#country boy!hotch

[notsopersonalcharlie]

Hotshot

Aaron Hotchner x Fem!Army!OC - Kinda angsty at some points 

Warnings: Haley’s death, mentions of terrorism, sniper shots, military stuff, normal criminal minds stuff, LMK if there are more 

Tags: @hotchnerxo @arsonhotchner @whump-town @eldrai @hotchgan​

Note: feeding everyone’s sniper!hotch fantasies. I was recently watching the ep where there was a mass shooting and they profile the case and at the end Hotch shoots the unsub from the victim’s balcony and from that a new head canon grew. The mall thing is stolen from that one episode from season three . This is extremely long... I got into it... There will CERTAINLY be a part two which will be more about the past and maybe several several parts after that. Please let me know what you want to see out of future parts, I’m happy to make it happen. Also sue me I fucking love beard Hotch. Gif is not mine, enjoy it tho

Part 2: Irreplaceable

Aaron was staring. He was not usually one to be slack-jawed and shocked, so when Derek saw him staring he turned. Coming through the bullpen was a woman in uniform, Army from what he could tell, with a slicked-back ponytail and a stack of folders under one arm. She was walking right toward him.

“Are you just going to stare, soldier?”

“I- I never thought I would see you again, Willow. I’m just surprised.”

“Well, good thing we have paths to cross. Your office?” Aaron nodded, putting out an arm for her to go in ahead of him. He closed the door behind him, unable to stop staring.

“I really never did think I would see you again.”

“Me neither, Aaron. But this is more important than whatever happened between us. We have intel that there’s going to be an attack on a Northern Virginia mall and we need your help. Well, your team’s.” Aaron nodded and took a seat as the woman he thought he was going to marry two decades ago laid out several folders.

“We have a source that gave us information about a potential attack on a mall in Northern Virginia. This guy says that the threat is getting more real by the day and the goal is to hit as busy as possible.” Aaron frowned, looking at the first file she handed him. It took a moment to focus himself back to work mode when he could smell the perfume she used. It was the same as back when they were teenagers. 

“I’ll get my team on it today,” he said, taking the file and heading toward the office door. 

“Aaron...” He paused, waiting for her to finish the sentence. She didn’t. He opened the door and stepped onto the catwalk. 

“BAU, table.” The group scrambled from where they had their heads pressed together in a circle. Even Rossi was down there, listening from just outside their little ring of gossip. Willow was walking out of his office when he turned. 

“I have to get back to the base, this is my number and my boss’ number just in case I’m not at my desk.” 

“Let me give you my cell number,” Aaron replied, pulling a pen and business card out of his pocket. Willow’s lips quirked into a smile, but she schooled her expression. She had plenty more to do on the case. He handed the card over to her and she slipped it into one of her pockets without looking. His team of agents each walked past pretending not to look at her. 

“Thanks, Hotshot. I’ll let you know if we get any more information.” He wanted to roll his eyes over the name. He felt a little bit like he was back to 18 years old, buddying up with the only girl in their unit because he was still a wimpy little kid.  

“Will do, W- Sergeant Cutler.” Aaron couldn’t help but watch her walk away. The last time he had seen her walk away in that uniform was the day he told her he was leaving service to finally finish what he joined the Army to start. The last time he saw her walk away from him at all was when he had told her he was going to law school, that there was no way they could get married. He could almost see the back of her floor-length navy dress as it disappeared from view. 

“Aaron.” He blinked and turned to Rossi, who was standing about a foot away from him. Willow was gone.

“Sorry, yeah.”

“I’m guessing that’s her, the girl from the Army?” Hotch nodded.

“First time you’ve seen her since you left?” 

“She was invited to the wedding. I found out from a buddy that she was in Afghanistan.” 

“Aaron, as your friend, I’m going to tell you, she definitely wasn’t going to come to your wedding.” Aaron let out a little laugh and then took a deep breath, refocusing on the job at hand. 

Willow let out a sigh when the elevator doors closed, her eyes falling shut so she could focus on just breathing. She hadn’t expected seeing him to be so hard, and it had been even harder to walk away from him again. She reached into her pocket and looked at it. Supervisory Special Agent Aaron Hotchner. She flipped it over and scrawled in Aaron’s surprisingly neat writing was his cell number with Hotshot written next to it. She laughed, shaking her head as she stepped out of the elevator. 

-/-/-/-/-

“I got him,” Garcia called over the phone, “Address in your texts. Be safe my special agents.” They had been at it for two days, pretty much straight through Hotch had slept for a few minutes at most. Based on the information that they’d been given, an attack was imminent.

“Thank you, baby girl,” Morgan said. Hotch dialed Willow’s desk number and got an answer on the fourth ring.

“Sergeant Cutler.”

“It’s Hotch, we have a name and an address, so you-“

“Send it to me. We have a strike force waiting.” Hotch waved his arm at his team to sit back down while listing off the address and the name.

“I’ve got it. Thank you so much, Aaron.” She hung up and Hotch stuck his phone back in his pocket.

“We’re off the hook for the takedown. I don’t think I need to tell anyone, but this is not information that is to leave this room.” The team mumbled their agreements.

“Get out of here. Take tomorrow off,” Rossi commended. The team shuffled out, but when Aaron looked up Dave was still there. He began to gather up the paperwork to shred it.

“What can I do for you, Dave?”

“You should call her.”

“I didn’t get her number. She has mine.” Dave gave one of his famous little sighs, indicating his disapproval.

“Well, I’ll be inviting the team over for dinner so, if you have an interest and she calls, always have an extra seat.” He left the room and Aaron finished cleaning up, hoping his phone would ring. 

It still hadn’t rung by the time he stepped outside to walk to his car, the bright sun shocking him. He forgot it was midday, all sense of time had been drained out of him. He pulled his phone out to check the day. Saturday, Jack should be up by now. He dialed the home number for the apartment. 

“Hotchner residence,” Jess’ voice came. 

“Hey Jess, I’m headed home.” 

“Sounds good, see you soon. Here’s Jack.” Guilt was sitting like a weight in his chest now, guilt over leaving Willow, over not saving Haley. Abandoning the women he loved seemed to be a theme. 

“Hi, Daddy! Did you solve the case?” All of the sorrow that had begun flooding him washed away. Jack was the greatest thing that could have ever happened to him. Guilt be damned.

“Yeah, buddy. We solved it. I’ll be home soon. What do you want to do first?” 

“I don’t know! Can we watch cartoons?” Aaron smiled, climbing into the driver’s seat of his car, the call automatically connecting to the console. 

“Sure thing, bud. Sounds like a plan. I love you.” 

“I love you too, daddy.” He hung up and started on the drive home, a country radio station playing quietly over the sound of the wind rushing by through the open windows. He was almost home when an unfamiliar number appeared on the screen, ringing and interrupting the music. 

“Hotchner.” 

“Hey Hotshot. We got him. Your profile was spot-on. He was a coward, he surrendered right away. Couldn’t face anyone bigger than him.” 

“Glad we could help.” A long silence permeated and Aaron pulled into the parking lot, stopping in his spot and turning the car off. 

“Aaron, I was ho-” Her words overlapped with his, “Willow, would you want to-” They both laughed. 

“You go,” Willow said. 

“Would you want to come to dinner with my team? We can grab coffee or drinks before.” 

“Today?” 

“Yes.” He felt like a giddy teenager again, like the first time he had pulled her in for a kiss in the parking lot after their first week of boot camp. 

“You sure do work fast, Hotchner.” He was tempted to say out loud ‘you remembered’. That was what she had said the first time they had sex, after a drive-in movie in the back of his pickup. 

“I don’t know, seventeen years seems like a bit longer than most people would say is fast.” She laughed, the sound overtaking Aaron in memories of the moments during training that they had snuck away, the evenings when the heat in Kuwait gave way to the cold evenings and they would sit with their backs to the truck and watch the sunset, the calls he would make long-distance when he was at school. 

“Is that a yes?” 

“Yes, Aaron. You know I could never say no to you.” Jess and Jack appeared by the door, coming toward him and Jess’ car parked beside him. 

“Daddy!” 

“I have to go, Willow. I’ll text you the details?” 

“Sure thing.” He hung up and Willow looked down at her phone. Had the child’s voice in the background been a coincidence? He hadn’t been wearing a ring, but she had come across his wedding invitation when she got her stack of mail months after the date on it. She got up from where she was laying on the couch and began to shed the uniform. Something clinked in her pocket when she dropped the pants onto the bathroom floor and she sighed, reaching in and taking out her challenge coin, setting it on the counter next to her watch and jewelry. It was from their group in boot camp, the little sniper symbol smack in the middle. 

When she got out of the shower, there were two texts from Aaron, one with an address and another saying it was a casual affair and she didn’t have to dress up. Either way, she stared at herself in the jeans and shirt for a few minutes too long, wondering if he would like it, if he still liked her. He hadn’t commented on her work fast memory. She rationalized though, why else would he invite her out? 

Aaron stood outside the bar, fiddling with his phone. He had left Jack at JJ and Will’s for the night, given Will was going to be keeping an eye on Henry and Michael it wasn’t a stretch. He had gotten a few hours of sleep on the couch with Jack wrapped in his arms. They had built part of his Lego set in the afternoon and had McDonalds for lunch as a treat in addition to the fact that Aaron hadn't gone grocery shopping in days. 

“Hey there, you come here often?” He turned and he guessed he probably looked like a lovesick puppy. Willow was wearing light wash jeans and a navy shirt that had a neckline reminiscent of the dress she had worn to that gala. 

“No, but if I knew you were going to be here all the time I sure would be.” 

“Witty as always, hotshot,” she laughed. Aaron wrapped her in a hug, longer than was probably appropriate, but she didn’t let go either. 

“What have you been up to the last two decades?” she asked jokingly as they found seats towards the end of the bar. It was busy, but not loud. A group of what looked like college students were on the other end of the bar laughing. Aaron had taken a look around the room, not having to note anyone for looking suspicious. He noticed Willow doing the same. 

“After I finished law school, I was a criminal prosecutor for a few years before joining the Seattle field office as an investigator. After that I moved to the BAU and I’ve been here since then. You?” The bartender took their orders and quickly left them with their drinks. 

“Army to Intelligence. CID for a while and now Homeland Security. Never used your skills again?” Aaron smiled and took a sip of his drink, looking into the dark liquid. 

“I still use them, taking out unsubs. Only a few times, but enough to know I still have them. It... I try to be the one who does it if we have to. I’ve done plenty before, a few more for the really bad guys doesn’t hurt as much.” 

“It always hurts, Aaron. Sticks to you.” He nodded. He knew that, he just told the team that so they wouldn't try to take the burden from him. 

“Your team, they seem like they’re... close to you.” Aaron snorted, a little uncivilized, but something he used to do as a kid. 

“Yeah, we spend almost all of our time together. We’re practically family. I’m mom, according to the kids.” Willow smiled. She missed having family. Aaron had been her family for a long time, a little brother for a while and then much more. 

“You were always a worrier.” A long silence held as they drank, neither of them looking at each other. There was so much to talk about that it was hard to know where to start. 

“Do you have a kid?” It was the first thing she could think of to say. Aaron’s face lit up a little bit and he pulled out his phone. 

“Yeah, Jack. He’s seven. He loves soccer.” He added the last detail because he knew she did too. There were a few things about Jack and Haley that brought back memories of Willow throughout his life. That was one of them. He often wondered what she would have been like with their kids. He pulled up a recent picture of Jack playing soccer with Rossi in the yard. 

“He looks just like you did.” 

“Yeah, that’s what Haley always says-said.” 

“Haley? High school Haley?” Willow remembered the photo of Aaron and a pretty blond girl from high school. She felt a pang of jealousy, especially know he had gone back to her after the near decade they were together. Aaron scratched his head and downed the rest of his drink. 

“Yeah. She... she was killed a few years ago.” 

“I’m sorry to hear that. I’m sure that hasn’t been easy for you or Jack.” 

“No... it hasn’t. We get by though. What about you? Partner, kids?” Willow shook her head, leaning back in the barstool. She thought about lying.

“I- Truth be told, Aaron, I never found anyone else like you.” Aaron’s guilt returned, but before he could try to formulate a response, his phone rang. 

“Hotchner.” 

“Hey, Aaron. I need to know if I need to set another place.” He looked at her. She was watching him expectantly. He hadn’t met anyone like her either.

“Yeah Dave, another spot. We’ll be there in a half hour or so.” 

“Coming together are you?” 

“Bye Dave.” 

“Nosy friends?” 

“Very, like I said, family. I can drive.”

“You can pay too because I have-” She was in the process of getting the challenge coin out of her jeans when he put his own matching one down on the table, pulled from his jacket pocket. She blinked in surprise. 

“What? Old habits die hard. Plus Dave was a Marine and he’s tried to pull that on me.” He paid for their drinks anyway and led the way to his car. Willow was still watching him in surprise until they got to the car.

“Not a blue pickup anymore?” Willow asked, sliding into the passenger seat of the SUV. 

“Wasn’t so practical after I moved to the city. Not the country boy anymore.”

“Clearly, I was surprised that I couldn’t hear an accent anymore. Pity you got rid of the truck, loooots of good memories.” Aaron smiled and turned on the car. The radio kicked on and it was the same country station it was always on. 

“Good to know not everything about you has changed,” Willow said quietly, looking out the window as Aaron started towards the house. 

“Not everything,” Aaron agreed, reaching over the console to take her hand. He started to sing the lyrics to the song, the South Carolina twang entering his voice as he did. She smiled and shook her head, squeezing his hand. 

By the time they arrived at Rossi’s house, they were both singing and laughing. A few cars were already in the driveway and Aaron led the way up to the front door, not bothering to knock. 

“I’m here!” 

“Heyyy, Aaarrrooonnn!” Emily came down the hall, clearly stumbling. 

“Hi Emily, do you need some help there.” 

“Uh, no. Who- O M G you’re the army lady.” 

“Yeah, that’s me.” Aaron helped her back down the hall, Willow trailing while looking around the house, amazed. The house was enormous. 

“She’s been here a while,” Dave supplied when they arrived in the kitchen. Spencer and JJ were sitting at the counter talking. 

“We’re here!” Garcia’s voice called. Derek and Penelope arrived in the kitchen, rounding out the group. 

“Everyone, this is Willow Cutler, she was in my unit in the Army.” All of them stared.

“You were in the army?” Penelope exclaimed, “You never told us that.” Aaron helped himself to a bottle of white from a fridge and poured some for Willow too. 

“Oh please, he doesn’t scream Army to you? Crisp suit as a uniform, early riser. He’s always been regimented,” Willow laughed, “He was the worst. We would all agree to be late to something and he would be early, and all the rest of us would get in trouble.” Aaron rolled his eyes. The rest of the team was watching out of entertainment. Few people were able to poke fun at Aaron, and much less at this extent. 

“He was the best out of our entire group though.” 

“Best at?” Willow looked at Derek, who was watching her inquisitively. 

“Sniper. His call sign was Hotshot, close to Hotch, and he also almost never missed his target.” 

“Uh, no I always hit my target,” Aaron shot back, “You were the one who almost never missed.”

“Modest,” JJ laughed, “I guess it makes sense why he always takes those long shots without an issue.”  

“He was being modest. He’s in the top twenty marksmen in the Army and he left almost twenty years ago.” 

“Why did you leave, Hotch?” Spencer asked, his feet were tucked up criss cross on the stool, “If you were so good you could have stayed. Probably lived a different life.” Aaron caught Willow’s eye when Spencer said that, a very different life indeed. 

“I only joined the Army so I could leave the small town I was from and go to college and get law school paid for. I stayed... longer than expected, but I paid my dues, and I got to go to law school.” 

“Military takes a lot out of you,” Dave said, “That’s why Willow gets the first plate.” 

“What? We’re the ones who stayed up for two days!” Spencer exclaimed. The group devolved into yelling at each other. Aaron smiled and raised his eyebrows at Willow, unspoken conversations had become easy over their seven years together, especially on deployment. This looks said ‘What do you think?’ She flashed him a smile and took a seat at the counter next to Emily, who was now drinking water out of a wine glass. She fit seamlessly into to the group. Maybe she would fit seamlessly back into his life. 

[spacecowboyhotch]

🌹

some yearning country boy!hotch for you anon <3

Aaron’s in early, wanting to get a head start on moving a bunch of hay before needing to feed the animals. The sun’s just peeking over the trees and he knows he doesn’t have much time. When he turns back towards the house he stops in his tracks at the sight of you. You’re sitting on the landing outside of your window, face upturned to the golden light that’s coming over the horizon.

send me a rose or two or three for a snippet! 🌹

[miley1442111]

weird facts- s.reid

a/n: intended for fem reader, but imagine what you like:)))))))))

summary: you finally meet spencer's friends after a very long time, it's just... they don't know about you

pairing: spencer reid x reader

warnings: general cm topics, talk of murder, kissing, suggestive

Spencer felt ill. You weren’t picking up any of his calls, weren’t answering any of his texts, and you hadn’t been seen for a whole 24 hours. According to your friend who was staying over at your house last night, you had gotten a call from work and it meant you had to travel, but it was meant to be within the country, so why weren’t you answering?

“Pretty boy?” Derek called from across the bullpen. “We’ve got a case.”

Spencer quickly followed Derek into the conference room, even if his mind was elsewhere. It sadly, was a mass-murder scheme that they only had a few hours to figure out. 

“Oh yes,” Hotch said under his breath. “We have some help, these are Agents Riley, O’Callahan, and Dr. Y/l/n. They all work with unsubs like these everyday and the doctor here has a lot of background from her time overseas. Please use their help and expertise,” he stated before getting up and ending the meeting. The office was buzzing with movement, but Spencer was too awe-stuck to see you in front of him to move, or really notice the rest of the world around him. It had been 5 months since you’d seen each other in person. Both of your jobs made it practically impossible to see each other more than a few times a year but neither of you minded, you loved each other. 

“Earth to Spencer Reid!” Derek shouted at him and finally broke him out of his trance. 

“Yes?!” He startled, ripping his eyes from your figure immediately. 

“Can we focus on the case please? Not the pretty doctor,” Derek shot you a wink and you rolled your eyes, still unaware of Spencer’s being there because of your engrossment in your files. 

“Yes, fine!” He hissed, beginning the geological profile. 

“Spencer?” You ask, shocked at his being there. 

“Hey honey-” He smiled sheepishly as you wrapped your arms around him in a comforting embrace. The rest of your team and his all looked on, deeply confused. Spencer placed a soft kiss onto your cheek as you smiled. Spencer was over the moon, you were here. You were in his arms. 

“You two know each other?” Agent Riley said with a smirk on his face. “Is that the boyfriend?”

You pulled away despite wanting to hold on longer. You picked back up your casefiles with a contented smile. “Shut up Riley.”

Spencer’s face was red as Morgan, Prentiss, Jj, and Rossi all looked at him in shock. 

“My man,” Derek smirked, giving him a less than soft slap on the back. “Congratulations, how new is it?”

“It’s been 4 years, 77 days, 5 hours and,” He took a split-second to look at his watch. “And 47 minutes.”

Everyone’s jaws dropped more. 

“You’ve been dating him for 4 years?” Agent O’Callahan practically shouted. “We only heard about him for the first time last week!”

“Can’t anyone have privacy anymore,” You muttered, diving into yet another casefile. 

“I have to ask you everything about this-” Derek turned to you but you cut him off. 

