#coven wank

[laurashapiro-noreally]

Good Omens S2 fic recs

Need something good to read?

it's written all over by @et-in-arkadia, who never fails to grab me by the throat. Aziraphale comes back that very night and gives Crowley exactly what he wants...sort of. (E)

A Million Times by @chamyl. A breathless, tender reconciliation with excellent Muriel in. (E)

Not for All My Little Words by @mia-ugly and soft_october. For everyone who wants to see Aziraphale apologize. A lot. (E)

I'll Wait by @copperplatebeech. Could've chosen any of a dozen of Copper's sharp, shrewd pieces. Whether you like them funny, aching, hot, or tender, she's got your number -- often all at once. This one's (T)

A Bit of a Gray Area by @princip1914. Look, I for one was waiting for bad angry standing-up sex in a bathroom. The fact that it's one of my favorite authors providing it is the icing on my eccles cakes. (E)

(Do eccles cakes have icing? Is the E in eccles capitalized? I am not doing research for this Tumblr post.)

Five First Kisses And One [5+1 Things] by @werpiper. If you need to believe that there were many kisses before That One, this is a great story to enjoy, and if you need to believe they were banging through history, @werpiper is a great writer to get acquainted with. (E)

in the french fashion by @giddygeek. Were you wanting that 1941 "something I can do for you" hot, romantic, in-character, and intellectually intriguing? Step right up. (E)

the soft animal of your body by @focusfixated. A short but powerful take on the ox rib situation. (E)

An Invitation to Dance by @lavraiemonchichi. Another short take. What if the apology dance, but kinky? (E)

Covenant of Salt by @twwings. Make it long, make it deep, do it in the dark. Hard, complicated like fine wine. Yeah, that's the way I like it. Get acquainted with twings, she's dynamite in this or any other fandom (ask me about her MCU novel!).(E)

the two shepherds of uruk by @inkatesbush. WHAT a story, OMG. A slow burn in the context of the Tower of Babel. These two hardly know one another, but they'll learn, oh, they'll learn. Agile prose, storytelling like a blow to the solar plexus. (E)

White on White by @twilightcitysky. What could be a more appropriate erotic awakening for Aziraphale than a sad wank in Heaven? Well, I could tell you, but you'd have more fun if you read this story and its sequels. (E)

The Butterfly Effect by @plaidadder. A master storyteller at the top of their game, this Doctor Who crossover works even if you don't know Doctor Who and aren't excited about crossovers. Why? Because what could be more satisfying than putting Aziraphale and Crowley in a time loop until they work out their nonsense? I'll tell you what: humor, stunningly romantic prose, Revelations-inspired eldritch horrors, and happy endings for everyone. (T)

Have fun and don't forget to leave comments!

[piosplayhouse]

For some reason every so often some stray post comes across my feed that's like "kill the cop in your head" and inevitably someone's always in the comments like "don't equate police violence to fandom wank" and I really don't care at all but for the sake of more apt and fun metaphors I would like to volunteer that there is in fact a fundamentalist christian software that literally tracks your every move on the internet and reports it to your family/spouse so they'll hold you accountable for your online "sins" (usually watching porn) called Covenant Eyes.

So in my opinion everyone should start saying disable the Covenant Eyes in your head instead

[olderthannetfic]

The "blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb" origin of the phrase is bullshit. A probable origin is that [familial] blood is thicker[/more powerful] than [the] water [of the oceans separating distantly-estranged family]. The proverb has always been about the strength of family ties.

--

Yesss. New language wank. Give it to me.

[wantlongera]

ryan smurphy really duped me when he said season 8 was a murder house / coven crossover and then he gave us more coven than murder house

[itsnotpatsy]

People really out here desperately trying to woobify every conventionally attractive male blonde white boy even if he happens to be the fucking antichrist hah

[abnormal-angel]

[DK Wank] Ok magazine is in the same vein as DM and both are her go to rags. Whenever she has a “source” that is d herself. Don’t try that bullshit coven. This was 100% put out by her camp. P.S. Funny they believe every other OK article on this “happy couple,” but not this one? Careful, coven your agenda is showing again...

[ancat-dubh-old]

I’ve not yet met up with any of the other magical practitioners I know exist in my sacred space – it’s a small forest within the city so it’s always been a shared venture – but last night I ended up down on the western edge at the cruising ground and it ended up being exactly the ecstatic, celebratory spiritual experience I didn’t know I needed (read: there was a big queer woods dance party for George Michael’s birthday, I didn’t get *that* lucky this time).

first time I’ve ever felt like I’ve ‘shared’ the space spiritually with a big group of people? I write a lot about it – my coven people are out of the city atm so I’m prosily wanking on even more than usual – and I’m struck by just how little I mention other (human) people. I think I started writing in the colder months where I virtually had the place to myself (I’m being completely unreasonable about the summer ~civilians who make it bustle on a weekend) but I’ve also just felt compelled to focus on the Magical and Divine Bits TM bc yk, more exciting less mundane. coming into the space last night for a party, though, in a part of the woods I know less well and not in pitch dark, I instantly thought about the ritual and magic of cruising; the charging of the central clearing where group sex happens most warm summer nights and has for decades, the exact same embodied knowledge of the nighttime woods I use for magical work, encounters chosen/curated more and more precisely by repetition and regular use. probably most people at the party don’t usually use the space to cruise, but the reverence I associate with my own practice/sacred spots was there en masse.

