#destroying my progress on what I understood to be the goal!

[thediaryofriversong]

ok ok ok hear me out

this is how Hannigram (Hannibal 2013) is paralleled as Frankenstein and the Creature from Frankenstein (1816). *Spoilers for both*

Frankenstein and references to Frankenstein are made a few times in the show, and there are a lot of parallels and similar themes, such as playing God, creation and destruction, betrayal, revenge, and more.

In my head, for the most part, Will mirrors Frankenstein and Hannibal mirrors the Creature, or "Adam", but I think it also makes a lot of sense the other way around. Frankenstein is entirely human, often unstable, and drowns in his emotions constantly. He feels constant regret, remorse, and hatred for his creation. He set out to create something beautiful, something awe-inspiring, and reality defying from his imagination, but ended up creating, or discovering, a huge darkness both within himself and his creation. This directly parallels Will and Hannibal's relationship, with Will looking for help and stability, and when he opens up, Hannibal helps Will create, or discover, the same darkness within him.

When Frankenstein realizes what he's created, an ugly, horrible thing, he abandons it, betrays it, even though the Creature is vulnerable. He simply can't accept something so disgusting and hideous. He leaves it totally alone because he fears, for his own life and dignity. In Hannibal, when Will discovers what Hannibal is, he betrays him in much the same way. Hannibal lets Will understand him, "see him", and becomes vulnerable with him. But much like Frankenstein, Will simply can't accept what Hannibal is, and turns him into the FBI.

Both Will and Frankenstein come to regret their actions, as the Creature and Hannibal seek revenge. After Frankenstein returns to his life, he finds that the Creature has killed his brother, and indirectly, one of his childhood best friends. Frankenstein is heartbroken, and vows to destroy his Creature, no matter what it takes. Hannibal mirrors this as well, as when Hannibal finds out Will has betrayed him, he kills someone equally important to Will, Abigail, as well as almost killing him. This also builds Will's hatred for Hannibal, and his desire to kill and destroy him.

As both stories progress, Will and Frankenstein look for their monsters, while also moving on with their lives. They both get partners, a wife or fiance, and are almost content with their lives, except for reoccurring thoughts of their monstrous counterparts. In Hannibal and the Creature's plots for revenge, they attempt to kill Will and Frankenstein's partners. The monsters share a common goal of destroying everything in their enemies lives that they care about, whether that be lovers, friends, family, or careers.

However, deep down, the only thing the "monsters" want is to be understood. They both have such a deep understanding of rejection, of betrayal, and of isolation that all they long for is to be fully and completely understood by someone. Their true desires, behind the ruthless violence, is someone who loves them completely, who can ignore their flaws and accept them, even if society can't. For Hannibal, he desires to be loved and accepted by Will, and the Creature wants a "bride", both someone as equally ugly, horrible, and evil as themselves, someone who understands them because they have experienced the same societal rejection as them.

Near the end of both stories, both sets of characters run away together, with Hannibal and Will escaping after the staged jailbreak, and with Frankenstein chasing the Creature to the Arctic. Eventually, Will and Frankenstein accept their fate, that they must die, literally or metaphorically, in order to take down their monsters. They both come to an understanding of their creatures, and even though they despise them, they have to die to take them down, and sacrifice their sanity, family, and everything left of their old lives to prevent any more destruction.

And finally, at the end of these stories, our characters die, metaphorically or literally. Frankenstein dies, with his last wish being to make sure that the Creature dies as well. Soon after, the Creature discovers his death, and upon his realization that he has doomed Frankenstein, he decides to join him in death, fulfilling his final wish. Similarly, in Hannibal, Will realizes that he "can't save himself", and accepts his fate. After their final fight, he decides that the only way Hannibal will go down is with him, so in a final sacrifice, they "die" together, in a final embrace, finally fulfilling his wish to "kill" him.

Of course, this could also work the other way around, because Hannibal "created" Will, much the same as Frankenstein created his monster. There are so many more parallels, and of course, contradictions, but I think these stories are great mirrors of each other. Both are gut-wrenching stories about love, revenge, creation, and death that beautifully display aspects of the human condition, and are very much worth reading or watching.

anyways thank you for listening to my Ted talk :3

[middleearthpixie]

Something in the Night ~ Chapter Sixteen

Summary: Following the Battle of the Five Armies, a seriously wounded Thorin Oakenshield returns to Erebor to recuperate and eventually ascend the throne as king. With the deaths of Azog the Defiler and his son, Bolg, Thorin no longer has to worry about the bounty the Defiler placed on his head and can instead concentrate on restoring Erebor to its former glory. 

Nina Carren of Esgaroth has one goal—to make Thorin Oakenshield pay for unleashing Smaug the dragon unto her home—where he destroyed the town and killed her family. The Defiler might be gone, but his bounty remains very much in place, and she fully intends to collect on it. 

Finally, the opportunity shows itself for her to do just that, only to have it go horribly awry. Wounded and now at his mercy, neither Nina nor Thorin stopped to think what might happen, should things not go quite according to plan…

Pairings: Thorin Oakenshield x ofc Nina Carren

Warnings: None

Rating: T

Word Count: 3.1k

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If you’d like to be added (or removed) to the tag list, please just let me know!

Previous chapters can be found here. 

His first few days back were far busier than he’d anticipated, as he had much to catch up on in his absence. But he had no complaints about what had been left for him, as Dís had done a more than competent job in managing things in his stead. Even so, she was also very willing and happy to turn his duties back over to him.

He had been back in Erebor for almost a week when Dís rapped on the door to his flat. “Thorin, do you have a moment?”

He’d been on his sofa, head back, eyes closed, and lifted his head to call, “It’s open. Come in.”

The door swung open and he braced himself for the whirlwind that was his sister as she barreled into the room, the beads woven into her beard clacking with every step. “I was beginning to wonder if you’d decided to take the day off.”

He smiled. “No. I was up late last eve with Balin, catching up on the progress at Esgaroth and Dale. Men built at a far slower pace than dwarves, it seems, and they like to pad their bills as much as possible.”

Dís’ forehead wrinkled slightly. “Are we being cheated?”

“No more than usual and with Balin’s keen eyes keeping close watch, we catch each and every mistake before the bill is paid. It’s amazing how many mathematical errors find their way into invoices.”

“Perhaps we should rethink—”

“No. I gave my word, Dís.” He shook his head slowly. “And I went back on it once. I cannot do so again, but I also will not let them take me for a fool, either. Balin is far more diplomatic than I will ever be, and so when he calls them on their nonsense, they rectify it at once.”

“You’ve more patience than I would, I’ll have you know. I do not look kindly on those who think to steal from me.”

“Nor do I, but in all honesty, I think Bard is honest as well and if we didn't catch it, he most likely would.”

Dís hardly looked convinced even as she replied, “If you say so.”

“Either way, you needn’t worry about it.” He sat up, hands clasped between his knees. “Now, I know you came here not to be bored with construction news that you’ve already been privy to.”

“You know me well, brother.” She skirted the stone table before the sofa to settle alongside him. “There is something I wished to ask you and I hope you’ll not think I am meddling too much.”

“Which of course means you are about to meddle.” He said it with a smile, for no matter how much meddling Dís did—and she could be quite meddlesome when the mood struck—her intentions were of the best where he was concerned and he understood that, even if it threatened to drive him into madness time and again.

“Yes, it does.” Her hand came to rest on his knee. “Did you still wish me to see about inviting Elisin to come stay for a bit?”

He sighed softly. Elisin was the woman he’d at one point planned to court. She was a distant cousin, and one he’d known most of his life. He wasn't madly in love with her, but they got on well and should Mahal see fit for them to have children, she would be a fine mother.

But that was before Nina Carren came into his life.

Nina. 

His stomach curdled with fury at her betrayal. Why couldn’t he simply forget about her? She’d played him false, pretended to care, all the while plotting to end his life. 

For five thousand in gold.

Trouble was, he couldn't forget about her and no matter how busy he tried to be, she was always there, lingering in the back of his mind. Despite his best efforts, he couldn't shake the memory of her, and as more time passed, he found himself on the verge of pining for her and that was the last thing he wanted or needed.

 “Thorin?”

“Yes, please. By all means, invite her to come stay for a bit. There is still much to be done here, but she will be comfortable enough. And, as you reminded me before I departed for Rivendell, I am growing no younger and should think about taking a wife and giving Erebor a queen.”

“And you wish to do this now? You told me at the time to mind my own matters.”

“Things change.”

“What things?” She gave his knee a squeeze. “Did something happen whilst you were in Rivendell? A romance with an elf that went sour, perhaps?”

He chuckled. “No, our relations with the elves are better than they were, but they will never be that good.”

“So what is it, then?”

“Nothing. It is only that I’ve traveled far and nearly died and realize that my life is passing and I’ve little to show for it in the way of personal matters.”

“Are you certain that is all? You haven’t seemed like yourself since you returned. And I know you hate when I pry, as you like to call it, but you just… you seem unhappy, Thorin. And I hate seeing you unhappy and you know that. So, is that all?”

A knowing look accompanied her words and he braced himself for her to ask about Nina—or the mystery mercenary, as Dís kept calling her. When she said nothing more, he offered up a silent prayer of thanks and shook his head slowly. “I am tired, is all. It was an adventure, both getting to and coming from Rivendell. We crossed paths with a determined orc pack just beyond Rivendell’s borders and I am fairly certain we met up with them again outside Mirkwood’s.”

“I told you that you should take more than just Dwalin.” She squeezed his knee again. “But don't tell him I said that.”

“I won’t. And you were probably right. But, rest assured, I have no plans on leaving Erebor to go any further than Dale or Esgaroth for the near future.”

“Good. Then I will extend an invitation to Elisin and perhaps we might have a party of sorts to welcome her?”

“I think that sounds doable.”

“Then I will see it done and posted before luncheon.” She rose, then peered down at him, her face lined with concern, her blue eyes, so like his own, troubled. “Are you certain nothing else troubles you?”

“I’m positive.”

“Very well.” 

She bent to press a kissing the top of his head, and then with a soft clacking, let herself out and silence fell upon him once more. As the door closed behind her, he let his head fall to the back of the sofa once more. All he wanted to do was forget Nina. Forget the magical night he’d spent with her.

Forget that he was on the verge of falling in love with her. 

Perhaps Elisin’s arrival would help him do just that. 

A low sigh leaked through his teeth. Somehow, he knew he was just lying to himself.

“Yer Sigrid’s friend, ain’t ye?”

Cold grey eyes alit on her and while those eyes sent a shiver along her spine, Nina managed to keep that to herself as she smiled and nodded. “I am, yes. She told me you needed serving girls and I’d like to apply for the job."

The tavern proprietor, Harald narrowed his eyes as he gave her a long up-and-down appraisal. “Sigrid told ye I needed help, did she? Ye have any experience?”

Drawing in a deep breath, she slowly shook her head. Although her fever had broken several days ago, after the doctor Sigrid brought to the flat treated her infected wound, Nina still felt a bit unsteady and tired easily. Hopefully, Harald hadn’t noticed. “No, but I am fast learner and I’m quick on my feet.” 

He didn't look at all convinced or inclined to offer her a job, but then he shrugged and with a heavy sigh, said, “I’ve nothing to lose, I s’pose. Business is still slow, and Margrete’s been complaining about needing help. When can ye start?”

“When do you need me to start?”

“Can ye be here this eve? ‘Bout half-six?”

“Done.” She held out her hand.

He looked down at it, then up at her once more, then slowly reached to clasp that hand. “Don’t be late, girlie.”

“I won’t be.”

“And try to dress up a little,” he advised, his smile becoming a bit of a leer. “Show some skin. Ye’ll thank me.”

The thought turned her stomach, but she managed to nod. “Of course.”

“Go on, then. Go home and change.”

“I will see you at half-six.” She turned and made her way back out into the warm sunlight to go home.

Home. 

It had been so long since she’d had a home—a true home—but now she did, as Sigrid had told her she was welcome to remain with her in the small flat at the end of the alley. Nina had her own small, cozy room, and as she recuperated, her friendship with Sigrid picked up where it had left off, with late night chats filled with laughter and gossip, although Nina had no idea who had the people Sigrid mentioned were. And it didn't matter. She would come to know them in time. As the days passed and her wounds healed, she was the one who insisted she needed to find a job. Sigrid told her to take as much time as she needed, but Nina couldn't bear the thought of being a burden for any longer than was absolutely necessary. 

So, that was when Sigrid suggested Nina come talk to the Black Swan’s owner, sure he would give her a job. And now, as she strolled along the alley toward the flat, she managed a slight smile. She was becoming adept at beginning her life anew. And that’s what this was as well, another chance. 

The alley ended at a low stone wall that overlooked the Long Lake and what would one day again be Esgaroth. As her ability to get around returned, Nina found herself out there, at the low stone wall, more than once, just gazing out at what had been her home.

She sighed as she reached that wall and sank onto the wide flat top, her back against the stone building it met. Day after day, she sat there, just gazing out at the city under construction. Despite her distance from Esgaroth, she could hear the faint sounds of men working to rebuild, watched as new pilings replaced the charred, ruined ones. Watched as the walkways and bulkheads and platforms were erected and houses framed out upon them. 

It was bittersweet, seeing the rebirth of Esgaroth. Her life there had been difficult, but happy. She loved her family, they loved her, and although they were not wealthy by any means, thanks to her father’s disappearance and the Master’s greed, they had still been happy. 

Until the dwarves of Erebor arrived. They changed everything. 

And one of them had changed her forever.

She never regretted anything as much as she did going to see Tarog. What a fool she was, thinking she could be a cold-blooded killer, no matter how angry she’d been with Thorin. Truth be told, by the time she spied him in the tavern, her anger had faded, her grief had not run its course, but had become manageable. When she’d spotted him, she felt an initial burst of fury, but by the time she caught up to him in the clearing and took the arrow meant for him, it had begun to fade.

He’d seen to it she was cared for, and allowed her to join them.

By the time they’d shared their first kiss, she knew she was in trouble. 

And now?

Now she sighed, gazing out at the Long Lake as the sun burned across it to make its surface shimmer like fire.

“Show some skin,” she murmured, smiling at the shimmering lake. “Somehow, that isn’t very likely.”

