#codywan week 2023 | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

inkformyblood · 9 months

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i lose all (but not him) #2 CWW2023

Codywan, slowburn, canon-verse with some divergence @codywanweek Prompt: Tea, Caf and Flimsiwork (Day 6) Ao3 link here

The war is, perhaps, the easiest part of Cody’s job.

And he is Cody now, truly and properly, no longer having to tuck the name he has chosen for himself in the hidden compartment of his vambrace along with a scrap of dark fabric stiff with dried blood and a nearly full tube of paint used to mark the corridors bolted on Kamino. He would tap his fingers against it now to reassure himself that it is still closed and he hasn’t wandered away from the quartermaster with the equivalent of his spine hollowed out and exposed, but his arms are currently full. The training simulations had never covered the intricacies of carrying Jedi robes (slippery), a packet of tea (it kept crinkling) and a datapad (liable to be classed as a projectile). Obi-Wan’s lightsaber is the least worrying thing on Cody’s tray at that moment.

The lightsaber bumps against his leg as he walks, holding onto his belt through a combination of emergency tape, which is quickly becoming routine tape, and sheer willpower.

Cody doesn’t think about it.

He can’t stop thinking about it.

Cody pauses, feeling the sharp stab of tension between his shoulder blades, and presses his shoulder against the metal wall to try and alleviate the pressure from his armour. They were all based on the same template so their armour is similarly fashioned and shipped out from four clone-manned facilities on various satellite stations tucked on the wrong sides of planets orbits, and then two others that Cody technically doesn’t know about.

Query: order status?

Answer: on track for fulfilment in two weeks.

In the factories, Cody wonders, are they lonely? He had seen one of the factory squads from a distance, noted the perpetual stoop to their shoulders from the ceilings built to be manned by droids three-quarters of their height, the easy way they pitched into each other as if their shoulders had been made to be held instead of holding. Fox had been standing next to him, his helmet resting on his hip, fanning at the fresh paint with one hand to try and stop it from smearing. They had been so close but the act of reaching out, of leaning his head against Fox’s shoulder, was impossible. It hadn’t ever been meant for them.

His fingers ache as if he’s cold, trapped inside the treated fabric of his gloves. It doesn’t rustle when he moves like the earlier versions, but Cody finds himself missing the sound. Everything rings hollow inside the maw of a spaceship in a way Kamino never had.

(He is tired.)

First, he needs to return Obi-Wan’s possessions to him. It isn’t a strict part of his role as if he follows the chain of command as it is laid out in Form 44.949 which had only gone into effect a week after their deployment — and that is its own issue that Cody can’t dwell on, can only cut his teeth into fresh points arguing about it. According to the protocol, Cody should give the items to a lower-ranked shiny and direct him to return them to Obi-Wan, with no contact necessary. But he wants to. And he can.

Cody presses his shoulder further against the wall, scraping the plastoid against metal. It still doesn’t sit quite right, pinching at the joint where his altered patch had slipped over the past few hours of battle. He’d likely have a bruise there, an exploitable weakness, a crack for sunlight to spill through.

Footsteps.

Cody is alert in an instant, not moving, barely breathing. Sound carries strangely in a starship, echoing off of the enclosed walls and carried by the pipes tucked just behind the thin plating. They had made use of it, knocking out messages against the exposed metal and waiting for a response with their hands pressed against the chill, waiting for the reverberations that meant an answer rather than the shivers that the temperature drop would bring. Everything is cold, all the time.

He knows the sound of those footsteps specifically, the almost graceful dancelike quality to them despite the scuff of a heel used to brace more often than it is used for anything else.

“Sir?” Cody calls and hears Obi-Wan’s footsteps pause and then continue, moving sideways with purpose rather than the careful creep sideways.

“Cody,” Obi-Wan answers, warmth brewed with every syllable of the name, meticulously flavoured and treasured because it is Cody’s. It is indescribable and it takes Cody’s breath away each and every time. He isn’t wearing his helmet to hide the sudden flush to his cheeks so, instead, he busies himself with tucking the trailing sleeve of Obi-Wan’s robe back into his hold.

Obi-Wan looks battle-worn, his inner layer of robes scorched along one edge and it still carries with it the heady iron scent of the battlefield, blood and anticipation twined together until one cannot be parted from the other. There’s not going to be an end to this, there will always be another battle. But, Cody can help in the quiet moments in between.

“I looked for you earlier, sir.” Cody doesn’t look at Obi-Wan fully, stealing glances out of the haze of his peripheral vision as he keeps his gaze fixed past Obi-Wan, boring through the hull into the void beyond. He can’t study the other man to the extent he would like, not like the first moments on Kamino or the rush after that, so he makes do with fragments. He doesn’t know why.

