#did he shortcut... oh most def

[jrueships]

Have you seen jimmys new hairdo?

he gettin smoked rn, full field day, so i ain't gonna say nothin but post the pics

he happy that's all that matters <3

this is cute, he probably only got em to do this

yknow like ! Whatever lol 😭

[cutemeat]

I wanna hear your charmacden high school HCs!!!!!!

IVE GOT SO MANYYYY

but okok lemme lay the sort of backstory foundation here... basically we know dennis was so eager for ppl to like him (and more visibly so than he is when we pick up with the timeline of the show) so I imagine he was even more desperate in HS to be liked (cuz we see him reverting RIGHT back to that in the HS Reunion ep)... i think him n dee probably had like.. zero friends in HS but both Hated that. they did not like having to stick together. i think dee def seemed to have friends in HS like Ingrid, but dee always felt like she was superior to Ingrid n so wasn't really a "friend" lol.

den likely had some idea of who Mac n Charlie were since he mentions remembering the news show they made in 8th grade. I actually have the HC that Dennis was weirdly like Obsessed w Mac n Charlie from a distance for a Loooong time before really trying to make a move to get into their friend group. i think he was intimidated by them based on rumors, cuz we know Mac n Charlie had their Freight Train group.

Dee catches onto this quickly bc Den is so insanely obvious n she teases him for it which spurs den to make up some entire lie abt only wanting to get in with Mac/Charlie's group bc they have connections to the 'cool crowd' n THATS what dennis is actually aiming for (totally. lmao... again. liar)... so this pushes dennis to a breaking point cuz dee is like 'well ur never gonna get in there if u just sit here and stare at them, moron'

so my idea for how Mac n Dennis first meet is basically dennis following Mac home that day after him n dee have that convo thinking he's being 'sneaky' n all trying to build up the nerve to actually talk to Mac. but Mac has that hypervigilance so he catches on that he's being followed n takes this 'shortcut' that he knows well n knows there's a stoop that's easy to trip over if u don't know the route well... so Dennis trips n makes his presence known LOL n before he can get up Mac pulls a pocket knife on him n demands dennis tell him why he's following him. den makes up an excuse abt wanting to buy drugs, but Mac has him empty his pockets n they're empty so he's like 'u know u need money to buy drugs right? ur not getting shit for free from me I know you have the money' n dennis throws some compliments at mac to try n 'defuse' the situation n it works enough that mac just tells dennis to leave him alone n not pull some shit like that again

the next day mac is bragging to charlie n dooley while they're sitting under the bleachers at lunch n thinking he's so cool for running this kid off but charlie is ANRGY n mac doesn't understand why n charlies like 'nono dude u don't understand... he's from the reynolds family, right?' n mac is like 'yeah? so?' n charlies like 'oh my god don't u GET it?? this is the perfect opportunity to sew ourselves in mac!' n mac is like 'oh I guess that's a good point' so charlie has mac go reluctantly apologize to dennis n invite him to hang out w them.. dennis is all smug when dee is glaring at him.

n charlie takes this as an opportunity to just totally humiliate dennis with insisting there's all these 'initiations' in order to get into their friend group (which we know is at least partially true, but charlie gets really excessive with it cuz its funny to him LOL) ranging from shit like dining n dashing to more fucked up like killing crows ('because they're the most annoying kinds of birds dennis, don't you know that?' cuz uh.. charlie bird special interest I guess) n dennis totally cries after having to kill the crows n charlies laughing his ass off meanwhile mac is rlly concerned abt dennis ... this trend continues of charlie making dennis do shit that used to make both him and mac laugh, but instead mac actually feels bad for dennis. that starts really getting on charlie's nerves cuz he has like zero sympathy for dennis n doesn't understand why macs getting soft all of a sudden for dennis reynolds of all ppl too. (he has the sort of frank mentality in Ass Kickers United where he wants to see how far he can push ppl n that's how he has fun, like I bet u for a while he was constantly impressed by/jealous of the fact that dee got someone to eat Horse Shit)

(cuz this is also where i think the charlie/dee dynamic gets interesting too... again I have the HC that it all starts when charlie is over with mac at dennis' house n sees dee lighting things on fire n throwing them into the pool in the backyard. pyromaniac to pyromaniac lollll... n I think overall charlie admires dee's really cruel/dark side. i don't ship ch*rdee but in canon I think they def have a bond that is probably rooted in shit like that n I think its interesting LOL)

i think this is where a lot of mac's internalized homophobia starts to take root cuz charlie makes a lot of patronizing comments abt mac and dennis cuz charlie knows mac like the back of his hand n knows every way to push his buttons n get inside his head. so we then have dennis getting a similar treatment to his chaotic homelife where mac was just beginning to warm up n feel 'safe' but then gets more distant n hostile (and even worse, not knowing why mac's had a sudden change in demeanor) n I think this sets the tone for how even to this day macdennis' dynamic fluctuates... cuz of course at a certain point (esp after going to college) I think dennis is tired of feeling like the 'weak one' who gets shit on (esp after being in the frat house) so he sees all the ways his frat brothers will humiliate guys to prop themselves up n replicates this kind of behavior. however, with mac, as I've stated in other macden posts... there are always some invisible boundaries with mac that even dennis isn't fully aware are there for a long, long time.

we already know charlie/dee manage to find a lot of enjoyment in watching mac n dennis act like total jackasses while charlie n dee are pulling all the strings (Mac Bangs Dennis' Mom) n I think that's been a long-running thing personally...

sorry i guess this turned more into Chardee Macdennis HCs than anything uhhh... i got another ask abt this so I'm gonna include my actual random HCs for HS charmacden in there LOL. i wanted to get all the backstory stuff out first thooo cuz I feel its. important context KJNKJDF

[eltanin-malfoy]

Epilogue (Kill Or Be Killed VI)

pairing : draco/fem-collegestudent!y/n 

word count : 3.8k!

Table Of Contents

warnings : my sad sense of humour, cursing, a bit of a plot twist

a/n : okay i know IM SORRY I HAVEN”T POSTED IN SO LONG I HAVE NO EXCUSES. i have a bunch of fics fully written which i feel super insecure abt. (even a spicy drarry one) at this point i’ve kind of gotten into this circle of being overly critical of what i write and overanalyzing every detail to the point i can’t really tell if what i wrote has any worth. nevertheless i’ve been putting this off way too long so i’m finally gonna post this! and i hope that y’all like it. this is def gonna be different than what you may have been expecting but i implore you to read all of it!! up till my author’s note at the bottom.

taglist: @acciodracoo @drawlfoy @war-sword @lilyreachelcassidy @socontagiousimagines @andreasworlsboring101

What does one do when they’re on the run, you ask?

Well, Draco doesn’t really know either. It’s pretty obvious. In fact, he isn’t even sure whether you’d call wanting to hide from someone you almost murdered who now wants to kill you “being on the run”. He thinks it’s somewhere between hiding and just.. being a right coward.

He runs a few blocks, takes a shortcut to his house, packs up his belongings and wipes any clear identifiers of him off the place. Driving licenses, passports, just anything. Even those little clear strands of hair he’d usually just ignore. Then he covers his hair up with one of those ridiculous beanies, slips on a turtleneck sweater and covers his mouth with it. (He would have covered his nose up as well if it hadn’t been for his.. giraffe-like neck) 

It doesn’t take him very long to start to venture out of his house, scoping the vicinity for any prying (Y/N) eyes. He’s alone in the alleyway, except for a homeless man sitting at the edge of the road. Covering himself with a blanket. He seems to be asleep until, well, Draco very gracefully stumbles against some cracked up bitumen. The man sits up, stirring slowly. His eyes blink rapidly as he comes to, the sun shining down bright just at the spot he’s decided to rest at. His eyes are a brilliant blue and they almost glitter in the sunlight. He meets his gaze, just for a second. There’s something so nostalgic about it. Something so familiar, yet so very strange.

Nonetheless, Draco is still very much supposed to be getting out of there. So, he turns to the side, and starts to.. jog. Running would be abnormal at this time of day after all.

He jogs and jogs and jogs. His skinny, dainty looking legs are strangely useful for this task. He gets to a tube station just far enough from his place to avoid suspicion. Then, he does what anyone would do, and heads into the public restroom for a nice, long (and mostly silent) cry. He rushes into a cubicle, locks it behind him and then turns to face the door, covering his face. He weeps and weeps and weeps.

