#cry me an atmospheric river

[bitter1stuff]

I don't think there's a song off this album I don't like. This one is like when the MC5 do a James Brown thing. I like the middle part where it gets all bad trip. As usual, Mark Arm is one of rock's cleverest lyricists.

[accioscarheadthings]

↳ 𝗥𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵 𝗱𝗮𝘆 - 𝗧𝘀𝘂𝗸𝗶𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗺𝗮 𝗞𝗲𝗶 𝘅 𝗳𝗲𝗺!𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿

summary - you and tsukishima when you both come home after a long day, unleashing built-up tension, ending in an intense make-out session.

pairing: timeskip!tsukishima kei x fem!reader

warnings - fluff, lots of kissing, make out, marking.

main masterlist !

both you and tsukishima had returned home in a sour mood from the day's events. you barely spoke to each other after entering the house, without a greeting kiss; the tension was thick in the air.

you and tsukishima were caught up in an harsh argument which had escalated to a boiling point. anger blinded all reason, and you were no longer arguing to reach a solution, but rather just to spite one another.

the atmosphere was tense, each silently waiting for the other to cave in.

tsukishima was standing in front of you, his eyes dark with anger, his body tense and rigid. the room was filled with frustrated energy, but what was even more intense was the weight of the unspoken words hanging in the air.

you stood with your arms crossed over your chest, eyes locked with his. both of you remained silent, the tension palpable. you could feel the anger radiating off you in waves an you knew that he was feeling the same way.

tsukishima sneered at you, "you're so damn stubborn, y'know?"

you pinched your eyebrows in frustration as your pulse spiked.

"you're one to talk to," you muttered, gazing up at him through your lashes, "you think you're so perfect?"

he sauntered forward, eyes filled with rage and something else, "damn right, i am," he shot back, "all you've been is a pain in my ass!"

you clenched your fists, your anger skyrocketing to match his, "cry me a river, kei! all you do is whine about everything in your proximity!"

the both of you stood there, facing each other, the distance between you growing smaller and smaller as the tension built.

he chuckled, leaning forward tauntingly, "what, you don't like it when i speak my mind, princess?" he tucked a stray strand of hair behind your ear.

"i'd watch my tone if i were you," you warned, sharp gaze boring into his soul. your temper pushed you to take another step closer to him.

by now, he was close enough that his breath was brushing against your face, "need another name, perhaps? how about 'brat'?" he said, his voice rough.

his finger curved down your face, tipping your chin up to him.

"shut up," you swallowed, your resolve beginning to dissolve as you took in your closeness.

the initial frustration and burst of emotions subsided once you both had yelled at each other and now the both of you had nothing to say, stuck in silence.

he smirked, his eyes gleaming with amusement, "what, you're going to shut me up, brat?" he asked, his voice low and mocking.

"if you're that desperate for it,"

he took another step closer to you, his body almost touching mine. "you're so pretentious," he taunted, his voice rough and ragged, "you think you can shut me up?"

his eyes dropped to your mouth, his eyes darkening with need as he panted, his body tense and rigid. you could feel the heat emitting off of him, his desire practically tangible.

"yeah," you stared up at him, a shaky hand raising to graze the stubble at his jaw, making him inhale sharply.

tsukishima clenched his jaw, "i'd like to see you try,"

you stared down at him, refusing to be the first one to give in to the temptation. tsukishima had his gaze on your mouth unfocused, brows furrowed, thumb tracing over your lower lip.

"kei, look at me,"

tsukishima shifted his eyes up to you, waiting for you to continue at he stared at you in contempt.

but, when you pressed your mouth against his, pulling him closer by his jaw, he let out a low, ragged moan, body immediately responding. his face was wiped off of any signs of bitterness. as if he was waiting for you to just kiss him.

his hands immediately pulled you closer to himself as he returned the kiss, his mouth devouring yours.

he stumbled back as you kept kissing him, mind completely lost in the moment. he let you guide him, walking backward and holding onto your hips for support as the kiss grew more and more intense.

his hands slid down the back of your thighs and he scooped you up into his arms, wrapping your legs around his hip.

you let out a yelp in surprise as he picked you up, his strong arms easily lifting you off the ground.

you caught his biceps to keep yourself up. he grinned at you, eyes gleaming in mischief, "you're adorable when you're flustered, y'know that?"

"oh, fuck you," you rested your forehead against his, panting for breath.

he chuckled, holding you tighter in his arms, "only if you ask nicely," he teased, his eyes darkening with a hint of desire.

you held his face with both hands and kissed him harder, mouth moving against his with growing need, shoving your tongue into his lips.

he moaned pathetically, hands roaming over your body, exploring every inch of you as he kissed you back, his tongue tangling with yours.

he adjusted his hold on you, walking towards your shared bedroom. you felt him sit down on the edge of the bed and you tugged at his shirt, "off. get it off,"

"yes ma'am," he pressed one, two pecks to your lips, pulling his shirt over his head in one fluid motion.

you helped each other rid off your clothes, pushing it off in urgent and sloppy movements.

tsukishima was in nothing but his boxers as you were left in your tank top and underwear.

your bodies were pressed together, and the heat between you both was almost unbearable. he looked at you, his eyes drifting over your body, his hands roaming over your skin, and his touch needy and desperate.

"what?" you inhaled, holding his chin.

"you're so beautiful," he uttered in awe, pupils blown so wide that his irises were swollen.

you smooched his nose with a lovesick smile, "thank you, my sweet angel," you raised your face to kiss him between his brows, "my darling boy,"

he let out a soft sigh, his heart practically melting at your words. "fuckk," he whispered, his voice coarse, "you really know how to flatter a me. calling me your darling boy, your sweet angel,"

"mmhm," you kissed him senselessly, arching your body against his.

the kiss grew messier and needier, your bodies pressed against each other as you lost yourselves in the fierce, passionate moment.

your tongues twisted together, lips and chins slick with both your combined spit, neither of you able to pull away as you both kissed. as you needed, as you craved each other.

you pressed kisses to his cheeks, nose, forehead, and temple, dragging your mouth over his skin tantalizingly. he gave in to you, eyes fluttering shut in contentment.

the tip of your nose nudged at the lens of his glasses, shifting them to rest lopsidedly on his face.

holding his jaw open, you peppered kisses downwards, mouthing at the column of his throat, puffing heavily.

reaching his collarbone, you licked a stripe back up the length of his neck, all the way to the spot below his ear, mouthing and grazing your teeth across his skin.

"oh s-shit," tsukishima shuddered, face contorting in pleasure, "mmph," his voice came out muffled when you met lips lips again, kissing deeply.

he pressed your hips down on his, making you grind on his growing hardness.

you let out a strangled moan, face twisted in a whimper.

both of you were grasping at each other, your bodies pressing desperately together as you became dizzy from the lack of oxygen.

the sound of the phone ringing interrupted your moment.

tsukishima let out a low, frustrated whine, his arms tightening around you as he pulled you closer, "can't we just ignore it?" he muttered, his voice ragged with annoyance.

the glasses perched on his face were no longer sitting straight, the arms bent and the lenses fogged up from the heat and passion of your make-out session.

they hung precariously at an angle, partially obstructing his vision, but he didn't care.

removing his glasses, you wiped the lens at the edge of your tank top. making sure they were clear, you placed them back on his nose, nudging it up lightly.

tsukishima felt his pale cheeks redden even harder, as he stared up at you.

"what if it's important?" you coaxed him, giving a peck to his swollen pink lips.

he let out a soft sigh, his body relaxing, "i guess you're right," he murmured, his voice still begrudging, "but i don't want to stop,"

he looked at you with a hint of pleading in his eyes, his voice soft and needy as he whispered, "kiss me harder, baby,"

gripping his jaw, you parted your lips, driving your tongue into his mouth.

he groaned into the kiss, his hands gripping your hips tighter, his lips closed around the wet muscle, sucking your tongue into his mouth. wanting more, needing more.

his hands slid under your tank top, his touch scorching you as he ran them up my back and across your skin. he broke the kiss, his mouth moving down your neck, his lips and tongue tracing a hot, wet path along my skin, kissing and nipping at the sensitive flesh.

the ringtone of your phone cut through the sexual tension in the air once again, making you both groan in defeat.

"i gotta get it, kei," you sighed, staring into his eyes and resting your forehead against his.

"fine," he grumbled, letting you out of his embrace as you walked over to the other side of the bed to fetch your phone.

you attended the call and sat back, leaning on the headboard.

tsukishima crawled over to you, settling his large form on your lap.

he carried you with ease, grinning at the warning look you gave him, and placed you on his lap as though you were his personal plushie.

he leaned into your chest, arms, wrapped around you like a koala, breathing into you softly.

he nuzzled his face against your chest, inhaling deeply as he let out a soft, ragged groan, "god, you smell so good," he muttered, his voice soft and warm, "i could stay like this forever,"

as you spoke on the phone, he remained in your hold, his hands wandering over you, exploring and fiddling with you like a curious child. his fingers traced patterns on your skin, his touch gentle and affectionate.

he sat with a pout on his lips, his chin resting on your shoulder, his body pressed against yours, seeking closeness and comfort.

suddenly, he reached up and pressed a gentle kiss to your cheek, his lips lingering on your skin for a moment before pulling away and snuggling into your neck.

you blew a smooch against his hair in acknowledgment, ruffling his blonde locks fondly.

"wait, you need me in the office? now?" you subconsciously pulled him closer to you, your voice growing exasperated.

tsukishima tensed slightly. his grip on you tightened as he heard you speak, his body growing taut with unease.

he let out a low mumble, his face still in your neck. he didn't want you to leave. that much was clear.

he let out a soft, pleading whine, his voice soft and urgent, "please, princess," he begged, his voice laced with desperation, "don't go. don't leave me,"

he clutched at you, his arms wrapping tighter around you. his fingers dug into your skin as he clung to you, not wanting you to leave his side.

"i'll call you back," you cut the call, exhaling sharply in irritation.

his grip on you softened slightly and he let out a sigh of relief.

"thank god," he whispered, his voice soft and shaky, "i don't want you to go either, princess. stay with me, please," he looked up at you, his expression needy and desperate.

he pressed his face against your cleavage, "it's been a tough day so far," he murmured, his voice low and rough, "i need you, princess. i need you so damn much. fuck,"

seeing him so needy and desperate for you made something snap in you, "okay, you know what, fuck them," you scoffed, picking up your phone to call back to your office.

he let out a low chuckle, "yeah, exactly," he muttered, "fuck them. i'd rather be here with you, princess,"

he watched you as you made the call again, his eyes dazed and focused on you. his stare fixated on you as if you were the only thing in the world that mattered.

you were in possessive, protective hold, snug and warm.

you argued on the call, "no, you listen to me. i can't do this. you gotta find someone else to switch it up," you held tsukishima tighter as if he was about to be snatched from you, "i'm home and i need to spend time with my love, okay? i need a break,"

tsukishima felt the tension in your body and eased your taut muscles with his touch. he inclined into you, each caress an effort to soothe your mood, "yeah, that's right," he murmured, his voice soft and soothing, "you need to spend time with your love, and that's me,"

you suppressed a grin, returning to the call with a frown, "not today! i told you,"

he craned his neck up and planted soft kisses on each of your cheeks, silently cheering you on as you stood up for yourself. his chin propped on the softness of your chest, a small smile on his lips as he watched you argue with the person on the other end of the line.

"that's right, princess," he whispered, his voice soft and encouraging. "you tell them. you deserve to have time for yourself. and for me,"

"ok buh-byee!" you ended the call, looking down at tsukishima who was grinning like a fool, "hi,"

"hi," he let out a breath, beaming up at you.

"m'not leaving you," you promised, "i'll stay and coddle you, m'kay?"

his body sagged against yours in relief as he whispered, "thank god. i don't want you to leave. i just want you here with me, coddling me and giving me all your attention,"

you grimaced in embarrassment, eyes scanning and darting all over his face, "um, kei... your face?"

his skin was marked with lipstick kisses, a physical reminder of your passionate make-out session. his neck was adorned with small red blemishes, a few love bites here and there, the color contrasting sharply against his pale skin. his chin and cheeks were also smeared with the red tint, a clear indication of the heated moments.

"my face?" he blinked up at you, looking a bit dazed and disoriented.

he reached up to touch his face, feeling the stickiness of the lipstick kisses still on his skin. he huffed a breath, his cheeks tinged with pink as he realized just how much lipstick was on his face, "yeah, you marked me up real good," he muttered, a sheepish grin on his face.

"i have lipstick all over my mouth, don't i?" you pointed at yourself.

tsukishima pulled back a bit to take a good look at you, his eyes roaming over your face.

"just a little bit," he admitted, a small smile playing at the corners of his lips, "you definitely look like you've been kissed senseless,"

"wonderful,"

he chuckled softly, his eyes sparkling with amusement as he looked at you, "don't worry, princess," he said, his voice low and rough. "you still look absolutely gorgeous, even with a little messy lipstick situation. in fact, it just makes you look even sexier,"

your cheeks hurt with how much you were smiling, "really?"

"mmhm, you look so good like this," he wiped the smudged lipstick around your mouth, causing your mouth to part in the process.

"completely," he kissed your lower lip once, "utterly," twice, then swiped his tongue across, sponging a loud smooch 'smack' on your kiss-bitten lips, "ruined by me,"

[parkerslatte]

Incompatible | Part Two

Eris Vanserra x Fem!Archeron!Reader

Word Count: 3.4k

Warnings: none.

Summary: Y/N receives word from the Inner Circle that she is to spend a few months in the Autumn Court. Azriel helps her pack and brings her to the High Lord of Autumn.

A Court of Thorns and Roses Masterlist

Part One | Part Two |

•••

Three days later, Y/N sat in the River House, peacefully enjoying her afternoon. The past three days had given Y/N a sense of peace. Her family and Inner Circle did not crowd her as much as they used to, mostly leaving Y/N alone to her own devices. The only member who graced her presence was Nyx and Y/N couldn’t be happier. The small child napped beside her as she flipped the page of her book, her mind only half paying attention to it. 

The past seventy two hours had been strange for Y/N, she would constantly find her mind drifting to a certain High Lord. His copper hair, his amber eyes, his impeccable clothing. Everything about him caught Y/N’s eye the moment he saw him. But most of all it was his personality. The way his demeanour changed the moment they were alone. The genuine care and concern he had for her made Y/N smile into her book. No matter how the Inner Circle said that Eris was only being kind for his own gain, Y/N knew that his affections were truthful, she felt it.

Three days. He said that in three days time he would find a way to get her out of the house but nothing had happened yet. Perhaps it was just wishful thinking on Y/N’s part. She was only human and Eris was the High Lord of Autumn. Realistically she wouldn’t blame him if he were only playing into her fantasy. But there was still that small glimmer of hope– knowing– that he would show up. 

As Y/N turned the page of her book, the peaceful atmosphere in the room immediately disappeared as Rhys entered the room followed by everyone else. Nyx immediately woke up crying. Rhys and Feyre rushed to his side uttering soft apologies. 

“I can take him to his room,” Azriel offered. 

Rhys nodded and allowed Azriel to pick him up. His shadows swarmed around the small boy in a comforting manner. Azriel swiftly left the room before closing the door behind him. 

“What’s going on?” Y/N asked, eyes darting around the room. 

“A letter came through today from Eris,” Rhys said. 

Y/N perked up. “What did it say?”

“I cannot go into detail but it demands that you spend a few months in the Autumn Court,” Rhys explained.

“Really?” Y/N got to her feet, trying to keep the excitement out of her voice. 

Feyre nodded. “But we came to ask if you really wanted to go.”

Y/N frowned. “Why?”

“While Beron was High Lord, the Autumn Court was not a safe space for most, everything the upper class fae did was for power. It has not been too long since Eris killed his father and took over so I do not know how much it has changed,” Rhys explained. 

“But ultimately it is your choice whether you wish to go,” Cassian piped up. 

Y/N frowned. “Why does it sound like you are all trying to scare me away from going?”

“We’re not doing that,” Rhys said. “We are just warning you about what you may encounter. Life was difficult for fae living in the Autumn Court, for a human, it may prove to be more dangerous.”

“I’m sure that if I were in any danger, Eris would help me,” Y/N said. “And even if he wasn’t there to help me, I am sure I would be able to help myself. Despite what most of you may think, I can handle myself. I did any and all jobs on my farm for six years until you all took me from it.”

No one responded.

“I am going to the Autumn Court,” Y/N said her tone was final. “When do I leave?”

“Azriel will take you after you have packed a bag,” Feyre said. 

Y/N nodded. “I will go and pack my things.”

Before anyone had the chance to respond, Y/N left the room. As soon as the door closed, chatter resumed in the room in hushed whispers. Y/N rolled her eyes before walking down the hall to her room. 

“So you decided to go,” Azriel said, appearing from the shadows. 

“Yes,” Y/N replied without looking at him. 

“And there’s nothing I can do to convince you not to go?” Azriel asked. 

“No,” Y/N said, opening the door to her room. 

Azriel huffed out a laugh. “I wasn’t going to convince you to stay.”

Y/N finally looked at him. “You might be the only one. Everyone was trying to scare me into not going.”

“I know that you are going to shoot me down immediately but just listen to what I am going to say,” Azriel said. 

Y/N sighed. “Go on.”

“They are just trying to protect you,” Azriel said and Y/N groaned. “I know that our methods have been stupid.”

“That’s putting it lightly,” Y/N mumbled, sitting down on her bed. 

“But,” Azriel emphasised, “it was only done to make sure nothing happens to you. Everyone here loves you, Y/N. We just want what’s best for you and if that includes going to the Autumn Court, I will accept it.”

Y/N eyes him carefully. “What is up with you being accepting of this? The last time I checked you hated Eris.”

Azriel chuckled and sat down on the bed next to Y/N. “I don’t hate him. I don’t think I can after all of his explanations for any previous actions after he became High Lord. I only dislike him.”

“Aww,” Y/N teased. “You’re making new friends.”

Azriel glared at her. “He is not my friend but I…trust him more than I did a few years ago.”

“Why?” Y/N asked.

“Since becoming High Lord, Rhys made me send my spies to see how Eris was acting at High Lord. He wanted to know if he would simply double cross us after we helped him kill his father. It is not my place to tell you what I found out but the way he acted was different to how I ever saw him,” Azriel explained.

“How long were you spying on him for?” Y/N asked.

“Not long,” Azriel answered. “A few weeks at most but in those few weeks I noticed him dismissing many members of his court, all of which lived and enforced Beron’s rule. I only spied on him once more after that.”

“When was that?”

“Three days ago, after he left our meeting,” Azriel said. “He took a liking to you and I just wanted to know if it was genuine or not. Rhys didn’t ask me to do it so don’t mention it to him.”

Y/N felt her heart beat faster. “And was it genuine?”

Azriel offered her a tight smile. “It was genuine.”

A smile bloomed across Y/N’s face. “Really?”

Azriel nodded and looked away from Y/N to the bag sat by her bed. 

“Why did you want to know if it was genuine?” Y/N asked.

Azriel shrugged. “You’re my friend, if something was amiss with his affections, I didn’t want him to lead you on.”

Y/N smiled. “Thank you, Az. Honestly, since I’ve been here you have been the only one keeping me sane.”

Azriel smiled though it seemed forced. “No problem.”

Y/N looked away from Azriel and to her bag. “Will you help me pack? I think it would be more fun with a friend here.”

This time when Azriel smiled, it was genuine and he stood to his feet. “Of course.”

It didn’t take long until Y/N’s things were packed into her bag. She didn’t have too many things since her things were spread out across the places she spent time in. The last thing she packed was a small sketch Feyre did of her when the two were eighteen and thirteen. Y/N smiled at it before she closed her bag. 

“I’m ready to go now,” Y/N said, turning to Azriel. 

“Do you want to say goodbye to everyone?” Azriel asked. 

Y/N sighed. “I suppose I should. Shouldn’t I?”

“Even if you don’t want to say goodbye to Rhys, at least say goodbye to Feyre and Nesta,” Azriel suggested. 

Y/N sighed before agreeing. She picked up her bag and together she and Azriel walked through the house.

“I’ll miss you,” Azriel said. 

Y/N looked at him, surprised. “Wow, I’m surprised that the big bad shadowsinger can admit he will miss me.”

Azriel laughed. “Ease up on the alliteration.” 

Y/N chuckled along with him before Azriel cleared his throat. “I am being serious though. I will miss you. With everyone spending time with their own families recently, I’ve been spending a lot of my time with you and you have become a good friend, one of the best actually.”

Y/N stopped in her tracks and turned to Azriel. “Thank you, Az. That means a lot to me. These past few years have been a lot and you have helped keep me from throwing myself down ten thousand steps.”

Azriel smiled, looking away. “I can hear everyone in the foyer.”

Y/N gave his bicep a small squeeze before the two continued to walk. As they entered the foyer, all eyes fell upon Y/N. 

“You packed quickly,” Rhys said.

“Azriel helped,” Y/N answered. “I have just come to say goodbye.”

One by one, Y/N bid everyone a goodbye, spending more time with her sisters, before moving to stand next to Azriel. “I will see you all in a few months.”

Feyre smiled at her and gave her a small wave. “Make sure to write to us. Nyx will be confused about where you have gone.”

Y/N nodded and turned to Azriel. “Let’s go.”

Azriel held out his hand and Y/N took it. Shadows surrounded them and Y/N was encased in darkness. 

***

The moment the shadows vanished they revealed the beautiful scenery of the Autumn Court and Y/N couldn’t help but let out a gasp. The sun streamed through the trees and cast shadows upon the cobblestone path leading to a small village in the distance. 

“This is the Autumn Court?” Y/N asked Azriel.

“Yes,” Azriel answered. “I will admit it looks more…welcoming.”

