#cuz like what if i said the words wrong and they think im weird theyre all so cool and probs know

[krispiecake]

eye twitches

[spookberry]

thoughts on that Wednesday Addams show

-the writing is incredibly juvenile in a way only an adult man who is not actually nor ever has been an "outcast" could accomplish

-that being said all the actors were really amazing! Especially Jenna Ortega!!!

-One thing I liked but felt was more by accident than by design was the way that this school of "outcasts" were like, really normal?? Like theyre just teenagers who happen to not be human. Which makes the fact that Wednesday is a human who's Not Normal kind of compelling. Wish this was an intentional idea though, it could've been played with a whole lot more.... also i just kinda wish they'd picked a word other than "outcasts" to call them. like oh my god i could absolutely see some line during the climax where theres all this petty teen drama where someones like "i might not be human, but at least im not a Monster like you Wednesday" woulda been AWESOME

-Wednesday's love triangle was lame and if she had to get with a guy I'd've preferred Eugene. I love his sibling relationship with wednesday sooo much. One of my favorite dynamics. However if she HAD to get with a guy. Id pick him. He reminds me of Joel from Addams Family Values.

-the fact that two guys fell wildly in love with Wednesday without her doing absolutely anything and also very clearly not returning the sentiment whatsoever and instead just using them whenever she needs them was really funny and on brand, wished the show had been self aware about it

-I really wish the other female characters played bigger roles? Like Enid was Great and I loved the glimpses of her friendship with Wednesday and Thing and their HUG omg,,, I wish the romance plots had been axed in favor of giving Wednesday's friendships more time to shine.

-I also wish Enid and Wednesday had danced together at the Rave'N. Enid goes and dances with all her friends but she never goes over to have fun with Wednesday :( it just felt wrong like, narratively, we saw how excited Enid was about Wednesday going to the dance and then the camera seems to cut to show Enid get excited from watching Wednesday dance and then they dont even Talk?? I hated that.

-also, Bianca. I really loved the way she was basically friends with Wednesday by the end of the show. Wish the show had done a better job at the Enemies to Friendly Rivals to Friends dynamic. Bianca in general is a REALLY cool character that I want more time with.

-Both Enid and Bianca would've made better love interests than the guys imo

-I did like the mysteries, though I'm not sure how well it actually works with the Addams. Because they wound up adding this plot line, no spoilers, about Gomez being accused of murder and Morticia gets super touchy about it. But like?? theyre the ADDAMS why would they be behaving like this about a death???? Makes no sense to me. Needed to be reworked, cuz there definitely are Ways to have made it work imo.

-I really loved all of the costuming for Wednesday though the color correction done on the uniforms makes me kinda sad. i think it would've been fun if the school had been more vibrant and full of life to better contrast who Wednesday is and how she stands out.

-Wednesday's relationship with Morticia is really weird, but in general I get the feeling that certain people involved didn't actually know what Morticia's character was like... at all? And a lot of the problems with the family dynamics stems from this mischaracterization of Morticia in particular. I know some people didn't like Wednesday going through a rebellious phase, but I actually think that fit her character just fine, it's how her parents react to this rebellion that feels out of character to me.

-the fact that they had a romance arc about a werewolf who struggled to be a werewolf and an awkward gorgon..... Very Monster High 2022 to me ngl

-Wednesday is Autistic and you can't convince me otherwise. Everything from the way all of her social interactions are written to the way she literally diverts eye contact whenever theres a closeup shot while she talks to people. shes just like me fr.

overall i give it a 6 out of 10. I wouldn't go around recommending it to people, it's kinda bad, but I got some enjoyment out of it,, so not fully the worst.

But Also if you haven't seen it I WOULD recommend you go watch the fanmade Adult Wednesday Addams series on youtube. It's a classic!

[wish-i-were-heather]

idk if this counts as a vent but its kinda long i just need to rant

so i told my friends im asexual yesterday.

im still struggling to figure out with my sexuality where i lie within like who im attracted to, but i do know that im at least ace. i mean i didnt tell them exactly, i didnt use the term asexual, but i told them i dont ever want to have sex and i dont really feel that kind of attraction.

theyre my two closest friends, and the first people ive ever told. really just cuz its never come up, its not like im actively hiding the fact. we were playing this game of would you rather, but it was a card game someone got me for my birthday so like you played it a certain way to fit the game idk. and one of them (which confused me bc it was rated 14+??) asked would you rather "give up swearing forever or give up sex for "do it" for 2 minutes every day or have a 30 minute makeout session every day. and they were supposed to try to guess what i would choose, and i said the latter.

and they were really surprsied?? like no i dont really wanna do that thats weird, and they told me oh thats not weird some people do that and i was like do they?? idk i just dont like that. and they were like ok whatever and we moved on. and then later there was another (i really do wonder why this is only rated 14+ bc 14 year old me would not like these questions) that said would you rather give up swearing forever or give up sex for 12 years.

and i chose the second obviously. ik i do online but irl i dont swear that much so that wouldnt be hard, but also im asexual so like thats easy lol. and they were trying to guess what i would choose and they both got it wrong and they were shocked. and i was like yeah i mean i dont have sex now?? and they were like yeah but youre a teenager now what about when youre older??? and i was like no i dont really want to, i dont ever really plan to have sex

and they were shocked. they thought i was crazy they thought i was joking. and they were like youre gonna change your mind and i was like no im not i dont want to have sex????? i never have??? like ive told you i dont want to have kids thats part of why.

and they were like but what about when you get married? dont you want a boyfriend? it would lead to that!! and its just so baffling to me that some people think that way. its absolutely absurd to me that i had to explain the difference between a romantic and a sexual relationship. like i told them theres plutonic, romantic, and sexual relationships, everything in between, and not one is higher or more important than the other.

and they were like "but what about when you get married? what are you gonna do?" uhh im gonna love them?? im gonna love my partner romantically and be happy with them and not have sex??? marriage doesnt need to include sex. "what are you gonna do after the wedding?" uhh go home and take a nap?? idk we can cuddle but im not insane for not wanting someone inside me thats nasty. (no offense yall im just sex repulsed).

one of them literally said "but once your relationship reaches a certain point you almost have to" AND I WAS LIKE NO WHAT THE FUCK YOU DONT HAVE TO DO ANYTHING EVER?? and they were like "i gUeSs". i told them id rather die than have sex like thats just not for me and they thought i was insane. they said if someone came up and said do that or die, youd die?? and im like yeah because if i dont want to then thats sexual assault and yeah id rather die than be sexually assaulted??? "what if your partner wants to and you dont?" then uhh if sex is that important to them we'll break up, i can respect their opinion and hopefully they can respect mine?? its not that confusing??

i dont know i just think its so weird to have that perspective in life. i guess its technically "normal" but the idea that all romantic relationship leads to sexual is weird. and the idea that giving up sex for 12 years is harder than not saying a few words is even weirder.

i mean the only good thing that came out of that whole conversation is i got over that imposter syndrome of not being "queer enough" because they acted like i told them i was an illegal alien getting transgender operations in prison

[pasharuu]

welps, since i got a little skrunkling in form of ararycan, lets talk about him. i hope it'll be a short one. (spoiler: no)

also to those who bumped onto my post in their or someone else's dash somehow: english is not my first language. so be ready for numerous "memories" and "forget" cuz my vocabulary is thin just like that. and some other weirdness of course.

first of all, i hate the dottore clone theory with every single cell in my body, and i want you to know that if you like it i dont care, so neither should you care about me hating it. im only speaking opinion here.

and also this is rather my headcanon just not to stay alongside with the mystery while theres a dottore theory around. i honestly dont believe in dottore theory, but i still cant prove it wrong properly due to lack of info, and that annoys me. but this headcanon doesnt attempt to debunk the theory somehow, these are just two completely different things not worth comparing.

but rlly, did anyone on that planet at least once look at ararycan's leaves more than once? cuz it feels like no one knows what is the form of the pattern. the theory followers say these are circles, on my plush these are rounded diamons. wtf dear fellow folks.

the headcanon is trying to explain ararycan's memory loss, as there is no information about this in the game. traveler and paimon just decide that "welp, aranara are forgetful sometimes" though its not really true, but its really odd of them to leave us on this cliffhanger. i once said that aranara never forget stuff unless they meet some certain condition. i didnt explain that well last time so lemme speak a word (although its gonna be long i fear, so once again, the orange text is not necessary)

in the beginning we were given with the idea that aranara dont forget anything, or at least dont forget anything as easily as we do. this was really the very first fact i learned about them since i found messily written notes very soon after i began my first walkthrough of aranyaka (funfact: in russian localization its not clear who is the author of these if you only see the first set of it, and i definitely remember that i was not able to read the next page at a place, so i bet i found it even before meeting arama in the very first time. i also found it in the second time only after completing the entire questline so imagine my face at that moment), and author of the notes says that he doesnt forget things easily, but still decides to make records because its fun to do. basically saying that these lads dont ever need to record things up cuz they remember it all by themselves.

then, during the part where we help guys in mawtiyima forest, we were told about the inscriptions on the walls. aragaru says that these are made only for humans, because aranara will not forget, while people have all the possibility to. all the other inscriptions on walls, if we keep the spoken idea in mind, are clearly made for humans as well. the only weirdness in this part is inscriptions in old vanarana, cuz the only one who needs these during the quest is arama, and its not really clear who these were written to in the first place. but we still cant say these were definitely written for aranara, or maybe i need to research more.

the events of agnihatora sutra and vimana agama are the ones that made people think that aranara are forgetful. the second one is the mystery we are trying to solve in this article, but the first one told you everything you need, but its absolutely understandable if you didnt get it in the first time (neither did i if u wonder). in agnihatora sutra the three are aware that the thing theyre going to commit is gonna make them forget everything, so they were hinting it for us carefully, yet not saying directly that they will forget us. in the very end of this questline they tell us about the sacrifice they're going to commit, and that sacrifice is actually their memories, even though its not shown on screen, unlike the sacrifice of arana's memories to get the bija. that is why we were later told that these guys dont emember us while everyone else do.

also there's the fact araja troubles to remember the events of the past, but this dude actually grew into a tree, and just like i said in the cinnamon arama article, that might be the reason of his memory loss. araja also didnt forget everything that he had expirienced before he became a tree, as sometimes he still recalls to some things as his own memories.

after all, aranara gain actual power with memories and it would be weird if you'd randomly forget stuff and lose yo power just like that. they cherish memories more than anything, either these are good or bad, and the idea of forgetting is terrifying to them (the most memorable to me was the moment when arama complained about alcohol cuz it makes people forget stuff. paimon said that sometimes there are things people want to forget, but arama was still negative about that). well, actually there is a thing they cherish more. this thing is called "friendship", and the idea is that even if you forget something, there will be friends who'll remind you, so thats why they are more dear to aranara, even more than the memories. this is as well the idea of "the forest will remember" thing, cuz aranara are friends to all the plants, animals, some humans and each other, so theres just no possibility for the entire forest (all of these things) to forget something. but that still doesnt remove the importance of memories cuz these are power and these are memories, it'll take a lot of time to gain them back, so losing them is only worth when its absolutely necessary. also remember that stories and memories are not the same, so just summarizing things up to someone wont work.

and that concludes my orange explaination, now back to vimana agama mystery!!!!

so my take is that ararycan mustve sacrificed his memories for something. if we'll try to recreate the chronological order of the events of the past, we'll see that aralohita, who possibly was some sort of a buddy to ararycan, disappears after ararycan lost his memories. or if he lost part of them, its possible that aralohita disappeared prior to that. both versions explain why ararycan still remembers the solution to aralohita's riddles.

ararycan once says that he was the one who brought the ruin golem part into the secret cave, but for now he doesnt seem to be as strong, he rather acts like a very brave weakling. as we know, aranara gain power with memories, so no wonder ararycan is a weakling now, not remembering everything. but still, his awareness about some things looking familiar makes me think that he might have lost part of his memories, but how come?

we know that ararycan most likely was the third one alongside royinjan and amadhiah in the past, so all the vamadhas, including the one that was sealing the secret base, most likely were set after the childhood of the two, which means that might happened not too long ago. that might line up with a fact that pir kavikavus accident happened around the same time, because vamadhas were obviously set for reason. i recall ararycan saying that vamadhas are set when aranara dont want nara to enter some certain places, but says that he doesnt know who set these. so i think that actually could be ararycan, but since he lost his memories, no wonder he doesnt remember about it. and so uh, setting these could be resulted in memory loss as it might take some power. he probably did know that amiti device might be used for no good by some foes, so vamadhas are only set in places that either have amiti device fragments in them or places related to it somehow (and nowhere else, by the way, so vamadha is for sure some kind of ararakalari that both ararycan and aralohita used to wield). we can see the direct memory loss from using ararakalari in case of arama, when the one hit one of ruin guards really hard and returned back to goofy. we dont know how the memories amount needed to do some action is measured, but if we connect the dots, it all seems possible.

the only question left is why the heck did ararycan move the detail into the cave and the answer is i dont know. it was def moved before the cave was sealed since roy (seemingly) confirms this place not changing at all since he was a kid, and probably even before the kids found this cave because otherwise someone said something like "dude, i recall this place empty, but then somehow this huge detail appeared here, no clue how tho i dont remember". but why did ararycan move it there is forever a mystery it seems, unless aralohita is confirmed to be his accompany most of the time and prolly found alive ofc. aralohita might say something about it in that case, unless he forgot everything as well. but its all just my silly wishes.

also arama, while summarizing the places we shall visit, says that ararycan may know something about the sus person we were looking for. ararycan later confirms he used to help kids in vimara village cuz arana asked him, but thats all he says, none of details were thrown after that. his wording that marana avatar is capable of the trouble feels weird, but marana avatar to aranara is many things, not only the actual marana avatar, so he could be calling fatui like that. i now think that ararycan could possibly help us with finding out who the sus person is but for whatever reason it was cut down by his own troubling.

and i know that at this moment it feels like im just coping but idc. once again, my speculations have nothing to do with the dottore clone theory, its just a thing im rather comfortable with. fact of the day: dottore is my least favorite character in the entire genshin impact (among some that are somehow major) and i'll be quite disappointed if my precious ararycan turns out to be his clone or creation or whatever. i wont argue with it, i'll only throw, tear and murder.

and that concludes my tractate. it took me the whole day to put in words and i feel empty rn, especially since i dont know many words, and if you ever ask me why am i speaking english if i could just use my first language - none of your business. if u ask me why i made this tractate - none of your business. till the next time.

