#did this end well for all involved? ummm debatable

[guardian-angle22]

Tarlos Wedding Celebration Event [Week 2] -> favourite tk and/or carlos rescue(s) -> 3.02

[alisonsfics]

Change Our Fates (Part Three)

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Reader

Summary: Y/N has always been head over heels for Spencer. The team decides to go out for drinks after finishing a case. When Spencer drunkenly kisses Y/N, will it change her life for better, or for worse?

Word Count: 3.9k

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 4 / Part 5

It had been three months since you and Spencer had hung out, or even had a normal conversation. You couldn’t take it, it was miserable. And you had to see him everyday at work. You just had to watch him pretend like nothing was wrong.

The team had just gotten back from a case, normally you would’ve hung out with Spencer and ordered takeout. Instead, you just grabbed your bag and got ready to leave.

“Y/N” you heard someone say behind you. You turned around and saw Hotch standing outside of his office. He gestured for you to come see him. You set your bag on your desk and walked into his office.

“Yes?” You asked, as you followed him inside. “Have a seat” he said, as he sat down on his side of the desk. You were worried about what he was going to say. He could fire you, because of how things had been with Spencer.

What if the miscommunication between you two had jeopardized the team?

“The Human Services division of the Bureau has requested that you be transferred to work there” he told you, not showing any expression. You were shocked. This wasn’t what you were expecting at all.

“Do I have a choice?” You asked him, wanting to know if you had to make the decision. Hotch shook his head, no. “I tried to stop it, but Strauss signed on for your transfer. There’s nothing I can do” he told you, and he actually looked apologetic.

It felt like a sign. As much as you loved your job, the only thing that ever held you here was Spencer. Now that you didn’t have him, it didn’t feel the same. Maybe this was the universe’s way of telling you it was time to move on.

“Does the rest of the team know?” You asked him. He shook his head no. You sighed, realizing you would have to tell them the news. “I’ll tell them, just not tonight” you told him.

“If you need anything, let me know” he told you, and he actually smiled. “Thank you, for everything Hotch” you said, smiling.

You stood up and left his office. You grabbed your bag, without saying anything to anyone, and walked out the door.

Telling the rest of the team that you were leaving was a lot harder than you expected. You told them you had something important to tell them. And then you told them all at the same time.

Spencer barely listened. Penelope almost cried. Emily and JJ pulled you into a hug and told you they would always be there for you. Derek was more upset than you thought he would be. Rossi kissed you on the forehead and told you that he would miss you. Even Hotch seemed upset that you were leaving.

The only one who didn’t care that you were leaving was Spencer. He listened to you to be polite, but then went to his desk.

-One month later-

You were now working in the Human Services division of the Bureau. You still talked to everyone on the team, almost regularly.

You and Emily had become closer than ever. Emily was always coming over to your apartment and you two hung out all the time. She was the only person that you had talked to about the whole Spencer thing.

You assumed that the rest of the team thought neither you nor Spencer remembered the kiss. They all moved on and didn’t bring it up, especially since they noticed that you two weren’t talking.

You had spent plenty of nights crying to Emily on the phone, talking about you just wanted your best friend back.

You were trying to move on, but any time that you something good happened to you, your instinct was to want to tell Spencer about it. You thought about him constantly: what he was doing, how he was feeling, if he missed you.

-Three months later-

You walked into your favorite coffee shop, getting in line to order your regular. You pulled out your phone and saw a text from Emily. She was just checking up on you. You had a bad night last night, involving Spencer again, of course. She would always check up on you whenever you were having a bad day.

You texted her back and assured her that you were fine. You got to the front of the line and ordered your coffee. You only waited a few minutes and the barista called out your name and handed you your drink.

You turned around and you were just about to leave when you felt someone tap you on the shoulder. You turned around to see who it was.

You were face to face with some guy you had never seen before. He had short, light brown hair. He was wearing a business suit, which wasn’t surprising since you were in D.C.

“Hi, can I help you?” You asked politely, smiling. “This might be really forward, but I couldn’t help but notice how pretty you are. I was wondering if maybe you’d like to get dinner sometime” he asked, and he looked as calm and collected as possible.

You were torn.

Should you say yes?

You knew you had no chance with Spencer, but there was still a part of your heart that belonged to him. Maybe this was the universe’s way of helping you move on. You didn’t see the harm in one little date. If you changed your mind, you would just tell him that.

“Ummm sure, I’m Y/N by the way” you said, finally coming up with an answer. He smiled and then introduced himself as Trevor.

A week later, you went on a date with him and it went great. You both hit it off and had a lot in common.

