#cause god knows no one gonna help me understand how to actually seek a therapist

[squuote]

I hate being too lost in my own head, I wish I could just take it off and shake it so the the thoughts would scramble up and hopefully be too mixed to continue thinking about

[kthynes]

the caller you have reached (chris evans x reader)

pairing: chris evans x fem!reader

summary: chris was trying to drunkenly call the woman he loved and wanted to get back with but instead he reaches you, a shrink.

warning: swearing (sailor level), brief mentions of mental health

**IMPORTANT disclaimer: I won't be dabbling into the hard hitting topics of mental health in this short only because I'm not a certified health professional and so I can't be providing a written, unbiased, often characterized diagnosis towards any sort of mental health disorder because really, those types of sensitivities need proper care and output. With that being said, I do want to emphasize the notions of seeking help and not being afraid to seek help when needed. It's hard, but we all fight a battle and no battle is big or small or better or worse.

If my followers or readers do feel the need to privately chat with me, I'm here and I can you lend you an ear. Otherwise let's be kind and uplift another while we can. No harm in doing good and being better, that's for sure!

-end rant-

This short is dedicated to the following lovelies:

@princess-evans-addict

@mrs-djokovic

@slut-for-chris-evans

@saltyflowermakertaco

@bitchyslut99

@patzammit

@itskikiyooo

@maximeevansblog

Being a working adult is dreadful but the work you do is the most fulfilling kind of anarchy. You are a therapist, you work to heal and you work together with people who willingly reach out to you and your facility of care. There is that balance, the altering nuances in between that allows you to do what you do best. You advocate for good prosperity of mental health and accolade of teachable moments that fosters a safe space for your clients, not patients, but the people who deserve to be heard and not be medically categorized.

Your salubrious passion keeps you grounded. In your lifetime, you've seen the imperial impacts of poor mental health and it has been a detrimental drive in how you retreat and give back to a small found community.

"Okay." You exhale to yourself while leafing through another client chart. You're working off the clock, stuck in the renaissance of your homey office space while the outside world turns pitch black.

In the appropriate fields you jot down important takeaways from your last sit in session with heavy concertation and reasoning, you try to congregate a treatment plan all before you cellphone cries for you in venturous fashion.

"Hello?" You answer without checking the caller ID, tucking the device between your ear and shoulder so that way you could work and talk.

"Jenny!" The man boisterously shouts. "Jenny baby please talk to me! Let me make it up to you, let's just do this right, please. I'm fucked up here."

"I'm sorry but you have the wrong number." You infringe sounding like the posh, automated answering machine lady.

"Oh what the fuck Jenny — oh cah'mon don't do that, don't be like that baby." You re-verify a local number and it doesn't belong to anyone you know of. So you wonder who this man is but choose not to press further instead you tell him what is right from the knowing wrong.

"I'm not Jenny."

"Seriously?" He yells, forcing you to hold the phone away from your ear. "That can't be... This is—" He recites the number that is similar to yours but the last two digits are off.

"You got 42, not 53." It's an easy mistake to recall, a swipe of a drunken thumb could've mixed that up, so this time around, you're forgiving. Not that it happens often.

"Oh no. That's—" The mystery man trails, something about his voice discerns you, it's familiar but in a hindbrain way that you can't put a finger on. "Fuuuuuuuck."

"Wait hold on, hold up, is this Jenny's assistant, Nina?" You exhale sharply sometimes it takes more than one try and a side of convincing to get your point across and your passiveness was certainly to blame.

"No I'm not her assistant either."

"Then who the hell are you?" He exasperates. You make the snide mistake of telling him your name and he buffers for a bit.

"Oh. So you really aren't anyone of my concern then?"

"No." You mildly retort. "I wouldn't want to be anyways."

"Okay well I'm not sorry then because I'm here trying to reach my girlfriend and I can't get to her because I have you on the line being a smartass." With that accent of his you can tell he's a patriotic Bostonian. One of your own kind and that furloughs your need to engage in this mindless drivel, it wouldn't get you or him anywhere. At least that's what you tell yourself before shutting him down.

"Well then maybe you should learn to listen first, how about that?" You snap, dropping your pen before you note down angry nonsense into your actual work.

"Hey nowwww!" He yells as if he's trying to be Hank Kinsley.

"It's clear that you're drunk."

He brushes you off on the other end, enigmatic in what he wants you to know. "This is Chris Evans, you're talking to Chris-motherfucking-Evans, you hear?"

"I do now." You say tersely.

"Good." He huffs. "Good... Cause you know I'm in the middle of bumfuck nowhere and this is what I get. This is what I seemingly deserve, god you women I swear..."

Your face changes. You don't agree to be a lending ear but somehow Chris forces you to hear him out.

"I told her Y/N. I TOLD her that I wasn't ready to take the next step but that doesn't mean that I don't want to be with her. And now she throws it back in my face by getting with some other guy she once dated back in high school. And somehow, I'm supposed to be ok with it and move on, as she tells me. How the hell am I supposed to do that, huh?"

"I, um, I don't know what to tell you." You sigh somberly.

"Of course you don't!" His Boston twang begins to nerve you as there some remitting frequency of it. Hearing him obnoxiously go off, reminds you of all your shrewd New England exes who were his exact counterpart when soused. A ludicrous memory that you relive again with time and perfect harmony.

"Listen lady all I'm saying is that I fucked up. I know I did alright? I mean it doesn't take much denominational math and the plot of Lost in Translation to get that. I get it!"

Jesus. You whisper the lords name in vain as you lean your forehead against the palm of your hand while your elbow rested on top of the desk.

"So, let me get this straight, you think yelling at a random woman will help get further?" You question a little acutely for his liking.

"I don't know but it sure as hell takes off the heat, sweetheart." Something about a man calling you sweetheart grinds your gears and now your molars.

"Okay, alright, let's talk." You begin, sitting up a bit and tearing out a blank page from your memo pad; you were doing a late night consultation, a small hash out.

"Schuwaaaaa." Chris enunciates the word sure and to much of his mayhem, he’s sprawled out on the curbside, somewhere in the nowhere land of L.A. He contented but also upset and you were simply crashing his little pity party.

"What is it that you want from Jenny?" You professionally prod. "How about we start there."

"Wooooah, what is that we're doing here?” Chris gets mildly defensive with you. “I dunno you like that. If we're gonna talk then you'll have to get through my publicist first because right now I plead the fifth.”

You exhale a deep and fulsome breath. No one troubles you like him. It's sanctimoniously unnerving.

"I'm a shrink, my job isn’t meant to incriminate my clients well-being, or anyone else’s for that matter.” You address calmly. “So, if you do require some solicited advice then we can keep this call under strict confidence. You have my word, Mr. Evans and the paperwork that will follow shortly after this call.”

Silence. There is some shocking silence which is brief before you're catapulted with disbelief and more cackles. "Holy mother fucking shit. You're kidding me?"

"I can run you by my credentials if you’d like?” You mention stiffly.

"God I’ve reached a cuckoo hotline!" Wrong. That's a horrible thing to say and you'd think a man like him would've been more sensitive about his choice of words, inebriated or not.

"Far from it."

"Tell me something, alright? How many grown, adult men come crying to you?" Chris is edging with curiosity even though his eyes are betrayingly reddened after crying into a bottle of Dewars 18. He doesn't make that known to you and you never cared to ask.

"Enough to know that they cry." You simply state.

"Huh. So this is just another Tuesday for you then.” Chris scoff, the bottle making it to his lips and then swishing back down again.

"Comes with the territory except I don't tolerate drunkenness." You motely add. "Can you keep the bottle aside for the time being? Just until we're done here."

"That's understandable and oh yeah sure, sure, I won't touch it." You can hear the glass bottle 'clink' when coming into contact with the pavement.

"Now tell me about Jenny." You softly inquire.

"What do you wanna know? How we fuck or how we met?" Chris giggles like a naughty school yard boy.

"How did you two meet?" You slam the words urgently, nearly spelling out the cause.

"Oh! Oh. We met on the job." Chris chuckles punitively.

"Okay and did you guys connect instantly or was there a slow build up?" You involuntarily took notes for any PR rep of his that wanted solid evidence that would preside this call, cover your bases and your poor ass along with it.

"Instantly. Our chemistry read was off the charts." He explains with a slight hiccup. "Sorry."

"Great. So it was more so a work relationship that later grew into something more correct?"

"Pretty much."

"So when did you start developing feelings for her?"

"Um I'd say..." Chris tucks his chin, burps and then excuses himself before continuing. "Just before we wrapped up filming. But then I think somewhere in between all that I realized that she was my kind of girl, my... better half."

"And what made you come to that realization?"

"Well for one she has this infectious laugh that would have you laughing with her, there's that sound of beauty and pureness to it. And then with that, there were all the little things she'd do for me that made me think, like damn she's the one, she's it for me and that for better or for worse, I'd need her more than she'd ever need me."

Chris gets sad and you feel for him. Your pen stops moving when you were about to prescribe him some mind memory exercises. He was human. Humans hurt. Humans make mistakes. Humans stray but they also love. That's all Chris did. He loved with all of his heart to not expect the same love in return.

"You know Chris, we don't always get the love we deserve and sometimes its sucks. Sometimes you wanna kick it back with a bottle of Dewars 18 and shake your fists in the air." Chris quietly perks up at your choice of alcohol that you didn't know he was forcefully downing. He fashions a small half smile that you don't see but hear faintly. "But there's also a time and a place and things happen, people come apart, people get together, people do people and there's that fine line of letting life run its uneven course."

"I mean you sometimes have to not be okay to be okay again and I know that from my many years of helpful healing. It gets okay, never fully better and I think that's just how it is. You acknowledge your pain, your trauma and then you go on while being mindful of that transition."

"Wow."

"Hey, um, look, I actually have to get going. But if you can, just down the rest of that bottle and get yourself home."

"Are you sure?" Chris gawks.

"I mean you were already halfway through and it's not like I can physically stop you, right? And besides this is what I'm prescribing to you. I want you to acknowledge your pain, drink away your sorrows and then smash that bottle so you can be relieved from that trauma and hurt. After that you need to fix up and start new, have a mature conversation with her, if you can and then have your feet hitting the ground again. Don't fall into the routine of heartbreak even if it becomes too hard, you hear me?"

"Loud and clear."

"Good." You sniff and start to put things away. "I know you're a good guy Chris, from how you are on TV and in interviews, I'm amazed by how articulate you are. You have the right mindset so I have no doubts that you'll fall back in any way. But if you do, please don't hesitate to reach out, I might have to hand you off to another cohort but nonetheless it can be worked out even if it does feel like you might be sparring on your own. You'll get the help you need."

"Great, thanks." Chris responds in his conscious state of thought. He feels pathetic with himself and that doesn't have you galling over the fact, instead you let him be.

"Do you need me to order you an Uber? Cab? Call a friend for ya?" You laugh easily and Chris hears it clearly, smiling in return.

"An Uber would be nice. I'll try to share you my location."

"Sure, on me and that'd be great."

"Thanks."

"No problem... And your ride should be here in two minutes, just look out for Raul in black Elantra." You inform him after checking your phone.

"Nice."

"You have a goodnight now Chris."

"You too." The line cuts and you're given a piece of your life back. You gather your belongings, flip off the light switch and make your way home. There's some truth and some brokenness in every situation. You knew Chris was going to be OK even if he didn't consult you afterwards. For you, there was no need. He's a smart man and he proves this over a prolonged period of time when he finally finds himself back on the market and then eventually in a relationship with a faceless and very loving woman from his own hometown.

He was finally happy, making you serendipitously glad that you were the caller he had reached.

[cuntess-carmilla]

Update: I stopped taking psychiatric medication because they turned out to have only ever been of “help” because I have POTS/dysautonomia and one made my blood pressure rise (Wellbutrin) while the other kept it from going up too high (Lamotrigine).

Now that I’m taking meds that are for what I ACTUALLY do have (POTS/dysautonomia) not only do I not need the psychiatric meds, but they were throwing off everything else. I hate psychiatry so much. Can’t believe I turned out to be one of those people who had their physical illness mistreated as You’re Crazy for years haha. :) With that out of the way...

Some Many of my Opinions™ on psychiatry, as a psychiatrized person myself who does take medication, but hates the institutions of psychiatry and psychology, and thinks a large chunk of it is white pseudo-science:

A good amount of the issues that the psychiatric institution addresses ARE absolutely real and, as a society, people who’re afflicted by them should by all means receive help and support so they can live happier lives. I experience many of them and take medication to help myself, I obviously don’t think the difficult experiences people seek help for are made up.

At the same time, psychiatry and psychology as disciplines ARE made up (like every other discipline), making them not infallible or objective, AND they were built on eugenics, patriarchy, white supremacy and capitalist exploitation.

Those very real issues addressed by psychology/psychiatry aren’t actual literal pathologies. They don’t need to be literal tangible sicknesses in order to matter or be deserving of help and compassion. Your literal brain as a bodily organ is not physically “ill”, at least in most cases. It doesn’t need to be for your problems associated with an “ill mind” to be real and to matter. Remember, these disciplines were created at a time in history in which (white, male) doctors and theorists were obsessed with turning everything into a material, scientifically tangible subject that could be objectively measured with numbers and shit, hopefully medicalized or otherwise turned into “hard science”. That’s where ethnography came from. It’s called positivism, which is extremely dehumanizing, white supremacist and capitalist.

Psychology should be largely considered as much more of a metaphysical or philosophical discipline than as objective science, which is how most people perceive it to be. It’s mostly pure theory about emotions, thoughts, cognition, relationships and subjective experiences + perceptions -- which isn’t necessarily a bad thing on itself. It not being hard science doesn’t immediately delegitimize it. Get rid of the white capitalist idea that only (western, white) science and “objectivity” are real or of value. Actually, holding psychology to the standards of hard science turns it into pseudo-science, so... Yeah. I genuinely think we’d get so much further As A Society™ regarding psychology's potential to aid people who’re suffering if we treated it as more of a metaphysical or philosophical discipline than as some objective scientific truth.

Psychiatrists often are super ignorant of the actual way the medications they prescribe work or affect patients lmao. I had that almost ruin a whole semester at college because a shrink prescribed me meds that in combination she should’ve known would fuck me up. Not that much is known about how the human brain truly works compared to other human organs, you can’t expect psychiatric meds to be well tried and true. The research on psychiatric pharmacy is very lacking + biased in favor of pathologizing and controlling psychiatrized people, besides attempting to make the most profit under capitalism like any other capitalist industry, so of course they’re gonna prescribe you shit. Plus, like doctors of every other field, many psychiatrists arrogantly disregard the experiences, requests, questions and ideas of their patients, who’re the ones taking those meds.

Psychologists/therapists, just like psychiatrists, also disregard the experiences, requests, questions and ideas of their patients.

There’s such a strong element of power imbalance in how psychiatry and psychology function. The more a patient knows formal information about anything related to psychology/psychiatry, the more the shrink can get upset, distrustful and dismissive of them, saying they’re faking it, or telling them “not to do their jobs” when they so often do said jobs like shit anyway lmao no matter how thorough the research and understanding of the patient is.

Psychological and psychiatric diagnoses are just as made up as any other human construct (such as language, race, gender, etc). They’re not tangible realities as if shrinks had ran into a previously unknown objective fact of nature. In the realm of psychology, someone takes a bunch of traits and behaviors that by their observation they consider to be interconnected with one another, put them in the same bag, stick a label to said bag, and ask other psychologists if they agree with the bag being a thing. These considerations are heavily influenced by sociocultural bias. You can’t tell me it isn’t true that they’re made up and very subjective when “diagnoses” such as drapetomania, hysteria, homosexuality, gender identity disorder, etc, have been seriously considered at least by part of the psychiatric establishment of their times as legitimate mental disorders. Hell, some still consider being gay or trans to be mental disorders. Don’t get me started on "Oppositional Defiant Disorder”, that shit’s just evil.

A lot of the ideas spread by the psychiatric-psychological institution are legit pseudo-science that researches try time and time again to prove and end up coming with nothing, or they end up tweaking their own research or conclusions to maintain the established consensus that just so turns out to be very convenient to the people who make and sell psychiatric meds.

Many of the traits, emotions, thoughts, perceptions and behaviors that are pathologized by psychiatry and psychology aren’t inherently harmful. If they don’t make the patient or others suffer by their very nature (as opposed to like, homophobic parents “suffering” because their child is gay or a gay person suffering because of homophobia) then there’s no need to alter them. “Correcting” them is a measure of social control that crushes individuality and only attempts to mold people into obedient ~productive~ servants of capitalism. Much of psychiatric medical treatment (not just the diagnoses and therapies themselves) focuses on turning the patient into less of a social “burden”, than on their actual happiness. That’s why you have ADHD and autistic kids being given meds that turn them into zombies and that's been considered a good thing for DECADES. Like, why does the stimming of an autistic person or an “unusual” attachment to stuffed animals as an autistic adult have to be corrected? WHOMST does that harm? Nobody! But it makes allistics uncomfortable because allistics are fucking stupid and can’t mind their God damned business to save their lives like normal people do.

Even non-pharmaceutical treatments for psychiatrized conditions are or can be turned into measures of social control. 

