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suitofvibraniumarmor · 4 years

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Headstrong

Part Six

Summary: After a health scare in Los Angeles, Haven tries to make amends. Pairing: Bucky Barnes x OFC Word Count: 1865 Warnings: Post-brain injury symptoms, language. A/N: Taglist is open, you can be added to the one for this fic or Buckvember simply by sending an ask. I don’t know a whole lot about how boxing standings work, so just know that any errors are unintentional and everything is for the sake of the story. Happy Reading!

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Another concussion, the doctors in Los Angeles had concluded. Haven had indeed taken a risk, going into that fight still suffering symptoms from her head injury after the car accident. The neurologist in the ER gave her a very stern lecture on taking these sort of risks with her life, and ordered off fighting for another month, to allow her head time to heal. Running was fine, as was light weight training, as long as she didn’t push herself, but sparring or another fight was out of the question.

A few days later, Haven woke up in her own bed, feeling awful. It had nothing to do with her physical state, despite the headache still plaguing her. The awful feeling stemmed from a lot of guilt she felt over not telling Bucky sooner. The relief in his expression and carriage had been undeniable when the doctor had told them the diagnosis wasn’t life threatening. After that, he hadn’t spoken to her. Hell, he would hardly even look at her.

Since they returned home the day after the fight, Haven had called Bucky three times, but he hadn’t returned her calls. She couldn’t blame him for that. If her condition had turned out to be worse, a lot of people would have placed blame on him … the fault was all her own.

Meandering down to the kitchen, she drank down a glass of water before pouring herself a cup of coffee. Wes was at the kitchen table on his laptop and bid her a quiet good morning.

“I’ve been thinking,” Wes continued, “that jump off the cliff — was that really a stress-reliever, or was that an impulse-control issue because of brain damage?”

Haven shrugged and sunk to one of the chairs. “Maybe some of both. The doctors said I’ll be fine, though, so no need to worry. I just need to keep an eye on things. Not put so much pressure on myself when fights come up. Take this month to take really heal, all of that.”

Wes went back to his work on the computer for a couple of minutes before interrupting the silence again. “He was really worried about you, you know.”

“Who was?”

“Bucky,” Wes answered, rolling his eyes. “Who else could I mean?”

“The doctor?”

Wes shook his head. “You’re so dumb sometimes. I should have them check your head again. Yes, Bucky was really worried about you. He was angry, but I think it’s only because he was so worried. You know?”

Haven chewed on her bottom lip and chipped away at the fading glaze on her coffee cup. “He won’t return my calls. We’re supposed to start training again tomorrow — the things I can do — and I don’t even know if I have a coach or not. Damn it, I should have told him. I was being so … so …”

“Stubborn,” Wes supplied. “Stubborn would be the word you were looking for. And, by the way, you dragged me into it, thanks. I’m not going to lie for you again. The thing is — never mind that. It’s not my point. My point is, Haven, Bucky was really worried about you. More than I would expect him to be.”

Haven frowned. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know there was a limit to which people could worry about other people.”

“I’m being serious so quit being a brat. What’s going on with you and Barnes?”

“Nothing is going on with me and Barnes. I crossed that line with Rum, I’m damn sure not going to cross it again. That was a catastrophe of epic proportions, and, quite frankly, almost cost me my life — and, let’s not even bring my career into it.”

Wes closed his laptop and rubbed his hands into his eyes. “Rum’s an irresponsible, selfish, manipulative asshole. If you ask me, he saw you coming and took advantage of it. Bucky isn’t like that. He wants what’s best for you, he understands you, you guys work well together. He doesn’t train you, he trains with you. Brock was using you to make a name for himself and to take all the credit. Bucky doesn’t do that — he’s here for you.” He leaned back in the chair. “I’ve watched the two of you since he started coming around. There's a tension you both have that goes away when you're together.”

Haven sipped at her coffee but didn’t say anything for a few minutes. Knowing her brother the way she did, she knew he wasn’t telling her to hurry out and date Bucky or ask him out — he simply wanted her to consider Bucky as an option. She reached her fingers up to her lips, remembering their kiss in the ocean.

“Right now, I just need to know if I still have a coach,” she finally commented, getting up to put her coffee cup in the sink, “and if he won’t answer my calls, I’ll just go to him.”

Bucky was running late for Steve and Charlotte’s get-together. He may have already know what they were going to announce, but it was important to him that he be there, especially after the conversation with Steve the previous week. He was trying to be a better friend than he had been after the cancer diagnosis.

“Wallet, phone, keys,” he muttered to himself as he made sure he had each item before opening his apartment door. He didn’t expect Haven to be standing there, hand poised to knock. He took a step back from the surprise. “Haven.”

“Hey,” she greeted, blushing and hesitant, “I’m sorry to barge in on you uninvited and unannounced, but you weren’t answering my phone calls. I know you’re mad, Buck, but I —”

“Listen, I don’t mean to interrupt you, but I’m on my way to an important thing. Kind of a family thing, actually.”

