#cnovel types

[verycharismaticdragon]

Currently reading a Korean webnovel instead of Chinese ones and this is making me conceptualize something, let’s see if I can put it in words…

My musings started with realizing that I’ve become very used to this cnovels thing where the main pairing is literally stated in the summary. Not the case for the k-novel I’m reading, and therefore I’m experiencing Pain and Suffering, — torn between my every instinct screaming that the author is setting up the OT3 endgame, and trying to lower my expectations to avoid disappointment. (And the novel is ongoing so I can’t even get spoilers for the ending :) girl help.)

As you may’ve guessed, I found myself strongly preferring the Chinese variant; but as to why exactly it was so important for my enjoyment to know the main couple… it took me a bit to figure out.

I mean, it’s not like I’m reading exclusively for romance, okay? Fannish activity-wise, sure, I tend to get fixated on ships (though even then, not all the time), but when it comes to reading (or any media intake, really), it’s not necessarily what I’m most interested in. Among my beloved titles, there are many where there’s no canon or fanon couple I'm attached to — and more than a few where there’s a canon couple that I neither love nor hate, just accept. So why did I get so attached to the concept of being, essentially, spoiled the endgame couple beforehand?

The key word that made it click was: promise. After all, it’s not like knowing the names of the characters that get together tells me anything about if they will be interesting or boring together, if they will be good for each other or make me scream “break up!” a million times. But it is a solid promise that these two people ARE gonna be a couple. 

And thinking about the word promise reminded me of discussions on plot twists that I’ve seen on here, about what makes a good plot twist and what makes a bad one — specifically, the phrase “narrative promise” that someone came up with. Basically, narrative promise is in the set up and the build up. If the plot twist betrays the narrative promise, it will not work, and it will be hated by the audience, who’ll feel like their emotional investment into the story was mocked.

The thing about the narrative promise, and why this term stuck with me, is that it’s actually applicable more broadly than just for shock-factor plot twists. For example: what is queerbaiting, if not betraying the narrative promise that the two characters are gonna be together? The fans see the narrative promise — the set up and the build up that would be unequivocally romantic for a het couple — and expect it to be fulfilled; only to be called delusional by the very creators that gave them this expectation. 

And this brings me to the next point: the catch of the “narrative promise” is that it’s never a guarantee. You can be completely sure the author is setting up X, only for them to turn around and do something completely different. (Possibly while calling you a little bitch for having the stupidity to invest your feelings into their creation, too.) After a while, a fan learns to manage their expectations. To not bet too much on anything, even if it feels like there’s no other way it can go. To wait until the end of the season or the last chapter before allowing themselves to get attached; to hold back on deciding whether something is good or not, lest they hype up something they will want to bury and forget later.

And this is where we circle back to c-novels, and to spoiling the main couple in the summary. Except I hesitate to call it “spoiling” because, as discussed, it actually heightens my enjoyment. For a simple reason: this practice takes the narrative promise from its nebulous, uncertain status to something concrete and real. Only for this one aspect and with the minimal-est amount of information possible, but still. That’s one thing I don’t have to guess about or doubt myself on (am I seeing things? is there a heterosexual explanation another way to read this? will the author simply kill off one of the characters before the end so that they don’t have to decide whether to make them explicitly queer?), and one thing I can count on (whatever else happens in the plot, I’ll still have this). It’s easy to invest emotionally into those characters and their relationship, when you have an assurance of their happy ending.

Ofc, I’m not saying that I don’t invest emotionally into relationships or characters other than the main CP — just that it is easier. And I would even say having this one(1) hard promise makes it easier to invest into other elements of the work, too, as it makes for a sort of safety net even if something else is disappointing or painful. 

Like, say you are invested in one couple with great chemistry and one side character. In case of a pre-stated ship, even if the side character dies, at least you still have the canon couple. So it’s not like all of your emotional connection to the book is lost, and you can probably bear with the loss of that character by writing everybody lives AU or something. But if the side character dies AND the couple you were invested in gets broken up or killed off or straight-married with other ppl… then doesn’t that make the entire thing into one massive disappointment? to the point that you might even regret picking up the book that made you care only to slap you in the face?.. 

So yeah, having even just one ship guaranteed is very comforting. And then I thought, well, doesn’t this apply to another type of fiction that I’m very familiar with?

Fanfiction?

Which, since very early on, has adopted the practice of putting the endgame ship in the header of the fic. And which, probably not coincidentally, is often a response to a broken (or at the very least not brought to its logical conclusion) narrative promise. And which always felt uniquely easy to read for me… 

See, prior to getting on this little thought train, I always assumed the ease was due to pre-existing familiarity with canon. You know, not having to learn the entire new setting, already having attachment to the characters… But now that I’ve connected these dots, I thought about times I read fics for fandoms I wasn’t familiar with, and originals formatted as fics — and really, wasn’t it always about the narrative promise made solid? 

Esp with how fics make it even broader than cnovels, by having extensive tags and ratings and such. Getting into a fic, you have a pretty clear idea of what may or may not happen in the story, even if you don’t know what exactly will happen or how. And a fic can fail to live up to the premise set up by ship/rating/tags — but not completely turn its back on it. 

(Well, normally. But in those exceptional cases where tags are misleading, at least you have something to point to when saying, “this is not what I was promised”. The ficwriter can hardly claim they don't understand why you expected [ship] to happen when they personally tagged their work as containing that ship — unlike the traditional media creators, who can always play the "you were totally misunderstanding my intentions the entire time" card.)

And having a solid promise like this, it turns out, takes lotsa pressure off starting a New Unfamiliar thing. I do, in fact, trust like that! So it’s no wonder that there were periods in my life when I would only consume fanfiction, because it was so much easier than extending trust to new titles. And it’s no wonder that what brought me back to being an avid reader were Chinese webnovels that use a practice very similar to what we have in fandoms.

I guess I understand myself better now! Still wish I knew if that k-novel's author is /j or /srs about the ot3 though.

[phoenixkaptain]

My favourite part of writing longwinded (re: way too long) posts and character-study fics is when people tell me that I get the characters, that I understand them or wrote them in-character

Because!!! I don’t! Understand! Anybody!

I have spent my entire life being so fucking confused by human beings! I don’t understand people! I don’t understand why people do things, I don’t understand why people DON’T do things, I don’t understand these strange, inexplicable creatures, and I try, by God I try so hard to understand, to get it, to comprehend the why behind people. I spent my entire childhood watching people and talking to people and I read books with heavy emphasis on the characters and I just

Someone telling me I get characters is like, meaningful in a way they probably won’t ever even know. It’s like they’re saying “All those years you spent trying desperately to understand the human psyche were worth it.”

I just. Really appreciate it.