[gayspock]

ok ep 2. i looked into it more and im confused cuz again like... i swear ive seen no advertising for any of this? it looks like it dropped in aus in NOVEMBER. now its dropped in the uk all in one go.... this past week?? and it apparently drops in the us all in one next month. so im like confused as fuck as to why they would release something like that

one thing i will say is theyre insanely good with the casting still arent they

another thing what was i to say

oh im sorry im watching this and every time i think to myself hmmm i wonder where cosima or sarah or hel- i cut myself off and i think about tatiana maslany in godawful cgi

this kid (jules as the episode title would lead me to believe) is soooo fun i love the hair

WHY THE FUCK IS FELIX HERE

FELIX ARENT YOU MEANT TO BE DEADBY NOW

HOW OLD ARE YOU SIR

HOW OLD IS KIRA

GOOGLE SAYS SHES 47 NOW AND SO FELIX IS LIKE WHAT. GRANDPAAAA GO TO BEDDDDDD

HELP

HWELP

CRAIG CAN YOU JUST BE CHILL FOR FUCKING ONCE AND HELP US TORTURE THIS 16 YEAR OLD

FELIX WHAT IS THIS FUCKING VIBE YOU'RE PUTTING DOWN RIGHT NOW WHATS HAPPENED WHERES YOU GRITTINESS HELP I FEEL LIKE IM GOING INSANE

WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN SHES WORKING AT A SHELTER

I SORT OF DONT AGREE WITH THAT OUTCOME FOR SARAH NOT TO BE A DICKHEAD I feel like its like.... squints.how do i fucking describe this. it does not feel like her to me and it feels likeughghh the word escapes me you know what i mean

can this dialogue be any

felix drag her

YOU TOOK HER TO HOME DEPOT. CLASSIC.

i love how lucy is a cunt. i do like that about her i will admit.

We were made in a printer.

NOW who the fuck is He.

sorry also to backtrack a bit im bewilderedand unsure how i feel about them bringing in the old guard at all because hello like look i said what i said i dont want them to have a show called orphan black echoes with like no reason for it to actually be related to orphan black but also what the fuck

if harry potter is still culturally relevant in 2052 i swear to god

come on charlie girl. its gonna be ok. everyone shoots someone in the head once.

beck from victorious i need you to be all in on this ok

so who the fuck is thissssssssss

SO FUCKING WHAT? SO WHAT? LUCY IS NOT ALLOWED TO KIDNAP KIDS? WHY NOT? LOSERS.

JULESSSSS YOU SLAYEDDD THEREEEE YOU SLAYEDDD I WONT EVEN LIEEEEEEEE HELP TOILET SHANKKK

he is kind of so funny . i love you beck from victorious.

im also ok going back to like this relating to people from before like... this charcterisation os kira feels so odd

"lord this place is like neolution without the tails" wow did you get that guys ! a callback

AND YET SOMEHOW LIKE I THINK THE CLUBS FROM LAST TIME WERE SO MUCH MORE REAL THAN WHATEVER THAT IS

james youre tickling me

CHRIST WHATS GOING ON HERE

SORRY I THINK ITS SO FUCKING CORNY WHEN THEY TRY TO LIKE DO FUTURE THINGS DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN THE FUCKING FULL SIZED MIRROR TIKTOK LIVE IS INSANE.

this fucking acting and general fucking reaction is also crazy to me wes im sorry youre adorable but please

JULES YOUREEEEE SO FUNNYYYYYY

FUCK LUCY CAN WE STAY WITH JULES

okay theres just something so off putting about felxi im like help me what is going on

also i feel like kira is like sending me so much i feel like this happens all the time when kids who initially .... no offence.... lacked a lot of character ... now have to be an adult version cuz what are you going off. i dont know who this woman is but she isnt kira to me because who the fuck was kira in the first place but a kid that said ominous stuff and was a plot device for most of the show

also i think theres again something so insanely off i cant tell what it is. i think its still in that space of being so stupid high budget fo rwhat it is and yet itr feels so weird looking. the whole futuristic thing is strange to look at. like this being orphan black which ootherwise like. sci fi but still very grounded. it feels weird to now go to this

and i feel like i'd have preferred a smaller timejump. if they prove me wrong with that then fine but thus far i dont see the benefit of it being in 2052. i'd have preferred them to go less crazy with the like aesthetics cuz theyre just kinda weird and take away from everything for me.

and again i dont like the general approach to all of this. i think they needed to start slower and build stuff up more over time . everything here with jack for example like... i would have preferred if we sat with lucy and lucy alone and we didnt keep cutting to kira . like let us build this up and have it be one long continuous thing and maybe hold out this reveal a little longer. this feels like its rushing. and again the strongest part of orphan black, to me, before was like the slow build of increasingly complex fucking dire situations and being able to layer that shit

hi lucas

kira being a shit mam is so funny to me

FELIX'S ENTIRE PERFORMANCE STILL FEELS SO FUCKINH INSANE TO ME. cuz i get what youre going for but the delivery is jsut so fucking choked by the actor trying to keep it up. i swear he was not that stilted before even when he WAS putting something on. like is it trying to mask his voice age as well or something?

jules is so much more compelling to me again i think it is cuz her storyline IS the slowburn one here . and also shes got all the things i mentioned kind of lack with Lucy

like sorry i hate it when theyre like "haha. she's so spunky." (the actual chatracters are telling us this to the camera) like ok i get it i literally could have GOTTEN that watching

AND AGAIN WHY IS EVERYONE ... i dont know it feels like the exposition in the dialogue is crazy. like theyre shoehorning stuff in. you dont have to have them say everything so literallly and explicitly . help

KIRA PUT THE CYOKEEE DOWNNNNNNNN

ok im pausing for tonight hang on

[ghost-of-the-machine]

i know i just said im not ashamed but im SO ASHAMED you have no idea. over what? it

i have this weird mindset where like. if someone gets to know me for one particular things, whether it be a specific fandom or even just DRAWING HUMANS, i feel like i can never ever share my other interests with them cuz.. what if they dont care? i wouldnt blame them i cant make anyone give a shit about what i do but. ITS TERRIFYING TO ME.. so i just avoid it but. its leaving me very.. unfulfilled? like HORRIBLY, ive set aside a lot of my other interests because im . i dont care what strangers think, fuck you suck my dick but. people i know? people im close with? i know why i do it, hes right it feels like a test and tests can go wrong!!!! what if i test the waters and its not received positively? i cant bear the thought of any part of me being unappealing to my loved ones, genuinely it keeps me up at night fearing that some small thing might just switch it all off overnight its the worst thing ever.

i know its not healthy to just... shove myself into this little box but in my head, thats why they want! in my head its a good thing, i need to keep myself presentable and perfect, as perfect as someone like me can get anyways

maybe thats why i feel like i dont exist without them? ive literally pushed away anything i think they WONT like or even wont care about, ive just.. dropped it all. fear, it just comes from fear, but whew!!!!! exhausting

im not proud of this, i wish that changing myself to fit what i THINK someone wants wouldnt come so naturally to me but it does, i wish my brain worked differently

i just. i need to LOOK OUT for myself. the worst pain i can experience is rejection, its amplified 10000% it feels like. i know ive said before id rather relive all my trauma than feel rejected at all, and thats still TRUE i cant handle it.. as unfortunate as it is, bpd just makes me sensitive. theres like no other way to word it, i am SENSITIVE my skin is fragile its made of glass, i cant take criticism even if its GOOD because it hurts me to think that something i did wasnt good enough, it makes me sick actually!! i need to protect myself, i need to hide the parts of me that could be damaged like that but.. hiding parts of yrself doesnt feel good, does it? im scared of that pain, i dont want to face it.. but it doesnt feel nice to lose myself cuz i think its what someone would want

in my head this is how it goes, i do something, its received poorly (rejected), ouch!!! first of all. second of all, rejection cracks my image, it opens me up to the possibility of being left behind. bpd is all about black and white thinking. the good is the best and the bad is the WORST. it feels shameful to admit how my brain works but it . its true, its the truth. if someone doesnt like something about me, even if its SMALL and they dont actually care, in my head it means they basically dont like me, they must hate me! they must hate me and theyre probably gonna leave me since theyre so disgusted with me for.. what? being a furry? yes!!!!!!!!!! it goes from 0-100 so fast, its scary

but.. i really DONT feel like i exist without them. if im not talking with them about our things, im working on my things they know and like alright im never really doing anything else anymore.. like. why am i so ashamed to just... be a human with interests? im scared, scared the smallest thing will just... take it all away from me, yknow? as much as id LOVE to ramble about my ocs and stuff that ive never really talked about, that shame persists. its too strong, i end up just deleting the post or hiding it in drafts, i cant bring myself to share because im scared

i know its really dumb but. its what we're working with rn!!!! mild disinterest = rejection = abandonment, what a vicious cycle!!! i get it now guys omg.... all the bpd girlies who mirror, i know i mirror too but i never really like. GOT IT until now, i mirror cuz im afraid to be something they wont like!!!! it is all so clear to me now. doesnt make it better but whatever. maybe ill be brave one day, but idk

[bigmack2go]

Watching german newsies. Am disturbed. Need sleep now.

Update

Jack „duzt“ (the not formal you) kloppman and i love it

So they have absolutely no singing skills which is weird considering its a musical

YK THE PART IN CARRIING THE BANNER WHERE THEYRE ALL SINGING ABOVE EACH OTHER??? HALF OF THOSE ARE ENGLISH???

Not abt the german sync but i love boots so much ydek i love him almost as much as albert

They also call themselves newsboys in the german version like BRO WHAT ARE YOU CHANGING THE NAME FOR IF YOURE NOT TRANSLATING IT ANYWAY

PLSSSS „hast du keine aguen im kopf“😭

They did make it a whole lot clearer what jack meant when he talked about oscar with his shoes on

And you can understand what they say in the backround soooo much better

Mush’s voice actually fits better than his real one

Snaps is so funny😭😭

Omg boots singing in german is smt I didn’t know i needet (because i dont. Its terrible)

Blink cant pronounce Harlem „helm“💀💀💀 you go boy! Don’t let anyone tell you not to where that helmet!

WE LOVE U DENTON UR AN ICON *fucking fangirls*

„Spot kanlen“

They made „i spent a month there one night“ into „a night there always feels like a whole month“ :(

Wheres the fun in that???

What the hell is a spot kanlen

I take the thing with races sync back. In fact i think its really really good. And so is blinks (especially blinks) and skitterys.

STOP SAYING KANLEN WHAT TH HELL

I already didn’t understand why they would make a song called seize the day when it could be carpe diem but i guess in English it makes sense cause you can say both versions. In german u cant. No one ever said „nutz den tag“ if anything they say „nutze“ but like just say carpe diem christ. Maybe u can actually find some fitting rhymes then that aren’t just the same thing twice.

THE NEWSIES BACK UP A GAY KID IN THE GERMAN VERSION!!! I REPEAT!!! THEY CANONICALLY BACK UP A KID THAT GOT CALLED A schwuchtel (which is the german equivalent to f4got) THIS IS NOT A DRILL GUYS

„das hinkebein? Ich hohl ihn“ why was that actually kinda cute????

„IcH wIlL NiChT dAS JeManD MicH tRäGt“

Istg crutchie is such a slow talker in german i cant even

RACHE FÜR CRUTCHIE

AINT NO WAY THEY QUOTED STARWARS😭😭😭

„Brooklyn hält euch die Stange“

Thats what he said—

(Im so invalid for this😭)

Ok just lemme get this straight cuz im not sure im correct. The newsies on the pic are the characters that actually got named right??

I have so many feelings about german kony and only very few of them are good

But snipeshooter still kind sounds like himself in it so i guess that good

WHY R THERE NO GERMAN SUBTITLES THO????

Ok but „harlem bis nach sonst wo“ was actually handled pretty well

I only just realized mush swalloing a laugh when davey doesn’t wanna spit shake

Why do they juat completely change some things they say?? Like they could have easily translated it??

Why is the refuge and orphanage in german

IS LES SMOKING???

