#chicken masala paste

[askwhatsforlunch]

Chicken and Butternut Lentil Dahl

Spicy and comforting on a wet and grey day, this vibrant Chicken and Butternut Lentil Dahl will warm you up as you come home from a walk or a potter in the garden under a light drizzle!

Ingredients (serves 2):

2 tablespoons ghee

1/2 large onion

1/2 red Bell Pepper

2 teaspoons Garam Masala

1 teaspoon ground tumeric

1/2 teaspoon cumin seeds

1 large garlic clove, minced

¾ teaspoon Red Chili Flakes 

2 heaped teaspoons Ginger Paste

4 chicken drumsticks

1 thick slice of a lare butternut squash

1/3 cup split red lentils

1 teaspoon coarse sea salt

1/2 teaspoon freshly cracked black pepper

1 cup coconut milk

2 cups water

Melt ghee in a large pot or Dutch oven, over medium heat.

Peel and thinly slice onion. Add to the Dutch oven, and cook, stirring often until softened, about 3 minutes.

Seed and chop Bell Pepper. Increase heat to medium-high, and stir chopped Bell Pepper into the Dutch oven. Cook, a couple of minutes.

Add Garam Masala, ground tumeric and cumin seeds, and fry, one minute more.

Stir in garlic and Red Chili Flakes. Cook, another minute. Then, stir in Ginger Paste.

Add chicken drumsticks, and cook, to brown on all sides.

Peel and cube butternut squash. Add to the Dutch oven, along with red lentils, stirring well to coat in ghee and spices. Season with coarse sea salt and black pepper.

Then, stir in coconut milk and water. Bring to the boil.

Once boiling, reduce heat to medium-low, cover with the lid, and simmer, 25 minutes.

Serve Chicken and Butternut Lentil Dahl hot, with Paratha.

[morethansalad]

Spicy Red Curry Cauliflower Wings (Vegan)

[uncens00red]

Cuisine Recipe This recipe for chicken red masala curry is a classic Goan dish. Making your own masala paste is necessary, but it's worth it!

[nigelsamways]

Rice Recipe

Tandoori Chicken Biryani is a fragrant rice dish made with tandoori-marinated chicken and fragrant basmati rice. It's a popular Indian one-pot meal ideal for a special occasion or a weekend dinner. The chicken is marinated in a rich and smoky mixture of yogurt, tandoori masala, ginger paste, and garlic paste. Rice is cooked in chicken stock and seasoned with cilantro leaves for added freshness and flavor.

[louisedespont]

Rice Recipe - Tandoori Chicken Biryani

Tandoori Chicken Biryani is a fragrant rice dish made with tandoori-marinated chicken and fragrant basmati rice. It's a popular Indian one-pot meal ideal for a special occasion or a weekend dinner. The chicken is marinated in a rich and smoky mixture of yogurt, tandoori masala, ginger paste, and garlic paste. Rice is cooked in chicken stock and seasoned with cilantro leaves for added freshness and flavor. Made with Yogurt, Cilantro, Tandoori Masala, Ginger Paste, Garlic Paste, Onion, Basmati Rice, Oil, Chicken, Tomato, Salt, Chicken Stock.

[holmesarewolves]

Tandoori Chicken Burgers Recipe A delicious Indian-inspired dish, tandoori chicken burgers are made with ginger, tandoori, and garam masala pastes. Serve with green chutney and bread. 1/2 teaspoon garam masala, 2 tablespoons ground red chile pepper, 1/2 cup chopped fresh cilantro, 2 teaspoons ground cumin, 1 teaspoon ginger paste, 1 egg, 1 pound ground chicken, 1 small red onion chopped, 1 tablespoon lemon juice, 1 tablespoon tandoori paste, 1 teaspoon red pepper flakes, 1 teaspoon garlic paste, 1 tablespoon finely chopped fresh parsley, 2 tablespoons non-fat plain yogurt, 1 cup bread crumbs, 2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil

[wilted-rafflesia]

Slow Cooker Butter Chicken with Naan Recipe

Slow Cooker Butter Chicken with Naan. This slow cooker butter chicken is a delicious and simple Indian-inspired dish ideal for a cozy night in. Cooked in a rich and creamy sauce, the chicken is served with warm naan bread.

[shsummertimefest]

Slow Cooker Butter Chicken with Naan Recipe

Slow Cooker Butter Chicken with Naan. This slow cooker butter chicken is a delicious and simple Indian-inspired dish ideal for a cozy night in. Cooked in a rich and creamy sauce, the chicken is served with warm naan bread.

[hardprint]

Tandoori Chicken Burgers Recipe Tandoori chicken burgers made with ginger paste, tandoori paste, and garam masala are a perfectly spiced, Indian-inspired meal. Serve on bread with green chutney.

[rogersgeorgia]

Tandoori Chicken Burgers A delicious Indian-inspired dish, tandoori chicken burgers are made with ginger, tandoori, and garam masala pastes. Serve with green chutney and bread.

[exclaimblog]

Goan Chicken Masala Curry This is a traditional Indian red masala curry recipe from Goa with chicken. It involves making your own masala paste but it's worth it!

[pikahlua]

Fourteen Days of MHA: Day 2

UA Academy, Education

In honor of UA/education day, I'mma learn you all some practical skills, à la the summer training camp arc.

How to make Japanese-style curry from scratch!

Yes, from scratch. Plus ultra. No pre-made curry roux box necessary for those of you who may not have access to such products where you live or who want to make modifications for food intolerance (this can be made gluten free! in fact that's usually how I make it). I will include two recipes: one for curry roux, and one for curry the complete dish. This is going to be my personal recipe for making curry, curry roux included, with some notes on other twists you can add to this dish.

Recipes below the cut. Let's get cooking!

Recipe: Curry roux

You need blocks of curry roux to make Japanese-style curry. If you'd like to go the easy route, buy a box of S&B curry blocks (the most widespread brand I believe) or from any other brand. But if you'd like to make this from scratch, here's how you do it.

Required Ingredients:

Note: This recipe makes about 3.5 oz of curry blocks or the equivalent of one small container of store-bought pre-made curry blocks. You would dissolve it in 2.5-3 cups of liquid to make curry. I double this recipe to make larger batches.

3 tbsp butter (or a neutral oil like canola)

3 tbsp flour (all-purpose gluten free flour works just as well)

3 tbsp curry powder (I use S&B curry powder)

1 tbsp tomato paste

Salt

Seasoning (see below)

Pika's Special Seasoning:

Garlic powder or garlic salt

Chinese chicken bouillon powder (or just MSG) (Lee Kum Kee has a gluten free option)

Ground mustard

Celery salt

Sugar

Black and/or white pepper

Chili pepper (I use shichimi togarashi), optional for spicy

These are the ingredients I typically use to flavor my roux. You may ask how much, and well, sorry, my measurements here are in my heart. I throw in dashes based on aroma and experience. I also like my curry strong and spicy.

Any ingredient can be omitted as all each does is add a new layer of flavor. No ingredients depend on any others (though sugar with tomato paste seems like a given to me). You CAN omit the tomato paste if you're sensitive to tomatoes.

Other Optional Seasoning:

Cayenne, optional for spicy

Ground ginger (fresh ginger would probably work too)

Onion powder (especially if you don't have MSG or chicken bouillon powder)

Garam masala (around 1 tbsp adds a sweeter flavor and a cinnamon-cardamom aroma)

Honey (I personally put honey in the curry after it's made, not at this stage)

These are ingredients others use that you may consider adding for different depths of flavor. I do not typically use them in this recipe, but I have been known to experiment with them on occasion. I've listed them in the order of how likely I am to throw them in on a whim.

Instructions:

Make one batch of roux for a small, mild curry. Make two batches of roux (i.e. double the ingredients) for a stronger and/or larger batch of curry.