[lizhly-writes]

JMX BODYSWAP?! GASP

yeah so i was thinking about some old files and ended up musing over a "rebirth of the evil-mother-in-law" transmigrator snippet i wrote at one point. failing to find it, i figured i would sit down and write maybe 300 words about it to excise it from my brain.

the "og fl" is a character named "jiang yage", so i spent maybe two minutes contemplating character names for the original transmigrator ("surnamed jiang? these sorts of characters usually share at least a part of their name with the 'og'") before i abruptly realized i already had a character surnamed jiang and i had the chance to do the funniest thing.

[fateandloveentwined]

Anle and Nirvana in Fire: what's so mesmerising about NIF's worldview

Edit, a bit of context: @llonkrebboj did this really eloquent "eulogy" on the gripping nature of NIF, so I guess here's my take on it.

I was watching some episodes from The Legend of Anle, and again the striking similarities between NIF and Legend of Anle surface. Especially with Ren Anle pulling an identity porn game of chess and plotting against the political arena to overturn the unjust ruling of the throne from a decade ago.

And then there's 江山为聘, and, well, Royal Nirvana, The Legend of Haolan, many other kingdom/royalty cdramas and web novels, all about the protag and the heir incumbent working hand in hand to rid the kingdom of injustice and corruption and debauchery of the elite, start anew an epoch of prosperity. It's as if (as if not) every story is hardwired to eulogise a tale of valiance and honour.

So the quality of drama production aside, how does NIF stand apart from all this in my heart, after all this time? Genuinely sometimes I wonder, but the protag Mei Changsu has taken shape and left a unique impression in my mind ever since I've learned of the series, became one of my favourite fictional characters -- while you might as well say that every other cdrama protag is almost exactly like him. What makes him different?

There is no one who is completely free in this world to begin with. So long as one has feelings, has desires, he could never be absolved of all responsibility.

The Legend of Anle reads like NIF. They have the similar motives, they've gone through the same hardships, and in a similar manner have found a way through the pugilistic jianghu back into the undercurrents of the court. Yet the former shapes itself to be a tale of seeking justice, while the latter reads like something of a far greater scale. The bulk of NIF is incoherent handwavy political intrigue, and yet in a very idealised, glamorised interpretation of Mei Changsu, the crux of the story uncovers itself to be not one of retribution and waging a war against bygone injustices, but of an idealistic visionary future for the peace and prosperity of the kingdom that one so loved. And I have never seen something like that.

I've got to go back! I've got to go back to where I truly belong!

Most protags in cdramas are noble. They are people of integrity and righteousness, and they struggle, they sacrifice their lives to fulfil the moral code they live by. 以身殉道、以死证道 as they say in the book of Mencius (Mengzi): to make apparent the righteousness through bodily flesh and blood, to do what is right in life and death. [1]

Yet humans are fickle, and bodily flesh and blood cannot serve that long a fuel for the flame betwixt the wretched of the earth before fading into glowing embers. There are times of humanity, and there are times in which we yield, just a little, to our own lives and passions and aspirations. We live for ourselves, which is not at all wrong. Most protags are like that. Yet there's this NIF protag who sheds his light for 13 long years and keeps the new flame alight as the past dies into cinders and ashes. It's idealistic, it's surreal, but that's what humans gravitate to: it's not the relatability of it all, it's the beauty of the insurmountable that we aspire to, the deified transcendent that gives us hope, brings one joy, takes us with them one step closer to the utopian ideal that we all once dreamt of as kids.

And this is what my heart longs for and treasures: though I die nine thousand times, I do not regret it. [2]

---

[1] 以身殉道，以死证道。(yǐ shēn xùn dào, yǐ sǐ zhèng dào) Former is taken from Mencius and often used to mean one sacrificing for the fulfilment of righteousness. Latter should be more commonly said as 以身证道, I just replaced the "body/life" in the second character with "death" so not to use the same character in the parallel phrase. This is from Tao Te Ching but is nowadays often adapted for use in xianxia settings where the person sacrifices themselves or goes through some great traumatic events to achieve ascension.

[2] 亦余心之所善兮，雖九死其猶未悔。(yì yú xīn zhī suǒ shàn xī, suī jiǔ sǐ qí yóu wèi huǐ) From Qu Yuan's poem Li Sao.

[imblocking-you]

Payback post pt. 2

[unforth]

Alright not to like liveblog my breakdown on main but yesterday was a really bad day after a really bad, like, 4 months, and I've hit a bit of a breaking point and one of the only things in my life that can give is running @mdzsartreblogs , @tgcfartreblogs , @svsssartreblogs , @erhaartreblogs , @tykartreblogs , and @cnovelartreblogs , so that is what has to give. It's been a 99-out-of-100 days thankless job. A small number of people do say thank you and yall I appreciate you so much (HUGE shout-out to the artist I met at Flamecon who gifted me a zine when I said I ran these blogs, @bonesblubs you rock) but I have never done an act of fandom labor simultaneously this labor intensive yet this invisible before and, uh. It sucks. I spend an hour or more a day on this every day, if it's under 2k hours since I started the first of these in September 2020 I'd be shocked. And I do it because I love it but doing it means I don't have time or energy to do other things I love. And I really don't want to just quit, but I can't keep this up.

In a last-ditch effort to try not to just give up, I'm making the following changes:

1. Only watching one tag per fandom for the MXTX fandoms. I am going to check *only* #tgcf, #svsss, and #mdzs. Artwork posted to any other tag, I will not see unless a mutual reblogs it.

2. Reduced tagging (even more). I'm only going to tag characters and maybe overarching au type (eg, "modern au," "fantasy au"). I'll no longer tag creatures. I will continue to tag the same common trigger warnings I already tag.

3. If a work's appearance doesn't make it obvious what it is AND the tags aren't clear, I'm not going to reblog. I can't keep spending 5 minutes or more trying to figure out what I'm even looking at, scared that if I guess wrong the artist will get mad at me for mistagging their work. If I do reblog, I'll tag only the artist name and/or whatever else I can identify for sure.

4. I am no longer going to follow #link click. The fandom is just too big. I've started dreading checking it. If I was more into it and less busy I would make another spin off just for it but neither of those is true. (The art is so good, I hate to do this, but. If you love link click, highly recommend the main tag, lots of great stuff there.)

5. I will no longer tag any non-cnovel content in the art/post. Like, if someone draws, idek, Xie Lian and Marinette from Ladybug, I'm not gonna put any tags for Marinette, just for Xie Lian.

6. Basically if I run into something hard to tag or confusing or unclear, my new policy is I'm not gonna fricken bother.

I think those are everything but idefk, I cried for 3 hours last night and got 4 hours of sleep so I'm mostly fueled by exhaustion and desperation right now and my memory is even more fried than usual.