“No, you have to build your profile,” You reminded him. “Ask me everything when we catch these fuckers.”

They didn’t need to be told twice.

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

You sat in the crowded bar, Derek on your right and Spencer on your left, his hand holding your thigh under the table.

“So, he tells you all the weird facts he tells us too, right?” Derek laughed, entertained by your relationship. 

“Yeah,” you shrugged. “But I enjoy ‘weird’ facts.”

Derek nodded his head. “You two are seriously perfect for each other,” he smiled. You could feel Spencer squeezing your thigh, his hands getting sweater by the second. 

“He definitely spits out random facts during sex,” Derek said to the blonde woman next to him and Spencer awkwardly cleared his throat, knowing his own tendencies to not shut up, even in the bedroom. You laughed along with them, not actually giving them an answer. 

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

You walked home with Spencer’s hand in yours. You had successfully caught the unsubs, you had stopped the attack, and now you had time to spend with your brilliant boyfriend. 

“Your friends care about you a lot,” you said as you walked down the dark street. Spencer chuckled.

“They like you a lot,” he admitted. “Probably more than they like me.”

“Spencer, Derek looks at you like you’re his little brother, stop it. They’re just happy that you’re happy,” you smiled. “You are happy, right?” You asked, standing outside his apartment block. 

Spencer chuckled at your question, like he could be anything else. You were the kindest, smartest, and most incredible person he’d ever met. You cared and loved him so deeply. You were his everything.

“I’m more than happy,” he smiled before pressing a kiss to your lips.. His glasses slightly hit off your nose but neither of you minded, his hands began to explore as you pulled away and grabbed his hand, pulling him upstairs his apartment block, ready for another night of ‘weird facts’. 

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

criminal minds masterlist :)

navigation for my blog :) (criminal minds, marvel, top gun, obx+)

[byersbootyshorts]

The accidental dumbification of Spencer Reid

“Ok, where are we going this time?” you ask as the team takes their seats around the round table.

“Rutland, Vermont,” Garcia says, grabbing the remote to switch on the screen which displays various bloody crime scene photos.

“Severed limbs have been discovered scattered all over Green Mountain National Forest,” Hotch reveals.

“Any identification?” Morgan asks while you flick through the case file, absentmindedly placing a hand on Spencer’s leg. He shifts slightly, clearing his throat.

‘None yet,” Hotch continues. “They’re pretty hard to ID when all we have is limb. However, preliminary reports suggest that the various body parts found belong to at least six different people.”

“And there’s probably more we even haven’t found yet,” Emily chimes in.

You move your hand further up Spencer’s thigh and tighten your grip at the thought of how many people could be cut up into tiny pieces and spread all over that huge forest. You’re so distracted by it you don’t even notice what you’re doing to Spencer; a bulge growing in his pants from your touch despite him willing it not to.

He swallows harshly to suppress the feeling but you mistake it for fear and instinctively rub your hand on his inner thigh. This movement only drives him more insane.

“So we have to search the entire woods? It’s a pretty big forest, right Reid?” Rossi asks, but Spencer doesn’t reply, his mind elsewhere. The team stares at him expectantly.

“Hello, earth to Dr Reid.” Morgan waves his hand in front of Spencer’s face.

“Uh, sorry, what?” Spencer snaps out of his daze.

“How big is Green Mountain Forest,” Rossi repeats.

Spencer looks down, trying to clear his head of the problem he was having down there. But he couldn’t gather his thoughts. All he could think of was the hand on his thigh.

“I- uh, I’m- I’m not sure.” he finally stutters.

The rest of the team, including you, stare at him wide eyed.

“Well, would you look at that. We finally stumped the little boy genius,” Morgan laughs. Spencer’s face turns a bright crimson.

The rest of the team giggle but you’re just confused, certain Spencer once recited to you the square mileage of every national forest in the country.

“Oh, give the kid a break,” Rossi says sympathetically. “Like we could do any better.”

The rest of the team go back to discussing the case but you give Spencer’s thigh another quick squeeze to get his attention. He turns to you and you raise an eyebrow to express your question. He understands what you’re asking and shifts his eyes down. You follow them down to where you hand sits on his thigh. A little further up his leg than you imagined. Then you see the swell in his pants and you understand.

“Oh shit,” you whisper, quickly removing your hand from him. “Sorry.”

He just smiled back at you before looking back at his files.

After a while of planning what you’ll do when you arrive in Vermont and the lack of your hand distracting him, Spencer finally collects his thoughts.

“625 square miles,” he says matter-of-factly.

“Huh?” Garcia responds.

“Green Mountain forest. It covers 625 square miles of land.” Spencer states.

“Welcome back, genius,” Emily smiles. “We missed you.”

You look back down at Spencer’s crotch to see that he’s controlled the situation he had going on earlier. You smirk, realising the power you have to dramatically drop Spencer’s IQ with a single touch.

[girl-next-door-writes]

If You Love Her

Characters: Spencer Reid x reader

Summary: Morgan tries to set up Spencer and Reader in the hopes that all they need to get together is a little push. Little does he know, they’ve been together for a while.

Word Count: 948 words

Prompt: secret relationship, fierce kiss, chaste kiss, falling asleep, only one bed.

A/N: This is for the magnificent @marvellover-12 and fabulous @kalliblast as part of my ‘build-a-blurb’ follower celebration.

He couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment he fell for you; it could have been the first time you smiled at him, or when you understood his random Doctor Who reference, perhaps it was the many times you had playfully defended him against Morgan’s teasing. More likely it was a combination of all the little moments, the shy glances, the brush of your hand against his. Spencer knew that finding the exact moment was not important, he was completely in love with you, and he knew you felt the same way.

The past few months had been like a beautiful dream. Secret coffee runs, elaborate excuses as to why neither of you could join the team for drinks, stolen kisses in the break room. This was all so new, and it had been agreed that you didn’t want to share it just yet. Better to see how things progressed, build a solid foundation before you had the team interrogating you both. Not that your behaviour had gone unnoticed.

Being pulled from his bed to jet across the country was never Spencer’s favourite thing; sleep being quite a rare commodity for him at times, yet here he was. The flight was going to be a long one, and after a briefing and looking over the notes he had found his head growing heavy. Stifling another yawn, Spencer tried his best to keep his eyes from closing, aware of Morgan’s studying gaze on him.

A weight suddenly fell on his shoulder, and he glanced down in surprise, smiling softly when he realised you had nodded off and were now using him as an impromptu pillow. Shifting a little, he made sure you were comfy before leaning his cheek against the top of your head. This wouldn’t be the first time a team-mate had fallen asleep in him, so he figured nobody would be suspicious. As he drifted to sleep, he couldn’t help but smile to himself, feeling reassured by your presence.

Morgan watched the two of you curiously. He was well aware of Spencer’s not so subtle crush on you, hell, he’d teased the boy enough about it. The boy genius seemed to drop iq points around you like a tree in fall, not to mention the stuttering over his words. He had to admit though, that over the last few months, the boy wonder seemed to have got his shit together a little better, though the longing looks across the bullpen and the dreamy smile on his lips had only gotten worse. Penelope seemed convinced that his feelings were reciprocated, but nothing would happen as neither of you was the type to make the first move. No, what you needed was a push; the whole team agreed.

You shifted in your sleep, your arm coming up to rest around Spencer’s waist as you let out a soft sigh. Morgan nudged JJ, nodding at the two of you with a smirk, which was quickly dropped when the two of them witnessed Spencer turn his head and place a tender, chaste kiss to the top of your head. It was a gesture of such familiarity and intimacy that Morgan had to grab onto JJ to stop her letting out an excited squeal. Yeah, it was incredibly cute, but it was hardly a conscious act. It did, however, show promise. Perhaps sleepy Spencer would be more open to making that first move, and that is how the ‘fool proof’ plan came to be.

If felt like the longest day ever by the time the team rolled up to the motel. Early morning flights combined with a full day wading through the horrific atrocities left by this killer meant that everyone was practically dead on their feet.

“I’ve got two doubles and the rest are singles, so fight it out amongst yourselves.” Hotch said tiredly as he grabbed a key to a single room and padded off down the corridor.

“Rossi?” Morgan picked up a key and nodded towards the corridor.

“Seriously? Can’t you share with Spence?” the older man grumbled.

“Oh, hell no! Not making that mistake again.” Morgan chuckled, glancing over at JJ.

“You two don’t mind sharing do you? I just want to talk to Will and maybe do that ‘falling asleep together over video call’ thing?” She looked at you both hopefully and it took everything he had to stop Spencer agreeing immediately.

“Sure, I don’t mind sharing with Spencer. I can always get him to read to me.” You chuckled as you picked up the final key. “Come on then roomie, I get first pick of bed though.”

As soon as the motel door closed, Spencer had tossed your bags into the room and cupped your face with his freezing cold hands. You were about to protest when his lips caught yours in a searing kiss that made your lack of sleep and the temperature of his hands irrelevant. Stumbling over to the bed, still tangled up in each other, it took you a few moments to realise that this room only had one bed.

“Do you think they know?” Spencer asked, looking at you with a hint of concern in his eyes.

“About us or about there only being one bed?” You asked with a growing smirk. “Do you think Morgan and Rossi are having the same conversation?”

“You think it’s a genuine mix up?”

“I think it doesn’t matter. I think that I get to share a bed with my gorgeous boyfriend and the BAU picks up the bill.”

“Okay, but we’ll have to be quiet, we don’t know how thin these walls are.” Spencer grinned before pushing you back onto the bed and resuming his kisses.

[bellasprettywords]

Ok, i totally understand that you get a lot of requests but i literally couldn’t live without asking…Could you do a part two to the spencer reid loml fic where he goes to san francisco and makes up with the reader? Tysm 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻

(btw so high school is my fav fic ever i love it sm)

Hi love!! Thank you so so so much for your kind words; I hope this is to your liking, because I wanted to keep the angsty mood long enough to answer the questions from the first part; but ending with a little fluff

Btw, I have a pendidng Hotch request I'm currently working on, so I wanted to remind you that requests are always open🥰

y/n – your name

Warnings: A little angst, bad words and just Sad Boy Spence with a sprinkle of fluff at the end

Word count: 6,395 (is bc there are emojis)

My Masterlist

Almost a month had gone by since you left the BAU in Quantico; and even if you tried to see the bright side of things, since Spencer had called off your engagement, life felt like walking around with a hole pierced where your heart used to be. Although, it is important to note, things for Spencer weren’t much better on the other side of the country.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with you, Reid, but I think you should really consider taking some time off work” Emily told Spencer as they were exiting the jet recently landed jet

“I’m alright Prentiss, what happened in the field won’t happen ever again” Spencer scoffed, almost sounding petulant, and exhausted after days with little to no sleep and a complicated case that took an enormous toll on him

“This is not a question Reid, you put your life, the victim’s and your team’s life on the line for what? Because you had a hunch? I’m sorry but in this line of work you can’t just risk it all just because you think so, and you should know that, specially by now” Emily replied, this time with a firm tone that send a shiver trough Spencer’s back; he knew Emily was right, but he really couldn’t admit it, even to himself, that the past month had been hell on earth without you

“I… I’m sorry, I was so sure I could catch the unsub” Spencer tried arguing, but he knew no matter what he said, Emily was right, his head wasn’t in the right place and he ended up jeopardizing the case, and almost letting the unsub walk freely

“I’ll take advantage of the gunshot you received to have you on medical leave for at least two weeks, and hopefully when you come back, your head is clear and you’ll stop doing rookie mistakes” Emily said, trying her best to gift Spencer a compassionate smile

“Alright boss, see you in a fortnight” Spencer said, with a forced smile carrying his go bag, ready to go home; except that, home wasn’t home anymore. “Home” was room 313 of a crappy hotel; even if the mortgage payments for the apartment you two used to share were currently being taken off his bank account. Spencer Reid did not have the heart to step into the apartment he had impulsively bought hoping you’d come back to him.

When Spencer thought about coming home, all he could think about was coming back to you. Your soft embrace, your sparkling eyes, and the way you had to make life better just by being present. Until this day, Spencer could not understand, nor explain, the effect you had on people: you were like a ray of sunlight after a week of rain; whenever he thought of you, he got the same excitement you get when the first flowers of the spring start blooming. Even if he wanted to be stubborn and hold on to his decision of breaking off the engagement, it took every fiber of his being to not drive his car all the way to San Francisco to get you back. But then again, his logical side kicked in and reminded him of all the reasons you couldn’t be together:

He was way older than you, Spencer Reid was convinced that the eight-year difference would take a toll on the relationship, sooner or later

He knew schizophrenia was almost likely to be hereditary, and he didn’t want to put you thought the hell he lived with his mom when he was younger

Your career was just taking off at the FBI, while his was somehow was marked permanently by his time in prison and more than a couple of disciplinary issues; and he wanted nothing to do with your reputation being stained by associating with him

While you were a hell of a profiler, after years at the BAU he knew what the job could do to you, and he did not want to risk you losing your spark with all the trauma the job inflicted

Every single person he has ever loved ended up either death, kidnapped or extremely harmed by being close to him. This was a particularly painful reason, especially because he is not a man of faith, but sometimes, late at night Doctor Spencer Reid wonders if he’s somehow the victim of a prophecy, or a cruel joke of fate considering every single person he has ever loved suffers when they’re around him; and of course, he could not let you suffer, nor put you in any danger because of his ill luck

Sure, whenever he thought of these reasons he called bullshit on himself, but at the end of the day, the decision was made, and you were perfectly safe from him (and his curse) at the other side of the country.

Since the day he called off the engagement, Spencer felt that he was living his life in autopilot. Most of the time, he wasn’t even present at the moment because he was too immersed into his own head, spinning and replaying the dreadful day he broke your heart; which ended up with him making huge mistakes at work, and disappointing René Descartes: as he was not thinking.

Without even noticing, he arrived into his hotel room, sighted, and decided he was too tired to even eat, so he just went to bed.

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After a couple of days of bed rotting, Spencer received an unexpected knock on his hotel door, and it was his dear friend Penelope Garcia.

“How are we doing, boy genius?” the bubbly blonde asked as she came into the messy hotel room. Spencer was known to be a pretty organized person, some would even dare to say he had a small OCD, but from the state of this hotel room, Penelope was both perplexed and alarmed

“I guess you heard about my medical leave” Spencer said taking a seat on the bed with a voice that almost sounded like a grunt

“Yeah… I was pretty surprised when you didn’t show up to the jet, I mean, I knew the injury of the bullet you took in Arkansas wasn’t that devastating” she said, clearly nervous about the topic

“The bullet just grazed my shoulder, I really didn’t need the medical leave” Spencer scoffed rolling his eyes, “So why are you here? Prentiss send you to check up on me?” the young Doctor said facing his friend

“I was just… worried about you… I know… I know things have been difficult since y/n left Virginia” Penelope said, almost rambling, and worried that her words would shake up Spencer.

Everyone at the BAU, knew Spencer Reid was a yapper, nonetheless and since he came back from prison, it was like something inside Spencer died. He was still a genius who held on his mind almost every single piece of information he has ever read, or learn, but something was totally different. He stopped his rambles, he became more reserved, and he built these walls around him and his personal life. Of course, some of this changed when he was with you, once again he had opened up his heart to trust, and his old friends like García, Rossi, JJ, and Prentiss sometimes even felt like they could catch a glimpse of the old Spencer Reid. Unfortunately, Spencer went back to his avoiding and reserved ways once you left the BAU; it almost seemed like you left, and took his heart with you.

“I’m alright, the wound is healing properly, and soon I’ll be back on the field” Spencer rushed to answer, avoiding commenting on you

“What’s wrong with you, Spence?” Penelope dared to ask directly seeing how avoidant he had been lately

“Nothing’s wrong, okay? Prentiss is just exaggerating, and that’s why she made me leave” Spencer said, rolling his eyes at his concerned friend

“You are one of my closest friends, I even dare to call you family Spence, and I know when something is wrong with my family” Penelope said taking a step closer to Spencer “I’ve been giving you your space with the whole y/n situation, I even refrained from asking the juicy details, but something is seriously wrong if you are running toward the unsubs, taking bullets just because, and pushing away the people who care about you” Penelope said, and Spencer realized how much of an ass he was being to his friends, but of course, he knew this was nowhere close to how much of an ass he had been towards you

“I fucked up” Spencer said with a strain of voice, as his eyes were covered by a soft mist of tears

“I know you did Spence, but you can make things better” Penelope said holding her friend in her arms as he silently cried over her shoulder

“y/n hates me… I… I screwed thing up and there’s no coming back from there” Spencer cried as Penelope streaked his hair reassuringly

“I’m sure y/n doesn’t hate you” she said after a pause “Whatever happened between the two of you was probably a misunderstanding that can be resolved” Penelope added with a string of hope on her voice. Nobody knew exactly what had gone on between the two of you; one day you were happily engaged, and the next Monday you had asked for your transfer to the other side of the country, with no explanation or goodbyes

“I… I got scared… I just love y/n so much I didn’t want to drag her down with me. I know I’m screwed up, and complicated to deal with… Also… It may sound stupid, but you know how every single person I’ve loved either dies or leaves? I was so scared out of my mind that something horrible would happen to her, I decided to end the engagement right there on the spot” Spencer admitted put loud for the first time, as tears rolled down his cheeks “You know the worst part? When y/n left town I even bought our apartment, just in case that she wanted to come back, but as days go back, I guess her decision was final, and she’s not coming back” Spencer continued his rant

“I really shouldn’t be telling you this, but I’ve kept tabs on her, since she left Virginia” Penelope said and Spencer’s eyes lit up at the possibility of learning something about you and your whereabouts

“Is she okay? Is she happy? How’s she doing in San Francisco?” Spencer rushed to ask, eager with anticipation

“She’s okay, she’s mostly working with children victims of human trafficking, so he’s been really busy, but overall her performance is alright” Penelope said, debating internally of she should give Spencer the envelope with your information she was caring on her purse

“y/n always enjoyed working with children” Spencer said with a small smile forming into his lips as the image of you popped on his head. He could see you, smiling brightly after solving the pieces that made the cases, the way you’d sight in relief after catching an unsub, and how dedicated you were to your work, he was so proud of you that the thought of you killing it on your new job made his heart flutter with excitement, but ache because the prospect of you coming back, somehow became even more distant

“I… there’s something else… she’s seen somebody new” Penelope said, and Spencer’s heart shattered at the idea of you with someone else. He could barely manage to stand, as his knees grew weak and his throat suddenly got dry “She’s dating an Assistant District Attorney, it’s something fairly new but I thought you should know” the blonde added, deciding she was going to facilitate Spencer all the information she had on you

“I hope he treats her right” Spencer said with a strain of voice as Penelope handed him the envelope she retrieved from her purse

“This is all the info I’ve gathered on y/n, I don’t know what you should do, but I… I hate seeing you like this, and honestly, the two of you were so happy together. I don’t know what happened or of it’s salvageable, but I know in my heart you love her, and she loves you, even if she’s forcing herself to move on, so just… follow your heart Reid, I know it’s hard and scary, but I promise you it’s worth it” Penelope said, cupping her friend’s cheek on her hand

“I don’t know what to say, I mean, of course I love her, but because I love her I have to let her go, I’m dangerous for her” Spencer said, with his eyes lingering from the envelope to his friend

“If that’s your final say, it’s okay, I brought this here for you, so I’m leaving it whether you want it or not, but please Spencer, I need you back, the whole team needs you” Penelope said cupping her friend’s cheek as she left the hotel room, leaving Reid with a messy web of thoughts that revolved around you.

