, and daimio on a bprd mission, with hellboy punching daimio to activate his hulking out? THAT'S IN THE **SIX MONTHS LATER** EPILOGUE. the movie ENDS with the three of them finding abe sapien

so this whole thing? is a fucking ORIGIN STORY. it is EVERY SUPERHERO MOVIE FROM 78 TO IRON MAN TWO, it is ONE HERO, ALONE, IN A WORLD WITH NO OTHER HEROES. it's not even the x-men because they're not recruiting hellboy to join their team, it's like if the x-men were just xavier and logan and a nunch of fbi guys.

meanwhile, ddk and new girl are both americans doing british accents, david harbour is still playing hellboy as a 75 year old teenager, and ian mcshane, bless him, is just playing ian mcshane

also, just, i think the intent was for harbour to play it as the stone right hand is just really heavy? but it ends up looking like a cosplayer who misjudged the weight of his prop hand an hour into the con. i want to say del toro did a better job of making it look like, this is actually hellboy's hand, and not, this is ron perlman wearing a wierd prosthetic.

and also, amazing advances in prosthetic technology aside, why didnt they just get dave bautista, if they wanted surly hellboy, or dwayne johnson, if they wanted comic accurate charming hellboy, because neither of those dudes would have needed a muscle suit. hellboy ends up (AGAIN) looking like one of the fucking dwarves in the hobbit, who wore fat suits to look like they were built like john rhys davies, but if they turn their head wrong you can see their prosthetics floating like trump's wig

have the balls to give him his wierd jawline from the comic, or don't fucking bother

okay, okay. OKAY. so, you guys remember the BLOOD TORNADO from blade one, the 'original ending' on the dvd where frost turns into a whirling vortex of blood, and they superimpose the dorff's torso just kind of leaning out of it? and it looked awful both because it's super fake anyways but also unfinished? so, there is an EXTENDED scene where professor mcshane comes back as a ghost, and it's ian mcshane's head pasted onto a super fake ectoplasm tail coming out of new girl's mouth (which also, gross), and they forgot to give him a neck, and he's naked? and it's awful and only not laughable bc, frankly, ian mcshane is a treasure and spends the whole moving swearing a lot

and honestly, the most annoying part is that hellboy 19 cribs the ending from hellboy 04 where hellboy is about to give in to his cursed destiny and join team evil, until some white dude says 'no, stop, you have a choice thanks to your father'

hellboy popped into our plane in 1944 and it is 2019, dude is SEVENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. he is smarter than this shit, or at least, old enough to know better. i'm half his age and i can tell when someone is not negotiating in good faith.

and at least in 04 he was doing it to save liz, in the new movie witch milla ALREADY KILLED IAN MCSHANE and it still takes ghost mcshane to cuss hellboy out back to team good, talking him into using EXCALIBUR to rekill her instead of, destroying the world

and do they reconcile that EXCALIBUR was the key to the hellmouth, that hellboy pulling the sword from the stone started the biblical apocalypse? that england is the villain here? no, they joke that now hellboy is king.

OMG and i forgot merlin shows up again to tell hellboy HE IS LITERALLY DESCENDED FROM KING ARTHUR. his human witch mother fucked satan in the 1600s and gave birth to hellboy in hell, and then four hundred years later rasputin and the nazis summon him to earth as he's still a baby. does this make sense? no. is it comics canon. idk, who cares, it's BAD.

this movie is B A D in almost every way, it is amazing how bad it is. it is clearly a 'gritty' remake of the 2004 film, not in any way a new take on the comics. there are FIFTEEN YEARS of new bprd comics put out since that film for these guys to riff on, and they are still fundamentally misrepresenting beloved characters while also just, making up new bullshit.

but when del toro did that, it was del toro's cool bullshit. this is hellboy from the guys who said 'lets have jaime rape cersei on joffrey's tomb'