Edit: nvm its just a lollipop

Istg Esther is so done

GEWERKSCHAFT

(I didn’t even know that was a word)

Still can’t believe blush is cannon

Ok but in santa fee jack talks to a crowd, to himself and to someone else entirely all at the same time

The way jack say snoddy is simply just wrong

Skittery is weird too

„Spot conlen macht uns n bisschen nervös“ nawwwwww fucking cute ass

Omg the men in the backround talking????? Awesome!! Can hear every word!! „Die werden sich noch umsehn“ yass

Why tf they calling him captain instead of kelly

„ICh FrEsS n BeSeN“

Ast-rein

Boots is so poursouled

Edit: i take it back

Reminder to anyone hc‘ing mouth as daveys nickname that in german his nickname would be SpRacHrOhR

WHY DO THEY TAKE DIFFERENT ENGLISH WORDS??? Either u translate it or you leave it. But if you’re changing it but not translating wheres the point??

WAS WILLST DU DAMIT SAGEN? HAT SPOT ALSO RECHT??

Nothing. And i mean nothing. Makes sense in seize the day. And it doesn’t rhyme.

WiR GEBEN IHNEN SAURES

Fucking blink

Edit: rn -mush

Why is crutchie so dumb?

I just realized some of the scabs were already convinced before the fight w the Delancys

What is the woody gate??

Boots is a fucking icon

Spot just livked his palm instead if soitting in it??

NO O E FUCKING TALKS LIKE THAT

What denton says doesn’t make any fucking sense istg

Some of the rhymes in kony are actually okay

THEY REMOVED SPOTS VIBRATO

cant fucking understand a word snipeshooter says

„gut so“ KLOPPMAN LOML

Why did snider donate to the strike??

Herrliche aussicht STFU ALREADY

Who casted Sarah‘s sync???

Motherfucking Pulitzer is licking the paper

Motherfuxker is one of them the guy frim umsere kleine farm

„Brooocklin“

Wtf they didn’t even try to make emphasis‘s similar

They removed meddas accent:(

Just realized the bodyguard spot turns into when snider shows up

Also one lf the guys looks exactly like live‘sies spot

Blink being a bodyguard is the reason i‘m alive

Istg what did spot expect dumbass

HOW DID DAVEY HET AWAY BUT NO ONE ELSE

Not them changing the order 💀

I love that the newsies have priority

1 children

2 women

3 jack

4 themselves

5 davey

6 their friends

7 other newsies

8 other people

I motherfucking love 92‘sies henry

Why is the mayor plying bodyguard now

Pulitzer poking jack is even better in german

Seiz is talking such bullshit tho??? Doesn’t even make sense. Je litteraly does have somewhere to go

what DID crutchie do to the sauerkraut??

Santafee be like📈📉📈📉📈📉📈📉

ScHoN gUt BiN nIcH tAuB

JA MERKT MAN BRUDER DU HAST IHN GRAD NE HALBE EWIGKEIT IGNORIERT NATÜRLICH SCHREIT er

„Wie ein pinkel“????? Huh??

Boots is so dedicated about the clothes what the hell??

Why does davey say i dont even know your real name instead he of you didn’t even tell me your real name.cause lts not true?? And He could have said that?

Why did i think they replaced weasel at the end??? They didn’t. They have two at the beginning too

sarah decking morris is my motto of life

Les 🥺🥺🥺

MorriS‘s german laugh is my life istg thats so funny

Und das ist für crutchie

YOU TELL EM LES

vorallam nicht klug? Yop. Absolutly. Positive. Correct.

Wait theres a picture of the irl Katherine in pulitzers office

How did they get the word „kriegsberichterstatter“ in the word „warreporter“ but not „kenne“ in „tell me“

WHY R WE TALKING ABOUT BAGUETTE NOW????

Why does denton say pulitzer so weird “pOUUUlitser”

[ilovethecolorpink]

the lgbt community just be like *turns identity and expression into a competition*

[shoezuki]

okay but about that thing on people just switching their sides up. I actually have a whole critical thing of the fandom that I'll never write post in my head that like.... I think comes up with an explanation on it. but I wouldn't be posted cuz it would be super critical of Twitter as a whole and i don't wanna die lol.

but also I was talking about this in zablrs rant-chat a few hours ago, and like. I think part of it is that people are very much emotion first. and with Twitter, tumblr, and twitch chat being the way they are with live tweeting/blogging/chatting what have you, you get all these emotional reactions first. which. fair. thats how people react, ya know? in a sense, that's what you're supposed to do/how you're supposed to feel.

the real problem, imo, is the people who get their ideas/views second hand from these platforms. like, esp with Twitter since the way trending works it really, really can push out bias and misinformation really fast. so the non-viewer is seeing this influx in "oh this character bad now" or "this character redeemed now!" and instead of looking for it themselves they fall into the mob mentality and go with it.

that means later, when the stream is done, people who reacted emotionally at first and now have time/distance enough to think logically don't. because now they're the ones falling into the mob mentality. I mean, even people who haven't watched the current stream agree, so maybe it has more basis than just the one stream!

so people then get the idea that those emotional responses are logical and so when someone comes in with a different perspective, they think "now hold on a second" and they argue against it. because, logically, they're in the right, so obviously you're wrong!

(don't even get me started on that. there is no concrete right and wrong, only what is, what isn't, and what should be and should not be done. but thats a whole other post)

and then people, because theyre arguing instead of having proper discourse, the literary definition which is literally just another word for discussion NOT argument, people are getting emotional again. and it's been proven time and time and time again that when you're responding based on emotion you're less likely to respond well to someone who's trying to tell you something else because it feels like you're invalidating their feelings.

(and boy, oh boy, don't get me started on how much this has created a divide between NT and ND viewers of the smp. because it feels, to me, that when a NT is feeling emotional and a ND is trying to speak to them with logic, they're being told they're heartless or something which is just hhhhh)

so we never get anywhere in the fandom. we're stuck in the same emotion-mob mentality-logic-mob mentality cycle and it's honestly just exhausting at this point.

tiny you’ve hit it right on the head. like. youre so fucking right here.

i talked a how twitter is Built in a way that sucks before Kinda like this n it REALLY plays a part in like. mcyt fans over there n information n ppls reactions to things. like. it REALLY shows in there n usually when im arguing that ppl are so Quick to React to things its over There moreso than here like. ofc Everywhere but anyways like, 

emotions are FIRST. its what ppl immediately feel in response to stimulus. like its a Whole Thing. how ppl can get angry and lash out then later will be like thinking it over and digest it better. and a LOT of dsmp stuff esp w tommy’s character appeals to emotions. like when we see ppl liveblogging its never dissecting or commentary on the flow and function of plot. its Always gut reactions

n like you said on social media it lasts SO LONG. the trending page on twitter is always fueled by in the moment thoughts and responses. things like ‘HE DIED’ and ‘SAM NOOK’ will get trending because ppl r livebloggin n freakin out about it. but it just drags all of it out too and creates like a domino affect.

idk how to say it without sounding like a dick either tbh but a lot of people will cling onto emotions and gut instant reactions, and will React and Speak according to that without thinking logically on analyzing things. so they’ll jump on ‘sam is a horrible person’ which sets off Other people and gets Others emotional and it spreads from that. mob mentality at its finest is how ppl will act in a Group and have the Same actions/thoughts largely because of emotional responses and Yeah It Do Be Here. 

n ppl jus will cling onto it so hard???? even when what others say is more rational and has logical backing its like. will just Stand Firm and can react badly and interpret criticism/analysis as Hatred and its WEIRD. 

like you mention the NT and ND aspect. and youre right like. not to lean on myself so heavy but i dont liveblog much or react In the Moment because im. like. not emotional. a part of my autism is i sometimes just Dont feel things or its not so Strong or i dont Get others emotional responses. easiest for me to feel is anger skjgfskg. 

n especially w philza n techno how ppl r so Reactive n Emotional about them in terms a them being ‘bad’ like. a lot a ppl i see defendin em and makin Hot Takes (comrades) r ND. 

[jennrypan]

I rewrote the part where Scourge and Sonic have that "Just like me convo" so it can fit my au of them.

____________________

Fiona cheating on him with his anti didnt make Sonic angry..

Fiona actively lying to him didnt piss him off, maybe annoyed him..but it didnt piss him off.

What did piss him off however was how she antagonized Amy and Tails, and how she seemed to preen at the slightest attention Scourge gave her..because she wanted someone to protect her..someone to care about her, he didnt know..and what set him off was how she slapped Tails away, mocked him for crying and all to impress his anti! 

"What the hell Fiona!?" 

Sonic snapped, though this just caused the vixen to roll her eyes before she looked at him..god her attitude was grating his nerves,

"What?" She mused as if she didnt just slap his best friend for no reason,

That ..that made him scowl, and without warning he moved- he wanted to actually..throw her, her attitude annoyed him, her disregard for his friends pissed him off- he hadnt accounted for Scourge actually protecting her, as when he moved..so did the green hedgehog and before he could touch Fiona a fist crushed into his cheek causing him to let out a sharp grunt and lose his footing for a brief minute, instantly turning his attention towards Scourge..he still had that same sleazy smile..taunting. 

"Bad move, blue." 

Scourge drawled out, and Sonic just clicked his tongue watching as Scourge slowly paced around him..hes been itching to fight him for who knows how long..that much Sonic knew, but Sonic just hummed,

"Oh so you can help other people besides yourself, I was beginning to worry you had no redeeming qualities!" He stated sounding visibly amused, 

Scourge just scoffed lowly, "Please, thats not a redeemin quality, raise your standards." He sneered, and without warning he ran forward..and the fight began.

Amy had since charged at Fiona but Sonic could barely focus on that as Scourge kept matching him blow for blow..only thing was Scourge was a lot more violent..a lot more aggressive.

It wasnt everyday Sonic worked up a sweat fighting an opponent as not many people matched his speed..Shadow and Metal were the only ones..now Scourge had been added to that list of people that seem to want to kill him for no reason.

"Jeez its hard to believe someone so bitter could be me, like damn dude, did your favorite jacket get discontinued?" 

Even during this fight Sonic didnt stop being taunting, as he landed on top of a rock- narrowly avoiding being kicked into a tree, watching as Scourge turned towards him, his eyes were surprisingly still shielded by his shades but Sonic could still feel him glaring at him, 

Scourge moved again and this time he successfully swiped Sonics legs from underneath him and when Sonic fell the blue hedgehog instinctively moved to the side as Scourges fist came crashing into the floor were his head had previously been,

"Lets see you keep makin jokes when I break your fuckin legs." Scourge hissed- despite his words he sounded delighted by the thought, pleased with the thought of hurting him and hes use to this from Shadow and Metal, they were both assholes who worked with Eggman on their worst days and they just genuinely didnt like him that much but Scourge? Theyve only met three times before this and he didnt remember antagonizing the male enough to make him want to hurt him that much-

Scourge charged forward once more and Sonic quickly moved to the side, arm pulling back before he crashed his fist into the side of Scourges face as he had done to him earlier..knocking the shades from his face which caused his anti to pause briefly, glancing down at the shades for a millisecond as they landed on the floor, cracked and lopsided.

That millisecond was soon forgotten as Scourge retaliated..his body moved lower and his leg rose before he kicked Sonic straight in the chest causing the male to grunt, stumbling back at the force but the kick wasnt enough as Scourge had soon punched him in the stomach,

"God- I still got a few more jokes- first, those shades were lame anyways- not a joke but a fact!" 

Sonic stated quickly, jumping out of the way from Scourge once more as the male just growled,

"Im not takin shit from someone who thinks 'Way past cool' is a thing people actually say!" Scourge retorted, 

"Hey people said it before!" 

"No ones ever said that shit before!" 

It went on like this for what seemed like a few minutes with both of them arguing with each other, Sonic just wanted to see exactly why Scourge was going out of his way to hurt him- even trying to actually break his leg if he was given the chance..the rage was so weird..he knew antis were different but he didnt expect his anti to be so..angry,  so violent- his anti seemed more like a very verbal Shadow with the way he kept attacking him, 

"Ya know being an asshole isnt as rewarding as ya think it is right?" 

Sonic questioned- grunting when he got into a tree, thankfully avoiding Amy as she chased Fiona around still, she had tried to help but Fiona kept distracting her.

"Pfft, its more rewardin than wastin my time saving a buncha useless dicks who dont deserve it!" Scourge replied, sounding amused by the sheer thought of saving someone else...Sonic couldnt imagine not wanting to save people..yeah sometimes he thought some people didnt deserve it but still, 

"Youre still a Sonic! Still me- you should want to at least try and help people!"

"Why? Cuz thats what you do?" 

Scourge just laughed and without warning he moved forward..punched him in the stomach, then his chest- he didnt wait for a retaliation as he kicked him into a tree, he found with the purpose to bruise and scar while Sonic fought to distance and distract-

His head spun for a split moment, the wind knocked out of him, 

"You dont get it! Rulin people with fear and hate, is soo much better than tryna be some glorified saint!" 

Scourge stated, his eyes were blazing..the rage was back..he looked nothing like him right now..something was off, Sonic didn't like how unhinged he was,  how cruel- 

"That isnt true, and it never will be."

Sonic declared and Scourge just sneered at him, laughing, fist pulling back as Sonic quickly moved from his spot, his knuckles slammed into bark instead of Sonics nose,

"When you finally realize not everyone deserves to be saved, when you see how much more freein it is to be above people than to depend on them- you'll be like me, all it takes is one bad day, one bad situation and you'll see that." Scourge hummed out, side stepping as Sonic went to kick him, only to have his leg grabbed and he was forcefully thrown down, causing him to grunt lowly, and without warning Scourge stepped on his chest, Sonic could only stare at him for a brief moment before he just grinned- 

"Thats where your wrong dude, a bad day doesnt just make someone a villain..but a good day? A good day could change a lot, all it takes is someone showing you an ounce of kindness, someone showin you the love you never got and you'll be like me, a good person..maybe even a hero." He stated, grinning.