(We were made for them.)

Obi-Wan blinks, breaking into a grin. He’s slightly off balance, dignified despite that or maybe, because of it, a network of carefully applied bacta patches peeking out from beneath his sleeve. Cody should take him to see a medic. He’s within his training to do so.

“My apologies, Cody.” Obi-Wan bows slightly, his grin never wavering and only growing fonder, building upon a well-worn foundation. “I was just on my way back to my room. Would you like to join me?”

A thrill flickers up Cody’s spine and he thinks of the simulations, of information burning into his neutron pathways and rearranging him from the inside out until he cannot remember who he had been before, only what he had always been. Obi-Wan’s invitations feel similar and, at the same time, like nothing Cody has experienced before. It’s a choice he wants to make just because he can.

“I’d appreciate that, sir.”

“Here, let me.” Obi-Wan’s voice isn’t aligned with his mouth, the sound arriving a handful of seconds before his mouth moves (three seconds exactly, the count inside Cody’s head still ticking down and down and down just as it has been all along). It’s still off-putting, a whisper of the universe leaning forward, head propped on their fists and an unknowable look in their eyes as if this is a test Cody is undertaking and he isn’t aware of the parameters just yet. He swallows against it and squares his shoulders. He isn’t about to kneel for anyone, universe or not.

“I can manage, sir.”

Obi-Wan is unperturbed, reaching for the bundle in Cody’s arms and plucking the hang of his robes free, folding them into his own arms with practised ease that spoke to years of habit. Cody knows the slant of shinies, limbs too long and decorated with bruises instead of paint, but it doesn’t seem to fit Obi-Wan correctly like he’s trying to pilot a command module with an engineering base. He must have been shorter at some point, bare-faced and delicate like the little Commander allocated to Rex’s squadron, but Cody can’t picture it. Obi-Wan’s fingers brush Cody’s, his skin warm and a little sticky from the bacta residue on his palm. There’s a ragged edge to one of his nails, the skin torn and protruding and something in Cody snaps into sharp relief, a knowing that he cannot explain.

“There.” Obi-Wan smooths his hands over the robe once more and Cody keeps his gaze lowered, watching the other man out of the corner of his eye as he tucks the datapad under his arm and holds the roughly folded packet of tea on the same side. He straightens up, settling back into the easy position that feels like his bones have been reshaped to fit. His elbow bumps against Obi-Wan’s saber and he draws it free with his other hand, pulling the tape free.

It’s warm, clinging to the remnants of Obi-Wan’s touch, and still heavier than Cody expects, each and every time. “I believe this is yours, sir?”

“Ah.” Obi-Wan brightens, his smile rueful. There’s a faint flush of colour to his cheeks, more noticeable thanks to his pale complexion, and he covers it by smoothing his fingers over his robe once more. “You truly are a wonder, Cody. I knew my saber would be safe with you watching out for me.”

Compliments had been few and far between on Kamino for the command track clones, limited to a dull glow of satisfaction at a posted score or an envious glance at their other brothers who could grin like it was easy because it was for them. Cody keeps his breathing even, hoping the flare of colour in his cheeks isn’t as noticeable as he feels it is despite the chill that permeates every inch of the ship. “I’m just doing my job, sir.”

Obi-Wan shakes his head slowly, reaching up to run his fingers over the side of his neck, his grip curling over something that is no longer there before he lowers his hand once more. When he speaks, his voice is heavy with a gravity that could tear a planet in two. “Even so, Cody, thank you.”

Obi-Wan takes his saber, his fingers brushing against Cody’s, his hold casual for a weapon that still gives Cody pause despite the number of times he has handled it. He spins it over his palm, a flash of darker calluses bisecting the base of his fingers and the pad of his thumb, a rough touch that Cody knows and he wishes he doesn’t and craves it all at once.

(They were made for us.)

Cody nods, sharp enough to cut, his gaze lingering on the pale green cast of bacta over the gap at Obi-Wan’s wrist. The air hangs heavy, the fans above and below thrumming through a circulation cycle and the scent of iron clings to the back of Cody’s teeth. He wants to suggest that they continue forwards, down the corridor and around the corner that would open to the solid door that blockaded Obi-Wan’s rooms, but he can’t. It’s too close to an order, his mind too tired to work around the logic jumps that would let him justify it as a suggestion. He stands, silent, his breath catching on every ragged piece of the scars on his chest, his gaze fixed on a single distant point.

Query: help

Answer: This is temporary. Wait for orders.

Cody is a good soldier. He waits.

“Shall we continue, my dear?” Obi-Wan says. There’s something about his voice that reminds Cody of the incubation rooms, cast in dull blue light and necessitating hushed voices just because.

