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itsthestutterforme · 4 years

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Sacrifices (Supernatural)

Summary: Y/N copes after Crowley sacrifices himself// mentions of death and depression

Characters: Crowley x reader, Dean x reader, Angry!Sam x reader

"What else is needed for the spell?" Crowley asks me. "Just one thing. The hardest thing. The sacrifice of a soul," you answer. We were in the endgame now. We needed to kill Lucifer before he could corrupt Jack anymore than he already did.

Dean, Sam, Cas and Mary worked to distract Lucifer while you and Crowley worked on the spell. Crowley stares at you a little longer than what you're used to.

Which leads you to think that something went wrong or something is about to go wrong. "What happened?" "Nothing happened," "Then why are you staring at me?" "Because I love you."

You stop doing the spell for a moment and lock eyes with him. "I love you too," he finds a sense of relief in your words. Love isnt something that was reciprocated to him before.

"What is this about, Crowley?" "Just make sure the spell is ready." You eye him skeptically and after a few seconds, you knew what he was going to do.

He stands up to walk away, you hold him back by the hand. You stand up and wrap your arms around him. He slowly wraps his arms around waist and you tighten your grip aroubd him.

"I'm proud of you." He squeezes you and kisses the top of your head before pulling away. You watch with wide eyes when Crowley walks up to Lucifier. "You know you can't beat me, Crowley." "I know," he says.

Crowley looks at you before stabbing himself with the demon blade. "No!" you yell. The light flashes in his face before he falls to the ground. His soul is sucked into the spell you were conducting the spell in.

Tears swell in your eyes and you whisper one last incantation and the rip between worlds was starting the shrink. Cas and Mary continued to fight Lucifer and you rush over to pick up Crowley.

You place his body across your shoulder blades and hold one of his legs and arms to keep him steady. Sam and Dean let me go through first. You walk a few feet before setting Crowley's body down and kneeling down next to him.

"You deserved better," you say to him before putting a hand on his chest. You lean your back against the porch of the shack and you look to the tree line in attempt to calm down.

More sobs escaped your mouth and you find yourself leaning your forehead against Crowley's. "I don't care what anybody says. You're a big softie. You were anyway,"

"No!" you look up to see Castiel being faced from behind and killed. Dean was the one who screamed. Castiel's body falls to the ground and the next thing I know, Mary is pushing Lucifier into the rip between worlds and it closed behind here.

It seems that everyone is going to grieve today. Sam looks to you but you transport away to United Kingdom to be buried.

Here you are in power surpressing cuffs, staring at a very angry Sam Winchester. Dean was in the very back, standing there quietly with his arms crossed. You haven't Sam this angry or Dean this quiet, it was starting to freak you out.

"What do you mean you can't bring you can't bring her back? I've seen witches revive themselves with different kinds of spells." he says. "Believe me, I tried." you say. Their silence encouraged you to continue.

"I had a best friend once. Someone that I knew for decades. We went to junior high together and we made arrangements to be roommates in college. But then one night, we were coming back from the gym and we were ambushed by a pack of muts. They had her by the throat, and I froze. I didn't utter a word, and they... tore her apart. I brought her corpse to some abandoned warehouse and tried to revive her for hours, and nothing."

"You think that would be the worst part but no. The worst part of all this was when I had to call her mother. I can still hear her screaming," you add as a few tears escape your eyes.

You quickly wipe them away and Sam says, "What you think you can let a few crocodile tears slip and you're off the hook?" "What the hell is wrong with you? I helped all of you out when you needed a witch and couldn't find Rowena anywhere,"

"You're a friend of Crowley's, we don't know you or your moral code." "Watch your mouth. He sacrificed himself for the spell. For you. The Crowley I knew never would have done that." you snap.

"Do you know what it feels like to lose all hope for saving someone because you're scared of breaking your own heart if you fail?" you add. "Yes," Dean finally says.

You and Sam look to him and he adds, "Sammy, I told you that it was best to let Mom go, and you go a kidnap an ally." "She's not an ally," "She helped us keep Lucifier away from Jack. Yes she is," Dean defends.

"You may have given up on Mom, but I won't. I refuse to do that." Sam says before rushing out of the room angrily. Dean walks towards you with the key to the handcuffs. "I understand why he's angry. I don't blame him for that." you say as he unlocks the cuffs and they clatter on the metal table.

Dean doesn't say anything and you stand up to walk out until your feet stops in their tracks. You turn around and grab a chair to sit down. "What are you doing?" "I know that look all too well. You're not doing so good with coping."

"I'm fine," "Look, I know what it's like to have no one. To be alone in a crowded room because you don't want to burden anyone with your emotions." "Bottling things in won't help," you add.

He stares at you but doesn't say a word. "Come on, I know a cheese steak joint that's open 24 hours," you add, holding out your hand. He looks at you hand for a moment before taking your hand into his. You say an incantation and transport yourself to Philadelphia, PA.

Dean's eyes widen as he tries to stabilize himself. "Why does that feel worse than when angels and demons do it?" "I dunno. Different creatures, different abilities." You say with a shrug before walking inside. Dean follows you in and you greet your buddy.

"Long time no see," "I was starting to miss your pretty face in here, pipsqueak," "Keep yappin' and I'll give toss you a knuckle sandwich, ya punk." You tease. "Missed you too, sweetheart." You and Dean sit and you feel his gaze on you when you take a once over of the menu.

"How you holding up?" Dean asks. "I'm holding, but isn't that a question I should be asking you?" You answer. "I'm holding too," "You don't have to open up if you don't want to. But I'm here to listen when you are." You tell him as he meets your gaze. "Hey, Reggy, can I get one of your famous cheesteaks with ex-" "Extra sauce. Of course, baby doll." "Thanks,"

"You seem to have a good relationship with him," Dean says. "Eh, found a loop hole in his cross roads demon deal. Felt indebted to me every since. I just love his cheesteaks. You should try one." You say. "You're different than other witches." "Really? How?" "You know how to appreciate people and make them feel cared for. Crowley, he.. he was better because of you." Dean says.

Your heart sinks when you hear Crowley's name. Reggy comes around with your philly cheesteak and fries. He sets it on the counter and you say thank you. "No problem baby doll," "How's the daughter doin'?" You ask. "Thinking of becoming a lawyer," "Lawyer? Wow," "Yeah, she wants to be where the action is,"

"I can understand that. I'll wish you luck. Tell her I asked for her alright?" "Sure, you want anything buddy?" Reggy asks Dean. "Uh just a coffee, black." Dean answers. "You got it,"

"There a pie joint just down the street if you want to go there instead." "No, I'm okay here. I just.. don't know where to start." Dean says. "Anywhere."

He clasps his hands together and says, "I'm tired, and I'm pissed. I'm pissed that it always has to be me and Sam that has the save the world when it goes to shit." "Why does it have to be you and Sam?"

"Because no one else will. It's always been like that. And there's always another problem after the next and the next and the next. There's no break. It's like we're stuck in a horror movie." Dean runs his hand through his hair and closes his eyes for a moment.

"Things between you and Sam seem pretty tense since.. nevermind. Sorry," you trail off. "Yeah, things are tense. He never got the chance to grow up with Mom. And when she finally came back, he thought he would have the chance, but... She died and he felt like that was stripped from him." "But that only makes more room for pain and grief. You would think I would be used to it by now bu-"

"The day you get used to death, is that day you stop being human. You can't be afraid to love because of the pain. Love and pain are two sides of the same coin." "Sometimes I should I couldn't feel a damn thing." He croaks, trying hard to keep it together.

You reach out and squeeze his hand comfortably. He slowly meets your gaze and you say, "Me neither,"

#dean winchester x reader #dean x reader #supernatural #crowley x reader

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followedbyraven · 4 years

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A journey into God’s mind

Chuck’s motivation in obsessively writing the same end - is what has been on my mind in quite a while. So far he is a megalomaniac villain with no proper cause. And for the love of everything a villain without a motive is of not interest to me.

As a long time fanfic writer I don’t understand Chuck’s bullheaded insistence with “brother killing brother” and end-of-the-world themes. When my characters happen to say a resound “NO!” to what my sick brain is cooking, I listen to them, this is my subconscious letting me know that I’m about to make a really wrong move. And then I do my best to find a solution, which may be not necessary as dramatic, but nevertheless satisfying.

So I said to myself: “Let’s find us a motive!” and embarked on a journey.

So basically to understand my theory of Chuck’s obsession first I have to explain a bit about the particular bit of “Lucifer” TV show which gave me an idea. I doubt many people don’t know this show, but just in case, bear with me. It’s a show dealing with Biblical lore and main character is the Lucifer himself (although much less boring, than in SPN). He is funny, adorable and with a bucket full of issues. And yes, he also can be terrifying!

In episode 2x12 “Love Handles” the villain of the episode and the long arc is a professor, who, when finding himself in a burning car, saved his dissertation and not a student driving it. This act made him an outcast and he eventually proceeded to blackmail successful people, putting them in a morally black and white scenarios: their life’s foundation (face of a movie star, hands of a chirurg) versus someones life. All for the quest to prove (as much to people around as to himself) that he couldn't be blamed for what happened. That the choice he made was a right one.

And here I see a clear parallel with SPN, maybe a crazy one but in my mind it fits perfectly.

Professor saved his dissertation by sacrificing a student. So he became obsessed with proving that he did the right thing. It was the work of his life after all.

Chuck in order to create his lifework, the Universe, sacrificed his sister, The Darkness.

Professor was aiming at famous people, prominent figures, heroes we may call them to bring parallel to SPN (from star actor to renowned chirurg, whose hands saved many lives). All to prove that he was right in his choice. Chuck chose heroes, siblings, nurtured them, build them up, and then let them kill each other (I’m sure that Cain’s dilemma came directly from under Chuck’s pen). So he is obsessed to prove to himself, subconsciously most of all, that locking for the end of time, losing his sister, to save/create his masterpiece, his life work, was a right thing to do.

This is his perfect tragedy, dramatic exit - to be left alone, without his sibling, by his own hand, surrounded by what was at that moment the most important thing in his mind, his Creation. And Chuck repeats this scenario over, and over, and over again, stuck in his disability to understand that this idea comes from his own dirty deed, his own ego, his own choice. To prove to himself first and foremost that his masterpiece is more important than his family, that he was right in locking Amara.

It’s a perfect mirror of his own choices, and he bends fates of others to meet this obsessive scenario, so his brain (or whatever he uses for one) can process the enormity of his one single action, which was the point of creation, of light for the Universe, and the moment of perfect darkness for the Creator himself.

So he was left alone with his creations, and at first, the novelty of it was enough, the new voices demanding his attention were enough. As long as he could forget about the fate of his sister. And for a short time that nagging voice in his head became just a whisper.

In time he reached his ceiling as Creator by making humanity, his masterpiece, and managed to keep the insistent whisper away a bit longer.

But inevitably Chuck got bored, lost interest, cause he, as many other supernatural beings, doesn’t see humanity as equal. He couldn’t see that he truly created something amazing, not only in his image, but also in his spirit (and in madness, we’re just much better at dealing with it). There was a phrase in one of the episodes that even angels don’t really understand what human SOULS are. It always left me wondering.

So as I was saying, chuck got bored, the whisper (locked Amara, his guilty consciousness) become louder, and that is when his true madness, his obsession with idea of siblings killing each other as the perfect tragedy, the perfect end of the story began. He plays it in different ways to prove to himself that this is the only natural, true end for any great story, the perfect justification for his reasons, that it was the only way.

What interesting is, that “Lucifer’s” professor says: “Choice is an illusion” and kills himself.

Just like Chuck connects the perfect end of his “choice is an illusion” dance with the end of his creation.

He started on this road while Amara was still under lock, and I don’t think that Winchesters would be the last of heroes Chuck played with if only they followed the script. Until they freed Amara, bringing in his mind the story to its perfect end. In his twisted mind there can be only one choice: Amara or his masterpiece. And with Amara freed he started unraveling his life’s work, for there may be only one or another.