He expected another mocking laugh instantly, expecting Scourges foot to press down but for a brief minute..the green hedgehog paused, eyes widening ever so slightly, and for that minute Sonic was sure he got to him..he knew deep down Scourge wasnt evil, he could just show him he didnt have to be like this, he could help him..he didnt know anything about his anti besides the fact something was severely wrong with his mental state and he took too much enjoyment in hurting him but he knew he wasnt evil.

Then.. the green hedgehog just smiled, his expression hardening as if it hadnt changed in the first place, 

"How naive." 

He sneered and that slowly shattered Sonics hopes of getting through to him..he just dismissed his words-

"Not naive..hopeful." Sonic retorted, moving his arm to grab his ankle but his foot had moved towards his neck and Sonic jolted- the malice in his eyes was so..floundering..he could never imagine that look on his own face.

"Same thing." Scourge stated dismissively, and Sonic didnt get the chance to reply as a blur of yellow and brown crashed into Scourge, pushing the older teen to the ground successfully allowing Sonic to sit up instantly,

"Get away from him you bully!" Tails screamed, Sonic heard Scourge cursing and soon Tails was thrown back, causing Sonic to quickly move to catch him.

"Thanks bud." Sonic murmured, staring at Scourge who just fixed his jacket- appearing inconvenienced as Fiona neatly landing besides him as Amy ran up next to Sonic, "Stop running you coward!" The pink hedgehog hissed, Scourge just plucked out a warp ring from his jacket, just smiling at Sonic.. His smile was so..mean looking, it was too sharp..too fake,

"Til next time blue."  

Was all Scourge said in a sing song like voice as he let Fiona into the portal first and he followed quickly after just as Amy chucked her hammer in their direction, who she was aiming at specifically he had no clue.

"Dammit! Stupid! Assholes, ugh!" Amy screamed, storming over to snatch her hammer up,

"Theyre such bullies! Why did I even like her!" Tails exclaimed, Sonic just frowned before he sighed quietly, glancing from Amy to Tails. 

"Lets just go, theyre gone now, might as well enjoy the peace." He stated with a simple shrug, giving them a small smile, the smile made Amy visibly melt while it comforted Tails slightly, the young pink hedgehog was at his side instantly, clutching his arm- which he allowed for the time being while Tails was a little slower to approach him, still dejected.

He knew his anti despised him but he'll never get the reason why, and unfortunately..Scourge was too far gone to talk down from whatever path he was taking..the friendly route was no longer an option.

[cleaduvalls]

i watched all 20 episodes of "spy kids: mission critical" twice in about a week and here are my thoughts (pt 1/5)

these will be divided into 4 episodes per post so they stay about the same length as one spy kids movie

1.1

no theme song. :/

wow specific location

wow. we love lying to our spouses

greg actually kind of sounds like greg??? like ingrids not right in the slightest but greg sounds like greg

oh yeah i call him greg instead of gregorio bc thats Too Many Syllables

i dunno id rather go on an adventure

oh!!!!! ingrids hair!!!!! cute

they look like friggin iron knuckles from cadence of hyrule

how do you..... classify a move

also why would they teach agents to counter a move that they also taught the agents

dont you mean SWAT

is that tom kenny?????

thats not carmen. i dont care WHAT you say. thats not carmen

shes 14???

since when can he build???

since when do they LIVE at the oss?????

thats a ball. not a blob

oh mood

juni your voice is so squeaky

Every Villain Is Lemons

is this a separate universe????? we already know about the third brain program. and you cant claim that people havent seen the movies cuz theyre ALSO on netflix

the experiment wasnt FUTILE it actually went really well. yall are just cowards

you can destroy gold???? like its not DIAMOND

ew

did golden brain go through childhood??? or did he just.... spawn as an adult????

alliteration

take a wild guess carmen

why are you wearing jeans in the DESERT????

"sis"??? who says that

oh boy fart jokes already

little brothers, cuz youre younger, were related, and youre boys

did you mutate the agents too?????

oh i feel you juni

oh boy butt jokes

carmen youre 14. where im from you COULD have a job at certain places

is he... gonna kill them?????

oh!!!! the mimicking is back!!!

theres no way you had taco butte in the last 5 minutes

teenagers?????? the franchise is spy KIDS get it right

there SHOULD be, yall are licensed spy kids

roll credits

juni stop trying to be a lone wolf it never works youve seen all 4 spy kids

i want to be her

are you.... knighted?????? or are you just british

hes like 11 what do you expect from him

ahavschaj acemate

carmens FACE she looks HIGH

finger guns???? hes bi

THUMB THUMB!!!!!!!

TOM thumb thumb!!!!!!

F L O O P!!!!!!!!!

nvm i want to be HER

im sorry how the H*CK did you just say fegan???????????

piercings!!!!!

and i OOP-

aztec???? bc the aztec death spiral??? nice

maybe im a little biased bc floop but shes my favorite

why are the parents here

who calls it a cuddle bear?????? its a teddy bear what are yall on

oh i love carmens socks

i gotta say im living for goldies aesthetic

haha coward

to be fair hes from the outback, they have friggin emus. those things are creepy

:0 sneaky

nice timing

1.2

wow ig there really is no theme song :(

how can he sleep with a TEACUP

i think at some point youd just... fall asleep????

wow big flex

and i OOP-

scorpions so mean i love her

for like 3 seconds that animation looked like a friggin barbie movie

i thought thumb thumbs couldnt hold things???? like thats their whole point

did she hang up on them?????

when your mom said she wouldnt get mad if you tell the truth so you tell the truth and she still gets mad

K A N Y E?????????

oh no they all have died

drowning a chainsaw????????

PLENTY OF PEOPLE

my parents whenever im tired

did you not hear her name shes clearly immortal

me

stop yelling

at that point he shoudknt have even been able to drink the milk

why are the spotlights on carmen

*2 hours later*

dont put the phone on the desk????? have you not have a teacher give you detention for that????? i have

i think its pretty obvious what he was dreaming about

in the subtitles the u has the dots but hes not pronouncing it right. it should be more "keurp-ka-kay", not just "coop-ka-kay"

everyone has weird dreams????? step off ace

class lasted for 5 minutes wtf

do the three of them share a phone???? thats what it says in her contacts

ok visage thats a little too far

i hate this dude so much

visage shes allowed to be on her phone shes not in class

psi???? like earthbound????

😔

theyre not wrong

STOP YELLING

thats?? not possible?????? youre just weak

why are you saying that out loud

dude stop im dying of second hand embarrassment

wait the sign with the transcribed words doesnt have the ü. so how he pronounced it WAS right they just messed up the subtitles

i thought there was only ONE of its kind why do they EACH have one?????

why did so many people lose????? it seems pretty straightforward

also i love her ringtone

is that tom kenny again??????

thats.... not how it works

he should not have made that

so the big reveal is that it was his mom, but how does he know shes a cortez now?????? she was avellan at that point

take a wild guess

spurious??????? why are you using his first name

i dont???? think you can????????

1.3

the beats pretty good, im tapping my feet

i love his voice

thats not disco thats TECHNO

actually discos probably right. hes german and in germany clubs are called diskos. the music hes playing is pretty clubby, therefore it would be disco

she has spotify premium???? nice

ooooh scorpion has bed curtains!!!!

why do both cortezes have the floor bed???

how can juni hear aces music???? did his headphones get unplugged????? is it just super loud?????

sounds more like kids music than folk music

HOLY CRAP HES LISTENING TO THE WIGGLES (no offense to the wiggles)

yes hes a heavy sleeper we discussed this last time

he has a bazooka you might wanna run

"carmen is not here" me too carmen, me too

glitch chill

oh yay piss jokes

how does so much stuff come out on the floss

she was asleep???????? take it easy glitch

creative name

also the music sounds like it came right out of cadence of hyrule??????? which could be possible bc the girl who voices glitch also voiced link

glitch its clearly a virus

carmen you can go, psi can handle this

hes so protective of his records im dying

BAHAHA she said "worm?" and ofc my dumb ass thought she meant worm as in "oh worm?"

1.4

i had a whole bunch but tumbr decided to delete it and i dont wanna rewrite it so we missed the last 4 minutes of 1.3 and the first 8 of 1.4, sorryyy

it doesnt matter anyway no ones gonna read this

this whole point system was in the fourth movie, get some new plot points

is that really a good idea carmen???

throwback to when i was a kid and wanted to learn australian

oh no they died

JUNI NO YOU SAID IN THE THIRD MOVIE TO N E V E R SPLIT UP

sheilas a great name shut up

listen i see mirages all the time in the summer but how do you see a fake building???? its always a puddle of water

yeah the outback STEAKHOUSE

you sound like youre on crack

oh no he died

one time i ate a bug bc i thought it was some leftover dorito i had stuck in my teeth

hes pretty good at shelters, did you not see the second spy kids???

hey he calles him juni!!!

s n e a k y

what even is heat rash?????

STOP YELLING

nice STEALTH you tell him he has nice STEALTH

[peachymilkis]

NURSE!JIN HOGWARTS AU

- fluff with the tiniest teeny tinest amount of angst

- roughly 2.5K words

-pls enjoy

this is my first one and im starting with ma boy jin cuz im going in age order

pls don’t judge me im new to bullet scenarios

anyway lets get on with it

okay so basically kim seokjin was a star gryffindor whilst he was in hogwarts

perfect grades

head prefect

everyone loved him

and he loved his school

he was always interested in nursing

mostly because his six best friends always ended up in madam pomfreys hospital wing thanks to their rambunctious adventures

so after graduating and two years of training seokjin went on to become a nurse at hogwarts

madam pomfrey absolutely adored him

one day after tending to a first year ravenclaw had accidentally fallen off of their broom and sprained their ankle madam pomfrey called seokjin to her office

“is something the matter?” the young man asked the head nurse in a questioning tone

He was rarely ever called to her office so he became worried if he had accidentally done something wrong

“you know, my dear boy, im just getting too old for this job. i think its time for me to retire.”

seokjins facial features visibly sulked

“no what do you mean? whos gonna be head nurse now? nobodys better than you! youre the best nurse in all of wizarding history you cant just leave!”

poor boy pleaded with his heart

madam pomfrey had become like a mother to him so it did make her sad to leave but the poor thing was too tired to go on

“actually that’s what I want to talk to you about. I really would like it if you became the head nurse”

ma boys jaw dropped to the floor

“me? head nurse?”

what?????

“yes you!”

and like that seokjin was appointed as the new head nurse of hogwarts

news spread like a wildfire all over the school

of course how could it not spread when every student was head over heels with the beautiful wizard

so much so that students would feign injuries just for the chance to be up close and personal with him

now this is where you come in

you were in your final year at hogwarts

ready to graduate and get out of there to get on with your life

obviously you too have heard of the ethereal nurse and the news of him becoming head nurse

you were only two years younger than him so you had had him in a few of your classes when he was still a student himself

you seldom spoke with im but you spoke with him enough to know how naturally flirty he is without even trying

when you two were paired he would always manage to send you a wink or blow you a kiss

you always thought he was weird but that may or may not have been you denying the fluttering of your heart every time he did that

then again you saw it do it to his friends all the time so you quickly got rid of any feelings you may have felt for him

when he graduated you thought that you finally wouldn’t have to deal with seeing with him

even though it did make you a little sad to see him go

but HA you were so wrong

you would sometimes catch him in the hallways

one time he looked back at you and you could’ve sworn he sent you a little eye wink

you quickly walked away and dismissed the thought

one day your in the great hall eating breakfast with you best friend

fifth year ravenclaw jeon jungkook

he also happened to be one of the six best friends of kim seokjin that were earlier mentioned

“i swear i thought he winked at me earlier but its so absurd so im sure im seeing things now.”

you exclaimed to the ravenclaw

he looked at you with this knowing look that you were completely oblivious to

“who knows y/n maybe he likes you or something”

you felt a blush creeping up your neck

“yea right. even if he did wink at me, he winks and blows kisses at other people all the time.”

you scoffed

theres no way he would ever have feelings for you

but the thought still lingered in your mind

Jungkook managed to notice the blush creeping onto your cheeks and smirked

your best friend may or may not have started plotting something

a few days later whilst you and jungkook were walking to lunch

two oddly cheery six years named park jimin and kin taehyung ran towards you two

“y/n jungkook we have to visit hagrid right now!”

jimin grabbed onto your arm and like that all of you ran off to visit hagrids little hut

you were confused but knew better to question the hyper boys who also happened to be your best friends

taehyung knocked hard on hagrids door until hagrid finally opened it

“ey slow down there buddy.”

“hagrid we heard you got a pet dragon!” the hyper hufflepuff yelled

hagrid quickly shushed him and pushed us all inside his hut

“who now told you? it was meant to be a secret!”

“i found out actually! i caught you at diagon alley

said jimin the proud slytherin

hagrid let out of sigh of relief

“at least it was only you who saw.”

“can we see him!?” jungkook asked excitedly

“oh why not?”

hagrid gave in after seeing four puppy faces staring back at him with hope in their eyes

he took out his baby pet dragon

you reached out to pet it but guess what

he got scared and bit you

you yelped and brought your pointer finger to your chest

you looked at the bite mark

“y/n are you okay!?”