Cody nods, exhaustion adding several pounds to his armour as he waits for Obi-Wan to begin walking and he falls in place next to him. There’s an itch at the nape of his neck, a wisp of hair caught between the fabric of his blacks and his armour, and sweat pooling in the divots of his spine and beneath his arms. Over the rest of him, he can still feel the grit of the battlefield and he knows he will never be able to be free of it. Yet another thing that had never been covered in the simulations.

Around them, the ship groans and settles into an evening cycle, the lights flickering to a darker hue and Cody glances up automatically, searching the ceiling for the tell-tale watchful eye of the security system. He wouldn’t see it, the cameras were something that he had left behind on Kamino and he had scrubbed over every inch of the ship’s systems and every single regulatory form searching for the equivalent that the Jedi would hold over them. He hadn’t found it but the fear is always there. He checks every so often, and he knows Fox does too.

Settling back into an easy pace, Cody thinks over the recent battle, the developing report he is transcribing in his mind for it, the supply list for the ship, anything and everything to not think about the lingering warmth from Obi-Wan’s touch that still burns over the dull fabric of his gloves. He knows what Obi-Wan’s hands feel like on his bare skin and that is somehow worse.

They draw to a halt, Cody stopping half a step behind Obi-Wan before he corrects himself, moving level. A small smile tugs at Obi-Wan’s mouth, fond in a quiet way, and he taps over the control panel to open the door and he steps inside. “Would you mind closing the door after you, Cody? I find there’s a certain chill that comes with the evening cycle.”

“Yes, sir.”

It’s a choice to obey, the deliberate phrasing of not an order that Obi-Wan had fallen into whenever he speaks to the clones, the same way he would keep the world stable somehow with nothing more than a gentle word and a smile. Cody taps over the door control and it hisses closed behind him.

Inside, Obi-Wan’s quarters are similar to Cody’s own, one room slightly larger than the standard plan outlined on the ship’s blueprints, the ceiling sloping down towards the bed hollowed out of one wall due to the swell of pipes and wires and Obi-Wan stoops slightly as he moves towards a set of hooks just above an alcove. Against the opposite wall, a desk sits, bolted into place and covered in a mess of datapads and flimsiwork roughly shuffled into piles and bound together with broad straps and a pulse of pain spikes behind Cody’s eyes in sympathy. His own desk looks similar, if more organised. He can’t not. Not yet.

Cody steps forward, watching Obi-Wan out of the corner of his eye. His heartbeat is unsteady, a rattle in his chest making his teeth ache. He had told before that he doesn’t have to wait for Obi-Wan, that he can sit down when he wishes, but he can’t here and now. He needs an order.

Obi-Wan keeps his head lowered as he reaches into the alcove, pausing only to throw his robes towards the bed. The angle isn’t right, meaning to land the robes on the edge of the bed, dooming them to pool into a crumpled unregulated mess. But it doesn’t. Because the mystical energy that governs the universe bends itself to Obi-Wan’s commands because it loves him — like Cody thinks he might, a choice he’s making for himself alone — and the robe folds itself neatly on the bed, one sleeve dangling free like it’s waiting to be held.

“Please sit, Cody.” Obi-Wan isn’t looking at him but Cody can feel the easy pressure of his gaze regardless. There’s almost a release, a switch flicking in his brain, and Cody gratefully sinks onto the single chair offset from the low table. His back is still straight, his elbows tucked into his side, and he holds the datapad and the tea on his lap, keeping it level. His back is to the curved corner, the brief scrap of wall between the desk and the door to the private fresher Obi-Wan is allocated. It makes sense, distance to stop familiarity, a layer of separation that the Jedi seem determined to sidestep whenever possible, however they can.

The single bed is a rarity that keeps drawing Cody’s attention like a neon sign flickering out of step with the world around it. He’s used to sleeping alone now, his own separation from his brothers, his world blunted behind thick leather and heavy plastoid to keep him moulded as he was intended, but he can remember the dormitories when he had been barely bigger than a shiny and he was no different than any of his batchmates. He can barely remember their names or numbers now, a deliberate forgetting Cody forced himself through after the first casualty report landed in front of him, his hands bound in bacta from his blaster shattering in his grip, bloodied and yet it hadn’t been enough.

It would never be enough.

“What tea did you select for us, Cody?” Obi-Wan pulls out the kettle from the alcove, his head bowed in quiet contemplation before he rests it in midair, returning to the alcove for two mugs dangling from his crooked fingers before he picks the kettle back up.

Cody doesn’t think about the word ‘us’. He’s getting better at doing that.