I walked the catwalk, flirted outrageously, read tarot for a bunch of strangers, took just the right balance of substances/alcohol/great food, danced til I went full ecstatic, howled along to “Faith” with a bunch of other grinning, gurning, giddy baby queers to elders who all felt like they were doing magic too – like, who knew? I think since I’ve developed my practice mostly in the past few years, I’d never learned (or just forgotten) how to connect my individual practice with the half-forgotten pre-pandemic side of me that massively thrives on being a queeny show-off. love to know not only that they’re not mutually exclusive, but that it’s fairly easy to have a big loud gay bonfire under trees that’ve been protecting us from the cops for years. more of this for me I reckon.

[know-the-way]

Alright, I'll bite, what's your headcanon for Faustus/Zelda/Edward?

*cracks knuckles* Okay, we’re gonna start with Edward.

So we know Faustus was Edward’s mentor and that they had a shared respect for each other (at one point in time, at least). I imagine this relationship began and blossomed through Edward and Faustus’ formative years in the academy and - when you grow up with someone, especially when you are coached and guided and vice versa, it tends to forge a pretty strong bond.

Now, the things we know about Edward as a character in canon are, quite frankly, really boring. A golden boy who did no wrong and became a martyr after overcoming adversity to enter a cishet mortal marriage? BOR-ING.

But imagine this… Edward really valued Faustus’ mentorship. For the longest time, he looked at him as his hero with stars in his eyes. He taught him so much, supported him, molded him, and challenged him. Every time Faustus walked into the library to join him in research and discussion, Edward brightened. He couldn’t wait to tell him all his ideas and hear about his. It meant everything to Edward to have (what felt like) a brother. He adored him.

Then, his younger sister comes to the academy and suddenly, Zelda and Faustus are getting close. Edward can’t really understand why, but it bothers him. Why does it bother him? He loves his mentor, he loves his sister… so what is the problem? Like he gets it… Zelda is magnificent and beautiful and intriguing. His sister is an absolute prize. It just… they used to confide in Edward separately and now they seem to be confiding in each other. It’s just different, that’s all. He notices that Faustus starts speaking more of her during their study sessions, even though that’s kind of he and Edward’s time to talk, but whatever. And like sure, they always got ready for Lupercalia by having a boys night at Dorian’s and now Faustus would rather snog his little sister in the hallways instead, but okay. It’s not like he needs him, not like it hurts to feel cast aside and unimportant after years of near-inseparable friendship, not like he’s jealous…. Is he jealous?! Satan, fuck… is he???? Why, though????

Then, one day when he and Faustus are studying like old times and Edward finally starts to feel at peace again, Zelda walks in the room and he sees his best friend’s face brighten like the sun. And he realizes… Faustus is in love with his sister. Which means… oh no… he used to get that same look on his face… for Faustus. Oh NO.

Now, there’s nothing wrong with having feelings for another man. He’s had plenty of trysts with his brothers in Satan before. (Sisters, too, but anyway.) The Dark Lord encourages us to live authentically, so long as we continue to serve him. But… oh, he doesn’t think Faustus feels the same. No, Faustus feels that way about Zelda. And he… can’t… He can’t lose his friend by telling him the truth, but he equally can’t watch his little sister be the object of his affections when it burns like a hot knife to his heart.

And he knows Zelda doesn’t love Faustus. He asked her. Maybe her face turned a little red when he did, maybe she looked down shyly for a moment and a smile crept up her face… but then she turned her chin up and told him in her haughtiest voice that her heart belonged to the Dark Lord and how dare he suggest otherwise.

So when Faustus confides in him that he plans to ask for Zelda’s hand in marriage, the absolute bite with which Edward says no is entirely justified. Zelda does not love him. And… you know… if anything, Edward’s protecting her. Who knows when Faustus will get bored of her, too, and move on to the next pretty thing that catches his eye?

Yeah, you know what? Actually, Faustus is fucking villain. A manipulator. A deceiver. Making Edward fall for him and then going after his sister. How did he not see before? What a cunt. Like yeah, he really loved watching Faustus manipulate and deceive other people, that was always really cool and endearing, but you deceive Edward? You kick his heart like a football? Jail for mentor! Jail for suave, good-looking man with a voice like velvet for ONE THOUSAND YEARS!

Yeah no, not only can he not marry Zelda, he’s gonna take all his fancy teachings and surpass him to the high priesthood. Play stupid games Fausty, get stupid prizes, m8! Take that.

Meanwhile, Faustus is out here like, “If you wanted me to fuck you, you just needed to ask, like it’s chill or whatever, the coven orgies exist for a reason. Me, you, and Zelda could’ve found a quiet corner and you two could’ve shared. Like???? But oh yeah btw my heart does belong to your sister ‘cause she’s way more interesting than you and makes me chase her, but then she lets me devour her like a bear emerging from his winter slumber and I kinda like that, so… “

And Edward’s ultimate “fuck you” is when he doesn’t tell Zelda that he said no to Faustus asking for her hand. So when Faustus distances himself, Zelda is confused and hurt, which turns to resentment, which she then confides to her dear older brother. And “oh, big brother is here to protect you, love you, cherish you. We have each other, that’s what matters, right? Yes, we’re a team, aren’t we? Bolster me and support me with stars in your eyes, sister, and we’ll both go to amazing places together.”