He was in love with her, wasn’t he! He was so stupid! How couldn’t he have known! How could he have idolized someone and somehow have completely missed out the fact that the man had had kids! Should he have just left her like that? All alone in her apartment after she’d been crying about him? Well.. it was true that she was planning on killing him. But oh dear god, she’d definitely been near changing at that final moment… oh dear god, what was he going to do? Where was he going to go? 

He thinks he sniffles too loud at one point and an oddly gruff voice in the cubicle to his right just goes “That shit not going too well, son?”, and then he laughs. Ugh.

Draco waits until he’s pretty sure that that man is gone and then he steps out, heading straight for the washbasins at the front. He’s wiped his face with toilet paper enough that he hopes it isn’t too obvious to anyone outside. A man, somehow even lankier than him, is standing at the washbasin beside his, rubbing at his hands so hard with soap you’d think there was something stuck to it. His hair.. isn’t looking too good. Neither is his face. The man notices him step to the front and seems practically captivated by him, keeps staring at him for 10 seconds straight, until he finally says, “You know you’re not allowed to do crack in here, right?”

Draco then blushes a fierce pink.

***

Draco’s quick after that, topping up his Oyster card and calling his broadband provider to cancel his wifi subscription. He even gets his number changed while he’s on the train. There’s more people there than he’s used to, but he looks ridiculous enough in his get up that most people sit as far away from him as they can. He’s thankful Y/N hasn’t found him yet though. Although, as he’s thought about it now, she probably wouldn’t follow him. At least not too far. 

Then he changes lines a bunch of times and rides the train all the way to Heathrow Airport. Aha! Do you think he’s about to take a flight out of the country? Because he isn’t! Instead, he calls up Blaise and almost cries about needing help.

“It’s an emergency, mate, I swear!”

“Oh my god, Malfoy.”

“Please, Blaise, for old time’s sake. I’m not too far from your house too. I’m at Heathrow. It’d take you five minutes…”

“Are you kidding me? I’ve just woken up, and this is what you’re calling me for? After months of not speaking?”

“I texted you but you never responded, mate. Come on… please? I thought we’d be buds forever.”

Blaise scoffs.

“Fine, blondie. I’ll be there in half an hour. Be at the pick up place when I get there, or I’m leaving. And you really fucking owe me, you know that.”

Draco sighs. “I know… thank you so much.”

“Yeah, bye.”

It isn’t long before Blaise shows up right where he said he would. And Draco is right there! His turtleneck pulled down now. He runs forward as Blaise steps out of his car and throws his arms around his abdomen.

“Oh, god, bruv.” Blaise pushes him back gently. “I was only coming out because I thought you’d have luggage or some shit. Were you travelling light for once?”

“I… I wasn’t here to catch a flight. Or get off one”

“So.. you were going to drop someone off?”

“No…”

“Oh god, you came here just to get me here, didn’t you? Jesus fuck-” He turns around, assumingly getting ready to leave.

“Bini, please.” He puts a hand on the top of his beanie. 

“I should literally just run you over for that one.” His face knits up slightly and he pauses, before soon beginning to smile. “Okay, I guess. I’ll drop you where you want me to..”

“I.. I kind of don’t have a place to be dropped off at.”

“You don’t? Where you planning on going then?”

“I was… kind of hoping…”

“Draco… always a needy little fuck, aren’t you?” He brings a hand to his temple, pressing his fingertips to it.

“Please, Blaise.. I let you stay over all those times as well.. all those times at my manor when we were kids… ”

“Christ, you don’t stop with the sentimental stuff, do you? Why do you have to know all of my weaknesses… okay. But only because Mum’s out of the country at the moment. If she knew you were staying over.. she would have gotten real mad.”

Draco doesn’t really say anything after that. He supposes Esme has somewhat of a reason to not want Draco around. What his Father had done wasn’t exactly... good for the reputations of those associated with him or his bloodline. But it was definitely nice of Blaise to offer him a place like this.

“Thank you.”

Blaise looks over at him at that.

“Did roughing it up on your own teach you how to be nice, Draco?”

“Maybe it did.”

***

So, yes, Draco does stay at Blaise’s place for a while. He does come clean to Blaise about everything that happened (“You… tried to what a girl, mate?”, followed by Blaise running out of the room and attempting to hide from Draco, while Draco running after him, trying to apologise and explain himself) And yes, he does agree to go to a therapist. A nice, motherly one who allows him to cry in front of him with little interruption. (Just a little “D’you want some tissues, love?”) And yes, he does spend a lot of time thinking about Y/N. He cries and listens to Harry Styles and Frank Ocean some. (Even though he hasn’t actually had his heart broken or anything of the sort! Draco is one hell of a dramatic little bitch, huh?) 

What he does begin to understand is his own constant self-victimization. He’s always found a way to find someone to blame for every little trouble in his life. His parents were why he was so bitchy and spoilt all the time, Potter was why he wasn’t as popular as he deserved to be at school, Granger was why he wasn’t the best student at school, his mum was why he wasn’t so open to having a girlfriend much too different from him and… well.. this was all bullshit, wasn’t it? 

He was being childish. He was so bitchy and spoilt, well, because he thought he was better than everyone else. He did for so long, all the time. He could only play it down when he needed to, but if he really didn’t like anyone he made it very clear that he thought they were inferior to him. He wasn’t popular at school because he treated everyone like he was better than them and Potter was just… nicer and understandably more famous than him (Draco still hates him though). He wasn’t the best student at school because Granger.. was simply more hardworking than he was. (Hey, he had to accept it at some point, didn’t he?) He wasn’t anywhere near how damn good she was… at everything. 

And he wasn’t so open to having a girlfriend much too different from him because… he was too used to everything being the way it had always been for him. He had grown up in the same house, stayed in a similar friend circle his whole life, always had the same taste of.. basically everything. That’s why he was so goddamn angry when everything just blew up for his family. Everything he was used to… was gone. He was no longer rich, no longer privileged the way he had always been. And again, he reacted by… well… channeling all his anger towards the person who had seemingly been responsible for that. He didn’t need to be as angry as he had been at his father. Sure, he was smuggling artifacts and even keeping some illegal works as decoration for their estate, but it’s not like Draco hadn’t known about it for as long as he had. He’d even been an adult when he… enabled everything that he knew happened behind closed doors. 

But his father did do everything he did for him. He did thinking he would best be able to provide for Draco and his mum that way. It was true that he was never much too generous, but he wasn’t only because he wanted to invest the money towards his own family’s wellbeing. He supposed he could understand that. And his parents were always, always mindful of his wants. Whether it was buying every boy on his secondary school house’s team a new cricket bat so he could get on with them, to what he wanted to study at uni, his parents always had his back.

Obviously, their “work” hadn’t exactly been safe and Draco wasn’t properly insured to be able to keep up his lifestyle without them or their accounts, so that had been irresponsible on their part. But his childhood could not be considered less than good. At all. He was only ever upset because of problems he kept making up himself. And because of him distancing himself from others by thinking he was too good to mix with them.

This whole change in lifestyle had done more harm than good in terms of his personality, in a way. He’d grown a conscience. It had started by him getting angry at everyone in the place of privilege he’d once had. First, he’d gotten mad at his father for getting him where he was, then he’d hated his friends from pulling back from him, and then… well.. he’d begun to hate Y/N for being able to study and afford nice things for herself. 

His stupid fixation on Hoyt was him looking up to someone he really, really shouldn’t have. Instead of looking up to actual great chemists like Lavoisier or Avogadro, he’d idolized... someone who’d used his knowledge of chemistry for all the wrong reasons. Again, him trying to get back at people who’d stayed rich while he’d lost all his wealth. Instead of working to be more successful than them or anything of the sort, he’d gone straight to the extreme and tried to think about how best to kill one he’d grown envious of. 

The interesting thing is, he doesn’t come close to seeing (or even thinking about) Y/N for a while. He lives harmoniously. He writes to Oxford and tries to get back into his second year. He writes to his college there and even applies for a need-based scholarship.

What’s surprising is, he gets it! He gets back in! His grades back then were reason enough for him to be readmitted into the program, and he just feels thankful for a second that Granger was never interested in taking up Chemistry at uni. He gets himself a job near Blaise’s place, rents another apartment, has a birthday party for Blaise there and meets up with his old friends again. They’ve all grown apart a bit now (understandably so, he was sort of.. the one who bossed everyone to be together most of the time). He even grows closer to them than he ever has before. Actually feels like they’re his friends.. rather than his minions.