We can say that making humans in his (and Amara’s) image was the first unconscious step on the road to perfect tragedy. And I’m not talking about human bodies, I’m talking about our very souls. Human souls begin as bright as light of the creation. I’m speculating here, but as any true artist Chuck imbedded his perfect creation with the tiny bitty pieces of himself. The difference is that light can be tarnished, darkened, and remind Chuck too much or Amara, his locked sister. And thus the Hell was created, where those tarnished souls were sent, away from his sight, in order for Chuck to continue his existence in ignorance. So he banishes those souls to Hell, locks them away. Just. Like. Amara. Another mirror on a bigger scale.

Why then not a perfect mirror, why not brother and sister, why two brothers? Here I’m going even deeper into speculating. Two sisters - may be too much of Amara reminder. He has to first build them up, give them power, luck, make them into heroes. That’s a tad too much of a girl’s power for Chuck. He sees Amara as oppressive force to start with and I doubt he is willing to go down that road. Intimidation would be too much and Chuck can barely deal with two stubborn Winchesters, he doesn’t need to add psychological pressure for good measure. Brother and sister? That’s really awfully too close to home for his liking, it can't stay in subconscious anymore and would force him to take a good hard look at himself.

Another point of interest - why Dean? Why through all obviously written by Chuck situations, it’s Dean who most often comes to the point when flow of events demand from him killing Sam. Down to the point of making Dean invincible when he was marked with the Mark of Cain, so it is he who eventually was supposed to do the deed.

What I think is that Chuck identifies strongly with Dean. Not so much as them being similar, more - Chuck wants to be Dean, have that level of courage, endurance and inner strength of spirit.

That is why he wants specifically Dean to perform his, Chuck’s part of the scenario. There is a lot of admiration, which falls in line with the level of anger when Dean keeps disappointing Chuck by refusing to play by his rules, continuously steps off the script.

There is a mirror to that too in earlier seasons. Metatron vs Castiel. I’m sure it’s a kind of old news and many metas have been written about it. I just wanted to connect it one more time to the rest of my musings about Chuck.

Metatron was also strongly identifying himself with Cas for all the same reasons. And he also wanted Cas to play the villain of the story at the same time trying on Cas's trench coat and posing in front of the mirror. Metatron understands that Castiel is not a villain, but he so desperately wants Cas to be one. The fallen hero. In that aspect Gadreel played the reflection of Castiel perfectly. The difference is - Castiel doesn’t want to be either, hero or villain (he learned the price of that the hard way), he just does what he thinks is right. Gadreel wanted to be again a hero, wanted to climb back on pedestal, no matter the cost.

Same with Chuck and Dean, mirroring Chuck making himself very, very comfortable in the bunker, the Dean's true domain, his home.

Both Chuck now and Metatron then are trying to make their chosen ones follow the written by them script.

I would almost call it a foreshadowing (if then unintentional, who knows, maybe writers thought back to season which was it, 9? and thought: oh, but that would fit nicely with s15 arc), despite so many seasons between these two story lines.

This is it, the journey into God’s mind complete. Hope you N-joyed.

@verobatto-angelxhunter

#Chuck meta #spn chuck #Supernatural meta #dean winchester #Castiel

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smol-and-grumpy · 5 years

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Dear Dean (Chapter 14)

Re-post

Pairing: Dean Winchester x OFC (Jamie Blum)

WC: 5.4k

Summary: After taking Saint Lo, by sheer dumb luck, Lieutenant Dean Winchester from the 29th Infantry Division, Baker Company, received a truckload of replacements for his platoon that was falling apart. Little did he know, that one recruit would change his life forever.

Chapter Warnings: Fluff, angst, “minor” character death

SERIES MASTERLIST

September 12th, 1944

Dean knew that good things don’t last. He learned that life lesson long ago and it was the only thing he remembered.

That little family of his? It didn’t last. The dream of just staying back home, work and pay for Sam’s studies? It didn’t last. The good thing with Bambi? That frankly didn’t last either, even though it wasn’t over. Not technically. Not when Dean could still find a way back to her. But the days in Brest with hot showers and hot food, that certainly couldn’t last. He knew that and still he was angry that they had to move back to the front line again. It was too soon. There was never enough time.

Dean waited with his platoon on the parade square. They were packed and ready to march out come Twenty-one-hundred-hours. Moral had been low ever since Bambi left, but they all knew that they had to keep on moving, had to keep on going and Dean wasn’t crazy about keeping Cas alive anymore. He wanted to keep his platoon together. Without them, he’d be lost and lonely.

It was Twenty-thirty-nine-hours and the men are going through their belongings, checking if they had everything. Dean did the same, to be thorough. He checked his haversack, his webbing, and then he looked into the pocket where he kept his flask. It was empty now. He knew that he should have filled it before they left, but it was too late. He knew he could use the space for something more important, so he took it out to put it into his haversack. His eyebrows came together when his fingers brushed a piece of paper in the pocket beside the flask.

He unfolded it. The lighting wasn’t the greatest on the parade square, but it was enough for him to read what was on it.

Dear Dean,

I don’t even know if you’ll find this and if you do - congratulations!

Come home soon, alright? I never said it, because I don’t know how to say it, but I think I love you with all my heart.

Bambi (shut up, I quite like that nickname)

Dean chuckled to himself and shit, his eyes were welling up.

“One Platoon, ready?” Castiel could be heard shouting from the front.

Dean folded the note and tucked it back into the side pocket of his combat pants. He stood at attention. Looking into the eyes of his men before he answered. “One Platoon, ready sir!”

***

September 15th, 1944

Baker company joined the battle at Fort Montbarey.

Castiel sent in one platoon after another, and each of them had to retreat back. They were losing men, and Dean’s platoon suffered with some wounded and unfortunately, Dopey was hit in the jaw.

Thankfully there were no more casualties. Dean didn’t know if he would be able to cope with that. They were a family and losing one meant losing a piece of themselves.

“Sir, there’s no way that we can get through.” Dean said as he knelt beside Cas.

“I know that. It was an order. Dammit Dean, you wanna switch places? I don’t know how much longer I can do this. Risking the lives of our men just because some stupid strategist thinks it do-able?”

“Cas,” Dean tried to calm his CO down, but Cas stood up and walked away swiftly.

Later that day, they had support from the British 79th Armoured Tanks, and they were able to break through.

***

September 17th, 1944

They finally captured the whole of Brest, and the whole of Baker company (or what was left of it) had time to recover. Thankfully, Dean’s platoon only had wounded apart from Dopey. Harvelle had a ricochet grazing his ass, but he was fine. At least there was that.

Dean finally had the time to find a barber, or at least someone with a steady hand who wouldn’t cut off his ear if he let them near his hair.

He walked the streets of Brest with a couple men of his platoon when they came across a barbershop - excuse Dean - it’s called coiffure here, how fancy!

The shop belonged to a French woman who introduced herself as Lisa. She was very friendly to his men and a couple of the women who worked there even offered some massages in the back of the salon. Dean didn’t even want to know what kind they meant by that, but he was sure that it didn’t involve scalp massages.

Sneezy followed a girl back to the back room with a shy smile on his face.

“Hey, Sneezy, if you’ve got a rash, I’m not scratching it, alright!” Dean called out, and there was laughter from a couple of other men behind him.

They were provided with condoms again, thank god. Too late for him, but not too late for his men, Dean guessed. The French women were all kinds of very, very thankful that the Allied Forces liberated them from the Nazis, and they were not shy about showing it.

It was Dean’s turn, and he took a seat. Lisa threaded her hands in Dean’s hair and he couldn’t lie. It felt great.

“What can I do for you, sir?” She asked him with a heavy French accent.

“Just cut it, I don’t really care.” He said truthfully, and he really didn’t. It was only hair and he wasn’t fuzzy. It would be covered by his helmet anyway.

“You have very nice hair, sir.” She hinted, her red lips curved up into a smile.

“Lieutenant, I think she likes you.” Tran, who sat on the worn out couch, watching them, chimed in.

Dean sent him a side eye, because he didn’t want Lisa to cut his ear off if he tilted his head. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. Maybe she’ll give you a massage. You’d deserve it, sir.” Tran winked and raised an eyebrow.

“I would love to give you a massage.” Lisa whispered into Dean’s ear, as she cut at the hair above it.

Dean chuckled then. “I’m alright, thank you.”

“That’s too bad. You know, if you change your mind, you and me could have a good time.” She was persistent, and Dean thought that she probably didn’t get turned down a lot. It wasn’t hard to imagine since she was easy on the eye, and the soldiers were all desperate.

“You know where I am.” She said as she brushed off the hair she just cut from his shoulders. Dean stood up to pay, thanking her.

“Well, I might want a massage.” Tran said, grinning like a winner.

Dean frowned. “Tran, you have a sweetheart at home.”

“Sir, she doesn’t need to know. I’m..uh… have needs.”

“Well, you do you. I’ll see you all tonight at briefing.” Dean said, nodding as he walked out. He could only hear Lisa saying, “I’m alright, thank you.” to Tran and everyone started to laugh before the door closed behind him.

Dear Bambi,

I know I have only sent you a letter more than 10 days ago and you’re probably not even home yet.

Just wanted to keep you in the loop of what’s going on. We captured Brest. You’d be proud of us all. Dopey didn’t make it though, I’m sorry about that, Jamie. There was nothing I could have done to prevent it. It’s not that I didn’t try. I told him to stay back, but I guess my men had taken a liking to you and your ways of not listening to me. He was a fine man, and I’m sorry that I couldn’t keep him alive.

How are you? Did you arrive home alright? Is everything still the same? I’m dying to know about your life back home. Actually, anything that you could tell me that would take my mind off the war would be greatly appreciated.

I haven’t heard from Sam in a while and that’s been bothering me. I kept sending him letters, but I haven’t received anything back. I put Cas on it, to try to find out, but Cas is rather busy and finding Sam is not his priority right now. There’s nothing I can do other than to sit here and wait.

Fuck, Bambi, I miss you. I wish you were here. No wait, scratch that. If I could have a wish granted, I’d wish I would be there with you. Far away from war. That’d be great.

I found your note, by the way. Did you really think that I wouldn’t find it?

Shit Bambi, I never knew what love felt like. I have never said the L-word to anyone else except of Sam and if I did in my youth, it was said without meaning, so I get it when you’re not ready to say it yet. Like I said, I never knew how it felt like, that’s why I had to ask Sam. You heard the letter I read to you. It feels like this, doesn’t it?

I’ll write again whenever I can. You take care and wait for me, alright? And please, this time, for once, do what I tell you to.

Enclosed you can find a picture of me after I had a haircut today. Just so you remember how handsome I am.

Yours,

Dean

***

September 24th, 1944

Dear Dean,

I’ve just arrived home yesterday. Your letter was not the only letter to greet me, but the only one to welcome me home. Thank you for that. Only it doesn’t feel like home. Home is where the heart is, or so they say, and my heart’s still with you. Do you hear it beating? Hold it tight and don’t let go, alright?

I have been reading through the letters my brothers sent to me during my absence. They must have been worried that I wasn’t writing them back. You remember Jim, right? He was with the paratroopers. He dropped off a package for me when he was in Saint Lo. It’s his reserve parachute. He said “it’s pure silk, Jamie. I’ve been holding on to it since I landed, and I want you to have it. I saw you today, and I could have given it to you, but I thought that you didn’t need to carry another useless garbage in your haversack. Make a wedding dress out of it, alright? You’ll look great in it. I love you, kid.” So, I’ve been crying since, but I’m alright, don’t you worry.

Thank you for your picture, I’ll hang it on the door as to repel visitors.

If I can find a decent one of me without snot hanging out of my nose or without one of my brothers in the frame with me, I’ll send it to you.

I was joking, as you can see, there’s a picture of me, which Jameson took at our graduation. Behind the girl with long hair in her summer dress, you see our garden and our house.

It feels so lonely here, Dean, and yes, I wish you could be here with me.

I’m sorry about Dopey, too. Dean, it’s not your fault. I’ll go visit Trenton’s mom in the next couple of days. I’ve sent a telegram out to her right after I arrived. I thought I’d do that while I still have short hair. Wish me luck.

Shit, I’m sorry to hear about Sam. I hope Cas can get on the case. He’s alright, Dean. He has to be.

