#cause when i gave birth to my son he struggled to latch or feed on my chest

[stonersolana]

i will never psychologically recover from yellowjackets s2ep6

[ourlittledinosaur]

Lip Ties, Tongue Ties, and Breastfeeding

New Post has been published on http://ourlittledinosaur.com/lip-ties-tongue-ties-and-breastfeeding/

Lip Ties, Tongue Ties, and Breastfeeding

My Experience with Lip and Tongue Ties

My son had trouble from the beginning latching on to breastfeed. When my milk came in three days after he was born, he was really struggling because my breasts were so full. (That can be difficult for any newborn even without ties).

I had a lactation consultant out and she watched us through the feeding and gave us some tips and gave us an A+. I guess because I had studied so much, I must have been compensating for any issues that were happening, because the outward perception was we were doing great.

By day five, I knew we were having a problem because he was hungry and frustrated but he wouldn’t eat. The LC had mentioned a possible lip tie, but I didn’t know what that was so it didn’t click for me that he had a birth defect. I just thought I wasn’t doing something right. On top of that, my nipples hurt. They were cracked and bleeding. (To read about those first days breastfeeding my son, click here.)

We went in for his check ups and he wasn’t gaining weight at all, so we started supplementing and went back to the LC. Now that he was a little older she said the tie wasn’t stretching and recommended we have it released. His tongue also looked fine, but as we found out at the pediatric dentist, he had a posterior tongue tie in addition to the lip tie.

When my son was just three weeks old we had both his lip tie and tongue tie revised with a surgery called a frenectomy.

What are Tongue Ties and How Do They Affect Breastfeeding?

I didn’t know anything about ties, so hopefully this will enlighten any of our readers. Basically, all over our bodies we have various frenulum, which is a small fold of tissue that prevents an organ in the body from moving too far. This tissue in my son’s upper lip and under his tongue were too restrictive, and both can cause problems with feeding, especially breastfeeding, (although it can cause issues with bottle feeding as well).

A tongue tie hinders the up-and-down motion of the tongue, which affects breastfeeding in that it is directly linked to low milk supply because there is not enough milk extracted from the breast.

With a posterior tongue-tie, the tongue does not extend over the gum, which causes the tongue to chew, or as I like to call it, “chomp” on the nipple.

How Do Lip Ties Affect Breastfeeding?

With a lip tie, the baby is unable to latch effectively. This is because the lip is hindered from flanging outward during a feeding. The mouth is unable to open wide and a smaller mouth opening means a shallower latch. So all the pain I was feeling was a combination of the tongue chewing on my nipple and my son sliding his latch down to just nurse on the nipple.

When breastfeeding correctly, you want a deep latch that includes the areola as well as the nipple. The lips form a much more effective seal when it is formed with the mucous membrane inside the lip, rather than the dry part of the outward lip. (This latch is correct, and thus pain-free!)

These ties were causing pain for me and beginning to cause me to have low milk supply because my son wasn’t able to latch properly or extract enough milk. In turn, this caused him to not gain weight and get labeled FTT.

Surgery to Release the Ties

The out-patient surgery, (or surgeries I should say), were very quick. Of course, before the surgery I was extremely emotional (being just three weeks postpartum, plus all we had been through with his sluggish weight gain and the crazy feeding routine we were following to get him to gain). It was the first time our son had ever been out of sight of either my husband or me.

Our pediatric dentist was  recommended to us by my lactation consultant and he was such a kind and reassuring doctor. He was great with our tiny son and with us. When I inevitably started the waterworks, he said gently, “It’ll be OK mom.”

So they took my son into the other room and he had the laser surgery to remove both ties. It took less than 15 minutes. Due to the fact it was a laser surgery, there was no bleeding and very little inflammation. We were told we could give him “>numbing agent if needed. The only post-op care he needed, besides the mild pain relief, was very simple. We had to run our finger over the wounds both under his lip and under his tongue to keep the frenulum from reattaching.

We were also advised not to use coconut oil to aid in achieving a deeper latch, because it was such an effective healing agent.

Did Releasing the Ties Aid Breastfeeding?

The short answer is, yes. Some people see results right away and for others it takes time. We fell into the latter category. I believe that in those three weeks my son hadn’t been building the muscles he needed to breastfeed, so he had a lot of weaknesses in his mouth and jaw. We saw a speech pathologist to help strengthen these weaknesses. The release of both the lip and tongue tie, coupled with the help of the speech pathologist did lead to my son’s exclusively breastfeeding before he turned 3 months old.

Why Go Through All the Trouble to Breastfeed?

It was very important to both my husband and to me that I breastfeed my son. There are so many incredible benefits to breastfeeding a baby.

Also, lip and tongue ties can lead to other issues besides early feeding struggles, to include:

trouble with feeding an older baby or toddler solids,

speech challenges, and

dental problems.

So although breastfeeding was our main catalyst for having the ties released, we wanted to help our son avoid additional challenges later on as well.

For more information about the benefits of breastfeeding, read 15 Amazing Benefits of Breastfeeding.

Tell Us About Your Experience and Leave a Comment Below!

“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4: 6-7

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[kiame-sama]

Web Of Desire (Yandere Chrollo x Reader x Yandere Hisoka) part 3

Warnings; mention of past non-con, pregnancy, descriptive language, Hisoka, yandere tendencies, yandere behavior, yandere relationship, 

You slowly woke up, a faint whine leaving your lips as you cuddled down into a pair of warm arms. You faintly realized something was off and only when you rest your hand over your stomach did you realize what it was. You sat up bolt straight and threw the blankets off of you, staring down at your smooth stomach.

"What's wrong?"

You almost replied before you realize that the voice that had called out to you was not that of your husband. You turned to look at the stranger you shared your bed with and you let you a yelping cry when you spied the familiar red hair and gold eyes. The startled scream that left your lips continued even as you shot out of bed.

It took you a moment longer to realize where you were and that your stomach was once again exceedingly swollen. You were standing in the room of the air-ship you and Chrollo shared, a sleepy and confused Chrollo slowly sitting up in bed. Your comfortable night-gown stretched around your enlarged stomach and made it apparent just how far along you were.

"What's wrong, Little Spider?"

"I... Just had a bad dream is all."

"Want to talk about it?"

"Not really..."

Chrollo held out his arms, beckoning you to return to his side and try to rest again. You  slowly walked over to him and let him pull you into his arms, resting your head against his chest as he rubbed your sides. One of his hands rest gently on your stomach, smiling slightly when he felt a tiny hand push back.

"Just restless, I guess..."

"Might be that our baby spiders are just restless so they're making it hard for you."

"Seems they agree with you on that one."

You winced slightly from a particularly rough kick and Chrollo silently leaned down to kiss your stomach, huming softly.

"Be nice to your mother."

You couldn't help the loving smile that pulled at your lips as Chrollo spoke to your stomach. You may not be sure if the children even were Chrollo's- given the unfortunate events that took place against your will- but you appreciated the gentle behavior all the same. You also appreciated how calm he was even though you noticed a rise in seething hatred any time Hisoka came up in conversation.

It was clear Chrollo blamed himself for what that bastard clown had done to you, and he was likely harder on himself about it than anyone else dare to be. His hate and desperate need to protect you soothed you slightly, letting you breathe easy knowing Chrollo took up rather consistent guard. It also soothed you to know that your husband would stay with you no matter what happened.

The troupe had yet to respond to any of your messages and you truly hoped that they were getting on well regardless of the fact that two members were KIA and their two leaders were MIA. You wondered how they responded to the news of what had happened to you and Chrollo that caused the two of you to avoid them. You also wondered what they would do to the children once they were allowed contact with you and Chrollo again.

All you could do now was wait and see, given how heavily pregnant you already were. You were tired and in need of serious rest given just how close you were to giving birth. It made things better to have Chrollo by your side, given all that you were going through. To some extent, you honestly were terrified to leave his side for long, always feeling like you were being watched.

The warm feeling of being wrapped in his arms gave you a great sense of peace and the little lives growing inside of you settled down. You probably would have gone through much worse if you were alone, but you tried not to think too hard about what would have happened to you. There was always the troupe, but no place felt quite as reassuring or relaxing as being in Chrollo's arms.

"Chrollo?"

"Hm?"

"Even if they are his... I want to keep them."