“oh no what do we do!?”

“bad Herbert!”

the voices started fading away

oh no youre fainting

well fuck

everything went black

now back to ma boy seokjin

he was having a pretty calm day

no one was in the hospital wing at the moment

but then all of a sudden in come running three male students along with a hagrid and a girl in his arms

“jin hyung we need help ASAP!”

“hyung y/n fainted after being bitten by a baby dragon!”

at the sound of your named jin quickly got to work

“lay her down here ill take care of the rest.”

you pushed everyone out of the hospital wing and focused on getting you all better

a few hours later you opened your eyes

you looked around and realized you were in the hospital wing

you remembered what happened before fainting

“damn Herbert.” you muttered to yourself

you heard a chuckle causing you to jump out of shock

you looked over and realized that you were not alone in the room

jin had actually been sitting on the chair beside the bed

no he hadn’t been watching you while you were sleeping

what???

that would be totally preposterous

lmao he was totally watching you

for a good hour

not in a creepy way tho

your cheeks reddened when you realized how close he was so you quickly sat up

“are you feeling better y/n?”

you nodded still not making eye contact with him

“yeah kind of. my finger still really hurts though.”

jin nodded and got up from his seat

“well the good news is that i managed to get the venom out of your finger. the bad news is you cant do anything with that hand and i have to make sure its all good so you have to stay here for at least three days to recover.”

THREE DAYS?!?!

“what!? three days!?”

theres no way you would survive being alone with jin for the next three days

may i also include that it is friday and those days there are rarely any students that come for injuries

jin laughed this weird windshield wiper laugh that you found oddly cute

“is it that bad spending three days with me?”

YES

“no its just.. you know, it’s the weekend and all..”

you quickly made up a lie

“don’t worry y/n. i will make the next three days as fun as possible for you.”

he gave you this smile with a cheeky little wink that had your heart pounding against you chest

oh lord were you in for a treat

day 1

you were awoken to an entire cart of candy beside you

“mister kim what is all this?”

“ew mister kim sounds weird just call me jin.”

“but anyway. these candies were sent to you from jimin, taehyung, jungkook, and me!”

a big UWU

you smiled happily and excitedly

“aw my best friends are so swee- wait you too?”

jin chuckled and rubbed the back of his neck

damn he looked good

wait what

“well yea, theyre my best friends too so basically that makes us best friends by assotciation!”

another big UWU

your cheeks reddened and you let out a shy smile

“well thank you.”

jins nervous smile quickly transformed into a relieved smile and he started walking away

you don’t know what came over you but

“would you like to join me? these are too many for me to eat on my own and i don’t really like eating by myself. i could use the company.”

you stared at him hopeful

his heart started pounding with delight

“yes of course!”

and basically the rest of the day was spent with you two talking and getting to know each other and eating all the delicious and mysterious snacks that were gifted to you

day 2

jin had woken up extra early with a happier smile and a skip to his step

he walked into the hospital wing and saw you still fast asleep

he walked over to you and brought the blanket over your shoulder as it was a little chillier today

he watched over you for another few minutes with a fond smile on his face before getting back to work

you had been awake for a bit before jin walked in but you freaked out so you pretended to be asleep

so basically you witnessed what happened

your face was so red it’s a surprise jin didn’t notice lol

you wondered throughout the day why your evil best friends hadn’t even bothered to visit you

you definitely didn’t start planning a kill list

later that day you really needed to pee so you got up to go to the bathroom

you started turning the corner when

BAM!

smack dab into jins chest

his first reaction was to gab you before you fell back

so basically you were against his chest with his strong arms holding you tightly to his body

you both stayed like that for a few seconds before you both made eye contact

quickly you both jumped back and started coughing awkwardly and looking anywhere but at each other

“i uh, gotta pee bye!”

you ran to the bathroom faster than a snitch

you slammed your back against the stall door and clutched onto your chest where your heart is

jin stayed still as a rock after you ran off

his face was stuck with the biggest grin that not even any medicine or potion could wipe off

he could still feel your body against his

you could still feel his body wrapped around yours

it felt right

obviously you pushed your feelings back

you fervently avoided jin for the rest of the day

it wasn’t easy but you managed

jin on the other hand wanted to talk to you so badly

he realized he would give you your space though

neither of you could sleep that night

day 3

jin managed to get a good three hours of sleep that night

he would’ve slept in lowkey if he wasn’t determined to talk to you

you on the other hand ended up falling asleep at around 7 in the morning

jin practically ran into the hospital wing at 8 in the morning to find you still sleeping

you ended up sleeping until 3 in the afternoon

you were awoken by jin when he was checking in on your finger

immediately you sat up

you looked up at jin and immediately regretted it

both of you froze again

jin looking down at you with his hand around your tiny wrist

you, sat up on the bed staring into his eyes that were basically traps

your faces were mere inches apart

“y/n”

the way he said that had chills running down your spine

it was just so breathy and his voice was lowered and it was just uGH

you then coughed and immediately looked away

jin sighed and slowly reached his hand under your chin

he carefully and cautiously turned your face to him

without a word he delicately planted his lips onto yours

your eyes opened wide as his closed into the kiss

after a second or two your eyes closed as well and you reciprocated the kiss

he pulled away and looked into your eyes

“y/n i have to tell you something.”

you were still in shock of the kiss but his sentenced immediately brought you back

you turned your face and coughed, trying to remember how to breathe cuz apparently you forgot

“y-yeah what is it?”

you tried sounding as normal as possible

you failed

“i like you.”

your jaw dropped

“huh?”

“i know its really sudden but i really like you and i have for the past four years.”

“wait what? am i being pranked? theres no way. you were always so popular and come on you were a Gryffindor and you were always so flirty with everyone and-“

jin cut you off by laughing

you stared at him dumbfounded

“why are you laughing!?”

“y/n i was never flirty with anyone that wasn’t you, or my six other best friends, who are all male. i know you never noticed but i loved sending you winks and kissy faces because seeing your face redden and run away was just so cute. but i never confessed while i was still a student here. i was a coward.”

you finally eased and let out a chuckle yourself

“wow a cowardly gryffindor. who would’ve thought.”

jin let out a laugh as well and scratched the back of his neck

a nervous habit of his, you’ve noticed

“anyway, is there any way you could give this coward a chance as your boyfriend?”

your heart was beating hard as you smiled shyly

“after you let go of my wrist though.”

jin looked down and realized he had been holding on the your wrist this entire time

he blushed and let go

“oops.”

what a cutie!!

“wait im getting a chance!?”

you nodded and he smushed you in between his arms

once again

it felt right

you were both startled when you heard the doors slam open and in come three boys clapping and holding a big cake that read

‘CONGRATULATIONS ON FINALLY DATING (took you long enough)’

which resulted in jin letting go of the hug and chasing after them

as jin was chasing taehyung and jimin, jungkook ran over to you and gave you a big hug

“so i see my plan worked!”

you pushed him off of you and glared at him

“what plan?”

“my plan to get you into the hospital wing ofc!”

“so you all got me bit by a baby dragon!?!”

oops

and with that jungkook runs away as well

“JEON JUNGKOOK COME BACK HERE THIS INSTANT!”

and like that had your life become even more eventful

ughhhhh idk how i feel about this but pls give me some feedback and  might post a namjoon one next depending on how i feel lol thanks for reading

[hesthekingofsomewhere]

Yet Another Chatfic pt 5

part 1 I 2 I 3 I 4

this is a long chapter! and im posting it ahead of schedule! bc I love yall!

please leave comments! likes! I love feedback!

Also! this chapter has a peek into sarah, finch, and alberts groupchat

Queens of New York

8:15

santagay: say yeet if you made it home alive

DJacobs: Yeet!

SJ420: yeet

richbitch: yeet

Spot8365631: yeet

respecs: yeet

albiehadalittlelamb: yeet

WhereforeArtThou: yeet

noteventhatshort: yeet

SJ420: wheres finchy boy?

littlebirdie: still at their apt

littlebirdie: oh right

littlebirdie added crispycrutch to Queens of New York

PM with albiehadalittlelamb

santagay: al, finch slept over

albiehadalittlelamb: yeah ik?

santagay: i hate to say this and be that guy, but al, he slept in crutchies room

santagay: ik whats its like to be cheated on, and i never thought i would be having this conversation about finch but I dont want you to get hurt.

albiehadalittlelamb: ill ask finch, im sure nothing happened

PM with littlebirdie

albiehadalittlelamb: did my fake bf cheat on me?

littlebirdie: …

albiehadalittlelamb: GET SOME BOIII

littlebirdie: lmao so your not mad?

albiehadalittlelamb: why would I be mad? even if we were dating id be chill about this, ik you have a huge thing for crutchie and lord knows youd never get any action from me

albiehadalittlelamb: the only problem is that jack thinks your cheating on me

littlefinch: ok so should we fake-break up? cuz i kind of dont want to, but if jack thinks im cheating on you…

albiehadlittlelamb: i have a plan

albiehadalittlelamb: does crutchie know that were fake dating?

littlebirdie: ye, theres no way i would even be allowed into his room if we were actually dating

albiehadalittlelamb: ok but heres the thing, if jack thinks you cheated on me, then race probably thinks the same

littlebirdie: oooHHHHHH

littlebirdie: so now im also fake cheating on you so that race will feel bad and fall for you and your sad situation

albiehadalittlebird: exactly!

littlebirdie: nice! what could possibly go wrong

Queens of New York

respecs: so why is this chat called queens of new york

inyourFACEtrack: well you see…

inyourFACEtrack: twas all hallows eve 2017

inyourFACEtrack: and 7 of us showed up to kaths halloween as drag queens completely independantly

noteventhatshort: and sarah kath jack and i were dressed as disney princesses

respecs: thats beautiful

respecs: and here i thought it was bc ?everyone? here is lbgtq

santagay: well if you think about it, its both

richbitch: when was the last time we even had a straight in this chat?

crispycrutch: i think  we had morris in the chat for a week when he was dating romeo

santagay: oh god i forgot about that

SJ420: does he even count as a straight?

inyourFACEtrack: well there was a reason he was only in the chat for a week so…

santagay: true, speaking of which

santagay: specs, if you ever hurt romeo, we will find out where you live and steal all of you soap lest you ever get a date again

respecs: noted?

SJ420: he gave me the same threat when I started dating kath lmao

santagay: it worked didnt it?

SJ420: im hate you

santagay: you loved me once loser

WhereforeArtThou: oh shit he went there

inyourFACEtrack: oooooooooooo

crispycrutch: ??????

SJ420: once upon a time i thought i was a het, and then i dated jack for like 2 months

SJ420: and 90% of our relationship was checking out pretty girls together

SJ420: so i figured i should date those pretty girls

noteventhatshort: BIG MOOD

SJ420: for the record the other 10% of the relationship was jack checking out “cute” boys and me being like eh

santagay: and herre i thought you were just trying to stop me from being jealous

SJ420: jack at one point i kissed another girl in front of you and you did not care

noteventhatshort: AHHH

inyourFACEtrack: OOOF

richbitch: AN ICON

santagay: ok well

SJ420: don’t even try bud

DJacobs: That’s my sister!!!!!

santagay: but at least you didnt hide it

santagay: at least you werent kissing people behind my back like SOME people in this chat

SJ420: ????

Spot8365631: i thought you were over that

santagay: i am i just need to have moral high ground over someone

inyourFACEtrack: wait what

noteventhatshort: is this chat just stories of jack getting cheated on now?

richbitch: im living for this

richbitch: jack cant keep a man nor woman

noteventhatshort: but whats this about spot cheating on jack?

santagay: he BROKE my FRAGILE 15 y/o HEART

santagay: but spottie was too cool, lived too fast, couldnt be tied down to one man

Spot8365631: also david was a much better kisser

SJ420: OH SHIT PLOT TWIST

richbitch: CALLED OUT

inyourFACEtrack: 911? theres been a murder?