“Of course it does,” a new voice spoke up. A voice that sent shivers down Y/N’s spine. 

Y/N turned to the source of the voice and smiled. Eris stood in the centre of the path. He was dressed a lot more casually since the last time she had seen him. The sleeves of his white shirt were rolled up to his elbows, displaying his forearms to the world. He looked even more beautiful than he did when she had seen him three days ago. 

“I have taken up…replacing any negative voices in my court that want to still abide by my fathers rules,” Eris explained. “My court is no longer the place you remember, shadowsinger.”

Y/N dropped Azriel’s hand upon seeing Eris, missing the way Azriel’s face dropped. 

“Eris,” Y/N said, stepping forward. “I must say you look dashing.”

A smirk fell upon Eris’s face. “My dear, you are already starting with flirtations. I was not expecting this so quickly.”

Y/N smiled bright. “I’m full of surprises.”

Eris took one more step forward, his gaze never leaving Y/N’s for a moment. “I bet you are.”

Azriel cleared his throat, interrupting Y/N and Eris. Eris looked at Azriel, a hint of annoyance on his face. “I didn’t realise you were still here, shadowsinger.”

“I want to say goodbye to my friend before you whisk her away,” Azriel said, his voice holding none of the warmth she had gotten used to over the many months of his company.

Y/N turned to Azriel and smiled. “Believe it or not but I will miss you too, Azriel.”

Azriel’s smile was small as Y/N took a step towards him. She leaned up and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. “I’ll be okay, Az.” 

Azriel circled his arms around her waist. “I know, I just want you to–”

“I swear if you say be safe,” Y/N warned.

“–have fun,” Azriel finished. 

Y/N pulled away from the hug. “That response was better than I thought.”

Azriel dipped his head. “I will see you soon, Y/N.”

Y/N took a step back from him, unconsciously stepping closer to Eris. “See you soon, Az.”

Eris smiled at Y/N before he turned his gaze to Azriel. “You are free to return to your court, shadowsinger.”

With a final parting goodbye, Azriel disappeared into his shadows and he was gone. 

The moment he was gone, Y/N immediately felt relief. A large weight lifted off her shoulders that she did not realise was there. For the first time in years, Y/N did not feel the prying eyes from the Inner Circle upon her. For the first time in years she felt free. 

“Are you okay?” Eris asked, the wind lightly blowing the copper waves out of place. 

Y/N smiled brightly at him. “I think I have never felt this good in a while.”

Eris smiled back at her and offered her his arm. “Well, let us drop your things off at the cottage and I shall show you around my court.”

Y/N linked her arm with his. “I would like that very much.” 

Eris picked up Y/N’s bag and carried it in his other hand. “It is about an hour walk away, if you wish me to winnow us there it is no problem.”

“No, I wish to walk,” Y/N said. “The beauty of this court is incredible.”

“Not as beautiful as the woman standing in front of me,” Eris said, a cheeky grin on his face. 

Y/N laughed. “Well, has the handsome man on my arm looked in a mirror? Because his beauty outshines everything around him.”

If it were even possible, a faint blush dusted across Eris’s cheeks. “You flatter me, Y/N.”

Y/N smiled. “It’s not flattery if it's true.”

Eris looked at her and smiled. “That’s true.”

Y/N laughed but that laugh slowly faded away. “I’m sorry for calling you a man. I know that is not what you are. A ‘male’ is the correct word, isn’t it?”

The smile faded from Eris’s face. “Y/N you can call me whatever you wish. I am a male, that is true but I am a man in your eyes, just as you call yourself a woman, not a female. You are not fae, I’m not going to force you to use the way the fae speak around me.”

“Are you sure?” Y/N asked. “After all, I am in the land of the fae, I don’t wish to be disrespectful.”

“Y/N, believe me when I tell you that you are in no way being disrespectful,” Eris replied.

Y/N smiled at him and they continued to walk down the cobblestone path. 

***

“I hope you don’t mind the dust on the surfaces,” Ers said as he unlocked the door to the cottage. “I changed the bedding and cleaned the best I could. Alas, duties kept me away from making this a perfect welcome for you.” 

“It is already perfect, Eris,” Y/N said, looking at the cottage before her. It was beyond beautiful with flowers growing up the trellis and falling over the doorway. 

The door unlocked and Eris picked Y/N’s bag back up and gestured her to step inside. As Y/N did, her eyes lit up. 

“It reminds me of the cottage on my farm,” Y/N said quietly. 

“We have similar decor taste’s then,” Eris said, closing the door. 

As Y/N looked at Eris and his relaxed form she found herself drifting closer to him. She wanted to touch him, she needed to feel his skin on hers. Despite these feelings, Y/N restrained herself and stepped further into the cottage. Everything was slightly dated and a little mismatched but it was perfect to Y/N. Her own cottage was the same way. 

“I used to come here to escape my father,” Eris said. “Everything in here consists of things I have collected over the many years I have been alive.”

“And how long is that?” Y/N questioned.

Eris placed his hand on his chest in mock offence. “Y/N, are you asking me my age?”

“Yes,” Y/N said. “Honestly I am a little confused by how the fae age. Are you immortal or do you just age very slowly?”

“Technically we are immortal and age slowly but the ageing process sometimes depends on the fae themselves. I have known others my age who look hundreds of years older, to put it in your case, decades older,” Eris explained. “I myself am five-hundred and thirty three.”

“You don’t look a day over five hundred and thirty two,” Y/N teased. “Since I so unkindly asked your age, I myself am twenty-eight, twenty-nine next month.”

“Well that is an excuse for a small celebration,” Eris said. 

“There is no need,” Y/N said. “I haven’t celebrated my birthday in many years.”

Eris hummed. “Well I suppose just this once, Y/N, that I will go against what you say because since you are in my cout, I will make sure you get the best damn celebration I can plan on such short notice.”

Y/N rolled her eyes. “There isn’t a chance you will simply forget about it?”

That smirk that Y/N had begun to love was plastered on his face. “Not a chance.”

“Then make sure it is the best damn celebration you have to offer,” Y/N said. 

“I plan on just that,” Eris said.

Over the course of their conversation, Y/N had failed to realise how they had slowly inched closer together. If either she or Eris took only one step forward, their chests would be touching. She could feel the warmth radiating from him and she basked in it. If only he would wrap his arms around her body and pull her close–

Y/N stopped the thoughts swarming through her head. She had never felt this deeply for someone before and she didn’t understand why she was beginning to now. Y/N cleared her throat and took a reluctant step back. 

“If I am going to be here for a few months, I should start by unpacking my things,” Y/N said, picking up her bag. 

Eris seemed to snap out of a daze as he slowly followed Y/N’s movements with his eyes. “Do you wish for any help?”

“I’ll be okay,” Y/N said. “Though is there anything you don’t want me to move or touch? It is your cottage after all.”

“No, do whatever you wish. I am rarely here these days,” Eris said, looking at his beloved cottage. “Though I regret to say that I must return to the Forest House, I still have duties to attend to for the following days. I have left food in the cupboards for you, I will return with more tomorrow.”

“When will you be back?” Y/N questioned. “I only ask because I want to explore a little more and I doubt it is not safe for me to be wandering around without an escort.”

“There are a few things that need my attention for the following days but after that I am all yours for the next few months. All my paperwork will be split between my trusted court officials,” Eris explained. “There are wards surrounding the property up until the wicker fence, so you can go outside if you wish to. I won’t confine you inside for the next couple of days.”

Y/N nodded. “Thank you, Eris. Not just for allowing me my freedom, but for making sure I feel welcome and not like a caged animal.”

“There is no need to thank me,” Eris said. “I hope you enjoy it here.”

“I already am.”

Taglist:

@talesofadragon @impossibelle @the-sweet-psycho @lilah-asteria @acourtofbatboydreams

[rae-writes]

reality’s nightmare

om brothers x reader

wc : 4k (holy fuck, I did not mean to do this much-)

warnings : gore!! blood, broken bones, mangled body parts, heavy injury detail, talks of intestines/organs, there’s some fucked up imagery in this one y’all

synopsis : they say angels look beautiful when they fall, but no one talks about after they hit the ground

a/n : look, I love the scene where they’re standing before Diavolo, and it’s been mentioned that they were hurt— buuut what if we saw them bruised and broken and bleeding 

…thud…

…TH-UD…

crACK-

CRACK—

C R A C K…

Bloodcurdling screams filled the house of Lamentation, instantly waking the other seven inhabitants. The screams turned into sobs as many pairs of feet slammed against the hard floor. 

Rather unceremoniously, your door was nearly knocked off its hinges as each of your demons burst in the room, huddling around your bed; you were frantically kicking at the covers and hiding your face behind trembling arms. 

“Mc!”

His hand reached out to caress your form gently, startling you and causing you to cry even harder as you reached out for him. 

†

Lucifer holds your face in his palms like you’re made of glass, lithe fingers attempting to wipe your scalding tears in vain. He’s at a complete loss as he watches you shake like a leaf in his grasp; you were terrified, more than he’d ever seen in all his time of knowing you.

When the first born finally managed to catch your gaze, he could physically feel his heart stop. “Mc…” 

Pale as a ghost and face soaked with tears, you stared at Lucifer as if you never thought you’d see him again after bidding goodnight just three hours ago. “L-Luci-”

The surrounding area was dark- eerie - though thankfully, you could clearly tell you were at the Colosseum. You took only a single step forward before something slammed into the ground with a sick crack, just a couple feet away. 

Wings so black they blended into the dark atmosphere were bent wickedly, feathers astray and torn out while a few bones stuck in odd directions, having pierced straight through the flesh. Two gashes on the lowest part of its back oozed blood like a river, quickly forming a puddle underneath the body. The torso itself was turned in a position that was just wrong- no matter what being in the three realms it was. 

With a hand over your mouth to try and ease the bile rising in your throat, you could feel the unnatural warmth of its blood washing over the soles of your bare feet. In an attempt to scurry backwards, you slipped, bracing your arms against the dirt before your face could be washed in it. 

And only then, when you finally came within face-to-face proximity of him, did you realize who it was. 

Lucifer stared back at you, brows furrowed in pain and lips- blood dribbling past- curled into a grimace. 

You broke into a fresh round of sobs- the broken and hoarse kind that made your chest throb- and pulled your boyfriend closer. Your movement was so rushed and unexpected, Lucifer toppled over right on top of you.

His arms caught him, but he was essentially unable to push himself up as your hands had come around his back, fingertips pressing almost harshly into the skin where his wings would normally be. “My love?”

“Show me.”

“I’m afraid I don’t quite understand-”

“Show me your wings!” words desperate and eyes frantic, you were truly starting to make him panic, “Please…” your fingers grasped the shiny feathers hesitantly; you thought they’d break or tear— Lucifer could tell. 

He was confused and worried and honestly, his hands were beginning to shakily ball up your cover as he listened to you whisper in relief about how ‘they’re not broken…’

“I’m alright, Mc, I promise. My wings are alright. You’re alright.” Just what did you dream of to make you like…this? To say something like that?

You kept one hand in the middle of his four wings and the other at the base of his back where the other pair have been long since ripped out. “Can we stay like this?”

“For as long as you need.”

†

Upon seeing your frightened state, Mammon was frantic himself, hands grasping at your waist to pull you against him instead of the wall, “It’s me, Mc! It’s me, baby, it’s me!” He lets your hands grip his forearms as tight as you need, not paying much attention to the pressure in favor of trying to keep eye contact.

“Mam..mon?” the disbelief you seemed to be in sent his heart clenching, especially when you ran your palms along his bare skin, moving up and up until you were under his sleeves, grasping at his shoulders, “Mammon!” 

The pained yelp that echoed in the air made you jump, head whipping around to find the source through the darkness. Calling out in vain, your feet took you in a random direction before you tripped. With hands stretching out to feel around, you felt a trembling form that didn’t quite seem…right.

What looked like they could’ve been arms at some point in time were crushed, bleeding, mangled limbs. Almost every bone was on the outside, tearing through its skin like paper. Elbows inverted, wrists twisted forward and back, fingers snapped in every other direction. Even some of its fingernails were ripped or cracked. Shoulder blades so out of place, it was hard to tell what they were supposed to be. Collar bones not where they were meant to be— one was completely shattered and it showed through the skin. Almost the entire upper portion of the chest was barely recognizable. 

His face was, though. His gorgeous face, head dripping with blood and staining the ends of his snowy hair, features pulled into a heart-wrenching grimace. 

“Mammon…” your hands squeezed and prodded every part of his arms, starting at the shoulders you'd dug crescent moons into- not missing his collar bones that were peeking from his sleep shirt. 

He watched you examine him, pulling you closer every time you choked back a sob. “‘S me, baby, whatsa matter? You’re making your pretty eyes all swollen…” 

“Hold me— just hold me. Need t’feel your arms around me…” 

Ignoring the mumbled ‘in one piece’, Mammon wrapped his arms around you tightly without another word. He’ll chase away…whatever it was that scared you. He won’t leave. 

“I won’t leave. Promise. ‘M right here.” 

†

Oh, Levi’s eyes began watering as soon as he heard your sobbing, bursting out into tears right alongside you when he finally saw your scared form. Lacking his usual shyness, his hands curl around yours and uncover your face like you’d normally do to him. 

“Mc…m-my Henry…” he didn’t know what to do or say but he knew that the way you peered up at him- like you’d seen a ghost- makes him want to curl up and die. 

From the moment you heard the first shrill cry, you knew undoubtedly that it was your Levi. Without questions, you scrambled to your feet and took off sprinting despite being unable to see much, shouting his name with urgency. 

Stopping to catch your breath, you froze when fingers wrapped around your ankle, turning to look at what’d grabbed you. A scream left your throat at the sight. 

Crushed legs were dragging against the dirt, oozing blood and being speared with what looked like every leg bone there was. The left leg was bent out of place at the hip with the knee inverted while the right foot was twisted completely backwards, femur snapped and sticking out of the thigh. Flesh had torn where the bones caught on the ground— wide gashes that were as long as your forearm. It was horrifying. 

Even more horrifying when your sweet boyfriend had blood pouring out of his mouth as he sobbed, still dragging his mangled body along, begging for help. 

Levi flinched when you began pushing him back, mouth opening to spew out apologies when they were cut short as he watched you settle between his legs, arms hooking under his thighs to pull them even tighter against you. 

You nuzzled your head against one of his knees, “Don’t go anywhere, Leviathan…stay- stay with me, don’t leave.” Your fingers dug into his sweatpants absentmindedly. 

Levi was completely floored with how much terror filled your voice and he found himself wrapping his tail around your midsection to try and assure you that, “I’m never leaving. Y-you can’t get r-rid of me, now!” 

…just what happened to you exactly? And did he really want to find out, given how genuinely terrified it made you— the bravest person he knows. Levi didn’t know just yet, but he did know that he’d stay with you for as long as you wanted him to. 

†

Satan clutches both your ankles softly to keep you from hurting yourself, kissing at your calves when you stop thrashing. He’d never seen you in such a state and if he hadn’t trained himself over the centuries, he would’ve gone into a rage to find out who or what did this to you. 

“I’m here, darling, try to calm down now. Shhh, love, listen to my heartbeat- here.” The way you clutched at him like he’d disappear…

“Tannie?” 

You could barely see three feet in front of your face, shown by the way you stumbled and tripped your way through the dark. A loud, horrifying sound reaches your ears at the same time a liquid splashes across your face. It’s warm- running down your face disgustingly, but the sight in front of you…

Something had been impaled on a spiked rock; the jagged tip was coated in a dark substance— the same substance that nearly formed an ocean underneath the figure. It was pouring from the giant hole now in their chest area and the position had the rest of their body curved backwards. Not wanting to talk about the similar dark shapes you saw strewed about- knowing very well they were probably organs and intestines- you grip its twitching fingers cautiously, following the stream of blood down, down, down…until it reaches its face. His face. Satan’s face. His eyes are popped wide, clearly numb to the severe pain he should’ve been feeling. 

Choking back a scream, you cradle the back of his head, lifting it up so he can swallow better as he finally begins to thrash and scream. Begs to stop go unheard and you’re forced to listen to the vile sounds of his chest ripping and tearing and blood gushing, screaming yourself when it soaks the entire lower half of your body. 

“Yeah, it’s Tannie.” He doesn’t mention the grip you have on his shirt, nor does he say anything about the way you push yourself harder against his left side. 

You tap your finger along to the beat of his heart- the rhythm is strong and steady. Alive. “Satan…” 

He watches you smooth your hand over his chest, “Yes, love?” Frowning, he wipes at the corner of your eyes, not wanting you to cry anymore. 

You say nothing at first, instead choosing to curl up closer. There’s an edge to the air before you give a nearly inaudible, “Don’t leave.” 

Satan relaxes, if only for your comfort. “Never.” He needs to know what caused you so much torment— for now, though, he will be with you for as long as you need. 

†

Asmo chooses to scramble around gathering water, a warm washcloth, and spritzing a light soothing scent on his clothes before he’s clamoring in your bed. He gingerly wipes down your face, whispering about swollen eyes and how much salt is in tears; he’s just trying his best to divert your attention. 

But you’re still hysterical, eyes unable to stop shedding tears even as he’s wiping them away. Your hands snake up his jaw, pressing down and smoothing across the skin until your breath stutters and you simply can’t let out audible cries anymore. 

Running around in the dark wasn’t such a good idea, especially now that you’re sprawled on the ground with your head throbbing from how hard you hit it. The lumpy dirt is uncomfortably irritating, but before you can move, you hear shrill crying as something comes slamming into the ground a couple feet beside you. 

Nearly inaudible whimpers left it as it just laid there, body and wings twitching sporadically. Slowly, with sick cracking sounds following, it’s head turned to the side- facing right at you. His jaw was hanging, knocked out of place, and visibly broken. Teeth were fractured or missing entirely, mouth ripped one one side and lips punctured with holes from his teeth...his tongue was hanging by only a couple of muscles, nearly severed from the force of the fall— he must’ve bit it as he was screaming. There was blood pouring onto the ground underneath him, coating what was left of his lower face and splashed into his eyes, all the way up to his forehead. 

You couldn’t even scream as you watched Asmo’s body convulse with choked sounds, eyes refusing to close even as an acidic taste started to make its way up your throat before you were forced to lift your upper body and retch out the contents of your stomach. 

Shakily, almost like you were scared he’d fall apart, you place a kiss to his cheekbone, trailing down his jaw until you reach the corner of his mouth. “Azzy..I love you.” 

You were now officially scaring Asmo, but he kept his cool nonetheless. “I love you more, hun! How about we go take a relaxing bath before trying to sleep again? Sounds good, hm?” 

Briefly, your fingers pressed down harder where you were caressing his jaw before letting up. “Mhm.” You wrapped your arms around his neck like a child, not wanting him to go too far. “Sleep with you.” 

“Yeah, you can sleep with me. My sheets will be good for your skin!” While his words were chipper, there wasn’t a single trace of a smile on his face; why was this happening to you? What happened to you?…what did you see? 

“I love you, Mc. You don’t have to worry about anything else.” 

†

Even though he knows everyone is worried, Beel shoves to the front with the sole intention of protecting you. You’ve curled yourself into a ball, but he just lifts you into his arms and pulls you in close. 

At the familiar warmth of your boyfriend, your eyes snap up to see his worried smile and the only thing you can manage to do is rest your forehead against his with a choked cry of his name. 

Your knees were scraped and bleeding from all the times you’ve tripped in the dark, so you were walking slowly, inching forward until your foot came in contact with something soft. Crouching down, you squinted at the orange color and rubbed the soft tufts between your fingers before your eyes finally adjusted. 

It was Beel. He was curled on his right side, peeks of bone showing from where he landed. His eyes were swimming with blood, upper face drenched with it from where it streamed out of his head- he’d cracked his skull straight across his forehead. His neck was bent in an odd direction- probably twisted before hitting the ground- and more blood bubbled out of his mouth the longer he thrashed his head and tried to speak. 

When he reached a trembling hand out, you finally took notice of Belphie lying beside him; the sob that ripped from your throat was guttural when the younger started crying out in Beel’s stead. 

“I’m here, Mc. It’s okay now, I won’t let anything happen to you.”

You didn’t have the heart or the bearings to tell him that you were afraid of something happening to him again, instead choosing to just bury your face in his neck and sob harder. The cries only increased in pitch when you felt him move, “Don’t go! Don’t leave me, stay, don’t leave me, please…”

He’d only shifted to scoot further back, but his heart was absolutely breaking at the state of you. “Always, Mc.” Laying down, he tucked you into his right side, frowning at the thought of something causing you this much anguish. “I’ll stay with you always…I might have to carry you with me to the kitchen later tonight, though…sorry.”

†

When he finally manages to shove everyone out of the way, Belphie caresses your cheeks, dipping his fingers into the flesh softly as he forces you to look at him. “Look at me. No, no, at me.” 

Your brows are furrowed, breaths coming out quick and short, “Bel…” you cradled his face even softer than he was yours, “My Belphegor…” 

The sharp pebbles and uneven ground irritated your palms and knees as you crawled, trying to make your way around in the dark with little injury. You staggered when your hand slipped in something warm, flailing before bumping into what the warmth was coming from. You’d slipped in blood. 

It was a trembling, bleeding lump on the ground, curled into a half fetal position on its left side. The arm that it landed on was completely bent backwards at the shoulder, fingers twitching with the pain they must’ve been feeling. A few rib bones punctured the abdomen, causing a tearing sound when they moved too much. There’s a large crack on the left side of the skull, which is where most of the blood is pouring from; through the streaked blood, where he’d probably tried to rub it away, you could see Belphie’s face. Tears had washed the blood from his eyes into his mouth where he kept having to spit it out onto the dirt in order to keep crying out for help.

