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scary-grace · 16 days

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Enough to Go By (Chapter 15) - a Shigaraki x f!Reader fic

Your best friend vanished on the same night his family was murdered, and even though the world forgot about him, you never did. When a chance encounter brings you back into contact with Shimura Tenko, you'll do anything to make sure you don't lose him again. Keep his secrets? Sure. Aid the League of Villains? Of course. Sacrifice everything? You would - but as the battle between the League of Villains and hero society unfolds, it becomes clear that everything is far more than you or anyone else imagined it would be. (cross-posted to Ao3)

Chapters: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14

Chapter 15

Your experiences with the cops have been mixed, but right now, the cops are so relieved that someone’s found Eri that they don’t ask you too many questions. They run your name through the database, of course, but when they come up with no prior arrests and the fact that you’re quirkless, you can actually see them write you off as a suspect. Sometimes your uselessness works to your advantage. You’re planning to make a clean getaway, but Eri wakes up as you’re trying to put her down and starts to cry. You try to remember who she said she wanted earlier. “Can you bring, um, Deku? She said something about him.”

Deku is a bizarre name for a hero. You wonder what Midoriya Izuku was smoking when he picked it out. “Let me see,” the officer on duty says. She smiles at Eri, who squeezes her eyes shut and hugs the plush corgi even closer to her chest. “I’ll make a call. You might have to wait with her.”

“That’s okay,” you say. You’re sort of interested to meet Midoriya Izuku. Tenko hates him, and you want to know what Tenko’s up against. “I don’t mind.”

It’s not a long wait. Maybe forty-five minutes. Forty-five minutes of Eri tossing and turning restlessly in your arms, waking briefly and falling asleep again, sometimes crying whether she’s awake or asleep, before two heroes come barreling into the police station. You know the first one is Midoriya, but you’ve seen the second one before, too – Eraserhead, Class 1-A’s homeroom teacher. The one who was defending his psychopath student on national TV.

Anger flares up inside you, and you fight to tamp it down. You can’t look defensive or hostile. You need to look harmless and quirkless and maybe a little stupid, so you’ll register as such a nonevent that the idea of you being involved with the League of Villains will never cross their minds. Midoriya reaches you first, out of breath and a little panicked. “Eri! Are you okay!”

She stirs slightly, and while Midoriya’s trying to figure out how to yank her out of your arms while still asking nicely, Eraserhead arrives. He activates his quirk at once, although you’re not sure who he’s trying to use it on. “Why is she unconscious?”

“She’s sick,” you say. “She was like that when I found her.”

“Why didn’t you bring her to the hospital? That would have been the logical choice.”

“You’re supposed to bring lost kids to the police, aren’t you?” You let your face fall slightly. “I just wanted to do the right thing. I wasn’t sure.”

“You brought Eri back. That’s the most important thing.” Midoriya’s focused on her. “Where did you find her?”

“I was walking home from the grocery store and I heard something in an alley. I thought it was a cat, but I went to look and it was her.” You’re a better liar than Tenko is. You know how many details to add, when to be nonspecific. “Do you know how she got there?”

“We don’t comment on active –”

“The League of Villains took her,” Midoriya says, cutting Eraserhead off. “We rescued her from Overhaul – it was on the news – but they took her before we could take her to the hospital. They must have decided to give her back.”

“They dumped her,” Eraserhead corrects sharply. “Giving her back would entail taking her to a police station or a hospital.”

“But they couldn’t go there without getting arrested,” Midoriya says. He holds out his arms, and you pass Eri in her blanket bundle to him. He looks at you over her head. “Did she say anything about them?”

“No,” you say. An idea pops into your head and you run with it – something to push back on the story Eraserhead is telling himself, something to make Midoriya think he’s right. Something to confuse them both, to make sure that the story Tenko was afraid they’d tell isn’t the one that survives. “She had the blanket when I found her. And the toy.”

“Oh,” Midoriya says. Eraserhead doesn’t say a word. He doesn’t look happy. “She seems like she really likes it.”