It’s springtime and there’s still a lot of time until he has to get back to Oxford that fall. Somehow, even with his parents still in custody, everything seems to have somehow fallen back in place. Even better than before. Everything seems… peaceful.

That is, until he runs into Y/N at his therapist’s office! (Yes, you read that right! :)

He’s only sitting in the waiting room, reading something silly on his phone when he hears… that voice. Stepping out of the therapist’s office.

“Thank you so much, again.”

The woman inside mutters something inaudible in response and Y/N giggles softly. Oh, dear god.

He looks straight up at her, slowly pressing his phone into his lap. Oh no, oh no? Should he be here right now? Should he have told Molly Y/N’s name when he was explaining everything? Has Y/N told her about him? Has she connected the dots at all? Has Y/N followed him here? If Y/N actually has no idea he’s here, how on earth is she going to respond to the sight of him? Should he hide, for her sake? Would Y/N think he was stalking her again? Would Y/N think he was doing the same thing now and have some sort of attack in the office? He quickly looks to his lap again, trying his best to somehow hide away from her. Even though he was alone in the waiting room… and he was quite a bit taller than the seat he was sitting in.. and his blonde hair wasn’t exactly subtle. Maybe he really should have dyed it darker, that time he was considering it, maybe he was right about that. Maybe it’d even su-

“Draco?”

Oh, fuck.

He looks up at her, meeting her gaze a little slowly, eyes scoping out every plant pot in the back before they finally… reach.. their.. target. His ears are burning now, and it’s so quiet there that he can hear the blood rushing through them. Neither of them says a word, until, well, she does.

“Either this is everything all over gone or this one mother of a coincidence.”

She grips her purse a little tighter but she smiles at him brightly. Draco… then… smiles back. He should be careful, shouldn’t he? She’s lured him in once like this. And there’s no reason for her to be so nice to him. Not… after everything. She should hate him. She really should. Is she on something? Does she take meds? Or is she nicer when she doesn’t think worse of you? But shouldn’t she be thinking worse of him? If anyone should be doing that, it should be h-

“Hello?” She’s waving her hand in front of his face. Her nails aren’t manicured as they were before. “Why do you keep spacing out? Should I call her or something?”

“N-no. I’m just- I wasn’t expecting this today… not exactly… prepared. I- I guess I never really got to say it to you then.. I’m sorry. For everything… I-”

“Draco, maybe this isn’t the best place to… you know… just openly talk about this.” She gestures towards the receptionist in the corner, who looks up for a second, then, noticing the gesture, quickly looks down again. “Why don’t I.. um.. I’ll wait for you outside, yeah?”

“Y-you will?”

“I- well, yes. I don’t see why not. Not really in a rush to get anywhere right now. I have some chores to do round here. Why don’t I meet you at the cafe round the corner after your appointment? It’s an hour long, right? The one facing the Waitrose?”

“Yeah, um.. you’re not scared or.. anything like that? I totally understand if you are.”

“No.. I mean.. we know whom between us is that much better at self defense anyways. And I suppose it’d be best for me to take it in my stride after everything.”

“If you- if you really think so, I’m down for it.”

“See ya then. Good luck.”

And with that, she heads out. She’s wearing a light pair of jeans this time. With a full sleeved green top. The jeans are tight. In the best way possible.

He shakes his head and gets himself out of it. What the fuck is wrong with him? He is not seventeen anymore. He needs to get back to himself. He can’t just get hormonal at the sight of a pretty girl.

He rushes into his therapist’s office, and very soon, begins to pour his heart out to her. He tells her explicitly what happened with Y/N herself. And Molly, oh dear me, is a little overwhelmed. She’s just as lovely, though.

“Oh my. You’ve gotten yourself into something, haven’t you?”

“Yes.”

“I suppose-, well, what do you feel you should do about this?”

“What do you mean? What do you think? I’m confused!”

“I- you have to decide what to do, don’t you? I’m here to listen, clear your head about it and let’s help you make a judgement.”

“Molly!”

“Draco! Now, go on.”

***

Somehow, within that space of an hour, Draco does come to a decision. 

The decision to risk it all and try to go out with her again!

He does stay much safer this time around, though. He sends people he’s close to his location. And tells them what to do if he doesn’t wish them goodnight that night. (“just call the police”)

He sits down with her at the cafe and he pours his heart out to her as well. God knew this morning would involve him literally having to do this with two grown woman! Well, at least the one of them was expected. The other… however… also seems to empathise with him as well. To some extent.

“I… well… I suppose I can’t exactly forgive you for just deciding upon killing me the way that you did. That’s mighty fucked up. But… I see the position that you were in.”

“I- yeah.” Draco just shrugs, offering a sort of tightlipped smile. “I get it.”

“It’s amazing to finally be able to wrap my head around it somewhat, though. For so long, I thought you were still lying to me about… the… my father thing. But now I can.. somewhat grasp it. I suppose.”

 “It was extremely messed up.”

“It was. But it’s not like I didn’t-”

“I mean, that seemed more like self-defense to me than anything. Yours made a lot more sense than mine.”

“Oh, that’s for sure. I’ve… kind of always been super paranoid about anything to do with… him. My mother always tells me to be careful so I kind of… took it much too far. That’s sort of why I started going for therapy. I would get such bad anxiety from the simplest of things. I’d taken a long self defense course last year, even though my mom's already had me doing Tae Kwondo since I was in primary school. And you saw what I did with you. I had knives, pepper sprays, everything and anything I would need. I’d set up an alarm system in my apartment and always spoke to someone when I went to sleep and when I woke up. I was just… constantly on edge. And you kind of just… tipped me over it, you know.”

“I know, and I’m so sorry about it. Still. I have no excuses.”

“I appreciate you saying that.”

She smiles at Draco. And he does the same. Something flutters up and down his stomach.

“I’m so glad we could talk this through, yeah? But I should get going. I do have to study and everything.”

“I-” Should Draco give up on this chance. Is this worth it? Could she ever even say yes? Perhaps she would. “Should we trade numbers? Just so we can keep in touch about it.”

“I’m-” She sighs and looks down at her lap, then up at him again. She sets her elbow on the table and leans forward the slightest, setting her chin on her palm. “I’m really sorry… but with the way things went last time… and with my recovering mental health, I just- I wouldn’t feel comfortable with it. I’m so so glad we could go over everything and come to some mutual understanding but… I don’t think I could-”

“Oh, you don’t have to worry. It’s all good. I totally get it.”

To his surprise, his heart didn’t sink. She reaches over and gently squeezes his forearm.

“Maybe we’ll meet again, huh?”

“Maybe we will.”

And Draco walked out of there, not unhappy, but finally feeling like he’d received some closure. He’d erred greatly and he really did deserve what he’d gotten (or not gotten). He’d really tried to get over her already, so it really didn’t sting when she said what she did.

For once, he knew what to expect. And he felt happy about it. Maybe he didn’t get to do bits with her, but that hardly mattered. At least now she knew the truth about him.

What mattered most was that the next chapter of his life was only leading him forwards.

a/n: thank you so so sos os so sososososososooooo much for reading through this series. this is very close to my heart and i appreciate each and everyone who’s managed to keep up with all of it. This final part i also chose to end without really bringing the characters together because… Y/N does not deserve it. for her, that would be the bad ending. i did this because i just think that girls often do not realise that they deserve more than the attractive guy who tries to be bad. this sounds hypocritical coming from well… me… someone who runs a draco blog, but what i’m trying to say is, we shouldn’t settle. a lot of times i feel like we forget to place ourselves in the shoes of the actual character. for what reason would you ever go out or sleep with someone who had ever planned to kill you! their good looks just won’t cut it if so, no? i feel like this is the best ending for the both of them, because draco learns to actualise his potential and to stop blaming everyone else in his life for all his problems, and y/n learns to heal from the struggles she’s had and both their endings are left pretty open. also, i feel like a lot of fanfic endings/plot developments are compromised just to get the main pairing together in the end. so. yeah. also mental health is something i really prioritise, and i thought doing this just does so much justice for both of them mentally. i’d be happy to hear your thoughts and any feedback you have! thank you so much for reading through you all of this as well. love you so much <3

[vertigoambrosia]

finally watching shortcut

if the spoiler alan tweeted is true i’m gon be real upset

oh snap axel’s finally gonna be on nxt tv today!

oh god the turbinhalle in summer must be unbearable -- i remember at carat it got super stuffy

if marius is going with the shadow stuff he really needs to dress like an actual ninja and not a samurai

...ok actual ninjas didn’t dress in all black they dressed to fit in with the crowd but you know what i mean!

hmmm idk how i’m gonna feel about listening to this song a billion times

it’s better promo music than stock entrance music

it’d be good entrance music for one person, just not for an entire shows worth

new camera angle!!

