#dearmyblank

[iredqueen]

Mais uma tarde qualquer em que me encontro sentada no sofá de minha casa, observando o céu completamente azul, com poucas nuvens  e sentindo a brisa de um vento frio e fresco. Hoje fiz diversos questionamentos sobre a vida, sobre os amores impossiveis, e os amores que tinham tudo para dar certo mas deram errado, e mais uma vez me veio voce em mente, estamos distantes a 2 anos e mesmo assim ainda consigo ver teu sorrisso ao falar comigo, as bochechas rosadas de vergonha e o abraço aconchegante que voce me dava em todos os nossos encontros. Tenho tentado com muita frequencia peder todo e qualquer tipo de esperança de que um dia seja nós novamente, mas a cada dia tenho perdido um pouco mais de mim mesma, e isso nao é justo porque voce se reconstruiu quando eu decidi partir, mas agora eu me desfiz em pedaços e nao consigo me juntar, apenas por lembrar que uma simples escolha destruiu todo um planejamento de futuro, eu queria poder voltar atrás e refazer tudo, queria nao ter escolhido partir, queria ter tido coragem de voltar ao momento em que eu me arrependi ou de ao menos ter coragem de abrir o email que voce me enviou ha dois anos, e nunca tive coragem de ler se quer 1 linha do que voce colocou, por medo de ser fraca e incapaz de manter a decisão de não voltar atras por medo do que as pessoas pensariam, mas justamente por causa desse medo hoje eu me vejo perdida nos dias procurando um sentido para o que acabou. Se alguém estiver lendo isso em algum momento, pense duas vezes antes de tomar uma decisão que vá mudar para sempre os seus dias, ela pode nao te dar uma nova chance de fazer dar certo, eu tive duas chances e escolhi desistir, hoje tudo que um dia foi amor, hoje virou saudade!

[coquelicoq]

that's when he knew...he fucked up

part ii of bridgerton characters as text posts

[Image description: 10 stills featuring the character Anthony Bridgerton from season 2 of the TV show “Bridgerton” with tumblr text posts edited in.

1: Anthony is kneeling down proposing to an offscreen Edwina with Kate in the background. He has a pained smile on his face. The text post by tumblr user hayleu reads "@ myself what the fuck are you doing"

2: Anthony is looking at his mother. He has his lips pulled in and the corners of his mouth turned down in a resigned expression. The text post by EarthDad reads "ah, just another day of disappointing my parents and no one making out with me"

3: After Edwina leaves him at the altar, Anthony is bending over with his head in his hands as his family fires questions at him in the background. The text post by electrificata reads "i am surrounded on all sides by people who say words to me and well ive had it"

4: Anthony has taken Kate's hand and is looking at the betrothal ring the jeweler just put on her finger. The text post by flip56000 reads "I think i am subconsciously trying to ruin my own life"

5: Anthony and Kate have crouched down to retrieve the bangle she dropped during Anthony's wedding to Edwina. Anthony is facing the camera and looking intensely at Kate. The text post by FruitSaladChewIts reads "well, well, well, if it isn't the feelings i've been trying to avoid"

6: Close-up of Anthony's distraught face as he has a panic attack after bringing an injured Kate to her family. The text post by ReallyReallyReallyTrying reads "one of the only downsides of actions is consequences. but it's a big downside."

7: Close-up of Anthony's face in profile after he's decided to propose to Edwina because Daphne has told him that he's in love with Kate. His eyes are closed and he looks like he could cry. The text post by keicalss reads "i'm literally so self aware of when i'm making bad decisions that you'd think it'd be enough to stop me but no, it's not."

8: Daphne is talking to Anthony before his wedding, trying to convince him to be honest with Edwina. An anonymous ask over Daphne says "how u doing". The answer by SonyPrayStation, over Anthony's shoulder, reads "im not thinking about it". Below that is a screenshot of a tag that says "how i'm doing is none of my business"

9: Anthony leans against his arm on a tree branch, recovering from having a panic attack and almost kissing Kate. He's staring into the distance with his eyebrows raised, looking like he's just come to a concerning realization. The text post by MethLabrador reads "* recognizes that im feeling geniuine [genuine] human emotion * ok, troubling"

10: In the church on his wedding day, Anthony watches Kate walk down the aisle as maid of honor, looking like he knows he's made a mistake. The text post by DearMyBlank reads "Dear past self, You fucking idiot."

/end ID]

[dearmyblank]

Dear KR

Remember when you told me about a friend that you were really close to, and now you barely talk? That's who we are now. I send you texts but you don't respond. It's difficult to talk on the phone when we are now in different time zones, but all of this started happening before I moved.