How artists can help. This is obviously all optional. You do you. But since some people might want to know what would make my life easier, I'm sharing. I'm not claiming I feel entitled to dictate how people fandom or anything like that.

1. Put the tags for the character(s) and ship(s) early in the tag list.

2. If you make art for a fandom that isn't one of the big ones (right now the only big danmei fandoms on tumblr as far as I can tell are the MXTX fandoms and maybe 2ha) I am begging you to use my tracked tag #cnovelartreblogs

3. Do mdzs art? Tag #mdzs. Do tgcf art? Tag #tgcf. Do svsss art? Tag #svsss.

4. Not only artists, but everyone, *please* stop tagging fandoms not discussed and/or depicted in your post. It's gotten to be stupid common for people to blanket the danmei fandom tags with posts only about one fandon (like, svsss-only works also being tagged mdzs and tgcf and 2ha for some damn reason). This isn't about just my sideblogs tbh this is just fandom etiquette that seems to have been forgotten or never learned by many. Tagging unrelated fandoms isn't "reach," it's annoying. People go into the #mdzs tag to see mdzs, not whatever not-mdzs stuff people have decided to tag for ~reach~, and seeing the same post in 8 tags, none of which it's related to, is so damn irritating, and makes scrolling the tags looking for content that IS relevant take that much longer. Knock it off.

Okay. I think that's as much as I'm prepared to meltdown where everyone can see. Thanks in advance everyone for your understanding, and apologies to everyone about to see this 8 times as I reblog it to each sideblog.

At least I'm not tagging it to everywhere. 🤣🤣🤣

[mxtxfanatic]

Interesting that companion servants are so common for gentry characters in other historical fiction cnovels, but in mdzs, the only characters who have them are Madam Yu (Jinzhu and Yinzhu), Jiang Cheng (Wei Wuxian), and maybe Jiang Fengmian (if we assume that was Wei Changze’s role, which there might be evidence for). Jinzhu and Yinzhu even have the traditional companion servant naming convention! However, Jiang Yanli doesn’t seem to have any companion maids by her side, and none of the other clan heirs past or present seem to have any, either. So wtf was up with the Yu and Jiang clans, and what are we supposed to take away from this about the characters who have these type of servants?

[olderthannetfic]

The To Gaze Upon a Wicked God situation is more complicated than a straightforward "yes/no" on whether it's a colonizer romance or not imo.

I think the author wants to send an anti colonial message with the book, but it very much wants to have the cake and eat it too. It's written a lot like other "dark romantasy" and the marketing surrounding it went hard on the enemies to lovers thing (the Zutara comparisons especially was still being pushed even in late April). Iirc, the real love interest only appears for less than five scenes?

With that in mind, I don't think it's unreasonable to read the protagonist's rejection of the prince at the end as a set-up to a tortured "I love him but I can't trust him anymore because he's evil and lied to me" while Baihu simped for her in the background and the prince gets redeemed with a heroic act at the end of the second book or something. That was my impression until it was revealed that the childhood friend was the real love interest.

(Maybe I just read too many angsty "you killed my whole clan but I still love you even though I'm not supposed to" cnovels in my youth hahaha)

Imo, it was in really bad taste to do a fake out marketing, but idk if she has control over that. It feels like nobody around her understood how touchy the subject and her inspirations were, because none of these irl decisions wouldn't have happened if they did. I don't think the original anon had the right to comment like they understood everything without reading the book, but I completely get the feeling of "wtf girl you did not just write/say that." Also the writing was... not good.

I hope the "baihu cut" remedies a lot of its issues. Plenty of white authors write shit takes on history. Asian authors shouldn't be burned at the stake when they do the same

--

(Followup to last anon about to gaze upon wicked gods) One thing I forgot is that the author's notes directly mentioned the Japanese occupation and unit 731. I think it's reasonable for readers to make the connection between that and the Roman invasion + human experimentation mentioned in the book. I can't blame them from being grossed out or even outraged when everything irl points to Antony being the intended love interest even though he's the leader of in universe unit 731

I can well believe that it's mostly a skill issue.

People should be free to criticize a book for what's actually in there, but yeah, there's definitely this vibe like nonwhite authors or minority authors or whomever aren't allowed to just... not be very good.

I don't mean they should be free from all criticism, but there's a particular type of extra torches-and-pitchforks criticism that amounts to "Thou shalt be a godlike writer from birth or else!"

[renshengs]

sorry if you get a ton of notifs bc i just found your account and have been scrolling through most of it!! but 1. THE REVERSE ROBINS JAYTIM?? you somehow drew my favorite trope and i didn’t even know it was my favorite bc i’ve only really seen it in a couple c-novels before. so thank you for that

2. the reverse robins damitim!! (i’m sensing a theme here, with me and reverse robin aus). would just love to hear more about them in that verse if you feel up to it!

i don't mind the notifications, click away!

the 年下 nianxia trope in cnovels yess that was exactly what i had in mind while drawing reverse robins jaytim, you get it! it's about the little kid growing up to be sooo unbearably hot it sends everyone into a panic :)

as for damitim! i think the collective dynamic of the bats would be wildly different if damian came first... he'd be bruce levels of stoic but with a certain air of responsibility about him, an eldest child type of no-nonsense attitude, while if tim came second he'd maintain his like. general insanity and overcompensation and stalker habits etc etc. he and damian absolutely hate each other's guts at first, but out on the field they'd probably work together extremely well, which makes both of them mad LMAO

i imagine the shift happens when damian gets caught in an explosion at some point and wakes up in the cave to tim swearing and scowling at him like "i dug through the rubble for THREE HOURS, if it weren't for batgirl i would've killed you when i finally found you," except the whole time he's also holding an ice pack to damian's temple and his hands are all bandaged up. and damian just stares at them and is kind of like, "huh". later stephanie says "did tim tell you he winched a solid block of concrete off of you? he was crying because he thought he was too late" and yk, damian has an oh moment. after that he starts being more tolerant of tim's general nagging. a year later bruce picks up 13 year old jason from off the streets and jason takes to tim like a duck to water and damian starts lowkey beefing with him about it because he's embarrassing like that.

that's about as far as my brainrot has gotten... no idea who tim is interested in but he's like, probably 70% aware of the ridiculous love triangle he's been caught in.

(btw in this au damian is 3 yrs older than tim who's 5 yrs older than jason. so by the 2nd picture of the reverse robins jaytim art, dami is 27, tim is 24, and jay is 19. dami is batman at this point! bruce is retired and probably staying in metropolis every other week if you catch my drift)

[rigelmejo]

Okay so I'm reading a priest novel that hasn't been fully translated yet and. Let me paint a picture for you.