There’s not much news from here. Unless you want to read about what I need to clean next in the house? I don’t think it’s going to be of great interest, to be perfectly honest with you. As soon as everything settles around here, I plan to go back to school. Training to be a nurse or a teacher, I haven’t decided yet. So, there’s that about me. I’m quite the plain jane as you can see.

Dean, before I end this letter, I wanted to thank you. Thanks for not exposing me and keeping me a secret. And maybe you think that once I’m back, I will go back to my old life, find a decent man who’s around, whom I could start a family with. I know you think that you and me, what we had was just a fling. Maybe it was a chance that we both took because we didn’t have anyone else around, but the truth is, I chose you, Dean and if I could go back, I’d choose you all over again. From the moment that you screamed in my face and looked at me with your angry green eyes, you had me.

Thank you for keeping me alive.

Love, Bambi

***

October 2nd, 1944

Dean ran into Cas on the way out. They moved out towards Herzogenrath and things had been wild. Everyone scrambled around, picking up things that needed to be moved, and Dean still hadn’t heard from Sam.

“Cas! Sir!” He didn’t know how he should address Cas in the open, he tried both and Cas stopped.

“Dean,”

“Yeah. It’s me. Look, I know that we are moving out today and all. I just wanted to know if you’ve heard from Sam, is all.”

“No, not yet, Dean. I can put a word in today before we move out, alright?” He put a hand on Dean’s shoulder to calm him. Cas knew how close Dean and Sam were.

“Great. Thanks.” Dean nodded and he turned to walk out to the square when Cas called after him.

“I got a letter for you, almost forgot!”

Dean ran back to retrieve it. There was no address on it, but Dean knew from the writing that it was from Jamie. She was probably extra careful not to put any return address on it, just in case.

“Thanks.” He smiled brightly at Cas.

Dean sat on the steps as he read through it laughing at her use of his picture. He tucked the letter neatly back into his haversack and took his time to look at the photograph. Jamie, with long flowing brown hair. Her eyes were still as wide as he remembered them, and Dean wished for nothing more than to be able to hold her in his arms again.

The house in the back was big and old. It could use some fixing, and maybe Dean was thinking way ahead, but he would love to get his hands on the house and make it nice and homey again.

It was time to move out and Dean tucked the photograph in to his helmet, keeping it safe next to the note from Jamie and the picture of Sam - he had cut Anna and him out - and as close to him as possible.

Dear Bambi,

We’ve moved out again. Baker’s time of retreat is over. It was too good to be true anyway. They even had a movie theater set up, but I spent my time reading. It wasn’t like I haven’t seen the movies 100 times over.

I hope you’re well. Please tell me that you’re well. At least, I’d have some good news.

I’m still so sorry about your brothers, Jamie. Jim was a fine man. He looked out for you. I bet you’d look fabulous in white silk, too. Maybe it’s a bit too far fetched but.. I don’t know.. could you maybe. Shit, I don’t even know how to phrase that. By the way, if you could see me, you’d be laughing at me because I’m red as a tomato. Well, to go back to what I’ve started, and I know you’d be mad at me if I would just change the subject; When you told me about the silk dress, I could picture you in it and shit, Bambi, in my imagination you look perfect, alright. I wish you’d make a wedding dress out of it and if it’s not too much to ask for - you can call me crazy - I don’t know, maybe I do secretly wish that the man who is standing beside you at your wedding would be me? Would that be too crazy?

How did Trenton’s mom react to your visit? If you haven’t been yet. Tell her that I said hi and that it was an honor for me to have him in my platoon. He did some excellent work and I mean, he was great, and I considered myself lucky that I was his leader. Tell her that if you’re still in contact, alright? Cas probably wrote out a letter to her already, but I wanted for her to hear it from me, too.

Still no word from Sam, Jamie. I’m so fucking worried. Would you..I mean, could you maybe write to him, too? I mean, if it’s not too much trouble. I just… don’t know how else I could reach him. I don’t know, but maybe letters from home would reach him. Maybe it’s just our communication that’s been cut off? Honestly, I would like to abandon my platoon and go look for Sam, but that would get my ass in jail. It would mean that I wouldn’t get to go home to you either, so that’s not an option at the moment. Besides, I can’t leave family behind. I have written Sam’s coordinates down, in case you want to try to reach him.

Did you see what I wrote? Family. It never felt like that until you came along. Thank you for that. You did something special, Bambi. You kept us together, you cared for us all and that meant something.

You’re wrong on one thing, though. I didn’t think that it was just a fling. You are so much more, and maybe I’m wrong, but I knew the moment I screamed at you, sprayed my spit in your face, and looked into your big brown eyes that there was something wrong with you. I wrote to Sam about it, telling him that there’s something about you that I can’t put my finger on, and I felt it in my gut. So maybe we chose each other, huh? I’m glad it was you, and I’m glad it’s still you.

I think you must have received a lot of letters from the men, didn’t you? I saw them penning letters to you. Tran and Harvelle. Even Sneezy. They all miss you. Me included, but you know that already.

Alright, we’ve got Herzogenrath to assault. I will try to keep myself alive.

And oh, Bambi? Please don’t put my photograph on your door? I mean, unless you want random women to come knocking it down asking who that handsome fella is, because they want to ask me out on a date, then yeah, just keep it there.

Bye sweetheart. I’m coming home pretty soon. I can feel it.

I love you. There, I said it. I miss you with every breath I take.

Yours,

Dean

***

October 9th, 1944

“Take cover! Get off the streets!” Dean could only yell as a shell hits the building behind him, leaving a hole as big as himself as it rained cinder blocks as big as his head.

He took his feet in his hand an ran for his life, pulling at the webbings of his men who stood there frozen when he passed them, getting them to run with him. “Get the fuck out! Move move!”

Dean screamed for his men to fucking get out of there, to fall the fuck back, and when he finally saw that everyone of them was running to their rendezvous point, he put his hand on his helmet, swung his rifle over his shoulders and ran.

There’s no way they were getting in. They had to find another way. He didn’t like to risk his men and Cas damn well knew it.

***

October 11th, 1944

Baker was tucked away sleeping in abandoned apartments and houses. Fox was on sentry and Dog was out on patrol. Baker had the night to regain their strength, and they fucking needed it. Herzogenrath was almost done, but there were still a couple of villages around that had German outpost that they need to take out. Dean could finally breathe again.

He was billeted with a couple men of his platoon. They didn’t have beds so they were just lying on the ground. Harvelle found a metal bucket and lit up a fire in the middle of the room. Some of the men were heating water for coffee.

Dean had his back against the wall, his helmet was lying next to him, and he took out the picture of Sam. Still no sign of him. To say that Dean was worried was an understatement.

“Coffee, sir?” Tran held out a metal mug and Dean took it, thanking him. Tran took the liberty to sit next to Dean, and they drank their coffee in silence.

Tran saw the picture in Dean’s hand. “Is that Sam?”

“Huh?” Dean then chuckled, tracing his fingers along his brother’s face on the picture. “Yeah, my brother. He’s in the field. I haven’t heard from him.”

“I’m sorry, sir.”

“It’s alright. I still have hope.” Dean tucked the picture back with his free hand.

“And that other picture?” Tran asked curiously.

Dean hesitated at first, he didn’t know if he should show it but then he thought, why not. Everyone was bragging about their sweethearts and besides, apart from the big eyes, Jamie didn’t look like the private Jamie. She looked like a woman and not a skinny private. “This?” He said, taking it out and showed it to Tran.

“That your girl, Lieutenant?”

“Huh,” Dean chuckled, his tongue wetting his bottom lip before he bit on it. “Yeah. That’s my girl.” There was a shy smile on Dean’s face. He never really had a girl to call his own, and to be able to say that, was kind of weird, but the good kind. Dean could get used to it.

“She’s fucking beautiful.” Tran was still looking at the picture.

“Yeah, she is.” Dean trailed his fingers along her picture as if he tried to touch her.

“Shit, Harvelle, the Lieutenant has a total babe at home. Fuck, look at that.” Tran called out for Harvelle to come over and when Harvelle sat down, he peeked at the picture.

“Damn, Lieutenant. How did we not know?”

“Was that why you didn’t want to have a massage with what’s her name? Lana?” Tran asked Harvelle, probably deliberately saying a wrong name because he was still butthurt Lisa didn’t want to massage him, and Harvelle answered with Lisa.

“I’m not a big fan of screwing around.” Dean said dryly, and it was the truth. He did that a lot when he was younger, but no, he wasn’t going to do it when he had Jamie to go home to. He wasn’t going to fuck up the only thing that kept him going forward, the only thing that kept him alive.

“Well, I’m a big fan of her.” Harvelle pointed his chin at the picture.

“Me too.” Tran said as he looked at the picture again. “And she looks so familiar.”

Dean’s heart started to drum harder.

“Say, Lieutenant, is she maybe someone famous? I mean, I think I’ve seen her somewhere. I just don’t know where.”

“Yeah, you’re right. She looks damn familiar.” Harvelle agreed.

“Letters from home!” Gabriel walked by, and Dean had never been more happy about seeing Gabriel.

“Here, Winchester!” Gabe threw him the letters to his feet.

Dean tucked the picture back into his helmet before he got on to his feet to distribute the letters to his men.

He received one as well. It wasn’t from Sam, which he hoped that it would be. It was from Jamie which was really the next best thing.

He ripped the letter open, eager to read it and all the others did the same.

Dear Dean,

Did you hear from Sam yet? I’ve penned him a letter, it should reach him the same day as you get that letter from me. I didn’t know what I should write to him, so I did my best in Jamie-style awkward letter penning. I hope it makes him smile a little.

Your letter arrived just before I was about to leave to see Trenton’s mom. It took her longer to accept. I think she had to convince herself that she actually wanted to see me, so that’s a good thing, I guess, because then I could tell her about what you wanted me to. Dean, it was so emotional. She said that I should thank you from her. Trenton’s been writing home and telling them how good of a leader you are. He thought highly of you, and he wanted to be like you. She told me that Trenton also wrote them about me. About me being his best friend. I cried - you can probably imagine. She thanks you from the bottom of her heart, and she prays for you to come back home. Dean, never doubt yourself and your leadership, alright? I’m rooting for you. I’m waiting for you to come back. You were Trenton’s hero, and you are still mine.

I wore a dress today. First time in what seemed like forever. Since I’ve been back, I walked around in Jameson’s clothes that are way too big for me. But today I thought I could try on my dress and it fits. I just need to remind myself that I should eat more so the dress will fit right again. Guess the front line does things to your body, huh? You would have loved it, though. But again, I think that you would love everything I put on. Even if it’s just some old men’s cotton underwear and a military undershirt and combat pants. But Dean, I looked really cute. Just saying. I found my mom’s old hat to go with it. You know, the hair is not long enough yet, but I’m getting there.

The reason I wore a dress to venture out is that I’ve been feeling bad lately. I can’t keep food down, and I went to see my GP. He put it down to stress that I’m under - oh boy, if he only knew - but I think it’s something different so I went to see another GP.

Everything’s fine, Dean. Don’t you worry about me, alright? I’m good. Better than good. You just take care of yourself and make sure you’re coming home to me. That’s your only job. Apart from killing Nazis, I mean.

There’s big news that I’d like to tell you about but I can’t do it through a letter. I don’t know how to word. You’ve gotta come home so I can tell you, alright?

Hey, if I could I would roll my eyes at you right now for your comment about your picture. I’ll keep it save, don’t worry. Don’t need my neighbors coming around to ask who that fine dreamboat of a man is that’s been hanging on the front door. Because for now, you’re a secret I like to keep to myself. I’m not ready to share you yet.

And to tell you the truth, you’re not crazy for imagining standing next to me on my wedding day. I’ve been doing the same.

I love you deeply.

Always,

Jamie

“Lieutenant?” A young private, probably one of the replacements, pulled Dean back to reality.

Dean looked up from the letter, his eyes a little teary. “Yeah?”

“Sir, Lieutenant Novak wants to see you.”

Dean cleared his throat as he folded the letter back and tucked it into his jacket. “Yeah, sure.”

He walked with the runner to the Company CP where Cas was waiting for him.

“Sir?”

“Dean,” Cas said and that was Dean’s clue that they were at ease. Otherwise, he was Lieutenant Winchester. “You wanna sit?” Cas turned the chair around for Dean.