..wub wub

i miss when bobby was a dick and most people booed him

like, if marius wins are people gonna be upset?

ah, the gayest spot - jump on a dude’s raised hips

oh those lil marius fans are at oberhausen too!

bobby i think i can see your boner

tbh i’m not 100% on how bulges work though

hahahahaha the kids doing the dueling chants

is it just me or are there a lot of cuts than usual?

def looks like they’ve got more coverage than usual -- hard cam might be farther up too

oh damn that dropkick

that submission counter was great

wow i looked away to stop an alarm on my phone and the match ended

oh shit on a superkick? ok i guess?

yeah i hope they realized people would be upset when they planned that because that was abrupt as fuck

like, as the beginning of a comeback, it would make sense, but with bobby being so dominant for the last eight months (and having just given marius a superplex) it should have taken a lot more than that to take him down

at this point i got insanely distracted with a phone game for literally like, 2 and a half hours

anyway

hopefully them prominently showing the crowd being upset means they’re not gonna go in a tone deat direction

its our boi!

with a new haircut! no more mullet

that red looks good on him

oh boy

aww dragan

walter brought out all the gold for full intimidation too

dragan your undies match your shirt but not your tights

..rico i would not call walter a brawler

dragan been watching some ishii matches

aww that should have gone on longer

i mean, i get why it didn’t, but it had a good pace

hey walter you forgot your belts

i still think this match is dumb but i understand that avalanche really really wanted more chances to put people through tables (especially jayfk)

? where the bois go?

ah, to get the most important thing

no more galaxy! :(

oh nvm it’s just only on their butts now

man jay is having so much fun being an asshole

omggg julian’s shirt is tucked into his trunks

AUF DIE FRESSEN

gahhh these camera angles are really bothering me

they should probably give the belts during the match to someone who can keep hold of them

as we used to say in the vgcw chats: interior decorating

hah did pete knock over the table by accident?

jay skillet: :V

oh wow pete crawling up the ramp is....a thing

lmao i was wondering why they chose that angle and then...francis’ face

ivan!!!!

...and then the table doesn’t break

ICH BIN DER TISCH

lol awkward

HAHAHAHAHA HOLY SHIT

WIR SIND DER TISCHEN

THERE WE GO

YAAAAAY

skillet’s a trooper though for real

“ab master of the universe’ i missed rico gushing over hot bods

pete! cover him!

oh right it’s a tables match i’m dumb

haha that table

avalanche too heavy for pete

too much boi

ok i adore ivan crawling over and only having the strength to clutch onto pete’s leg like he’s begging pete not to leave him

man they probably should have had an extra table so they didn’t have to deal with a dilapidated one

oh god i hope nobody slides off that

wow that’s an image

god i hope petes ok

rip table

rip pete

lucky :( no rise shirt - he looks so plain

what did this asshole tarkan do

(actually i think i know - i accidentally spoiled myself cause i forgot twitter lists don’t mute accounts)

tarkan you’re so insincerrrrreee

and it shows when your brother is the most sincere child

so glad they subbed this promo

‘it’s like loving a woman...or a man...whoever you sleep with you know what i mean’

awwwww lucky

also hmm interesting that he mentioned that he wrestled elsewhere

aww lucky bb let go so he can finish talking

arghhh tarkan’s such a diiick

aww pete’s really trying to not be angry here

wait what did he drug pete?

what a dick he straight up shows lucky how he lied to him

my poor baby

oh no and pete and ivan are barely alive so they can’t come out to collect him

tarkan is THE WORST

worst than andy

speaking of....

man i’m getting sick of this song and we’ll have to hear it 30 more times...

ilja maybe calm down on the squats and crouching a lil the match hasnt even started yet

ugh the andy dudes are still there

young lady why are you chanting for andy are you his daughter or something

...rico it’s always champion vs challenger that’s how title matches work

hey wait they didn’t show AJ in that montage of ilja’s defenses

men whose bodies rico has made sure to compliment: avalanche, pete, ilja

i’m sure we’ll get tim when he shows up in the shortcut match

oh no is the story of this match goign to be ‘ilja hurts himself just by having no chill’

oh DAMN ilja fucking murdered that poor crew guy

wasted worse than misu fucks up young boys

is that seat empty just for spots?

wait what

yeah rico i think a girl has thrown a drink in your face before

man i don’‘t get drinking beer to feel cool - beer just makes me hot

dammit ilja that was not the direction you should have gone in!

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha get rekt andy

PIN HIM ILJA

woowww andy even found a way to kick out obnoxiously

wait did marius win the shotgun title in the same way that he lost to andy at carat?

tas what was your plan there

did you really think he wouldn’t do it

oh god ilja

UGH

‘the evil did it’

and indeed, the story was ‘ilja loses his title because he is incapable of chill

man i was hoping that wouldn’t happen even though i knew it would

ok new post for the shortcut match just because i said so

[elkian]

chapter 23

“lol elk you’re a bit behind did you forget-” no. this chapter fucking murdered me.

First thing’s first

Ivan is a cheating cheater who cheats, so he has a crit rate at range with the shadow sword, which in theory is not supposed to be possible. I found this out 20+ turns in to this 24-turn map.

THINGS I’VE CHANGED:

I tried to train some of my lower units (Itsuke, Yue, Arthur, and Rex; Lirin to an extent) on my previous attempts. I will not do that. I am bringing Team Steamroll because I need someone who has a fucking chance to hit the boss.

re: having chance to hit the boss: I cheaped out on weaponry last attempt, and what few attacks could hit couldn’t finish him and he would murder anyone on a counter.

What do these four shots have in common?

...

These are my only units with 20+ Skill. I have 33 Units - including a number of Prepromotes - and a grand total of 4 of them have 20 or more Skill.

I’ve said it before on previous chapters, but this playthrough more than anything burned into my brain that, at the very least, Skill is not a dump stat when you don’t have enough of it.

With his paltry Defense but excellent Luck, Anakin had the least chance of being critted to death but could barely survive a regular hit. And a 4% chance to lose a Plot Character is officially Too Damn High.

Levion will be my Tactical Nuke of choice this run. Not only does he have the best Skill of most of my army, he has the defenses to tank return fire and enough Con to keep his Speed above being doubled, not to mention access to Lances.

While I was in here - and I need to clear some Inventory space for this and the next stage - I realized there’s no reason not to promote Kelik. He’s capped, Anakin’s promoted, Shon’s going to promote this run, and Sieg can’t use it.

Note that Kelik cannot go head to head with Ivan either. I’m not really sure what Blazer was thinking - Shon’s promotion gains are far better (though that might be a slight on Shon, since he needs all the help he can get).

Oh, and his official titel is...

Suuuuuure, Blazer. Sure.

Actually, he has a support with Althares and Levion, so it may be worth bringing him next attempt.

Anyways. Upon actually checking the numbers, trying to Dodge Ivan is nigh-impossible, which is a useful consideration.

I’ve replaced Yue, Itsuke, Arthur, and Rex with Levion, Inanna, Tamiko, and Ace.

Yes. Inanna. Why?

Because Triangle Attack if Levion can’t nuke Ivan in time is why.

Alice is an absolutely amazing Prepromote and comes equipped with an Elixir, Silver Lance, and Wind Sword(40 charges!). She doesn’t take up a deployment slot nor require inane recruitment shenanigans to start. One of my few regrets on this level was not requipping her better so that she didn’t need to keep using Wind Sword charges.

Oh, and I have a save file from my failed previous attempt if anyone wants to figure out how to kill Ivan with 4 turns to go and a passel of units that would melt if he looked at them wrong.

I just noticed that Inanna and Alice are the same level. After being fed like 3(?) Angelic Robes, Inanna is +6HP, -4 Skl, +1Spd, -6Lck, -3Def, and +1Res. Ouch.

Some inventory management. One of my BIGGEST regrets on my last attempt was only bringing the Armor Cutter and then the person wielding it always being in the wrong spot.

Oh yeah, I promoted Mark. He and his shiny new stats look super sweet. He’s a few points up on Liquid, who was my first pick for this level.

