#car washer gun

[thedartseo]

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[viking-raider]

Syverson Family War

Summary-> You've just gotten off a 12-hour shift at the hospital, only to return home and get swept up into a Syverson Family War, between your husband and three children.

Pairing-> Austin "Sy" Syverson/Reader

Word Count-> 3.2k

Warnings-> PG: FLUFF, Cotton Candy Fluff, Light Teasing, Soft!Sy, SAHD!Sy, Nurse!Reader

Inspiration-> This Instagram Video (If this isn't Sy vibes, idk who Sy is!)

Author’s Note-> This is a work of Fiction!

Divider by->  @FIREFLY-GRAPHICS!

-> If you would like to get notifications for my writing! Just follow my Tag List blog, @VIKING-RAIDER-TAGLIST as well as my @VIKING-RAIDER-LIBRARY and turn on the notifications for it! It’s that easy!’ Ao3-> DRAGON_DWELLER

You were more than excited to be home after a nearly twelve hour shift at the hospital. Your back throbbed and your feet were screaming at the top of their arches from running up and down the ER department. You didn’t even bother gathering up your tote of stuff, as you got out of your car, since you had the next two days off. So, they would wait until a two hour long bubble bath and a nap with eternity.

But upon entering your modest, two story Ranch house, you were bombarded by silence. Your eyes narrowed as they scanned the dining room to your left and living room to your right, ears pricking up for the slightest movement from the bedrooms upstairs.

Something was clearly off. It was almost never this quiet in the Syverson household.

There was always some sort of ruckus or chaos in motion. Your husband blasting music in the garage, where he had set up a small work-out area or telling off whatever game was playing on the enormous tv in the living room. If it wasn’t Sy, it was a combination of your three kids. Your two boys wrestling each other over a toy or giggles, or your daughter discovering a new, little critter from the backyard and bringing it in, before promptly losing it. Or all three kids getting into mischief with each other somehow.

But when it was silent, you knew there were real shenanigans afoot.

You drew in a deep breath, mustering what energy you had left inside yourself, for Syverson Madness. “Guys! I’m home!” You called out, swinging the front door shut with a little more strength than usual, as you moved a step deeper into the powderkeg. “What are you nuts up to?” You mumbled to yourself, moving towards the living room, still trying to keep yourself alert for any kind of trap or scare.

Little good it did, as a strong hand suddenly grabbed your elbow and yanked you backwards into the dark portal of the laundry room door, with a yelp. The hand shifted to your mouth and the door closed with a soft click.

“Ssshh.” Sy cooed at you, moving his hand away. “Gotta keep quiet, Sugar Butt.” He chuckled at you.

You could hear the smirk on his bearded face, before he clicked on the tactical flashlight he was carrying. You looked him over in the dim light, discovering him in his full Army tactical gear, minus his bare feet. He even sported his night vision goggles clipped to his helmet.

“What in the he-” You were about to demand, scanning him again, but spotted one of your son’s Nerf Rifles strapped to his back. “Give me that!” You huffed, gobsmacked, as you took the light and started checking him and the laundry room out. “Good Lord, Almighty!” You laughed, shaking your head.

He had a Nerf pistol in his thigh holster, a pump gun on the dryer, a blaster beside that, and copious amounts of ammo on the washer, with pop grenades. Which you knew were filled with either baby powder or flour from the last time a Syverson War had been declared on the house.

You looked up at your husband, bottom lip trapped between your teeth for a moment. “How long has World War Syverson Seven been going?” You asked, completely amused by how lost Sy got into playing with your kids, and how much they loved it when he did.

Sy looked at his watch. “Since just after breakfast. Myles chose violence and shot Ada in the back, while she was trying to color a picture. Tears ensued, which caused Colt to declare revenge on Myles, in Ada’s name.”

“You got roped into this, how?”

“Ada got in on it, insisting she didn’t need a man to defend her honor…”

“That’s my girl.” You chuckled, smirking.

“It is.” Sy laughed back. “But, in defending her own honor, she shot me in the leg, while I was trying to get them to chill out.”

You nodded your head, seeing all the pieces fall into place. “Which, obviously, by the Syverson Code, requires you to defend your own honor.”

“Obviously, Angel!” Sy answered, faking outrage. “You should know that, after fifteen years!”

“Fifteen years, and I’m still jotting things down in the Syverson Code of Conduct booklet!” You laughed, shaking your head, there were a lot of things Sy lived and would die by.

They were many of the things that made your heart swell with love for the burly, ex-Army vet.

“So, how do I configure into this madness?”

“You just got home from a super long shift, Sugar.” He answered, brow pinching. “You’re an innocent bystander. I just had to save you before one of those hellions out there shot you.”

“My savior.” You cooed, pushing up on your toes and kissing him. “My back and arches appreciate you.”

“The Lair is off limits, per usual.” He informed you. “We just have to make it out of here and upstairs.”

“Quite the way.” You commented, mentally mapping your and Sy’s route out of the laundry room, through the living room and entryway, then finally up the stairs and home free to the master bedroom, which was referred to as the Lair, where you could rest without having to worry about the family war.

“All right, Captain, what’s the plan?”

He gave you the Syverson wink and reached over your head, there was a sharp click and from outside the laundry room, you heard the kids’ screech. Sy had thrown the power switch to the house, plunging it into the darkness. You chuckled, smirking, understanding his tactic now.

“Stay close.” He whispered to you, clicking his ammo to his vest on, before moving to the door. “The enemy is sneaky and uncivilized.” He said, pressing his body against it, listening carefully to the other side.

“Like their father.” You mumbled under your breath with a snort, huddling yourself against his back.

“I’d say more like their mama.” Sy commented back, reaching back to pop you on the bum, then slowly cracked open the door.

You shuffled out after him, casting glances over your shoulder every few seconds. It was easy going, getting through the living room. Sy had defended it mightily throughout the day, so the kids had become shy about entering their father’s domain. You trusted Sy to protect you, from everything, your kids included. Silly as that was to think.

“We have movement at 12!” Sy called out, catching your nine year old, Myles, through his night vision in his fort, consisting of the dining table and chairs that he was hunkered down underneath, belly crawling from one end towards the other, closing the gap between himself and the entryway. “He’s under the table. A sneaky little sniper boy.” He snickered, shouldering the Nerf-AR resting against his side.

You scrunched yourself up behind Sy’s wide and muscular back as Nerf Darts started whizzing by, striking the scuffed wood floor or sticking to the walls. Both Sy and Myles laughed maniacally as they shot at each other; tossing weak insults on top of it.

“Milk drinker!” Myles shouted, hustling to reload.

“Lizard eater!” Sy shot back, smirking.

“Now, boys!” You scolded weakly, snorting.

They continued their assault, Sy guiding you towards a pocket the bottom stairs provided coming down into the foyer, allowing you to take cover and him to shoot through the bars of the steps.

“Are you hit?” You asked, playing along with the game.

“Nothing I’ll die from.” He answered, reloading his weapons. “But, you can be a good nurse and kiss them all better.” He said, wiggling his eyebrows at you.

“That’s cheating!” Myles yelled out.

“Well, If I was over there, I’d do the same thing to you, Bud!” You called back, planting a kiss on Sy’s cheek, his well-groomed beard tickling your skin.

“An aid relief truce then?” Myles suggested, poking his head out from under the table.

“Certainly not!” Sy barked back, popping a Nerf dart off over his son’s head, sending him scurrying back into his fort. “She’s my nurse! I found her out wandering the battlefield, unprotected. If you wanted her to be your nurse, you should have found her first, yourself!”

“I almost did! Before you kidnapped her!” Myles huffed, hotly. “You’re holding her hostage!” He suddenly insisted. “Don’t worry, Mama. I’ll rescue you!”

“Oh my, a hostage situation.” You sighed, licking your lips. “I appreciate your devotion, son.”

“Ha.” Sy scoffed, shaking his head. “I don’t think so, boy. I’m escorting this lovely lady to the Lair.”

As Sy and Myles argued over who was going to have the pleasure of accompanying you upstairs, you caught a slight movement behind you and Sy, lurking in the darkness of the living room; moving slowly. It vanished behind the couch, and for a moment you thought it was just Aika, but when something popped up over the back of the couch, then quickly ducked down again, you were then positive it wasn’t the old girl. But your Daddy’s girl, Ada. Of all the children, six year old Ada was the most like her father. She’d been attached to Sy’s hip from the moment she left your womb. Hanging on Sy’s every word, movement and action, that sometimes it spooked you.

So, watching her stealth around in the dark of the living room was both impressive, amusing and a tad terrifying. Especially since you knew the little hellion was coming for revenge on her father and brother. There were no alliances between them during a Syverson war. You were the only ally allowed to go between the four of them. Mending wounds, mostly pretend ones, but sometimes there were real ones. Sometimes, you’d team up with one of them, to take on the other three.

“On your six! In the living room, babe!” You warned, snagging the Nerf pistol from Sy’s thigh holster as he reacted, purely by instinct, removing one of his baby powder pop grenades, tossing it behind him without looking, trusting your instruction.

Ada startled, surprised that you had noticed her, followed by a cloud of baby powder obscuring her view. She came to a halt, upon hurdling the back of the couch, in an attempt to overtake you and Sy. You took aim and fired, the Nerf dart hitting her square in the chest.

“Nice shot, hon.” Sy nodded, patting your leg, then called out to his daughter. “Sorry, Cricket, but that’s a kill shot.” He told her, his voice soft, but uncompromising.

Ada huffed, pressing her lips together. “Not fair, Mama isn’t supposed to shoot us! She doesn’t have anything to avenge!” She protested, crossing her arms.

Sy chuckled, cocking his head at her. “Mama has her own special rules in our Wars, you know that, Cricket.”

“I’ll come kiss it better, but you know Daddy’s five minute rule.” You chimed in, feeling bad about it, you honestly hadn’t meant to hit her, it was just a lucky shot.

But rules were rules. You could go and kiss her boo-boo better, allowing her to enter the War game again. However, Sy had made a rule that anyone hit with a Kill Shot had to be dead for at least five minutes, before you could render aid to them.

“All right.” Ada sighed, before flopping to the floor with a dramatic sound.

“Where were we?” Sy asked, then nodded. “Right, Myles, kindly allow me to escort my Nurse upstairs.”

“No deal, Pops.” Myles replied, shaking his head.

“Can I just go upstairs on my own?” You asked, peeking at your son through the spindles of the stairs.

Myles was quiet for a moment, considering. “Only if I get to keep you to myself for an hour!” He finally answered.

“Oh, he drives a hard bargain, that son of yours.” You teased Sy, tickling the back of his neck.

“That he does.” Sy agreed, shivering, as he brewed over Myles' offer. “You can have her for thirty minutes!” He negotiated with him.

“Thirty minutes!” Myles barked in outrage.

“You have to go to bed in two hours, boy!” Sy reminded him.

“So, give her to me for an hour!”