With a start, you easily recognized what- or who- he was clutching onto desperately to be Beel. The way they were curled around one another…your tears mixed with the blood pooling into the dirt, hands making their way through the disgusting mud puddle it created to grab at his injured hand.

“Your Belphegor, ‘m your belphie-” he dragged you in closer, tucking you securely against his left side, “Wanna tell your Bel what’s the matter? Nightmare?”

Pushing the nauseous feeling down- and the distinct feeling that you knew it wasn’t a nightmare, that it was real- you shook your head in denial. It was such a poor lie that you couldn’t help but wince into his shoulder, but he didn't say anything.

He just pulled you in tighter and tighter until your breaths were practically his. “Told you to sleep with me. Nothing stands a chance against the avatar of sloth in this department.” Belphie relaxed when his rambling made you laugh, “Not gonna let anything haunt you like this again.”

It was real, it was real, it was real. “Okay…I love you, Bel.”

Lucifer fell backwards out of the heavens; the first to fall and the first to hit the ground (he watched his brothers fall with him— heard the vile sounds of each one of them hitting hell's earth). Though various emotions clouded his mind, he still had the wit intact to try and maneuver himself before crashing, though that made it much worse. Half twisted before his landing, his torso remained twisted, ribs shattered and internal organs pierced with bone. His back, despite his best efforts, is what had the most contact with the ground- broken at every vertebrae. Feathery wings now black fluttered uselessly against his will, shocked with the pain of having been torched, torn, broken, and pierced by their own bones. Lucifer had always been the one that hid his pain best out of the six, so he grits his teeth and twists his torso back into place and gets up because he needs to get to his family. 

In an attempt to reach out for his brother, Mammon fell through the clouds with his arms stretched out, eyes never straying from the view in front of him, not even when Lucifer’s body hit the ground and he knew he was about to be next. He caught himself, or tried to, instantly snapping his wrists and sending a domino effect throughout his arms; each bone and joint cracking, shooting sharp pains straight to his head. Even his shoulders had been knocked horrendously out of place, so the only way he managed to get upright was the frantic flapping of his wings. Broken, kneeling on shaking legs, the sight of his mutilated arms made his stomach churn and bile rise. The acidic feeling has him retching miserably, yet even so, he spits out as much of the taste as he can and stands, hellbent on finding his family even if his arms are useless. 

With his throat closing up from panic at having the ground beneath him crumble and break, Levi falls through feet first, head lifted to watch the heavens grow farther and farther, arms scrambling in vain to grab at something. In this frantic state, he never saw the end of his fall coming- he only felt the white hot pain cracking through his lower limbs- heard his bones shattering and snapping apart. His hands are clutching at dirt, choke sobs wrecking through his frame because he can’t feel his legs anymore. His brain is only registering the throb of pierced skin, veins, and arteries. The drag against the ground makes the pain worse, but he can’t find it in his hysterical self to stop pulling his body along, arms shaking under the strain as he attempts to seek out one of his brothers for help.

Opposite of his…’creator’, Satan fell backwards amongst the clouds, head tilted towards the ground as it got closer and closer. His eyes closed in anticipation of the impact, expecting his skull to get crushed, but they quickly shot open at the gutting sensation in his abdomen. Blonde hair tickled the rocks beneath him, head still lolled backwards with no energy to lift it, making the blood dripping from his mouth stream into his eyes. He’d been impaled on a spiked boulder, sending a numbing tingle throughout his entire body; the only moving parts of him were the shocked blinking of his eyes, bobbing of his adam’s apple as he tried to swallow his own blood, and the occasional twitch of his fingertips. Once the numbness made its way to his throat, he began to panic, blindly moving his sluggish limbs in an attempt to get free. The struggle irritated his wound, making more and more blood gush until there was a whole ocean of it underneath him- at some point, he lost the ability to move at all, and the only thing he could do was let out curdling screams until someone found him.

Asmo fell in a daze, not really processing the situation until he saw ink black washing over his ivory wings. He suddenly screamed, hands rubbing over the shedding feathers like somehow he could stop them from blowing away with the wind. Watching all the feathers burned down into four smooth, leathery wings, he was completely hysterical as the reality of the situation sunk in. When he couldn’t bear to look at what he was becoming anymore, he cast his teary eyes in front of him, breath getting stolen from his throat when his jaw met the ground, shattering instantly upon impact. The rest of his body hurdled against the dirt and he just laid there, too shocked with pain to even really feel it. The tang of copper crawled up his throat, spilling out of his mouth, but the only thing he could do was let out choked whimpers, hoping someone could hear. 

As his throat constricted until he could barely breathe, heart thumping sporadically after ‘letting’ his sister be shot, Beel fell clutching his twin against his chest. He promised he wouldn’t let go, but the momentum made him lose his grip anyway, sending Beel further into panic. He never got the chance to wonder about the end of their fall- he was too busy trying to reach his brother again- but he felt it. The shock of pain blooming where he landed on his right side, the feeling of organs being pierced by bone. He desperately wanted to lift his head to see if the other was still beside him, but his eyes were covered with blood from his cracked skull. He whimpers out his twin’s name, flinching when someone grabs his ankle before frantically reaching out with his left arm to grab onto Belphegor’s ankle— he wanted to shout out, but he couldn’t find the energy to speak. Instead he had to listen to Belphie cry out for someone to save them. 

Belphie fell screaming, hands grasping onto his twin with frantic desperation after having watched his sister get shot with an arrow. The wind blowing past them was grating against his ears, further panicking him when his grip began slipping the faster gravity dragged them down. As soon as they broke apart, they were scrambling to reach each other again, and he didn’t notice the sight of the ground coming closer until they crashed into it. He fell on his left side, arm and leg getting crushed under the shocking weight, ribs cracking, and head knocking against the dirt so hard it made his vision blur and skull break open. In this position, he was facing Beelzebub’s feet, like they were Yin and Yang. He uses his right arm to reach out for his twin again, gripping onto his uninjured leg tightly, voice coming out cracked as he assured his brother it’d be okay before crying out for one of the others to please come save them.

[yazzzmints]

Duty and Sacrifice

[ Aemond Targaryen x Niece!Reader x Alys Rivers ]

[ Warnings: angsty af, bipanics, polyamorous, cuss words, death, blood, age gap, Aemond being a simp, future smut, (y/n) being done with everyone.

More will be added as the story progresses.]

Prologue: The birth of a Valeryon Princess 

Word Count: 978

Kings Landing 115 AC 

All they could hear was the screams and cries of Princess Rhaenyra as she gave birth to her first child. It had not been a year yet since she had wed ser Laenor and yet they have been blessed with an heir so soon. The King was overjoyed to welcome his first grandchild and the Sea Snake rejoiced at the welcoming of his legacy. As these two cheered for the future of their houses combined in the blood of the soon to be born babe. Laenor paced outside the chambers anxiously and the Princess Rhaenys was inside the chambers holding poor Rhaenyra's hand. Soon the babe came all bloody red and crying being taken out of the warmth of her mothers womb. 

At this point shouts of excitement were heard from the servants in the room and soon word ran through the keep.

“It's a girl your grace!” 

“oh, how lovely.”

“A new Princess has joined us!”

The babe was placed into her mothers arms and slowly started to calm. A sigh of relief could be heard from Rhaenys, she has known of her sons…preferences and never believed she would ever get to see a trueborn child of his. But to see the patches of white hair was enough to calm her nerves. 

Laenor rushed into the chambers to his wife's side. “A girl? I just heard” He looked at his daughter for the first time. “I wish to hold her as so-” the chamber doors were opened “The Queen wishes to see the babe, your majesty” a servant announced. “We shall go after the baby and mother are fine.” Rhaenys responded. The servant bowed their head “The Queen said at once. In the throne room.” 

“Help me dress,” Princess Rhaenyra said as she tried to get up from the bed. 

Servants began to do their work and both mother and son fumed at such harsh command, of course her cousin the King did not protest. He was a man after all, never to know the struggles of birth. It was not that surprising given that he slaughtered his wife for the sake of a male babe. 

As they travel the corridor from the private chambers to the grandeur of the throne room, Princess Rhaenys, Ser Laenor, and Princess Rhaenyra presented a united front, garnering sympathy from those they passed. Laenor, with a flair for not-so-subtle remarks, subtly criticized the Queen for summoning them so soon after Rhaenyra's childbirth. Their procession reached its crescendo as the imposing doors swung open, and the servants announced their entrance.

Within the throne room, King Viserys occupied the Iron Throne, flanked by Queen Alicent and Lord Corlys standing regally on the elevated dais. The room, surrounded by the dignified representatives of noble families from across Westeros, bespoke an atmosphere of political intrigue.

Upon closer inspection, it became apparent that the Queen's summons was not merely a routine gathering. Instead, it hinted at a calculated move—an assembly designed to spotlight Rhaenyra in her most vulnerable state or, perhaps, to cast doubt upon the legitimacy of her newborn. The air crackled with tension as the strategic machinations of the royal court unfolded, setting the stage for a pivotal moment in the intricate dance to come.

Princess Rhaenyra and Ser Laenor stood in front of the throne room, bowed their heads and the King walked down the steps. 

"Congratulations, Step-Daughter. I've heard you've blessed the Realm with another Princess," remarked Queen Alicent, her tone carrying a blend of formality and subtle undertones.

King Viserys, his paternal pride evident, responded warmly, "My first grandchild, and hopefully the first of many. Let us have a look at her."

Rhaenyra gently presented her newborn to the King, a serene and beautiful infant adorned with the unmistakable white locks characteristic of their lineage. However, Queen Alicent's reaction was less than enthusiastic; a subtle scoff revealed her disappointment, as if she had anticipated different features in the babe. Lord Corlys, perceptive to the unspoken intentions behind the Queen's demeanor, understood the subtle politics at play. Despite the Queen's unexpressed desires for a male heir, Laenor had fulfilled his duty, and even if the newborn was a girl, she carried the esteemed Velaryon blood, a fact not lost on everyone in attendance. The room lingered with unspoken tensions, a delicate balance between the expectations of lineage and the reality of the present moment.

Viserys had taken the babe in his arms “Have you chosen a name yet?” 

“Yes father, (y/n) shall be her name” Rhaenyra told her father through gritted teeth, the pain finally getting to her. 

King Viserys walked back to the Iron throne and sat. “Today, my Daughter and Heir gave birth to her own Heir. She will one day sit this very throne years after my passing” a displeasing smile spread on Queen Alicents face “I present to all my granddaughter, Heir of my Heir. The Princess (y/n) Valeryon, future Heir of Dragonstone and future Queen of the Seven Kingdoms.”

Thunderous applause and cheers filled the air as Viserys directed his gaze downward, locking eyes with the newborn. Instead of the expected lilac hues inherited from her mother or himself, a mesmerizing spectacle unfolded. The infant's eyes weren't just ordinary; they shimmered with an enchanting blend of vibrant pinks and reds, featuring a captivating slit akin to the legendary dragon eyes woven into the tapestry of ancient Valyrian lore. In that profound moment, it wasn't merely a newborn gazing back at Viserys but the manifestation of a mythical legacy, a living testament that the blood of old Valyria was strong. The cheers from the onlookers resonated like echoes through time, and the Maesters, tasked with chronicling this historic event, would scribe that it marked the inaugural triumph of Team Black. Princess Rhaenyra, with grace and significance, had bestowed upon the realm a trueborn heir—an unequivocal dragon among the rest.

taglist [I hope this is how its done]

@snh96 @dahlias-and-marigolds @galactict3a @mandiiblanche @heavenly1927 @watercolorskyy @toodlesxcuddles @ellieabby

[A/N: sorry for posting this late af.

Also this will be a mix of book and show.

I have not check for full spelling and grammar.]

[dontforgetukraine]

Train attendant Tetiana Kohut checks the tickets of passengers before departure to Lviv at a railway station in Kyiv, Ukraine on June 12, 2024. (Danylo Pavlov / The Kyiv Independent)

War changes everything

Tetiana Kohut, a 37-year-old train attendant, often sees strangers find common ground while traveling. It’s not surprising, she notes: in the intimate space of a train compartment during long journeys, shared everyday rituals – like sleeping or sipping tea – create a cozy atmosphere, naturally fostering connections among passengers. Trains have also evolved into unexpected hubs for celebrity encounters and important connections, often paving the way to shared projects and other new opportunities. Since the start of Russia’s full-scale war, Ukrainian trains have borne witness to more tears of sorrow, sadness, and grief than ever before. Just a day after Russian troops began heavily bombarding Ukrainian cities in late February 2022, Kohut was working on her regular route from Lviv, her hometown, to Novooleksiivka in Kherson Oblast. But her train never reached the destination. The village, located on the east bank of the Dnipro River in Kherson Oblast, was swiftly occupied by the Russians. "We reached Zaporizhzhia and were told that we could not go further," Kohut says. "We also were ordered to allow everyone on the train, not only those with tickets. We became an evacuation train." A train attendant of nearly 20 years, Kohut heard the sounds of explosions for the first time that day in Zaporizhzhia. She also saw hundreds of people at the station. Many of them were crying, and others looked lost and heartbroken, leaving suitcases on the platform as they boarded the lifesaving train to escape the war. The first-class sleeping car she worked in was designed to accommodate 20 people but ended up carrying nearly 200, Kohut says. "A woman from Zaporizhzhia helped me count the passengers and wrote a heartwarming letter to thank us." The start of the all-out war changed everything for Kohut and many other train attendants across Ukraine. In the first few months of the invasion, they worked without breaks, despite their exhaustion, to ensure everyone who wanted to escape the war could board their trains. The war also heightened the hazards of their work, as Russian attacks occasionally target train stations. Over 600 Ukrzaliznytsia employees have been killed since Feb. 24, 2022. Kohut says she lost colleagues in the Aug. 24, 2022 Russian attack on Chaplyne, Dnipropetrovsk Oblast, when a passenger train and a residential area were hit, killing a total of 25 people. One of her close friends, a fellow train attendant, was seriously injured in the attack. Once filled with laughter and excitement for upcoming travels, the train cars are now often filled with crying, silence, or the heavy sighs of people sharing the pain brought by Russia’s war. "We have to be doctors… We have to be psychologists for our passengers now," says Kohut.

Source: From strangers to friends: How Ukrainians meet and bond during wartime train travel

[riyangiis]

royalty, or loyalty?

han yujin, the prince soon to be king, falls in love with a commoner knowing it would get him in trouble. he needs to convince his father to let them stay together.

𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 , han yujin x f!reader

𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞 , angst, fluff, birthday special

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 , royalty!au, lowercase intended, established relationship, yujin has daddy issues, mentions of headaches, crying, overthinking, bad parenting, mentions of marriage, not proofread, lmk if I should add more!!

𝐰/𝐜 , 5.2k

[ 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞: the characters in this fan fiction are not based on real people, everything in here is purely fictional. ]

𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐜𝐤 𝐦𝐲 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤𝐬 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 !

"han yujin, I warned you not to get closer to that peasant!?"

echoes of a deep voice shouting can be heard all around the large room with fancy designs. the sound of a disappointed father scolding his son. one that yujin is familiar with, but makes his ears want to bleed and go deaf.

"you're going to be the next ruler of this kingdom, yet you decide to be with that.. commoner?! you don't know if she's just with you for the gold, for the fame?!"

this peasant his father speaks of, the commoner. is so much more than that. she helped him on how to deal with his problems even though she had little to no experience, she was with him at his lowest when no one was, she was everything.

if anything, he's extremely glad that he met [name]. yujin was way beyond grateful. he was glad that he sneaked out to get fresh air in the river.

today was exhausting, yujin just got scolded by his father again for something he messed up. I guess you could say he's used to this. still, he feels down. the amount of times his father got disappointed at him, is he that bad? he was never that hard on his younger brother.

what did he do wrong to not get that exact treatment? was it because his father was more strict on him because he was the heir to the throne? sometimes he wished swapped places with his brother instead.

yujin looks at the window, the forest is beautiful. he never got to go and play like an actual child outside. he never got to see the beautiful scenery in front, not even see his own reflection in the river. everything was just lessons, events, "stay inside the castle for your safety". it was tiring.

he wonders, what if he actually went outside? he knows it's prohibited but it wouldn't hurt to try.. prince minjoo tried it multiple times and never got caught! what about the guards you ask? yujin knows his way around the castle, his home. he knows a few secret tunnels and how to not get caught by the tight security.

after a little while, finally escaping the castle and getting a taste of the fresh breeze and the calming atmosphere of the forest, his hands were a little sweaty worrying about how he would get caught and scolded by his father again.

yujin checks the most recent map the guards have of the forest, he checks the path needed to go through in order to arrive at the river. this is quite literally the first time he went in the forest. by himself. he explores around the forest to try the experiences he missed out on. why did they prevent him from going to the forest?

he finally made his way to the river. yujin starts to get a little cold by the cold breeze, but it's definitely refreshing. he sits down on the grass and puts his hand inside the water, it's cold. just as expected. yujin tries to take a look at his reflection in the mirror. wow, he forgot how attractive he is.

he then checks his surroundings to see if anyone is near him. he spots a girl that looks near his age, sitting not so far away from him. she hasn't seemed to notice him yet, instead just drifting off in her own world.

'is there someone staring at me?'

the girl then becomes alert and checks if there's anyone near her. she spots yujin staring at her, he gets shy and looks away immediately.

'oh, it's just him.'

she's relieved that it's not some creep. although, the boy looks familiar. but the girl never saw him around the town, not even once. she then starts thinking about where she has seen the boy before, then..

'wait, is that the crown prince?!"

she swiftly turns her head to see yujin putting his entire hand inside the water. others would think he's a weirdo, but it's sort of understandable since you barely see him go outside, just on special occasions.

'what's he doing here?'

you look at him again, confused, rubbing your eyes and continuously blinking to make sure you weren't hallucinating. yujin looks back to you and sees that you're staring at him, he blushes and gets shy all of a sudden. he never really interacted with people that much, especially commoners.

you're still looking at him. he figured that he should just suck it up and talk to you. he can't put on a bad impression in front of someone, even if he's literally sneaking out.

"uh, hi.. I'm yujin, what's your name?.."

now you feel like you're delusional, like it's a dream. the crown prince? making small talk with you? the atmosphere feels even more awkward than before, yujin feels embarrassed after you didn't reply to him.

"oh, my bad.. ehh, your majesty..? my name is [name]. you don't have to introduce yourself, everyone knows you.."

you feel even more embarrassed knowing that you just made a fool out of yourself in front of yujin. this is ridiculous, you feel like sinking in a volcano right now.. yujin feels even more shy after you said "your majesty" in front of him, it feels weird to have someone call you that when you're trying to just be a normal teen making small talk with another teen..

that's basically how the both of you met. shy, awkward teenagers just making small talk with each other at the forest.

his mother just stands there, knowing that she can't do anything else than defend her son. she glares at yujin, who is still staring at the ground and fidgeting with his hands. she looks back at her husband, who is clearly raging. same as yujin and her husband, she has a million thoughts in her mind.

'this man, this isn't the man I loved. what has happened to you?'

the silence is deafening. yujin is facing down on the floor, not wanting to look at his parents. to see a face full of anger and disappointment, and a face full of worry and shock. his vision is starting to get blurry with all the tears he's holding in.

the king turns back to yujin's direction, prepared to yell and scold him.

"answer me!-"

his father, also known as the king, scolds him once again as yujin fails to reply with all the thoughts running in his head. yujin's mother cuts him off.

"that's enough. give him time to think, just look at him!!"

it hurts. his head hurts. he can't think properly. yujin's breathing gets more intense as more tears keep on rushing, he tries his best to hold it back and not make it noticeable.

he knew this was risky, he knew he had to do so much for love, yet he did it anyways. times with you were the only times when he felt free, away from the problems and the burden he carried in his back as prince. when he felt truly appreciated, when he was able to show his true self.

ever since his father found out about how you and yujin have been secretly sneaking out to see each other, he had been matching yujin up with different girls from different kingdoms. his father tried so hard to convince him to just like one of them and he's fine. as long as the queen isn't.. inexperienced as he likes to call it.

even with all of them, none of them caught his attention. he just continued attending the meet-ups to avoid having an.. argument with his dad again.

he wonders, why is it illegal to live freely? why did life have to be this way? his train of thought come to a halt and flinches when he heard his father's voice.

"I might have to let your younger brother be king instead. I'll make sure he doesn't grow up like you."

yujin's entire body, even his mind froze. meanwhile, his mother stands there speechless. his vision starts to get even blurrier, he felt something wet in his face.

drip.

the tears are coming down.

drip.

you can clearly see that he's crying.

drip.

his mother glares at her husband angrily, he's no different from his mother. yujin's father scoffs carelessly, muttering a gentle 'weak'.

"alright you're dismissed."

yujin is quick to walk and exit the room. as soon as the door shuts, multiple shouts are heard inside. he rushes to his room and wipes his tears with his hand.

"wow, I feel bad for him. jiyoon, what do you think?"

minkyung, one of the young butlers in the castle, whispers to the young maids eavesdropping with him. jiyoon was one of the many girls who admired yujin.

"eh, it's not my business. both of us don't have anything between together for me to be mad. if anything I wish him the best? [name] seems to be a good person, I met her."

the butler and the other maid beside jiyoon stared at her as if she was crazy, she didn't really feel jealous?

"what? I'll find someone who'll truly like me? I need to focus on getting money for my family. now let's go before we get scolded by mr. lee!"

the trio then rushes to get their chores done.

yujin is still walking to his room, he wishes the castle wasn't that big and that his room wasn't so far. all he just wants to do is lay down and take a break from everything.

"prince? do you want anything?"

he stops and sighs, clearly tired. he looks over to his butler, mr. lee, with a sweet an reassuring smile as if nothing happened earlier. however, mr. lee knew him for far too long that he can see through his fake smiles and sweet lies, instead he just let him be.