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Another couple of days went by since Penelope’s visit, Spencer still hadn’t peaked through the envelope, but he was burning with anticipation to do so.

Spencer decided that he would make the best of this time off, and he could visit his mother. He bought a plane ticked for that same day, packed a bag with the envelope Penelope had left behind, and without letting anyone know, he left for Las Vegas, to see the only human being who could understand what he was going through.

“Hi mom” Spencer said entering the common room of the sanatorium Diana was on

“Spencer! How are you my honey” Diana greeted him with a warm hug, which he gladly accepted

“It’s been quite a while, but I’m alright” Spencer said, trying to hide the sadness on his eyes with a forced smile

“You should know better than to lie to your mother” Diana said, reading right through Spencer’s expression

“Everything’s messy mom, I… I broke off the engagement with y/n” Spencer spilled embarrassed of the whole situation, but confident his mom would have something wise to say

“You remember Mr. Knightley’s love confession to Emma?” Diana asked with a furrowed brow after a long pause, to take in her son’s words

“I cannot make speeches, Emma...If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more. But you know what I am. You hear nothing but truth from me. I have blamed you, and lectured you, and you have borne it as no other woman in England would have borne it.” Spencer recited by heart; after all, he had read that novel at least ten times as it was your favorite. You didn’t know this, but the reason Spencer kept rereading the novel was to take inspiration and make references only for you and a handful of Jane Austen fans could catch in your wedding vows

“That’s right my brilliant boy, you want to know why those simple words have so much impact?” Diana said, getting ready to lecture her son in both literature, and love “Because when you love someone so much, it doesn’t matter how many layers and walls they build, at the end you know the right way to unfold them. As well, loving someone isn’t just loving when it’s easy, or when it seems right, it also means holding on through tick, thin, fears, complications and messiness. May I add, words are unnecesary when there is so much love in between” Diana said offering her son a kind smile

“I don’t think she can forgive me, mom, I really screwed up this time… I’m sure she thinks I don’t love her, damn, I wouldn’t be surprised if she thinks I never loved her in the first place” Spencer rambles exasperated by the whole situation his insecurities caused

“I’m sure she knows its bullshit, at the end of the day you love her; she’s a smart girl, she’ll figure it out just as I could tell you were trying to lie to my face” Diana said with a chuckle

“I’m sure she’s over me, she’s already dating a hot shot lawyer in San Francisco” Spencer said biting his lower lip

“It takes a lifetime to forget a great love, and lucky for you, that’s what you had; I’m sure you can get her back if you let go of your fears and put your heart on the line” Diana added cupping her son’s cheek

“I wouldn’t bet on it mom, I mean, I’ve put her through hell” Spencer said biting nervously the inside of his cheek

“Then bring her back from hell, just like Orpheus was supposed to bring Eurydice back” Diana said encouraging her son to follow his heart

“Do you believe I’m hard to love?” Spencer asked his mother in a serious tone, in hope she could calm down all his fears, and put to rest the voices in his head telling him it was not worth it

“I believe you are extraordinary, and that loving you is one of the greatest pleasure in life, of course, life comes with its ups and downs, but love is worth every single bump you encounter on the way” Diana said, convincing Spencer that he should fight for the one he loved, even if he was scared to death of doing so

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Spencer took another plane, this time it was bound to San Francisco; and he spent the whole plane ride studying obsessively the envelope Garcia had put together of you and your life in Frisco, as she had previously referred.

The transition made a toll on you, and you seemed to be putting on extra hours in the field just for the sake of it, but Spencer couldn’t shake away the feeling of pride that fluttered all around his chest as he reviewed your accomplishments. You seemed to be living on the bay area, and Spencer couldn’t stop the butterflies from fluttering as the pilot announced they were about to land in the airport. Suddenly, everything seemed real: the losing you, the never-ending love he still harvest on his heart for you, how much he had screwed up, the anxiety building over as the chance of rejection became a possibility. Sure, Spencer had come out of jail a changed man, but right now, he felt as anxious and vulnerable as the lanky Doctor with glasses he used to be when he first entered the BAU. What was he even supposed to do? Spencer Reid wasn’t used to winging things, but for the first time in his life, he boarded a plane without having an actual plan of what to do when he landed, and that was freaking scary.

He decided it would be creepy to just show up at your door, considering he knew your address by the information Penelope had given him when she visited, and he did not want to freak you out. Maybe he could hang nearby where you lived, until he either worked up the courage to talk to you, or he came up with an excuse that wasn’t pathetic to explain why he was so many miles away from home. A hotel! Suddenly Spencer thought he also needed to book a hotel or at least, find a place where he could spend the night. After reading a more than a couple of yelp reviews, the young Doctor found a hotel close enough to your home that he could get there by walking, but with enough distance to be considered respectful, or at least he thought so.

“For fucks sake, Spencer, you really need to come up with a hell of an excuse to be in San Francisco” Spencer muttered to himself as he was getting installed into the hotel room. After a couple of hours of pacing around in the room thinking, crafting, and tossing at the trash at least fifty excuses for him being in California, he decided it was about time to get something to eat.

He settled on a Thai place that was a couple of blocks away from his hotel, and as he was devouring his Tom Yum Goong, and suddenly he felt like he was about to choke on his soup: he heard your laugh. The same laugh that had been haunting his dreams for the past month, that one laugh he could recognize in a room full of noise, the laugh he would trade his lat breath of air, just to be able to hear at least one more time. The room started spinning and Spencer, a known rambler, suddenly was at a loss of words.

“Spencer?” he heard you calling him from the other side of the room, and for a second, Spencer Reid knew exactly why sailors found their death as soon as they heard the mermaid’s lullabies; but while he was thinking about drowning on the dulcet sound of your voice, a naughty piece of shrimp decided to block his airways and he started coughing

“Oh my god! Spencer, are you okay?” you rushed over to his side trying to help him, oblivious that your presence only made it harder for him to breath

“Excuse me, honey, let me handle this” Dylan, your new… situationship (?) said, holding Spencer and practicing the Heimlich Maneuver on the Doctor

If Spencer was struggling to find a good excuse for being in San Francisco, he better come up with something good, because this was deficiently the most embarrassing moment of his life; it was official, he has reached a new low point and he couldn’t wait for the earth to shatter under his feet and just swallow him.

“Hello y/n” Spencer said with a raspy voice as soon as he could breath

“Spencer! Hi, hello” you said, completely confused and shaken up by the situation that you just witnessed

“Are you okay, bro?” Dylan intervened, taking you out of the trance of what was going on in front of you

“Yes, I’m alright, thank you…” Spencer said, with his eyes glued to you

“I’m Dylan, Dylan Brown” Dylan said offering his hand to Spencer

“Spencer doesn’t…” you started speaking when you were interrupted

“I don’t shake hands, with the amount of pathogens you could get from a handshake is actually safer to jut kiss” Spencer cut you off “I’m Doctor Spencer Reid, nice to meet you” he said holding his hand up and waving a little

“Oh… I didn’t know we were in official business” Dylan said with a chuckle “District Attorney Dylan Brown, at your service” he continued flashing his winning smile, giving Spencer a weird feeling, maybe… jealousy? Whatever it was, definitely was the reason Spencer couldn’t spare a laugh for the person who pretty much just saved his life

“What are you… Why’re you here? I mean… Are you here on a case or something?” you asked, noticing how uncomfortable both Dylan and Spencer where with the situation

“I… I’m here to… yes! Actually I’m here consulting on a case” Spencer decided to lie, in order to preserve his last shred of dignity, little did he know…

“Oh really? That’s so weird, considering you’re on medical leave” you said cutting through his bullshit, okay, he didn’t know was it was possible, but somehow Spencer Reid started from the bottom, just to somehow sink even deeper

“How did you? How do you even know about the medical leave?” Spencer said, taking you off from the higher horse you pretended to be

“I didn’t… I mean… Garcia happened to mention something” you stuttered, as you refused to admit you had been checking up with Penelope, just to know how Spencer was doing

“Honey, we should go back to our table” Dylan once more intervened the staring contest that was going down between Spencer and you

“You should join me, actually, let me invite the two of you dinner, after all, I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for Dylan’s amazing technique of the Heimlich Maneuver” Spencer said with a hint of sarcasm, and you knew this night was bound to end in disaster

“We don’t want to impose” you rushed to reply

“Please, I insist, I’m just so shaken up by everything that went down” Spencer decided to play the victim, and you knew you were screwed

“Come on y/n, we can’t leave him all alone after his brush with death” Dylan said, unknowingly sealing the night’s fate, as he was taking a seat

“Thank you so much, to the both of you” Spencer started speaking, with his eyes piercing fierily into your own

“So you guys know each other?” Dylan tried to make sense of the situation

“Oh, yes, we used to work together, back in Virginia” you rapidly intervened to avoid Spencer giving away too much information

The dinner proceeded uneventful, but you couldn’t put your finger quite on it. There was something off with Spencer; the vibes weren’t vibing, and as much as you wanted to focus on Dylan, there was something magnetic pulling you towards Spencer, or maybe it was those damn profiler skills you couldn’t just push to the back or your mind, either way, you knew you had to stop it.

“I’m sorry for cutting this short, but I was just called into the office, apparently there’s an emergency” Dylan said checking his phone after ordering dessert

“Oh, let me come with you, maybe I can help” you said, thanking God, the universe or something for the way out

“Please don’t, you guys should really catch up, but I’ll text you when I get to the office, just so you don’t worry” Dylan said placing a kiss on the top of your head, making Spencer’s stomach flip “It was lovely to meet you Spencer, I hope this isn´t the last we see of each other” he added taking his coat, gifting the doctor a kind smile and walking away from the table

“What the hell are you doing here?” you asked angrily as soon as Dylan went through the door

“I needed to talk to you” Spencer replied with a calm tone that was making your blood boil

“What do you want to talk about Reid? I think enough was said in Virginia” you scoffed

Spencer was a man of many words, unfortunately, at this very moment his brain was a mush and even if he wanted to, he was unable to string two sentences together. Seeing you made quite a number on him: his hands were sweaty, his head was spinning, his back was shivering, his pupils couldn’t focus, his stomach was in knots, and he was almost certain this is what a stroke feels like.

“So? Why are you really here?” you asked once more with an exasperated expression

“I…I…” he was choking again, this time just tripping with his own words

“Whatever you are playing, I want no part on it, I already lost enough with you” you said with a sober tone

“I’m in love with you, I fucked up, but I’m here to promise I’ll do everything in my power, actually I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you” Spencer rambled and you couldn’t help but laugh at the situation

“You’re a madman if you think you can just come here out of the blue, say that you love me and everything will be forgiven” you said, this time taking your own coat and leaving Spencer alone in the restaurant

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What the hell was wrong with Spencer Reid

That sentence was all you could think of on your way back home.

Did he really think he could show up in San Francisco, declare his love to you and what? You were supposed to come back to him? Even if your heart lowkey fluttered when your eyes first met his at the restaurant, he was being a complet ass and it was totally unacceptable. As you were getting ready to go to bed, your head was spinning, thinking about Spencer was not an option, but somehow the whole encounter kept poping into your head.

You tossed and turned on your bed, untill the clock on your bedside marked 2:20 am, and you knew there was only one person in the whole world who could help apeace your mind; the very same person that was the reason of your sleepless night.

“Hey, it’s me” you whispered as soon as Spencer picked up the phone

“Hello y/n, having a rough time sleeping?” you could hear Spencer’s husky voice on the other side of the line

“I think I’m ready to talk, and I’m guessing you already know where I live, so please come” you said, hanging up the call without giving him enough time to give you an answer

Fifteen minutes after the short phone call, Spencer was buzzing on the intercom of your apartment bulding; and no more than five minutes after that he was already knocking on your door.

“Please come in” you said, opening the door for him

“Thank you so much for having me over, I really need to talk to you” Spencer rambled as he was closely inspecting your apartment. There was something about the place, that somehow made it all feel like home even if it was on the opposite end of the country, althought deep down, he knew it wasn’t something, it was someone

“Please take a sit, and you better have a hell of an explanation to be here in San Francisco, because I’m not buying the idea that you’re here because you love me” you said, sitting on the couch across from where Spencer was standing

“I made a mistake, when we were in Quantico” Spencer started and you couldn’t help but cut him off with a sour smile, as your eyes starterd to accumulate tears. Sure, you had done everything in your power to just shove down the feelings to the bottom of your heart, and somewhow you were succedeing, but having the man you once loved, speaking about the most painful day of your life wasn’t easy

“If you’ve come here to state the obvious, you can just save your breath” you scoffed, trying to avoid his gaze

“I need you to hear me out, please” Spencer pleaded, and your heart couldn’t help but shatter a little with the amount of hurt that was accumulated both in his eyes, and his voice

“Alright, you got the floor to speak, but you can’t blame me for thinking this is riddiculous Spencer, you broke me, you had me all for yourself, and you decided to just… leave me” you said, feeling the tears roll down your eyes

“I got scared” Spencer said quietly, almost as a whisper

“Why were you afraid? I loved you with everything in me and more! There was no reason for you to doubt me!” you said, feeling both the pain and the anger building up in your throat

“I never doubted you! I was just… I was so afraid of something terrible happening to you… I just thought it’d be best to keep you away from me” Spencer replied, lowering his gaze

“What are you even talking about? You were afraid of something terrible happening to me? That’s why you decided it would be a good idea to just break my heart? Shatter all my dreams? Destroy the life we had planeed together?” you asked and Spencer couldn’t help but run his hands trough his hair in exasperation

“I don��t know how to explain this to you without sounding like a madman, or a religious freak; specially because I’m a man of science, but, please undertand me, statistically, all the people that I’ve loved either end up dead or terribly hurt” Spencer said and a chukle left your mouth before you could even realize

“Are you kidding me Spencer? Are you seriously telling me that you left me because you were somehow scared that you are cursed?” you asked in disbelief

“I’m not saying that I’m cursed! All I’m saying is that… I don’t know what I’m saying but I was trying to protect you! I love you so much, I’d hate myself if something happens to you because of me” Spencer pleaded. Sure, you knew it was wrong to laugh about people’s fears, and that everyone copes individually as they can, but this was just riddiculous to you

“Spencer, I work on the FBI with children and human traficking, I’m aware, actually, I’m certain that my name figures in more than one hit list, but that doesn’t stop me from living my life” you said, and you couldn’t help but feel that maybe if Spencer had the guts to talk about his feelings and fears out loud before, you wouldn’t be in this messy situation, hell, you’d probably even still be engaged

“I… I know that, and I’m so proud of you, and of your work but I… I couldn’t bear the thought of something happening to you, and just not being able to protect you” Spencer added

“Let me get this straigth, you were so afraid of losing me, you decided to just leave me?” you asked with an ironic tone as another laugh scaped your lips

“I mean… if you put it like that, I guess I did” he said, with a small chuckle

“Besides, how dare you think is romantic leaving me safe and stranded? Do you have any idea how much I cried over you? How many days I couldn’t sleep just wondering where did we go wrong? My God, Spencer! We almost had it all, I love you with everything in me and you just… let me go” you added with a bitter tone, as you tried to comprehend the Doctor’s train of thought

“I genuenly believed I was doing what was best for you” Spencer said without meeting your eyes

“Spence, you can’t live with the constant fear that something terrible is just going to happen, I understand that with our line of work sometimes even existing is complicated, but, you have to be brave” you said with a softer tone, trying to get Spencer to understand how out of pocket hhis fears were

“I’m sorry, I’m so so sorry, if I could just somehow take it back, I would, I… I guess my anxiety got the best of me” Spencer said, this time with an embarrased tone

“Yeah, I imagine, but, as you know, that’s just not possible you” you added with a small smile, almost a pitty smile, because you counldn’t believe how unserious Spencer’s reason to call off the engagement was

“If you let me, I’ll make it up to you for the rest of my life, I don’t care how much time I have to wait, I don’t even care if I have to move to San Francisco just to be with you! I’ll do anything, I’ll even marry you right here, right now, but please, give me another chance. Not a day goes by that I don’t love you! Hell, I even think I love you more today than I loved you yesterday, altough it’s not gonna be as much as I’ll love you tomorrow of the day after that” Spencer rambled, and you could feel your heart ache, for a whole month all you wanted, all you wished for was Spencer saying those words to you, but hearing them, now you were scared out of your mind

“I… I don’t think I can do this again, Spence” you said with a low voice

“Please y/n, I’ll do anything, I know deep down you still love me, maybe not as much as I love you, but it’s okay because I have so much love, I’ll just love you for the two of us” Spencer said with his eyes filling with tears

“I’m scared Spencer, how do I know you won’t jump ship again as easily as you did it last time?” you asked almost with a whispered. You figured out that if you were going to break his heart, at least you’d be straighfordward and honest

“I understand that you don’t trust me, or that’s scary, but you just told me that I can’t let my fears control my life… please, take a leap of faith with me” Spencer said stepping closer to the couch were you were sitting

“I don’t… I don’t know how, I already gave you my all once” you said, curling up on your couch like a wounded puppy

“Then let me prove to you that I mean it when I say I’ll give you my all, let me show you how serious I’m about spending the rest of my life with you” Spencer pleaded, taking your hand into his “I love you so much, I vow I won’t let anything come between us again, I don’t care if I have to fight a curse, a thousand unsubs, hitmen or whatever life throws at our way, I promise I’ll always stand by you… If you need to cry, I’ll be your shoulder, if you need protection, I’ll be your shelter, if you need to lean on, I’ll be your rock, but please, let me be everything and anyrthing you need” he added with teary eyes

“You get one chance, and we have a shit ton of things to figure out, but I swear if you screw up one more time, I’ll personally make sure to destroy you” you said with a teassing smile, and Spencer coulnd’t help but chuckle and plant a swee kiss on your lips

“I promise I’ll spend the rest of my life making sure I don’t screw up again” he said, and you gave hijm another kiss

You knew it would be messy, and even a little embarrasing to anounce, but your heart somehow intertwined perfectly with Spencer’s. You knew you loved him with everything in you and somehow, you were convinced by his words aboout how much he loved you. At the end of the day, love is a bet, and you knew Spencer Reid was banned from every casino in Vegas because he was an expert on statistics, so maybe, with his head and your gut, the two of you’d find a way for your love to work out.

[iamcxlleigh]

𝐖𝐎𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑. | 𝐚𝐚𝐫𝐨𝐧 𝐡𝐨𝐭𝐜𝐡𝐧𝐞𝐫 𝐱 𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐜!𝐨𝐜

𝐂𝐑𝐈𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐀𝐋 𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐃𝐒

𝐬𝐢𝐭𝐮𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 ⨟ aaron knows how misunderstood and discriminated against people with your condition are, but he doesn't realize how far people's cruel words are capable of going until you show it to him yourself.

𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 ⨟ the reader has ASD (autism spectrum disorder), also known as 'asperger' but from now on I will use the term 'ASD' so that other people can feel more comfortable, in my country it is still known by the term asperger, so if I ever forgot to make this clarification, I hope you will excuse me. ♡

𝐧/𝐚 ⨟ english is not my native language, an apology for any grammatical or spelling errors.

(the reader has a default name, I do not use y/n).

It was a warm and rainy night, the sound of the drops hitting the windows along with the sound of the TV in the background was the only thing Charlie was paying attention to, she was extremely focused on her things, a few meters away was Aaron sitting in the dining room of his home, in front of him was his work laptop, several papers and folders, and he kept talking on the phone, he was a very busy man indeed.