Haven shoved her hands in her pockets. “Oh, right. I’m sorry. I’ll just … well, call me later then. Please.”

She turned to go but Bucky called her name. He closed the apartment door behind him and locked it before motioning in the opposite direction she had been walking.

“You wanna go with me?”

Haven shrugged. “Haven’t I intruded enough for one day?”

“No,” Bucky chuckled, “you haven’t. C’mon. It’ll be okay.”

He held his hand out to her and, after another few seconds of hesitation, Haven took it, following him out of the apartment building and down to his car. She buckled herself into the passenger seat and waited patiently while he got the car started and navigated into traffic.

“So, uh, where are we going, exactly? You said a family thing?”

Bucky checked traffic at a stop sign before crossing the intersection. “More or less. My best friend Steven and his wife Charlotte are making a big announcement today to our close friend group.”

Haven gnawed on her bottom lip, wincing when she hit a sore spot. “Maybe this isn’t the kind of thing you bring … company for.”

“It’ll be fine,” Bucky assured. “How’s your head?”

“Fine,” she nodded. “No problems since we got home. I’m sorry, Coach, that I didn’t tell you about the head stuff to begin with. That wasn’t fair. I was just so ready mentally to get back in the ring, I didn’t care about the risks.”

Bucky drew in a breath. “First of all, how about we drop the coach title unless we’re training or something like that. I know you don’t want to cross personal lines, but we’ve kissed once —”

“And you’ve seen me naked,” Haven couldn’t help but giggle, her own attempt to lighten the situation a little.

Bucky laughed with her, taking his eyes off the road long enough to see her smile. “And I’ve seen you naked, yes. So can we drop the title when we’re not doing boxing things?”

“I’ll try.”

“Fair enough,” he ceded. “Second, yes, you should have told me. I don’t care about it for my sake though, I care about it for yours. I don’t want to see you get hurt. Besides watching you dive off a cliff, not finding out about a potential head injury after you took headshots — that was one of the scariest moments in my life, Haven.” He took an exit off the highway, into a nice neighborhood. “I’m not Rumlow, I won’t use things against you. You don’t have to hide things from me.”

Haven looked out the passenger side window as rows of houses passed them by. “It isn’t easy to trust people after something like that.”

Bucky pulled up to a modest, cozy home. Several cars were already parked in the drive and in front of the house. Haven cleared her throat and unbuckled her seatbelt.

“You’re sure they’re gonna be okay with me being here?” she asked him.

Bucky caressed her cheek with his thumb. “You can trust me, Haven. They’re going to love you.”

From the panic in her expression, Bucky would have expected her hand reaching up to push his away from her, but instead, she held tight to his hand.

“Promise?”

“Which part?”

She swallowed hard. “All of it.”

Maybe it was another risk, but Bucky took it: he pressed a soft kiss to her lips before answering her in a low, husky voice.

“I promise.”

All of Bucky’s friends were welcoming and happy to meet Haven. Though they did ask some questions about the fight and her boxing career, most of the conversation centered around everyday chitchat, which, surprisingly, Haven was grateful for.

When Steve and Charlotte announced they had a baby on the way, the whole friend group was excited, and Haven found herself excited for them, too. Bucky’s smile was quiet, so she nudged him lightly with her elbow.

“Did you know about this?”

Bucky grinned mischievously. “They told me last week. I’m the best friend! Wanna know a secret?” Haven nodded, so Bucky leaned over to whisper in her ear. “If it’s a boy, they're gonna name it James.”

She ignored the shiver down her spine. “Is that a family name?”

Bucky saluted her. “James Buchanan Barnes at your service, Ms. Cleveland.”

“Oh!” Haven giggled, realizing it had never occurred to her that Bucky was a nickname. “Well, that’s an honor.”

“It is,” Bucky returned.

The group returned to chitchat, though this time it was mostly baby-related. Haven felt good, being part of a friend group again where she wasn’t pressured to be a boxing star. Wasn't pressured to be Brock Rumlow’s perfect trophy girlfriend. Wasn’t pressured to be anyone other than herself.

She was standing on Bucky’s left side and, mostly without thinking, she laced her fingers through his. However the prosthetic worked, Bucky’s vibranium fingers curled around hers before his eyes snapped toward her. Haven let go of his hand and apologized.

“I just … I don’t know. I’m sorry.”

Bucky took her hand again. “First time anyone’s willingly touched it besides me and the doctors.”

Haven nodded her understanding and pushed her fingers through his again. She re-joined the conversation as though she and Bucky held hands all the time, ignorant of the warm way he stared at her for several more seconds before Steve called for his attention again.