It opens on a desert (getting Sha Hai dmbj vibes anyone). The narrator is a professor who's barely ever travelled far, now looking for a lost city.

There's a 30 ish year old guy on his archaeology team named Li San'er. Who has a tomb raiding uncle. Li San'er went to college and got a degree and is trying to change his family. (Its not just me. This gives major Wu Xie vibes right? Or at the minimum, is a fun little reference to the popular timb raiding genre of cnovels and possibly referencing a few tomb raiding stories generally)

This novel has to do with a gangster reincarnating, based on the summary intro, so like. I did not expect such a dmbj sha hai type vibe in the first chapter.

[veliseraptor]

October Reading Recap

The Husky and His White Cat Shizun: vol. 3 by Rou Bao Bu Chi Rou. Still in the territory of a part of this book I remember fairly well, and while the whole underworld arc is good it's not my favorite part of the book and mostly I come away from it going "Rong Jiu has rights." which is true! and I do think Meatbun knows it actually but it still hurts how his arc goes here. Me: continually getting too wound up in the fates of side characters and distracted from what's going on with the mains.

Anyway, I'm looking forward to moving into the next parts of the book, which I don't remember as well. Though I know it's a while before it gets really painful, aka what I'm most excited to reread.

Dark Carnivals: Modern Horrors and the Origins of American Empire by W. Scott Poole. I was so frustrated by this book. I wanted it to be an analysis of horror films and their relationship to American imperialism; what I got was a lot of overwrought prose and repetition of the titular metaphor that was very light on the analysis of the actual texts and heavy on the scathing opinions about what is "good" (politically) horror and what is "bad" (politically) horror. Which, fine, my politics are technically the same as his politics, but it was annoying to read in a book that I thought was going to be more analytical. I had high hopes for this book and it failed them; makes me more hesitant to read his other book about horror and World War I, which I have had on my list for a while. But I liked his book on Lovecraft, funnily enough, so not totally sure what went wrong here.

Paradise-1 by David Wellington. I did not realize that this book was first in a series and I'm a little bit annoyed about it. It was decent horror but it doesn't need to be a series and the lack of resolution bugs me, because now if I want resolution I have to read the next book and I don't think I really want to read the next book. Space horror seems like it would be such a rich land full of possibility and yet I keep being disappointed by space horror. (If, in this case, less disappointed than I was by Dead Silence.)

Remnants of Filth: vol. 1 by Rou Bao Bu Chi Rou. She's done it again! It's a differently fucked up relationship, to be sure, but boy am I already here for it, despite feeling like I know very little about what's going on. Gu Mang is my jam as far as character type, and I really like the dynamic as its laid out as having been previously between him and Mo Xi, and also how it is now. Dedicated friends/lovers turned to bitter enemies turned to one of them fractured to a shadow of himself leaving the other bereft of resolution...mm, good stuff. Can't wait to find out more about what's going on under Gu Mang's surface. Looking forward to reading more of this one and glad that I already have the second volume to go to. (And the rest, technically, but I do like reading cnovels in print when I can more than reading on a computer.)

I, Robot by Isaac Asimov. Look at me! Reading classic sci-fi knowing only the bare minimum about it. I liked it more than I expected to, and was less bothered by the way the women were written than I expected to. I didn't realize that it was more a string of short stories tied together by a frame narrative than a novel, but it was really fine that I didn't know that going in - didn't affect my enjoyment, I don't think. And I did enjoy it! I might not have read it on my own, but I read it for a sci-fi book club and ended up liking both it and the book club. Not sure I'd give it, like, a strong recommendation, but I'm glad I finally read it. It'll be interesting seeing what echoes/traces of it I can now pick up in other robot/AI-related writing.

Monstress: vol. 5-7 by Marjorie Liu and Sana Takeda. This comic is so good you guys. So. Good. I don't really know what else to say here, except that she continues to step up her game even more with every volume, and I don't know how she's keeping all the balls in the air that she is with this story as deftly as she is. I have no idea where this story is going, either, and I can't wait to find out. I don't know. Themes of monstrosity and agency and lack of agency and how to be a good person (or try) in a terrible world. With a whole lot more than that. Also there's gay betrayal, if you're into that.

Ariadne by Jennifer Saint. Why do I continue to read Greek Mythology retellings when at best they end up making me go "eh, it was okay I guess"? Not sure. But this was okay, I guess. I liked the same author's Electra better.

Pathogenesis: A History of the World in Eight Plagues by Jonathan Kennedy. More of a "history of the western world categorized by periods of time in which there were various diseases" which...was not quite what I was hoping for, but it was still a good, solid book about epidemiology and the impact of disease on history. A lot of it was familiar to me (how disease enabled the Spanish conquest of the Aztecs and Incas, for instance, but also British colonization in North America), but I did learn some new things, particularly in the sections about Paleolithic/Neolithic diseases. All in all a book I read because I'm particularly interested in the subject but not probably one I'd recommend as the one book that they'd have to read about it.

The Hollow Kind by Andy Davidson. I made it a goal in October to read some spooky books and ended up only reading three, but this was easily my favorite of those - and my favorite non-Darcy Coates horror I've read in a while, too. I wasn't totally sure what to expect from this one, and the slow reveal in the first two thirds particularly was very well done. I found myself slightly more compelled by the portions set in the past than by the present storyline, but not so much as to ding the whole book for it. And I liked that the monster was left pretty vague and undefined, too; that's always my preference. Some very gross descriptions and body horror, as a caveat for those who might be interested but are sensitive about such things.

Die: vol. 1-3 by Kieron Gillen and Stephanie Hans. I'm finally rereading (and finishing) this series and...I forgot how much I like it. Not only because the art is gorgeous (and the art is gorgeous) but Kieron Gillen's writing remains as sharp as ever, and the way he is playing with fantasy as a genre is very fun for me as a fantasy nerd. My favorite issue remains the one about The Lord of the Rings, though. I don't know that this one is quite as good as The Wicked and the Divine as a whole, but I'll have to reread that one taken as a whole, too, before making that determination.

And the art really is gorgeous. Stephanie Hans remains a fave.