And Faustus… well, maybe he will finally feel a fraction of the pain Edward felt as he watches Zelda’s attention and love and adoration go to Edward instead. Not so nice when the person you want most likes another more, is it? How ya like them apples, bitch?

TL;DR - Full homo, my own personal headcanon is that Edward is a jealous wank who didn’t know how to process his feelings and his biggest feeling for a long time was that he really wanted to be topped by his mentor. And when that (perceivably) couldn’t happen, he metaphorically topped him instead.

This was all over the place, but hopefully you get the jist. A couple more folks asked about this, so next up is Faustus (if anyone cares, which you shouldn’t and probably won’t, it’s garbage anyway 🙃✌️).

[shemakesmeforget]

fic rec thursday

guess who's back at reading fics? well, after reading something like 500k words in the last two weeks (ik ik) it's safe to say i have things to rec. I randomly picked some of those fics, all carry on, here we go.

Dancing in the Dark by NineMagicks (@ninemagicks)

[rated m/35k/canonverse/angst with a happy ending]

After their disastrous trip to America and subsequent trial before the Coven, Baz Pitch is given an ultimatum: live as a mage with parts of you missing, or as one of them - a vampire. Surprising even himself, he makes his choice and doesn't look back, leaving behind the World of Mages to wander overseas. The aftermath is irrevocable, and change is inevitable.

Five years later, Simon Snow is sent to Prague on a mission by the Coven, to investigate reports of a thriving vampire nightclub... • oh god, the angst THE ANGST, it hurts so good. Lovely post canon fic.

Wanted It To Be You by starwarned (@snowybank )

[rated t/17k/fluff - slow burn]

Simon and Baz are anonymously falling in love online and are unaware that they're business rivals in the real world. • oh the romcom feels, it's very sweet and cute.

The Privatisation of Water by LakeWitch (@eelwinks )

[rated e/12k/college au/smut]

To get Baz off his back about their class presentation, Simon texts back saying he's busy. When Baz presses him further, Simon says he's wanking.

Neither Simon nor Baz expects Baz to text "Prove it."

So, Simon proves it. • The dynamic, the developing relationship, the smut... so so good.

Love, Snow by bazypitchandsimonsnow (ChessPargeter) (@bazypitchandsimonsnow )

[rated t/14k/high school au/fluff]

Baz receives a secret admirer note, and starts the strangest correspondence with someone he doesn't know. How does he deal with this on top of his long standing crush on the football quarterback?

• This is so sweet, they're adorable!

everything with you by nevergonnacallmedarling (superbestfriendsandsoulmates) (@nevergonnacallmedarling )

[rated e/25k/college au/fluff - humor]

Simon and Baz are friends with benefits. (Well, maybe friends is a strong word.) (They’re more like housemates who are more frendly than they used to be and also have sex sometimes.) They both claim there’s no feelings involved, but the line between casual sex and something more keeps getting thinner. • oh damn, i do love friends with benefits or not so friends with benefits, and this was done so well.

Grin and Bear It by sweetasmaple

[rated e/8k/canonverse/fuck or die]

I’m glad the room is dark, and that Snow is tucked safely into his bed, away from me. Because I’m sure I’m flushing beet red, despite my… pale inclinations. I rarely find myself speechless, but I’m at a loss on how to respond. Is he really asking me to do what I think he is?

“Just so I’m sure I understand, the pixie said ‘get fucked’ and now you need somebody to…”

He growls, frustrated that I’m making this difficult for him. But I can’t let myself get this even a little bit wrong.

“‘Get fucked’ means get fucked, Baz. It means I need you to do that to me.”

---

After an unfortunate run in with a pixie, Simon finds himself in an extremely intimate and mortifying kind of trouble. Who else could he possibly turn to other than his lifelong enemy/roommate? • The feelings, the vulnerability! i love.

Keep Calm by aralias (@captain-aralias )

[rated t/68k/canonverse/slow burn]

The kidnapping attempt fails, but it’s not the Mage’s only scheme. Eighth year begins. Tyrannus Basilton Pitch returns for the start of term – and finds his roommate missing. • cannot believe i havent read this one before, i think its the first role reversal i read and omg??? it is so good?? the twists and the reinterpretations are so clever, so well done.

marry me (but no homo) by recycling_bin123

[rated g/17k/canonverse/angst with a happy ending]

“Sometimes,” Simon said, “there will be a trope with two people from rival families. And they’ll hate each at first, but then they fall in love, and their families see that it was stupid to fight and everything is happy in the end. Well, in most of them, sort of.”

“Snow,” Baz narrowed his eyes. He looked tense and poised to fight, “Where is this going?”

“Baz,” he swallowed, “Will you marry me?”

__

Simon has come up with the perfect plot to stop the war between the Mage and the Families. He just has to convince Baz to marry him first. • I enjoyed this so much, i love this trope and it was very sweet and angsty, perfect combo.

[vulgarweed]

Thank You Good Omens

This post is going to be stupid long, because I’ve actually managed to fall in love with Good Omens three different times in my life!