As Hotchner spoke in his typical authoritative tone of voice, he watched through his work clutter as his partner sat quietly cross-legged on the couch, in front of her on the living room table with several small trains and a large history book on locomotives, occasionally the young woman would look up at the television set that was broadcasting a program on antique car restoration.

Charlie told her many times about her great interest in trains and their history, being an expert on the subject practically, she could talk so much about it that it could border on obsessive, but it was something she could not control, a detail to highlight of her condition was that: People with this disorder tend to develop very specific tastes and often out of the ordinary or of little interest to a person, such as the love of planes, trains, dinosaurs, prehistory, cars and other things.

At that moment thunder struck, catching the girl off guard, she gave a little jump in her place while Aaron didn't even flinch, she turned to see Hotchner laughing at her reaction, he also smiled slightly at her previous action, he thought how funny and sweet she looked to be scared like that, but quickly returned his attention to the call talking firmly.

Charlie watched her partner for a few more seconds, thinking how scary but imposing Aaron looked, she would never have imagined that a man like him would love her, not when she spent most of her life discriminated or ignored by every boy or man, she felt lucky to get a man as protective and caring as the handsome FBI agent a few feet away from her.

After about 15 minutes she finished arranging her little trains in order from biggest to smallest, she concentrated on reading more carefully her book about the most important locomotives that have ever existed in history, she read her book carefully trying to nourish herself with what will catch her attention the most, at that moment Aaron's partner in the bau, Dr. Spencer Reid, came to her mind.

She remembered hearing that this young man had the ability to read 20,000 words per minute, she imagined for a second that he could read that fast, but she thought, could he really enjoy books that fast? She wasn't sure.

After reading for quite a while, she was amazed to see a small but beautiful model of a locomotive, a Class LB&SCR E2 manufactured between 1913 and 1916, she got up excitedly with her book in her hands walking towards Hotch, who was looking at his laptop while still talking on the phone with who knows who.

She stopped next to the older man with a small smile hugging her book with the bookmarked page waiting patiently for him to finish talking, she was again enraptured with Aaron, looking from his dark blue long sleeve shirt to continue with his masculine and attractive features to her sight, and finally his black hair.

The moment he finished speaking, Hotchner leaned back in his chair stretching his arms and legs somewhat wearily, looking at the young woman next to him who looked anxious with her book in her hands.

— What's the matter, Honey? — he asked his partner calmly.

— Look, Aaron — She opened her book, sitting confidently on Hotchner's lap to show him comfortably what she wanted to show him, Esté regained his posture passing his left hand around the young woman's waist listening with absolute attention to everything she said, forgetting about work for a moment.

She began to speak enthusiastically showing him the black and white photo of the locomotive, talking in detail about what she had seen in the book, complemented with her own opinion about what she had seen, Hotch listened interested and amazed by Charlie's ease in retaining the information he liked the most, her excited voice filled his heart.

When he met her she was so withdrawn and shy, under that mask hid an intelligent and talkative woman.

— The new design was considered successful, except that it was discovered that they had an inadequate water supply. Therefore, when a new order was placed for five locomotives, they were delivered extended side tanks — He explained to his partner putting the book still aside continuing with his explanation, absentmindedly running his hand down Aaron's neck.

— But finally delivered between June 1915 and October 1916, ready to be used in the period of initiation of the first world war — Hotchner finished leaving his partner surprised, she looked at him looking speechless confused, action that he quickly perceived — What?

— No, nothing... Just that - He stopped abruptly feeling his heart racing, regretting what he was about to say — Relax, I'll leave you to your work.

He was about to take the book to get up from his partner's lap, but the latter quickly prevented him by holding his chin carefully making sure he looked directly at him.

— Tell me what's wrong — Aaron demanded without sounding threatening or frightening, in his voice there was a touch of patience, understanding and tranquility, just wanting to know what was going on in his partner's head.

He seemed to think about it a bit before answering.

— Well, nobody really pays attention to me when I talk too much — She confessed wanting to lower her gaze, but Hotch's hand didn't allow it — They think I don't notice, but I keep talking just so I can tell someone other than myself.

— Did you think I wasn't paying attention, Charlie? — He asked without losing his stance on the situation, but inside he was surprised that she would think that about him.

— It's just that this is not a subject of your interest, I thought you wouldn't give it any importance — She answered confidently.

— That doesn't matter, whatever you want to tell me I will pay attention to it and I will remember the details if necessary. If it's important to you, it's important to me too — Aaron's quick answer left the girl speechless, feeling silly for a second.

How could she doubt Aaron like that? Believing he was like everyone else, when he absolutely wasn't, his hand slowly removed itself from the older man's neck until it rested next to his other hand in his own lap.

— Are you upset? — She asked, thinking he was probably upset with her for saying that — No, what am I asking? I must have sounded stupid, I'm sorry.

— Don't apologize, Charlie. It's okay — He replied passing his hand to her cheek sympathetically, giving small caresses — I'm not upset.

Despite his affirmation, the young girl still seemed to doubt his answer, she was so transparent with her gestures and even with her physical language that it was impossible for Hotch not to notice her feelings at first sight.

— Whenever you want to talk about anything, you know that I'm all ears only for you — He spoke making her look at him attentively, making a great effort to look him in the eyes — And when I'm not around, Jack will also listen to you, you know he loves to talk to you.

— Yes — Charlie admitted, letting out a little smile — He is really interested in the things around him, in history, one day I even explained to him the meaning of ‘Hey Jude’ and he never stopped staring at me.

Hotch laughed when he heard that last anecdote, he was curious to know what his son would think when his partner explained to him the meaning of The Beatles song.

After a second of silence, it was Charlie herself who removed Aaron's hand from her face.

— I don't want to keep distracting you from your work, I'd better let you get on with it — She spoke with a small smile, although when she saw all the paperwork on the table she felt bad for all the work Aaron had on top of him, and to think that in her office there was more.

She thought Hotchner's work was very interesting and once in a while she asked him a question or two, but he didn't like to talk much about what he saw out there, and she understood that perfectly.

— Give me 10 more minutes and I'll be with you on the couch, OK? — He promised looking attentively at the young woman, who nodded agreeing with his word, she didn't leave without leaving a kiss on Aaron's cheek clutching his book.

He watched her leave and let out a slight smile to himself.

As he sat on the couch he watched his partner again in the distance as he typed away on his laptop with a serious expression, he remembered her words with great attention, as he did so he felt a warm sensation pass through his chest.

It felt so good to be listened to, that among hundreds of seemingly ignorant people, there was one who was willing to give you their undivided attention.

It was simply wonderful.

— 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐞𝐧𝐝 —

‹ 20. 04. 2023 ›

credits for : @iamcxlleigh

¡Hola, gente! How are you doing? I hope you are doing well! Thank you for reading my writing today, I come back and repeat! That English is not my native language, so I am sorry for any kind of grammar or spelling mistakes.

If you have any request, about something you want me to write, you can write to me and I will see if I will do it. 🤍

calleigh angelo ──── ‘lista maestra’

¡Nos vemos! 🗯️

[honeypiehotchner]

Devil’s Backbone (Unsub!Hotch x Fem!Reader) — part sixteen

I'm ALIVE!!! Listen, long story short, moving to a different country is hard. And it is harder when you get sick...and when that sickness puts you in the hospital. Anyway! I am out of the hospital now, doing much better, and ready to finish uploading this fic and break some hearts because ooh boy :))))

Warnings: this is just sad idk what else to say for myself

Sixteen: You’re still the oxygen I breathe — “THE LONELIEST” by Måneskin

A new plan was devised. You were going to meet Hotch, but you weren’t going in completely alone. He didn’t need to know that.

Honestly, he was a fool if he didn’t suspect you to come with some form of backup.

You were told to meet him at a local park, one that closed down at dusk, but obviously that didn’t matter. He said he’d find you when you got there. And the two of you would talk somewhere private.

It scared and excited you at the same time. You felt you finally had the opportunity to make it all right. You’d convince him to turn himself in, to get help. To stop killing. To save himself. You had a feeling in your gut that you were the only one who could convince him to stop. You knew you had to try.

“Do I really need this?” you grumbled, taking the bulletproof vest from Morgan.

“Yeah, you do,” Morgan replied, deadpan but not too stern. “Put it on.”

You already were. Deep down, you knew it was better to be safe than sorry.

“Prentiss and I will be parked just down the street,” Morgan explained. “We’ll move closer once you guys are out of sight. We’ll be right there with you.”

“Don’t worry, kiddo,” Rossi tried to offer a smile, but you could tell it was a struggle. “It’ll be alright. It’ll be over after this.”

Somehow, even then, you knew that wasn’t true. But you nodded anyway, ignoring the nagging feeling in your chest.

You shrugged your jacket over the vest. It wouldn’t hide it completely, but you didn’t think that mattered. Aaron probably expected you to come with the vest on, or some sort of protection. He didn’t request that you come unarmed, so you had your handgun, but you didn’t plan on using it. You hoped he didn’t plan on using his, either.

Reid stayed at the precinct to work with Garcia, but Rossi and JJ went into the field as well. Police were set up to watch the exit roads from the park, and Rossi and JJ would be there with them, waiting. Just in case.

You glanced at the clock on the wall. It was nearing midnight. Almost time.

+++

Aaron felt himself going insane.

At first, when he meant to meet with you, it was purely to get the team off of his back. To try his hand once again to convince you to leave it alone. But he knew that wouldn’t work. Not really.

Then he saw Jack. He swore it. As he killed the most recent unsub, he swore it. He swore he saw Jack run from him, hiding somewhere in that house. He swore.

But he knew where Jack was buried. He watched them lower his casket into the ground, right next to Haley. To rest there forever, safe from harm, away from Hotch, finally at peace. It tore him in half.

He needed to see you. He needed you. But he didn’t need the team; he didn’t need you as an agent. It was different. He knew you felt it too, so he knew you would meet him.

He saw you parking your car across the parking lot. It was one of the team’s SUVs, but he figured it would be. What mattered most was that you were alone.

+++

As he said he would, Aaron found you.

You left your car and headed into the park, finding a random bench to sit down on. It was underneath a streetlamp, so you figured Prentiss and Morgan had a visual on you from there. Aaron came out of the shadows.

“Jesus,” you jumped clear in the air and onto your feet, your hand instinctively reaching for your gun on your hip. Aaron noticed.

He smirked. “I see you came armed.”

“You didn’t say not to,” you exhaled. “I don’t exactly like being in a park in the middle of the night alone.”

“You’re not alone. I’m here.”

“Yes, that makes it much better,” you glared at him. You didn’t mean to be so fierce with him, but it happened. The frustration and pain you had felt for weeks resurfaced as pure, red anger. “Why did you ask me to come here? I could get fired.”

“We’ve done worse that you could easily be fired for as well.”

Your ears burned. You silently thanked the team that said they didn’t have time to hook you up with a wire.

“What do you want?” you asked again, crossing your arms over your chest.

Aaron smiled. It sent a chill down your spine. It wasn’t his smile. “Walk with me.”

“Why?”

“You’re full of questions tonight,” he mused, stepping closer to you, crowding your space in the way you used to love. His eyes scanned your face. “Why are you nervous?”

“You threatened to kill me the last time we spoke, so.”

“I told you not to give me a reason to,” he clarified, as if it made it sound any better. “Is there a reason you’d like to share?”

You thought of the police cars silently surrounding the perimeter. Reid and Garcia worked to find where Philips might be with his son, to be one step ahead of Hotch. Prentiss and Morgan in one car, binoculars pressed to their eyes. Rossi and JJ waited in another car, coordinating how to take Hotch down if he ran.

“No,” you said firmly. “Are you going to talk or can I go back to sleep? I’m exhausted, thanks to you.”

“Ah, you know, then,” he replied, turning to walk away from you, down the paved path. “The unsub I killed last night.”

“Daniel Newman,” you said, following him. You watched Hotch scoff at the name. You pressed that point, “What?”

“He was an unsub.”

“Unsubs don’t have names now?”

He shot you a heated glare. He knew you were toying with him. You hadn’t expected it to get under his skin as much as it was.

“You’re the unsub now, Aaron. Do you have any idea of the consequences of what you’ve done?”

“They should thank me for what I’m doing!” he yelled, spinning around to face you. His eyes were wide with fury, an anger so misplaced that you wondered if it was even anger anymore. “These men should’ve never gotten off easy! They killed families! Wives, children!”

“You killed Foyet, Aaron!” you yelled right back, wondering if any of the team was able to hear you. Your voice echoed around you in the empty park. “He’s gone. You finished it. What the hell are you doing now?”

“Actually finishing it,” he snapped, his eyes haunted. “You have no idea what I’ve been through. Losing Haley, losing Jack— I saw him. Last night, I swore he was there, but I know we buried him. I lowered his coffin myself but I keep seeing him. So don't tell me what to do. You have no idea.”

You watched with each word as Aaron crumbled and crumbled and crumbled. Your face fell when he mentioned seeing Jack, seeing the ghost of a forever little boy who will never grow up. And a father who would never forgive himself for any of it.

“Aaron, please,” you whispered, stepping closer, unable to stand it when he was like this. The tears gathering in his eyes, the broken sound from his chest when you touched him gently. “Come here.”

He let you, and you were shocked, but you didn’t back down. You held him there, his head pressed into your shoulder, your fingers buried in his hair, shushing him. You had held him this way before, under completely different circumstances, though still about the loss.

“Aaron, please, come back with me,” you murmured. “We can get you help. We can fix this.”

“What will help is me finishing this.” The words are muffled into your neck, but broken and sobbed all the same.

“It’ll never be finished. You know that, Aaron,” you pleaded, lifting his head, both of your hands cupping his jaw. “Don’t do this. Look at me.” It took a moment, but he did, and he looked recognizable then. Only for a moment, you saw your Aaron. For the last time, though you didn't know it. “Don’t do this to yourself. You can stop now.”

He shook his head. “I can’t.”

“You can,” you argued, your fingertips digging into his cheeks. “You don’t have to do this.”

“I do. I have to,” he said.

It all happened so fast. The police lights grew brighter. Sirens faded and wailed into earshot. Screaming. Spinning. You wanted to cuss all of them out. I almost had him! I almost saved him! But you didn’t. You only thought you did.

“Aaron, please,” you cried as he slipped away from you, betrayal on his face, mixing with the tears that he now regretted having shed. Shame clouded his face. Anger took over next. “I’m sorry,” you sobbed, hands covering your mouth. “I’m so sorry, Aaron, please."

He said nothing. He ran.

[lipstickstainedreid]

Jet nap, Spencer Reid oneshot

First oneshot i wrote, I also just got my wisdom tooth taken out so I might be delirious rn

fluffy oneshot, no cw, sfw

1429 words

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was a long couple of days figuring out the last case. Finally, you are in the comfortable seats of the jet. You sit down on the grey couch and stretch your legs. Jawing you realise just how tired you are. 

Morgan, Prentis and JJ are already deep in conversation sitting at the table. 

Hotch and Rossi swiftly follow. Rossi quickly sits down to scribble something in his notebook while Hotch goes to tell the pilot to take off. 

Reid comes in last, he seems deep in thought. His eyes snap up to yours. You give him a small smile. His long legs clad in dark brown pants stride the short distance across the plane. 

“May I?” He points to the empty seat on the couch beside you. 

You nod stifling another jawn. 

As he sits down you notice the small distance between you. The soft brush of his knee against yours sends small tingles down your spine. 

Reid bends down to rummage through his leather bag. A red paperback is fished from the satchel. He scooches a little to get comfortable and opens the book. 

You can practically feel the heat from his body with how close he is sitting. He has to be doing this on purpose you think to yourself. Of course, he could just not be noticing it. But a guy like Spence? who is so aware of germs and won’t let anybody share his drink. It is almost suspicious. 

“Whatcha reading?” 

“Hm?” The boy next to you furrows his brown turning to you. 

“Sign Of Four from Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.”

You reach out your hand. He marks the page before passing you the book. You look at the cover and read the back. 

“Looks cool.”

He gives you a little nod. Usually, you guys can talk for hours about anything and everything but there is a blanket of tiredness falling over the entire jet now that you’ve taken off. Even the trio at the table is simmering down. 

Reid opens the book again, but, you interrupt. “Spence, can I read with you? I didn’t bring anything.” You smile apologetically. 

He gives you a little confused look. 

You practically melt at how sweet he looks. His hazel eyes studying your face, trying to find out if you’re serious.

He is a colleague, you have to find a way to get rid of this crush. Ever since you started at the BAU the tall man caught your attention. Sure, it was awkward at first. He barely talked to you. Over time you slowly warmed up to you and you now consider him one of your best friends. 

Still, he is your coworker and you can’t have a crush on him. Especially not when you work with the best profilers in the country. How nobody mentioned it to you yet is a wonder. 

Reid seems to have made up his mind. 

“Yeah of course.” His voice slightly cracks near the end of his sentence. He gulps and moves as close as possible without actually touching you. He moves his arms so the book is now held between you two. 

“Thanks!” You smile gratefully at him and you are sure a small blush is creeping up his face that wasn’t there before. 

You turn back to face the book. 

Just before you can read a full sentence the page gets turned. You quickly pick up reading but before you’re even halfway through the page Spencer does it again.

“Spence…” You sigh “Can you please wait a little before turning the page?”

“But I finished reading it?”

“Yeah I know but, I need a little bit longer. Not everybody is a super genius” You joke. 

Both of you start to read the next page and you can tell Reid is waiting longer for you to finish. You give him a little hum of acknowledgement so that he can turn the page.

You two keep reading about the adventures of Sherlock Homes. 

Your eyes start feeling heavy. You lazily keep reading the words while slumping a little into the couch. 

Detective Holmes is running around the streets of London, looking for clues. The sound of his dress shoes echoing in the small alleyway. You halt mid-alley when the man in front of you does too. Sherlock bends down to pick something up. 

“Is she asleep?”

You hear the voice clear as day, except the mouth of the detective didn’t move.

“I…” 

You look around trying to figure out who’s talking.

“I think so, she just put her head down.”

Wait, you know that voice. That’s Reid. 

You slowly open your eyes, blinking against the light. 

“Pretty boy getting some action.” Morgans's voice taunts the young doctor.

You lift your head, rubbing your eyes. 

“Hey,”  Spence softly says next to you, “we just landed.”

Once you fully sit up with your eyes open you can see Derek making kissing faces at Reid while he walks out. 

Everybody seemed to have already left. It is just you and Reid on the jet.

“Did I fall asleep?” You ask

Spencer chuckles a little, trying to put his hair behind his ear. “Yeah after about five minutes you passed out on my shoulder.”

Oh no, it was already bad enough that you couldn’t stop staring at Spencer, but this set in stone that you are way more into him than you should be as colleagues. Everybody on the plane saw it as well. You could already hear Derek bullying you. 

And poor Spence, he must’ve been so uncomfortable having you all against him. 

You can feel your entire body flushing red.

“Spencer, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to.” 

The man’s gaze softens.  “y/n it’s okay, you were tired.”

“I know, but still, I know how you don’t like people touching you.” You quickly start packing your stuff to leave. 

“Really y/n I didn’t mind,” He looks away nervously “Some people I like having closer than others.” 

“That’s sweet Spence.” You smile at him when he looks back at you. 