"mr. lee, I'm fine. I just need time to myself. so take a break from your work, hm?"

yujin's eyes and nose are still red, he can't hide anything. mr. lee sighs.

"alright, just call me when you need me-"

yujin continues walking before mr. lee finishes his sentence. he walks faster, and faster, now he's out of mr. lee's sight.

'gosh, that boy. he's growing up faster than I thought.'

where has yujin been?

you were waiting patiently in your usual meeting spot, the abandoned park in the middle of the forest, near the river. this was rare. he never missed a hangout day, when he did he would tell you why. but he just.. didn't.

maybe yujin was having problems with his dad again and he prevented yujin from going outside, right? or maybe he's just late. really late. attending some really important event and he didn't have time to tell you.

whatever, you shake your head and let go of the thoughts of why yujin isn't here. you shouldn't stick your nose to other people's business. that's what your aunt told you, she's very wise. considering he's a prince, he has a lot of stuff to handle and many personal things.

you decided to wander around and do whatever you like. whether it would be singing, or dancing, or climbing trees.. just something to relieve your boredom. you suddenly think about how you don't deserve yujin as a commoner, that he would eventually leave you alone since he's the crown prince and no one would like a nobody with almost no knowledge on royal stuff as the queen.

stop it. just enjoy the time while it lasts. don't stick your nose. into other people's business. you lay down at the grass and drift off into a peaceful sleep.

yujin stares at the ceiling in his room while laying down on his bed. he wonders if he should sneak out and go to you, but it's extremely risky at this situation. his overthinking never stopped even if it's been a long time, he should just let go and have some real beauty sleep for a bit because gosh..

knock knock.

he hears a gentle knock at his door, is it mr. lee? did something important come up? yujin feels to lazy and tired to even stand up and open the door himself. should he answer it though? are his parents done fighting? is his dad gonna scold him again?

he gets up and sits on his bed. he slowly stands up and takes one step at a time. still unsure if he should open the door.

step.

he rethinks his decisions.

step.

"yujin, it's me.."

mother? what does she want? yujin walks up to his door and twists the doorknob. his mother walks to one of the couches in the bedroom, she signals yujin to sit with her.

"we.. need to talk."

what? does he have to really let go of name?

"I want to tell you a story, of me and your father."

yujin gets curious, his parents never really told stories of them. he wanted to know about how they met, was it arranged marriage? he wanted to know about their experiences throughout their relationship.

"your father was indeed a, stubborn person. as stubborn as you. and I was the witness of it all."

we usually saw each other in some events. then.. we stumbled across each other at a random spot. alone, just us. he tried to talk to me as an attempt to make friends, and because I was lonely.

luckily I wasn't the type to be hard to get, back in my days I was rather.. extremely kind. people didn't use that against me since I was the princess.. we talked for a while until our parents called us to go back downstairs. after that event we never saw each other again.

turns out, our parents were rivals. constantly trying to avoid each other so that once they interact, it wouldn't escalate to some conflict or maybe even war. sometimes we sneak out to see each other and talk for a little while, I realized that your father was my closest and one of my only friends. I then, fell in love.

his mother found out and got mad at him, she prevented him from exiting the kingdom and if he's required to go outside he usually has assistance. as for me, my parents were okay with it. they never had anything against your father. just his parents.

"go get him, we're not going to stop you. we're fine as long as we'll stop setting you up on dates with men that you'll probably never like."

so everything was going smoothly for me, the problem is your grandmother.. I can't do anything to contact him but every night, I prayed that he would be okay and we would meet once again.

after nights, and nights, and nights, our parents eventually came to the conclusion that their fighting was useless. ridiculous? and there you have it.

"our stories are similar to yours, I don't understand why he's going against you."

yujin seems to be shocked with the story of how his parents fell in love. his father was in the same position as him before, what's his deal? his mother gave him a bouquet full of baby's breaths.

"what's this for?"

yujin was confused, was this supposed to mean something? he didn't learn much about flower language after all.

"baby's breath means everlasting love, go ahead and give it to [name]."

"but how about the guards?"

"I already handled everything. they won't stop you, go on loverboy. I'll talk to your father about it again." yujin smiles.

"thank you, mothe- I mean mom."

it warms her heart whenever he calls her mom. it's a simple thing but it let's her know that yujin is comfortable around her and that he doesn't have to use such formal names. she smiles back at him.

but she knew about him sneaking out? and she even gave orders to the guards? whatever, he has no time to waste. he needs to go to you as fast as possible.

he's nearly running out of breath, so close. yujin couldn't care less if he trips over some rock in the way and get his ankle injured. he skipped the pathway to the abandoned park, he figures that you would've wandered off somewhere while waiting for him for a long time. but you wouldn't have went that far. you're not that stubborn anyways.

while running, he nearly steps on a body laying down on the ground. is that.. you? he kneels slowly, puts the bouquet down, and pokes you. oh, you're a deep sleeper. yujin continuously shakes you until you wake up. he then lowers his head to go near your ear to whisper something..

"the gods above has blessed you, you will now have unlimited food if you wake up.."

"I'M AWAKE!!"

yujin flinches when you gets up as fast as the speed of light. you look around for your surroundings for the unlimited food to see him.

"oh, it's you. hey I haven't seen you in a long time?"

you asked yujin while sitting down on the ground. sort of asking for the reason why he was so late for hangout day that he left you sleeping on literal grass for 2 hours waiting for him, no cover and stuff. but you had a very peaceful and refreshing slumber anyway.

"uh.. are you mad?"

yujin fidgets with his fingers staring at you worried, you're not that impatient and you don't have serious anger issues..

"mm no I'm not, you have a lot of duties as prince anyway. but you owe me a date with a whole all-you-can-eat buffet now.."

he sighs and rolls his eyes, either way he would accept your request so you couldn't care less about his complaining. you look at the bouquet of little white flowers, did he get this? or his mom?..

"is this for me?" yujin scoffs. "of course it is, who else would I give it to?" you think for a short while..

"uhm your mother?" you replied.

"why else would I be here then? don't be ridiculous, my mother has her own flowers anyway."

"oh.. right. agh, don't be so hard on me! I just woke up.." yujin chuckles.

you missed that smile of him, not the fake ones you see in events. the fake ones he's wearing just so he wouldn't make a fool and a bad impression of himself and his family. you missed seeing his genuine and bright smiles. the ones you would see often when you both talk about random drama happening in your life or what you heard from others, when you talked about random stuff, interests, just talking to you in general.

it was the entire reason you fell in love with him in the first place. before, you never understood the hype and why so many girls were falling in love with him. sure he's attractive, but you don't even bother admiring him knowing that you never even stood a chance. not until the both of you met each other near the river. you get all giddy just thinking about how everything started, how.. awkward it was. how special it is to you.

you take a glance at the bouquet with pretty little white flowers, wondering what the flowers mean. did yujin's mom tell him to give it to you?you knew that yujin's mother had an interest to plants and taking care of them is her hobby whenever she has nothing to do. she also learned about flower language because she had too much free time and she wanted to distract herself from the many problems that she had to handle as the queen.

you remember seeing a lot of interesting flowers and plants when yujin had a picnic date with you in the castle's secret garden that no one else but you, him, and his mom know. she was originally planning to grow more plants and take her husband on a date since both of them were too busy to even spend time with each other properly, mostly her husband.

yujin notices you spacing out while staring and the bouquet full of baby's breaths, he holds your cheek gently and turns your head to face his direction.

"did you miss me?"

he smirks knowing his effect on you, it grows even wider seeing your cheeks turn into a light shade of pink. you smile at him sweetly and peck his cheek gently.

"yeah, I did. I stayed here for so long waiting for you with nothing to do.."

yujin hugs your waist and lays his head in your shoulder, he seems to be really tired. in that case, you're exactly what he needs.

"I'm sorry, okay? something came up. it's father again, I'll make it up to you.."

you hug him back, arms wrapping around his waist as well and holding him like porcelain. your other hand goes up to play with his soft and fluffy hair.

"I see, you don't need to do anything. I'm already fine with you here."

yujin hugs you tighter, forget about his father. forget about ruling the kingdom. forget about everything. what matters is that you're here with him, safe and sound. he's fine with that. all of his problems fade away whenever he's with you. he just wants to enjoy this moment with you while it lasts.

"what happened to you.."

the atmosphere around the quite large bedroom with luxurious designs all scattered around the walls and the ceiling. yujin's mother sits on the king-sized bed with embroidered beddings trying to talk to his father and change his mind.

"enough."

yujin's father doesn't even bother turning to look at his wife. just facing the only window that isn't covered by the curtains, watching the kingdom in a high place. his wife stands up and walks rapidly to him.

"what do you mean enough?! you kept on scolding yujin that it almost happens daily, you even threatened to take the crown away from him? you're no different from your mother, juwon."

she was no longer afraid of facing juwon, she can't just watch yujin suffer anymore. juwon stopped looking outside the window and turned to his wife.

"yeona I said enough."

"NO!! you need to listen to me, yujin was just like you when you were young. why are you repeating your mother's actions? the difficulties you went through? the both of them are young anyways, we can train [name] if they're bound to be married to each other."

juwon tries to fight back, but hesitates. he clenches his fists and his teeth.

"we have so much to teach her, we don't even know if we have enough time. and our situation is different, you're already fit for queen. we don't even know if she's loyal?!"

how dare he make such accusations of you? he hasn't even met you personally? yeona rages with pure anger and furrows her eyebrows.

"how could you say that?! [name] was there for your own son when you weren't? and most of his problems are caused by you?? go ahead, take the throne away from our son! but don't take yujin's happiness away from him."

the room is filled with silence, juwon is unable to respond to yeona. upon seeing her teary eyes, he comes to realize that he was the reason yujin is suffering. that he failed his family.

she was right, he isn't any different from his mother. he remembers how disappointed his mother looked at him, how he tried so hard to convince her to let him be with yeona.

".. I'll think about it."

yeona is contented with his response. though it's not much, it's enough proof that juwon is considerate enough to think about his actions and listen to her words.

"fine.. I'll leave you alone to think."

yeona walks away and leaves the bedroom, leaving juwon to think about his decisions by himself. as soon as she closes the door, a young kid walks up to her upset and confused.

"mom, what happened with you and dad? why are you shouting?"

she is unable to respond to her son's question, yeona puts on a gentle smile and cover everything up with a white lie. he's a kid after all.

"nothing happened, we're just playing silly games. go play with mr. lee." the kid pouts and grips his teddy bear tightly.

"but I want to play with you!" yeona giggles and holds the kid's free hand.

"alright, alright. come with me then!"

"yujin, if we ever get married and become queen and king.. do you think I'll be a good queen?"

you ask a random question out of nowhere since the both of you had nothing to talk about. you two were in his bedroom, since the guards wouldn't stop him if he sneaked out he took advantage of this and brought you to the castle. he turns his head and stares at you as if you asked him the answer to 9 + 10.

"of course, me and my mother are there to assist you. they'll give you lessons too, the both of us are too young to become queen and king right away."

you still feel worried and insecure. his mother is fine, but will his father really approve of you? you don't deserve yujin at all. he's too good for you. he should've listened to his father when he told him to date some princess from another kingdom instead. at least she doesn't need lessons.

"but your dad, will he let us stay together? will we even get married?"

he furrows his eyebrows and frowns just by thinking about it. you look at him and felt anxious and guilty if you made him uncomfortable.

"sorry, nevermind. just forget that I even asked you that."

you and yujin hear a knock on the door, you quickly try to hide somewhere safe incase it's his father. you decided to hide under the bed, it's definitely common but the only place that isn't noticeable. yujin stands up to open the door and see who's behind it, he sees mr. lee.

"[name], come out."

you struggle as you attempt to leave your hiding spot, you sat on his incredibly soft bed. no wonder he's late to your hangouts sometimes.. yujin's let's mr. lee inside the room to hear his new announcement.

"what is it?" mr. lee sighs. "the king wants to see you in your parents' bedroom."

yujin turns his head to look at you, asking if it's okay to go without even saying a single word. you nod and give him a reassuring smile.

"alright then, I'll let you go to the room by yourself."

when he was about to exit his bedroom and close the door you got up from his bed and ran as fast as you can to the door to stop him.

"yujin can I.. go with you? I'll just be there behind the door, promise!!" he stares at you for a while and thinks if he should or he shouldn't.

"fine.. that way I don't have to explain everything that happened.. let's go."

yujin grabs your hand and drags you outside the room. he shuts the door then made his way to his parents' bedroom with his hand holding yours. because of this, he steals a few glances from the maids cleaning around the hallway.

the walk to the bedroom is a long way.. you stared at the walls in the hallway, it's full of portraits from different generations. the ceiling has different ornate chandeliers. oh, it seems that you both have finally reached his parents' bedroom. why is this castle so.. big? bigger than you thought it would be?

yujin let's go of your hand and uses his other one to grab the doorknob. he glances at you then twists the doorknob and enters the bedroom. you go closer to the wall to hear everything.

'yujin..' yeona stares at her son for a while, it seems that he had fun with his girlfriend. she turns her head and glances at juwon, hoping that he actually listened to her words and has made his choice wisely.

"oh, I might have forgotten to order mr. lee to ask you to bring your.. girlfriend." what the? why are you included in this.. family stuff? guess it's your signal to go inside.

you slowly open the door and finally see the king in person. up close. no wonder a lot of people had a crush on yujin.. including you.. the atmosphere feels awkward and tense until juwon started speaking.

"I.. made my decision. I have thought about this carefully."

yeona crosses her arms with a serious look, yujin felt his heart sink, you tried to predict the outcome of this situation. there's a high chance that it will turn out good, why else would you be here in the first place if he wanted to separate you two? or there's a chance that he's ruthless and wants to see you both suffer..

juwon takes a deep breath.. "I have decided to.. allow you to date her, yujin. it will take years until I let you take the throne, so we will do our best to assist both you and [name]. eh, you basically have no choice but to marry her since all those teachings will go to waste if otherwise."

yeona smiles widely, delighted that she was able to convince juwon and change his mind. the feeling of success and victory has never felt this.. euphoric. both you and yujin were left speechless, anyone can clearly see that you're over the moon. it's as if you won 5 million from the lottery. is this a dream?

you look over to yujin who's jaw is still wide open with his hands covering his mouth. his eyes start to get teary, he finally made it. juwon grins at the sight. he's never seen yujin this happy before. he truly made the right choice, guess you could say he's the king for a reason.

yeona walks up to her husband and pulls him in a warm embrace. "you truly made the right choice, juwon." his grin turns into a smirk as he chuckled.

"you married me for a reason, yeona. I'm not putting it to waste."

"and that's how we convinced your dad to let us be together.." you sighed, exhausted from the extremely long story. juwon tried to cover up his embarrassment with a smile, he was really stubborn like yeona said..

yujin's younger brother, yunseo, finally knew the story behind everything. you figured that since he was already in highschool, it would be the right time to explain everything. it had been 2 years since that happened. you feel arms wrapping around your waist, that familiar sense of warmth..

you turn around to see yujin smirking, "did you tell him already? everything?" you nod and kiss his cheek. yeona sighs upon seeing the sight of you and yujin, meanwhile yunseo cringes.

"ew, go get a room!" yunseo covers his eyes. yeona whispers to juwon.

"they're just like us when we were younger. yujin is just as stubborn and deeply in love like you!"

"how dare you, I wasn't that in love!" juwon gasped sarcastically, yeona giggles. ah, just like the old times.

"get a room, love birds!"

all this in 3 days... with practice and exams... 😔😔

[curi0us-gh0st]

Seasons (Bada Lee)

pairings: Bada Lee x Fem!Reader

word count: 1.887

genre: fluffy, angst

summary: You think there are no feelings in your relationship with Bada, because you are distant, but you are completely mistaken.

warnings: nothing too big, insecure reader, distancing yourself, crying, I think that’s all? [no review]

a/n: Yes, I just wrote this and god, I've had this in my head for a long time, ignore the mistakes and if it's too confusing.

Your relationship was something you loved, especially because of the person you were with. The beginning was so magical and the chemistry you had made your heart swell with love and your mind thought it was in a book you read.

The romance with Bada began when you accompanied your friend to a practice class to test out new hobbies, and well, you couldn't help but notice the tall and sexy choreographer everyone was talking about before, during, and after the class.

The class itself was energetic and caused a lot of excitement for you and your friend. You continued going to dance classes but in the end, your friend gave up to pay attention to something else and you focused on something that was finally good, dancing.

You weren't the best or the worst, but you had a lot of fun practicing the choreographies and steps that you saw and were assigned during practices.

Until the day he was changing classes, in his rush to get to the next class, he ended up bumping into someone, his hands on the person's abdomen, on the person's waist for support, his eyes opening and looking at the familiar shirt, his eyes going up and meeting the playful gaze of her dance teacher.

“I think you can let me go now.” She giggled, removing the hand that held her from her shoulder, her cheeks burning with embarrassment, walking away quickly.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…” You bowed in embarrassment.

"All good." She ruffled her hair a little. “You must be late for something, so go carefully and don’t fall there.” Bada joked and left.

Since that day, when she saw you, she joked about the incident that occurred, resulting in you being as red as a tomato and a giggling Bada.

At the end of one of the classes with Bada, it was just you and her left to tidy the room, a pleasant silence until she brought up the subject, playing with you again and praising your red cheeks, after stopping laughing, she sighed and looked at you, your eyes met, a mixture of joy and confusion, until you asked what she was looking at and she asked if you would like to go out with her, of course her red cheeks became visible.

Bada Lee, your dance teacher who everyone wanted and praised your performances asking you out? Of course he caused a short circuit in his brain, accepting the invitation in a friendly way.

The meeting evolved into several other meetings, visiting and getting to know cafes, going to cinemas, the beach, festivals, dance events and many others. One of these meetings took them to the Han River, on an October night, the cold wind that blew leaving their lips, noses and ears red, their bodies warmed by the laughter and conversations they shared, their eyes meeting at different times and shining. one to another, even the atmosphere thickens to the point where their lips touch, a passionate and slow kiss, transmitting unspoken and hidden feelings.

The moment they pulled away, they looked at each other, shy and nervous now, thinking about what would happen now.

“Well… I, uh… I think I have more than friendly feelings for you, Y/N.” Bada confessed, looking shyly at her own feet. “I would like to test how far this can take me, actually us.”

She finally looked you in the eyes, their hearts beating in sync, a smile appeared on her face, honored by the confession, causing Bada anxiety for her response.

“I would also like to test how far these feelings can take us, Bada Lee.” You smiled, before the choreographer's arms pulled you into a tight hug and a kiss that made your stomach bubble.

These feelings took you to distant places, the relationship brought you to the present, your relationship with Bada had lasted more than four years, always together and supporting each other, comforting and encouraging in your times of need. Bada and you grew up as dancers, doing duets together and small appearances in some groups' music videos, Bada became famous over the course of her talent and her beauty, especially among girls, which you don't mind so much, since In the end, it was you she would sleep cuddling with after a long day. And you focused on your career as a teacher, teaching at the academy as Bada.

This was shown when Bada accepted the invitation to be a street woman fighter, to show the world her skills with the BEBE team. Bada even asked if you would like to participate with them, so you denied, you didn't like so much attention and you certainly didn't want to appear on television out of embarrassment.

From the first episode, in fact, since she received and started preparing for the program, you encouraged her to do her best, praising her effort and congratulating her because she deserved it in addition to all the stress she suffered along the way.

You watched each episode, rooting for the team and even feeling a little jealous with the battles and interactions you had and had with your girlfriend. Every time she arrived at the shared apartment, you greeted her with compliments and your playful opinions about what happened episodes always make her laugh.

But since then, it started to slow down, Bada's free time decreased, her focus on the program's missions increased, making her always arrive home late at night, spending a little bit of her free time with her team or surrounded by friends. new fans that she obtained during the episodes for her dances and her masculine and feminine aura that she had.

And your insecurity awakened, the number of Bada's followers increased, every day more people found her, complimented her and flirted with her, the thought of you disappearing and her not noticing caused nightmares and a fear grew in you, your thoughts were consuming , making you insecure and unhappy because you seemed so distant from your girlfriend, you were falling apart and no one was noticing.

Perhaps such thoughts were too trivial because it was you she would hug after a tiring day, even if you had fallen asleep, she would smell your shampoo and kiss your cheek before leaving for another day.

Little did you know that Bada was in bad shape too, she knew that you valued her privacy and her success during the program made her afraid of people invading her personal space and messing up her relationship. That's why she thought that by moving away from you, you wouldn't feel suffocated by the crowd that was behind her, she was always thinking about you, all the missions she couldn't tell you and made her cry, she wanted to run from the room practice and run to you, hug you and cry until everything is okay, because your hug was her safe haven, it always was.

When Bada heard from you that you were going to travel, fear settled in her, she thought she couldn't be without you, just as you thought you couldn't be without her, but it would leave her freer to practice and focus on the program.

The short time spent with her parents, Bada made sure she would receive notes accompanied by daisies, her favorite flower, until you returned home to her.

When you arrived at her apartment, it was almost half past midnight, nervousness taking over you, you had the plan to talk to Bada and review her feelings, if they were there.

Upon entering the room, you were greeted with Bada's tight hug involving you, saying that she missed you and that she missed you, there were only a few days left until the end of the program, she was so nervous lately that she was barely sleeping and when she heard you coming in she ran to see you.

After the long hug, you were nervous about saying something and Bada took the initiative, asking how your visit to your parents was and you responded by saying how the past few days had been. Silence took over soon after and it was you who started this time .

“Bada… I think we need to talk.” You said, looking at her sitting with her legs crossed as you shared the same couch.