Heat a skillet on the stove over medium-low heat. Optionally toast dry spices if desired, though not necessary, then remove spices and set aside. Melt butter (or heat oil, if using) in pan.

Add flour and combine. I personally use a nonstick pan-safe whisk to make sure it combines well, but a wooden spoon or silicone paddle would work too.

Reduce heat to low (medium-low if you're ready to watch that thing like a hawk). Cook 5-15 minutes stirring constantly to keep the roux from sticking to the pan and burning. You're looking for the roux mixture to turn light brown like peanut butter. It will develop a nutty aroma as it cooks.

Add curry powder, tomato paste, salt, and all desired seasoning ingredients. Stir to combine. The mixture should become dry and pasty.

Cook for 30 seconds to 1 minute or until all ingredients are well-combined and then turn off burner.

If using roux soon, set aside. If not using roux soon, put all the roux in a container lined with parchment paper. Score the paste with a knife to make it easy to break and remove. In an air-tight container, the roux will keep in the fridge for up to 1 month* or in the freezer for up to 4 months. *Caveat: If you use chicken bouillon powder or any ingredient that includes meat, I do not know if it will store in the fridge for longer than a few days. In this case, I would suggest freezing the roux to be safe.

Recipe: Japanese-style curry

Ingredients:

Note: My portions are determined by what fits in my pot.

2 tbsp neutral oil (canola)

1-2 lb protein (you can use any protein i.e. beef, pork, chicken, seafood, tofu, tonkatsu, etc., but I usually just stick with mushrooms for ease; if I do meat, I usually pick ground beef or cubed beef chuck)

1 batch of curry roux for mild curry (or 4 blocks packaged curry roux), 2 batches for strong (see above recipe) (or 8 blocks of packaged curry roux)

1 sweet onion (can substitute with yellow or white onion), sliced into half moons

1-2 carrots, peeled and sliced rangiri style

5-6 Yukon gold potatoes, cut into large chunks

8 oz button mushrooms (16 oz if mushrooms are the primary protein), cut into bite-sized chunks

2-3 stalks of celery, cut into bite-sized chunks

4-6 cloves or equivalent of minced garlic

1 quart chicken stock (dashi or vegetable stock or other stock or even water can also be used)

Meiji milk chocolate, 4-5 pieces (you can use any chocolate you like)

1-2 tbsp honey (add to taste)

1 grated apple, optional (I don't usually do this but it's a thing some people like to do)

Cheddar cheese, shredded

Cooked starch of choice i.e. rice or noodles

Pickled ginger, optional garnish

Fukujinzuke pickles, optional garnish

Instructions:

If your protein is raw and requires cooking or browning, prepare it first. Heat oil in a pot over medium heat and sear all the sides brown or cook ground meat until browned. For seared meat, do not worry about cooking it completely; it will finish cooking in the curry. Remove protein from pot. You can leave the drippings in the pot if you'd like to add their flavor to the curry. Ground meat might produce an excess amount of fat though, which you may want to clean out first.

Heat more oil in the pot and add the vegetables. Cook on medium heat for 5 or so minutes or until the vegetables start to develop color and the onions turn translucent.

Add back the protein and any accumulated juices to the pot.

Add chicken stock (or broth/liquid of choice) and bring to a boil. Reduce heat to a simmer and cover. Simmer until ingredients are tender and potatoes can be pierced with a fork, approximately 15 minutes.

Remove lid and reduce heat to low.

Add curry roux (or packaged curry blocks), chocolate pieces, honey, and grated apple if using. (If you'd like, you can break the blocks and chocolate up or shave them into small pieces with a knife.) Stir constantly, making sure to scrape the bottom of the pan often, until curry and chocolate are completely melted and incorporated in the liquid.

Simmer 5 minutes while stirring constantly. Cook longer if you want it to thicken more.

Serve over rice or noodles. Top with shredded cheddar cheese (in my opinion there is no such thing as too much cheese). Optionally garnish with pickled ginger and/or fukujinzuke pickles.

Store leftover curry in the fridge for 3 days. The curry and liquid may separate, but they'll combine again when you heat it up and mix it together. I'm not sure about freezing leftovers as it usually doesn't last long enough for me to get to that stage, but it's worth a try.

Now eat up, you damn nerds!

[prettyboykatsuki]

Hey, I've been trying to make butter chicken for a really long time and no matter what I do the food cart in my city makes it better. I was wondering if you have a recipe that you would like to share since you said you're really good at making butter chicken. Totally okay if you want to keep it private or just not respond to this ask. Also, I love your writing. Long time fan.

HI!!

i was supposed to answer this last night but i took my melatonin super early and fell asleep on accident. i do have a recipe to share and i saw a few people were interested. im not very good with writing down like... formal recipes i cook by heart so to speak so i hope thats alright

but also thank u!! i see u in my notifs a lot so i was happy to see your ask

FANGS BUTTER CHICKEN RECIPE:

a couple of things to know prior, making a really good curry usually takes a long time. im not one to be super picky on authenticity but if you're wanting to eat something super delicious it will take you upwards of an hour ++ some, start to finish.

ingredients for chicken

chicken breast / chicken thighs (i normally use a little less than two pounds of chicken thighs, boneless and cubed)

yogurt for marinade, about a half to three quarters cup

a tablespoon of premade ginger-garlic paste or equal parts of fresh ginger and garlic

about two teaspoons of garam masala, and one teaspoon of cumin, coriander, chili powder, tumeric and salt

FOR THE CHICKEN: it's up to preference what cut of meat you want to use for butter chicken, but i personally used cubed chicken thighs that i manually clean the fat off of.

in my opinion, the biggest difference this will make is in the marinading process. if you are using chicken breast, i would recommend marinating for up to twenty four hours. if you're using chicken thighs, you can get away with less time. but you need to marinade your chicken up to at 30 minutes.

mix everything together and set aside until ready.

ingredients for the sauce:

one large onion, medium diced (about a cup and a half)

half a head or garlic, finely chopped (i use a lot but you can use less)

some freshly chopped ginger or a tablespoon of garlic-ginger paste. about a tablepoon.

tomatoes (roughly two cups)

for the tomatoes, there are various substitutions you're welcome to make. most restaurants used crushed, canned tomatoes but if you're wanting the smooth texture without blending - used jarred tomato sauce as your base.

with whatever type of tomato you use, you will have to adjust for acidity and sweetness. i use a mix of fresh tomatos and tomato paste for depth and adjust for acid with sugar.

if you are using jarred tomato sauce or canned tomatos, you will need about a cup and 3 quarters or 14ozs of liquid over all.

if you are using a fresh tomato and paste combo like me - i recommend about a cup and a half of diced tomatoes and a 3 tablespoons of tomato paste.

spices including, 2 teaspoons of garam masala, 2 teaspoons of cumin, 1 teaspoon of coriander, chili powder to taste and a table spoon of pre-packaged butter chicken spice mix.

you will also need kasoor methi powder or fenugreek powder which imo is not optional

NO MORE than a half-teaspoon of fenugreek

salt to taste

sugar to taste (i use about a tablespoon)

for seasoning: while i use the teaspoon measurement here - it's more important you understand the ratios. im much more heavy handed with my spice mixture because i make it according to my own tastes and i like strong flavors.

i used pre-packaged spice mixes to add flavor but if i dont have it i wont use it and use about a teaspoon more each of the plain spices.

the one thing you shouldn't skip imo is the kasoor methi aka fenugreek powder. this is probably the thing most people are missing butter chicken at home. it's savory and mildly bitter, a bit like fennel and its what gives it a very classic indian flavor

3/4 cup of cream + 1/2 cup of milk (you are welcome to use one cup of cream if you like a thicker gravy, but i prefer a thinner one. you can also replace the milk with half and half)

a little oil to coat the bottom of my pan (a teaspoon or two)

3 tablespoons of ghee (or 2 tbps of butter + 1 tbsp oil)

cilantro to taste (optional)

if you can find ghee or make it at home, i would highly reccomend using it over butter and oil. ghee makes a huge difference to the flavor profile.

while i say 3tbsps, i would say be heavy handed and use enough to cover the pan. this is a fat heavy dish as is.

