#caught myself so off guard the fuck
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WAIIIIT I THINK I JUST ACCIDENTALLY WROTE A BIT OF STSG ANGST INTO A THING😭😭😭😭😭😭THAT WAS NOT THE PLAN AT ALL SO IDK HOW I FEEL ABOUT ITT I DON'T WANNA MAKE SUGU SAD WHAT THE FUCK i need to backtrack a little i think😭😭😭😭😭😭 imagine getting so surprised by your own writing hello???????
#LIKE I JUST WANTED TO SAY THAT THEY MESSED AROUND A LITTLE WHEN THEY WERE YOUNGER YK#BUT IT JUST ALWAYS SOUNDS SO#SAD#LIKE THEY'RE OBVIOUSLY SOULMATES IN EVERY UNIVERSE#FUCK#BUT I NEED THEM TO BE PLATONIC SOULMATES BC I CANNOT ADD ANY SORT OF ANGST BETWEEN THEM#😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#caught myself so off guard the fuck#mayor of loserville#ihtctaot
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Okay, so I managed to ACTUALLY get Halsin this playthrough (thank GOD), and like, all I knew about him was that he turns into a bear and is INSATIABLY horny (also that he loves nature but like…my guys a Druid, of course he does)
But what I DIDNT know was how PRECIOUS this man is. He became a Druid because his childhood friend was the human (or whatever the fuck Thaniel is) embodiment of nature. He has a sweet tooth (which, same). HE WITTLES DUCKS. I literally verbally Aw’ed when talking to him after becoming my companion. He is absolutely adorable, even if he’s constantly dtf
#baldurs gate 3#baldur's gate 3#bg3#halsin#bg3 halsin#baldur’s gate 3 halsin#I am so mad at myself for rushing through act 2 during my first playthrough#I could’ve had this beast of a man#but NO#I had to be STUPID#also I love Wyll’s little comment if you talk to him after getting Halsin#like of ALL PEOPLE#I was NOT expecting WYLL to have a down-bad comment regarding Halsin#like I get it#it just caught me off guard when I heard Wyll#the ONE CHARACTER that exudes Straight Vibes#having a DOWN BAD comment over fucking HALSIN#maybe I misjudged the Warlock 🤔
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sent to the endless white void dimension for his crimes
#I SAW THE IMAGE AND IT CAUGHT ME SO OFF GUARD I MADE MYSELF NAUSEOUS LAUGHING#i didnt know there were south park funkos........#certified fucking thing!!!!!!!!
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ever since i made this shitpost i keep expecting this song to start playing in the middle of becoming potatoes
#project sekai#wonderlands x showtime#this doesn't deserve to have all the characters tagged.#i've cursed myself#LIKE. i keep getting surprised that i don't immediately hear#' it's been so long~ '#instead of the actual chorus#it's gotten to the point now where sometimes i get caught off-guard when i play becoming potatoes#and i lose my fucking combo#AND THE WORST PART IS THE CHOREO MATCHES THE SONG. HUH#i hope i at least dragged ny friends down with me#n44_bs
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uh... hm. be careful about which blogs you check when checking for bots
#log date.txt#just saw a gore video. awesome /s#not rly gore but? it was someone dying in a way i dont wanna describe... so....?#also id tell yall the url so u can report but i dont wanna expose anyone to that at all. i went ahead and reported and blocked them myself#they tagged it as rwby too..... god#ive seen this kinda fucked up shit before and Way Worse but this caught me way off guard and i dont feel well at all.#death tw
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Karkat: Troll this worthless human.
so i decided that since Tumblr doesn't have the option to, like, DM not just pictures and gifs but also any other files, i will not be restrained and post it publicly because let's be honest who else is gonna listen to this. @quatari here it is per your request! contains one (1) full reading of The Johnkat Pesterlog just for the heck of it, some (some) stumbling here and there and one (1) unfortunate Hussie Moment somewhere by the end of the thing which i don't think i'll read out loud ever again, yikes!
#i forget sometimes that not only is early hs full of slurs but like there's also This#which idk what category that falls into but i was infinitely caught off guard bc i didn't remember it was there at all#anyway hussie can go fuck themself for that#as for the pesterlog itself. i really had so much fun with it. i am cringe but i am free#.txt#HOW DO YOU LIKE MY IMPRESSION OF KARKAT!! the one i slipped into at the beginning of the second part#i think i made him a bit. nerdy? on accident#and then slipped out of it again so it sounds like im arguing with myself#which is. a karkat impression by itself if you think about it#also quatari you're free to either reply or like DM me#whatever youre comfy with
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I think getting a hysterectomy would either help with my migraine issues or just give me different problems but I wont be able to know until next year minimum and even then I dont know if I can do a second surgery so soon. the way that birth control just utterly and completely fucks you over when youre starting it, when youre on it, and when youre getting off it is so. Idk if its even worth it to change my birth control if Im gonna get a hystrectomy in the vague soonish future even if I feel like absolute dogshit for an entire month for 1/3rd of the year.