Dean shook his head. “Nah, I’m good.”

Cas shrugged. “Alright,” He sat back on his desk and as usual, he grabbed his cigarette tin and took one out. “I’m not going to ask if you want one.”

“No.”

“I should cut the chase.” He lit one up and inhaled. “Dean, fuck, I don’t know how I should tell you this.”

No. Don’t.

Dean felt nauseous.

“It’s Sam, Dean. They were on a patrol mission, clearing out a German outpost. He was standing where the grenade went off and was killed on impact.”

Dean didn’t hear the rest of the sentence. He dropped his helmet where he was stood and walked to the nearest wall to throw up, right there in the fucking company office, and he didn’t care one little bit.

He used both his hands to brace the wall and Dean knew that his stomach was empty, he hadn’t been eating properly in days and there was nothing going to come out anymore, but the feeling of throwing up was still there so Dean choked and retched until he felt his head spin.

“Dean, hey, hey.” Cas put his arm around Dean’s shoulder and Dean tucked his head between his hands, the cool wall on his forehead providing little relief. His body began to shake and vibrate, and Dean didn’t even know that he was crying. The sound that came out were alien to him. He felt tears dropping from the tip of his nose.

Sam.

Dean clenched his fists, punching at the wall, and he kept on crying and punching until the skin around his knuckles felt raw. Until his knuckles were bleeding.

Sammy.

“Shit, Dean. I’m so sorry.” Cas started to say, his hand rubbing at Dean’s back as he stood there. He’s here for him as a friend and not his CO. Dean knew that much. It soothed him and it made him calm down, because he realized that he wasn’t alone. That he was still in the middle of a war and fuck, he just wanted to go home. He just wanted to crawl into Bambi’s arms and cry his eyes out. She’d hold him. She’d be the rock that he was missing.

He wanted to ask if he could see Sammy for one last time, but he knew that it was logistically not possible. Besides, he didn’t even know if there was enough left of Sam to be identified.

Oh fuck, Sammy!

It took a while for Dean to regain his composure, to feel like he wasn’t in a fucking nightmare.

He rubbed his bloody and bruised hand over his eyes and face and pinched the bridge of his nose before his hands searched for the chair Cas offered. He took a seat and picked up his helmet from the floor. He took out Sam’s picture to look at his brother.

“Fuck, Dean. It means you can go home. The regiment will take you off, deem you 4-G. you’re getting to go home.”

Dean didn’t want to tell Cas that home wouldn’t be the same if Sam wasn’t in it. There was no home without Sam. It never had been a home to him when he couldn’t get back to Sam at the end of the day. But then he thought of Jamie and took out her picture. He still had Jamie to live for, and he knew that Sam wouldn’t want to have it any other way. Sam would rip him a new one if Dean backed out from going home. If Dean backed out of having a future that was cut short for Sam. Sam would want him to be happy.

Shit, Sam!

Dean buried his head back in his hand, the pictures crumbling in his palms.

“When will I go?” It was a whisper, but Dean knew that Cas heard him well.

“That’s the thing. You’d have to wait until we reach Aachen. Can you do that? You’ll get to go as soon as we reach Aachen. The regiment can’t send someone to fetch you while we’re still here.”

Dean sniffed and brushed the back of his hand at his nose. “Yeah, okay.” He felt numb.

“I hate to see you go, Dean.”

Dean nodded. He wanted to say something. Anything. Maybe something along the lines of I don’t wanna go either, Cas, or I don’t want to abandon my family. But the words wouldn’t come out. Because more than anything, he wanted to go home.

“Take a rest. We’ll be moving forward soon.”

CHAPTER 15

#dear dean #dean winchester #dean winchester x oc #dean x oc #dean winchester fic #dean winchester fan fic #dean winchester fan fiction #spn fic #spn au fic #nathalie writes

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threshasaurus-writes · 6 years

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My SPN Fics by Ship (Gen Included)

I now have 85 Supernatural fics on AO3. I’m a multishipper and I thought it would be fun to see how those fics break down by ship. A few of them will repeat since they feature more than one ship, so you can scroll to the ship you’re interested in and see what’s there.

WIP chapter fics = ✍️ Completed fics = ✅ Contains art/cover art = 🎨 Explicit = 🔥 Podfic Link Included = 🔊 Newest fics = 🆕

Here goes the list!

Gen (No Ship)

✅🆕 The Right Thing - Dean can’t sleep after helping put down some vampires that look like children. The hunter involved in the case reminds Dean uncomfortably of himself -- and her vampire sister they just put down reminded him of Sam.

✅ The Evil Itch - Jack’s wings are itchy, and he’s worried something is terribly wrong with them.

✍️ The Biggest Heart - Through some magic mishaps, Jack is 40 feet tall, and will no longer fit inside the bunker. Sam keeps him company outside while Dean and Cas try to figure out a cure to the spell.

✅🎨 De-aged Dean 4: Duckie Dilemma - Sam coaxes Dean, who is still de-aged to four years old thanks to a witch, into taking a bath and a nap. Dean gets very attached to a cute rubber duckie in the process.

✅ Whiskey and Wool - Dean is hurt on a Wendigo hunt, and the weather's too dangerous to drive down the mountain in. Sam patches him up and they settle in for a night in the Impala.

✅🔊 A Little More Time - Cas tells stories to Sam’s little herb garden at night, thinking the boys are asleep and won’t hear him. Podfic Version Here

✅🔊 Who’s Counting? - Sam learns that Jack can count the number of hugs he's ever had on his fingers. Podfic Version Here

✅🔊 Of Bees and Necromancy - Bees are officially extinct, and Castiel is despondent over it. Sam and Dean try a spell to bring the bees back, but instead accidentally create zom-bees. Podfic Version Here

✅ Always - Teenage Dean saves his kid brother from a monster and makes him a promise.

✅ Devil’s Advocate - Sam muses about Jess and college…and Lucifer and Hell.

✅🎨 De-aged Dean 3: Comfort Bacon - After a witch hunt gone awry, Castiel comes home with a four-year-old Dean who won’t speak. Sam and Cas do their best to reassure him everything will be okay.

✅🎨 De-aged Dean 2: Small Smiles -��Castiel drives quiet four-year-old Dean home in the Impala, and tries ways to get him to smile. Sequel to my little fic Suddenly Small, where Dean gets de-aged.

✅🎨 De-aged Dean 1: Suddenly Small - In a witch hunt case-gone-awry, Dean has de-aged into a little boy who doesn’t really talk. Castiel gives him his coat as a security blanket.

✅ Last Words - It’s been weeks since Jack died, so why does he keep visiting Sam every night?

✅ Feather Pillows - After a night time case gone wrong nearly kills Sam, he and Dean and Castiel retreat to a motel to sleep through the day. Everybody's a little shaken up still, though. Sequel to Barbed Wire.

✅ Aches - The night after returning from the past and learning that Lucifer is possessing Castiel, Dean can’t sleep. Turns out Sam can’t either.

✅ After Heaven - Jack returns from helping Heaven make new angels with his powers, and Sam, Dean and Castiel learn that he visited his mother while he was there.

✅ Nothing Serious - After several hunts that end in injuries, Sam realizes Dean thinks he deserves it when he gets hurt, and that it ties back to John.

✅ Strangers - Mary's having trouble adjusting to life after death - and she's not all that died in 1983.

✅ Barbed Wire - Sam is ensnared in a constricting, soul-shredding trap, and Dean and Cas resort to torturous measures to save him.

✅ Co-sleeping - Sam finds Jack crying in the middle of the night and is reminded that the nephilim is just a baby, no matter what age he looks.

✅🎨 The New Horizon - Sam and Dean and John go into stasis on a colony mission to Mars, but something goes horribly wrong, and that something is John. (Concept ficlet.)

✅ Magic Carpet - Baby needs a bath. Dean needs sleep. This car wash attendant needs a raise.

✅ Saving Juliet - If there was one thing Sam would never have guessed he’d be doing with his Friday night, it was playing veterinarian to Crowley's favorite Hellhound.

✅🎨 Unnecessary - Sam insists on patching up Castiel's injuries, even though they'll heal in a day or two anyway. Cas considers why.

✅ Carnival Memories - Sam and Dean drag Cas to a carnival. Cas does not see the appeal.

✅ Threads - When Sam is badly wounded during a hunt, a newly human Castiel tries to save him without healing powers.

✅ The Chills - When Dean gets whammied by "magic flu" that Cas can't cure, he's stuck on bed rest until it wears off on its own.

✅ A Favor - Something’s bothering Dean. He loves Cas — really loves him. Loves him too much to be just brothers, he thinks. There’s only one way to know for sure.

✅ Night Light - After Cas uses up the last of his grace saving Sam’s life, the brothers try to help him adjust to his now-permanent humanity. For an ex-angel, falling asleep feels a little too much like dying.

✅ Broken Wings - Sam finds a way to see angels' wings, helping them identify who is an angel on sight. He doesn't realize just how damaged Cas's wings are from Metatron's spell until he sees it for himself, though.

Destiel

✍️🎨🔥 8 Reasons - Space pilot Dean is caught trying to break Sam out of prison, and ends up tossed into a cell with a half-man, half tentacly monster alien. Now Rated Explicit; blame chapter 9.

✅🆕 Tbbloboerne and Edibles - A suspicious package arrives on Cas's dorm room doorstep addressed to his roommate Dean. Cas thinks the contents are a death threat.

✅🔥 Can’t Wait Anymore - Dean’s leg is hurt, and newly human Cas can’t heal it, so it’s up to Sam to drive the Impala home from their latest work-related road trip (and to try not to strangle both of them for how they’re handling the situation.) Meanwhile, Dean really, really needs to pee.

✅ Never and Always - Dean looks back on how he’s treated Cas over the years, and he’s got a lot of regrets.

✅🎨🔊 Seashell Hearts - The story of a merman named Dean who got caught in a fishing net, and the human named Cas who saved him. Prepare for a cuteness-induced toothache, and enjoy the accompanying chibi artwork. Podfic Version Here

✅🔊 Back Asswards - People still mistake Sam and Dean for a couple. Dean is irked they don't assume he and Cas are a couple, because they actually are. Sam can't pass up the chance to tease his brother a little. Podfic Version Here

✅ Little - Cas tells Dean how it feels to be immortal and in love with a human.

✅🎨 Winter Wonder Hell - When Crowley blames Team Free Will for Hell freezing over, they know they’re not going to have a silent night or any peace on earth.

✅🔥 Something More - Cas lets Dean touch his wings, and neither of them expect the kinky response.

✅🎨 Moon Eyes - Dean is the key to Castiel's revenge on Heaven. (Concept ficlet.)

✅🎨 Trust Exercises - Sam and Crowley have been dating, much to Dean’s dismay. When they decide to go to a couple’s retreat in the middle of the woods, Dean and Cas pose as a couple to keep an eye on them.

✅ Factory Reset - Castiel has lived with Sam and Dean for years when his hold on his vessel starts to slip. Sam can see what Dean’s love blinds him to: Heaven is overriding Cas’s programming. (Concept ficlet.)

✅ Sam Squared - When a spell goes wrong, Sam is split into two people, each with half of his soul — and half the morality that comes with it. The halves do not get along. Dean and Castiel try to reassemble Sam before the two conflicting sides of him can cause any damage.

✅ Old Habits - Cas is human, but he still wants to watch over Dean while the hunter sleeps. Unfortunately, Cas needs to sleep now, too — and he accidentally falls asleep in Dean's bed.

✅🎨 No Time At All - Sam is in a coma. An experimental drug lets him wake up for a few hours at a time, though, and be able to visit with his brother. Dean is helpless to change Sam's situation, so Sam decides to try to change Dean's.

✅ Hand in Hand - Somebody’s slapped a symbol on Crowley that keeps him out of Hell – and that is slowly killing him. Sam wants to research a way around it, but the demon seems content just to spend his last few days in the Moose’s company.

✅ Dancing Around You - Sam teaches Castiel to dance a few weeks before Dean’s wedding, and the angel confides in him.

✅ The Words - Dean and Castiel give in to their desires, leaving everything unsaid. The next morning, Cas wonders if they’ve ruined what they had before.