You smirked and pressed your palm to the base of Sy’s neck, leaning in close, your lips brushing against his ear, so only he could hear you. “Let him have me for the hour, Austin. I’ve been gone for twelve hours, and they have to go to bed in two. It’ll give me a little bit of time with them.” You reasoned with your husband. “We’ll have all night together after they're asleep, and the next two days, when they're at school.”

Sy nodded, rubbing his lips together. “You’re right.” He whispered back to you. “All right, you can have her for an hour, after you let her go upstairs and do what she pleases.”

A muffled yes came from the dining room. “Deal! You’re free to come out, Mama!”

“Thank God! I have to pee really bad.” You chuckled, kissing Sy, before scurrying out of your hiding place with him and started up the stairs, as you reached the top, you wondered where your middle child, Colt, was.

The seven year old was oddly missing in action the whole time the rest of you were battling and negotiating downstairs. As you reached the top, a cry filled the air, startling the life out of you, before a fury of Nerf darts peppered you all over.

“COLT!” You howled at the boy, dashing for your bedroom door and taking cover behind it.

“Colt Nero Syverson!” Sy’s voice called up the stairs. “You know the rules about firing upon your mother!”

“I’m sorry, Mama.” Colt’s soft voice whimpered in the dark to you. “I didn’t know it was you.”

“It’s fine, little man.” You sighed, rubbing a hand over your face. “Just mind yourself.”

“Okay, Ma.” He smiled, ducking back into his hiding place; his room.

“Oh, this family.” You sighed again, closing the door and rushing for the en suite, tugging off your shoes as you went. “Ooo.” You cooed, enjoying the feeling of the icy tile on your bare, throbbing feet.

Bladder empty, you splashed some cool water in your face, then got out of your nursing scrubs, replacing them with a comfortable pair of shorts and a tank top. You laid down on your and Sy’s enormous bed, dozing off for a couple minutes before getting back up to fulfill the promises you made to Ada and Myles.

“Colt, I’m coming out, please don’t shoot me.” You called through the crack you opened in the bedroom door.

“Okay, Mama!” He called back.

Coming out of the room, you stood at the top of the stairs, but frowned and turned, heading down to Colt’s room. “What are you doing, buddy?” You asked, peeking around the doorframe, seeing he had made a little barricade and was hunkered down behind his bed. “Why haven’t you come down to challenge your dad, brother and sister?”

“Oh, I have, Ma!” He answered, his smile showing off the two front teeth he lost a month before. “I’m just waiting for the most opportune time to go back downstairs to finish off whoever is left.” He sat up on his bed a little more, eyeing you. “How many of them are left?”

You smirked at him, slyly. “You know I’m not allowed to give away information to someone, especially if I’m not teamed up with them, little man.”

“Poop.” He huffed, slapping his mattress and sitting back. “Do you wanna be on my team?” He asked, hopeful.

“Sadly, your Papa had to bargain me off to your brother for an hour, so I could go to the Lair and change.” You informed him, giving him a sympathetic smile. “But, how about this? When it’s bedtime, I’ll come and read to you, whatever you want.”

“Eragon!” He gasped, enthralled again.

“Deal.”

“Deal!”

“All right, wee man, if I don’t see you before then, I’ll see you at bed time.” You cooed at him.

You headed back downstairs, pausing on the middle landing. “I’m coming downstairs, don’t shoot!” You announced to Sy and Myles.

“All clear!” They both called back.

You joined them downstairs, finding them just as you left them.

“Mommy, can I be alive again?” Ada called to you from her spot behind the couch.

“Yes, love, I’m coming right now to fix your boo-boo.” You replied, crossing the entryway and leaned over her, placing a gentle kiss to her forehead. “There, sweet girl. All healed and alive again. Off you trot. Why don’t you watch a movie on your tablet, until bedtime?”

“Thanks, Mama!” She giggled, hugging your waist, then ran off.

With your daughter resurrected, you joined Myles in the dining room, and despite the soreness in your body, got under the table with him. “Just you, Colt and your Papa now, big man.” You told him, propping your head up on your hand. “Tough crowd.”

“But I got you, Mama.” Myles countered. “You can heal all my wounds.”

“Mm, that I can.” You nodded, casting your eyes past the table legs and made out Sy’s outline. “But, that’s about all the energy I’ve got for you. Bringing your sister back to life took a lot out of me. So, I can’t help you fight either of them.”

“That’s fine. I can finish them.”

You reached out and brushed your fingers through his tamed, black curls. “I have all the faith in the world in you, my sweet boy.” You cooed at him, lovingly.

“Moooom!” He groaned, rolling his eyes.

“Time’s wastin’, kid!” Sy called out.

“You stay here, mom. I’m gonna sneak around.” Myles said, wiggling back up the table towards the back entry of the kitchen.

“I’ll be here.” You replied, propping your head up on your hand, eyes drooping for a moment.

At least, you thought it was for a moment, until you felt a pair of strong hands grab your ankles and yanked you out from underneath the table, startling you awake from the nap you dozed into.

“Jesus.”

“Naw, just me, Angel.” Sy grinned, helping you up.

“Where’s Myles?” You asked, rubbing at the sleep in your eyes and noticing he wasn’t in his tactical gear anymore, but just a pair of shorts.

“Out cold in bed.” He answered, steadying you with his hands on your hips.

“But…” You frowned, glancing at the stairs over your shoulder.

“Colt came down not long after Myles tried sneaking around me through the kitchen.” Sy explained to you, a proud little glint in his blue eyes. “Took out both of us, the little rascal.” He chuckled, shaking his head. “We found you asleep and they understood you had a long day, and would spend time with them tomorrow, after they came home from school.”

You pressed your forehead against his chest. “What in the world would I do without you?” You cooed, sighing heavily.

“I don’t know what we would do without you.” He replied, encasing you in his muscular arms and resting his chin on top of your head, rocking gently. “Let’s go to bed, love.” He whispered, scooping you up off your sore feet and carried you upstairs, to bed.

You moaned softly, sinking into the mattress as Sy tossed the blankets over you and kissed your temple, before joining.

[callsign-dexter]

Family Under Fire

Request: Tim’s daughter works a part time job (yknow like to earn a little extra money while in high school) and while she’s working one day someone attempts to rob the place…And Tim and Lucy are the closest to the robbery and Tim recognises the name of the shop way too quickly

Pairings: Tim Bradford x Daughter!Reader

Warnings: fluff, angst, cussing, inaccurate police talk, inaccurate hospital talk, robbery, guns, blood, caring Tim Bradford, Dad!Tim Bradford

Masterlist

A/N: Thank you @justabigassnerd for requesting it and also this is payback for sending angst TikTok videos.

Summer. You always liked summer but it could become unbearable in Los Angeles but it was 2 months away from school work, which you did not miss. You 18 which meant that you were in the last of high school and you couldn’t be more excited. Sure, you loved seeing your friends and most teachers but you could care less for the cliques, bullies, jocks, etc.  During the summer you had gotten a part time job at Cozy Corner Café, a cute little place for people to hang out, meet up with friends, do school work, eat, and drink. Everyone there was so nice and it was refreshing. It was a fairly big café and it did really well so well it became popular fast. The café also was a 24-hour café which meant that sometimes you worked well into the night, that part sucked but it paid well and you loved it so you stuck with it. You had your driver’s license which helped with giving you freedom during the summer. You drove a Ford Bronco but recently it was acting up and when you told your father, Tim Bradford, about it the night before he said to bring it down to the station and he would trade vehicles out with you and he would get it looked at either have the mechanics at work look at it or take it down to a mechanic shop after work and get a ride from someone. 

Monday morning rolled around and your alarm clock started to go off abruptly waking you up with a groan. You opened your eyes and turned it off and looked at the time which was 7:00 AM. It was the first official day of summer break and the first day of work for you. You sighed and rolled out of bed and walked into the bathroom while grabbing a towel from the hall closest, you needed a shower before you switched cars with your dad and headed off to work. You turned on the shower and got it to the right temperature before shedding your clothes and hopping into the warm water. The water cascaded over you, you quickly did what you needed and then turned off the shower and grabbed your towel drying off and then started to get dressed in jeans and your work shirt. You then brushed your teeth and brushed your hair leaving it to air dry. Once you were done there you grabbed your phone and shut the lights off and walked downstairs to drop your dirty clothes and towel in the washer. Kojo happily greeted you and you smiled petting the dog “Hey there boy. Are you gonna be good while we are gone?” You asked, smiling and not expecting a response but he barked and wagged his tail. “You’re always a good boy, aren’t you?” You asked and he barked and put a paw on your hand making you chuckle. You filled his food bowl and water bowl and then grabbed your backpack and keys. “I gotta get going. Be a good boy.” You said he barked again and then you were heading out of the house and to your Ford Bronco. You got in and put the key into the ignition and turned it “Come on please don’t do this now.” You said as it sputtered for a few seconds before turning over. “Thank you.” You said and then reversed and headed to the station. It didn’t take long before you got there and parked beside your dad’s truck and as soon as you did it died. “Right on time.” You said and got out grabbing your things and throwing on the jacket you would have throughout the night. You walked into the station and literally ran into Wesley Evers, aka your Godfather. “Oof.” You said stumbling back.

“Woah, are you ok?” He asked catching you before you fell backwards.

“I’m good. I promise.” You said looking up at him and then going to hug him.

“What are you doing here? Aren’t you supposed to be getting to work?” He asked and you nodded as you pulled away from him. He knew you started work today because you had excitedly texted him and Angela about it.

“Yes, I left the house a little bit early to drop The Bronco off.” You said

“Is it acting up again?” He asked and you nodded.

“Yes unfortunately.” You replied

“Why don’t you trade it in and get a different vehicle?” He asked

“It’s my baby, I can’t just get rid of her.” You said and he shook his head.

“I get it. I get it.” He said smiling.

“Dad is letting me take his truck while he figures out what is going on with it.” You said and he nodded. “You know where he is so I don’t have to do a scavenger hunt for him?” You asked, chuckling and so did Wesely.

“Last I checked everyone was in the briefing room.” He said and you nodded.

“Hey, you should stop by later.” You said and he smiled.

“I will make sure to do that. I have to go but I will see you later Y/N.” He said and he hugged you again and kissed your head. 

“Sounds good. Bye Wesely.” You said and he smiled and then you both started to walk your separate ways. You nodded and smiled at the front desk and they smiled back, everyone knew who you were so you got a free pass. You got on the elevator and pressed the button and when it dinged signaling that you were on your floor you got out and instantly spotted everyone in the briefing room it looked like they had just finished as you walked onto the floor. Angela was the first one to spot you and she smiled, which was rare for her, and nudged Tim who looked your way and smiled, something rare that only few people have seen. They both walked out. 

“Hey, what are you doing here?” Angela asked walking up to you with Tim.

“I’m dropping The Bronco off for dad to get looked at and getting the keys to his truck.” You said and she smiled as you handed Tim your keys.

