#cat. and I definitely cannot steal both of them. so keep that information in mind when you are giving me your final decisions.

[fizzlehead]

do you guys think i should steal the outdoor cat that’s been roaming around my apartment complex and just keep her in my apartment. know that if even one person says yes i will probably do it

[ootori-sibs]

Kyoya's second shot

Episode two: The shadow council

The week passed without anything notable happening, Haruhi and Tamaki were a lot better with public affections, and it truly disgusted Kyoya, Haruhi didn't even seem to care that much about the king's affections- always seeming so disinterested in her godly boyfriend.

But that would soon change, he could get Tamaki the love he deserved. It was Friday after all, and everyone he'd emailed had agreed to show up. He watched the other hosts gathering their stuff to leave after he'd gone over the budget and weeks profits with them, he felt a fizzy sort of feeling- excitement. It was the first time in literal months he'd felt like this, usually he just felt sickened or hollow. He was almost excited to feel excited! He knew being evil would make him feel better!

He only had twenty minutes until everyone arrived, so he quickly made his way down into the second hall, it was still huge, but a lot more modest then the main hall. He set up a table, with a chair for everyone, making sure to set seating arrangements that would be the most efficient for how each person could contribute to the discussion. He set up his whiteboard, read to present his ideas in slideshow format as he was used to with the hosts- it truly was the best way to convey information to dummies. He even lit candles instead of using the chandelier, he knew the first thing to being an effective villain: presentation, and he knew that candles would go a long way to presenting his plans- especially considering his demographic. Of course he needed to accommodate the more morally correct party that would be attending, and the best way he saw to do so were via the snacks served at the meeting; chocolate chip cookies, small garlic crackers, apple slices, and some watermelon treats he'd picked up from a commoner store- specifically for the commoner.

Before he knew it, there was a shadowy figure in the corner of the room. Kyoya sighed, staring right at it. "Step out of the shadows would you Nekozawa, I hope you're not planning to usurp my title." He joked calmly, causing the mage to jump, not expecting to have been spotted so soon.

"My, my, Ootori-san, awfully perceptive aren't you?" Nekozawa sculked out of where he was hidden, heading slowly towards the table. "I'm intrigued to know what you have in store for this meeting of yours, not to mention finding out exactly who else you've invited." He sits down in his designated seat, looking over the snacks that had been presented.

Kyoya chuckles at that, inspecting one of the watermelon treats he'd picked up. "Well-"

"The president of the black magic club meeting with the school demon lord? Now this is a scoop." Ah, Komatsuzawa was here. Kyoya glances towards him, nodding curtly.

"You were looking for a conspiracy, were you not?" He questioned, knowing all too well the answer. "Sit down," he invited, gesturing to the designated chair set out for the head of the newspaper club. He watched as the Akira took his seat, looking around curiously and clutching a little clipboard. "You don't need to take notes, I will provide transcripts after the fact."

"Yes, well, I would like to take notes of simple details I note during the meeting, I know you'll be doing the same Ootori, I don't doubt the hypocrisy but I resent the businessly attitude towards your scandals."

"It's not a scandal until it's published, Komatsuzawa." Kyoya raised an eyebrow at him, knowing too well how he would have to reign this boy in. Akira wanted nothing more than to expose Tamaki for whatever he could, and Kyoya refused to let that happen.

"I hope you know I lied to my brother's face for you, why didn't he know you'd invited me to a meeting, what are you planning?" Chika Haninozuka stood there, still in his karate outfit, hands on his hips. When he noticed all eyes were on him, he began to walk towards the table, looking around.

Kyoya smiled. "Thank you Chika, I appreciate the lie." He gives a small bow of his head, knowing that lying to an older sibling was nowhere near the pain Chika made it out to be. "To answer your first question; your brother would be highly disapproving of my plans. He- and that goes for all the other hosts- cannot know what goes down at these meetings. Understood?" That last part was spoken to all of them, and it was a clear threat. He had mirrored the tone he'd heard his father use on his own underlings many many times.

Clearly it worked, he saw all three of them freeze in place, eyes like frightened animals. Kyoya felt something, a rush of… power. This must be how his father, even his brothers, felt every day- Kyoya had to have more. He felt a smirk resting on his face, going to grab his black book when he heard the door behind him open.

"Oh, uh- am I late? Sorry I had to get changed first!" Here came the commoner, Arai was running just a little late, but Kyoya was just glad he was here. He watched in amusement as his other guests' expressions turned from surprise to confusion at the sight of the commoner they'd never seen before.

Kyoya himself just smiled and gestured to the commoner's seat. "Not to worry Arai, we wouldn't start without you." He watched the poor boy take a seat and went straight for the watermelon snacks as predicted, Kyoya took a quick note before the meeting.

19:19 - Everyone has arrived, the meeting shall begin. The commoner was late. Chika made Honey aware that he was staying late, but did not provide the real reason.

"So," Kyoya began, hands tucked behind his back, "I'm sure you're all wondering why I've called you all here today?" There was a resounding murmur of curiosity and Kyoya continued. "Well I'm sure you're- nearly all of you at least, are familiar with my-" he coughs a little pointedly at that, "interests?" He watched both Umehito and Akira exchange a look, almost looking concerned, and he sighed, before turning to Chika and Arai, who both have no clue what he means. "Well to put it lightly, as much as I see her as a friend and equal: Haruhi is my enemy." That was the most honest Kyoya has ever verbally been, and he watched in what was almost fear, as each and every one of them clocked on to what he was saying

"Oh now that's one hell of a scoop!" Akira really couldn't keep his damn mouth shut could he? Kyoya shot a simple death glare at him, but was quickly distracted by the sight of Umehito pulling out one of those little wooden cursed dolls. Kyoya sighed for a second time.

"Look, I didn't want it to come to this, but something must be done-" -or he was going to lose his goddamn mind, that part stayed silent. "So I've come up with a plan, one that will benefit all of you in both the long and short term." The moment their own benefit was brought up, each of their eyes went wide, greedy for more than they had- all except the commoner. Typical.

Arai had frowned, crossing his arms slightly. "I'm sorry, could you explain how Haruhi is your enemy? Sorry again if I sound dumb, I'm not quite understanding..?" Oh of course, Arai couldn't have any way to be aware

"Well you see, Haruhi has a boyfriend. That boyfriend just happens to be-" Kyoya attempted to explain, being completely interrupted by Nekozawa, rude as usual.

"- Souh-san, president of the host club and the person Ootori-san's been in love with for the past...year? Year and a half?" He pondered the maths quietly, Arai's eyes widening with every word.

He turned to Kyoya in mixed shock and indignation. "You want to steal her boyfriend? If you knew him longer why didn't you ask him out?" ...commoners are so daring…

There was complete silence from the other three, hell- even Kyoya himself was shocked into silence. His rage was very quickly reaching it's point, fists clench. "Oh. Oh I'm sorry, why don't you go up to the guy that never shuts up about 'making every woman happy' and tell him you've been in love with him from the day you met him? See how that goes?" He let out a hefty sigh, taking his glasses off and running a hand through his hair. "I didn't even know he was bi until he started asking for advice on how to confess to her." That was probably the most painful of Kyoya's life that evening, that stabbing pain was unbearable yet he couldn't say a thing to Tamaki about it.