****

In the year since Erebor had been reclaimed, restoration had been at a steady pace. Day after day, the city reverberated with activity and Thorin had no complaints with how Dís had run things in his stead. If he and his nephews had succumbed to their injuries, she would have made as fine a ruler as their cousin Dáin, who would have inherited the throne. He’d often thought about naming her his heir, should something else befall both him and her sons. He still hadn’t ruled it out entirely. 

He stood at the landing that overlooked the treasure hoard of Erebor. It had been depleted some since they reclaimed the mountain, and while it had pained him at first, now, it no longer troubled him in the slightest. He had much to atone for and rebuilding both Esgaroth and Dale were a small price to pay. 

Even with what the treasury of Erebor had parted with there was still a sea of gold. An ocean of gemstones of every cut and color. As he leaned against the railing of pure gold, against the wall of labradorite so green it looked almost black and had been polished to a mirror finish, and gazed out at that sea, a low sigh came to his lips. 

A feeling of restlessness came over him, and he pushed away from the wall to make his way down the one intact staircase leading to the hoard. In time, the second one would be refurbished, but for now, the one was more than enough. 

The stones and coins and other treasures shifted slightly beneath his bulk as he picked his way around all of it, wading into the center of the chamber. He didn't know what he looked for, only that he would know when he found it.

And find it, he did. A beautiful emerald the size of his fist. He scooped it up, the facets glittering under the torchlight as it rolled in his palm. The deep green stone reminded him of a pair of eyes almost that same rich shade. Eyes he’d lost himself in. Eyes he wished he could always lose himself in.

The eyes of a traitor.

He scowled at the stone and drew his arm back to fire it deeper into the chamber when Dís appeared on the landing. “What are you doing?”

His arm lowered of its own. “I’m bidding some old ghosts farewell.” He tucked the emerald into his trouser pocket. “What brings you here?”

“Elisin arrived earlier. I sent her to freshen up from her journey.”

“She made good time.”

“I think she was in a hurry to make certain no one else claimed your heart first.”

He forced a laugh to his lips. “Tell her there is no danger of that happening.”

“Isn’t there?” Dís came down the stairs, then carefully stepped into the sea of wealth. “You’ve been moping about here for the past fortnight as if someone has died. Now, give over and tell me. It’s your mystery mercenary, isn’t it?”

Annoyance bubbled through him, but he tamped it down as he shook his head. “No. It isn’t and there is nothing to tell, Dís.” He crossed over to her, holding out a hand as she stumbled over a jumble of gold plates. 

She caught it, her fingers tightening about his. “Thorin, do not lie to me. I know you better than you think.”

He sighed. “Dís, please… I’ve no wish to discuss it.”

“Very well. I’ll not press, but if you ever wish to—”

“I know,” he replied, offering her his arm. “Why don't we go above and I can reacquaint myself with Elisin?”

She looked as if she didn't believe him, but thought better of trying to force the issue. Instead, she nodded. “Very well.”

They crossed back to the staircase and once they were on the main floor, Dís pulled her arm free. “I’ll go fetch Elisin. You try not to look so broody. You’ll frighten her off.”

He scowled. “I do not brood.”

“I do not brood.”

“Thorin, you were staring off into the dark forever.” Nina affixed him with a long look. “That’s brooding.”

“I was thinking.”

“You were brooding. It’s all right. You can admit it.”

Why couldn't he stop thinking about Nina? She betrayed him. She was going to end his life for five thousand pieces of gold. 

So, why did thinking of her hurt as well as make him angry? In fact, why was the hurt overtaking the anger a little more with each passing day?

Because hurt was the only description he had for what could only be described as an ache in his heart. 

“Thorin?”

He started, jolted from his reverie. “What?”

Dís offered up a queer look. “Where were you?”

“Nowhere,” he waved off her concern, “so, go and fetch Elisin. I look forward to seeing her again.”

He hoped the smile he forced to his lips didn’t look so forced to his sister. She had an uncanny knack for seeing through any and all facades when it came to her sons and her brother. But the truth was, he cared nothing for seeing Elisin. In reality? He wanted to go and find Nina, to ask her why she’d chosen to hunt him. Why she instead stepped in front of that arrow for him, why she put herself between him and an orc’s blade, if she wanted to kill him? And had she truly attempted to kill him that last night?

But he had no idea where he might look for her, and even if he found her, there was no telling that his anger wouldn’t get the best of him. It might have faded some, but it hadn’t gone entirely. Not yet, anyway.

“Are you certain?” Dís asked.

“I am, indeed,” he assured her.

“Very well. Try not to brood too much longer.”

“I will do my best.”

He watched her leave, then turned back to the hoard, withdrawing the emerald from his pocket. It lay in the palm of his hand, glittering in the flickering torchlight. For a moment, he thought about hurling it back into the sea of gemstones, but then instead slipped it back into his pocket. 

[gaywithflowers]

I'm making a new post for this because I'm too anxious to add onto someone else's post, especially if I'm disagreeing with them-

(Also I'm mostly writing this because I wanted to make sense of my own thoughts, I'm not really in the mood to argue.)

But I saw someone say Zuko's ending as Fire Lord was confusing because he got what he wanted from the beginning, as in, he always wanted to become Fire Lord and then that is exactly what he became.

Sorry for stepping in like this, but-

Zuko didn't get what he wanted from the beginning.

At the start, "wanting his throne" was just a part of what he truly really wanted: the approval of Ozai, his love, to carry on the legacy of Ozai and Azulon and Sozin, to become better than Azula, to do and be what he was expected to.

He doesn't get any of that, at all.

He becomes Fire Lord but before that he has to let go of his desperate desire "to be great" (in the Fire Nation standard) and become a complete, irredeemable, utter failure in the eyes of the people he wanted to impress: he lets go of Ozai's approval, he understands Ozai will never love him, he renounces the legacy of the war, and he solidifies his position as Azula's inferior (in the eyes of the fire nation ideals ofc). He also upturns his old concept of what he was expected to be: an obedient prince following the status quo, carrying on the will of his rulers and ancestors VS a prince who loves his nation so much he decides to formally betray it.

He is shaken, at the end, when he is told by Iroh he will get the throne because it doesn't fit with his worldview anymore, and because he is ashamed. He becomes the Fire Lord but there is a complete resignification of what that entails and why that is important. Right now being the Fire Lord is not the natural progression of being Ozai's son, now he is signing up to shoulder the responsibility of changing the world.

His journey also shows us that he was right: the correct thing to do is speak out against injustice and cruelty. He was punished for it, they tried to suppress his drive to do better by his people, and he has to go a long way until he can shake off the severe attempt to make him shut up and conform. In his journey he also learns he can't do right by his people while still allowing them to oppress others, that he can't dehumanize anyone not just his fellow people.

...so yeah. I really don't think he got what he wanted in the end. If he had, he would have been shrouded in the glory of destroying the fire nation's enemies, he would have been a worthy son of his forefathers' cruelty-...and he did get that for a while, didn't he? And didn't he get the whole "be careful what you wish for" experience? If his arc had ended there and he hadn't gone away to train Aang, then we could say he was handed exactly what he always wanted to have and that there was no change.

But no. His father hates him. He let go of a 100 year old legacy. He disrupted the "glorious" expansion of a "glorious" nation. To many, he is a disappointment and embarrassment because he did the unthinkable: he retreated, he sent the armies home.

He surrendered against all Fire Nation beliefs of honor because he finally understood he can't gain honor by hurting others.

He let go of the definition of honor that was corrupting him.

That is change.

There is nothing wrong, anyway, in a character getting exactly what they wanted if along the way the motivations and significance of the goal change.

(Being truly honorable can be super humiliating tbh

He let go of his cultural view of status and that h u r t s

I'm Latin American born and raised, I have experience with this one- and it still has me on a chokehold. He is a fictional character and yet I look at him and I'm like wow that thing right there? Takes balls. I still can't let go of the expectations that are suffocating me even though I know they hurt me more than help me.)

[joelletwo]

(second post) extensively noted im RLY unclear on a lot of endgame gintama. i am disabled and it makes me a bad reader and im irritable abt it and i dont really want anyone to explain things to me on this Specific post lol. im just thinking things thru to myself.

hard to hold a lot of sugi's gayass trauma mental processes in my head all at once. the elisions between destroying the world [math symbol] destroying gintoki who stands in the way of that as a universal constant [math symbol] destroying the political foundations of the country from the inside using connections with the same forces (this guy does NOT understand the larger background plots of gintama and isnt sure if this is correct ->) that in part got his teacher killed and set this whole thing off* [math symbol] destroying himself.

(*side note i think there was a real missed opportunity to bookend all of sugi's political maneuvering which was treated by the plot as. SIGNIFICANT. and extensive. and effective. and one step ahead of all the chars we see pre-utsuro reveals. by revisiting it after the utsuro reveals and coming down on his schemes as either ultimately fruitless and really just getting him in over his head bc he didnt understand the real forces at play OR still effective bc sorachi wanted to retroactively say he and katsura understood all the shadowy background shenanigans. but zura kind of takes over the role of political maneuverer. but worse and stupider.)

(not a WHOLE lot under the cut its just getting unwieldy as a post.)

like if he just wants to kill himself why does he have to take the world down with him (katsura planning a beautiful death seppuku line). if he's doing this out of love for gintoki (canon fact.) why does gintoki need to be broken.

but if i stop trying to untangle what materially he means by all of that then i can understand sugi's actions post-execution as kind of in parallel with my understanding of oboro and utsuro's, which is to say, they are acting on behalf of what they think are universal laws of nature both because they believe in them and also to push the world to the breaking point to test their immutability and prove their fatalistic worldviews right or wrong. [with gintoki as the main tool to do so.]

sugi's inability to reconcile gintoki's decision to save them over sensei bc he cant understand how he'd possibly deserve it + resents gintoki for going against their understood mutual sensei as number one priority + grieves for gintoki having to bear that cross. um. turns into the desire to. destroy the world that made gintoki cry -> gintoki is an unshakeable barrier of protection in front of that world -> prove that the world sucks and isnt worth protecting by making it into sugi's own most pessimistic conceptions of it from childhood that shouyou had started to prove him wrong about -> push gintoki to a point where he will realize that he chose wrong and sugi was meant to die instead

and in parallel. avenge the death of the man who had shown him a better path in life -> throw away the life that man had sacrificed himself to protect -> um if i go down this path i just start rewriting reductionisms' proofs on seppuku and bushido again. waves hand. take the contradictory tragedy as laid out.

like utsuro trying the open mind+open heart gambit for one life and then immediately giving up. and oboro. well oboro is harder to unpack and summarize for me. but he serves utsuro's goals in service of his own goal of. proving rebellion like he and shouyou tried is futile? takes it upon himself to destroy shouyou's legacy to prove it's okay that shouyou-the-concept died. idk a lot of layers going on in oboro its not important to focus on here.

the. making a half-step of progress into a better world that you're having to pioneer and imagine into existence. and then, when u fail under the world's pushback, deciding to undo all that progress with your own hands. and one guy says no, it's still possible, and im going to do it. and you're like. what if i made it as hard as possible so that if u succeed despite that u realize my dearest hopes with IRREFUTABLE proof so that i dont have to face how scary it is to try without knowing if its even possible.

WHIIIIIIIICH. i find all of that incredibly sexy on all of their parts. i enjoy it a lot i like it when humans act out of irrepressible existential fear bc fuck man. living is scary. thats basically the backbone of every gintama antagonist and gintoki [who carries on shouyou's desire to fight and win against his own nature, and thus is himself an antagonist].

whiiiiiiiiiiich. makes it so interesting that these three specifically. other than bansai lol. are the ONLY!!!!!! real casualties of the story conclusion. that gintoki DOES carry thru and realize all their hopes of the world for them by beating them as obstacles. AND they dont get to live and see the fruits of it. but im not prepared to unpack what that means narratively at this point in time.

[youchangedmedestiel]

My thoughts just after finishing Supernatural

One year ago on this exact same day I finished SPN. I watched 15x18, 15x19 and 15x20 in a row. I just ate dinner between 15x18 and 15x19 (weird dinner). After watching episode 15x20, I wasn't that pissed off about the end. It changed now, because I got the time to think about it.

See, I knew Cas wouldn’t appear in the last two episodes, but somehow I still hoped that the deal with the Empty wasn’t the reason, because he deserved to be happy. As I progressed through season 15 I felt it coming, even though I was hoping until the last second. And when I got to episode 15x18, I understood that it was this deal that was going to kill him but I didn't know how. That confession scene destroyed me but anyway I went to eat my dinner while being destroyed and then I came back to SPN to watch the last two episodes, knowing I wouldn’t see Cas anymore.

Then came episode 15x19, I've read often that people prefer to ignore 15x20 and I can totally understand (Dean deserved to live free and happy), but 15x19 is NOT a satisfying ending for me, because Cas is still in the Empty (well maybe not, but we don’t know that yet) and I just can’t, he can’t stay there, dead, I can’t accept that.

This is what allows me to appreciate 15x20 a little bit. But it’s not the only reason, because in this last episode I spotted several empty bottles of alcohol in Dean’s room and you all know why. He misses Cas, for sure, at least it’s my headcanon because I need it. Plus, he doesn’t stay long alive after Cas’s death, there is no real timeline. He couldn’t ask Jack to bring him back because Jack told them he wouldn’t intervene anymore and left. So maybe their hopes to get Cas out without Jack were at zero. But I’m sure Dean searched in the bunker’s library when he had the time to before he died. He searched for a way to get Cas out. And then he died (unfortunately, it still hurts). 

Which brings us to episode 15x20. The end of SPN is “good” in a sense that Dean wanted Sam to have a life, a normal apple pie life, so it’s a happy ending for that, because he achieved his goal but HE DESERVED to have that too, for himself, that or anything he wanted, not only for his little brother but FOR HIM AS WELL. 

AND ABOUT CAS? Well about Cas, especially the crumbles we got with “Cas helped” I totally understand why people feel pissed about it, I kind of feel like that too now. But when I first saw this scene, I was happy to hear about Cas because I already knew he wasn’t in the last two episodes so I wasn’t going to be as disappointed as people that waited to see the episode when it aired.