Homegrown: Timothy McVeigh and the Rise of Right-Wing Extremism by Jeffrey Toobin. A decent narrative about the Oklahoma City bombing, certainly competently written, but he interrupted himself a little too often drawing parallels to January 6th, in my opinion, and I don't feel like I took anything particularly new or fresh away from this. Which is maybe an artifact of the fact that I've read a number of better books about the rise of right-wing extremism in the 90s, and this one wasn't one of them, but I'm going to go ahead and damn with faint praise when I say "it was fine."

currently I'm rereading Banewreaker by Jacqueline Carey which is a fascinating text in ways that I'm going to need to chew on for a bit, so that I can finally read the sequel. but then a bunch of stuff came in for me at the library, so I'm next probably going to be reading Silver Nitrate by Sylvia Moreno-Garcia, and then Godslayer by Jacqueline Carey, and then The Art of Prophecy by Wesley Chu, and then Children of Memory by Adrian Tchaikovsky, and then Our Share of Night by Mariana Enriquez. or that's the plan, anyway. we'll see how fast it gets derailed.

also somewhere in there planning on reading more Female General and Eldest Princess and most likely the second volume of Remnants of Filth. I'm trying to spend less time on the internet in general (you absolutely could not tell I am sure) so let's make it a busy reading month instead.

[fwoopersongs]

赋得古原草送别 - Composed from: Bidding Farewell on the Ancient Grass Plains

by 白居易  (Bai Juyi, 772 - 846)

离离原上草 一岁一枯荣  lí lí yuán shàng cǎo yī suì yī kū róng  Flickering grasses upon the plain, a year, a cycle of withering and verdant glory.

野火烧不尽 春风吹又生 yě huǒ shāo bù jìn chūn fēng chuī yòu shēng Ravaging wildfire does not burn it all; a spring breeze blows and again, they grow.

远芳侵古道 晴翠接荒城  yuǎn fāng qīn gǔ dào qíng cuì jiē huāng chéng  Distant fragrance encroaches ancient roads; sun dappled green takes the desolate city.

又送王孙去 萋萋满别情 yòu sòng wáng sūn qù qī qī mǎn bié qíng Again, seeing off a dear friend on their way, the lush field is full of these parting feelings.

………………………………………………………………………………………….

NOTES

To @liberty-or-death​, thanks for the rec which brought this poem back on my radar. I’m so glad we do this - I always learn so much! 

Check out her meta and thoughts on this work in the mdzs context.

This is a fun poem in that if you look at only the first four lines, you get one genre of poetry - praise for nature, but if you take it as a whole, you get another type - a farewell poem. In fact, I had no idea that it had a second half. It’s so popular that if anyone asked pre-cnovel era YJ what it means, she would have been able to answer too - but only the second and third lines…

A variation of 野火烧不尽 春风吹又生 is a common idiom which is also used a lot (truly a LOT) in various novels and cmedia, mostly in the context of ruthless or pragmatic characters going ‘斩草不除根 春风吹又生 (if you cut grass but don’t get rid of their roots, then when the spring wind blows they’ll grow again). This phrase is a convergence of this poem and a quote from 左传 zuǒ zhuán, The Commentary of Zuo, which recounts the major political, military, and social events of the Spring and Autumn period, and was written more than a millennium before Bai Juyi was born. In the section for Duke Yin, Year 6, it goes:

君子曰，善不可失，恶不可长，其陈桓公之谓乎，长恶不悛，从自及也，虽欲救之，其将能乎 The lord said, goodness must not be lost, evil must not be nurtured in its growth, this must apply to Duke Huan of Chen. Having nurtured the growth of evil without rectification and about to reap his just deserts - even desiring to salvage this situation, how can it be done? 

商书曰，恶之易也，如火之燎于原，不可乡迩，其犹可扑灭，周任有言曰，为国家者，见恶如农夫之务去草焉，芟夷蕴崇之，绝其本根，勿使能殖，则善者信矣. In the Book of Shang it says, the ease of evil’s flourishing is akin to fire spreading on the plains; it cannot be approached, can it then be extinguished? Quoting Zhou Ren, ‘a person responsible for country and family, at the sight of evil, must behave as the farmer whose priority is to rid the land of weeds, does: cutting them down, gathering them and eliminating them from their very roots so that they may not grow again. Thus allowing goodness to develop.’

And yes, I didn’t go off on a tangent on Zuo Zhuan for nothing. There is a clear resemblance  between the metaphor used here and the imagery in Bai Juyi’s poem, and that is probably how they ended up linked together in association with characters locked in conflict. 

Title

Here’s something new in the title! The words 赋得 fù dé actually indicate the category for this poem by its origin - via prompt, and can be read as roughly equivalent to ‘composed from’. The prompt itself is the following sentence, 古原草送别 gǔ yuán cǎo sòngbié (ancient plain’s grass, bidding farewell). For this type of poem, how carefully the format is maintained whilst sticking closely to the topic and fulfilling the prompt, is a critical test of the poet’s skill. 

Such prompts may come from lines of existing poetry, songs, essays or themes. The earliest example of such that we have today is 《赋得翠石应令诗》 written by 萧雉 Xiao Zhi of Liang Dynasty during the Northern and Southern Dynasties period. Though the later 应制 yìng zhì (by Emperor’s order) type of poetry are also titled with these two words to indicate their type, it is only one reason of many! The origin of such a prompt may vary from being administered for tests of ability, to exams, to friendly games or even just to say ‘I was inspired by this!’.

Background

Pre-dive notes: I suspect this is another one where I’ll end up eyeballs deep in a stack of books sans punctuation and in traditional chinese - and if I’m deeply unlucky, only handwritten. Why am I so excited??????? LMAO. Been dragging my feet on everything up till this point.

The story that comes with this poem isn’t one that can be found in some personal recount or diary entry from the poet. One half comes from 《幽闲鼓吹》, a collection of anecdotes about the upper echelons of the Tang Dynasty, emperors and generals and famous literary figures of the middle and late Tang period, covering Emperor Xuanzong, Emperor Xianzong (元和 Yuanhe) and Emperor Wuzong (会昌 Huichang) of Tang. The other half comes from 《唐摭言》which is a collection of short stories from the Tang Dynasty (618-907) compiled by Wang Dingbao (870-940), mainly about the state examination system. Emphasis on these two collections being anecdotes to be read for amusement, not verified events. But I guess we can take this with the same serving of salt as we might for a ‘know your meme’ entry!

From 《幽闲鼓吹》 白尚书应举初至京，以诗谒顾著作。顾睹姓名熟视白公曰，米价方贵，居亦弗易。乃披卷首篇曰， ‘咸阳原上草，一岁一枯荣，野火烧不尽，春风吹又生‘ 即嗟赏曰，道得个语，居即易矣，因为之延誉，声名大振。

Minister [1] Bai, newly arrived at the Capital to sit for the imperial examinations, brought poems on his visit to a man by the surname of Gu to show them to him. Gu saw his name and observed him intently, saying, “Grain is expensive, living here won’t be easy [2].” He then opened to the first page and read, ‘The grass of Xianyang Plains, a year, a cycle of withering and verdant glory; wildfire does not raze it all, spring winds blow and again they grow’ and sighed in admiration at once, “living here will be easy (for you).” And because word of this praise got out, his (Bai Juyi’s) name became very very well known.