You realized that you needed to move on from Spencer. After all, he wouldn’t even talk to you. You had tried to reach out multiple times. You never once got a reply.

-Four years later-

You had gotten a promotion. You were now one of the Chief Officers at the Human Services division. It had been a long time since you worked at the BAU.

You talked to the team even less now. The only person from the team that you talked to regularly was Emily. She had gotten you through all those issues with Spencer, and it made the both of you very close.

You and Trevor had started dating and you’d been together for four years. You had moved in with him and things were serious.

You were on a date with Trevor. You both were eating at one of your favorite restaurants. It was a little fancy, but it was nice every now and then.

You were both talking as you ate your food, and you noticed Trevor looked a little nervous. You had never seen Trevor nervous, you wondered why he was, all of a sudden.

It may have been four years since you worked at the BAU, but you were still a profiler at heart.

Just then, Trevor got out of his seat and kneeled down next to you. You couldn’t believe what you were seeing. He was proposing to you. You could barely focus on what he was saying to you. You felt over the moon, you loved Trevor.

“Y/N, will you marry me?” He asked you, sincerely. You could feel the tears welling up in your eyes, you were overjoyed. You jumped out of your seat. “Yes yes yes” you repeated, excitedly.

He took the ring out of the box and slid it on your finger. You couldn’t believe that this was happening to you right now. Trevor stood up and quickly kissed you.

You were going to get married.

You couldn't believe it.

After you both finished dinner, Trevor drove you both home. You couldn’t stop staring at your ring. It was absolutely gorgeous.

Once you got home, you had immediately texted Emily the good news. She was over the moon for you. She was so excited and sent you a paragraph about how happy she was for you.

You called your parents and they were equally as excited. You even texted JJ and Penelope in a group chat you had with the two of them and Emily.

This was supposed to be the happiest day of your life, but something felt like it was missing. You knew what that something was.

Spencer.

It had been four years and you still cared about his opinion. This was some of the most exciting news of your life, and you wanted to share it with him.

You told Trevor that you needed to go out and you got in your car. It was like you blacked out, all of a sudden, you were standing in front of Spencer’s front door. You didn’t know what to do.

You couldn’t even bring yourself to knock. It was like you were frozen in place. You were worried about all the horrible ways this could end. Spencer could slam the door in your face or tell you how much he hated you.

You raised your hand to knock on the door. Only then did you realize how much you were shaking. Before you could lose your nerve, you knocked lightly on the door. You worried that it may have been too quiet, and Spencer might not have heard you.

While you were debating whether or not you should knock again, the door opened. You saw Spencer standing there. He looked a little different, but he was still the guy that you had been best friends with for all those years.

“Y/N...” he said, breathlessly. You could tell he was shocked to see you. It had been four years since you had seen him, and you felt warm and safe inside. Even after all this time, Spencer still felt like home to you.

“Hey uh...Spencer. I need— I need to talk to you” you told him, barely being able to say the words. You hadn’t planned what you wanted to say to him, and you were just realizing that.

“Okay ummm— do you want to come in?” He asked you, hesitantly. Spencer had no idea why you were here. He thought he was supposed to be mad at you, but he couldn’t help but feel so happy to see you after all these years.

Neither of you would admit it, but you both missed each other. You missed hearing his endless supply of statistics. He missed the way your eyes would light up when you laughed.

You both walked into his apartment. It hadn’t changed one bit. There were still books scattered everywhere. There was a faint smell of leather and vanilla.

You felt your heart flutter when you saw a framed picture of you and Spencer on his bookshelf. He had never taken it down. There had to be some reason he kept it up. Maybe he was just as sorry for the way things ended, as you were.

He sat down on the couch and you sat down next to him. “So how have you been?” He asked you, genuinely. You didn’t know where to begin. “I mean, truly, I’ve been better. I’ve had a lot on my mind, and that’s kind of why I’m here. I just have so much I want to tell you. I hope you’ll just hear me out” you said, praying that he wouldn’t blow up at you.

The last time you had spoken to Spencer, he yelled at you. That was the only time he had ever yelled at you.

He nodded, telling you to go on. You took a deep breath and wondered where you should start.

“So I guess all of our issues started the day after the team went to the bar. We both started talking and you asked me why I was so happy. I thought you were teasing me, just to get under my skin, I really did. You said you didn’t remember anything from the night before. And I lied, I totally lied. I said that I just had a good time. What actually happened was we kissed that night at the bar. I was elated because I had the biggest crush on you. I went home and I was on cloud nine. I reimagined my life. I got maybe two hours of sleep that night, because I just couldn’t fall asleep. I was so excited to see you again. And then you didn’t remember any of it.”