“Right, I’ll be right back. Let me go and get the keys.” He said and you nodded.

“Why don’t you trade it in and get a different vehicle?” She asked and you laughed.

“That is the same thing your husband said. I’ll tell you what I told him. It’s my baby, I can’t just get rid of her.” You said and she chuckled.

“I remember my first car. I had it until he upped and died on me on the interstate. Had to let it go then. It was truly a sad day.” She said

“Dad got me The Bronco when I got my permit when I was 15 ½. I learned everything in that car. I can’t let her go.” You said 

“When do you start work?” She asked

“8. I left the house early to switch out vehicles with dad.” You said as Tim walked back up and held out the keys to you.

“Be careful and remember it is very sensitive with the gas and breaks.” He said and you nodded.

“I remember. Oh, and the engine died as soon as I parked it.” You said and he nodded.

“I’ll get Seth to look at it while we are gone.” He said 

“Thank you.” You said and he smiled and hugged.

“You’re welcome. I’ll see you later. Call or text if something doesn’t sit right with you.” He said and you nodded.

“I will.” You said as Lucy came up. 

“Hey, what are you doing here?” She asked with a smile.

“My car started to act up and dad said he would get it checked out so I’m switching vehicles with him.” You said and looked down at your watch and saw it was 7:20 AM. “I gotta go. I’ll see you guys later. I love you dad.” You said and he smiled.

“I love you too.” He said and hugged you and kissed your head and then you were heading to the elevators. When you got down to the main level you waved at the front desk and walked out of the building to your dad’s truck. You got in and put your stuff in the passenger side seat and turned the ignition. You reversed and headed to the café ready to start your long shift for the day/part of the night. When you reached the café, you parked in the back where the employees parked and killed the engine. As you were getting out, leaving your bag in the truck, your friend and coworker, Valencia, got out of her car as well.

“You’re in a different vehicle.” She said and you chuckled and smiled.

“Yea, The Bronco was acting up.” You said as you locked the truck and the both of you headed into the back.

“Oh man you love that thing.” She said and you nodded.

“I do and I’ll be heartbroken when it has to go.” You said as the both of you began putting your stuff in the lockers. “Damn, I left my bag in the truck. I’ll just get it later.” You said as Mark walked in overhearing the conversation.

“You sure? We still have some time before we start.” Mark said, your other friend said.

“Yea, I’m sure. I’ll get it on break.” You confirmed and they both nodded and the three of you clocked in and walked to the front and the shift began. The beginning of the shift nothing exciting happened and not a lot of people came in. Some college students came in to grab coffee and maybe something to eat and then they were on their way to class and then the customers died down. You spent the down time by cleaning up and making sure everything was stocked and swept while Remi, Amelia, and Carlyn came and greeted you three, they were also your friends.

“So, you have any plans for the days you’re not working?” Valencia asked and you shrugged as you wiped down the counter as she tended to the cash register along with Amelia.

“No, not really. Might take Kojo out for a run one day and work on some college applications.” You said shrugging.

“Are you really serious about getting into the police academy?” Remi asked as he restocked the higher up things.

“I am. My dad went through it and I love helping people so why not? It runs in our family.” You said not bothering to say anything about your mom since she wasn’t in your life for most of it.

“That would be so cool when you get in and graduate. You’re badass now but you’ll be even more badass.” Mark said, leaning against the counter. You rolled your eyes and smiled and then playfully shoved him off of it.

“Hey I just cleaned there.” You said and wiped the counter down again.

“He’s right, you know. Y/N Bradford certified Badass.” Amelia said and you rolled your eyes and shook your head. 

“It is only the truth.” Carlyn said and everyone nodded and you blushed but smiled.

“Stop you guys.” You said as the door chimed and a flood of people came in and when you looked down at your watch you knew why, it was already noon and this was the lunch rush. Mark, Remi, and Valencia took to the cash registers and getting the food and you, Amelia, and Carlyn started to make the coffee and whatever drinks were ordered, you took this role because you were fast at it and everyone agreed. You three really worked in harmony and got people out quickly. Your boss said when you six were out of school and either going to college and needed work or just needed work in the summer you all had a job, you six were that good. Mark, Remi and Valencia were fast at making coffee too but you and Amelia were a tad faster but they could get the job done just as well and it tasted just as good. You had finished serving the last customer and they were out the door when you sighed in relief. “What a rush.” You said and the other two nodded.

“You got that right.” Mark said turning to you as did Valencia and now it was time to wait. While you waited you wiped down the equipment and cleaned it with the help from Mark. “What time is it?” He asked and you looked down at your watch.

“It is 2:00.” You said 

“Damn time flies by when you’re having fun.” Valencia said and everyone chuckled. As the afternoon went on you served customers and talked. Around 5:00 PM the college crowd started to come in. Mark took the coffee making and you took one of the registers. You were taking orders when a familiar face popped and you smiled.

“Wesley! You came!” You exclaimed and he smiled and nodded.

“I sure did. This is actually one of my favorite spots to hang out and get coffee. I got excited when I knew you were starting to work here.” He said and the two of you talked and he gave you his order and he got it and went to sit down. 

“Y/N take your break.” Mark said and you nodded and clocked out for your 15-minute break. Just as soon as your boss Jason Alderman walked in.

“Taking your break?” He asked and you smiled and nodded.

“Yes, Sir.” You said

“Good. Can’t have one of my best baristas breaking down on me.” He said and then walked to the front as you did and Mark handed you your favorite drink and food.

“You know me so well.” You said and he smiled.

“Of course I do. You’re my best friend.” He said and you rolled your eyes and went and sat down with Wesley while you texted your dad.

You: Hey, I’m on break and Wesley was here as well. 

Tim: You two have fun. I love you 

You: I love you too. 

“So, how have things been with you?” You asked as you took a sip of coffee and looked up at Wesely.

“I’ve been good. A lot of cases have been happening.” He said

“How are you and Angela?” You asked 

“Good. We’re good. Actually, we are trying for a baby.” He said and your eyes got wide.

“Seriously? That is amazing. I can already see a mini-Angela and Wesley running around.” You said and he chuckled.

“Yea, we are pretty excited about it too.” Wesley said 

“Sir, I can’t do that.” You heard Amelia say which made you and Wesley look up and him over to the counter and the both of you froze. The man was tall and slim, he had light brown hair and from the looks of it brown eyes. You got up and made your way to the counter to protect your friend and coworker kicking in. 

“Y/N no.” Wesley said but you ignored him.

“Is there a problem, Sir?” You asked

“Yes, there is, this little bitch won’t give me the money.” He said

“Sir, she cannot do that.” You said voice going into a commanding tone.

“I tried being nice but you made me do this.” He said and pulled out a gun and everything stopped.

“Give me the money now.” He growled out. Jason was quick to come out of the back.

“She is not going to do that.” He said and got in front of him and Amelia. As someone called 911.

“Fine.” He said and turned the gun on you and pulled the trigger. White hot pain is all you felt and then you were falling to your knees as someone was catching you and calling your name.

“Y/N!” Wesley said as he caught you and gently laid you down head in his lap as he applied pressure to the wound. It made you cry out. “It’s ok. I got you. Your dad is on the way.” He said.

“It hurts.” You said tears escaping your eyes.

“I know it does. Just hang on for me. Ok?” He asked and you nodded. There was commotion and Mark and Remi had tackled the man but not before more gunshots went off but thankfully nobody else was hurt as bad as you. They may have some scratches from glass and graze wounds but that is about it. 

“Ok.” You said through gritted teeth. You just wanted your dad.

-----------------------------------------‐-------------

After you had left the station everyone else had gone and got ready and they started to do the same and as they were at war bag station and they grabbed their cameras Tim turned to Lucy “Get the shop ready. I need to go down to the garage.” He said and she nodded.

“You got it.” She said as she grabbed the bags as Tim made his way down to the garage and straight to Seth, the main mechanic, to ask for him look at your Bronco and they agreed, he knew that Grey would allow it since Tim was a sergeant too, before they even left, they were already giving him an update. 

“So, the engine blew up and the transmission is bad as well.” Seth said.

“How is it possible that it was running fine for months?” He asked as they stood outside by your Bronco and hood up.

“Driving on a blown engine and a bad transmission is possible. Is it good? No.” Seth said

“It never showed any signs of going out or being a bad transmission.” He said and Seth nodded 

“That is not out of the norm. Most people don’t know about it until something happens. Has the light ever come on?” He asked 

“No never.” Tim said and Seth nodded.

“There could be a loose wire or connection. Don’t worry. We will get it up and working. It’ll be good to go by the end of your shift.” Seth said

“Thank you so much.” Tim said and gave him the keys.

“Not a problem. Have a good shift.” Seth said and Tim nodded and he was on his way to Lucy.

“So, what is the news?” She asked

“Blown engine and a bad transmission.” He said

“Oh man. That’s not good.” She said and he shook his head.

“What is even worse is that it didn’t even give warning that it was blown or had a bad transmission. No light ever came on.” He said

“Damn.” She said as they got in the shop and they started their shift. “So, are you going to have to take it somewhere to get fixed?” She asked and he shook his head.

“No, Seth said they would get it fixed by the end of our shift.” Tim said 

“Well, that’s good.” She said and he nodded. Their shift consisted of several noise complaints and several arrests. He drove by Cozy Corner Café and smiled seeing all the cars there and knew you were busy and thankfully Lucy didn’t pick up on what he was doing.

Around 5:00 PM Tim and Lucy were driving back from the station after having just booked someone when he got a text from you. He quickly pulled out his phone before starting to drive.

You: Hey, I’m on break and Wesley was here as well. 

Tim: You two have fun. I love you 

You: I love you too. 

As they got back out on the road the radio went off “7-Adam-100 respond to a 10-66 at Cozy Corner Café. One GSW reported. Multiple injuries. RA requested.” Dispatch sounded and Tim’s heart dropped and he had gone somewhat pale. He was quick to grab the radio.

“7-Adam-100 responding.” He said before Lucy could even make a move towards the radio. He turned on the lights and sped off towards where you worked.

“10--66 is an armed robbery. Tim, what is going on?” Lucy asked

“Y/N works there.” Is all he said and Lucy got a sinking feeling that something wasn’t right. 

“7-Adam-07 responding.” Angela came over the radio.

“7-Adam-19 also responding.” Harper’s voice came through and Tim was grateful for that.

Tim and Lucy were the first to get there and parked in a hurry and they quickly got their guns drawn and went in. “We have him held down over there.” Jason said and pointed to where Mark and Remi were keeping him at bay.

“Officer Chen, you go and take care of him. Where is the gunshot-” Time started but was cut off by Wesley.

“Tim over here. It’s Y/N.” He said and Tim was over there in a hurry. 

“Holy shit.” He murmured. “Y/N, Sweetheart, can you hear me? If you can hear me, open your eyes.” He said and so you did. 