"Of course dear." She adjusted herself to look at you better, she was nervous. “Is there something bothering you? Anything I can help with?”

The nickname she used reminded you of the moments together, the beginning and everything before all this snowball suffocated you.

“Do you… Do you still have feelings for me?”

The question made Bada confused, of course she was, but the confusion came because of the lack of confidence you appeared with the question.

“Why this question? Of course I do, I love you. What made you think not?” She grabbed his shaking hands.

“We seem so far away... I love you, but I feel like I don't have you anymore... I don't know, I'm feeling so confused. There are so many people complimenting you and flirting with you, of course forever, but this has intensified and I... I'm so insecure that you don't like me anymore.” The confession made Bada squeeze his hands to comfort him.

“Ah princess…” She pulled him into a hug. “Forgive me for that, I thought you would like privacy so I stayed away for the sake of the program. I didn't want to make you insecure or uncomfortable through any of these things, I thought I was keeping you safe but I think I ended up moving away from you, I'm sorry.” Bada spoke during the hug.

“I didn't want this to happen... I was praying for you, that you could be by my side, but I got caught up in it all.” She continued, pulling back to look at you.

Her eyes were teary, bright with unshed tears, realizing that she was so bad seeing only the negative side that she didn't realize Bada's intention to protect her.

“Sorry, now I feel so selfish for not seeing your point.” The tears rolled down her cheeks.

"Oh, darling. Don’t cry, don’t blame yourself for it.” Bada tried to wipe the tears from her cheeks. “I love you so much, I would give my life for you, you are my safe haven, my season, I would never do anything to hurt you on purpose.” She whispered to you, tears threatening to fall more.

"I love you so much much much." You said as you wrapped your arms around her neck to hug her. “You are my everything, Bada. You are my favorite person and the one I love most, I’m sorry.” You asked through tears.

Bada held your face with her hands, kissing your face while whispering statements and compliments to you, after an intense session of kisses and hugs, she helped you take a shower and made you wear comfortable clothes to sleep, hugging you under the blanket, kissing your cheeks and lips, holding you close to her, as if she would lose you if she let go.

"I love you my love." She whispered, kissing his nose.

“I love you too, Bada.” You hugged her tightly, hiding in her neck, smelling her, this woman was yours, just like you were hers.

a/n: in my head, this woman is in love and doesn't know what to do lol

[lulu2992]

Hello,

Not sure if you've already covered this but what do you make of the rotary phones with the creepy messages scattered across Faith's region?

Hello! So, if I’m not mistaken, there are five rotary phones in the Henbane River region. First, we have these two messages:

Administrator’s Cabin: “Civilian Female 06” crying.

O’Hara’s Haunted House: “Civilian Male 03” (probably O’Hara) laughing.

Then these three from Faith:

Mastodon Geothermal Park: Shaja su dajri martiyi. (Wenja greeting; just a Primal Easter egg.)

Eden’s Convent: Rachel's so sad and alone. Once was lost, never found. She led a faithless life and it brought her low. Faith rose up in her, but Rachel stayed low down. Faith flies divine, and Rachel... Rachel gropes around in the darkness. I left her there a long time ago.

The Last Best Resting Place: A baby is a sack of screaming, shitting, crying impulses with no personality, no thoughts, no understanding of the world beyond feelings. It has no soul. You have to give it one. The only soul we ever have, we receive from others. And it is only others who can take it away.

In my opinion, the main reason they exist is simply to add to the unsettling atmosphere of the region. The ones from Faith also give a little more information about her identity and beliefs, so that’s nice!

In fact, there were supposed to be more messages, but since they were cut, I have no idea if they were going to be on rotary phones or regular ones…

Two of them were linked to a mission at the King’s Hot Springs Hotel (maybe its liberation) and referred to as phone calls instead of answering machine messages in the files. They were both from Faith, and while the first one is now unavailable, the second one was her laughing and saying (almost singing), “They’re coming...”

Then, we had seven others from Faith, one from Joseph, and one from Tweak. I’ve already mentioned them but they’re included below the cut too. Faith’s deleted messages are particularly creepy, so my guess is that most of them were going to be found on rotary phones as well to make her (and by extension, the region she controls) sound even more mysterious and scary.

The other deleted messages from Faith:

You are many little holes, all permeable, infectable, with wriggling insects, long strings of dirt and oil burrowed into your skin.

Slice open the backs of your arms. You'll get ingrown feathers back there if you don't. I want you to be ready when you walk the Path, when you ascend, when it comes.

Lysergic acid diethylamide, psilocybin, mescaline, dextromethorphan, phencyclidine, and sugar to taste.

He loves you. He's always loved you. Just breaks your heart, doesn't it.

It's the nourishment that counts. The taste of care. The fruit of God's earth. Cut out the eyes, pull off the ears, peel the head into layers, eat your fill. Bury the rest in the dirt for posterity.

Death doesn't frighten me. I'm free of my tethers now. Unbound by the judgment of others. Even as Faith, I was under the consuming eyes of the world. Child, whore, Madonna... I am so much more than all of that now. You could never grasp it. And you'll die before you get the chance.

Gotcha!

From Joseph:

In the end, you will thank me.

From Tweak:

You destroyed my life. Once I've come down from this high I'm gonna get you somehow.

I don’t know where they were supposed to be located.

[starlightsuffered]

Addiction

Info - alcoholic reader, comfort, angst, comparing yourself to others, dark thoughts

“Im fucking disgusting,” I whispered to myself. I was rocking back and forth. Guilt overwhelmed me completely. I was in tears. I didn’t even want Timothée to see me. He was so pure and so good, and he deserved better than my trash self.

“Baby?” I heard his voice and I curled into a tighter ball.

“Baby; oh honey, what’s wrong?”

“Go away, I’m fucking poisonous,” I snarled. I heard him jerk back like I’d slapped him. I continued to cry.

“Please let me comfort you,” he whispered

“No, I don’t deserve it. I’m like a fucking serial killer. I get so angry and so sad-“

“I have a rage inside me I don’t think I’ll ever quell and a river of sadness,” Timothée corrected me. “I’m not a serial killer am I?”

“Of course you aren’t,” I wept.

“See-“

“But I’m not like you!” I screamed. I finally turned to him. I saw the man I loved. The pain in his eyes shone out like beams. He clearly cared for me so much.

“I am damaged, I am weak and stupid. I have so much jealousy and hate sometimes. I am not good. I am like a serial killer,” I burst out.

“You drank again didn’t you?” Timmy asked softly.

“Of course I did! I can’t do anything fucking right,” I exclaimed.

He came to me and though I fought back a little, he put his arms around me. He was always here for me. Always. He buried his face in my neck and took a deep breath. I knew he was exasperated.

“You are not bad, you are suffering from an illness. I know you feel bad for drinking again but recovery is not linear. It isn’t a sprint, it’s a marathon. I’m with you, I am your eternal supporter.”

“Timothée,” I said in a broken voice.

“You are strong. I am not better than you just because I don’t have an addiction. Everyone experiences those emotions you’re talking about. You are NOT bad, you are NOT like a serial killer. You are good and do so much for so many,” he said all this softly.

Shouted words might have shot through my brain and out just as fast. These slow, gentle phrases hung around in my atmosphere. I reeled them in ever so slowly.

“Thank you,” I gasped. I was still crying.

“What makes you want to drink?”

“I don’t know. I feel like a better person. I’m more accepting, my anxiety is gone, I get the urge to write long loving things to people. I don’t like myself, so I think it makes me better.”

“I love you so much more sober. You may be tired and other things, but you just glow with strength. It makes me well up with tears.”

“Thank you, thank you,” I breathed, turning so I could cry into his shirt. He held me as long as I needed.

@pmak2002 @softhecreator @plutoispurplw @sp1deyyf4ngz @seungcheol17daddy @jesschalamet @vvsdreaming

[elliew1lliamswife]

“𝗜 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱 𝗯𝗲 𝗮 𝗴𝗼𝗼𝗱 𝗠𝗢𝗧𝗛𝗘𝗥 , 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗶 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝗯𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗪𝗜𝗙𝗘.”

ᵏⁱⁿᵈᵃ ᵘˢᵉᵈ ᵃⁿ ᵒᶜ

The candlelight danced softly on the table, creating a warm and cozy atmosphere in the small, elegant restaurant. Kate and River, enjoying a romantic dinner, felt a deep wave of happiness wash over as they celebrated their six-year anniversary. River, glowing with the joy of being five months pregnant, her hand on her growing belly, and the love they shared was evident in every smile and gentle touch. It was a night to remember, marking not just their time together, but the exciting future they were about to embrace.

As they toasted to their years of togetherness, Kate's heart pounded with a mix of excitement and nervousness. This was more than an anniversary dinner; it was a moment Kate had dreamed of for a long time. With a hopeful look in her eyes, Kate prepared to make a special proposal that would forever change their lives. Surrounded by the soft glow of candlelight and the promise of new beginnings, Kate felt this was the perfect moment to take their love to the next level and start a new chapter as a family.

Thank you. Kate said.

For what? River asked.

Everything. Kate smiled at her.

River smiled back.

You're welcome, baby. River said.

Kate took a deep breath and pointed towards the corner of the room.

Look at that, River. she said, trying to keep her voice steady.

As River turned her head, Kate quietly slipped to one knee.

When River looked back and saw Kate on the floor, her eyes widened with surprise. Kate opened a small velvet box, revealing a sparkling ring.

River, we've been together for six incredible years, and now we're about to start a new chapter with our baby on the way. Kate said.

Kate felt a tear roll down her cheek.

Through all the ups and downs, like my injury.

You are my strength , River. The reason why i do the things i do. River, we've been together for six incredible years, and now we're about to start a new chapter with our baby on the way. Kate said.

Kate felt a tear roll down her cheek.

Through all the ups and downs, like my injury and recovery, you've been my rock. I want us to face everything together and build our future as a family. Will you marry me? Kate asked.

River began crying, she didn't know if it was the speech, the actual proposal, the fact that kate was crying, or the hormones. But all she knew was she was crying.

Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! A million times yes! River yelled, nodding her head.

Kate slid the finger onto River RING FINGER, before sweeping her off her feet into a tight embrace.

I love you. Kate mumbled.

I love you more! River said.

[cerealandchoccymilk]

Trigun Bookclub: Trigun Vol.1, Chapters #00-01

all | next

lets fucking do this

I'm annotating every chapter of trigun, both the Japanese original print (reread) and Overhaul 1.0 (first read). Literally just writing down everything I notice about details, version differences, translation notes, etc. and also being gay about the characters. happy pride month

I had other stuff to do today yesterday so I only got through a little bit but pace will pick up tomorrow today (1 volume/week is faster than i thought...)

Here are the beloved non-analysis sillies...

And there are just so many annotation images so I just put the rest under the cut <3 read my notes boy

[edit: why aren't the images not being side by side like i want them to i hate this. here's the url for my blog page with correct formatting] [edit 2: i guess it's only on desktop, not on mobile. so that's good]

First thing I noticed was the difference in the number of volumes, or the number of chapters in each volume. In my JP copy, volume 1 ends at Chapter #07: Rem, while Overhaul (and I assume every version after the first JP print) ends at #12: River of Life.

Anyways onto the actual images

21st of July - !! didn't notice [that the July incident actually happened in July] during 1st read b/c months are only numbers in Japanese 11 hours after destruction - July incident was 2am

For some reason I thought he was standing this whole time. unneccesary details georg

Estimated age: 24 - Official age for his appearance? dang he's young Appearance - "Place of origin/birth," not "what he looks like" The worst kind of outlaw, and an unrivalled killer. - Added in a later version? (not in my JP copy but the phrase is familiar)

This blank space originally had the Japanese translation for the board.

We see his serious expression already! I don't remember '98 doing so this early on so it's pretty notable to me...

Just thinking about how Vash counted each individual gunshot being fired during all that chaos... dear god.... During my first read/watch I thought it was just silly Rule of Cool protagonist moment but not really. This guy actually has Insane perception, either from being a plant or sheer practice. Or both.

Also immediately after all that, I really love the way the aftermath is shown here. The only things you can hear are the creaks of the light and the crying boy. It really brings out the tension in the atmosphere.

Finally, something other than unneccesary bits! If you look at the flooring under the toy gun, the perspective lines are pointing SW-NE. This corresponds to the flooring on Vash's right, whose right arm is also suspiciously out-of-frame... This is definitely the moment he took the toy gun. I can't express the amount of Holy Shit I felt when I realized this. The detail!!!!! man!!!!!!!!!

There's a little translation error here - it should be something like "Even if he were still alive, he wouldn't be able to move an inch!"

One of my favorite Vash moves with one of my favorite Tumblr heritage posts.

This is not really based on any drawn details, but I think this is the moment that Vash readies the toy gun, puts it in his pocket, and picks up the ketchup. Do Not trust this man when his arm is not visible. Also finger still in gun <3 doing his part blocking one bullet at a time

And here we have Vash's first COOL cool moment!!!!!! cue my homo screaming. goddddddddd im so mentally unwell about him. agh I also absolutely love when Nightow does that thing where he screen-tones a character's skin just because. It pops!! It's unique!! I love it!! I eat it up every time!!!

Here's where I realize that Vash's hair antennae are pointing straight up. I should be on the lookout for when he makes the transition to the M-shaped antennae we know and love.

Also, a little untranslatable joke from the Japanese version. In Japanese, this guy calls out at Vash like "And you, don't provoke him!" except it's written with the kanji for "Hunter" (狩人 karyūdo), with a ruby pronunciation note saying "you" (おまえも omaemo). These kanji/ruby mismatch jokes are never not funny and it's so sad that there's no way to keep them in without doing...this lol

The "I counted!" reveal never fails to get me. holy shit. I love the little boy's expression when he gets his gun back :) You helped!!! and you don't have to have the real deal to be cool as balls!!!

Just lumping this with the previous two because it's a tall image, but another small translation error. Rather than being about doing harm, he's talking about recieving it (～～はゴメンだ is a hard-to-catch phrasing/idiom; it's already been discussed with the translator on a different instance). It should be more like "[...But] nobody likes getting hurt, right?"

THE GIRLIES YIPPEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Not including the dialogue because. y'know. At least they get (accidentally) Bonked by Millie :) get their asses

Here, the order suggestion is made by somebody off-screen, but in the first edition, it was made by the cook himself. (left image annotation says "the storekeeper(cook) is so nice!")

That's it for chapters #00-01! I'm going to keep having Category 5 Autism Events every day aren't I.

It's literally 1:20am as of finishing this post because my computer won't stop crashing. Posting this first thing in the morning tomorrow <3

Also, the Japanese copy of the annotations will be in the reblogs for anyone who wants to see them. The emotions are Rawer and they're phrased way less awkwardly... if you can read them lol

[lum13]

Love, leave me once I’m dead.

“You were on the ground, tainting the snow scarlet.

On the ground that day, you remembered how warm snow could be.”

Wednesday Addams x fem! Reader

You were on the ground, tainting the snow scarlet.

On the ground that day, you remembered how warm snow could be.

“Wednesday.”

The name slipped seamlessly from your lips. It was natural, like the water streaming down the river, or the water drops sliding down the leaves in the morning. It was natural, like how your fingers intertwined with hers, like the way her hands fit yours like puzzle pieces.

Your lips curled up at the sight of her. She was beautiful, as always. The snow flickered down to rest on her hair, sewing stars in her silky hair– which shimmered under the moonlight.

Her lips, cherry red and parted, let out soft huffs of air– her breath coming out as a blob of white in the freezing atmosphere. Her eyes were wide as no gleams of light could be found in her deep, dark orbs. 

You could connect the constellations in her cheeks. You could reach out and brush her hair back, tell her how angelic she was. Pull her down beside you, inviting her to the serene moment. 

But the burn on your torso was too much. The pounding in your head made it hard to think, and your vision clouded with misty haze.

“-- Hey, Wednesday.” You managed to let out, chuckling softly. With trembling hands, you reached for her cheeks, cupping her face fondly. 

Her nose was red– perhaps from the cold, or the tears running down her cheeks. She towered over you with both hands on your face. It was shaking, you realized.

“-- Don’t close your eyes. Where are you injured?”

You couldn’t hear her well. Everything sounded like you were underwater– and everything hurt.

“Everywhere.” You said, cracking another laugh. You watched as your lover pulled up your shirt, revealing large slashes of red. You saw how she held her breath at the sight– before searching your body for another wound.

“Wednesday. My love.” You laughed weakly, bringing her chin up for her eyes to meet yours once again. “Please.”

She paused, like in disbelief. With a clenched jaw, she returned to her searching– her gestures shook, and it brought tears to your eyes.

“Stop.” You tried again, only to be ignored, “Wednesday, It’s no use.”

“No!” She shouted out, a short silence following. “No. You’re going to live.”

“Wednesday!” You exclaimed, your eyes stinging. You were crying now, you knew. The liquid flowed down and dropped onto the snow– and it didn’t stop.

You found her gaze. A sigh left your lips.

“Please, don’t.”

Every breath you took, you could feel it draining your life out every second. Your lips had no color– and your skin was pale without any hint of life– You were dying.

You were dying.

“I’m not going to live, Wednesday. It’s no use.”

Another drop of tear fell from her chin. It met your cheeks and traced its way down. 

The raven haired girl failed to say anything. Everything was running through her mind, yet nothing managed to leave her lips. She couldn’t do anything– she didn’t know what to do. Her world, blurred, felt gray. Usually, she would’ve loved it. But right now, she couldn’t.

“Just– stay with me?” You pleaded, tugging her down with the last bit of strength. After a brief pause, the girl bit her lips, looking away as she nodded.

“Good. I love you.” You smiled, feeling the world closing away. Wednesday stayed frozen against you, listening to your shallow breaths fading away. She heard your last breath– and she heard the last beat of your heart. She stayed until your hearing was no longer– and stayed until your skin was one with the snow– until even her touches were warm against yours.

On the ground that day, Wednesday remembered how cold snow could be.

-

wrote this in an hour. That’s a new record.

anyways I MISSED YOU GUYS! How are you? I have to go back to dorms tmr, but I’ll miss ya’ll. Again.

have a lovely day, I wish you a great tmr <33

[the-orange-tabby-cat]

GIF by loregifs

Wings Of The Dawn | Chapter 1

Joel miller x fem!reader

Summary: You are Jackson's librarian, a doll with a good heart, that has your life changed when a handsome man decides to take his kid and start again in your small town after completing their cross country journey. Having a hard time ignoring Joel's dark brown eyes, you find yourself wishing to have him close as you both navigate through love triangles, teenage drama, city gossip, and ghosts from both of your pasts. This is a comfort fic filled with slow burn and small town dynamics.

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Rating: 18+ eventually (first chapter free of smut)

Warnings/Tags: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Slow Burn, Slow Build, Friends to Lovers, Age Difference, Small Town Dynamics, No use of y/n

Word count: 7.5k

Late A/N: Howdy! I re-edited this chapter (just the text layout, nothing about its content) to be more in sync with the writing style of the rest of the story. All changes were on the text structure, not the story.

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CHAPTER 1

"You have searched me, Lord, and you know me.

You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.

You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.

Before a word is on my tongue; you, Lord, know it completely.

You hem me in behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me.

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain."

Psalm 139:1-6

The green of the moss was brighter after the early morning rain, the droplets of water made the color pop as the ground absorbed all the night's moisture. Into the mountains, deep in the woods, the river followed its gentle course, while its cold water was now sharper from the rain. Shades of light pink and orange filled the horizon line with the sunrise. Jackson was mostly asleep, enjoying the peaceful start of the day, just the bird tweets filling the city atmosphere. In the early hours of the day, the orange tabby cat tried to chase the swallows down the porch. The flock flew through the sky seconds before the cat’s attack.

"Better luck next time, baby," you exclaimed while petting the cat's head. It was a classic morning action up to this point: the bird's early chants with the cat (attempt at) hunting. Over the last three years, not even once has the cat been able to attack their prey, but the lack of self-awareness seems endearing to you.

It was somewhat after 5 a.m., not that you cared that much, the sunrise sky was one of the simple pleasures you could still slurp on. Sometimes, if you let your mind wander enough, there was a sense of mundane in it, just peace. The cat started to purr while rubbing its face on your calves, bringing you back to reality. It was a spring morning, and you were on your porch up your feet with your pajamas.

"Hungry? C'mon, I will get you something," you echoed to the creature's delight.

The city was slowly gaining new sounds as the time went by. You could hear from your kitchen the horse's blow coming from a recent patrol, the neighbor’s baby crying, and the final chant of the birds that the cat tried to hunt earlier. You changed your clothes, wishing for a cold day, not early summer weather, and left your house to walk down the wet pavement in the direction of Nath’s house. The sky still held the light pink and orange shades, making a pleasant view as you hurry your steps. Inside your head, you were reviewing the day's tasks, "wake up Nath, attend the council meeting, get more food supplies for the cat and me," not much going on.

If you were honest, the easy, simple life wasn't entirely your heart's desire. You knew Jackson was probably the best option for you out there after the outbreak. You were soft, and the idea of safety was enough for you over the last three years. But sometimes, just sometimes, you couldn’t help but wonder if following your routine and finding your house empty once you left work wasn't starting to get on your nerves.

You shook that thought from your head as you got to Nath’s front door, slowly twisting the doorknob. Of course, she left it unlocked, you were the best alarm she ever had – her words. On the kitchen countertop were some tea bags with a mug on the side, and the kettle already had water on, just waiting for someone to turn on the stove. You scowled while making you both a cup of tea, her with less sugar.

Holding both mugs, you went down the hall, using your hips to open the already open door of her bedroom even wider.

"Wake up, lazy ass, we have 15 minutes" Nath opened one eye slowly as she heard you scream.