In May of 1990, I was a college student in a hippie town in Ohio that had a great comics/SF book shop (STILL THERE), and because staff knew I loved Neil Gaiman’s Sandman series, made sure to point out to me that Gaiman had just co-written a novel and I might like it. I bought it. I did like it, very much.

Despite spending a lot of time on co-op in NYC and seeing Sonic Youth live as often as possible and going hard for the sex & drugs thing, I had just fallen off the turnip truck from a tiny Appalachian town of <300 people with a HEAVY emphasis on hellfire-and-brimstone religion. It permeated everything, including school (Yes, public school. Didn’t matter)

A lot of people don’t know this about me, but I had a fervent Christian phase when I was in my tweens. Despite my parents being non-churchgoers, I did go to church. (They’d drop me off and pick me up). Peer pressure was so strong, it was impossible not to. Being thought of an atheist or Satanist would lead to shit, the beating out of.

And at a revival, I GOT IT. Slain in the spirit, speaking in tongues, the whole bit. I was ALL IN. I hectored my parents and cried because I didn’t want them to go to Hell. And yet, it went away just as fast. I am a spiritual person, don’t expect that will ever change, but I had this super intense faith for a while, and then I lost it.

So when I read Good Omens for the first time, I felt weirdly healed. The mockery of that sort of end-times theology, that also had a sort of gentle humanist kindness at its heart, with its failboat antihero demon and angel protagonists and an Antichrist who really just wanted to hang with his friends and saw taking over the world as a responsibility he didn’t want rather than something desirable…

It got to me. Right in the feels. The fact that it’s a comedy is KEY to its effectiveness - laughter is powerful healing magic, and GO turned the light of satire right onto some of my deepest and most secret fears.

That’s also about the time I found my real path. May 1 (Beltane) 1990 is ALSO the 30th anniversary of my Wiccan coven initiation. (And I’ll be in a Discord chat with my old coven tonight, we have all stayed fairly close) My practice has varied a lot since in the details, but not in the faith core.

That’s round ONE of my Good Omens love. Round TWO was in 2004. I was heartsick and gutted by W’s re-election even though I saw it coming. Honestly I think seeing the Religious Right still hold so much power was a literal trigger, I see that in hindsight now. (The projectile vomiting was a clue)

I decided to cope by attempting to read the Left Behind series, in an “understanding how the enemy thinks” way. Although of course I already knew that all too well. I was reading Fred Clark/Slacktivist’s brilliant page by page takedown, and then I remembered my old friends from that book I loved in college!

Surely I could handle Left Behind if I had Aziraphale and Crowley and Adam and Anathema and the rest mentally sitting next to me and helping to MST3K it! I made it through a book and a half of LB, but the GO reread was worth the price.

I was into fanfic by then, so I realized….”Ah, I bet there is fic. I bet people ship Aziraphale and Crowley.” I was not disappointed. The lower-tadfield comm on LJ at its peak had more than 1000 members, and there were DeviantArt groups and mailing lists and a fair amount on fanfiction.net. So I went ALL IN and I got very productive.

I co-founded the GO Holiday Exchange in 2005 (which I still co-mod, and it’s the longest running job I’ve ever had). I met so many friends there - special shoutout to Merlin/Quantum Witch, my dear friend and collaborator, whose illustrations brought my words to life. I was ecstatic to find that she lives within 2 hours of me, and over the last 15 years we’ve visited each other a lot. We got to meet Neil Gaiman together.

My third burst of GO love came with the show, of course. I went to visit Merlin and we watched it together, and squealed. Particularly through the first half-hour of Episode Three of course. GO fandom has produced a LOT of historical fic for obvious reasons, and it looked like a highlights reel.

Also, there used to be wank in the fandom about how Crowley’s name is pronounced. WE WERE VINDICATED. (Certainly he was named after the real sinister historical A. Crowley, right? Who once wrote a doggerel verse mentioning his name rhymes with “holy.”)

There are things that as a longtime book fan, I don’t like or am ambivalent about in the show, but I think the heart of it was captured so very well. Since the first read 30 years ago, I’ve also read almost all of Pratchett’s Discworld, and his style of discoursing through humor just sits right on my brain.

(Pratchett got me through 2007-2008, when I lost a home, a longterm relationship, and a dream job just a few months apart. Bless you Pterry, you are missed.)

So Thank you Good Omens! You’ve brought me laughter, comfort, creativity, friendship, and a permanent influence on my worldview and spirituality. You’ve created the space for a fandom that tackles deep questions about theology and morality, often in the same work with slapstick comedy and smut.

[wantlongera]

me @ seven in the morning: OK but cordelia said madison only cares abt herself but theN madison died for the coven n cordelia legit uh never apologized for that jfajafkjafafkjfah

[roughentumble]

#wank cw

like i mean. i guess thats probably just human behavior. to find meaning in something, so you explain why it has merit, but like

idk. idk. if the gay kiss scene in the covenant awoke something in you, that doesnt erase the "little miss muffet" scene

[migleefulmoments]

ajw: "There are celebs spend their entire lives in the closet." - How the eff do you know, you fool, if they've never come out of the closet? It's so cringey that she doesn't even listen to the irrational bullshit she spews daily. I think she's just so dumb that she actually doesn't realize anymore that she's lying. It's just reactionary words to give herself agency, trying to sound all-knowing (which she extensively fails at) and keep her positioned as Grand High Wanker in the Coven of Wank.