If I have to repick, I’ll probably trade out the pegs for Eduardo and Liquid, or possibly Shadow there.

OH

YEAH

THAT

An important consideration for Shon’s (absurdly heavy) super-special sword is that the Brave Effect takes place before enemy counterattacks. And he caps for-

-oh god, this is going to be one of THOSE runs isn’t it.

Anyways, Shon fulfills his Destiny(TM). Something I realized is that his sprite looks oddly probably because it’s a recolored Eliwood sprite. That hair in particular.

Again, the stat gains! +2 minimum in everything but luck, +3 and +5 to Def and HP respectively. Did Blazer use standard gains for Kelik and not Shon, or the other way around?

I recommend following along Blastinus’ LP, btw, since I’m very tired and not going to go over every detail, especially inventory management.

I’m more careful re: positioning, so the steel Lance cav closest attacks Inanna (miss)  and this mage attacks Mark. I’m kinda surprised he managed that counter, to be honest. No one else is in reach.

And here we have the True Boss of the map. This Bishop is equipped only with Physic, and is bound and determined to make your life a living hell.

:( even with Effective Weaponry Karina cannot 1-shot this cav. She and Innana do not have Delphi shields, so I need to be sure to knock out that archer before proceeding. (Archer is also in the outmost range of the hand axe Fighter nearby).

Lirin eats the Steel Lance Cav that attacked Inanna. 

On one hand, I’m enthused that she can almost double this archer to death. On the other, I’m sad she can’t double this archer to death. Also, 33 HP feels like a lot even for a level 16 Archer.

I always forget about Berserker crit rates

Everyone piles on the Steel Sword Cav, the last living foe in range. Sieg was doing this on my last attempt, too, as if to taunt me.

I was wrong, Karina’s in range of the Fire mage and a Javelin Cav to the north. Ace runs up to switch her to Javelins.

Anakin refreshes Tamiko and she takes out the Axereaver Soldier through the wall.

Dream big, buddy, dream big. (She crits them immediately)

And again! Crit on the second hit.

This is important: this is the range of the Bloody Rifle Sniper. I’d forgotten that Bloody Rifles are Killer Longbows.

Also, you can see that the jav cav stayed put since the mage moved first (and missed on 70+%. glad it’s not just me.)

Parking Mark on that hill just out of BR range leads to some unexpected hilarity and an excellent level.

This Fighter makes some questionable choices, though I will say I think this is the first time Alice took a hit on any of my attempts.

Jav Cav runs into melee range and joins the ranks of mooks who failed to hit Tamiko. The level’s a bit meh but she’s already incredible.

Lyam managed, across two turns, a pair of BR hits vs the stationary soldier indoors. I guess the first hit didn’t bring their health low enough to proc the Bishop.

Anakin Motivates Mark and gets this timely, if not exactly impactful, level.

Why did he refresh Mark, you may ask?

this is why. GET BENT.

By coincidence (Mark) and design (Shon), this plants my dudes right out of mage range. I will walk someone in there in a second though.

By luck I manage to Rescue-chain Althares to just below that zone, with Alice and Emma and no real wasted movement.

That Knight has the Brave Lance, btw, so be sure to keep them switched to the Javelin til you can kill them.

oop. Forgot that indoor Knight had a Jav too.

OH. THIS MAGE HAD ELFIRE. THAT’S RIGHT.

Karina misses but doubles since Elfire is heavy, and gets a timely level.

This troubadour is bugged or something - this is the second attempt in a row they’ve run up to a wounded ally and done nothing.

Of course it’s the redundant (Knight Levion just damaged) that you get a crit on. Still better than Storm.

Mark and Shon team up to kill the Knight (Shon has a free inventory slot and I don’t want the Brave Lance ending up with Liuke) and Karina takes Lirin’s Delphi Shield and soars up to switch Shon back to javelins.

Honestly one of the biggest crimes of this level is there’s no chance Liuke will be mobile, so if you mess up on inventory management sweet, useful loot will drop and have nowhere to go. There’s no shortcut back to him - it’s turn 6 and we’re just now in sight of the door.

that lower Mage has Dasher, which apparently has an animation in other versions of this Hack, but not this one.

Probably the smartest move in terms of survivability. Shon’s high Luck negates the Short Bow crit.

jeeeeez-us. Shon doubles the Dasher mage to death for a decent level whilst I contemplate how close we came to a reset here.

Aircalibur mage. The tome is fittingly as light as air, so they can put their full 11 speed to work fwiw. I will not be parking Karina in range.

That Fighter has a Steel Axe and the Sage has Thunder. Tread careful.

Mark dispatches the archer for this dodgy level.

It’s a good idea, on a map like this, to manually end each unit’s turn. For example, while paging through Units, I’d totally forgotten Anakin to the south. That would have been a pain to make up for. Instead he runs up to refresh Lyam for giggles.

Althares is on a House so he has some terrain advantages. Kinda wishing I’d brought his promotional now. Ah well.

Oh and I lied. I put the Short Bow (remember, Blazer hacked it to have 1-2 range) on Lyam and put him on the forest in front of the Fighter just to see, and he ends up melting the AC mage for no damage himself.

I actually got a crit on this potshot on the next turn only to realize that wasn’t the Sage and to reset. Sage does not get hit and I reset again because that was for actual joaks. I have no idea with the Bloody Rifle, honestly.

7 turns in to a 24-turn level and we are just now in sight of the door. A thief is about to spawn btw. The Door Key Knight and Chest Key Mage are buggy - the Knight will unlock the door, while the Mage will step on, but not open, the upper-leftmost chest, which is the first one the thief can reach. It can be pretty hilarious actually.

God. Even Sieg’s super-special effective sword isn’t enough to keep his ass intact. We don’t do this. instead, every non-magic-proof ally moves up to just out of range and every magic-proof one walks in.

Almost forgot to finish this joker off.

All the enemies on this level are high enough that low-promos can get decent chunks off them. I’d complain, but honestly I’m okay with these stats.

Every single JaveKnight goes for Lyam. He crits one, fells none, and doesn’t get hit once.

Lirin, meanwhile-

OH SHIT HE’S FAST ENOUGH TO DOUBLE

Yeah, I did not brain that good. Thankfully her Luck-Res-HP are all high enough to keep her in one piece.

Crunch the numbers, kids. Don’t end up with dead ponies.

Tamiko restore Lirin to full and she annihilates the Sage for a decent level. Wish she’d had that strength before - she could only do 14 with an Iron lance so I gambled on Steel instead.

Cia incinerates a remaining Knight for her first Sage level. Outstanding.

I doofed up and had Cia end turn after refreshing her so Levion and Lyam step into Hero-Merc range

Ow. Also, wishing I’d brought a sword for him after all. Didn’t use it at all last attempt. Guess I could have trade-scummed it.

It’s a good thing none of them can double him. He can’t double back, though (Cia can). He misses the Hero, too.

Shon smacks the Hero down and snags the Angelic Robe from them.

Lyam notches the Steel Sword Merc for a level I have no right to complain about.

Liring and Innana finish off the Mercs; Emma and Althares dash for the left side treasure. I come to the realization that Emma could very likely solo the entire left side, since the Mage drops the Chest Key. I want to try grabbing the Lockpicks this time, though, so Althares joins her.

Okay, solo is an exaggeration but not by that much. Also, dammit, I should have kept her at the edge of range. Ah well, Javelin drop is good too.

...well okay then (that’s the Emblem Axe btw)

I’ll take it!

The chest key Mage steps down to fail at hitting Althares, but the Thief still goes right. Maybe the Mage isn’t meant to move.

Althares, with Anakin’s help, steals both Lockpicks and Dracoshield. Howard kills the mage (needing a steel sword for it too) and Emma obligingly melts the thief for an odd-for-her but very welcome level.

Right side needs to be cautious. I don’t think it’s an accident that this Cappricio-wielding General is right in range of that cracked wall. The Shaman just has Flux, but that Physic Bishop is right there. That Warrior at the bottom is carrying a silver axe, too.

Yowch. Alice and the Shaman both land a hit, Alice whiffs the second.

Althares grabs the Earth Master Animate Seal and the squad swings back around.

Levion gives no fucks about your critty lance, though I actually sit him on a pillar instead.

Enemy phase, everyone misses.

not Levion, though.

Honestly, having this guy out of my hair is well worth the Silver Axe uses.

Innana and Lyam knock down the wall and Mark has better odds with Iron. He gets up to 98 EXP too.