“Strawberry tea? Little sugar?” she replied as you shoved the mug in front of her face, taking a small sip while smiling a little. Your only response was to roll your eyes, "What would I do without you? You know that you are the early bird from us two," she endorsed you with a playful look.

"If somebody told me that I would have to wake up your lazy ass every morning, I would have preferred to be Maria's best friend," you glared as she sat down, wholly offended by your statement.

She knew you were only joking, but you couldn't help but smile to her absolute horror. The short blonde hair was all over her face, and the small almond dark blue eyes wide shot made the scene even better.

“Just put something on, we don’t have the whole day, we can eat at the Bison after the meeting.”

"Yeah, by "we can eat" you mean "you can cook me something." Unbelievable, you make me one cup of tea and already think that you can shout me orders," she replied after gulping part of the strawberry tea, jumping out of bed.

She wasn't entirely wrong; the Tipsy Bison, Jackson’s only bar, was hers after her granddad passed away a few years back. With an impressive number of two staffs, including Nath herself, she was your barman and chef most of the times.

As you two walked to the mess hall, you pondered how you were quite different despite being close in age. Nath had just celebrated her 34th birthday during winter, and you were just a couple of years younger. She seemed more juvenile than you, starting with her wardrobe. While you were with the combo of a long skirt and a shirt with the sleeves down your elbow - a heritage of your upbringing - she wore low-rise jeans and a pale blue t-shirt written: "Keep staring, I might do a trick." Charming. She also had a tomboy way of life, speaking the first thing that came to her mind, which, as you got closer to the mess hall was starting to worry you.

“Hey, Dolly." Alfie nodded in your direction, his green eyes bright with a small smile. You smiled back at your politeness, even though you hated the nickname.

You felt Nath exhale hard next to you. Maria was all joy as the rest of the council spoke about her pregnancy in the corner. With hands softly caressing her belly and her dark skin glowing in the yellow light of the mess hall, it was easy to see her as a non-threatening figure, despite Nath constant banter of how much she didn't see in this madonna image in her. Nath came from a founder family of Jackson just like the pregnant woman, which was the origin of her beef with Maria and constant animosity.

"I can't believe she uses it to get more attention," you look at Nath while raising your eyebrows.

"Well, her belly is getting bigger, and a child is a small miracle, especially nowadays." Nath rolled her eyes at you, and you felt missing something.

 “You see, that shit you speak is how I know for sure that you grew up Mormon. Small miracle my ass”, she retorted getting herself a chair, still moody.

Oh. Yeah, sometimes your mind formed phrases that sounded much more like your mother than yourself, that being one of them. You felt your face heaten as the council sat in a circle right at the center of the hall, waiting for the spokesperson of the day to start.

“Good morning, I hope nobody got bitten by the bed bugs today.” Chad started with positivity that filled your heart with joy. Despite being the tallest man around, his face was constantly an open invitation to sweet talk, with round cheeks and a soft gaze. “Edwin, could you please read for us the topics in discussion today?”

"Okay, we have the new division of this season's crops" the old man said looking in Chad's direction with his glasses low at his nose, "The dam amendment before raining season", Edwin continued, now pointing a finger towards Alfie, "and the new residents". Maria chewed the inside of her cheek, and you immediately sensed something.

The council was one of Jackson’s pillars as an independent society. A collaborative system, no more currencies in paper money, and a collective mind elected for the community's well-being. At least this is how Nath convinced you to accept the position a year ago after nominating you for one of the six positions and, somehow, convincing the other citizens to vote for you. It took you months to learn that she used her influence with more than just arguments to have you there.

"I needed someone I could trust, and I can't let Maria have everything her way. People already think that she owns this city. You’re my friend, and I would follow you without holding back. Plus, I need someone to help me develop my brilliant plans", she argumented one day after you put some pressure on why she thought having you as part of the council would thrive.

Three women and three men were elected by the people every two summers. As spring was coming to its middle, you started to wonder if you would continue as part of it by summer or if you would be taken off. "Odd years we have elections, right years we vote to take out council members. If one of us gets voted out, we make a whole new election, Dolly", Edwin explained with a stern voice to you once. You didn't know if it made you calmer or restless.

The meeting went smoothly, a little bickering between Nath and Maria as always, but nothing new. They were constantly up on each other necks, and at this point, everybody already understood it as normal behavior. Chad offered to help the mess hall kitchen with the menu for this season greens and fruits, Alfie would open a few positions to get more hands on the dam, all good.

"I believe we can follow with your topic," Edwin pointed vaguely toward Maria. The older man looked like a villain from a child's cartoon: full gray hair, short in stature, thin frame, and a hook nose that only amplified the villainess type by having his glasses at the tip of it. His stern voice had a neutral tone, with no menace behind it, but as Maria started to speak, you again noticed something was off.

"As you might recall, Tommy's brother came to Jackson with a girl last winter. On the occasion, they had to finish a trip to the west, despite being told that this city would welcome them." She lifted her head and cleared her throat, "Two days ago, they completed their journey to finding their way back to our city, they already have been provided a house and some basics for a new life. The girl will start school in a few days. I know that normally I'm the one that coordinates the new welcomers. Still, this time being family, I thought it would be better to involve the council on it."

"Wait, two days ago, right?" Nath asked Maria, who replied with a single nod, "So they came by the track near the river to the city?" Something clicked inside your head, and you quickly looked at Maria waiting for confirmation.

She nodded again, "I think so," she simply pondered.

Two days ago, Nath appeared at the library's back house. As the weather got warmer, you and her got into a small routine: bicycle rides in the woods with river swimming at the end. Entering the library, she screamed for you, "You can work on books every day, but this weather is one in a lifetime!" She wasn't wrong, the winter had been a little cruel to you, and you both craved warmer days. You started sweating a bit from how warm the day had begun, hair up and everything, dreaming of some coolness. For once in a long time you accepted that despite being a very responsible city librarian and archivist, you could give yourself a break and followed her to the city gate.

Of course, the bicycles had seen better days, but you worked with what you had. They were a gift from Alfie, who found them a while back and made some improvements to you both. Nath spent the whole week teasing you that he would try to find any excuse to be close to you, going for as much as giving her a gift. The path between the trees and the open field was easy, the only snow at the peak of the mountains surrounding Jackson, and no risk of slip and fall.

Nath was rambling about how she thought this was the year she would meet the love of her life, "I can feel it, I swear to God!" she giggled as you both went a slight fast downhill.

"You say that every new season, plus you don't even believe in God," you retorted, amused by her joy.

"I don't, but you do. Do you believe I’ll find love this time?" she asked, smiling at you.

You slowed down a bit, taken by surprise. You didn't know when it was the last time you had faith in a creator, in something looking above for you. It had been a while since you had fully believed in something out-worldly. It was tied with memories you couldn't fully deal with yet.

"I do, Nath, I truly do." You said, smiling lopsided in her direction. A little bit of positivity wouldn’t bite back.

She pedaled faster and screamed from the front, "Told ya, sucker!”

The river wasn't that deep up on the hills. It was no more than a bit after noon, meaning that you could have a lot of daylight to enjoy the day and still go back. You both stripped into the underwear, the long-forgotten swimwear with the other pleasures of pre-outbreak. During the heat waves days, Nath would get bold and be topless by the river despite your warning that it was reckless behavior. Today you both were wearing a full set of underwear. It was the first hot day, not even proper hot.

“Holy shit, I can feel my uterus giving me hell," Nath said, retorting her face while stepping on the river margins, her feet touching the cold water.

"Cramps?" you asked as she made faces towards the sky. The apparent truth of the cold waters of Wyoming being constant, even more during spring, didn't matter that much, you both could deal with it for a free day.

As time passed and you got tired of swimming, you decided to get sun on your skin in the meadow nearby, still in Nath's eyesight. She was the reckless one, the bad influence, you still thought this was the outbreak, and some sense of safety was important. As you walked chasing the sun, you felt the soil getting stuck in the soft skin of your feet, the leaves and dirt making you jump a bit. The sky was mostly blue, and you could feel your skin getting warmer as you got closer to the sunlight.

"Are you getting hungry? I think we still have about two hours before getting to the city gate," a low register man's voice asked nearby. The hair in your arms and neck lifted, and your breathing started to get quicker. You tried to find from where the voice was coming to be able to hide from it.

"Not really," a girl answered it, a flat delivery. Your nipples were stiff from the panic of not being alone, you became aware of your state. The wet cream bra was transparent, the wet panties showing more than you felt comfortable of yourself.

You had nothing to fight back if they attacked you, vulnerable and shivering from the cold air getting in touch with your wet body. Staring to chatter teeth, you tried to get back for the river and alert Nath slowly but stepped on a stick, making some noise.

“What was that?” the girl asked, now putting more life in her voice. You quickly hid behind a nearby tree from the direction of the voice, your heart beating faster.

"Probably an animal. I haven't heard anything", the man said back after a few seconds, in a gentle tone.

You tried to spy from your hiding spot as you sensed they were moving downhill. The girl was at the front wearing a white and red plaid shirt and jeans, her hair up. From behind, you could only notice how small she seemed next to the man, reaching no more than his shoulders. The man was tall, with broad shoulders and a longer hair with salt and pepper. His dark gray shirt did not contrast his dark jeans, he was carrying a backpack, a gun carefully put on his jeans at the right side. You shivered, noticing it. As you felt they were getting far, you decided to look better and fully stepped on in front of the tree you were using to hide. Unfortunately, it was the exact moment that the man decided to look back.

You only got a glimpse of his face before hiding again, his dark brown eyes and strong nose burned inside your head. Your breath started to rise again. Now you had no idea if it was by fear of him being armed or because you noticed that the stranger was handsome. There were no sounds of footsteps towards or downwards, just the river and birds filling the air. After what seemed to be a lifetime, the girl came back.

"Joel, let's go! I want to get there for dinner time," she urged him. He sighed in response.

"Thought you weren't hungry," he replied grumpily as they continued their path toward what seemed to be Jackson.

You waited a few seconds more and went straight to Nath, who continued on her lazy journey of doing nothing. Getting closer to her, you whispered.

"Hey, hey, look at me: There was a man and a kid walking nearby. I think they are going to Jackson as well. His name is Joel, do you know him?"

"Joel? I don't think so. Wait, are you sure that they were going to Jackson? Damn, we have no weapons with us," Nath replied while putting her clothes back, you did the same. It was no longer a lazy day but a refuge that got caught. You both decided to return to the city using the longer path, unwilling to cross ways with the strangers.

You came back from your memory as Nath sucked her cheek while crossing her arms in front of her chest, looking in front of her and then back to Maria.

"They have been here before, right? I didn't catch their names," she inquired.

"Joel and Ellie, and yes, just like I said, they were here last winter" Maria said, softer than expected. From her seat, Nath locked eyes with you, in your mind flashed the sight of dark eyes and a strong nose.

“You mean that you want us to decide where your brother-in-law will be starting to give back to the city?" Alfie asked, mouth open while resting an elbow at his knee, getting closer to Maria, his accent thicker as he phrased.

“Something like that. Tommy said he used to be a contractor. They worked together before the outbreak. He traveled from Boston to here by feet with a young girl if this means something to any of you." Putting her hand on her belly, Maria looked at you. "Dolly, do you have any insights? You seem quieter today than usual."

“I think you should ask Alfie’s opinion on it. We just spoke about getting more hands to work on the dam. Am I right?"

Alfie smiled, showing his teeth to you despite you being oblivious to its meaning. You honestly had no idea why he was always so gentle with you, but now wasn't the time to figure it out.

The whole council was looking at him. Maria seemed impatient, Nath was still merged in her thoughts, Chad and Edwin were waiting. Alfie took another look at you before speaking, "If he has the skills and the willingness to help, I can't see why this would be a problem. When can he start?"

“Let’s make it soon as possible, shall we?” Maria said, getting up, her hand still upon her belly. "Do we have any more topics, or this is it?"

With that, the meeting was done. Everyone got to their primary jobs: Edwin to the clinic where he was the doctor, Chad to the city garden, Maria to coordinate the patrols, and Nath to the Tipsy Bison. You were slowly walking to catch Nath when Alfie started to walk with you.

"Do you like Mexican food?" he asked, looking into your eyes.

He was somewhat close to you, making his freckles even more visible. He was clean-shaved, but his stubborn 5 o'clock shadow continued there. His strong brows and deep, dark short hair made him very masculine, even with softer features. The eyes, green with a hint of brown, were so sweet, holding your gaze.

“Uhm, I think so. I can't say that I have eaten a lot of it before. Why?" you pondered, stopping on the mostly dry pavement. Alfie was a handsome and sweet man, he had been trying to get some excuses to talk with you over the last few months, and you found a reason to get away every single time.

“Amazing! Then you will try my food. It won’t be fully authentic because I can’t find everything here, of course, but Catarina wanted to eat quesadillas and thought you would like them too." His thick accent, combined with his beautiful smile, made you consider his proposal this time.

“Well, if it is Cat’s idea, why not?” He smiled even wider with your response. “Do you have a date in mind?”

“Oh, no, no, n-not a date, Dolly!” He raised his hands in front of him in panic, eyes widening as he stuttered.

"I mean, if you have a day for it already. I understood what you meant, don't worry," you chuckled as he blushed.

“What about tomorrow night? Are you free?”

You nodded, "Yes Alfie, I am. See you then", finishing the sentence with a smile and leaving, finally, for the Tipsy Bison.

When you got to the bar, it was easy to sense some tension in the air. Seth, the barman and general helper, looked at you like you both had a secret. Nath was in the kitchen muttering something to Seth, unaware of your presence. You noticed that the bar was emptier than normal, squinting your eyes a bit at the older man as he finally gave in.

"Alright, you haven't heard from me, but Tommy's brother is making a hell of an impression," he whispered to you, furring your brows to him, you didn't have time to ask what he meant when Nath came from the kitchen holding two plates with sandwiches.

“Are you deaf? I said we need more chicken, go get some, the patrols will be here soon, man!” she impatiently rambled to him. You shared a look with Seth while he got his coat and left the bar.

Nath sighed and shook her head, "Seven years, I still have no clue what Pawpaw saw in that man."

Seth was one of the first residents outside the original families, setting down in Jackson a few months after the settlement. Nath’s granddad’s best man, she promised him that he could continue to work there at Bison, something that she still felt unsure about years after it.

“Seth is a kind man, I think you are just jealous because your grandpa gave him his baseball cap," you said, getting one of the plates in front of you.

“Yeah, I won't get over it," she replied, pouting a little and making you laugh.

"So, low movement today?" you asked through a bite of the sandwich. Nath looked back at you with intensity.

"Yeah, seems so, apparently, Tommy's brother, Joel," she stressed the name, "has a reputation for himself. Everyone wants to know how the hell he got able to travel this far with a kid. They are settled down near the cemetery, nearby here.”

"It's a small place. Everything isn't as far," you pondered with another bite. By the way her eyes were on your face, it was clear that she wanted to cut to the chase. “Do you remember his first time here, during the winter? Because I don’t, we haven’t crossed paths. I kept wondering what could have happened to us in the woods that day, we had no protection.”

She nodded deeply, took another bite, and turned her neck towards the door. Deep in thinking, she said, "We should get ourselves a gun for situations like this. I mean, I have mine, but you? Oh Doll, I know you by heart, you don't have a gun."

You rested your chin in your hand, she was right. In the years before Jackson the maximum you were allowed to have was a knife, your brother and father had done everything to protect you.

"My heart is soft, am I right?" you shrugged, Nath laughed, "But I can use a gun, I just chose not to use one still. Sometimes I forget that we are in a bubble."

If you had a gun with you, would it have been different two days ago in the woods? Maybe, but now you were sure: you needed one for minor emergencies. Still, even if you were paranoid about your little ritual with your friend, something about Joel gave you the feeling that you could trust him.

You were sure he saw you hiding and chose not to chase you down. The council hasn’t spoken a word about it, Maria seemed unaware of it as well. Not that you were obliged to stay inside at all times inside Jackson, but people knew you and Nath left the city space occasionally for a few hours. What people had no clue is that you left without any protection. And this is what could bring you problems.

“I’ll get you a gun, don’t worry. What librarian amazing adventures do you have planned today?" She took another bite, waiting for your response.

"Esther asked me to restore one of her books about sheep, something about their reproduction cycle. Don't ask me, I have no clue." Nath seemed amused enough by your response, frowning.

Esther took care of the sheep farm, a little further on the hills, a few miles from Jackson. She also spent a few days of the week with the sheep inside the city, enhancing why she needed to keep the formal process updated in case someone else had to do her function.

In case, everything after the outbreak has to be in case of something. In case I can't be back, in case something happens in the way, in case someone dies. Your reluctance to have your gun was because it made you blue to think about tomorrow with the tone of "what if?" You wanted to be free in a world that never allowed you to be. First, it was the religion, then the outbreak, and now your sense of preservation.

Outside the Bison, you heard Tommy's voice. You looked to picture what was happening and saw him speaking with a man with dark brown eyes and a strong nose. You stiffed a bit in your seat. Joel smiled back at his brother and joined him in the Bison.

“Gentleman, how can I help you?” Said Nath, already going to the other side of the counter.

Joel looked at you for a second. You felt your cheeks blush a bit but maintained the pose. You were right, he was handsome.

"This is Nath, the firecracker I told you about. Her family helped to create Jackson, she takes care of the bar with Seth." Tommy started his explanation to this brother, looking at the blonde woman waiting for some explanation of where Seth was.

“He went to get me some chicken for this afternoon patrol’s food.”

“Oh, well, you’ll meet him another time for sure!” Tommy continued and moved on to stay by your side.

“And this is the city librarian, she takes care of the books with her life and restores them as well. Needless to say, I don't spend much time in the library, but I know for a fact that our Dolly is taking good care of it." He put a hand on your shoulder while smiling big towards his brother.

“Dolly as in Dolly Parton?” Joel asked, his low register voice trying to sound amicable, even though his face was still somewhat menacing.

You took a good look at his face. The salt and pepper appeared more near his temples, with his hair making soft curls near his forehead. Beard was patchy with a prominent mustache, making his bottom lip appear even plushier. The nose shaped like a triangle, strong with a small scar near the bridge. His square face was adorned with a few moles and wrinkles, deeper near his eyes and between his brows. A quick thought of wanting to kiss every single one of them appeared in the back of your mind. You spoke before analyzing it.

“As in doll face. People around here seem to think that I'm some kind of sweet creature," you responded, doing your best to replicate his tone with you. Your smile wasn't genuine, but it seemed enough for Tommy to smile back.

The nickname was horrible. You hated it since the first time you heard it. It made you feel weak. You were the middle child of seven kids in a classic Mormon family from Utah, from the moment you came into this world your life revolved around the idea of being a pretty thing on someone's shelf.

Never smartest, never funnier, not even prettiest, but definitely the sweetest. Putting men's needs above yours, letting people choose your path, you were hoping that by the time you got into your thirties you would have this behind you, but from the day you got in Jackson and Eugene said you were a Dolly, everyone just bought it and voilà, back to the place you tried to run from your whole life.

“Uhm, and do you like it?” Joel asked. You furrowed your brows a bit, "Being called like that?" His eyes went back and forth between yours.

"Not really," you answered, no longer fake smiling. “Perhaps you can call me another thing if you prefer." You could feel Nath’s eyes looking at you.

"Give me your name, and I’ll call you by it," Joel continued, you grinned and said it. He repeated for you while staring still. No more than a few seconds passed before Tommy opened his mouth.

“Girls, always a pleasure. I have to continue introducing my brother here to the other council members. See you at the mess hall.” Tommy waved his goodbye, Joel said “ma’am” to Nath and your name for you as he bowed his head and followed his brother.

That night you took longer to sleep from overthinking how your name sounded right when coming from his lips.

---

Nath wasn't joking when she said she would find you a gun. Not that you believe she was joking, but you mistook her influence around the town. She took in some favors and got her hand on a pistol, the same one that she dropped softly in your hands to right after putting both of her hands on her hips.

"I won't lecture you about it, so you know safety pin, how to properly store when traveling, don't tell Maria, the usual shit." She sighed, looking around your backyard as you put the gun safe in a box. When you looked back at her, she continued. "So, the cowboy liked you, huh?"

"What cowboy?" you asked, putting the box away and plopping in a chair, the orange cat nestling in your lap.

"So we have more than one cowboy? Interesting," she laughed, and you rolled your eyes. "C'mon, you know which one, the stranger danger."

"We only saw him once, quit it. Besides, it was just southern politeness," you replied while petting the cat.

Nath hummed a bit. You felt her mind pondering something before she spoke again, "Okay, no more Texans then, what about the Mexicans? How was last night's dinner?"

You stopped a bit pouting, trying to think of how you could describe the experience. "It was nice, turns out I like quesadillas.”

“That’s it? This is your whole summary? Gotta give me more," Nath replied, and you did.

Alfie showed up later at the library while you were cleaning some shelves, you knew that it was him before looking behind you because of the smell of sawdust and wood.

“I noticed that I haven’t said what time you could come tomorrow. 7 p.m. is fine by you?" He asked after greeting you with a smile. You already had forgotten about the dinner by this time, still thinking of deep brown eyes, very different from the green ones staring at you.

"Yeah, of course, what kind of dessert Cat likes? I will bring something." You got a little closer to him with a book in your hands.

Most of the time when Alfie tried to get close to you, he was alone: walking you to your house late at night, sitting down at your table in the mess hall, bringing you something from the patrols. You always politely said no or excused yourself early, you had no idea why he insisted so much on you. But this time, since he said it was his teenage daughter's idea, you finally gave in.

“Don’t worry, we’ll enjoy everything you make. 7 p.m. then, we’ll be waiting!" He said while returning to the door, leaving you with your thoughts. Cat was a good kid, always polite with you, and willing to spend some time by the library. What bad would it be to give her back some of the attention?