ONTO THE COOKING PROCESS:

first: you will want to grill / char your chicken. you can pick what method you use for this. i use a searing hot pan (i use a dutch oven for this entire recipe) and little oil to get the best cook.

fry the chicken on high heat until charred and take it off once all sides are cooked. DO NOT OVERCROWD YOUR PAN. it will released too much water.

set aside the charred pieces. the chicken will finish cooking in the sauce.

NEXT, THE SAUCE

after you've cooked off the chicken, turn your heat down to medium, drop your ghee and your onions and cook until totally soft

this will take roughly 15 minutes of stirring and watching.

once the onions are translucent and halved in size, drop in your garlic and ginger

cook until fragrant. i like to go a little under ten minutes

add in your spices here (EXCEPT THE KASOORI METHI). this step is crucial

the key to good desi curry is understanding the process of bhuna, which is essentially frying your spices together for optimum flavor. you will want enough oil in your pan to fry / cook the seasoning which is why i say you might want to be heavy handed.

stir your spice mix with your onions, garlic and ginger - making sure it doesn't stick and burn in the process. let it cook until very fragant.

i let it go for a few minutes but if you don't cook often, a minute or less will be okay. too long and the spices will burn.

(i also like to add a pre-emptive amount of salt at this stage but you can salt afterwards)

next, add your tomatoes. if you are using tomato paste, add it before you add your other tomatoes and let it fry for about a minute to soften and cook down the taste

if you are are using jarred sauce or canned tomatoes feel free to toss it all in at once.

THIS IS IMPORTANT BUT LET THE LIQUID COOK OFF YOUR TOMATOES AS MUCH AS YOU CAN

i would recommend up to twenty minutes if possible, being careful it doesn't burn on the sides. the sauce will change color as a result, turning a deep brown / red and that's when you know it's ready. the pan should feel almost dry.

if you like a blended sauce - now is the time for you to take out from the pan and blend with a little water *

i do not like a completely blended sauce, so i will instead use the back of my spoon to crush up my tomato and onion mixture as much as possible once cooked soft enough.

THIS IS NOT TRADITIONAL OR COMMON. but i prefer a bit of texture in my sauce and once soft enough i find the sauce still turns out silky smooth.

after you sauce is blended / smooth, add in your cream mixture, your sugar, and fenugreek powder, and cook your chicken for another few minutes

usually a little under 10 minutes for thighs and around 8 minutes for breasts if you're picky about timing.

turn your heat off and wait for the curry to stop boiling before adding in chopped cilantro

AND YOU'RE DONE YIPEEEEEE. serve with white basmati rice or naan/paratha of course 🫡

OTHER GENERAL TIPS:

the seasonings i list are intentionally light handed but i honestly use about double of everything above, so if you find that the taste is too light for you after cooking - fry more seasoning in oil in a separate pan and add it afterwards.

depending on your preference, you might like a thicker or thinner gravy. if you prefer it thinner, add more liquid (preferably water or milk) and if you prefer it thicker, feel free to just use one or the other.

be careful during the spice frying process and watch like a hawk if you dont anywhere else, because the burning will make it bitter.

PLEASE FEEL FREE TO SEND ME ASKS IF YOU WANT TO TROUBLE SHOOT!!!

[therealcocoshady]

Recovery - Chapter 24

Eminem x FemReader Fanfiction

Summary : Em and Reader have an argument at the studio. Later, she receives a bouquet of flowers that brings back painful memories.

Tags : Angst, Comfort, Fluff

Y/N’s POV 

Marshall leaving hickies all over your neck was, indeed, an efficient way to get people at the studio off your back on the topic of your dating life. Now, they had found another past-time : grilling you with questions about the mysterious person you were seeing. 

You still don’t want to tell us who the mysterious man is ? Porter asked with a grin. 

Nope. I’m keeping to myself on this one, you chuckled. 

Come on, Royce chuckled. Is he nice ? How long have you guys been dating ? 

He is, you giggled. We’ve been dating for a few weeks. 

Do you like him ? Porter asked. 

I do. I like him a lot. 

Is he hot ? Marshall chimed in with a smirk. 

You have no idea, you said teasingly. Hottest man I have ever dated. Hands down. 

Good in bed ? Royce asked with a grin. 

Meh, you said playfully. I think he’s got a lot to learn but he’s alright. 

They all chuckled, except for Marshall who shot you a faux death glare. The look he gave you was full of promises. Obviously, you would have been stupid to miss an opportunity to tease him. Besides, you had already told him countless times that he was your best, so you didn’t worry about him being sensitive on the subject. You felt your phone vibrate on your lap. 

From M : No sex for you tonight. 

To M : We’ll see ;-) 

From M : I can keep it in my pants. Unlike you. 

To M : You’re underestimating me, baby. I’m too irresistible. 

You saw him chuckle and shake his head as he stared at the text he just received from you. He obviously didn’t believe you. You were in a good mood and definitely wanting to show him what you were capable of. As the guys kept on working, you devised a plan so that you could prove your point. Thankfully, you were wearing just the right outfit : a white, flowy dress with tan boots and a cardigan. The weather was good enough so that you didn’t have to wear tights. The dress itself was pretty light, and showed a bit of cleavage, hence the cardigan that made the outfit more modest. You got up and went to the bathroom where you removed your panties and your cardigan. When you got back, you saw Marshall alone in the kitchen, grabbing a can of Redbull. You went to him and smiled. 

Are you alright ? He asked. 

Are you ? You replied with a grin. 

Yeah, fine, what are you-? He began asking as you put a hand in the pocket of his jacket and put your panties there. 

You giggled and got back to the couch where you played with your phone for the rest of the recording session. When Marshall came back, he looked a bit flustered. However, their work session kept going. Whenever he looked at you, you bended on purpose, pretending to grab something in your bag so that he could have a great view of your breasts. It was his right not to want to put out, but you also had the right to tease. You could see him staring, having more and more trouble focusing, which was unusual. 

Bro, are you alright ? Porter asked. 

Yeah, yeah, he hummed. 

At some point, you got the bright idea to stretch your arms, causing the dress to ride up. You didn’t flash anyone and it was not bothersome. At least, not to people you ignored that you were bare underneath. Marshall almost spilled his mouthful of Redbull. 

Alright, we’re done, he said calmly. Time to go home. 

Are you sure ? Royce asked with his brows furrowed. 

Yeah, he replied. I have a headache. You guys go home, enjoy the weekend, alright ? 

Still on for the Lions game on Sunday ? Porter asked. 

Of course. 

Porter and Royce left, while Jamal stayed with you and Marshall. 

Are you guys still coming for dinner tonight ? Jamal asked. Talia’s preparing her Masala Chicken. 

Sure, Marshall said. Go ahead, we’ll join you there. I just have to go to the office and sign some papers for Paul. 

Ok, Jamal said. See you at dinner, lovebirds. 

Once he was gone, Marshall got up and faced you with a stern look. 

I’m at work, Y/N, he groaned. 

It’s true, you said innocently. And I think you did a good job today. 

I would have done a better job if I had been able to finish the beat I was working on, he pointed out. 

Finish it, then, you said as you got up.

Later, he groaned. 

He grabbed your arm and took you to his office, where he slammed the door shut. You weren’t too sure if he was furious or not. His eyes were dark and he didn’t seem in too good a mood. Maybe your fun plan was starting to backfire. He made you sit on the sofa. 

You think it’s funny ? He asked. 