I could talk to you about anything. You were the only one I could freely tell about my depression. You were the only one who noticed when I was getting better. You were the only one who noticed my skin was starting to clear up, even when I didn't tell you that I started using a new product. 

I miss you. I know you have issues too, and you didn't really discuss them with me as much as I talked about my issues. Is that why you won't talk to me? Was I being a selfish bitch? I didn't want to push you. I'm so sorry.

I wish you the best. I don't know if I'll see you again. 

I hate it here by the way. I'm sure you were wondering if I'm having a blast after finally moving away. I'm not. I cry almost every day.

Love, PS

[humanoidmindbox]

Letter No. 2

Dear ___,

I want to watch the moonlight illuminate your face as we blow cold smoke out into the winter air.

After a long day of studying, I want to make you laugh as you throw your head back and loosen your tie before sitting down next to me.

I want to have a couple of drinks with you and feel the trauma wash away from my body.

I want to take your pulse and feel the life thriving inside of you- just below the surface. 

I want to watch you breathe and wonder what it is like to feel truly alive.

[swiftly744-blog]

Dear My Blank

Cher Y. 

Je suis désolée. Vraiment désolée d’avoir pu te blesser. D’avoir pu te nuire. 

Ce n’était pas mon intention. Je ne sais pas ce qui s’est passé dans ma tête. Je voulais simplement te parler. Peu importe la façon. Je me suis dit que peut-être si tu me parlais, si tu prenais de ton temps pour me parler, même si tu ne savais pas que c’était moi, eh bien, ça m’a donné l’impression d’être spéciale. Tu sais, parler avec toi m’a donné l’impression d’être l’étoile la plus brillante dans ton ciel. 

Mais ce n’est pas le cas. 

Tu l’as choisi. Elle. 

Je ne t’en veux pas, je pense que j’étais juste triste. 

Triste parce que j’aurai pu te donner tellement plus. Je le sais. Je ne suis pas comme tout le monde. J’aurai pu être là pour toi, te réconforter, t’aimer. J’aurai pu t’aimer au-delà de l’Univers. Mon amour pour toi aurait pu braver des montagnes, traverser les océans, défier les lois Universelles. Mon amour pour toi aurait pu franchir tous les obstacles. 

Mais tu l’as choisie. 

Je ne t’en veux pas, je le répète, je ne t’en veux pas. 

Après tout qui suis-je pour te reprocher ce que ton coeur a choisi. 

Nous ne sommes que de la poussière d’étoile. Un jour nous mourrons et ce  jour-là nous retournons chez nous. Vers les étoiles. Alors au fond, pourquoi en vouloir aux personnes qui constituent notre ciel ? 

La vie est un cadeau, il faut en profiter. 

[iredqueen]

Não sei exatamente por onde começar, mas hoje estive no topo do meu desespero e ansiedade. Acabei por nao conseguir te ver, e não sei como mas preciso ao menos tentar descrever tudo que senti hoje e estou sentindo neste momento, são 21h39, eu estou sentada na cama com o notebook no colo e tentando colocar meus sentimentos e angustias aqui, no unico lugar que considero “secreto”, onde ninguem que nos conhece vai saber o quanto eu sofro todos os dias por estar sentindo tua falta e viver em um relacionamento feliz que eu criei para poder mostrar a todos que eu sou feliz sem você. Sabe o mais dificil disso tudo? É que eu achava que nunca iria me perdoar e te perdoar, achava que eu não te amava o suficiente, que nunca iria sentir tua falta, que nao iria me arrepender de nada, e que meus planos continuariam os mesmos com outra pessoa, mas nada do que eu vivo hoje é real, nada é tão mágico quando o que nós tinhamos, o conto de fadas real que nós criamos e vivemos. Saber que você esta com outra e feliz, é doloroso, só que mais doloroso ainda é saber que nós gostariamos de estar juntos e não estamos. Você pode dizer a quem for, tentar provar de todas as formas possiveis, mas eu sei do seu coração e eu sei o que voce sente por mim, não acabou, só nao sei se no futuro seremos nós dois novamente. Eu te amo tanto, creme, tanto que chega a doer dentro de mim, chega incomodar e procurar maneiras de acabar com isso, está sendo quase impossivel te ver amar outra pessoa, te ver realizar com outra as promessas que nós dois fizemos juntos e não fomos capazes de cumprir. Onde esta o final feliz que nós prometemos um ao outro? 