He put his glasses back on to see poor Arai shaking like a terrified feral cat, maybe he'd been a little snappy with his words… he looked around to see everyone else wide eyed too. "...my apologies, I'm not sure what came over me just then." He coughed awkwardly, switching his slideshow on and pulling out a pointer to help demonstrate. "Let's just get to the matter at hand shall we?" He smiled.

The plan was simple and they all had a part to play, poor Arai clearly had a lot of objections but was too shaken to voice any of them, Kyoya would have to discuss it with him afterwards. The snacks were gone pretty fast, luckily Kyoya managed to take a couple for himself between explanations, surprisingly the watermelons were the most popular- most folks there never having tried commoner's food before. Akira seemed more than excited to have so many opportunities to publish articles that were sure to go viral across the school and maybe further, Umehito was definitely up for some spooky happenings, the moment Chika heard he got to fight Honey and win he was on board, and Arai… if Kyoya was honest, Arai was probably just too frightened to object. He was definitely the weakest party there: Chika could kill him easily, Nekozawa had more than enough 'power', Akira had all the connections he could ever want, and Kyoya… was an Ootori- not to mention being a high ranking person in Ouran if his own volition. Even one of them had enough money to completely ruin Arai's life, and enough spite to do so if pushed. It really wasn't all too fair on him.

Two hours had passed by the time Kyoya finally finished laying out the details of his plan, at least the main overview. Turns out, without Tamaki to reel him in, Kyoya's plans can get a little over detailed- that was where the devil was after all. He smiled, putting his pointer away. "-and that would be where we part ways. Any questions?" He looked at the four of them, waiting for someone to say something, Chika visibly frowned, raising his hand.

"How does this help us at all?"

Kyoya knew this question was coming and he relished in its arrival, clicking to the next slide, with a picture of each of them, labelled with what they would get. "Well it's obvious what I get, but what you get, Chika, is both victory over your brother, but the knowledge in which you'll be annoying the crap out of him." As a younger sibling himself, he knew full well what that sparkle in Chika's eyes meant, the tiny Honey clone was more than on board. "For Nekozawa; to chance to exercise your powers and befriend Tamaki like I know you've been failing to do, trust me- it's alright." He chuckles a little, they were in similar situations, albeit Umehito's was a platonic one. "For Komatsuzawa it will be publicly, I know how you've wanted it so much, not to mention you're finally getting permission to cover the host club- isn't that what you'd asked me for?" He knew he was right, and he knew that Akira knew he was right. He was giving the boy what he'd previously denied him. "And for you Arai…" he chuckled, "our little commoner friend here gets his childhood sweetheart. It's clear you still have feelings for her." He couldn't help but smirk as Arai's face turned pink.

"I still respect her more than that!!" He squeaked out, still trying to pretend he had pride. All Kyoya had to do was raise an eyebrow and he sank into his seat.

Kyoya gave a curt bow. "Alright then, that would conclude our meeting. We're all in agreement of what we're doing, those of us with tasks will complete them by next week, when we will meet again- this time over video call." He watched them all stand up and prepare to leave, staying silent until they were all almost as the door. "Farewell then, I'll see you soon."

21:46 - The meeting has concluded, everyone has agreed to their parts. I will now stand by for Nekozawa's part to be completed.

He made his way home after clearing up, or rather, he made his way to the limo. His bodyguards wrapped him in his blanket the moment he sat down, making sure he was alright. He appreciates that someone cares about him, even if they're paid to do so, so he let them have the remaining snacks from the meeting. They seemed happy with that, so he let his mind wander on the journey home.

Next thing he knew he was laying in bed, it was late at night, he must have fallen asleep. He looked to his side to see a bowl of commoners ramen with a note explaining that the cooks had already left for the day. Kyoya sighed, taking the bowl over to his sofa, slowly eating his food. It was a cold night, but this cheaply made food was strangely comforting to him.

He gazed out his window, the moon was high. He was usually awake at this time, sure, but it felt different now- it felt almost lonely. The dawn of a new day felt so far away now, and the arms of his beloved friends felt further. He knew he was doing them wrong, but he couldn't see any other way to keep himself afloat. He had to be happy again, he had to. This was just how he was going about it. But the sinking guilt, the swallowing loneliness enveloped him gently but mercilessly, and he couldn't breathe for realisations.

His friends might never forgive him, he may become ostracized from the only community he's ever really had, and for chasing happiness no less. His methods were underhanded and his motives were wicked, his family might finally be proud… but Fiyumi at least would not. His loving, caring sister… would she be mad at him? For being unable to sacrifice his own happiness for his friends? Would she call him stupid? Selfish? Would she tell him he deserved all the pain and guilt he felt? He felt she would be right. He's done nothing but plan yet, he hasn't hurt his friends in the slightest. But he still felt incredibly guilty, incredibly empty…

He looked down at his bowl of ramen, it had gone lukewarm. He sighed and put it down on the table, laying on his side. He could turn the lights off, he could turn the heating off, he could turn off so many things, but he couldn't turn off his own thoughts, he couldn't turn off his tears.

[darkmindsthinktwistedthoughts]

Devil’s Trust pt3

Warnings: Strong language, Moblord styling warlords.

Masterlist

---

Chapter 3

He was not in the best of moods. His plans for the evening had been dashed with a single phone call that lasted for only a few minutes. Running his hand roughly through his dark auburn hair he took hold of a fist full at the back of his head and gave it a small tug in frustration. Why summon me? What game is the Devil King playing now? The private elevator gave a small lurch as it came to a stop on the top floor. He smoothed out his dishevelled hair and gave a deep sigh before plastering on an expression of ambiguous origin and entered the Devil’s lair.

The grandeur of the place annoyed him. Penthouse apartment on top of his own building and this is what he did with it? Walking along the corridor past the glass wall that revealed the private garden, a central pavilion past an elegant rock garden, shimmering water of a koi pond and beautifully manicured plants framing the path for walking. He felt himself twitch as an unwelcome thought as to its beauty entered his mind. Who would have thought such a place existed in Hell? There was a heavy-looking sliding door at the end of the corridor, propped open, and he knew without any guidance that that was his destination.

Stopping to look inside before he entered, he couldn’t help but feel the bile in the pit of his stomach churn. This place was really something else. The blend of modern furniture with items of antiquity felt seamless. The glow of the rosewood and lacquered items gave warmth to the contrasting cold metal and supple leather. He did wonder if all the rooms in this place were decorated like this or if it was just the Devil’s office. Knowing Nobunaga and his desire to surround himself with nothing but the best it was probably safe to assume that this level of dedication to all the finer things was abundant throughout.