“Daddy?” You asked, he nodded.

“I’m here, what happened?” He asked kneeling beside you not caring if he was getting blood on his uniform.

“He came in demanding money and A-Ameila said we couldn’t give it to him and I got up and went over to him, asked him what he wanted and he repeated himself and I told him that. He got mad then pulled out a gun and and pointed it at me and pulled the trigger. I was just trying to protect my friend, I’m sorry. It hurts, Daddy.” You said and and he put a hand on your face and you leaned into it.

“I’m not mad at you I promise, mad at him yes. I know it hurts, Sweetheart.” He said “Just hold on.” He said as the others arrived and Angela came straight over to you, Tim, and Wesley. 

“Fuck. Is she ok?” She asked 

“I think she will be.” Wesley said

“Are you hurt?” Tim asked and he shook his head.

“No. I’m fine. She didn’t hit anything as she went down. I caught her.” He said Jackson came over.

“Suspect is secured and the RA should be here any second.” He said and then walked away to help Nolan and Lucy and Tim nodded as he helped put pressure on your wound and you groaned in pain.

“RA is coming through.” Harper said. Lucy, Jackson and Nolan were checking in on everyone else and getting statements. The EMTs came through and quickly started to take your vitals and pack the wound as best as they could and then they were putting you on a gurney and ushering you out of the building. 

“I’m going with her.” Tim said and body stopped him. They got you in and he followed and they were off to the hospital. His hand never left yours and it would stay like that as long as they didn’t need it and thankfully, they didn’t. Everything was blocked out for Tim all he could hear was the rhythmic sound of your heartbeat and your unconscious form, when you passed out, he didn’t even know. He couldn’t lose you not now, not ever. Finally, the ambulance arrived at the hospital and you were ushered in and taken to surgery immediately and left Tim out in the waiting room. Not even 10 minutes later here came Jackson, Angela, Nolan, Harper, Lucy, Wesley, and even Grey. They spotted him immediately.

“How is she?” Nolan asked 

“Don’t know yet. They rushed her back to surgery. Wesely, I have to thank you for being there and keeping pressure on her wound.” Tim said, looking at Wesley at the end.

“She asked me to stop by and I’m glad I did. I hope she’s going to be ok.” He spoke

“She will be. Have you not seen who her dad is? Also, she is a Bradford.” Angela said and everyone chuckled and Tim smiled. Finally, the doctor came out and Tim was quick to get up and walk to him. 

“She is going to be ok. The bullet didn’t do major damage but just one more centimeter and it would’ve hit her kidney. All intestines were spared. We repaired everything and got the bullet out and I’m happy to say she’ll make a full recovery.” He said and Tim sighed in relief “You can see her now. She may be a little groggy but that is to be expected.” He said and Tim nodded. 

“Give me a second.” Tim said and the doctor nodded. Tim walked over and told them what he was told and everyone sighed in relief.

“You go and be with your daughter. Someone will bring your bag by and your truck from the café. I’ll let the garage know that you won’t be picking up The Bronco tonight.” Grey said and Tim nodded.

“Thank you.” He said

“Now go. Tell her we say hi, we love her and are proud of her.” Wesley said everyone nodded in agreement and he nodded and headed in the direction of the doctor who took him to your room. 

“Remember she will be groggy and may be in some pain. If you need anything or if something goes wrong just press the button.” He said and Tim once again nodded and then was left with you. He walked over and sat down. You must’ve sensed that he was there because you started to wake up.

“Daddy?” You asked and looked over at him.

“I’m here, Sweetheart.” He said

“I’m sorry.” You said and he looked at you confused.

“For what?” He asked

“For trying to stop the robbery.” You said

“Sweetheart, it is ok. You did stop it. Even though you got shot it gave Mark and Remi enough time to tackle him.” He said

“I did good?” You asked and he nodded.

“You did excellent. I’m so proud of you.” He said and leaned up and kissed your forehead. You could barely keep your eyes open due to the anesthesia left in your body.

“Get some sleep. I’ll be here when you wake up. Oh, and everybody says hi and that they love you and are so proud of you.” He said and you nodded with a smile as you closed your eyes and got comfortable.

“I love you, Dad.” You said and he smiled and cradled your face with one hand and you leaned into it.

“I love you too, Sweetheart. Get some sleep.” He repeated the last part and he waited until your breath evened out before taking his hand away slowly and leaned up and kissed your forehead. He sat back down and let the tears fall. He could’ve lost you today but he didn’t and he was so glad about that. He doesn’t know what would’ve happened if he had lost you but he doesn’t have to think about that because he could hear your steady heartbeat projected by the monitor and he could see your chest rising and falling. He held your hand and stroked your knuckles. “You did excellent, Sweetheart. I’m so proud of you.” He said again but softly and quietly and then sat back just watching. You were going to be ok.

Tag list:

@callsigns-haze

@kmc1989

@els-marvelvsp

@atarmychick007

@nyx2021

@grandstrangerphantom

@angenu01-blog

@talesofreading 

@callsign-revenge

[xxgoblin-dumplingxx]

can we have more disowned!Jason pls??

Bruce was thankful for the drive. It gave him time to think. Mostly of things to say.

He'd sent a new washer and dryer, only to have them politely but firmly refused. Not by Jason, which he expected, but by you. You explained that it was appreciated but not necessary. And then before hanging up the phone, suggested that he donate the money to a support group for estranged parents. Electronics for the kids were similarly received- albeit less politely by Jason. Jason outright sent them back in pieces.

It was a risk, and he knew that. But by the time he pulled into town and was driving down tree-lined streets he was resolved. He had grandchildren now. He had a son who was happy. A Daughter in law... It was- well. Not a 'normal' family but, why did that matter?

There was a new baby on the way. Surely you had to need something to make it easier? College funds? Was the house paid for? He went through the options over and over. Considering the things he knew from the court documents. How you'd come to have your niece and nephew in your custody. The long sad story that got there.

You were steadfast and compassionate- that he knew. And proud. An offer that felt like charity would be rejected. Because you were doing it- or had been doing it on your own. Caring for your grandmother and then your mother. Fighting with the courts. Running a business. And raising two kids. You didn't want charity.

He pulled up on the curb and checked his watch, frowning. Both cars were still in the drive. Which was odd. Dick had told him you usually took the kids to school and opened the store.

He walked up the front steps and rang the bell. Greeted by the cacophony of dogs barking and Jason grumbling as he lumbered to the door.

Jason rolled his eyes when he saw Bruce at the door. "Not now-"

"I come in peace," Bruce said holding up his hands.

"Now's not a good time," Jason said, picking up the Yorkie before she could bolt out the door.

"What happened?" Bruce asked, heart dropping. Jason looked tense. Stressed. Upset. "Are the kids-"

"There was a break in at the hardware. Y/N was working late doing the books. Local scumbags busted in looking for tools they could sell. And copper. They didn't know she was there, so when she walked out to see what was happening, they panicked. Busted her in the face a couple times and someone kicked her stomach." Jason exhaled slowly. "Boris got to them and scared them off when he heard her struggling. And then. Fuck. As if it wasn't bad enough, his fucking heart just gave out and her dog died."

"Jason-"

"Now is really not a good time," Jason repeated, swallowing hard.

And all Bruce can do is hug him. Hard. Jason never did do well when women were in danger. When they were attacked like that. And now it was one of HIS women. His wife. The mother of his children. And she hadn't been able to call him for help. "Is... everything okay?" he asked, releasing him when Jason started to pull away.

"They kept her in the hospital for a couple days and they want to keep her on bed rest for a while. They were worried about her back and her ribs. And the stress of it all. But- mostly she just... she's worried about the baby. She's worried about the kids. And she misses Borris."

"A good boy-"

"Her best friend," Jason said, smiling a little. "And then he had to go and prove he really did love her more than me... grumpy old fucker."

"I know it's not a good time," Bruce said, not wanting to add more stress to his son. Or risk upsetting you and making it worse for you. "But if you need anything-"

"Just make sure those scumbags stay in jail," Jason said. "Because if I get my hands on them, I'll break their fucking necks."

"At least you aren't going to shoot-"

"Y/N makes me store my guns and my ammo in two separate places," he sighed. "And she moved it after Ty found it- now I don't know where it is."

[seat-safety-switch]

People ask me how I learned about so many different things. It's easy: I experiment a lot. Some folks are afraid to try pushing a new button in their word processor, or trying an alternative cooking time on their microwave. They know what works, and they fear that deviating from that golden path will lead them to horrible, confusing misery as the thing they rely on has broken, and it's all their fault.

Friends: everything I own breaks all the time. It is literally impossible to discern "my fault" from "it was just old." That's where my power comes from. I push whatever button I want, and then find out what it does. Sometimes it burns up a wiring harness, or ejects some part of the machine that I needed. Most of the time, though, I learn about a cool new feature I didn't know existed. For instance, did you know that the doors in my car can lock?

Now, I don't want to sound like I'm always trying out new things. For years, I'd been afraid of pushing different buttons on my washing machine. You see, it's very old, and a little finicky, and I had finally found a magic combination of options that got my clothes washed without turning them into microplastic dust. Then, one morning, I got a little froggy. Things hadn't been going well for me in the other projects, and I wanted to assert some control over my life. I pushed the "Custom Program" button.

Nothing seemed to happen. In fact, the screen went blank. And then I heard the helicopters. You see, I never got a manual with this clothes washer (because I found it floating in the river.) I had no idea what "Custom Program" would do, but secretly hoped it would unlock magic cleaning powers. What it actually did was cause the LG Corporation to mark me for death.

Just because I've been on the run from snipers and other heavily-armed mercenaries for the last sixteen months is no reason for you not to experiment. For instance, you could go push the "Custom Program" button on your own washing machine. That would probably draw away at least half of the highly trained assassins bearing down on me at this exact moment. Hell, maybe push it two or three times, really help me out. I would love to have a little more time to myself and less spent fleeing gun-toting psychopaths. Who knows what I'll discover next?

[readyforevolution]

In 1932, Richard B. Spikes received a patent for an automatic car gear shift. Major companies welcomed his inventions. Its patent #1889,814.

By the time he created the automatic safety brake in 1962, Spikes was losing his vision. To complete the device, he first created a drafting machine for blind designers. The machine would soon be used in almost every school bus nationwide.

These are other inventions by Richard B. Spikes:

railroad semaphore (1906)

automatic car washer (1913)

automobile directional signals (1913)

beer keg tap (1910)

self-locking rack for billiard cues (1910)

continuous contact trolley pole (1919)

combination milk bottle opener and cover (1926)

method and apparatus for obtaining average samples and temperature of tank liquids (1931)

automatic gear shift (1932)

transmission and shifting thereof (1933)

automatic shoe shine chair (1939)

multiple barrel machine gun (1940)

horizontally swinging barber chair (1950)

automatic safety brake (1962)

[figthefruitfaeth]

Robin’s First Date.

| 12:36pm | 

“Wow, okay, I’m not taking advice from Mr. Polo for everyday of the week.”