Sastiel

✅ Change in the Cushions - Sam and Cas think back on all the memories attached to the beaten up couch in their old shared apartment. The couch they’re leaving behind. It’s been with them the entire time they dated, and now everything is about to change.

✍️🎨 Heaven Help Them - Gadreel returns from the Empty just as Sam, Dean, Castiel and Jack are trying to solve Heaven’s angel shortage. If they can overcome the past, they might just be able to secure Heaven’s future.

✅🎨 The Night Stranger - Single dad Castiel’s car breaks down during a night time drive, stranding him and his baby son Jack in the middle of a storm. Writer Sam is researching for a horror novel when a stranger in a trench coat shows up on his doorstep...

✅🔥 I Love Yous - Sam likes to encourage Cas in bed. Cas likes to call his name.

✅ Bills, Bills, Bills - Sam wants coffee. Cas wants to talk about hummingbirds. Dean wants to know what's up with all of the puns about bills.

✅ Beneath the Surface - Cas helps warm Sam up after he falls through the ice during a winter hunt, and Sam can’t hide his longing from the angel.

✅ Heaven and Earth - Cas likes to stargaze, so Sam gets him a telescope.

✅🎨 Silver and Cold - When a cursed necklace turns Sam into a merman with an alluring effect on people, Dean and Cas must find a way to cure him. Dean seems immune to Sam's powers, but Cas is another story.

Mooseley

✅ Hell’s (Wedding) Bells - Co-ruling Hell is less intimidating for Sam than what he and Crowley might do on their wedding night.

✅ First Impressions - Sam and his tiny puppy encounter Crowley and his big scary dog at the dog park. First impressions can be deceiving.

✅🎨 Winter Wonder Hell - When Crowley blames Team Free Will for Hell freezing over, they know they’re not going to have a silent night or any peace on earth.

Saileen

✅🔥 Dancing With a Stranger - Eileen hates casual sex. She’s been dealing with her heat for years with artificial pheromones and a good vibrator. When the elevator breaks down and locks her in with a handsome alpha stranger, though, neither can resist the other.

WinCasWin (Sastiel, Destiel, no Wincest)

✍️🎨🔥 Shadow Box Butterfly - From Heaven to Hell, it's assumed that Castiel is in a relationship with the Winchesters. Everybody knows but Sam and Dean. That doesn't stop the other angels from making an example of Cas for them to find.

✅🔥 Burning Questions - Right after Sam and Dean admit their unrequited feelings for Cas to each other, the ex-angel recruits them to answer a perfectly innocent, newly-human-problems type question: what’s a gag reflex?

✅ Double Dare - Team Free Will have a few beers, and the brothers discover that everybody there but Cas has kissed a guy before.

✅ Wants and Needs - Sam, Dean and Castiel are in a relationship, but Cas’s conditioning from Heaven forbids being a lover to humans. He doesn’t feel like he’s enough for them without sex involved, and says so.

✅ Now and Then - (Sequel to Wants and Needs) Cas has gotten comfortable with sharing the Winchesters’ beds, and they seem happy with their arrangement. The angel still sometimes has flashbacks, though — and doubts.

✅ Love-Stuck - Do Dean and Cas love each other? Sam thinks so — and an honesty spell might just convince them to admit it to each other.

WinCroWin (Mooseley, Drowley, no Wincest)

✍️ Tender Loving Care - Crowley’s body has been stolen, his new meatsuit is a (dead) pregnant woman, and Sam and Dean convince him that ruling Hell with a baby bump is a bad idea. Crowley doesn’t care about the baby that will die if he ditches the new body, but having the Winchesters doting on him for a few months doesn't sound too bad.

Wincestiel

✅🔥🆕 Holy Hell - Sam has a plan for how to cure Dean of being a demon, and that plan involves Cas getting some grace into him the direct way. Unfortunately, it also involves Sam having to watch Cas do his brother over and over…and over…

✅🔥🆕 A Lover’s Touch - Sam is struck with a curse that makes all touch “a lover’s touch.” Dean and Cas have to carry him back to the car.

✅🔥 Attention - Cas gets turned on watching Sam and Dean make out. Noticing this, the brothers playfully decide to focus their attention on him.

✅🔥 Good - One angel, two hunters, and a little praise kinky bondage.

✅ Wins & Losses - A few months after Sam and Castiel start dating, the angel is killed. Still reeling from the loss of his best friend, Dean can’t just sit and watch Sam’s heartbreak slowly pull him away, too.

Wincest

✅🔥🆕 Eyes On Me - Sam and Dean are completely overpowered by a giant tentacled monster. At first it seems interested only in Dean, but when it sees how he responds to Sam’s attempts to comfort him, the thing gets other ideas.

✅🔥 If It’s You - Sam needs to have sex with someone right now, or the sigils on him will kill him. Dean tries to find somebody for him on short notice, but it turns out Sam wants him to do it.

✅🎨 Safe With Me - A case goes awry, and Sam and Dean are trapped in a rapidly-flooding cave that only one of them took a water breathing potion to explore. Dean must breathe for them both as they try to find a way out.

✅ Whisper to Me - Thanks to a case with a cursed item, Sam and Dean learn that they both told John about feelings for each other, and John forbade each from ever mentioning it again. Now there’s no barely keeping hands off of each other — they’re scared, and they’ve had a lifetime of practice at living just out of each other’s reach.

✅ Bad Days - With all of the things the Winchesters have seen — all the things they’ve done, and had done to them — sometimes they have bad days. Today it’s Dean’s turn.

Gadreel/Dean

Dean/OC

✅🔥 Enjoy Yourself - Dean’s not sure how he got here, and he’s not sure who has him, but they only want one thing.

✅ Holy Shovel Talk - Dean's convinced his new boyfriend can't handle the truth about him hunting monsters, and it's getting him down. Protective best friend Castiel decides to have a chat with the guy.

✅ Dancing Around You - Sam teaches Castiel to dance a few weeks before Dean’s wedding, and the angel confides in him.

Dean/Pie

Unforgivable - Dean never should have left his pie alone

Castiel/Castiel/Castiel

✅🆕 Dream On - Castiel visits Dean’s dreams with a message from Heaven, only to find Dean dreaming about two Castiels in bed together. Cas knows how to get the hunter’s attention.

Three or More Ships

✍️ 3-sentence AU Fics - 3-sentence fanfics written based on the prompt of a ship name + an AU. There's a different ship and AU and fic in each (tiny) chapter!

✍️🎨🔥 The Threshafterdark Art Book - A collection of my NSFW fanart for Supernatural, since I won't be able to post it on Tumblr anymore. Ships and types of smut may vary greatly, but they'll be one pic per chapter and clearly titled. I'll update the tags as I add new works.

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sophisticated-angel · 6 years

Text

The Lie

Characters: Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester

Pairing: Sam x Reader

Warning: Death from unnamed sickness

Word Count: 1,815

Story

He died quietly in the night. He hadn’t been suffering much – or so he said – and aside from the progressive weakness, bouts of pain, and a bit of blood when he coughed, it didn’t look like he was, but he never looked as peaceful as he did the morning you found him. You and Sam both knew it was coming, but it still stunned you when it actually happened. The world got very quiet and has stayed that way, but nobody cried. Dean wouldn’t have wanted that. Per hunter tradition, you burned the body in a place away from any other people. Others attended, a handful of hunters who had worked with and respected Dean, and the ceremony is silent and muddied by rain. The ride home is silent save for the sound of the windshield wipers holding the water at bay, and Sam sits behind the wheel this time, this time and from now on.

Traffic is slow going in the downpour, and when you finally break off to the road that will take you home, mud impedes your progress. Bobby gave you one of his cabins when Dean got sick. It’s small, but it’s quiet and pretty much in the middle of nowhere. If Dean was going to refuse treatment, Bobby said, then he at least deserved peace during his final months. You like to think he had it. Parked outside the cabin, you sit with Sam for a long while listening to the rain. These last few days have been hard on him, you know, and now that everything is finally over, it’ll be hard to be in the cabin.

After a few minutes of looking out the window, you say, “I’m pregnant.”

Sam doesn’t react beyond a brief glance. “You wanna get married?”

“Yeah, alright.”

Another minute goes by before you brave the rain and the emptiness of the cabin and rush for the door. Tree cover provides some protection, but you still enter with your black dress damp and water dripping from your hair. A rumble of thunder shakes the house as the door closes. Sam stands behind you with his hands on your shoulders, and then he presses a kiss to your neck. The sofa is draped with the afghan Dean always had on his lap, and beyond the living room is his bedroom that he barely occupied but still contains his belongings. It hits you that you’ll never buy him pie again, never listen to his bitching about how nothing good is on TV anymore and then walk in on him watching soap operas an hour later.

“God,” you sigh. “Everything sucks right now.”

* * * * *

Everything about the wedding is simple. Plain white dress, a simple rose bouquet, a rental priest, a few chairs for the same half-dozen people who came to the funeral, and that’s about it. You set it up in the backyard of your cabin and use one of the two bedrooms to get dressed. Minutes before the ceremony takes place, Bobby comes in. He volunteered to walk you down the aisle, and he’s doubling as Sam’s best man. After assuring him that you’ll be all set in a few minutes, he leaves and closes the door.

“You look nice,” says another voice.

Whirling around, you come face to face with Dean. “You can’t scare me like that, Dean!”

“Sorry, I can’t quite control the coming and going thing, yet.” He looks down at himself like he’ll find some sort of switch that’ll answer all his problems. “You nervous?”

“About the wedding?” You shrug. “Not really. You really think I look good?”

“Compared to the usual dingy flannel and jeans, yeah. I still don’t understand how my brother got you to fall in love with him.”

“I’m gullible.”

Dean laughs. He first appeared about a week ago and scared you so bad you dropped the dish of mac and cheese you were making for dinner. The first encounter only lasted a few seconds, and you thought you were seeing things, but when he reappeared a few hours later, you knew what you were dealing with. Every now and then he pops up, never when Sam is around, and you’ve convinced him to not say anything to his brother about this . . . situation. Sam’s been through enough without having to say goodbye to Dean again.

With a sigh, you sit down on the bed, and Dean sits beside you. “Any luck figuring out why I’m still here?” he asks.

“Nothing yet. We burned your body, all your clothes, even that damn blanket you loved so much.”

“Have you gone through Sam’s things? He might still be holding onto that necklace he gave me when we were kids.”

“I’ve gone through everything. That didn’t feel morally right, so you know. It can’t be the car – you show up too far away from it – and I don’t think you have unfinished business. I honest to God have no idea why you’re still here.”

“Well, we’ll figure it out. We’ll find whatever it is, and then I can get out of your hair. But right now, you’ve got other things to worry about. Just think, (y/n). In ten minutes, you’re gonna be a Winchester.”

“I’m aware.”

“And seven months from now, you and my little brother are gonna be parents.”

“I’m aware.”

“Just do me one favor. Don’t name the kid after me. Give him his own name. I don’t want you thinking about the past when you look at the future.”

“I think that’s the deepest thing you’ve ever said to me. Alright, we’ll come up with something original.” You glance at the clock on the wall. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a wedding to get to. You gonna watch?”

“I wouldn’t miss it.”

* * * * *

After the first week, you understand that babies have their own schedule. They’re like clockwork. It’s just that their schedule is on a two-hour rotation and it sucks all the energy out of those who are supposed to take care of them. By the time you feed, change, and otherwise satisfy a newborn, there’s a very small window of time for you to get in any self-care. Little Hannah has you walking around feeling like a zombie, but you love her to pieces. Sam has been very present the whole week, and both of you are so absorbed with caring for your daughter that you no longer have time to think about the other person who should be here.

On this night, Hannah goes to sleep easily, and you follow quickly. Sometime later, perhaps an hour, she wakes you with her fussing. Drowsily, you shuffle down the hall to her nursery, scoop her out of her crib, sit in the rocking chair, and put her to your breast without a second thought. Her little body is warm against your skin, her weight a pleasant feeling, and you lean back and close your eyes.

“Don’t go falling asleep.”

You jump a little, disturbing your daughter, but she’s quick to readjust and goes right back to business. “Haven’t seen you in a while,” you say with a yawn.