Buckvember: @peace-love-hobbitness @disastersoldierbucky @connie326 @rebekahdawkins @wonder-cole @shynara51

Headstrong: @disastersoldierbucky @captain-s-rogers @amanda-teaches @star-spangled-man-with-a-plan @tanelle83 @tellmewhatyouwill @capandbuckylvr @pinknerdpanda @ntlmundy @siggy85 @itsallyscorner @m-blasterrr @just-the-hiddles

#bucky barnes #fanfiction #bucky barnes x ofc #boxer!bucky #buckvember

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currentfandomkick · 5 years

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Miraculous Team and the Batboys- Mundane Monday and Plot is Connecting Maybe

HEY so thank you all for waiting, puppy plus work being mobbed is hell, so this took forever to get brain power to write... oh well.

Marinette was on guard when she came into class. Her meeting of the “End Gabriel Agreste” Club with its core four members—herself, Chloe, Nino and Sabrina—went well. They were now 15% away from their goal.

Apparently Felix snatched up 3% on his own and gave it to MDC while she was away. Apparently it was his way of a peace offering… or a bribe not to kill him on sight. She wasn’t sure which… yet.

Properly awake and with her favorite drink (blend of dark roast, cream and a tiny bit of Energy Mayhem Special) she was good for the day. Everyone had their usual orders in their seats.

She raised an eyebrow when she noticed a text from Red Robin on her phone, currently a rose and bird emoji label.

RR: So, scale of one to ten, how bad is it if I accidently figured out your partner?

Marinette took a deep breath at that, checked the classroom (Nino was off with Kitty Section debating how to fix the ‘off’ bit of the rift in Rose’s latest song—something about it not ‘punching right’ and Luka being busy with his other band, Chloe and Sabrina were currently fighting Bustier in her office, Alya was conspiring with the Girl Squad on Lila’s end since she wasn’t in, Max and Kim were obviously eavesdropping on that conversation while Nathaniel was off in his own world). Damian still hadn’t come in, and Adrien wasn’t in yet… she wondered if her Chaton was going to sleep in for once.

LB: Please tell me you haven’t told your team

She kept her breathing steady, not letting panic overtake. That would alert people she didn’t want knowing, to looking, which leads to suspecting and rumors and theories and she’d like to avoid that entirely—especially since she still can’t really lie.

RR: I have a feeling you would kick us all out if I did, so I haven’t.

Marinette sighed, tension leaving her shoulders.

LB: Good. Keep it that way as long as you can, okay?

RR: They’re detectives, once they have the pieces they’ll put it together… also, why is your team so easy to figure out?

Marinette winced at that.

LB: Dumb Magic Rules.

Like the one that training a wielder young will prevent corrupting them to use it for personal gain. Like the one where a Guardian cannot be a True Guardian until they connect to the entire Box or Set of kwami. Like the one where Fu can’t give up being Guardian until she’s fully fledged… and that means until she can reclaim the Nooroo and Dusuu and heal Dusuu’s miraculous. That when she does—when she does Fu is gone.

She kept her breathing steady. nothing that they wouldn’t see as Typical Marinette Fretting Over Orders… not that they knew she had those cleared for the month.

“Good morning Dupain Cheng.”

She put her phone away easily, quick to keep up Typical Marinette (no plotting or superheroing here, just Typical Marinette, Baker’s Daughter and Keeper of Secret Drink Menu).

“Hi Damian, how was your weekend?”

“Annoying.” She winced at that. He didn’t exactly have friends here, and time differences are a horrible strain on them… Maybe Ladybug should keep an eye on him… just in case. “I hope yours was adequate.”

She was really wondering who taught him French today… he was being less him and more… stuffy than usual.

“I just needed some time away...” Honestly, she needed a lifetime away from Bustier and Hawkmoth… Lila was manageable (now).

“I am glad you were able to then.”

She was wondering where her deskmate went and why he wasn’t looking at her… Maybe she overdid it last week? She—no. She is stopping her analysis brain from going off and---

“Hello Marinette,” grinned obviously Not-Adrien. Seriously—how did they all fall for it back then? Body language, facial tics, accent—its all wrong.

She narrowed her eyes, not aware that Damian was doing the same beside her.

“Aw, didn’t you miss me?”

Nino came over then, scrunching up his nose as they both could tell Fake Adrien Agreste from the real one with ease now.

“What are you doing here,” Nino was definitely tired… He was not applying his sleep schedule quiz results at all. She was so lecturing him… lunch. She could pencil it in for lunch after wrecking Felix for taking Adrien’s place for the day.

“Oh, good to see I-Love-You Girl isn’t the only one that grew a brain since I last saw you all.” Felix raised an eyebrow at Damian, lingering. Plotting. “You’re new.”

“American Transfer, leave him out of whatever’s going on in that thing you call a brain.” Marinette was not going to deal with an akuma over this. Nope. She was not dealing with that again—or a series of Akuma… God she was going to kill Felix personally if he did. Chloe was untouchable as the Mayor’s daughter, but him? She could take him down again.

“And where’s my bro?”

“Your precious Ladybug,” He sneered, “didn’t cast whatever she did last time, and he’s home sick since his allergies are acting up. I figured it’d be as good a time as any to pull our old switcheroo to keep his Father-Farthest away.”