DJacobs: This…. is true.

inyourFACEtrack: THE LEGEND HIMSELF SPEAKS

respecs: i am living for the drama in this chat

crispycrutch: were kind of a mess tbh

respecs: i understand and completely respect that

inyourFACEtrack: you reSPECt that?

respecs: haha very funny not like thats my goddamn username or anything

Spot8365631: roasted

inyourFACEtrack: bitch

inyourFACEtrack: YO JACK ROMEO, GOT MY MFN 29TH

santagay: fuck offfffff

WhereforeArtThou: this bet is unfair

WhereforeArtThou: im only attracted to one gender, thats less than half the people to ask

santagay: dude ur still winning

WhereforeArtThou: yeah but its a lot more work

inyourFACEtrack: i only have 1 girls number, i think its p even

santagay: this seems like something you should have considered when we started

WhereforeArtThou: ok but consider this

WhereforeArtThou: i didnt

inyourFACEtrack: ok but consider this

inyourFACEtrack: ur a dumbass

WhereforeArtThou: strong words coming from a guy who threw a wii remote out the window

noteventhatshort: fight fight fight fight

inyourFACEtrack: my embarrassments are not ur entertainment smalls

noteventhatshort: ur embarrassments are my only entertainment what r u talking about

Spot8365631: also everything you do is embarrassing

inyouFACEtrack: i feel betrayed

santagay: you should

santagay: i once saw u put hot chocolate mix in oj

inyourFACEtrack: it tastes like a terrys chocolate orange i stand by my choices

crispycrutch: you snorted mr noodles seasoning bc spot told you to

inyourFACEtrack: and i got 20$ for it

Spot8365631: u didnt “””get”””” 20$ ur debt to me was just slightly reduced

inyourFACEtrack: EITHER WAY

crispycrutch: once i watched u drop a spoon into a pot of boiling water and stick ur hand in to get it

inyourFACEtrack: i think ur point has been made, thnk u crutchie

Spot8365631: please do not stop, hes had it coming

crispycrutch: i will stop only bc i value my safety and so i still have receipts for the future

inyourFACEtrack: oh god

inyourFACEtrack: why did i think it was a good idea to live with you

crispycrutch: bc you love me and i contribute to the rent

inyourFACEtrack: touche

crispycrutch: besides, i would have dirt on you regardless

crispycrutch: i have seen each and every one of you do stupid stuff, no one is safe

inyourFACEtrack: mooooom crutchies being meannnn

DJacobs: Crutchie, please delete your blackmail.

crispycrutch: how can i delete it when its in my brain

santagay: i have never been more scared of crutchie

SJ420: crutchie is my idol

crispycrutch: that does not make you safe my friend

SJ420: honestly at this point you could reveal anything about me and i would not care

SJ420: i have reached a god status where nothing you say could possibly embarrass me

richbitch: im so in love with you

SJ420: love you too babe

PM with SJ420

richbitch: ik youre in the next room but i dont want dave to hear, but I got a dinner reservation for two tomorrow at 7 and was wondering if you would like to join me

SJ420: i mean of course, but why are you asking me like this

richbitch: because

richbitch: also you should wear that dress you got for christmas

SJ420: ok?

More Than Just Cigars

SJ420: kath is acting weird

albiehadalittlelamb: what kind of weird

albiehadalittlelamb: like “i just lost a lot of money” weird

albiehadalittlelamb: “i just took a bunch of acid” weird?

littlebirdie: oh no is it “i just slept with jack” weird?!

SJ420: oh god no

SJ420: she texted me and asked me on a date

SJ420: i asked her why and she said because

littlebirdie: !!!!!!!!!

littlebirdie: DID SHE ASK YOU TO WEAR SOMETHING SPECIFIC

SJ420: ye, a dress from christmas

albiehadalittlelamb: OH MYYYYY GODDDDDDDD

littlebirdie: GIRL

SJ420: what????

littlebirdie: jfc ur blind

albiehadalittlelamb: if u havent caught on yet we cant morally help u srry

SJ420: GUYS PLEASE

littlebirdie: nope

albiehadalittlelamb: have fun on ur date tho

PM with santagay

albiehadalittlelamb: oh yeah finch did not, in fact cheat on me

albiehadalittlelamb: he was just making up with crutchie last night, they had a fight

santagay: and u trust finch in this

albiehadalittlelamb: ofc, ive known finch a long time, he would never

santagay: ok if you insist, i just dont want you to get hurt

albiehadalittlelamb: thanks jack

Queens of New York

littlebirdie: anyone else just, super glad that theyre gay?

littlebirdie: bc thats such an important feeling

DJacobs: Me too, Finch

Spot8365631: rt

SJ420: rt

noteventhatshort: rt

WhereforeArtThou: rt

albiehadalittlelamb: rt

santagay: rt but bi

inyourFACEtrack: rt but bi

richbitch: rt but bi

respecs: rt but bi

crispycrutch: rt but pan

littlebirdie has changed Queens of New York to Queers of New York

inyourFACEtrack: helllllll yeah

Spot8365631: no cussing, my mom checks my phone

inyourFACEtrack: oh my goodness im so sorry spot

inyourFACEtrack: ill delete the message right away

DJacobs: What?

DJacobs: Why does your mom check your messages, Spot?

DJacobs: You’re 23 and moved out?

DJacobs: Also I’m pretty sure I’ve seen you swear in this chat.

DJacobs: This is a meme, isn’t it?

santagay: u got there on ur own!

santagay: im so proud of u!

DJacobs: Thank you, Jack.

inyourFACEtrack: why does it feel like everyone is in loving and healthy relationships except me?

PM with inyourFACEtrack

Spot8365631: wow rude

inyourFACEtrack: were not in a relationship remember?

Queers of New York

DJacobs: Jack and I are not dating.

santagay: dude, were mom and dad, i think that’s close enough

respecs: question, in this mom/dad thing, who is everyone else

santagay: kath and sarah are the aunts obvi

inyourFACEtrack: smalls, romeo, crutchie, al, and i are their kids

inyourFACEtrack: finch used to be one of the kids but now hes dating al so that seems weird

inyourFACEtrack: i guess hes sarahs kid now?

SJ420: awwww i love my new son

respecs: what about spot?

santagay: hes kind of… his own entity… like an estranged uncle or neighbor that spends more time in ur house than his own

Spot8365631: rude but accurate

santagay: thats my name dont wear it out

Spot8365631: i hate you sm

santagay: then y r u always in my house???

Spot8365631: this metaphor has gone to far. blocked deleted and unfollowed.

santagay: honestly? thats fair

santagay: i respect ur choices

Spot8365631: sounds fake but ok

PM with Spot8365631

inyourFACEtrack: in a beautiful twist of fate, crutchie jack are going to see a movie with davey and kath, and im home alone with a meat lovers pizza on its way

Spot8365631: ok?

inyourFACEtrack: would you care to join me?

Spot8365631: no, sounds too much like a date, and were not in a relationship right?

inyourFACEtrack: dude, were friends, sharing a pizza, and maybe having anal sex

inyourFACEtrack: thats not a date its just what we do

Spot8365631: still no, i have to finish a foreign policy essay for tomorrow

inyourFACEtrack: oh ok

[punkscowardschampions]

Ali & Carly

Ali: alright? Carly: yea Ali: you want any water, pain killers? Carly: k to both Ali: can have my headphones too if you can deal with my music taste Carly: you could sing to me tho Ali: i've got the pipes, yeah but not sure anyone else wants me belting over the racket Carly: idc about them Ali: yeah Ali: one of us gotta get home with a spotless record, tho Carly: You can't get in trouble for being loud Carly: Leesha knows that Ali: she just leads a charmed life 🍀 Carly: or 🔮 Ali: Didn't need no crystal ball to see through your plans, soz babe Carly: who does Ali: got further than you had any right Ali: poor woodfield on bog watch 'til dubo now Carly: ha Carly: gave her something to do Carly: but nobodys trying it again like Ali: reckon you're right Ali: no one got that kinda deathwish Carly: trying to kill me w a stare tho Carly: she loves it Ali: hmm Ali: less sure on that Carly: i am Carly: try it tho bitch Carly: feel 🕱 Ali: got until we get back Ali: that's when the real shit begins Ali: what're you gonna do carls Carly: idk idc Carly: theyre gonna do what they want Carly: & not like my ma & da will throw a fit Ali: sure? Ali: shame Ali: hoping your Da would move Drew on Carly: im not 12 now babe Carly: & he isn't a beautiful romany lad Carly: my ma will like the look of him i kno Ali: you're 14 Ali: still got a few more years of compulsorary giving a shit about you left Carly: yea Carly: but its no big Ali: you could get expelled Carly: nah Carly: didnt go anything cuz leesha had to speak up about it Ali: you blame her Carly: nah but its facts Carly: nothing happened Ali: I don't think that's how they see it Carly: k but Carly: idc Carly: forget it Ali: k but HOW Carly: what? Carly: dont worry about it babe k Carly: im not trying to Ali: I know you're trying to avoid a freakout but Ali: fucking hell Ali: why Carly: why what? Carly: whats your problem? Ali: only the same as yours Ali: not enjoying the chaos around us or the chaos waiting at home Carly: nah Carly: but worry about your sister Carly: this is nothing Ali: no it isn't Carly: just chatter Carly: weve heard it all before Ali: you're a we now yeah Carly: ha Carly: everyone on this coach has heard it & said it is what i mean Carly: dont be jealous babe Ali: Why would I be jealous? Carly: im only playing Carly: i kno youre not Ali: Whatever Carly: dont be mad at me Carly: be fun Ali: not feeling it Carly: baby come on Carly: why tho Ali: you actually need to ask? Carly: yea Carly: i havent done anything wrong Ali: it ain't about right or wrong Ali: it's still a mess and i'm over it Ali: that's all Carly: k Carly: but ive been a mess since we met & you cba about that before Ali: i didn't say you Ali: the situation Carly: theres no situation Carly: only sex that didnt even happen Ali: forget about it Carly: nah Carly: say what you wanna say Ali: okay, the fact he's fucking ruined this entire trip Ali: Ro had to go home Ali: and Laoise is taking the opportunity to cyberbully her about it as if she's not already fucked up enough from it Ali: and he's not even a little bit sorry that he just wasted the last 3 months of her life with his bullshit Carly: None of that's my bad Carly: be mad at him not me Ali: I am Ali: but I'm mad at you for not giving enough of a shit to not get dragged down in his crap either Carly: hes not dragging me anywhere but the bathroom Ali: bullshit Carly: nah Carly: youre making it something else Carly: its not Ali: the whole bus is slagging on you Ali: half of them wanna fight you Ali: and that's cos of this Ali: its not debateable its facts Carly: and what Carly: when dont they Ali: there was no need Carly: yea there was Ali: no worthwhile one then whatever Carly: worthwhile to me Ali: i really hope so Carly: wouldve been like Ali: i don't need to hear Carly: k Carly: be like that Ali: yeah i will Carly: why do you wanna fight w me? Ali: i don't Ali: you got your priorities i got mine Carly: but youre a priority you kno Ali: its alright Ali: let's leave this drama behind Carly: how tho Carly: youre still gonna be mad Ali: yeah but that is what it is Ali: nothing's going to change Ali: we'll both deal Carly: but Ali: idk Ali: idk what we do, if you think of something lemme know Carly: im sorry Ali: me too Carly: tell me what to do Carly: i wanna make you feel better Ali: I dunno, Carls Ali: its all already done Ali: not just you, all of us Carly: lets do something else Carly: go somewhere else Carly: whatever you want Ali: Oh, that reminds me Ali: Tommy's back, he asked if you wanna go out Carly: is it k w you if i come? Ali: yeah Carly: nah its weird Ali: no it isn't Ali: i don't wanna not see you Ali: fuck that Ali: its just this trip and him Carly: i only did it cuz he said hed hook me up when we got back Carly: i dont want him Ali: its alright Ali: you don't have to explain to me Carly: its not Carly: alright isnt how we feel you kno Ali: as far as this trip goes Ali: i'll take it, babe Carly: i shouldnt have come on it Ali: nah, don't say that Ali: apart from this shit Ali: it was good, right? Carly: but this shit happened cuz im not good Carly: my heads wrecked Ali: no Ali: it didn't Ali: yeah, you went there too but so did Laoise and it coulda been any girl Carly: she didnt fuck him for a hit tho Carly: why i gotta do that Ali: that hit of revenge Ali: worse reason, to be honest Carly: yea Carly: she is the worst we kno Ali: you're not bad Carly: im not an angel like you babe Ali: yeah you is Ali: can't fool me Carly: you cant stop being nice to me Ali: and what bitch Carly: youre meant to be mad Ali: i'm sick of it Ali: its not getting us anywhere so Carly: where you wanna get to baby Ali: better Carly: we'll start tonight Carly: out w your brother Ali: yeah Ali: fucking ray of ☀ that he is Carly: ha Carly: maybe ill find a nice girl at the club tho Carly: then youll be happy Ali: i don't wanna be that bitch about it Ali: just drew, babe, c'mon 😝 Ali: please tell me i ain't that bitch Carly: ha Carly: hes no worse than ronan tho Carly: to your sister k but not to me Ali: yeah and thinking 'bout how hard Ronan sucks made you cry the other day so Ali: 👀 Carly: dont Carly: he took your vs its so sad Carly: i wouldnt let goldie take mine nah Ali: I dunno what the fuck I was thinking Carly: youre too good Carly: you think everyone is Carly: 👼 Ali: nah Ali: I mean, he ain't the 😈 but he was bad enough for my purposes Ali: my stupid ass 🙄 Carly: nah you're too smart Carly: you knew what you were doing like Carly: been there had that fight w my ma Ali: the flashbacks not needed Ali: still got that 📢 in my ear Ali: though, probably gonna lay off a bit now Drew's showed Caleb up for the good boy he is Ali: awks Carly: its my turn Carly: thanks for turning up ma & da turn into his drama Carly: then turn away cuz nothing to see Ali: yours back home rn? Carly: nah but im sure theyll get the summons if the teachers kick off loud enough Ali: shit Ali: they gonna kill ya? Carly: theyll only be mad if their hol gets cut short but like they can go again when the teachers have had a word Carly: dont need a babysitter Ali: yeah, soz we can't come back we got free drinks here 'til next week so Carly: you kno Carly: gotta draw straws for which one shows up & who gets to keep the party going Ali: 1000 on ur dad showing up then Carly: yea Carly: plot twist my nan rocks up like it hasnt been years Carly: carly who bitch Ali: bitch same Ali: missing nan gang Ali: conspiracy, like Carly: i kno where she is but she not trying to kno us Carly: family fights like Carly: boring Ali: gurl, so much in common Ali: let tommo regale you with the fuckery Ali: other peeps drama always be more fun Ali: WELL Carly: hes such a gossipy bitch Carly: ill tell him about all this so he can have fun w Ali: beat u to the reveal honey but Ali: always more scandal I probably saved him from Carly: you been chatting about me Carly: aw Ali: yeah Ali: keep my slagging on the downlow Ali: wise up lads Carly: its k cuz youre creative Carly: its all slut, slag and whore w them Ali: truly Ali: switch it up Carly: drew did skank and he was wasted so its not hard Ali: 🤢 Ali: anything drew is capable of is basal Carly: wtf does that mean tho Carly: he calls me a bitch a lot like boy thats mine and my girl's thing k bye Ali: he talks a lotta shit for such a lil bitch boy himself Ali: yeah, back off Ali: ur not part of the gang Carly: he wants to be on you so bad that id feel bad but cant cuz yea hes a prick Ali: i can't Ali: why bitch Ali: like, i'm nice the rest of the time but like, no nicer to him than any other acquaintance Ali: and rn its clear i lowkey hate Carly: cos youre you Carly: who wouldnt want that Ali: 😽 Ali: always out here hyping me up boo Carly: yea i love you Ali: i love you too bitch Carly: serious tho Carly: im sorry Carly: i hate it when youre mad at me Ali: i swear i was never mad at you Ali: who could be mad at that lil face Ali: right teachers? 🤞 Carly: ha Carly: well they saw me making a seduction face like Carly: my bad Ali: don't act like you didn't love that too lads Carly: you kno Carly: youve seen it its good Ali: willing to write that review Carly: aww Carly: so sweet Carly: id give you top marks too baby Ali: you better 😒 Ali: don't be lying to me or yourself baby 😏 Carly: ha Carly: nah youre the best Carly: no lie Ali: 😳 Carly: so cute Ali: just trying make me have a huge head to drag my cute down Carly: nah you earned those props from me Carly: put a lot of work in Ali: no slacker 💪 Carly: facts Carly: lot of fun Ali: funsized Ali: that's my secret Carly: aw Carly: but were the same size tho Ali: exactly Ali: team pocket rocket Ali: get out giant boys Carly: your boy gotta stay cuz hes not i see you bitch Ali: 😎 Ali: you said yourself, i'm too smart Carly: 🖕 Ali: how tall is my brother Ali: forgot Ali: kick him out of his own partay how rude Carly: shit Carly: sorry boy Ali: can walk on his knees if he wanna hang Carly: or hands Carly: wtf would that make a difference nah Ali: nah babe Ali: that perfect form Ali: twat 😒😂 Carly: im too sober to have thoughts Carly: no scholarship to a fancy school for me Ali: don't be fooled, he only there 'cos he can twerk good 💅 Ali: #bitchmetoothefuck Carly: fuck why you worried about me getting expelled from here if thats what it takes to go there Carly: i got this Ali: you just gon leave me like that Ali: 😞 ok Carly: nah Carly: come w me baby Ali: running away to london Ali: heard worse plans Carly: you kno Carly: be fun Carly: we always have a good time running off together Ali: no lie Ali: maybe we can crash when he goes back early to get settled 'cos he's dramatic like that Ali: lots of fit boys, can't all be gay Carly: are they allowed to fuck Carly: or is it like footballers and shit Ali: Ooh Ali: we'll have to ask Ali: good pickup line, babe Carly: i'll ask your brother if hes getting any Ali: he'll die of embarrassment 💀 Carly: aw Carly: is he a virgin serious Ali: I think so Ali: he won't say obvs, withholding that ☕ so shady Carly: i'll ask Carly: find him a cutie to do the honors Ali: 🙈 Ali: he was feeling sorry for you but he gon' wanna square up now too Carly: yea? Carly: i need the practice if i gotta fight leesha again Ali: 😒 she better stay tf away if she knows what's good Ali: still, he used to being target practice Ali: he quick tho Carly: teach me those ballerina girl moves Carly: never went as a kid Ali: aww baby Ali: i did for the hottest of secs but Carly: bet your ma has pics im hitting her up Ali: yeah, she loves pissing herself @ me, the cow Ali: you can join now, or yoga with me, your fave 😉 Carly: nah Carly: got enough teachers on my case Carly: & bitchy girls Ali: 😱 Ali: i ain't that bad, rude Carly: never you my baby Carly: youre the only one who isnt Ali: bus full of bitches Ali: sounds like a song marlene would write Carly: pitch it to her Carly: or find her in the club Ali: maybe Ali: idk if she's got a girl rn Ali: we shall see Carly: me & her Carly: weird Carly: i'll ask her if shes feeling it Ali: oh lord Ali: can't play with her like a boy tho Ali: wifey'd up before you know it Carly: nah she scares me Carly: im a good wife tho Ali: you is Ali: but you wanna be? Carly: what? Ali: you don't wanna be no wifey Carly: not hers Ali: as long as not his either then we good Carly: ha Ali: 👀 Carly: what you saying w those beautiful eyes boo Ali: i see u and ur lack of a response is what i'm sayin Ali: honeyyyy Carly: dont Carly: i said about him before thats it Ali: i'm just playing Carly: dont Carly: he thinks it too Carly: such a prick Ali: i'm soz baby Ali: he thinks everyone loves him as much as he does Carly: yea Carly: i need to find a new dealer Ali: honey, in this town? done is done Ali: find one tonight Carly: so smart