The rest of the day went fast. The book Esther asked for some small restore almost finished, the final task of getting more food for you and the orange cat waiting ahead. As you put some weight above Esther's book to make the glue stick to the pages, you heard the bell sound from the front door, courtesy of the library being in the same place as an old store from the pre-outbreak days. Leaving the back house and coming to the main room, you saw a small girl with her hair up, Tommy's niece.

You smiled at her. She was looking around the shelves with a hint of curiosity in her eyes. Still smiling, you introduced yourself and asked for her name.

"Ellie, as in Elena or Ellen?" you wondered while analyzing her face better in the artificial light inside the library.

“Just Ellie," she replied a little flat-toned, just like that afternoon near the river. Her dark brown eyes were a little lighter than Joel's, her skin paler too, a smaller mouth, and you remembered that Maria defined her as the girl, not his daughter or any other way.

"What brings you to the library?" You waited for her response; a few seconds passed, and she looked you in the eye.

“Do you have anything about space?" she inquired, and you smiled.

"Good choice. Anything specific in your mind?" you replied, looking for the right shelf.

The book collection wasn’t as extensive, but you thought the kid wouldn't care much. You were constantly adding new titles through the patrols and Eugene scheme with you, if you needed something different you could try to find it in another abandoned place. She continued in silence, trying to find the right words, "Okay, what about fiction? Do you like those? Have you read this one?" You placed a copy of Stardust by Neil Gaiman in front of her.

"Not a fairytale type of person," she grimaced, and you laughed. You believed the green book cover with a blonde fairy seemed a little childish to Ellie. Even though she appeared in her early teens, she had traveled across the country, and something told you that she had a hell of a time.

"Not exactly a fairytale. Okay, do you want to play a game?" She frowned and looked at you, "Take it with you. If you like it, your next book will be another recommendation from me, but if you hate it, I will read whatever you want to."

“I don’t know you, why would I say yes to it?” she asked, still confused.

“Have you ever talked with someone who read the same book as you? Or even someone with the same musical taste?" you replied as she shook her head, "then try it. You will be hooked.”

You wrote down her name with chalk on the board behind you, where you kept track of all the books and in which house they were. At the same time, Ellie left the library with the copy tugged in her arms. Life followed its natural track: you ate dinner and saved some for the orange cat, slept after a thread of thoughts about the handsome man, woke up early, and went straight to the library. The streets weren’t shining from rain just like the morning before, they were quieter than usual, if not for a girl seated in front of the library.

"You should have told me that this was an adventure book," Ellie exclaimed as soon as she saw you. Her eyes’ under bags were a little puffier than yesterday. She seemed somewhat sleepy.

“Did you read it all in one night?” You inquired while opening the library, her following your footsteps.

“Hell yeah, dude, they have pirates and witches. And Yvaine? The star? I need more of it," she spilled, the flatness of her prior tone no longer there. She was full of life, to your surprise.

You decided to take something a little bolder this time, handing her a copy of Coraline. She gratefully accepted it without questioning it.

"But make sure to breathe and sleep, okay? I don't want Joel worrying about you," you exclaimed as she left.

Marking down her name with a different book on the board, you remembered how you read underneath the sheets late at night as a kid before everything changed. Your brother would get you the titles he believed were appropriate growing up, very differently from your parents, who only wanted you to read the bible. It felt a lifetime of distance, but moments away. You sighed in relief but a tinge of guilt for making your way into a comfortable life in Jackson while your family had a different fate.

At 7 p.m. sharp you were up on your feet in front of the main door of Alfie’s house, knocking two times on the wood. You could hear from the door muffed voices speaking in a language that you weren’t familiar with, “como estoy? Me veo bien? No quiero que pienses que me arreglé demasiado”, “estás guapo, no te preocupes, invítala pronto!” and some quick steps in your direction.

"Dolly, good evening! How are you?" Alfie greeted you, opening the door and inviting you in.

“Hey, Alfie. All good, where can I put it?” You asked, showing the apple pie. He grinned and made some space at the table for it. Cat was already sitting, waiting for you both. “What’s up, Cat?”

"Not much, and you, Dolly?" she replied, looking at you with thick lashes. "Is that apple pie? Oh man, you got me by the stomach." The teenager looked like her father: hazel eyes, dark hair, and soft features. Her straight hair stopped slightly above her shoulders, with framed bangs the same height as her eyebrows.

"I hope you like my dad's food. Not to be modest, but he is a hell of a chef."

"Is this good or bad?" Alfie asked her, a little confused as you both sat. After 20 years in the USA, he still mixed some words in English.

"What do you think? Good, I'm starving for some of these!" His daughter got your plate, put two quesadillas then served her dad and herself.

The dinner went smoothly, even if you caught Cat trying to make you see Alfie in a better light at some points. She spoke about how he knew his way around the kitchen with more than just Mexican food, his passion for soccer (even if it was mostly long forgotten), about how he was present in the community with the neighbors and such. The teen was pushing you towards her dad, thinking you were unaware of all these traits, but you knew them, it just didn't make you head over heels for the man.

It was late at night when Alfie offered to walk back with you. At first, you declined, but Cat insisted it was bear attack season – nonsense since you lived inside the city walls. Still, her insistency made you accept the offer.

"If I saw right, your plate was empty after dinner." He started to converse with you as you strolled on the pavement. "So, did you like it? The quesadillas?”

“Ah, yeah, quite nice. You were right about it." You smiled and looked down the street, unsure of how to not give him too much hope.

"Whenever you want them, let me know. I’ll always make them for you, Dolly," Alfie said with his eyes shining under the moonlight and soft light of the lamppost.

As you approached your house, he continued speaking about the topics you shared during the evening. You tried to follow up, being polite despite wanting to be quiet. The orange cat jumped from the first-floor window to greet you as they saw you coming closer to the house. Alfie got the cat into his lap and petted his fur, looking straight into your eyes.

"You know, I really like spending time with you. I know I've been a little too on the nose with it, but it is true." He looked at the cat and then back to you, almost as if he couldn't hold your gaze. His voice was a little higher pitched than his usual register, the words faster. "I don't want you to think I will put pressure on you to like me back as I like you. But I would like for you to consider it, even if it is for just a second."

Your mouth opened, but there wasn't a sound, you shut it and pouted a bit. He had spent the last year trying to grab your attention, being nothing but kind to you. And yet, you didn’t feel it back.

"Alfie, tonight was nice." You weren't lying, it has been nice, "but I don't know. Haven't put that much thought on it." You finished looking down at the cat, who was purring in Alfie’s lap.

"Just think about it, would you? I’ll be here no matter if you want me or not," he said softly. You nodded back, smiling lopsided.

Putting the cat down on the pavement, Alfie kissed your check a little too long and walked back to his house. You sighed and straightened your back, wondering what you would do. At that moment, you felt a presence on the other side of the street. Joel was with Tommy, walking by, staring at you.

Had he seen Alfie kissing your cheek? Has he heard the conversation? You weren't sure, but when he quickly looked at his brother when noticed that you stared back, you felt that the ground opening and swallowing you.

You waited for Nath’s commentary after giving her what she wanted.

"Okay, now I need you to convince Alfie to make you more quesadillas so I can have my batch as well," Nath smiled, wiggling her brows. You glared at her. "What? You got a bike, I got a bike. The man wants you so bad that he will do anything you ask, help a friend.”

You had told her about the whole thing, just missing the details about Ellie appearing at the library and Joel watching you with Alfie. Those topics were still a blur in your head, you wanted a little more time before you spoke about it with her. Honestly, you wanted to see more of Joel before making your mind about him.

"I don't want to give the man false hopes," you replied, petting the cat on your lap. Nath snorted.

"It isn't false hopes. He is mental for you, has been since you came to this city! You said yourself, Cat planned the whole evening to make sure you would be closer to her dad. At his point, he just wants whatever you can give," she pondered, giving a big stretch and going straight to your kitchen. When she got back, there were two glasses of cherry wine in her hands.

"I’ll tell you this: you have two cowboys looking for you." She ignored the full glare you made in her direction as you grabbed the glass from her hand, "so why not allow yourself a bit of chase?"

“Fuck it, I will considerer it.” Clicking the glasses, you both made a big gulp. Delicious, Nath’s recipe for wine was one of the backbones of your friendship. "Just no more words about cowboys, okay? No matter what kind, let me have this."

"Yeah, I heard you, man." She said, ignoring you, finishing her glass and walking to your backyard door. "See ya later.”

In the silence of the late afternoon, with the sky once again painted pink and orange, you thought about dark brown eyes and why the idea of him seeing you with another man bothered you so much.

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[gasolinerainbowpuddles]

𝑭𝑬𝑹𝑨𝑳 𝑾𝑶𝑴𝑨𝑵 ║ Chapter 4 - I'm Standing on the Ashes of Who I Used To Be

| FERAL WOMAN | series masterlist | main masterlist | | PAIRING(s): Joel Miller x fem!OC/reader | RATING: explicit material | 18+ | WORD COUNT: 5.3k | CHAPTER WARNINGS: none | CHAPTER SUMMARY: With your solo trip to the market taking a jarring deviation from what you’d planned, you find yourself alone with Joel in his house for a moment of reprieve. The one-on-one setting grants you the opportunity to get more insight into the man who is quickly becoming something of a fascinating and commanding companion.

║ＰＲＥＶＩＯＵＳ ║⋄── •✧• ──⋄║ ＮＥＸＴ ║

Please read with caution if you have difficulties with works concerning: SA, physical violence, torture, captivity, trauma, and similar topics as they are discussed throughout the series. All highly sensitive portions WILL BE MARKED with my sensitive material banner if you wish to skip the more challenging portions. The sensitive material banner looks like this:

Joel and Ellie’s house was much different from Susan’s. The usual tidy and bright space she kept was a far cry from the laid back atmosphere of the one you currently found yourself in. Jackets were draped on the stair banister. Boots were jumbled along the hallway baseboard. Comic books were strewn about the floor of the living room in your periphery. An empty glass sat dangerously close to the edge of the console table next to you. Susan’s mantra “a place for everything, and everything in its place” would be more of a “this is our place, so everything’s all over the place” here. It wasn’t dirty or cluttered. Just, very lived in. While it was obvious there wasn’t a lot of coming and going from Susan’s - yours and Susan’s, you mentally amended - Joel and Ellie’s home reflected the flurry of constant movement of its inhabitants.

“You can hang Tommy’s jacket on that hook over there or jus’ keep it on, whatever’s your preference. Same for boots. Kick ‘em off somewhere to your left if you want,” he signaled as he began shucking his jacket from his shoulders and hanging it on a hook.

“I didn’t take it,” you declare abruptly.

“Take it? Huh? Take what?” Joel looked up from shoving off his boots. His furrowed brow and downturned mouth signaled pure confusion at the sharp left in the conversation.

“Tommy, he gave me this. This jacket. And I can, well. As long as, until Maria can bring me- get me a new one. But I didn’t s-steal it,” you stressed.

“Yeah, I wasn’t really thinkin’ you managed to nick his favorite jacket from him,” Joel quipped with a snort. 

“Favorite?” you mumble.

You frowned and looked down to the jacket you had been wearing almost constantly since it had been lent to you. Your face twisted in displeasure at the stain along the buttons where you had spilled your drink  a few days ago. A dark tea Susan had urged you to drink. 

You weren’t usually in a situation where you had to worry about food or drink being too hot - or even warmed, for that matter - so you weren’t thinking when you raised the cup to your lips and burnt your tongue almost immediately. The tea had dribbled out from your mouth, followed by more drops sloshing from the mug. It all joined in a splotch of brown that had already ruined Tommy’s jacket. His favorite jacket.

“He’ll recover,” Joel ragged. “Don’t worry ‘bout it.”

You brush aside the fledgling awareness that your hyperexcitability today was a showcase of your absolute lack of sensibility. Forming your own movements and thoughts felt unbearable, so you mimicked Joel’s actions and removed your jacket and boots. Joel stood with his hands firmly on his hips. The corner of his bottom lip was neatly tucked under his incisors as if in thought. Noticing you had made yourself comfortable, he cleared his throat and shifted his weight.

“I can, uh … Do you want me to sit outside? I don’t mind,” he offered.

“No. S’your house.” 

Him offering to sit outside in the cold sank into your mind like a fallen tree into a torrential river. A hard stop in your internal turmoil, shifting your refractory thoughts yet again. Although it was a considerate gesture, it only underlined the extensive accommodations you required to just fucking exist. 

You weren’t going to force him to sit outside in the cold. Not after all he had done for you today. 

“Alright. Just tryna gauge the situation. Want you to feel comfortable,” he admitted. “Know you’ve had a mornin’.”

“I’m fine,” you lie.

“Couch.” You motion vaguely to the living room where you could see the open seating. A shrug of your shoulders was intended to offset the rude demand and distort it as more of a question, but Joel didn’t seem to mind your choppy communication.

He nodded and planted himself comfortably onto the far left side of the couch. He turned his head to look over his shoulder at you when you hadn’t moved. Before you could entertain your hesitations too long, you hurled your leg out to set yourself in motion towards the couch. When you rounded the right side, you were presented with yet another dilemma: where to sit. 

If you sat all the way to the right, Joel might feel offended that you wanted so much space between you. If you sat in the middle, you’d be uncomfortable. And maybe he would be, too? As usual, you were left without an obvious place where you belonged.

“Just take the other end, darlin’,” Joel drawled. 

Your eyes snapped to him. You tried to identify any impression of offense that you clearly didn’t want to sit too close to him, but there was nothing to discover except his unfazed, neutral disposition.

You turned and plopped down into the opposite corner of the couch from Joel. You tugged the lifted edges of your sleeves down in an attempt to cover your wrists. It seemed pointless to do so when your fully visible face and neck had plenty enough evidence of imparted violence, but you couldn’t eschew the way it made you feel exposed. You wanted to hide away as many parts of yourself that you could.

Joel pivoted to face you more directly, clasping his hands together loosely between his knees as he rested his elbows on his thighs and leaned forward. “You’n Susan gettin’ on alright?”

It was an innocent enough question. Probably just an attempt to make small talk while the two of you waited for Ellie to return. But none of that stopped the onslaught of reminders about everyone’s opinions about you. Your supposed splintery, temperamental nature. Your delicate balance between calm and chaos.

A flush of irritation swept across your cheeks. You played back Tommy and Maria’s conversation from earlier today in your mind. The heat spread to your chest, mingling with your thundering heartbeat, when you remembered how Ellie had shown up at the door to speak with Susan after the unorthodox introduction you’d had with her and Joel.

“Did you send Ellie to the house the other day?” you challenge.

Joel didn’t answer right away and instead paused to absorb your brusque charge. It was all you needed to confirm he had indeed enlisted Ellie’s surveillance of you.

“I did,” he admitted.

“I’m not going to hurt Susan,” you snip. 

A constricting sensation wrapped your lungs. Everyone assumed you were ready at a moment’s notice to harm other people. A primal defense. A ticking time bomb. You weren’t that person. 

Why did everyone think you were that kind of person?

“Huh? Hurt Susan?” Joel parotted, a perplexed inflection in his voice.

“You sent Ellie. That’s why you had her, told her– That’s why you sent Ellie. Isn’t it? Because you–you think after the other day, in the snow, that I’m– Because I’m not in my right mind, and I will hurt Susan?” you protest.

You words came out a jumbled mess, but you didn’t care. You were sticking up for yourself. Or something like that. Tommy and Maria freely discussing how much of a catastrophe you were only instigated round after round of residual anger. Each recounting amassing with the others, snowballing into a pit of fury in your gut.

“WELL?” you demand.

You ignored the bile licking at your throat as you recklessly addressed Joel, a man who could slam your head in one swift strike against the stone fireplace a few feet away and kill you instantly, if he wanted to.

 “I sent Ellie, yeah, but it wasn’t Susan I was thinkin’ we needed to check up on,” he snorted in disbelief. He glanced at your hands folded in your lap and back up to you with a frown. “You’re shaking.”

“No I’m not,” you argue immediately. The tremor in your voice was clear even to your own ears.

“Alright,” he drew the word out in a mumble, not paying any mind to your awful lying.

When he stood up without warning, you flinched with such a frenetic motion that you knocked one of the back cushions out of place and over top your legs.

“Whoa, whoa now. Hold on,” Joel implored. He took a large step away from the couch and raised his palms out and up to his shoulders. You wanted to sink into a hole in the floor. He was interacting with you like he was trying to pacify a startled animal.

“Wasn’t thinkin’. Sorry ‘bout that,” he apologized earnestly. “I was gonna get you some water. You keep lickin’ and bitin’ at your lips. Gonna bleed if you keep it up.”

Trembles wracked your entire frame as you willed yourself to sit upright and return the cushion to its rightful place along the back of the couch. “S’f-fine.”

“Do I, I mean, should I announce myself? Coming back in?” he suggested.

You shrugged and cast your eyes to the ground. Apparently you were never short on finding new ways to make yourself appear more demented and disturbed.

Heavy footsteps sounded down and back up the hallway, followed by Joel’s clear call that he was behind you and coming up on your right side. As promised, he appeared on your right-hand side and passed a full glass of water to you. You whispered a thanks and emptied its entire contents in a few, rapid gulps. Joel repeated his trip to the kitchen and his words of notice as he brought you another glass of water, which you downed a touch less voraciously this time.

You finished the last sip and turned the glass in your hands. Your stomach gurgled at the rapid ingestion of liquid with no solids present to settle it.

“Hungry?” he prodded. 

You dipped your head “yes” even though it hadn’t been that long since you ate breakfast. Usually your appetite wouldn’t build so quickly, but it was yet another thing you were coming to accept as your new normal.

“C’mon,” he instructed, turning and walking back into the kitchen. You followed with slow, gradual steps. Your nerves were still on fire from all the events of the day, and Joel’s surprise departure from the couch had set ablaze an entirely new fit of anxiety.

“Dunno what you like,” he said from behind the fridge door. He straightened and sighed, seeming dissatisfied with the offerings. He closed the fridge and opened a few cabinets. He pulled down a container that had a variety of bagged nuts and some jerky.

A little noise escaped you when you saw the jerky, and you cringed when Joel noticed. 

“Somethin’ you see? Can have whatever you want.”

“I - I would – if it would be – some, some of the jerky,” you whisper, pointing feebly to the container.

Joel didn’t hesitate to grab the packet and hand it to you. Your eyes widened as you extended your arm and carefully extracted it from his grasp. Joel sent an amused smile your way, and the thin line of your mouth twitched up at the corners in response. You opened the packet and looked back up at Joel for permission. 

“Go on,” he insisted. “Knock yourself out.” Your smile fell flat at his harmless idiom.

“Oh. Somethin’ I said?” He frowned in consideration at your shift in mood.

“It’s .. not you. It’s me. It’s my problem, I mean. You didn’t. You didn’t do anything.” You worried your bottom lip between your teeth and stared at the jerky. It was ridiculous how nervous you felt to just reach out and take a piece.

You couldn’t shake the memory of the night at the cabin. The dirty, forgotten piece of jerky on the floor underneath the cabinets. Getting caught by Sam’s men. How you didn’t get the jerky or anything else to eat, but instead you just ended up–

“I appreciate you wantin’ to spare my feelings and all, but it clearly was somethin’ I did,” he contested. “If I knew what it was, I could avoid doin’ it again.”

Your eyes met his searching gaze. Your heart jumped into your throat when you saw the sincerity he held for you. Maybe he deserved to know. He had done more than enough for you today.

If telling him the truth was all you had to do, maybe you should just do that. Return the kindness. Like you were trying to do with Susan. Give something to these people showing you kindness and help. Offering way less in return for all they were doing for you. It wasn’t like he didn’t have a rough idea of your previous living situation. Your roughed up appearance and skittish demeanor did very little to obscure the extent of the challenges you’d faced.

“Well. I-I don’t know how to. How to say it, exactly,” you confess.

And you didn’t. You were still struggling with basic small talk. How were you supposed to explain your apprehension in a way that wouldn’t be awkward or too personal? And without getting completely tongue-tied?

“Then don’t think about it. Jus’ say the first thing that comes to your head,” he suggested. 

A deep pull of air. A reaping of your determination. A categorical allotment of your trust in Joel. 

You had to try.

“When you said ‘knock yourself out’, it reminded me of the-the last time I tried to sneak a piece of jerky, because .. because I was so hungry... Sam didn’t feed me. And thirsty. He was asleep. Drunk. I snuck. Wasn’t roped to the bed. I got out. Got out.”

Your voice became more uneven the further you got into recounting that night.

“And they- they had dropped on the floor– the jerky, a piece on the floor. But they were asleep. The men. I thought. Distracted because I was hungry and thirsty. And. It was- but they caught me. That’s how I ended up … that’s how I got my…,” you trailed, gesturing towards your cheek when your words failed you. 

You blinked a few times as you processed how amazing it felt to have just managed to get most of that out without tripping over every other word.

When you focused back on Joel, the unbridled rage in his face made you freeze. He looked dangerous. 

“M’sorry,” he gritted, shutting his eyes for a moment. “Not mad at you,” he assured you, picking up on your trepidation at his incensed state.

“Just … Makes my blood boil. That somebody did that to you.” 

Your eyes flitted down to Joel’s fist clenching and unclenching. Rather than feeling frightened, the tight spot in your chest loosened ever so slightly.

“Can’t imagine…how anyone could do that.. to you…” He shook his head in angry jerks. 

You were secretly pleased that you weren’t the only one who had trouble expressing difficult feelings and thoughts. Maybe Joel was someone who understood how hard it was for you to just get things out there in a way others could understand. 

His eyes snapped open. His expression was still furious, but didn’t hold the same lethal bite from before.