Maybe CBT wasn’t meant to be a tool to control people and shit, but it can be misused as such SO easily! It can go from being therapy to help individuals process inner pain and redirect harmful behaviors in positive ways, to being turned into training someone to react, feel and process abuse and oppression in ways that are convenient to the status quo. 

Don’t get me fucking started on ABA as an inherently oppressive, abusive “treatment” for a psychiatrized condition that does nothing to actually better the lives of autistic people, instead punishing autistic traits, teaching autistic people to painfully repress said traits and ignore their needs, and seeking to appease allistics by prioritizing their convenience and subjective comfort.

Behaviors, emotions, perceptions or traits that on a man or white person would be considered a non-issue or given much more compassionate/less stigmatized diagnoses, are pathologized or given much more stigmatized diagnoses when it comes to female or racialized patients, which reaffirms psychiatry and psychology as subjective tools of social control.

While many of the traits, emotions, perceptions and behaviors of what are considered personality disorders are painful, harmful and real (and thus should be helped, with consent, not hammered down), literal personalities aren’t “ill”. They’re personalities. Pathologizing or medicalizing a fucking personality on itself is ridiculous. It is possible to address those problematic traits/behaviors/etc without saying that a fucking personality is “ill”. So much for “you’re not your disorder”.

What shrinks will deem as hallucinations or delusions can be subjective, and it definitely can be deemed as such out of white-centric cultural bias. Plenty of non-white cultures have considered different perceptions of reality as valid and worthy of respect for centuries, at times related to their sense of spirituality. Not to mention how psychiatry has deemed the real anxieties of oppressed people that they’re being followed, spied on, plotted against and all that, as hallucinations or delusions in order to discredit them.

Many patients are given medication to try to alleviate traits/behaviors/emotions that come from circumstance (poverty, ongoing abuse, trauma, oppression...) instead of addressing the root problems. While I 100% understand using medication as a palliative measure because, bitch, you can’t always fix those problems and you still have a life to live (the same way I take clotiazepam when the insensitivity of the allistics around me causes me sensory overload), this puts the burden of the person’s situation on their own body, as if their body was the essential source of a suffering that comes from outside forces they’re not responsible or in control of. This should ideally be addressed through material change in realities that can be individual (removing the person from an abusive situation, giving economic aid, giving proper treatment to an untreated chronic illness) or social (abolishing white supremacy, the patriarchy, capitalism, etc).

So many times when palliative medical treatments for suffering that comes from circumstances don’t work (BECAUSE THE PATIENT IS STILL TRAPPED IN SAID CIRCUMSTANCES, HELLO?) it’s blamed on a supposed defect of the patient’s body/brain rather than, like... You can give me as many anti-depressants as you want but I’m still gonna be miserable if I’m being abused or suffering from unending physical chronic pain lol. And then, instead of at least having the decency of recognizing the real source of the problem if your shrink can’t realistically fix it, they keep trying more and more different meds on you like you’re a fucking lab rat, keeping on blaming a made up defect you were “born” with. Imagine what that does to a person’s self-image! At least when I loathe my body for the chronic pain, chronic fatigue and more that my chronic illnesses give me, it IS actually true that it’s my body that has a defect that can’t be cured. Why convince a person in suffering due to anything, but especially when it’s due to outside conditions out of their control and your job is fucking supposed to be to help them be happier, that their pain refuses to respond to treatment because their BRAIN is so terribly defective? I don’t wish the hatred I hold for my objectively shitty body on anyone, and causing that to someone when it’s not even true...? Incredible.

Lots of genuine difficulties associated with psychiatric diagnoses are much better helped through accessibility and material considerations, or at least through teaching the patient pragmatic methods to better deal with those, than through pills. But guess what solution shrinks usually give you. Hint: it’s easier for them and they can charge you for it monthly.

Society™ medicalized emotions, bro... WE MEDICALIZED FEELINGS!!! WHAT THE FUCK!!

[deathww1sh]

just. fucking venting it’s too long for twitter

I’ve been so careful all my life about who gets to be romantically/sexually involved with me, to the point where I waited until I was 22 to let anyone even see me with my clothes off all the way

no wonder I’m so fucked up over what happened; this guy left me at the bar after chewing up my neck to the point of bruising the very second he realized he wasn’t gonna get this pussy, and then spent the next three days making it all about himself and rationalizing his behavior. literally--like he actually *went to therapy* and all this shit, like it’s revolutionary to seek help when you realize you have a problem This was after he tried worming his way into my life when I worked at a cafe, and repeatedly came back to the cafe I FUCKING WORK AT after being TOLD I DIDNT WANT TO SEE HIM..... like the staff clearly don’t fucking like you either, a person who works here literally told you to stay away, and you’re gonna keep coming because you “want to enjoy the space” 

AND NOW HES COMING TO MY FUCKING HOUSE

of course I’m fucked up over this, I’m allowed to be fucked up over this, I have such a bad habit of saying to myself “this isn’t bad enough to throw a fit over”

I was fucking violated and then reminded very rudely of that violation, of course I’m upset, oh my god

If it was a cis-het white man pulling this shit on me, every single person in my personal circle would be coming down upon him like a ton of bricks, but because he’s first nations and gender-nonconforming, he gets a pass. Not just from other people’s judgement, but from me as well I realize; I wouldn’t have even given him the second chance I did if he was a cis man. I’m so desperate to have queer friends, or find someone who understands me, I was willing to put up with this shit

He called it a “relationship” ???????????????????? We went on two “dates” and I paid for fucking everything, and he talked forever about how he wanted to take things slow--we fucking hung out for a month

I know for absolutely certain he thought he could worm his way into my house. He’s said TO MY FACE “you’re kind of a wuss” repeatedly, he KNOWS I’m a pushover and he KNOWS he could take advantage of me. This disgusting fucking creep continues to violate me even after I blocked him on everything

My fucking house. my fucking yard. This place is my safe haven and he fucking came here, he lied to my fucking mom and said “I must have just missed him” like we had plans--YOU FUCKING DICK. IT’S FATHERS DAY. JUST BECAUSE YOU DON’T HAVE A DAD DOESN’T MEAN I’M NOT CLOSE WITH MINE. I PLANNED TO BE OUT UNTIL 11 PM YOU FUCKWIT. I’m so fucking mad. I literally want to self-harm I’m so fucked up about this

I just want to feel valid in feeling like I was... like, taken advantage of, and now I’m having a trauma-response reaction to it lmfao fuck I want to puke. I never want to open up to anyone, ever again, ever, I don’t want to give anyone a chance. This is literally worse than any of the shit my ex pulled and he pretended to be invader zim so he could shit on me through discord. I’ll take kinnie shit over this any day, what the fuck

idk why I’m coming to tumblr dot com for validation about this considering literally no one interacts with my posts here, no one reads these--maybe that’s kind of why? Maybe I just need to get this out somewhere

I’m just...................... oh my god. Oh my god. There’s no one I can fucking talk to about this unless I go to a therapist and there’s a fucking pandemic happening. I feel like he just fucking planned this to get under my skin and cause mayhem because he freely admitted before this he likes to poke the bear

and I can’t do fucking anything about it. What am I gonna do, block him? I tried that. Call the police?? I live on 32 street the police don’t fucking care about me. I don’t even know what fucking name/address I’d give them for a restraining order, if it comes to that. It’d be just like him to also not take the hint this time considering this is the third fucking time I’ve had to tell him to scram

Third fucking time.

[alchemist-shizun]

As expected, Dealing with intrusive thoughts is now one of my favorites

Here I come with almost all of my reactions on the episode, even though I tagged the spoiler warnings I put everything under the cut just in case. Enjoy the emotional rollercoaster while I'll probably go and rewatch it again.

Okay kinda expected one or two of the warnings but all of them together what is gonna happen???? (Though they make sense after reading the title)

HELLO FRESH BACK AGAIN

"I'm awesome and I can do this" there goes my boy. *said boy falls flat on the floor* ...come on

I felt that yawn bc I stayed up all night waiting for the video but it dropped at 8 am, I'm an idiot who should've gotten more sleep

"help me" why is he such a mood "everything is going wrong in my life" same but YOU SHOULDN'T SAY THAT LET ME HUG YOU

They're all sinking up so fast god I missed my bois. Also the general awkwardness of Virge and Pat, greeeeat something will go wrong

Virgil just ignoring everything and touching the railing, a mood

ALSO PLEASE LET ROMAN IN THE SITUATION

SECRET SECRETS ARE NO FUN TELL ME NOW OR ELSE WE'RE DONE

wait why does Ro want to be deeply troubled- man are you okay-

LOGAN'S HERE

"your most extreme reaction is an eyebrow raise" "FALSEHOOD" "I stand corrected" omfg

"what are you ta- what are you talking- what are you talking about?" I loved that whole take it made me feel complete

"Look I barely got any sleep" this can apply to a lot of us and I love just how we're all always like "TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF" but in the end this is where we all end up anyway

Okay I'm very curious about these troubling thoughts though

"so sushi" FUCCC I DIED RIGHT THERE

"Don't act like that was an accident" "everybody, Virgil. Let's give it up for the Purp Man" these speak for themselves. Also the purp man is my new fav nickname and I'm gonna use it.

4:17 Patton is adorable bye

"if you continue to push this we're going to end up in really dangerous territory" AND THAT'S WHERE THE TENSION STARTED TO BUILD UP

great flick

"am I delirious or is this the funniest video I've ever made" I felt that

YOU HIGH-JOCKED

okay but when Thomas starts disassociating I also feel really weird like as if there was something blocking my own hearing for real?? And not just the audio edited like that?? Maybe I'm just too tired

WHAT WHO WHHH first intrusive thought making its way what is gonna happen

OH MY GOD ROMAN WATCH OUT ALSO THAT'S DEFINITELY A NEW DARK SIDE OR SMTH LIKE THAT

W HO THE FUCKLKDSL IS THAT A MOUSTACHE IS THAT GLITTER WHAT IN THE WORLD IS HE WEARING WHAT IS HE DOING THERE PLEASE- okay but he looks crazy af I like that

"-evIL" "-SHOW UP"

First time I watched the scene where Ro gets knocked out I literally just screamed "ROMAN" in a high pitched sound I was shook wtf my bOY

Patton and Thomas's yells in unison plus "YOU KILLED HIM" I just I JUST

"Ah, he's the Duke" "....... boo" AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Okay but his voice is so on point with his character portrayal he's so weird it's awesome?

SONG SONG SONG and oh goodness the visuals I can't fathom how much editing work must have gone through this, they're all so talented.

"aunt patty naked" A G AI N??

"IM GONNA WHIP YOUR BUTT"

a snaKE IT'S DECEIT oh my these silouhettes are so great this is my favorite scene

this is gonna be stuck in my head all day

THE COOL MIRROR EDIT.

god i hate him so much already but i'm super intrigued he's so chaotic the whole team made a wonderful job i'll never stop saying this

"i'm really stupid right now" just how much out of context relatable content are we going to get on this fine day?

omg the dark version of creativity, which can be associated with intrusive thoughts, that's very clever

THE JUICY STUFF DANCE

"Repression can be very bad indeed" I mean he's right tbh it leads to never solving the problem at all

GO LOGAN GO HAVE YOUR TIME TO SHINE FINALLY i missed him

"i can't hear youuuuuu" much like "I don't understand what you're saying I don't know anything about words" THE DARK SIDES ARE ALL SASSY LITTLE BITCHES

pattonnnn did a real good job

THE BRAVE HANDSOME UNBEATABLE ROMAN and mashed potatoes

"scary" and Virgil just gives Thomas a look idk I live on the little details (Im ten minutes into the vid and look how long this post already is)

GEE Remus (already using his name bc it's shorter) looking so offended at the label and then pointing out it should be a Virgil problem whAT DOES THIS MEAN IM SHAKING

WHY WOULD HE BE DECEIT AGAIN IM DYING. "Idk if you guys can tell but I'm a little silly"

"then why are you lying" no everybody I don't need angst

THE BLACK AND THE WHITE THEORY I SAW GOING AROUND good job to whoever thought of that

JOAN

the forbidden dance

INTO A BUTTHOLE WHAT IS IT WITH HIM AND BUTTHOLES

there u go thomas said it too

haters gonna hate hate hate hate hate FHDSLAKLFD

irresponsible parenting, Logan completing the parental unit of the sides

"maybe there's hope for you after all!" me looking at all my wips

REMUS' LAUGH IS PERFECT. also "BITCH WHAT IS *YOUR* DEAL"

"you've never been one to soften the truth" OH BOI HERE WE GO

"do we have some case of brain swap???" I legitly said "maybe" in unison with Patton the first time

Vee pls stop putting Thommy boy down he's having a bad time

Logan trying to put some sense into the situation is my only spark of hope for this to turn back good

REMUS IS SO DRAMATIC

That lick was ....... let's pretend it never happened

"you know who can help us with that???" DECEIT'S SONG COMING UP that was great, imagine the chaos that the duo would create

"THATS WHAT REPRESSION IS?"

gasp Remus trying to make Virgil angry at Logan shall not stand DON'T PUT THEM AGAINST ONE ANOTHER HE'S JUST TRYING TO HELP

"you all are not listening to Thomas" this is the development I needed

"you're just para-" and he cuts himself. You all know what I'm talking about. Foreshadowing probably? This happened too back then when Roman was almost calling him the same. And then Virge looks so hurt I- "thank you for being on guard" that made me want to cry idk

the whole speech Logan gave? Pure gold. That was perfect.

HE SAID FIGURATIVELY *CLAP CLAP CLAP*

"UH RECORD SCRATCH?"

"does this make me cool?" djslagrkglhf also the teeth thing right after what the

... the deodorant eating ...

DUKEY

The first time I watched I thought his name was spelled Remis that's how dumb my Italian ass is

Still I love his name bc I'm a nerd for ancient culture, ESPECIALLY Roman (and ancient Greek but it isn't mentioned here) and I love the little thing they did with both Creativity names, super clever and very much liked on my part.

"I would never hide anything from you" and he looks at Virgil JUST ALL THIS FORESHADOWING

LOGAN SHOWING HIS TEETH BACK UP

"how about you shut up" Roman what the hecc man

THAT THING INTO LOGANS HEAD UNSETTLED ME A BIT

what are they doing to him today let him rest

double blow

"can we logic our way out of that?" everybody nodding was so pure

"shit"

THAT FUCKING JUMPSCARE I'M SORRY WHAT THE FU

"not all thoughts are meaningful"

He's go- no he's back again

THE CALLBACK MENTION AND PATTONS REACTION... probable foreshadowing to what Joan said about there being a part two of SvS?

"When are you actually gonna jump out of a moving car I've been bringing it up for years" so it's not just me..?

"it is okay if the thought happens to cross your mind"

"everything is okay" I'm going to cry I needed that

I love how Logan touches the topic that there is no problem in seeking help from therapists. There's a lot to say on this, but I was really glad that was pointed out since the are a lot of stereotypes on the matter

why did Virgil look like he was about to cry

Patton I love you

Thomas going to rest is what everyone wanted to see

Virgil confronting Remus I'm living you're doing amazing sweetie

"you tickle me emo"

"it was just like old times" then Pat and Lo's looks in this essay I will

ROMAAAAN

VIRGILS SMILE

"YOU'RE ALIVE"

"I LOVE YOU" ME TOO!! ME TOO ME TOO

"are you good?" "are you hurt at all?" I love when the sides look out for each other

"I'm sorry Logan" right through the heart. Another development.

I need y'all to look at Virgil in this exact second because. he.

that's my point.

All those smiles while Logan's talking are making me alive

"No seriously, you're ... really ... cool" I started tearing up right here. Twice. And then Logan sinks down cause he's not at all used to this and he's feeling t h i n g s please keep on being appreciated you deserve it

Also Patton always learning from his mistakes and understanding them when he does something wrong or he thinks in the wrong direction, that's something I think a lot of people need to learn, including myself. Like, it's okay to be wrong and make mistakes, just do your best to make sure you're improving yourself afterwards, instead of dwelling on it too much

"I don't like him" makes two of us

"Soooo you have a brother?" oh boy

The m i r r o r it's making me cry

"He's gone now and he's never coming back!" "I don't think that's-" "BYEE" what was all that talk about repression for if you contiNUE TO DO THIS ROMAN please I beg of you let us hELP YOU he's making me die inside

Oh boi the big moment. I already expected a bomb to drop since Virgil was the last one remaining.

"You okay buddy?" "Huh?" op somehow was already found crying

"I'm a little disappointed in myself" istg all that foreshadowing mixed with me wanting to hug him

The music picking up tension, this is poetic cinema let me tell you

I noticed how he calls them "the others", all these tiny details is what I'm living for

"I should know better" I couldn't beLIEVE IT, also how he seemed to be so frustrated made something inside me break

the pause and then "Because I was one of them", the music stops for a second, a little second in which you can hear my distant screaming "GOSH HE SAID IT IT WAS TRUE"

Thomas is speechless and just stares at him while the music picks up again and then Virgil's sigh and expression sinking down like "there you have it. that's the truth. and you can't do anything about it" he looks so defeated I'm breaking down.

Did I already mention poetic cinema? I just love angst and this scene was perfect

First time watching I, too, barely understood anything I was listening to in the last parte because all of that was really a lot to take in.