Marinette twitched at that. She knew she was forgetting something… She sent a quick text to Red Robin.

LB: Why didn’t you tell me it was Mr. Pigeon irl, not video!

RR: …you thought I figured it out from a video?

Marinette rolled her eyes openly at her phone, ignoring Nino as he threatened Felix with his own brand of Bro Shovel Speech.

LB: detectives, most of our battles are caught a decent amount on video, and most of Paris knows that Mr. Pigeon makes him sneeze. Really not a hard recon.

RR: I think you are overestimating my willingness to watch amateur video at length when I can outsource.

Marinette huffed at that.

LB: So you trusted them to not miss major clues when you were all working on different things and would miss key connections?

RR: we’re on the same page as a team. Plus, I get better info filtered with my apps

LB: Magic Fucks Things Up

RR: I’ve noticed.

She looked up to see Damian staring ahead, and wondered if she did something, or didn’t or—NO! Bad Marinette—no going down Rumination Ruin until its time to sleep. She needs daytime for Plotting, Nighttime for Anxiety and Regrets to run wild.

She kept her attention forward when class began, pointedly Not Talking To The Gremlin but not busting him either—she wasn’t going to get Adrien in trouble. Bustier may not notice the abuse signs, but a few other teachers had, and were given the ‘heads up’ by Nino and Chloe and Sabrina.

Lila was the only one unaware of the switch when she left during lunch to drop off a few deliveries her parents asked her to handle when the rush hit. Mostly to one elderly home, and one to her favorite Rescues Only center.

(if she was seen cooing at Lord Murder—yes she knows that’s a Bad Name but the giant kitty amputee was named that years ago before she was found and stubbornly refuses all other names. So, Lord Murder (Never Lady, she hisses at that) it was.)

She blinked when she saw Damian walk in on her checking the Lord Murder’s prosthetic.

“Hey Damian.”

“Dupain Cheng.”

Marinette nodded in acknowledgement and hoped he didn’t catch her calling Lord Murder “the lord and master of murder, the most deadly kitty in existence, and yes, clearly the most cunning of kitties to manage to scratch Mean ol’ Jean with the new paw when it doesn’t even have claws, because you are The Lord Murder, kitty of cuteness and wrath to all unwanted bath times.”

He was watching her then. “Lord likes you.”

Marinette raised an eyebrow, as yes, her favorite rescue (sorry Chat) likes her. She’s the one who argued them into letting them try out prosthetics and handled the funding (officially as MDC) and may have gone overboard on checking everything from the fits and materials and… yeah, okay, she could admit that the giant fluffy Norwegian Forest home in a millisecond if it wasn’t for the health code violation (soon… Gina mentioned she might stop renting out her old house soon as the current group was only a quick temp and she didn’t want someone else living there that wasn’t like family… and something about her Lost Son using it for the moment. Maybe she could convince Maman and Papa to let her do house sitting is she breaks out the Kitten Eyes.)

“Yes. Yes she does.”

Then Lord slow blinked at Damian. She wasn’t sure if she sould be offended or worry her favorite might be adopted by someone else, or glad that it was a serial pet adopter that actually took care of their pets and would be just as nuts as her about making sure Lord Murder was happy and healthy.

“I see she likes you too.”

She could feel Tikki dying in her bag… yes, she was being… awkward. She got it…

“Anyways, I should get going, still have a delivery to do and all so…”

She didn’t, she just really had no idea how to broach the Awkward that was Damian Greyson at the moment.

“See you tomorrow.”

That got him to pause. “Tomorrow?”

“Uh, gymnastics for the rest of the day, making up for what I missed so…”

“If you see the Other Grayson, tell him he is not to hug you.”

Marinette raised an eyebrow. “I…” Brother, father, maybe cousin or legal guardian or friend of his father’s. Too many possibilities, too much to spiral on that she can’t right now. SO.

“O. okay then.”

“Good.”

Marinette waited for him to leave the room, looking at a Too Amused Lord Murder.

“Don’t you start with me, I know I’m a mess on a good day. And no, I’m not overthinking this time Lord, I’m planning, there’s a difference… And no, its not an Alya Plot.”

Those went sideways too fast.

She left with ease and froze at the text from Red Robin.

RR: Can we meet up tonight? No traces that way.

She sent a time and place and –If no akumas happen.

THANK YOU ALL FOR WAITING. it has been a hellish time at work and extra shifts and war-zone lately on top of Precious Puppy Bonding and Care. As always, edits when I can get there and any comments or things you'd like to see expanded on more, leave a comment and I'll try to work it in if it flows.

As you can see, Plot Lines are converging soon.

Big Question though--what kind of Lila Exposed By Class do we want/are angling for? I can go legal or social backlash, blacklisting from Agreste brand, or some combo, or keep it a background element as I don't like how cannon Lila is written and the characters altered to make her bad lies work, so...