There was a massive desk at the top of the room in front of floor to ceiling windows giving an unprecedented view over the city. A large sofa with a couple of chairs was in front of a fireplace with a large coffee table. There was even a drinks cabinet that seemed to take up quite a bit of wall space too. The rest of the items present looked as if they saw little use.

“You kept me waiting.” Nobunaga’s low commanding voice reached him from where he was sitting on a chair near the fire. Amber liquid glowed, already swirling in the crystal tumbler he had in his hand the decanter for which was placed on the table in front of him, another glass waiting patiently near it.

“And you are keeping me from my evening plans.” Shingen haughtily retorted and took a seat on the leather sofa without invitation. The sooner this is over with the sooner I can leave.

“You can submerge yourself under females another night. Tonight, I have need of you.” Nobunaga sipped his drink an infuriating smirk on his face as he cracked his mockery. Shingen tensed but managed to retain the composure he was known for. I’ll be damned if I let you break me again Nobunaga.

“As flattering as that is, I’m not interested.” Shingen shrugged and reclined back making a show of it. The leather creaked slightly under his shifting weight almost as if it were sighing at his moving mass.

“After all this time the old Tiger still has the energy to growl and yet all I see before me is a weak little kitten.” Nobunaga leaned forward and poured for himself and his guest. Shingen was making no attempt to help himself which given their history spoke volumes of the level of trust that remained between the two heads of family. In this world you learn that suspicions saved lives. To drink or eat something you hadn’t already seen the other consume was inviting trouble and it was a fundamental lesson to even the less seasoned members of their groups.

“Provoking me will only confirm my suspicions that you are nothing more than a spoiled brat who got in a foul mood because someone took away his candy. What did you summon me for Nobunaga?” Shingen accepted the drink still not partaking of it, he simply held the weighted tumbler on his thigh in his large hand. His black eyes meeting their red counterparts, steel versus flames in this undesirable alliance.

“You still have hold of your own network throughout the city correct?”

“Naturally. Such a thing that has been generations in its cultivation cannot be rendered dead overnight even by your hand. As long as I am still living the bonds of trust are tied, the network remains.” Shingen was first and foremost a trader in information. It was not something he had felt the need to hide as it was widely known among the different factions that that was his domain. In fact, it had served him well over the years. Strategies were only as good as the information held and if you wanted a war with words you sometimes had to get a little psychological with it. Much easier to gain success when the opponent is already panicked that you might know something too juicy to share.

“Good I want you to look into something for me.” Nobunaga nodded happily after accepting confirmation. That familiar entitled attitude did little to staunch the agitated Tiger.

“I am not one of your hounds. Don’t you usually use Akechi for this kind of thing?” Shingen shot out his reply and watched as it hit home. A subtle and almost completely hidden reaction happened. His hand definitely tensed I wasn’t imagining it.

“You might not be one of my “hounds” as you call them Shingen, but you are one of my possessions. It would be a waste to not use every pawn at my disposal on occasion.” Nobu’s voice held an edge to it that was part warning and part dare. The frustrating thing to this almost textbook masking of unspoken issues within the payroll was that Shingen could not deny that there was truth in the devil’s words. Had he been in his position it would be something he would be using to his advantage as well.

“You sit there and just expect me to take your barbs and bidding?” Shingen’s voice rose to meet Nobu’s. I would rather not think of how similar we can be at times.

“I expect you to do your job. Like it or not we are part of a united front and this threat we have on the horizon is coming whether you help or not. I would have thought the great Shingen Takeda would have recognised the importance of going into battle with as much knowledge as possible is preferable to entering a battle with nothing.” He hadn’t so much as moved in his chair and yet there was no denying the shift of his oppressive presence in the room.

“You’re rattled? The Devil King himself is worried.” Shingen held his ground but his gaze had become one of curiosity.

“I am not worried nor am I afraid. I have a dislike for things that are hidden from me. Things that would try to steal what is mine. Now go and find me my weak link. Find me the focus of my attack.”

---

It had taken most of the afternoon to get to the change of location and then unload the van. The neighbours had all begun their series of curtain-twitching and popping out to put items into the outside waste bins to get a look at the new arrivals almost as soon as they pulled up. Mitsuhide chuckled knowing all too well that this was the limit to a lot of people’s subterfuge in the world that was so different to his. It was more innocent and on a level with a child eavesdropping at a door.

“What are you laughing at?” [Name] looked at him curiously as she crouched down to let the cat out of its transport carrier. It gave a small grumpy sounding recognition to her as thanks for its freedom and darted off to explore its new territory.

“Nothing my dear. Nothing at all.” Mitsuhide glanced around the home that had taken on interior design inspiration from a child’s box fort. “So… what are we unpacking first?”

“The kettle. I’m gonna kill someone if I don’t get a coffee.” Casting out a flippant comment she started shuffling boxes around in an apparent search for the correctly labelled one.

“Really now? Well if you should find yourself with such a thing happening, I would hope that you remember to call me about it.” He smiled watching [Name] look over the boxes near her.

“Mobster jokes? Seriously? I was just using a common phrase Mitsu.” She huffed her words used to chastise him lost any negativity in them as she failed to suppress a beautifully happy smile from gracing her lips. Say what you like little mouse we both know you like it.

“And I was just stating facts, my dear. I think the kettle is in this one.” He slid a knife over the tape on the box and with a small popping sound, it opened revealing the chrome coloured appliance. She scooped it up and pivoted her body to go to the kitchen.

They were finally home. He had taken a lot more care and effort in selecting this place than any of his previous safe houses. It was here after all that he would be putting his greatest treasure. It had to be perfect, it had to be safe. He had researched and laid a path of paperwork thick enough to cover their trail linking it to several of his aliases in various ways to lead credibility to it all.

This was a milestone in a relationship even in the normal world. All though they had been living together already back at HQ it didn’t change how pivotal this was. As he mused over a turn of events, he had never thought possible in his life. His smirk softening into a more relaxed smile as he watched [Name] bounce around from box to box looking for cups and other things. I wonder if you know how far I would go to protect you. How far I’ve already gone and how much further I’d be willing to fall just to keep you safe.

---

To say his patience was wearing thin was little more than a joke at this point. His desk was covered in the correspondence that he had had with Esshu since the untimely demise of its former CEO. Each one a polite yet firm refusal to entertain any ideas of a merger. The names signing off on each had been different and each one was added to the growing list he was formulating to try to figure out the design of the inner workings of the beast.

A few days had passed since the Tiger had been set among the pigeons and the lack of enthusiasm to retrieve what he asked for irked him. The fact they simply didn’t just accept their position and dance to the tune specified proved he couldn’t discount Shingen as a possible assassin in this game.

Something else was annoying him as well. “Don’t you usually use Akechi for this kind of thing?” He might have known that Shingen would have spotted the elephant in the room. His once sharp tool that was so quick to cut that the opposition hadn’t even registered the damage until it was too late was now playing house. The blade blunt and discolouring with lack of use. A battle was coming, would his trusted predator still be fighting?