We learn that Cas remade Heaven (with Jack’s help) to do a Heaven Dean deserves, and I - for me it was like Cas fucking succeeded to give Dean what he deserved. He not only saved his life multiple times, but also told him he loved him, made him believe that he did and gave him freedom (for a short amount of time, I’m really pissed about that for sure and I’m sure Cas is too, like he wasn’t expecting him so soon) but he also changed Heaven for him, to make one he deserved.

HE CHANGED THEE ENTIRE HEAVEN FOR THE MAN HE LOVES. I’m going to cry writing this, because that’s like the greatest love story ever told. And yes I would have done things differently, but I can’t and with what they gave us I do what I want. And we have an angel of the Lord, that rebelled against Heaven and that was dead, being back and building a new Heaven for Dean to enjoy eternity with the people he loved. He knew Dean was made of love and he needed a space to express it, and Cas gave it to him (with Jack of course) but damn *typing with tears in the eyes* that still hits me soooo damn hard. Because when someone love you enough to tell you they do without excepting something in return, sacrifice themselves while doing it without having an answer about whether their feelings are requited, and remake Heaven for you to have the afterlife/eternity you deserve, nothing can beat that. THIS here, this is what grabs my heart and clenches it every damn time. The greatest love story ever told. No one, NO ONE can change my mind.

[forcesung]

Master Unduli had smiled and said, "The dark side is always at hand, Padawan. It is no farther away than a heartbeat, an eye-blink, side by side with the bright side of the Force, separated by no more than a hair. It waits to snare the unwary, wearing a thousand disguises." Barriss had heard that before, many times, and she believed what her teacher said, but she had never really felt or understood exactly what it meant. She had not been tempted by the dark side, as far as she knew. She said as much, as they moved to a quiet spot where the grasses had been engineered to grow short and soft, like a living carpet. "We’ll do the Salutation here," her Master said. Barriss nodded. She moved to one side a bit to give her Master space.

"To answer your question, let me offer this: every conscious move you make, from the smallest to the largest, requires choice. There is always a branch in the path, and you must decide upon which turning you will tread. Do you recall the testings of your ability to sense a remote while wearing blinders?" "Of course." This was among the most basic of Jedi skills. A remote was a small levitating droid about the size of a goldfruit that could be programmed to zip about and fire mild electric bolts at a student. With a blast helmet on and the blinders down, the only way to know the position of the orb was to use the Force. As a student progressed in the use of his or her lightsaber, blocking the remote’s bolts became a standard exercise. Since you couldn’t use your eyes or ears to track the device, the only way to avoid being shocked was to let the Force guide your hands. Her Master continued: "And were there not instances when your use of the Force was less than perfect and the training bolts got past your lightsabor?" "Far too many of those instances," Barriss said ruefully. She shook her head. "At times, I felt like a needle cushion!" "And did you ever feel during those times like destroying the remote? Reaching out with the Force and crushing it like a wad of scrap flimsi?" As she spoke, Master Unduli began the Salutation to the Force, a combination exercise and meditative posture that started with a body arch upward, followed by a deep squat and leg-extended stretch to the rear.

Barriss copied her Master’s pose. "I confess there were occasions when I had little love for the training device, yes." "And did you have sufficient skill in use of the Force to have destroyed it, had you chosen to do so?" Master Unduli stood and repeated the pose, ending on the other leg. Again, Barriss copied her. "Yes. Easily." "Why didn’t you? If the goal was to protect yourself from being shocked, would that not have been justifiable?" Barriss frowned. "But that was not the goal. The goal was to learn how to attune my lightsaber with the Force so that I could stop the bolts from striking me. The shocks were painful, but without any lasting damage. In a real fight, with a full-charge blaster bolt coming at me, if I could not block that, I might not have the power to stop a shooter fifty or a hundred meters away from pulling the trigger." "Precisely. But did you know that one student in eight does eventually reach out to destroy a remote? That they usually justify it by saying it is more efficient to stop the source of the damaging bolts than to endlessly deflect them? Laser Pose, please." Her Master lay upon the soft grass, rolled up onto her neck and shoulders, and extended her body skyward, her hands on the ground at her sides.

Barriss also assumed the Laser Pose. "I can certainly understand how they might feel that way. And it makes a certain logical sense, especially given the premise in our hand-to-hand combat training that says pure defense is inferior to a combination of defense and offense." "Indeed. Arch Pose." Hands and feet on the ground, Master Unduli pushed upward and formed her body into a high, rounded arch. "I hear a ’but,’" Barriss said as she followed suit. "And I see that yours could be higher from the ground." Barriss smiled and pushed herself into a more acute arch. Her Master continued: "Many of the exercises Jedi in training must learn-and Jedi are always in training, be they Padawan, Knight, or Master-involve determining what the true goal of the exercise is. You will recall the levitation drill and the bakery."

"As if I could forget that one." "To destroy the remote is, in itself, not necessarily a wrong choice. If you have developed sufficient skill to block the training bolts and you arrive at the decision through logic and with a calm mind, then you can justify using the Force to stop the attack at its source. Some of the more gifted students do just that. But if you do it out of anger, or pain, or fear, or any emotion that you have allowed to control you, then you reach for the dark side. If you offer that the end justifies the means without mindful thought to determine that it indeed does, you have succumbed to the insidious energy. If you remember nothing else from this talk, Barriss, remember this: Power wants to be used. It must be kept under constant vigil, else it will seduce and corrupt you. One moment you’re swatting an annoying training toy; the next you’re paralyzing an offending being’s lungs and choking him to death. You do it because you can. It becomes an end in itself. As a Jedi, you live always on this edge. A single misstep, and you can fall to the dark side. It has happened to many, and it is always a tragedy. As with an addictive drug, it’s too easy to say, ’I’ll do it just this once.’ That’s not how it works. The only thing that stands be-tween you and the dark side is your own will and discipline. Give in to your anger or your fear, your jealousy or your hate, and the dark side claims you for its own. If that happens," Master Unduli said, "you will become an enemy to all that the Jedi stand for-and an enemy of all Jedi who hold to the path of right. Rocker Pose, please." Barriss moved to assume the pose. She said, "And have you ever given in to the dark side, Master?" For a few seconds, there was silence. Then: "Yes. In a moment of weakness and pain, I did. It allowed me to survive when I might have perished otherwise, but that one taste was enough for me to realize I could never do it again. There may come a time when you experience this, Barriss. I hope not, but if ever it happens, you must recognize and resist it." "It will feel evil?" Master Unduli paused in her stretch. She regarded Barriss with what seemed to be great sadness in her eyes. "Oh, no. It will feel better than anything you have ever experienced, better than you would have thought anything could feel. It will feel empowering, fulfilling, satisfying. Worst of all, it will feel right. And therein lies the real danger."

—Medstar I: Battle Surgeons, Michael Reaves

[aita-blorbos]

AITA for ruining the cumulation of my father's lifetime of work and the chance for a better world?

My [10F] father A [~30M] and his 'partner' B [~30M] were part of a scientific research group lead by an extremely charismatic preacher I'll call C [~30F], whose primary goal was to try and help out a lot of downtrodden people in our city and ultimately fix the extremely unjust political and socioeconomic situation here. C believed that everyone in the city had a "disease of the mind" - I'm not paraphrasing, this was what she called it - and that by delving deep with experiments into the human collective unconsciousness, her group would be able to discover a way to release this "light" into the world and empower people.

I can't overstate how charismatic C was - everyone who met her loved her and believed in her cause. One of her closest followers was K, who was essentially a one-woman PMC and an incredibly feared name in our city. I also do have to establish that I didn't exist at this point, so a lot of the details here are secondhand, but they're important.

As progress slowed down, the research group began experimenting on humans - all volunteers, at least initially - but when they had trouble finding enough people for it, a homeless boy [E, ~9M] who'd essentially been adopted by the entire research group volunteered himself and died. C then committed suicide; supposedly she was 'overwhelmed by despair' but I don't know if I believe that. At this point, A took C's place as the head of the group and decided to keep trying to follow her mission the best he could. A few members of the group died at this point for various reasons - one [J, 20-30F] tried to help with research that was way too advanced for her and ended up dying, causing one of her colleagues [R, 20-30M] to spiral into paranoia that wound up killing him. Another colleague [V, 20-30M] volunteered for an experiment that might resurrect C but ended up as a vegetable on life support when it didn't work.

One of the junior researchers [M, 15-20F], who was the second youngest person there after E & E's best friend [L, ~9F], finally cracked under the pressure of what the group was doing and reported them to the top authority in our city. That company ended up sending G [??F] to investigate, who destroyed the research facility and killed everyone there except A and B. During this, K managed to almost fight G to a draw; K died, but G was almost dead.

A and B then performed brain surgery on G to extract any information she had about how to avoid the company that sent her; to stabilize her, they placed her brain in a mechanical body. They determined the best way to avoid that company would be to become one of the 24 major companies that work with it... but there were no open slots available for a new company to step up.

At this point, B started a war for A. This is not exaggeration. People call it the 'Smoke War' now, but it was so traumatic that many of the veterans involved can't talk about what they saw and experienced to this day. This ended up causing one of the 24 companies to close, and A & B' had already founded an energy company to replace it, based on their old research group. I was born around this time. When A saw I looked like C but did not remember or act like her, he refused to treat me like a human being in any way, although B was kinder to me.

A and B had also figured out at this point how to pull off C's original plan - or what they understood to be it, anyway - which would be to spread self-actualization through the entire city by having people work through it on personal scale & generate massive amounts of energy. As part of this, A wrote a "script" for the main facility of his company that I was made to direct; R, J, K, V, E, L, M, G, and a few other people had their memories mostly wiped and they were placed into mechanical bodies that would oversee departments of the company. The goal was that, if enough energy was collected and each of these people was able to self-actualize with help, their knowledge and experience could be sent to the entire city and people could improve their situations. In order to get enough energy before the company that had originally sent G found out, they made a deal with companies who had figured out how to compress and loop time, meaning that the scenario could play out as many times as needed until the unknowing "actors" finished performing the "script". A himself wiped his own memory so that he wouldn't have preconceived notions about the "actors". (B eventually decided this had gone too far, but he was too in love with A to kill him, and attempted to run away. At this point, I was also forced to "kill" B and place him into a mechanical body like the others.)

I was made to unwillingly antagonize these people in order to carry out A's "script", to a degree that many of them still resent me for. My job was to make sure they had personal breakdowns so severe that working through them was cosmically significant. I was also forced to work as the amnesiac A's secretary, who did not know or remember his relationship to me. Every sentence I said to everyone was scripted; I was not allowed to make my own choices.

Anyway, when all the energy was eventually collected, before it could be fully released to the city to allow people to... something, I interrupted it and took the energy for myself. Releasing this energy would have killed everyone remaining in the facility, including me and R, J, etc.; we were intended to sit back and patiently await an eternal sleep. This was the first time I had been allowed to choose my own actions essentially ever, if it matters.

AITA?

[drbased]

People are using the social justice language of less than a decade ago to argue points antithetical to the original goals. The SJWs may have been pro-trans but it was also basic understanding that women should be allowed and encouraged to hate men, that black people should be allowed and encouraged to white people, that gay people should be allowed and encouraged to hate straight people etc. It was uniformly understood that oppressed people need a voice in this world, and that that voice isn't always going to be kind or friendly. And that 'hating' your oppressors has little to no real-world impact outside of hurt feelings.

Now one of the most widespread and oldest oppressor groups in the world we're not allowed to 'hate' because it means you hate their other intersectioning identities. The language of intersectional social justice is being evoked to argue for a hyper-individualistic and flaccid anti-politics.

It's startling to me that you could make this point for hating 'cis' people, able-bodied people, straight people, white people. Why even differentiate 'qu**r' people out if under this exact same logic we're not allowed to hate cis gay people because some of them are black? But that's the point, isn't? We're not allowed to hate person of x oppressor group because they're also of y oppressed group, but then we're not allowed to hate the oppressors of y either because they might also intersect with x. In the end. there's nothing to differentiate what makes an oppressor and oppressed because anyone could be any of them at any time. And, with gender, anyone could secretly be nonbinary and therefore part of the only group that's publicly allowed to get away with talking about the evils of their oppressor class!

The anxieties of the social justice era, of 'pop feminism vs gamergate', of black lives matter, of gay marriage, of increased representation of 'minorities' in the media, is rapidly coming into view. We're in an era of backlash. Like an abuser learning therapy language to be a more effective abuser, the apolitical centrists and worried masses have found an effective way to silence those who truly wish to enact change. Feminists, gay rights activists, BLM protestors and beyond were never going to be given the benefit of the doubt, our movements were never going to be seen as 'fair'. That's part of the whole reason we decided 'actually, we're allowed to 'hate' our oppressors and say 'male/white people tears' etc.' They're stealing that from us. The concept of the terf has been the perfect in-road into destroying all the gains that have been made. Literally every uncomfortable leftist politic will eventually be tacked onto the terf umbrella.

Fortunately, my hope is that this is fundamentally unsustainable. The red scare was a period in politics where being a 'communist' was seen as a catch-all term for anyone wishing to 'destroy america', whatever that means - but in reality, it was anyone who advocated for progressive politics and said things that went against the conservative status quo. The current right-wing have dredged up the same argumentative style with phrases like 'cultural marxism', but the left have found something similar with the 'terf'. If you may notice, even the right wing have started to use the phrase. Right-wingers and left-wingers alike will absolutely use the terf boogeyman when they need to. Eventually, the word terf will be so comedically meaningless whilst trans politics will be so unavoidable that regular people should be able to reasonably escape the term simply by sheer number alone. But that is a while away yet. In the meantime, I simply watch and brace myself for the next braindead post like the above that pops up on my feed due to using the 'radfem' tag.

[olofpettersson]

WHALE SHEPHERD

https://teia.art/objkt/144125

This piece is a part of my BIOSEMIOTICS project, that begun on HEN, and now continues on TEIA. It asks: What if all living creatures in this universe were communicating with a unknown yet learnable language of signs?

The goal of the biosemiotics is to contrubute to av evolving field of human transcendent language from an artistic point of view, and, ultimately, to develop, establish and disseminate a transspecific semantics.

This does not only mean that it wants to develop an art of communication so transparent that there no longer is any use to talk about species and their symbolic transgression. It also means that all communicative events will be based on friendship and love: a pair of emotional bonds conditioned by individual-to-individual relations. We want to listen to each other as singularities; as the multitudes, gangs or packs or swarms or bee-flower-like complextities we are. Thus, we hope, can we eventually learn what it means to be a sentient being, and why we have woken up on this earth.