“Picked it up last rotation.” Cody’s voice cracks at the final word, stumbles into cowering compliance as his knuckles ache with the desire to do something (ERROR: it isn’t time yet). He swallows, swings his gaze from Obi-Wan’s bed to the rough sheen of the kettle, non-regulation modifications packed beneath the innocuous surface so it has its own transfer form for whenever Obi-Wan brings it onto planet-side with him for the longer campaigns. He’s allowed, as is his right, to bring more items than the standard clone trooper. Cody is similarly allotted a slight increase in his cargo allowance and he has no end of brothers who are willing to pick up a maintenance slot here and there in exchange for some of it.

It’s strange.

He’s a little jealous of them, he thinks. It comes easier for them.

“Oh? What about it caught your eye?”

Obi-Wan doesn’t reach for the package, waits for Cody to offer it. Instead, he watches Cody beneath lowered lashes, ostensibly scooping and re-scooping the same amount of sugar, letting the granules tip back into the rustling packet at each attempt. There are choices to be made, but Cody falls back onto old habits, open-palmed and offered up like a sacrifice to a deity they manufactured themselves out of scrap metal and the scent of salt and the hopes of what the Jedi would be like, their unknown purchasers. It had been old when the Alpha batch were shinies, decaying by the time Cody had grown, but it is still there, still watching.

(Interesting. A side-effect, perhaps?)

“It was the picture at first.” Cody doesn’t shift his gaze as Obi-Wan steps closer, impossible not to watch him in such close quarters but Cody focuses on the delicate embroidery covering a burn mark on Obi-Wan’s tunic, the sharp scent of bacta rising. “Reminds me of Kamino.”

Obi-Wan scoops the packet up, cradling it in his palms as he raises it up to the dull glow of the light. It breaks against the planes of his cheekbones, turns his hair golden at the edges to replace the whisper of silver throughout, and Obi-Wan hums in answer. “Good flavours too, I’m particularly fond of wild cherry, it’s a shame the crop itself will be in short supply this year due to the change in agriculture. Not even just because of the war, but Stewjoni—“

The kettle whistles and Obi-Wan turns back to it, the sound of his scuffed footsteps not aligning with the fall of his boot. He ducks his head and returns to the alcove, still speaking, still animated with a flush to his cheeks.

“—Stewjoni is my home planet originally or, at least, that is what was put into my records. But they are the main exporter of this type of wild cherry and they’ve had a higher-than-expected amount of rain in recent years and a significant number of the trees haven’t produced fruit because of it. We won’t feel the effects for a while, modern food storage being what it is, but there’ll be a shortage in a year or two.”

Cody can’t make out what Obi-Wan is doing, but he can hear the kettle taper off into a low rolling boil, water splash into three cups and the scent of something Cody can’t name fills the air. It’s close to the memory of the market stall at the edge of a decaying town, the flat space loaded with numerous packets and they had smelt slightly sweet behind the industrial tang of the packaging and the lingering ash of battle. It’s a nice smell and Cody breathes in deeply.

“Here you go, Cody.” Obi-Wan balances two cups on the small table in the centre of the room, sweeping the handles round to both face the same direction before he straightens and pulls the desk chair out, sinking into it. One cup is immediately familiar as caf, sweetened to the point of thickness, and something in Cody’s chest twists at the thought of Obi-Wan remembering, of not needing to ask because he knows, and it takes a moment for him to assess the second cup. The liquid inside is paler by a few degrees, tending towards a deep red shade, and it is the source of the new scent.

“Have you any plans for your leave? I believe I’m going to be stuck at the Temple for the duration.” Obi-Wan crosses his legs whenever he sits if he isn’t restrained by the arms of the chair. In those situations, he will often sit sideways, throwing his legs over the arm in order to sprawl. He’s sitting like that now, stance wide and somehow stable despite the deliberate tilt to the chair.

Cody reaches for the cup as he twists his thoughts into an answer. He feels almost like a cadet again, strapped into an armour that’s too big for him, stumbling around in search of something that makes sense. “I picked up some supplies to try knitting,” he offers, his back straightening before he can stop himself. He might as well have carved through the plastoid on his chest and offered Obi-Wan his bleeding heart and it would feel less personal.

But Obi-Wan brightens, turning towards Cody like a flower searching for the sun, and it’s okay, it’s going to be alright.

“That’s wonderful to hear, it truly is a rewarding skill to have.”

Cody nods, wishing in vain for his helmet to hide the flush on his cheeks, and picks up the tea instead, lowering his head to sip at it. It tastes sweet, like the warm sensation of his fingertips brushing against Obi-Wan’s and Cody drinks more, craving something he can’t fully name. Not yet, at least.

#codywan #cody x obi wan #commander cody #obi wan kenobi #star wars #codywanweek 2023 #codywan week 2023 #my writing #fanfic

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