“My heart broke, the only thing I had been thinking of was how amazing our lives would be together, and then I watched it all go down the drain. I knew that it wasn’t your fault, and I didn’t blame you for not remembering. But, every time I looked at you, it reminded me that I could never have you and we could never be together. I thought it was the universe’s way of saving me. I figured you didn’t like me back, and you not remembering was actually a good thing. That way I didn’t have to be humiliated. And so I avoided you, because it hurt to be around you. But none of that was your fault and I am so sorry. It was horrible to just ignore you like that. I didn’t even explain myself. But it’s been four years now, and it’s been four years of hell. You were my best friend and then you were just gone. Every time I got a promotion or had a good day, I wanted to call you and tell you about it. It always felt like something was missing. That something was you, my life felt empty without you. I’ve been trying to move on, but I can’t do it anymore. I miss you more than I can explain and I need you back in my life, or I might lose my mind. Like today, I actually got engaged. His name is Trevor, we met after me and you stopped talking. Getting engaged is supposed to be the happiest day of your life, but all I could think about was how much I wanted to tell you. I miss you Spence, I miss my best friend” you told him, being completely honest and not holding anything back.

You waited for his response. He was processing everything you had just told him. You couldn’t blame him, you had just poured your heart out to him. It was a lot to take in.

You wondered why you told him the stuff about the kiss and your crush. You hadn’t planned to tell him that. For some reason, you had butterflies in your stomach, hoping he would confess he had romantic feelings for you too. You knew that was horrible. You had just gotten engaged and you were still acting like a lovesick schoolgirl around Spencer.

“Well— congratulations on getting engaged! That’s amazing, I’m really happy for you. I don’t know where to begin. Thank you for telling me that. I know we’ve both been through a lot together, but your honesty means so much to me. I want to apologize too. The way I yelled at you when you tried to apologize before, it was horrible. I never should have reacted like that, it was uncalled for. When you had been avoiding me, I thought I lost my best friend and it hurt. And I didn’t know what to do about it, but I felt angry. And I ended up taking that anger out on you and I shouldn’t have. I wanted to reach out and apologize, but it felt like I had said too much and we had gone through so much. I didn’t think you would ever want to talk to me again. But I am so sorry for everything that I put you through. I know it’s been four years since we’ve even had a conversation, but I would love nothing more than to be friends again. I’ve missed you so much over the years” he told you, smiling hopefully.

You felt so relieved. It was like this giant pressure that had been on you for four years was now gone. You felt weightless.

You didn’t know whether you should be relieved or disappointed that he didn’t bring up your crush. You decided to ignore it, you had your best friend back. That was enough to make you happy.

The smile on your face was priceless. It was the kind of smile that made your cheeks hurt. Spencer had the same smile on his face. “So we’re good?” You asked him, optimistically.

He just nodded. You could feel a few tears start to stream down your cheeks. You had waited for this day for four years.

Spencer pulled you into his arms. You completely relaxed against his touch. Spencer was and would always be home to you. You hugged him back tightly.

You were afraid that if you let go, you would wake up and realize it was all a dream. You finally had your best friend back and that was all that mattered to you.

You both eventually pulled away and you both had massive smiles on your faces. “I’m so happy that we’re okay again” you told him, honestly. “Me too” he said, cheerfully.

“If you want, you can stay over. We could watch movies and catch up” Spencer suggested. It was a really tempting offer, you almost said yes. But, there was still something you had to do.

“I would love to Spence, but—” you started to say, before Spencer interrupted. “Oh wait, you got engaged tonight. I’m so sorry, you both probably have plans” he said, sounding disappointed.

“I’m sorry, let’s hang out tomorrow?” You suggested. You weren’t avoiding him, you did really want to hang out with him. You had four years to catch up on.

You both made plans to hang out tomorrow and then he walked you to your car. He gave you one last hug before you got in the car and drove away.

You may have told a little white lie. So you didn’t have plans with Trevor, that isn’t where you were going.

You parked the car when you finally got where you were going. You walked up to the front door and knocked. You waited a few seconds and then the door opened.

Emily was standing in front of you. “Y/N! You’re here! Congratulations, let me see your ring. This is amazing news” she said, excitedly. You had been so excited about Spencer, you almost forgot.

You put on a fake smile and showed her your ring. You knew you had to tell Emily about Spencer in person. It had been four years of ups and downs, and it was all finally over. It was going to be perfect from now on.

Emily had been your rock through all the ups and downs and she deserved to know that you both had made up.