In order to reach this goal, the project will need to dismantle a long tradition of anthropocentric science and philosophy. And I realize that the road to a new era of biosemantic research, informed by a cross-fertilization of anthropology and zoology, is rocky. There is a set of challenges that will need to be identified, analyzed and overcome. Some can be overcome with art, some with science, some with action.

Although the complexity of these issues is perhaps both practically negligible and easily overstated, they are nevertheless important for the development, conceptualization and distribution of viable, practical strategies. In the light of concrete progress, the theoretical problems outlined below will of course become mere curiosities. Yet, as we are often told, the first step to overcome a problem is to realize that it exists. We see at least three main challenges that will need to be taken into consideration.

First, we need confirmation. What is closest is not always what is easiest to understand. Just as you cannot see your own eyes, your own ability to see is, and can only, be understood in a mediated sense. You need to trust the experience of another individual to believe that you have eyes to see with. This means: If it is the case that the general ability to communicate transcends species border, the science or art that will map and understand to what this ability amounts must be mediated, reflected and confirmed by someone from another species. Further, as in any science and art, there is a step from an ontic to an ontological level. There is a difference between doing it and knowing that you are doing it. In the first case, it can be perfectly natural and automatic. In the second case, it is problematized and can be the subject of progress and development.

Second, we need to go beyond the concept of species. The goal of any ambition to understand and augment interspecies communication is to destroy itself. Because insofar as the ultimate result is the ability to see the individual instead of the species (race or gender), the very notion of interspecies communication will become obsolete. How are we going to go beyond the concept of a species? How will this affect the notion of evolutionary biology? If we no longer can talk about inter- and intaspecies competition, how shall we explain the development and transformation of life?

Third, we need clarity. We need to understand each other on a deep, individual and honest level. This, of course, does not need to imply that we need articulated accounts, but we do, at a minimum, need a feeling of conscious certainty. It is not enough just to have a hunch. It is not enough just to have a general idea. We need specific, lucid, reflected messages that can be questioned and confirmed. There is no reason for why we should settle for any less. This may mean that we ultimately need to leave the letter and sound based means of communication, common among humans, as this is a weak, and clearly deficient, form of communication. But it cannot mean that we should lower our expectation of clarity, complexity and understanding.

This project is developed in close collaboration with projectdolittle.com, not only to secure scientific accuracy, but also to stretch the limits of how we conceive of emotional and cognitive communication.

Since its launch, the project has also been an important part of the Geopoetics, a larger umbrella project with many branches and incarnations, but with a general aim to produce inclusive emancipation and a transgression of the axiological borders between human, animal and plant.

Some results has already been shown to an exclusive audience at private events and parts of the underlying graphics by Timothy Crisp has also been shown at the Swedish Printmakers Association at the exhibition Configurations.

[allgoodquotesblog]

40 Best Addiction Quotes for Your Recovery

Recovery is a hard journey with many challenges. Motivational quotes can give you hope and help you stay motivated. These quotes, from experts who understand it, remind us that recovery is about making progress, not being perfect. Use these quotes to find strength. 40 Best Addiction Quotes for Your Recovery also encourage you to work towards a healthier life.

This has been designed using assets from www.freepik.com

Here is some Addiction recovery quotes

"Recovery is hard. Regret is harder." — Brittany Burgunder "Addiction is a battle, but you have the strength to overcome it." — Unknown "Recovery is not a race. You don't have to feel guilty if it takes you longer than you thought it would." — Unknown "Courage is not the absence of fear, but the strength to overcome it." — Unknown "Your past does not define your future." — Unknown "You are stronger than you think." — Unknown "Believe you can, and you’re halfway there." — Theodore Roosevelt

"Healing doesn’t mean the damage never existed. It means the damage no longer controls our lives." — Akshay Dubey

"Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can." — Arthur Ashe "The comeback is always stronger than the setback." — Unknown "You’re not alone. Recovery is possible with the right support." — Unknown "The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall." — Nelson Mandela "I understood myself only after I destroyed myself. And only in the process of fixing myself, did I know who I really was." — Sade Andria Zabala "Your present circumstances don’t determine where you can go; they merely determine where you start." — Nido Qubein "It always seems impossible until it’s done." — Nelson Mandela "The first step toward change is awareness. The second step is acceptance." — Nathaniel Branden "We may encounter many defeats but we must not be defeated." — Maya Angelou

"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will." — Mahatma Gandhi "Recovery is something that you have to work on every single day and it’s something that doesn’t get a day off." — Demi Lovato "The only journey is the one within." — Rainer Maria Rilke

Here are 20 affirmations to support your recovery journey:

"You didn’t cause your addiction, but you can control your actions." "Recovery is a journey, not a final goal." "I have the power to rewrite my story again." "I am worthy of living a healthy life." "I won’t give up on myself." "Every setback is a chance to grow again." "I can shape a better tomorrow." "I am evolving into the person that I want to be." "I deserve to find inner peace and healthy mind." "I accept all parts of myself." "I am stronger to control any craving." "Every day is a fresh start so let's start." "I trust myself to make healthy choices for my future." "I am in control of my own healthy life." "I am very proud of the progress that I’ve made." "I have the courage to face my difficult challenges." "I am deserving of love and happiness from my society." "My past does not define my future. So, let's start better future." "I choose to focus on the positive parts of my life." "I believe in my ability to change for better life." This page does not offer medical advice.  The information provided on this page is intended to be informative and does not substitute or stand for medical advice. If you are concerned about any of the issues raised on this page then please seek medical advice from a doctor or treatment specialist. If you feel that you require clinical assistance, a diagnosis, treatment, or any urgent medical care then please contact to National Toll Free Helpline (1800-11-0031). The Ministry for Social Justice & Empowerment, launched a National this Toll Free Helpline (1800-11-0031) to assists the alcoholic drug dependent persons. Read the full article

[guardianofrivendell]

Uh, so I'mma request something because I really like your writing and want more of your wonderful Aragorn fics in my life. So, I was thinking some headcannons about what it would be like to date/be in a relationship with Aragorn before, during and/or after the fellowship? Thanks man, and take as long as you need!💕

A/N: I am STRUGGLING with sleepover requests, my own series (PS and DAKT) and some new stuff so I turned to my stack of ‘normal’ requests to try and write something different. Et voilà!

@katethewriter I took a lot longer than I should have with these and I’m so sorry! I’m leaning more towards the Hobbit era lately (I’m really turning into a Dwarf simp here), and I’m neglecting the fellowship members. Unforgivable! 

I interpreted this as how your relationship would develop while on the quest to destroy the ring and you’re not actually together at the start of it. Also maybe slightly OOC Aragorn. 

A/N 2: It has some nsfw hints (not much), I couldn’t help myself and it’s very unlike Aragorn I think but I’m not sorry. Also this turned out really long, I am sorry for that. 

A/N 3: Just like my other headcanons, this doesn’t make much sense so best to simply ignore this. I really don’t know what this is... :) 

Being In a Relationship With Aragorn On The Quest Would Go Like This:

Aragorn had met you in some seedy pub 

Not his first choice to take shelter from the weather but after days and days of endless rain and trudging through mud it was almost nice to be there

at least he was able to dry his clothes and have a warm meal 

he was surprised to see someone like you there 

surprised but concerned too 

for your wellbeing that is 

every single person in that bar had his eyes on you the minute you moved

Aragorn had too but for entirely different reasons

at least that’s what he told himself

so the minute one of those drunk lads laid a hand on you he was on his feet

knight in shining armor ranger clothes

before he got to you, you had floored and knocked out your assailant, threatening the others they would suffer the same fate if they tried something similar

Aragorn stood frozen in place, completely mesmerized by you

and maybe a tad bit aroused too

the life of a ranger is very lonely after all

you winked at him and left the bar shortly after

Aragorn couldn’t get you out of his head 

but what were the odds he would ever run into you again

he even returned to that godawful place a few times

a guy can hope right

you can imagine his surprise when he saw you in Rivendell

attending the secret council

he was jaw on the floor surprised

he couldn’t tear his eyes away from you

on the outside he was the cool ranger of the north, bringer of Hobbits, inventor of the Sexy But Still Rough Around The Edges Stare™

while on the inside he was  f r e a k i n g  o u t 

because there you were, finally within reach 

but then Frodo had to sacrifice himself 

and Aragorn could not not go with him 

he absolutely lost it when you volunteered as well

there was no way you were going to put your life on the line like that

you scoffed at his remark

wait did he said that out loud?

“I can handle myself just fine.”

Oh he knew that

Flashes of the bar fight filled his mind

it filled something else too 😏

so Aragorn had set himself a second goal  

besides getting Frodo and the ring to Mordor he now vowed to keep you safe as well

and to make you his by the time you would arrive at Mordor

but we all know how smooth that will go do we 

the first few days and weeks it went reasonably well 

you have to read that as ‘he didn’t embarass himself in front of you’

because there was no progress at all on any other front

you seemed to prefer the company of the Hobbits over him or any other member of the fellowship

he tried to make conversation with you every time you walked near him 

A+ for effort

when the Crebain flew over his instinct was to make sure Frodo (and Sam because those two were attached at the hip) was out of sight

after that he searched for you, but Legolas had already pulled you under the bushes with him

surely the feeling in his stomach was the fault of the Lembas bread

because Aragorn doesn’t get jealous

but then the same thing happened in Moria

you weren’t a fan of the dark and claustrophobic mines so he let you walk up front with Gandalf and Frodo near the light of Gandalf’s staff 

with him right behind you of course 

when the Orcs and Troll attacked, he tried to stay near you 

keep an extra eye out for you, driving the Orcs away who were trying to get to you

it was you together with Legolas who defeated the troll, high fiving each other over a job well done

okay fine maybe Aragorn did get jealous this time

like he had done his best to protect you but did you notice?

then when Gandalf fell you surprisingly turned to him for comfort

leaving Legolas, Gimli and Boromir to comfort the Hobbits

take that Leaf Boi

even though it felt really good to hold you, he knew you couldn’t stay there

so he ordered everyone to get going, taking the lead

and then Lothlorien happened

a forest that was both magical and romantic

perfect setting for a love confession right

when he finally got you alone he chickened out at the last moment

because OF cOUrsE

luckily for him you did not

you almost knocked him over in your attempt to kiss him  

he eagerly reciprocated the kiss though

no complaints there

but he also explained that even though he wanted this, the quest and Frodo had to come first

which you respected and understood, but you were also willing to test his resolve 👀

you didn’t tell the others 

but they didn’t need an explanation, it’s not like you two were subtle

he held your hand whenever he could 

Gimli couldn’t help but commenting on it, Aragorn explaining it was to prevent you from falling or tripping

“Lad, you’re sitting down in a boat...”

cue roaring laughter and flushed cheeks on Aragorn

although the fellowship supported your relationship they couldn’t help but tease Aragorn relentlessly

lots of sneaky forehead kisses

during the rest of the quest Aragorn did his best to keep you out of harm’s way 

to your own frustration of course, you weren’t helpless or as fragile as he made you seem

you fought alongside Boromir when Uglúk shot him 

they took Merry and Pippin and dragged you away from Boromir’s body

the one time Aragorn wasn’t at your side and you got kidnapped

you weren’t going to hear the end of this 

needless to say Aragorn was indeed beside himself with worry 

he couldn’t get a break 

first Frodo gone, then Boromir shot and now it seemed he failed his promise to himself

enter brooding Aragorn

but he knew you were brave and could take care of yourself - you had repeated that countless times - so he was sure he was going to find you 

AND HE DID

after three days of running with a dartling Elf and a wheezing Dwarf they bumped into Éomer and his horse gang

before he could ask Éomer if he saw you or the Hobbits, one of his riders jumped off their horse and made a beeline for him 

Legolas notched an arrow and Gimli raised his axe but you simply shoved them aside and threw your arms around Aragorn

relieved kisses 

the hug lasted several minutes until Legolas cleared his throat

oh right... audience

you shared a horse with Aragorn on the way to Edoras

while with King Théoden Aragorn kept an arm around your waist or a hand on the small of your back the entire time

as if he had to make sure you were still there

Éowyn who?

The Battle of Helm’s Deep was torture for Aragorn

he wanted to stay with you but you both knew you would be too distracted by each other 

it took him a while to find you after the battle was won 

few years of his life were lost in panic

but of course you were alright, already helping with the wounded

now it was his turn to sweep you off your feet

quite literally too 

as the quest progressed, it became clear to Aragorn that he had to take up his rightful place as the King of Gondor when the time came 

so during the victory feast after Helm’s Deep he took you outside for a walk

cue comments and whistling from Gimli 

but Aragorn only wanted to talk to you 

to make sure you knew what you were getting yourself into if you stayed with him 

were you ready to be the spouse of a King?

of course he made it seem as if he was going to ditch you 

because that man is angst embodied 

everything to keep you safe right?

luckily as soon as it was clear that no, he wasn’t going to ditch you and yes, this was kind of a hastily thrown together proposal in a way, you kissed him saying that as long as you were at his side you were ready for anything

as long as you were together

Aragorn taglist: @katethewriter @lovemusic26alwaysblog @sokkasdarling @snailcoveredcottage

Permanent taglist: @roosliefje @kata1803 @entishramblings @artsywaterlily @sleepy-daydream-in-a-rose @marvelschriss @kumqu4t @myrin1234 @dark-angel-is-back @the-fandoms-georgie @lathalea @xxbyimm @sokkasdarling @katethewriter @aredhel-of-gondolin @leethology @elvish-sky @moony-artnstuff @emmapotato8 @kirenia15 @vicmackeybullshxt @moarfandomtrash

[13uswntimagines]

Never Enough (Kristie Mewis x Reader)

Request: mal x little sister!reader where the reader is always hidden behind mal's shadow

Author’s Note: So I really hope you like this (though it deviated slightly from the Request) and good luck to everyone starting their next semester of college!!

Pt. 2

You drummed your fingers absentmindedly on the table in front of you, your knees bouncing rapidly. You had just won the challenge cup (proving to the world that Huston wasn’t just the land of broken toys), the last thing you wanted to do was a press conference, but coach had insisted. At least you had Kristi with you.