Hahaha that is like “If you dream that you die, you will die in real life”.  A doctor once wrote and order that said “If the patient wakes up dead...” I’m not kidding.  We posted it on a board in the nursing station because it was so stupid. 

I sometimes wonder if she can tell what's real anymore. She clearly doesn’t understand that scripted TV isn’t real. She claims she does and then goes and posts something about how Klaine’s kisses are “more than acting” or “it was real life” or BTS pics of Klaine in character are really CrissColfer.   

[elizabethrobertajones]

Comparing Season 6 and Season 10 - which one do you think makes more sense as a whole, which one better pulls of seeming like what happened/was revealed at the end of the season is what was supposed to happen/was planned all along?

I may be biased, but for me, season 6 by miles. And almost all of that is Edlund desperately cramming everything that had happened so far into something that either made sense or handwaved why it didn’t make sense in an effectively emotional enough episode that by the end of TMWWBK you sort of feel like you’ve actually got your answers and Cas has been completely honest and open with YOU at least, making it that much easier to handle what was going on. 

I think for me season 10 was poorly handled in ways that weren’t particularly well addressed and the only offered explanation ever was “oh it was Amara after all” which in the context of season 11 gives us some more characterisation to begin to pull things together, though without addressing everything. Still if we’re dealing with things as a whole, season 10 doesn’t have an episode that scrapes everything together in the post-Edlund era and what we get only within the confines of season 10 is extremely unsatisfactory, even if later canon eases it a little bit, along with just… not being actively in SPN season 10 as it airs :P 

Going off my memories of being in the fandom at the time, we had a lot of issues with things like 

Dean’s incomplete demon reversal (so far as in 10x02, written by Dabb who invented the cure repeating the correct steps, then in 10x03 Buckleming not following through with them)

“the river ends at the source” “never mind I was screwing with you”

Did Cain still have the Mark after 9x11? lasting drama until 10x14, and still debated afterwards especially by people who had thought he didn’t have the Mark and had passed it entirely to Dean now being very confused  

What the fuck was this about Lucifer having the Mark and how did that last minute addition affect everything? 

the Colette parallel being wildly mis-applied by fandom but also issues with the show’s fear to explore it leading to “we are all the colette” episodes with lasting drama until 10x22, where Charlie, Sam and Cas all variously and persistently seemed to be suggested to be capable of being a team effort to pull Dean out of the darkness. 10x22 also wasn’t enough to stop Dean, and the final confrontation was with Sam, I think a general consensus was - especially again with season 11′s help - that the memory of Mary drew him back/unleashed Amara metaphorically who unleashed Mary literally - it wasn’t a great note to end on without season 11 context (as a whole, so, like, a whole YEAR later) that Sam had “won” the battle to bring Dean back from himself where Cas had failed, and the subtext and show and fandom most of all had made SUCH a huge deal out of Colette, after 9x11 over-told her story instead of retelling Cain & Abel, that it was set up with the expectation that saving Dean was a romantic quest, not a brotherly one. 10x14 sort of helped set things to rights with the list, but the fighting about what it all meant at the time was AWFUL, and though I think I was right and the show bore that out and these days I type it all with confidence, I’m pretty sure there’s a ton of buried wank about it that could be dragged out if we want >.>

the fact there wasn’t really an overarcing Mark of Cain plot except “Dean is suffering” with the only 3 actual plot points they could do with it being demon!Dean, kill Cain, and remove Mark. Because of that, everything else is literally set-dressing to fill the time and add drama in between, but these were played with poorly and there wasn’t any subterfuge we weren’t in on (i.e. sam stealing the book) vs Cas betraying both the Winchesters and US. The only retcon offered in the end was Death’s exposition about the Darkness.

people literally forgetting which order episodes came out in and being very confused about why Amara wasn’t released when Dean was 14 in 10x12 even though he didn’t kill Cain for 2 more episodes (like, within weeks of 10x14 airing, I swear)

the understandable disappearance of Cole but bizarre application of that hunter called Rudy who popped up in his place and featured in 10x23 along with Cas for Dean’s guilt trip. Even if Cole and TAW sucked ass, it’s much easier to understand the emotional impact of what happened to Rudy if you assume he has the exact same backstory as Cole and the same nonsense happened to Dean twice in the same year :P 

Pre-season hype about Rowena made a huge deal out of the Grand Coven, and for a brief moment it seemed like there might be a witch plotline, including new lore dumps about different types of witches in 10x07, characters like Olivette the Hamster, etc, but they squandered her first season and 10x19 was as close as we got to any pay off to her actual storyline

Then Oskaar happened and that was like ??? Okay just introduce him in the second to last episode and throw us into that emotional situation 

the entire cure coming out of nowhere as a random last minute macguffin instead of having been anything they put together over the season - even though the book of the damned thing showed up in 10x11 it changed substantially from the clue Charlie left with (a less than 100 year old book with a library reference number found on an antique rare book website, based on a real book, which we all picked over and were left wondering if the plot was to be about some sort of occultism thing as a result) to a much different lore. Then there were a few episodes dealing with it and the codex, the actual spell had no real struggle, and Crowley delivered all the pieces while Cas stood around scowling and Rowena stood around in chains eye-rolling. Compare season 13′s pacing with Sam and Dean cobbling together what they needed from halfway through the season, and being on the mission to get to the AU from episode 9, with relatively little of the endless sitting around googling and being frustrated of past seasons but ESPECIALLY season 10 where Sam was futilely trawling the results of googling “mark of cain” from mid-late season 9 through to like, 10x18 when an actual brief plot appeared around it directly. 