"... I know. I'll still be right here by your side no matter what you choose or who their father is. I'll always be here for you, my Little Spider."

~~~~~~~~

You lay in a white hospital bed, hearing the EKG beeping quietly as you try to relax and regain your clarity once more. You deserved the rest too, given what you had to endure for about 28 hours. You had passed out after your second child was born, exhausted from the strain and effort it had taken to bring the new life into this world.

You were faintly aware of someone sitting by your bedside, keeping you company even in your exhausted state. You were more exhausted than usual, and that said something given your need for sleep and rest already being more than average. The faint sound of an infant fussing pulled you the rest of the way to consciousness, eyes slowly opening.

Next to you sat a rather calm Chrollo listening to what must have been one of the doctors talking to him. As you turned your gaze, you saw two of the nurses were present, both holding one child swaddled in small blankets.

"Mrs. Lucilfer?"

"Hm?"

"Ah, it's good to see you conscious. How are you feeling?"

"Tired."

Your short response earned an amused chuckle from Chrollo as he had gotten the same response numerous times before.

"You're always tired, Little Spider."

"Then I'm always accurate when I tell you I'm tired."

Chrollo gently held your hand and that small moment with him seemed far more intimate than you had expected from him. He was typically passive when in the public eye or around others, but you appreciated the small moment of vulnerability. Another snorting cry drew your attention to the small bundle in one of the nurses' arms while the infant inside that bundle fussed and struggled.

"If you are feeling well enough, Mrs. Lucilfer, you can hold your children and feed them if you wish. Any pain medication is already out of your system and it is typically recommended that new mothers nurse so the infant can begin building up antibodies."

You nodded, holding your arms out to the nurse that held the fussing child, the other nurse handing off the second infant to Chrollo. The first nurse gently transfered the complaining infant into your arms, the bright pink blanket oddly contrasting the white sterile environment. Likewise, the pale blue blanket seemed almost out of place when put with Chrollo, his pale skin and dark aesthetic seeming unusual in contrast to the blanket.

A boy and a girl. Your little twins.

The child in Chrollo's arms had yet to fuss or make much of any noise, instead being fast asleep in your husband's arms. The boy looked quite strikingly like Chrollo, black hair already atop the child's head in a messy fashion. The girl you held, however, looked nothing like the man you loved and married.

The girl had flame red hair that was surprisingly mostly grown in atop her tiny head, eyes like liquid gold staring up at you pleadingly. For a moment, you hesitated to do anything to soothe the infant, seeing only your attacker staring back at you. You pushed these thoughts aside, firmly reminding yourself that she wasn't him and she wasn't just his child, she was your's as well.

After the slight moment of hesitation, you brought your daughter close and shifted the cover you wore just enough that she could latch on. Her fussing quickly stopped and she became calm once more, settling in your arms and quietly nursing. You looked over at Chrollo, his eyes had been fixed on that bright red hair as he held his son protectively.

"... She looks like him."

"Yes, she does... And he looks like you."

"What do you want to name them?"

"... Well, we already agreed that if we had a boy, he would be named Kumoryu and if we had a girl she would be named Himetsu. We have both so we can name both what we planned."

"Kumoryu and Himetsu... Alright then. The two new spiders of the troupe."

Chrollo handed Kumoryu off to you as the infant began to stir and fuss in his arms, whining in hunger. You smiled when both infants were quietly nursing and finally it felt like you could breathe for the first time in who knows how long. Chrollo seemed to be sticking to his word and though Himetsu shared traits with your attacker, Chrollo still seemed to regard her as his daughter.

At least you had a moment to finally rest. You could deal with the Troupe and everything else later. For the time being, you just wanted to be with your family for a little while and feel 'normal' for the first time since Chrollo took you away from your old life. It wasn't much, but they were still your's.

Your family.

[waiting4inspiration]

Useless to Me VII (Ivar x Reader c Hvitserk)

Summary: After the birth of your twins, Freydis wants to get back at you for what you’ve told Ivar and makes him believe that your children at his. Ivar decides to see if your words about his new wife are true

Warnings: angst, strong language, mentions of breastfeeding, mentions of birth, ivar being an ass, small fluff, mentions of infidelity, mentions of divorce

Word Count: 2,939

Useless to Me Masterlist II Vikings Masterlist

Not only do you feel blessed by the Gods, but you feel as if this is their way to apologize for what you had to go through - with Ivar and with childbirth - to get here. And they did that by giving not only a son, but a daughter as well. They both have the famous piercing blue eyes that runs in the family. 

Hvitserk left after things settled down and the twins were asleep to announce the birth of his son and daughter to the anxious crowd of feasting men and women in the Great Hall. And you could hear the elated cheers from the room. 

You haven’t stopped smiling since. 

The healer that helped birth your two babies stayed behind, showing you how to feed both at the same time. And seeing the child - or children - you birthed suckling on your breast makes the satisfaction of being a mother grow so big, it feels like you might burst. 

Now, the healer holds your daughter as you hold your son, rocking him to sleep and staring at his peaceful face. “It seems you were destined to be a mother,” the healer chuckles, making your smile grow brighter as you look up at her. 

When your eyes meet hers, you remember what she had said before your daughter was born. What she called you. “You called me ‘My Queen’ before my daughter was born. Why?” you ask, your voice gentle, not meaning to frighten her or make her feel bad. 

She bites her lip and looks down at the baby in her arms. “I was hoping you had forgotten. It was a force of habit and I am completely sorry about it,” she explains, looking up at you with slight fear in her eyes. 

You chuckle, shake your head and hold up a hand. She sighs to see your relaxed face. She’s not going to be punished for her mistake. “It’s quite alright. Some others seem to still be treating me like the queen I no longer am,” you mutter, remembering the two farmers that helped carry you to the room. 

You can only imagine how many other people would treat you the same. 

“Because you cared so much for us when you were queen. And many believe that what he did was wrong,” she whispers, shifting slightly closer to her so your conversation can stay between you and her. “Freydis...she isn’t like you. She has big shoes to fill and she’s not even trying to win the hearts of her people. I have heard that people still see you as our queen.”

“But I am not. And I am fine with that,” you respond, looking down in admiration at your sleeping daughter in the healer’s arms. “If I had known that leaving Ivar would give me this, I would have done it the first time I suspected he couldn’t fill me with child,” you whisper, moving your gaze to your son. 

The healer takes in a deep breath, making you realize what you had said, that you had told someone else that Ivar is infertile, and your head snaps up to her. “You musn’t-”

“I won’t tell anyone, princess,” she quickly says. Giving you a reassuring smile, you sigh in relief and nod a short ‘thanks’ to her. “You should get some rest. Sleep when they sleep, otherwise, you won’t get much rest,” she suggests, moving to stand at your side as you sink to lie down. 

Placing your son beside you, you take your daughter from her and rest her beside her brother. Then, you rest your head on the pillow and wrap an arm around the twins to form a small nest for them as the healer walks out the room. 

You watch the two babies for a moment, smiling at their peaceful faces as you point out what features they received from you, and which from Hvitserk. 

Then, you drift off into a happy sleep.

Hvitserk came practically bouncing into the Great Hall again with a proud smile on his face, announcing the birth of his son and making the hall abrupt into loud cheers. And when he added that he also has a daughter, causing another cheer, it made Ivar even more bitter. 

Not only have the Gods given you a child with his brother, but they have given you two. Are the Gods mocking him? 

Staring at the ground with an irritated look on his face, Freydis moves up behind him on the bed and runs her hands over his shoulders. “You’re thinking about her. And her children,” she whispers, knowing it’s true because the same thing is on her mind. 

More about how you insulted her and how she wants revenge for that. 

Ivar sighs out and rolls his shoulders to get her to pull her hands away from him. “I feel mocked. She conceived the first time she fucked him and now she has a son. And a daughter,” he grumbles, his eyes staying on his hands as he shakes his head. “My brother’s children.”

Freydis bites her lip and glances down at her stomach. Then, a thought comes to her. What better way to get revenge on you by taking what you love away from you? Your husband? Your children? Why not both? 

How will she do that? Well, she can manipulate Ivar in any way she wants. She got him to believe that the child she carries is his, she can make him believe that Hvitserk’s children are actually his as well. 

“What if they are yours?” She starts by putting the idea in his mind. 

But he doesn’t take it because he shakes his head and chuckles. “They can’t be because she bled before she left,” he snaps, turning his head over his shoulder to look at her. 

“So?” she questions, picking at the idea until he takes it. “That doesn’t confirm anything,” she lies, moving closer to him as he turns around completely in interest. “The first two months I carried your child, I bled a little bit too. It’s perfectly normal for that to happen.” Another lie, and she knows it. But he’s a man, what does he know about a woman’s body except where he needs to fuck?

His eyes shift to the side, and slowly, Freydis sees him thinking more and more about it, looking for things that make him believe her words. “They were born early,” she adds to his thoughts. He doesn’t need to know how early your children were born. All he needs to know is that they are early. Making him think it’s possible to be his. “You should demand your children, Ivar.”

His head snaps up to her as she moves into a more comfortable position that shows off her swollen stomach a bit. “Really?” he softly asks, unsure of her words. 

“Yes. You are king, you can have whatever you want. And you are their father. No one can prove they are not yours. All you have is her word and maybe her husband’s word; they are not yours, but they are just words.”

“And if I say they are mine, it is my word against hers,” he points out, holding up a finger and a sly smirk as he moves to her side. 

He rests his hand on his belly as she chuckles. “You mean, it’s their king’s word against theirs,” she corrects, placing her hand on the curve of her stomach and smiling wicked at him. “Their king’s word and their queen’s word.”

Ivar chuckles as a smile grows on his face. He believes her. He believes you gave birth to his children. Not Hvitserk’s.

Freydis knows that the only one who can confirm that the twins are not Ivar’s is the healer that birthed them. The same healer that helped you when you did bleed when you were still married to Ivar. But, she has a plan for that too. 

No one can question a healer than is not there.

Feeling one of the baby’s stir, your eyes snap open and you’re suddenly awake. Seeing your daughter shifting and whining with a closed hand near her face, you push yourself up and take her into your arms. The healer told you it could be a sign that the baby is hungry. And when she starts to cry, you know that it’s true. 

Her crying wakes her brother, making him cry, and waking Hvitserk - who you only see now - sleeping beside him. You give a small smile to him as she pushes himself up. “I’m sorry they woke you,” you whisper, positioning your daughter the way you had her when you fed her last night. 

Hvitserk chuckles at the sight of you trying to get your daughter to latch onto your nipple and shakes his head. “Why apologize when I get to see this sight?” he questions, picking his son up from the bed as he shifts closer to you. 

You laugh, remembering how intrigued he was last night when you first had your children feeding from each breast. Taking your son from him so you can feed him too, you struggle a bit more with having to keep your daughter steady at the same time. “Need some help, my love?”

“Because I want you touching my boobs right now,” you tease, looking up at him when your son finally starts to suckle. Hvitserk knows that they’ve been sensitive lately, and before you gave birth, he insisted to help you clean up when they started leaking. 

He moves up to your side and wraps his arm around your shoulders. “What have you decided to name them?” he questions, smiling down at his son and daughter, suckling and kneading your breasts with small hands. 

Resting your head against his shoulder, you smile to yourself and run your tongue over your lips. “Halvar and Kar?,” you whisper, speaking of your son and daughter respectively. 

Hvitserk smiles and hums in agreement. “Halvar and Kari.” His hand caresses your arm as he rests his head against yours. “Our children. I shall return before the day is over,” he says, speaking to them as he strokes their cheeks with his other hand before turning his head to kiss the side of your face. 

“You’re leaving?” you ask, hesitant about being left here where Ivar and Freydis are. “Where are you going?”

“To make sure our home is ready to receive two babies,” he chuckles, cupping your cheek as you look up at him with an unsure look on your face. “You will be fine here and I promise I will not take too long,” he reassures, pressing his lips to yours for a deep kiss, similar to the one he gave you after the twins were placed in your arms for the first time. 

Outside the room, however, Ivar waits for a moment where you are alone. He waits for Hvitserk to leave, knowing that you won’t stand a chance stopping him from taking at least one of his children away from you if you refuse to give them to him so they can be raised as his heirs. 

He’ll go for your son. His son. A male heir. 

Finally seeing Hvitserk walking out the room and heading the other way, Ivar smiles to see that he has left the door open. Perfect. 

He steps forward, recalling his wife’s words that reassure him these are his children. Freydis said she had other things to do, that it would be for the best if he were to demand his children on his own. Seeing as how you are his ex-wife. 