She had taken you under her wing the second you had been transferred to Huston, becoming your best friend (though your feelings were more than friendly). She understood what it felt like to be overshadowed and could more easily grasp the fiasco that was Jill Ellis in charge of a roster.

Her hand grasped your thigh, halting its movement, and continuing on with the rest of the vapid reporters’ question without so much as a blink.

You probably should have been paying attention to whatever the fuck the reporters were asking, but honestly sitting back and letting the vet field the question so you could watch her answer was so much more your speed.

They didn’t want to ask you about soccer anyway, they wanted sister drama and you weren’t in the mood to indulge them.

You loved your older sister. You were adamant about that, but you didn’t always like her. You and Mal had never really gotten along, even as children. You were 3 years younger than her, always chasing after her, and always falling short. You had come so close, only to have it all ripped away.

****

3 weeks before the start of the World Cup

You glared at your packed suitcase, fighting the tears that threatened to fall from your eyes. Your fingers clenching and unclenching in a desperate attempt to keep your opportunity from slipping through your fingertips again.

You could still hear coaches' words ringing in your head. You weren’t living up to your last name, you weren’t good enough to wear it for your country.

You shook your head, retiring your attention to your very excited sister (who appeared to be completely oblivious to your distress). Mal and you were polar opposites. She was bubbly while you were shy. She had made it to UCLA while you had barely gotten into Texas A&M.

She paused in front of you, holding 2 celebration outfits for you to choose from in her hands.

“Cheer up, I’m going to the World Cup and your mopeyness is killing my mood,” She scoffed. You had been sulking since you came back from your meeting with coach, and while it was probably hard for you to be excluded, you should be happy that she was gonna get to live out one of her lifelong dreams.

You smiled weekly up at the woman “And I’m going back to Huston to watch you,” you blinked and pointed to the backless dress on the left, swallowing down the comment about how Jill’s teardown of your career had killed your mood too. “That one, Rosie likes you in blue,”

Mal rolled her eyes. She could practically hear your lamenting in her head. Enough was enough. This wasn’t about you, it was about the team. it was about being happy for others even when you didn’t get your way. “So, you weren’t good enough. You want us to win right?”

You shrugged, scratching the back of your neck. Of course, you wanted the team to win, but you had hoped that you would get the chance to help them in France. To have it taken just days before they left hurt more than you could put into words, all because you weren’t as good as your sister. “She said she could only take one of us and she chose you. It stings just a little bit,”

Mal gave you a scathing look. It was annoying how you were always doing what she was doing, how you were always running after her and her friends. She wasn’t happy when you started to play soccer, cause it was her thing. She was excited that the World Cup was going to be her thing. She didn’t want to share it with you, and she didn’t care how immature that sounded.

“Look, I’m a better fit for the squad, and for once in my life I wanna do something without you. Anyway, I’m going to celebrate, don’t wait up,”

The door slammed as she left, and it reverberated through you like the final nail in a coffin. How could she be so cold towards you? How could she agree with Jill? You sniffled once, burying yourself under a pile of blankets, your tears your only company.

****

“Y/n, my next question is for you,” A different reporter said when Kristie finished answering, pulling you back to reality. You sat up in your chair, blinking owlishly at the reporter.

“Oh, um go for it I guess,” You smiled shyly at the reporter, shifting uncomfortably in your seat. Kristie squeezed your thigh when it began to bounce again. You blushed, more from the contact than from being caught daydreaming.

“First, congratulations on the win and being named tournament MVP,” The reporter smiled, and you nodded at her, the red that colored your cheeks making its way up to your ears. Kristie squeezed your leg again, and you brought your fingers down to tangle with hers.

“How did it feel to really get to show off in front of Vlatko Andonovski,” The reporter asked.

You let out a deep breath, buzzing your lips. How did you feel? You had scored 13 goals and brought the underdog team to victory. You didn’t just show off, you had implemented all the things he wanted you too when he called you up for a camp before the Shebelieves cup.

“Good, I felt good at camp, so it was really nice to get to show him how I’ve improved in the last few months while we’ve been quarantined,” You smiled, glancing at Kristie as she began to rub her thumb on the back of your hand comfortingly.

She was nervous when you got called to camp again. Terrified that they would crush you like they had before. Terrified that she wouldn’t be there to help you through the fallout of seeing your sister again for the first time in months.

*****

“You sure you have everything?” The blond midfielder asked for the 15th time since you entered the airport. You smiled softly at the woman, who was shifting foot to foot, bringing your joined hands up to kiss the back of her buckles.“Yeah,” You nodded,  glancing over her shoulder to the taller Mewis sister, who also nodded that you both had everything.

“And you’ll text me when you land and get to the hotel?” Kristie asked, pulling you to a stop and forcing you to face her. You Y/e/c orbs met her worried blue ones.

You rolled your eyes good-naturedly, pulling the woman into you and tucking your head into the crook of her neck.“Yes, mom. I promise. Now give me a hug,”

She huffed, but still wrapped around you tightly and placed a kiss on the crown of your head. “I just care about you kid,”

“I know, and I love you for it,” You mumbled, into your favorite hiding spot. “now I’m gonna go get a coffee before I pass out,” You kissed her cheek before heading off towards the crappy airport Starbucks. She watched you go, fingers twitching by her side. How she wished to tell you that she loved you too (probably in a much different way than you loved her, but still).

“You’ve got it bad,” Sam snorted, patting her sister’s shoulder. She was visiting Kristie, so it was easier for her to get a flight out of Huston anyway, and in the time of her visit, her sister’s feelings for you had become abundantly clear.

She was glad that you had a shoulder to lean on. someone to confide in after your fallout with Mal. Though she had had several words with the younger player, the woman couldn’t seem to grasp your pain. At least her sister could understand it better than anyone, and she was clearly helping you overcome it.

Kristie blushed, shrugging slightly. “Maybe a little,” she hummed. It was hard not too. You were actually quite adorable once you let your walls come down.

Sam smirked (how she didn’t know you felt the same way, Sam would never know) “Does she know?”

The older mewis’s lips formed a thin line and she shook her head “no,”

It was complicated. The two of you were roommates, and you were just beginning to pull yourself together in the wake of Jill Ellis destroying your self-esteem.

She watched you grab your coffee, smiling at the young man behind the counter (who blushed). You had this incredible ability to light up everyone around you, like the sun. Though over the years you had lost some of your sunshine, you were beginning to gain it back. She didn’t want you to lose it again.

“Just keep an eye on her for me, alright? She was really messed up after what happened at the last camp,” Kristie said softly, faintly tearing her eyes away to look at her younger sister.

Sam nodded solemnly. “You know I will Kris,”

She knew how much you meant to her sister, and she would help you through whatever this camp brought, even if that meant keeping one of her best friends in line.

****

“My question is also for you Y/n,” A different reporter said, and you tilted your chin up at him in acknowledgment.

“We know that Mal is currently out with a knee injury, any idea on when she’ll be back with her team, and if that impacts your chances with Vlatko?” He asked, scribbling furiously on a notepad in front of him.

You tilted your head to the side, almost like a puppy. You weren’t abreast to Vlatkos’ plans (only that he seemed to be more attuned and aware than one Jill Ellis), and considering you hadn’t spoken to Mal in months, you were also clueless on her progress.

“Oh um, I have no idea about either of those questions, sorry,” You mumbled, biting your lip and shifting awkwardly in your chair. The man frowned at your answer, his pen pausing on the pad as he studied you over his horned rimmed glasses.

“Do you think you could beat her out for an Olympic roster spot? And if your success here will help your chances of taking her spot on the team?” He tried again, pointing his pen in your direction. Kristie’s thumb tapped the back of your hand again, three little taps, helping you focus and giving you a little bit of comfort.

You smirked at the man, masking your irritation behind a quip. “Again, I have no clue. That stuff is way above my paygrade,”

Kristie’s hand tightened around yours in warning, a reminder that biting a reporter’s head off wouldn’t make you feel better. It wouldn’t make them see that you didn’t want to be compared. It would just give them more ammunition to shoot at you.

“Do you feel overlooked, as you’ve continuously performed better than your sister within the NWSL?” A different reporter pipped in, looking at you expectantly.

You shrugged, trying to ease the tension that had suddenly come over the press tent. “Well, I think my average is helped by me not having to miss games due to national team duties,”

You swore a few of the reporter’s lips ticked up, and the pat on your thigh told you that your midfielder counterpart was pleased with the deflection.

“Do you think you’ll continue to be able to live up to your last name?” The horned rimmed man asked a vicious smirk etched on his face. You flinched slightly.

It was the one fear that plagued you. The one shortcoming that your parents preyed on. That you would never be as good as your sister. That you would never be the Pugh that she was. That you were undeserving of the name.

Kirstie’s arm was around you immediately, shielding your opening and closing mouth from the furiously clicking cameras as she pulled you to stand.

“I think this press conference is over. We’re very excited to have won and it’s time for us to celebrate,” She said stiffly, practically dragging your frozen form through the door towards your locker room.

You stumbled after her, eyes wide as you tried to catch up to what was happening. Your brain was still split between its lament over his you’d never escape your sister’s shadow (no matter how hard you tried) and the feeling of your crush’s arm wrapped tightly around you. It made you feel safe and warm and wanted. She made you feel like you had a place beside her, like how you were feeling was important.

She paused, pinning you against the cool cement wall of the stadium. You stared over her shoulder, adamantly refusing to look her in the eyes. You didn’t want her to see your inner struggle, to know that despite all her efforts, you still weren’t confident that you could ever be good enough.

“Hey, look at me.” She said, a finger on your chin forcing you to look up. Her blue eyes studied you for a moment, her hips pressing you to the wall while her other hand brushed a stray hair out of your face. “Are you ok?” She asked, her voice soft, hesitant.

“I’m great,” You scoffed, shaking your head. “I just fucking won the fucking Chaos cup and all the fuck they want to ask me about is how my sister is, and if I think I stand a chance against her in making a fucking roster. She hasn’t even talked to me since-...” your chest heaved as the words spilled from your mouth, like the steam from a pressure cooker unable to be contained any longer.

“Hey, take a breath,” her voice was soft as she wiped away the tears you didn’t even know were burning a path down your red cheeks. You leaned into her warm hands.

“I just. I want to be good enough,” You mumbled, your eyes closing with the admission. You didn’t want to be weak.

“Baby, you are enough. You’re more than enough. You’re funny and cute and an amazing forward. You aren’t your sister and that’s ok. You don’t need to be the best Mal, you just need to be the best, most amazing you you can be because I love you,” with every word she got closer to you, until your faces were mere inches apart, and you could feel her breath fan across your lips.

You leaned in the rest of the way and connected your lips with hers. Your mouths moved together, her tongue gently probing for entrance, which you gladly gave her. Her fingers tangled in the baby hairs at the base of your neck, while yours settled on her hips to pull her closer.

“You said you love me,” You smiled against her lips, pulling away when the need to breathe finally caught up with you.

“Hm, I do,” She hummed back, connecting your lips again.

Maybe to the soccer world, you would always stand in Mal’s shadows, but here in the belly of the stadium, you knew. You were enough for Kristie, and she was enough for you.

[smellsfaintlyofvanilla]

Hey~~ could you write Annie x reader? What I had in mind was towards the end of s1 when Annie was trying to climb up the wall, could she try and take reader with her because they always talked about being together? Kinda like when Ymir took Historia in s2, and I really love your writings 💕 thanks~

TAsdfhjksfadh you didn’t specify whether Annie made it over the wall with the reader or not so uh I just kinda picked one lol hope you don’t mind

Also, sorry this is a little late, I've been feeling just a little sick for the past couple of days.

Prove It

(Annie Leonhart x Reader)

AU: Canon

Warnings: Season 3 spoilers

Category: Mostly angst, little fluff

Summary: When Annie was outed as the Female Titan, she didn’t have a lot of options on where to go. And, as the fight between her and Eren progresses, it becomes clear her best option is to flee. Yet, there’s just one thing she can’t leave without. And it seems the feeling’s mutual.

Words: 3.1K

That wicked laughter.

It rung through the empty streets of Stohess, abandoned specifically for this military operation.

The goal? To lure out the suspected Female Titan, Annie Leonhart. Your girlfriend.

At first, you were violently against participating in the operation. You weren’t going to incriminate her, that would be incredibly faithless. Really, you wanted nothing more than for her to be vindicated, and to prove the the world the the “heartless” Annie Leonhart is a loyal soldier, not the traitorous snake they started to make of her.

It got in your head, most certainly. Within hours of the first discussion, ‘Annie Leonhart’ and ‘Female Titan’ had become synonymous with each other, and you hated every bit of it. You always defended her fiercely, because you could only hear so much distasteful talk towards her before you started to broil over with rage.

So, you agreed. You were going to lure Annie down in to the tunnel and prove once and for all that she wasn’t a monster. You could clear her of suspicion, and the two of you would go back to your ordinary lives with each other.

And oh, if only that was what happened.

But you watched in horror as Annie refused to go down the tunnel. She laughed, laughed, when you pleaded with her to follow you, that all she needed to do was come along with you to be unshackled from the scrutiny and doubt.

But her feet remained planted in her rigid stance of defense.

“Y/n...” She slurred out, laughter finally subsiding. “I’m glad I could be a good person to you.”

The slope of fear seemed to lose it’s steadiness, and the drop-off into the pit of empty horror occurred when she held up her hand to her mouth, preparing herself for the bloodshed to follow.

“You’ve won your bet. But this is where my bet begins...!”

The signal flare fired, and the countless soldiers waiting in ambush jumped from all angles. You watched, wide-eyed and frozen, as they restrained her and gagged her, like muzzling a dog. But, it was no use. Her ring, the silver ring she never let you touch, sprung up a spike out of it’s side, and a quick slide of her thumb across the tip opened up a bloody gash in her finger.

And then came the lightning.

Mikasa had thrown her arms around you and Armin, dragging you down into the tunnel to get out of harm’s way of the transformation.

You knew she had finished her transformation when the thundering stopped, and chunks of debris rolled to a stop at your feet, stirred dust slowly settling itself back onto the stone ground. For a moment, everything stilled, and only the ragged breaths of Armin and the sheathing of Mikasa’s blades were audible.