[voidwizerd-archive]

BONDING EXPERIENCES?? ==>

[[ logs with @carnivalsorphans​, our muses keep bonding in very confusing ways, what the fuck are these two ]]

voidwizerd okay first off please dont bring this up w Kankri bc th last thing i can handle rn is anythin resemblin a moral talk im too pissed

carnivalsorphans yeah

voidwizerd do you ever like get a super specific urge to just beat a body senseless does this happen to you

carnivalsorphans often enough that the thought some people don't kinda baffles

voidwizerd i cant get at who i wanna get at theyre all universes away n maybe DEAD which sure would be fuckin convenient fr them huh i just

carnivalsorphans hahaha yeah fuckin relatable

voidwizerd wanna find some shitty person n whale on em until theyre only sorta recognizable

carnivalsorphans hmmm

voidwizerd teeth aint that necessary anyhow ugh

carnivalsorphans hahahaha do you actually want me ta find ya someone shitty ta fuck up or we just talkin hypotheticals and feelings?

voidwizerd i honestly dont even know i just wanted to confirm someone else experiences this too

voidwizerd i figured if anyone does itd be you

carnivalsorphans aight, just feelings yeah, you bet sib a lot. and it's hard. just kinda.... keepin that real tight inside it winds ya up a bit warps you and makes ya feel all weird til ya can do somethin ta make it stop i used ta bleed myself and then paint with it, but wicked said that's bad, so i'm tryinna figure somethin else out

carnivalsorphans i felt that way bout anyone i actually give a fuck about, where any time they talk on their old shit it just makes me tense up and start this fuckin rumble

carnivalsorphans usually stop it afore it gets loud though kankri says he don't feel that way at all, but i bet there's somethin that'd wind him up that bad somethin for everyone that just makes em wanna beat someone bloody

voidwizerd yeah it just its like wrappin your insides up tighter n tighter n tighter n it feels like itll rip n spill everythin out

carnivalsorphans yeah

voidwizerd so fuck, if its gonna tear eventually why not choose myself how that happens???

carnivalsorphans yeah and i'd think at least no one was gettin hurt but me and i like pain anyhow

carnivalsorphans and it spills out nice and slow and i get somethin pretty at the end of it but ... ya gotta pick ya poison, sometimes

voidwizerd i guess i did that last one kinda fr different reasons n a bit more extreme but ha ha ........i fuckin hate copin

carnivalsorphans yeah, it's hard i got a lot ta cope with

carnivalsorphans used ta think i was better than addiction, but i ... dunno. feel like an addict sometimes. wicked says i might be one, even. instead of the bottom of a bottle, i just got my claws

voidwizerd just bout anythin can be addicted to i used to run until my body gave out only way my mind would go quiet i miss th quiet

carnivalsorphans .... yeah

voidwizerd but Kankri would worry

carnivalsorphans fuck havin connections ta people hahaha

voidwizerd right its terrible but also i wouldnt know what happy is like either

carnivalsorphans .... yeah

voidwizerd th loneliness was killin me ha like literally lmaooooo

carnivalsorphans yeah i can feel that

voidwizerd well no okay technically i was doin that my own damn self

carnivalsorphans you wouldn't think, surrounded by church who loves me

carnivalsorphans but ya know. lonely at the top

voidwizerd fuckin pussy i was broke in less than two sweeps. whoop whoop yeah yeah i bet lonely is terrible, fuck that shit

carnivalsorphans used ta be worse but used ta be, i didn't care .... way way fuckin back when saw people bein all close to eachother and it seemed like a waste a fuckin time and energy and like they was a bit away from stabbin eachother in the back

carnivalsorphans .... fuckin ignorance was bliss

voidwizerd ha wouldnt it be so much easier just to not

carnivalsorphans yeah

voidwizerd not need that not fuckin CLING to affection like a goddamn lifeline bc its either that n bein treated like garbage or bein treated like nothin at all

carnivalsorphans yeah, fuck that

voidwizerd hurt or isolation take your pick trick question they both hurt and they both make you feel isolated

carnivalsorphans yeah hahahahaha

carnivalsorphans rather have real hurt though. makes shit hard ta focus on .... sometimes, at least

voidwizerd mmn

carnivalsorphans > Try not to think of Artemi. > Try /really hard/

voidwizerd do i like pain fr kinky reasons or do i like it bc i just want someone to beat me to shit

carnivalsorphans hahahahaha

voidwizerd these are th questions

carnivalsorphans just assume it's a little a both

carnivalsorphans nothin's ever so black and white sometimes a lil more of one, sometimes a lil more of another

voidwizerd fuckin

carnivalsorphans and sometimes it fades away so much ya almost forget it's there

voidwizerd hate that shit

carnivalsorphans yeah

voidwizerd wish it could be simple shouldnt knowin yourself be simple but nah

carnivalsorphans hahahahaha

voidwizerd other ppl know me better than me

carnivalsorphans depends on how fuckin much you want to know

voidwizerd aint that just th fuckin way

carnivalsorphans i've tried real hard not ta let anyone know me fuckin hate bein /known/ bein... able ta pin down predict

voidwizerd sure is a thing its scary

voidwizerd scarier than anythin

carnivalsorphans .... yeah and not just cuz i'm scared for my church not just cuz i'm scared a how people will take it just... 's

voidwizerd if i didnt trust Kankri so much id prolly just. go outta my fuckin mind of terror. ha

carnivalsorphans yeah every time me and wicked have a real talk, i get a bit.... tense. all tensed up for him ta fuckin recoil or use shit against me or probably ain't the best way ta feel with ya rail, but

voidwizerd no i i get that fuck dude i literally couldnt tell you how often Jane n Dirk did that to me but my stupid ass kept confidin in em anyway

carnivalsorphans hahaha i never risked it sometimes i'd tell shit to people i was

voidwizerd only reason i didnt confide w Jake at all was cause he never paid attention to anythin that wasnt bout him

carnivalsorphans hurtin. i ain't ever had enough trust in fuckers to do that sorta shit too often

voidwizerd shit dude if ur only confidantes are th ppl ur torturin you just might need to get out more

carnivalsorphans hahahahaha yeah

carnivalsorphans i kinda went a bit nuts after i fell got better though

voidwizerd good on you shoulder pat for success

carnivalsorphans there's a lotta things i miss bout that time. probably more than i should. one more addiction ta add onto the pile

voidwizerd ha careful dude dont wanna be breakin records here

carnivalsorphans hahahaha i've lived a long time, i set all the records

voidwizerd my point is to get better rather than worse knucklehead though ha tbh this is one of those lights i doubt thats really a possible thing

carnivalsorphans hahaha how bout we just try for not gettin worse tolight? wanna come over? for the sake a not bein alone

voidwizerd i .....yeah thanks

carnivalsorphans fuck knows i ain't gonna be good for bein alone tonight neither. .... but i don't really wanna worry wicked over me bein all whatever i am right now

voidwizerd "whatever" is a good word fr feelins tonight "whatever" with a side of "sad n violent"

carnivalsorphans yeah

voidwizerd apparently not a regular or good thing to feel .. is it bad fr me to be so relieved you get this way too

carnivalsorphans naw 's normal ta feel relieved that ya ain't alone in ya experiences

carnivalsorphans fuck, that's sorta why i hang around sugary and vel and wicked

voidwizerd oh huh i guess i like. well i didnt even know i was angry until well

carnivalsorphans until you was burnin

voidwizerd yeah

carnivalsorphans i think vel sorta gets like that

voidwizerd i guess i been mad a long time but

carnivalsorphans yeah

voidwizerd long as i ignored it things never happened

carnivalsorphans people tend ta forget angry is somethin they is allowed ta be

voidwizerd until that naggin suspicion got confirmed, that i was treated no better than shit on someones heel, n i just welp there goes th neighborhood

carnivalsorphans yeah

voidwizerd anger is its big

carnivalsorphans anger is born out of sorrow a lot sorrow at fuckin... lack at bein wronged

voidwizerd .....yeah

carnivalsorphans at missed opportunities and bein taken advantage of

voidwizerd at at knowin i did nothin to get hurt n did *everythin* to win approval thats just

carnivalsorphans yeah

voidwizerd seventeen goddamn years of waste right there

carnivalsorphans yeah sweeps of lack of what ya deserved

voidwizerd i didnt deserve that

carnivalsorphans yeah

voidwizerd *they* deserved my goddamn fists i wish id fought back

carnivalsorphans it's aight to be angry bout that shit. people always say it's aight to mourn, but sometimes mournin involves gettin fuckin pissed

voidwizerd i wish id listened to my instincts

carnivalsorphans you did what ya knew ta do and that's... somethin

carnivalsorphans may not always feel good

voidwizerd i loved em too much was th problem id let anythin slide cause they was my whole world

carnivalsorphans ain't nothin wrong with lovin maybe a bit wrong with bein blinded by it, but there ain't nothin to be done about that except learn from it

voidwizerd yeah took

carnivalsorphans and fuckin... bein tempered hurts, but it does make ya stronger

voidwizerd fuckin 21 years but i learned

carnivalsorphans .... cmere?