The other company was one thing currently outside of his control. He felt his blood boil as he looked at the rejections. They had no idea who they were messing with. He hated it but there was no changing fact. They say history has a way of repeating itself and he felt the cogs of time rewind to a certain point. If they are not with him, then they stand against him and will be treated like everyone else that had refused his dream. He will crush them, destroy them and take what he wants by force for the greater good. It’s not the first time he would have to come up with a plan for a hostile takeover. But who is he targeting? Nobunaga roughly bundled the papers together on his desk in a shambolic pile and spun in his chair to stare out of his window.

The city below stretched out as far as his eye could see. Pedestrians scurried through the streets making their commute. Traffic lights at each intersection caused the traffic to pulse down the roads of the city in a familiar and predictable way.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Mitsuhide was still performing his duties. All the bases were covered and targets met with precision. Currently, there was no reason to take action to regain his tool. Still, he was not a patient man and he knew there might still come a time when he would have to do something to “correct” the issue. I warned you once before… old friend.

---

[thebeethathums]

Observers - 67

Pairings: Sherlock Holmes x Reader

With your brother gone, you flopped back so you were lying horizontally across the bed, hissing a curse under your breath as you felt a sharp pain shoot up your shoulder, “Merde… that bloody smarts.” You felt Sherlock’s hand on your hip and reached out to find him again, quickly finding your hand in his as he caught it and then brought it to his lips to kiss your knuckles. You could feel his lips turn up in a smirk when you giggled and then he wove his fingers between yours as you groaned, “How much longer until tomorrow?” “A while,” he hummed and you sighed, “I’m sorry you have to stay… I know it must be terribly boring for you.” “I want to stay, (F/n).” “That’s sweet, Sherly, but it doesn’t make it any less boring.” “True. Play a game with me?” You blinked at the ceiling a couple of times and then gave a one-shouldered shrug, “Sure. What did you have in mind?” You felt him shift to sit cross-legged on the bed, his knees facing you and your hand in his lap, and he pressed your fingers flat as he hummed, “Tell me what you feel.”

Before you could ask what he meant, his fingertips started tracing something across your palm and you shivered slightly at how gentle his touch was. It took you a moment but you realized what he was getting at and let out a soft chuckle, “It’s a cat.” “Correct,” he chuckled and then, to his surprise, you pulled one of his hands over to you with a grin, “My turn.” He could see now why you’d shivered as your soft fingertips traced across the plane of his palm and he had to stop himself from giving a soft moan. He closed his eyes to focus on the lines you were drawing and after a moment quirked an eyebrow as he muttered, “A rose.” “Yup,” you nodded and he pulled your hand back to him to continue the game. This went on for longer than Sherlock had originally intended, escalating in complexity as you went along, and he wondered how you always found a way to keep his interest even with the most mundane things. You’d just nearly stumped him by drawing a plate of spaghetti when you let out a soft yawn and he snuck a glance at the clock- it was nearly three in the afternoon and you’d been at it for almost two hours. Deciding that it was best if you got some rest, he wound his fingers around yours and pulled you to sitting to help you get situated correctly on the bed as he thrummed, “We should take a break so you can sleep.” Your fingers tightened around his hand when he moved off the bed and he sank back down as he stated with a hint of annoyance, “I’m obviously not going anywhere, (F/n). Relax” “Promise?” you whispered and you suddenly felt him lean over you, his lips carefully meeting yours in a chaste kiss before he lowly rumbled, “I promise.” Content with his answer, you nodded sleepily and gave another yawn before slipping off to sleep. Sherlock moved to the chair, crossing his ankle over his knee as he steepled his hands beneath his chin, and lost himself in his thoughts while you slept. Being patient and understanding was exhausting not to mention difficult, he briefly wondered how John did it all the time before reminding himself that he was doing it for you. You had enough going on in your mind right now without his usual attitude and he had to try to keep himself from accidentally making it worse, which meant watching his every word. He pulled up his folder dedicated you in his mind and took it with him into his mind palace, sitting down in one of the rooms and spreading its contents out around him. He had enough information to get you through this, he just needed to sort through and find the things of relevance. This was the scene Mycroft arrived to a couple of hours later, having been informed you were awake and made his way over as soon as he was free. When he stepped in the room, Sherlock tensed, “She’s sleeping.” “I can see that. I’m glad to see you finally decided to visit… and that John was coaxed to leave.” “She insisted. I don’t understand why we can’t just take her home.” Mycroft stepped over to his usual place at the window, “John may be a doctor but he does not have the resources of a hospital, Sherlock. You know that.” A quiet settled over the room for a few minutes until you shifted and, before Sherlock could stop you, rolled onto your injured side, squishing your bandaged arm beneath you. You shot up so fast you nearly fell out of the bed, which in turn caused some additional pain in your ribs as you tumbled a colorful string of profanities in both French and English. “Should I call a nurse?” Sherlock asked, a definite hint of worry in his voice, and you shook your head, keeping your face in your hands, “Only if it’s bleeding.” You felt his hands on your arm as he checked and then hummed, “It’s not.” Mycroft watched the little interaction with curiosity as you began to fidget and Sherlock eyed your hands, knowing you were itching to draw. You raised your head in Mycroft’s direction and he expected you to greet him but you just growled, “I hate this. What am I supposed to do? It hasn’t even been a day and I’m going insane…” “Welcome to my world,” Sherlock chuckled and you groaned but a small smile played at your lips, “Does this mean I get to shoot the wall?” “No,” he answered sternly with a hint of laughter in his voice and you gave a mock pout, “Aww come on. All you have to do is wait till John goes out and then point me towards it.” “I don’t think Mrs. Hudson would appreciate that,” Mycroft offered and you jumped before hissing, “Sherlock, why didn’t you tell me Mycroft was here?” “It wasn’t relevant.” You sighed, not bothering to argue with him, “I’m sorry, Mycroft. It was not my intention to be rude though I cannot speak for your brother.” “It’s alright, my dear,” Mycroft practically cooed as he came to sit on the edge of your bed, earning a hash glare from Sherlock, and you reached out to find his sleeve. You felt him tuck a strand of hair behind your ear before his fingers went to your chin, tilting your face up towards him, “Is it permanent?” Sherlock ground his teeth as he watched his brother take up your hand in his and you shake your head, “They said weeks, maybe months.” “I hope my little brother has been behaving himself and taking good care of you,” Mycroft frowned, giving your hand a little squeeze. You grinned widely, turning in the direction you knew Sherlock was, “He’s been surprisingly fantastic.” Mycroft chuckled as Sherlock managed a look between a pout and a smug smirk and you giggled, “He’s pouting now isn’t he?” Sherlock shot Mycroft a glare in hopes that he wouldn’t answer but his older brother offered a, “That he is,” before standing and stating, “I’m afraid I have to get back to work but it is good to see you awake.” “Bye, Mycroft. Be well.” “And you, (F/n). Goodbye.” Mycroft hummed in response, giving Sherlock’s shoulder a squeeze as he walked out. When his footsteps faded, you softly demanded, “Come here,” and reached out towards Sherlock, who didn’t move until you started waving your hand, reluctantly sitting on the edge of your bed. You found his arm and followed it up to weave your fingers into his hair as you murmured, “Mycroft isn’t going to steal me away from you, Sherly.” “I didn’t-“ “I’m blind, not stupid, Sherlock, besides I could hear you grinding your teeth.” He was quiet, contemplating how even without your sight you could still read him, and when you moved your fingers to his cheekbone you could feel him lean into your touch ever so slightly. He turned to look at you finally, your fingers still tracing over his skin, and a frown settled on his face. Your eyes seemed so empty- it hurt his heart to see their usual spark missing from them. His breath hitched beneath your fingertips as they traced over his lips, causing them to part slightly before you cupped his cheek and pulled him down towards you. You leaned up to press your lips to his and found that after a moment he eagerly responded, his tongue already seeking entrance to your mouth. There was a short battle between your tongues when you allowed him entrance and this time you won, wondering for a second if he had let you as you felt out your new space. He broke the kiss just as your lungs began to scream for air, both of you panting softly as he rested his forehead on yours, and then you tilted up to press a succession of kisses to his lips, mumbling in between, “Do you- think- you- could find me- some- loose paper?” You could practically feel him trying to deduce what you wanted it for and then felt him nod, “Of course.” He stood when you pulled away and reluctantly left the room to fulfill your request as you leaned back into the bed with a content sigh- this could work. For a while, you’d wondered... patience from you could only go so far, but now it seemed Sherlock was making his own effort to meet you the rest of the way. It made your heart happy.