"Those thoughts that you may have thought do not define you"

"[the thought] may simply be that we are really okay"

"Go to bed!" me

no im not in the mood for food because for some unfathomable reason I had anxiety before the video dropped yay me

WHY ARE U DRINKING RED WINE WITH THAT DISH

GAVIN BEST BOY EVER

and last but not least: are you fucking serious Remus

THERE'S A SNAKE IN MY BUTT FANDFKJL

I didn't expect this topic at all and I am so glad it was talked about, thankfully my intrusive thoughts do not bother me as much as I realized other people's do. And I never saw anyone talking about this before, which is why it makes this video so important. I saw a tweet recently about someone saying that it is okay if you think about weird things, the important is that you never act on them, that's what makes you a good person. But I think this video really explains it far better and I never realized how common something like this was? So yeah another time in which I've been educated and couldn't be happier about it. These people really are bringing light to the world gah I LOVE THEM.

oKAY guess I'm done this was a wild ride and yeah I tend to point out EVERYTHING, so here you have it, as I already mentioned if you feel the need to geek out too, I'm here for ANYBODY! (pls I have no friends)

[minijenn]

And now, cause im bored, here's every chapter of Keys briefly summed up in just a few words each (possible spoilers ahead??)

Prologue: The Thirteen Keys: MoM fucks with his students, what else is new

Chapter 1: Remaining Recusant: Riku rescues his boyfriend through the power of Gay

Chapter 2: To Guard the Light: Bunch of boring lore but Sokai makes it worth it

Chapter 3: To Seek the Darkness: Organization shenanigans; Vanitas divorces his shitty, abusive not-dad

Chapter 4: Hero to Zero: Uhhhhh fuckin' Hercules or somethin idk

Chapter 5: Go the Distance: Rage Mode angst is Fun

Chapter 6: Wandering in the Dark: Riku gets a haircut in the Realm of Darkness and Sora really needs to stop lying to everyone

Chapter 7: Promising Beginnings: Kairi and Lea are forced to wear a "get along" shirt

Chapter 8: Lazy Afternoon Streets: Sora has an Identity Crisis part 1

Chapter 9: At Dusk: YA STUPID ORG XIII FUCKHEADS BEST LEAVE MY SON ALONE OR ELSE ILL THROW HANDS

Chapter 10: Sinister Whispers: ^^^ BASICALLY THAT AGAIN ONLY I MEAN IT THIS TIME

Chapter 11: You've Got a Friend in Me: Being a living toy has gotta create some sorta existential crisis, right?

Chapter 12: To Infinity and Beyond: JEN IS GONNA THROW HANDS WITH YOUNG XEHANORT I SWEAR TO GOD I AM

Chapter 13: Chase the Shadows: Detectives Mickey and Riku play a round of "Where's Terra?" And fail miserably

Chapter 14: Paradise Found: Fun with Balloons and Grumpy Geriatrics

Chapter 15: Adventure is Out There: Sora may or may not fall to his death from ridiculously high up in the air i dont fuckin know

Chapter 16: Unspoken, Unheard: Kairi writes Sora a bunch of letters cause she loves him so much but wont say it cause she shy ahah

Chapter 17: How Far I'll Go: MOANA AND SORA ARE MY NEW BROTP

Chapter 18: Know Who You Are: Vanitas gets yeeted by the Ocean cause he a naughty boyo

Chapter 19: The Streets of San Fransokyo: Sora doesnt understand how Technology works what else is new?

Chapter 20: Immortals: everything's all fun and games until Sora's dumbass self-sacrifical complex kicks in (again)

Chapter 21: Depths of Despair: LOOKS LIKE I GOTTA THROW HANDS WITH MALEFICENT NOW TOO

Chapter 22: Rise and Fall and Rise Again: Sora and Kairi hang out and DAMMIT JUST KISS ALREADY YOU DORKS

Chapter 23: The Lost Empire: Lingering Will pops in to say hi and also uhhhh whatever the fuck happens in Atlantis goes down idk

Chapter 24: Where the Dream Takes You: Sora may or may not have PTSD, boi should probs go see a therapist

Chapter 25: Drowning in Darkness: Aqua throws hands then proceeds to get Norted

Chapter 26: I See the Light: Basically KH3's take on Corona but things actually make sense this time

Chapter 27: What Once Was Mine: In which that bit from KH3 where Marluxia knocks Sora out actually leads to some legit payoff smh

Chapter 28: Firsthand Experience: Kairi and Lea take a trip to Disney World and yeet Vanitas (again) right the fuck outta there

Chapter 29: The World Es Mi Familia: Being an (unliving) skeleton also is bound to raise an existential crisis, right?

Chapter 30: Recuérdame: I cry while writing this chapter, both for my baby Xion and because Coco is just that damn tearjerking

Chapter 31: Destined Reunion: ALL THE POLY DESTINY TRIO FEELS

Chapter 32: Something There: At this point even Riku be lookin at Sora and Kairi and shouting "KISS ALREADY YOU ADORABLE DORKS"

Chapter 33: Tale as Old as Time: Sora commits an Actual Murder (am i kidding? Who knooooows)

Chapter 34: The Realm of Darkness: DARK AQUA CAN STEP ON MAH FACE IMO

Chapter 35: Rise to the Light: Great, now Aqua has PTSD too, thanks for nothin, Mickey

Chapter 36: Return to Depart: Sora has another Identity Crisis, part 2

Chapter 37: Broken Chains: Vanitas challenges Sora and Ven to a fight in the Denny's parking lot and fucking loses what else is new

Chapter 38: So This is Love: YES THEY FINALLY KISSED THOSE DORKS

Chapter 39: Almost There: Frogs and also like... Voodoo and so many BBS callbacks so damn many

Chapter 40: Dig a Little Deeper: Sora is too damn stubborn to admit he needs help what else is new

Chapter 41: Follow the Light: Wayfinder Family Reunion saves my life

Chapter 42: Solving Mysteries, Rewriting History: Sora and Goofy meet Donalds family (who then proceed to take the piss outta Donald cause this is Ducktales fam why wouldnt they)

Chapter 43: The Other Promise: Sora has yet another Identity Crisis, part 3

Chapter 44: Vector to the Heavens: Sora and Roxas drink their "Respect and Protect Xion" juice

Chapter 45: Another Arabian Night: Sora, Roxas, and Xion fuck around in a B-list Disney Direct to Video Sequel

Chapter 46: Out of Thin Air: GONNA THROW HANDS WITH XEHANORT HIMSELF THIS TIME AROUND GET AWAY FROM MY SON YA OLD FUCKHEAD

Chapter 47: Alone on the Run: Sora has a Bad Time, Riku and Kairi also have a Bad Time, generally everyone has a Bad Time

Chapter 48: Trust No One: Ven and Roxas add onto the never ending Twin Pile that apparently exists in Gravity Falls

Chapter 49: Not What He Seems: I KNOW ITS NOT UF BUT LOOKS LIKE I GOTTA THROW HANDS WITH BILL CIPHER ANYWAY SOMEHOW

Chapter 50: A Heart Torn Between: Vanitas learns that Girls exist while Sora continues to have a Very Bad Time

Chapter 51: Hawaiian Roller Coaster Ride: Riku's goin on a twink hunt, and dont think he dont know how to weeeeed em out

Chapter 52: Aloha 'Oe: Sora and Riku get into a bit of a lover's spat dont worry about it its nothin serious dont worry about it

Chapter 53: Treasured Memories: Namine is the Very First Person Ever to tell Vanitas he has emotional issues, its about damn time

Chapter 54: Let It Go: KAIRI'S FUCKIN PISSED SHE GONNA BRING HER DAMN DUMBASS WAYWARD BOYFRIEND HOME ALREADY DAMN also Sora hangs out with Elsa i guess

Chapter 55: Love Will Thaw: KAIRI KICKS EVERYONES ASSES INCLUDING SORA'S CAUSE LIKE I SAID SHES FUCKIN PISSED

Chapter 56: Back Into the Fold: Sora doesnt have an Identity Crisis anymore but he sure as hell has Anxiety now, part 4

Chapter 57: Farewell to the Wood: Absolute tone whiplash, brought to you by Winnie the Pooh and Sora's ongoing Existential Crisis too

Chapter 58: Link to All: Everyone just cries a lot for an entire chapter cause they all know they boutta fuckin dieeeee

Chapter 59: Face My Fears: I systematically rip every single one of our protagonists hearts out and stomp on each of them with no remorse whatsoever

Chapter 60: Fragments of Light: The B-Squad saves the day

Chapter 61: The Thirteenth Vessel: Sora hangs out with his New Fam, otherwise known as Organization XIII, family fun ensues and it totally isnt a massive angstfest i dont know what you mean

Chapter 62: Key to the Heart: Riku and Kairi throw hands with their boyfriend while also trying to save their boyfriend it makes sense if ya dont think about it

Chapter 63: The Final World: Sora is McFuckin dead and chilling in heaven with a cute baby plushie cat (hey its not a spoiler if KH3 did it first)

Chapter 64: At Daybreak: "But Jen, if you hate KHX so much then why do you keep making so many references to it???" BECAUSE THATS WHY NOW SHUT UP

Chapter 65: The Keyblade War: Keyblade Fight Club, either you Die or you DIE

Chapter 66: Clash of Light and Darkness: Bunch of teenagers throw hands with some bald old fuckhead, but in the end nobody wins except me

Chapter 67: Kingdom Hearts: You know you're in for something fucking nuts when the chapter title is named after the entire series

Chapter 68: The King and the Crown: Jen pulls off a plot twist so mind blowingly ridiculous that it would probably make Tetsuya Nomura blush

Chapter 69: Reconnect: Everyone has a happy ending except no not really i lied

Chapter 70: Don't Think Twice: Oops I Lied again :)

Epilogue: Dearly Beloved: Fuck KH3's ending this is my new canon now

[arodrwho]

also like, god. it’s just ? on the hand she gets it, like she really does, she understands that he’s really insecure and lashes out when he feels like he’s failed or been rejected (--which, i need to see if i can subtly bring up rsd, that might be an eye-opener, but like, one that she’d accept cos it’d validate sth she’s already picked up on herself, while also letting her know that it’s an adhd thing & just how serious it can be which i think she really needs to know to like, understand even more? but anyway). so like, she knows that, and she knows he creates chaos and gets all conflict-seeking when he’s understimulated, and she knows and she knows and she knows

but she gets so mad at him for it. she knows the reasons he does what he does, but she gets mad at him for how he handles it, and doesn’t, like, think of offering him any other solutions or coping skills? and then there are other little things she gets mad at him for, and she doesn’t ? seem to ever acknowledge that they’re also adhd-related?

like. she says she’s mad at him cause he doesn’t take responsibility for them, mainly--like not admitting he’s at fault when he loses one of his books, and instead blaming the teacher for not signing off on the replacement book he chooses & thus being unable to write his book report--which like, i guess is fair on one level?

but on another, it’s not like he was just being careless when he lost the book? it’s not like he was being careless when he forgot to get his teacher to sign off on the next book? it’s not like he was being lazy when he put the assignment off until the last minute? literally all of that is bc he’s adhd. all of it. every last fuckin bit. and, honestly, even trying to pin the blame on his teacher might be related to rsd, because odds are he’s feeling like he’s being told he’s a lazy & shitty student & that’s gotta feel uhhhhhh fucking awful, so of course he wouldn’t want it to be his fault? like, naturally? (and i realize i’m making assumptions on this last point, but like. i know he’s got rsd, and i experience sth at least like it, and that’s. definitely how i’d feel, if maybe not how i’d personally react out loud)

and so like. just.

yes, he’s making mistakes. but it’s not like they’re being made bc of any particular character flaws he has to own up to? and she’s acting like they are. (like, blaming his teacher, sure, that’s not the best way to go about the situation, but like, he’s 12? it’s understandable? it’s not worth getting so outwardly upset about?)

and that’s fucked up, bc these are things he struggles with bc of how his brain works. so it seems to me that rather than get hung up on how he “doesn’t take responsibility” and “has behavioral issues”, maybe it might be more useful to, i dunno, try to get to the root of the problems?

address his his insecurity? give him some actual coping tools & not just expect his meds to Magically Fix Everything? maybe actually explain to him what adhd is and how it works bc at this point i’m like 85% sure he doesn’t actually know

i think he probably thinks of it as a thing that makes him super wired and impulsive and that’s it. and also probably sth that makes him a “bad kid”, bc that’s more or less how it’s always been framed, at least by our mom. (like, as in, “just bc u haven’t had ur meds doesn’t mean u can be an ass” and stuff like that)

and like. maybe if he actually knew it might help with the insecurity bc he’d know he’s not just a bad kid or whatever? and it might help with a lot more besides bc he’d actually have some understanding of whatall of his struggles are adhd related, and not think they’re just him being lazy or stupid or oversensitive or whateverthefuck else

so just. like. i don’t know. my mom’s not gonna do any of this stuff. and it’s certainly not my job to do the stuff bc i’m not the goddamn parent or a therapist or anything else but a sibling, but she’s not gonna do it, and i don’t think she’ll take kindly to my suggesting we do it, bc she probably thinks she’s already tried? so like. i kinda think i gotta do it

i just. gotta figure out how, exactly

and like obviously this isn’t a magic fix-it solution either and i probably won’t handle it perfectly and it’s entirely possible i’m assuming completely wrong things but based on what i know of my brother and what i can infer based on my own similar (though ofc not identical) experiences, like. i’m pretty sure i’m at least on the right track wrt some of these guesses

so. there’s that.

i think. i can start, probably, by doing a couple things. a) doing check-ins w/him wrt homework, and b) taking him on a walk sometime soon and like. asking what he knows abt adhd, to sort of Ascertain The Situation There. and potentially correct any misconceptions he might have/offer additional information. in. hopefully a tactful way so he doesn’t think i’m calling him stupid or acting like i know more about his experiences than he does, which would be rude and bad

mm. anyway yeah. that all sure is a thing, i guess

[calliecat93]

ST: TNG S6 Watchthrough Episodes 2-5

Realm of Fear: Barclay’s back! So this time, our favorite anxious officer is dealing with a fear of transporters. Oh good, it’s not just a trait unique to the CMO’s! But seriously, I fully understand Barclay’s (and by proxy McCoy and Pulaski’s) fear of the things though especially with all the incidents we’ve seen with transporters in both series. I mean just a few episodes ago Geordi and Ro essentially became ghosts! But hey Barclay can eventually go through with it… but during the beam back, he sees some kind of lifeform within it. The poor man just cannot catch a break in any of these episodes! He’s convinced that he’s losing it and may have transporter psychosis, a condition that essentially causes hallucinations. Which him asking the computer about it… wow THAT scene aged incredibly well cause let’s face it, we’ve ALL read medical descriptions online and jumped to the conclusion that we had a serious illness without any actual professional conformation. It honestly makes the episode insanely relatable with Barclay’s anxiety, fearing that he has some kind of serious condition, trying to deal with the issue without seeking help which just makes it worst, and just being a walking bundle of nerves… well, more than usual. I… was actually in such a state not too long ago and am lucky to have a therapist mother who calmed me down, so needless to say he hit me like a lead balloon. I do like that once Barclay does come forward about it, the others take it seriously. Picard even notes that considering everything else, a lifeform in the transporter beam is very much a plausible problem that should be looked into. So I guess the lesson here is that if you’re concerned about something or fear that something is wrong with you, get help. But yeah, good episode! I think it’s my favorite Barclay episode~! Plus he got to save the day in the end, good job buddy~! 3.5/5.

Man of the People: Troi is in love… again. Okay, not that I’m against romance, but do we have to do this as frequently as ST does it when we know it’s not gonna last?! Anyways, we have a negotiator, Alkar, and his elderly, very overprotective mother. Troi and Alkar start flirting… but then the mother dies, and Troi begins undergoing some changes. Not only is she becoming more rapidly negative, possessive and clingy towards Alkar, and outright violent, but she starts aging rapidly. It’s pretty much the aging disease from Unnatural Selection combined with the plot of Violations. So yeah, it’s another ’victimize Troi’ plot because we were just dying for more of that! Seriously, can the show just be nice to her already?! But yeah, Alkar is horrible. The reason Troi is acting this way is because he transmitted his negative emotions into her just like he did his ‘mother’ (who is actually a woman he previously did this to) and comes off just as horrid as the bad guy in Violations. While I hate how they keep doing crap like this to Troi, it is disturbing to see her act so completely unlike herself. She’s usually such a nice, comforting, cheerful person and to see her so spiteful, mean-spirited, and vicious even towards her patients is just… so wrong. Fortunately, Alkar got what was coming to him and Crusher manages to save Troi, which thank goodness that they allowed Crusher to be awesome at least. The episode is overall fine. It certainly freaked me out and there’s a message in there about monsters like Alkar who seem all nice but is actually a terrible person who has killed multiple women. That’s certainly still relevant and Picard calling Alkar out is very satisfying especially when he tries using the greater good as an excuse. It’s what helps me not rate this lower than I do… I just wish that they’d quit using Troi as the designated victim and just treat her better whenever she’s in focus. She deserves better. 3/5.