“Hey, those were a gag gift—”

“Right, a gag gift you spent twenty minutes looking for. I got written up cause you couldn’t wear a Saturday��on Tuesday.”

“I’m sorry I have standards.”

“Mm-hm.”

“Whatever. Come on—when have I ever steered you wrong? I’m off at 5, plenty of time before your date—”

“No! No. Not that I don’t appreciate it, cause I do and your great and all but...well...our styles don’t exactly mesh.” 

“Right, well that’s cause one of us has eyes and one of us has clashing patterns, so—”

“Oh, and the stripes? They don’t ever—”

“Which is good for you! But I know what the ladies like, Bobbin. I also know what this lady likes. And I know what’s going to get you laid.”

“Gross—“

“So are you gonna let me help you or what?”

“I’m calling Eddie.”

“Eddie?! No—”

| 12:57pm |

“Munson Mansion. This is Eddie, trapped in the wine cellar, speaking.”

“Eddie, I need your help.”

“Oh, hey, hi, what’s up?”

“The date’s tonight and I don’t have anything to wear.”

“Okay...”

“Not anything, but what I wanted to wear was in the washer before it broke and now it’s not gonna be dry in time and everything else is too bright, or too boring, and I’m getting sweaty and maybe developing a rash which is just perfect, I’m going to show up red and gross and she’s never going to talk to me again. God, maybe I should just cancel—“

“Heeey there, settle down. Breathe, in—out, there you go.”

“Sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll be over in 10.”

| 3:09pm |

“This is the Wheeler Residence. Looks like you’ve just missed us! Feel free to leave a message—“

| 3:33pm |

“Wheeler Residence, this is Karen speaking—“

| 4:17pm |

“This is Hop.”

“Oh. Um. HI Chief Hopper, or, Officer? Uh—“

“Who is this?”

“Robin. Buckley. Sir. Robin Buckley. I’m a friend of Steve’s?”

“Right.”

“Right. Right, uh yeah.”

“Well, he’s not here, so—“

“Right, right, no! I was, uh, calling for Jonathan? Is he—is he around?”

| 4:21pm |

“Robin?”

“Jonathan! Hey! Buddy...how’s it going?”

“Is everything alright?”

“Yeah, totally, why wouldn’t it be? Unless, everything’s not alright with you? Are you okay?”

“Yeah, everything’s fine. Just don’t get a lot of calls from you.”

“Right. Well, you know work. Busy, busy! Ha ha...”

“Okay...did you wanna talk? Or...”

“Yes! I did, I did...OW! Sorry, sorry, banged my knee against something annoying. So...I can’t do this, this was a terrible idea...well, you shouldn’t have encouraged me—”

“Hey, if you’re busy—“

“Sorry, that was..my dad! Yeah, he needs help with the car. Tire busted and he’s not strong enough to lift the wheels so he always asks me, cause you know. Guns of steel and all that. But we should talk more. Yeah! Okay.”

“Yeah. Definitely...”

| 4:55pm |

“Family Video. This is Steve.”

“Steve.”

“Robin.”

“...”

“You need me to—“

“I need you to come over.”

“Yeah, that’s what I thought. What’s Eddie got you in?”

“Well...it’s creative?”

“Robin doesn’t want to go metal, even though metal clearly wants to go Robin. Hi sweetheart.”

“Hi babe. Rob, this is why you shouldn’t’ve asked him. He has terrible taste—“

“Ugh! You love this!”

“I do. For you. And more specifically, taking if off of you—“

“O.K. gross! Disgusting! Stop! Can we focus on me? I’m in a crisis!”

“Alright, alright. Let me clock out. Don’t let him near your scissors.”

| 6:14pm |

“This is the Wheeler’s, it’s Mike.”

“Mike! Oh, Michael, thank God I thought I was gonna have to hangup on your mom again.”

“Robin? Why are you calling my house? Is someone in trouble?”

“No! Why does everyone keep assuming that? Don’t answer that. Listen, I need your help.”

“What? No, I have a campaign going.”

“It’ll take like two minutes—did he say a campaign?—then you can do whatever—no, don’t—What campaign?”

“Eddie?”

“What campaign? Unless I’m mistaken, and I rarely am—HA—we don’t have a Hellfire meeting scheduled till Friday. What is this? A mutiny?”

“No! No I promise! It’s just a one-shot, just to get Will back into things, I swear.”

“You swear, huh?”

“On my life! On The Knights of Mystic Fire!”

“Yeah, you better. I’ll let this slide if you help out Robin. No buts! Or Sir Miklan is getting disadvantage on every throw next session.”

“Fine. What do you want?”

“Can you go check and see what Nancy’s wearing?”

“What?!”

“Not like that! Just! We’re, uh, hanging out tonight and she didn’t tell me where we were going and I don’t know if I should bring a jacket, so just go and check, okay?”

“I’m not doing that.”

“What? Why?”

“It’s weird. Here, just talk to her yourself—“

“What—no, Mike—”

“Robin?”

| 6:19pm |

“Nancy. Hi.”

“Hi, Robin.”

“...”

“I didn’t mean to hang up. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. I figured it was an accident or something.”

“Yeah. You know me, love slipping on things and hitting buttons I can’t..unclick..”

“Yeah, I do. It’s really cute.”

“Ah, well, I mean, if you say so. Most people find it annoying, but I mean, if you think—ah, well, thank you. I think your cute too, obviously. Um. I mean, not for that, also obviously, cause I don’t think you’ve tripped on anything in your life, uh, so—“

“Robin.”

“Yes!”

“Are you nervous?”

“Yeah! Could you tell?”

“Hm!”

“I don’t know what to wear. I had an idea, and then it vanished and nothing else in my closet felt right. Steve just kept trying to cinch my jeans cause he said that’s what girls like, and Eddie kept suggesting leather, but I sweat a lot in leather, you know? And then I called Jonathan—“

“You called Jonathan?”

“I know, Steve already chewed me out for that. I didn’t really talk to him anyway, I just didn’t know who else to call—I don’t have a lot of friends. But—I don’t know. The outfit needs to be perfect, cause the girl I’m going on the date with, is perfect. And...I really like her. A lot. Like, makes my head dizzy, a lot.”

“Oh, Robin.”

“That’s not a pitying ‘Robin’ is it?”

“No. It’s a ‘you’re very cute and I’m very excited for this date’ Robin. Look, don’t listen to Steve. I’m pretty sure the jeans are more about him getting to check out his own ass than anyone else, and Eddie’s into whatever everybody else isn’t. Just wear what you feel like. You could pull up in PJ’s and I’d be happy. I don’t want the date to be perfect, I want the date to be us.”

“Naaaancyyy! Oh my god that was so perfectly sweet.”

“Does that help?”

“Yeah, that makes me feel better. Still a little anxious, cause on a practical level I still don’t know what to wear, but I do feel better about the not-knowing.”

“Well...if it helps, I’m wearing purple. So you should wear something green, that way we match.”

“That’s smart. I love green.”

“I know.”

“You know?”

“Yeah, that’s why I wore purple.”

“You were trying to get us to match?! Nancy, do you have a crush on me or something?”

“Well I’m glad to see you’re feeling more confident. Even if it’s at my expense.”

“Ha-ha yeah. Okay, gotta run, I’ve got—oh my god, I’m gonna be late. Okay, I’ll see you at the diner—dressed! Bye, Nance!”

“Bye, Robin.”

[walker33961]

L I S T 😗

- “Now where to begin” * Yn listing up some stuff*

1 . Carrots

2 . Chocolate chips

3 . 14 in 1 shampoo ……

* Yn reading the 3rd one again*

* trying to guess what’s that*

“ Simon can you come here Honey “

*Simon came to her , putting his gun cleaning to a stop *

“ What is it Love ? “ * Confused *

“ I swear I never heard of a 14 in 1 shampoo in my god damn Life “ * looking at simon*

“ Well see “

- Simon started explaining how a shampooing can be used as dishwasher , car washer , pet shampoo , glass cleaner , plant protein , body wash , face wash , Floor cleaner , wall cleaner Exe

Fun fact It’s all in gunpowder flavor with a hint of pomegranate…

“ Holy …. Simon your “ * Yn about to say the whole thing but Simon stopped her *

“ Crazy ? … Yeah like handeling your angry bossy ass sends me near death sometimes “ * Him laughing *

“ Is that so Mr . Riley ? “ * Yn slight angry *

“ I also have the key to fix the attitude “ *Grabbing her and taking her on his shoulder , taking her to their room *

“ Let me down ! “

“ Not until you say yes to bring that shampoo “

- He later brought a rose scented shampoo and told Gaz to print out a shit like that and stick it to the bottle so it’s 14 in 1 ….

“ Yea Ghost can pull up pranks “

[brighttears]

Tender

Joel miller x reader

No physical description

Summary: You and Joel met on the road a few months ago and chose to stick together. On your way, you look through a house and find nothing more than a threat, but Joel takes care of it. You take care of the body with a kind gesture that impresses Joel. When you set up camp for the night, he asks you a favor, and you oblige, finally letting yourself move a little closer. With you in his arms, he admits something.

Word count: 4.2k

Warnings: violence, death, vivid description of a dead body, talk of death, talk of sex, all you do is kiss

A/n: revived from the drafts with very little editing once again! i've been reading this book i really like and trying to experiment with that writing style lately but this is back to how tf i write. teehee

—

You walk in the middle of the road despite the sidewalk, having unlearned that social rule, because you don’t walk down residential streets much anymore and there’s no cars to worry about anyways. You’ve been walking through his suburb for hours now, making your way through this town to get to the next. Walking for days, weeks, you only following him, having met him at the right time, in the right place, and under the right circumstances to let you come along, though there hasn’t been enough trouble so far for you to be able to actually prove your worth. You wonder what it actually is about you that made him want to keep you around, but it doesn’t matter much. All you know is now, you and him are a team.

“Alright,” Joel sighs out, slowing his steps, “let’s clear one of these houses, see what we can find, take a little break.”

“Sounds good to me.” You reply, aching feet thanking his decision. 

You both stop in front of the next house, a two story, olive green gothic. 

“A big house like this looks promising.” You say to him, and he gives you a halfhearted nod, only glancing at you and instead looking over the front of the house. You hope the worry he’s at least trying to hide is not a precursor for what's inside. For once, you would really like to see some relief on his face.

You’ve only been running together for a few months, but you work well enough for a look between you to tell you all you need. It takes a minute to clear the large house, but all there is to see is dusty furniture, nothing useful left. 

Joel is behind you as you ease open the last door, creaking open to concrete steps to a basement. You look at him before placing your feet slowly down the steps, bent posture to keep your eyes level with your gun, scanning the new room. You come into a wide space with two open doorways, the floor and walls all grimy concrete, rusty metal pipes lined in a corner and stretching over the ceiling. There’s almost nothing down here, just a few rusty shelves with miscellaneous, useless crap. In the corner, however, are a couple tied trash bags, both half full, a few cans of vegetables and beans, visibly expired, which wouldn’t be worrying if there was not also a rolled up sleeping bag with them, dirty but not dusty. 