Even in her sleep, she has it crushed to her chest. You keep playing dumb. “Can she keep it?”

“Of course,” Midoriya says at once. “Right, sensei – er, Eraserhead?”

“If nothing is wrong with it, and she wouldn’t prefer a toy not given to her by a villain, yes.”

So she will get to keep it. It’s just an ordinary toy. You’ve made the handoff to the heroes, and now you can go. But would the slightly brain-dead civilian you’re playing just go? You get to your feet, but hesitate. “Is she going to be okay?”

“Yes,” Eraserhead says. “She’ll be in good hands. Much better hands than she’s been in over the past twenty-four hours.”

You start nodding, ignoring the surge of frustration at the comparison between Tenko and Overhaul, and turn to leave. Eraserhead’s hand comes down on your shoulder as you’re walking away and scares the hell out of you. “What’s your name?”

“The police have it.” Wrong answer. If you had nothing to hide, you’d just have said your name a second time. You start babbling to cover up the error. “They looked me up and everything. Did you know they keep addresses? Like all the addresses I’ve ever lived at. It’s so weird!”

“Did you see anything?” Eraserhead asks. You shake your head. “Was anyone in the alley with her?”

You shake your head. “I only saw her. I wouldn’t have known she was there if she hadn’t made a sound.”

“She’s lucky you went to investigate,” Eraserhead says. The weird look you give him isn’t even slightly faked. “Most people wouldn’t.”

“Oh,” you say. “I – um – I’m glad I looked, too. It was – nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you too,” Midoriya says. He’s awkwardly rocking Eri. “Sensei, should we call an ambulance?”

“That would be best.”

They’re not paying attention to you anymore. You leave, feeling like you’ve dodged a bullet or ten.

The League is in a celebratory mood when you get back. Defeating Overhaul and cementing Tomura’s status as the next leader of the criminal underworld is a big deal, and you’re happy, too – but at the same time, you’re stuck on the fact that life as you know it is ending. If the Hassaikai could find you, other people could, too, and you’re still quirkless. Defenseless. It’s not safe for you to be here on your own. And Ryuhei was right. As the team’s medic, you have to actually be with the team to do any good. It’s right that you should leave. It was going to happen eventually. And you still feel like you’re losing something you can’t replace.

Because you are. After this, you won’t be a civilian anymore. Even if you’re not committing serious crimes yourself, the semblance of a normal life you’ve been maintaining will die away. You’ll be like your cousin Manami for real. Except that compared to what you’re mixed up in, Manami’s strictly small-time.

“I’m gonna miss this place,” Spinner remarks, sprawling out with his feet up on your couch. It takes way too much effort not to cry.

You head back to your room to pack long before everyone else starts to settle down. What are you supposed to bring with you when you go on the run? Your costume, obviously. Medical supplies, obviously, which you’ll restock from the soon-to-be-set-up supply caches when you need to. Changes of clothes, deodorant, toothpaste, toothbrush? You try to figure it out based on what the League’s been asking you to buy for them, and it already feels like you’ve got too much stuff in the backpack you’re bringing with you. And that’s not even counting the evidence.

There’s not much left of Shimura Tenko. You’re pretty sure you have all of it, and there’s not room for it in your backpack, even with the plush corgi finding a new home, and you can’t leave it here for whoever searches your apartment once you’ve gone missing. The smart thing would be to get rid of it. Crumple up the valentine, shred the photos, throw the album away, flush the locket down the toilet and forget about it all. But you don’t want to do that. You don’t want Shimura Tenko to exist only in your memory. If something happens to you, it’ll be like he never existed at all.

You fold the valentine carefully, slide it into an empty sleeve of the photo album. You bury the album at the bottom of the backpack. The locket lands on the nightstand, to put on later. That just leaves you with the journal. You haven’t read through it at all yet, and even though you’re pretty sure you’ll be flushing the pages down the toilet, you decide that you should read a few of them first.