Ace and Levion finish off the General for a surprisingly decent level.

Thanks to some trade shenanigans, Alice pops the chest. I decide to send the Axe on since Levion is about the only person who has a chance landing a hit on the boss with WTA

ACE IS BA-

-ck?

Halberdier with Drizzle

Archer with Steel and Longbows

I really wish Anakin had a prestige class of some kind. His high utility means he earns EXP super fast - ten per phase just from Motivating - and he’ll ram 20 sooner than later.

Innana and Lirin kill the Archer and Alice grabs a Bloody Rifle from the chest.

Levion and Mark move into Drizzle range- thanks to WTA Mark can just scrape by not getting critted to death and Tamiko heals Lirin for a decent level

times like these I really wish I had the Heavy Lance. I keep forgetting to trade the Armor cutter off Howard too - all the armored units have Lances so I keep forgetting.

OH SH-

THANK GOD

Mark initiates The Slaughter and gets a great level for it.

Drizzle’s low hit (Ace’s on a pillar) means that no one has gotten hit yet, thank god.

Inanna finishes the job and gets a level.

Yup. That sure is a level.

We don’t start the final offensive just yet, but I check the numbers of Swordslayer vs Swordmaster and conclude that I love Levion.

One of the biggest problems I had in my last attempt is that no one had the HP to tank a crit from that damn thing. Levion can take a crit, as well as a single Silver Sword Crit I believe and the double.

Also, I can’t tell if this is deliberate or a coding bug/fail, but unlike other ranged swords the Shadow Sword uses Strength at both ranges and can crit at both ranges. Don’t get crit if you can help it.

Althares opens the leftmost door and Karina snags this, sending the now-redundant Delphi Shield back to the convoy. Be absolutely sure you have space before you play this level. The next one gives you a ton of shopportunities too.

Alice and Lyam take down the Shaman. What does it say when it takes two prepromotes to kill an unpromoted enemy, I wonder?

Oh, btw.

Ace can double a swordmaster.

we won’t be doing this (jfc that crit) but still.

It takes Howard (2 misses with the Emblem Axe) Sieg and Cia to kill the true boss of the level.

NOW we can start on Ivan.

Bad: Ivan doubles and hits twice while Levion misses.

Good: He doesn’t crit and has switched off of distance attacks. I forgot about plinking.

Althares grabs the last item - an Eclipse tome - leaving boss and throne all that’s left undone.

Even with his Accuracy woes, Ace whips out two Javelin hits. I love you, Ace.

just for chuckles, I let Howard take a shot with the Killer Lance. No one dies and he doesn’t hit.

I move Anakin up for Motivating Ace before having second thoughts.

Remember what I said about Light Magic being a good finisher due to its high accuracy?

No one dies, but he makes both hits.

Oh. Huh.

I’ll take it.

And this chapter is FUCKING FINISHED. I have so many regrets, largely due to making bad starting choices and not knowing how to finish. I probably didn’t need to steam roll it this hard, but Aside from some scares no one was actually at risk of death at any point. And there’s an arena next map for actual training and purchasing purposes.

Night all.

(if you have interest in my failed attempt, it’s a private post over here)

[ghosthierophant]

1x07, 1x08

out of all the character costumes, Georgina’s were The Best

this series was some good shit all around, even the musical numbers - you haters can kiss my ass

tfw you find out the truth about The Parents

The Miserable Mill:

oh the theme... i haven’t heard in forever

/ still not looking away

hi lumbermill

hi eye doctor

MY LOVE FLEW LIKE  A BUTTERFLY

UNTIL DEATH SWOOPED DOWN LIKE A BATH

mr. poe this all your fault

WE /sniff

need /sniff

FREE SAMPLES

oh mmy~

excellent chowder~

/ eats more?

MR. POE AIN’T WORRIED AT ALL

WHAT THE GUM

it’s fine.... let them.... stay

“get a job, hitchhikers” ,,, ok, child labor,,,, it’s fine

NICESUIT LEMONY

nice gingerbread house

nice wolf

not familiar w Walden as much

not,,, rly Out of the Woods tho

yikes,, capitalism

VERY LARGE SPOON

Pink Floyd’s the Wall

/ pushes on the gate

Trespassers will be Put to Work

/ are put to work

IT’S A VERY VERY WRONG PLACE

/ eye

Schoolchildren

#partner

Terrible Fire

Eye-shaped building

hi,,,, Sir,,,, with a face,,,, & not,,,, smoke

PARTNER - several things

MORE PROGRESSIVE CULTURAL MORES

CERTAIN HIGH COURT RULINGS

HE IRONS MY CLOTHES

OMELETS

THE DEFS ARE NOT MUTUALLY EXCLUSIVE

/ loving normative home

#work

/ we’re partners

“in this economy, children are lucky to have an economy at all”

Photograph

[ gags ]

//////////// They’re the ones that burned it down

OUR PARENTS DID WHAT

/ died in a fire

/ good

Paltryville

#Evander

/ forced apart by circumstance

/ ran out in the middle of the night w a bunch of her valuables

/ chocolate wrapping

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

THE FUCKING SONG

/ drank blood fr the skulls of chupacabras

Too Terrible

THEIR PARENTS ARE DEAD

“Lights out.  Too seconds.”

hi,,,,, phil,,,,, oh,,,,,,, ok,,,,,, um,,,,,,

Olympic Athletes /looks at you

#optimist

THE OPTIMIST SPEECH YES

“ah, my arm!”

#optomotrist 

“thought both can be dangerous”

#library

#machines

We Fix How You See

/ are gunna see Count Olaf

/ Count Olaf will find you

/ asking the wrong questions, again

WHERE DOES COUNT OLAF’S EX-GIRLFRIEND WORK

there,,,,,,,,,, she,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, is

/ count olaf dart board

/ old friend who severely regrets his actions

/ brokenhearted

/ needs something for himself //// yes

Dr. Georgina Orwell

/ who shares one’s brilliance, one’s charm

/ one’s dubious moral code

YOU’VE CHANGED YOUR HAIR

/////   left me to drown

Fate & Fortune

/ sunny is asleep

what Sir said about your parents,,,, is,,,, lowkey,,,,

/ clear their names

/ get out of here

/ shouldn’t have left us alone

tfw you can’t ask them

SPEAKING OF THE DEVIL, THERE THEY ARE

Beatrice is So Gorgeous

/ keeps hiding this part of their lives

/woods search party

MORNING - mansion w blueberry pancakes 

lumbermill, metal pots banging together

New foreman

Flacutono

i’m everyone who isn’t phil

Lumber Midgets

/ debarker

Shortcuts Save Time: Take Some

nice, sunny

/ hates log days

5 MINUTES

,,,, it’s gum

/ not paid in wages

/ paid in coupons

THAT CNA’T BE LEGAL

/ Lucky Smells is our life

/ Lucky Smells is our home

LET’S GO LET’S LEAVE

#lunch break

/ causes trouble

/ get back to work

PARTNERS: STAND UP TO HIM

THIS MAKES SO MUCH SENSE

HE’S SPRUNG 

IT’S STILL A CANON READ

/ terrible childhood right now

New Foreman

FIND A REASON TO LEAVE FASTER

/ checks the ankle

[ grunting ]

“rich boy” ,,,,ok

/ steps on glasses

NOT A-OKAY

Dr. Orwell

/ IS HYPNOTIZED

/ sugar

a little death - which death

Spanish / le petit mort

children:: SHOULDN’T WE LIVE TOGETHER FIRST~

DR. ORWELL’S OFFICE~

HEY BOSS

yup eyes of God staring down & judging society as a moral wasteland

good times in great gatsby

doctors, are not,,, friends

“Phil was wrong of course”

/ fought w a most unfriendly refrigerator repair person

Hi it’s a Fridge Repair Person

There He Is

NICE FLIP

SO MANY COPIES OFyourself

/ BLACKLINED

SAME W ALL THE REEST

except this one

DOOR OPENS

SHOULD’VE TAKEN THE BOOK W YOU, DUMBASS

NOW HE’S GUNNA SCRATCH IT OUT, TEAR IT

hi charles

V F D

“like a fire in the mind”

handwriting: your dad’s

[ DATA REDACTED ]

/ watches that gay shit

“this mill is all i have charles”

“& you”