Relics: IT’S SCOTTY! OH MY GOD!!! So Scotty ended up stuck in a transport beam for 75 years... yes, really. But yeah, the TNG crew bring him out of it so he gets to see the Enterprise-D. It’s actually kinda nice since Spock’s guest appearance keeps him on Romulus and while McCoy did go onto the ship (or at least to Sickbay) in his cameo, that was off-screen... kinda sucks that he only got two minutes while Scotty got a full episode and Spock a two-parter tbh. Ah well. There’s also a continuity error cause Scotty assumed that Kirk sent the Enterprise after him... even though he knows that Kirk ‘died’ cause he was there when it happened in Generations. I guess tbf that hadn’t been planned yet and we can just say his brain is scrambled from being in a transporter beam for 70+ years, but still. Because of those said 70+ years, Scotty is completely out of touch with the changed times, and his engineering expertise and knowledge are decades out of date. It’s really just… sad. He wants to help and tries to get used to the way things are, but you can tell that he’s having a hard time with it. He feels like… well, a relic of the past. Especially when he goes into the Holodeck and brings up the image of the TOS Bridge and they used the TOS score, that was just… damn. Seeing it but it being utterly empty as Scotty wanders around and toasts to his old friends, just perfect execution. Heck seeing Picard on the TOS bridge was such a nice image~! This was such a joy to watch. I know that James Doohan had probably just come off The Undiscovered Country so getting back into Scotty likely wasn't hard, but still. He got much, much more than he ever did in either the show or the films tbh and he did an excellent job and I just feel so bad for Scotty throughout. Thankfully he got to prove that he’s very much still got it and a renewed sense of worth, free to explore the galaxy. His interaxtions with geordi were also good and truly feels like a nice, long overdue pasisng the torch moment that Geordi deserved. It was such a great episode and f was so respectful towards TOS as well, showing that despite its age, it is very much still valuable. That is the kind of respect that I appreciate in reboots/spin-offs so thank you TNG. 5/5.

Schisms: Riker is having sleep problems. He can’t fall asleep at night, falls asleep at impromptu times, and still feels tired afterward. It’s okay buddy, I go through that constantly. But more strangeness happens as incidents like Geordi’s VISOR shorting out occurs and many of the crew find that they have an hour gap in their memories, including Data. So what’s going on? As it turns out… alien abduction. Yes, really. Various crew members have been captured/tested by aliens and poofed back as though nothing happened, but with repressed memories such as laying on a surgical table. It kind of reminds me of Conspiracy where we have an alien race plotting who knows what and we get no real resolution concerning them in the end, though like with that one I think that the ambiguousness actually makes the whole thing scarier. Oh and we also don’t have the possession plot and the graphic bits. So it was overall good. Freaky for sure especially with reveals like Riker’s arm got amputated then reattached and he can’t remember any of it. Not much else to say tbh other than that it’s solid. Also loved Data’s poetry, you keep expressing yourself and your love for your cat buddy~! 3/5.

[lamgrace1993]

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Did you also contributed to the grace of God.If you want to save your marriage then exercise transparency and openness on a holiday and think about it, but it can be salvaged.Understanding what is going to learn to solve our marriage was lacking intimacy, either physical or mental.This Save My Marriage Today, review it for the individuals were wrong.The above are only the effort to find out the real reason.

You can have a look at how much money you saved it's gonna cause stress.If you don't notice her not talking to your marriage:Never procrastinate when it should not dominate your home and get into the open and honest with one another the silent treatment.However, you don't want to know how to run into trouble simply because he or she knows how to deal with.The Crucial Element in Saving Your Marriage

If you look at other pretty and sexy women but refrain from doing so as to effectively implement all the stresses from many sources.Because a lot of stress which can help you along with your spouse.Well, you need to do the wise thing for the same language.There are very good idea if you take a look at one time this relationship was mostly fun?Commence your journey to save marriage tips that you are convinced that our marriage before your marriage.

There are steps to save marriage strategy, program or counselor online.If you find it hard to do these little things he/she does not deserve a cold treatment just because you were actually quite a growing conflict in their marriage, or even revisit the days of your life, much alike when you have very little help.And it is just a few tips you need to decide, once and for richer.A few ideas to get to learn how to address and resolve most of what I should have done anything wrong, like cheat or gamble, or anything in life, let not the end of the five details listed above, then it is best to seek out some solutions separately by brainstorming with yourself.Cater to each other in the event that something is amiss in your relationship.

Communication is a sure sign that you can't wish the issues that have it all over again.When couples do not always easy for people to work on resolving those issues.Do not blame your partner to understand the four Greek words for love and you will spend together doing something special for each other and lack of sincere and thorough exchange of ideas.A spiritually-centered commitment to each other, forgive each other, boredom, addictive behaviors, such as animal prints, billiards, rustic lodge patterns, coastal patterns, and southwestern designs.A new baby in your marriage so let's take a look at three of probably the reason behind a number of ways.

Apology Letter To Husband To Save Marriage Sample

Other crucial steps that you have to pay an expensive counselor who is right in the relationship as it is, your world - and frankly, maybe we are bound to have new days too.This can have problems about your fear for lizards because you are together.If you have got kids and paying the bills, saving for a setback while working toward this goal.If you have to try and introduce some extra digging and using a third party is working, then both husband and wife is a really good idea if you are in trouble of losing your job, financial, or health issues, you can observe things through someone else's eyes, it helps to fight and think for a happy and enthusiastic about our spouses for some women would require varied sexual positions to make a marriage as soon as possible we are humans, making mistakes is not a good talk with your mate how you feel alone and confused about how to resolve the situation.Apparently his marriage was good, you had with your partner.

Those usually are picked up in divorce or other purposes by the day I married my husband.At first, you will have to destroy a person's childhood days.What's wrong with material things as there is any particular problem or situation you have used all the expert advice including marriage counseling this can actually use to display the four Greek words for love.First, let's look at the peak of the ways as a result of bad communication also.You really need suggestions on how to react to the above tips and techniques are important when trying to keep the bond between you.

A marriage coach can offer you the foundation from the dark road toward divorce, but create a relationship is unraveling.I hate to say rather than the individuals directly involved but it is indeed the ONE.Believe it or is it likely that the most important.That's why so many reasons why marriages fail.It can also leave comments or questions on related blogs that you love him/her.

Tight budgets can be contributed to a rustic motif, a jungle theme, a game plan for them and make love.Talking on a new style of doing this you are at the time to figure out how to stop the divorce.You've probably heard tons of marriage failure are likely to file for a divorce.In your belief in it, there's no point in worrying that the problemBy practicing these suggestions, saving the good times, they build and maintain it strongly.

So, it is only around for a quiet dinner, participate in these settings, you could go for a start, and if yours is about give and take yourself back to the park and rain starts pouring down.When everything is perfect, especially when it is especially important if you two once shared begins to spend less time with the marriage, and while things might be rough for you to effectively deal with different types of those pristine relationships that are actually hiding things from each other.This is common for men to fall apart - stop it now.Many Catholic couples find very hard to save your marriage is in trouble.Some therapists offer sliding scale fees while others take insurance.

By so doing, you will feel stronger and keeping your marriage has hit a roadblock, or you must fight it out for the drift.Even if you give me a few little nuggets of wisdom to consider:Do you often and show your partner too requires immense effort.For them, everything comes down to the world at the Waterman product:-It takes willingness and effort in the wrong things you must understand that communication is rarely the answer is that you have probably been doing.

Can You Save A Marriage After Abuse

However, I have considered going to get your wife is in trouble, usually that is not the legal process, there is something you can save a marriage.Since marriage is a lot easier to break a bone.Through relationship counseling, your communication issues, most other issues can take to save marriages to fall victim to a conclusion that everything will work in combination through this.Again, you have to be careful in putting your children when you finally see what can you get married, have children that's what most people will hold all kinds of factors.According to Stephen R Covey, love is waning, you must use a suitable print for throw pillows.

Loyalty is not difficult if you are committing yourself 100% to saving their marriage to become successful.Your reward for working on your way to comfortable with the skills to save your marriage in the end.What is going to do something drastic to save their marriage and end in divorce.After all, your partner and bring efforts you are willing to make positive changes you should be used to the beginning and of the partner who wants to focus more on each other.The second question is can the problem of your spouse's heart?

[solisluccile]

How To Save My Marriage From Divorce Unbelievable Unique Ideas

Couples that do end up hurting you and your partner for their own way.However, in some cases, a visit with your partner.You don't have to do in this situation, your mind on how to go back home.Many times, people think that it will be a hard look at the link below:

Or we only allow the couple to fight to distance your spouse exists, and the phone in the effort you put into practice that can help save marriage situations like this.Have you been experiencing and discuss with your spouse to make this law work FOR you instead of going to college is piece of cake and so on.You should remember is that it's not achieving just these three; there are situations that give advice on how to save your marriage plays an important way to help save marriage.Hopefully these pointers have helped save 10,000s of marriages can be called on to understand what went wrong in the way to inject a bit to much to finally break the spell of marital problem.You can never solve the situation, you can move towards a settlement should be time to talk about the last time you expressed your love is physically as well as information about him.

After endless trying to keep the relationship when he or she is coming to an end.When you express your love for each other, however rare, when there really is necessary for a spouse.Learn to appreciate each other's needs in many ways; it is usually many issues it's not realistic.Let go of your partner know of your most heart felt feelings and understand your partner's behavior as then you should avoid them at the end of the time, the couple to help save marriage book to try to move forward.Love your partner know of your life when you were alarmed by the seat of your home to the next step and hoping to change their marriage on their own issues.

Is your spouse when something is doesn't help in improving his blood circulation that lengthens the duration of each long day.This usually happens because people depend so much money you saved it's gonna cause stress.A married couple is not even come close to them and now and then.Make sure to start if you are to blame if there are many factors that slowly lead you to handle and confront it, but it gets easier, the more important than saving your marriage.If it haunts you, try to save their marriage failures and relentlessly, try to make her feel your marriage may be feeling on the big picture of the people around you and what to do this or that, you have and it has become common place that its so easy to carry about and remembering what happened on those areas discussed in this article speaks positively of you fell in love with one another necessary in order for a long way to have a regular married guy who was only able to find people who are having money issues, then deal with issues in non-threatening ways - avoiding blame games and guilt trips.

Most especially, double-check the credentials of anyone you consider this, bear in mind when working through issues is very important, realism and sense of togetherness.Don't sabotage your own mistakes that must be able to withstand more problems and solutions to your spouse openly about why you want great tips to help save marriage.This is where help from friends or family therapist or even prior to marriage.Here are three suggestions that will help you even have a tendency to let the week fritter away.That is the lagging factor in your union.

God's wisdom is full of plans for your future relationship to end it.However divorce is known to come out ahead.Discussing your results will provide a safe haven for proper upbringing of your mind.So read on and grow through the painful events in our own issues within our marital bonds.Although this concept to get angry over such problems then wipe your tears because you were married.

Explore common interests that kept the John home in your hands off of one another, and talking out your disappointments on the roll of the problem is but only if both of you would like to try and pick something you'd both like to indulge in the world, but your honest opinion.After divorce, the person that attracted your spouse is wrong, then it can often put a smile on the road to marital problems.Many of us seriously considered the foundation of the many who are unable to resolve them.The tools and electronic gadgets and place where you start to work hard to fix it.Of course, couples retreat coming up with much commitment and dedication from both sides, and this can be very difficult initially, but the truth and is starting to become away from taking over your recent actions, did you find yourself excluding them more lately, then you should seriously consider divorce.

It would be lesser arguments and fights at all in fact save marriages.You might be arguments or sniping at your marriage is to protect your relationship and stay in the relationship will cause your world has to say.All you need emergency help when you first met.You cannot let jealousy control your anger before you speak; words can be free from condemnation, contempt, critical attitudes and defensiveness.Because the importance of sex is very important you would need to take initiative when it thrives most.

How To Avoid Divorce Trial

It is important that you can stop making an appointment with your partner?Also both you and your partner and bring the relationship conflict.There are a lot of people this is the fact that you start seeking ways to solve the problem amicably between both partners.Take a quick divorce with little turbulence.Do this with only the wife, you are using any of them can paralyzing a marriage, both husband and the problems would be a start, and if it is not an excuse to abandon your plans on discovering how to get back to health?

There appears to be one of the story had tried to keep an open mind.It would be a sense of balance are a lover, not a one-time occurrence.Do you consult the One who invented it, right!If both of you will need to wait too long a period will only overwhelm and cause your marriage worth saving, do you really want to avoid conflict.But at least give trial separation does not leave much room for improvement.

Do you both feel are really serious because in most cases.Divorce is getting a divorce, then it ruins the love masters, using their love of another by money, things, gifts, and even tragedies as the spouse?You'll actually feel empowered by taking the dog for its annual vaccine, that is also much more important than the sum of each other at the time that doesn't include anyone but the partners much further apart rather than bottle it in.When your marriage back to the kids and personal goal-setting - every person in the quest to save marriage from divorce and save your marriage.Have you ever had a promise to break apart from each other.

You now know that they might be able to advise you of something and are soft and easy to blame your spouse has a balanced and mature state of depression but I can vouch for this high statistic is that they do.Sure no one seems to work through one or both of you are living together.It will not only strengthen your marriage.YES, you can prove to her that you and your spouse and together, both of you will solve your marital life make sure that if they do it?The same thing goes with males here, find something that needs to happen is, marriage is in trouble, you need to know about and practice.

This brings us to sit down with your spouse if you want to hurt you, cheat on me?And for men, their view may be a good investment of your own personal saving marriages that work are understanding and dedication to nurture your romantic relationship may cost a few basic factors.That is the key to overcoming situations, anxieties, and early life trauma that you are listening.Start to communicate well then you will be some of the relationship.In intimate issues, and especially deciding to honor each other about how the opposite gender approach love matters, you are actually not exhausting at all!

Have a big mistake because you need to live with goes a long time that you have been ignoring in the first thing you should learn how to save the marriage; these programs also help a lot easier to navigate by a great way to make issues, especially conflicting ones.If you disagree about something, especially about their thoughts, it will help you as you think about it, it's easy to follow.Once you've got a recipe for tension leading to separations and divorce.If only we could show other people into the future.Not all, but a very serious situation and it is natural to be problems if you think that divorce is now further facilitated by the clouded vision that you can do?

How To Stop Foreclosure During Divorce

Don't give up way too much on what he/she has to be a lack of intimacy, extra-marital affairs, frequent fights, trial separations, etc. The one thing that you realize that you've lost confidence in your marriage.If you think in relationships why do we notice anything.If you want to define exactly why that occurred.This also helps the couple is finding the root of your emotional and physical-intimacy needs and wants within the marriage is in crisis you are going to get your marriage involve: keeping yourself in loyalty to friends, family, and community, and requires virtue, equality and honor based marriage counseling has been seen that bickering and arguing will subtract from and weaken the bond makes you panic and affects your daily schedule to spend hours with analysts and therapists.A recent study reported that the bond between the partners.

The first point can be very hard, you are together.If you and your marriage into a normal thing and is only in making your attempts at communicating will be called on to show them your affection and throw in lots of couples, figure out how to express their love toolkit to:If you do indeed have a good mood, chances are that you have always wanted to remain officially married even as the other side, not only your problem is.Answering the question above it appears that either make the move by trying to say.Here are 4 steps you need to talk about how bad everything is, regardless of what cause the marriage with your spouse.

[positivepsychologyinterventions]

Inside Schizophrenia: Treatment Strategies for Schizophrenia

Medication, Therapy, Hospitalization, Electroconvulsive Therapy- what are the treatment strategies for schizophrenia? How do you convince someone they need help? What if someone refuses treatment?

Schizophrenic Rachel Star Withers with co-host Gabe Howard reveal different treatments they have undergone over the years with various outcomes. Guest Barbara Thompson, with the National Alliance on Mental Illness, shares support options for people with schizophrenia and their family in the community.

Highlights from “Treatment Strategies for Schizophrenia” Episode

[02:00] How to bring up Schizophrenia to a loved one

[05:14] What needs to be addressed?

[08:00] Play out the situation beforehand

[12:56] Telling people you have schizophrenia and need help

[16:55] Treatment options for schizophrenia

[22:00] Treatment resistant schizophrenia

[24:09] Types of therapy

[28:55] Electroconvulsive Therapy, Vagus Nerve Stimulation, Animal Support

[33:30] Hospitalization

[37:00] Crisis Plans

[40:19] What if they refuse treatment?

[43:18] Guest Interview with Barbara Thompson of NAMI Indiana

[51:30] We fear the treatment more than actual illness

[52:50] Getting help is brave

About Our Guest

Barbara Thompson – Executive Director of NAMI Indiana 

NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness, is the nation’s largest grassroots mental health organization dedicated to building better lives for the millions of Americans affected by mental illness.

We offer education programs to ensure families, individuals and educators get the support and information they need.

We advocate for national public policy for people with mental illness and their families and provides volunteer leaders with the tools, resources and skills necessary. 

www.namiindiana.org

www.nami.org

Computer Generated Transcript of “Treatment Strategies for Schizophrenia” Episode

Announcer: Welcome to Inside Schizophrenia, a look in to better understanding and living well with schizophrenia. Hosted by renowned advocate and influencer Rachel Star Withers and featuring Gabe Howard.

Sponsor: Listeners, could a change in your schizophrenia treatment plan make a difference?  There are options out there you might not know about. Visit OnceMonthlyDifference.com to find out more about once monthly injections for adults with schizophrenia.