You and Emily both sat down on her couch. “Why do I get the sense that this isn’t why you’re here” she said, thinking. You should have known a profiler would figure it out.

“I know my engagement is amazing, but I have more spectacular news that I just had to tell you in person” you told her, excitedly. She perked up, now you had her attention.

“More exciting that getting engaged, I have to hear this” she said, curiously smiling. “So I just came from Spencer’s apartment” you told her, grinning.

“Wait really? What happened?” She asked, shocked. You couldn’t get the smile off of your face. “We both talked and apologized and we’re good now. We’re really good, we’re hanging out tomorrow and doing a movie night. I’ve really missed him, you

know that, but I’m really excited to have him back” you told her, honestly.

“I can’t believe this, I knew that you two couldn’t stay apart forever. It’s like trying to keep twins apart, you can’t do it. You both are so connected and mean so much to each other” she told you, smirking at the grin on your face. “So you told him everything?” She asked you, clarifying.

“Yeah, about my crush and the kiss. All of it, I wasn’t going to risk keeping any secrets. He didn’t mention any of it though, he just apologized and told me how much he missed me. He didn’t bring up anything about that though” you told her, while thinking about why he didn’t bring it up. You had that part of you that hoped he would confess he felt the same way, but he didn’t bring it up at all.

You looked at Emily and she had that look on her face. The look she had when she was dreading telling you something. “What?” You asked her, confused.

“Oh, it’s nothing” Emily said, trying to trick you. “Come on, we’re both trained profilers. You really think you can lie to me. Just tell me” you told her, wanting to know what she had to say. She looked at you and hesitated for a moment.

“You got engaged today, to a wonderful guy. And you told me over text, and I don’t have a problem with that. But, you and Spencer made up and you decided that couldn’t be said over text. Also, I could tell how insecure you got when you said he didn’t mention your crush. It was like you were disappointed that he didn’t confess the same feelings. I’m not here to judge you, but I just want to you to be aware” she told you, cautiously. This reminded of you of how amazing Emily is at her job.

“Can I tell you something, in complete secrecy?” You asked her, not wanting anyone else to hear what you were going to say. “Of course, I won’t tell anyone. I swear” she told you, genuinely.

You struggled to find the words. This was harder than you thought it would be. Tears started to form in your eyes, and you tried to hold them back.

“When I told him everything, there was some part of me that wanted him to confess he liked me back. I know that is horrible and it probably makes me a monster. I love Trevor, I really do. But still, my instinct was to want Spencer to like me. And I knew that deep down, if he had confessed he liked me, I would have left Trevor in a heartbeat. I feel so guilty, that never should have crossed my mind. But I would leave everything for Spencer, he means so much to me. You probably think I’m a monster” you told her, with tears steaming down your face.

Emily’s face softened and she placed a hand on yours. “I don’t think you’re a monster. I think it’s been a long time since you’ve seen Spencer and some old feelings resurfaced. And maybe you never fully got over Spencer and part of your heart still belongs to him. But that doesn’t make you a monster, it makes you human. Just think about how you feel, and if you don’t want to be with Trevor, you owe it to him to at least tell him that” Emily told you, honestly. You knew she was absolutely right. Trevor didn’t deserve for you to lie to him.

You loved Trevor, you really did. You figured that your feelings for Spencer were no more than a crush. “Thank you Emily, I really needed that” you said, as you pulled her into a hug. Regardless of any romantic feelings, you were beyond thrilled that you were at least friends with Spencer again.

You definitely had a lot to think about.

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Let me know if you want to be added to my taglist for all my imagines or for a specific character!! You can also be added to the taglist exclusively for this series!!

Requests OPEN

[whatwouldvalerydo]

V-Day asks for all of them 😍

22, 34, 41-43?

How could I say no to your request? Oliver belongs to @kc-and-co Vinny to @hogwartsmysteryho , Reuben to @that-scouse-wizard and Akira to @cursebreakerfarrier

22. What petty opinions do they not agree on?

Talia and Talbott - These two are so different they have a tone of things that they disagree on. From the very start strategies in terms of dueling and what spells are more efficient, Talia is attack, Talbott is more defence.

They also do not agree that much on food and literature.

Reubeila - Stubborn people will always butt heads. Quidittch stategies, especially beater since they both play that position. Reuben would try and coax her into discussions about magical animals, Leila would do anything to get out of them and would not agree to anything he says for the life of her, at least at the beginning. Do I need to mention their opinions about heights?