I think all of it points to a problem of working forwards from where they were instead of backwards to tidy up what was left. In season 6 Edlund took as many loose plot threads, from how Sam lost his soul, what was up with Crowley and Cas, the angel war, explanations for Sam and Samuel working together, why eve happened, everything, and put it all together to explain the elements of the season so far in a new light. Despite how disastrous that season was, PRETENDING you knew like you meant to do it all along glosses over inconsistencies in Samuel’s story or Cas and Crowley’s 6x10 interactions, and makes them relatively inconsequential when most of the details add up. 

The same thing works with the Lucifer as Sam’s vessel storyline, in the sense that while Azazel’s plan is fucking ridiculous in its over-complex bizarre attempt to find a worthy true vessel that Heaven had fated, comparing season 1-2 to season 5 head on is bad, each season explains itself from the last in enough of a way and with enough knowledge of what already happened that really despite vast inconsistencies in the lore, by 5x22 we are pretty much all on board to accept the way it all played out because they use what was previously written to build up Sam’s arc, and little details thrown in towards the end like Brady and then Lucifer revealing ALL of Sam’s closer rando peeps had been demons, tidy up more and more loose ends and there’s left with plausible deniability about a lot of the issues.

In season 10 they kept on introducing elements instead of working with what they had already established, and also discarded what seemed like major plot hooks for Rowena and Cole, one annoyingly, one completely metatextually understandably and fuck TAW, I’m glad the show never brought Cole back as soon as rumours of him groping fans appeared, and it makes me genuinely trust that the SPN set is a safe place. But yeah. 

Things they set up and could have worked with, were the Cas’s grace arc, which was resolved to a small personal satisfaction to Cas without any major plot impact except we could stop worrying about when Cas would get sick and die from bad grace, or steal more. 

The demon!Dean issue was bad writing from Buckleming re: was he still a demon or not, but given Dean was supposed to be struggling with succumbing to darkness the season actually kept him almost completely level without any significant relapses, even after killing Cain. The sense of needing a functional Dean Winchester to keep hunting monsters and prop up the show as both the carrier of the mytharc, the emotional core, and the go-between between Sam and Cas even when the show was trying to figure out if Sam and Cas could function without Dean, it was all still so much about Dean that in 10x21 when they’re doing the cringeworthy “for Dean” thing and Rowena rolls her eyes like “I barely know the man”, I was actually applauding Buckleming snark thinking they maybe briefly had a handle on how ridiculous Dean’s position in the narrative was. (Listen, this was the last 10 minutes of my innocence about how awful Buckleming could be, leave past!me alone. She’s sweet and precious and not bitter :P) In any case, a more effective season would have utilised him more to slip and slide between light and dark and explore it in much deeper detail, but balancing that with a procedural formula doesn’t work as well and they were lacking enough philosophers on staff. I think the Dabb era writing team could handle it, because Yockey, Perez, and Glynn especially, who seems to have a psychology background based on her writing, all have a sharp attention to the exact things in emotional arcs that would have made it work better, even just as it was. Since this was a weaker writing team where Robbie, Bobo and Dabb episodes were little islands of excellence and the motw were fun but more shallow even with strong foreshadowing themes, it just didn’t pay off. 

I think the biggest waste of time was “the river ends at the source” which was either Buckleming trying to introduce a concept and hoping someone else dealt with it, or an agreed plot hook which never materialised, or Metatron literally spoke the truth, that the line had only ever been written to mess with us. However 10x23 could have actually included more of a “river ends at the source” sort of slant and had Death confirm it in so many words because Amara really did sort of seem to be the answer to the question. In 10x10 it seemed like they knew where the season was going, but by 10x17 it was obvious they DIDN’T, and it was during 10x18 that the plot actually got hashed out and Robbie was handed heavy revisions to make to change the Stynes to end of season villains and the Book of the Damned was going to be used how it was. I think this is really weak plotting, as someone who always puts in fun lines and then attempts like crazy to pay off on them. My first novel has the line “you can’t talk to me yet” and I play through that the whole book until they CAN talk and make it a major motif, goal and in the end try to explain it as best I can about how it’s all plot relevant and why using that for tension to put off the explanations and such was a valid thing to throw at my main character, and then the springboard to more adventure when she was ready for it. I literally do not understand putting a portentous line into your story, and not becoming desperately eager to answer it or twist something into revealing how it all fits at the end, if not basing your entire story off of it. Sam and Dean seemed wildly uncurious about how to apply that or what it means. 