It takes only a few seconds for you to wish you hadn’t. The journal starts when you’re seven, and all the feelings you hadn’t learned to hide yet are scrawled on the page. Anger, confusion, sadness, loneliness, hurt, guilt. So much guilt. You didn’t remember how hard your younger self had tried to find Tenko, how much trouble you’d gotten into for sneaking out to look for him. You didn’t remember how insane everyone made you feel – not just for believing that he was still alive, but for remembering him at all. It’s obvious in the weight of your pen against the paper, the heaviness of the strokes, the size of the characters. HE WAS REAL. HE WAS HERE.

As the pages turn and you grow older, your handwriting gets better, until the day you found out your parents were planning to wipe your memory, at which point you go insane for real. Given what a mess your handwriting was and how blurry and water-stained the paper is, you’re surprised you managed to pull it together long enough to hide the journal and everything else away.

You’ve always thought your parents were wrong to do what they did. You still think that. But when you read through the journal as an adult, you can catch the faintest glimpse of why they went that far. If you had a kid and they were doing this, you’d be worried. You wouldn’t know what to do. And if it was really you, you grown up for real with a kid you’ll never have, you’d be terrified, because you know where this leads. It leads to throwing away a decent life, a normal life, and following your best friend off the edge of the world.

There are a lot of pages in the journal. You have to flush them down the toilet in handfuls, and you’re so focused on getting rid of them that you don’t realize how weird it is to flush the toilet eight times in a row. Someone clears their throat and you look up to find Dabi and Toga watching you. “What are you doing?” Dabi asks.

“Disposing evidence.” You yank the last set of pages out of reach and flush them, too. “Get out of my room.”

Dabi leaves. Toga stays, poking through your bathroom cabinet. “Can I have this?” she asks, lifting up your meager makeup collection. You nod. “What about this?”

Perfume you never use. “If you want to carry it, it’s yours,” you say, and Toga grins. “Actually, if you help me pack, you can have whatever’s left in my closet. That you’re willing to carry.”

“You’re the best! I needed some new things.” Toga hugs you, then turns to your dresser and closet, all business. “Bring all your underwear. Like, all of it. We can’t do laundry very much and I don’t feel as gross when I can switch mine out.”

That’s reasonable. “Don’t bring anything with short sleeves or anything sleeveless. Warm stuff only. It’s getting really cold at night,” she continues. She starts taking things out of your dresser and putting them on the bed. You can’t tell if she’s picking them for herself or for you. “Find a way to wear your hair that won’t get messed up too easy. We won’t get to wash it very often, either.”

Your hair’s going to be hidden by the veil, but that’s still smart. Toga has more suggestions – clothes with sturdy fabric, bras that aren’t uncomfortable to sleep in – before she gets serious. “Period stuff. I made Mister shrink a whole bunch of it, but it sucks to have to ask him to un-compress it.”

“That was really smart, though. It makes stuff a lot easier to carry.”

“We should have him compress most of the supplies,” Toga says, her eyes brightening. “That way we can carry more!”

She runs off to tell Tomura and the others, and you go back to reorganizing your backpack to fit Toga’s must-haves in it. She comes back a few minutes later, all business once more. “If you have jewelry, bring it so we can sell it if we need money,” she says. “And just to have. It’s nice to look pretty sometimes.”

“I’ll take your word for it.”

She throws a sock at you. “Being mean to yourself isn’t cute. Tomura-kun likes you how you are. Overhaul was really gross and even he liked you.”

“He didn’t like me. He just knew he could use me to get to Tomura.” You feel guilty when you think about it. You could have derailed Tomura’s plans so easily, just by being weak, being unable to fight for yourself. You need to fix that. “I wasn’t saying I’m ugly. I’m just saying I don’t think about that a lot. Anyway – jewelry?”

Toga nods, and you start digging your jewelry out of its various hiding spots. Rather than investing in a jewelry box with a lock that Compress could pick in two seconds, you scattered your small collection around your room, figuring Compress would give up the hunt rather than risk Tomura’s wrath. It must have worked, because everything is right where you left it, and none of it’s been replaced by one of Twice’s copies. You’re hoping Toga will let the subject drop, but she doesn’t. Not quite. “How did you make Tomura-kun fall in love with you?”