[mst3kproject]

Jungle Moon Men

The title of this movie is a fucking trick.  There are no moon men at all, just a tribe who worship a moon goddess who will die if she goes out in the sun, like the albino Sumerians from The Mole People.  Deeply disappointing.  It was produced by Sam Katzman, who made an enormous number of incredibly bad movies including Teen-Age Crime Wave, and features Myron Healey from The Incredible Melting Man.  There’s also quite a lot of material that is very unfortunately reminiscent of Jungle Goddess.  I already know I’m going to hate this movie, but I’m watching it anyway because I have a blog.

Our Hero, Johnny Weismuller, and his buddy Kimba the Chimp are hired by adventurous archaeologist Ellen Marsten to take her deep into the jungle, or at least the Spahn Ranch, on a quest for an ancient civilization who worshipped the sun god Ra.  Instead, they find a tribe of little people who are ruled by a moon goddess called Oma, the last survivor of an ancient civilization who were swallowed by the Earth after Ra became angry that they’d discovered the secret of eternal life. Nobody is allowed to leave the lost city of Baku, but Johnny and Marsten have to get out somehow, or they’ll be fed to the sacred lions.  Maybe they can take some of those diamonds from the temple with them when they go.

Not only are there no moon men in this movie, there’s not even any jungle.  Most of the movie was shot in the open scrubland of Corriganville, California, without even an attempt to make it look jungle-ish.  The people making the movie knew this, too, because all their animal stock footage is of the savannah.  I think the ‘Jungle Trading Post’ building that appears in the background of one shot is actually a zoo gift shop.  I can’t entirely blame the film-makers for this, since it’s clear that their budget did not remotely extend to going anywhere jungle-ish, but they didn’t even try.  They couldn’t shoot in the woods?  They couldn’t even hang a couple of vines?

There are definitely no black people in this movie, except for maybe some of the stock footage when you really can’t see anybody’s face well enough to tell.  All the ‘Africans’ are played by white guys who aren’t even wearing any makeup.  The Aribi people, whose chief Nolimo wants revenge on Oma for the death of his son Maro, are a bunch of guys in culturally insensitive costumes which, were it not for the leopard print, could have equally well allowed them to be background ‘Indians’ in some terrible budget Western.  They even talk in the same forced broken English. The Moon Men are a bunch of short people in shitty Ewok cosplay.

There’s some Egyptian-type iconography in the city of Baku.  A lot of it looks like the kind of thing you’d get if you asked a bunch of sixth-graders to paint something Egyptian without looking at any references.  They weren’t even talented sixth-graders.  Most of the ‘hieroglyphics’ are just squiggly lines, and everything Marsten says about ancient Egypt is transparently, infuriatingly wrong.  She talks about a ‘white civilization’ that flourished there long ago, and how the Egyptians had lost wisdom that would tell us why there are different races and why there are tall people and short people.  I’m truly shocked she never mentioned aliens.

The actual story is surprisingly engaging at points.  Jungle Moon Men is not a long movie, only sixty-five minutes including the credits, but there’s quite a bit going on in it.  Aribi chief Nolimo is seeking his revenge, although he gets entirely forgotten about for most of the movie because even fake black people aren’t allowed to do anything in these movies.  An unscrupulous guy named Santo wants to steal the moon men’s diamonds.  Marsten keeps finding ‘archaeology’ and spouting off ‘ancient legends.’  When it actually gets going, Jungle Moon Men steams along quite nicely and makes us want to know what happens next.

Yet the movie still manages to spend an awful lot of time dallying around doing nothing.  There is, for example, the whole opening sequence – first a narrating voice drones on about the Law of the Jungle over a selection of animal stock footage in an attempt to establish that, despite all evidence to the contrary, this story is set in Africa.  Then we get a useless sequence in which Kimba the Chimp is fishing, and Johnny swims down to tug on his line just to tease him.  Kimba’s supposedly humourous antics fill up quite a bit of the movie, and they’re almost always irrelevant except at the climax, when he sneaks in and unties everybody before the Moon Men’s pet lions can eat them.  He’s also badly-dubbed, with loud chimp noises playing over scenes in which Kimba’s mouth isn’t even open.

There’s an extended funeral sequence for Maro, which does nothing at all except show us a bunch of embarrassed extras in skeletal makeup bouncing in a circle.  The worst thing in the movie, however, is the part where Marsten and her friend Prentiss go hunting with bows and arrows, ultimately killing two pigs and an out-of-place puma… and I’m not entirely sure but it looks like these three animals were actually killed, just for this movie!  The scene establishes that they’re good shots but that wasn’t necessary because shooting things with arrows is never important to the plot. This movie killed three animals for no reason.

The Moon Men themselves, such as they are, are at once supposed to be threatening bad guys and objects of fun.  Their mastery of poisons and accuracy with their blow darts makes them sinister enough, but their costumes are absurd and other scenes show them struggling to open the door to the lion cage, or the useless bit where one of them tries to steal a jeep but cannot control it and just drives it into a ditch.  Sometimes the punch line is lol, they’re short! and sometimes it’s lol, they’re stupid primitives! and either way it’s obnoxious and offensive.  The only joke that works is when they sneak into the tall people’s camp disguised as shrubs, which is funny mostly because of the better movies it reminds me of.