Seeing someone entering the room, you turn your head and smile, thinking that it’s Hvitserk again or the healer coming to make sure you’re alright. But seeing Ivar makes your smile quickly fade and your body to tense, bringing your children closer to your chest. 

“What are you doing here, Ivar?” you question, turning slightly as if to hide the twins from his sight, not comfortable with the way his eyes sparkle when he looks at them. 

“You know why I am here, (Y/n),” he deeply says, walking closer towards you. And you just realized now how you don’t like the way he slams his crutch onto the floor with each step he takes. “I am not an idiot like Hvitserk obviously is. I know the truth.”

You swallow nervously and shake your head. “What truth?”

“Those are my children!” His shout startles the babies, making them burst on in tears and a gasp to catch in your throat. “That is my daughter and this is my son. Why else would they have been born early?” he harshly questions, takes another step forward and reaches out to take one baby - he’s not sure if it’s the girl or the boy - from your arms as you try to calm the other.

Your head snaps at him at the feeling of him pulling your child out of your arms and you quickly place your daughter back on the bed. “Ivar, please. Give him back!” you beg, your sharp voice unsettles your babies, making them cry even more. 

So, he did take your son. His son. Good.

“Why should I?” he questions, looking at the crying baby in his arms and taking a small step back as you try to stand. “He is my son. He has my eyes to prove it.”

His eyes. Both your children have the same color eyes as he does. But he doesn’t see how your son has Hvitserk’s nose, mouth, ears. How your son looks like Hvitserk, not him. “Ivar, please. I’m begging you. Give me my son.”

“He is my son. I am King. I demand my children stay with me.”

“I will not let you take them,” you shout at him, taking a small step towards him as a tear breaks free from your eyes. “Give him to me. Now,” you scream, reaching for your son in his arms as he tries to pull away from you. “I told you that they are not yours. That I bled before divorcing you.”

“That doesn’t prove anything. Freydis said-”

“Freydis said?” you cut him off, standing still in front of him as he stops moving your son away from your reach. “You’re doing this because of something Freydis said? Freydis is a liar,” you snap, your eyes flickering down to your still crying son and you have to stop yourself from snatching him out of Ivar’s hold. “She’s lying to you about the father of her child and she’s lying to you about the father of my children. Her child was fathered by some man she’s fucking in the market-”

“Watch your tongue!”

“And my children were fathered by my husband, your brother after you failed to give me a child for years,” you don’t relent, knowing that what you’re saying could possibly put your son’s life at risk, but you have to get him to see the truth. The real truth. “Freydis is manipulating you and you don’t even realize it. When have I ever lied to you?” you question, taking a small step forward and raising your hands to stop Ivar from doing anything stupid to your son. “Just because you treated me like shit and continue to do so, I’m not going to start lying to you now. My son and daughter are Hvitserk’s. And I bled an empty womb before I asked you for a divorce. And you can ask the healer that birthed my children. Now, please, give me my son,” you beg, your voice now soft and gentle to calm him as the two crying babies down. 

Ivar stares at you, watches as your eyes flicker between him and his son. Your son. Realizing that all he’s going on at the moment is Freydis’s word, he slowly hands the boy back to you, making you take him with a sigh of relief and hold him close to your chest. 

And he watches. He watches you being a mother, comforting the crying baby born from your womb that he couldn’t fill for years. 

“You will stay in this Hall until it is otherwise proven that they are not my children,” he says, deciding to no longer go on anyone’s word. Expect the healer’s when he finds her. “Do you understand me?”

You nod, scared to think what he might do if you even think to defy him. Keeping your head down as you kiss the top of your son’s head, you breathe a shaky sigh as Ivar turns to walk away, crutch slamming into the ground as he walks. 

Outside your room, he walks until he finds a guard. From now on, he’s going to act on his own, like he had always done. The first time he went with someone’s words, was when you told him to find a cunt to bury his sorrows in. And look where that’s led him now. 

No, he has to find out if the child growing in his wife’s womb is his, or if it is a bastard. When he finds out the truth, then he will know whether or not he should listen to her words any farther. 

“Where is my wife?” he questions harshly, making the guard flinch and swallow harshly. 

“She’s getting ready to go to the market.” 

You said that the child’s father is someone she’s fucking in the market. What are the chances that Freydis is going to the market for her own interest and going to see the true father of her child? 

Well, he’s going to see for himself.

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[frozenprocedural]

TDOE, Day 3

Here we go! 

Rating: K+

Alarik, Dag and Jenny belong to @patricia-von-arundel.

Leisel belongs to @couragedontdesertme. This is set in her “Fight for Something” verse- go check it out!

Breaking the Dam

The constant beeps and chirps emanating from Dag’s monitoring station had, thankfully, settled into little more than background noise, and Alarik was grateful the sounds were less bothersome. The tubes and wires, however- those never ceased to cause him a sense of unease. He knew their purpose- he was a doctor, after all- they ensured his son’s health and safety, as Dag had been born a month early. Knowing did nothing to change the wrongness of seeing them snake about Dag’s tiny form.

Alarik shook his head, forcing the bleak thoughts away as he reached down to scoop Dag into his arms. Settling into the nearby rocker, he cuddled Dag close.

“Good morning, min lilla gubben. We got some good news today- it looks like your Mama will be able to come down to visit you. How does that sound?” Alarik ran a finger over the downy cap of hair atop Dag’s head. “I’m so sorry you haven’t been able to see her yet.”

My fault. The dark thought wormed into Alarik’s mind, and he grit his teeth, struggling to drive it away. Ever since that awful night four days previous, his inner cowardness and self-degradation had dug their claws into his very being, further exacerbated by his lack of sleep and the harrowing memories surrounding Dag’s birth.

Anna’s scream echoed throughout the entirety of the house, startling Alarik from where he’d been sitting at his computer, drafting an email to the head of the pediatric department.

“Alarik! Alarik!”

He’d run down the stairs faster than he’d ever known he could, coming to the living room to find Anna kneeling next to Elsa. She lay curled on the floor, her eyes shut tight and face contorted with pain.

The floor surrounding Elsa’s legs was covered in blood.

Dag’s quiet whimper pulled Alarik from his thoughts, and he made himself smile.

“Hungry again? Just a minute, little man. Let me get things set up here.”

Alarik maneuvered Dag back into the incubator, then went to retrieve a bottle of milk from the in-room refrigerator. Another part of the situation that felt wrong- Elsa had found such joy in nursing Jenny, but with the number of medications she’d been on since Dag’s delivery, they’d had no choice but to feed him with formula. 

As he settled Dag back into his arms and coaxed him to latch onto the bottle, more memories flooded Alarik’s mind.

Kristoff drove like a man possessed, tailing the ambulance as it screamed its way to way to the hospital. Alarik sat in the passenger seat- Anna had remained at the house to look after Jenny- staring at the flashing lights in front of him. The paramedics wouldn’t let him ride with Elsa- they needed the space, they explained- and Alarik couldn’t stop thinking about the sight of her, lying on the stretcher, the oxygen mask doing little to muffle her moans while her body arched and spasmed. She hadn’t even had the capability to respond when he’d kissed her forehead and promised to be right behind her. He hoped, prayed that wouldn’t be the last time he saw her.

“Alarik.”

He jumped, cringing when Dag whined in protest. Leisel, Elsa’s obstetrician, friend, and his one-time intern, stood before him, her face drawn. Alarik sucked in a breath, and half-rose, tucking Dag more security to his chest as if to protect his son from whatever news Leisel brought. 

“Elsa… has something…” He couldn’t finish the sentence.

“No, nothing… physical. However, she just told both the nurses and myself that she couldn’t let herself come down to see Dag today.”

“But you said that she would be healthy enough to come down, right? Why wouldn’t… oh. Oh no.” Alarik freed an arm from around Dag to wipe his hand across his face. “She’s blaming herself for the birth again, isn’t she?”

Leisel nodded.

Alarik sighed, feeling a new heaviness weigh on him. He knew how much Elsa struggled with her blame- he’d seen it on her face the moment she’d come awake after her C-section. He’d hoped that seeing Dag- perhaps not healthy, but growing stronger- might work to assuage her blame, but it was not to be. Seeing that Dag had finished his meal, Alarik wiped his son’s mouth with a cloth and reluctantly set him back into the incubator before walking to the door.

“I’ll talk to her. Thank you Leisel.” Alarik paused when Leisel placed a hand on his shoulder, squeezing gently.

“Alarik, it may be time to look into contacting a professional to help Elsa. She’s… she’s not in a good place right now. Please know, it’s nothing against you…”

“No, I know, I know. I’ll… I’ll see what I can do.” Alarik pulled away from Leisel’s hand, his heart heavy.

…….

When Alarik arrived at Elsa’s room, she was facing away from the door, curled into a tight ball. Alarik bit back another sigh, knocking on the door frame. 

“Elsa?”

She didn’t turn, but he did see the tension in her body release somewhat. He stepped into the room, pulling a chair next to her bed. He didn’t touch- not yet, not when she was suffering. He was pleased to see that she was free from restraint- save for an IV port taped to her nearest arm, she was no longer tethered with tubes and wires. Perhaps a sign of improvement.

“I can’t see him, Alarik.” Elsa’s voice was quiet and hoarse. “It’s my fault he was early. I can’t be near him.” 

Alarik’s shoulders slumped, and he dropped his face into his hands. What could he say? What words could he offer that he hadn’t spoken the minute she’d come around? “I’m sorry”? “It’s not your fault”? As if he wasn’t just as much to blame… and then a thought struck.

“I… I blame myself every day for what happened, Elsa.” He heard her shift, and he raised his head to look at her. Her back was still facing him, but he knew she was listening. Alarik ran a hand through his hair, letting the words spill out. “If it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t be in this situation. If I had just controlled myself, showed any kind of control, you wouldn’t be here.” At that, Elsa rolled over, her eyes wide.

“Alarik… no…”

He shook his head. “Sure, the rational part of my mind knows none of it is true. But that doesn’t change the fact that every time I look at you and Dag all I can think about is that if I had just taken better care of you, of my urges, then neither of you would be in this situation. And I know that those thoughts aren’t going to go away on their own.” A breath, praying that what he was about to say would make sense, that it would help. “Look, I’m not going to sit here and pretend that I have all the answers. That’s ridiculous. But what I do know is this. I can’t be the best I can be anymore, not without help. And if I refuse that help, then I’m not the husband you deserve nor the father our children deserve. All I’m asking from you is to consider doing the same. I understand you might not be ready. But know that I am here, and I will do everything in my power to support you.”

While Elsa still remained turned towards Alarik, her eyes would not meet his. For several moments, Alarik feared that he had gone too far. That was, until she lifted her eyes once more and reached out to grasp his hand. 

“Okay. I’ll talk to Leisel, she said that she knew some people.” 

Alarik gave Elsa’s hand a squeeze, blinking away the tears prickling in the corners of his eyes. “Thank you, darling,” he whispered. He lifted her hand to his lips, pressing them to the ring circling her finger. Elsa sighed, then reached over to press the call button. After a moment, a voice came over the device’s tiny speaker.

“Can I help you?”

“I would like to try to go down and see my son, please.”

Hope blossomed in Alarik’s chest.

………

For the second time that day, Alarik opened the door to Dag’s room, but this time, Elsa accompanied him, sitting in a wheelchair that he pushed. From his vantage point, Alarik could see that Elsa was leaning forward, straining to get her first glimpse. When she caught sight of him, Alarik could hear her gasp, and he couldn’t help the smile that crossed his face. 

“Oh, Alarik, look at him!” He could see her hands tighten on the arm rests, and he picked up his pace.

“Hold on, darling, let’s get you to the chair first.” He maneuvered the chair into position, and then helped Elsa into it, despite her protests that she was not an invalid. He ignored her objections, turning instead to retrieve Dag.

“Hello there, lilla gubben. Ready to meet your Mama?” Dag’s eyes opened at Alarik’s voice, and he let out a small sound, question-like in nature. As careful as always, Alarik took Dag out of the incubator and brought him to Elsa. Her eyes were wet and wide, and her body shook, but when he offered Dag, she reached out immediately and tucked her arms about his tiny body with practiced ease. Elsa brought him close, a tentative finger moving to stroke his downy cheek. 

“Hi.” Her voice was little more than a whisper, watery with unshed tears. Alarik took the opportunity to drag a chair over and sat down, wrapping an arm around Elsa’s shoulders. She didn’t so much as glance at him, enraptured as she was by their son. When Dag began to squirm, Elsa started to rock, humming a soft lullaby Alarik had heard her sing to Jenny four years previously. Dag settled, his eyes fluttering closed as Elsa continued to hum, and beneath his arm, Alarik could feel her relax, and she even leaned back to rest her head on his shoulder. 

They would be alright. It would take time, but they would be alright.

[ryik-the-writer]

Gidrick Fic: Ten Things That Never Happened

Rating: T

Summary:  If Gideon had been just a little bit braver, would things have been different for him and Roderick?

[A03]

She was dragging him away.

“Gideon!”

She was going to kill him.

“Help me!”

Gideon was so scared. How could he save Roderick? He was just a kid himself, and the Black Fairy was so powerful, so terrifying.

So right about him.

He began to shrink back in his cell, trying to block out Roderick’s hiccupping sobs.