Someone is here. Maybe someone stupid, someone who brings too much shit with them and doesn’t know what to eat. But someone to worry about all the same. 

Joel cocks his head into the room to your left and then to the room he stands in front of, holding his rifle up and ready, telling you you go that way, I’ll go this way. You nod, turning with your own gun raised to enter the next room. It’s small and all there is is a washer, dryer and filthy utility sink. You twist around to check behind the door, all clear. 

Then, you hear a quick “Hey,” from a voice you don’t recognize, the cocking of a gun, a hit, an oof, then metal skidding on the concrete floor. You dash into the main room and stop in the open doorway of the next room to see Joel, back to you, struggling with someone else you can’t see. There’s a small handgun off to the side that must have been what you heard thrown from the stranger's hand. You watch, gun in hand, too much scuffling for a clean shot, but Joel appears to be handling it fine. He headbutts the stranger and there’s a gasp and a garbled yell, and then Joel forces him to the ground, his rifle somewhere between him. Based on the screaming, choked and squeezed, it must be on his throat. The person's legs kick and scuff wildly between Joel’s as he attempts to breathe and scream. They slow, go wild for another moment, then, still. 

Joel stays on top of him for a moment, making sure, his shoulders heaving with his breaths. He struggles to his feet, frame hanging for a moment before he straightens. He turns around slowly, catching his breath, and his eyes meet yours like he wasn’t expecting to. He pauses, glancing between you and the ground.

“You ok?” You ask. 

“Yeah.” He pauses, “You weren’t s’pposed to see that.”

“I’ve seen worse.”

Still catching his breath, he responds, “Have you?” 

“Of course I have.”

Joel stares at the ground, then shakes his head. “I still… don’t want you t’ have to watch… that.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

“Well, I will anyways.”

“You’re gonna give yourself an aneurysm if you keep worrying about everything.”

“I don’t worry about everythin’. I worry about you.”

You try not to let it show how deeply his last words twist in your guts, making your heart warm, your brain bleed, coming from him. There’s no room for this, the way he’s been making you feel, starting the second you saw him. 

“Well, still…” you look down, fidgeting with your gun absentmindedly before reholstering it.

“Doe’n’ matter. Let’s go.”

He heads for the door, curving his path around you, but you stay planted, looking at he body on the ground before you. 

“You’re just gonna leave this mess behind?”

Joel pauses in the doorway behind you, “What’s the point of cleaning it up?”

“I dunno.” You step towards the body, examining it head to toe. Eyes open wide, still fearful over a badly broken nose, steaming blood into his open mouth. Around his head is a growing red halo. His throat is nearly crushed. His arms are splayed straight out, one of his legs bent up, stuck from where it fell as he tried to kick his way out of Joel’s hold. The other is laid straight out, worn sneaker’s toe wrapped in silver duct tape. He’s skinny. Young. 

You curse the mushiness in you that refuses to leave. You don’t dig graves anymore, but you still can’t stand to just leave someone. People that have survived this long, regardless of how they’ve managed to do it, have earned at least some dignity in death. Too much thinking of your own death, resenting all the ways you might go before it’s even come, probably plays a part in this being instilled in you. 

You come around the body to link your hands under the armpits, dragging it to a wall, then coming back around to set him up against it. 

“Why’re you doin’ that?”

You take his pack off of his back and toss it over to Joel without looking. Then you rest the boy's head against the wall so that he’s looking straight forward, and pull his eyelids shut. You pat him down and find a fat revolver on his hip, too big for his size, fully loaded, and stuff in the back of your pants. He also has a dagger with a leather sheath made for something bigger, but it’s good enough, so you tuck in on your hip. You stand, not letting yourself pause on the body, and walk past Joel. 

He looks to be born after 2003, but not long. Based on his looks, he probably had his parents with him for a while. Maybe biological, maybe not. People that thought they were protecting him, but never taught him to survive alone. That allowed him to not have much muscle on him. That kept him too slow, too easily caught off guard, too scared. Maybe he ran away. Maybe they died.

Whatever his story was, it’s over. 

“Find anything good in there?” You ask, referring to the boy's pack.

“Nothin’ worth takin’.”

“Ok. Then let’s go.”

—

That was the last thing said for close to an hour after you left, walking back through the dregs of a neighborhood. 

“That was kind’f a, nice thing you did back there.” Joel breaks the silence as you walk past the large houses with a short forest overlooking a creek on the other side of the street. A nice neighborhood—formerly nice neighborhood. 

“You think so?” You respond, not used to a comment on it. 

“Yeah, I mean… I’ve never seen… someone do somethin’ like that before.”

“Well, get used to it. I do it a lot.”

His silence tells you that he knows not to ask further about it. You like that about him, that he doesn’t push. 

“You uh… you kill a lot of people?”

He’ll grant you some reticence, but you can’t blame him for some opposition. After a scene like that, further questions are fair. 

“Yeah. I mean… you have to. It’s like eating meat.”

“I like that analogy.” He gives you a slight smile. 

“It works, doesn’t it?” You match his smile. It’s strange how you can smile at something so macabre, but he did, so you do. 

The exchange feels like a leveling of the playing field, with all that back there. You think you’ve come to an understanding on what you can and can’t see, that he understands that shielding you from anything is a lost effort. He won’t scare you, you won’t be scarred, no more than you already are. There’s other things to worry about. Safety. But there, in the back of each other's mind, you know will be a sorry, sorry about the world we have to live in. 

You wonder what he was like before. From what you’ve seen, you guess he was probably a lot sweeter. It’s not hard to see that he’s got a front that he puts on. The shroud has fallen some, though. You bet he was a dad. But you won’t ask. No one asks about before. It’s an unspoken rule. 

“It’s too dark to keep walkin’.” Joel speaks up, changing the subject. “Let’s set up somewhere. Get some shut eye.”

You nod, then look at the houses and sigh. You stop and look at Joel, “I don’t feel like sweeping another house.”

“Me neither.” He admits. “The woods, then.”

You nod again and you turn into the trees. They’re a bit depper than you’d thought they were, and you sit down a few feet from the somewhat steep drop off to the creek.

“I’ll take first watch.” You say once you’ve settled. 

“No, t’s alright. You get some sleep.”

“You get some sleep. I can’t yet. Just let me take first watch.”

He looks at you, almost guiltily, then looks at the ground. In the bright moonlight through the trees, it’s still on his face, in his brow, his relaxed lips. You’re not sure what it’s from. Maybe from earlier still. Maybe because he really does want to get some sleep. Maybe because he still doesn’t quite trust you enough yet to not kill him while he does. You hope not; that’s just about the last thing you’d ever want to do

“I’ll stay up a while longer. Can’t sleep yet either.” He says. 

You decide not to ask. 

“Alright.”

All you do is sit for a while, a comfortable silence falling over you with the soft white of the moon. It’s peaceful. The creek trickles, nightlife chirping and humming like a lullaby. 

Joel shifts his legs, putting on straight out and using the knee of the other bent up to rest his arm. 

“So… what you did back there.”

“Yeah?”

“Why’d you do it?” He asks again. His face is soft, he doesn’t look at you with any judgment or scorn or mockery, just pure curiosity, and that’s what gets you to answer. 

You look at the dirt, cold and hard as concrete as you answer. “I guess… because that’s what I want when I die.” He says nothing, offering you to continue. “I just feel like… it takes a lot to live for a while. And I think that deserves some respect.”

“Not everyone out here deserves respect.”

You glance up at him, more diffident when you respond, “Yeah, I know… maybe respect’s the wrong word. Recognition, I guess. It’s not like I’m burying everyone that dies, I just… it takes a lot to get this far. No matter how you did it. Survival is survival. It’s just what I would want someone to do for me. Not that someone will, but…” it occurs to you that if Joel sees you die, maybe he’ll offer that to you, now that he knows. “I don’t know…”

“Well,” you hear him shift again, “I’ve never seen anythin’ like it, but… I respect it.”

You glance up at him, modesty keeping your eyes away from his. “Thank you.”

The quiet then is so peaceful that you don’t want to interrupt it. It’s a nice night, a cool breeze rustling through the trees, brushing your face like a kiss. You close your eyes to it. 

“You tired?” You hear Joel. You keep your eyes shut for another moment before letting the quiet go and looking back at him. 

“No. Just enjoying that breeze.” You offer a small smile. His lips tug up, and then you watch him close his eyes, resting his head back on the bark of the tree. 

“Feels like a kiss, doesn’t it?”

Joel opens his eyes again, looking at you with an unreadable expression. “Yeah. Like a kiss.”

There’s that spark again, straight from your brain to your heart, like an extra pump of blood that bumps a beat into your ribcage. You want to look at the ground or hide your gaze in the trees, but you can’t. You feel caught. You hope he can’t see it in your eyes, his locked on them. 

This man, rough and rugged, soft and sweet. Strong. Stable. Set. Here.

You want him to hold you. You’ve felt that for a while, but you push it down every time. Deep, where it’s safe, wanting it to be unreachable, squashed out, but it won’t leave. It barks like a dog tired of its chain, hungry and lonely and cold outside. Wanting to come home. Wanting to be warm. Safe. 

With his gentle eyes still holding yours, Joel whispers, “Do me a favor.”

Throat stuck, you reply, quieter than you intended, “Hm?” 

“C’mere.”

You flounder in the extra blood in your heart, pumping past your intellect, drowning you and your shield, your armor, you drown, and shift closer. You drown, and come into his arms. Your lips part, and you breathe. 

He’s warm… tender. His arms rest heavy around your shoulder and over your stomach. Your eyes close automatically, and there is that kissing breeze. Your body relaxes in his arms, softer than the dirt you’ve only ever rested on, and your head sinks against him, your cheek on his chest. It moves with his deep breath, and then his chin comes to rest on the top of your head. 

Fully submerged in the water, you submit and take a deep breath of it and reach your arm under his to tug it closer over your body. He places his hand on your other bicep, stroking his thumb over it. Your mind feels fuzzy like fur, this alien feeling petting over your entire body. 

Like a stray, hungry dog, you want more. You shift further up against him, basically crawling into his lap. 

Joel, protective, tough, caring, kind, homely. Safe. 

“Joel.”

“What is it, sweetheart?” He whispers, words coming over you like the breeze. 

You shift up, your guard fully burnt down by the heat of his heart, and look at his face above you. 

Joel. Resilient, passionate, winsome, close. A fallen star here in the dirt. Winged feather’s dark, but wings just the same. And here he is, holding you, those eyes on yours, and you’re caught, metal hook in your lip tugging them to his. 

You forgot how to kiss. But you know how to want. How to need. How to drink. How to taste. How to savor. And so does he. 