“Fuck ‘em,” he bit out in a humorless laugh. “Glad Tommy killed that piece of shit. Glad they all got their shit wrecked up on that mountain. Bunch of dumbasses couldn’t even keep a low profile. Bound to die sooner or later, so fuckin’ stupid. Deserved worse than they got, though. Wish they woulda suffered more.” 

You stared in wonder at Joel’s circling thoughts and felt little prickles of exhilaration blooming over your skin at the way he had responded to the circumstances you had endured. It sent a thrill up your spine so forceful you shivered slightly.

“I… Me, too,” you agreed.

“You’re gonna eat as much fuckin’ jerky as you want, you understand? And you’re takin’ that with you when Ellie gets back with your food. Keep it in your room, eat it whenever the hell you want to,” he demanded, pointing a stern finger at the packet in your hand.

“Okay,” you breathe. A wide grin rearranged your entire face into an expression of fiendish delight. You felt a surge of adrenaline over Joel’s impassioned appeal to your wellbeing and the sheer potency of his defense on your behalf.

He huffed a small laugh through his nose at your impish expression and seemed to shift away from the anger directed at the monsters in your history. 

You sat in the kitchen together as you nibbled at your jerky. Joel helped himself to a piece, and you sat in a comfortable silence until Ellie returned with the groceries for you and Susan.

“Here ya go,” she puffed with a smile as she dropped the bags onto the table. “Ooooh, jerky!” She nabbed a piece beside your hand, and you felt a rush of pride when you didn’t even flinch. Your lips knit together as you tried to contain your self-conscious but elated smile.  Joel grinned at you, noticing your reaction and making the connection to its catalyst.

Your efforts to contain your glee dissolved, and you directed your proud smile towards the table. Maintaining eye contact was too much with these kinds of strong reactions you were fielding. Sometimes you just had to look away to help level yourself.

Even the good moments like this inundated you with thoughts and feelings that needed to be processed - just like the blanket Susan was making you. It would have to wait until tonight for you to mull it over.

As if he had a front row seat to your inner workings, Joel announced he would help to carry the food over to your house. He snatched the bag of jerky from Ellie, who promptly let out a, “Hey what the fuck, man?!” You snickered quietly at her accusation that held no real hostility.

“Well well well, glad to see somebody’s feeling better,” she chirped and jutted her chin at you. You shrugged once into your shoulder but didn’t shy away from her assessment.

“Shut up, Ellie,” Joel grumbled.

“Hey, come back over some time! It’s so fucking boring with just Joel around,” she heckled, twisting her way to Joel’s side when he tried blocking her off from you.

“Pain in my ass,” Joel mumbled theatrically, but you caught the way he held back a smirk.

“Oh. Oka- Yes. Def-Yes,” you titter. The blush on your cheeks wasn’t from anger this time, instead a giddy relief that you somehow hadn’t managed to drive these people away from you. Even your fluctuations between every point on the spectrum of human emotion at a moment’s notice hadn’t been too much for them. They seemed to just take it in stride. They seemed to handle it better than you did, if you were being honest with yourself.

When Joel walked you back, refusing to let you carry a single thing, you worked up the nerve to discuss something with him that had been weighing on you.

“Hey. Did you … the other day. With the snow. And everything,” you rambled. “Did you say .. to Tommy and Maria? Say anything to them?”

“No,” he replied. You paused in surprise at his answer. You had been so certain he must have gone to tell them all about your erratic behavior.

“No?” you repeat. 

“None of their business,” he asserted. “And none of today is their business, either.”

You took a moment to digest the meaning of his words. He hadn’t told anyone about your first meeting and how bizarre it was. He wasn’t going to say anything to anyone about today. Your attention shifted to your front door only a stride away and then back to Joel.

Seeming to understand your unasked question, he added, “And Susan doesn’t need to know all your business, either.”

Your hunched shoulders relaxed, and you closed your eyes as you culled a full breath into your lungs. “Thank you.”

“No need to thank me. You just keep on. You’ll be okay,” he asserted in that same confident tone that had a rapid sedating effect on your nerves.

You patted his arm in gratitude with three quick taps before snapping your hand back to your side. The corner of his mouth twitched up at your friendly gesture. 

“Here, take these now.” He handed the bags of food to you before rapping his knuckles against the door. You bounced on the balls of your feet just a little when you managed to not jerk away from the noise. Joel gave you the same grin from the kitchen table when you had your last moment of pride. You sunk your teeth into your bottom lip to keep your smile from growing bigger.

“And, what Ellie said earlier, about comin’ over sometime, we’d enjoy the company,” he said. You didn’t have a chance to answer him other than a soft gasp of disbelief and delight before the door swung open.

Susan stood in the doorway and remarked on Joel’s surprise appearance, expecting to see Maria with you. Shit. The next time Maria came over, Susan was bound to talk to her about your outing and find out you had foolishly gone alone.

“Me’n Ellie caught her just as we were headin’ out. Goin’ to get our shoppin’ done, too. She did real good, Susan. Whatever you’re doin’ is helpin’, I think,” he said as he jerked his head in your direction. 

You nodded with enthusiasm at Joel’s cover for you. Bless this man and his skillful lying! you sang to yourself. “Oh, Bug! That’s wonderful!” she lilted. Her excitement was palpable.

“You know, Joel, usually Maria stops by about once a week to fetch me some things, but it might just work out that Bug could start doing the shopping when you and Ellie go out. Now with two people in the house, we’ll need to keep more food around. I’m sure however often you and Ellie go would be about the same we’d need to do our shopping, too.”

An eyebrow shot up to your hairline at Susan’s estimation. Joel, the bulky, broad man next to you? That could probably eat a Thanksgiving tier meal three times a day, every day? You doubted you and Susan’s intake combined would put a dent in Joel’s diet. If he and Ellie didn’t make multiple trips a week to the store or the canteen, you were certain they were lugging back more than just two measly fabric bags of food. 

“Sure thing, Susan,” Joel replied. You looked up at him in surprise. “That is, if you’re alright with it?”

“I, of course. Of course. That sounds good,” you agree. Maybe going with him and Ellie would be better than Maria. After all, today’s outburst at least gave them an idea of what to expect if things went south again.

“Alright, great. I’ll let y’all two get inside where it’s warm.” Joel stepped aside for you to enter and gave a quick wave before heading off.

You tucked the carrots into the fridge while Susan unpacked the second bag.

“See, Bug? I promised you that they were great to have around for some help. Isn’t Joel such a nice man?” she asked. “Yes. Yes, he is,” you answer.

It was the only thing you had said today with swift, unconditional certainty.

The next week rolled around, and you made your way to Ellie and Joel’s for your market trip. Joel answered the door and started to lock it and head out. “Ellie’s at some school somethin’ or other today. Bitched about it all mornin’. Just you and me today if that’s alright,” he explained.

“Oh. Sure. That’s-That’s fine,” you reply.

“Alright, if you’re sure.” He paused for a moment before adding, “And I’dda had you come in while I finished up the dishes, but I wasn’t sure you’d be okay with that or not.”

“I-I think that would’ve been okay,” you lie. Joel’s lip twitched, but he was kind enough to not vocalize the fact that you both knew you weren’t telling the truth.

“I’m-I mean it. I do. Being around you. It’s fine. I like it. Being around you,” you blurt out unceremoniously. Embarrassment started to creep up your spine at your tactless social etiquette, but you pushed it down. You refused to feel shame for your lack of decorum aftering spending so many years alone or worse yet in the company of those you’d hesitate to even call human beings.

Joel didn’t say anything at first, although his quirked brow and upward tug at the corner of his mouth gave the impression that he was at least amused by you.

“I’m glad t’say it’s the same for me,” he chuckled. His lack of reaction at your awkward outburst made you feel like you should explain yourself.

“Thanks.” The conversation lulled, and you tried to steal a few furtive glances at Joel. Not satisfied with the glimpses you were managing, you settled into a loop of peeks that you knew were much too close to gawking for it to go unnoticed.

 Joel didn’t shift or seem uncomfortable under your watch. It was as if he didn’t have a care in the world. 

You’d give anything to feel like that.

“My people- My social skills aren’t too great. Sorry,” you excuse yourself in a hurry.

Joel simply shrugged, clearly not going to engage in your negative self-talk.

“Guess that’s what being kidnapped and kept prisoner for two years does to you,” you laugh hollowly.

Joel did stiffen at the casually lobbed statement you offered up as if it weren’t absolutely gut-wrenching and devastating. You blatantly stared up at him, wanting to see his reaction.

“Honey, you’re better company than just about anybody I’ve met in Jackson, so I’d encourage you to not get stuck on shit like that,” he contended firmly with an unwavering gaze set on you to match.

“S-Sure you don’t just-just put up with me? Because you, ‘cause you feel sorry for me?” The words came spilling out of your mouth before you could stop them.

“I wouldn’t put up with somebody if I didn’t want to,” he corrected. 

You felt a warmth in your chest at his admission. You wished you could also claim you wouldn’t be around somebody if you didn’t like them, but you had just spent month after month after month of your life doing just the opposite.

“I’m just, you know, just trying to learn. Learn how to be… around people?” Again, the words spilled over without thought. Joel’s low reactivity somehow made him into a sort of sounding board.

“You and me both,” Joel chuckled.

You tilted your head in question. He seemed to interact with people just fine. He didn’t seem anxious at all whenever he spoke to anyone. Sure, he didn’t say much usually, but you never got the impression that he felt nervous. 

You’d give anything to feel like that.

“But you talk to everyone just fine,” you counter.

Joel laughed some more and shook his head in disagreement. “No. I simply do what I have to in order to get by. Simple as that.”

Your body flexed in response to his offhand remark. If that’s what Joel was doing, did that mean you were going to have to do the same? More fakery?  More saying whatever people want to hear so that your life is easier? More forgoing your own wishes just so you aren’t in danger? Being a different person entirely just because it kept you safer than being yourself and listening to your own desires and wishes?

You curled and uncurled your hands at your sides in frustration. “Somethin’ I said?” Joel leaned over to get a better view of you.

You averted your face so you didn’t have to look at him. “S’nothing.”

He walked silently for a moment before it seemed he had an idea of what you had reacted to.

“Nothin’ wrong with doin’ what you have to, to survive,” he said sternly. 

You glanced back up at him. The mist over your eyes clouded your vision slightly, but you didn’t risk blinking it back and sending it spilling over.

“But you don’t have to do that sorta thing here, you understand me? Talk to who you wanna talk to. Say what you wanna say. You don’t owe anybody shit.”

You squeezed your eyes shut, willing the gathering wet in your eyes to recede.

“Hey.” Joel’s voice was so soft you would’ve missed it if you weren’t on such high alert already. You sniffed back your frustration and turned to look up at him when he stopped. You really didn’t need to cry in front of this man. Again.

“I’m gonna say somethin’, and you need to listen to me,” he said slowly. His hand sort of hovered near your shoulder as if he had intended to place it there but thought better of it at the last minute. “You can keep me company any time you see fit. You might feel self-conscious at the way you talk with people, but I like it.” 

You blinked and stared back at him, unsure if he was telling the truth or just trying to make you feel better. 

“I mean it. Half the time people talk around what they’re really tryin’ to say, and it drives me nuts. You? You just say it. You try to, even though I know it’s hard for you. You say what you’re thinkin’. You got the guts to say what’s on your mind. I like it. Takes the guess work outta things. Makes it easier to talk when it’s somebody like that.”

The tears you had tried so hard to keep in check were now teetering on your lashes. “I hope you like how I talk freely with ya, too.” His tone took a questioning turn, and you could only laugh at his unwarranted uncertainty.

“Yeah. Yeah, I do,” you warble. “Trying to trust people. You’re doing a- doing a pretty good job of m-making that easier for me, Joel.”

You dug your nails into the palms of your hands to keep from crying even though you were sure Joel could see the wet lumps brimming along your eyes.

“And thanks for saying that you, um, that you like b-being around me.” It came out more pitiful than you had intended, but it was out there now.

“Not a hard sell when somebody’s easy to be around,” he shrugged.

The movement of your face rearranging into a smile pushed the teetering pools onto the curves of your face in little rivulets. Joel’s thumb twitched as though he was considering brushing them off for you, but you shook your head in warning and scrubbed the heels of your palm over your face to dry them up before he could.

A small frown curved into the line of Joel’s mouth as he lowered his hands to his sides in an almost apologetic motion.

“Too much still,” you reminded him. “Nothing to-to do with you.”

He nodded in understanding and motioned for the two of you to continue walking.

You waited a few beats to collect yourself before trying to start up a conversation again. 

“You know that, uh, you’re-you’re in big trouble, right?”

Joel’s head snapped to attention, and you worried you had overplayed your joke.

“Yeah, I hafta use some of the slips for s’more jerky,” you tease. “Your fault.”

Joel cracked a wide grin when he realized you were trying to give him a hard time.

“Already polished off the bag I gave you, huh?” he taunted with equal levity.

“Actually, yeah. I-I did. Is that bad?” you ask in earnest.

Joel sniffed a laugh and replied, “Nope. Already told’ya you’re under strict orders to eat as much of it as often as you want.”

You were glad it wasn’t actually a bad thing that you were having to use some of Susan’s slips just to support your jerky habit. 

“A-Affirmative, lieutenant,” you giggle. You hoped your play on Joel’s wording of “strict orders” landed.

“Christ you’re a mess,” Joel laughed, and you gladly joined him with a timid one of your own.

Turns out Joel's struggles with communicating feelings improve greatly when presented with somebody who's even worse at it than he is lmao.

Also, I know it's not really funny considering the context, but Joel angrily commanding somebody to eat jerky is hilarious to me.

What are y'all's thoughts on the story so far? Would love to hear from you. :)

And thank you to everyone who has been interacting and even reblogging my silly little fics. It's so kind of you, and I appreciate it!

Catch ya later, 

♥Puddles♥

[rainbowsky]

Some repos from the extras at Legend of Zanghai filming set.

Repo 1

"After the stunt double audition, the staff asked us to take off our clothes and get ready. I put my clothes away and stood aside. I was caught off guard when I saw Zhan Zhan walking over. It was about four o'clock in the afternoon. I was walking very fast, with black umbrellas on both sides, but I still saw his side face in the backlight.

"The sunlight gave him a soft light filter, making it hazy, illusory and beautiful. No matter how I opened my eyes, I couldn't see clearly. He walked to the side of the carriage and sat down, still holding umbrellas on both sides, while the staff arranged his appearance.

"After getting ready, Zhan Zhan got into the carriage. When he started filming, he was about to get off the carriage, pass through a large pavilion and look into the distance. When Zhan Zhan stood on the pavilion and looked out, I walked perfectly under him and was just a few steps away from him. There are two steps, estimated to be about two meters, and you can see very clearly from here.

"Overall, he is very tall and thin, and his clothing style makes him look very elegant, a bit like a frail scholar. His face is small, white and three- dimensional, and his skin is delicate and flawless. His eyes will look up when he looks at this action. His expression looks very childish, so cute and cute! I stopped here and returned to my original position. I shot this scene three times, which means I stood under the steps and watched Zhan Zhan three times! His eyes are so good, his nose is so good, his mouth is so good!! But this scene is very short. , he left after filming."

Repo 2

"Then came the night scene. I was arranged to go to the first floor of the attic by the river. I was immediately fascinated by the scenery.

"First of all, it was the moon that had just risen. It was big and full. The color was warm and yellow. The darker the night, the brighter it became. By the river The attic is filled with warm yellow lanterns, countless small river lanterns are placed on the river, and there is also a boat filled with flowers. The crowds on the shore bridge are bustling. The overall atmosphere is very, very romantic. Just looking at the scenery makes me so happy. Cry.

"My task was to put up the river lanterns. The team leader quietly told us that the names of the river lantern props were not recorded and we could take them back secretly after taking the photos...

"There was a beautifully decorated boat on the dock next to it. Later, cameras were set up one after another and it was confirmed that Zhan Zhan was going to board the boat.

"The passage was on the second floor. There was no way on the first floor and we could only circle around the building, so we couldn't get closer to him. It was a night scene, so I couldn't see his facial features clearly. Zhan Zhan came out of the house and went down the stairs to the dock. There was a beam of light here that would shine on his face for a moment, and then every time he passed by here, my eyes would light up.

"There were many people on the pier, and his height and figure stood out. Although it was dark, I could see him as soon as he came out of the house. He got on the boat and walked through the cabin and sat down at the other end. He could only see his profile.

"I talk a lot when I'm excited, and I broadcast Xiao Zhan's current situation to my friend next to me in real time: Xiao Zhan is breathing heavily, Xiao Zhan is turning his head, Xiao Zhan is beeping, Xiao Zhan is clapping, Xiao Zhan's cervical vertebra is returning to the C position, Xiao Zhan is clasping his hands...

"I also saw him taking pictures of the sky with his mobile phone, which he will definitely post later. I don't know if he took the pictures of the crew's headlights or the moon.

"Almost all that was left was the panoramic shot. We all thought that the whole scene was just a stand-in and the actor should call it a day.

"Unexpectedly, he came out again. We watched it again. I really couldn't see his facial features clearly in this night scene, but some of his little moves are really cute, and his overall body shape is very good and upright. The costume appearance in this drama shows that he has a literary character, and he is not a boastful person."

Repo 3

"When I woke up, I found that it was snowing heavily in Hengdian. I suddenly wanted to take pictures of the snow scenery along the river during the Qingming Festival. Hengdian covered with snow has a unique flavor. I saw the filming of Legend of Zanghai inside, and I also took a look at Xiao Zhan, who was too thin, and Brother Zhan got wet. A piece of snow~ The auspicious snow heralds a good harvest. I hope Legend of Zanghai will become a hit drama and get better and better next year."

Repo 4

"Everyone worked very hard to set up the scene early, and the attitude of the on-site staff was very good. Anyway, I really like this crew, and the happiest thing today is seeing Xiao Zhan.

"Ah, you can understand my excitement from words. I feel that I have already. He was very restrained but still very excited. At that time, I also knew why the fan checks were so strict. I was not his fan and I was very excited. How can I take pictures when the fans are here? I was so excited that I was feeling sleepy.

"Suddenly, I heard the little sister next to me say that Xiao Zhan came out. Who knew the family members immediately woke up and their eyes widened.

"The little sister next to me was even more exaggerated. While standing on tiptoes to look, she had already taken out a pair of glasses from her pocket. The three of them took turns looking at this face, this figure, this, this, this, this, this, really hot."

Repo 5

"Good news: I saw Xiao Zhan and Xiao Zhan also saw us!

"Bad news: I only saw the side face...

"I accidentally drove a rental car in the scenic area and saw it when I passed by the set (because the set was being cleared at that time and the staff said he had left after filming and we didn't know he was there) and then we paused... the director reminded

"After we got dressed, we were in a hurry to leave (we were shocked and worried about affecting their progress), but we pressed the button to reverse... which made everyone laugh. So Xiao Zhan turned around, probably to see what was going on with the rest of us in the car. Stayed to death.

"The weather was too cold, so I was in a hurry and the car got stuck. Haha, a few college students can't muster a sound brain. When he turned around, our eyes couldn't focus because it was snowing heavily and we were busy getting the car and we had to listen to the staff...and we all knew we couldn't take pictures, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh My dissatisfied eyes"

Repo 6

"He's tall, handsome, and has a good figure. His face is so good that he can't help but smile. Now I finally know how well Xiao Zhan's fans usually eat.

"I'm sorry, I'll climb the wall for two days. The crew members have good looks, good looks, and super food. It’s delicious. Apart from collecting my cell phone and trying to help me quit my Internet addiction, he’s really a killer. I’m so happy.

"My own aesthetics are my own aesthetics. I feel that he is the most stunning man I’ve ever seen in real life.

"Today I was assigned to Legend of Zanghai!!!!! I watched it up close for a long time! Xiao Zhan is so handsome! He’s so beautiful! I’m going crazy hahahahahaha I saw him in the daytime drama, and also in the evening drama, and I stood behind him and followed him. I passed him at close range several times and felt that my life was complete.

"Another thing I feel is that The Legend of Zanghai is so good. I get off work at a certain time, even earlier than the main actors. Haha, the rest are all group performances until the end"

Repo 7

"He is really worthy. He is very humble and polite on the set."

Repo 8

"Excited to meet Xiao Zhan in Hengdian

"The first time I came to Hengdian, I met the crew of "The Legend of Zanghai" during the Qingming Festival Along the River. The blue fence was Brother Zhan's RV. It was also fenced off during the filming, but you could see it from all sides.

"The filming started at 1 o'clock. At around 4 o'clock, many onlookers left. Brother Zhan walked through the show three times. The real person was handsome, tall and thin. He has a good figure, but he looks thinner than on TV."

Repo 9

"On 1.25, a blind box was opened in Hengdian and the crew of Xiao Zhan (The Legend of Zanghai) was opened. I finally met Xiao Zhan after coming to Hengdian for more than a month. The scene that day was shot for the scene where the male and female protagonists are on a boat. Xiao Zhan himself has a small face, a tall and handsome figure, and super good manners. He is worthy of being a top-notch look in domestic entertainment."

Repo 10

"The distance is less than one meter, haha, the kind of people who pass by each other, who knows?! Brother Zhan’s face is so small, as if he has beauty function turned on (it’s really not an exaggeration). His face is also very delicate, with a high nose Yes, the eyes are beautiful.

"They were filming the boat scene last night. When they got off the boat, everyone was staring at them, for fear of missing every second. I finish work after two o'clock and then go to the set later. I don't know if I can see the leading actor. Finally, I would like to say that celebrities are really good- looking in reality."

Reply

"The face is super small, even smaller than what you see on TV, and the temperament is very elegant."

Reply

"Ha, he is super handsome in real life."