[1] The highest post he ever held was Minister for the Ministry of Justice [2] This was a play on the words of his name, taken literally it can be read 白 bái (for free) 居 jū (live, as in to live in a house) 易 yì (easy). Oh, get thee to a punnery! xD

From 《唐摭言》 唐白居易初举未振，以歌诗谒顾况。况谑曰。居易。长安百物贵，居大不易。及读至赋得原上草送友曰。野火烧不尽，春风吹又生。叹曰。有句如此，居大不难。老夫前言戏之耳。

Tang Dynasty’s Bai Juyi had just passed the imperial exams, but had not made his name yet. He visited Gu Kuang with song and poetry. Mockingly, Kuang said, “‘To lodge easily’? [1] In Chang’an, everything is expensive. It’s not easy to live in a big place.” It was only after reading, ‘Written for bidding farewell to a friend on the plains: wildfire does not raze it all, spring winds blow and again they grow’, that he sighed, “With wordsmithing like this, living in a big place won’t be difficult at all. Consider all I said before a joke.”

[1] Another play on Bai Juyi’s name.

There are slight differences even between these two accounts. Not to mention the question of whether this gentleman Gu Kuang was even actually in the capital at this time. From my brief skim of his Wiki page, it seems he was having trouble at the tail end of his career, and lived out his retirement in seclusion. Records are clear that Bai Juyi passed the imperial exams in 802 along with friend Yuan Zhen, whilst Gu Kuang’s whereabouts were not possible to track down (at least for me) and he passed away in either 806 if baidu is to be believed, or after 820 according to wiki.

Two things that are immediately obvious as I read these passages:

The first, line one reads 咸阳原上草 xiányáng yuán shàng cǎo (the grass upon Xianyang Plain), whereas the version I got from gushiwen and also the ‘popular’ ~modern~ version goes, 离离原上草 lí lí yuán shàng cǎo (dense and lively, the grass upon the plain). 

The second, that the title is written: 赋得原上草送友 (Composed from: Seeing off a friend upon grass plains) vs 赋得古原草送别 (Composed from: Bidding farewell upon the ancient grass plains)

Consulting another source first published in Southern Song, Chapter 30 of 《苕溪渔隐丛话》, its first half completed in 1148 (this copy is owned by Harvard, and the edition was published in 1740 or 1741… if I’m reading the description correctly), backs up the 咸阳原上草 version.

Which then brings us to the question, when did these lines get changed? 

I have no clue, so I asked google xD. Most answers point to Sun Zhu’s (1722–1778) 《唐诗三百首》 Three Hundred Tang Poems. But it's hard for me to verify at this point because many of the collections which hold this poem were reprinted in the 20th century. I sampled two texts randomly in ctext, and both had the 离离/古原 version… even Bai Juyi’s own anthology 《白氏长庆集》, so named because its first print was in the Changgeng Era, second in Emperor Muzong of Tang’s reign. The version in the image below was from 《白氏长庆集》 in an anthology of classics published in 1922, and it has exactly that same 古原草送别 title and 离离 beginning.

I feel like if the original indeed began with 咸阳原上草, and was titled 赋得原上草送友, it would make sense in a later edit that changes 咸阳 (location) into 离离 (adjective) to then clarify what information is lost - that this farewell happening on ‘ancient plains’ - in another place like the title. In any case, I do believe there is a good reason for the change, no matter my personal preference… Let's get to that in the next section.

Poem

First, note that based on the prompt, the things available to be played with are:

A grass plain (as background)

Emphasis on grass

Seeing off someone

And off we go!

Diving right into exploring the more interesting words or expressions in this poem, I’d like to draw our attention to 离离 (of course), 王孙 and 萋萋.

Though not a word you see often, on sight, 离离 feels like it speaks of parting, because read alone, the word 离 is to leave, to part. But the next natural step is to look up past usages. By past, I mean pre-Bai Juyi’s lifetime and ideally from texts and poets he would have read with care.

Pre-Qin, we have two winners from 诗经 the Book of Odes, Airs of Wang, Drooping Millet. In this poem, 彼黍离离 (the millet either droop or sway). From Minor Odes, Clear Dew, 其实离离 (the fruit of trees hand down). Some person from Han - some websites attribute the poem to Cao Cao, some to Empress Zhen - says,  蒲生我池中，其叶何离离 (bullrushes grow in my pond, how dense their leaves). 

That’s about it for relevant poetry.

And then 易经 《䷝离》 The Book of Changes tells me how to interpret trigrams:

离，丽也；日月丽乎天，百谷草木丽乎土，重明以丽乎正，乃化成天下。柔丽乎中正，故亨；是以畜牝牛吉也。 ‘离’ is ‘to rely on’. The sun and moon rely on the heavens, the myriad grassess and trees rely on the earth; light upon light relies on the right path, illuminating all under heaven. The gentle in their positions, middle and fair are hence fortunate, so female cows are fortunate…?

Okay LOL that last one got a bit away from me, but basically, the trigram called 离  (or the trad version of it anyway) is associated with fire, spring and radiance. And who knows if these associations do or don’t spill over into word selection in everyday life?

So 离 is parting and 离离 can be in turns, drooping, swaying, verdant, radiant and full of life. 

We can have 王孙 and 萋萋 up together because having them both in a sentence brings 楚辞 The Songs of Chu, 招隐士 Summons for a Recluse’s line, 王孙游兮不归，春草生兮萋萋 (the noble man remains there and does not return, the grasses of spring are growing luxuriantly). From this poem, we can infer that 王孙 is referring to the recluse (On the topic of the ‘image’ of recluses in literature, I leave this link: ARTICLE REVIEWS: HOUSE OF HERMITS). Such recluses in the time that poem was written could also be the descendants of noble houses. But the word itself also has meaning - it is literally, grandson(s) of kings or princes, and was also used to collectively refer to young noblemen, eventually just young men in general. Maybe similar to how gentlemen is used? Idk.

And 招隐士 is quite an influential poem. Those three things, 王孙, 春草 and 萋萋 were used often in later works to evoke specific feelings of melancholy despite the beauty in the surroundings, because someone is far from home.

(Some unconfirmed rumours in the Old Book of Tang suggest that Bai Juyi may have been descended from the Mi imperial house of the State of Chu, and the Bai family who left Chu for Qin due to prosecution by the King of Chu. But that is neither here nor there. If true, it may have been part of the inspiration for interpreting the poem’s prompt in this way. Just an interesting titbit of information!)

Now that we have the new, uncommon words out of the way, I wanted to try recreating the experience of reading this piece because it’s such a feast for the senses. And I hope this works, because if not it’s going to look quite ridiculous indeed.