In season 6 one of the more frustrating things is the “it’s all about the souls” line because Dean fails to investigate until someone or other rolls their eyes and makes it all clear to him. But we get a few more reminders in Cas’s presence, until we find out his plan, and Crowley repeats that line in 6x20 when making his sales pitch to Cas, if I’m remembering rightly (I hope so :/) and so despite Dean’s infuriating lack of investigation (not that he had a great deal of leads, but still - you could build a plot around it by GIVING him a lead, he’s the fictional character and you’re the writer :P) at the very least they repeat the motif in at least 6x17 and 6x20 to my memory, before the souls thing becomes a lot more obvious about Cas taking the purgatory souls and we’re allowed to actually discuss what he’s up to instead of the vague hints Atropos and Rachel give that they know his plans. 6x07 also hints early on that Purgatory is full of monster souls if you add it all up - the writers knew they were doing SOMETHING with this even if it took to the end of the season for it to all come together. (And that’s something that’s clearly and overarcing plot that Gamble oversaw because she wrote 6x11 and the line then appears in multiple episodes around the place, so that’s not just something Edlund tidied up but an actual effort to write the season well.)

Throwing aside the “river ends at the source” line is wildly frustrating because it wouldn’t have been too hard to apply it thematically and even keep Metatron being a douche while giving the viewer a pay off anyway for our own satisfaction, by showing it had been a theme all along anyway. You CAN squint at season 10 and analyse it through that lens but it’s exhausting when the show doesn’t give us the themes on a platter. It also shows that the plotting is careless and they’re experimenting, and rather than working with what they have, this is in a path of episodes where they’re discarding some plotlines, and we’re beginning to have end of season plotlines hastily pasted onto the end of the season, but they make very little of any of the work already done to build up the season as we’d seen it so far.

Add onto that Charlie being murdered for manpain to motivate some things into action and all the random elements being used, and the sense that Crowley, Cas and Rowena all abruptly ran out of a plotline that had been intended to utilise them and put on a side character duty away from Sam and Dean, the season is extremely messily and carelessly written, and without any real attention to detail to its own themes and characters and plotlines. Even if they’d gone into the season not particularly expecting where to go, they brought a lot to the table early on but then quickly wiped a lot of it off, and brought a lot more stuff to the table instead, which makes season 10 a really wonky, unfinished feeling product as a thing on its own, and the overall story is scrappy and carelessly plotted.

And that is speaking just about the easy plot stuff without getting into the absolute mess of speculation from the Destiel side of fandom wondering wtf was going on with the seeming build up to crypt scenes, colette, the grace cure, etc, that made up the bulk of the speculation but makes actually analysing expectations vs presented product completely impossible to evaluate on that side of things because as always Destiel speculation really overshoots what is expected and was really running wild at that point. I mean, not being judgemental because that was the year I was right in the thick of it. 3 years clear of it now, some of it seems really silly, but those 3 things all seemed clearly built up to our eyes, and we got the reverse crypt scene we’d been expecting since before the season started, and we got the Colette reference which slotted Cas firmly into place as a reminder of how Cain’s peeps lined up against Dean’s, as well as Cas asking Dean to stop, which satisfied the terms and conditions of Dean resisting walking in Cain’s footsteps with the overall set up of the scene. With the way Cas got his grace back and then some other rando cure popped up where Rowena of all people made the sacrifice, I really can’t help feeling like the conspiracy theorist who knows they were right but with the way it all shook out, only people who knew the conspiracy would understand how it didn’t happen and it’s very hard for me to look at that and say that some non-Cas-related cure was coming all along, given the conspicuous dropping of one plotline sort of day of picking up the next >.> But I’ll cede that from my position I might be a bit compromised on that one. 

Anyways. To me season 10 is a disaster that only season 11 really justifies, while season 6 has some truly low points but in the end the actual writing skill hauls it through so that it creates the illusion that there was consistency, if you ignore everything outside of the text suggesting it may have been as poorly planned as season 10. Planning isn’t everything - it’s what you do when confronted with the unplanned wire tangle in front of you that really marks how well they were written, and just shoving it under the table and putting a new wire tangle down vs actually unpicking it and making them as neat as possible? Gamble slam dunks Carver :P

[murdershegoat]

If someone came up and asked if you knew Amy Adams, it’s highly unlikely it’s a name that would turn heads or bat an eyelash because she’s a generic white woman that despite being talented, has only taken part in mediocrity as compared to DiCaprio’s participation in Titanic, The Great Gatsby, and many other classics over the years. She wasn’t robbed of anything and nobody cares if she wins or loses. DiCaprio was a leading role in films that will never lose relevance due to historical covenance

imagine thinking amy adams only takes part in mediocrity when shes been in some of the most critically acclaimed films of the past ten years

moreover, imagine thinking baz luhrmann’s the great gatsby is anything other than a dumpster fire of overindulged filmmaking i mean its literally two hours of baz wanking onto the screen lmao

[nerdylittleshit]

Thoughts about Spn 13x07

SPOILERS! SPOILERS! SPOILERS!

Also: Wank. It’s cool if you liked the episode or don’t want to read any negative reviews. Just stop reading right here.

This was… an episode. Though I’m still not sure of what show because clearly it wasn’t the same I watched last week. I admit it was weirdly entertaining in the way bad movies are, or bad fan fic, because this is certainly how this episode felt, like a wild mix of “what if though” and yet another plot twist. Which might even be fun if this would be for another show but sadly it isn’t. I think it was @k-vichan who praised how this season all the writers, new and old ones, seamlessly work together, pick up each other’s themes and create a coherent storytelling. And then you have Bucklemming, and by now I feel like they write for their own shown, their own version of “Supernatural”, that has little to nothing to do with the rest of the show. But as much as they ignore existing canon and are the masters in referring to almost exclusive their own episodes, I’m afraid the other writers have to pick up some of their weird story choices and have to work with the mess they created here. And while I can ignore most of it there are some tendencies that make me worry.