Dean shrugs. “With all of the running around you’ve been doing the last couple weeks, I figured I’d just be in the way.”

“I’ve got a million things stressing me out, what’s one more?”

“I’m sure I could figure out some way to make your life more difficult.”

“Careful. I’m so tired I might just be stupid enough to exorcise you.”

Dean rolls his eyes. Hannah makes a quiet, contented noise in the back of her throat. He steps around to the side of your chair and crouches down to have a closer look at her. Your breath fogs in the sudden chill he adds to the air, but the baby doesn’t fuss.

“She looks like you,” he says.

“She doesn’t look like anybody yet.”

“She will in a year or two.”

He stays by your side until Hannah dozes off in your arms. Carefully, you stand up and walk her back over to her crib. She yawns, stretches her arms out to the sides, and drifts deeper into dreamland. For a moment you watch her sleep and long for the time when you could be as peaceful as this, and Dean lingers by the doorway.

“I know why you’re stuck here,” you say.

Dean perks up, taking a step towards you. “Really?”

“I think so.” You pause, hesitating. “Do you remember that case you told me about, the one where one sister died, but she was stuck as a ghost because she donated a kidney to the other?”

“Vaguely. What are you getting at?”

“I know it’s not quite the same thing, but . . . I asked the doctor to do a blood test on Hannah.”

“Why would you . . .” Dean’s voice trails off, and then he goes what passes for white as a ghost. “Hannah? No, that was one time. The odds of that are one in, what, a million?”

“Blood doesn’t lie, Dean.”

He bites his lip and sweeps the room with his eyes. “Does Sam know?”

“You think I told him about the time I slept with his dying brother while we were dating?”

“Are you going to tell him?”

“Why would I do that? For the first time since you got sick, he’s happy. He’s got me, he’s got a daughter-”

“No, he doesn’t. I have a daughter. You can’t hide that forever. It’ll come out, it’s how these things work.”

You shake your head. “Just . . . leave this alone. Sam’s happy.”

“Let me get this straight. Hannah exists because you cheated on my brother once, I’m dead but stuck here because of her, I can’t tell Sam I’m here, and he doesn’t know he’s not Hannah’s father.”

“That about sums it up.”

“What happens when I go bad? You know it happens. Kind of inevitable. And Sam’s bound to catch me before then. Do you have any plan?”

“I’ll figure it out, okay? It’s gonna be fine.”

A rustling in the hallway, startles you both, and Dean immediately vanishes. Just in time, too, because Sam comes shuffling around the corner and peers into the nursery. “You okay? I heard somebody talking.”

“Yeah.” You give him a smile. “I was just talking to Hannah.”

“She gonna stay asleep this time?”

“Probably not.”

“Well, let’s take an hour while we’ve got it.” Sam kisses your temple and takes you by the hand.

As you follow him back to your own room, you glance back over your shoulder. Dean is no doubt still there – he can’t ever be too far from Hannah. Silently, you plead with him to keep quiet now and forever. It’ll all turn out okay. You will keep the truth safe – you have to.

@pureawesomeness001 @super-not-naturall @gabriel-themightysugaraddict @mogaruke @mrswhozeewhatsis @hexparker @kdfrqqg @little-castiel13 @18crazybutcutealsopsycho @spn-dean-and-sam-winchester

#supernatural #sam winchester #dean winchester #sam x reader #one shot #sophisticated-angel

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5typesoftrash · 4 years

Text

Inhibitions - Chapter 3

Author: quicksilvermalec Artist: starfleetcadet1 Rating: M for swearing, mature themes, and minor sexual content Pairings: Sastiel, Castiel/Ezekiel, Castiel/Crowley Warnings: Rape/Non-Con (mentioned) Brief Tags: Angst, Pining, Drug Use, Minor Character Death Summary: So Castiel isn't the most - moral? Conventional? Call it what you like - attorney, but fuck if he isn't one of the best in the state of California. He's gone up against lawyers from all over and only lost a handful of cases in twenty years. So when a young up-and-comer beat him in a case he should have bagged, of course he was interested. But he wasn't expecting this.

[longer tags, link to art post, and fic under the cut]

Extended Tags: Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Slow Burn, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No supernatural, Alternate Universe - No Angels, Alternate Universe, lawyer AU, Lawyer Sam Winchester, Lawyer Castiel, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied Sexual Content, minor explicit sexual content, Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Minor Character Death, Offscreen character death, Getting Together, Getting Back Together, Falling In Love, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, First Kiss, First Time, breaking up, Breaking Up & Making Up, Betrayal, Misunderstandings, Miscommunication, Grief, Trauma, Negative Religious Experiences, Religious Sam Winchester, Mentions of Corrective Rape, Gay Castiel, Pansexual Sam Winchester, Pansexual Gabriel, Black Lives Matter, Protests, Pining, Mutual Pining, Age Difference, Widowed Castiel, Sad Castiel, Hurt Castiel, Endverse Castiel - Freeform, Sad Sam Winchester, Hurt Sam Winchester, Angst with a Happy Ending, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Good Brother Gabriel, Protective Gabriel, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Incest, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, POV Castiel, Castiel is a Novak (Supernatural), this story is all over the fuckin place, kind of a wild ride with plenty of twists, enjoy!!

Have a link to the art and you can read this story on AO3 as well! 🧡

“He did fucking what?” Lucifer exclaims in hilarious incredulity when his brother explains the situation. He wears a shocked, excited grin on his handsome features. Castiel wants to knock his perfect teeth in.

“He rejected my offer,” Castiel repeats. “He didn’t want to be a part of this firm unless we could guarantee that he would continue representing protest clients who would continue to not be charged for his services.”

“He’s a better person than any of us,” Gabriel snorts. “He’s probably a better person than any other lawyer who’s ever lived.”

“Fuck all of you,” Castiel mutters.

“You really wanted him to take the job, didn’t you Castiel?” Michael asks, not unkindly. The tone is what catches Castiel’s attention; it’s very rare that Michael is soft or gentle.

“Yes, I did,” the younger lawyer replies candidly. “I very much believe that he would be an incredible asset to us—”

“But that isn’t why you wanted him to take the job,” Michael murmurs. “Something about this is personal for you.”

Castiel sighs and flops into his chair. He is quiet for a long moment, then says, “he reminds me of Ezekiel.”

The room is silent.

Finally, Gabriel speaks. “Why’s that?”

“I’m not sure,” Castiel laughs. “But there’s something about him that feels like… a second chance.”

“He would want that for you,” Michael offers. “I know he would.”

Lucifer is quiet, but even he seems sympathetic. Lucifer, who is often sociopathic, unfeeling, cruel, and outright horrible to everyone. Even he recognizes the significance of what Castiel is saying.

“What should I do?” Castiel asks, his voice breaking. He internally curses himself out. He hasn’t been vulnerable like this with his brothers in a decade and a half. Why is he doing it now?

“Talk to him?” Balthazar suggests soberly. “Approach him as a friend. Make contact. Be honest and open and kind and see where it goes.”

“I don’t know if I can do that,” Castiel says bitterly.

“Try,” Gabriel tells him.

Castiel traces the sanded design on the surface of the polished wooden table with the tip of his finger. “Alright,” he concedes. “I’ll try.”

Castiel waits four days to call Sam again. Sam picks up, seeming hesitant.

“Hello?”

Castiel sighs in relief that Sam answered at all. “Hi, Sam. It’s Castiel.”

“Yeah, Cas, I know. I have caller ID.”

Castiel cocks his head to one side as he considers what he’s going to say. “Alright, um… would you like to go somewhere together? To hang out, as friends, obviously? Get a drink or something?”

Sam is quiet for a moment, then says, “well—” On the other end, a rough male voice yells something at him. “Yeah, Dean, I fucking- Jesus Christ, yes, I got you beer when we went shopping. For the love of fuck, I’m on the phone!” There’s a brief rustling on the other end, then Sam clears his throat and says, “yes, I would like that a lot. I’ll try not to fangirl over you too hard.”

Castiel laughs quietly. “It’s alright, I don’t think I mind so much.”

“How’s Thursday night?” Sam asks.

Castiel grins. “Thursday would be perfect.”

“Then it’s a date,” Sam says in a cheesy tone of voice.

“It’s a date,” Castiel agrees, and hangs up the phone. He lays back on his couch, and then something occurs to him. His eyes fly open and he grabs his phone, texting Sam.

Did you call me Cas?

There’s a brief delay, but then Sam replies, Shit, yeah I did. Is that a problem?

No, Cas sends back. Not a problem at all. And then, I actually really like that.

Sure thing, Cas ;)

Cas.

Cas smiles as he lays back down. He can get used to that.

It’s a date.

Those words follow Cas everywhere, taunting him. It’s terrifying how easily they get inside his head.

It’s a date.

Not a romantic date, but a date nonetheless. And Castiel is going on a date with Sam Winchester. The cute boy who owns his own firm. The brilliant lawyer he’s maybe a little bit pining after.

They’re going out together. For drinks. As friends. Cas was starting to think he didn’t get to make friends anymore.

The next several days drag on for so long Cas is starting to fear they’ll never end, and those words trail after him through them. They light his way like a lantern, spreading soft, warm light across the path ahead of him.

It’s a date.

He shouldn’t be fixating on this like he is. He shouldn’t care so much. He shouldn’t be freaking the hell out over the fact that Sam said three totally innocent words.

And yet, alas, here is his, doing exactly that.

Ah, well. Sam will understand. He hopes.

He stews in his confused misery until Thursday morning, at which point he becomes hyperactive and anxious.

He spends the first three hours that he’s awake fussing over an outfit, then ends up not even wearing it to work. He can’t stop stimming on the bus ride, his leg bouncing wildly and his hand continuously flying through his hair. He smooths down his shirt several times as he walks into the firm to process paperwork and Lucifer laughs at him for being a nervous wreck.

“Fuck you,” is all he seems able to see to anybody, and he finds himself writing ‘Cas’ more often than ‘Castiel’ on his papers. He has to force himself to change it.

He is… quite magnificently boned.

Sam calls him at four twenty-two pm to confirm the address and time that they’re meeting. They talk for half an hour after establishing those two pieces of information, not about anything in particular, although they do discover a shared love of the Marvel Cinematic Universe. (And the obviously romantic bond between Steven Rogers and James Buchanan Barnes.)

Eventually, Castiel forces himself to hang up because Michael is giving him the patented Glare™ that means he’ll be in for a jolly good time getting yelled at once everyone else goes home.

He hopes he doesn’t miss his date.

“You are displaying poor work ethic for our interns and younger employees and bandying about the idea that it’s okay to slack off and to do whatever you want during work hours!”

“And?” Cas says, raising an eyebrow. “Oh, come on, Michael, surely you have something else. You usually yell at me about at least five of my major flaws. You have no qualms about me going out with this man we’re trying to employ? You have nothing to say about my drug habit, perhaps?”

Michael lifts a disapproving extended index finger into Castiel’s face. “Do not test me, Castiel,” he warns. “You are already, as they say, on thin fucking ice with your brother and I. It would be a shame should you be forced to leave the company on grounds of misconduct.”

Cas snorts. “You wouldn’t dare,” he claims. “I am still the best lawyer in the state.”

“After Samuel Winchester, that is,” Michael replies. Cas scoffs and shakes his head.

“Sure,” he shoots back. “After Sam Winchester. Whom I need to meet in approximately thirty-two minutes. So if you wouldn’t mind voicing the rest of your complaints to my answering machine, I will see you later. Brother.”

He picks up his trench coat and shrugs it on as he pushes past his brother into the hallway to head down to his car.

Michael does, in fact, voice several of his complaints to Castiel’s answering machine.

He knows because his phone rings multiple times as he’s driving to the bar, and when he steps out of his car, he has four new voicemails from Douchekavitch (Michael). He snorts and deletes them all.

He steps inside the bar and finds his new friend waving at him from across the room. He smiles and walks over to him.

“Hello, Sam,” he says quietly. Sam seems to light up.

“Hey, Cas,” he replies, grinning.

“What sinful delights shall we enjoy today?” Cas asks with a light laugh.

“Don’t mix drugs with alcohol,” Sam advises instantly.