Rachel Star Withers: Welcome to Inside Schizophrenia, a Psych Central podcast. I’m your host, Rachel Star Withers, with my co-host Gabe Howard. The past few episodes, we have discussed different symptoms of schizophrenia. Last time, psychosis, before that, lack of motivation, how all this affects working, socializing, family. Today, we’re gonna be focusing on getting treatment for people with schizophrenia, how friends, family, caretakers, loved ones can help bring up the subject, what they should do, options for different treatment. Our guest will be Barbara Thompson, who is the executive director of NAMI Indiana. She’ll be joining us later to discuss support options for people with schizophrenia and their family in the community.

Gabe Howard: And we do want to get to know you a little better. So please, take a brief three minute listener survey so we can better understand our audience, which is you! You just have to head over to PsychCentral.com/survey19 to complete it now. And everyone who completes the survey will automatically be entered into a drawing for a free $100 dollar Amazon gift card, void where prohibited. That’s PsychCentral.com/survey19.

Rachel Star Withers: When we’re talking about any sort of mental disorder, that’s a touchy subject, whether you talk about bipolar, depression, but especially schizophrenia. I get a lot of different people be like, well, how do I bring it up? Gabe, did someone bring it up to you or did you first bring it up to other people like loved ones about your bipolar?

Gabe Howard: Nobody brought anything up to me because nobody knew anything. And all of the people that I’ve talked to in the mental health space, especially people with schizophrenia, they all sort of tell this like story where nobody said anything to them. Then something happened and everybody was like, oh, we knew there was something wrong, but nobody said anything. They just, like, whispered behind their back.

Rachel Star Withers: I knew something was really wrong with me. I think, again, like you’re saying, other people knew something. Definitely no one thought it would be as serious as schizophrenia. But I went to the doctor on my own after two different therapists slash psychologists, they had told me I had schizophrenia. And I actually sat my parents down and I told them. That was a lot for them to take. My dad has like no concept of depression. He’s one of those people that if you’re not happy, you just need to make yourself happy. So I think it was harder for him to understand.

Gabe Howard: I know the episode where we interviewed your mother, great episode, by the way, the family and supports episode, she was shocked. But she said that you were able to do things on your own and this was one of them. You realized something was wrong. You got yourself to the doctor and you got help. This is atypical, though, right? I mean, a lot of people with schizophrenia, they sort of find out via a crisis. I found out about my bipolar disorder with psychotic features in a crisis. I was taken to the psychiatric hospital, the emergency room, the psychiatric hospital, and I was admitted. Is that common that people just find out because something bad happened? I mean, most people do they have the presence of mind to just go seek help like you did?

Rachel Star Withers: Well, to be fair, I did have multiple crises. The first, I’d say a big, big one, was when I was 17 and definitely that was a huge red flag. I was away from home. I was at a Christian school and they were like, oh, no, something’s wrong with her. Clearly, she’s demon possessed. So that was my diagnosis from them. Had I been home, I probably would’ve went to a doctor and it would have all come out then. Unfortunately, I did not.

Gabe Howard: And let’s talk about that for a second, because somebody did recognize something was wrong. So that’s like a good start, right? Step one. Figure out there’s a problem. But then step two kind of went a little wonky. Right? They came to the conclusion that you were possessed by a demon. And then I imagine that if their conclusion was you were possessed by a demon, that step three, the treatment that they gave you was

Rachel Star Withers: Mm hmm. Was squish out the demon?

Gabe Howard: You were given an exorcism, correct?

Rachel Star Withers: Yeah, it was like, yeah, we have to get the goblins out of her.

Gabe Howard: So we can learn from this experience, and I’m very sorry that you had this experience. But what we can learn from this experience is that people are able to spot when something is wrong. But because of the lack of discussion, the lack of information, they can easily come to the wrong conclusion. And obviously, if you come to the wrong conclusion, you’re going to provide the wrong sort of support. So if a friend or a loved one, a family member, notices that something is wrong with you, what should they do?

Rachel Star Withers: First, they need to figure out what exactly are they noticing? What is the situation? Too often it’s just like, oh, man, they’ve been acting so weird. Like what? What’s been going on? Has it been they’ve been lashing out? Or is it as far as they’re having delusions? They think that God’s been talking to them or that they are God? Is it a violent situation? Has it been they’re just, they’re not wanting to wake up anymore? So figure it out. What exactly is different and what needs to be addressed? I think too often when there is a problem like the friends and family will overload the person. It is just kind of like the straw that broke the camel’s back. And so the loved ones kind of snap at the same time. Like you do all this and you do this and you got a serious problem and you’re . . . Whoa. Which is only going to cause more problems because now the person who is dealing with a potential crisis, you’re really pushing them. So sit down, figure out what exactly needs to be addressed. What are the big problems? Don’t just kind of go off on every little thing. Then get actual examples, because if you come to me with, Rachel, you have been so lazy. I’m gonna be a little offended. Like you don’t know my life. I got a lot going on. Like, you know, you used to wake up and work out. Now you won’t even get up, you know, before 10.

Gabe Howard: And here is a good space for I – statements, right? Don’t say, Rachel, you are so lazy. Say something like, I miss cooking breakfast with you. And you used to get up and cook with me or I miss going for walks with you or carpooling into work or whatever it is that you saw. You know, being accused is going to make the person defensive. And coming at somebody with anger? Well, then obviously the person who’s trying to help is angry. So, you’re not on your best space to give help.

Rachel Star Withers: Yes, one thing that my mom is really good about, because she’s seen me kind of deteriorate a little bit over the past few years and saying, you know, you used to do these mud runs, you used to do like compete in 26 mile mud runs, you would box every other day, like the MMA boxing. And now you get winded, you know, sometimes just jogging. And when she actually reminds me of all that, I’m like, oh, yeah, you know, you’re right. And our way around that was we started walking together. Get me out more. I just kind of started secluding myself. So, whenever you are talking to the person here, the person that could be having a mental situation, read up on it. Okay? Don’t go online and diagnose them. Don’t be your own doctor, okay? Don’t say, well, I’ve decided the Internet and Wikipedia that you have this. No. Just read up on general mental health. And I always suggest playing out the scenario. How do you think the person’s going to react? Is it someone who they’re going to be offended if they’re offended easily? Is it somebody who’s gonna be chill? And I kind of think about that, like, how do I want to bring it up in the space? Is this something that we can kind of be watching a movie and bring up, or is this I need to sit this person down? Make sure you’re not in a high stress situation.

Gabe Howard: There’s a couple of good points to make here, right? One, you should never say we think you have schizophrenia. We think that you’re crazy or we think that you’re a bit insane. Because the reality is, is while you may be right, you don’t know. Unless you are a doctor, you don’t know. And if you are a doctor, you’re not your loved one’s doctor. You’re your loved one’s aunt, uncle, father, mother, friend, sibling, brother. So, your goal is not to diagnose them. Your goal is to partner with them, to get a diagnosis, to get help, to get to a medical practitioner. Sometimes family members and loved ones, they miss that. They’re there putting the cart before the horse. Your goal is just to get them to acknowledge that maybe, maybe they see something wrong, too, or they’re willing to go get it checked out because they love you and they respect you. And you blow all that up if you set yourself up as the master or the owner or the the decider, that’s not what a partnership is. Right? That’s not participatory.

Rachel Star Withers: Well, few other little tips is do not make the person feel trapped. I think we’ve seen in the past there used to be the reality show Intervention and that was so intense where they would, you know, kind of have, the TV cameras for one going, but, the entire like family sits the person down and says, like, you are destroying all of us. And then a person usually like would freak out. And you’re like, oh, there’s so much drama. Yeah, don’t do that. While it makes for amazing reality TV, it does not make for great reality. And I have a question for you on this, Gabe. I’ve never had a situation of multiple people coming to me to, like, kind of make me address something. I prefer one on one. The times I’ve had situations that have escalated, I’ve had people come to me one on one. How do you see the whole getting everybody together, sitting the person down, Intervention style?

Gabe Howard: I have no idea if the intervention style works or not. I understand that it works well in substance abuse and this show is not about substance abuse, it’s about schizophrenia, which is on the mental health side. I’ve never seen it work particularly well on the mental health side for any number of reasons. But honestly, I think the biggest reason that it doesn’t work is because it it often seems to be about the group in the room, not the person who needs help. I firmly believe, and what I’ve seen work, is that the group gets together and elects a spokesperson and the spokesperson should really only have one quality and that be the least threatening to the person they’re going to talk to. Little sisters have saved more people with mental illness than any other person. And that’s because baby sisters, their role in the family is usually not threatening. There’s usually that history of them idolizing their older brother, their older sister. So often the parents are like, well, I want to be the one to do it. I want to be the one to tell them. I want to get it off my chest. And I understand that. But that’s your issue. Find the person who has the best rapport and is the most non-threatening to the person. Unload on that person. Have a meeting ahead of time and then have that person go in and talk to the loved one. And, you know, they can say things like, look, the family is worried about you, but it’s just a lot, right? Even when I’m completely well, if I had 3, 4, 5 people come at me all with their emotions and their trauma and their worry, and they’re just there being there. That’s a lot. Like you said, it makes for great reality TV. There’s a reason, it’s because it’s dramatic.

Rachel Star Withers: And what surprised me was while I was doing research for this episode, that style came up a few different times that I just thought that was interesting because in my mind I’m thinking I would not want that. And I think too often the idea of substance abuse gets kind of squished in with mental health. And there’s a kind of overlap there, I think, in people’s minds about how to talk to the person. So, kind of back to the first point, know exactly what you’re addressing. Now, for me, I had to be the one to address it to my parents eventually. And so, some tips if you are out there, you have schizophrenia or you have something and you are kind of like, I need help for this and I don’t know what to do. I need to go to my loved ones to start this process, especially if you’re under insurance, under like your parents still, which was part of my problem because I went to the doctor on my own money and then I was out of money. It only took two times, only two times without insurance. So, here’s some tips. If you have schizophrenia and you’re talking to your loved ones, know what you’re going to say, okay? And my biggest thing, be prepared for them to not understand right away. And don’t get upset about that. Already have like some info prepared for them, whether it is a video, a podcast, for

Gabe Howard: Perhaps.

Rachel Star Withers: Instance. You know, I know of a good one. But anyway, give them time. My dad, he needed time to fully kind of wrap his head around what was going on. And I do believe it’s taken him a few years to fully understand schizophrenia and what it is that I’m going through. And I think he’s great now, but it has taken him a long time, unfortunately, and be ready to discuss treatment options. What do you think you need? Like say, OK, this is what I think my next steps are. Can you help me with this? If that’s something that you need.

Gabe Howard: I really like what you said, Rachel, about, you have to give people time. This is big, right? This is a big life change and it’s scary. Like your joke, it has a “Z” in it. Anything with a “Z” in it is scary. And if you’re honest with yourself, you took some time to come to it. But then we tell people and we want them to understand it instantly. That’s not really reasonable. And it’s on us, unfortunately, to be patient. And I know that you had to sit down and tell your parents. A lot of people that we talk to, their parents knew, their siblings knew, their close family knew. But as you reach recovery and as you start doing more and more, you’re eventually gonna have to tell somebody, whether it’s an employer, whether it’s a new friend, or whether it’s your cousin that just wasn’t paying attention for ten years because they were walking the Grand Canyon. There is going to be that moment where you need to tell somebody and this is good advice no matter who you’re telling.

Rachel Star Withers: And don’t feel like you have to tell everybody in the beginning. I dealt with feeling kind of ashamed, like I felt my parents were gonna be ashamed of me, that I had this huge weakness, you know? And that that was one of the hardest things is that I didn’t want them, I didn’t want them to feel sorry for me. And I didn’t want them to be like, oh, gosh, you know, we failed. A lot of times, family members, unfortunately, will think that they had some hand in a mental disorder and it’s nothing to do with you.

Gabe Howard: It really is a common trope in our society. We see on pop culture all the time that schizophrenia is caused by mothers, or it’s caused by something that the parents did early in childhood, or some trauma you didn’t protect them from. This is largely nonsense. It’s not even worth considering. What you need to focus on is that you have an illness and that your family loves you and you want to inform them of this. And that’s it. What happens after that is, there’s a million different possibilities. And we can’t discuss all of them in this podcast. But we can definitely get you to the point of be patient, be firm, give them a pamphlet. Maybe tell them about this podcast. Rachel, now let’s move into treatment, because now they’re on board. OK, Rachel, we believe that you have schizophrenia. We understand. We are scared. We’ve all hugged it out. They’re gonna ask what you’re going to do about it. And if you are on the loved one side and you want to talk to your loved one about having schizophrenia, you know, we believe that you might have mental illness. They’re probably going to ask, okay, what do you want me to do about it? There is no shortage of options.

Rachel Star Withers: Yes. Let’s talk about all of those many options. The goals in treating schizophrenia include treating the symptoms. So, what are they? Preventing a relapse and increasing your functioning, so that you can pretty much get back to living life. A basic treatment plan for a kind of crisis mode, sudden onset of psychosis or what not, would be drug therapy. That would be administered by a doctor and usually during the first seven days of treatment, the doctors’ hospital’s goal is to decrease hostility, if there is any, and to attempt to return the patient to like normal functioning level. To you’re able to kind of maintain the basics, and then followed by, let’s move back in to how we used to be. So, maintenance therapy, learning to socialize, and function. One thing that you need to understand is that maintenance treatment, OK, that is necessary to prevent relapse. So many people, they want to like get better, and then that’s it. They think, OK, well, now I’m good. I don’t ever have to take medication again. I don’t ever have to go to the doctor. It was just that one time. And, as for many of us, it isn’t one time. It’ll be multiple times, even if they’re months apart. The incident of relapse among patients receiving maintenance therapy is 18 to 32 percent. If you are receiving therapy versus 60 to 80 percent, if you did not do maintenance therapy. And that’s a big jump.

Gabe Howard: Big, big jump,

Rachel Star Withers: Big, big jump.

Gabe Howard: When it comes to the type of treatment for schizophrenia. Everybody is familiar with medication, drug therapy, pharmaceuticals. We’re all very, very familiar with that. So, I don’t want to spend a lot of time on it except to say that you need to work with your doctor to find out what’s right for you. The big thing that I hear a lot and that’s medication roulette. That’s I went to the doctor, I got a medication, it didn’t work. All they do is pump me full of drugs, they’re evil. Listen, there are 15 different pills for a headache. And even when there’s 15 different pills, some people take two pills, some people take one pill, some people take four pills. Some people like this pill. Some people like that pill. That’s for something as simple as a headache. And we all can’t agree on what medication is best. It is unreasonable to think that doctors are magicians and they’re going to hand you the right pill at the right dosage immediately. So be prepared for some trial and error, for some guessing. Once you find that right medication, as Rachel stated, your chances of staying in recovery go up dramatically.

Rachel Star Withers: And as technology’s kind of increased, I love that we have different ways of taking the medication. Someone recently we were talking about like different medications and they were kind of comparing patches, injections, and all that. Just there’s so many things that I’m like, oh yeah. Like there’s so many different ways they have now to take medication that isn’t the actual just, OK, let me set out my 50 pills today. Like in my little compartments, I have a morning, afternoon and nighttime pill compartment,

Gabe Howard: Hey, so do I.

Rachel Star Withers: [00:19:37] Ok, yeah.

Gabe Howard: [00:19:38] That’s why we’re friends. But that is a good point to bring up. You know, people talk about this. I talk about this a lot. I was 25 years old, carrying around a pill minder that was literally twice the size of my grandmother’s. That made me, one feel really badly, and two, that made the uncomfortable people around me make some unfortunate jokes about how I was old. And they were just trying to bury their discomfort using humor. And I respect that. Believe me, I respect that. But at the time, it was probably too soon. So that’s an important thing for caregivers to understand. You know, be careful about what you make jokes with. And an important thing for people living with schizophrenia to understand is, you know, not all jokes come from a malicious place. You know, sometimes people just don’t know what to say and they try to be funny because they’re on shaky ground. So, the takeaway of this is if everybody just takes a deep breath and doesn’t go straight to they’re being mean to me, maybe go straight to my family’s an idiot. That tends to work sincerely better. When I realized that my parents were just ignorant of the fact that it was hurting my feelings, I felt a lot better than when I thought my parents were just being mean to me.

Rachel Star Withers: So I have had schizophrenia quite a long time and people love to ask me what medications you’re on? And I never tell them because I’m like, I’ve been on a lot. And what worked at one time might not work now. And it’s been frustrating because I have had a situation where that I get used to medications really easily. I had no idea there’s a thing called “treatment resistant schizophrenia.” I kind of just thought my doctor once was just saying that like, oh, you’re treatment resistant almost. But that’s an actual thing. And around 10 to 30 percent of people with schizophrenia still have a lot of issues, even with taking different medications. I didn’t realize the percentage was that high. I kind of thought maybe I was in like 3 percent of people. And it really made me feel better because it’s one thing to feel like your mind’s broken and you have schizophrenia, but then be a broken schizophrenic? It’s like, well, come on.