He cradles the back of your head, holding you to him, his taste is sweet and heady, like flowers after rain, like pollen, like life, blossoming into your mouth as he slips in his tongue. Everything falls away. All you feel is his warmth, all you feel is him, him, him. He pulls you closer, arms around your back as if dipping you in a dance, and you let your body fall limp in his arms save for your arms around him, stroking your thumb over the veins in his neck pumping real blood, and it makes you feel human. Not survivors, not leftovers, real people, kissing like people do. Joel makes you feel real. Seen, felt, cared about, and so warm in his embrace, so safe. 

Gently, he lays you down, keeping his hand on the back of your head to shield you from the cold hard ground, and he smooths his other hand around your waist as he leans over you, resting his leg in between your as if to entangle you, as if he’d need to, as if you’d leave, as if you’d want to be nothing other than close to him. A moan comes out of you, your brow furrowing up in sheer desperation for him, and you loop a finger in his belt loop to pull him farther over you. His body is heavy over yours, spreading deep relaxation through you under it. You entwine your fingers in his hair with your other easing around his waist under his jacket, exposed skin from his shirt pulling up teasing your fingertips. The word more flowers in your mind, any other thought absent, brushed away by his body and hands and lips. 

He breaks the kiss suddenly to speak, you watch his eyes wandering your face as he does,  “We can’t do this here, too open, it’d be too dangerous. We can uh, clear one of those houses, tomorrow, maybe,”

“What for?” you question, distracted by his lingering taste and a little breathless.

“I mean, uh, well, I wanna, um… alright, I’m gonna be a little crass here, but I wanna fuck you.”

You nearly snort a chuckle, biting your lip to recover and returning in almost a whisper, as if only to breath into his parted lips, “Well I want you to fuck me, too.”

He nearly moans just at your response, meeting your lips again and then pulling back away, “We better stop… I gotta hold myself back already, jesus.” He whispers, stroking his finger over the side of your face. You close your eyes as he touches you, imagining you were somewhere else in time. You wish you met him before all this. You wish you didn’t have to worry about it. Only be with each other. Relaxing in some bed with soft sheets and all the time in the world. 

“Ok,” You breathe out eventually, opening your eyes. He strolls his gaze back up to meet them, whispering “Alright,” and moves slowly to kiss your forehead. You’re a goner, you know it now, you’re his, absolutely, irremediably. He presses another gentle kiss to your lips, and you keep your eyes closed. You keep them that way as he slowly brings you back up, letting him mold your body into his, still in his lap. A sigh falls out of you, letting your head weigh against him as he holds you close. 

Something in you makes you think that this will hurt. Something will happen, and you’ll be separated, and he’ll only be a memory. Yes, he’ll break your heart, whether he leaves on his own or leaves in death, or maybe you will first. Right now, you can’t think of yourself leaving in any other way than your life ending. Either way, one of your hearts will be broken. That’s nothing more than a fact of life, now. Yes, this will hurt later. But not now. Now, is gentle, caring, sweet, unnatural, a dream, like a drug, like you’re tripping out of your mind, thinking you’re in heaven but you’re just in your bed, but right now you’re in the dirt, being held by a man the likes of which you’ve never met. Not even before. Because before, even the most broken were never this sweet, because this man, Joel, Joel, your Joel, is far more broken than any of them, more damaged than they could ever conceive of being, and his scarred rough skin is warm like the belly of a dog with this solid gentleness that makes you feel safe. Safe, surrounded by dark woods with things never not leering, whether they have some sort of human consciousness or not.  

“Have you ever been in love?” Joel suddenly asks, that soft tone that brings you ever deeper into the bed of his chest. 

“I’m… I’m not sure.” You whisper back. “Have you?”

“Yeah, I think so.”

“What does it feel like?”

Joel is slow to reply, but then, softly, he says, “Like this.”

[respectthepetty]

Seeing Cher and Gun in the Our Skyy 2 trailer wearing those dreaded Christmas colors reminded me of a few things,

like I didn't actually write about the colors in episode 6 of A Boss & A Babe because I got distracted by the . . . acting. Yeah. The acting and not that wild "Let them eat cake" version of Gun we saw.

With much resistance, I've come to the conclusion that we are dealing with warm vs cool colors (Cher x Gun & Zo x Three), which does not make a lick of sense because the opening and ending credits are blue and yellow and the OST gave us blue, yellow, and orange while Gun has yet to put purple on his body compared to Cher who had purple with blue on last episode, but Reon Saran Jantharakkha, the cinematographer, is playing color combat, so cool cool cool, but not cool colors since Gun DOESN'T HAVE PURPLE!

Whatever. I'm good. *shrugs in unbothered*

The episode begins where the previous episode ended - Gun in blue at Cher's front door.

Just in case you're struggling to see it, this is what the suit looks like during the day.

I'm not touching on how Gun's colors become darker as his mood shifts because after spending time with Cher, Gun quickly pops back up the next day in green winking and smirking his way through the office like he took a course in HR violations from GAP's Sam.

Thup shows up at Cher's place after work, because nobody respects this man's space, in orange demanding money for an avoidable car accident. His colors say he is Team Cher, but his attitude says he is Team Share-Your-Money-Now!

Cher transfers him the money, so he quickly exits, only for his other problem child to call him from the hospital.

Gun LIES stating that he was injured at a construction site, even though he told Cher earlier that he had a meeting at a hotel, and surprising nobody, Gun is missing his green. This mentiroso is in the black! *The Scooby Gang is displeased* But his lies get him a care giver, a hair washer, AND someone to cuddle with.

Gun LIES some more and tells Cher that the reason he was bothered the other day was because he met with Thyme and had to be tough, but the colors and timing are telling a different story. Thyme appears to be wearing green (which would align with Gun), but also Gun left that meeting smug in the flashback, yet showed up to the office so upset that only Porsche, his ex, was allowed to speak to him.

What's happening, narrative? Why is the math not mathing?

Because of Gun's LIES (or the plot holes), Cher sleeps with Gun, and the next day, Oi, the most accurate office worker ever portrayed in a series, calls Gun out on his change in personality while wearing blue pants. Gun is wearing whatever color this is. BlueBlack? No sé,

But Cher struggles with his color.

Is it because you slept with a liar, sir? Blink twice if it an actual part of the narrative. Blink once if it's merely plot holes.

Sidenote: Zo is fine. He was just tired. But not too tired to not wear his color, unlike Three who is taking a page out of Gun's color book and wearing green all of a sudden six episodes in.

But it's okay because Zo decides to support his boyfriend in his color shenanigans and wears PURPLE after Three blows up at the group for not taking the competitions seriously. Let it be known that Jack only stated facts. And also note everyone else will wear purple before Gun.

But next week, everyone seems to have their colors sorted out (I write that every week), after $ugar Daddy Gun suggests a beach trip for Cher and his friends.

Zo and Cher are showing their willingness to merge their colors and love with their love interests, while their guys stick to their colors.

Yet drunk Gun seems more inclined to the idea of opening his heart and his arms to Cher.

Because this is the face of a man in love. This is not the face of a liar.

Right?

Right?

And now, your moment of Zen

[random-conspiracy]

Oh my god, oh my fucking god, GUYS, IT'S HERE, SOMEONE TRANSLATED IT!!! This is peak spanish copypasta shitpost AND IT'S HERE in english!!! READ IT. The rat with thinner

Some time ago, I was renting a flat with one of my cousins, but the bloke was a sexually deranged man. He often came back home with car-washers, natives, orphans, beggars, and even Mexicans directly from the railroads.

My cousin, out of goodwill, fed them, let them shower, and even sometimes gave them clothes and shoes; but with the condition of having sex or at least receiving oral sex. I admit that at first, I disliked the idea and preferred to lock myself in my room, listening to music, hitting my joint—anything but smelling the tramps. But my cousin was bringing more and more fucked-up junkies, spoiled and crazy fuckers, and he asked me to take care of him if they became aggressive, besides he gets too dunked when on poppers.

I accepted reluctantly, but I have to admit I got used to watching my cousin being drilled by bums without rubber lmao. Once I was in the kitchen when my cousin arrived, and I got a really fucked-up stink. I initially thought he had brought home a corpse or something, but when I looked up, I saw he had the most fucked-up drug fiend deadbeat. Filthy, lousy, with his hair made into dreadlocks of blood and shit, shaky, and with a lost look, dressed in a mud-hardened jacket.

We gave him instant ramen, and meanwhile, he was eating, I told my cousin, "Shiiit, you went too far," and he just said, "Haha, I know." Then, the shithead puts a hand in his jacket, and I almost took out my twenty-two. But no, he only brought out a fucking giant dead rat, soaked it in paint thinner, and snorted it like a puff.

I said, "Holy shit, what the heck?" but somehow my cousin got fucking horny and he started to blow him without bathing him. The hobo was there, legs open, “mousing him up,” and my cousin was already taking off his pants and plucking him out. He was so big, maybe even his scepter would be rich without the coats of smegma and crabs that adorned his pubic hair. My cousin gulped him entirely and I didn’t know whether to turn on or puke, so I opted for smoking some weed.

My cousin, concupiscent, took all of his clothes off and offered his ass to the vagrant, and he, without thinking twice, started to lick it. My bottom cousin was in pure ecstasy, in a state of trance at feeling his ass pampered by the mouth of the drifter. Eventually, he shoved his big ass shaft, diamond hard without protection, making my cousin moan and scream like a dying cow, all of it while on poppers.

They were “tunneling the cave,” when the dude brought out his rat again, hit it profusely and—wham!—shoved it in the butt of my cousin.

Sheesh.

He kept pumping it harder, pushing the rat more and more deeply inside my cousin. It was an intercourse getting feral increasingly. After a while, with my cousin dripping in cum, the bum pulled out his flaccid weenie, ate all the ramen, and started yelling at me. I didn’t know what he was gibbering, and I was high AF, so I just pointed my gun at him and sent him off. The dude whited out so quickly that he forgot his pants on the floor, and I just stayed there napping.

An hour later, I was woken up by the shrieks of my cousin. He was sobbing that his ass and guts were hurting, he didn’t even remember what he did with his lover hehe. I helped him get to the toilet to shit the cramped cum and—HOLY SHIT—he farted out the whole rat, but butchered and dripping in maggots. He almost passed out and asked me to take him to the hospital to have his guts washed.

But he was feeling so brave in his horniness, hehe I swear it’s true.

-Traslated by Umeboshi

[oldguy56-world]

The Lazy Song

Do not confuse this with last year's 'Down by the Lazy River'. While they might share a general theme (just how lazy people are) the first one was about marijuana delivery to your home. This one is about capitalism, or how I can make money off of just how lazy people have become.

This one started with a TV commercial. Did you know that people living in homes and have their own washer/dryer combos, are now using an app to call in a service for people to do your laundry for you? I kid you not. I recognize doing laundry is a complicated process with the whole separating of the whites from the colors (not as racist as it sounds in my head) and then having to put the washed clothes into a dryer. It must be a real brain buster for some people.