I was merely proving a point, here, you shrugged with a smile, trying to defuse the situation. 

How ? By interrupting my work and acting like a slut ? He asked coldly. 

Don’t say that, you said defensively. 

Then cover your tits and try not to flash our friends, he said as he threw your panties at you. 

You thought he was being unfair. It’s not as if you had been walking around the place naked. You were simply teasing him and no one had even caught anything. You understood that he was serious about his work, but you had meant to harm and, anyway, that didn’t justify the name-calling. You got up, faced him and silently left the room to get your stuff. You were putting your cardigan back and were about to leave when he came to you. 

See you, you said coldly. 

Are you leaving ? He asked. 

Are you apologizing? 

He stared at you and crossed his arms. 

Are you ? He asked back. 

You’ve got to be kidding me, you scoffed. You insulted me and I should be the one apologizing ? 

You started it, he said coldly. I was out of line but… 

But nothing, you cut him. You know I meant no harm. 

And you know how I am when it comes to work, he said sternly. 

Still, I’m not having anyone, especially not my boyfriend, calling me a slut, you said. 

Fine, he said. 

You looked at him and waited for the apology but he kept on staring at you. 

What ? He asked. I just said I was out of line. 

You really suck at apologies, Marshall, you scoffed before leaving the studio. 

As you left the building, he followed you in the street. 

Fine. I’m sorry, he sighed as you kept on walking. 

Good evening, Marshall, you said. 

Come on, we have to go to dinner, he said. 

Fine, you sighed. 

Now, the both of you were clearly in a bad mood, but you got back in the building and waited for him to grab his things. Then, the two of you went to the car. It was a silent ride home. Before you got out of the car, he gently grabbed your hand. 

I’m sorry, honey, he said softly. 

I’m sorry too, you shrugged. 

How about we go back to my place after dinner ? He offered. I’ll draw you a bath, give you a massage… Let me make it up to you, ok ? 

Sure, you said with a smile. 

He kissed you softly and you got in. The smell of spices had taken over the house and you were ready to enjoy your favorite dish. As soon as you stepped in, Talia handed you a big bouquet of flowers. 

These came for you earlier, she said with a smile. Good choice on the peonies, Em. 

You shouldn’t have, Marshall, you squealed. They’re beautiful though. Did you know they’re my favorite ? 

I didn’t send flowers, he said. 

Oh. 

You wondered who could be the one sending you the flowers. You checked the card. It was from Simon. It read : “It has been one year already. I am sorry I didn’t handle the situation better. I hope you are doing well. I would love to talk.  Love, Simon”. That’s when it hit you : today was the “anniversary” of your miscarriage. The one event that had led to your drug use, your overdose and the downfall of your relationship. Your heart dropped immediately. 

Baby, who sent these ? Talia asked. 

You gave her the card and you could tell she understood as she read it. “Oh”, she simply said as she rubbed your shoulder. 

What’s with those faces ? Marshall asked. Who died ? 

You couldn’t help but shoot him a death glare. It was probably a poor choice of word, but having him say that as you were reminded of the date you had learned that your baby’s heart had stopped beating was painful. You said nothing and took the bouquet to your bedroom. You sat on the bed as tears started to flow. In truth, you hadn’t thought of that at all, because you were too busy focusing on your relationship with Marshall. But now that you were reminded, it was like being hit in the face. You had done a lot of progress in a year, but you had spent so much time focusing on your sobriety that you hadn’t done nearly enough work on your grief. A few minutes later, Marshall knocked on the door. 

Baby ? He asked. Are you alright ? 

Yeah… I’ll come down in a minute, you said in a broken voice. 

You reached under your bed and found the box you had put together after the miscarriage, that you had not opened since you moved in with Talia and Jamal. You were thirteen weeks pregnant when you lost your baby and you’d had time to buy some stuff for him/her : a tiny pajama, socks, a little plush toy… The box also contained the few pictures that were taken during the sonograms as well as the pregnancy test you had taken on a gloomy Sunday morning after noticing that your period was late. It definitely wasn’t planned, but you had been ecstatic to learn that you were pregnant. So was Simon. The two of you thought it was meant to be and you were overjoyed to start a family together. You held the pajamas in your hand, taking in how tiny they were, how tiny your baby would have been. You sighed and put the box on the bed before going downstairs. By their faces, you gathered that they had talked and that both Jamal and Marshall were up to date on the situation. 

Sorry, you told your friends. I needed a minute. 

Of course, sis, Jamal said. 

Are you alright ? Marshall asked as he took your hand in his. 

Y-yeah, you lied. I’m fine. 

Talia gave you a hug and you sat at the table. The three of them tried to get your mind off things and talk about joyful stuff, but it was to no avail. You were feeling sad and guilty for even forgetting about this day. Deep down, you knew it wouldn’t change anything, but you felt selfish. After dinner, you went back to your room, with Marshall. As soon as the door was closed, he took you in his arms for a long hug. 

I’m so sorry, my love, he whispered. I had no idea. 

It’s fine, you said in a whisper. It’s just… Hitting me like a ton of bricks right now. 

Of course, he said as he stroked your hair. 

You sat on the bed and you began to put away the baby stuff that was laying on it. You had the plush toy in one hand, the pajamas in the other and you couldn’t help but burst into tears. Your boyfriend lovingly put an arm around you and pulled you closer to him. You were literally crying on his shoulder. 

I’m sorry, you sobbed. 

Don’t apologize, Y/N. Let it out, he said softly. 

It’s just… It’s been a year already, but also, it’s only been a year, you said. So much has happened since then. 

It’s true, he said. You’re in a really different place. 

Nothing’s the same. It seems so far away. Sometimes, I think it’s all been a dream, you know ? But then, I remember that it actually happened. That I was pregnant and that I actually lost that baby. 

He hummed and let you talk as he stroked your hair. 

The worst thing is that I can’t talk about it a lot, you know ? Because very few people knew. We were getting ready to tell everyone when… well…, you said with tears in your eyes. 

You can talk to me, if you want, he said softly. 

You probably don’t want to hear your girlfriend talk about having a baby with another man, you sighed. 

I’m not your boyfriend, right now, he explained. I mean, I am, but I’m your friend too. First and foremost. That’s what makes our relationship so great, you know ? Plus, everyone has a past. 

Thank you, you said softly. 

You don’t have to thank me, he said as he kissed the top of your head. I will always be here for you. 

I just… I never really had a family, and I was so excited to start one of my own, you know ? You explained. It wasn’t planned or anything, but it felt meant to be. As if I finally got my happy ending, the wedding, the little family… And now it’s… Gone. 

You can still be happy, he said as he stroked your cheek. 

I know, you said. I am happy. But thinking about how different my life is now, it’s a little weird. Now, I’m happy in a different way. But I guess I still haven’t fully processed the whole thing, you know ? 

Grief takes some time, he said. But you’ll get there. You’re so strong and you’re doing so good. 

You nodded and he kissed you tenderly. You put the baby things in the box and put it away, not without sadness. 

Sorry, you said. You probably think it’s creepy that I have this box. 

I get it, he said. You do what you need to do. I have a box of my own, you know ? 

You do ? 

Yeah. It’s a recovery box. Inside I have my hospital bracelet from the day I OD’d, a few things I have written when I was in rehab, drawings the girls made for me when I got home, a letter from my sponsor, my sobriety chips… I understand the need to hold on to these things, he explained. I don’t look at it too often. But I have it. 

I’m so sorry, you said sheepishly. I’m so selfish. Sometimes, I forget you’re recovering too. 

It’s alright, he said. 

I feel like a mess, compared to you, you added. I mean, you have your life together, you’re level-headed, you’re so strong… 

It’s apples and oranges, baby, he said with a smile. I’ve been sober for more than fifteen years. A lot of stuff comes with time. You’re just getting started on your journey. But you do have your life together. And you are doing good. But I’m still struggling, you know ? 