And then something moved.

You weren’t sure what it was, until around the corner, the light was consumed by a large shadow, growing closer and closer and absorbing more of the sunlight until it rounded the corner.

A fingertip. Then the finger. Then the hand. An arm—and it was traveling down the hallway, fingers frozen in a pose as if it were trying to grab onto something, something it couldn’t see.

“Shit!” You let out a terrified yelp and took off running, Mikasa hot on your tail and Armin stumbling closely behind.

It sought after the three of you, until a distant thump could be heard. You whipped your head around and stopped running, noticing the hand—ever present, it’s finger stretched desperately in an attempt at grabbing something, but it was no use. You caught a glance of it’s upper arm, flush against the wall of the curve.

She couldn’t reach any farther.

You let out of a sigh of relief, falling to your knees and gazing at it. It’s shaking fingers stopped, finally, and went limp into it’s palm in defeat, before slowly pulling itself out. You had no clue whether it was trying to grab you, or Armin, or Mikasa, or if it was planning on killing you or not. Bottom line, it was unsuccessful.

But then more thunder.

It seems Eren finally got his cue, because the signature yellow hues of transformation shone even into the dark abyss of the wrecked tunnel.

The three of you took a deep breath and shared a collective glance. Before long, the unsaid instructions were followed, and the three of you scurried out of the tunnel to witness the action.

And action it was—the first sight you were greeted with upon exiting was that of Annie delivering a decisive punch to Eren’s jaw, sending him flying backwards into the streets of Stohess.

Eren returned to his feet as fast as he could, and let out a menacing roar as he charged at Annie, arms low like a football player preparing to pounce on something.

He charged, but her feet remained planted, arms bracing for impact.

You watched as the two of them brawled furiously. You didn’t even notice that Mikasa and Armin had left your side—you hadn’t moved. You couldn’t find it in your heart to fight Annie, but neither were you going to fight Eren. No, all you could do was watch, helpless.

The battle continued fiercely, absolutely wrecking the city in the process. Building were destroyed and crumpled, streets of stone completely upended as one or the other got helplessly tossed around.

It came to a head as the fight eventually progressed to a wide, open space of stone, and the two of them were fighting hand to hand, both of them looking worse for wear. You shot your ODM gear into the roof of a nearby building, watching the fight with a slacked jaw. You had no clue how Eren was even standing a chance to Annie, since you yourself had seen how skilled she was in martial arts.

Soon, though, a decisive kick to Annie shin sent debris and rocks flying everywhere. Annie lost her footing, tumbling to the ground with a thump.

And you had been so fixated on Annie in that moment that you failed to notice the debris, and it was headed right towards your face.

Something—rigid and powerful—collided with your head, and you fell to the ground instantly.

Your vision was already fading, and you watched as tiny streams of crimson flowed over the shingles and down the roof—no doubt stemming from the newly opened gash on your scalp.

The distant clinking of the rock as it tumbled down the slope of the roof was the last thing you heard, and the world around you faded to black.

---

Through the darkness, a memory flashed through your mind.

---

It was dark out, of course it was. Shadis would never let you have leisure time at all when the sun was up.

You leaned against an lone oak tree, fingers brushing through the soft grass idly. The air was cold and crisp, and a soft breeze flowed through the air, just barely enough to rustle your soft hair.

Annie sat silently next to you, shoulder brushing up against yours. Slowly, she slinked her hand over yours, hesitantly grasping at your hand. You entwined your fingers with hers, and she looked away shyly.

She often had bouts of insomnia, lying awake at night for hours, unable to get her body to relax. And, the first night she tugged at your nightshirt, waking you up to go outside with her, she fell asleep in your arms due to exhaustion almost immediately.

So, it had become an unspoken ritual from that day on. She couldn’t sleep, she’d wake you up, the two of you would go outside, and talk or busy yourselves until sleep inevitably caught up to her.

But today was different. For whatever reason, something had been keeping her up for a lot longer than usual. You knew something was weighing down on her heavily, but you weren’t going to pry it out of her.

Deciding to break the tense silence, you squeezed her hand gently, getting her attention before you spoke.

“It’s nice out, isn’t it?” You observed. You weren’t talking about the weather per-say, but the thousands of white speckled stars that dotted the sky, and the bright, full moon that illuminated the grass and dirt beneath you.

“It’s cold.” She said bluntly.

You chuckled softly, her bleak attitude was so characteristic of her.

“I guess that’s true.”

More silence.

And then she sighed, bringing your hand into her lap to cusp it in both of her palms, clinging onto it as if it were grounding her.

“What do you plan on doing later in life, Y/n?” She huffed, leaning her head backwards against the back of the tree and gazing up at the sky. “You don’t possibly plan on staying in the military your whole life, do you?”

“No, of course not.” You sighed.

“Then do you have plans afterwards?”

You paused for a minute. She raised a good point, you didn’t really think of anything after the military. Deep down, perhaps you understood that by joining the Cadet Corps you didn’t have much ahead of you. You can only survive so many brushes with death before it’s your turn to go.

“I guess not...” You hesitated, deep in thought. You swallowed a lump in your throat before changing the subject. “Why, do you?”

Even through the darkness, you could feel the shrug of her shoulders against you.

“Not really.” She muttered. “Just... stay with the MPs, make a living wage, retire somewhere in the interior, and... relax. I just wanna... find somewhere to relax.”

She paused for a second. Clearly there’s something tugging at her mind, something she wants to say. So, you sit back and wait for her to find the confidence.

“Do you promise me that... sometime, after a while in the Scouts, that you’ll come back to be with me?”

The future between the two of you was always painted with uncertainty—whether the two of you could ever truly stay together. It would be difficult, between soldiers, to be able to settle down and stay together no matter what, especially from different regiments. But you could always try.

She exhaled shakily, struggling to get the words out of her throat.

“I just can’t imagine living the rest of my life without you. ‘Cause... if anything ever happened to you in the Scouts...” Her voice trailed off near the end, and you assumed she was trying to plan out her next words carefully, until you heard a small sniffle pass her lips.

Surprised, you turned to face her. She was trying to fight off the tears at the corners of her eyes, lip trembling as she struggled not to cry. It wasn’t until now that you realized just how tightly she gripped your hand.

“Annie- Annie it’s alright.” You stumbled, trying to comfort her. It didn’t take a genius to figure out what was upsetting her—she was scared of living a life without you.

You hooked an arm around her lower back, pulling her closer to you and putting your other hand on the back of her head and guiding her to your shoulder.

“I promise you, no matter what, I’ll live. And one day, we can spend all our time together. I’ll go wherever you go, I swear.” You ran your hand through her hair, undoing the bun she kept it in and evening it out over her shoulders.

“You promise?” Her voice sounded shaky and weak, a vulnerability to it that she rarely showed. “No matter what happens to me, you’ll trust me and stay with me?”

“I promise. Of course I do.”

---

Warmth.

It was the first thing you noticed upon waking up. The second was darkness. You sat up, noticing how wet the surface beneath you was. And how how fleshy.

Your face paled in realization. You were in a titan's mouth.

You raised your arm up, cringing at the trail of saliva that connected you to her tongue.

Immediately, you searched for a way to get out. You didn't plan on leaving her behind, but you'd rather not be stuck in a place as slimy and dark as this either. However, your efforts were pointless, since her jaw was clamped shut, her teeth caging you in and preventing you from escaping. Your heart dropped a little, wondering if she didn't trust you not to run away.

Suddenly, you felt a large thump, the unexpected movement causing you to grab desperately at anything that would keep you grounded in one spot.

But then, another thump. And another, and another. It felt like running, almost, but far too slow. You pondered it for a moment, before you realized what was going on.

She was trying to climb the wall.

But then, the thumping stopped. She wasn't falling, thank god, but all movement has seized.

Hesitantly, her jaw started to open, giving ample space for you to squeeze through. A sudden thought came to you—she needed your help.

With no hesitation, you drew your blades and burst through the skin of her cheek, not even waiting for her to part for lips. Adrenaline pumping through your veins, you immediately search for the source of the problem. And you found it in the brute of a soldier, Mikasa Ackerman.

The girl was perched on Annie's nose, staring down at her. A quick glance to your side and you realized, with horror written all over your face, that Mikasa had cut off almost all of Annie's fingers—one more and Annie would easily lose her grip.

You understood, as soon as Mikasa drew her blades towards Annie's hand, you only had one option.

You shot your ODM gear towards her, not even caring when the hook dug into Mikasa's shoulder, causing her to yelp in pain as she turned to you.

She wasn't even given a moment to process as you came hurtling towards her, colliding with her shoulder and sending both of you flying through the air and towards the ground—fast.

Despite the small voice telling you that it would be easier to just ditch Mikasa, to release your ODM gear and let her fall, you shot the other hook into the wall, and your momentum halted to a stop.

She peeled her arms away from their protective guard around her head, processing that the two of you had stopped before looking up to you in surprise. You looked back down at her, an expression of sorrow in your eyes. It hurt you to betray her, and all of your comrades, like this, but you knew as soon as Annie placed her trust in you by opening her mouth that you only had one choice.

"Y/n what are y—!"

"I'm sorry Mikasa!" You yelled, trying to put aside your emotions for the time being. "I can't... I can't leave her, I promised I wouldn't!"

You took a deep breath, positioning on your finger on the trigger, preparing to release Mikasa from your ODM gear's bloody grip in her shoulder. "I'm sorry..." You muttered, before pulling the trigger, watching Mikasa tumbled towards the ground, her betrayed expression still glued helplessly on her face.

You decided that it would only hurt you to look at Mikasa—engraining that image into your head would certainly plague you later on.

You finally turned to look back at Annie, and your heart picked up a couple paces at the sight.

Her head was turned to you, watching—waiting—for you, her hand outstretched in your direction. You smiled, firing your ODM and flying into the palm of her hand, quickly climbing up onto her shoulder to allow her to finish her ascent up the wall.

You turned back one last time, looking over at the destroyed city, and the furious and betrayed faces of your comrades. You sighed, turning back around. That's in the past now, you thought. It doesn't matter. I... made a promise to Annie, I can't betray her. I can't...

---

The line of trees in the distance grew closer and closer as Annie jogged forwards, having made it over the wall and all the way to the forest inside Wall Maria.

She slowed down to a walking pace as she neared the trees, kneeling on the ground before releasing herself from the nape of her titan. Steam flowed from her body as she immediately collapsed forwards, and you instantly lurched forwards to catch her exhausted body in your arms.

"Grab on." You instructed, waiting for her to securely wrap herself around you before you flew through the air and onto a tree branch, making sure you were safely out of the reach of any mindless titans before you let go of her.

She took a deep breath, leaning against the wooden trunk of the tree to recollect her strength. After all, even as a titan, the fight had done numbers to her body.

You sat there in comfortable silence for a little bit, waiting for her to catch her breath while you idly readjusted the straps to your ODM gear.

Finally, she reached over to take your hand, grabbing it in both of hers just like she had during your conversation with her years ago.

"I'm so glad..." She sighed, voice weak and wavering. "I was so scared when I opened my mouth that you would just... run off without me."

Slowly, she shifted, wrapping her arms around your neck and leaning her entire body weight on you. You could feel some of the tension leaving her body as she sighed against you, burying her nose in the crook of your neck.

"I was terrified that if you found out my real identity, you would just leave me. I don't know how I would've handled it. I was just..." She took a shaky inhale as she continued, and you felt a few wet tears against your neck. "Scared. So... So scared..."

You set a comforting hand on her back, hugging her tighter in an attempt to sooth her.

"Annie..." You cooed in her ear. "I promised you, remember? I would never leave your side. I'm gonna stay with you for the rest of my life."

Her breathing started to calm against you, your words managing to ease her worries.

"Yeah," She sighed, pulling away from you. "I shouldn't have doubted you, sweetie."

You smiled and placed your hands on her shoulders, bringing her in for a quick kiss before wiping her tears with the back of your hand.

"It's fine. Just remember," You leaned in and hugged her, exuding a warm feeling that made Annie's heart swell with love. "I'll always be on your side, no matter what."

"God, I love you so much, you dork." She muttered, heat rising to her cheeks with a content smile.

You chuckled, "I love you, too."