“I’m a smart man, Sam. I wasn’t planning on it. What would you like to drink? I’m buying.”

“I can’t let you do that—” Sam says, but Cas holds up a hand.

“You are not in the best financial position, and I want to.”

Sam scoffs and shakes his head, sighing. “Alright, fine,” he replies. “You can pay. But I’m gonna have to buy you dinner sometime.”

“Oh?” Cas raises his eyebrows. “I suppose that’s a fair exchange. Now. What would you like to drink?”

They get their drinks and talk for a while, mostly about stupid, frivolous things, but Cas finds that small talk is easy with Sam. It sort of comes naturally, in a way that it never really has before, not even with his own family. It’s quite amazing how he’s managed to become to comfortable with Sam, the way that they just seem to fall into place together.

“Wait—” Sam scoffs. “You’ve never seen Star Wars?”

Cas shakes his head. “I was very sheltered as a child, I have almost 20 years of pop culture from my own childhood to catch up on, plus the iconic things that were created before I was born.”

“That’s it,” Sam decides. “One of these days, you’re comin’ to my house, you’re gonna meet Dean, and the three of us are gonna marathon Star Wars. In the right order.”

“Oh, I’ve heard there is quite a bit of discourse surrounding this. What is, in fact, the right order?” Cas inquires, taking a sip of his margarita.

Sam chuckles as he starts to list them off. “Four, Five, Six – sorry, I’ll use names – Hope, Empire, Jedi, TFA, TLJ, I suppose you kind of have to watch Skywalker, even though it’s really not great, then Phantom, Attack, Revenge, and Rogue One.”

“Rogue One is… immediately before the first movie, yes? The original Star Wars, I mean?”

“Yeah,” Sam replies. “It explains how they got the Death Star plans that set the first movie in motion. I’m sorry, I’m kind of a nerd—”

“Do not apologize,” Cas replies instantly, looking at him in awe. “It’s amazing. All I have to show from my childhood is bibliophilia and a dedication to a religion that, as an openly gay man, I probably should have already abandoned.”

Sam shrugs. “I don’t know, I left the church when I came out, and that took strength of a sort, but it takes a different kind of strength to be able to say ‘this is who I am, and I care about Christianity – I’m assuming you’re talking about Christianity since you said you’re a bibliophile but I could be wrong – and I want to stay in this community.’ I think that’s beautiful.”

Cas chuckles, finishing off his drink and setting down his empty glass. “You were correct, I was talking about Christianity. So you are a fellow queer person of faith? Or,” he corrects himself, “I suppose, ex-queer person of faith?”

Sam nods. “Yeah, I’m pansexual, and I used to believe… so much, and so deeply, that God loved me, that God wanted me to be the best person that I could be, everything I did was motivated by my notion of God. And then when I came out… some people were less than kind to me, we’ll say. Honestly, that’s an understatement. I had a rough time. I—”

“Take your time, Sam,” Cas says gently. Sam takes a deep breath.

“When I came out,” he says slowly, “my pastor, Pastor Jim – who had all but adopted me as his son – told me that I would never be forgiven by God, pushed me away when I needed his support, and… sent me to a corrective facility. I was fourteen.”

Cas isn’t sure he wants to know the answer, but he feels the need to ask. “Which kind?” he whispers.

“If you’re asking whether I was forced to undergo corrective rape the answer’s yes,” Sam says, his voice low and clipped. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t even be telling you this.”

“You can tell me anything,” Cas says, and surprises himself with how true it is. He wants Sam to trust him, on a deeper level than he’s cared about anyone else trusting him in a long time. He rests his hand, palm-up, on the table for Sam to take if he so desires. “I am your friend.”

Sam looks touched, and does actually take his hand. “Thank you, Castiel,” he murmurs. “That means a lot.”

“Of course, Sam,” Cas replies, smiling at him.

He goes home in high spirits, relishing in the feeling of having a new friend, one outside of his family.

He ignores the small tug in his heart, drawing him toward Sam like a magnet. That can be tabled for later.

“Castiel?” Balthazar’s voice is cheery as he answers the phone. “What may I do you for, my darling?”

Cas laughs. “I have a question. When a boy you went out for drinks with – as friends – tells you that he is pansexual, spills one of his darkest secrets to you, offers to teach you about a culturally iconic series of movies, and insists on buying you dinner at some undefined date in the near future… does that mean that he’s interested in you?”

“Cas-ti-el!” Balthazar exclaims, pausing between each syllable. “Did you go out with Samuel Winchester?”

“Perhaps,” Cas replies, fighting a smile. “Do you have an answer for me?”

“I would say there is a very good chance that he is, yes. But be careful, Castiel. After what happened last time—”

“Yeah,” Cas sighs. “I know. I just… I really like him, Balthazar. He’s so kind, and thoughtful, and incredibly intelligent, and I really… really like him. I don’t know what I’m expected to do in this situation.”

“I just want you to be taken care of. If you think that Sam will take care of you, go for it. I’m not one to stop you. But if you think you’ll be hurt again… I can’t see you like you were after Ezekiel. I’m not sure anyone can go through that twice, and I don’t think any of us would be able to bear it. Watching you retreat back into yourself was the most profound pain I’ve felt in fifty-four years of life.”

Cas takes a deep breath. “And it’s taken me twenty years to open up again. I trust him, Balthazar. I won’t make the same mistake twice.”

“Alright, Cassie,” Balthazar replies. “But take care of yourself.”

“I will,” Cas promises quietly before hanging up the phone.

He rests his head against the wall, closing his eyes and exhaling slowly through his nose.

“I need to learn some fucking boundaries,” he mumbles to an empty room.

“I am proud of you, Castiel.”

His father spoke those words to him once in his entire life, looking down at him after Cas renounced his family.

It was so fucked up, and remains to this day. Castiel stood up in the middle of dinner, exhausted of the constant verbal abuse he was put through and yelled at them all.

Michael!

You are an obnoxious, selfish, arrogant prick with no love for anything or anyone. Get your shit together.

Lucifer!

You walk through the world as if nothing can touch you because you hate the thought of anything touching you. You are racist and misogynistic and transphobic and you disgust me.

Gabriel…

You never stand up for me. I needed you, when I was young, and you wouldn’t stand up for me. Why won’t you stand up for me?

And you, Father.

You hurl words like knives at everyone you can reach. You seek to cut down, to hurt and scar. You want nothing more than to inflict pain. You’re a horror. A blight on this world. I despise you.

He had thrown down his napkin and turned toward the door to find his way blocked by his father’s larger, stronger body. His father had looked at him, calm and cold, stoic as a stone statue in that effectual way no one else could dream of affecting, and said, “I am proud of you, Castiel.”

Cas had scoffed in disgust and shoved past him out of the room, out of the house. He had sprinted through the dark, rainy streets until he found the gate. He had run, and he hadn’t stopped running. Sometimes he feels as though he is still running, despite having repaired relations to a workable standard with his siblings and despite his father’s recent demise.

Gabriel had caught up with him at eleven fifteen pm, had found him kneeling on the sidewalk outside of a twenty-four hour 7-Eleven, clutching a half-empty Slurpee® he bought with the twelve dollars and forty-three cents he had on him in cash in one hand and crying. Gabriel had sat down next to him, Castiel who was still just a scared, sixteen-year-old boy, and wrapped him in his arms, and whispered, “I am so sorry, little brother.”

Cas had buried his face in Gabriel’s shirt, wrapped his arms around his brother, and lost his drink. It went splattering across the concrete behind Gabriel, a puddle of blue icy slush seeping through the cracks, but neither of them could bring themselves to care.

“I am proud of you, Castiel.”

Gabriel said those words to Cas that same night, but he meant them entirely differently.

Castiel’s father was proud of him for finally proving that he was, in fact, a man – by his father’s standards, not his own. For releasing his anger in waves, flinging them at everyone around him rather than managing it in a healthy way as he’d been striving to do his entire life up to that point. Castiel’s father was proud of him because he’d finally found some small part of himself in Castiel’s cerulean blue eyes.

Gabriel was proud of his brother because he was strong. Gabriel was proud of him because he had found it somewhere inside of him to stand up to the three people he’s always been most afraid of and to say ‘I have standards for myself. I will not continue to be treated this way.’

Gabriel was proud of Castiel because he loved him.

That would always be a far greater gift than anything anyone else could conjure up.

Castiel would never forget that.

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huntertales · 7 years

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Part Three: Night of the Living Dead. (Dead Men Don’t Wear Plaid S05E15)

Episode Summary: Sam, Dean and the reader investigate Bobby’s home town where the dead are rising from the grave but instead of attacking humans, they are happily reuniting with their families. Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader Word Count: 3,772.

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The truth was always a hard thing to say, and another struggle to get yourself to believe in. But it was there. And he was going to have to do what he will with it. You and the boys arrived back at Bobby’s house a little after the sun set with a bit of unsettling news. After you told Dean about the encounter with Ezra Jones, it was all downhill from here. The man was about ready to barge through the front door of the Singer household and blow Karen’s brains out right in front of her husband. You managed to talk him off the ledge and convinced him into at least talking to Bobby to explain what was going on here. You knew it was only going to be a matter of time until Sioux Falls turned into a remake of 'Night of the Living Dead' if all of you didn't put a stop to this.

“Keep your damn voices down.” Bobby warned you, not giving you such a warm welcome when you followed him into the library after telling him you had not so good news. He was more concerned about his wife and hurting her feeling if she happened to overhear something that might offend her. “Karen’s upstairs.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. We’re just a little tense right now.” Dean hissed at the man, not in the mood to be on polite terms with the man. You crossed your arms over your chest and let out a faint sight, not prepared for the conversation you were about to have with Bobby. “Who’s old lady Jones?”

“The first one to come up.” Bobby answered.

“First one to go bad.” You said.

“Ah, she was always a nutty broad.” Bobby muttered, shrugging off your words.

“Nutty how? Nutty like the way she ate her husband’s stomach out? Or maybe she’s nutty in the sense of she tried to take a bite out of me.”You wondered, raising a brow slightly to drive your point to what was going on here. “Was that the level of nutty she was in life?”

Bobby fell silent for a moment from what you said, “No.”

“Look, Bobby, I feel for you.” Dean said, trying his hardest to be empathetic to the man the best way that he could while he tried hiding Frankenstein’s monster from the angry crowd. “But you have got to acknowledge that you’re not exactly seeing this straight!”

“Bobby, whether you admit it or not, these things are turning.” Sam said, following Bobby as he began wheeling himself across the room until he was now staring at you again from a farther distance. “We have to stop them—all of them.”

Bobby wasn't in the mood anymore to hear what you or the boys had to say about this situation. You glanced down when you noticed his hand disappeared underneath his leg, to pull out something that you weren't expecting to see, as things seemed to have escalated quickly. "Time to go." He told you simply, not seeming to feel the least bit guilty when he pointed a fully loaded gun in your direction. The boys stiffened in discomfort, not sure of what the man was going to do when his finger hovered over the trigger. You, however, let out what sounded like a chuckle as your lips stretched into a smirk at what he was doing. “You think this is funny, Y/N? You heard me. Off my property.”

“Or what?” You asked him. “You’ll shoot us?”

“If Karen turns, I will handle it—my way.” Bobby said, not leaving the conversation up for discussion again. Dean tried to warn the man about what kind of dangerous situation he was putting himself in, Bobby lifted his finger to cock the gun, giving his response of what he thought about your concern for him. "I'm not telling you twice."

You stared at Bobby for a moment, wondering if he really was going to do this, and from the deadpan stare he was giving you, the man wasn't about to bend for his wife. You scoffed from what he was doing. You muttered underneath your breath about how dramatic men could be. He wouldn't ever shoot you, no matter how much he tried putting on this tough act, but you listened to him anyway. If Bobby wanted to go out like this, being left as a snack for his soon to be rabid wife, fine. Let him. You had an entire town to worry about.

+ + +

“He’s crazy.”

You and the boys managed to get outside of the property before Dean was speaking once more about his distaste for what Bobby was doing. He was choosing the woman that had died decades ago over the people that he was closest to. The man had practically raised the boys, called all three of you his own children from what he had been through these past handful of years. You were a bit bitter about what Bobby was doing, but you decided to let him simmer down. You had a bit of time until Karen could turn into a Stepford housewife with a taste for human flesh. The man might be in a wheelchair, but it didn't mean he was powerless. Sam tried to look at the bigger picture right now. There was an entire town that was harboring zombies, just waiting to attack.