离离 /            原上草        //   一岁  /       一枯荣 bright / grass upon the plains // one year / once wither & flourish  Flickering grasses upon the plain, a year, a cycle of withering and verdant glory.

野火   /      烧不尽   //       春风     /        吹又生 wildfire / burns not end // spring breeze / blows to life again Ravaging wildfire does not burn it all; a spring breeze blows and again, they grow.

远      /      芳     /    侵   /      古道     //         晴翠        /  接  /     荒城  distant / fragrance / assails / ancient road // sunlit crisp green / joins / desolate city Distant fragrance encroaches ancient roads; sun dappled green joins the desolate city.

又     /     送   /      王孙   /  去  //           萋萋      / 满 /      别情 again / sending / noble men / away // verdant greenery / full / parting feelings Again, seeing off a dear friend on their way, the lush field is full of these parting feelings.

There are lots of contrasts that bring these words to life. 离离 is associated with verdant, luxuriant growth and blades of grasses or millet. The unquenchable life in that green against the red of the fire, the grass on the plains that even the fire cannot entirely destroy, because deeply hidden ‘neath the ground, its roots are safe. One breath of the wind and it's growing again! Triumphant in its victory, it goes on to overtake the ‘ancient road’ and the ruins of a city. The word used to describe its action at the road is literally 侵 invade, the word for its action with the city 接 can be read as join, but can also be to receive or take over.

And so I think you can see where this is building up to the last line where the grass, abundant, full of life and absolutely everywhere as far as the eye can see, is like his overflowing emotions in the moment of parting.

I really appreciate the crossing over of what is real and what is imagined, anchoring with the image of ‘grass on the plains’ and bringing us through time, through fire and across space - over the winding road and up to the abandoned city. Is the grass really there? Maybe. Did all of this really happen? Who knows. But these feelings after going through all that are certainly real!

Another thing I love is the cinematic acceleration effect for that year with the grass, and then the panning where you follow someone's gaze from the road to the city led on by the greeeeeeeeen. The pacing is so atmospheric as well! 一岁一枯荣 is slow, solemn and glorious. 野火烧不尽 is an intense battle for dominance and 春风吹又生 a breath of fresh air.

(Source)

(Source)

As I was reading the poem for the first time though, there were some things I wondered idly about, which were then answered as I looked into its background and asked around some.

Grass has a 1 year lifecycle???? Apparently some species, yes. Where I live, it’s just green year round unless someone doesn’t water them during a dry spell. In other places with actual seasons, they can stay green for a while under snow or get frozen while green, which is amazing to me, even if they do eventually yellow. If summers are scorching, they may brown (I think that’s when they die?). Anyway, it’s cool and I can’t believe I never thought about this before.

Are wildfires a Thing on grassland? If the sun is hot enough or if conditions are right for dry lightning it can happen, but I don’t know if spontaneous combustion is a thing on this particular field, but I somehow doubt that.

Which ancient field is this happening on? Xianyang Plains, which is a real place! It is now known as Wuling (五陵) Plain, where the mausoleums of 28 Han and Tang dynasty emperors stand.

Where is the old road and the ruins? Are these actual places or just there for the vibes. Xianyang (咸阳) was the capital of the Qin empire. It was sacked and burnt to the ground, supposedly by Xiang Yu, a rebel leader against the Qin in 206 BC. The founding emperor of Han Dynasty later built his capital just across the river from the ruins of Xianyang. In fact, the ruins are still there!

The photo below is of a Qin Dynasty handmade armor factory found in 2019 at the location of the old Xianyang City. Analysis of the materials found there was a match for armor in Qin Shihuang’s Mausoleum.

(Source)

So the thing about Han Dynasty and Tang Dynasty, is this… 

Qin Dynasty spanned 221 BCE to 206 BCE; its capital was Xianyang. Han Dynasty spanned 206 BCE to 220 CE; its first capital was Chang’an. Tang Dynasty spanned 618 CE to 907 CE; its first capital was Chang’an.

Xianyang was there first, it was ravaged by fire. Then the Han Chang’an was built on the opposite bank. Then Tang Chang’an was built Southeast of the ruined Han Chang’an (it’d been through a lot of wars by that time LOL). So are they the same thing? No. But if the ruins of Xianyang are still here for us today, they certainly would have been there back in Bai Juyi’s time. And they would also have been considered ancient ruins, wouldn’t they?

Here’s how the area looks like on google maps.

Back to sleuthing for reasons behind word choices. 

A thing that caught my ear was the keyword 古道! There are so many poems that use that image-impression, but also also, most of ALL: this classic song. Secondary to that though, there’s 小桥流水人家 古道西风瘦马 (a little bridge, running water and homes; on the ancient road in the west wind, a lean horse) of Yuan Dynasty - and after Bai Juyi’s time, and Li Bai’s (701 to 762) 咸阳古道音尘绝 (on the ancient road to Xianyang, ended is the music and the dust), which he’ll certainly have come across.

I got a bit distracted reading farewell poems and was shook to discover that Wang Wei’s (701 to 7062) even more famous farewell poem, iconic line: 西出阳关无故人, is actually, set at almost the same place. 

渭城朝雨浥轻尘 | Weicheng’s [1] morning drizzle moistens the dusty road. 客舍青青柳色新 | By the traveller’s inn, the willow’s green is fresh 劝君更尽一杯酒 | Friend, do drink up one more cup of wine; 西出阳关无故人 | West beyond Yang Pass, there’ll be acquaintances none. (You’ll have no one)

[1] 渭城 wèi chéng, previous, older name for the county that later became Xianyang County during the Qin Dynasty.

Knowing all this, when a poem uses Xianyang, fire, ancient path and desolate city as imagery, one can’t help the mind being drawn to that fire which burnt a palace, a city to the ground, the lives lost. And then wandering still further... who are you bidding farewell to?

So! While 离离 for the first two words brings beautiful imagery, contrasting against the ravaging fire and parallels to 萋萋, 咸阳 provides associations with location, history and builds on impressions to tie the whole poem together. 

Let me know which you prefer!

(Source)

Translation Recs

Something a little different this time, for those who are still with me. 

Because this is such a famous poem, I thought it would be fun to look up other translations! Here’s a list of recs for ones I liked best.

In no particular order:

I enjoyed the brief writeup on Bai Juyi’s background and commentary on the poem’s relevance in vacantmountain’s: TRANSLATION THURSDAY: 赋得古原草送别 BIDDING FAREWELL ON THE PLAIN, BY 白居易 BAI JUYI

Despite what OP says about their own translations seeming rigid sometimes due to their style (and intention for translations), I didn’t find it so. And in fact, I really appreciate how this translation leans closely in to the original words, while still reading smoothly:  152 白居易 賦得古原草送別 translation: Farewells on Grassland, by Bai Juyi

It’s a little further down the page - you may have to search for ‘grass’. I found the concept of utilizing space in this way an interesting one. Perhaps you may too! Daryl Lim Wei Jie brings us: Grass

[lizhly-writes]

hi there i'm thinking about my dumb little 'canon' cnovel again.