The Black Fairy laughed…

 1.  

And Gideon met her eyes with a fierce glare.

“Help Gideon! Help!”

Gideon ran after him. He was terrified. He knew there was a chance he and Roderick were going to be killed on the spot, but he ran after him anyway.

He grabbed the boy by the arm and practically carried him back to his cell, throwing him in and closing the cell door before the Black Fairy could catch up with them.

Gideon had proven her wrong after all. He could be a hero.

The beating he received afterwards did not change that.

“I did it for you,” he whispered to the sobbing boy long after the Black Fairy had finished with him. “I promise, she’ll never hurt you again.”

 2.

Gideon was drenched in sweat and had several deep nicks from his most recent sword fight. Xavier was one of mother’s more unstable followers. Eager to draw blood and earn her favor by proving his strength.

Gideon had nearly gotten killed, but he won the spare, and now he could rest.

Roderick was waiting dutifully in his quarters for him. Gideon made him stay there training. Xavier would kill him if he tried to fight for Gideon.

There was worry in the younger man’s deep, blue eyes, but he stayed silent as he handed him a towel.

Gideon smiled, wiping the soft fabric over his chest.

It was good to be home.

 3.

“You weren’t supposed to follow me,” Gideon hissed as he hastily bandaged Roderick’s shoulder.

“I’m not letting you do this alone,” Roderick argued, sucking in a breath when Gideon tightened the final layer of gauze. “This is the savior we’re up against.”

Gideon vanished the conjured medicine basket with a flick of his wrist and stepped away from his companion, passing hastily in the confined space of the clock tower.

“She could have killed you,” Gideon panted, the very idea of the savior hurting Roderick making him want to turn around and fight her again.

“The Black Fairy would have done so just as quickly,” Roderick reminded him as he began to put his shirt back on.

“No she wouldn’t have,” Gideon hissed, his heart racing. “She would have imprisoned you and used you as a bargaining chip to get me to do what she wants, but she would have kept you alive.”

“Or feed me to Xavier,” Roderick deadpanned as he struggled with the buttons.

“She knows what you mean to me!” Gideon finally broke, his voice bouncing off the metal walls.  “And now the savior does too, and you’re in more danger than either of us can imagine!”

Roderick gave up on the buttons and squeezed the sides of his head in irritation. They couldn’t afford to get into a fight now, not when they had too much planning to do. He stood, his shirt slipping down his shoulders.

“Come here,” Roderick sighed, trying to get a hold of his arm.

“No, Roderick,” Gideon sighed, swiping him away.

“Just…come here,” Roderick puffed, turning Gideon towards him. The taller man glared at him, and the heat of his stare did not go away even as Roderick pressed up to kiss him on the lips, balancing himself by the shoulders.

Gideon tried not to give in, tried not to show Roderick how calm a single touch of his lips could make him. But Roderick was the peace to his war, and he could not stay mad at someone who literally crossed realms to be with him.

Roderick pulled back with a wet pop, and Gideon wrapped his arms around him to keep him close.

“I’m sorry,” Gideon sighed, defeated.

Roderick smiled, satisfied that his companion was at ease for tonight.

 4.

There was metal clashing all around him…his father was helping mother…Xavier was trying to stab him…had him pinned against the clock…but then Roderick…

“No no no no…” Gideon sobbed, fighting his mother’s restraining grip.

“Gideon stop, please,” she begged.

Gideon struggled to throw the covers off. He had to find Roderick.

Suddenly his father was there too, trying to hold him down.

“Easy son,” he tried to sooth. “You’re hurt really bad you need to—”

“I need to find Roderick…” Gideon pled. He could taste blood in his mouth.

A screeching behind him caused Gideon to jolt, his ragged nerves latching onto the sound.

His breath evacuated his lungs in one short trip when he saw that the sound was the curtain separating him from the bed next to his.

Behind it was a very bruised Roderick, struggling to sit up as Gideon had moments ago.

His parents didn’t protest when he all but crawled to Roderick’s bed, carefully scooping the younger man into his shaking grip.

He smelled like blood and metal and home.

“I’m sorry,” Gideon sobbed into his dirty curls.

Roderick carefully unhinged him from his shoulder. “I told you I’m not letting you do this alone.”

Gideon laughed wetly, nodding. He had said that, hadn’t he?

Gideon studied the gentle man in front of him, bruised and cracked from the inside out. He’d fought tooth and nail for him their entire life, sometimes just in the most subtle ways. He was always there. When he shouldn’t have been. When Gideon was losing his soul to darkness.

He couldn’t help it, he kissed Roderick hard and fully, tasting their new life on his breath.

Roderick released a sound of joy when they finally parted, holding Gideon’s head to his.

“We made it.”

 5.

Belle had given them separate rooms. There wasn’t an underlined reason for it, it was just something she did to make sure they both rested easily for the night. She was so frazzled from the Black Fairy’s attach that could hardly function, causing Rumplestiltskin to lead her off to bed before Gideon or Roderick could protest.

Honestly neither of them knew what to say. They’d shared a bed since Gideon saved him from the Black Fairy (Gideon was too afraid that she was snatch him away if he wasn’t close enough).

The idea terrified Gideon even as he laid awake in the crisp clean sheets of the guest room, hoping if he breathed low enough he could hear Roderick next door.

This wasn’t right, the distance. He belonged by Roderick’s side. This world was too new and terrifying to exist in on their own.

But now they didn’t need to be as close. The Black Fairy was defeated, and they could afford some distance. Roderick deserved some breathing room, even if the possibility shook Gideon to his core.

He threw the covers off and made a b-line to the door. He’d only check on him, be sure he had enough blanket, he was warm and such. Then he’d return to his own lonely bed and spread out to fill in the empty space next to him.

He opened the door and nearly collided with Roderick’s fist.

In the moonlight, he could see his face look up at him and knew his mind. He shifted aside with a steady grin, and Roderick entered on accord.

 6.

Gideon was crying. Not out of pain or terror or from a post-panic attack, but from pure joy.

Belle was trying to hold back her own tears. Seeing her love of books reflected in her baby’s eyes was one of the most beautiful things she’d ever seen.

Roderick chuckled, leaning over to a grinning Rumplestiltskin.

“I think he likes it.”

 7.

Neither one of them had seen the ocean before. Even in early summer when the wind was still sharp and cold, but the sand was warm and the waves were gentle.

It was so beautiful, but not as beautiful as Roderick’s expression as he tentatively stepped onto the grainy dirt, the tiny crystals oozing between his toes, the water just barely kissing his toes.

But Gideon saw the twinge of horror in his expression as well. There was too much space, too much light, and freedom. Rodrick wasn’t used to it, and having it all at once, and having just enough reassurance that it wouldn’t be snatched from him, was too much.

Gideon came up behind him, wrapping his arms around his waist as his breathing increased, holding his ear to his back until his heartbeat slowed its race.

 8.

There were questions as to where Roderick’s family was. Did his parents give him up, or was he truly stolen by the Black Fairy?

It filled Gideon’s mind to the brim with anxiety that he might leave. That he’d find his family and decide to stay with them, and Gideon would never see him again.

When Rumplestiltskin presented them the globe that would show them where Roderick’s family were, Gideon excepted his fate.

Roderick deserved happiness, deserved to know where he came from, that he was loved by someone other than him…

But Roderick pushed the globe back.

“My family’s right here.” He announced, and Gideon barely felt the younger man’s fingers intertwine in his own he was so shocked.

 9.

Roderick never knew his day of birth. Why on earth would the Black Fairy keep a record on someone who was supposed to die young?

Thus, the day they walked into the diner and half the town proclaimed congrats to Gideon’s 29th birthday, he leaned over and gave one small request to his mother.

Later, Granny wheeled out a grand cake with two candles, and Roderick stared at the flickering wax in concern.

“This is us,” Gideon tried to explain. “This…is our new beginning.”

Roderick stared at him. For so long he’d been an extension of Gideon, sharing each other’s burdens and triumphs.

Yet there was always this very thin divide that kept them from truly being together. Manipulation on the Black Fairy’s part, fear on Gideon’s.

“You’ve sacrificed so much for me,” Gideon continued. “And…I want to share this with you...if you want…I mean…”

“Could you two move it along! I am not eating cake with wax all over it!”

Gideon shot a quick glare at the dwarf that was close to his mother.

“Gideon.”

He turned back to Roderick. He was smiling, the answer in his eyes.

How could one person love him so much knowing good and well what he was?

On cue, the blew out their candles, and as their acquaintances and family cheered, Gideon leaned over the dancing smoke and kissed Roderick.

The affection was returned with a chuckle, and Gideon could taste the wax and icing on his breath.

It was the first time their kisses didn’t taste like apprehension.

 10.

Roderick never did get used to the sea, or any space that wasn’t surrounded by walls.

He did however manage to get used to the gated pool area of Gideon’s parents backyard.

Gideon sat a glass of ice tea beside him (his mother’s recipe) and joined him as they wistfully watched their daughter try to teach her little brother how to kick.

He glanced at Roderick—his husband of six years, which no matter how many times he thought about it the word still filled him with blushing joy.

“What are you thinking about?” he inquired.

Roderick continued staring out into the pool, at the family they had managed to build despite how all the odds were against them.

“Just…how nice it would have been had we actually gotten this life.”

And then—

Like a bad itch that never stopped.

The smell of the mines—

“What?”

Mother’s haunting laugh—

“I said—”

And then there’s him.

“Wait—”

Blue eyes and gentle smiles…

“Gideon you have to listen to me—”

“No!”

-,-,-,-,-,-,-

“Gideon, please,” Archie begged as Gideon began pacing. “Please, sit down, breath.”

Why should he? Why didn’t he just run? Just jump out the nearest window and be done with it all?

“Maybe I can do something?” Gideon sobbed, leaning against the over-plushed couch. “Maybe I can…I can…”

How do fix you something that was already broken?

“I can have it…I can get him back.”

“I’m sorry Gideon, but no,” the doctor said behind him. To his credit, he sounded positively wretched. ���None of those things will ever happened, Gideon.”

Gideon looked up at the red-haired doctor his parents begged him to see after his last breakdown.

“Roderick died in the mines,” the doctor reminded him gently—as if Gideon needed it. “He’s gone, and you have to accept that all the things you wanted to happen to him just…” the doctor frowned, sorrowful that he even had to say the next part. “Won’t happen.”

Ever.

Gideon nodded. He’d been telling himself the same thing every time the fantasies fueled by years of regret plagued his dreams.

“I know,” Gideon responded, his thumb circling a hole in his jeans. “I know...I just…”

The doctor watched helplessly as Gideon’s shoulders began to shake, another wave of grief rolling off him.

How do you say goodbye to someone who’s already gone?

Gideon sobbed, the sounds suffocated by his hands.

“I never wanted anything bad to happen to him.”

[zoilathemom-blog]

stuff i wish i knew

Dakota was not planned. In fact, Zach and me were very much mending ourselves back together when we found out I was pregnant. We intended to have a baby at some point, but Winter 2018 was not penciled into our agenda. When we got the news there was no question. We were doing this, we’d made it 10 years at that point and had survived a 6 month separation, we could handle anything. And let me tell you, we really can handle anything. 

Thank goodness we trusted our path because we are so in love with our little human. Dakota is a blessing, the perfect combination of us both and I am so excited for our life as Dakota’s parents. BUT I’d be a lying fool and a faker if I pretended my pregnancy wasn’t riddled with what ifs, doubts and confusion. Even more so, being a mother is terrifying - I’m constantly wondering if I’m fucking up. And the truth is, I probably am. But also, that’s OK.

My time as a pregnant woman was quite isolating. You see, we moved to LA in November of 2015 and hadn’t quite solidified a community here. I always imagined this time in my life would be filled with family and my best girl friends. It wasn’t. So I did what women do best, I adapted. With constant check-ins on my “Mothers.” chat - a group chat of 3 amazing girlfriends who are moms, advice from my mother and a lot of reading, I made it to motherhood. But that was just the beginning,  there is still so much for me to learn. Motherhood is like getting to the top of a 5 mile high mountain only to find that the peak is still 15 miles up. Or like that scene in Titanic when they discover the iceberg has a side that juts out and the sailor screams “it’s got a head!”  That’s motherhood. Always another step on a constant learning curve. BUT, the reward, the reward is so damn good. The first time Koda smiled a non gas triggered smile? I DIED!!!! Dying just thinking about him. Hold up, now I need to run into his nursery and check that he’s breathing....

OK, back now :) 

So, in the spirit of sisterhood and the belief that real talk is the only talk that should exist, I’ve asked for advice. I asked for advice from some of the most amazing moms I know (please take or leave what you’d like - none of this is fact!). I asked them to share what they wish they had known or anything they feel is relevant for first time moms. This will be an ongoing document that I hope mothers will use and share, far and wide. Being a mom is hard. It is scary. It is also incredibly exciting & fulfilling. It is all the damn things and you don’t have to go through it alone. But if you are feeling alone (been there!!), I am here and so is this mama tribe. 

On Support:

“Find plenty of moms who have been through it already and cry on their shoulders.” - Marti Cuevas; Mama to Martin Carle, 39 and me :)

“My advice is to reach out to other moms, either friends w kids or try to make some. Talking out weird questions or just being able to relate is so key.” -Kristina; Mama to Isabel, 8 Months

“Ask for what you need. Your partner or anyone around you for that matter cannot read your mind. Be vocal and direct.” - Zoila; Mama to Dakota, 3 Months