“That’s a strong word,” you say, thankful you’ve got your back to her right now. Neither you nor Tomura has said the L word. In your case, it’s not because you don’t feel it. You don’t know why you’ve held back on saying it out loud. “I didn’t make him. We just spent time together and it happened.”

“That won’t work for me.” Toga’s frowning. “I like Ochako – and Izuku – and Tsu. But they won’t spend time with me because they’re heroes.”

Your inclination is to tell Toga to find a more realistic crush, but you’re also not an asshole. “You’ve seen Ochako and Izuku at least twice, right?” you ask, and she nods. “When you see them next, try to make a strong impression, I guess. Since you don’t get to spend time with them very much, you have to make it count.”

“Something romantic,” Toga says, and you nod. “When I do that, can I have these earrings? Green looks good with my eyes.”

“Sure.”

“And what about this? Can I –” Toga breaks off, gasps. You turn to find her standing by the nightstand, your locket open in her hand. “Who’s this? Is this –”

You see it in her eyes when she realizes. She claps a hand over her mouth, which is good. Now you don’t have to do it for her. “You can’t tell the others,” you say, keeping your voice low. “Please don’t.”

“I won’t if you tell me everything.” Toga looks shocked and gleeful at the same time. It’s a weirdly intimidating expression. “Otherwise I have to talk to people so they can help me guess. I won’t need to if there’s nothing to guess about.”

You don’t want to tell anyone, but you want out of this conversation, and you don’t want it to leave this room. You sit down on the end of the bed, well clear of the stuff you’re trying to pack, and Toga plops down next to you cross-legged. “I knew him when we were kids,” you start. “We lived across the street from each other. We were best friends until – um –”

“He used to be normal?” Toga looks amazed. “What happened?”

“His quirk awakened. It –” You trail off. You’re not sure how to describe the carnage in what was left of Tenko’s house. It’s not your story to tell. “He disappeared after that. It was fifteen years before I saw him again.”

“How did you know it was him? He looks so different now than he does in the picture.”

“The scratching. He did that as a kid, too. And he remembered me, sort of.” You remember the way he froze when you said his name, how fast he ran from you. You’ve never asked him why he ran away. “There isn’t really that much to tell. That’s it.”

“Childhood sweethearts. That’s so romantic!” Toga beams. You’re not sure you want to call it that when the two of you were only five – but there’s a photo of the two of you swapping valentines right before you kissed him, so you can’t really argue. “He loves you so much. I can always smell when people are in love. He’d do anything for you.”

No, he wouldn’t. You’re pretty sure there’s one thing Tomura wouldn’t do for anyone. You search Toga’s face, looking for any hint that she’s planning to double-cross you. “I held up my end of things. You can’t tell anyone.”

“Why not? I bet they’d think it’s cute.”

“It’s not safe for many people to know,” you say. You think of how Tomura reacted when you told him Kurogiri had brought you to All For One, how relieved he was that you hadn’t revealed yourself. Even with All For One locked up in Tartarus, you don’t want that information getting out. “My friends Yoshimi and Mitsuko and Ryuhei know, and my other friend Kazuo. And now you.”

“Because we’re friends.” Toga hugs you from the side. “I’m so glad you’re finally coming with us! Jin is the best big brother ever, but I can’t talk to him about things like I can talk to another girl.”

“If we’re friends, we have to keep each other’s secrets,” you say. “Even if the others would think it’s cute. You have to promise not to tell.”

“Fine. I won’t tell.” Toga heaves a sigh. She snaps the locket closed and hands it back to you. “I should get one of these. I want pictures of Ochako and the others!”

“Maybe you can steal one,” you say, wondering if this counts as helping the League commit a crime. You’ve stayed out of Kazuo’s searches this long, but you don’t think you’ll be able to much longer. “And it’s not like pictures of them are hard to find. I’ll help if you get one.”