The big glaring problem in the life of the 'original novel' teenage Jiang Mingxi is that she gets distracted by attractive people, and no one is more attractive to her than her own fiance.

This pisses her off sooooo much. She doesn't want to be distracted by her fiance. She doesn't want to have dumb feelings about his face. She wants to beat him up. Every time she talks to him, it's like he's looking for a fight, and she just wants to pin him down and shut him up and haha, this train of thought is not going how she'd like it to go.

You would think that 'not having dumb feelings about his face' would be helped by the fact that Yang Haoran is mean to her. Alas, there is something very important about her own preferences that she probably won't figure out until her twenties: she's into people who are a little mean to her.

I have made it so that the original Yang Haoran is pretty much exactly her type. You know, pretty and witty and mean. He is so hot to her, and she hates it so much. The fact that she's actually attracted to him probably actually makes the situation between them even worse, because when faced with strange and confusing emotions, Jiang Mingxi defaults to anger, which, as you can imagine, is not exactly an element conducive to a healthy relationship.

You don't need to know this. It's not exactly relevant to the main story, seeing as our transmigrator doesn't actually know the ins-and-outs of Jiang Mingxi's relationship with the og. I really shouldn't actually be writing this in the first place, seeing as I have a bunch of other things I could be writing, up to and including said main story. I just find it kind of funny that Jiang Mingxi is like this. I think it's funny, that, in some other story that I haven't written, this could have actually been the endgame couple. Their relationship was not actually doomed to failure. It's not as if there were no feelings there at all. Nudge a few events here and there, maybe throw in some therapy, and this might have actually worked out. Like maybe not in the most functional way, but still.

I've gotten strangely invested in going off-trail, you know? Very fun to write things that you know aren't relevant to what you're supposed to be writing, haha.

[danmeireader]

does anyone have any danmei or baihe (or any cnovel... or cdrama... or webcomic) recommendations where the MC/love interest is fat? Or is that too much to ask 😂

I like headcanoning different body types in the stories I've read but I'm wondering if there are any textual characters that are hopefully treated well? (maybe even their looks/eating habits aren't the focus?)

[femgirlfriend-moved]

my type of woman is literally strong, tall, long hair, elegant, highly intelligent, stoic.... hate because this was obviously taste cultivated through reading cnovels but it is what it is........

[unforth]

Alright instead of rageposting about white people perpetuating racism problems in cnovel/cdrama fandoms I've channeled my feels into cleaning up some shit I've been doing a bad job at maintaining and feeling horribly guilty about for months or even years. This is probably a healthier use of my current "fuck it." So, for reference, I've:

deleted the kink meme part of the DMBJ kink meme on AO3. This means that the prompts and sign ups and claims are now gone (I'm sorry I didn't give people time to save their prompts, but the reason I didn't do this months ago was that it had many steps and I was being useless about DOING those steps and as I said in the intro paragraph, I'm now at "fuck it" and like. if I can't do it "the right way" I'm today just breaking and doing it "the wrong way" and here we are). The collection and the ten stories in it still exists and anonymity and such are still maintained for people who wanted it, but new prompts and new fills cannot be submitted.

ditto the above for the kink meme part of the SPN kink meme on AO3. The prompts and sign ups and claims are now gone. I also removed myself administrating the Tumblr, though the other two people involved (fpwoper and envydean) do still have access. I realized belatedly that I really should have offered to just leave and let them have it but, again, today is apparently "fuck it" day which means I'm not thinking through the ramifications of my actions which has resulted in some bad fandom citizenry behavior on my part, and again, I truly do apologize. (I've offered to help them reconstruct the challenge part if either of them wants to run it; fpwoper has already said no, I'll see what envydean says and I'll apologize profusely even more and do what I can do fix things if envydean DOES want to take over and make it active again). The collection and the stories written for it still exist; that's about 40 works. Thanks to everyone who participated.

I left @saawek's Star of Solitude event, which I helped run a year and a half ago. Saawek hasn't really been active on Tumblr, but hun if you see this it's nothing at all about you or TGCF I'm just pulling back from things that even seeing them in my blog list has been causing me stress on the daily.

I formally announced that I'll be consolidating @zhenhunartreblogs and @dmbjartreblogs in @cnovelartreblogs, and I've posted to that effect in all three blogs. If you want Zhenhun/Guardian and DMBJ art content from my sideblogs, unfollow the old blogs and follow at cnovelartreblogs, and just black list fandoms you're not interested in - that's the whole reason I tag everything.

I deleted another side blog I haven't been using.

I'm considering deleting @memesforwriters, which I only update maybe once a month, and honestly just typing all this up has I think tipped me over into "fuck it" and I'm going to delete that too. I expect I'll instead reblog relevant memes to the @duckprintspress account, since I have to maintain that regardless.

My last remaining completely inactive Tumblr sideblog is where I'd posted on translated chapter the 2ha manhua. I really would like to be doing more work like that, though hell if I know when I'll have time; I renamed that blog to @unforthfantranslations, and I have vague hopes to translate more of 2ha and to tackle Lie Huo Jiao Chou (which I've never read any version of and would like to). But tbh I probably won't manage any progress on any of that until the fall.

Nothing like a pile of grief to make me say "I'm done feeling guilty about this stuff, like is too short, fuck it I'm gonna make these changes I've been waffling about for ages."

P. S. I opened another window to check how exactly I'd renamed the translation blog and while I had it opened I decided on a compromise with memesforwriters, which is that I'm exporting it, and THEN I'll delete it. And I DMed the Destiel Harlequin mods that I'm done and think we should shut it down. And I spotted a couple Discord servers I'm going to leave.

So yeah. that's the mood today in a (rather large and overly wordy) nutshell.

Apparently when I said yesterday that I'd be quiet, I failed to take into account how I ACTUALLY process grief. In my defense, this is only the...fourth?...time someone I really care about has died in my entire life. (counts of...Arthur, Gil, my grandfather, yeah that's three...of course other people I've cared about have died but no one who I loved and who I felt "I wish I had more time with this person." Like...I wish I'd had more time with Belle but I didn't love her...yeah I'm just babbling now I'm sorry I'm like this today.)

ETA: okay I just left like 6 Discord servers I haven't been using, too. There's only one I'm still like "maybe I shouldn't..." but I know a lot of people in that server and if I really want back in I can ask for invite.