#I take it back on whatever post I made recently about hrt. I think its making my migraine issues worse.#I would take back the smell issue over migraines that have me searching basic math to make sure Im still doing 3x3 correctly#in my head. and like. being unable to read more than a paragraph or two at a time.#honestly. Im really mad at myself for being caught off guard by that doctor and telling her I was on testosterone.#because now I have to jump through stupid fucking hoops to get a hysterectomy and shit and who knows what wouldve happened if I was able to#pretend I was cis. Im pissed about it. and OFCCCCCC she says 'yes I will make sure not to mention the trans thing outside of my notes!'#and WHAT does she label the appointment as?????? literally mentioning Im trans in the big ass header that my new primary doctor immediately#saw. like come on girl do your job better than this.#life sucks being disabled when you have to do all this crap. cant just Schedule a Surgery you have to go get approved by insurance and then#make sure someone can bring you and also you have food you can actually eat during recovery and take time off work and worry about money an#then find out insurance did not approve the surgery AT the appt and then you have to wait another 2 months to reschedule the surgery and do#all of the above alllll over again. but like even worse.#bro Im so stressed about money all the time my moms bills keep going up and her bills cost more than my monthly paycheck. its bad out here.#anyway. my nightly tag rant.
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being hit on is one thing but being hit on by a pretty girl is downright traumatizing
#WHHAT DID I DO …????? im pretty sure i just made a huge fool of myself it caught me so off guard….. -_-;#going to the grocery store in clothes that havent been washed in months and ME not having showered for a month#buying fucking. milk and cigarettes. whghat the hell ………#i think i just squeaked out some sort of thank you and left cause i got so nervous. yeesh.#‘skenpiel you have 0 game’ WHATEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I WASNT PREPARED AT ALL IT CAME OUT OF THE BLUE!!!!!!!#and i was already nervous by how pretty she was before she even said anything…….. blargh
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first psychiatry appointment done. feeling....weird about it.
(venting in the tags. cw for what might be transphobia but i'm not entirely sure lmao)
#vent post#tw vent post#she prescribed zoloft which alright whatever i expected that#but what got to me/rubbed me the wrong way was how she responded to me saying i was trans#she didn't ask me my pronouns or my gender identity. she jumped right into 'when did you first know you were a boy'#and i was already kind of messed up at that point (crying about other stuff) so it caught me off guard and I froze#like. i'm not a boy. i didn't say i was a boy.#but i didn't correct her and didn't get the chance to LATER because when I said 'well I figured it out in like 7th-8th grade'#she started talking about how MOST people figure out they're trans between the ages of 4-5 and how there's a lot of#''''''social pressure'''''' nowadays WHATEVER THAT MEANS??#and i was like. well okay. fuck me I guess my experiences aren't valid then??#and then she got kind of awkward about it and moved on so i never got the chance to actually. explain my gender identity#idk. the more i think about it the angrier i get. both at myself for not speaking up and her for saying that kind of shit at all#anyways i'm hoping she has nothing to do with my transition when I go to the endocrin people and talk to them abt it in July#and like she was nice and kind about pretty much everything else. it was just that one thing.#i also feel weird because i overheard the secretary guy tell somebody over the phone that she doesn't like to prescribe#stimulants even to people who have previously been diagnosed with ADHD which. ???? isn't that. the treatment for ADHD???#which makes me nervous because EYE am going to get tested for ADHD and other such potential neurodivergencies and like.#is she not going to prescribe meds for them if I do have those things?? and what if the testing comes back and I AM autistic#is she going to invalidate that too because there's so many people online who think they're autistic nowadays???#this all on top of the fact that i had a massive massive panic attack trying to find parking downtown where her office is so I was#already fraazzled and out of it going into the appointment lmao#ahem. so anyway. today has been so rough and I want to sleep for 60000 years.#OH OH OH OH AND WHEN I WAS LIKE 'yeah i took a 10mg thc gummy once but it gave me a massively bad panic attack'#she was like. 'good! I'm glad you reacted like that' and ??? what the hell? that also kinda took me aback. like. wtf??#why would you be glad that I had a panic attack so bad I almost called 911 and got myself taken to a hospital. like. hello.