Lucifer

My problem with Lucifer is a general problem, not only this episode. I found the character interesting in season 5 and Hallucifer in season 7 was okay as well (from a storytelling point) but ever since they brought the character back in season 11 I wish they really really hadn’t. He constantly acts like an overgrown child throwing a tantrum, who justifies all of his cruelty with the fact that his daddy didn’t love him enough. Since the actor who played him also became Satan in real life I wish we would just get rid of his character, once for all. What we got though in this episode almost looked like the beginning of a goddamn redemption arc. There is a guy who is even worse than him (Michael)? Check. He loses his powers, so he is no longer a threat? Check. He tries to bond with characters we actually care about (Kevin, Cas)? Check. He saves the very same angel he just killed last time he saw him? Check. He wants to work with the good guys because he wants to save the world? Check. He gets tortured and imprisoned, the very thing he is afraid of the most? (Trying to make us feel pity for him?) Check.

And look, I wasn’t even a huge friend of Crowley’s redemption arc, because Crowley had done horrible things, just because he could, and no summer of love could erase that. Lucifer though is on a complete other level. He is a rapist and a sadist. He doesn’t want to save our world because he cares about it, yet alone the people who live in it, but because he knows that any world in which Michael rules he will be a dead man.

Cas for now doesn’t buy his bullshit, and neither will Sam and Dean, and we will see how Jack reacts to him (does he know that Lucifer killed Cas?). They worked with Lucifer before to defeat Amara, so I think it is possible they might do it again. Still, I would feel very uncomfortable if they try to redeem this character.

Hello again

We saw the comeback of two characters who are supposed to be dead (one technically still is in our world) and a hint that we might see another one coming back. As for Kevin, there is not much to say. We knew that with the introduction of alternative universe we would get the chance to bring back some characters that already died in our world, like Bobby. The fact that Kevin would work for Michael made sense, same with Michael’s plan to escape his world (honestly, who wouldn’t). The fact that Kevin’s motivation is to see hot women demonstrates once again that Bucklemming have no real understanding of the characters they write, especially does that they killed off. Mostly though AU!Kevin seemed to be quite similar to our Kevin: a kid with two much responsibility on his shoulders, trapped in the powerplay between heaven and hell. I hope though they bring him back again and use his character better next time.

Which brings us to Ketch. I have to admit, given this is still a Bucklemming episode, the possibility of an evil twin wasn’t that unrealistic. But in the end Dean’s instinct is (almost) always right and even Sam and Dean admitted how ridiculous the story sounded. While I found Ketch interesting as a character in season 12 I had no real desire to see him return. I’m not sure if his remorse was yet another act or if we get another redemption arc. (What is it with this show to bring back horrible character in order to redeem them instead of characters we actually care about? Where is my Charlie? Where is my Eileen?) He seemed to be real about the burdens of his old job, and even back then Ketch always acted more like a hunter than all the other Men of Letters. He also described himself as a soldier and tried to bond with Dean over this. Which was actually kind of interesting, as Dean did start the series as a soldier, ready to fulfil any order his dad would have given him. But since then Dean has come a long way, where he learned to think for himself, to make his own choices and to take over responsibility over said choices. He is nothing like Ketch.

So, will we see Rowena again? It seemed like Ketch might had more information about her than he admitted. He seemed to be convinced that she is still alive, reminding us that she came back from the dead once already. At least we got another bit about the BMoL’s connection to witches and perhaps even the Grand Coven. This was something I had hoped to learn more about in season 12, so maybe now?

Some other things

- It seems like there are other options to open a portal to another world than using a Nephilim. It is possible Lucifer remembers the ingredients/spell to open a portal, as the angel tablet is destroyed in our world. What about the grace of an archangel though? Lucifer is already weak, Raphael and Gabriel dead (well, one of them definitely), so will they use our Michael? Or perhaps Jack’s grace (which already opened the rift in the first place)? Will this weaken Jack as much as it weakened Lucifer? Then again, the lore says Jack will be more powerful than his father. Will Jack offer to give his grace, to fix his mistakes? And what about the fact that a portal opened by the spell can only transport one person at a time? Will they get Mary back but leave behind somebody else?

- Also, is there a God in the other world? Kevin said there is no God, but perhaps he just left the same way Chuck did. Or is there only one God for all worlds? How many are there? During the episode it seemed like they were only two.

- Cas said he swore to protect Jack, which should have alert a huge alarm for Dean. Because Cas only did that after Jack influenced him. Whatever responsibility Cas feels for Jack, Dean should have mentioned that it wasn’t Cas’s full choice to protect Jack.

- We finally learned where the little angels are coming from. I speculated before that Jack could potentially replace Chuck and the angels thinking he could be powerful enough to create new angels kind of goes in that direction. At least they no longer want to kill him.

- Asmodeus referring to Jack as “The Jack” might be the most ridiculous thing anyone has ever said on this show.

Looking forward to next week.