On Post Partum Bodies:

“I wanted to lose the baby weight right away, in my head, but it wasn’t until my son was 18 months that I felt my post-C-section body was ready and able. Everyone said breast feeding will make the weight drop on it’s own; well not for my P.C.O.S.-ridden reproductive system. My advice to first-time moms is to not succumb to the pressure of obsessing over baby weight loss. Follow your heart, mind and body on your post-partum journey back to your pre-pregnancy jeans.” - Rachel Muniz-Strauss; Mama to Donovan, 3 + one on the way.

On Self-Care:

“Don’t put undue pressure on yourself! We do that so much and it serves no one. You are a fabulous mama.” - Sadye; Mama to Rafi, 2

“New moms should do ONE thing a day. Like if it’s going to the store or a doctors appointment or whatever. One thing! Healing after labor and delivery or a cesarean birth takes time emotionally, physically, and spiritually! Over exertion is no bueno when dealing with a baby and a partner who is also struggling to find his or her place in the new family unit as well as probably recovering from the birth!” - Scotlan; Mama to Clementine, 11 Months

“BREATHE: things are going to get super hectic and really noisy. You will get hit with a poop explosion, loud crying and screaming, dinner burning on the stove, phone ringing, your partner asking "hey did you do the laundry yet?", while you have been holding your pee in for the last 3 hours cause you've been running around the house like a chicken without a head trying to do it all...You start to panic...but DON'T! JUST BREATHE and don't cram it all in at once...this is a recipe for ANXIETY. Yes you are a super hero and a bionic woman but you can't do everything at once. So stop for a minute and breathe, even if you have to lock yourself in the bathroom for 10 minutes...let the baby cry, let hubby figure it out and BREATHE...in through your nose and out through your mouth and tell yourself "I GOT THIS"..then go out there and conquer each thing one by one with a huge smile on your face... I know it's so simple but trust me it will save you a world of anxiety” - Byata; Mama to Luca, 6, London, 5 & Lucky, 11 Months

ACCEPT HELP. While being a new mom is certainly a sensory awakener, and a super cool and interesting experience that you wanna soak up all to yourself, you MUST accept help, especially from those with some wisdom and experience, and if someone whom you trust offers to watch the baby while you shower or nap, ACCEPT! - Cashley; Mama to Jacob 14, Nicky 11, Sophia 2 

“SLEEP: every mom I have ever received advice from tried to sell me this little bit of information and guess what...I did not buy it! A sleep deprived mama is an unhappy, unhealthy, and uncomfortable mama. When that baby is sleeping, lay your ass down and close your eyes. Being rested allows you to be productive and allows you to be happy and healthy. When you are sleep deprived you make poor food choices (typically lots of sugar to keep you awake) which lead to a poor mood...and when mama is in a bad mood, everyone suffers! So try and sleep...the laundry will wait, the dishes will wait, the dinner will wait, your partner will wait, the whole world will wait for you to wake up!” - Byata; Mama to Luca, 6, London, 5 & Lucky, 11 Months

On “The Way Things Are Done:”

“I would advise not to share with others the name choice for your child. I feel that it should be between you and your partner (if there is one) as you are the parents, and deserve 100% creative control, if I may, in naming your child. I’ve found that when sharing my top name choices, the opinions of others really Jaded me (since when?!) BUT, while I love the names I gave my kids, I wish I had been more private on that aspect.” - Cashley; Mama to Jacob 14, Nicky 11, Sophia 2

“Breastfeeding is INCREDIBLY hard. If it does not come naturally to you, rest easy knowing you are not a mutant who can’t provide for their child. Almost every woman struggles with some aspect of breastfeeding. It doesn’t really start to feel normal until after the 3rd month. Don’t beat yourself up. Also, if you don’t want to breastfeed, that is your choice too and NO ONE has the right to shame you for it.” - Zoila; Mama to Dakota, 3 Months

“Your choice for Feeding source..  I 100%  think should be kept as personal as possible. We all go into this mom thing with an idea of what we want to do, or not, but often times as I now know, things don’t go according to plan with regards to really anything, but especially nursing... lactation issues, latching or lack thereof, allergies, your schedule…. , or formula feeding may just be your personal preference... so regarding nursing vs formula, I found it best to keep mum. Everyone has an opinion, but do what your maternal instinct tells you.” - Cashley; Mama to Jacob 14, Nicky 11, Sophia 2

“Be patient with trial and error. Things that might work for your best friend might not work with your family. Flexibility and letting go of the idea that parenting should “look” a certain way” - Scotlan; Mama to Clementine, 11 Months

“SOMETIME'S LET THE BABY CRY: babies are designed to cry! It actually helps strengthen their vocal chords. I remember with baby # 1 I would be on the toilet while he was napping and I would hear him wake up and cry his little heart out and I would get up without finishing my business; run, trip, fall just to get to him as quickly as possible and help stop him from crying! No need for all that...take care of your shit mama! (NO PUN INTENDED) That baby won't brake. That baby will be fine!  A few extra bouts of crying won't change anything. Yes it sounds painful and you want nothing more than to nurture your baby and protect it...but a little crying is OK...I promise.” - Byata; Mama to Luca, 6, London, 5 & Lucky, 11 Months

Tricks & Products That Save Lives:

“BABY WEARING: is a game changer! I can't begin to tell you how much this practice works. Especially for my super busy super moms who like to multi task...when you wear that baby in an Ergo or a MOBY Wrap (two of my faves), you can do anything you need to around the house, at the store, or outside...that baby is happy to be snuggled up against you, and you're happy that you can knock out a few birds with one stone. Your hands are free to type, clean dishes, make dinner, talk on the phone, fold laundry, speed walk, etc...(all in standing posItion - which is great for your back anyways!) I literally pull a 4 hour work shift out of the house just by wearing my baby. He's happy and I am getting shit done!!! - Byata; Mama to Luca, 6, London, 5 & Lucky, 11 Months

[dawnmoriah]

Baby #1 Breastfeeding Story

In 2015 I gave birth to my first child, a beautiful baby boy. I had read all the books, took all the classes and knew that I would exclusively breastfeed by baby for the first year. Because that was what you were supposed to do, right? It was going to be so magical and natural. My mother was a strong advocate for breastfeeding and I’ve always leaned towards hippy, natural options in life. It never even crossed my mind that I might have complications with this goal.

I nursed on-demand from the get go and it seemed that “on-demand” in reality was “all-the-time”. My baby was born at 7 lbs. and wasn’t gaining weight as expected. I must need to nurse him more I kept telling myself. I had one of those breastfeeding pillows that snapped on around your waist and I glued that baby to the boob. I’m sure we spent more time attached then we did apart.

He was having trouble gaining back his birth weight and around week four he only gained 2 ounces when he should have averaged between 4 and 7 ounces per week. The doctor said he should be a pound over his birth weight by now. She wanted me to supplement some formula into his diet but I said no, we wanted to try to work it out without formula for the time being. I thought it was just a bad week and we would power through it. I thought this was something I just needed to work harder at. We had introduced the pacifier the previous week and thought that may have been the contributing factor. Maybe he was giving us hunger cues and I was just missing it. We had already been feeding on-demand which ranged from every 1-3 hours. But despite that, we made an effort to really, really, really focus on feeding knowing he hadn't gained his weekly quota. That week he had also began throwing more and more fits during the day. I was reading everything I could about what it could be. I was trying to avoid eating anything that could cause gas or colic. But also making sure I was eating foods known to help increase milk supply. I was drinking water like crazy and started documenting all his feedings, naps, diapers etc. I spoke with the lactation consultant from the hospital over the phone who went over a few things with me but pretty much said you are doing everything right, just keep it up and try to get some rest. One lactation consultant also suggested some herbal supplements that I sent my husband to the store for.

The next week came and his fits were worse, his crying became more like screaming - red faced and tears... and I had to know if we were making progress so I called the clinic to bring him in for a weigh. He'd gained less than 2 oz. in 5 days. Not good. The nurse sent me out the door with some formula and told me to call the doctor tomorrow since she was out of the office for the day.

My mom’s cousin in California, is a very good lactation consultant so we contacted her for some help. She went over our case over the phone but suggested we call a private practice consultant in the area and get some help ASAP. Someone who can come see us at home and get to the bottom of this problem. She suggested I continue to feed on-demand but also start bottle feeding him my supply of frozen breastmilk I'd pumped earlier for going back to work. It was small but he needed the extra milk until he figured out what was wrong. Giving him a chaser bottle after a breastfeed about every 2 hours. He immediately gobbled down the bottle and even napped longer and harder.

With the powers of technology, I was able to video us nursing and sent it via text to mom’s cousin who asked us a few more questions and told us she thinks he suffered from tongue tie. She guessed he had been sustaining on my breastmilk letdown but not getting a full suck when feeding. Without draining my breast at each feeding my supply was going down and he was getting less to drink. Also, with his limited range of motion he was latching poorly, allowing air to get in his tummy at feedings, causing gas and pain. He was hungry and gassy. He was also only getting the foremilk, not the hindmilk where the fatty nutrients are that would help him pack on pounds, or in his case ounces.

We were able to get in pretty fast to see the lactation specialist who spent almost 2 hours with us going over things. She confirmed his tongue tie (Stage 2), was able to work with me on latching, my husband with bottle feeding, answer all our questions and go over a game plan to get both our baby’s weight up and also my supply. Thankfully with our cousin’s help we were already getting him more milk by pumping and bottle feeding. In less than 24 hours he had already gained an ounce.

Mommy multi-tasking at its finest: pumping, bottle-feeding and taking a selfie.

We went back to the lactation consultant for an in-house procedure where they clipped that little membrane under his tongue that was holding back his full range of motion. We could see a visual difference right away. There was also a difference in nursing and as we worked on proper latching and stretching.

This story is getting pretty long so I’ll fast-forward and condense some here. I did everything I thought I was supposed to do. I wanted to breastfeed my baby more than anything in the world. But after all our hard work, all our struggles, my baby just wanted to be held and fed.  We spent hours going to physical therapy appointments, doing tongue-tie stretches at home, paying for personal lactation consultants, renting an infant scale, documenting weighted feedings, writing down what I ate, trying to eat foods to help my supply, taking herbal/prescriptions supplements to increase my supply. But my son refused the breast more and more and just wanted a bottle. I ended up pumping, turning right around and giving him that milk in a bottle, then chasing the breastmilk bottle with a formula bottle and then doing it all over again. This routine left no time to enjoy our time together. Once he refused to feed at the breast, I focused my energy on pumping and trying to get as much breastmilk I could to him through a bottle. But I could never keep up. I spent so much time stressing over getting him this liquid gold it brought me to tears from exhaustion. I finally broke down on the phone one day with the hospital lactation consultant (maybe around month 5). I wanted to know if I should be spending longer time pumping or doing it more often but shorter session. I just needed answers, I needed someone to tell me how to fix this. She stopped me and said the words I needed to hear. She told me I had done everything I should have. That I had given my baby the gift of breastmilk but that I need to stop and look at the situation. Is all this time and energy I’m spending pumping and worrying about making milk consuming time I should be spending enjoying my baby? She told me I did good. She told me that formula was OK. She told me what I needed to hear. I’ve always been an extremely hard worker and I don’t stop until my goals are achieved. But I’ve always struggle with this crucial question… When to say “all-done” and move on or when to try harder. I made the decision then that spending quality time with my baby during these limited and special days was more important to me then the type of milk he received. My first born is now almost 4 years old. He is as healthy as can be and could not be closer to his momma. That is all I could ask for.

[motherandlawyer]

Breastfeeding Pressures

“Breast is best” - we have all heard this as an expecting mother. I knew so long as I could breastfeed, I would. I made that informed choice. Midwives certainly promoted it along-side a natural (drug-fee) birth and even home birth. There is almost a shame in having drugs or an epidural. 

Would men shame each other, exclusively breastfeed for at least 6 months and have a “natural” birth? I am sure some would, but the percentage of men doing so, would certainly be far lower. Women are expected to be super and it’s totally ridiculous.

My pain threshold is relatively high and I was in fantastic shape before I gave birth. I used to go spinning pregnant (but don’t tell my mum). I was fitter than I am now. I was prepared for birth and of course this meant that it went very well. I had no issues during pregnancy nor birth. I was lucky. I had an extremely quick birth. I went into the hospital around 6am and gave birth 2 hours later. I left the hospital that afternoon and went home. William “latched on.” All seemed dandy. But then we had some early breastfeeding issues. William was tongue-tied. Once he had it snipped, his feeding was far more efficient, but the first week was extremely difficult. I felt like a failure and my son was screaming. 