You are ? 

Yeah. I guess it’s always a work in progress, he shrugged. I always thought it would be over once I’ve been sober for a long time and I’m not tempted to use or drink. But there’s always something to work on. Like my emotions, my anger…

I think you’re doing a good job, you said softly. 

Thank you my love, he said with a smile. But still, I shouldn’t snap as easily as I do, sometimes. I’m still sorry about the way I talked to you at the studio, you know ? 

I forgive you, you said as you nuzzled his neck.

Do you still want to go to my place so that I can make it up to you ? He asked. Let me take care of you, honey. 

You don’t have to, you said. 

But I want to. 

You ended up agreeing and going to his place. He kept true to his word and took care of you, even more than he usually did. You were still sad, of course, but you knew you weren’t alone. He encouraged you to talk about your feelings and made sure you felt warm, safe and cozy. In moments like these, he felt like your safe space. You loved that you could talk to him about anything. Most people in your life usually danced uncomfortably around the subject of your miscarriage. Even Talia and Jamal. But Marshall, on the contrary, encouraged you to talk and even asked questions. It felt good and it felt like you were being even more intimate with him, giving him access to a part of your soul. Eventually, you switched to other subjects and he opened up to you about his grief about his uncles and best friends, as well as his mental health. Most of the time, the age difference didn’t cross your mind. But for once, it did and you were grateful for it, because you benefited from his maturity and experience. Serious topics aside, you spent the rest of the evening and the next day lounging, watching movies in his movie theater that had been turned into a blanket fort after you told him you had never built one in your life. You were cuddling under a soft blanket, mindlessly playing with his fingers. 

Do you still want to come tomorrow ? He asked. 

For the game ? Yeah sure, you said. Unless you don’t want me there. 

No, I’m trying to make sure you’re coming, he chuckled. But if you feel like avoiding the crowd, I understand. And if you need, I can even cancel the whole thing and stay with you. 

You’d cancel football for me ? You asked with a raised eyebrow, knowing how important it was to him - he had even canceled recording sessions in order to be able to watch some games ! 

For you, yes, he said with a smile. Special occasions only, of course. 

It’s not a special occasion, you shrugged. 

I just want to make sure my girl is feeling good, he said as he kissed your temple. 

I’m feeling much better now, you said softly. Thank you again. 

You’re very welcome, he said. I love you so much. 

I love you too, you cooed. No need to cancel. 

Your first meeting with my family, he mused. 

It’s just going to be your daughters, right ? 

Not really, he said. The girls will be there, along with their boyfriends. There will also be my brother, his wife, their kids, guys from the studio, guys from D12… 

You opened wide eyes. You’d watched games at his place before, but there had never been so many people around. You knew it wasn’t an official meeting with his family, but seeing as you weren’t the sociable type, it was enough to scare you. 

You’ll be fine, babe, he chuckled as he saw your face decompose. You know a few people already. 

What if your family doesn’t like me ? You asked. 

I told you, I’m sure they will love you, he said with a smile. They’re really chill and they know I’m “friends” with you so they already have a good opinion. They know how picky I am when it comes to people I hang out with. Believe me, I’m the most judgy person in the family. Just be your cute amazing self and everything will be fine. 

Easy for you to say, you scoffed. If the situation was reversed, you wouldn’t feel too confident. 

True, he chuckled. We’ll get there someday, though, I guess. 

I don’t think so, you shrugged. 

Why is that ? He asked. 

I just… Don’t have a lot of people in my life, you know ? You said sheepishly. Especially after this past year. I don’t really have family either. It’s just me, my father and his wife. You already know the people who matter : Talia and Jamal. 

I see, he said 

Sorry, that’s a little lame, you admitted. 

No, I get it, he said softly. But if you don’t feel like meeting all these people tomorrow, you don’t have to, baby. I’m just thinking it might be a good, chill opportunity. Take the band-aid off, you know ? 

Right, you said. 

Plus, the girls asked me if you’d be there. 

They did ? You asked confused. 

Yeah. Hailie told me she misses you and Alaina and Stevie are extremely curious, he explained. 

They know about me ? 

Of course, they know about you, he chuckled. They might not know you’re my girl yet, but your name has still been in quite a few conversations, you know ? 

Has it ? You asked, still surprised. 

Well yeah, he said. I mean, obviously, when they saw the pictures of us holding hands after that party, they asked questions, especially since they had never heard about you before. So I had to clear the air. They also know that you know Hailie and they figured that I care a lot about you, after that whole hospital incident. And I might have said that you’re a feminist, so they’re particularly excited. Especially Stevie. 

You nodded nervously and he kissed you, reassuring you once again. You knew you shouldn’t, but you couldn’t help but think it was kind of a big deal. After all, you still wanted to make a good impression. 

Maybe you should take me home ? You suggested. So that I can have my beauty sleep and be pretty for them. 

Don’t you want to stay here ? He asked. 

It’s Saturday, you pointed out. 

Yes, but the kids are not coming for brunch. Plus, you’re going to be here anyway, so you might as well sleep with me tonight, he said with a wink. 

And you’re ok with sleeping with me seven nights in a row ? You asked playfully.  You won’t be bored ? 

I could sleep with you a thousand nights in a row and still not get enough, he said softly, making your heart melt. 

THE NEXT DAY - MARSHALL’S POV 

As he expected it, Y/N’s first meeting with his family went great. She seemed about to freak out at first, but she quickly relaxed. As soon as Hailie arrived, she gave her a big hug and told her how sorry she was that it didn’t work out with Josh. If only she knew… His girlfriend also seemed to get along with his brother and his wife, but especially with Alaina and Stevie. They laughed together and she truly seemed to enjoy herself. He sat next to her on the couch and, even though he was usually extra focused when it came to football games, he couldn’t help but glance at her. Everyone was focused on the game so he gently stroked her hand with his fingers for a brief second, making sure no one could see. He wasn’t really into PDA, but given the hard time she’d had in the past two days, he wanted to make sure she was alright. The contact seemed to make her smile, though she kept on staring at the screen. He was so in love with that smile he couldn’t help but smile himself. At some point, she seemed a bit lost when it came to the rules so he took the opportunity to get even closer and whisper in her ears. It reminded him of the very beginning of their friendship, when he took every single opportunity to talk to her, whether it was to explain something about hip-hop or make a silly joke. Looking back, he may have had a crush from the very beginning… 

After the game, which the Lions thankfully won, people stayed to have some pizza. Being busy talking to some D12 friends, he lost her for a moment. He found her in the garden with his daughters, playing with Nate’s kids. She was a natural with children and his nephews seemed to like her a lot. As soon as he spotted him, the youngest, who was about five, ran to him and jumped in his arms as he always did. 

Uncle Marsh ! I like your girlfriend ! He said. 

My girlfriend, huh ? He chuckled. 

We tried to tell him that Y/N is not your girlfriend, Alaina giggled, but he wouldn't hear it. 

What makes you think she’s my girlfriend ? He asked, curious. 

You talked to her during the game, the boy said. You never talk to anyone during the game. 

That’s because your uncle took pity on me and had to explain the rules, Y/N said with a smile. 

Exactly. Come on, bud, you really think I could get a girl as pretty as her ? He asked playfully. 

Yeah… Probably not, his nephew shrugged after a second of thought. 

There you go, Stevie giggled. 

That was… humbling to say the least. The girls burst out laughing and Y/N flashed a smile at him that warmed his heart. It took everything he had in him not to hug and kiss her. She was making him too soft for his own good, and he surprised himself thinking that he could not wait to be out with her as a couple. His brain was telling him to keep it reasonable, but the rest of him would simply not listen. 

Can we play video games in the movie room ? His older nephew asked. 

Sure, he said. I’ll help you set up in a second. 