/ leans in for a kiss

/ denied

.... this ain’t scary at all

Hi Georgina

/ sweet way

/ plastic surgery

/ faraway town

calm reassuring voice 

I met your parents

FIRE OR ACCIDENT

A PARENT OR AN ARSONIST

/ hypnotism 

HI SHIRLEY

window drawing

violet :(

KLAUS IS FCKED UP

,,, you should have left tho lbr

LUMBER LABORERS

Baude-liar

NO SHOES EVEN

i’m sunny freaking out

“this is he”

/ certainly isn’t here

/ all be together

COBIE IS SO PRETTY :((((( :))))))))))))))

violet your hair being down is so unsafe

Inordinate

tfw no shoes

THERE THEY ARE

WITH,,, THEIR HOUSE

Very Fancy Door / VFD

Visitors

This peach

here was the misdirection y’all were talking about w The Parents

DUNCAN

QUIGLEY

ISADORA

THE PANCAKES WERE THEIRS

/ BREAKING OUT OF PRISON IN PERU

,,,,,,,,,,, damn

tfw cobie looks like Bea tho

aite

I’m Fine With That Twist Tho

it makes More Sense

i’m actually Grateful bc now we’re not even detracting fr the book

GOOD SHIT GOOD SHIT RIGHT THERE

Secret organization

/ glasses

1 question: 

beloved Beatrice when she died

WHERE IS COUNT OLAF

/ there

/ hypnotism

lovely wig for Shirley tho

Mysterious Caller 

jacquelyn?

They Were of No Help Whatsoever: nope, mr. poe

The Miserable Mill, Part Two:

[ theme song ]

THERE’S THE GUY W SMOKE THERE IN THE OPENING WHY NOT THE ENTIRE FUCKING 

tfw no baudelaires

you DON’T DESERVE A PROMOTION

/ slaps

[ stammering ]

/ received orders that i can’t let you go

TAKE IT OFF

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, weak shit

/ passes out

Investigative Journalist

/ seeing in black & white - ME AS HELL

Oversimplified & often incorrect - Daily Poor Reporting

Lemony Snicket is Not Dead

2 accidents

/ my duty to report them correctly

/ better if you can’t see

WIG & LIPSTICK DON’T FOOL US

SHIRLEY

Shirley St. Ives

[ Nametag Schmametag ]

/ impolite

/ tear their hair out with my bare hands

/ cookie

“nothing villainous about free healthcare” - hmmm

“women can be doctors”

I’M COOKIE, SHIRLEY

I’M SHIRLEY, COOKIE

/ i’m ya partnar

Vision Changes

YES, SIR

tfw still no shoes

/ operates it perfectly

/ move as fast as you can, & then mov e faster

Hypnotists in the Forest

Black & White

Lumber minions

LOOK AT YOUR RIGHT SIDE

/ code red

RIP PHIL

hi dolores

hi... georgina?

/ clucks

Nero - instrument

Fatal Accident during Lucky Smells

WAS NOT PHIL

HAIR UP, LIKE IT SHOULD’VE BEEN THE WHOLE DAMN ASS TIME VIOLET

tfw 1 leg

OH BOY: HALF PRICE PEDICURES FOR LIFE

Klaus

/ excuses, just like your parents

Value of Discipline & Child Labor

INORDINATE

/ does nothing

/ silent partner

#pariah

best seen in black & white - the past

/ doesn’t know

/ doesn’t want to know

/ free labor

“you’re terrible & i love it”

/ turns, Shirley 

/ POSING up to 100

/ tfw no partner

Adoption Economics

/ on the desk

/ dreaming of children

heaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrt

[ voice deepens ]  BEG YOUR PARDON

COSTLY

OOPS DROPPED ANOTHER PEN

/ smells an evil plan

/ has to know

,,,,, / holding hand

“I can’t go on I’ll go on”

/ real maiming

LOVE THE PURPLE & RED MY GALS

/ act like a receptionist

NICE SPANX

/ wearing your clothes

BOTH KNIVES

 the most sus metal ladder ever

LOVE GEORGINA’S CLOTHES THE MOST

/ hypnotizing 

/ trust issues: I DATED YOU

CHARLES BE OUR PROXY

/ poisoned my coffee

egh

[ gasps ]

[screaming ]

SKELETONS IN OUR CLOSET

/ LEMONY TUCKING HIS SHIRT IN

/ PULLING HIS PANTS OUT

YAS DADDY

/ 200-page Beatrice book 

/ the reason she could not marry me

MY DEAREST DARLING, WITH TEAR STAINS

/ real skeletons

both metaphorical & literal skeletons

Records

EVERYONE

INORDINATE

/ abandoning the workers

/ don’t know what they want, not anymore

Help

Good news: 

Bad news: receptionist, Shirley

HYPNOTIZED

/ cloud of smoke, metaphorically i guess

HI CHARLES

/ build character with misery

/ deserve each other

INORDINATE

BIg Book

................ y’all

... Flacutono / Hook Man

LUCKY BOY

/ gumon the door

THINGS LOOK BAD OUR FRIENDS ARE DEAD

Quagmires’ DILF & MILF

Vigorous Fire Defense

/ flunked eavesdropping

LOVELY HOME

IT’S A SHAME IF ANYTHING

WERE TO HAPPEN TO IT

who in the car

AH YES

A FIRE

nice heels, shirley

The Other Two

YEAR

WEEK

SEASON

/ hunt you down

charles :(

/ hate s you bc it’s fun

FIRE

INORDINATE

Outlast: Whistleblower

/ fire: cause chaos

/ enemies waiting outside

/ fire: escape undetected 

FIRE FIRE FIRE FIRE FIRE FIRE FIRE

/ cause chaos & save lives

/ cannot save every life

WORKERS UNITE

/ tfw no primal parenting instincts

/ don’t need a partner

/ simple & straightforward

INORDINATE

parents

WHAT ABOUT FREE WILL

/ showed them

oh,,,,, bye dr. orwell

/ can’t run

NEVER TAKING A P ARTNER AGAIN

/ takes esme

NICE ASS, NEIL PATRICK

FREEDOM

HYPNOSIS

CHILD LABOR

CHILD OLAF IN A DRESS

,,,,, all real

/ found us By Accident

/ searches for Sir

THE SEX WAS BOMB

/ the page

Putting Out the Fire

Boarding School

HERE WE GO

HERE WE GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

THEY’RE MEETING UP

I’M GOING TO CRY

LOVE THE UNIFORMS TOO

/ spyglass fr Jacquelyn

NEW FRIENDS

THERE THEY ARE

SIMILAR EXPERIENCES

FEELS A LITTLE MORE COMPLETE

SPYGLASS

c l i c k

/ violin

IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE LOL

LOL LEMONY SINGING BYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYE

hi neil god bless

THEY’RE SINGING TOO

much love

to the haters who hate the musical numbers: KISS MY ASS

ill-fitting pants 

/ cough

I’m Done :(

[nicecreamdeer]

Hey chip? Fuck You: 1-7, 9-11, 24-31, 32-57, 58!, 59!, 60!, 61-78, 79-86, 98

1: Bulbasaur, Charmander, or Squirtle?Eva since I was a youngin’.

2: Chikorita, Cyndaquil, or Totodile?But also low. key. ALL OF THEM.

3: Treecko, Torchic, or Mudkip?Leaf Blade is the cooooooolest shit.

4: Turtwig, Chimchar, or Piplup?Turtles are my faves lol. Also would die for Torterra

5: Snivy, Tepig, or Oshawott?It’s Servine. It’s gotta be.

6: Chespin, Fennekin, or Froakie?#furrybait2k13

7: Grass starters, Fire starters, or Water starters?Also grass types in general are best sooooooo

Eeveelutions:9: Flareon, Jolteon, or Vaporeon?Have you ever tried to beat Erika with a Wartortle?

10: Umbreon or Espeon?2 tails 0 fails

11: Leafeon or Glaceon?I mean???? ????

Similar Looks:24: Whiscash or Wailord?More fun more friend. Also unlocks the Regis

25: Psyduck or Ducklett?Psyduck’s not a Psychic type and this has bothered me since 1996

26: Buneary of Bunnelby?Both are cute as shit and Lopunny’s weird, but not Diggersby-weird.

27: Pansage, Panpour, or Pansear?Kind of apathetic about all of em, but when in doubt, go with grass.