Victoliver - Vic is more laid back while Oli is more extra. He says silk is better, she would say otherwise. Authors are always a point of disagreement in the house, they both know best (Vic doesn't). Opinions on the perfect love story, yes, even years and years later they both have different opinions, not petty, but still like to disagree.

Angelinny - Not petty, but strawberries grew in the garden once and neither planted it. Rules for board games, oh boy :))). Work? They both work their butts off but do not really agree that should be the case. Come Monday and they are back at it again.

Takira - ...well now. Blades, how to care for them, which are best when and where. Akira of course knows best, but Talia has a bigger mouth. No smoking in the bedroom, he still does it. It's been eons, i am not trying to poison you, yes you are debate. Can't change their minds about drinks.

34. How do their past relationships affect them?

Talia and Talbott - For Talbott you have to take in account that his experience in relationships was close to none while she was more experienced and he did not really enjoy it, especially after meeting one of her exes. When he slipped up and Talia found out about it, it went about as good as you'd expect. Fire, fury and a lot of drama.

Reubeila - These two have not been involved with anyone else, not in the sense that mattered so no one to affect anyone coming in creeping from the past. Same goes for Angelinny.

Victoliver - It was hard for Victoria to see Oliver going after all those girls, especially once she realised how big of a crush she actually had on him and for Oliver it was hard to see her years later with someone else. But apart from that all is fair in love and war.

Takira - Talia and Akira don't really care about the past relationships, apart from those that clearly left a mark, like it did on Talia. He understands that she was married and had a family, which is fine. He does not however condone his behavior towards the end of the relationship and judges him with all his might.

41. What do they do when the other is mad?

Talia and Talbott - Talia would give him space, but in the end go and just confront him, explain and reassure him. If she's mad, ummm, it depends in which mood you get her in. If he did something stupid, she will eventually forgive him, but Talbott admits when he makes mistakes and tried to learn from them. If she's mad about something else, he will be there regardless if she snaps or not.

Reubeila - If they are mad at each other, they usually work it out fast. If either one is mad for different reason, the other will try their best to console, calm down the other and help them through it.

Victoliver - Hard to imagine them in that situation, but it does happen, especially since both are a lot more sensitive than what they show the world. A hug straight away, he would hold her tight against him, trying to calm her. If he's mad, she would talk to him, sit on his lap and offer him words of praise and kissed by the dozen.

Angelinny - he learned to read the signs, and he knows she is mad if she does things a lot faster than usual. He can calm her down fairly quickly, she melts in front of him. Hugs are a must. Going back to Vinny, if he is mad for whatever reason, a smile of hers can brighten his day, a touch reassuring. They are both there for each other.

Takira - staying clear of each other for the longest time, they both know better. But...Akira would offer her a cigarette and a drink. Talia would go and place a reassuring hand on his back, offering him words of comfort. They would both exact revenge if someone stepped out of line with the other one.

42. Why do you enjoy writing them?

Talia and Talbott - they are my love for the fandom, my hurt and comfort in an odd way despite knowing everything and where it ends. They have an extremely strong connection, something that is so hard to obtain and hold onto. How could I not enjoy writing them?

Reubeila - My beloved! My very first shared ship, so new, so fascinating. These two are my comfort ship when the going gets tough. They deserve happiness and the world at their feet.

Victoliver - While they are relatively new and I am still learning about them and how they are together, I love them. They are different from any ship I have. Not perfect, yet they fit. I don't know how or why this came to me, but I do not regret a thing.

Angelinny - they are the ultimate fluffiest part of my heart, the good that i can muster is in them. Both started out with so many problems and hardships and finally find the courage to venture in life together. How can i not love them?

Takira - Oh my. My beautiful broken immortals. So heartbreaking and devastating, i find myself crying sometimes when i write the raw emotions that can result from them. Do they deserve happiness? Possibly not based on what they did and who they are, but they are so complex and unique that i just drown in them.

43. What small quirks do they like about each other?

Talia and Talbott - the fact that she bites down on her lip when nervous, how she is actually very self conscious about herself and has a gentle and shy side. How he would try to hold back from blushing when she says or does something. How he would rub the back of his neck to try and gather his thoughts.

Reubeila - How he tried to keep his hands busy, tapping absentmindedly on things when nervous. How he would always tease her ever after years and years together. How she would always try not to smile in crowds, but would not miss a beat in front of him. How she would still be extremely curious about the world surrounding her, seeing it with wide eyes and happiness. How she would sing to Connor whenever she thinks no one is listening, but Reuben tried to always sneak as close as possible.