You both get up to leave the jet. Even though Spencer was okay with everything. You still couldn’t really ignore what Derek was saying. Why was he making kissing noises at you? 

it probably would be best to let it be, still, some insecurities came up. 

“What was Morgan talking about?” You ask while making your way to the bullpen to get your last stuff. 

Spencer looks like he saw a ghost. 

“Oh..erm,” He starts fixing his clothes. “Nothing really… he was making a joke.”

His nervousness gives you a little hope. Maybe you can push him a little further.

“What about?”

You see the man next to you gulp. “About someone, he knows I like, but we don’t need to talk about it it’s not like she would like me anyway and even if she did it wouldn’t be responsible because…” He starts to ramble.

“Spence,” you chuckle a little while you grab his arm. He stops walking in the middle of a hallway. The taller man is looking everywhere except at you. His cheeks and ears flushed red. 

Could this really be, you think to yourself, the doctor Spencer Reid has a crush on you, Y/n Y/l/n?

You’re stomach is doing flips, but you need to be sure before you not only put your friendship but also potentially your job on the line.

“Why wouldn’t it be responsible?” You coo, eyes fluttering up at him.

“Well, according to FBI regulations, two agents can only be in a relationship if they share the same position. So, that results in not being able to get promoted. That is not even considering what would happen to the team if you didn’t like me back. 

Your chest erupts into butterflies when you hear the last sentence. Reids' eyes widen when he realises what he said. He is about to start to ramble again. 

You stand on your tiptoes and grab his shirt to pull him down a little. You press your lips on him to shut him up. 

His hands slowly make their way to your waist. It’s a little awkward and sweet. Just like Spencer. Fireworks erupt in your chest. You pull away a little.

“I like you too Spence.” You murmur against his lips. You feel him smile against your lips as he kisses you again. 

You didn’t expect your first kiss with Spencer to be in the middle of a hallway in the FBI building, but with him it’s perfect.

[daughter-of-melpomene]

𝐑𝐄-𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐑𝐎𝐃𝐔𝐂𝐈𝐍𝐆… 𝐌𝐘 𝐂𝐑𝐈𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐀𝐋 𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐃𝐒 𝐎𝐑𝐈𝐆𝐈𝐍𝐀𝐋 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐑, 𝐄𝐃𝐃𝐈𝐄 𝐁𝐀𝐊𝐄𝐑

❝ Eddie Baker’s first encounter with a criminal was indirect. He was nine years old, and had come home from school eager to show his parents the math test he had aced, only to find his mother sobbing at the kitchen table and be told that his aunt had been killed by a mugger who had attempted to steal her purse. Eddie had never been that close to his aunt - she loved her sister, his mother, but had never really liked kids - but seeing his mother so broken because of something someone else had done had ignited a fire inside of him, a desire to one day get a job that would help make people who would do such horrible things pay for what they had done.

As Eddie grew older and his home life grew worse, that fire inside of him had steadily flared brighter and brighter. As his mother spiralled deeper and deeper into her grief over her lost sister, turning to alcohol to numb her pain, and his father had completely burned himself out trying to take care of two people at once and earn enough money to pay the bills, the young boy swore to himself that even if he couldn’t make the man who’d killed his aunt and caused all this misery (who’d never been caught by the police since the only witness to the crime was dead) pay for what he’d done, he would one day spend his entire life putting away anyone else who would do anything similar.

Eventually, Eddie fulfilled his promise to himself, getting a job at the FBI and working his way into a good position in the Critical Incident Response Group. He thrived in this job, treating every single case like it was the most important one he would ever work and revelling in the fact that he got to send some of his country’s worst off to prison where they belonged. He’d never exactly meant to make work his whole life, but he’d never really had any friends and his only hobby was tending to the many plants in his apartment - there had never really been a chance for him to have anyone in his life.

Until Eddie is required to correspond with the Behavioural Analysis Unit for a case, and quickly makes friends with the crazy, chaotic found family that is this team. Though Eddie likes his position in the FBI too much to even consider transferring to the BAU, he genuinely appreciates and cares about every member of that team, relishing his friendships with all of them for bringing some genuine happiness into his work-centred life.

And if he has started to have feelings for Aaron Hotchner, the stoic and courageous leader of the BAU team… well, Hotch is married with a kid and will never return Eddie’s feelings, but that’s fine. Eddie can endure this stupid little crush until it goes away, can’t he? ❞

General Taglist: @hiddenqveendom, @foxesandmagic, @artemisocs, @reyofluke-ocs, @endless-oc-creations, @stanshollaand, @ginnystilinski-reblogs, @luucypevensie, @ginger-grimm, @arrthurpendragon, @fakedatings, @impales, @claryxjackson, @dancingsunflowers-ocs, @eddysocs, @lucys-chen, @ocappreciationtag.

[notsopersonalcharlie]

Hotshot Part 3 - Dusty Memories

Aaron Hotchner x Fem!Army!OC - Fluff

tags: @rousethemouse @hotchgan​ @hotchnerxo​ @chaoticconnoisseurgiver

Warnings: mentions of sex, Army stuff, mentions of 9/11 and going to war

Notes:  Back with part 3, I hope you enjoy and I apologize for the time between installments. This one is shorter than the others and not my favorite, but it has direction. Again let me know what you want to see out of this! Gif isn’t mine

Part 1, Part 2 - Irreplaceable

“Daddy, why are you always smiling so much,” Jack asked out of the blue. He was almost eight, but he could profile with the best of them. Aaron flipped the omelet and turned off the stove to let it stay warm as he went to pour his coffee. It had been a week since the last time he saw Willow, but he felt like a lovesick kid constantly texting her and talking to her on the phone as he drove to work. He felt a little bit ridiculous at times, but he couldn’t help himself.

“I met one of my old friends from when I was in the Army and we’ve been talking to each other. It’s very nice to talk to her again.” Jack nodded and maneuvered his too big fork to his mouth with another bite of hash browns. Aaron readied his own plate and sat across from his son. 

“Uncle Spencer is going to come over and hang out with you tonight, if that’s okay.” Jack’s eyes instantly lit up, nodding as he finished chewing. 

“Yes! He said we could try to use the telescope again next time he was over!” The boy seemed to think as he took a long drink of his orange juice. When he put the glass down he looked at Aaron. 

“Are you seeing your Army friend?” Aaron sighed, cursing the intuition that Jack had gotten from his mother, and maybe a little bit from him too. 

“Yes, does that bother you?” Jack shook his head. 

“I like it when you smile, daddy. Can we go to the bookstore so I can get the next book? I have ten pages left in this one and when Uncle Spencer comes over we always read for a while.” Aaron smiled and nodded, “Finish your breakfast and we can go.” 

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

Willow pulled up to the building, parking her car where Aaron had indicated there was guest parking. Aaron was leaning against his car and stood when he spotted her. The glimpse of him in a crewneck and jeans, leaning that way, made her heart jump.

Aaron kicked another rock, wiggling his toes in his sneakers. It felt weird to be out of combat boots for the first time in days. He heard a door open and a whistle, followed by Willow’s voice snapping back, “You better keep it in your pants, Paulson.” Aaron looked up and practically let his jaw drop when he looked at her. For the first time out of uniform or the gym clothes she had been in when they first met, Willow had her hair down, a fitted purple long sleeve and jeans on. Aaron felt slightly self conscious for a moment when he remembered he was just wearing a ratty crewneck and jeans. 

“Hey,” he said shyly. He stood up from the bumper of the pickup. He hadn’t gone on very many dates in high school, and almost all of them had been with Haley. He pushed the woman out of his mind, they had ended when they graduated. They had different paths to follow. 

“Hi,” Willow said, contagious grin making him smile. She pecked him on the cheek, “Where we going? We’re kinda low on options.” Aaron laughed, stepping just a bit quicker than her to open the passenger side door for her. He got in the driver’s side and the radio started up on a country station. Willow began to hum the tune, looking around the inside of his car. 

“You like country?” 

“They have country music north of Virginia you know.” He laughed, backing up and heading out onto the road. 

“We’re going to that diner in town. It was the only option since its Sunday.” Willow didn’t respond and he looked over. She was holding a picture she found in the overhead mirror. 

“Oh I -” He reached out to take it from her. It was Haley and him at prom. He had failed to clean out the car after he left home. Willow turned it over, looking at the scrawled note on the back. 

“Haley?”

“Yeah, she and I were together in high school. It was just something for teenagers, ya know?” He tried to brush it away, and Willow let him take the picture and tuck it into the small door side compartment. Aaron cleared his throat and then opened the overhead mirror on the driver’s side. He took out a few pictures, one of him standing on the truck when it was brand new, smiling proudly. Another of him and his brother.

“That’s Sean, he’s my little brother. He wanted to get the truck when I graduated, but I told him he had to get his own.” Willow laughed lightly. 

“I’m an only child, but my mom’s dogs come as a close second to me. Anyone would tell you that.” 

Willow walked up to him, clad in a green Army hoodie and jeans. She fell into the hug Aaron offered, taking a deep breath to try and memorize his smell.

“Hey.” 

“Hi,” she responded, pecking him on the cheek, “Where we going?” Aaron’s face contorted, remembering the moment. 

“You really have the most extraordinary memory.” Willow smirked. 

“You seem to as well.” He opened the passenger side door for her, getting in on his side and backing the car out. She took his hand before he could reach for hers. 

“Really, where are we going?” Aaron laughed and shook his head. 

“Never gained patience did you? That’s why I always had a better shot than you.” Willow mocked offense, “I seem to recall you proposing to me before we agreed to because, and I quote ‘I don’t have a patience to love you less.’” 

Without thinking, which he seemed to only do around Willow, Aaron said, “Well I had the patience to keep the ring.” Silence fell for a mile or two until Willow turned on the radio. They had passed out of the more urbanized areas and she fiddled with the dial to find a new country station. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to...” 

“I guess we are still figuring it out right?” Aaron nodded and squeezed her hand. A few more miles were filled with both of them singing quietly along to the radio before Willow exclaimed. 

“We’re going to the drive in aren’t we?” She turned to look in the back of the suburban and found blankets, pillows, and snacks.

“Aaron Hotchner, you sneaky sneaky boy. I hope you don’t think I’m easy.” 

“I wouldn’t dream of it.” They pulled in, the sign showing that they were playing Footloose, of all movies. 

“You know, at dinner Morgan said you were from the town in Footloose.” Aaron laughed as he backed into a spot, popping the trunk. They were further back, and not that many cars came, most of them full of teenagers or with older couples. Willow kicked off her shoes and crawled through the gap in seats, making Aaron smile as he fixed the radio station to the correct one and went around the back to sit with her. She had piled up the blankets and pillows just right, and Aaron climbed in next to her. 

“Just like old times.” 

“Mmm, in old times we wouldn’t feel all the aches of sitting like this tomorrow.” Aaron pursed his lips and nodded. She shifted closer to him and as the screen lit up, her head fell against his chest. Aaron’s arm went around her and it felt more than natural for her to be there, like she fit perfectly. 

“Aaron?” 

“Mhm?” The rumble of his voice through his chest made goosebumps appear on Willow’s skin, a shiver passing through her whole body. It really did feel like that first night they had sex, eighteen years old in a field in the middle of Georgia. 

“Don’t feel the need to say it back bu-”

“I love you, Willow Cutler.” She didn’t have to look up at him, eyes glued to the movie that had started on the screen, knowing he really did mean it. He had refused to say it for so long when they were kids. 

“I love you too, Hotshot.” He gave her a small shove, and she looked back at him, brown eyes meeting hers with sincerity and so much love in just one look. 

“I really do love you, Aaron.” 

“Watch the damn movie before you start asking me what happened in it.” She bared her teeth at him jokingly before turning to look at the screen, but Aaron’s arms tightened around her. He couldn’t remember the first movie they had seen at the drive in, but he could remember the last movie they had watched together. 

“Okay, but wh-” 

“Sweetheart, could you pay attention please before you ask me another question about the movie?” He knew she had something tell him. She always talked even more than normal when she was nervous. He was quite the opposite. Finally, after a few more minutes of just the movie playing, she leaned away from his chest, reaching for the remote. Her engagement ring shone brightly in the blue light of the TV. She paused the movie, then turned on the couch, legs going criss cross. He looked at her, waiting for impact. It had been ten months since September 11th, and both of them had managed to not get hit with the deployment, but it had been looming over their every moment. 

“I got the notice this morning.” She didn’t have to explain, “I leave in a few weeks.” He nodded, looking down at the tattered leather couch before looking back at her. He had his own things he needed to say, but now wasn't the time. 

“I love you.” Willow leaned forward, pressing their foreheads together as tears began to roll down her face. She had spent months planning a wedding, pretending that the worst wasn’t yet to come. When she sniffled and opened her eyes there were tears on Aaron’s face too, but he pulled back and wiped hers away. 

“I love you too.” 

It had often felt to Aaron like Willow was reading his mind constantly since they had found each other again. Every moment felt like they were on exactly the same page, reading their life from so long ago word for word together. And in that moment it felt more than ever like that, when she looked back at him with a sad smile gracing her face. 

“Did you know then? That you were going to leave?” He nodded, gathering her closer still so she was practically laying on top of him. 

“I had known for a while, but I thought if I kept pushing it off I would get my orders first and by the time... if I got back I would have been able to do it with you.” She nodded, chin resting on his chest. Music started up in the movie behind them, but the world had faded to Aaron. He knew he hadn’t brought up that ring by accident, not consciously, but his subconscious knew what it was doing. The woman of his dreams, the woman who had walked into his life and hit play on their love again so easily, was right there in front of him. 

Willow was watching Aaron’s gears turn. It had been one of her favorite pass-times when they were finishing their undergrad degrees. They would sit outside after PT in the pickup and finish homework, but her degree program had been simple compared to his. She would lay under the stars with him and watch as he thought through the questions for his homework. Now she didn’t know what he was thinking about, but she knew that he needed to think through the problem. He always seemed to come to right conclusion. Well, almost always. 

“I promise that I won’t keep things like that to myself anymore. It ruined our lives, it ruined Haley and I’s marriage. I will not let it separate us again.” They had talked about what happened with Haley, all of it. It had been as easy as when Aaron brushed off the Polaroid in his car.

“I know.” Aaron pressed a kiss to her lips, and they both turned back to the movie. Willow talked a bit throughout, and asked questions, but Aaron wasn’t focused on the movie anymore. He was busy thinking about how Jack was going to take meeting Willow.

[moonchats]

MY SPENCER HEADCANONS

(which are canon cos i said so(also a lot dont align to what we know as canon, like i talk a lot about stuff that includes technology but shhh let me have my fun))

fav ice cream flavour is vanilla, but not any of the posh vanilla with the dots in, has to be the cheap shit because the flavour doesn’t get boring after a couple spoons

he never actually ties his top shirt button up he just tightens his tie enough so it looks tied because it hurts his throat

loves cultural food, like any religion or country he’s took an interest in that week he makes sure to try a dish from there

fucking loves spiderman

loves jodie whitticker as the thirteenth doctor because he loved the storyline and got upset when he realised everyone hated her

didn’t realise he was bisexual because he didn’t realise that it wasn’t ‘normal’ to like boys too

LOVES CHILDRENS FANTASY LIKE ANY WORLD BUILDING FANTASY OR DYSTOPIAN HE FUCKING LOVES

sorry i was really passionate about that. also his fav colour is lavender but he makes everything he owns green (like phone cases, notebooks etc) cos he chose that as his dedicated colour when he was younger

he didn’t like jumpers or cardigans for ages because didn’t like the feeling of the toughness of the wool and then he realised clothes have different materials and he realised he hated microfibre because fuck microfibre everyone should hate microfibre

i know we know he likes classical music but i think he loves romantic music of any kind, like as long as it’s romantic he loves it, like romantic goth,classical,pop anything cos my like bbygirl is such a romance girly at heart

is an avid converse wearer/collector

journals like hell, like every thought he thinks he writes it down

tells hotch he’s in therapy but actually he just talks to himself in the mirror and says that’s enough

likes matpat and game theory (because he’s autistic?? i have yet to meet a fellow neurodivergent that hasn’t had a game theory phase)

once had a stim which was just jacksepticeyes intro and derek thoight he was speaking another language because his irish accent was so bad

writes in-depth character analysis’ on his favourite characters and posts them and once one of them was so well detailed it was literally used more as a guide than canon (like atyd has with the marauders)

fucking adored rent because he’s a theatre kid at heart because i said so

[masterwords]

13k word one shot full of a story i don't even know how to summarize coming soon. country boy hotch vibes.

[persephonewritessometimes]

me and the devil / unsub!hotch x reader / chapter four

Summary: Hotch gets called on a case and has no one to watch Jack. Y/N volunteers and finds herself as a babysitter for a few days. [exposition building!]

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x AFAB Reader

Word Count: 8141

Warnings: MEDICAL TERMINOLOGY, ANATOMY TERMINOLOGY, CHILD BIRTH [not too graphic but I will give a warning and a following summary for those who don't want to read it!], MENTIONS OF DEAD PARENT, MENTION OF BEING ABANDONED BY A PARENT one use of fuck, domestic!reader, jack is too cute for his own good

Key: y/n = your name

Author's Note: jesus fuck i'm so sorry i didn't get this out sooner!! finals wrecked my motivation and i hate plot buildingXD hopefully you guys enjoy, i've got some fun things planned for this story coming up!

me and the devil series masterlist

This work is meant for readers aged 18 and over. You are responsible for your own media consumption.

I got the call that my car had been repaired and was ready for me to pick up the morning after I made Hotch spend the night. We coordinated with Morgan to make sure all the cars got back to where they needed to go and I no longer had to rely on Hotch’s decommissioned SUV to get me places. I would lie if I say I don’t miss it though - I felt like a badass secret agent in that car. I ended up having to skip Morgan’s self-defense class on Saturday due to Tia having a boyfriend emergency, well, now an ex-boyfriend emergency, and because of that, I was busy all weekend. I promised Hotch I would go to the next one, knowing he’ll hold me to it.

I haven’t seen Hotch for over a week now, but he texted me and let me know that they had been called on a case halfway across the country so he doesn’t know when he’ll be back. I’m disappointed, but I know Hotch has to work just like everyone else. It’s a dull weekend at the club due to poor weather - I didn’t even want to go because it was so dreary. I go to bed early Sunday night, exhausted from work and school. My phone blares in my ear the next morning - someone’s calling me. What the hell? I’m disoriented, as I furrow through my blankets to find my phone, and when I finally get ahold of it, I see that it’s Hotch. It’s unusual for him to call me this early, and a glance at the clock tells me it’s just before 8:00 AM.

“Hello?” I say into the phone, voice scratchy from sleep.

“Y/N, I’m so sorry to ask you for this, but we just got called on another case and Jess is in California this week and I have no one to watch Jack. I’ll pay you well, I just need someone to watch him for a couple of days. I’m so sorry.” He’s rambling and it’s kind of amusing to hear his stoic facade disappear for a second.

“Hotch, slow down, it’s fine. I don’t mind watching Jack, I like kids.” I say, and I can hear him let out a sigh of relief.

“You just saved my life.”

“Well, if I’m counting right, that’s the second time I’ve saved your life,” I say, smiling.

“You’ve got me there. I’ll text you the address. Oh, and you can bring Cujo, Jack loves animals.” He hangs up the phone and a few seconds later my text tone chimes, and sure enough, he’s already sent me the address. I rub my eyes for a few seconds. I’m usually not awake at this ungodly hour. When I’ve collected myself a little bit and feel more coherent, I get out of bed, Cujo cocking his head as he looks at me, like he’s also confused as to why I’m up this early I laugh a little.