Y/N, will you play with me ? The youngest asked. 

Of course, she answered. What are we playing ? 

We should do a Mario Kart tournament, Stevie suggested. 

Oh, I love that, Alaina said. We should do teams. 

Boys against girls ? Hailie chimed in. 

There’s only three boys and there are four girls, his nephew said. Uncle Marsh, can you play with us ? 

I don’t know, he shrugged. I have guests. 

Please ? His nephew asked with big pleading eyes. 

Yeah, Dad, people don’t need you to eat pizza, Stevie said. 

He’s probably just afraid to be humiliated, Y/N said teasingly. 

Oooooh, his three daughters said in unison. 

I like you, Y/N, Stevie said. 

I told you she was great, Hailie giggled. 

It’s on, he said. Boys, we’re destroying them, alright ? 

The eight of them went to the movie room and started their tournament. Obviously, he was teaming up with children so it wasn’t a piece of cake. His oldest nephew was pretty good, but the two younger ones were… trying hard. He knew that it was what mattered, but he was still very much a sore loser. During one of the rounds, he played against Y/N. 

Destroy him !!! Stevie encouraged her. 

I’m your Dad, Marshall groaned. You should be rooting for me. 

Go Y/N !!! Alaina yelled. 

She ended up beating him, leading him to groan. His nephews were looking at him with an attitude. 

You lost to a girl, the youngest said. 

He lost to a legend, Y/N said with a grin. 

Quit the attitude, he scolded her playfully. 

As the others were playing, he whispered in her ear “You’re staying the night and I’m getting revenge”, leading her to blush. 

A few hours later, everyone had left. Hailie had offered to give Y/N a ride home but he told her he would do it. He was intent on having his girl spend the night in his arms. 

See ? He asked as they were eating some pizza leftovers. You survived. 

It was great, she admitted. I had a good time. 

Even if you ended up babysitting Nate’s kids ? He chuckled. 

They’re so cute !!! She said. 

You’re good with them, he said. 

I can’t wait to have kids of my own, she said dreamily. 

These words cause him to freeze. He knew she didn’t mean she wanted kids with him, nor that she wanted them now, but he couldn’t help but feel a bit panicky. Because, even if their relationship was new, he was intent on being with her. She was amazing and he would gladly spend the rest of his days with her. That’s how in love he was. However, he had sworn a long time ago that he would never remarry and that kids were out of the question. He was done with all of it. Something in his gut told him that he would have to have this conversation with her at some point. And judging how touchy the topic of kids and pregnancy seemed to be for her, he knew it would be a tough conversation to have. 

THREE WEEKS LATER 

He was spending the week-end with his girl, as usual. The plan was to spend a lot of time in bed, with as little clothes as possible. That is what she had suggested and he was happy to oblige. The only time they left the bedroom was to cook. They were in the kitchen, making pancakes. He was just wearing sweatpants and Y/N was in one of his tee-shirts, sitting on the marble counter, kissing him lazily when the doorbell rang. Being lazy, they had ordered some more food for their brunch. He grabbed a hoodie and put it on to go and get open the door to the delivery. Except it wasn’t a delivery guy. It was Hailie. 

Hey Dad, she said happily. 

Hay, he said in a surprised tone. What are you doing here ? 

Have you seen my headphones ? She asked as she walked in. I’m recording a podcast episode tomorrow and I think I forgot them here. 

Uh, maybe, he said. Look, right now isn’t a good time, I… 

Babe ? He heard Y/N calling from the kitchen. Is the whipped cream finally here ? I can’t wait to have you-

HAILIE’S HERE, he yelled before his girlfriend said something absolutely inappropriate. 

His daughter looked at him in a state of shock and walked to the kitchen before he could stop her. There, she found Y/N half naked. 

Oh my God, Hailie said. Please tell me it’s a prank. 

They all stared at each other in shock. It was definitely awkward, not to mention it was not how he wanted his daughter to find out about him dating Y/N. 

I should go, his girlfriend said in a small voice. 

Don’t you dare move, Hailie darted with anger in her voice and her eyes. 

Look, Hay, Marshall began. Y/N and I…

I don’t need you to explain it to me, Dad. I think it’s pretty obvious. She has some explaining to do, though, she said as she motioned to his girlfriend. Is this why you broke up with Josh ?! To screw my FATHER ?! 

Y/N looked like a deer in headlights. He wanted nothing but to appease the situation, although he had no clue how to do it. 

Did you cheat on Josh ?! His daughter asked. 

His girl didn’t say anything. Not that she had to. She was a terrible liar and the look on her face was giving her away. 

Oh my God, Hailie said. I can’t believe I even felt sorry for you !!! I thought we could be friends but you’re just like anyone else… You see fame, money and you can’t jump on it fast enough, can you ?! 

Hailie, that’s enough, he said. 

No, it’s not, his daughter said as she looked back at him. Is this why you broke up with Nicole ?! 

He sighed and pinched the area between his eyes. He knew it was going to be a tough conversation. 

Ok, let’s talk about this in the living room, he said. 

Please get her to put clothes on, Hailie said as she rolled her eyes. 

Yeah, I’ll… Whatever, Y/N mumbled before hurrying out of the room. 

Minutes later, he was sitting on the couch across from Hailie who looked at him. She was clearly mad. 

So… Your headphones are here, he said tentatively. You could have texted, you know ? I would have brought them to you. 

When I moved out, you said this would always be my home and that I didn’t need to ask before coming over, she pointed out. 

I did say that, he recalled sheepishly. 

They stared at each other some more. The anger in his daughter’s eyes was breaking his heart. He could not stand to have his kids mad at him. 

So… Are you mad at me for breaking up with Nicole ? He asked. 

You said you liked her, Dad. 

Yeah, she’s great. But I’m not in love with her. I’m in love with Y/N, he said calmly as he hoped she would understand that this was a serious relationship. 

You told me she was your friend, when I confronted you about the pictures, Dad !!! You lied to me. You never do that. 

I didn’t lie back then, he corrected. We started out as friends and it became… more. I was going to tell you girls eventually but it’s only been a few months and we wanted to take things slow. 

Months ?! She asked in disbelief. So it’s serious ? She’s your… girlfriend ? 

She is, he said. And she makes me really happy. 

I’m going to puke, she warned. 

What ? 

He thought that clearing the air would make things better but, by the looks of it, he was wrong. 

You can’t tell how wrong it is ?! She asked, almost screaming. My FATHER is dating someone MY AGE. 

Look, I know it’s a little bit weird, but… 

No “but”, Dad. It’s disgusting ! She said. 

I know it’s a shock, Marshall said, and I’m sorry that you had to find out this way, but I want you to know that it’s serious. I’m in love with her. She makes me really happy. 

So what ?! She scoffed. You’re going to marry her and we’re going to have to call her “Mom” ?! Are you planning on having kids too ? Because that wouldn’t be weird and twisted at all, right ?! 

Calm down, please, he pleaded. Is that what it’s about ? You’re scared that I’m going to start a new family and replace you guys ? It ain’t happening, Hay. 

I’m not five, she said as she rolled her eyes. I always rooted for you to find someone and be happy after Mom. Not someone creepy, though. 

You told me you liked her, he said. 

WHEN YOU SAID SHE WAS YOUR FRIEND. Not when she turned out to be a bitch who cheated on my best friend with my Dad ! You know she’s only interested in your money, right ?! 

I know you’re angry, but the name-calling is out of line, Hailie, he said as he slightly raised his voice. And I understand the concern, but I can tell people’s intentions. 

Whatever, Dad, she groaned. Are you paying for her stuff ? Are you her sugar daddy ? What’s her thing ? Handbags ? Shoes ? 

They heard Y/N come into the room, a look of hurt on her face. 

I never took a dime from him, Y/N said coldly. 