voidwizerd yeah

voidwizerd yeah ill be there

carnivalsorphans > Probably help to send coords. > And then time to snug a friend

voidwizerd > Friend will cry and rant a lot but appreciate much. > Mostly cry.

carnivalsorphans > Pet the friend. Kiss their head and wipe away tears sometimes and comfort and offer inappropriate jokes when tears seem to be letting up.

voidwizerd > Jokes get a smile and then even more crying because what the fuck is an appropriate response to people caring about them.

carnivalsorphans > More kisses because how do you deal with people crying Normally anyway?

voidwizerd > Kisses back a little because that seems to help and not kissing back was starting to feel Weird.

carnivalsorphans > Prr? Wipe away tears, focus more on wiz than your own shit.

voidwizerd > Pr... Still feeling terrible, and thinking about bad gunk, but at least not alone. And good to be with someone who kinda gets it. "We're sorta fucked up huh."

carnivalsorphans "Yeah. But we make it work."

voidwizerd "Fuck dude we sure do. By the skin of our fuckin teeth but we're doin it."

carnivalsorphans "I think we're doin better than some people."

voidwizerd "That's optimistic." > Weak laugh.

carnivalsorphans "Naw, we ain't still stuck in our old shit. I think that's better off. Some people never get that far."

voidwizerd "...That's true." > Snuggle up more after decaptchaing more blankets. Feeling more vulnerable to Ringleader's chilliness.

carnivalsorphans > Oh, good. A layer between you and the warmth. ... Give the bundled wiz a squish. "There's somethin to be said for bein proud of how far we've come, at least. Even if we ain't where we wanna be yet." > .... Where does he want to be though?

voidwizerd "Where we even tryin to get to, though?" > Squish is good. Quiet purr.

carnivalsorphans > A snort. "Ya know, I was thinkin the exact same thing." > Loud purring.

voidwizerd "Don't that just figure. Tolight we're real fulla questions that don't got proper answers, huh."

carnivalsorphans "I dunno that we gotta know where we're goin ta be glad we're not where we were."

voidwizerd > Now you snort. "That's some deep shit."

carnivalsorphans "That's me. Deep as fuck. ya know my real secret now.

voidwizerd "I'm honored!" > Quiet laugh. Moody staring at nothing for a while. "Think I'm done cryin now. Got that hollow sense settlin in nice an blegh.”

carnivalsorphans “Yeah, fuck that. I only appreciate that shit when i’m needin to think after bein pissed. And even then, it ain’t the same as true calm.”

voidwizerd "Mmh. Better than feelin I'm about to like... break into a million billion pieces. Like takin a sledgehammer to a window. Ha." > Blink slow. Slower. You're not moving so much.

carnivalsorphans > Squish. You ain't their rail, it's not your responsibility to make sure they're all... In tact. .... But still, you're a bit concerned. A tiny bit. "Anythin I can be doin ta help?"

voidwizerd "'unno. Feelin's gone for now." > Whoops, that there is a yawn. You rub your face, trying to stay awake. "What about you?"

carnivalsorphans "Feel.... Warm." Soft purring. "Probably about time ta pass out."

voidwizerd "Mmh." Sprawl out a bit. "Thanks for bein my comrade in shittiness."

carnivalsorphans "Misery demands company and all that. Plus i like hangin around you."

voidwizerd "Gay."

carnivalsorphans "Yeah." Forehead kiss.

voidwizerd > Mumble a barely comprehensible "suuuuper gay" before nodding off. > RL's a good friend.

carnivalsorphans > Pet Wiz a little longer before going to sleep yourself.

[kleyaaa]

PLEASE DO NOT READ. PLEASE. IM BEING SERIOUS. ITS MY BIRTHDAY. WILLYOU GIVE THAT TO ME AS A GIFT? PLEASE. DONT READ THIS. :)

Ahhh soooo hmmmmm if you arent into dramas, emotional, depressing thoughts then i suggest that you stop reading this right now cuz im about to start something deep, something emotional

Its 11:47pm, 13 minutes before 12. Wow. I did the math right? Right? 13! Yep i love that show! Where did you cry? I cried at the beginning of episode 12. Where Hannah picked her phone and called Clay. Remember she put the bag on top of the car? And that moment, when she called Clay. Its fckd up! I have to stop! I felt i know what will happen next! I stopped! Not even kidding! I pause it. Went to the bathroom and cried. I dont even know why the heck i was crying. I just cried! But dont worry i finished it. I have too! Anyway. I dont know where to start.

I actually want to write this on my other account. Cuz i dont want people to be annoyed about this because some human in this world doesnt unfortunately understand depression, suicide or the feeling of being alone or left alone or someone who dont have someone.

But hey if i do that, hide and just be scared then im weak. So here i am :) that is why theirs a note at the beginning so that YOU HAVE A CHOICE anyway okay im gonna start now

Tomorrow is my birthday. Yey! Another day of fakesht. Some will post things about me. Good things about me. “Memories” we had. They will say they loved me, that they will be there for you always. That they are thankful to have you in their lives. Mygoodness. Im done with that. Done with that shts. Im sorry but i do not feel the way you guys think. I dont feel im appreciated enough. I dont feel the loved. I dont. Sorry.

Imma tell you a story about. Im not pleasing you guys to believe me that this is me. One who will always supports you. One who will be there for you whenever you need me. One who will tell exactly everything you wanna know. Im quite frank. I mean i say things straightly. Im that girl who will do everything for others. Who pleases people. Who tried a lot of times to be the number but always failed. Im nice. As much as possible i want to understand others. I want to love everyone. I hate wars. I hate discrimination. Colors or gender. Social status. Im open to everything and anything. I wont judge you if you are gay. If you are poor or fcked up kid. I wont. I will never ever. As much as possible, i dont wanna judge. Cuz man i dont know what the heck they are going through. I dont know the reason why she is wearing high heels and a leather jacket in the middle of sun rays. I dont know the reasons behind those smiles, those tears. I dont know anything.

I started being like, person who is as-much-as-possible-do-not-judge-people-base-on-what-my-eyes-can-see back in 2012 and beginning of 2013. Dont worry ill past forward things. Those years, i experience depression. I want to kill myself. I always cry. In the middle of the night. Those years the only thing i know is phone. Phone helped me a lot to somehow forget things. Those times im alone. Like no one is there for me or with me. Even parents. I was asking why the heck im into this. Im sooooo nice. Why the heck this is happening to me. What i have done to deserve this?

If you havent felt the feeling of suicidal. If you havent thought to kill yourself. If you havent try to kill yourself. The you wont understand. No. Depression is not just a “thing” that could passby. No. its not a joke. Its not a joke when you want to kill yourself because you feel that is the only way to end pain. That is the only option to stop sadness. If you never felt that feeling. If you havent thought using of knife to end your life while you are washing the dishes. Then you wouldnt understand.

Depression for me is fighting your self. You against yourself. The only way to get out of this is you, you have to figure it out on how you will fight againts your thoughts, those emotions, those negativities. You drown yourself on your on pool. It is a bit insensitive to say. I know sorry. But that is the definition i came up because that is my case. I wasnt bullied. No. at some point yes. But that is not the reason why felt suicidal. Its being alone and left alone. The feeling of you thought you have friends but you really do not have. Thats the reason why i wanted to kill myself. I love them. My friends. I truly love them. I treasure them. But the feeling is not mutual. They were smiling in front of you but guess what they are talking about you being so overreacting all the time. Being so weird. They stab you at the back. Loved you in the front.

That was back in 2012 and 2013. When i found that out. I stopped for a while. I was defeated for few days. But i said no. They wont win. Ill do what the fck i want to do. Fck them! Who cares! They are not happy with their lives thats why they look outside to make their feelings better.

Past forward. 2017. I thought everything is fine. I thought im done with those kind of stuffs. I thought i have “friends” now. Or at least someone i could talk to. But heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey. Nope. You havent. It feels weird actually. I really do thought im done with that. Feeling of being left alone. I really do thought im done. Its so weird im experiencing this again.

I chatted someone to see if that person cares about me cuz i really do care about her. I chatted her. She saw it. And didnt respond. Hmmm okay. I left the group chat to see if someone do care and chat me nice things or convince me or will try to help me. But no one. I posted something, like “stop caring to those who dont care about you” something like that not exactly okay. I wanted to see if someone or some of them will try to ask me if im okay. Or is there something wrong.

No. Nah. Not a single word from the people i was expecting to do something. That something matters to me cuz if someone did that something. At least i know i have one. I have someone.

But no one did.

Their silence kills me. Non response breaks my heart.

You know what hurts me the most? When they need me. Im there! Whenever they feel down. Dude! Im there to tell them theyre not alone. When they need a support. Im there! If i see them sad or alone. Im there! Im fck here. For them. But they are not. And i dont feel they will. They will someone be there for me. Its hard to explain. But i really do not feel like, they love me or they do appreciate me or they are there for me. No. i dont.

That is why i asked myself. Am i demanding? Am i not worthy? Am i expecting too much from them? Am i asking for more? Am i not being appreciative of their actions?

Am i selfish?

I dont feel i get what i deserve. I dont feel enough love. Im sorry

Im so sorry. I really dont.

That is why i decided to stop loving you guys. To stop caring about you and being rhere for you. Any of you.

I told you depressionn for me is fighting againts yourself. Yep i stand by that. But, a lift from ONE friend can help a lot. You dont need the world to fight with you. No. its your battle but a little help will help a lot. It could do so much things. All you need is one friend. Just one. ONE THAT WILL LISTEN TO YOU AND WONT JUDGE YOU. ONE WHOS OPEN TO TALK ABOUT YOUR SITUATION AND CAN UNDERSTAND YOU. JUST ONE.

2012 or 2017. I dont have one.

But there are 4 people who is still there for me on times i need someone. Im so sorry guys if i dont consider you as the one. Hahaahaha! If in case in the future you guys see this. Chesca my lovely chef. Diego my face of the night. Kezia my mentor my spiritual adviser my somehow everything kasi you always give me reason to breath again hahahaha and Rhea… yep youre here too. On the list. Wow hahahaha i mean on the list of people i should be thankful and whatever happen nanjan pa rin sila. Bukod sa pinautang mo ko. I felt the sincerity. Yung buong pusong tulong. I felt that with you when i needed money. I did not felt na may utang na loob ako sayo. You are sincere when you were helping. And i will never forget that.

Okaaaaayyyy where the heck am i?

Im lost. Ang haba kasi. Hahahaha! Its soooo long. I dont know if someone can survive on this longgggg emotional post hahahahaha

Its 1:02am

My birthday wish is i hope we can all have someone with us. Just one. One who will be there until our breath. It could be your future wife or husband. I dont know. But i really wish. We could all have the one. We deserve one. Everyone deserve one!

And be nice!

Your “hey are you okay? You can talk to me!” Could save a life!

And if you guys will ask… hmmmm how am i dealing with this sht again. I HAVE GOD :) well im still asking for someone cuz i want to have like a physical contact. Like i can call in the middle of the night and talk about non sense things. You know physical contact? Love you Lord! Dont hate me! Hahahaha!

But right now since i dont have someone, i have God, i can talk to and phone. Tumblr! Duuuhhh! I can write a book in here! Hahahaha!

Deep sigh I dont feel like i gave the message i wanted even though its like 134 pages now hahahaha ALL IN ALL. DONT BE A DICK. DONT BE A RUDE. BE NICE. BE OPEN. DONT JUDGE. HELP OTHERS. APPRECIATE PEOPLE. SPREAD LOVE. KINDNESS. AND TO THOSE WHOS SUFFERING SADNESS RIGHT. HEY! DO NOT STOP BREATHING OKAY? YOU CAN DO THIS YOU WILL WIN. YOU ARE NOT ALONE! GO FIND SOMETHING THAT COULD HELP YOU GET THROUGH THIS. GO BASKETBALL OR VOLLEYBALL OR PLAY PIANO OR LEARN ABOUT VOLCANOS IDUNNO JUST STAY BREATHING!!!! PLEASE!!!! FIND SOME INSPIRATION. YOUR IDOL!!! Selena Gomez or Demi Lovato!!! I dont know!!! Just, stay breathing okay? Okay? Promise me! I love you! And i love myself. Eventhough im fck up sometimes. And i love life eventhough sometimes it punches me right in the face. AND I LOVE GOD. EVENTHOUGH SEMANA SANTA IS ALWAYS ON MY BIRTHDAY! Love You Lord! :* Love you everyone! -eya