28: Forretress or Claydol?FORRETRESS IS THICC AND A GREAT RAPID SPINNER

29: Butterfree, Venomoth, Beautifly, or Vivillion?Weirdly enough, I think it’s the prettiest. (Honorable mention Arizona Vivillon)

30: Zubat, Woobat, or Noibat?Crobat is the only good thing out of all seven of the related pokemon lolololol

31: Arbok or Seviper?#ZANGOOSESQUAD

Similar Pokemon/Types:32: Pumpkaboo or Phantump?Shiny Trevenant makes me happy.

33: Feebas or Magikarp?Like what???

34: Gyarados or Milotic??????????????????????

35: Pikachu, Emolga, or Dedenne?Smores colored flying squirrel

36: Pidgey, Spearow, Tailow, Starly, Pidove, or Fletchling?BIRDS SUCK37: Sawk or Throh?Sawk my dick38: Arbok or Weezing?Arbok’s a nice lady.39: Jigglypuff or Clefairy?Clefable is gay culture40: Plusle or Minun?I played Ruby, so I always seeing those Minun~41: Skrelp or Clauncher?My heart is Poison/Dragon-shaped42: Aggron or Tyrannitar?Aggron moves mountains and plants trees, like when will your bara fave?43: Combee or Cherubi?Combee’s cute but so useless it hurts my sensibilities.44: Ditto, Mew, or Zoroark?Game Freak “Lucario, for men, now in a darker color.”45: Inkay or Pumpkaboo?CHACHACHA46: Tyrannitar, Flygon, or Salamence?#letgroundtypesusefly2k0247: Pinsir or Heracross?I had a MegaHeracross on my competitive team and he was broken and I loved him.48: Camerupt or Sharpedo?Ground types are my other faves but Sharpedo is Very Good.

49: Magnezone or Probopass?Eat my ass50: Butterfree or Beedril?Bugs that learn bug-type moves are neat.51: Ampharos or Luxray?I didn’t swim across an ocean twice to save a Luxray, just sayin52: Ratatta, Dunsparce or Bidoof?What kind of monster….wouldn’t pick dunsparce???53: Growlithe or Vulpix?A pupper54: Druddigon, Haxorus, or Hydreigon?They have big, friend arms.55: Gardevoir or Gothitelle?actually a fantastic pokemon concept. Unfortunately, anime.56: Poochyena or Purrloin?Why did it take Game Freak 7 gens to figure out cats don’t have to have shit-eating grins?57: Geodude or Roggenrola?

It’s soooo cute~Form Changes:58: Normal Castform, Water castform, Fire Castform, or Ice Castform?I have a cute card of Fire Castform~59: Normal Rotom, Fan Rotom, Oven Rotom, Washing machine rotom, fridge rotom, or mower rotom?When in doubt, grass types.60: Shaymin land form of Shaymin sky form?lol *still hasn’t played PlatinumLegendaries:61: Moltres, Zapdos, or Articuno?Her fire wings are preeeeetty62: Mew or Mewtwo?OG OG OG OG OG OG63: Mega Mewtwo X or Mega Mewtwo Y?Because Lady Mewtwo64: Raikou, Suicune, or Entei?#GiveRaikouAMovie2k1765: Lugia or Ho-Oh?Ho-oh’s one of the prettiest pokemon I’ve ever seen. No exaggeration. Rainbow phoenix is best.66: Celebi or Jirachi?Jirachi’s design is on another fucking level tbh. Make a Wish meant a looot to me as a kid.67: Latios or Latias?Best Boy.68: Regirock, Regice, or Registeel?Registeel’s sound and area is the coolest imo69: Kyogre, Groudon, or Rayquaza?Ground type lava god~~~70: Uxie, Mesprit, or Azelf?Uxie’s lake is also the prettiest and has the most mysticism around them. ALso Uxie’s low key uber more powerful than the other two.71: Palkia, Dialga, or Giratina?Pink Pearl Space Boy~72: Darkrai or Cresselia?No edge 4 me thx73: Manaphy or Phione?I guess??? 74: Coballion, Terrakion, or Virizion?I don’t care but his design is defs the least stupid, even if Virizion is prettier.75: Tornadus, Thunderus, or Landorus?Ground-type Genie Cat~76: Reshiram, Zekrom, or Kyurem?I love my Electric Rave Lizard77: Keldeo, Genesect, or Meloetta?Genesect has some really cool ambiguous origins that I really like.78: Xerneas, Yveltal, or Zygarde?XY-era Zygarde deserved better 3Moves, Types, Abilities, and Items:79: Physical attacks or special attacks?Because there’s more frustrating Special walls #Blissey #Goodra #FUCKINGTANGROWTH80: Fly or Surf?Only the weak take shortcuts *PS Birds still suck81: Tackle, Pound, or Scratch?^shrugs82: Fighting, Psychic, or Dark?1 immunity and Sucker Punch soooooo83: Fairy or Dragon?Fairy type saved my goddamn life.84: Drought, Drizzle, Sand Stream, or Snow Warning?Defs the most useful and interesting. Benefits grass types too which is an interesting early strategy.85: Quick ball or Timer Ball?Turn 35 timer balls save lives.86: Full Heal, Lum Berry, Lava Cookie, Old Gateau, Castellicone, or Lumiose Galette?Nice grandmas make them :3

98: Pokemon trainer games, pokemon ranger games, or pokemon mystery dungeon games?Red Rescue Team changed my goddamn life.

[theskyexists]

back into doctor who

watching the first ep with bill potts

my impression of Capaldi is, hm, decent doctor. But he doesn’t seem to bring anything to the role except teh basics? which are good enough i guess. but he doesn’t seem weary (like eccleson) or playful (like tennant), just....vaguely quirky and kinda boring. his grandstanding about cool time and space shit is just...it doesn’t actually make me think; OOOHHH like it should

Bill is alright. the best moment in the ep was def when the Doctor went back in time to take pictures of her mum for her christmas present. damn

The monster is....kinda...lame. Like, it can travel through time and space in a FLASH, because it’s sentient spaceship oil??? whatt. but it can’t get to Bill quickly enough to stop her from going into the TARDIS. and the screaming was kinda...uh made it very silly

and the clue is that Heather liked Bill after all? because it didn’t seem that way for most of their interactions. poor direction. except for... like. what was that sequence in the bar about actually....

I’d forgotten how shit the Daleks are at shooting people haha

‘never underestimate a crush’ lol

it;s actually tragic though because uh, Heather DIED? like. i feel like the weight of her death is underplayed. because....we had zero bonding time between them. and why how is she suddenly ‘luring’ bill, that...idk it doesn’t make sense at all

‘that’s the doctor for ya, never notices the tears’ uhhhhhh, well that’s not the doctor i know....

that ‘aborted romance’ was so shitty? shitty shitty beats. it inspiring wanderlust in Bill and a desire to see MOAR of the universe, that was also kinda poorly conveyed.

also, the Doctor is just gonna let Heather-oil flash around, absorbing more and more people who look into it and wanna leave?

so the doctor mindwiping Bill without even telling her? and then Bill just being like: ok i guess after some protests. I’d be like uh, nope bye. my memories.

somehow that emotional guilt trip thing (which I LOVE normally), it just doesn’t work because.....it’s never established to Bill that the Doctor is POWERFUL. how would he force her to give up her memories? she could have run from the start. and i feel she should have considering her characterisation. Or maybe it’s not landing for me bc i have no idea what that vault is about?

and then he decides to take her along?

It’s like Bill KNOWS the script for a new companion. which is hella weird. ‘what changed your mind?’ why did she immediately understand that she could travel with him?

that was just....sorry that was kinda a shitty episode. Like aall these shortcuts were taken, like the substance was absent.

who is the Doctor? if i was unfamiliar with the series, this would not have made me go: Oh wow. i would have been confused as heck. it wasn’t...exciting??

what is his relationship with Bill? There was a sense of them being mentor and mentee but why, what do they think of each other? WHAT DOES BILL THINK OF THE DOCTOR? Who is Bill? she likes girls, she’s hella smart, she has...a boring life apparently? she serves food. her mum died when she was young and she has a kinda friendly relationship with her foster mother.

I did like the ‘initials in english’ comment that Bill made.

Time And Relative Dimension In Space, like why did they repeat that a third time and why did it mean ‘what the hell’ ?? what was it a reference to??? that wsa some awkward dialogue

it’s like Moffat attempted to create a regular old Rose but then kinda...failed? because he made her most screentime relationship the Doctor anyway, and though lots of time passed he didn’‘t show what they meant to each other. Like, why is the Doctor hanging with this kid. STOP MAKING THAT A MYSTERY and just make it HUMAN.