The breast feeding clinic at Stoke Mandeville hospital was amazing.They told me that I was doing a brilliant job, but that the issue was more the tongue-tie. He still didn’t lost weight, but he was feeding constantly. He also is quite a hungry boy and has a fast metabolism. It was tough going.

I had a lot of milk and I know some women don’t have much. That would be tough. Once we fixed William’s tongue, all was good in the hood. I loved breastfeeding. I loved being close to my baby and I didn’t have to steralise any bottles. I lost weight quickly and I was even thinner than I was before becoming pregnant. I could eat cake and wouldn’t gain weight. No complaints here. 

However, the downside was going anywhere without my little man. Pumping every 2-3 hours and not over-pumping as this caused an increase in supply and once blocked ducts. Ouch. I felt like I spent  so much time in the loo or a hotel room pumping away. 

When you breastfeed, you release Oxytocin. What a lovely hormone it is. It helped me recover from illness and made me feel so attached and in love with my little man. However, when you stop, so does the level of oxytocin. Stopping breastfeeding worsened my anxiety/depression. It made me extremely depressed. Do they tell you this in pre-natal classes? Does the NHS warn you of the impact of ceasing nursing on your mental health? Do they F. 

I would breastfeed again for sure, but I would need to be careful when it comes to an end. I will likely have to take anti-depressants when I stop. I am cool with this. This is my choice. I had a pretty easy ride though and if I struggled longer than the couple of weeks that I did, I am sure I would have a different storey to tell.

Women should not be shamed into breastfeeding. OR a “natural” birth. I didn’t take pain killers because it was so quick. It hurt like hell. I was screaming for pain relief, but it was too late. Gas and air was a joke. Really. You may as well given me paracetamol! I also was in great shape and did a lot of yoga. Some women won’t want to breath through the pain without any help and so they shouldn’t feel like they have to!

[ongames]

Why Aren't Moms Warned About How Painful Early Breastfeeding Can Be?

Before she gave birth to her first baby four years ago, Carolyn Hulla-Meyer was excited to breastfeed, but she was quickly surprised by how painful it was—a stinging, burning feeling the nurses reassured her would lessen with practice.

It did not.

By the time Hulla-Meyer, 32, got home from the hospital, her nipples were cracked and bloody. She saw a lactation consultant who helped with her baby’s latch and suggested nipple shields. They helped some, but not enough for Hulla-Meyer to continue breastfeeding past three months.

“I was kind of like, ‘Whoa, whoa, whoa. I thought this was supposed to be a special time,’” she recalled. “This hurts.”

Data certainly suggests that early breastfeeding pain, like Hulla-Meyer’s, is common. One survey from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention found that while 26 percent of moms had no pain on their first day breastfeeding, 3 percent were basically in agony. One week in, only 3 percent of moms said they were pain-free whereas 5 percent described it as the “worst possible pain”—and the rest fell somewhere in the middle. Surveys also show that general pain and cracked, bleeding nipples are among the top reasons women stop breastfeeding in the first few months—trailing only behind fears about not having enough milk and latch problems. 

When my own son was born two years ago, I struggled enormously at the start. Despite seeing two different lactation consultants in the hospital and dragging myself to several breastfeeding classes, I effectively had two open wounds for nipples by the time I left the hospital. I spent the first weeks of my son’s life walking around shirtless because I couldn’t stand anything touching my skin, dipping my nipples into a salt solution to try and stave off an infection (I still got one) and quietly sobbing through feedings hoping that no one would notice how unglued I’d become. I saw more lactation consultants, went to support groups and read like a fiend, but nowhere did I find anything that seemed to speak to what I was going through. Resources like Kellymom and La Leche League, which were lifelines to me in so many other ways, talked about early breastfeeding “soreness” or “short-term discomfort,” not “a tiny-person-will-chow-down-on-your-bleeding-cuts-for-hours-on-end-and-it-will-hurt-more-than-unmedicated-labor” misery. Was this something other new moms endured through some kind of stoicism or magic that I lacked?

“I felt like, ‘Maybe I’m just being crazy,’” echoed Kerstin Picht, 33. (Picht is HuffPost’s Director of Editorial Partnerships, proving I didn’t have to go far to find other moms who also struggled early on.)

“I think I have a high tolerance for pain,” Picht said, “so I remember thinking, ‘This can’t be normal…but maybe it is?” Early on, her nipples cracked and bled so much that her first baby—whom she described as a “happy spitter”—would frequently spit up blood. Before feedings, her whole body tensed up.

But Picht was committed to breastfeeding, so she met with a lactation consultant several times and regularly attended a local support group. Eventually, the pain faded and Picht was never offered a definitive explanation for why things had hurt so much at first. It was only after she gave birth to her second child—with whom breastfeeding simply clicked—that she grasped just how significant her pain had been.

“With my daughter, I was so prepared for it to be terrible. She was latched on 15 minutes after being born and it was a little uncomfortable in the first week, but it was just a completely different experience,” she said. “Part of me wonders if I lost some sensitivity, and I think it helped that I kind of knew what I was doing. I also think a lot of it comes down to the baby, and their skills.”

Telling women breastfeeding isn’t supposed to hurt might come from a good place, but that message felt invalidating as hell when I was in the thick of it.

Of course, in many cases there are obvious reasons for a woman’s pain—with relatively clear fixes. Issues with the baby’s latch are the big one, and they’re a major reason why clinical support—particularly with an international board certified lactation consultant (IBCLC) or a doctor with a subspecialty in breastfeeding—is essential. Experts can spend time watching and working with moms and babies, suggest changes and help diagnose any number of possible issues including anatomical problems, like tongue- and lip-ties, that can cause the kind of nipple trauma that makes women’s toes actually curl during feedings.

Monica McKay, 34, had no pain at all while breastfeeding her first child, but nursing her second baby was extremely painful—to the point that she switched to exclusive pumping three weeks in because she simply could not stand it anymore. After that experience, she met with a lactation consultant while still pregnant with her third and made plans to see her after she was released from the hospital. The consultant—who wore a headlamp so she could closely inspect the baby while feeding—suspected a lip- and tongue-tie and referred McKay to a specialist, who was an hour-and-half’s drive away.

“They did do a procedure to release a lip- and tongue-tie,” McKay said. “Almost immediately, there was no pain and we’ve been able to continue on and things have been much more comfortable since then.” But the key part of McKay’s success story is that she was able to see a lactation consultant who helped her find a solution, something many moms are unable to do because it costs too much (even though under the Affordable Care Act, insurers must provide breastfeeding counseling) or because they’re not even aware it is an option.

Kate DiMarco Ruck also dealt with a tongue-tie when her first was born nine years ago. “It was really tight, and it was just unbearable,” she said of breastfeeding in the early days after her son’s birth. “Everyone said ‘Yes, there’s pain. And yes, eventually it goes away.’ And this didn’t go away. I was sore and bruised and bloody.” She eventually sought help for her son’s tongue-tie, but still felt residual pain after it was snipped. With her second, she was prepared to look for a tongue-tie and see a lactation consultant right away. DiMarco Ruck is now finishing up her training to be a lactation consultant herself so she can help moms in similar situations.

But sometimes the message that moms should not have to live with breastfeeding pain gets translated in breastfeeding support groups and literature as “breastfeeding shouldn’t hurt.” (Heck, they’re words I wrote myself before becoming a mom.) And that is not a message that necessarily helps anyone. Not only does it isolate moms who are struggling early on and make them feel like they’re failing at breastfeeding ― something so many women feel enormous societal pressure to ace ― it eliminates all nuance. Telling women breastfeeding isn’t supposed to hurt might come from a good place, but that message felt invalidating as hell when I was in the thick of it.

“I think that, and I’m trying to think about how to say this carefully, but sometimes the dynamic around breastfeeding advocacy versus breastfeeding support gets tangled up,” said Dr. Alison Stuebe, a maternal-fetal medicine physician and medical director of lactation services at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, adding that both breastfeeding advocates and people who practice clinical medicine can be guilty of this.

“If you don’t tell people it might hurt and it does, they think ‘Well, there must be something wrong with me,’” Stuebe added. “I’m a strong believer that we shouldn’t sugarcoat motherhood.”

And really, if the goal is to help more moms reach their breastfeeding goals, wouldn’t greater transparency about the potential pain help? Not to scare women—because again, for so many women it is pain-free, if not even blissful right from the start—but to validate the experiences of those moms who are really struggling. One of the few times I felt like a non-lunatic early on was at my six-week postpartum checkup with my midwife who, upon seeing nipples (which were finally starting to heal) grabbed my arm to show me the chills spreading over hers. Thirty years later, she viscerally remembered her own early breastfeeding pain. “No one understands, right?” she asked. I wanted to simultaneously French kiss her and scream, “No they do not!”

If you don't tell people it might hurt and it does, they think 'Well, there must be something wrong with me.' Dr. Alison Stuebe

It is also worth noting that there is good evidence that doctors generally have a tendency to discount women’s pain as emotional. Stuebe said there has not been any research looking at perceptions of breastfeeding pain specifically, but it’s easy to wonder if that is not one possible factor here. After all, who is more emotional than a hormonal, sleep-deprived mother of an new baby?

That is the challenge with something as dynamic as breastfeeding—there are no easy answers, and not nearly enough support. Though I was lucky enough to be in a position to see a truly wonderful IBCLC and other experts, I ultimately never got a really solid answer about the source of my pain. My son’s latch looked good. He was checked, multiple times, for lip- and tongue-ties. The consensus was that we just had a hard time finding our footing in the first few days, which led to nipple trauma that took a long time to bounce back from because he was a big, hungry guy who liked to eat. We pushed through and grew to have a pretty lovely time of it together.

But it’s still so easy to transport myself back to that time, and I try to be very open with other mothers in my life about what I went through in case any of them are also feeling alone in their pain. It hurt so much. And though I knew I shouldn’t, I felt ashamed that I couldn’t hack it.

“Sometimes I feel like I should have pushed a little harder,” said Hulla-Meyer, who just had her second baby and is breastfeeding again. It’s painful this time, but nothing like it was with her first. And experiencing the difference between some discomfort and pain with a capital “p” has helped her let go of the residual guilt she felt after stopping short of her breastfeeding goals with her eldest.

“Back then, I felt like something was wrong with my body, or maybe if I just gave it more time,” Hulla-Meyer said. “But now I’m like, no. It really f**king hurt.”

-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.

Why Aren't Moms Warned About How Painful Early Breastfeeding Can Be? published first on http://ift.tt/2lnpciY

[yes-dal456]

Why Aren't Moms Warned About How Painful Early Breastfeeding Can Be?

Before she gave birth to her first baby four years ago, Carolyn Hulla-Meyer was excited to breastfeed, but she was quickly surprised by how painful it was—a stinging, burning feeling the nurses reassured her would lessen with practice.

It did not.

By the time Hulla-Meyer, 32, got home from the hospital, her nipples were cracked and bloody. She saw a lactation consultant who helped with her baby’s latch and suggested nipple shields. They helped some, but not enough for Hulla-Meyer to continue breastfeeding past three months.

“I was kind of like, ‘Whoa, whoa, whoa. I thought this was supposed to be a special time,’” she recalled. “This hurts.”

Data certainly suggests that early breastfeeding pain, like Hulla-Meyer’s, is common. One survey from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention found that while 26 percent of moms had no pain on their first day breastfeeding, 3 percent were basically in agony. One week in, only 3 percent of moms said they were pain-free whereas 5 percent described it as the “worst possible pain”—and the rest fell somewhere in the middle. Surveys also show that general pain and cracked, bleeding nipples are among the top reasons women stop breastfeeding in the first few months—trailing only behind fears about not having enough milk and latch problems. 

When my own son was born two years ago, I struggled enormously at the start. Despite seeing two different lactation consultants in the hospital and dragging myself to several breastfeeding classes, I effectively had two open wounds for nipples by the time I left the hospital. I spent the first weeks of my son’s life walking around shirtless because I couldn’t stand anything touching my skin, dipping my nipples into a salt solution to try and stave off an infection (I still got one) and quietly sobbing through feedings hoping that no one would notice how unglued I’d become. I saw more lactation consultants, went to support groups and read like a fiend, but nowhere did I find anything that seemed to speak to what I was going through. Resources like Kellymom and La Leche League, which were lifelines to me in so many other ways, talked about early breastfeeding “soreness” or “short-term discomfort,” not “a tiny-person-will-chow-down-on-your-bleeding-cuts-for-hours-on-end-and-it-will-hurt-more-than-unmedicated-labor” misery. Was this something other new moms endured through some kind of stoicism or magic that I lacked?