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[start image description: 5 digital black and white illustrations, as well as 4 photographs of a thin hardcover book. The first image is a drawing of a railroad grown over, with tree roots sprouting over them. There is text above the image reading: “Met some folks who like to travel along the tracks. They invited me to join them for a meal. Turns out, a couple of them have gone all over the place for
the past few years. Selene mentioned that the growth is not as thick in certain places, in others it’s not as noticeable like how it is here. Considering how long it’s taken me to get here, the fact that it could have been possibly easier in
other locations is kind of nice to know. This group is pretty nonplussed about how long their travels can take. They seem to be enjoying themselves, living in the moment. After talking some more, we parted ways. I hope we all travel safely.”
The second image is a drawing of a fountain, with cattails growing from the water. Vines and flowers bloom around the stones.
The third image is a drawing of a tree with no leaves in the branches.
The fourth image is of a person sitting on a fence, looking at a sheep that has approached them on the other side.
The fourth image is of a person pushing through foliage surrounding a stone wall with a lamp fixed onto it. A bird rests on the person’s shoulders.
The photographs are all of the same hardcover book. The color of the cover is a dark green, with the backside of the covers a dark brown. the paper within the book is a cream color, bound to the covers with a coptic stitch. In two of the photos, the book is closed. The other two are opened to demonstrate how it is bound and what the pages look like. /end image description]
I forgot to mention here a few weeks back but I finished my thesis! I might put the whole pdf up on itchio in a bit if people want to look at it.
#the hardcover was for my director and thesis defense#it was the first time the school was trying a creative cohort thing for the honor college thesis projects#so she wanted an example for future students#i fucking stabbed myself with the curved needle at one point#hard enough that i was bleeding i was so pissed#it also ended being really long???#caught me off guard took me two weeks to format it b/c i ended up adding more pictures#its finally like done done i submitted it to the databank and it was accepted#have to make another copy for my ma and another professor who does stuff with the ecohumanities
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ahsjkds rant/vent in the tags
#i fucking LOVE having to hug my friend as they sob bc our rights r actively being revoked#i’m literally 16 years old. i don’t even have my permit yet.#it shouldn’t be up to us kids. i shouldn’t have to tell them that we’ll fix it and make it all ok one day#it’s not that fucking hard to let trans people exist. it’s really not.#and yet#i just. ughajdnfjkw#they were sobbing. and all i could do was promise that i’d try and fix it.#i’m pissed and tired and upset and all i can do about it is hope that my emails and club speeches actually do something while i wait#there are wonderful adults who are fighting for us and i cherish them greatly#but that doesnt change the fact that the government - the very people i was raised to believe we’re there to protect me - is actively#passing laws in favor of my suicide.#and the only thing i can do about it in the meantime is comfort my friends and hope they give my email the light of day#it’ll be okay. we can fix this and save our community. i know we can.#i just wish this wasn’t something we have to do in the first place#this is gonna sound indelicate but i wish i still flinched when getting called a faggot#i’m not sure if this makes sense but it feels like i lost something when i started teaching myself to remain neutral in the face of bigotry#i want to be mad and upset but instead i’m carefully crafting how im perceived and judged at every moment#where’s the justice in me forcing myself to watch bigoted videos at the age of 14 so i wouldn’t be caught off guard or shocked when harassed#tell me where the fuck the justice is in that.#sorry for all this rambling i’m just upset
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is it like a universal transmasc experience to do a comical old man voice on the phone so people gender you correctly or
#this. this is why i love automated menus. i can only do the voice for so long#i hope someone has to listen to the call i had w the bank today for qa or whatever#and gets caught off guard by the agent suddenly switching from ma'am to sir lmao i always get a kick out of that#like idk i cant not wish ill on ppl who misgender me sorry i hope the qa department thinks you're a fucking idiot lmao#like. i chose a common masculine name for a reason. i introduced myself using that name. and you still called me ma'am 3 fucking times#before i had to break out the gravelly cough followed by cartoon businessman voice#'wah wah people make mistakes' im allowed to be pissy about this
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I just finished omori. I'm going to cry for the next three hours.