Other inquiry--do we want Dick to see Marinette take down someone (probably trying to rob her) on her way out of her gymnastics place on her way home using a few Obviously MIxed Gymnastics and Specific Brand of Martial Arts that feels oddly familiar to Nightwing who tells Red Robin and for him to groan as 'Coffee Angel, Why!' and then the next day its 'oh. Coffee Angel is also That Woman's Granddaughter. It all makes Sense now.' (as i hc Gina as probably busting a few drug, weapons, and human trafficking rings on occasion as how she met Jason back in the day) OR for him to only see the end as Nightwing and stare as she took them down and used her earbuds as 'makeshift handcuffs' while she's calling Sabrina as "I'm fine, no dodged their hits and yes i didn't get gassed this time... yes I'll let the medics look me over and no i'm not going to vanish before they get here unless Akuma, Yes if that happens i'll go to the hospital after--Look, i think i saw a shadow just move. I'm going on Akuma-mode now so... Thanks!" before running to meet up with Red Robin and have it take meeting Gina and looking between Gina and Marinette and how she responds to Jason trying to spar with her and then it clicks? I can go either way, but... Tim figures them out quick and straight up says at one point "I mean, Queen Bee after Style Queen, inverse colors... I've seen the multiverse, I had her pegged after seeing her in the bakery last week." All while Not Telling The Bats as Marinette's team doesn't even know and he has a feeling (correctly) she'll react Badly if she isn't the one to tell him before he comes clean, and ears her bolting as 'no support, team leader, and often absentee and likely disabled mentor, civilian life was a wreck for two years and her civilian safety net is only JUST reforming... hm. That's Famil--Oh.... well... wait until trust is there and let her move on that front, try not to set her off and offer help in what she'll allow--or risk pissing off the demi-goddess of creation and his Coffee Angel. Which he'd like to avoid, please and thank you.

Yeah, Tim is definitely going to Project on Marinette in this.

Also, I see Jason or Dick as Getting Marinette is InvolvedTM next... and Damian being the one to confirm the suspicions.

Prefer Jason Big Brothering or Dick "New Sister Mode Engaged" to suspect she's a temp hero? (Jason via Have You Seen Her in a Spar--and it's Gina's Granddaughter vs Dick 'Her Moves are Too Familiar, Maybe Ladybug uses her as a Body Double and trains her?' as the first Suspicion Arisen among the Bats.

#maribat #daminette idea au #miraculous team and batboys #my writing #my writings #how do you tag #long post

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southwindscoffee · 4 years

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inspiration, overwhelm, patience

The RWA conference is going on right now. I’ve never attended before, and I’m appreciating how much work went into it, especially given the challenge of holding such a large and involved event online. Kudos to everyone involved.

Since yesterday, I’ve been listening to online presentations by romance authors and hearing all sorts of good information on writing, marketing, agents, and so on.

Too much good information, honestly.

And I’m getting anxious. It’s info-overload.

I feel like I need to redesign my website, send out a newsletter, and write a whole new series all at once. Or I should have done it already. Where’s that high concept I want?

And—

I just crashed.

I do this. Do you? Do you get a surge of inspiration, get revving to go, then look around and think, How on earth am I going to get there from here? I have so much to do! Too much.

So.

Here’s blog post to process all these ideas. All this inspiration.

A blog post on patience. On centering. On focus.

On what do I do when I have too many ideas. Those times, like right now, when I’m trying to listen to a webcast on plotting, read a book on craft, write a romance book, listen to music that inspires a different book, buy a new refrigerator (or answer my husband’s questions about so doing) and fix lunch all at the same time.

What do I do?

I scream.

Then—

I stop.

I just stop.

And I go back to the basics. I turn off the noise. I can’t focus on all this media at once. I can only do one thing at a time, perhaps to background music.

Then, I focus on what’s most important. Julia Cameron says, “As artists, we do much better trying to keep things simple.”

Keep things simple. That means I need to focus on the most important thing.

For me, writing is the most important thing (after basic health and safety and my family, obvs).

I have to remember to “get my reps in,” as James Clear says. Action, not motion, cures anxiety.

In other words, the only thing that cures my writing anxiety is physically writing. I need to take action. Get words down on paper. Pull out the laptop or piece of paper and start pouring my brain out on the screen or notebook. Moving my fingers. Getting my ink out of my pen.

Action in this instance does not mean the following: thinking about plot, reading books on writing, attending lectures on how to market, or reading other people’s books or watching movies to analyze structure. Those are all important, but if I’m overwhelmed, they don’t help me.

I need the patience to know I’ll get to all of those. That I can do everything. Just not at once. To get the patience, I write down my notes on how to improve my website, my newsletter, my search for an agent and set them aside with the knowledge that I will get to them if they are important. (Thank you, David Allen for strategies on getting things done.)

Instead, all I can do to stop being so overwhelmed is to focus on writing, which is the only thing I need to do. The thing on which everything else stands.

The thing that cures my anxiety.