She hugs you again, and the two of you go back to packing. You fasten the locket around your neck instead of putting it on the nightstand. Now that multiple members of the League feel fine coming into your room without asking, it’s not safe to leave it lying around.

Toga’s tired by the time you’re done packing, and so is everyone else. When she leaves, you can hear them all settling down for the night in the living room, bemoaning the fact that this is the last time they’ll have a soft bed for a while. You, meanwhile, need to make sure your absence goes unnoticed for as long as possible. Tenko comes in while you’re composing an email to your supervisors, telling them that you need to take a leave of absence from work for the sake of your mental health. It would be a good idea even if you didn’t need to go on the run.

Tenko shuts the door, sits down behind you on the bed, and wraps himself around you. “What are you doing?”

“Covering my tracks. My family won’t notice for months, but work will notice I’m missing unless I give them a reason not to look.” You scan the email one last time and send it, then shut the lid of your laptop. “I should probably leave this here, right?”

“Maybe not. It would be good to have it,” Tenko says. He notches his chin over your shoulder. “If your job thinks you’re on leave, then it won’t look weird that you’re still connecting to the internet. You can probably bring your phone and keep in contact with the others, too.”

“Okay.” You slide your laptop and charger into your backpack. “But I still have to go.”

“Yeah. It’s not safe,” Tenko says. “The heroes might not have captured all of Overhaul’s minions, and he could have left instructions for them. And they won’t be the last enemies we make. I need you to be safe, and the only way I can make sure is if you’re with me.”

It’s quiet for a second. “Do you not want to come with me?”

“I do,” you say. “It’s just – I don’t know. The way I’ve been helping is the way I’m most useful to you. I can’t fight. I don’t have a quirk. I can find a weapon somewhere and I can do the medic thing, but –”

“Don’t say you’re useless.”

You weren’t going to, but it’s what you’re thinking, and Tenko knows you too well. He hugs you a little closer. “What else?”

The question leaves your mouth before you can think it through all the way. “I want to know where this ends.”

“Overhaul really got inside your head, huh?”

“It’s not about him,” you say. You’ve opened this can of worms. You might as well dump it out. “When we were kids, it didn’t matter that we never won. There was always another day. We could start over as many times as we needed to, and try as many things as we could think of until something worked. But this isn’t like that. When people get hurt, it sticks. When they die, they die, and we can’t get them back.”

You think of Hirono and Sho. Of Magne, who’s not dead but who’s locked up with no way for you and the others to rescue her. “I don’t want us to keep fighting forever. I want us to win fast, before we lose anyone else. And I don’t know what winning looks like.”

“When all of this is destroyed,” Tenko says, like it’s obvious. “There’s no piece of it that isn’t built on lies. Even your job, the stuff you do – it wouldn’t have to happen if the heroes and the idiots who worship them didn’t keep throwing people away. It can’t be fixed from the inside, so we have to tear it down. I have to. It’s what I’m here for.”

You want to argue, but you won’t win. You know you won’t. “And what about after it’s gone?”

“I don’t know,” Tenko says. “But you do.”

You can’t manage anything more than a stunned silence. “I know it needs to be destroyed,” Tenko continues. “Anybody who’s not lying to themselves can see that. But I haven’t lived in it. Not like you and the others have. So when there’s nothing left, you can decide what to put in its place.”

He tucks his head in against the side of your neck. You can feel his eyelashes flutter against your skin. “You were always better at telling the stories than me, anyway. They were never any good on the days you stayed home.”

“Don’t you have any ideas?” you ask faintly. “About what it should be like? It’ll be your world too.”

“You wanted to know where it ends. That’s where,” Tenko says. “We win when we tear everything down. When it’s all gone, you and the others get to choose what happens next. It should be mostly you. Maybe Spinner, too, if you need help with anything.”

“What about you?” Foreboding creeps over you, making your skin crawl. “Where are you going to be, Tenko? When this is all over?”