#and then I'll play it again and do the route with the banger closing music :)#jesus nothing could've prepared me for that final thirty or so minutes#with memory lane and the final fight#cHRIST DUET IS GONNA MAKE ME CRY NOW FUCK#damnit my hands are shaking holy fuck#might just be that I forgot my meds#......I fucking love basil I needed a post game. I'll draw one myself#pizza delivery caught me so off guard this child has two lines of fucking dialogue#and I cant believe thats one of them#god#that was such a good game#time to play it again
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Is there anything your followers can do for you? These worrying posts are starting to get alarming.
this is kind of a wild way to word both those sentiments but I'll choose to believe this was sent in good faith.
my followers don't need to do anything. there's like two people who like my posts and even the most basic requests for like music or media recommendations get hit with zero engagement so even if I said yeah they could x y or z (which would be idk awful of me to do i think) they simply Wouldn't lmao.
and if you find the posts alarming, I would recommend unfollowing me. I'm assuming/hoping this just wasn't worded great. I'm not trying to be a cunt, I just use my blog as a space to vent and if that causes alarm idk unfollowing is probably the best course of action. i cant promise to tag things because im not always in a place where im thinking that far ahead. If you are genuinely worried, it is, as of right now, just heavy suicidal ideation and is unlikely to become actionable.
#sorry if this wasn't the response you wanted#the question really caught me off guard#I've been basically clicker trained by two ex-girlfriends to see offers of help when I'm suicidal as bait or a trap#and if I accepted that help i got berated for being attention seeking and if I reject that help i got berated for being a liar and a faker#because they constantly implied or outright stated that me talking about wanting to kill myself was emotional manipulation#so now when anyone responds to me being suicidal I'm like oh I'm being an awful manipulative person fuck#which im sure wasn't what you were trying to imply the wording just instantly set that off
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an open fly walking
i didnt like this one but i thought id finally air it out since its been sat in my folders for months now
TG: hey karkat
CG: YEAH?
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TG: you ever noticed you like
TG: walk weird
CG: WOW, OKAY.
CG: HAVE *YOU* EVER NOTICED THAT I DON'T GIVE A SHIT?
TG: pff
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TG: no listen because i got my ears scoping that shit im like a scouter for dude activity
TG: ok maybe me mentioning it to you is gonna fuck up your ecosystem or something but
TG: you have the heaviest feet of the century man
CG: I DO???
TG: just thrust them straight down into the ground like youre trying to homebrew a san andreas fault
TG: viciously tamping on tectonic plates hoping for top score on the richter scale
TG: waging war against solid particles and the basic flow of gravity
TG: i could ID those footfalls out of a million i mean it
CG: SERIOUSLY?
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TG: i mean theres nothing wrong with it but
TG: yeah
CG: I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU'RE FUCKING WITH ME RIGHT NOW.
TG: im not fucking with you striders honor
TG: when have i ever lied to anybody about anything
CG: NOT UNPACKING THAT QUESTION WITH YOU TODAY.
CG: BUT SHIT, HOLD ON. LET ME SEE.
TG: yeah take the umbrella go over there and just walk to me
CG: ON IT.
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TG: see you just kinda slam em straight down dude
CG: THIS IS THE WORST DAY OF MY RIOTOUS FUCKING JOKE OF A LIFE.
TG: dont your feet ache
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CG: MOOT POINT. THIS MIGHT SOUND INSANE BUT I'VE ACTUALLY HAD MY STRUT PODS FOR A WHILE. ANY KIND OF PAIN THIS WOULD'VE BEEN CAUSING WOULD BE TOTALLY FILTERED OUT OF MY SPONGE BY NOW AS BACKGROUND NOISE.
TG: damn i didnt think that through
TG: my shades
CG: ALRIGHT, GET BACK UNDER THE SHITTING UMBRELLA AND THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO ME.
TG: look ive fucked myself over here too i dont have shit to clean these with
TG: ugh
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TG: guess its karma
CG: HOLY FUCK. HOW DID I NEVER NOTICE THIS BEFORE?
TG: i dunno but im gonna assume having a dad thats a literal crab monster is probably a contributing factor
TG: im guessing thats not a great role model for this kinda thing
TG: just conjecture i mean
CG: YOUR ENVY IS OVERWHELMINGLY OBVIOUS DAVE. AS A DISCLAIMER, HE WOULD'VE ABSOLUTELY KICKED YOUR ASS.
TG: yeah probably
CG: THAT'S PRETTY MUCH ALL THERE IS TO SAY ON THE MATTER.
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TG: but see bro had me stringent on feather feets
TG: i bet i could slip across a bike horn warehouse with nary a fucking toot
CG: HAHA. ASSUMING YOU DON'T MAKE A TOTAL ASS OF YOURSELF, AS PER USUAL.
