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#definitely nothing emotionally
itspileofgoodthings · 2 years
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starting to think that life is all about love
#actually though#I’ve been thinking so much about the way that I am#(or honesty the way that all human beings are. i don’t know that it’s particular to me)#but my heart is cold so much of the time. and there’s just this big distance between me and the things I should care about#and some of that is my analytical side and some of that is sometimes depression and sometimes it’s just human nature I suspect!#but i think so much about love as a choice. and it IS and it has to be when love isn’t something you can feel at will#and I’ve been thinking about the cold and rules-based relationship I have with God#the daily check-ins. the checked boxes. the given offering. and the lack of warmth behind it#and sometimes it’s just. man. that’s what conversion IS#the transforming of that into love. love that is warm and giving and that is my motive for moving forward#and I know those steps and check-ins and prayers and offerings are important#but I know they’re not the heart#and sometimes I see that I can’t create the warmth in me that I need#i can’t generate it#and then it all just sort of HITS#that I need to be thawed! that I am cold and distanced and uninterested and forgetful#and that I’ll never be any different until God draws closer and closer. until I can feel and understand the warmth#with which I am already loved! and held in being#and I know and believe it intellectually and most of the time I have nothing to give in return#definitely nothing emotionally#but if I WERE to. it would only be because I was thawed. because I was cracked open like an egg to use another metaphor#it would only be because Love that was greater than me would thaw out my cold cold little heart#and idk. I’m rambling and also missing big connecting pieces between these thoughts#but sometimes it hits me that the POINT of life is for that Love to change me so that I can love in response#and the actions are important because they keep me on the path. but it’s only about keeping myself in the place where the warmth of the love#of God can blast through me and change me#and that HASN’t happened. I am still cold and selfish and forgetful#but sometimes I know that that is what it is supposed to be#and it’ll probably take my whole life#but the point is: it isn’t about a scorecard or my analysis. it’s about love. it’s about love!
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pianokantzart · 9 months
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Impromptu
Quick one-shot based on the body-swap concept by @elitadream because you guys know I had to write something. It was inevitable.
Also available on Ao3: X
____________ “Psst. Princess.” Princess Peach was deep in thought when she heard someone call out to her from the nearby window. Despite the distinct familiarity of the voice, she couldn’t help but let out a little gasp, nearly dropping her tea as she turned to see Luigi clinging to the branches of the tree outside of her bedroom. That tree, “The Mario Tree” she had taken to calling it, was tucked behind an old vine-covered wall in the inner courtyard, out of the way of anyone who wasn’t thoroughly familiar with the garden. Mario had climbed it to reach her window a number of times at her beckoning, so that they could speak for a moment in perfect privacy. Strangely enough, she always felt safer with that window open and that tree in view.
But now, it was Luigi dangling from the branches, his arms and legs wrapped awkwardly around a drooping limb like his life depended on it. When he realized the Princess saw him he shuffled closer, and flung himself from the tree to the window sill like an unsteady kitten.
He seemed unusually clumsy tonight, weary and exhausted as Peach grabbed his shoulders to ensure gravity didn’t send him tumbling to the ground below. When Luigi's feet touched the floor of the bedroom he hunched over, clutching his knees as he breathed heavily. “Thank you.” Peach smiled, but felt little amusement. Luigi was trembling terribly, like something horrible had chased him up that tree. 