“When it’s all over there won’t be a point to me anymore.”

“No.” You twist in Tenko’s arms, putting the two of you face to face. He avoids your gaze, which is how you know you’re right, how you know that you picked up the real meaning in what he said. “That’s not how this works. It’s not winning unless you’re with me afterwards.”

“Don’t worry about it. Are you with me or not?” He’s stubborn. You’re stubborn, too. More stubborn than he is – but he’s still talking. “It was nice to think about while we were here. What it would have been like to be normal. But that won’t happen. Not even after we’re done with all this, so there’s no point –”

“Who said I wanted normal?” You cut him off. “I’m your sidekick. That means I’m with you no matter what. So if you want me to get through this and build a new world, you’d better be planning to come with me. Because if you’re not, I’m staying right here with you.”

Are you making some kind of suicide pact? You don’t think so. You think you’re just trying to get it through Tenko’s head that the two of you are in this together, no matter where it goes or how far it goes. He’ll destroy this world that’s hurt him, that’s hurt the League, that’s hurt you and so many others – and then you’ll build a new one, one where everyone has at least a shot at being happy. Everyone. Including him.

Tenko still won’t look at you. You cup his face in your hands, run your thumb across the scar on his lip, and his gaze drifts back to you. “Are you coming with me or not?”

“I – yeah.” Tenko’s red eyes stay focused on yours this time. “I mean, I guess. If you’re serious.”

“I’m serious,” you say, and he kisses you.

He’s not wearing his gloves. You have to pull away so he can put them on, and then again to get more comfortable on the bed – and then again so he can take off his shirt. As soon as Tenko has his shirt off, he’s pulling at yours, and once it’s gone, he drags you into his arms, holding on almost painfully tight. He kisses you hard enough that his lips split in spite of your best efforts. He needs to slow down. You need to slow him down. But when you frame his face with your hands again, he melts against you in a way that’s impossible to resist. Maybe you’re the one who needs to change this time.

Every moment, every motion, fades seamlessly into the next. It feels natural to kiss the scar over the side of his mouth, and the birthmark below it, and move from there to kissing his neck. It’s natural to hook your leg over his hip, to roll to your back and pull him down on top of you. It only makes sense to peel off your pants and unbutton Tenko’s and slide your hand inside, palming him through his underwear. It feels right to kiss him while you touch him, even if it’s a shame to have to muffle the sounds he makes with your mouth. The destruction of everything and the creation of a new world feels so distant that it might as well be a dream. The only thing that matters is the texture of his skin under your hands, the brush of his hair against your cheek, the sound of his breathing and of his voice when he says your name.

“Stop,” Tenko says, his voice shaking, and you obey, withdrawing your hand from his waistband and resting it flat against his stomach. “I want – not like this. This time. I want us to – can we –”

He’s pulling at the waistband of your underwear, and it clicks in your head. There’s something the two of you haven’t done yet. “Sex,” you say. Tenko nods. He looks worried, like there’s a chance you’ll make fun of him or say no. “There are condoms in the nightstand.”

“I thought they were in the bathroom.”

“I moved them,” you say. “Is that weird?”

“No,” Tenko says. “You were thinking about it, too.”

You have been, on and off. You figured it would happen organically, but tonight is sort of your last chance to get your first time out of the way if you want your first time to happen in a bed behind closed doors. “I’ve been thinking about it,” you say. You wind your fingers into Tenko’s hair and tug lightly. “Want me to tell you what I’ve been thinking about?”

Tenko sucks in a breath. “Yes.”

You talk to him while he struggles out of his clothes and searches for the condoms you put in the nightstand. “I’ve been thinking about it,” you say, trying to shed any hint of self-consciousness. “I thought about riding you. Maybe holding your hands down, too – not so you can’t touch me, but so you don’t have to do anything but let me make you feel good. I thought about letting you take me from behind, so you’re in control of everything, start to finish. I’d trust you with that. I know you’d feel so good that I wouldn’t care about anything else.”