Victoliver - How Oliver would play with his hair whenever reading something, a slight frown between his brows. How he would smile in his sleep if she kisses him. How he would always nod to himself in the mirror before any gathering. How she would always close her eyes and smile before going inside a crowded room or a party. How she would dance whenever cooking, but only when she thinks he cannot see her.

Angelinny - How he would shake the hair from his face, but won't bother messing it with his hand. How he would wrinkle his nose when concentrated but would never admit it. How she would always rub her hands together whenever she finishes a project. How she always steps inside a new place with her right foot and never her left.

Takira - How he switches hands when smoking, if he is smoking with his left, even if he looks mad, he's not, but don't push it if he's holding the cigarette in his right hand. How he blinks rapidly when she suddenly kisses him, still surprised by her actions. How she melts when he takes her hands into his, turning to smile at him. How she purses her lips when she wants to do something naughty but doesn't know how to approach it just yet.

[witwerlove]

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Sam’s honest opinions on The Last Jedi and The Rise of Skywalker

At first I thought this was worth sharing because I was totally here for the “””shade””” he throws at Rian and JJ. Not gonna lie, it gave me some delight. But thinking it over and really comprehending what Sam has to say (he’s talked about things like this in the past, but this is relevant), it goes way beyond that. And to be honest, it isn’t even a “””drag”””, as I’ve seen people on twitter say. I think Twitter has blown this thing way out proportion. There’s been clips floating around of him just saying “Rise of Skywalker, if you like it, awesome. It’s not as meaningful to me because I can’t really reconcile that mythology with George’s. But that’s just my opinion” and “The Last Jedi, to me, felt like a movie made by a guy who hadn’t done his homework.” People clipped just him saying that and just rolled with it. They either absolutely love him for it or people are turning against him. Not listening to what Sam had to say beyond that (probably because they don’t watch him stream). And I for one think that’s totally unfair.

Sam is a George Lucas fanboy. He’s always been adamantly open about that. But the thing is, unlike a lot of the Star Wars fandom, he doesn’t destroy the sequels to prop up Lucas and the things he loves. At least not in a disrespectful or hateful way. His criticism for these films that are very divisive among the fan base has always been valid in my eyes. And I completely understand his points, even if I don’t always agree. But when I don’t agree with his view, I don’t get angry and lash out. I’m not the biggest fan of the sequels, but I don’t hate them with the fire of a thousand suns like a lot of people do and there are things from them that I like, but as a whole, it’s my least favorite trilogy. It just makes me uncomfortable to see people be so hateful, but those same people are up in arms when someone else says they don’t like what they like. For example, prequel fans lashing out for someone having valid criticism and not just saying “I hate the prequels” with nothing substantial to support their opinion, but in the same breath saying things like “the sequels ruined star wars”. Because a lot of people probably still think the prequels “ruined” Star Wars.

But I’m not one of those people who’s gonna be so over dramatic and say things like “the sequels ruined Star Wars”, because that’s someone else’s Star Wars. Like how my gateway to Star Wars was the prequels and I may have some blind nostalgia for that, those films are someone else’s intro to this universe. I have my gripes and criticism (much like other people do), but it doesn’t seem entirely fair to shit all over it (WHICH SAM DID NOT DO). I just don’t have the time or the energy to put forth in hating something so intensely when I would rather put it into what I love about Star Wars. Sam goes on later to say pretty much the same thing. Personally for me at this point in my fandom experience, I’ve become indifferent to majority of what I don’t like. I accept that it exists, but it doesn’t ruin my entire experience. Not saying I don’t debate about and call things out when I think I have something valid to add, but I don’t actively spend all my time and energy devoting to something or someone that I don’t like. It comes and goes in passing, but I don’t dramatically reiterate my hatred with a burning passion like a lot of fans do. Like seriously, it’s a damn movie franchise. Your life is not ruined.

But I’m just sick of people misinterpreting this as Sam “””dragging”””(whether you’re happy about what he said or not), because he’s not. Star Wars twitter is rejoicing and being offended at these clips out of context. Someone posted a clip of him saying “Rian Johnson didn’t do his homework” and then it spins out of control to be “SAM WITWER SAID FUCK THE SEQUEL TRILOGY” (ummm, no he didn’t) or “SAM WITWER IS CANCELLED”.They take their  hate “crumbs” (someone literally said this to me today) where they can get it or they turn against him. I personally don’t think this is fair to Sam, that his words are being taken out of context like this. He said there’s things he enjoys about the movies, he just doesn’t think they mesh well with Lucas’ mythos....and that The Last Jedi contradicted itself and he feels that Rian Johnson, in trying to be “””edgy””” with his Star Wars, didn’t fit well with what was previously established. And he feels that JJ’s conclusion doesn’t tie in the overarching theme of the films. But Sam also says that everyone has their own interpretation of what Star Wars is....and you don’t necessarily have to agree with someone else’s vision. The thing is, it’s not acceptable to “be a dick” to someone else about how you don’t agree (Sam’s words, not mine). Which I feel is hard for a lot of people in this fandom. God forbid someone else have a different opinion than you and you let that ruin your experience. So what???? There’s so much drama and at its absolute worst, the SW fandom can be a very toxic place. It’s very entitled and elitist. but it can also be a very a fun place once you find your place and your people. 