“Not working is what makes an artist crazy.” Again, Julia Cameron comes to my rescue today. “There is dignity in work.” In other words, the solution is to focus on the writing.

(She also recommends comparing ourselves solely to ourselves. That soothes overwhelm, too. I can just turn inward and look at my own projects. I invite you to do so for yourself, too.)

So, in that vein: this is what I’m working on. I’m comparing myself to myself. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, I invite you to focus on yourself as well.

New Adult Novella: (Almost) completed project. I wrote a 40,000 word novella to be published February 3, 2021 (my husband’s birthday) in the All American Boy project. I have the cover and title and the draft done. It’s just being edited. The story is about two high school grads in a small Sonoma town who have been dancing around each other since Freshman year, secretly falling for each other. They finally have their first kiss and are about to go to being more than friends, when they’re stopped in their tracks. She has to choose between him and her dreams or her family that needs her. I really love these characters and what they go through to get to their love.

Contemporary romance/third book in the Love in Translation series (Penumbra): 100,000 words written. For the past two weeks I’ve been focusing on this book, trying to get it edited by the end of the month. It needs more time than that, but I’m not giving up on it because I love this story. This is an interracial couple, friends to lovers, hiking along the Camino de Santiago in Spain. It follows Sol and Sombra. This is my focus today.

Contemporary romance/The Lighthouse. This book I spent all year last year writing and trashed because it wasn’t good enough. I’ve rewritten half of it, and I like it now. It’s more like what I originally intended. I’m planning on spending half of next month polishing it up. This is about a movie star who crashes into the life of a Hollywood-hating, reclusive lighthouse keeper.

LGBTQ/Historical romance. A soul-deep passion project for me, a m/m book set in midcentury modern Palm Springs. Again, this one’s halfway done. The other half of next month is set aside to finish it.

Interim passion project to fill up the corners. This is the LGBTQ book that came to me fully plotted in the shower. That’s my reward for when I finish my writing goal for the day. This one’s m/m too.

That looks like a lot, but really, I’m focusing on one book at a time. And I have periods set aside to work on the three books that are the most done. Plus, a reward for finishing what I need to do.

That soothes anxiety.

But other projects lurk in the background calling to me. I have another m/m book I’m totally excited about and have written half of it. I’ll finish it after the above. I have a series of four contemporary romance books (starting with a single dad country singer) started. Oh, and a branch into Viking books and some nonfiction.

So, no wonder I’m feeling overwhelmed by attending RWA. I look at all these ideas and think, Christ, I already have my long and developed list of projects to work on that make me happy.

But I can face the inspiration I’m getting all weekend by taking notes, being patient with what I’m already doing, and trust that it all will work out.

I wish you your own inspiration. And patience. And fun.

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themedicalmanofmystery · 4 years