Mario's little brother was not a particularly spontaneous individual. He knew he was welcome to use the front door, and would have done so gladly unless the situation prevented it. Princess Peach glanced around, looking for some hint as to what to blame for Luigi's current state, but seeing nothing she took him by the hand and made an effort to lead him to the small tea table near the bed. “Come, sit down.” But Luigi pulled away, opting instead to spin around and shut the curtains behind him. “I can’t. I can’t be seen here… he…” he stuttered, “It’s Mario, but it’s not Mario… he’s not Mario.” It was a message he needed to relay quickly– but he couldn't quite figure out how to explain it. What proof could he give to elevate his word above that of the most trusted man in The Mushroom Kingdom? What evidence could he provide that the doppelganger couldn't effectively explain away? That he hadn't explained away? He stammered for a moment, getting out nothing but fragments of sentences, when he felt Peach's hand on his shoulder. “…I know.” Luigi froze, caught off guard by this reply. “You know?” “Well... I suspected." Peach corrected herself in a whisper, adopting Luigi’s hushed tone. "I’ve only seen him at a distance as of late, but he has been acting strange. I could sense something was wrong, but I couldn’t put a finger on what, and I could never get ahold of him to inquire about it.” Indeed, Mario had been more ever-present, yet more avoidant than ever before. He seemed to drift in and out of locations like a ghost, wearing an expression that mimicked his old kindness like an ill-fitting mask. Then, there had been strange goings-on in her castle; troops being shuffled about without her command, frequent miscommunications between guards, strange little incidents were never properly investigated, doors left open when they should’ve been shut…
Princess Peach was about to explain this, when she suddenly felt herself wrapped up in a hug, Luigi’s face pressing against shoulder. Surprised as she was, her heart ached at the sensation, the desperation in the gesture speaking volumes about what Luigi had been experiencing for the past few days. Peach was on the verge of returning the hug, when Luigi backed away as suddenly as he had embraced her, red with embarrassment, hands tucked to his chest. “S-sorry. I’m sorry. That was out of line. It’s just, I… I thought nobody would believe me.” His gaze drifted to the ground as he rubbed the back of his neck. This was a common tic of his, but as Peach took in the shy gesture her eyes widened. There were dark bruises on his throat. She had glimpsed them when he had first climbed through her window, but at that time she had assumed it was merely the shadow of the tree leaves in the light of sunset. Now, with the curtains shut and the lamps lit, there was no mistaking it. She gingerly lifted a hand up and brushed her fingers against the injury. Luigi winced, but made no motion to stop her, tilting his chin a little as he felt the light tingle of healing magic, The Princess slowly fading the marks to nothing. “He hurt you.” “No more than I’ve been hurt before. It’s Mario I’m worried about. The real one.” Luigi shrugged. “He said he’d kill him if I tried anything, but if Not-Mario is who I think he is… I couldn’t just sit back and do nothing.” Peach nodded. Luigi did not need to elaborate, they were both thinking the same thing: if not The King of The Koopas himself, the imposter was no doubt someone working under his command. At last, Luigi was calm enough to allow himself to be ushered to a nearby chair, where Princess Peach sat him down and searched him over for further injuries. She found nothing life threatening, mostly bruising, the worst of it being a large, swollen lump on the back of his head. In most situations, she would have opted to mend the wounds traditionally rather than use healing magic, but there was more that needed to be healed here than simple physical injuries, and as Princess Peach gingerly undid every wound Luigi's shivering slowed, and his breath gained a gentle, steady rhythm. “I’m going to go to The Darklands.” He said after a time, “If I don’t find Mario there, then maybe I’ll at least find answers.” “When do you leave?” “Tonight.” “Good.” Peach brushed off her skirt and rose to her feet, her hands cupped determinedly in front of her. “I’ll join you after I inform Toadsworth about what is happening. Wait for me at The Grasslands Outpost.”
Luigi stood up, appearing surprised and concerned in equal measure. “Your Highness?” “Toadsworth is clever, he should be able to cover for me and keep things in order until we get the real Mario back. Besides…” She reached out and gave Luigi's hand a reassuring squeeze, “… I’ll be a lot safer with you.” Luigi was startled by the affirmation, looking down at the hand that gripped his like a lifeline. He nodded, lifting his free hand to give the brim of his hat a sharp, confident tug. “Thanks. I… I won’t let you down!” Princess Peach gestured for him to lower his voice, and Luigi let go of the hand to clamp his palms over his mouth. They both stood perfectly still for a few seconds, examining the surrounding darkness, ears pricked for evidence of eavesdroppers. When they were both content that they were truly alone, Luigi crept back to the window and leapt to one of the branches. He climbed down as quietly as he could manage, not taking his eyes off the princess the entire way to the ground. “Please be careful,” he called up in a whisper. “You too, Luigi.” Peach called back quietly, and once she saw him disappear into surrounding garden she took hold of the shutters, looked around one more time for anything amiss, and cautiously clicked her bedroom window closed.
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ickypuppi3 · 1 year
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Lucas On The Line // “For instance, the clothes she's been wearing lately have been... unusual. Old and oversize, and not in a good way. They remind me of Will's clothes, how he was always wearing something of Jonathan's, or even Mrs. Byers's.”