“It’s okay boy, we’re just gonna go stay somewhere else for a few days.” He huffs and puts his head back down. I grab the duffel bag from underneath my bed and throw in a couple of outfits and a pair of scrubs haphazardly. I pack up my toiletries in the bathroom and grab Cujo’s food and travel dishes from the kitchen. Thankfully I didn’t unpack my backpack after studying at the library yesterday, so I don’t have to worry about packing that as well. My clinical bag is also waiting by the door. I call Cujo to the front door and he whines but gets out of bed to join me. I slip him into his travel harness and leash before slinging my backpack over my shoulders and grabbing my overnight bag and clinical bag. I feel kind of stupid trying to lock my door with what feels like my entire apartment packed into my three bags. I slowly make my way down the stairs, mindful of the leash - I can see myself wiping out if I take one wrong move, and that would be embarrassing to have to explain to Hotch.

I get Cujo clipped in in the back seat and put my bags there too. I drive to Hotch’s house as quickly as the speed limit allows. He sounded so panicked over the phone and I know he thinks he’s inconveniencing me, but he’s letting me bring Cujo, so why would I be inconvenienced? I pull into his driveway right next to his SUV and get out of my car and wave hello to him as I go to get my stuff from the backseat. My backpack finds its way back onto my shoulders and I unlatch Cujo from his hook in the backseat and click the leash back on. He hops out of the car, surveying his new surroundings. I’m reaching to grab my duffel bag and clinical bag when a large hand grabs both of them before I can get to them.

“I’ve got them.” He says, chest very close to mine when I turn around and look up at him.

“Thanks,” I say breathlessly. I shut my car door and lock the car, following Hotch into the house.

“Jack’s at school right now, but the bus drops him off at 3:00 PM and picks him up at 7:50 AM. He does have the day off tomorrow, some kind of makeup snow day, and I was hoping to be here so I could spend it with him.” He trails off and I can tell that he’s embarrassed.

“Hotch, it’s okay, I don’t mind.”

“I already called the school so Jack knows you’re here. This isn’t really how I wanted you two to meet, but it’ll have to do.”

“How did you want us to meet?” His cheeks turn pink at my question and he deftly changes the subject.

“You have my number, call me if you need anything. I should be back late Wednesday night. Jack’s a sweetheart, so you should be fine.” I nod and he gives me a quick tour of the house, pointing out the guest bedroom, giving me a guide to the alarm system, and the garage door codes.

“One question.”

“Yes?” He asks, raising an eyebrow.

“Are you a ‘no animals on the couch’ kind of person? Because that might be an issue.” He laughs, and says,

“Animals are welcome on the couch.”

“Good. Now get out of here, I know you have a flight to catch.” He hesitates, face torn, and I add quietly, “Hotch, it’s okay, I can do this, I want to do this. Go do your job - catch the bad guy.”

“I can’t thank you enough for doing this.” He presses a spare key in my hand, kisses my cheek, and is out of the door in minutes. I lock the door after him and slip the spare key next to my house key on my keyring. Hopefully, I won’t get them mixed up.

The house is very quiet now that Cujo and I are the only one’s here. I’m not usually a nosy person, but as the minutes drag on I feel the urge to explore the house getting stronger. I worry my lip for a few seconds, torn between respecting Hotch’s privacy and satisfying my curiosity, but I ultimately give in, padding around the house and checking it out with more attention. I steer clear of the master bedroom, having to set a boundary for myself, plus I know the room will smell like him - slightly minty with a hint of evergreen and something that’s just man, just him - and I know the smell would make what’s left of my rational thoughts flee my mind. I find my way into his study, the large mahogany desk imposing and clear of any papers. All the drawers are locked, but at least three hundred books are in the surrounding bookcases. I look at the titles, but most of them don’t catch my eye, just textbooks, studies, and other papers of that kind. What does catch my eye are the dozen Harlan Coben novels. I’m not much of a reader, what with school and work, but I used to read Harlan Coben novels when I had the time. I run my fingers over the spines, recognizing a few titles, but the majority are new to me. I chew on my lip debating if Hotch would care if I read one and conclude that he wouldn’t.

I pull The Innocent off of the shelf, tucking it under my arm and retreating from the office. I settle down on the plush couch, Cujo already asleep on it and open the book. I don’t put it down until a few hours later, and only because my stomach started rumbling. I dig around in my backpack for a piece of paper and tear off an edge, using it as a makeshift bookmark while I snoop in the kitchen. Hotch told me to help myself to anything, and this man splurges on his groceries. I finally settle on a DIY charcuterie board, having cut up a couple of types of cheese, some lunch meat, and fresh fruit. I grab my book from the couch and hold it open with one hand while I eat with the other. I’m sucked in - I can’t put the book down. I love mysteries and this one with an ex-convict as an accidental murderer has my full attention. I finish the book in the early afternoon and carefully place it back into its rightful spot in the study. I force myself to not pull another book down, knowing that I have to work on homework now.

“I’ll come back for you later,” I whisper to the books.

I check the time - I have two hours until Jack gets home, a perfect amount of time for me to get some homework done. I’m currently in my OBGYN rotation, and there’s so much information I need to know for my final, which is only two months from now. I lose myself in flashcards and textbook passages when I hear the unmistakable sound of a school bus. I scramble to get off the couch, having been buried in my papers. I walk towards the door and open it, leaning against the door frame as I watch Jack get off, wave bye to the bus driver, and run up the driveway with a huge smile on his face. I smile to myself as he gets closer and then slows down.

“Hi, Y/N! I’m so excited to meet you!” He says, out of breath. 

“I’m excited to meet you too, Jack.” I move out of the way and he rushes inside. Cujo, having heard the commotion, hops off the couch and trots towards the small boy.

“YOU HAVE A DOG?” He exclaims, dropping his bag in the entryway as Cujo greets him with sniffing and wet kisses. Jack giggles when Cujo licks his cheek and he’s petting him eagerly.

“His name is Cujo, and it looks like he likes you!” I say, smiling.

“Well, I love him!” Jack pets him for a few more moments before saying, “Wait! I think I have a tennis ball in my room, can I play out back with him?”

“Of course!” Jack runs off to his room and I kiss Cujo on the head and whisper,

“Good boy.” Jack comes back seconds later and we head outside to the fenced-in backyard. Cujo sprints around the yard - we don’t have a space like this in my complex. Jack starts to play fetch with Cujo and his giggles every time Cujo drops the ball at his feet are infectious. I sit in one of the chairs on the back porch - the weather has taken a turn for the better today, the sun shining bright and the weather is actually kind of warm. I find myself lost in thought and think about this house. It’s beautiful, yes, but I would think it’s a show home due to the pristineness. The only giveaway that someone lives here is the family pictures. The air inside the house is stale, I noticed it as I was studying. As if there’s no life in the house.

“Jack, I’m gonna open some windows if that’s okay,” I call to him, “Does your dad ever open the windows?”

“Not really!”

“Well, I’ll open up a couple, get a nice cross breeze in here.” I head inside, always keeping an eye on Jack, and open some windows. They creak and groan from disuse, but even with just a few open the house feels more inviting. After about twenty minutes, Jack comes back inside, Cujo trailing behind him and I fix him a snack when he says he’s hungry. He’s watching me, and I’m watching him, both of us trying to look busy. He reminds me of his father - eyes always alert and watching for something.

“What do you do?”

“I’m a nursing student.”

“So you heal sick people.”

“Well, I try to.”

“That’s really cool! How do you know my dad?” I freeze a little bit, not sure what to tell him.

“We…met at a bar,” I fib a little, “He actually helped me get away from some bad guys.”

“Yeah, he’s cool like that,” Jack says with a smile.

“You got any homework?”

“Yeah. Math. It’s confusing though.”

“Want some help? I mostly do medication conversions these days, but I’m sure I could help a little bit.”

“Yeah!” He runs off to grab his backpack from the entryway and comes back to the kitchen table, pushing his bowl away and pulling out a paper. I glance at it, and luckily it’s something I do know - addition and subtraction. “Once I find the answer it makes sense, but sometimes I get confused on the subtraction. Especially the double digits.”

“Hmmm, let’s see here.” I watch him struggle with the first problem, not having enough fingers on his hands to get to the correct answer. “I have an idea.” I open a bunch of drawers until I find something I saw earlier. I pull out a jar of peanuts and open them. Jack laughs.

“What are you doing?”

“Just watch! Okay, look at the first problem, 12 - 5.” I dig out a handful of peanuts and put them on the table. “Okay, count out 12 peanuts.” Jack laughs a little but does it anyway. “Great, now if you were to take away 5 more peanuts, what would you have?” Jack grabs five of the peanuts and removes them from the pile. He counts them and shouts,

“Seven!”

“That’s right! Let’s do the next problem.” By the end of the worksheet, he’s got a better grasp on the idea, and in the last three problems he doesn’t even use the peanuts to solve the problems. “Good job!” I say and he holds out his hand for a high five. I smack it lightly, and he says,

“You have a weak high five.”

“Do you want a do-over?” I say.

“Yes!” I only hold back a little bit this time and he whoops when our hands meet. “Now that’s a high five!” He shakes his hand a little bit afterward, and I feel bad about it. “Do you have homework too?”

“Yes, my homework is never ending, it seems. But I graduate this semester, so no more homework after that!”

“Do you need help with your homework?”

I laugh a little, “I don’t know if my homework is appropriate for you, buddy. I’m learning about mommies and babies right now. Gross stuff.”

“Ew! I don’t want to look at that!” I laugh again.

“How about I put on a movie for you and I’ll do my homework while you watch it? Is Star Wars okay?”

“I love Star Wars!”

“Good! Let me get it in the DVD player. Which one do you want?”

“Return of the Jedi!”

“Good pick, that’s my favorite one.”

“You like Star Wars?” He looks at me with wide eyes.

“Of course! My dad used to watch them with me all the time.” I walk into the living room, grab ‘Return of the Jedi’ from the entertainment center, and put it in the DVD player. It takes me a few seconds to figure out how to get the TV on the right setting, but I eventually figure it out. Jack sits on the couch, and Cujo gets up on it as well, putting his head in his lap. I watch as Jack watches the movie, absentmindedly petting Cujo on the head, who’s fast asleep. I bury myself in my studies again, knowing I have about an hour and a half to do so.

I’ve gone through my flashcards so many times it feels like I can’t stuff any more information in my brain. I finally sigh and paperclip them back together and set them to the side. I turn my focus to the movie - Luke Skywalker has just turned himself in to be taken to Emperor Palpatine. I watch the rest of the movie with Jack and when it’s done, he looks at me and asks,

“What’s for dinner?”

“That’s a great question. What are you hungry for?” He thinks for a couple of seconds.

“Chicken nuggets?”

“Great pick. I’ll go get them in the oven.” I gather up my things and put them back in my backpack - Jack doesn’t need to see a diagram of a woman spread eagle and crowning, that might haunt him for years.

I’m in the kitchen getting dinner ready, also throwing some frozen french fries I found in the freezer on the sheet pan. I’ve just put them in the oven when I hear from behind me,

“Are you my dad’s girlfriend?” I blink a few times before turning to face him.

“Um, we’re just friends.”

“Do you want to be my dad’s girlfriend?” He asks, widening his eyes. Oh come on I haven’t even asked myself that question yet!

“I…don’t know,” I answer truthfully. I don’t want to lie to him again.

“Well, he likes you.” I can’t hide the surprise that flashes across my face. The curiosity to know exactly what Hotch has mentioned about me is too strong and I find myself asking,

“And how do you know that?” The words are out before I can stop myself.

“He told me he met a really pretty girl who makes him laugh. He said that you’re captivating and he can’t stop thinking about you.” My cheeks are boiling.

“He told you this?” Jack turns sheepish at that and shakes his head no.

“I overheard him talking to Uncle Rossi about it.”

“Oh, so you were eavesdropping?” I say with a smile and his indignation makes me laugh.

“No! I was just listening!”

“Mhmm.”

“I swear! Don’t tell him I told you, he doesn’t even know that I know.”

“I won’t tell him, I promise.”

“Pinky promise?”

“Pinky promise,” I say, wrapping my pinky around his and squeezing tight. He sits down at the table and watches me as I cut up some fresh fruit.

“I like you. You’re nice. And you like Star Wars.”

“Thank you. I like you too, you’re fun to be around.” I say back and he smiles. It’s quiet until the oven timer goes off and I use an oven mitt to get the sheet pan out. I let it sit for a few minutes, knowing that if I plate the chicken nuggets and fries now, I’ll burn my mouth, and Jack probably will too. Jack is impatient as we wait for the nuggets to cool down, asking every few seconds if they’re ready yet. After dinner, Jack gets in the shower and I close up the windows, the air already feeling much better inside the house. I take Cujo outside to use the bathroom and clean up after him. When I come back inside Jack is out of the shower and in dinosaur-print pajamas.

“Oh, I like your pajamas!” I say with a smile and he grins up at me. “I have dinosaur pajamas too!” His eyes widen and his mouth drops open.

“You? Have dinosaur pajamas?” I chuckle at his dumbfounded expression.

“Yes, I have dinosaur pajamas. They’re actually in my bag right now, do you want to see them?” He nods furiously and follows me to the guest room. I dig them out and show them to him. Pink and purple stegosaurus, velociraptors, and triceratops cover the top and bottoms, and he laughs when he sees them.

“You have girl dinosaurs!”

“Hey! Boys can like pink and purple too!” He’s laughing at my pajamas and I can’t help but laugh too. “Come on, let's get you to bed,” I say and throw my pajamas on the guest bed. He grumbles but listens to me, and when I tuck him into bed he says,

“Thanks, Y/N. See you in the morning.” He yawns and rubs his eyes.

“Goodnight, Jack. I’ll see you in the morning!” I almost trip over a toy truck making my way back to the door of his room, and I shut off the light and shut the door behind me. Now it’s my turn for a shower. I shower with efficiency, wanting nothing more than to climb into bed. My thoughts wander as I do so, and I wonder how Hotch feels about having such an involved job while also having Jack. I think it would be hard. I get out of the shower and went through my skincare routine before I slip into my pajamas and get in bed.

Tuesday morning comes quickly, and thanks to Jack having the day off we get to sleep in for a little bit. He finally pulls me out of bed around 9:30, and I complain the entire time, which he just laughs at. I make us french toast for breakfast, which Jack fervently declares his love for, and then get dressed. I have one lecture today, Adult Health 4, and it’s at eleven.

“Jack, I know you don’t have school today, but I have school today, so here’s what we’re gonna do. You’re gonna come to class to me, but we’re going to bring your portable DVD player and bring a movie or two, as my class is two hours.”

“TWO HOURS?” He exclaims. “For one class?” I laugh.

“Yes, college isn’t really fun.”

“I bet!” We get ready and I make sure everything that I need is packed and we have Jack’s DVD player with a pair of headphones. He grabs A New Hope and The Empire Strikes Back, and we climb into my car. I make him sit in the backseat, as I don’t have a car seat for him and drive slowly to Stafford Hospital, where all of my classes are being held this semester. I park in the farthest lot, as is our rule since we are guests at the Hospital, and sling on my backpack. It’s unusually hot today, and sticky, and Jack starts to complain the moment his feet hit the asphalt.

“Y/N, please, will you carry me? It’s hoooot.” He whines.

“Jack, you’re six, I think you can walk.” He drags his feet and I concede. “Fine, come on. I hoist him up on my hip and he wraps his legs around me, resting his head in the crook of my shoulder. I want to curse but he’s being cute so I’ll let it slide. I wrap my arms around him, supporting him, and make the long trek to the hospital. Sweat is sliding down my temple when the doors slide open and I step inside. Jack sighs at the sudden cold air. “Think you can walk now, buddy?” He nods and I set him down, but he takes my hand as we make our way through the hospital and up to the second floor.

“It’s so bright in here!” Jack says, eyes wildly tracking all the people we pass. We make our way into the small lecture room, and I get Jack and me situated in two seats in the back corner.

“Y/N! Who’s your friend?” Jenna says, making her way over to us.

“I’m Jack!” Jack says with a grin, bouncing in his seat.

“Nice to meet you, Jack. I’m Jenna!” Jenna looks at me with raised eyebrows and mutters, “Do you have a kid we don’t know about?”

I chuckle, “No, he’s my…friend’s kid. I’m just watching him while his dad is out of town.”

“Well, you two must be really good friends,” Jenna says and winks at me, and my cheeks grow hot. Jack soon commandeers the attention of the whole class and he’s telling them all about playing fetch with Cujo yesterday. Dr. Pratt comes in shortly thereafter, and even she cannot resist Jack’s infectious energy. We start class ten minutes late because of it. I get Jack’s DVD player set up and his headphones plugged in and he’s contently watching Star Wars while I’m frantically taking notes on Dr. Pratt’s lecture and asking questions at every opportunity. Jack quietly asks for a snack about halfway through, and I’m glad that I keep a bag of Goldfish in my bag for emergencies. Thankfully, the pictures aren’t graphic today so I don’t have to worry about scarring Jack for the rest of his life. Class is over before I know it, and as everyone is packing up, I tell Jack I’ll be right back.

“Dr. Pratt?” I ask.

“Yes, Y/N? What can I do for you?”

“I’m really sorry about Jack. His dad didn’t have anyone else to watch him so I volunteered.” Dr. Pratt chuckles.

“Y/N, Jack was lovely, feel free to bring him again if you’d like. He was not a problem at all.” I let out a breath and thank her, making my way through the now almost empty room to pack my stuff up. Jack pauses his movie, yawns, and stretches, and I put his DVD player away.

“What do you say we get lunch, buddy?” I ask Jack as we make our way out of the hospital and into the humid air.

“Yes! Lunch lunch lunch!” He practically skips back to the car, I help him in, set my backpack in the passenger seat, get in the driver’s seat, and he’s suddenly quiet.

“Jack? You okay?” He looks shy as I glance back at him in the rearview mirror.

“Can we get McDonald’s?” He asks, his voice quiet.

“You know what, yeah, we can get McDonald’s!” He cheers and I smile to myself as I put the car in drive and make my way to the nearest McDonald’s. I get him a chicken nugget kid’s meal, as per his request, and I get my favorite meal from McDonald’s. Jack asked if we could get hot fudge sundaes, and I couldn’t resist, so those may have snuck into our order. By the time we’re done with lunch, it’s almost 2:00 PM, and Jack is falling asleep in his chair. “You need a nap?” I ask, and he furiously shakes his head no. I laugh, “Well, I think I need a nap, let’s get you home, okay?”

Sure enough, he falls asleep in the car on the drive home, not rousing as I gently carry him to his room. I run back to the car to get my backpack, not wanting it to get stolen from my car, and I put on a tank top and shorts, open a few windows, and take Cujo out back. I fall asleep in a plastic chair while sitting in the shade, and wake up when Jack shakes my arm.

“Y/N, wake up!”

“Huh? Oh, hi.” I say and rub my eyes. “What time is it?”

“Four o’clock!”

“Oh jeez, we slept for a long time!”

“Play legos with me, please?” I nod and stretch my stiff body as I get up from the chair. Jack drags his legos into the living room, we play for about an hour, Jack makes a Lego car, while I make a little house. My build looks shoddy and colorful, while Jack’s is more put together than mine.