CG: IF YOU WEREN'T CONSTANTLY RUNNING YOUR GASH ABOUT EVERYTHING AND BEING AN INIMITABLE CLOWN I SERIOUSLY THINK YOU COULD BE ON PAR WITH YOUR CUSTODIAN.
CG: THAT IS A MONUMENTAL "IF".
TG: well look at it this way
TG: im basically doing you all a favor by being a dumbass
TG: never gonna get caught off guard by the bozo patrol
CG: WOW. GOOD POINT.
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TG: also screw this can i use your shirt
TG: this stupid hoodie is just smudging my lenses up
TG: i cant see dick
CG: UH
CG: SURE, I GUESS.
TG: cool
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TG: so yeah i could be prowling around like a goddamn verbal assassin sniping convos left and right
TG: but no ive got the decency to go bunp in the night
CG: YEAH.
CG: IT'S DEFINITELY COMPOUNDED BY THE CONSTANT INANE RAMBLINGS.
CG: BUT
CG: IT'S ACTUALLY PRETTY RELAXING, Y'KNOW? IT HAS ITS OWN RHYTHM.
TG: see yeah i sound it off and
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TG: wait really?
CG: YEAH
CG: I DON'T KNOW
CG: FUCK. HOW DO I EXPLAIN THIS WITHOUT WANTING TO CRAM MY FROND DOWN MY PROTEIN CHUTE.
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CG: IT'S LIKE
CG: A SALVE FOR MY AGGRAVATION SPONGE.
CG: YOUR VOICE IS THE HUMAN EQUIVALENT OF ASPIRIN.
TG: uh damn karkat hold your hoofbeasts i was talking about the rhythm thing
CG: ALRIGHT, THAT'S IT. I'M TAKING US BOTH THE FUCK OUT RIGHT NOW. YOU HAVE REACHED THE BAD END OF THIS CONVERSATION.
TG: you think thatd be heroic or just
CG: IF I WAS STILL GHOSTING AROUND THE RUINS OF SGRUB'S ARCANE FRIGGIN GAME SYSTEMS, THE COMPLETE LACK OF SHIT AFOOT NOWADAYS WOULD BORE ME TO DEATH.
CG: LIKE. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME OUR THERMAL HULL LEVELLED UP, DAVE?
TG: hah
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TG: but uh
TG: i mean we had aspirin on earth
CG: NO, NUMBNUBS.
CG: I'M SAYING YOU ARE MY ASPIRIN.
TG: oh
CG: YEAH, TAKE THAT TO THE BANK AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR 20-KARAT ASS.
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TG: heh
TG: well get this
TG: i will literally talk at you forever for free
TG: you got lifetime priority seating for the davealogues
TG: never gotta go to the drugstore again you can just get doped up on my dulcet tones for the rest of time
TG: take that and some of this
TG: im packin punches
CG: OW, FUCK! NO! MY MIGRAINES!
CG: SWEEPS OF VEINCLOTTING AND NERVEFRAYING DOWN THE FUCKING GAPER. BECAUSE OF YOU.
CG: YOU ASSHOLE, THIS IS THE WORST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO ME.
CG: AND YOU'RE LAUGHING.
TG: chuckle up it only gets worse from here
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CG: BE HONEST WITH ME. DID FONDLING MY SHIRT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET EVEN DO ANYTHING?
TG: barely but yknow sometimes you just gotta deal the cards youre given
TG: ill just be astigmatic for a while its cool
CG: PFF… OKAY MAN.
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got called irresponsible, neglectful, and lazy by my boss today because i didn’t know ants eat clothes and i got a surprise infestation and asked for one (1) shift off to deal with the problem. having never asked for surprise time off or called out in the past.
#well you should have dealt with it using the other 16 hours of the day instead of asking for time off#i only approved it because you caught me off guard#that’s just not how a responsible adult lives their life#if you can’t take care of yourself how could you possibly deserve a promotion#of course i appreciate your work ethic but someone who exceeds expectations should NOT be asked for time off to deal with a personal problem#<< fucking insane way to talk to someone#neurodivergent golden child to burnout pipeline is real#personal#vent#i want to quit my job so bad#i told her that my other option was to call out and she said that would have been equally unprofessional#BITCH I’VE NEVER CALLED OUT#literally aghast#and she KNOWS i’m mentally ill#i even planned to deal with it outside of work#and only asked for the time off after working myself up into an anxiety attack#and even said that if she said no i would understand and just power through#what a fool i am for thinking my manager cares about me
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