This got me thinking: 'What .com business can I start up to make some money on the younger generation's aversion to doing anything in the way of manual labor around the house?'

There is already fast food delivery (don't get me started again on that one) groceries (which is good for the elderly and disabled) booze and weed so there doesn't seem to be much else out there to make a buck off of. Or is there? I have a few ideas that I recently had copy rights secured on just in case one of you jumps the gun and tries to get to market before I do. My brain still works but sometimes my body doesn't cooperate so much anymore.

'Squabbles' . Put this app on your phone and then the next time your spouse is in a feisty mood and wants to argue with you press a button and within minutes a person shows up to fight with her. (oops, or him) You can then get back to watching TV while they hash it out for hours in the next room. Next level will be that you both have the app, you are both in a mood, and you bring in two people to fight while you go to a movie.

'BMW'. Not the car as you might think. This one stands for bowel movement wiper. What is lazier than not wanting to wipe your own butt? Bring in a professional and prevent those nasty stains in your gitch.

'Guests'. Do you want to have people over but your friends are too lazy to make the drive? Bring in some substitutes. The beauty here is that you can get them to leave whenever you want. They can also go to parties you do not feel like going to because you want to watch the big game live. Send someone in your place and have them take notes. They also provide Tupperware so they can bring you leftovers making sure you don't miss out.

"Steps'. Not the app you are accustomed to. It doesn't count your steps. Your spouse wants to go for a walk in the woods on a fine summer day but you don't want to? Someone will come to your place to walk with them. Also can be used for shopping buddies. You just have to designate whether or not it will involve carrying pkgs.

'Bath Buddy.' Need a description? They will scrub those hard to get at places for you. All you have to do is lie there (or stand there with the companion app Shower Buddy) and let them do all the work.

There are probably more but this is enough to make me rich beyond my wildest dreams. Maybe an app that gets people to help spend my money, although there are scammers out there just waiting to do this.

THOUGHT OF THE WEEK: Convenience is nice but there is a joy in doing things for yourself that just can't be beat.

[forensicated]

Smiffina Episodes - Episoe 359

2nd in the string of 4 in a row the episodes that make me twitch so much. (The next 2 aren't Smiffina, but Dan and Mickey in trouble.)

We open where we left off, Smithy is trapped in the Larson's house with them having just arrived back from the station after Pete's arrest - which spectacularly fell apart. Zain arrives and tells Louise secretly that Smithy is trapped in the house. She and Zain try and distract Pete so Smithy can leave. Smithy desperatley searches for a back door key as Louise makes her excuses so she can 'feed the dog' and get Smithy out whilst Zain continues to waste Pete's time. Unfortunately Pete has Louise's keys so she can't get him out so tells him to hide whilst she can get Pete out the way to let him sneak out.

Smithy being Smithy unfortunately, he doesn't just leave. He spots the door to the utility room that he thinks the gun is behind (where the dog was locked whilst officers searched) and he goes down there instead of getting out the damn house. Mid panicked search he even looks inside the powder/liquid drawer of the washer 🤣 Louise texts him to get out now (amusingly it's obviously a 'compose text' screen. Were TPTB too cheap to have a PAYG sim set up for when they needed to 'text' characters?

He's about to leave but he stands on a drain on the middle of the floor and - Smithy being Smithy - gets a screwdriver from his pen knife (!) and opens it to search for the gun.... and finds it. But it's too late...

"I think this is the one you're looking for." Pete mocks, ordering Smithy to give him the gun he's just found and the uniform belt. (Why doesn't he press the emergency button?!) Unfortunately he's onto them... he caught Louise texting him. His dog is 'growling' but everytime they cut to him he just looks adorable and is watching both men all innocent like so they add the growling when the camera's off him.

Pete is devestated to realise that Smithy and Louise were having an affair - and what was really happening the day he came back and found them. He drags Smithy along, beating him all the way and drops him beside Louise who is out cold on the bedroom floor having been beaten. He continues to beat Smithy, growling at him for ever coming near Louise.

Zain realises the amount of trouble Smithy could be in as he can't get in touch with him and speaks to the DCI, telling him what has happened.

The Eyebrow is still out for its own acting award despite it's owner having been badly beaten as it keeps arching on its own.

Smithy keeps telling him that they've not been seeing each other but unfortunately the evidence is clear on Smithy's phone in their text history and voicemails.

Downstairs Jack and the NCS boss are banging on the door, shouting Pete's name with uniform backup arriving to break into the house. Louise is found and taken to hospital but there's no sign of Smithy when they get in, having been forced into Pete's boot. Thankfully Zain saw but was unable to stop him as he was on foot. Uniform charge out of the station, trying to find Larson's car after it vanishes during Jack and NCS following him. "Larson doesn't cross the road if there's a risk, why has he kidnapped a police officer?" he asks Jack, before letting him know that NCS had seen Smithy making visits to the Larson's before they went away. Zain has to tell Jack the truth...about everything.

A dazed and blooded Smithy struggles to his feet in an office block, telling Pete that he's going to get in more trouble as they're searching for him. He tells Pete to let him go, Pete simply takes the safety off his gun. He tries to fruitlessly run away as Pete insists he's got a few things he wants to sort out. He asks where they'd met up - if it was his house or hotels. Smithy still insists it was just talking, she was lonely and wanted to save the marriage and felt they were drifting apart. Pete is not daft and receives a call - he wants 'a job doing and doing now. He's got someone he wants sorting out' he tells "Dixie" as Smithy stares down the barrel of his gun. He puts a hit out on Louise, telling him she should be in St Hughes - he wants her murdering. Smithy glares at him, telling Pete to call the hit off. Pete just scoffs and punches him in the stomach to force him down onto his knees where he continues to beat him. Smithy wheezes that he doesn't care what happens to him - but to leave Louise out of it and to cancel the hit. Pete refuses and takes aim to shoot Smithy - but Smithy is saved by the arrival of the Worlds Most Oblivious Cleaner.

Smithy takes the chance to manage to undo his arms as Pete is distracted and thrusts himself against Pete, knocking him over a chair as he makes a run for the doors - that have locked behind the cleaner. Almost!

In hospital Louise has come around and is asking for Smithy. She knows what Pete would be trying to do given he's taken Smithy hostage. There's also a man outside her room looking very interested in its occupants... Suzie has found Smithy's warrant card outside an office building - he's not just a pretty face you know! He's even using a chair to try fight Pete off inside.

"Don't tell me, the chairs loaded." Pete mocks at Smithy then throws it at him. He sets the fire alarm off and runs off to the other side of the room, alerting Jack et al outside as they charge towards the building. The cleaner tells them there was a business that ran out of there until a week ago before it suddenly folded without explanation.

CO19 charge inside with Zain, Jack and Suzie bringing up the rear. Smithy plays for time and won't keep still, warning him to give himself up and to call off his man. "Just give yourself up." "Give myself up to you? I'd rather blow us both away." Pete growls, CO19 storming the room behind them. Pete gives himself up as they point guns at him and Smithy charges in to arrest him with the Sun Hill 3 (and NCS officer) coming in to help. "He's taken a contract out on his wife, we've got to get to her quick!" Smithy shouts.

CO19 are now at the hospital having sealed off the entire floor that Louise is on. The gunman is now dressed as a doctor and escapes out into the yard. He loses his white coat and heads deeper into the hospital, getting arrested in the boiler room.

At Sun Hill, Pete is shouting long and loud about Smithy having an affair with Louise, claiming no judge on earth would prosecute given that Smithy was using his wife for information. Pete denies everything that Smithy said - including that he confessed to murdering Vince and he insists Smithy planted the gun at his house after Louise gave him it to frame him - and that it was Louise who was the real murderer of Vince.

Smithy pulls away from the nurse who's tending his wounds, he wants to get to Louise. Tony tells him to stay despite Smithy refusing because 'he's taking his orders from Jack, he's got a bigger badge than you'. He assures him Louise is fine and that he can see her but he needs looking at. "I'm going to get the nurse... and this time, be nice to her!" he tells him - of course Smithy doesn't wait, painfully making his way to Louise's bedside. Smithy asks Roger to give them a few minutes and he sits with Louise, Smithy has to tell her about the hit Pete put out on her.

Suzie and Zain arrive at the hospital and see Smithy and Louise kissing. Suzie is very formal and tells her allegations have been made against her. Louise is shocked as is Smithy - surely they can see what Pete is doing? It's not that simple though, documents have been removed from the house with her signature all over them - claiming she is as tied up in the Larson Empire as he is. Smithy growls at Zain. "You are going to use his lies to intimidate her into giving you what you want?" "If you mean the truth, then yes." Smithy insists he'll be inside anyway for kidnap. Zain scoffs, it's all of 8 years if that. He wants more, Pete is a murderer and a career criminal. He wants a life sentence. Zain reminds Smithy that Louise's innocence means nothing if she can't prove it and Pete is a very wealthy man with very clever lawyers. Without his money and backing Louise doesn't have anything that can fight it.

Louise tells Zain she has nothing to do with the company and that clearly Pete was planning ahead incase he found himself in a position like that. Zain promises she'll be free of Pete if she helps them by telling them everything. Smithy goes to see Louise, Zain asks him to reassure her and get her to talk to them. All Smithy replies is 'Get out of my way'.

Smithy asks her what she's going to do. She's defeated, he's made sure she'll go down with him and that he'd never forgive her if she spoke out. She knows that just getting him inside won't be the end of it - he'd have her killed. The one thing she can say about him is that he was loyal to her and never cheated on her. Smithy's shocked, it sounds like she wants to stand by him. Louise insists that's not true - but that they can't have a happy ending. If she doesn't back him up she'll end up dead. "I've hurt Pete enough. He won't tolerate anymore." She tells him that to be together is being naive and a serious risk. She would rather know that he's out there happy somewhere than at serious risk of death being with her. She won't listen to Smithy's pleas and ends their relationship. They've both risked enough. Smithy is forced out of the room by Jack and runs to the FME's office, hiding inside in tears.

[nice-bright-colors]

9.5 hours.

Two trips to the lounge

Two first class flights

Dozens of stupid people

And yet somehow I’ve managed to only drink water today. No free booze, it could’ve easily been into double digits.

Then I get to Hertz.

65 people is n line waiting for cars

No cars in sight

1 car washer and 1 manager washing cars and bringing them back up

1 person managing all the stranded customers waiting

3 lines - Regular. Gold. President’s Circle

2 employees (car washers) walked off the job

0 dirty cars will be given out, because earlier in the night a gun was found inside a car that wasn’t cleaned.

I thought for sure that I was going to be stuck for hours, like other people there.

Fortunately for me, it only took less than 5 minutes for the 4 people ahead of me in the President’s Circle line to get our cars first.

So that’s my travel story for this Monday.

Still drinking water.

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