[iredqueen]

Oi creme, acabei de ver uma postagem tua (mainha me enviou) com a família que deveria ta sendo a nossa, mas não é. E eu estou me questionando desde então porque isso está me incomodando tanto, porque so agora que larguei a bebida comecei a sofrer tanto pelo nosso término, por não ter tido forças suficientes para voltar a trás quando eu tive oportunidade! Por não ter tido coragem ainda após mais de 2 anos de abrir o email que voce me enviou, será que sou realmente fraca ou nao te amava o suficiente para nao ter desistido de você? Me ajuda a entender, me ajuda a aceitar que a escolha de partir foi minha, que a escolha de nao casar foi minha, mas que a escolha de trair foi sua e isso eu nao fui capaz de perdoar. Eu te vi no fundo no poço, amargurado, entregue a bebida, desacreditando de tudo que se resume a vida e voce finalmente se reergueu, mas e eu? Nao tinha tido tempo ainda de sofrer, pois cada vez que eu pensava em voce ou ao menos vacilava e me deixava pensar, eu bebia e te esquecia, tem 3 meses que parei de beber e 3 meses que comecei a sofrer amargamente por sentir sua falta e ter desistido de voce, por te permitir entrar em uma igreja neste mês e casar com outra e por agora ela esta esperando um filho teu! Mas ainda sim consigo apenas desejar que você seja muito feliz, mesmo torcendo para que um dia nossos caminhos se cruzem e nós possamos voltar a ser um do outro como aquele início inesperado em 12/12/2015. Ao infinito e além eu te amo, príncipe.

[iredqueen]

Em poucos dias verei o amor da minha vida casando com outra pessoa, que gera em seu ventre o fruto desse novo amor. Para onde foram os nossos sonhos, nossos planos, nossas realizações juntos? Onde deu errado? Onde erramos? O que eu ou voce fizemos para que no fim, nao sejamos nos dois a entrar nesta igreja e dizer o tao sonhado sim? A nao ser nos dois, na nossa casa, planejando o quarto da nossa Helena ou do nosso menino? É creme, nao sei o que o futuro reserva, mas hoje nao acredito mais que tenha algo planejado para nós dois. Agora a sua vida segue e a minha continua aqui, parada, e do mesmo jeito que ficou quando eu te deixei e nao sabia que iria ser uma ferida aberta para sempre, a aliança permanece em meu dedo do casamento que nunca aconteceu, as cartas, os emails, as fotografias, está tudo do mesmo jeito apenas eu que mudei, perdi o brilho, a vontade de amar e o desejo de ser feliz ... Que você seja feliz e nunca esqueça que eu amo muito você!

PS: Para sempre sua!

[iredqueen]

E hoje, me despeço de você com a mesma intensidade que te amo.

P.s: Serei para sempre sua!

#dearmyblank

[dearmyblank]

Dear A

I hope I am allowed to grieve the death of your family member. You and I haven’t spoken in 6 months, but a 4 year relationship can’t be ignored.

I cried a lot. I always think about the photo we took together, how she adored me and made sure to tell me I looked gorgeous.

I cried a lot. I feel guilty for being so sad. I’m sorry I put so much hurt on you. I guess it’s finally coming back around to me again.

I feel guilt for hoping that you come back into my life again.

Love B

[dearmyblank]

Dear A,

Your mum texted me. She said she misses me.

I went to text you the other day but I’m trying to stand my ground. I want us to be able to live our independent lives but I also want you here.

Everyday I feel regret fill my body. Did I make a mistake? Everyday I have to remind myself that I did this for a reason. It’s too soon to see if you want to talk to me again, but what if the right time is too late.

I’m sorry I hurt you. I needed space. We needed to grow by ourselves. I’m hoping maybe we can grow together again.

Love B

[dearmyblank]

To those who wish they get sent letters,

This one is for you. I know it might sound cliched, but I am rooting for you. Whatever you are going through, I hope  it will pass soon and that you'll be able to look through this time and see how much your life has gotten better.

You might have sent letters, or texts and had no one do the same for you. That's me right now. If you are going through something similar, I hope this comforts you.

Have a great day! You are an amazing person!

Love,

P.S

[dearmyblank]

J,

Hi. You don’t know me, really. I met you once. At a meeting for a club we were in. Well, I’m still in it. You graduated. The other time you were on your bike and you rode past me and said hello and I did too. It was springtime. 

 You’ve been in my internship this whole semester. You’re a leader or something. I see you on zoom each week. We’re not really the same group though so we don’t talk. I haven’t gotten to know you, but I see you there. I know my friend went on a date with you once. People know you.  