In this same stream, Sam says you have the power to accept what you love about Star Wars. And you are able to differentiate what you accept as “canon” and what you love vs what you don’t necessarily like. And you don’t “have to be a dick” about what you don’t like. But he also encourages healthy debate and that you are free to validly criticize the media you consume. Which I totally believe in.

At the end of the day, we are all fans. I think we should pour more of our energy towards what we enjoy about the franchise,not give a shit about someone else not liking what we like but also civilly debate it, call it out for its wrongs, offer valid and respectful criticism, don’t reply with death threats or hate speech to people you don’t even know (THIS INCLUDES CREATORS AND PEOPLE DIRECTLY INVOLVED WITH THE CONTENT OF THE FRANCHISE), defend what you love for the right reasons without shitting on others for no reason. A lot of people cross the line and it’s so incredibly hurtful what some “fans” say to each other or about other people. There’s so much harassment and it’s fucking ridiculous the extremes some people go when someone has a different opinion than them.

This is just how I feel about this situation that’s kind of snowballed (as things do whenever Sam says something because literally everything becomes a news headline or gets taken out of context). Sorry if I’m being overly critical and preachy about something that isn’t even a big deal. 

This mess is just rubbing me the wrong way and I wanted to rant about it. 

HAPPY ALMOST STAR WARS DAY!

[wosofan14]

Jackie Groenen on Oranje Leeuwinnen’s Insta live - 25/10/20 (Rough English Translation)

Jackie: Hi everyone! I have a list with some questions here, but I can also answer some questions from the live, so if you really want to know something about me, ask away!


1st question: What would you do if you were uncertain about something?
Jackie: I always find it nice to go back to my roots. So if I feel uncertain about something, I usually go to my friends or family and then I always feel better afterwards.

Jackie: Oh, someone’s calling me speedy Gonzalez (laughs). Thanks. Ummm the team has a couple of nicknames for me. Usually they call me Jacks, or sometimes my friends will call me Jacket. Do (Dominique Jansen) has started laughing because she has a different nickname for me.

Dominique: No I’m laughing because someone asked me on the live earlier what I would want to be if I wasn’t a football player and my best friend just sent me a message that I should’ve said that I would’ve been a cashier.

2nd question: How old were you when you began playing football?

Jackie: I think I was around 5 years old.

3rd question: Which position would you want to play if you weren’t a midfielder?

Jackie: Ummm to be honest midfield has really become my position and I really enjoy playing there but if I really had to choose a different position then I think I would want to play striker.

Jackie: Someone just asked who’s answering questions after me (laughs). Thanks. I think it’s Lize Kop (laughs).

4th question: What’s your favourite Dutch football club?

Jackie: Willem II. I’m a little bit of a Willem II fan.

5th question: Coffee or tea?
Jackie: Coffee.

6th question: How’s the guitar playing going?
Jackie: It’s going really well. I try my best and I’m slowly improving, but I really enjoy playing the guitar.

7th question: What’s your favourite food?
Jackie: I think that my favourite food would have to be Italian food. I always enjoy going to Italian restaurants.

8th question: Did you ever think that that you would ever be playing football with the Oranje Leeuwinnen?
Jackie: No actually I never did. When I was younger, there wasn’t much hype around women’s football, so I never really knew that I could ever do something like this.

9th question: Who do you get along with most with on the team?
Jackie: Ummm I get along well with Lize Kop to my disappointment (laughs). I also get along well with Inessa, Sisca Folkertsma, and Daantje (Danielle van de Donk). I actually get along quite well with everyone to be fair! I also get along quite well with Do.

10th question: Do you miss judo?

Jackie: I do miss judo if I’m being honest. I miss my team that I had with the judo and I miss my old coach and just everything that went along with being involved in judo. So yeah, I do miss it. I don’t do judo anymore though. Because it’s very easy to get injured and I don’t want to take any risks with that.

Jackie: I can also do some questions from the sheet, so I’m going to look at those now. But before I do that I see a question here asking if it’s patat or friet (2 different ways of saying French fries - different parts of the Netherlands say it differently and it’s always debated about). It’s friet.