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Documentary

November of 2018 I decided that I wanted to return back to school/TAFE/Uni. I have spent a large part of my life trying to find a creative outlet for the ton of idea's that race around my brain daily and not having the means or the confidence to release that creativity. I mean this is before we are even talking about life and health issues getting in the way which eventually leads to a Doctor give me the name of the website and the documentary that is incoming. I had thought about and still think about dabbling with it all. I wanted to be a pro wrestler as I love the industry and its unique way in which melds physical storytelling with verbal and more traditional storytelling, these days because of my medical issues, I now think of how creatively or any other job bar being a wrestler I could get involved with wrestling. I even thought about being and still do think about being a stand up comic again for their unique way of storytelling and how they can make that humorous. I have thought about acting, voice acting, radio, audiobooks, making old school type radio shows, podcasting, heck I even wrote 5 hip hop songs, etc the lot you name it I have thought about it, dabbled a bit into it then for one reason or another be it health, cost, life or the fact that while I portray someone that is confident there is none their, while not worried what people think of me, I am worried about feeding them material. I decide that I want to go to university so I can do a film course as I want to be a director while waiting for offers, one of my medical issues come up and I end up in the hospital. I end up getting an offer come through that I had been accepted on a Thursday morning it stated that I had to enroll tomorrow and that classes started Monday, so I was already under the pump as I only had the weekend to recover and when I re-read my offer I discovered it was a course that wasn't for film and media it was digital technologies which are for graphic design, animation, and video editing. I thought about it for a while and saw it as a chance to develop some new skills and maybe find a passion or an interest in something that I didn't have before. I lasted to partway into the second semester when I made up my mind to leave and apply for the film course at another TAFE/University, I got accepted and basically had 4-5 months to sort myself out and think about what I was gonna film/shoot, etc. My anticipation and vigor to get into this course was something that I hadn't for a while, I spent some much time in and out of hospital and not able to do much of anything that it had killed my passion for a lot of things. This however stoked a fire that hadn't been but needed to be stoked for a long time, my creativity. I have always had a creative mind whatever that creativity maybe from writing stories to writing songs to wrestling, to stand up comedy to making film/tv and the one essential to all my creativity is the storytelling. While never having done any of them as a full-on career, or more than occasional bases or jokingly with mates or even not at all, I have always appreciated the art forms and wanted it to be one of the fields I entered, it has always been my confidence that I have struggled with. Not that many people that know me would believe it but it has always been that which has held me back. The course starts and like most of us in the early days of a new course, I'm off to a flyer. I have stories and idea's coming out my mind left, right, and center. I can barely keep up with my own thoughts most of the time, we are given a task that we are to write and produce a web series. I got a general idea of how and what I want to do and start aiming to achieve that goal. I conduct the research I need to do, continue developing my idea and then the world decides that a global pandemic is happening. I am certainly not questioning the seriousness of the pandemic nor making light of it as people have lost their lives and that is truly horrible, I am only going to be referring to it about my situation concerning the course. What happens, of course, is a situation we are all in worldwide, everything shuts down and we are all required to stay home and social distance. Classes start being online through zoom and ideas now have to change. We may not be able to hire or use actors, we may not be able to use filming equipment. So discussions with the lecturers lead to them suggesting me to do the one thing I really don't wanna do, they suggest I make a documentary about myself and my family during Covid-19. I joined this course to tell stories and make film/tv and I wanted if anything to make modern Hitchcock/noir-like films, I even wanted to make documentaries but about subjects out in the world probably to do with wrestling or sports or anything, anything that is except Ilario. I don't and didn't want to make a story about myself and certainly not about my personal life, I would have happily made a mockumentary or even fiction with everyone else in the family acting out parts but apparently, I'm and my story is interesting. I have thought about this long and hard, I have also changed my mind about 25 times in the two weeks since it been suggested, I have decided to accept the suggestion and make a documentary about myself. Even though I find it wanky and pretentious the situation I'm in has meant some home movie footage, family photos and 3 smartphones are going to film this documentary. The next bit came up having decided to make the documentary and working out how I'm going to shoot it now came the bit that is rather important, what will this documentary be about. Was it just going to be my life? Was it going to be about my family during Covid-19? Was I just going to hit record and pray a story come out of nothing? Truth be told I thought about and was stuck on one of those 3 but I knew that it wouldn't be good enough, so discussion with lecture gave me some clarity. It will be all 3 of those things plus this lovely bit here because essentially it is my life limitations physically and mentally plus the current pandemic that has left me in this situation, so I can keep having a moan about it or I can finally take the plunge and make the best thing with what I got, so who knows' this could be the worst thing ever or the best thing ever. I will be happy with just a good solid film and then take that knowledge forward and make interesting stories, the thing I wanted to do in the first place.

#documentary #filmmaking

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raystart · 6 years

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The Lean LaunchPad Class: It’s the same, but different

It’s the same, but different

We just finished the 8th annual Lean LaunchPad class at Stanford. The team presentations are at the end of this post.

It’s hard to imagine, but only a decade ago, the capstone entrepreneurship class in most universities was how to write – or pitch- a business plan. As a serial entrepreneur turned educator, this didn’t make sense to me. In my experience, I saw that most business plans don’t survive first contact with customers.

So in 2011, with support from the Stanford Technology Ventures Program (the entrepreneurship center in the Stanford Engineering School), we created a new capstone entrepreneurship class – the Lean LaunchPad. The class was unique in that it was 1) team-based, 2) experiential, 3) lean-driven (hypothesis testing/business model/customer development/agile engineering). This new class aimed to mimic the uncertainty all startups face as they search for a business model while imparting an understanding of all the components of a business model, not just how to give a pitch or a demo.

(It’s worth reading the blog post that became the manifesto of the class here as well as what we learned when we first taught it- here.)

Ninety days after we first offered this class at Stanford, the National Science Foundation adopted the class calling it the NSF I-Corps (the Innovation Corps) to train our country’s top scientists how to commercialize their inventions. I-Corps is now offered in 88 universities. The National Institute of Health teaches its version in the National Cancer Institute. (I-Corps @ NIH). (The NIST report on Unleashing Innovation recommended expanding I-Corps and the House just passed the Innovators to Entrepreneurs Act to do just that.) The Lean LaunchPad/I-Corps syllabus is the basis for a series of Mission-Driven Entrepreneurship classes; Hacking for Diplomacy, Defense, Energy, Oceans, non-profits and cities.

If you had dropped by in 2011, the first time I taught the class, and then stuck your head in today, you’d say it was the same class. The syllabus is almost identical, the teams still get out of the building to do customer discovery every week, then come back to class and present what they learned weekly, etc.

But while it’s the same, it’s different.

After thousands of students taking this class, here are a few ways the class has changed.

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A Great Class Endures Beyond Its Author I’ve always believed that great classes continue to thrive after the original teachers have moved on. While I created the Lean LaunchPad methodology and pedagogy (how to teach the class) and the train-the-trainer course for the NSF I-Corps, the sheer scale and success of the class is due to the efforts of the 100’s of National Science Foundation instructors and the NSF. And while I created the original course, the Stanford class is now led by Jeff Epstein and Steve Weinstein.

