#constant scrolling

[cowboyjen68]

Hi Jen, thanks for all you do. Just wondering if you can speak to something I'm experiencing with my wife. I'm in my 30s and in a very loving, communicative marriage but one thing that always bugs me is how often she's on her phone and endlessly scrolling. We are in the midst of family planning and I speak often about who I want to be for our kid: someone who tries to be present, someone who spends intentional time with family. And she tends to agree with me, but it doesn't seem to change anything. Not that I expect that she does exactly what I do, but it can make me sad to see what was verbalized as a shared value go to the wayside.

I've had direct conversations with her about how sometimes I feel ignored or rejected when she looks at her phone when I'm midsentence or when we're in the middle of what I thought was an engaging conversation. She is very responsive to any concerns or requests I have (and vice versa) but the phone thing seems to come back up over time.

At what point do you find a way to accept things as they are? Do I continue to bring up my concerns or do I try to embrace the dynamic that exists in front of me?

This is my first healthy relationship after a decade long slide into hell with my ex, so I am still somewhat new to how healthy relationships operate.

Thanks again and I appreciate all that you're doing for lesbians younger than me to bridge generational gaps :)

The constant need to check on one's phone is definitely a habit at best and an addiction at worst. It can be a very hard habit to break. Admitting she is on her phone too much is only a small step. She really needs to see that she is constantly reaching for her phone without any thought about it.

See if she can agree to put her phone down, away from her, in another room and even shut it off for certain times of the day. Meals, when you are watching a movie together, when you are in bed and having those important evening couple "pillow talk" times. You deserve a few hours of her undivided attention daily or at least a few time a week. IF she cannot do that it is an addiction and I would suggest she seek some help with breaking the pattern.

If she agrees to set it down AND away from herself when you want her attention then I think you and she will find it becomes a good habit with practice. It will become automatic to put the phone away when meal time is here or when it is one on one time and that will become easier for her.

You are the only one who can decide if you can't live with the constant scrolling even when you are having a meal or an important discussion. IF she can't or won't try to change her habit you need to decide. If you are already feeling resentful for her lack of response to your very reasonable request it will only get worse unless she not only agrees to try but succeeds in breaking her reliance on the phone.

If you do not feel heard, respected, or feel like your emotions are being acknowledged it is not as healthy of a relationship as you deserve

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

the artblock be hitteth Harder than normal, for tis not normal artblock. woe. Wally be upon ye

[voilaammayi]

I just can’t stop wondering how much we don’t know because we can’t hear it - because of sherlock & co being recorded.

how many times had john rolled his eyes at sherlock when he was being ridiculous, but smiled to himself the moment he turned around? how many times had mariana leaned in the doorway to 221b baker street and silently but fondly watched john and sherlock bickering? how many times sherlock just didn’t say anything when archie climbed on his lap and instead started to scratch behind the dog’s ears?

how many gentle smiles, cheeky grins and warm gazes with sparkling eyes? fingers touching one’s arm, hands on the shoulder or tight hugs? how much affection spread without words?

how much is being not said, left to imagination?

[thatswhatsushesaid]

i do understand and acknowledge that most people who pick up mdzs and get really into it walk away from the experience with wangx!an brainrot that brings them joy and suffering (affectionate) in equal measure, and--unless they're assholish at me or my pals--i wish all of those people well and hope that the veritable cornucopia of wangx!an content on this webbed site and AO3 is everything they've ever wanted out of their fandom experience. wwx is the protagonist, lwj is his court-appointed soulmate, their happily ever after is what most people pick up the books wanting to experience, and that's, you know, fine. live your bliss etc.

i just hope that one day it won't be such a hot and controversial take for fans who didn't develop wangx!an brainrot, and who found something and/or someone else more compelling and engaging about the text, to be able to say as much, and talk about it as much as we want to, without generating a bunch of passive-aggressive--or aggressive-aggressive--commentary from hardcore wangx!an stans who seem to take our disinterest in the central romance personally for whatever reason. like genuinely i would probably not dislike wangx!an as much as i have come to dislike them if i hadn't been inundated with very rude reblog commentary or anon asks early on in my fandom experience just for saying /checks my notes, "maybe jin guangyao isn't evil, actually. maybe wei wuxian did some things wrong."

dgmw, i'm glad that lots of people here are able to like jgy, for example, and still enjoy wwx and wangx!an specifically. but for those of us who don't, or who are struggling to rediscover some affection for the main pair, this attitude.... did not develop in a vacuum lol. i would just like for people to bear that in mind, i guess.

[kalihoffs]

Feyre, Nuala and Cerridwen

[babyblueetbaemonster]

Why can't we drink as many potions as we want haha

[rxkuyo]

"Ahaha Daemon is so dumb for believing the old man is the one actively poisoning him when the weird goth witch giving him weird concoctions is right there."

May I introduce you to a beautiful concept known as sleep deprivation ? Man's only gotten poor quality sleep (if any at all) for weeks for all we know. Mood swings and paranoia are bound to go hand in hand with that one. Logical thinking ? Nope. Not happening. You add the fucking hallucinations further messing up his mind to the mix and you get exactly what we see.

[honeybard]

made a decision to delete the mobile app and try to limit my phone usage a bit more so just in case anyone notices, I am gonna be a little less active here for a time <3

[turnipoddity]

I’m so numb and jaded towards horror movies but i’m SCARED of the terrifier clown

[revenantghost]

I am not doing so hot mentally so pls forgive me if I'm taking a bit to answer things (and poke me if I've forgotten anything), I have a lot of super stressful and some kinda bad things going down and my brain feels like scrambled eggs OTL

[actual-changeling]

when you're depressed so you go outside, and now you're outside and depressed and somehow also a little bit damp.

but here's a crunchy leaf so it's all good

[drzone]

i think my relationship to gender is just that one catbug clip thats like “i love you!” “i love you too! marry me!” “…No!!” “Why!!!!” “I love another..” that goes on for like 5 minutes

[meatexe]

i love all of u so much but i am just going to start unfollowing for constant “men xyz” posting

[salthien]

physically? i'm at work. mentally? i am yet again in severe anguish over the chain links forged directly into the shoulders of the pure vessel's armor. a constant physical reminder of the only reason they exist, the fate that awaits them for - as far as they know - eternity.

[enderspawn]

the dash is talking abt how many ppl they follow and seeing ppl like “omg how do you follow 200 ppl i get overwhelmed w like 50” you are like a little baby. watch this

[steeleyespan]

literally what getting a bf and rediscovering a love of music does to a motherfucker