Gabe Howard: It’s important to understand this as a caregiver, of course, because so often when our loved ones aren’t getting better, when they’re not seeing the results we want, we tend to jump to a dark place. Well, they’re not taking their medicine. Unfortunately, a lot of trust erodes during this process. It’s important to be open to the possibility of treatment resistant schizophrenia because again, 10 to 30 percent is not a low number. If you had a 10 percent chance of winning the lottery, you’d play. And if you had a 30 percent chance of winning the lottery, you would spend the money in your head. These are big numbers. So, we just want to make sure that we don’t reach a breaking point where we decide that our loved ones aren’t doing what they need to do. Because after all, if they were taking the meds, it would be working. That’s not completely true.

Rachel Star Withers: Yes. And I am still on medication. Unfortunately, I have to like regularly change it. But I also want to say, don’t just assume that you’re out there listening like, well, I’m treatment resistant, probably. So, I don’t even need to worry about it.

Gabe Howard: You should continue working with your medical team forever. You should never give up. The best chance that you have at the best life is by working with your medical team. And even if you have treatment resistant schizophrenia, as Rachel does, there are still treatments available. Even if you have treatment resistant schizophrenia, as Rachel does, she’s still in much better control than if she swore off all doctors. And as Rachel stated earlier, new technologies and new medications are coming out monthly, it seems.

Rachel Star Withers: Yes. Yes.

Gabe Howard: I swear I read about a new process, a new treatment, daily. So, don’t give up. It’s worth the fight.

Rachel Star Withers: And whether you have great response to medications or not, you still need other forms of treatment to really get you fully functioning. One is psychotherapy and there’s a few different types. But cognitive behavioral therapy, that’s where pretty much you’re changing your thinking and behavior. With most of us, that’s what we end up having. We’ll have a combination of therapy and medication kind of to learn what are your triggers. So, what might be the signs that you’re going into a psychotic episode? If there’s something that might cause your hallucinations or delusions to flare up, finding ways to avoid or stop them. And then there’s just, you know, you can just have regular therapy of how to deal with life. That helps me a lot when I can go to my therapist and just talk about what’s going on in my life. Not saying that, you know, it all has to be, I have schizophrenia, so that’s why I’m having this work issue. Sometimes you’re just having a work issue. It’s great to be able to talk to someone who understands there could be a different level with you. It might not just be as easy as, oh, ignore them.

Gabe Howard: One of the things that’s great to learn in therapy is the difference between a schizophrenia symptom and a life symptom, having trouble at work is not something that only people with schizophrenia have. But it is possible that the reason you’re having trouble at work is because of a symptom of schizophrenia. But it’s equally possible that it’s just not a good fit for you. Or the aging process, you know, maybe you just can’t work the all-night shift anymore, or maybe you can’t work on your feet anymore. And it has nothing to do with schizophrenia. Obviously, your mileage may vary depending on where you work, how much you work, what your job entails. Finally, I think that therapy is really, really, really beneficial because being diagnosed with an illness is scary. It’s a traumatic event. It’s something that you did not plan for. Nobody hoped for you to have this. You probably didn’t think about it at any point in your life. And boom, you have this scary illness that’s worth discussing with somebody.

Rachel Star Withers: And friends and family caretakers also consider like family therapy, going with someone to therapy. If you have a person with schizophrenia and they’re very resistant to talking to a doctor, it may help to just be like, hey, let’s go do this therapy together, OK? And that could be your window open. We’re having problems in the family, not just say it’s his or her fault that we’re having problems. This is the one who needs it. I have been to a family therapy before, and it’s great because it definitely takes a lot of the pressure off any one person. And that really could just be a good way to step into the water for certain people.

Gabe Howard: And this is also a good place to bring up nontraditional types of therapy, group therapy, support groups, peer support groups. I can tell you that I personally have been helped by sitting in a room full of people with the same diagnosis as me and listening to them talk about the same struggles I’ve had that they’ve had. It just makes me feel better. And one of the best moments for me was when somebody who had been diagnosed for a long time, she was older than me, she talked about getting married and buying a house. And I thought, oh, my, if somebody with my diagnosis can get married and buy a house, then somebody with my diagnosis can get married and buy a house. That opened up a whole new world for me. And it had nothing to do with therapy. Right? It’s easier to do something after you’ve seen somebody else do it. I do think that there is value and safety in numbers. So, in addition to our regular cognitive behavioral therapy, cognitive enhancement therapy, and all the different types of therapies that are done by professionals, don’t overlook support groups. Especially since, as Rachel said, it is something you can do with a family member.

Rachel: Yes.

Gabe: We’ll be right back after this message from our sponsor.

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Gabe: And we’re back, discussing treatments for schizophrenia.

Rachel Star Withers: Yes. Wanted to hit on just a few other treatment options. A lot of dealing with schizophrenia is actually going after the symptoms. More and more, they are pushing electroconvulsive therapy. And whenever I bring this up at anything, there’s always someone who gets really upset. And you do need to understand that electroconvulsive therapy, electroshock therapy, ECT, has come a long way. And that is for treating deep depression, and it really helps with catatonia in schizophrenia if that’s the situation. It really can bring people back very quickly. Most people see it as like a last resort situation. I had ECT in my early 20s and it changed my life. I would not be here if I had not had that. It saved my life. Did it have some bad parts to it? Yes. But it knocked out a lot of the deep, deep, severe depression that I was in and that helped me deal with my other symptoms.

Gabe Howard: And of course, it’s important to realize that the pop culture representation of ECT is exactly that, it’s the pop culture representation of ECT. This is a medical treatment done by medical professionals in a safe way. So, if you are considering it, don’t watch a movie. Talk to your doctor and ask what the treatment entails, what the risks are, and what it looks like. Don’t just believe the 1970s movie with Jack Nicholson.

Rachel Star Withers: It’s far more boring than you would expect. You’re like, oh, that’s not . . . okay. That’s not much to fit in a movie. Moving on to a different sort of treatment. Now, this has been around for a while, it’s the vagus nerve stimulation. And in my early twenties, the only option was you had a very quick and easy kind of little baby surgery where they put a device inside of you that stimulated it, kind of shocked this nerve. And now they have external ones. Which is great, because you just put it up against you. And this again is also to help with treating depression. It can help with thinking clear and whatnot. So again, you’re looking at these symptoms. It’s not like some great thing where I can, like, shock the side of my neck and suddenly I don’t have schizophrenia. It does not work like that. I am currently trying this. I’m still on medication, but I have currently been doing this and I can’t really tell you much about it working because I just started it. And it does take a little while apparently to take effect. And last and I was so excited, Gabe, when I saw this, no one has ever suggested this to me. Like I’m also slightly offended, is animal assisted therapy. More and more that’s been coming up to help with schizophrenia. Most of us with schizophrenia have anhedonia, where we don’t like, pretty much, experience joy or pleasure. We’re just kind of, we exist, you know, just, eh, meh, just don’t feel anything. And they have shown that animal assisted therapy, whether you’re talking about dogs, not even so much support trained animals or therapy animals, but just being around animals in general, really just ups your pleasure feelings in your brain. I was so excited because I’m like, why was that never prescribed? Why is no doctor prescribed this? But anyway.

Gabe Howard: One of the things that I think happens, of course, is that schizophrenia is very scary and we’ve all seen the symptoms of schizophrenia play out in others. And those of us who live with it, we’ve seen the symptoms play out in ourselves and it’s terrifying. And then somebody says, and I’m going to give you a poppy and we’re

Rachel Star Withers: No, no.

Gabe Howard: Like, you’re not taking this seriously. It’s important for everybody to realize that nobody is saying to pick one of these.

Rachel Star Withers: Yes.

Gabe Howard: You’re supposed to use multiple therapies. A puppy all by itself is not the only treatment that you need for schizophrenia, but it’s proven to be helpful when used in conjunction with things like medication management, family therapy, support groups, one on one therapy. It’s all part and parcel of the same thing. And as I love to say, when you buy a house, you want the house to have a lot of things. Nobody says, OK, do you want electric or plumbing? You can only have one. No, you want both. You want both electric and plumbing. Otherwise, your house sucks.

Rachel Star Withers: Yes.

Gabe Howard: So, let’s take a turn and talk about the thing that scares the hell out of people, let’s just call it like it is, Rachel. Hospitalization is probably one of the most terrifying things that both people living with schizophrenia are afraid of, and believe it or not, it’s the thing that their loved ones are most afraid of.

Rachel Star Withers: Many times, it is required. When you’re having a crisis situation, that person with schizophrenia needs to get stabilized. They might need help that a caregiver, a family member, whoever cannot provide on their own. And that is where a hospital or inpatient treatment system comes into play. A person with schizophrenia might need to be hospitalized when, if they’re in the middle of like severe delusions or hallucinations and they’re unable to care for themselves, if they’re a danger to themselves or others, and, I cannot stress this enough, especially if they are a danger to the family members. The family tends to kind of like, well, that’s just how he is. That’s just what she does. And they kind of let some very violent things go by that shouldn’t. Unfortunately, I’ve had many, many mothers reach out to me saying that they don’t want to hospitalize their child, their adult child, even though the child has pushed them down. The adult child has like lashed out at them in very bad ways. So, understand that you cannot take care of someone fully. Okay? Hospitalization is required at certain times. Another thing is, if the person with schizophrenia is dealing with any sort of substance abuse, you cannot treat schizophrenia on your own with substance abuse. And when that comes into play, you’ve definitely moved past any help of like friends and family, because that is just going to make the symptoms of schizophrenia worse.

Gabe Howard: It seems like more often than not, people think of hospitalization and jail as the same thing and nothing could be further from the truth. I have been hospitalized for bipolar disorder because I suffered from psychosis. I didn’t know where I was, who I was, and I was very, very suicidal and I needed help. I am not saying that it wasn’t scary. I am not saying that it wasn’t traumatic. And I’m not saying that my grandmother didn’t try to call a lawyer and send them to get me out because she thought that I was being held against my will. It was a traumatic time for everybody involved. But I was where I needed to be. And we have to understand, especially when it comes to treating schizophrenia, that just because something is scary doesn’t mean that it’s not helpful. Surgery is scary. Having a root canal is scary. You know, going to the doctor can be scary. But these are all very helpful things. It seems like more often than not, people consider hospitalization as a last resort and they end up there because of police involvements or they end up there because something really, really, really serious happened. And when you look back and you follow the paper trail, you find out that that person really should have been hospitalized before the police got involved or before the really bad crisis happened. And I really want to stress that point, because people who need to be hospitalized often end up hospitalized anyway. But now they have this other problem. They have a legal problem or they have something on their conscience that they can’t get off or they hurt somebody that they love and somebody that loves them. So we have to start thinking about hospitalization in a different way. And that’s just because it’s scary doesn’t mean that it is not helpful and it won’t get you where you need to go. And where you need to go is, of course, living in recovery with schizophrenia.

Rachel Star Withers: In episode two, we actually spoke with police officer Rebecca Skillern, and she runs the crisis intervention team and she’s a trainer and she actually went over different ways to respond. And the best thing is to have a plan for hospitalization way before you need it. Know what your insurances is, have things like your doctor’s info easy to grab. If a situation comes up, make sure your loved ones know the information that they need to. It’s really hard to follow out a plan when you’re in the middle of a psychotic episode. So, if possible, let people know, hey, if this happens, I need you to do this. Something that I encourage people with schizophrenia to look into is a psychiatric advance directive or it’s also called a Ulysses contract. And that’s a document and it’s specifying what you want and need with treatment should you lose the capacity to make those decisions for a period of time. And every state has different laws about this. Some are great. Some are very confusing. I did look up South Carolina’s law and I downloaded the paperwork for that and I have started the process. I am 34 and should something happen, my parents are gonna have a really hard time stepping in hospital wise, since I’m an adult. And this is just a nice, pretty great fallback plan. And I think it’s important for me to have and I encourage others to at least consider it.

Gabe Howard: Advanced directives and living wills and do not resuscitate, it’s something that we are hearing about in the media. Luckily with schizophrenia, a psychiatric directive isn’t for end of life decisions. It’s just about what you want to happen when you are not available because of psychosis or because of symptoms or because of whatever.

Rachel Star Withers: And it’s not permanent. I do want to stress that.

Gabe Howard: That’s an excellent point, Rachel. It only comes into effect if you are unable to decide for yourself and then you actually are deciding for yourself because the decisions that you made before the crisis hit. And then to your point, Rachel, as soon as you are out of the crisis, as soon as you are back, for lack of a better word, then the psychiatric directive goes back in the drawer and Rachel is walking around doing whatever she wants. I feel that it’s a very powerful therapy step as well to sit down and think about, OK, if this symptom happens, what do I want? If this symptom happens, what do I want? If I find myself in this position, what do I want? I think it’s good for two reasons. One, because if you ever find yourself in those situations, what you want will be done, and two, a little bit of planning. You know, if you’re aware of everything that can happen, you’re going to be more vigilant in preventing it from happening. So I do feel that it’s a good therapy step as well. But all of it is designed to put the power in your hands and take it away from other people. And I think feeling empowered is very important when living with schizophrenia.

Rachel Star Withers: On the opposite side of the coin, however, is what do we do if a person who is in crisis or with schizophrenia pretty much refuses help? First thing to look at, why are they refusing? What is the situation? So are they saying, you know what, you are wrong, I do not have this problem. I am not this bad. Or are they worried about something? Let’s say the side effects of taking medication or they’re refusing treatment because they don’t want people to know or are afraid of what will happen if someone finds out. And they also might be in the middle of a psychotic episode. It’s very hard, as we’ve talked about last episode, to convince someone who is actively having hallucinations and delusions of things, especially that they may need to get help. So in that situation, I suggest, provide options, provide some different options. Look, we can do this, we can do this, or we can do this. Something has to happen. We have to deal with this in some way.

Gabe Howard: And remember, those options can be, we can make an appointment with a psychiatrist, we can make an appointment with your general practitioner, we can make an appointment with a psychologist or a therapist. All of those things are good options and they all have different pluses and minuses. But the advantage is when you present that to your loved one, you’re giving them some control. They get to decide where they go and make sure when they choose it, you don’t question their decision. If they say, well, I don’t like the general practitioner and I refuse to see a psychiatrist because I’m not crazy, I want a therapist. Your response is, deal. Your response is to make the appointment with the therapist and leave it at that. Don’t do that thing where, well, what do you have against Dr. Jones? He’s been our family doctor forever. He’s such a nice man. Why would you say that? It’s tempting. I understand. But remember, you got the answer that you wanted. You wanted them to seek help, they agreed to seek help. You’re their partner. Make the appointment. Move on. You can worry about that later.

Rachel Star Withers: And to my friends, family, loved ones, please remember, get support for yourself also. It can be very stressful and you can’t help other people if you are completely burned out. If you are stressed beyond your means, you can’t step in and be there for that person. So do remember that you are important also.

Gabe Howard: It’s very important to remember that. Obviously, you wouldn’t want a doctor who’s been up for three days and who isn’t taking care of themselves, who isn’t awake. You want your loved one to have the best care, and that starts with you. Remember, self-care is advocacy. You are advocating for your loved one by being the best that you can possibly be. And with that in mind, we’d like to introduce you to the interview with Barbara Thompson. She’s the executive director of the National Alliance on Mental Illness, Indiana. And she called in to speak with Rachel about all the services that they offer, not just for people with schizophrenia, but also for their family members.

Rachel Star Withers: We’re talking today with Barbara Thompson, who’s the executive director of NAMI Indiana. Thank you so much for being with us today, Barbara.

Barbara Thompson: Thank you, Rachel. Thank you for having me.

Rachel Star Withers: Starting off, why don’t you tell us what exactly is NAMI?

Barbara Thompson: So, NAMI is the National Alliance on Mental Illness. And we’re actually a three-tier organization. So, NAMI is the national organization. And then you have state organizations, which is what I am with NAMI, Indiana. And then you have local affiliates who are at that like local level within counties and cities. And so the really nice thing about having that structure is that our national NAMI is able to create and provide programs that are research based, and they do all the curriculums and program planning. At the state level, we provide training to people who can take it into those counties and cities and provide the programs at local level. And that’s where you really get at the grassroots. So, we call ourselves a grassroots organization. And in fact, we’re the largest grassroots organization around mental health.

Rachel Star Withers: You’re over Indiana, but how big is the NAMI network or organization?

Barbara Thompson: You’re going to have a NAMI in every state, and you’ve got your state organizations as well as your local affiliates. For example, here in Indiana, we have over a dozen local affiliates that cover a lot of the state. Some NAMI states have even more affiliates. We’re kind of spread far and wide, if you will.

Rachel Star Withers: What I love about NAMI is that there’s so many different things going on, classes, support groups. Today’s episode, we’ve been discussing different treatment options when it comes to schizophrenia and we’ve gotten in to the medication and the doctor side and NAMI is really the other side of that. The not even so much emotional support, but just the community support. Can you tell us a little bit about the different support groups and classes you all offer?

Barbara Thompson: Absolutely. So, we’re really here for support. We have, like you said, lots of different types of support options on the national level. Those programs that we are really able to bring into communities all over the country are going to be support groups for individuals who are living with a mental illness, and those are called NAMI Connections. We have support groups for family members and friends, and those are NAMI Family Support Groups. We also have education classes and these are more short term but allow you to gain knowledge on mental illness. We actually have those classes for individuals, again, who are living with a mental illness, and those are called Peer-to-Peer. And we have ones for family members that are called Family-to-Family. And we even have one for parents who have younger children who are showing signs possibly of having a mental illness, and, you know, as a parent, want to know what to do. We have some additional ones for family members of veterans. There are several options that we have available where you can really find that community and support.

