#dean and wanting

[shallowseeker]

It's my fault. I let my guard down. But it's your fault, too. It's on US. And it...it's more your fault than the others, because--

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I kinda lost my big Dean farewell tour meta, but I still stand by the fact that Dean's decision not to go into the Mal'ak box was very much based on multiple people's support (Sam, Mary, Cas, Jack). That said, it was so so so conspicuous that he actively avoided Cas and Jack the most.

When Cas cornered him in Prophet and Loss things got, "an awkward beat / So this is goodbye?"...weird fast.

via @spnscripthunt

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In Ouroboros, all Cas has to do is catch Dean's eyes, and he just...falls right open. It's very clear that Cas's opinion on the matter is a quiet, powerful unsaid-thing.

Cas's hope is important here. More important than perhaps ANYONE is willing to admit. When he reassures Dean, Dean feels more at ease. More hopeful. And with most hopeful things, it feels a long way down when you fall from it.

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(Aside///Love how Dean throws Cas this cheeky little smile and Cas glares at him btw.)

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Later, when Dean wakes up after his injury, yes he's talking to all of TFW, of course he is. (He's talking to his brother, his best friend, his foster son.)

Here we have Dean lamenting that, like the chicken in Noah's story, he let his guard down, and now the snake is loose in the bunker.

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And here, we have such a subtle thing. The first of many cracks. Cas jumps in to talk to him, and Dean immediately fires back. He's reacting to Cas.

The camera focuses on Sam, gets Sam's reaction. But Dean? Dean's squared up to Cas. He's invoking his fresh conversation with Cas in the diner.

Cas is holding Dean's gaze evenly, and they're assuming their usual battle positions. Sam holds up his hands like he's getting between them, de-escalating the thing between them on gut instinct.

(it reminds me of this one)

Already, there's an insidious, human emotion seeming to take hold. Or at least, the seeds of it.

Somewhere deep is the burgeoning blame Dean's going to eventually put on Cas -> putting on him "the things he can't take," expecting him to protect everyone from everything, to be safe and keep them all safe.

("It's your fault I stayed. Because I stayed, [OMITTED, people I loved died]. It's more your fault than the others.")

But why is it more Cas's fault? Why is the reaction so outsized in Dean?

He doesn't just blame Cas for Mary, for the loss of Jack's soul that lead up to it. (Cas was supposed to succeed where John failed.)

He blames Cas for being a big part of why Dean wanted to stay in the first place. Cas made Dean want things.

And Dean's historic willingness to sacrifice himself is built on not wanting things for himself.

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Heroes die.

JOHN E. WINCHESTER 1954-2006 LOVING HUSBAND & FATHER REMEMBERED FOREVER DEAN: It's like my old life is, is coming after me or something. Like it like it doesn't want me to be happy. Course I know what you'd say.,,, So go hunt the Djinn. He put you here, it can put you back. Your happiness for all those people's lives, no contest. Right?" But why? Why is it my job to save these people? Why do I have to be some kind of hero? (begins to cry while talking) What about us, huh? What, Mom's not supposed to live her life, Sammy's not supposed to get married? Why do we have to sacrifice everything, Dad? (pause) It's... (Dean's lips tremble. Silence. We hear the sky rumbling. Tears begins to falls on DEAN's cheek.)

2x20

When Dean was willing to blow himself up in season 11, he was rewarded with his Mom coming back. When he wasn't willing to do it in season 14, his son stepped in to do it for him, losing his soul in the process and leading directly to the death of Mary. How horrible.

[raw-detergent]

Dean Winchester is saved.

[daftmooncretin]

last three seasons spn are crazy. its just dean being borderline suicidal while sam tries to fix it by basically dangling his keys at him and going : “dean look! cowboys!” “dean look! strip club!” “dean look! haunted action figure.”

Meanwhile castiel is like i see that dean is suicidal, this is clearly my fault so i will remedy this by dying.

[lonesome-dreamsss]

his handprint may be burned into your skin but it's still the gentlest touch you've ever received.

[ghostlyarchaeologist]

"This is my only chance. I've planned for months. I have eight backup contingencies."

Leverage S04E09 The Cross My Heart Job.

[digitalmyyth]

Evil awful women and the blond guy who hangs out with them (he is also evil and awful)

[wigglebox]

And in that moment, he knew he was never beating the 💖💜💙 allegations

[found--family]

cas would not kiss dean first. dean would also not kiss cas first. this is their tragedy. but a shapeshifter or some kind of monster clone or djinn dream would initiate the first kiss and they would 100% return it. or the real dean and cas would've just simply fallen together somehow like tripped and fell and gravity would bring their mouths together whoops anyway they'd both take it from there - and that's not fate pulling strings it's just dumb luck for these two dumbasses (affectionate)

[eggchef]

how to hold your hunter

[insanesonofabitch]

I’m not sure if someone else already made a post about this, but I was rewatching Tombstone and something just hit me. Dean wanted to stay alone with Cas a little bit longer in that cowboy hotel room. Sam takes Jack with him and pairs Dean up with Cas, after noticing how happy Dean was to get Cas back (which he even made a comment on earlier in the episode, we love a supportive brother). Dean agrees with this change of plan. Sam and Jack immediately gets up to leave and head for the graveyard. But when Cas is about to get up too and get ready, Dean does this:

And this is the same fucking goddamn episode where Dean makes Cas wear a fucking cowboy hat. And then gets offended when Cas didn’t immediately recognize his Tombstone reference. “I made you watch it,” not “we.” The same way “where Dean spread your ashes” is NOT “we.” And Dean has probably already seen ALL of those movies, probably a shit ton of times. He just wanted Cas to see them too. With him. Like a movie date night. And then Cas imitates a phrase from the movie, “I’m your huckleberry.” And then Dean, after averting his eyes and closing them and gulping down, says “Yeah, exactly.” immediately followed by “…it’s good to have you back, Cas.”

AND NOT TO MENTION THE FACT THAT DEAN TOOK A PHOTO OF CAS OFF SCREEN???????? AND THEN PRINTED IT OUT??????????

[strawlessandbraless]

The fact that Jensen refuses to talk about the finale and Dean dying in that horrible barn

But straight up jumps at the chance to talk repeatedly about the barn scene in Lazarus Rising where Dean meets Cas for the first time and he meets Misha

You just know he regrets getting nailed in the wrong barn

[inacatastrophicmind]

Nashcon / JIBcon

[caught-a-dragonfly]

[casdeans-pie]

Always a good time to bring Dean back into our lives

I miss him

[prettyflyshyguy]

[Dean is a ghost haunting the Impala AU]

You know how self driving cars get stuck if you paint a white circle around them?

[clairenatural]

okay but you see sam has ALSO fallen for dean's act. sam also believes dean to be the macho, daddy's soldier, beer boobs cars guy he presents himself as. this is why sam makes fun of dean whenever he even lightly steps out of that mold and thinks it's harmless banter instead of attacking an insecurity. it's why he laughs when john talks down to dean in the early seasons and it's why he seems surprised when dean is more comfortable with himself in the later seasons. it's why he just scoffs but doesn't push it when dean puts up a front and refuses to talk about his emotions and just accepts whatever excuse he makes at face value. it's why he offers dean a strip club to make him feel better when cas dies. and this isn't his fault!! dean has spent a very long time perfecting this image in front of everyone and ESPECIALLY to sam because along with it comes safety and security and stability and the only person. who has consistently been able to see through it. is castiel