Tenko’s gloved hands are shaking as he tries to unwrap the condom. His cock looks almost agonizingly hard. “But then I decided,” you continue, trying not to stare, “that I want you on top of me, this time. I want to see you.”

“Why?”

“I like looking at you,” you say. You could get into it more, but you’re worried you’d embarrass him. “Tell me what you’ve been thinking about.”

He doesn’t seem to know what to do with the condom now that he’s opened it. Then again, he’s never been to sex ed. You take it from him. “I was thinking,” Tenko starts, then shudders as you roll the condom down over his length. “I – fuck, I don’t know, I’m not good at this like you are. I want – you –”

“We can work the rest out later.” You lie back, legs spread, and pull him down with you. “Let’s start here.”

You help him align his cock with your entrance, lift your hips to make it easier as he sinks into you for the first time. Tenko’s a stretch, just shy of uncomfortable, more than enough to make your head spin. Your hands are shakier than you want them to be as you reach for him, and the low moan that exits his mouth sends a rush of heat through you and makes your muscles clench tight. Tenko’s hips give a frantic jerk. “Don’t do that. I can’t last if you –”

“I can’t – not,” you gasp. “You feel even better than I thought you would.”

Tenko’s hips jerk again. You see him grit his teeth, clench his jaw, and his first real thrust is shallow, shallow enough that your body aches for more. The next is deeper, but not by much, and the pattern he falls into deepens by increments, so small that you can barely feel a difference. You know he’s trying to hold himself together, trying not to come too soon, but it feels like he’s teasing you on purpose. Torturing you. almost. Giving you just enough of what you want that all you can think of is what you’re missing.

“Please,” you say, and Tenko’s eyes widen. “I need more. I don’t care if it’s over fast. I just want –”

He sinks into you to the hilt, leaving no space between you, and it takes all your willpower not to cry out. The pace he sets is faster this time, uneven enough to keep you on your toes if your toes weren’t curling already. The only problem is that it makes kissing difficult, and without it, you’re both a little too loud. Tenko’s trying to keep his mouth covered and keep his balance at the same time. You cover it for him with one hand while the other works its way between the two of you, finding your clit. You want the two of you to finish together, or close to it. You don’t want Tenko to worry that it wasn’t good.

You’re closer than you thought you were. A lot closer. “Tenko,�� you murmur, your voice shaking. “Tenko, I need you. You feel so good like – there –”

You’d have helped him find this spot if either of you had the patience, but he’s found it on his own, and there’s nothing more you can do. A few uneven thrusts, the slightest pressure against your clit, and you’re coming on Tenko’s cock. You know instantly that you can’t keep quiet, and with both hands occupied, the only way to muffle yourself is to press your mouth against Tenko’s shoulder. He fucks you for a few more unsteady, rapid strokes as you tremble and whimper and moan into his shoulder. The barely-muffed sounds he makes when he comes send one last jolt through you, intense enough that you bite down.

Tenko slumps forward against you, shuddering. You free both hands to wrap your arms around him, holding on tight. And then it’s quiet in your room, save for the sound of his breathing and yours.

Your mouth is still glued to his shoulder. You can taste his sweat. Or maybe blood. How hard did you bite him? Embarrassment creeps in through the haze, worse when you realize you’re still clinging to him for dear life. You need to loosen up five seconds ago. “Sorry –”

“Huh?” Tenko sounds half-asleep, and two of you are working at cross purposes. You’re trying to let him go, and he’s settling in for a nap. “Don’t do that. It’s nice.”

He yawns. You can’t let him fall asleep like this. You shove lightly at his shoulder. “You can sleep in a second. We have to, um – disengage.”

“Why? I’m comfortable.”

He wants to fall asleep still inside you. That would be surprisingly hot if the condom wasn’t an issue. “The condom might leak. That’s not good.”

“It isn’t?” Tenko yawns again.

You can’t tell whether Tenko doesn’t know where babies come from or if he’s just being obtuse on purpose. “Getting pregnant when we’re about to go on the run would be really bad.”