There is kind of a theme to the movie, though – it’s about where information comes from, and what biases people bring to it. First there’s the fate of Maro. In the mind of his father he was kidnapped and murdered, while the Moon Men say he was chosen by the goddess herself for the great honour of being Oma’s high priest, and had to be punished for his senseless betrayal.  Marsten and Prentiss are friends but tell very different stories about how romantic that friendship might be.  When Oma catches Santo and Johnny fighting, with stolen diamonds all around them, each blames the other until she gets tired of the whole thing and throws them both to the lions.  Oma tells her guests that the Moon Men love her and serve her willingly, but after her death they celebrate because they are no longer slaves.

Oma herself is a pretty blonde woman, much like Greta from Jungle Goddess, but she really is some kind of immortal being who holds herself up as a goddess, rather than being a lost heiress whom the natives just assume was divine because she was paler than them.  I guess that’s better… maybe… the movie still holds whiteness up as being nearer to godliness.  She’s also fully dressed, though her white gown looks nothing like the Ewok costumes the Moon Men wear, and is never treated as a sex object.  There is no implication that her high priest is expected to sleep with her, and neither Prentiss nor Johnny fall in love with her, or she with them.  That’s definitely an improvement.  There is, furthermore, one really nice moment when she demonstrates that she’s way more afraid of the sunshine than she is of the lions – the latter are just cats, while the former is the incarnation of a god who has sworn to punish her.

Ellen Marsten is never a sex object, either. She spends the whole movie fully clothed and is never in any peril that the men aren’t in with her.  Everything she says is stupid but within the world of the film she’s clearly supposed to be an expert in her field.  Prentiss is in love with her but respects her enough to remain friends despite the fact that she doesn’t return his feelings, and at the end of the movie Marsten herself is not ‘with’ either him or Johnny. She is a character, not a love interest, so that’s refreshing, too.

None of that’s enough to save the movie, though.  It’s a cheap, shoddy, racist train wreck with a side of animal cruelty.  It’s also a ripoff, having stolen a lot of its major plot points from H. Rider Haggard’s She.  I could talk about that in more detail, but I haven’t actually read She, only seen other movies based on it, and I honestly don’t care.  I don’t hate Jungle Moon Men as much as I did Jungle Goddess or Black Dragons, but it’s pretty damned bad.

[wolfforce58205deads]

Cat and Dog Parts: What’s Legal, What’s Not? [in the US]

Alright so all the time I see people asking about cat and dog parts and there’s a LOT of confusion about what is and isn’t legal to buy/sell/trade/own. The laws are vague when it comes to us collectors because they weren’t made with us in mind, so I get it, it’s confusing. I’m hoping this little guide can help!

THE LAW AS IT IS WRITTEN: (click here for the source)

(b) Prohibitions

(1) In general It shall be unlawful for any person to— (A) import into, or export from, the United States any dog or cat fur product; or (B) introduce into interstate commerce, manufacture for introduction into interstate commerce, sell, trade, or advertise in interstate commerce, offer to sell, or transport or distribute in interstate commerce in the United States, any dog or cat fur product.

(2) Exception This subsection shall not apply to the importation, exportation, or transportation, for noncommercial purposes, of a personal pet that is deceased, including a pet preserved through taxidermy.

Click here to read more about laws regarding importing cat/dog fur (TL;DR: it’s illegal, don’t do it).

BONES: To start bones are not covered by this law at all. Bones are legal. Skulls are legal. Teeth are legal. Even claws are legal (though some people still get iffy about those since they can be included with the pelt). Whether you have a single bone or fully articulated skeleton it doesn’t matter, the law does not target bones. It very specifically states fur and fur products. TRANSPORTATION & SERVICES:

Another thing this law explicitly doesn’t prohibit is transporting or the changing of hands for pets for preservation purposes. Because some people want to have their pet preserved when they die, whether it’s to have their skull/bones cleaned for display, have their pet cremated, have their pet skinned out for a pelt, or have their pet mounted either traditionally or freezedried.

The important thing to remember is these aren’t animals being sold, only temporarily changing hands. You pay for the services, no one is buying/selling the pet itself.

While I have seen dog taxidermy for sale before, I’m not entirely sure of its legality, and could not personally find any information on this. It seems that if a family member who had a taxidermied pet passes away that mount can be inherited, but otherwise I’d love to chat with someone who knows more. To stay on the safe side I would avoid purchases or trades involving finished taxidermy products involving cats or dogs. These are cat and dog fur products that have the potential to create a market demand for dead cats and dogs. That’s entirely what the law is aiming to prevent.

People say it is legal to gift dog and cat pelts/products, but again this is something that’s probably best avoided. Just like you can legally gift bird parts from legally hunted birds that are otherwise covered by the MBTA, but people advise against doing so.

Interestingly, naturally shed pet fur also falls into this category. One neat thing people do with double coated breeds of dogs is spin their fur into yarn for knitting or needle felting with it. You can pay someone to make your dog’s fur into yarn, or even create a finished product with it, but you can’t sell already-made shed fur products.

WET/OTHERWISE PRESERVED SPECIMENS:

The logical conclusion most would reach from this law is that anything with cat and dog fur or leather is 100% off-limits. But that’s where things get tricky.

Surprisingly, this law was not intended to target otherwise preserved cats and dogs. That’s why you can find biomedical supply websites that sell cats and dogs that are preserved via injections (like formaldehyde/formalin), and why many people can recall dissecting cats in school. That wet specimen fetal puppy you saw over on Facebook is, in fact, legal.

So why is this, you may ask? After all, the law very clearly states any product containing cat and dog fur is explicitly illegal, and those full specimens certainly contain fur.

That’s when you look at the spirit of the law rather than the letter of the law.

The law was meant to target products that were being imported into the US that were labeled as other furs (fox, rabbit, wolf, mink, synthetics, etc.) but were actually dog and cat fur, mainly fur garments and accessories or even toys. As you can imagine this didn’t go over so well here in the states when it was discovered. There was evidence that cats and dogs were even being bred for this express purpose. Not only were people outraged about the fact that it was cats and dogs being used, because we love them so dearly as pets, but people were also mad because this was dishonest business that mislabeled furs in an attempt to make more money. A dog is easier and cheaper to obtain than a wolf, for example. Whether you cared about the ethics of the fur involved or the ethics of business this was a very big deal.

So because this was the target which the law was focused on stopping, otherwise preserved specimens which would not be suitable to make your traditional fur products with weren’t really meant to be restricted. After all, those preserved specimens are still argued to be valuable in the science and medical fields as educational tools. Most people would not say that the fur from a preserved whole specimen is usable (though I have seen people claim to skin and successfully tan wet preserved animals...that said this would not be cost or time effective so because of those factors this is not something the law is really focused on).

Of course this can change, or you could run into a law official who takes special issue with you and uses the letter of the law against you. While I’ve never heard of this happening I wouldn’t rule it out. Erring on the side of caution is never a bad thing. Just don’t harass someone for doing this.

HYBRIDS:

Now what about wolfdogs or coydogs?