MAN THIS IS ASS

This is what happens when you force yourself to write with a headache whoops haha

[lucky-sevens]

mechanisms basics & lore

welcome to my updated mechanisms intro post! this post will cover both the topics discussed in my mechanisms basics post, which is geared towards people who don’t know what the mechanisms are, and my deep lore post, which aimed to be a comprehensive compilation of all the important character and world lore. this post should serve the above group, but it’s geared towards people who have listened but feel there’s a lot of lore that seems to be common knowledge they’re missing. we’ll start out with a basic introduction, and then go into crew lore and a semi-comprehensive guide on where to go for further information.

basics

the mechanisms were a steampunk concept band, known for their queer representation and their tragic stories. they are no longer together, their last performance being january 2020, but several of their members are still creating related spinoff content.

they follow the trope many steampunk bands do, which is albums that tell a story; think similar to listening to a musical soundtrack, but geared to a visual-less experience. what distinguishes them is 1) narration tracks between each song, making the plot very easy to follow, and 2) being meant to be watched live, meaning there’s layers of meta that are more easily understood by watching recorded gigs rather than studio recordings of albums. specifically, there’s a focus on the narrators, known as the mechanisms or the crew of the aurora, who are immortal space pirates telling the stories and occasionally inserting themselves into them. though they are tragic figures themselves, their banter serves the purpose of bringing a lightheartedness and dark humor to the stories. if there’s an aspect of the lore you’re confused on, it’s probably related to the narrators!

to watch the mechanisms live, you can find recordings on youtube, dropbox, google drive, soundcloud, or vimeo, which are all compiled in this post (including transcripts!). if visuals aren’t your thing, i’ve linked the studio recordings later on in this post when they come up, and here are the mechanisms’ official spotify, bandcamp, and youtube, as well as an unofficial comprehensive lyric videos channel. 

the albums

regarding the albums specifically, there are 4 main ones (once upon a time (in space), ulysses dies at dawn, high noon over camelot, and the bifrost incident), 2 that are compilations of miscellaneous songs (tales to be told 1 & 2), 1 single (frankenstein), and 1 album that’s a high-quality recording of their last live show, including an alternative performance of the bifrost incident, 2 songs only performed at live shows, and 'the deathsong’, which details how they all eventually die (death to the mechanisms).

as you might have been able to tell from the titles, they’re all based off of various myths, folklore, literature, and/or fairy tales, using different genres on top of a sci-fi setting to add a fresh twist to them! for example, high noon over camelot is a western based on arthurian mythos, set on a space station. (the albums are known for all ending in tragedy, so be careful if that isn’t your cup of tea!) if your goal is to get into the mechanisms, i’d suggest sitting down and listening to them all in full; links will be provided below, or alternatively you can watch once upon a time (in space) live here, ulysses dies at dawn live here, or the bifrost incident live here. (there is no full live recording with visuals of high noon over camelot, sadly, but there are partial and audio only recordings.)

once upon a time (in space) - spotify/bandcamp/youtube

ulysses dies at dawn - spotify/bandcamp/youtube

high noon over camelot - spotify/bandcamp/youtube

the bifrost incident - spotify/bandcamp/youtube

tales to be told, volume 1 -  spotify/bandcamp/youtube

tales to be told, volume 2 - spotify/bandcamp/youtube

frankenstein - spotify/bandcamp/youtube

death to the mechanisms - edited video with the stream corruption fixed + subtitles / stream / spotify / bandcamp / youtube / transcript pt. 1 / transcript pt. 2

reading the fiction is integral to understanding both the albums and the mechanisms themselves. the fiction is a collection of short stories set in the mechanisms universe posted on their website here and compiled by me here, with an extra high noon over camelot story here. (there are also audio versions for ‘mirror mirror’ and ‘a rebel yell’ included on both the website and the compilation).

the crew of the aurora

as for the crew, at their peak there were nine members played by people, as well as the ex-member dr carmilla, who has extensive solo lore and is still active (which we’ll touch on in a few paragraphs). there is also their ship, the aurora, who is sentient and has her own lore. in fact, every member of the crew has their own backstory, set in a different genre or historical period; for example, nastya rasputina's is historical, jonny d’ville’s is a western and marius von raum’s is a mecha anime. however, they’re all still different flavors of steampunk! below, i’ll list each member, their performer, and the main sources of lore about them. for the majority of them, they have their own song in tales to be told, but there are a few outliers. everyone also has their own bio up on the website, which can all be found here. 

the aurora (n/a, ship)- on aurora (meta)

jonny d’ville (jonny sims)- one eyed jacks (song), jonny before he was mechanized (meta)

nastya rasputina (anonymous)- cyberian demons (song)

ivy alexandria (morgan wilkinson)- archive footage (fiction), crew bio

ashes o’reilly (frank voss)- lucky sevens (song)

drumbot brian (ben below)- lost in the cosmos (song), crew bio

the toy soldier (jessica law)- the story of the toy soldier (fiction)

gunpowder tim (tim ledsam)- gunpowder tim vs the moon kaiser (song/minialbum)

marius von raum (kofi young)- the death of byron von raum summary (blog post)

raphaella la cognizi (r l hughes)- crew bio

if you’ve noticed the crew bio doesn’t say much about raphaella, that’s because we know little to nothing about her backstory. the only thing we have to go on is a quote from the tv tropes page, which looking at the edit history, was likely written by one of the mechanisms. the quote is ‘Science officer who may or may not have cheated her way onto the ship after becoming a little too interested.‘ and the page is here.

the majority of fandom content is about the crew, working off of what we get from the tales to be told songs, the live gigs, and the fiction.

dr carmilla

speaking of characters with obscure lore, let’s talk about dr carmilla! rather than linger, i’ll just link my carmilla basics post, which is a comprehensive summary of who she is in and out of universe. to summarize, she’s a character based on the novella ‘carmilla’ by sheridan le fanu, commonly regarded as the first vampire novel, but her lore has diverged heavily from that original starting point since then. she is the oldest out of all of the crew, and made the majority of the other crew members immortal. she, as well as aurora, is from a planet called terra, which was destroyed partially as a result of her actions. her character is defined by her immortality and how she deals with it, her experiences on terra, her relationship with the mechanisms, and her dysfunctional relationship with her ex-girlfriend loreli, the last of which is the most covered by her songs. out of universe, she is played by maki yamazaki. all her lore lines up with what happened out of universe, and ties to the fact the mechanisms were originally dr carmilla and the mechanisms. she has two solo albums and two singles, which i’ll link below.

ageha (prototype edition) (album)- bandcamp | youtube

exhumed and {un}plugged (album)- bandcamp | youtube

the city {nex:type mix} (single, in-character cover)- bandcamp | youtube

eleven (single)- bandcamp | youtube

the majority of her lore is still to be officially revealed, and will be in the trilogy of albums maki yamazaki is working on.

further reading

if you’d like to delve further into the lore, there are a few sources i use! there are official, in-character, blogs, as well as things that are harder to dredge up; i won’t link them here, but some sources include @/thedreadvampy (the band’s artist, as well as morgan wilkinson’s sister and kofi young’s partner; don’t bother her for lore or anything, but she’s previously made posts sharing previously unknown information), old websites and deleted content found on the wayback machine, the tv tropes pages, and most notably the lore doc.

the ‘maki forbidden lore doc’ is an archive of all the lore maki yamazaki has shared on the mechscord, the official mechanisms discord which she’s on, and her own personal server, where she’s running an arg (alternate reality game) as a way of relaying more lore about the dr carmilla universe. for an idea of the scale, the doc is currently 91 pages and 28346 words, and recontextualizes much of what is known about dr carmilla and maki’s canon of the mechanisms universe. it is confidential to anyone not in her discord or the mechscord, as she’s said that this lore isn’t thought out nearly as much as the albums and is subject to change, so she’d rather it not be out in the open. however, information on how to join the mechscord can be found here. there is also a non-canonical fan project based on the arg in progress, but information on it is also confidential for now.

with regards to the above phrase ‘maki’s canon’ it’s worth noting that all of the individual band members have their own idea of what counts as canon and what doesn’t, and as you foray deeper into lore that division becomes more and more apparent.

with that, here are the mechanisms’ blogs. they are all both run in-character by the main nine band members and inactive unless i note otherwise.

twitter

tumblr

facebook

website/wordpress (run ic by tereshkova’s ghost, the blogbot, for the most part)

carmilla twitter (active, run ic by dr carmilla)

conclusion

now that we’re coming to the end of this, i’d like to thank whoever got this far, and to say a few words. my interest in the mechanisms has been slowly fading, and i’ve been writing less and less meta and lapsing in keeping up with new lore myself. honestly, i’m pretty worn out by how much i’ve done on this blog and in this fandom, and the commitments i’ve assigned myself. i do have plans for future meta, but it’s unlikely they’ll come to fruition. so, i thought i’d do a new version of my two oldest posts on this blog, and hopefully enable other people to look into the lore and theorize themselves with the new information.

to find more information, remember there’s a mechanisms wiki, and that my askbox is always open.

thanks for reading!

[artichow]

Character bingo: thoughts on the man the myth the legend the divisive character, Ryo Hagane! And Masamune or Yuki in case you already did Ryo and i forgot

(This is curedeity btw)

hey Deity you ask i deliver

RYO: I like him now :( unfortunately

listen,,, he is such a bad character in the anime... it's actually kind of painful, and he makes me angry most of the times he appears. When I rewatched fusion in december I hadn't seen it in 12 years and one of the most jarring stupid/annoying thing I had forgotten is just Ryo's character. I think I actually liked him as a kid because to me it seemed like he was a good father and I always liked characters that had dad energy, but lmao NOPE

The whole Phoenix thing??? how bad can you treat your son for the sake of "helping him"?? He was so alone and traumatized and working so hard to reach a crucial goal, he had all that weight on his shoulders and what did his dad do? Destroy all of his progress so he can try even harder. Nah nah nah I really hate that and I hate how that was swept so quickly under the rug.

Plus even after his identity is revealed and he can actually finally help the group directly, he still is being so cryptic and not useful at all?? Just not a good dad character and it's so disappointing because to me it's like we're meant to see him as a good one? I think? Or the writers just don't care and decide to gloss over how neglecting he is towards Gingka and how unhealthy his teachings often are. I said teachings but tbh he has one (1) kind of motivational quote he spewds out every chance he gets about determination and that's it. Yeah sure let's praise and admire the two kids that just fought to their limits and fainted, putting themselves in danger for a sport tournament, that's real healthy. Not to mention that one of them is his son, and he doesn't rush to his side or seem to worry. Nothing. That's frankly sad that in this show for children (mainly intended for little boys) the only parental figure that's supposed to be good is so negligent. I get that it's because in this universe the kids are super independant and children like to watch shows where the characters their age can do whatever they want, but it comes off really weirdly in Beyblade I think.

There's the scene at the begining of masters where Ryo talks to Gingka about his lost Pegasus and a way to get a new bey, it was kind of nice, but that's so little content of their father-son bond!! I so sad.

But you know what I love?? Your version of Ryo and Sadie's version of Ryo, any good Ryo content I appreciate very very much. Especially since I read the manga. Like, I'm chosing to pick stuff I like in the anime or manga canon and that's the mfb canon in my head. I think it's funnier if Ryuga and Ryuto aren't brothers, never met and don't know about each others, I like the Team Dungeon's story line a 100% more than the mess that is the metal masters arc, and I like Ryo a lot more in the manga. In the manga him being goofy is cute and funny and it doesn't comes off as weird and negligent because there are several moments where we see him worrying about Gingka, trying actively to help him. There is that scene during Gingka's fight against Damian where he protects his son from a crumbling building with his body?? He seems so much more like a dad, trying his best and not like a weird stoic man watching his son fight a posessed bey from the top of a building while saying unclear sentences and just,, not helping at all. Like, if you knew additional stuff, or if you knew that Gingka needed to save Ryuga too, why not say it?? It wouldn't have mattered if he understood it from someone telling him or by himself, he's a good person and would have done it either way!! His attitude of letting Gingka to his own device to face danger and of not helping him is so enfuriating... He almost fell of that stadium tower but no biggy.

So yeah. Despite this veeery long rant about how bad Ryo is, I like him. Because I just chose to think about the fanon Ryo and the manga Ryo instead. At first I liked to hate this character, and imo, rightfully so, but also... I realized how badly I need these kids to have a good father figure. One that listens, that helps them the best he can, that knows and cherish them. And the angst around him is still endless because his story is still very sad,,

I was gonna write that I pretend I don't see anime Ryo but that's not entirely true? I kind of want to see him as a middle ground, a guy that did bad parental moves during the series, but is way way less negligent, and is a better father!! I just like the idea of him trying to make things right the best he can and trying to protect his kids the best he can from this point on. So yeah, kind of a mix of both, but Ryo in my mind is not this terrible father because I need him not to be if that makes sense :')

Also I would be afraid of a man that tall.

YUKI: super cool design, he is a trans boy and he tries very hard and I love him. I don't like how his character is handled but that also because Fury is a mess. But his awkwardness and social anxiety just make him a character I relate to and like a lot. I don't have anything else to say about him tbh, but I do love him, and also his voice in the french va is the same as Jeremy from Code Lyoko so the nostalgia hits hard whenever he talks :D

I think I already did Masamune, but yeah, I didn't like him that much at first but he has his fun moments and I like his arc a lot! His character developpement is pretty well done and I like how his motivations differ from Gingka's sometimes in Masters. His bey is also so beautiful, I love it so much and it means a lot to me.

Quick storytime: Back when the show aired I had wanted a bey for myself for a long time, but was too scared to ask my parents and also because there were only boys I didn't talked to who played beyblade. None of my friends bought them and I felt weird for wanting one. But eventually I asked for one when Masters was airing, and I got Ray Striker and it was so cool I was so happy. It was just the joy of having the toy and I'm still so sad that I don't have it anymore. But now I have my little collection of beys and it brings me the same joy as it did back then, maybe even more.

I especially liked Masamune's character during his flashback and how out of place he felt when he first was in th US And also he's a cool character to see again in fury, it's even better for me tbh because he has more of a side character's role while still having a character arc, it's nice

[hamliet]

The Girl Who Gets to Have It All: Buffy Summers

So with @linkspooky​‘s encouragement, I have binged Buffy the Vampire Slayer and relived my childhood culture. And, it's a 10/10 for me. Not that it doesn't have flaws, but it's genuinely one of the best stories I've seen, with consistent character arcs, powerful themes, and a beautiful message. It's also like... purportedly about vampires and demons and superpowered chosen ones, but it's actually all about humanity.

Buffy was able to be a teenage girl, allowed to like the things teen girls are scorned for (boys, shopping, etc), to be insecure about the thing teenage girls are insecure about (future careers, dating, school, parents), and to be a superhero with its good and its bad aspects. The story wasn’t afraid to call Buffy on her flaws (sometimes she got in a very ‘I am the righteous chosen one’ mode) and to respect and honor each of her desires (to be a good person, to be loved, and more). The story listened to what she wanted and respected her desires, giving her the challenges needed to overcome her flaws while also never teaching her a lesson about wanting bad boys or romance is silly or any manner of dark warnings stories like to throw at teenage girls. 

It respected teenage girls--nerdy girls like Willow, jocks like Buffy, lonely wallflowers with trauma like Dawn, and popular/snobby ones like Cordelia, girls gone wild like Faith. It never once reduced them to the stereotypes that were lurking right there: each character was fully rounded, human, flawed and yet with respected interests and goals. This is so rare for a story that I’m still in awe. 

The story as a whole follows Buffy from 15 to 21, of her as she grows from teenager to adult. She acts like a teenager and grows to act like a young adult, wrestling with loneliness and duty. The adults, like Giles, Joyce, and Jenny, are not perfect either, but neither are they “bad parents” or “bad mentors” necessarily. Joyce in particular says something terrible to Buffy, but she tries to do better, and it’s rare to see a parent in YA stories shown with such nuance. Basically, it wrote the long-lasting adult characters as human beings, too. 

Speaking of growing up, I appreciated how Buffy’s love interests mirrored this. Angel was someone Buffy loved and admired, wanted to be like, but who was always either extreme good or extreme bad, and combined with Buffy’s own tendencies towards black-white thinking, made for a beautiful relationship to help her grow, but didn’t necessarily form a foundation for a long-term partner. Spike, on the other hand... they both saw each other at their worst and were drawn to each other even then, and were inspired to become better because they couldn’t bear to be a person who treated the other person so wrongly. They pushed each other to become the best them they could be, and believed in each other. Also, Spuffy is an enemies to lovers ship for the ages. 