“It's his wife, Dean.” You reminded the older Winchester, knowing too damn well he would have done the same thing if you or Sam were put in that position like Karen was.

“So he goes ’Full Metal Jacket’ on us?” Dean asked, you rolled your eyes from his reaction that was all too like him. “We're his family, Y/N.”

“Look, man. Bigger fish, okay?” Sam reminded his older brother about what you were dealing with here. “I mean, we got a bunch of zombies about to turn this town into a giant chew toy.”

“Yeah, and he's alone in the house making pie with one of 'em!” Dean shouted, not being able to keep his frustration hidden any longer. Sam raised his toe slightly, wondering exactly what he was trying to get at here, and how he was going to handle this situation. “So! I'm gonna have to go back there and… and… and kill her. That's the only thing I can think of.”

“If he sees you, you're a dead man.” You reminded him, trying to poke a hole into his master plan.

“Well, then, I guess I won't let him see me.” Dean said with a confident tone, as if it was going to be that easy for him.

“Well, I hate to you this to you Sammy, but...you mind going into town on your own? I need to make sure your idiot brother doesn't get himself killed by the end of the night.” You said. You weren't happy yourself with how the plan was working out, you furthered your point by looking Dean straight in the eye with an annoyed look. “You're gonna need some help. Hey, what about the sheriff?”

“Uh,” Sam gave you a confused look from whom you had suggested to be his backup. He wasn't exactly pleased himself, wanting you to join in on the fun he was about to get into, but he knew his brother, the man didn't always think logically. “last time I checked, the sheriff was pretty pro-zombie, Y/N.”

“You're just gonna have to convince her.” You said.

“How?”

“I don't know. You're just gonna.”

+ + +

You really should have been with Sam at this point of the night when Sioux Falls was at the very brink of a possible zombie overtake. But you were holding onto that little fraction of hope that maybe none of this will end out terribly. You were hoping for a sunny day when it kept raining on and on. You cocked back the shotgun and made sure it was fully loaded before slipping a few more rounds of ammunition into your jacket pocket. Dean busied himself by putting a few more bullets into the chamber of the gun, not seeming to notice that your attention drifted to the house to take a final look at it from the distance that you parked. Bobby was inside the house with his wife, just wanting this little moment of his to keep on going. He was lying over a bomb, not caring that it was going to explode at any second and kill him.

"Could you do it?" You asked the older Winchester out of the blue.

Dean looked up from the shotgun and gave you a bit of a confused look, "Do what, exactly?"

"Say you were in Bobby's position. If you realized the colt could kill Lucifer—that you could prevent the entire world from going up into flames, would you do it?" You asked him out of a dark curiosity. Dean didn't seem to think twice about that question. He let out a bit of a chuckle as he got his shotgun ready for use. That was what all three of you were doing, trying to stop the Devil and save the world. But you weren't done with your question. "If you honestly found a way to kill the Devil—and if you knew it could take me down with him, too—would you do it?"

It was a simple question. Hell, it was a theory that could be a possibility in the near future. All of you had known what the consequences would be if you found a way to stop Lucifer once and for all. You seen it what felt like an entire lifetime ago, even though it’d been a few months. Dean had tried to shoot Lucifer straight in the head with the colt, and while the three of you had been lured into believing that the fight was over, it was just the beginning. You had learned the hard way that if you wanted to take down the bloody devil, his better half was going with him. Dean looked away from you when he heard the words ring inside his head again. He tried so hard to forget that little fact. But you brought it back, and made him wonder for a second about this. He tried to use the excuse that you were different, that you weren’t rapidly turning into a monster like Karen could be. Yet he’d be lying if you were just fine. It was the moral dilemma of killing one to save them all. Could Dean do it if the possibility dropped into his lap?

The both of you were struck out of your personal thoughts when you heard a gunshot go off, the color in your face drained at the thought of what might have happened. Neither of you wasted a second in bolting for the house, needing to know what was going on. Dean picked the lock in just a few seconds flat before the door swung open and he called out the man’s name. You followed behind on his heels and looked around to see where Bobby could have been. The two of you headed inside the library to see a sight you wouldn’t have expected to find so soon. You stopped in your tracks and lowered your gun.

Bobby sat at his wife’s side while she laid on the makeshift he made for her. While it seemed like a sight that seemed like any other, it was the gun that he held and the blood splattered pillow that made you realized what happened. Karen had felt herself starting to turn, and to be sure that she couldn’t hurt her husband like she did before, Bobby killed her, all over again. You could feel your heartbeat pound a little bit harder when the man looked away from his wife and to you and Dean. If there was ever a moment that you saw Bobby at his weakest, this...this was that exact moment you would never forget.

+ + +

There was time and place to mourn the loss of his wife, but tonight was not one of them. You were a bit surprised when Bobby snapped out of his grief long enough to make a plan of what to do. Sam was out there alone and he needed all the help he could get. You stood outside with Bobby at your side and Dean loaded up the van with all the supplies you would need. As you looked around the junkyard for any possible zombies roaming around where they shouldn’t be, you found yourself staring back at the heartbroken Bobby. He could say all he wanted that he was fine, but you could see it in his eyes. He wasn’t going to be okay for a while.

“You know,” You struck up a conversation, bringing the older man’s attention to you as he broke himself out his concentration on no particular space. “If you want to sit this one out…”

Bobby was tempted for a moment at letting himself not take on such a big fight. But the man couldn’t go back into that house with his wife just lying there. He looked at you from the corner of his eye and gave you his answer, “Let’s just get going.”

Dean decided that answer was good as any. He tossed the last bag into the back of the truck and proceeded to start closing the first door and reached out his hand to close the second, but before he could, a distant sound coming from beyond in the junkyard caught your attention. He stopped for a moment and cautiously looked over his shoulder, he had a feeling that wasn’t just a raccoon looking for food. Dean reached for his shotgun again and turned on his flashlight. He looked over at you, and with a simple command to keep a look out, the man ventured off into the darkness to figure out what could have made that sound.

You thought that it could have been nothing, but you were prepared for the worst in this kind of situation. You and Bobby waited for a minute as things seemed to have grown nothing but silent, all you could hear was the sound of your heartbeat and breathing that turned into smoky breaths from the cold winter night. Both of you cautiously tried peeking through the cracks of the crushed cars to see if you could find out what was going on when you heard an unsettling noise disrupt your silence. That’s when you saw it, a shadow that wasn’t Dean’s when you called out the man’s name. When you caught sight of a trespasser, you aimed your gun and tried to take a shot at it, but you missed.

You turned your head just in time to see a zombie come out of nowhere, but Bobby was quicker than you, he pointed his gun and took a shot, blowing the person’s skull right off. You could see that you were about to get surrounded, and no matter how many times you called out Dean’s name, he wouldn’t respond. So, like the crazy idiot that you were, you told Bobby to hold things down as you ventured into the wild, getting ready to kill some zombies in the process. You had managed to take down at least three before you found Dean, struggling to fight off Clay Thompson who had claimed he wasn’t a zombie, but he sure looked it from the way that he was desperately trying to eat the older Winchester. WIth Dean on his back and struggling to get his gun, you pointed the barrel of your own and pulled the trigger, blowing Clay’s head right off.

Dean could thank you later for what you did, but right now you had left Bobby alone, and knowing your mind, it jumped to the worse case scenario. You and the Winchester headed back to the van to see that Bobby was better off than you thought with at least two zombies on the ground missing most of their head. But he was in a bit of a bind when he was lying on the ground trying to fight off another hungry zombie. Dean snuck from behind and pulled the trigger, saving the man from becoming tonight's dinner.

"Little help here?" Bobby asked, not sure what the two of you were doing a few seconds after the zombie dropped dead.

You mumbled an apology as you let the gun slip out from your grip for just a second to help Dean get the man back to his chair, but it was the worst time to put your guard down. When Bobby was secure again, you took notice that at least two zombies were coming out of nowhere, along with a few other friends. You hissed a few curse words underneath your breath as you didn't waste a second aiming for any possible headshots that would give you. But unlike the stupid horror movies, these things moved fast. Dean listened to you when you told him to get Bobby inside as you followed not that far behind, wasting your ammunition on wasted shots as the three of you got yourselves back inside the house.

“Got anymore ammo?” Dean asked. He slammed the door behind him and checked to see how many more rounds he had left. But it didn’t look pretty. “I’m low.”

“Yeah, we got plenty.” Bobby answered him. “Just run back past the zombies. It’s in the van where we left it.”

“A simple ‘no’ would have been fine.” You muttered underneath your breath. Being the smartest person in the room, you managed to stuck at least a few more rounds into your jacket. You loaded up what you could and hoped that it would be enough to get yourself out there and grab what you needed before coming back. “What the hell are they doing here, anyway?!”

“I think I get it.” Bobby said.

Before the man could tell you why, the moment was rudely interrupted by someone making the effort to jump through the first story window and make his grand appearance. You let out a scoff and aimed your gun, pulling the trigger on the man before he could do something stupid. Dean looked over to the top the staircase when he heard one come from upstairs. He took his final shot at another one. While the men announced they were empty, you rolled your eyes from how situation kept growing worse. You nodded your head for the back of the house, you needed to get somewhere that was free of windows or entrances to the outside. You followed behind as the two men began heading for the kitchen, but another zombie made his grand entrance by jumping through the window. You pulled the risky move of wasting what ammunition you had left of your own so the three of you could make it to safety. But they kept coming.

One jumped through a window, another broke the small window to the door to try and unlock it so they could sneak themselves through. It took at least two more shots before you were all out of bullets, rendering the three of you helpless. Somehow, if by some miracle, you found yourself being backed into a closet and thrown into pitch darkness as the numbers of bodies began to grow. Dean managed to slam the door before someone could get hurt. You quickly found the string that connected to the light, and with a quick tug, you could finally see at least a foot in front of you. Your back was pressed against the wall and Bobby’s wheelchair was nearly crushing your leg as Dean’s elbow was awkwardly pressed against your side.

“Kind of a tight fit, don’t you think?” You wondered, trying to push off Dean best as you could get any sort of room you could get in here.

“It’s all right. They’re idiots.” Dean reassured you. “They can’t pick a lock.”

It seemed that from their constant pounding, they could hear the fabulous idea that Dean had given him. You could feel a sense of panic wash over you at how everything dropped silent for a moment, and just like that, you watched as the doorknob began to slowly twist back and forth. You reached out your arm to roughly slam your fist against the man's arm. "You idiot!" You hissed at him. "Don't you ever get tired of being wrong?"

"I'm making this stuff up as I go, Y/N." Dean said. "Sue me."

If you somehow made it out alive of this situation, you were going to do far worse things to him than just that. You inhaled a deep breath as you watched them slowly undo the lock, and before you knew it, you were facing the crowd of more than half a dozen zombies that wanted nothing more than to eat your flesh. You and Dean tried to fight your way out by hitting them hard as you could in the skull, but that wasn’t good enough. They just brushed it off like nothing and pushed harder to try and get a bite. While you were thinking that this might be the end, you heard a familiar voice shout something, all before you felt Dean push you to the ground. After that, you heard a fire of gunshots go off.

Bodies dropped to the ground like flies, one after the other, Sam took them down with a bit of help that he gotten into town. It only took less than a minute before things had returned back to what you could resume normal. Bobby’s house was covered in blood and had at least a dozen or so dead bodies lying around his property. But you were alive. When it was safe, you began to push yourself to your feet. You peered over the doorframe to see that it was Jody Mills, the sheriff who, not too long ago, had thrown the three of you in jail thinking that your talk about zombies was absurd. But here she stood with a shotgun and a look on her face that didn’t make you feel the least bit good about this situation.

"Are you okay?"

The question could have been simply answered with a yes, but you wondered. In the span of just a few hours Sioux Falls was turned upside down. Bobby had to shoot his own wife, Jody heard the gunshot that took her only son's life as Sam was the unfortunate soul that had to do that terrible deed.

“Define okay, Sammy.”

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