Hailie and Y/N were staring at each other. His daughter was mad and his girlfriend was clearly insulted by the implication that she might be a gold-digger. His daughter had always been protective of him and he understood that. But he wished she could see and understand that their relationship was genuine and how happy Y/N made him. 

If you have questions, I will answer them truthfully, Y/N said, but don’t you dare imply that I’m with him because of his money or status. It’s just not true. 

Like I can trust you, Hailie shot back. 

I would never wrong him, his girlfriend said. 

You being with him is wrong enough, Hailie scoffed. 

Why ? He asked. 

Let me think, his daughter said sarcastically. First of all, there’s the age thing. Obviously creepy. You’re old enough to be her dad. She should go to a therapist instead of dating. Then, there’s the fact that she made you break up with someone who was good for you. But let’s face the worst of it : she’s an addict. 

She turned to Y/N. 

Yeah, Josh told me about that, she continued. And if you think I’m going to condone a relationship that will put my Dad’s sobriety in jeopardy, you are sorely mistaken. I have been in the pits with him and I will not have you ruin him. 

I’ve been sober for months, Y/N replied in her own defense. 

And you expect me to clap for that ?! You’re still an addict. My father shouldn’t have to put up with your recovery and your mistakes. He has been through enough shit as it is. 

Hailie, Marshall warned. 

If you loved him, you would realize that you’re stalling him. And that it’s wrong. And I was here when you and Josh talked about kids and marriage. How you dream about having kids and being a wife. You know it’s not happening with Dad. I know it. He knows it, she continued. 

Hailie, Marshall raised his voice again. 

Dad, I love you, but I refuse to see you get used, or hurt, or both, she said as she looked him in the eyes. 

Y/N, can you leave the room for a minute ? He asked gently. I need to talk to Hailie alone. 

His girlfriend nodded and left the room. He looked at his daughter whose eyes were welling up with tears. 

What was that ? He asked, confused as to what tone he should be using. 

Dad, the idea of you relapsing is making me sick. Like, actually sick. I still have nightmares of the night I found you when I was 11, you know ? You’re my Dad. I can’t lose you. 

You’re not losing me, baby, he said softly as he took her in his arms. I know I’ve made mistakes, and I know I’ve been a lousy Dad, at times, and I put you kids and Mom through some tough shit, but it’s been fifteen years. I’m handling myself. I’m not relapsing. 

What if she relapses ? You’re going to be the one handling that. 

I know it’s scary, he said. I was worried about that too, at first. But she is strong and she is handling things very well. Much better than I did when I got sober. 

You don’t need to plead her case, she said in an annoyed tone. 

He sighed loudly. He hated the situation and the way he was handling it. 

I’m sorry, he said. You shouldn’t be worried about your 51 year-old dad. 

I forgave you a long time ago, she said. And I want you to be happy. That’s all I want. I want you to be happy and healthy for as long as possible.

I know you probably don’t want to hear that right now, but my relationship makes me happy. And it’s healthy too. I am happier than I’ve been in a long time. 

Dad…

I know you’re going to need time, he continued. And you’re mad. I get it. But someday, I’d like to introduce Y/N to you guys as my girlfriend. Do you think you could be civil and give her a chance ? 

Hailie grimaced and rolled her eyes. 

I guess, she sighed. But just know that I will never forgive her for what she did to Josh. And if I’m civil doesn’t mean that I condone whatever is happening. 

Ok, he sighed. That’s better than nothing, I guess. Can you please not talk about this to your sisters, please ? 

Why ? 

Because I think I should try and handle the situation a bit better than this conversation, he said. Let me be the dad, ok ? 

If they ask, I’m not lying, she said. 

Fine. 

They both nodded in agreement. 

And I think you owe Y/N an apology, he added. 

Not doing that, she quickly replied. 

You called her a bitch and a gold-digger. And we both know your Mim and I raised you better than that, he said sternly. 

She groaned and she tried really hard not to chuckle. As unhappy as he was with his daughter’s behavior, he couldn't help but pick up on the resemblance with his own personality. He didn’t need a DNA test to know she was his. She was just as stubborn. 

I should go, she said. 

Don’t forget your headphones, he said with a slight smile. See you tomorrow ? 

Only if she’s not there. 

She won’t be, he assured her. Just us. 

See you tomorrow, then, she said as she walked towards the door. 

He walked her out and gave her a hug. 

I love you, Hay. 

I love you too, Dad. 

She left and he closed the door as she got in her car. He went to the kitchen where he found Y/N eating pancakes. 

Sorry I didn’t wait for you, she said sheepishly. 

It’s fine, he said as he sat beside her. 

She didn’t say a word and stared at her plate. 

We should probably talk about all of this, he sighed. 

Do we though ? She asked. I think it’s pretty clear : Hailie hates me, she thinks I’m an awful person and she made some pretty valid points. 

What do you mean ? He asked. 

She’s right, Marshall. On the fact that I might stall you and cause you to relapse. That I’m not age-appropriate for you. And… On the fact that you don’t want to marry or have kids ? 

She said the last sentence with so much sadness in her eyes that it broke his heart. He did not want to have this conversation, but somehow, he had to. That was probably the worst Saturday he’d had in a while. 

Don’t you think it’s a bit early to talk about babies and marriage ? He said awkwardly. 

Let’s be real though : it’s not something you want, is it ? 

It’s not, he confirmed. I’ve done the marriage thing, I’ve had my kids… I’m done with that. 

But I do want these things, she said. And I’m not saying I want them right now. But I guess that raises the point of where our relationship is going… Because I love you, and if we keep this going… I’m going to want them with you. 

Right, he said as a lump formed in his throat. 

I love you, Marshall, she said. 

I love you too, baby, he replied. I love you so much. 

She stared at him with tears welling in her eyes and took a deep breath. He pulled her in his arms and hugged her tight. He knew where this conversation was going and he hated it. 

Maybe we should break up, she sobbed. 

Don’t do this, he pleaded. Not now. Not ever. Please, Y/N… 

I love you but it can’t work, she whispered. 

Give it some thought, ok ? Hailie just left and you’re not in your right mind. And me neither. Don’t break up with me. Please, he pleaded. 

I’m sorry, she said as she burst into tears in his arms. 

He felt some tears rolling on his own cheeks. That was much more emotion than what he could handle. He held on to her, stroking her cheeks and her hair. She leaned into his embrace. 

I don’t want it to be over, she whispered. I love you so much. 

As long as you want to be here with me, it won’t be over, he said. 

Please, don’t make it more difficult than it has to be, she pleaded. Please. 

I’ll take any time I can have with you, Y/N. Whether it’s hours or years. 

He knew he couldn’t persuade her to stay and that she had her reasons. But he could not let her go. Not yet. Not now. 

It’s so hard, she whispered. 

You said you’re mine, he said. Do you remember ? 

I’ll always be yours, Marshall, she sobbed. I was yours from the moment we met. 

He kissed her passionately. If it had to be the last time his lips would meet hers, he would seize the moment and make it last. She kissed him back, hungrily and sloppily. They were about to part ways but their bodies seemed glued to each other. 

Let me make love to you, he pleaded. One last time. I need you. 

Ok, she whispered. 

He didn’t need more encouragement. He lifted her and sat her on the kitchen table where he started to undress her. 

Where do you want me ? She asked. 

Everywhere. 

In all his years of being sexually active, he never undressed a woman so slowly. He made sure to imprint every detail, every sensation in his brain. He wanted the memories to last forever. He kissed every inch of her skin, ran his fingers through every strand of her hair. For an amount of time that seemed infinite, he made love to her in every corner of the house. The kitchen, the living room, the movie theater, the home gym and even the pool. It felt as if he was making love to her for the first time, rediscovering her body, her sweet spots… He could never get enough of her but somehow, he had to. The lovemaking was slow yet intense, sometimes tearful. Overall, it was messy and beautiful. They were both panting, about to pass out. Tears were running on their cheeks, both from climaxing, sadness and exhaustion. They were in bed, intertwined. 