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supernovaa-remnant · 3 months
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okay not that anyone asked but I feel like I'm just in a really odd state of calm like I'm detached just enough that whilst I am still invested it's more of a "I'm just gonna sit back and be a part of the ride and see where this all ends" I know I've used this metaphor a million times but yes the world is on fire but I'm waiting to see what will come from the ashes
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hephaestuscrew · 6 months
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I posted recently about how, when Minkowski tries to send Eiffel back to Earth on the Sol in the finale, she doesn't directly express her more personal emotional reasons for this decision (see this post for more detail). But the contrast to that is how Eiffel only gives personal reasons when pleading against her decision.
As he's desperately telling Minkowski not to send him back, Eiffel doesn't say that he wants to help fight against Cutter's plan (although I'm sure it's on his mind). He doesn't try to convince her that he can make an important contribution to that fight. He doesn't attempt to argue the importance of having as many people as possible trying to stop Pryce and Cutter.
Instead, he protests "Not without you!" when she says that he's going home. He tells her "I'm not leaving you behind!" In contrast to Minkowski saying that she wants "one of us... someone" to make it back, Eiffel doesn't shy away from addressing Minkowski directly. He says "you". It's not that he doesn't want to leave the Hephaestus or the crew behind in a vague general way; he makes it clear that he doesn't want to specifically leave Minkowski behind. His attempts to persuade Minkowski not to send him back are largely focused on his bond with her and his unwillingness to return to Earth without her (and the rest of the Hephaestus crew). Those are the most compelling reasons to him.
The only other argument he gives in trying to persuade Minkowski not to send him back is "you can't - you have no right!" This is less about his bond with Minkowski, and more about his own individual agency and his objection to Minkowski making this decision for him. But it's still ultimately a personal reason. None of Eiffel's voiced objections are about the big picture at all (unlike the explanation Minkowski gives to Hera, Lovelace and Jacobi afterwards for why she sent Eiffel back).
In that scene, both of them are acting from a personal emotional place of care for each other as individuals. But in terms of what they actually say, Eiffel expresses this kind of motivation much more directly than Minkowski. He admits to the specificity of it in a way Minkowski doesn't know how to. Eiffel appeals to Minkowski's personal individual motivations, which she hasn't really admitted to. His final plea is to call Minkowski by her first name for the first time.
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leovaldezdefender · 1 year
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do you think Leo is a misogynist
nope and i'm not just saying that because he's my favourite character. calling leo a misogynist is just objectively ridiculous; the most "misogynistic" behaviour he ever exhibits is flirting awkwardly and thinking of himself as a casanova but even then when he gets put in his place it's not like he gets angry or violent or even all that upset. it's clear that his flirty behaviour is just another coping mechanism that can manifest negatively like, say, his bullying frank. he's best friends with piper, is intimidated by annabeth, and becomes close with hazel and reyna. all characters with which he has completely normal and meaningful interactions with. frankly i don't get at all how people see him as some raging misogynist—the most he has is a minor sexism problem that is typical of most teenage boys, one that even percy has.
tldr; no. nothing leo does is ever that serious.
#leo valdez#heroes of olympus#this is an ask with suspiciously good timing considering what i saw on twitter today#which i think ill post about actually. just to be a hater.#anyway yeah nothing leo does in hoo is ever bad enough to be classified as misogynistic#the most his behaviour does is slightly aggravate the girls#and he doesnt have any inherent discriminatory beliefs about women#compare that to for example sylva1n—another character i love who is most definitely more of a misogynist#HIS actions actually result in far more serious consequences compared to just annoying girls slightly#(the women he dates actually get emotionally toyed with and hurt)#and HE actually has beliefs about women that are hurtful (though he admits that its nonsensical)#but those beliefs influence his actions and how he treats women around him#now leo? doesnt do either of those things. of course because its not the point of his character like it is to sylva1n's#so consequently its just not something about leos character to. yknow. worry about.#like i said: at most he's just got a case of the teenage boy flirt combined with “whoa strong women exist?”#but the idea that he actually hates women is. laughable lmao.#ricks not capable of writing that kind of protagonist#anyway anon i am SO sorry for this rant. holy shit.#i even threw a fire emblem character into the mix im sorry fksjsks#in my defense you asked me about LEO VALDEZ and also im a sylva1n liker so i have lots of thoughts about misogyny in characters#but yknow apologies are due anyway 🙏 forgive me#ask#thanks for the ask :]#riordanverse#meta
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aspd-culture · 8 months
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I have to admit I'm NOT THAT GREAT in English AND I DID NOT READ what happened before that ask, but just because the cause of a physical disability isn't technically physical", I think that doesn't mean it should not be counted as a physical disability? It's more of the problem of terminology, instead of doing researches, imho. And imo, that anon has a point on trying to tell you that you're wrong, cause it can be really misleading to layman when you try to exclude those "non physical cause but physically appearing disability" from "physical disability."