I see you. With your amazingly cute hairstyle and wonderfully big glasses. Your nose ring. Your smile. Your clothes.

 You don’t know me. 

How can I be enthralled with someone who doesn’t know me?

 The time I met you I was still with my boyfriend. And I remember thinking, in that meeting, that if I were to like girls, or anyone other than men, you’d be someone id like. 

You helped me understand that im queer.  Thank you. You have no idea.

I feel so much shame. Why did I have to realize now?  I love my queerness. But I think youre leaving our college town after this internship, so I don’t know if I will ever see you again. Should I reach out? Say something? Is it worth it?

What is it like to be painfully enthralled with someone who is leaving?

Have I created a false fantasy of us being together one day in my mind all this time?

What am I thinking?

I’m so scared?

I just want to kiss you. I imagine how wonderful you must taste.

Your voice is so incredible. Gosh, it is just so cute. 

I can’t believe it took me this long to realize. Why couldn’t I have had let myself have a crush on you while you were still in school? What is this! This is so unfair! there is so much pain from everything else. everything has so much pain within it. I am constantly trying to escape and push through and heal and jump and dance.

And I don’t imagine being with you would be any escape from that pain, but it would just be joyful. 

I want joy so badly.

I imagine us running down the beach, tripping over ourselves and ending up in the sand. Laughing, kissing, dancing to music.

 Is that just my dream?

 I imagine us running into the ice-cold lake and coming out screaming.

Going home and showering together and kissing you pressed up against the wall. Being with each other as day turns to night. 

Waking up. Making pancakes, being silly. Syrup. Blueberries. More laughter.

Is this just me not wanting to be with myself? Or is this just a crush? I can’t tell. I can’t tell what is an escape and what is not. I don’t know what I deserve.

I do know that I just would love to kiss you and hold you in my arms. Who are you? I don’t really know.

Do I know me? 

I just can’t stop crying. 

A

[dearmyblank]

J, I know I said I wouldn’t write to you but I don’t even know if this is really to you. When I sit in class and my mind starts to wander you are not the first thing to come to mind. Sometimes you don’t come to mind at all. When I pass the baseball fields I don’t automatically think if you and the mere sight of a red truck doesn’t kill me anymore. I don’t search for you in the sea of people. I met someone new. Someone who doesn’t know me the way you did. It’s easier. Fun. My mind wanders to him. It’s new and I think that’s why I didn’t write this letter to him in the first place but I just wanted to say that I’m moving on. For real this time. Maybe I’ll be writing to him more. Maybe I’ll be the G who writes to an E rather than a J. I don’t love you anymore. G

[dearmyblank]

to all the people from my past,

im sorry for hurting you. i promise im trying to be better. you may not forgive me, and i dont blame you. i just hope you're still around, and that you've found people who treat you better.

sincerely,

T

[dearmyblank]

Dear B

In two months it will be the end of high school and our paths separate. I don't think it will be the last letter I write you here but I felt the need to write you this. Thank you for being by my side for almost 2 years now, you were my first love, my first breakup, I loved being your girlfriend. Even though we tore each other apart, you are still the best part of all my high school years. You were all my first times, you loved me, maybe not like I deserved it but I know you loved me. We got lost after 5 months of relationship, we didn't talk to each other for another 5 months and this period has been the most difficult of my life so far. We gave ourselves another chance, we lasted 2 months and we tore each other again; I think I finally understood that we were not compatible, and that we functioned better as friends. I wish I could move forward but I know I couldn't do it as long as you are by my side every day. In two months it will be the end, the end of what we have been and of all that we will no longer be.Thank you for being my best friend today, I have suffered a lot from our relationship, but I have no regrets because today we are functioning very well as we are. I love you no matter the way but I'm not in love with you anymore cause I know you can't give me what I need and it's sad because I don't know if I can say i'm cured of this idea but at least i'm trying. When in two months we will be miles from each other and not hand in hand in high school like we do know, I could imagine myself with someone other than you, but for now it is not the case. I wish you find someone who will succeed where I have failed. I wish I could find someone who will give me the love I need. I'm not saying goodbye to you right away, although just thinking about it makes me cry. I will never forget you, I think I don't want it deep down, no matter if our relationship was toxic or still is, I wouldn't have liked to go through it all with someone else . I hope that even if we won't see each other every day in two months, we will continue to give each other news from time to time. I don't know if I could love someone like I loved you, and it scares me, but I would force myself to try. Far from the eyes, close to the heart isn't it? I will always be there if you need me and you know it. Forever grateful for you, hope you are too. S.