I don’t think I can go for any more rounds, Y/N said with sadness in her voice. 

He hummed in response before kissing her hair and holding her tightly against him. 

Don’t go just yet, he pleaded. 

I have to, she whispered. 

One last shower ? He offered with puppy eyes. 

Make it a bath ? She negotiated. 

It’ll last longer, he agreed. 

They silently went to the bathroom and cuddled in the warm water. He kept on kissing her chastely, burying his face in the crook of her neck. He wasn’t sure how he could be expected to let go of her. 

Thank you, Marshall whispered in her ear. 

For what ? 

For the past four months. For the past year. For indulging me. For… absolutely everything, he said emotionally. 

Thank you, she replied. 

What will become of us ? He asked. 

I thought I was pretty clear, she said, obviously unsure of what he meant. 

No, I get it, he chuckled softly. But… Are we going back to being friends ? 

I don’t know, she admitted. 

I can’t imagine my life without you in it, Y/N, he said. As hard as I try… I can’t. 

I guess we can give it a try. 

They looked at each other in agreement, sadness in their eyes. It was the weirdest breakup he ever had. 

You can still change your mind, he said tentatively. 

Marshall, she whispered. Please. 

Can’t blame a guy for trying, right ? He chuckled. For real though, call me in twenty years and I’ll be there, ok ? 

I’ll visit you in the nursing home, she chuckled. 

Brat, he said lovingly before kissing her shoulder. 

Don’t wait for me, though, she said. You deserve to be happy. Find a nice lady your daughters approve of. 

I don’t want to think of anybody else, Y/N, he said. Not right now. Not ever. I’d rather become a monk. 

Sorry I brought that up, she said sheepishly. 

The water started to get cold and she started shivering. They got out and he wrapped her in a robe before hugging her. 

I should go pack my stuff, she said. I have hundreds of things lying around here. 

I’ll bring it to you later, he said. Don’t worry about that. 

I think it might be easier to do it now, she said. For closure. 

I’ll help you, he mumbled. 

They spent about an hour gathering the many, many things Y/N had left at his place. Marshall had become so used to it that he hadn’t realized that some of the stuff wasn’t his. While she was busy downstairs, he hid her favorite hoodie of his in her bag. He wouldn’t wear it anymore anyway, so she might has well have it, to remember him by. He also shamelessly stole her bottle of perfume and hid it in a drawer in his closet, just in case he would need to smell her. He knew himself well enough to know he might get that sentimental. 

I think I’m all set, she said. I’ll get a cab. 

Don’t be stupid, he said. It’s the middle of the night. I will drive you home. 

He went to open the door but she grabbed his arm and faced him. 

As long as we’re in the house, it’s not totally over, right ? She asked nervously. 

It’s not, he said. 

Ok then. 

She got on her tippy toes and kissed him for the last time. It was a chaste, soft peck on the lips. He cupped her cheek and kissed her forehead. There it was. Their farewell as lovers. As he felt a knot form in his stomach, he was not sure how he would ever recover from this.

[feyburner]

chicken tikka masala recipe?? 👀👀

Sure. This is compiled from a bunch of different recipes, primarily Swasthi’s Recipes, Bon Appetit, and personal recipes from curry enthusiasts on a reddit post.

I use chicken breast bc I prefer the texture for curries, I don’t like non-crispy chicken fat (not a fan of chicken fat/meat fat in general, I know, it’s my toxic trait). Thighs are of course also great.

Spice measurements should be considered a baseline minimum. Add more to taste.

CHICKEN TIKKA MASALA

1 head garlic, minced

2 Tbsp minced ginger

1 heaping Tbsp turmeric

1 heaping Tbsp garam masala

1 heaping Tbsp coriander

1 heaping Tbsp cumin

+

1.5 cups plain full fat yogurt

1 Tbsp kosher salt

1.5-2 lbs boneless skinless chicken breast (or thighs), sliced in half lengthwise

+

3-4 Tbsp ghee or butter + oil

1 large yellow onion, chopped

10-12 cardamom pods, crushed (or 2 tsp ground cardamom)

1 Tbsp red pepper flakes or chili powder

1 x 6 oz can tomato paste

1 x 28 oz can tomato puree

1.5 cups heavy cream (or less cream + make up remainder with water or coconut milk/cream)

1-2 Tbsp brown sugar

DIRECTIONS

1. In a small bowl, mix together garlic, ginger, turmeric, garam masala, coriander, cumin.

2. In a separate bowl, whisk together yogurt and salt. Whisk in 1/2 spice mix; reserve the rest (covered and chilled). Pat chicken dry and add to yogurt marinade, coating fully. Cover and chill 4-24 hours.

3. Heat ghee in a large saucepan over medium heat. Add cardamom and red pepper flakes. Bloom until fragrant, 20 seconds. Add onions and tomato paste. Cook, stirring, 5 minutes until tomato paste has darkened and onions are softening. Add reserved spice mix and cook, stirring, another 4-5 minutes until darker brown. Add extra ghee if needed.

4. Add tomato puree. Bring mixture to a boil, stirring and scraping bits from the bottom. Simmer 8-10 minutes until slightly thickened.

5. Optional (but highly recommended): Carefully transfer sauce to a food processor. Pulse until smooth and blended. Transfer back to saucepan.

6. Add cream and brown sugar (and leftover yogurt marinade if desired; it’s a raw chicken marinade but you’re cooking long enough that it’s fine). Simmer, stirring often, 30-40 minutes.

7. Meanwhile, heat ghee or vegetable oil (not butter or olive oil) in a nonstick pan or well-seasoned cast iron on highest heat until smoking hot. Sear the chicken 2-3 pieces at a time, 3 minutes on each side, to char. Chicken will still be pink inside.

8. Cut chicken into bite-size cubes. Add to simmering tikka masala sauce and stir until cooked through, 10 minutes.

9. Garnish with fresh cilantro (coriander). Serve with rice and/or naan, paratha, etc.

[softwaring]

Would you post your chicken tikka recipe?

chicken tikka marsala

first marinade:

- chicken thigh

- lime juice

- cayenne

- chili powder

- salt

second marinade:

- greek yogurt

- ginger paste

- garlic

- turmeric, cumin, garam masala, madras curry powder, cayenne, ground coriander

for the curry:

- coconut oil

- 1” cinnamon stick

- 2 green cardamom pods

- 2 whole cloves

- serranos, sliced

- onion, chopped

- cumin, garam masala, madras curry powder, garlic p, cayenne, coriander, smoked paprika, turmeric and white pepper

- tomato paste

- fire roasted crushed tomatoes

- soy sauce and fish sauce

- rock sugar

- coconut creme

- cilantro

top w more cilantro when done serve w white rice and naan (trader joe’s makes amazing frozen garlic naan i always keep em on hand lol)

marinade the chicken the first time for 30 marinade. mix the ingredients for the second marinade then pour in the chicken WITH the first marinade. mix well and marinade at least an hour but it’s best after 24-48 hours.

start ur rice ina rice cooker

preheat ur grill to high heat, then grill the chicken until well charred. then remove and let rest.

melt coconut oil in a pan then add onion and chilis, cook until they soften. stir in garlic and ginger and cook til fragrant. stir in spices and cook, stirring for 2-3 minutes. clear a spot in the middle of the pan then add tomato paste and caramelize. stir in tomato purée, soy sauce and fish sauce then simmer 10-15 minutes until thickened and color deepens.

once deep red, stir in coconut creme and rock sugar, cook 10 more minutes then stir in chicken and chopped cilantro. cook 5 more minutes or until well combined and chicken is cooked through. serve over basmati rice w cilantro!