These hit a legal gray area, because federally and in most states they are not considered to be “dogs”. They are considered exotic pets or even just wild animals, that’s why the rabies vaccine is not legally considered viable to them. Not to mention you could potentially find both in the wild that were born wild (and these could be considered a nuisance rather than native animal). Plus it may be difficult to prove what you actually have does have dog in it.

If the canine you possess looks more coyote or wolf than dog, you’re probably fine (so mid-to-high content only, essentially). Some doggy characteristics do appear in wild animals, such as black and tan coyotes that are not coydogs (yes this is a coloration that can happen). If they look very dog-like you may want to pass it up, because people can argue that it’s a pure dog. Study your anatomy and the differences between dogs and coyotes and wolves.

PARTS:

If you have leather or a pelt these are definitely off-limits. You may not buy, sell, or trade them. Even gifting is ill-advised. This includes everything, whether it’s a full pelt, a fur trim, a leather bag, a dried paw, a tail, whatever. It doesn’t matter if it is the whole animal or a piece of them, it is off limits.

OWNING CAT/DOG FUR:

Owning cat and dog fur can be done legally. Again, the law doesn’t want to prohibit people from owning their pet’s remains. It is perfectly legal to keep your deceased pet in any state, preserved or not.

This is where you’ll see people trying to collect roadkill domestics, or even try to pester their local veterinary offices or shelters for carcasses (note: most will tell you no, or it can actually be illegal for them to give you animal remains).

Pets are legally classified as property. As such taking someone’s cat or dog, dead or alive, is stealing. Now if it is your pet it is your legal property. Likewise if you find a lost or deceased pet many states have legal holding periods. You must try to find an owner during that period. And by try I mean contacting shelters/animal control, putting up listings, asking around, looking at lost pet listings, etc. You cannot just nab an animal and wait it out. With live animals you usually have to go through an adoption process through a shelter before the pet is actually considered to be yours.

With dead animals it’s a bit more tricky and controversial. Many people pick up roadkill and, when no owner is found after no less than a month of searching, will just keep it without notifying authorities. This is because in most cases said authorities will want to dispose of the corpse for you, which people intent on keeping said body parts are trying to avoid (you can still try to ask and see). This is why it’s controversial. Technically if you keep the animal past the legal holding period without finding an owner while actively searching the animal is not considered to be the original owner’s pet anymore. Most animals people pick up are strays (particularly cats) in areas known to have strays, some of these strays being known as such before finding them dead. It is not illegal to keep the fur/leather from these animals, but its something other people will likely challenge you about.

Keep documentation of any animal you pick up. Put in a found report with your local shelters. Hold onto them. For more about this topic see my other post, I Found a Dead Cat/Dog.

BOTTOM LINE:

Bottom line is if you’re not sure assume it’s not legal. It’s better to be safe than sorry. If you see someone doing something and you’re not sure it’s legal, privately message them and ask. If you see someone doing something that is definitely illegal, contact them and find out if they know what they’re doing is illegal. If they know it is and continue to do it anyway then yes, please report them.

Also please remember this post only applies to people in the United States of America. Other countries have different laws. Do not harass someone from a different country unless you know for certain they are violating their country’s laws, or are trying to do business with someone from the US in a way that would violate our import laws.

I hope people find this helpful. Please feel free to add on to this post or correct any information or anything else.

THIS IS NOT INTENDED TO BE LEGAL ADVICE. PLEASE DO YOUR OWN RESEARCH AND ASK YOUR OFFICIALS.

[did-somebody-say-exorcism]

Headcanons: The Children of E Class

I wanted to keep all of my online presences as separate as possible, but the cat’s out of the bag now. I’m Professional Magical Girl on Fanfiction dot net, author of Great Teacher Nagisa, Fake Smiles, and some other miscellaneous AssClass fics. If you are here because of those fics, don’t ask about the url, it’s an inside joke between me and some old high school friends that just stuck. You can follow me if you want, but be warned that my posts are sporadic and generally about Evangelion.

Ah-hem. Anyway, I’m writing a long fic that involves my headcanons about the children of, you guessed it, E Class characters. So here is a master post of all of them. This is subject to be edited at any given time (I will inform my readers in an AN if any major changes have been made). If I don’t list a character here, I probably don’t headcanon them as having children. Or maybe I couldn’t come up with names for the kids yet. But ask away if you have questions about that. I’d prefer to be PM’d on FFN because I get emails for those, but using the ask/message feature on tumblr works too. You can call me Samantha, Professional Magical Girl, did-somebody-say-exorcism, or any variation of any of those.

And yes, I did get this idea from what TheRoseShadow21/Aki-chan2014 did with her headcanons for Ending the End Class. Yes, I did ask for her permission to do the same. Professional Magical Girl is many things, but disingenuous is not one of them.

The premise for Teenage Wasteland (read here: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12856407/1/Teenage-Wasteland ) is: Some of the children of former E Class end up in the assassination classroom as a result of time travel. In some cases they will replace their parents, in others they coexist beside them. Not all of these characters will time travel, I’m still debating where to cut the fat. The characters whose names are bolded will definitely be major characters.

Nagisa and Kayano

Backstory: All of Kayano/Akari’s pregnancies were unintentional and back-to-back, leaving her and Nagisa rather unprepared. In spite of their jobs, they were also the first of E Class to have children. Akari managed to hide the children’s existences for many years, often by portraying pregnant characters or by hiding behind countertops. Kayano/Akari, after retiring from show business, now only leaves the house in disguises. All three of the girls are very short and tiny.

Aguri Shiota- Nagisa and Kayano/Akari’s first child, and the viewpoint character and protagonist of Teenage Wasteland. She is very quiet and observant, and as such others seem to see her as dependable, even Kaito (see below) notes her admiringly. While normally an even-tempered person, she is prone to episodes of moodiness, especially after the time travel event. It was rumored that she was born in her mother’s dressing room between shooting scenes for a movie that would later win an Academy Award, but she herself doubts this. She is named after her late aunt (obviously). Very, very much a daddy’s girl. Birthday: June 26, 2024

Hotaru Shiota- Nagisa and Kayano’s middle daughter. She is sweet and bubbly and often plays the comic relief. Her sister describes her as ‘getting calmer the angrier she gets.’ This mood of hers is invoked in the event that she is lied too, which she cannot stand above all else. She also has the ability to hear what people are saying from a distance away, a talent that is made useful many times. Birthday: July 12, 2025

Fujiko Shiota- The youngest of the three girls. She has a severe illness that I will not yet identify (this is a plot point). All of her family is very protective of her. She has a room full of stuffed animals and aggressively sings showtunes at karaoke. She doesn’t feature prominently until the end of the fic. Birthday: June 16, 2026

 Karma and Okuda

Madoka Tachibana (Akabane)- Okuda’s daughter from her first marriage, though Karma adopted her when they married and she calls him ‘Dad’. She has very little contact with her biological father and sees him twice a year at most.  She is easily flustered and is usually the last one to get the joke. She is very close to her half-brother. Birthday: September 16, 2031

Hikaru Akabane- Prankster and musical theatre geek. He is usually the one to hatch some hairbrained scheme to get E Class to their goals at the moment, however mundane those goals may be. Birthday: March 1, 2034

 Isogai

Koyo and Chiyo Isogai- Twins. They both have very jovial attitudes and are excellent students. Koyo is rumored to be the most attractive guy in the whole school. They have no enemies… That we know of. Birthday: February 14, 2031

 Maehara

Backstory: Maehara, predictably, continued to be… himself throughout his young adult life. He was married to the mother of his oldest child, but after they divorced he went back to dating lots of different people, and was on again and off again with the mother of his two younger kids for years. He seems to still want to impress Okano, but suspects that she wants nothing to do with him.