“I felt like, ‘Maybe I’m just being crazy,’” echoed Kerstin Picht, 33. (Picht is HuffPost’s Director of Editorial Partnerships, proving I didn’t have to go far to find other moms who also struggled early on.)

“I think I have a high tolerance for pain,” Picht said, “so I remember thinking, ‘This can’t be normal…but maybe it is?” Early on, her nipples cracked and bled so much that her first baby—whom she described as a “happy spitter”—would frequently spit up blood. Before feedings, her whole body tensed up.

But Picht was committed to breastfeeding, so she met with a lactation consultant several times and regularly attended a local support group. Eventually, the pain faded and Picht was never offered a definitive explanation for why things had hurt so much at first. It was only after she gave birth to her second child—with whom breastfeeding simply clicked—that she grasped just how significant her pain had been.

“With my daughter, I was so prepared for it to be terrible. She was latched on 15 minutes after being born and it was a little uncomfortable in the first week, but it was just a completely different experience,” she said. “Part of me wonders if I lost some sensitivity, and I think it helped that I kind of knew what I was doing. I also think a lot of it comes down to the baby, and their skills.”

Telling women breastfeeding isn’t supposed to hurt might come from a good place, but that message felt invalidating as hell when I was in the thick of it.

Of course, in many cases there are obvious reasons for a woman’s pain—with relatively clear fixes. Issues with the baby’s latch are the big one, and they’re a major reason why clinical support—particularly with an international board certified lactation consultant (IBCLC) or a doctor with a subspecialty in breastfeeding—is essential. Experts can spend time watching and working with moms and babies, suggest changes and help diagnose any number of possible issues including anatomical problems, like tongue- and lip-ties, that can cause the kind of nipple trauma that makes women’s toes actually curl during feedings.

Monica McKay, 34, had no pain at all while breastfeeding her first child, but nursing her second baby was extremely painful—to the point that she switched to exclusive pumping three weeks in because she simply could not stand it anymore. After that experience, she met with a lactation consultant while still pregnant with her third and made plans to see her after she was released from the hospital. The consultant—who wore a headlamp so she could closely inspect the baby while feeding—suspected a lip- and tongue-tie and referred McKay to a specialist, who was an hour-and-half’s drive away.

“They did do a procedure to release a lip- and tongue-tie,” McKay said. “Almost immediately, there was no pain and we’ve been able to continue on and things have been much more comfortable since then.” But the key part of McKay’s success story is that she was able to see a lactation consultant who helped her find a solution, something many moms are unable to do because it costs too much (even though under the Affordable Care Act, insurers must provide breastfeeding counseling) or because they’re not even aware it is an option.

Kate DiMarco Ruck also dealt with a tongue-tie when her first was born nine years ago. “It was really tight, and it was just unbearable,” she said of breastfeeding in the early days after her son’s birth. “Everyone said ‘Yes, there’s pain. And yes, eventually it goes away.’ And this didn’t go away. I was sore and bruised and bloody.” She eventually sought help for her son’s tongue-tie, but still felt residual pain after it was snipped. With her second, she was prepared to look for a tongue-tie and see a lactation consultant right away. DiMarco Ruck is now finishing up her training to be a lactation consultant herself so she can help moms in similar situations.

But sometimes the message that moms should not have to live with breastfeeding pain gets translated in breastfeeding support groups and literature as “breastfeeding shouldn’t hurt.” (Heck, they’re words I wrote myself before becoming a mom.) And that is not a message that necessarily helps anyone. Not only does it isolate moms who are struggling early on and make them feel like they’re failing at breastfeeding ― something so many women feel enormous societal pressure to ace ― it eliminates all nuance. Telling women breastfeeding isn’t supposed to hurt might come from a good place, but that message felt invalidating as hell when I was in the thick of it.

“I think that, and I’m trying to think about how to say this carefully, but sometimes the dynamic around breastfeeding advocacy versus breastfeeding support gets tangled up,” said Dr. Allison Stuebe, a maternal-fetal medicine physician and medical director of lactation services at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, adding that both breastfeeding advocates and people who practice clinical medicine can be guilty of this.

“If you don’t tell people it might hurt and it does, they think ‘Well, there must be something wrong with me,’” Stuebe added. “I’m a strong believer that we shouldn’t sugarcoat motherhood.”

And really, if the goal is to help more moms reach their breastfeeding goals, wouldn’t greater transparency about the potential pain help? Not to scare women—because again, for so many women it is pain-free, if not even blissful right from the start—but to validate the experiences of those moms who are really struggling. One of the few times I felt like a non-lunatic early on was at my six-week postpartum checkup with my midwife who, upon seeing nipples (which were finally starting to heal) grabbed my arm to show me the chills spreading over hers. Thirty years later, she viscerally remembered her own early breastfeeding pain. “No one understands, right?” she asked. I wanted to simultaneously French kiss her and scream, “No they do not!”

If you don't tell people it might hurt and it does, they think 'Well, there must be something wrong with me.' Dr. Allison Stuebe

It is also worth noting that there is good evidence that doctors generally have a tendency to discount women’s pain as emotional. Stuebe said there has not been any research looking at perceptions of breastfeeding pain specifically, but it’s easy to wonder if that is not one possible factor here. After all, who is more emotional than a hormonal, sleep-deprived mother of an new baby?

That is the challenge with something as dynamic as breastfeeding—there are no easy answers, and not nearly enough support. Though I was lucky enough to be in a position to see a truly wonderful IBCLC and other experts, I ultimately never got a really solid answer about the source of my pain. My son’s latch looked good. He was checked, multiple times, for lip- and tongue-ties. The consensus was that we just had a hard time finding our footing in the first few days, which led to nipple trauma that took a long time to bounce back from because he was a big, hungry guy who liked to eat. We pushed through and grew to have a pretty lovely time of it together.

But it’s still so easy to transport myself back to that time, and I try to be very open with other mothers in my life about what I went through in case any of them are also feeling alone in their pain. It hurt so much. And though I knew I shouldn’t, I felt ashamed that I couldn’t hack it.

“Sometimes I feel like I should have pushed a little harder,” said Hulla-Meyer, who just had her second baby and is breastfeeding again. It’s painful this time, but nothing like it was with her first. And experiencing the difference between some discomfort and pain with a capital “p” has helped her let go of the residual guilt she felt after stopping short of her breastfeeding goals with her eldest.

“Back then, I felt like something was wrong with my body, or maybe if I just gave it more time,” Hulla-Meyer said. “But now I’m like, no. It really f**king hurt.”

-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.

from http://ift.tt/2plE1rG from Blogger http://ift.tt/2pj0HqA

[imreviewblog]

Why Aren't Moms Warned About How Painful Early Breastfeeding Can Be?

Before she gave birth to her first baby four years ago, Carolyn Hulla-Meyer was excited to breastfeed, but she was quickly surprised by how painful it was—a stinging, burning feeling the nurses reassured her would lessen with practice.

It did not.

By the time Hulla-Meyer, 32, got home from the hospital, her nipples were cracked and bloody. She saw a lactation consultant who helped with her baby’s latch and suggested nipple shields. They helped some, but not enough for Hulla-Meyer to continue breastfeeding past three months.

“I was kind of like, ‘Whoa, whoa, whoa. I thought this was supposed to be a special time,’” she recalled. “This hurts.”

Data certainly suggests that early breastfeeding pain, like Hulla-Meyer’s, is common. One survey from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention found that while 26 percent of moms had no pain on their first day breastfeeding, 3 percent were basically in agony. One week in, only 3 percent of moms said they were pain-free whereas 5 percent described it as the “worst possible pain”—and the rest fell somewhere in the middle. Surveys also show that general pain and cracked, bleeding nipples are among the top reasons women stop breastfeeding in the first few months—trailing only behind fears about not having enough milk and latch problems. 

When my own son was born two years ago, I struggled enormously at the start. Despite seeing two different lactation consultants in the hospital and dragging myself to several breastfeeding classes, I effectively had two open wounds for nipples by the time I left the hospital. I spent the first weeks of my son’s life walking around shirtless because I couldn’t stand anything touching my skin, dipping my nipples into a salt solution to try and stave off an infection (I still got one) and quietly sobbing through feedings hoping that no one would notice how unglued I’d become. I saw more lactation consultants, went to support groups and read like a fiend, but nowhere did I find anything that seemed to speak to what I was going through. Resources like Kellymom and La Leche League, which were lifelines to me in so many other ways, talked about early breastfeeding “soreness” or “short-term discomfort,” not “a tiny-person-will-chow-down-on-your-bleeding-cuts-for-hours-on-end-and-it-will-hurt-more-than-unmedicated-labor” misery. Was this something other new moms endured through some kind of stoicism or magic that I lacked?

“I felt like, ‘Maybe I’m just being crazy,’” echoed Kerstin Picht, 33. (Picht is HuffPost’s Director of Editorial Partnerships, proving I didn’t have to go far to find other moms who also struggled early on.)

“I think I have a high tolerance for pain,” Picht said, “so I remember thinking, ‘This can’t be normal…but maybe it is?” Early on, her nipples cracked and bled so much that her first baby—whom she described as a “happy spitter”—would frequently spit up blood. Before feedings, her whole body tensed up.

But Picht was committed to breastfeeding, so she met with a lactation consultant several times and regularly attended a local support group. Eventually, the pain faded and Picht was never offered a definitive explanation for why things had hurt so much at first. It was only after she gave birth to her second child—with whom breastfeeding simply clicked—that she grasped just how significant her pain had been.

“With my daughter, I was so prepared for it to be terrible. She was latched on 15 minutes after being born and it was a little uncomfortable in the first week, but it was just a completely different experience,” she said. “Part of me wonders if I lost some sensitivity, and I think it helped that I kind of knew what I was doing. I also think a lot of it comes down to the baby, and their skills.”

Telling women breastfeeding isn’t supposed to hurt might come from a good place, but that message felt invalidating as hell when I was in the thick of it.

Of course, in many cases there are obvious reasons for a woman’s pain—with relatively clear fixes. Issues with the baby’s latch are the big one, and they’re a major reason why clinical support—particularly with an international board certified lactation consultant (IBCLC) or a doctor with a subspecialty in breastfeeding—is essential. Experts can spend time watching and working with moms and babies, suggest changes and help diagnose any number of possible issues including anatomical problems, like tongue- and lip-ties, that can cause the kind of nipple trauma that makes women’s toes actually curl during feedings.

Monica McKay, 34, had no pain at all while breastfeeding her first child, but nursing her second baby was extremely painful—to the point that she switched to exclusive pumping three weeks in because she simply could not stand it anymore. After that experience, she met with a lactation consultant while still pregnant with her third and made plans to see her after she was released from the hospital. The consultant—who wore a headlamp so she could closely inspect the baby while feeding—suspected a lip- and tongue-tie and referred McKay to a specialist, who was an hour-and-half’s drive away.

“They did do a procedure to release a lip- and tongue-tie,” McKay said. “Almost immediately, there was no pain and we’ve been able to continue on and things have been much more comfortable since then.” But the key part of McKay’s success story is that she was able to see a lactation consultant who helped her find a solution, something many moms are unable to do because it costs too much (even though under the Affordable Care Act, insurers must provide breastfeeding counseling) or because they’re not even aware it is an option.

Kate DiMarco Ruck also dealt with a tongue-tie when her first was born nine years ago. “It was really tight, and it was just unbearable,” she said of breastfeeding in the early days after her son’s birth. “Everyone said ‘Yes, there’s pain. And yes, eventually it goes away.’ And this didn’t go away. I was sore and bruised and bloody.” She eventually sought help for her son’s tongue-tie, but still felt residual pain after it was snipped. With her second, she was prepared to look for a tongue-tie and see a lactation consultant right away. DiMarco Ruck is now finishing up her training to be a lactation consultant herself so she can help moms in similar situations.

But sometimes the message that moms should not have to live with breastfeeding pain gets translated in breastfeeding support groups and literature as “breastfeeding shouldn’t hurt.” (Heck, they’re words I wrote myself before becoming a mom.) And that is not a message that necessarily helps anyone. Not only does it isolate moms who are struggling early on and make them feel like they’re failing at breastfeeding ― something so many women feel enormous societal pressure to ace ― it eliminates all nuance. Telling women breastfeeding isn’t supposed to hurt might come from a good place, but that message felt invalidating as hell when I was in the thick of it.

“I think that, and I’m trying to think about how to say this carefully, but sometimes the dynamic around breastfeeding advocacy versus breastfeeding support gets tangled up,” said Dr. Allison Stuebe, a maternal-fetal medicine physician and medical director of lactation services at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, adding that both breastfeeding advocates and people who practice clinical medicine can be guilty of this.