Just a random autistic system, possibly have ASPD alter
The previous context had nothing to do with physical disabilities, actually. The previous context was me explaining that a brain with a disorder that causes a neurological difference cannot produce alters without that. Meaning that all our alters use the same brain, so we are all autistic and have ASPD - because we are all using a brain that is autistic and has ASPD.
What that anon was trying to say was that one alter can be disabled while another is entirely abled - including physical disabilities. I firmly disagree, because it's not a physical issue and it isn't consistent. I think you may have misread my point? But yeah my point is that if the body is entirely abled, and only one or a couple alters have a mobility issue, that body is not actually physically disabled since their mobility is fine when a different alter is out. That's a trauma response, not a true mobility issue. The alter may need accommodations and should get them, that's not at all what was being debated.
What was being debated was whether or not a neurological condition can disappear when a certain alter is out. Which, for the record, it can't.
Plain text below the cut:
The previous context had nothing to do with physical disabilities, actually. The previous context was me explaining that a brain with a disorder that causes a neurological difference cannot produce alters without that. Meaning that all our alters use the same brain, so we are all autistic and have ASPD - because we are all using a brain that is autistic and has ASPD.
What that anon was trying to say was that one alter can be disabled while another is entirely abled - including physical disabilities. I firmly disagree, because it's not a physical issue and it isn't consistent. I think you may have misread my point? But yeah my point is that if the body is entirely abled, and only one or a couple alters have a mobility issue, that body is not actually physically disabled since their mobility is fine when a different alter is out. That's a trauma response, not a true mobility issue. The alter may need accommodations and should get them, that's not at all what was being debated.
What was being debated was whether or not a neurological condition can disappear when a certain alter is out. Which, for the record, it can't.
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guess who had to send. an email. i'm so composed. SCREAMS SCREAMS SCREAMS SCREAMS SCREAMS SCR--
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cinnamon-notes · 5 months
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the worst day ever.
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maretriarch · 1 year
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"intuitive eating" promoting dieticians are like the emperors new clothes tailors of diet fads theyre literally selling you nothing
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every-captain · 11 months
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I just saw someone refer to Steven Universe as a staple of their childhood and was like "lmao then youre still a chid?? That show is not old."
but actually it is 10 years old. You could have been watching it when you were like 9-10-11 and be like basically 20 years old now and I want to die tbqh.