To be honest, as I watch other instructors now run these classes, I feel a proud “passing of the torch” though touched by moments of King Lear and Kurosawa’s Ran. Way past my ad hoc activities, the Stanford teaching team has thoroughly professionalized the class.

Expanded Teaching Team In addition to the lead instructors, the Stanford teaching team now includes George John, Mar Hershenson, and Tom Bedecarre, all generously volunteering their time. Each of them brings decades of industry experience to the class. This type of teaching firepower and headcount was necessary as the teaching team expanded the class size to meet student demand.

Class Size For the first few National Science Foundation classes, we taught 24 teams at a time with three instructors. We did it by breaking the class into three separate sections, having all teams together for our lectures and separating into sections of eight teams each when the teams presented. (After painful trial and error, we had discovered that the teaching team could listen to 8 teams present before our brains melted down.)

At Stanford we limited the class to 8 teams – four students per team. However, this year, the class was so oversubscribed, and the quality of the teams applying was so high, the teaching team admitted 14 teams and reverted to the original NSF model of separating into sections. The additional teaching team members made it possible.

Class Velocity/Depth When we started this class, the concept of Lean (business models, customer development, agile, pivots, mvp’s) was new to everyone. Now they’re common buzzwords, and most of the students come in with an understanding of Lean. This head start has allowed the teaching team to accelerate the velocity and depth of learnings past the basics.

Women In past years, the student teams in the Stanford classes were weighted toward men, reflecting the makeup of the applicants. While Ann Miura-Ko was part of the original teaching team, having all male instructors for the last five years didn’t help. After Mar Hershenson joined the teaching team last year, she made an all-out effort to recruit women to apply. A role model as a successful CEO and VC, Mar successfully sparked interest in women students and sponsored women-only lunch sessions, mixers and meetings to introduce them to the class. As you’ll notice from the presentations below, the result was that this year 50% of the applicants and accepted teams were women.

The lessons for me were: 1) the class had been unintentionally signaling a “boys-only” environment, 2) these unconscious biases were easily dismissed by assuming that the class makeup simply reflected the applicant pipeline, and 3) when in fact it required active outreach by a woman to change that perception and bring more women into the pipeline and subsequent teams.

Product/Market Fit Versus The Business Model Canvas My original vision for the class was to use the business model canvas as a framework to teach engineering students all the nine elements of the business model: customer, distribution channel, revenue, get/keep/grow, value proposition, activities, resources, partners and costs. And instead of the traditional income statement, balance sheet and cash flow, discover the key “metrics that matter” for their business model.

While students want to spend their time focusing on product/market fit (who’s the customer and what should we build for them) and building product-centric minimum viable products, I thought that Y-Combinator and other accelerators already did an excellent job of that. My goal was to use the canvas to expose engineering students to other essential aspects of a successful business they may be less familiar with (sales, marketing, finance, operations.)

Admittedly this was tough to do, because in one quarter teams haven’t yet found product/market fit and are loath to move off it until they do. But since my goal was to teach a methodology rather than to run an accelerator, I traded off time on product/market fit for exposure to the rest of the canvas.

If we were designing a curriculum rather than just a single class, we’d offer it as two semesters/quarters – the first searching for problem/solution and product/market fit, and the second half focusing on the rest of the canvas testing feasibility and viability.

As you look at this year’s presentations, you can see the presentations still tend to focus on product/market fit. Obviously, there is no right answer to what and how to teach, and the answer may change over time.

TAs/ Diagnostics/Mentors Our Teaching Assistants keep all the moving parts of the class running. Each years TAs have continued to make the class better (although I must admit it was interesting to watch the TAs remove any uncertainty from what students need to do week-to-week, as I had designed a level of uncertainty into the class to mimic what a real-world startup would feel like.) The teaching team and TA’s have added an enormous number of useful diagnostics to measure student reactions to each part of the pedagogy and the overall value of the class. However, the real art of teaching is to remember that the class wasn’t designed by a focus group.

Finally, the mentors (unpaid industry advisors) who volunteer their time have been professionalized and managed by Tom Bedecarre. Each mentor’s contribution gets graded by the students in the team they coached.

Things That Needed Constant Reminders Every time we slipped up and admitted an all engineering or all MBA team we were reminded by their struggles that successful teams need to be diverse – that they include both innovators and entrepreneurs (typically engineers and MBA’s.)

The same holds true for pushing the students. Every time we slacked off relentlessly direct feedback we saw a commensurate drop in the quality of the teams output.

The Teams In the end, this class is not only about what the instructors try to teach the students but also about whether students processed what we intended for them to learn. Over time, two of our major insights were: 1) teams needed a week to process all they learned, and 2) we needed to teach them how to turn that learning into a story of their journey.

This year all our teams accomplished that and much, much more.

And after 9 years of classes, students still find that this class is the closest thing to being in a real startup.

Take a look at their presentations below.

AgAI