“If you don’t tell people it might hurt and it does, they think ‘Well, there must be something wrong with me,’” Stuebe added. “I’m a strong believer that we shouldn’t sugarcoat motherhood.”

And really, if the goal is to help more moms reach their breastfeeding goals, wouldn’t greater transparency about the potential pain help? Not to scare women—because again, for so many women it is pain-free, if not even blissful right from the start—but to validate the experiences of those moms who are really struggling. One of the few times I felt like a non-lunatic early on was at my six-week postpartum checkup with my midwife who, upon seeing nipples (which were finally starting to heal) grabbed my arm to show me the chills spreading over hers. Thirty years later, she viscerally remembered her own early breastfeeding pain. “No one understands, right?” she asked. I wanted to simultaneously French kiss her and scream, “No they do not!”

If you don't tell people it might hurt and it does, they think 'Well, there must be something wrong with me.' Dr. Allison Stuebe

It is also worth noting that there is good evidence that doctors generally have a tendency to discount women’s pain as emotional. Stuebe said there has not been any research looking at perceptions of breastfeeding pain specifically, but it’s easy to wonder if that is not one possible factor here. After all, who is more emotional than a hormonal, sleep-deprived mother of an new baby?

That is the challenge with something as dynamic as breastfeeding—there are no easy answers, and not nearly enough support. Though I was lucky enough to be in a position to see a truly wonderful IBCLC and other experts, I ultimately never got a really solid answer about the source of my pain. My son’s latch looked good. He was checked, multiple times, for lip- and tongue-ties. The consensus was that we just had a hard time finding our footing in the first few days, which led to nipple trauma that took a long time to bounce back from because he was a big, hungry guy who liked to eat. We pushed through and grew to have a pretty lovely time of it together.

But it’s still so easy to transport myself back to that time, and I try to be very open with other mothers in my life about what I went through in case any of them are also feeling alone in their pain. It hurt so much. And though I knew I shouldn’t, I felt ashamed that I couldn’t hack it.

“Sometimes I feel like I should have pushed a little harder,” said Hulla-Meyer, who just had her second baby and is breastfeeding again. It’s painful this time, but nothing like it was with her first. And experiencing the difference between some discomfort and pain with a capital “p” has helped her let go of the residual guilt she felt after stopping short of her breastfeeding goals with her eldest.

“Back then, I felt like something was wrong with my body, or maybe if I just gave it more time,” Hulla-Meyer said. “But now I’m like, no. It really f**king hurt.”

-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.

from Healthy Living - The Huffington Post http://huff.to/2owyxev

[ourlittledinosaur]

Lip Ties, Tongue Ties, and Breastfeeding

New Post has been published on http://ourlittledinosaur.com/lip-ties-tongue-ties-and-breastfeeding/

Lip Ties, Tongue Ties, and Breastfeeding

My Experience with Lip and Tongue Ties

My son had trouble from the beginning latching on to breastfeed. When my milk came in three days after he was born, he was really struggling because my breasts were so full. (That can be difficult for any newborn even without ties).

I had a lactation consultant out and she watched us through the feeding and gave us some tips and gave us an A+. I guess because I had studied so much, I must have been compensating for any issues that were happening, because the outward perception was we were doing great.

By day five, I knew we were having a problem because he was hungry and frustrated but he wouldn’t eat. The LC had mentioned a possible lip tie, but I didn’t know what that was so it didn’t click for me that he had a birth defect. I just thought I wasn’t doing something right. On top of that, my nipples hurt. They were cracked and bleeding. (To read about those first days breastfeeding my son, click here.)

We went in for his check ups and he wasn’t gaining weight at all, so we started supplementing and went back to the LC. Now that he was a little older she said the tie wasn’t stretching and recommended we have it released. His tongue also looked fine, but as we found out at the pediatric dentist, he had a posterior tongue tie in addition to the lip tie.

When my son was just three weeks old we had both his lip tie and tongue tie revised with a surgery called a frenectomy.

What are Tongue Ties and How Do They Affect Breastfeeding?

I didn’t know anything about ties, so hopefully this will enlighten any of our readers. Basically, all over our bodies we have various frenulum, which is a small fold of tissue that prevents an organ in the body from moving too far. This tissue in my son’s upper lip and under his tongue were too restrictive, and both can cause problems with feeding, especially breastfeeding, (although it can cause issues with bottle feeding as well).

A tongue tie hinders the up-and-down motion of the tongue, which affects breastfeeding in that it is directly linked to low milk supply because there is not enough milk extracted from the breast.

With a posterior tongue-tie, the tongue does not extend over the gum, which causes the tongue to chew, or as I like to call it, “chomp” on the nipple.

How Do Lip Ties Affect Breastfeeding?

With a lip tie, the baby is unable to latch effectively. This is because the lip is hindered from flanging outward during a feeding. The mouth is unable to open wide and a smaller mouth opening means a shallower latch. So all the pain I was feeling was a combination of the tongue chewing on my nipple and my son sliding his latch down to just nurse on the nipple.

When breastfeeding correctly, you want a deep latch that includes the areola as well as the nipple. The lips form a much more effective seal when it is formed with the mucous membrane inside the lip, rather than the dry part of the outward lip. (This latch is correct, and thus pain-free!)

These ties were causing pain for me and beginning to cause me to have low milk supply because my son wasn’t able to latch properly or extract enough milk. In turn, this caused him to not gain weight and get labeled FTT.

Surgery to Release the Ties

The out-patient surgery, (or surgeries I should say), were very quick. Of course, before the surgery I was extremely emotional (being just three weeks postpartum, plus all we had been through with his sluggish weight gain and the crazy feeding routine we were following to get him to gain). It was the first time our son had ever been out of sight of either my husband or me.

Our pediatric dentist was  recommended to us by my lactation consultant and he was such a kind and reassuring doctor. He was great with our tiny son and with us. When I inevitably started the waterworks, he said gently, “It’ll be OK mom.”

So they took my son into the other room and he had the laser surgery to remove both ties. It took less than 15 minutes. Due to the fact it was a laser surgery, there was no bleeding and very little inflammation. We were told we could give him Tylenol and use a numbing agent if needed. The only post-op care he needed, besides the mild pain relief, was very simple. We had to run our finger over the wounds both under his lip and under his tongue to keep the frenulum from reattaching.

We were also advised not to use coconut oil to aid in achieving a deeper latch, because it was such an effective healing agent.

Did Releasing the Ties Aid Breastfeeding?

The short answer is, yes. Some people see results right away and for others it takes time. We fell into the latter category. I believe that in those three weeks my son hadn’t been building the muscles he needed to breastfeed, so he had a lot of weaknesses in his mouth and jaw. We saw a speech pathologist to help strengthen these weaknesses. The release of both the lip and tongue tie, coupled with the help of the speech pathologist did lead to my son’s exclusively breastfeeding before he turned 3 months old.

Why Go Through All the Trouble to Breastfeed?

It was very important to both my husband and to me that I breastfeed my son. There are so many incredible benefits to breastfeeding a baby.

Also, lip and tongue ties can lead to other issues besides early feeding struggles, to include:

trouble with feeding an older baby or toddler solids,

speech challenges, and

dental problems.

So although breastfeeding was our main catalyst for having the ties released, we wanted to help our son avoid additional challenges later on as well.

For more information about the benefits of breastfeeding, read 15 Amazing Benefits of Breastfeeding.

Tell Us About Your Experience and Leave a Comment Below!

“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4: 6-7

Like this post? Help us and others by Sharing!

Share List

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Lip Ties, Tongue Ties, and Breastfeeding

New Post has been published on http://ourlittledinosaur.azurewebsites.net/lip-ties-tongue-ties-and-breastfeeding/

Lip Ties, Tongue Ties, and Breastfeeding

My Experience with Lip and Tongue Ties

My son had trouble from the beginning latching on to breastfeed. When my milk came in three days after he was born, he was really struggling because my breasts were so full. (That can be difficult for any newborn even without ties).

I had a lactation consultant out and she watched us through the feeding and gave us some tips and gave us an A+. I guess because I had studied so much, I must have been compensating for any issues that were happening, because the outward perception was we were doing great.

By day five, I knew we were having a problem because he was hungry and frustrated but he wouldn’t eat. The LC had mentioned a possible lip tie, but I didn’t know what that was so it didn’t click for me that he had a birth defect. I just thought I wasn’t doing something right. On top of that, my nipples hurt. They were cracked and bleeding. (To read about those first days breastfeeding my son, click here.)

We went in for his check ups and he wasn’t gaining weight at all, so we started supplementing and went back to the LC. Now that he was a little older she said the tie wasn’t stretching and recommended we have it released. His tongue also looked fine, but as we found out at the pediatric dentist, he had a posterior tongue tie in addition to the lip tie.

When my son was just three weeks old we had both his lip tie and tongue tie revised with a surgery called a frenectomy.

What are Tongue Ties and How Do They Affect Breastfeeding?

I didn’t know anything about ties, so hopefully this will enlighten any of our readers. Basically, all over our bodies we have various frenulum, which is a small fold of tissue that prevents an organ in the body from moving too far. This tissue in my son’s upper lip and under his tongue were too restrictive, and both can cause problems with feeding, especially breastfeeding, (although it can cause issues with bottle feeding as well).

A tongue tie hinders the up-and-down motion of the tongue, which affects breastfeeding in that it is directly linked to low milk supply because there is not enough milk extracted from the breast.

With a posterior tongue-tie, the tongue does not extend over the gum, which causes the tongue to chew, or as I like to call it, “chomp” on the nipple.

How Do Lip Ties Affect Breastfeeding?

With a lip tie, the baby is unable to latch effectively. This is because the lip is hindered from flanging outward during a feeding. The mouth is unable to open wide and a smaller mouth opening means a shallower latch. So all the pain I was feeling was a combination of the tongue chewing on my nipple and my son sliding his latch down to just nurse on the nipple.

When breastfeeding correctly, you want a deep latch that includes the areola as well as the nipple. The lips form a much more effective seal when it is formed with the mucous membrane inside the lip, rather than the dry part of the outward lip. (This latch is correct, and thus pain-free!)

These ties were causing pain for me and beginning to cause me to have low milk supply because my son wasn’t able to latch properly or extract enough milk. In turn, this caused him to not gain weight and get labeled FTT.

Surgery to Release the Ties

The out-patient surgery, (or surgeries I should say), were very quick. Of course, before the surgery I was extremely emotional (being just three weeks postpartum, plus all we had been through with his sluggish weight gain and the crazy feeding routine we were following to get him to gain). It was the first time our son had ever been out of sight of either my husband or me.

Our pediatric dentist was  recommended to us by my lactation consultant and he was such a kind and reassuring doctor. He was great with our tiny son and with us. When I inevitably started the waterworks, he said gently, “It’ll be OK mom.”

So they took my son into the other room and he had the laser surgery to remove both ties. It took less than 15 minutes. Due to the fact it was a laser surgery, there was no bleeding and very little inflammation. We were told we could give him Tylenol and use a numbing agent if needed. The only post-op care he needed, besides the mild pain relief, was very simple. We had to run our finger over the wounds both under his lip and under his tongue to keep the frenulum from reattaching.

We were also advised not to use coconut oil to aid in achieving a deeper latch, because it was such an effective healing agent.

Did Releasing the Ties Aid Breastfeeding?

The short answer is, yes. Some people see results right away and for others it takes time. We fell into the latter category. I believe that in those three weeks my son hadn’t been building the muscles he needed to breastfeed, so he had a lot of weaknesses in his mouth and jaw. We saw a speech pathologist to help strengthen these weaknesses. The release of both the lip and tongue tie, coupled with the help of the speech pathologist did lead to my son’s exclusively breastfeeding before he turned 3 months old.

Why Go Through All the Trouble to Breastfeed?

It was very important to both my husband and to me that I breastfeed my son. There are so many incredible benefits to breastfeeding a baby.

Also, lip and tongue ties can lead to other issues besides early feeding struggles, to include:

trouble with feeding an older baby or toddler solids,

speech challenges, and

dental problems.

So although breastfeeding was our main catalyst for having the ties released, we wanted to help our son avoid additional challenges later on as well.

For more information about the benefits of breastfeeding, read 15 Amazing Benefits of Breastfeeding.

Tell Us About Your Experience and Leave a Comment Below!

“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4: 6-7

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