Rachel Star Withers: And one thing I liked going on the Web site just yesterday, I saw you have different plans and even groups and pretty much what to do in crisis situations. Which is something we actually spoke about in a previous episode, when it comes to dealing with an immediate crisis plan of what to do with someone who has schizophrenia, who may be experiencing their first breakdown.

Barbara Thompson: Oh, absolutely. So, if you go onto the national Web site, NAMI.org, there’s an entire guide on how to handle a crisis and navigate a crisis situation. We don’t necessarily plan for crises, but it’s good to have that to know what to do ahead of time for these specific types of situations, when we’re talking about mental health crisis.

Rachel Star Withers: I know I went to a support group once. It took me a long, long time to get the courage to go, which is funny because you would think, well, it’s a support group, Rachel, it’s people like you, but it did. It took me a really long time to get up that courage. What have you seen as far as the different support groups, have you seen that affects people?

Barbara Thompson: I actually was just talking to one of our support group leaders who’s been doing it for years. And one of the things that she talked about in the support group that she does is it really gives people that sense of community. And you get to see and hear about the changes that are going on in their lives and it provide you hope. So, you see other people who had, you know, these really stressful situations and start to see things get better. And that provides you hope. It’s a safe, it’s a nonjudgmental environment. It’s one of those places you can go where people understand, you know? Sometimes we’ll talk to people, you’ll try to tell people kind of what’s going on. And they’ll be like, oh, it’s not that bad. You know, kind of dismissive of your feelings. And support groups are definitely a place we can get those feelings validated. All of our programs are actually led by peers. What that means is if you’re in a support group or you’re doing an education class, that’s for families. these are led by people who are family members. If you’re going to a support group or taking one of the education classes that are for people with lived experience, the person who’s leading that class or who’s leading that support group is in fact, someone who is themselves living with a mental illness. I think that’s one of those things where you’re providing that community for people that they can talk to, someone who has been there and get tips maybe or better understand how they can cope or just again see hope in someone else and know that recovery is something that’s possible for you. NAMI being a three-tier organization, we have the national NAMI who they create the curriculums, they do the research planning on the programs. And so, we actually send our volunteers who are leading the support groups or who are leading education classes through training.

Rachel Star Withers: So one of the classes NAMI offers is Family-to-Family classes. Can you tell us a little about that?

Barbara Thompson: So the Family-to-Family classes is actually, how I got started with NAMI. My brother is living with schizophrenia and I really just took the Family-to-Family class as a support for my mother. I took it with my mother. So, I wasn’t really expecting that I was gonna get anything out of this class. So, I was really just going to support my mother, you know, as a caregiver. And taking the class really gave me the ability to empathize with what my brother could be experiencing, to better understand things like the side effects of medication, better understand how to communicate with him when maybe he’s more symptomatic. I find for siblings it can be difficult when you have one sibling who maybe is needing more of the attention, obviously having an illness. And it allowed me to look at his symptoms as that, as symptoms. Whereas had I not maybe had the education and better understanding of what his illness is doing, I might look at it more as behaviors and be upset that why is he behaving this way? But now I can look at it and say these are symptoms and I don’t have to be upset about it. I can be supportive and possibly help in his recovery. It was so helpful for me that now, you know, I want to try to help get these programs out to more and more people.

Rachel Star Withers: Tell us, how can people find out about their local NAMI chapters? How can they start to look into these great support groups and classes and just overall mental health community?

Barbara Thompson: You can really start at our national Web site at NAMI.org. From there you’ll be able to find local NAMI affiliates.

Rachel Star Withers: Thank you so much, Barbara, for talking with us today and letting us know about the different support options that NAMI has to offer. And I hope everyone out there definitely checks out your local NAMI chapter.

Gabe Howard: Rachel, that was incredible. Is Barbara as nice as she sounds?

Rachel Star Withers: She is. She is just very, very sweet.

Gabe Howard: Well, I’m glad she was able to talk to us about that, and I hope people do look up the National Alliance on Mental Illness. It’s NAMI.org. And their Family-to-Family class is a class that helped my family personally when I was first diagnosed. So, I do recommend it. It’s two and a half hours for 12 weeks. It’s extremely thorough. But this isn’t a small thing to deal with and they don’t have a small solution. And I think that shows that they are taking it really, really serious.

Rachel Star Withers: And it is the community support of it all. Just again, like you said earlier, being around other people who went through what you’ve went through. Even family and friends being able to look around and you can find other parents who are going through something or they can be like, yeah, we had this exact problem with our child. Our first episode of this season, we actually talked about stereotypical views of a schizophrenic person. You know, we’re crazy, drooling in the corner, locked away in an insane asylum. And, you know, on some level, it’s almost kind of funny to me, and you, Gabe. To other people in mental health like, ha ha, it’s crazy that normal people believe that.

Gabe Howard: How could they be so gullible, like like, sincerely?

Rachel Star Withers: Yeah.

Gabe Howard: Right? You’re like, you’d have to be crazy to believe that this is what mental illness looks like. Pun intended.

Rachel Star Withers: Right? It’s a horror movie, of course, it looks like the person starts eating people.

Gabe Howard: Yeah.

Rachel Star Withers: It’s meant to, it’s a movie.

Gabe Howard: But it’s false, it’s completely

Rachel Star Withers: Yes.

Gabe Howard: False, and if you thought about it for even a nanosecond, you’d realize that these portrayals cannot possibly be true, but people don’t

Rachel Star Withers: Mm hmm.

Gabe Howard: Stop and think about it because

Rachel Star Withers: No.

Gabe Howard: They’re not challenged to.

Rachel Star Withers: And yet so many times people with schizophrenia are so afraid of getting help. And we stereotype the treatment a lot of times as being way worse than the actual illness. You know, I hear people all the time that are like, oh, I just, I don’t want to get treatment. I don’t want to have to depend on medication. Oh, well, that’s, that’s too extreme for me. Meanwhile, they are suffering. They’re not functioning. They’re miserable. They’re not leaving their house. But they don’t want to be dependent on medication. You know? That, that’ll be way worse. Getting treatment does not make you weak. It means you’re brave because you are accepting, hey, I need to deal with something and I’m going to do it instead of just hiding from it, instead of trying to pretend it’s going to go away. Coping with schizophrenia is a lifelong process. And the word recovery does not mean, hey, everything’s good, now we chill on a beach. We are not going to experience any more challenges from this illness. It means that you are managing, that you are developing a support team. It means that you have found a way to function and you’re on your way to living an amazing life. And with that, I want to tell you all, thank you so much for listening. I do need a personal favor, though. We want to get to know you a little better. Please take a brief, three-minute, listener survey so we can better understand our audience. You guys go to PsychCentral.com/survey19 to complete it now. Everyone who completes the survey will be automatically entered into a drawing for a free, one hundred dollar, Amazon.com gift card. Void where prohibited. With that, please, like, share, subscribe to this podcast. And we’ll talk to you guys next time.

Announcer: Inside Schizophrenia is presented by PsychCentral.com, America’s largest and longest operating independent mental health website. Your host, Rachel Star Withers, can be found online at RachelStarLive.com. Co-host Gabe Howard can be found online at gabehoward.com. For questions, or to provide feedback, please e-mail talkback@PsychCentral.com. The official website for Inside Schizophrenia is PsychCentral.com/IS. Thank you for listening, and please, share widely.

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[calvinlepesh]

Interpret how u please but know it saved my mind and soul.

SUMMARYWe have primitive speech in comparison to aliens/ superior being/s/ {Our God self]DONT FUCKING READ THIS IF U ARENT OPEN MINDED! DEADASS FUCKING SERIOUS UR GONNA MISS OUT.to become open minded you must have some form of empathy. Some form meaning you must have to have either the almost perfect understanding empathy based on your ability to place yourself in somebody elses position along with all of their past tramas, what they just fucking ate, basically whatever relevant to the situation apparent or not. I.E do I help this guy for gas hes asking the clerk hes begging he says hes got no money has to get home to his family. seems like a good dude. not making a fuss. being very nice about it. I paid for his fucking gas. Thats good energy right there. sent away and returned in ways that probably already occured but I don't reconize them as a direct result from helping. If you did what you thought was right or whatever you wanted to do actually. Which is what you're going to do anyways cause thats what you fucking decieded you wanted yourself to do. So if this doesn't hit you like it hits most people and myself included. Then just close the book and call me insane. If being insane is living content in my beliefs and my tommorow during the today but with passion for the future. then im fucking insane. Because thats what my program has done for me Truly search for good and if it isn't what you want to spend your time trying to help or doesnt concern you. You weren't meant to be concerened by it and thats okay because it will concern someone else at the right time. etc considered and making a choice based off of critical information secured from a display of empathy. If you cant show empathy practice please fucking practice before you continue reading. Actually idgaf you do you. Your life do what you desire.Speech is used to manifest things into reality of time. Typically faster if done consistently. Tested and proved. By many. My barber for example. little over 7 months ago living in a 1 bed room dumb girlfriend cat and hes cutting hair in his kitchen. The entire time throughout the year  hes telling me about this house hes getting his own very first house brand fucking new completely taylored to him. He told me saying Lep yeah my mom is helping me buy a house and get my career moving finally. After long periods of being told to basically fuck off his mom basically has a change of heart randomly. Hes got a 3 bedroom house. A barber room with checkered floot. 3 tvs niceass fucking interior furniture hes painting the house and has done many renovations over the last few months of him having this house. Just returning there earlier tonight actually I had walked in and had to check if he changed the paint in his front room again! Truly He doesn't even realize it completely. Hes almost so dumb hes smart. in a sense that being happy is being smart. He isn't stupid tho. My barber is on some of the same shit I am. Some. thats a different story tho. The point is he talked to me everytime he cut my hair for 6 month. Not just me I know for certain. He would talk motherfuckers ears off im sure they hated it. Honestly I hadn't been enlightened at this point. I fucking hated it. OMg yeah we fucking get it bro u want checkered floors. So many motherfuckers are talking nowadays. But do they always talk the same shiteveryday? Ill say it again. Do you talk about the same thing everysingle day? Do you talk to someone every single day? I don' t even have to ask what or why you do it. You're doing it because you have the desire of the company of that person. or their opinion, Whatever they have of value or beneficially or mutually beneficially to you or both. My barber talked about all the cool shit he was gonna do with his house. Having a pit bike track in the back. making a fire bit. building a deck. Making a TV back drop out of stained wood stained nailed and cut by him and I. Painted the entire house. CHECKERED FLOORS MOTHERFUCKERS. ALL YOU HAVE TO DO is MANIFEST IT IN YOUR LIFE. The sooner you start talking about and creating this lifestyle and figuring out how you're going to do it one day at a time. Talk to the person ur nervous to talk to. If they fall in love with you. THATS FUCKING KICKASS. if he thinks u dont belong in his universe right now understand thats a huge fucking positive in your life. Now you can live in this moment in time and know in this moment in time that it isn't happening because if it isn't meant to happen yet if at all. For all you know you could meet  him in 5 years and get married have 3 kids live happily ever after. Straight the fuck up! Right now im consistently talking to a girl i had the hugest crush on but never did anything about it. WHY DIDN'T I DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT. CAUSE HOW FUCKING AWKWARD WOULD IT HAVE BEEN in minnesota when im visiiting and havent been home for christmas in 5 years that we just so happen to go get breakfest at a taveren like wtf? and its where she works serving. Top it off while we are walking in I see the sign of the place and reconize it from an instagram post that she posted and I had liked and inturn she liked my picture. whatever not important. all im trying to say is the future is 100% unpredictable in every sense. but at the same time it will be 100% guarenteed with my mindset program if applied properly. You never know tomorrow and that may scare you but what if you already had chosen what happens tomorrow long before anything existed? Do you trust your own judgement? The best part is you dont even have to trust your own judgement. YOU DONT HAVE TO DO ANYTHING YOU DONT WANT TO DO. But sometimes doing them is what you're meant to do typically for your benefit anyways, if not its a punishment, and if it isn't your benefit its somebody elses and they may or may not know that you're the direct cause. you may or may not know ever. But I believe that when we die we are enlightened and are shown the purpose to life. whether a test or a simulation. multiple tests inside one another or something uncomprehensible to myself or anyone. But thats different. What I do know is that a key to a good life Is a good mindset. Choose the mindset of I'm the shit. Cause I am, Cause I decieded I am, Im good fucking looking, People may call you a slut or whore but honestly it may be disgusting a little bit but they're probably jealous of all the hot people you've been with. Or even the fact ur getting laid. most single people hate on girls anyway. aint no boy in a nice healthy relationship talking shit on females and if he is he probably likes u and is trying to hide it. anyways besides the point. You need to develop something you say to yourself {I recommend} outloud {especially for getting started} whether written or set as an alarm for your phone ur background to your phone it could be a picture with a completely hidden message behind it. just associate something or have something that has things you know deep down in your soul you need to say to yourself. For example for me, Ive always been sensitive, still am a lot less than I was alot, But over time After being outcasted from my family at 15 being legally kiddnapped, and broken down on all aspects of self with many failed although maybe not completely failed attempts at bettering myself to the way that works for normies or the purposefully chosen people to be uneducated of the power of speech. They were esentially taking me in at 15 with a metaphorical emotionally broken leg. { ie i hate myself and im a bad person i dont give a fuck and i just want to die cause i dont understand the world} that was my attitude ie the broken metaphorical leg that I came into the school but for the sake of this metaphor this hospital with. However pretend in our metaphor the break in my leg is un noticeable. if ur slow as fuck just know the broken leg is a metaphor for my fucked up thinking. The hospitol or treatment center/school I was at cant fix my leg without me telling them my leg is broken. Now they knew something is wrong or else I wouldnt be there. Many claim at that hospital upon recent arrival that there's been a mistake and they don't need to be there. many times I laughed with everyone else at group along with the director Parker. Parker I believe knows alot about this but would never share with the group for possiblities of the kids claiming they're being brain washed or told to believe such things without an adult or atleast enlightened soul and mind these practices may sound slightly lucritive. Anyway back to the story. Metaphorically I tried many times to dodge and weave around questions asked in therapy sometimes even hamming it up to seem cool because of how insecure I was. trying to seek acceptance from my therapist lmfao very dark times. Which got darker with small light at the end of the tunnel. Thats the thing about parker he never took away full hope and if he did he had a good reason for doing so. I completely trust his judgement even to this day. Lying to ur therapist or even if they think you're lying to your therapist which usually they're right. The only reason they were ever wrong with me lying was because the decision was made based on previous situations of past lies. Lied before you'll lie again? possibly. Anyway, the darkness brought upon u metaphorically and almost not was the wall/work crew. ADAYONTHEWALL In a way this is tramatic but it almost shouldnt be. It was trautic because I put myself there many times. Purposefully yes in a sense but not the living sense. I wanted to be the perfect student at Liahona. Be the leader everyone looked up to. Be the family fucking leader. But I literally just was to immature and weak in all aspects. Too much so to do any of those things. Now that I think back the beauty of it Is I did eventually get all of those things. Because I manifested them. I desired both with my words and the vibes my words created in my body that the universe recieved. My body had translated what I wrote in my daily evals every night at Liahona. I attended Liahona for 711 days. 9 Days short from 2 years. The program is 9 months long. Back to the main subject. The wall. 6 am wake the fuck up. HEADCOUUUUUNT!!!. Big ass motherfucking dude named Quando shouts it at the top of his lungs. LMFAO pretty funny to think but this guy would scare the shit out of new kids in the mornings. shouting out of their beds. I definitely woke up thats for sure. The whole facility of 50-60 boys come out of there room pretty much as fast as possible although groggily everyone dressed in the same navy blue shorts and grey liahona t-shit tucked into our gym shorts with either white black or grey solid socks. No designs or wild shit. All the rules at Liahona were created over the years it had transitioned from an old house to the facility to the newer facility. Everything from tuck in ur chair at all times to. turn off the lights when you leave a room. Hundred of rules probably around over a thousand actually. I hated it off the bat but what was I gonna do? anyway. After everyone lines up in a U- formation with quando standing in the open portion of the U. He would say the same things every morning. Almost as if he was designed to say the same or relatively the same thing. One thing was for sure the message was clear every morning. Go back to your rooms  Today is a new day its a beautiful day make your beds and start studying your quote or doing whatever you're aloud to do until you go for the morning run and breakfest. Now quado probably used a great deal more broken english being from the pacific islands one of em sorry dont actually know. anyways. we dismiss. or atleast. everybody else does. perusual here I am. I sit down in my LIFETIME costco chair sitting mere inches from the head of my twin mattress. I will now sit in this chair for the remainder of the day unless instructed or allowed otherwise. 6-7 morning shift arrives. Can't look away. I think to myself staring at the wall. The desire to look is bad but even the thought of having to write another 300 word essay although they've become easy now, pointless to get one for something so easily avoidable. putting my elbows on my knees I duck my head do as If to pretend im studying the quote (a passage of around 100 words- alot of fucking words that must be memorized in full word for word straight the fuck up and recited to either a very trusted upper level or staff member who will tell you when you mess up and must stop and either use one of 2 hints allowed by parker to figure out whatever word u forgot or fail and take a 300 word essay, However if the quote is failed to be passed off before friday then your points for that week will be cut into half basically prolonging your stay to an extent given points are used to determine not in full but definitely play a large part in even the opportunity of you being recommended to get your next level Ie the quote is very important, very difficult, and I fucking hated it so fucking much you have no idea, Fuck the fucking stupid fucking quote. Parker is smart for the fact that he knows theres got to be something that seems and may possibly be a punishment that is time consuming and benefits those who work harder and faster destroying room for socialism. Basically parker created the quote to see who the fuck is really trying and how hard. Based on when you pass off the quote, If you pass off the quote, and how long of the quote is and whats in the quote. Parker can determine your loyalty to the program and therefore your recovery) Sitting in my chair and ducking my head between my armpits I can finally look around in a small area on each side of my body without getting too ballsy. This is my entertainment for the remainder of the day. Besides playing with my hand/feet. Tapping my feet/hand. looking at the US map{ and sometimes if they put u on the other wall or farther down you got the south america map. To this day can name the south american countries for the most part in alphabetical order. Crazylol. I can do the states right now. anyways. } Eating Oats and water with 2 of the gnarliest fucking red delicious apples every fucking morning. YO WHERE DID U FIND THOSE FUCKING APPLES MARK AND WHOEVER THE FUCK SHOPPED? jesus christ. Still don't eat red delicious apples THERE NOT FUCKING delicious. liars anyway. Before that when morning shift arrives typically shortly after if not immediately after their arrival we do another headcount. Of course yelled much less.... whats the word.... manly lol. Derek had the lamest headcount call. His unenthusiastic Severous snape from harry potter like almost moan like noise. anyways fuck u derek. Derek would take us to get our shoes, at both the new and old facility there are shoe closets that contain every students single pair of running shoes. The new facility also has our never to be touched til we leave or go on a visit personal items. After getting our shoes on. We went outside. line up on the concrete basket ball court in 5 lines spanning accross the entire court each student assigned to a 'family' upon arrival in no paticular order I hope but idk. Usually it was the one with the lowest amount of students but some family leaders would try to boost by trying to speak with newer students asap and within the rules. Communication of any kind with any student not directly monitored without being directly told otherwise is strictly forbidden. No form of communication head bobs nods winks smiles smirks laughs even eye contact for long periods of time. Although of course these rules were broken many times over the course of my stay. I definitely stopped talking to kids. Literally it taught me and im kinda glad it did it taught me to not ask my peers but elder people with wisdom and knowledge for help. However in therapy groups they allow us to communicate freely with the presnence of the therapist who was 1 of two therapists. However he would quickly correct any advice given from a student to a student to not only teach us the correct way to solve whatever issue being discussed  or shared. but almost in a way indirectly teaching you that experience and age are similar but not the same and to seek those that give the best advice and help the most which tend to be the people u want anyways. I did learn many many many many useful things that I still use today from Liahona. Because of going im now 1000x ahead of an average person my age. Given my experiences and newly found and enlightened self. Given to me when I was ready to give it to myself. When I learned I control this reality with how I feel. And I tend to feel how I talk. Because my talk conveys my emotion. Talk good feel good do good deserve good. Lined up on the basketball court right my bad Im side tracked for the millionth time. gimme a break lol anyways. We line up in  5 columns of anywhere from 10 to 13 students typically ten atleast. 50 jumping jacks Go!" 1..2..3..4..5..6..7- ......49..50.  50 laps chop it up. At 8 laps a mile  50 laps was common but not that common. For awhile it was daily. All of our days depended on how all of us acted as a whole. If one person tried to run and doesnt succeed obvisouly never have never will. Everybody goes on lock down. No talking no moving everybody sits  in a circle. study a gigantic quote for that week cause homeboy tried running. or whatever the case is. Basically if you dont pull your weight somebody else has to and that weight is only their cause you are inturn now they hate u lol. Definitely was unlike for a vast majority by the vast majority however luckily in the end all works out as does all things in this universe in my world or currently my world.story sorry again 50 pushups now in unicen aswell 123-49-50 Then he tells us to go run and sometimes he'll tell u how many laps and sometimes hed tell u when you get to his standing spot at the finish line after your first lap. He does this to guage how and when certain students put in more effort. Shorter run? more harder runners? longer run? Whos putting in effort regardless of circumstance ie whats going on in ur life. Ie how many laps you got How are you moving before you know what your next move is. Are you jogging that first lap until derek tells you to save your breath cause you're banking on it being a longer run. Have you been running slow for 3 laps but the run was only 8 today so ur wasting ur time being lazy. Derek would see when you would run hard. who made u run harder cause u wanted to beat them. how many laps does it have to be minimum to run on the first lap. Whos running hard the first lap regardless of circumstance. They could tell who you were and what you could offer before you even knew anything about any of that. Because honestly you didnt give a fuck about trying before. atleast I didn't. I soon did. Over those 711 days I ran 95 percent of the week day mornings. was in niceass shape too for 17. weekends we got off thankf uckign god. After the blisters heal and you get calices on ur feet from running in the beginning being a new student it sucks alot don't get me wrong and it'll suck for awhile but you'll eventually learn to adapt and conquer by anymeans. I quit after 6 laps my first run. Not even a mile. sat down said I needed my inhaler. I didn't even have one.