“You were really good with that kid.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” You don’t get an answer, and you decide you’re not going to worry about it right now. “Out.”

Tenko groans and pulls away. You have enough time to ditch the condom in the trash can in the bathroom, followed by the speediest bathroom break and hand-washing of your life, and as soon as you’re within arm’s reach again, Tenko yanks you back down. He flops down into the same position as before, minus actually being inside you, and you decide the comment from before can’t go unaddressed. “Me being good with kids wouldn’t make it less stupid to screw around with birth control.”

“Yeah,” Tenko says, although you’re not sure of how much of it he actually got. His breathing is already starting to even out. “I didn’t know you kept the dog.”

“I kept everything you gave me,” you say. “Are you mad I gave it to her?”

Tenko shakes his head, burrowing deeper into your shoulder in the bargain. The bitemark you left is already bruising. “You win,” he says. You’re puzzling over that, your own eyelids growing heavy, when Tenko speaks again. “I love you.”

Your jaw drops. Toga told you that Tenko felt that way, that she can always tell when someone’s in love, but hearing it come out of his mouth is something else entirely. Some part of you is elated to hear it. That part of you wants to shake him awake and kiss him and tell him that you love him, too – and not so subtly suggest depleting your condom supply a little bit further. That would be the thing that makes sense, the normal thing to do, the thing that somebody who’s loved him for as long as you have to do. You do love Tenko. You loved him when you were children, and you’re in love with him now as an adult. So why does the thought of saying so fill you with terror?

It’s not like you’ve never told someone you love them before. You told Kazuo, when the two of you were dating. It felt easy then. You talked to your cousin about it afterwards, because the two of you were close, and she was surprised to hear you say so. “It’s never easy for me,” she said, and you couldn’t quite hide your own surprise. “It’s easy to feel love. When I love somebody I feel so much I can’t stand it. But saying it out loud makes it real. Saying it changes them, and it changes me. So it’s harder to say for me than for you.”

You always thought that was because of Manami’s quirk, which powers up the person she loves most when she tells them how she feels, but maybe it isn’t. Maybe it’s hard for you to say to Tenko because it makes it real in your head – more real than being his girlfriend, than basically moving him into your apartment, than quitting your job and going on the run with him and his villainous organization on a mission to tear down the old world. It’s stupid to think that way, when it’s everything you’ve done that makes it real. After everything you’ve done, everything you’re planning to do, you’ve proved your love for Tenko. Maybe you don’t need to say it out loud.

And maybe Tenko didn’t mean it, either. The two of you just slept together for the first time, and Mitsuko always says that you can’t count on anything a guy says until at least an hour afterwards. It was just an aberration, and it’s not like he’s waiting for you to say it back – he’s fast asleep in your arms, maybe drooling a little bit on your shoulder. There’s nothing for you to worry about. You close your eyes.

It takes you a second to get your bearings in the morning, to remember everything that happened yesterday. It was a lot. Overhaul almost had you kidnapped. You returned the girl the League kidnapped to the police. You realized you’d be going on the run and had sex with Tenko for the first time, and – you become conscious of someone watching you, and you open your eyes to find Tenko, awake before you for once and watching you with his chin propped in his gloved hand.

His hair is messy and his lips are cracked and stained with dried blood, but he looks well-rested for once. “What is it?” you ask. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah.”

“Then, uh –” You struggle with forming the question. “Why are you staring?”

“You’re my sidekick, and my girlfriend, and we leveled up so hard last night that I slept like a rock.” Tenko cracks a grin, and a new split appears in his lower lip. “And I love you. Is that a good enough reason?”

You reach out and pull him in for a kiss, hoping he’ll count it as a yes. You lick the blood away from his lips and run your fingers through his tangled hair and do everything you can to ignore the twinging in your chest, the weight on the tip of your tongue. You love Tenko. Saying it might change things, but you can’t avoid saying it forever. It isn’t right. And with your involvement in the destruction Tenko’s planned for the world all but assured, you need to do the right thing where you can.

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