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aa-400 · 1 year
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in addison what is arthur "i am humanity. the best and the worst it has to offer." lester doing if not what he does best (be incredibly human, for better or worse (which in this case is worse))
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bredforloyalty · 1 year
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i don't think we do luv i don't think we do
#i do agree (obviously!) that for a series you need to get people to care about your characters so they want to keep watching it#comedy barely holds up without a story.. if you don't take time to work on storytelling or you want inexhaustible archetypes for characters#that you can use to churn out jokes‚ whether that's pointless random skits like family guy does it or something based on the relationships#like relationships within a certain status quo (s1 rick garbage man abuses his family. except it wasn't that simple back then either)#the problem with the sitcom where nothing changes so someone can just write gag after gag without changing the foundations is that it#becomes tiring. people stop caring because you've made it impossible to care for the characters by not allowing any meaningful changes#so in that sense i do agree it is 'becoming an actual series'. but it was on its way from the beginning‚ just needed some refinement#a whole lot maybe#but with setting limits for your writing and keeping your characters consistent and engaging emotionally you limit the#wacky hijinks as well. like don't tell me we got a banger like the vat of acid episode from season 6 or even 5 lol it's no longer explosive#i think rick and morty has always been inconsistent and that bred both great episodes and khm bad ones#there's definitely gonna be less bad ones from now on but the potential of the r&m dynamic has also been.... i would say curbed#that's okay this needed to happen like this. and i think they're going in the right direction and i think the stars will align and they'll#write bangers again#a lot of great things could happen following this. like in these actual arcs that they're developing there's still potential for comedy and#drama and they'll find their way back imo. to the sweet spot between chaos (wacky random funny) and order (meaningful and consistent)#ok that's all. if one hates rick being a miserable pathetic piece of shit one should mayhaps fuck off#✌️💗#kata.txt#rnm
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I was trying to define how I'm feeling rn and I came up with 'horrible, but in a good way'
#i mean yes horrible nasty#but not like yesterday or other days sometimes#(God be thanked that I forgot at the time that there actually is a knife in my room in a box bc if I'd remembered I'd wager anything#that I would not in fact have come out of that unscathed. I have buried the knife further in the box#so that in case such a crisis comes again I cannot easily get at it and hopefully I'll get some sense or tell somebody in the meantime.)#anyway rn it's the sort of horrible which is wearing and nasty but definitely still this-too-shall-pass#i can survive it without danger to life or limb in the least it's not as bad#and i know definitely that this is connected with having friend and her family staying over since wednesday#thankfully they're going home tomorrow at least#yes i am a horrible friend#yes this is making it worse#but i just - yes i love her and i love them. but i need space. i need alone time. i am at the end of my tether.#and yes apparently anxiety and uptightness and general wound up ness can get to the point it did yesterday#i only clawed up my face a bit and nothing lasting#only a few nail marks remain on my hands so im fine#but i won't deny that the evening of yesterday was honestly terrifying#if i'm like this emotionally still in terms of fragility by the time i go back to uni i don't think i'll cope with uni#at least without resorting to something desperate of some kind#i'm hoping getting a job soon if i can will pull me out of this slump#i need to do something about pursuing an adhd diagnosis or at least going to an educational psych like my doctor suggested#i cannot deal with it without at least one or the other of those#i mean i also need a referral from doctor to scoliosis review surgeon so if i can get an appointment with the specific doctor to get that#maybe i'll be able to get a referral to another adhd or educational person as well at the same time. i hope so#i don't know. sorry for having a breakdown all over tumblr#if im having a serious breakdown all over tumblr at any point that's probably my way of keeping me somewhere safe tbh#im sorry y'all have to be dumped with this but idk#and im sorry i can't promise to trigger tag or anything eithr bc i know if im in a state of crisis or my definition of crisis i will forget#guhh anyway idk why i dumped this all over the place sorry#to my followers who followed me bc of shenanigans: sorry#to everybody: sorry
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bothzangetsus · 1 year
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do you ever see tags that you disagree with on such a fundamental level it makes you see double for a second
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appleciders · 1 year
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A) city in a location i don’t love but to an apartment with my beloved friends, will have much broader social life bc i know so many people my age in the area, will get to do fun activities with them, but will be a minimum 18hrs flight (and between 8 and 10 hour time difference) from any of my family and has weather known to make me a bit depressed
B) city in a country i’ve only lived in for short spans before but where my entire family will be (but none of them are my age and really able to like…do social things), beautiful location, have much better social infrastructure in terms of like…paid time off and taxes and stuff, but have no social network and will need to build it from scratch, will be between 14 and 18hr flight from pretty much all of my non-family connections and friends
C) find a place in the area i grew up (and am currently) in, where i love the location and have a deep relationship with the place, weather is great, close to nature, have many non-peer connections here (family friends, neighbors, organizations) but where basically all of my friends have moved away (most 3hrs time difference and 5hrs flight) from because it is very expensive to live here so i would have to figure out a cost of living situation and build a new social network from scratch
D) move somewhere completely new (maybe not either of the two previous countries) and figure it out!
disclaimer: i am a currently a 22yo who doesn’t know what she’s doing with her life but is pretty lonely currently tbh, really close and good relationship with my family who i’ve been living with for the past year, big social person who loves and miss my friends dearly, and i would only be committing to this move for like a year or two im not saying it would be Forever
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