(Also, most of the other ships were well-done or at least can be understood. Riley was very obviously wrong for Buffy which paralleled Harmony and Spike in being 100% wrong for each other. Cordelia and Xander were a fun ship even if we all knew it would never last, and Willow and Oz were beautiful and cute. But Xander and Anya and Willow and Tara? OTPs. As were Giles and Jenny, the librarian and the computer teacher.) 

That said, it’s not a perfect series. No story is. All of the characters and ships had problematic aspects to them worthy of critique, and the writing is very 90s in a lot of ways. It’s a product of its time, and in many ways it’s good society has progressed beyond some of the tropes/metaphors used in the show. In other way, though, the show was ahead of its time, and in a good way it wasn’t bound by the fear of purity policing with its takes on redemption (many characters would never fly today). 

So, in order of seasons ranked from my very favorite to my “still enjoyed it very much” (no season was actually bad, imo), here’s my review. I’ll also review my top 10 villains in the show, because Buffy does villains very well in terms of the redeemable and irredeemable.  

Season 7:  Yep, the final season was my favorite. 

Overall Opinion: Buffy's finale is literally "f*ck them men, our power is ours" and while it seems cheesy it actually works (also, f*ck in both a literal and figurative sense). The series strongly hit all the themes: love as strength, and redemption. Buffy consistently shows love as her strength--*all* kinds of love. Friendship w Willow/Xander, familial with Joyce/Dawn, romantic with Spike/Angel. These types of love are also never pitted against each other as is so often the case in current-day media. It's beautiful. Also, Spike’s confrontation with Wood was so powerful in terms of exploring forgiveness, redemption, and reconciliation: where they overlap and where they don't, and what it means to move forward. 

Unpopular Opinion: I have seen a lot didn’t like the inclusion of Potential Slayers, and while I agree they could have been better incorporated/characterized, it was a great way to show Buffy’s final stage of growing up to be ending her chosen one status and projecting/multiplying her powers over the world. 

Biggest Critique: Kennedy was female Riley--the anti-Tara to Riley’s anti-Angel (by ‘anti’ I mean opposite in every way). Kennedy was annoying and immature. Her role, like Riley’s, was less about exploring her as a character and more about her just being stamped as “love interest: lesbian.” 

Favorite Episodes: Beneath You, Lies My Parents Told Me, Touched, Chosen

Season 6: 

Overall Opinion: I said this on Twitter, but I felt like this was Buffy’s The Last Jedi or Empire Strikes Back moment. It is polarizing and dark, deconstructing the tropes it stands on--but by digging to the core of these tropes, it actually makes what’s good about them shine brighter. Everyone’s enemy was the worst versions of themselves. Giles left Buffy, Willow's struggle to relate to the world led to her trying to destroy it, Buffy hurt everyone through her anger, Xander abandoned Anya at the altar, Spike... yeah. It ages well as an integral part of the story, and the Trio were eerily prophetic. 

Unpopular Opinion: Dawn is a great character with a good arc. A traumatized teen acting out and struggling to come to terms with loss and identity? She wasn’t whiny; she was realistic. 

Biggest Critique: Willow’s addiction coding (I’ll discuss this below) and Seeing Red as an episode. I see the argument for both of its controversial scenes from a narrative perspective: Willow starts the season not grieving Buffy but instead being determined to fix it with magic and needs to learn to grieve, but. Still. Bury your gays is not a good look. For the Spike scene... he conflates sex/passion and violence (”love is blood, children” is something he said way back in season 3), but like Tara’s death, it had more to do with Spike (as Tara’s death did for Willow) than with Buffy’s arc, and as for the actual execution... they really botched that. Did it like... have to go on that long or go that far? No. Also, the framing was good, but inconsistent with the rest of the series (Xander to Buffy in the hyena episode, Faith to Xander and to Riley, etc.) 

Favorite Episodes: Once More With Feeling, Smashed, Grave

Season 3 (tied with Season 5):

Overall Opinion: The opening continuity of Buffy meeting Lily/Anne after saving her life in Season 2 was sweet. The Witchhunt episode had really powerful subtext: stories of deaths that aren’t even true are actually demons that possess the town and convince them to turn against their children in the name of protecting the children. It’s a good commentary on, oh, everything in society. Faith’s character arc was fantastic, and her chemistry with Buffy was off the charts (look, I may be Spuffy all the way, but Fuffy has rights). The finale was satisfying in so many ways, seeing the entire graduating class unite to destroy the Mayor and the school with it, symbolizing Buffy et al’s readiness to move on to college. Oz's relationship with Willow was very sweet and meaningful for a first romance for Willow. 

Unpopular Opinion: I actually don’t really have one. Maybe that the miracle in Amends was earned? I think you can make a decent case that Season 3 is the best written of the seasons, but can only truly be thematically appreciated to its full potential in the light of subsequent seasons (which finish Faith’s arc and deconstruct Buffy’s).  

Biggest Critique: It forgot Buffy killed the hyena guy in Season 1, making her continual insistence that she can’t kill people very ????? 

Favorite Episodes: Lovers Walk, Amends, Graduation Day Part 2 

Season 5, which ties with Season 3:

Overall Opinion: The entire season is about family and what it means, from Tara’s to Buffy’s to the Scoobies. I loved Glory aka Enoshima Junko as the Big Bad, I loved Dawn’s interesting meta commentary on retconning (like, the fact that she’s retconned in matters), and most of my ships are still alive. Joyce’s relationship with Spike is one of the most heartwarming aspects, and Spike’s arc’s desire is clearly highlighted: he wants to be seen as a person. The episodes after Joyce’s death are the most honest portrayals of grief I’ve ever seen, and absolutely brutal to watch. 

Unpopular Opinion: Buffy’s choice at the end seems a deliberate inversion of her choice at the end of Season 2 (sacrifice a loved one to save the world), but it actually isn’t: much like at the end of Season 2 where Buffy skips town because she’s devastated after killing Angel and doesn’t want to sort out being expelled, her mom knowing she’s the slayer, and her own trauma, Buffy’s sacrifice here was as much about her wanting the easy way out of relationships, family, college, etc. as it was about saving Dawn. Buffy’s death is coded as a suicide, which Season 6 emphasizes as well. 

Biggest Critique: Like Season 3, I don’t have a lot to critique here. I wish the suicidal coding had been a little more obvious in Season 5 itself, but also I’m not sure it could have been more obvious; it’s pretty apparent if you pay attention. Maybe also that Buffy and Riley’s relationship failing should have been more squarely blamed on Riley, you know, being insecure and cheating. 

Favorite Episodes: Family, Fool for Love, Intervention. 

Season 2:

Overall Opinion: Heartbreakingly tragic but exciting and revealing at the same time. It asked the viewer interesting questions about redemption and forgiveness and atonement through Angel being honest about his past, and then decided to show us his past now reenacted, challenging us. And still, we saw them save him in a parallel to saving Willow in Season 6 (but Season 2 was tragic because it wasn’t enough, while Season 6 was not). Jenny’s death was agonizing, and the scene were Angel watches Buffy, Willow, and Joyce get the news through the window was powerful. We didn’t have to hear them to get the grief. 

Unpopular Opinion: Jenny’s death isn’t a fridging; it works for her arc too when you consider her history. She worked to save the person whose life she was tasked to ruin, and it cost her her own--yet she still succeeded, because Jenny brought joy and wisdom to the show. Kendra’s death, on the other hand... was because they needed the stakes to be high--but we already knew that before she died. So, her death was useless. 

Biggest Critique: The subtext was Not It. It was essentially “do not have sex. Your older boyfriend will lose his soul, kill your friends, you’ll lose your family, your school, your home, and have to kill your true love or else hell will literally swallow earth.” 

Favorite Episodes: School Hard, Passion, Becoming Part 2.

Season 1:

Overall Opinion: I really liked it; it’s just lower on this list because the others are just better. It’s a great introduction to the series and to its characters, from Giles to Buffy to Willow to Jenny to Cordelia. It has great subtext a lot of the time (for example, Natalie French as She-Mantis is a literal predatory bug who engages in predatory behavior with students). Additionally, it subverts the typical YA trope of two guys and a girl, in which the girl is usually the least interesting character. Buffy and Willow were both fully fledged characters from the beginning with distinct strengths (even before Willow became a witch, as she wasn’t one in season 1 yet), while Xander was the more ordinary of the group. 

Unpopular Opinion/Biggest Critique: Xander’s arc showed its first flaws that unfortunately continued throughout the series: his writing was either very good or very indulgent in ways it never was for other characters.  (cough, the hyena episode, cough, in which he gets to skirt responsibility--and acknowledges that he is skirting it--for something the show will later hold others to account for). Xander’s just kind of inconsistent, which weakened his character over all. (Which is why both his love interests--Cordelia and then ultimately Anya--were good for him: they did not indulge him.) 

Favorite Episode: Witch, Nightmares. 

Season 4:

Overall Opinion: it’s still a good season. It’s a good portrayal of college and the growing pains of branching out, the strains of college growth on relationships (romantic and platonic). It shows us the first hints of Spuffy, giving us some serious Jungian symbolism between Spike and Buffy early on, and does well in establishing Xander/Anya and Willow/Tara as beautiful OTPs. Faith and Buffy’s foiling is fantastic. The Halloween episode was very fun as well. However, it suffers because its Big Bad, Adam, is not all that compelling thematically--yet, he could have been. See, the final battle pulls off the Power of Friendship in a really strong way but notably the season does not end there. Instead, it ends on dreams of each character’s worst fears, continuing what we saw in Nightmares in Season 1. Why? Because it shows us that the characters’ wars aren’t against monsters, but monsters of their own making: their flaws. Adam, as a literal Frankenstein, exemplifies this, but it wasn’t capitalized on as well as it could have been. 

Unpopular Opinion: Beer Bad isn’t a bad episode, at the very least because Buffy gets to punch Parker. It’s not one of the series’ best, obviously, but it does give Buffy an arc in that she gets her daydream of Parker begging her to come back, but she has overcome that desire and her desire for revenge. If we wanna talk about bad subtext in Season 4, Season 2′s Not It sex subtext continues in the Where the Wild Things Are episode in this season; it’s a powerful callout of abusive purity-culture churches, until the fact that the shame creates a literal curse undermines the progressive message it’s supposed to send. Also, the Thanksgiving episode (Pangs) is a nightmare of white guilt and Oh God Shut Up White People. 

Biggest Critique: Riley is awful. Like Kennedy, he had “love interest:normal” stamped on him and that was it. The thing is, he could have worked as an Angel foil, representative of the normal-life aspect of Buffy to Angel’s vampire/supernatural aspect, but the writers never explore this and seemed to even try to back away from that later on. They threw all the romantic cliches at the wall to see what sticks, from klutzy “I dropped my schoolbooks, that’s how we met” to cliché lines that had me rolling my eyes. Do you know how bad a romance has to be to make me dislike romantic tropes? 

Favorite Episodes: Fear Itself, Hush, Restless

Villain rankings: 

Dark Willow, the only villain to be truly sympathetic. While the addiction coding was insensitive and, while unsurprising for its time, aged extremely poorly. That said, Willow’s turn to the dark side after Tara’s death worked well for her character and the story: it was believable and paid off what had been building since Season 1's “Nightmares” episode (Willow’s inferiority complex). 

Glory managed to be genuinely terrifying, and humorous/enjoyable too. Her minions and their numerous nicknames for Glorificus were hilarious, as was her intense vanity. Her merging with Ben--a human being who genuinely wanted to be kind and good--added complexity and tragedy to her role. 

The First. A really good take on Satan. The seventh season as well as the First’s first appearance in season 3′s “Amends” had kind of blatant Christian symbolism, and so the First being essentially Satan works. Their disguising themselves as dead loved ones and the subtle manipulation they used to alienate people was really disturbing and well done. 

The Mayor, who was a terrible person but a truly good father. He provided an interesting contrast to the normal ‘bad dad’ bad guy character, in that he provided Faith exactly what the other characters refused to: he saw the best in her and offered her parental support, while the heroes didn’t and wound up pushing her away. 

The Trio, who were villains ahead of their time: whiny fanboy reddit dudebros, basically. The stakes seemed so much lower than fighting Glory, a literal god, the previous season. But that’s why they worked so well for Season 6′s human themes, and were especially disturbing because we all know people like them. I also appreciated the surprisingly sensitive takes on Jonathan and Andrew, who got to redeem themselves, but Warren did not, and I don’t think he should have either. 

Angelus + Drusilla. I’m ranking them below the Trio because Angelus was just sooooo different from Angel that it was difficult for me to feel the same way for him. He was still Angel, so it wasn’t possible to enjoy his villainy, but he also wasn’t nearly as sympathetic as Dark Willow, had no redeeming qualities like the Mayor, and wasn’t as disturbingly realistic as the Trio. However, the emotional stakes were excellently executed with him as the Big Bad, in that you were never quite sure how to feel and it just plain hurt. Also, Drusilla was a favorite recurring character. She was sympathetic and yet batsh*t enough to be enjoyable as a villain at the same time. 

The Master, who was just completely camp and really worked as an introductory villain. He was scary enough to believe he was a threat, and was funny enough to introduce the series’ humor as well. He was, like Glory, an enjoyable Big Bad. 

The Gentlemen, the one-off villains of Season 4′s Hush who were genuinely terrifying. It’s not as if they got a lot of explanation or any backstory, but they didn’t need it. 

Caleb, the misogynist priest. Fitting with the First’s Christian symbolism, Caleb serving as a spokesperson of all bad religious beliefs felt appropriate. He was also a good foil to Warren--being actually supernaturally powered instead of a wannabe--and to Tara’s family in being full-out evil. I despised him. 

Snyder. Okay Snyder is not a Big Bad like Adam is, but let’s face it: Adam is lame compared to the other villains. But Snyder as a principal? He was so irritating and yet really well used in the series to critique overly strict, hypocritical teachers. Like, we all know teachers like him. I loved to hate him, and his ending was so satisfying.