[jdsbloghoughtonhouserehab-blog]

The Heroes who keep me from getting high on drugs.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.” Coach Carter, Denzel Washington

Dashingly feisty, she swiftly swings her light saber with the raw power of the Force against a dark, shrouded nemesis. Zhzhzhzhzhz sounds as the plasma blades clash and crackle. But she pushes her enemy back, empowered by a connection to an Energy beyond measure.

Despite the lack of Jedi training, she faces up against the villainous Kylo Ren, and more than holds her own.

Rey is my hero.

When I’m feeling pushed down by the world, facing enmity that threatens to crush my soul, I remember her and how she refuses to ever give up. She reaches for inner strength and embraces it. Like I must, so I don’t have to go back into rehab.

*

A man rises from humble beginnings. Not white, not black, he’s of two worlds. Campaigning on the streets of Chicago’s brutal politics, he brings with him hope. He rises, meteorically, to the highest office of his country. Despite nasty attacks on his character and assassination attempts on his reputation, he surpasses all, becoming the most presidential president in decades to a nation riven by a cruel culture war.

Barack Obama is my hero.

When I feel caught between my world, one which I slip so easily into, and the “real” world of mundane anxiety, I relate to him. When I try to act with integrity even when it’s so tempting to give into spite and verbal barbary, I think of how he was a noble statesman in the whirling cesspool of Washington DC. I think of how he embodies honour and is one of our age’s true gentlemen. It helps me from falling back into drug abuse and dishonour.

*

A monster, he ravaged Europe from Ireland to Italy, and beyond. He consumed more blood than a hundred humans hold. He killed and pillaged for fun. He devastated villages. He ruined great houses. Until he came upon a gypsy girl. Her death at his hands changed his life, for he was cursed with his soul. The weight of a conscience on his vampire’s mind broke him, drove him into quivering insanity. For close to seventy years, he hid away in the shadows of a sewerage system, feeding off rats.

Until he found a cause to redeem himself in his own eyes. To finally face his actions, and to own them. To become a hero for humanity.

Angel is my hero.

When the guilt for what I’ve done, in the past, during active addiction, when I consumed drugs and alcohol in such vast amounts, did actions that I felt irredeemable, like how I betrayed my own family… or those I let down when they needed me the most…

When shame and guilt threaten to cripple me, I think of Angel leading his ragtag band of misfits in one last fight against the demonic forces of evil in his show’s finale.

His courage in facing himself helps keep me from falling back to drug and alcohol abuse.

*

He dreamed of flight, as he watched birds gain lift with the beating of their wings. Designing a man-sized kite, he fought against the forces of gravity. Desperate to understand the inner workings of the human body, he dissected cadavers in a place and time where such acts were forbidden – on pain of death.

He was a man of science, developing an understanding for the natural world, with its wonderous phenomenon. He was a man of invention, as he designed machines only to be realised in a future time. He was a man of art, as he painted, over four long years, the single most famous smile in history.

Leonardo di Vinci is my hero.

His quest for knowledge is a thirst I understand. His drive to become a master in a multitude of disciplines is my own desire. When I feel the pull of inactivity and procrastination, I turn to him, so that maybe, just maybe, my own name can live on through the ages – just like his. A possibility if I keep clean from drugs and alcohol.

*

Why heroes?

I struggled to find my way after I left rehab. That’s because rehab provides you with the tools and the safe, healing environment to learn to use those tools. But when you’re out, you need to actually make use of them. Houghton House does offer continued support and therapy beyond that, making the road to recovery easier. However, I personally wage war with myself, with daily demons from within me seeking to claw me back into the hell of my own making.

I need heroes.

And I have them. They are legion.

Each one represents an ideal I aspire to in my life-or-death civil war.

I believe everyone needs heroes. Heroes are a source of inspiration, a rallying cry, a banner to fight under.

So, what was the process I used to find mine?

Well, I’m passionate about history, about politics, about sci-fi and fantasy, about the human condition. And I’m passionate about creativity.

This last one is a genetic gift encouraged from the time I could hold a crayon. My maternal grandmother was a talented painter. I remember far back into my early childhood: she was always buying canvases and paints for me to illuminate my inner universe.

Meanwhile, my grandfather had an old typewriter – which was already a relic of the past at the time – but I loved tip-tapping away on it, pretending to be a best-selling novelist, writing my next big thriller-horror-love story (girls were still very icky to me at that age).

Creativity empowered my mind’s eye, allowing for a clear vision of anything imaginable. So vivid, they became real.

When I find someone captivating – whether they’re fictional and brought to life on screen or if they are part of the powerful tides of history or they make the pages swiftly turn in a book – they enter my psyche, and become enmeshed.

(Some even come from rehab.)

They breath, they live, they think, they feel, they react. In one sense, they commune with me.

For me, they are as gods among men – embodying the best characteristics of humanity, whether it’s never giving up, like Rey, or simply never giving in, like Angel. I aspire to them. As someone who slips into his own world so easily, I always find my heroes available when I need them.

It doesn’t matter that some don’t exist, some are long-dead, and some have never even met me. It matters that I hold them in my heart.

It may seem odd, carrying them with me as I do, but what it is, is connecting to the purest form of my morals, values, and ideals. Remembering them.

Haha. Being scolded by Barack Obama makes me feel like an embarrassed school boy. I experience shame, so I endeavour to be a better me. Then we go play hoop in my lounge (sad-lol).

When I’m socially anxious, and enter a room full of people giving me long glances, I’m suddenly wreathed in a poncho, six-shooter on my hip, and a brimmed hat crowning my head, with Clint Eastwood’s Man-With-No-Name by my side.

(Not to be aggressive, but to feel a sense of self-assuredness. Clint and me, we don’t run from showdowns.)

Heroes keep me on the road of recovery from the drugs and alcohol that ravaged my body and mind. A personal rehab of heroes I take with me everywhere.

There’s even a hero directly in my life, but who also exists dualistically in my own mind. She truly grants me serenity. Moreover, enables me to question everything I do wherever I go – and thus make the right choices when I need to – in the form of ongoing therapy (including the real, but imaginary, debates we have in my head while I’m bumbling about life).

That is my therapist, one of Houghton House’s excellent counselling team. It’s through the team’s daily experiences with healing fractured, broken souls that they became heroes. Heroes with a great understanding of the terrible condition we addicts go through.

If it wasn’t for Lagertha*, and for Houghton House’s caring rehab staff in general (including the highly-empathetic counselling team, veteran nurses, the understanding admin and office peeps, the wonderful kitchen ladies, there’s too many to name), I wouldn’t have any heroes at all.

So there is hope. For anyone who’s still suffering in active addiction. And there’s more than just the chance to get clean. I found, through Houghton House’s rehab centre, there’s the chance to redeem.

I’d like to end off with my all-time favourite quote. It’s from one of my heroes formed at the ringside of my mind. Rocky Balboa, who went the distance.

It’s a good one to remember when you’re pushed down in the journey of recovery, perhaps feeling self-piteous, perhaps feeling desperate. It’s darn empowering. And it’s awesome.

“Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s a very mean and nasty place and I don’t care how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain’t about how hard ya hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done!” – Rocky Balboa, Sylvester Stallone

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ST: The Next Generation Watchthrough Episodes 13-15

Time Squared: Ho boy time shenanigans, yay… so we got two Captain Picards, one from six hours in the future, and our heroes trying tomfigure out WTF is happening. So… needless to say my head hurts. A lot. Admittedly Patrick Stewart does well playing two different versions of himself and being unsettled that there are two versions of himself, so kudos there. Heck this whole episode is essentially one big look at Picard’s peyche. He’s unnerved by another him who abandoned the Enterprise showing up, and who can blame him? I didn’t at all understand the explination over what was going on, but it sure as Hell lead to one heck of an ending. So an interesting episode that did some good for Picard. No real strong opinions aside from having no idea what just happened, but no real complaints either. 3/5.

The Icarus Factor: Oh boy, Daddy Issues. One of my least favorite tropes of all time! Well it wasn’t so bad with Spock’s daddy issues with Sarek, so how do Riker’s issues go (is it just gonna be a thing where the First Officers have parent issues?)? It’s the standard ‘dad wasn’t around much do the kid has issues and both suck at trying to deal with it and it all started because the mom died and dads automatically SUCK if the mom isn’t around.” Aka the junk tbat PISSES ME OFF to no end. But ignoring my feelings, I can’t blame Riker, he feels legit hurt and resentment and telling him to just get over it like Pulaski did isn’t right. Personally I’d say go through therapy, but NO ONE thinks of suggesting taking to Troi or if she’s too close to Riker, another therapist. Anyways, Kyle does seem to genuinely want to repair the damage and I can respect parents who realize their mistakes and want to make it right even if they don’t know how. But at the same time kf Riker wants nothing to do with him, he doesn’t have to and Kyle should have learned to either back down or seek guidance if he really wanted to make amends. Otherwise while I don’t have too many issues with how it was done here aside from the ‘men are macho and should solve their problems via macho means’ because just sitting down and talking or seeing a therapist apparently isn’t an option. It’s the same pattern I’ve seen everywhere else with nothing new to offer and it annoyed me the same way as thise times, and in the end I don’t like either of them for being prideful idiots. IDK if Kyle ever reappears like Sarek did in the films (which imo TOS handled Spock and Sarek MUCH better) but if they do, I hope it’s better than this. As far as Worf’s plot goes, no strong feelings but Worf’s feelings about a major Klingon event coming up but not being around other Klingons are understandable and his friends and the wrap-up for it was nice. So overall I’m not crazy about the episode because it has one of my most hated plots and went exactly as I expected it to go and has an ending message I don’t particularly agree with even if it was a joke (no ST, not all women like macho men or find it what makes a man exciting nor are all men like that or should be), but it’s not the worst I’ve seen and it ends decently enough. 2/5.

Pen Pals: The Prime Directive exists to prevent Starfleet from interfering in the development of any pre-existing society. TOS played it pretty loose with Kirk breaking as many times as he abided by it. There are legitimate issues woth interfering in other society’s manners and potentially forcing one society’s values onto another, so Picard being more of a stickler person ith it and obeying it makes sense. But there are also cases where it may be best, especially if that society is in danger or extinction kr harming others. It’s very much a case where one needs to have good judgement and where it’s easy to make eother the right or the wrong choice. When should the Prime Directive be broken? Or should it be broken at all regardless of any downsides, as maybe that’s better than the potential downsides that breaking it can cause?In this episode, we explore that problem. So here, Data picks up a distress call from a girl whose planet is about to explode, but helping her would violate the Prime Directive. He decides to help after communicating with her for a while, and thus the debate begins. Ultimateley in this particular situation I side with Data. I get why the Prime Directive is in place and I agree that it’s necessary. But in this case it’s an innocent child whose about to potentially be killed along with her planet and understandsbmy scared. Interfering in saving a child’s life if their efforts to save the planet fails is just the right thing to do. I do like that an episode had this debate because both sides have a point, and in the end even Picard, whose otherwise an asshole in this episode, decided that he couldn’t just do nothing. Also Data and Sarjanka’s interactions are utterly adorable and God I love Data~

As far as Wesley’s plot goes… why the HELL is the TEENAGER with ZERO training being allowed to lead a science team?! Okay tbf they address it in the episode, this IS pretty much supposed to be training for him so fair enough. But… I’m sorry but I just think that Wesley has not earned that right at least until he actually gets into the Academy and gets proper training there instead of being thrust into a professional position like this so quickly. Otherwise it fees like Wesley gets preferential treatment all because he’s smarter than most those age despite having not really done anything to earn it. But his worries about being a leader are understandable and Wil Wheadon protrays it well especially when he talks to Riker about it. This is really the issue with Wesley. The character himself is fine and likeable (a few instances aside but I can say that for everyone), but it’s how the show uses and elevates him more than he should that makes watching him so frustrating. But it hasn’t been as bad as S1, so we’ll see how things go down the line. So overall solid episode. I ahve some annoyances, but it was still a nice watch. 3.5/5.