Fumihiko Maehara- Athletic, popular, funny, but is seriously clueless when it comes to girls. Birthday: October 5, 2028

Hatsune Nakano- She gets on well with her older half-brother, not so much her younger full brother. She doesn’t seem to have the best opinion of her father either. Birthday: May 30, 2031

Shiori Nakano- Does not feature as a prominent character. I’m only listing him for posterity’s sake. Birthday: January 7, 2034

 Kataoka

Takahiro Aruta- He is usually the one to take charge in any leadership role, and the rest of the class seems to trust him and feel at peace around him. Aguri describes him as ‘the protective type’. It is a running gag that cats love him and always flock towards him. Birthday: September 3, 2029

Kinoko Aruta- She is very sneaky and loves to eavesdrop and spy in places where she isn’t allowed to be. Aguri speculates that she “Has dirt on all of them”. She knows all the ins and outs of the main campus, some of which she claims she only knows because she bribed one of the five virtuosos (though this may be a joke). Birthday: October 12, 2031

 Sugino

Kintaro Sugino- He and Nobuhiko’s mother left them, in the middle of the night to run away to Fukuoka. It was later uncovered that she was running from the law. Kintaro was five, just old enough to know he was abandoned, and according to Aguri, ‘never really got over that hurt’. They have not seen their mother since, and were raised by their father and stepmother. He is shown to be rather sensitive and gets saddened very easily, he will deadass steal the remote out of someone else’s hands to change the channel if that sad abused pet commercial comes on the tv. He has a crush on Fujiko. Birthday: September 28, 2028

Nobuhiko Sugino- Aguri describes him as being ‘very pure’, he seems to always have an optimistic outlook and doesn’t even remember his biological mother or feel any resentment towards her. He is a terrible judge of character, and is easily influenced by those around him. He seems to look up to Satoru (see below). Birthday: November 2, 2030

Minoru Sugino- Sugino’s son with his second wife. Freaking adorable, but probably will not time travel. Birthday: March 21, 2037

 Kanzaki

Satsuki Kanou- The ‘straightforward’ one, usually playing the straight man to the shenanigans of the others. It is a running gag that she is very stingy with money and will attempt to cut corners wherever possible (for example, she suggests that the giant pudding be made with soymilk instead of regular milk, because soymilk was on sale). Birthday: May 15, 2029

Sayaka Kanou- Kanzaki’s younger daughter. Her sister fusses over her endlessly. Birthday: July 7, 2031

Chiba and Hayami

Satoru Chiba- Along with Satsuki, he is seen as the most level headed of the children, thought he is much less straightlaced than her. Kaguya (see below) has said of him that ‘he could be multiplied by 10 and I wouldn’t mind or notice’. By nature, he is very helpful and is especially kind to children and animals. Unfortunately for him, this is excessive to the point that he acts like a doormat and allows people to take advantage of him. Birthday: June 6, 2027

Midori Chiba- She's the sassy and sarcastic one, and gets in trouble frequently for dressing out of code. She always wears the same pink scarf, no matter what time of year it is. She cannot get along with Satsuki, who calls her ’difficult and argumentative’, while she accuses Satsuki of being ‘stuck-up’. Also a massive Daddy's girl. Birthday: August 2, 2029

 Nakamura

Backstory here: Nakamura moved to Los Angeles after studying abroad in London, and just wound up never leaving. She married a well-to-do golf course manager, who is 100% behind her prank war on the local Home Owner’s Association. After 19 years of marriage and two kids, he left her for the girl across the street. She eventually marries Gakushuu Asano. When Karma heard of this, he literally almost died laughing because he thought it was a joke. (That does not happen yet during Teenage Wasteland, it’s just sort of an aside.)

Her kids were dropped into this timeline and location, with little skills in Japanese. This is a plot point on several occasions.

Liam Carmichael- Athlete. He is shown to be somewhat reserved and keeps the secrets of others well. He also has a good relationship with his mother, taking her advice to heart. He has a bromance with Satoru. Birthday: December 19, 2027

Jeffery Carmichael- Think of the Weasely twins, but one person. Aguri refers to him as having ‘corrupted’ Nobuhiko by teaching him dirty jokes. He has a crush on Midori. Birthday: October 26, 2029

 Hazama

Minami Minnaoka- Her mother is stuck in a loveless marriage to a benefactor of the library she worked at. Minami observes this, and openly wishes that they would divorce. She mostly sticks to herself, but is shown to be friends with Kaguya. Kaito (see below) has described her as a ‘complicated wreck’. Birthday: November 1, 2030

 Yoshida

Kaguya Yoshida- She is considerably droll and witty, which makes her admired by some and feared by others. Midori has affectionately dubbed her ‘The Queen’. Birthday: July 5, 2030

 Hara

Tadaharu Konoda- Has severe chuunibyou. His current dream is to move to America and become an NFL star. Birthday: April 9, 2028

Fumiya Konoda- For reasons unknown, he has earned the nickname “barrel of monkeys”. Birthday: February 26, 2030

 Okano

Kaito Suzuki- He frequently bickers with others (namely Minami), and is generally a bit of an asshole. Aguri speculates that this is because of his parents’ bitter divorce. Whatever the reason, he immediately drops his act around Aguri, as if he respects her. Is shockingly good at math, but not many other subjects. Birthday: November 28, 2029

 Kurahashi

Chitose Mizushima- Her father is the mailman, and describes himself as ‘the best damn mailman in history’ (he also moonlights as an amateur musician). She is described as being breathtakingly beautiful, and has several admirers, including Satoru, Masahiro, and Nobuhiko. She is also tone-deaf (this is played for comedy). Birthday: August 6, 2028

Tarou Mizushima- Her beloved younger brother. It is a running gag that he will always try to help with something, but will usually end up unintentionally ruining it or screwing it up even more. A bit bumbling, but well meaning. Birthday: July 27, 2030

 Kimura

I don’t have any headcanons for these two yet, just names and birthdays. It’s a work in progress.

Masahiro Kimura- Birthday: April 25, 2028

Haruki Kimura- Birthday: April 30, 2032

 Fuwa

Kaworu Miyazawa- He was born through IVF, as his parents had been trying unsuccessfully for a child of many years. As such, he is treated as if he were very fragile, ‘as if he might break’ (according to Aguri’s description), which could not be further from the truth. Birthday: January 3, 2035