The rest of the evening is quiet. I make dinner - frozen pizza this time - and afterward, Jack takes a shower, and I let him know the plan for tomorrow.

“So, you have to go back to school tomorrow.” Jack groans. “I know, it’s no fun. Your dad says the bus picks you up at 7:50, I’ll be up way before that, I have to go to clinical tomorrow so I have to get ready for that.” He looks confused.

“What’s clinical?”

“Oh! It’s hands-on learning. So I shadow a nurse in the hospital and they teach me the ropes. It’s really fun!”

“Cool!”

“Okay, so, I’ll see you off on the bus. My clinical gets out at 2:00, so I’ll be home before you get home.”

“Okay.” Jack yawns. I tuck him in.

“Goodnight, Jack.”

“Goodnight, Y/N.” This time when I leave, I make note of the toy truck so I don’t almost trip over it again. I take a quick shower after I lock the house up and close the windows. I lay out my scrubs for tomorrow, and make sure my clinical bag is packed and ready to go. I set my alarm for 6:30 AM, already dreading it, but I’m asleep soon after my head hits the pillow.

Wednesday morning is a blur. I’m frantically making breakfast, trying to eat it, let Cujo outside, then back inside, fill up his food dish and water dish, get Jack ready for school while also keeping an eye on the time, and by the time Jack gets on the bus I feel like I need a nap. I don’t have time for one though, as I’m out of the door by 8:00 AM.

-START OF CLINICAL DAY, THEREFORE MEDICAL TERMS AND CHILDBIRTH -

When I get to the hospital, I shuck my clinical bag over my shoulder and once again make the long trek from the back parking lot to the front entrance. The Labor and Delivery, or L&D, unit is on the third floor, and I swipe my badge to get in before I meet Dr. Anshaw in our meeting room. I’m shadowing Erin today, who’s a nurse practitioner and can deliver babies by herself if the need arises, and I get my shift change notes from her before meeting our patient in room seven.

“Angie? Is it okay if I bring in Y/N, my student nurse?” I hear Erin ask from inside the room as I patiently wait outside.

“Of course, bring as many students as you want!” Angie says with a laugh. I step into the room and introduce myself.

“Hello, Angie, my name is Y/N Y/L/N and I’m going to be your student nurse today. Can I please get your full name and date of birth?”

“Angie Lewis, January 8th, 1980.”

“Perfect,” I say as I check her wristband. “Do you know where you are right now?”

“Stafford Hospital. And it’s early spring.” She says, winking at me.

“You’re ahead of the game! On a scale of 1 to 10, one being no pain at all and ten being the worst pain you’ve felt in your life, where are you at right now?”

“Probably a six.”

“Erin, what stage is she in?” I ask as I turn to wash my hands in the sink on the wall.

“Almost to active labor. She was 5cm the last time I checked.”

“Angie, are we excited to meet the baby?” I ask and smile at her.

“So excited!”

“Are you a first-time mom?” 

“Second time!”

“So this one will be a breeze!” I wink at her and she laughs.

“Well, hopefully, my husband won’t pass out this time!” I laugh at that.

“Happens a lot more than you think!” I pull on a pair of gloves and look to Erin for reassurance. “Is it okay if I check your cervix, to see how dilated you are?”

“Go right ahead, sweetie.” She gives me a soft smile and it eases my nerves a little bit. I check her cervix.

“Almost at six! You’re about to hit active labor!” I discard my gloves and wash my hands again as Erin double-checks and affirms what I felt.

“We’ll be back in a little bit, Angie. Hit the call button if you need us!” Erin says, and I trail her out the door. “Very nice, Y/N, she’s comfortable around you.” I get sheepish at that.

“I just like what I do, that’s all,” I say and shrug, and Erin smiles at me before saying,

“Don’t downplay your abilities. You’re already a wonderful nurse.” I help her with some charting in the break room and about an hour later I’m knocking on Angie’s door to see how she’s doing.

“Angie, how are we doing?” I’m met with the sound of controlled breathing - her husband is currently coaching her through a contraction. I’m washing my hands and pulling on gloves as they finish.

“I’m okay. Active labor hit about ten minutes ago I think. Contractions are stronger and closer together, the pressure in my back is killing me.” She says. “Richard, can you put my hair in a braid please?”

Her husband jumps to her aid, pulling a hair tie off of his wrist and holding it in between his teeth as he braids her hair. Once he’s done I ask Angie if I can check her cervix again.

“Seven centimeters, you are moving along quite quickly, Angie!”

“Thank god, I feel like I’ve been pregnant forever.” She lets out a breathless laugh.

“Are we wanting an epidural?” I ask, discarding my gloves and washing my hands again. Angie shakes her head no. “Erin and I will be in a half hour. Use your call light if you need us or change your mind about that epidural, okay?” She nods, relaxing back on the bed, in between contractions.

Thirty minutes fly by, and Erin checks in on Angie, her contractions are about four minutes apart still, and she’s only 8cm dilated. Another thirty minutes go by, and Angie is now 9cm dilated and feeling a lot of pressure in her back and butt.

“Y/N?” Angie asks, wiping her forehead. “Will you stay with me? I’d feel better if I had a nurse here. I have a feeling it’s going to happen soon.”

“Of course, I’ll stay with you,” I say, pulling up a chair. Angie begins to distract herself, telling me stories of her other child, Lily, who turns four in a couple of months. She stops when the contractions hit, then resumes her stories. They seem to calm her down, and Richard chimes in now and then. It’s not very long after before Angie says,

“I feel like I need to push.” I jump up, press the call light, wash my hands, and put gloves on. Erin walks in.

“Angie says she feels like she needs to push.” Erin nods, and now it’s her turn to wash her hands.

“Go ahead and check her, Y/N.” I do as she tells me.

“10cm dilated and fully effaced. I can feel baby’s head.” I say. Erin nods, grabbing the sterile towels and blankets, and setting them up before paging the doctor on call.

“Y/N, you want to take the lead on this one?” I blink at her in surprise. I’ve never coached a woman through birth on my own yet. Erin just looks at me and I nod, situating myself at the end of the bed. I’ll move when the doctor gets here.

“I want to push,” Angie says.

“Do you want the stirrups?” Angie nods, and I swing them out, helping her legs get situated. “Dad, come and help me here.” Richard jumps up, already assuming his position on Angie’s right leg. Erin is on the other leg. “Erin, when is Dr. Rawlins going to get here?”

“He’s not answering his pager.”

“Are there any other L&D doctors on call?” Erin pauses and shakes her head. “Well, it looks like it’s just you and me, Angie.” She nods. “When you feel a contraction come on, I want you to take a deep breath in and hold it, bear down, and push until I tell you to let up, okay?”

“Okay, one’s coming on now.”

“Let’s do this, Angie, deep breath in. Hold it. Okay, push, push, push. Good! Let up and take a little break.” We do this for a few minutes, and the baby is moving, slowly but surely. The baby starts to crown and Angie insists that she can’t do it. “Angie, you’ve got this. You’re a strong woman, you can do anything. Come on, deep breath in, hold it, bear down and push! Yes! Head is out, good job Angie! Bear down for me again, and push!” My hands are ready and as Angie’s baby is delivered, I catch her newborn in my hands, rubbing her with a towel as she opens up her mouth and cries as she joins the world. Erin’s already pulling part of Angie’s gown down and when her baby is relatively clean, I carefully place her on Angie’s exposed skin. The baby continues to cry, and Angie and Richard start to cry as well.

“You did good,” Erin whispers to me. A little while later the cord is cut by Richard, and the placenta is delivered, and that’s when Dr. Rawlins decides to show up. Dr. Rawlins is notorious for never being where you need him. Erin and I exchange a look as Dr. Rawlins assesses the situation, gives his good wishes to the happy parents, and leaves again. Typical. We get Angie situated to spend some time with her new baby. Angie thanks us both profusely. “Hey, don’t thank me, Y/N did all the work!” Erin says with a smile. I get shy.

“What are you going to name her?” I ask.

“Felicity.”

“That’s beautiful!” Angie gives me a tired smile and Erin and I take our leave after cleaning up.

“So, what did you think, taking the lead?” Erin asks, grinning at me.

“Can I curse?” She lets out a laugh and nods. “That was fucking awesome.”

“Good. I mean it - you did well. Now you’ll have an adrenaline high for the rest of the day!”

And she’s right, I feel great the rest of the day, and before I head back to Hotch’s house, I check in on Angie one last time.

“Hey, Angie, I’m heading out for the day. Thank you for giving me the chance to learn from you today.” I say quietly, taking note of Richard and Felicity passed out on the makeshift couch bed.

“No, thank you, Y/N. You kept me sane.” She grabs my hand and squeezes it. “Thank you.

-END OF CLINICAL DAY, NOTHING GRAPHIC AFTER THIS! tl;dr - Y/N helps a woman give birth and she thinks it's really cool! -

I head out to the parking lot and back to my car, getting home around 2:30, with plenty of time to shower before Jack gets off the bus. I strip off my scrubs and throw them in Hotch’s washer. I’m sure he won’t mind. I feel like an idiot trying to get it to work though, but I finally figure it out. I shower quickly, thinking back on my experience during clinical. I love shadowing Erin as she allows me a lot of freedom to interact with the patient, but getting to deliver a baby? That’s an adrenaline high I’m still trying to come off of. I step out of the shower, drying my hair some before slipping into my pajamas. I’m not going anywhere else today, I’m wiped. I let Cujo out back and wait for Jack to get off the bus. He’s right on time and sprints up the driveway to the front door, which I open for him.

“Y/N!” He shouts, as he drops his backpack and wraps his arms around me.

“Oh! Hey, Jack! How was school?”

“So much fun! We got to watch a movie today!”

“That’s so exciting!” He then looks at me and furrows his brow.

“Why are you in your pajamas already?” He asks, giggling.

“I already took my shower! I had a fun day at school too, and I needed to relax!”

“What did you do at school today?” He asks, eyes wide, and I chuckle at his comical face.

“I delivered a baby today!”

“GROOOOSSSSS!” He groans, running off to the back door to join Cujo outside. I smile to myself as I shut the front door and lock it. Jack is occupied by Cujo for the better part of an hour before he comes back inside and asks to play a game. We settle on Candyland, and the competition is cutthroat. I’m not going to lose just because I’m playing against a child. It was a close game, but Jack eventually won and gloated about it before stopping and asking for dinner. We do mac and cheese tonight. I cut up some fresh fruit while the noodles are boiling, and when it’s time to mix the mac and cheese, Jack asks to stir. I hold the pot so he can reach it and he furiously stirs the mac and cheese before letting me resume stirring it on the burner so the butter and cheese will actually melt and mix. We eat quietly, and before I know it it’s Jack’s bedtime. I tuck him in, and as I’m about to turn off the light, my phone chimes. It’s a text from Hotch.

“Jack, your dad will be back really late tonight!”

“Yay! I miss him.” Me too, buddy. Me too. I turn off the light and shut the door and head downstairs. I pull out my textbook and notes as I have a huge test next week and I want to do well on it. I’m so engrossed studying that when I check the time it’s already 10 PM. I hear the soft pad of feet that cannot be Cujo’s, as he’s already asleep on the couch. I turn and see Jack standing at the end of the couch and he yawns as he rubs his eyes.

“I had a nightmare and can’t fall back asleep.” He says softly.

“Oh, I’m so sorry, come and sit with me.” I peel my blanket off my lap and he wordlessly slides in right next to me. I tuck my arm around him. “Do you want to talk about it?” He shakes his head no. “Okay, well, you can sit here as long as you like.” Within twenty minutes, he’s snoring softly, head tucked against my chest. I continue to study, and I don’t remember falling asleep.

A hand on my knee gently shakes me awake. I blink open my eyes and find Jack sprawled across me, half in my lap, my hand resting on his head that’s resting on my chest and when my eyes finally adjust to the soft light on the side table light I find myself looking at Hotch.

“Oh! Hi!” I whisper, voice scratchy. “What time is it?”

“Three. Jack has certainly gotten comfortable with you.” He says with a soft smile.

“Nightmare. We didn’t intend to fall asleep.”

“I can tell that by the textbook that’s still open in your lap.” I give him a sheepish smile, and he helps me push back the blanket covering Jack and I. Jack’s at an awkward angle, one that Hotch can’t comfortably carry him in, so I get off the couch slowly, Jack never wakes up, just clings to me like a baby sloth, ankles locking around my back as I take him to his room and tuck him in. When I turn to make my way out of his bedroom, Hotch is watching me with a curious expression on his face, one that I can’t quite place. He quickly schools his face into neutrality, moving out of the doorframe so I can leave the room and shut the door behind me.

“Tough case?” I ask, trailing him back to the kitchen as he opens the fridge and grabs the rest of the fruit that Jack and I didn’t eat for dinner.

“Just long.” He says with a sigh, unceremoniously shoving fruit into his mouth. “I can’t thank you enough for watching Jack.”

“Oh please, you don’t have to thank me. I had fun. He’s a sweet kid.” Hotch smiles to himself. “He’s lucky to have you as a father.” I watch as pink colors his cheeks. He clears his throat,

“Y/N, it just occurred to me, and I’m so sorry I didn’t ask sooner, but, where is your family from? Do you have family around here?” I’m a little jolted by the sudden attention on me, but I answer his question anyway knowing that he’s just deflecting from my compliment.

“I don’t have any family around here. We’re from all over though, my baba and I never stayed in one place for too long.”

“Your baba?”

“Sorry, that’s what I call my dad.” I shrug, a little embarrassed.

“Where is your dad now?”

“I’m not sure. He was always away on business trips when I was little, so I had to fend for myself a lot. My mom died when I was three, never really had extended family, so it was just me and Baba.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay. I don’t remember her, though my dad says I look like her.”

“Do you have pictures of your family?”

“That’s the weird part - I don’t have pictures of either of my parents. My dad hated them, never took them, and never wanted to be in them. Sometimes I feel myself forgetting what he looks like, but I know if I see him in a crowd I would still be able to recognize him. When my dad disappeared for good when I was fifteen, I didn’t have anything to remember him by.” I pick at my cuticles as I overexplain the situation.

“Oh. That’s horrible.”

“Eh, it’s okay. My gut tells me he’s still alive, but I don’t know if I want to see him again after all these years. There was always something about him, something I couldn’t quite put my finger on. His name was Isaac Smith, but I knew that wasn’t his real name. It’s like he was hiding himself and his life from me. Sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever know who he really was.”

“Well, I hope you find out someday. You know, for closure.”

“Yeah, me too.” He regards me, studying the planes of my face, brows furrowed as though he’s trying to figure something out.

“When I first saw you, you reminded me of someone I know, but I can’t quite figure out who.” He shakes his head. “Oh well, maybe it’ll come to me.”

“Well, if you figure it out, let me know,” I say with a chuckle.

“Hey, why don’t we have Garcia do some research on you? Try and find out who your dad is?” I swallow hard and the movement doesn’t go unnoticed by him.

“I don’t know if I’m ready for that.”

He nods. “I respect that. But if you ever are ready, let me know, she’d happily do anything for you.”

“Thanks,” I say with a yawn.

“Oh, I’m so sorry, I’m keeping you awake, aren’t I?”

“I don’t mind,” I say with a soft smile. “I delivered a baby today.” I don’t know why I want to tell him that, why I feel the urge to tell him everything about my life, but I’ll give into it anyway. His eyes widen.

“You delivered a baby?” I nod, grinning. “That’s so cool! Did you like it?”

“The adrenaline is like no other. It was a baby girl, the mom was so nice to me.”

“Of course she was, you’re like…like a shining beam of sun, lighting up wherever you go.” He says the last part quietly, not looking me in the eyes as if he wasn’t sure if he was going to say it or not. I feel my cheeks grow hot.

“Thank you,” I say thickly, and then yawn again.

“Okay, time for you to go to bed too, come on.” He says as he puts the fruit back in the fridge.

“What, are you gonna tuck me in?” I say with a mischievous grin.

“Only if I can read you a bedtime story.” He shoots back, mirroring my smile. I let out a soft laugh and he leaves me in the doorframe of the guest bedroom. “Thank you, Y/N. You saved my life this week.”

“Anytime, Hotch.”

“You can call me Aaron, you know.” I blink in surprise. “Hotch is fine, but you’re welcome to call me Aaron.”

“Okay…Aaron.”

-

chapter five - coming soon!

-

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[sequinsmile-x]

Hello. I have this promt in my mind that I’m sure you will make perfect. If you up to it, of course.

So Emily and Aaron are arguing and Hotch rises his hand to his face to calm down but Emily for the moment thinks that he’s going to hit her. Aarons like “sweetheart, did you think I’m gonna hit you?” And so on. Then he hugs her and tells how he loves her and they make up👀

Hi bestie!

This idea wormed it's way into my brain and wouldn't go away. I hope you like this!

Remember, if you would like to submit a prompt to my birthday celebration you can do so and find instructions here!

-x-

Phantom

It’s involuntary, something she does without meaning to. A flash of a memory from another time in her life briefly taking over, taking control of her body and making her react in a way that had taken even her by surprise.

During an argument Aaron raises his hand to push his hair out of his face, and Emily's reaction leads her to reveal something from her past that she's never told anyone.

-x-

Words: 3k

Warnings: Discussion of domestic violence

Read over on Ao3, or below the cut

He’s angry.

She doesn’t need to be a profiler to see it. It’s obvious in the way he’s holding himself together, the tightness in his shoulders as he walks ahead of her into their house. She could hear it in the clipped tone of his voice on the jet as he spoke to the rest of the team, in the silence that hung between the two of them on the drive home. 

He was angry, and she knew he was right to be. 

It had been a tough case. An unsub hellbent on revenge on his ex-wife, something he took out on several women he deemed as surrogates for her. Women who were unfortunate enough to look similar to her, their hair and eye colour matching the woman he still claimed to love even when Aaron interrogated him. He couldn’t see how the violence that had brought the BAU across the country wasn’t love at all, or how stabbing the women to death was nothing short of hatred and disdain. 

Emily had made a decision in the moment as they walked in on him about to take another victim. It had put her life in danger and a small cut to her neck was luckily the only injury she had to show for the fact she’d thrown herself between the unsub and his would-be victim. When it was all said and done, when he was arrested and the woman was safe in an ambulance, the cut on Emily’s neck not even needing stitches, she saw it. The anger on Aaron’s face as he looked at her, his jaw tight in a way she rarely saw directed towards her these days. 

Cases like these, where the victims were stabbed, were hard on both of them. They’d lay in bed at night, hands pressing softly into the scars they both bore as they gently reminded each other that they’d survived. They’d both lived and were now making sure they were living. Moving forward together as they build a future that they would have once thought was impossible. 

Despite the fact she knows he’s right to be mad, that she had put herself in danger without thinking twice, she finds her own frustration building. Stubbornness was such a part of her DNA that she knows she’d argue with him regardless. In moments like this, she hated that he was her fiancé as well as her boss. That the lines they tried to set were blurred beyond all recognition. His fear as the man who loved her mixing in with the fury as the man whose job it was to reprimand her, creating what she knew could, and had been in the past, explosive.

She blows out a breath as she follows him into their house. She puts her go bag on the ground and follows him into the living room, her arms crossed tightly over her chest as she watches him pace the floor. She finds herself grateful that Jack is at Jessica’s still, the young boy likely already fast asleep in his bed, because she knows they need to get this over with. 

“Aaron-”

“What you did today was stupid,” he says, cutting her off, shaking his head as he continues to pace, “It was stupid and you put yourself in danger. You put everyone in danger.” 

As she knew she would she feels anger spark in her belly, “Now wait a minute-”

“He was armed, Emily. And your vest isn’t stabproof, what if he’d stabbed you? You do realise I’m going to have to write you up for this.”

“But he didn’t stab me,” she replies, shaking her head, “I’m fine.”

“Because you’re lucky.”

“Because I’m damn good at my job.” 

He huffs out a laugh, his frustration bleeding into the sound. He shakes his head at her and lifts his hand to push his fingers through his hair, the strands that had fallen onto his forehead making his skin itch in a way that he knows could tip him over the edge. He spots it out of the corner of his eye, how she flinches, her body briefly tense as she steps back from him, putting space between them. 

The anger he’d been feeling floods out of him immediately, his shoulders physically sagging without the weight of it, and his arm falls limp to his side. 

“Sweetheart…” he chokes out, the term of endearment catching in his throat, “Did you think…” he swallows thickly, “Did you think I was going to hit you?” 

It’s involuntary, something she does without meaning to. A flash of a memory from another time in her life briefly taking over, taking control of her body and making her react in a way that had taken even her by surprise. She shakes her head fiercely, the look of hurt, of pure sorrow in Aaron’s eyes enough to break her heart. 

“God, no,” she says quickly, “No of course not. I’m sorry,” she says, covering her eyes with the palm of her hand, heaving in a shaky breath, “I’m so sorry.” 

It hangs between them, their argument long gone, as they stand there in silence, neither of them looking at the other as they try to grapple with what had just happened. 

She knows about his father. He’d told her one night as they lay together in bed, their sweaty skin cooling as they learnt about each other's bodies. She’d trailed her fingers over a scar on his back as she casually asked where he’d got it. The answer wasn’t surprising, she was good enough at her job and knew him well enough to know he’d likely been subject to violence at a young age, but it was unexpected in the moment. He hadn’t expected to tell her then either. And he hadn’t planned on telling her things he’d never even told Haley as he realised that Emily was the safe space he’d been looking for his whole life. 

The knowledge makes it worse. It means she understands what her reaction has done, what it had confirmed in his head, and what she would now spend weeks telling him simply wasn’t true. 

That he wasn’t his father. That he never could be. 

“Em…” He trails off, unable to say anything, frozen in time as he tries to move past it. He can’t even remember what they were arguing about, can’t seem to pull at the memory of what she had done to make him so furious. 

He jumps this time when she reaches out for him, her fingers tracing over his wrist as she wraps her hand around it. He looks up at her and their eyes meet, her eyes are soft, full of concern and love. She squeezes his wrist and smiles softly.

“Let’s sit down, ok?” 

He nods and they walk over to the couch. She watches him carefully, her explanation for her reaction caught in her chest, taking up all the space and making it hard to breathe. She’d never told anyone. Not Clyde or Tsia. Not the therapist they’d made her to go when she finished her assignment before she quit and joined the FBI. She was sure she’d never tell him either, keeping it to herself purely because she’d buried it, pushed it so deep inside of her that she could go months without thinking about it, not because it was a secret. But she has to say something, has to let him know that this has nothing to do with him, and she knows that the only thing that will actually help is the truth. 

“That was…it was nothing to do with you,” she says, reaching for his hand and linking their fingers together, “I trust you more than I’ve ever trusted anybody, I know you wouldn’t do that. No matter how angry or frustrated you are.” She stares at his side profile as he continues to look forward, his gaze fixed on a picture of the two of them on the wall. She knows he’s heard her, and can see the muscles in his jawline tightening as he grinds his teeth. She reaches out for him and grabs his chin, turning his head to make him look at her, his eyes shining with tears. She gets mad at herself, at her subconscious, for making him feel like this, “You make me feel safe.” 

He stares at her and he shakes his head. He wants to believe her more than anything, but he’d seen the way she’d reacted, the fear that had lingered in her eyes for a moment even after her body caught up with her brain, letting go of the tension that had appeared involuntarily. She’d once walked in on him beating a man to death with his fists, his skin covered in blood. Knuckles torn open by tooth and bone until he had to be pulled away, so consumed by the anger that had poisoned his childhood he couldn’t see through it. 

Maybe she was right to be afraid of him because sometimes he was afraid of himself. 

“You flinched.” 

She sighs, her eyes briefly closing as his words, short and tight, settle over them. He looks back down at his lap, at their still joint hands, and she blows out a steady breath. 

“It had nothing to do with you,” she swallows thickly, her past a lump in her throat that she can’t escape, “When I was with Ian…”

She stops, tripping over words that she had never said outloud. A dark part of a dark time of her life that she wishes she could erase entirely, even though the memories were as much a part of her as the physical scars he’d left behind. Even though she doesn’t finish her sentence, the rest of it lodged somewhere between her ribs, she’s said enough.  Aaron looks up at her, his eyes meeting hers properly for the first time since she’s flinched. He hates himself for the relief he feels as the pieces fall into place, as he sees a new part of her. 

“You don't have to-”

“It was worse when he drank,” she says, cutting over him, stopping his assurance that she didn’t need to say anything because she’s sure if she let him say it she’d listen and she’d never tell him, “Or if he lost a big deal,” she adds, shaking her head as she chuckles humourlessly, “Sometimes he’d get mad at Declan for just…being a kid. For crying because he’d fallen over. And I’d get in between them,” she wipes a stay tear from her cheek, “It was better that it was me. I could take it.” 

He thinks of Colorado. Of a time when he never could have guessed how much she would end up meaning to him. How much he would love her. As he closes his eyes he can hear it, hear the grunts that escaped her as Cyrus hit her, as he threw her around like she weighed nothing. 

Ian may have hated Emily, but he was supposed to have loved Lauren and he still hurt her even then. Aaron wonders if that was part of why she’d pulled away from them all when she found out Ian had escaped prison. She knew what he was capable of not only on a professional level, but she’d seen his fury up close. Had felt the heat of it against her skin. 

“I’m sorry you went through that,” he says, sighing as the words don’t feel like they are enough. He wishes he could kill Ian. Anger and hatred for a man long since dead burning in his belly. He pushes it down, knowing that his anger was the last thing Emily needed right now. 

She needed his love. The life they shared together. 

She half shrugs, a noise somewhere between a laugh and a sob caught in her throat, “I’ve never told anyone any of that before.” 

He nods and stares at her, questions he wants to ask but won’t yet circling his brain. He knows she’ll tell him everything when she feels ready, so, for now, he simply pulls her into a hug, his lips pressed against the top of her head. 

“Thank you for telling me.” 

She nods against him, her arms tight around his waist as she breathes him in. The scent of sandalwood and mint mixed in with something that was uniquely him, something that was home, comforting her as it always did. It rids her of all thoughts of the smell of cigar smoke and whiskey, and the chaser of danger and violence that always followed. 

“I think the case reminded me of him a little bit,” she says, her head against his chest, “Brought it all back,” she pulls back to look at him, “But I need you to know that I know you’d never do that.”

He sighs deeply and leans forward to rest his forehead against his, his eyes closed. He wants nothing more than to believe her, than to go back to this morning, to this afternoon, when she’d never done anything other than roll her eyes or shout back if they were arguing. Her defiance one of the many things he loved about her, even when she was being a pain in the ass. For a moment, he hates that she’s just revealed this piece of her past to him and she’s comforting him but he gets past it. Because this is what they do. They look after each other. Picking the pieces off the floor again and again.

Emily once told him, crying into his shoulder as she recovered from a nightmare, that he was stuck with her, because he was the only one who knew where all of the pieces of her went. 

She did the same for him. Diligently learning when to push and when to let go, when to love and when to leave him alone. She had learnt how to put him back together and she never tired of it, always showing the same care as she had the first time. 

He pulls back to look at her, and whilst he can still taste the sorrow he’d felt when she’d flinched, even though he knows he’ll think about it for days, he also knows he can trust her, and that included trusting her trust in him. 

He nods, and she smiles lovingly at him, reaching up to cup his cheek as she rubs her thumb over his skin.

“I love you,” she says, leaning forward to stamp a kiss against his lips. When she pulls back he smiles at her, some of the tension easing in his chest. 

“I love you too,” he replies, tugging her into a hug that is more for him than it is for her, “Are you hungry?” He asks, his hand running up and down her back. She shakes her head against him and tilts her head to look up at him, “We need to eat-”

“We can eat later,” she says, standing and offering him her hand, linking her fingers through his when he takes it and stands next to her, “For now, I want to go to bed. I’m exhausted.” 

“Em-”

“Please,” she says, squeezing his hand again, “If we wake up hungry in the night you can make me food then.” 

Aaron smiles and kisses her forehead, “Ok, sweetheart. Let's go to bed.” 

She wakes him up at 3 am after she was woken up by her rumbling stomach. He raises an eyebrow at her instead of saying I told you so, and she sits on the kitchen counter whilst he makes her breakfast. Whilst they playfully argue over whether they are eating really late or just early he feels relaxed, basking in her love and affection as she wipes a splatter of pancake batter from his cheek and licks it from her finger. 

He watches how relaxed she is around him, how her defences are down. Every wall she’d built over the years gone as they sit in their kitchen and eat from the same plate. Exchanging kisses and pieces of bacon as she stays sitting on the counter and he stands between her legs, her ankles hooked behind him as she smiles sleepily at him. 

She almost falls asleep against him when they are done, her head against his chest as she yawns repeatedly, whatever energy she had found to wake up and eat long gone. He decides to leave the dishes on the counter until morning and he lifts her into his arms. He ignores the pull in his back and the way his knees protest. Usually, she’d argue with him. She’d comment that she didn’t need carrying anywhere, but instead, she curls further into him, her fingers tight in his t-shirt as he lifts her, and he knows she’s letting him it more for him than she is herself. That it’s another sign of how much she trusts him, of how much she loves him. 

He lays her on her side of the bed before he climbs in next to her and pulls the covers over them both. He wraps his arm tight around her middle as he curls up behind her, his chest against her back. For a moment, he thinks she is already asleep, her body as relaxed as he’s ever known it to be, and he’s about to join her, his eyes drifting closed, when she speaks. 

“Aaron?” 

He hums, pulling her impossibly closer to him, “Yes, sweetheart?”

“You’re still going to write me up for what happened aren’t you?” She asks, her words slurring as she starts to fall asleep again.

He chuckles, the sound muffled by her skin, “We’ll discuss it in the morning.”

She grumbles and turns in his arms, pressing her face into his neck as she throws her arm over his side and tangles their legs together like vines, and he isn’t sure where he ends and she begins. 

“Love you anyway,” she says, her breathing evening out as it fans over his skin. 

He hides his smile into the top of her head and presses a kiss to her hair, “Love you too.” 

-x-

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[film-bro-hotch]

Queen of Nothing (Hotch x Reader) - Chapter Two

A/N: Hi everyone! Thanks so much for the support on the last chapter. Loved logging in every day to see some new notes. To be absolutely honest, I wrote a lot of this chapter while distracting myself from my undergraduate thesis. So I hope you enjoy this issue of my procrastination project!

Chapter Warnings: allusions to domestic violence, murder

WC: 1.9k

Chapter Two - I Know the Bravest Thing I Ever Did Was Run

“Sometimes, the only way to get justice is to take it for yourself.” ― Leigh Bardugo

You blinked a few times, trying to process if the loss of sleep was making you see things. There was no way this could be real. Out of all the possibilities, out of all the stores, out of all the people, Aaron Hotchner could not be in front of you.

What made this scene feel just a little more real was noticing the changes in him. The crow’s feet by his eyes were a little more pronounced, as were the creases on his forehead and his laughter lines. You were sure the last two were more from scowling than laughing, though. His under eyes were darker than usual. He just looked…tired. What had 5 years done to him?

You finally managed to find your voice through the violent wave of shock and nostalgia as you managed out an, “Aaron?”

Time away had made reading him a little harder. You couldn’t quite tell if his gaze gave excitement or apprehension. “It’s been, what, five years now? You - ah - you look good.”

Before you would have been so sure, but you couldn’t tell if he had truly counted the days since he had last seen you. What you were sure of, though, was that he was undoubtedly profiling you. And so were you. One of the first things you noticed besides the changes in his face was the absence of a wedding ring. So he and Hailey finally called it off? They had been on the outs when you and Aaron started your…honestly, you didn’t know what to call it. He stayed at your place so much, he made you dinner and gave you morning kisses on your cheek after he had slept in your bed. You never actually fucked, not even a real kiss. You wanted to call him your boyfriend because that is what nearly everything pointed to, but because of the tension with Hailey, you never brought it up. 

“Thanks,” you said, one end of your lip curling up in a sort of half smile. “You too.”

The two of you sat in silence for a moment, each wondering what to even say next. You couldn’t possibly treat it like you never left, like nothing ever happened. Aaron was the first one to speak up. 

“So what brings you back here? I figured you didn’t stay in Virginia after you left.”

Left was accurate but felt hollow compared to what really happened. But it also reminded you that you needed to come up with a story. Fast. 

“Yeah, I didn’t. I sort of had my crisis and found myself back home with my parents. I helped my dad with the ranch for a good four years I think. It was nice being back with family and all, but I was a little restless. I think part of me missed all the travel from the BAU. So I’ve kind of been trekking across the country for the past year or so,” you started. Good, giving yourself a stable place in your story, and it wasn’t exactly a lie. During your tour of America, you went back to the ranch in the middle of nowhere Texas a few times. Your parents never understood your job, so they didn’t question it much. “Now I’m trying to make my way up to Maine, maybe go into Canada, maybe join some fishing boat, who knows,” you joked with a shrug, and Aaron gave you a half-hearted smile. Pretty good for him. 

“It sounds like you have had more adventures than we have.”

“Oh, I highly doubt that. Come on, tell me how the team is. What have I missed?” You know it’s dangerous, but you want to know how they are doing.

“Some things haven’t changed. Morgan and Garcia still flirt every day. Reid looks like he should be in a boy band,” he gave pause after seeing the shock on your face. “I don’t think that was what he was going for, but it doesn’t look half bad. We have a couple of new agents… Agent David Rossi and Agent Emily Prentiss. Gideon and Elle don’t work for the BAU anymore.”

So things really had changed. Part of you felt upset for not being there, for being just another person that left the BAU. He probably noticed the way your face fell a bit, but you were quick to resume your expression. “So a diplomat’s daughter and one of the best agents of all time? Seems like you are running quite the team.”

Aaron wasn’t one to boast like some prideful fool, but he wasn’t meekly humble either, so it was a comfort that his reply was somewhat familiar. “Yeah, they are doing well.” There was a pause near the end, one where you almost wish he filled it with a but it’s not the same without you or an I’ve missed you, maybe even a would you come back? You weren’t getting any of those. You knew Hotch well enough to know he wouldn’t say something like that, and you knew yourself enough to know you would never accept. There was a reason you left in the first place. 

There was another long moment of silence, and you were finally the one to break it. You needed to get out of there before you did something reckless. “It was really great seeing you again, Aaron. I should let you get back to shopping. It’s getting late.” You struggled to read his expression at that moment, but you decided you might have seen a bit of disappointment.

“Yeah. It was good seeing you too.”

Was that all? You felt like there should have been more, but you tried not to let yourself think about it too much. You couldn’t, or else you would do something stupid. Something that would get you caught. You offered him a small smile before moving your cart away from his, starting to finally move in the direction you had been before you ran into him. You felt your shoulders deflate a bit, almost in relief that nothing more happened. Or maybe it was dejection. After five years, was that really all their reunion would be? A simple conversation in a grocery store that they would both forget in a week? You cursed yourself for this foolish thinking, for wanting something more. That time was long gone. You started to pick up speed, hoping to get out of the grocery store before running into him again.

“Hey, Y/N.”

Well shit. Your instinct was to leave everything there and run. The fear that ran through you was that somehow he had found that, but your calmer part knew there was no logical way. You took in one deep breath before turning around to face him. Aaron had left his cart and was jogging over to you. Damn, you missed seeing that. 

He handed you a card, one he presumably thought about for a few seconds and then pulled it out before running back to you. “If you stay in Fairfax a little longer, you should give me a call. We can have dinner and catch up a little more in depth.”

Your calloused hands touched his as you took the card, and a wave of longing ran through you. Having him so far away made it harder for you to miss him, but now he was right here, and he wanted to see you too. “I-uh actually went no contact when I started this little road trip. No phone,” you say. It was truthful, but also an excuse. It was dangerous to get mixed back up with him. 

Hotch didn’t wait a second as he pulled out his wallet, fishing out a $50 bill and setting it in your hand, wrapping your fingers around it. “Get yourself a burner phone and then call me. You can throw it out once you leave Fairfax. You know, to keep up the no contact. But maybe keep my card if you get bored on that fishing boat up in Maine.”

Was that a joke? Did Aaron Hotchner just make a joke? You found yourself laughing, and he was too. “Aaron, I-”

“I know what you are going to say, and I have already thought it through. You are going to want to pay me back, and instead of doing this little dance about who pays for what, we are just going to make it even and you pay for ingredients for dinner. Yes, we are cooking at my place. Why are you giving me that look?”

Everything he said was with such a deadpan seriousness that you were almost shocked by how much he seemed to know you. You hadn’t even noticed your expression change. Slowly, you put the business card and the money in your pocket, admitting defeat. “Okay,” you said. “I’ll call you.”

“Good night, Y/N.”

You turned your back to him and couldn’t wipe the smile from your face as you started to walk away. You hadn’t heard Hotch move. He was still standing in the middle of the store, watching you leave for the first time in a long while. 

---

You debated even getting the phone. It would be so easy to simply leave him with the ghost of you, do your job and get the hell out of Dodge. But you were weak, and you missed those gray eyes of his like some sad dog. So you bought the cheapest burner phone you could find and spent the remaining $10 on a fast food dinner. That night you didn’t even bother to plan your next day before your head hit the pillow and you fell asleep.

You spent the majority of the next morning looking for possible cases to follow. You looked mainly at domestic and child abuse cases, ones that were dismissed by the court for any number of reasons. From there you did your own research, tailed the people, men most of the time, that you were hunting to see if these accusations were truly unfounded. Sometimes you came to your answer pretty quickly, other times it took a few days longer, but rarely were you wrong. You were bringing more people to justice than you ever had while working for the BAU. 

This research led you to a man in his early 40s, Christian Wright. Two kids who weren't in his custody. Three years ago he was in a nasty divorce with his wife, Catherine. Seemed like Wright came from a pretty wealthy family, and didn’t have his wife sign a prenup. He was coming back for his money and his reputation given that she had claimed neglect and abuse in the divorce papers. She disappeared a few months after the divorce was finalized. Most figured it was Christian, but no body, no crime. So he got off the hook. You knew his wife was most likely dead, but you were going to bring her killer to justice. 

You had gotten in your car to start your first stakeout when you noticed Hotch’s business card you had left on your dashboard. You stared at it for a long moment, part of you knowing you shouldn’t call. You had work to do, work that couldn’t be disturbed. But then you remembered how he held you in the mornings, how on the weekends when he was there he would put that stupid record on and make breakfast while whistling along to Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da. You bought The Beatles’ white album just for him. And an echo of you wanted that back.

Against your better judgment, you pulled out the burner phone and typed in the number. 

“Hotch? Hey, it’s Y/N. You free tonight?”

Chapter One Chapter Three