11th question: Which country would you most like to beat in a football match?

Jackie: Well it seems logical to say the United States after the loss at the previous World Cup.

12th question: Which national anthems besides the Netherlands do you like?

Jackie: I always find Italy’s national anthem very pretty and France also has a really nice national anthem.

*reacting to a comment on the live stream*

Yes it is friet. With many exclamation marks at the end.

*reacting to Merel van Dongen’s comment on the live stream*

Merel van Dongen, it is not patat. And go do something else.

13th question: Against which country would you most like to play against?

Jackie: We’ve actually played against quite a few countries over the past few years. Ummm but I think I’d like to play a match out against New Zealand in New Zealand or something like that. That sounds fun.

14th question: Who came up with the “yell”?

Jackie: We always do that together. So we have a little meeting with the team and then we brainstorm some ideas. Oh, Merel is also going to be answering questions on the live later, so if you have any questions for her, she’s going to be answering some of them later on.

15th question: When are you going to play Black Stories again?
Jackie: Yes, I actually just spoke with Jenny about how we need to play again some time. Ummm so the next time I’m back at home, we will try and play.

16th question: What’s your record of juggling (keepie-uppies)?

Jackie: I don’t actually know.

17th question: Who is your favourite footballer right now?
Jackie: Ooh I like this question. I think it’s probably Frenkie (Frenkie de Jong). I really enjoy watching him play. And I am also very happy that Donny (Donny van de Beek) plays for Manchester United now.

18th question: Question asked in English

19th question: Are you someone who does a lot of tricks on the pitch?
Jackie: No. I really don’t know many tricks. I can do an around the world though.

20th question: What show are you currently watching?
Jackie: I just began watching Undercover because lots of people were talking about that show and I’m enjoying it. I also just watched Bly Manor and The Fall on Netflix.

21st question: Do you prefer having a roomie or do you prefer not having a roomie?
Jackie: Now I will admit that I miss Inessa a lot and the fun we have and someone who tells me when we have to go somewhere and where we have to be.

22nd question: What did you think of Groningen?
Jackie: I really enjoyed being in Groningen. It was really fun to play in the stadium there, but it was unfortunate that the fans couldn’t be there with us because that would have made it even more enjoyable.

23rd question: Who from the national team have you known the longest?
Jackie: I’ve known Lieke for the longest I think. Wait, actually I’ve known Liza van der Most for the longest period of time.

24th question: Are you addicted to Zweedse puzzels (translates directly into Swedish puzzles, but I think they’re kinda like crossword puzzles)?
Jackie: Yes 100%.

25th question: What position did you play as a kid?

Jackie: I’ve actually always played in the midfield. I always kinda played in the number 10 position or in the number 6 position or in any case, in between everything.

26th question: Dogs or cats?
Jackie: I think I’d have to say dogs.

Jackie: I think it’s almost time for me to go. I have a minute left so if anyone has any really cool questions now is your chance to ask them.

27th question: When is the next match?
Jackie: On Tuesday! On Tuesday you guys can watch us again, and we play against Kosovo.

28th question: What’s the best goal you’ve ever scored?
Jackie: I think the most special one was against Sweden in the World Cup in the semi-finals.

29th question: How long did you play football with the boys?
Jackie: I played with the boys for a very long time. I think I was 15 when I went to the Bundesliga, but I always wanted to play with the boys for as long as possible because I really enjoyed playing with them.

30th question: Who is your role model?
Jackie: For me it’s Johan Cruyff, which many people probably know. My father is a role model for me as well.

31st question: What’s it like being a professional footballer?
Jackie: It’s very fun. I enjoy it every day. I enjoy the training sessions and the matches are very fun. I do always miss my family a little though. That’s a little bit of a downside to being a professional footballer. But yeah, I really enjoy what I get to do.

32nd question: Who was the toughest opponent to play against?
Jackie: I think probably the United States at the World Cup. I also always find playing against Japan really difficult because they are so technical and are everywhere on the pitch. They’re very good as well.

33rd question: Would you rather score a goal or have three assists?
Jackie: I’ll choose the three assists because then that means the team has scored 3 goals.

*someone knocks something over in the background*

Jackie: Oh is everything okay over there? Katja walked in and basically knocked everything over for anyone who is wondering what happened.

34th question: What is a bad trait that Danielle van de Donk has?
Jackie: Hmmmm when she wins, she tends to talk about it and tell it to everyone constantly.

35th question: How tall are you?
Jackie: Not very tall. I think I’m 1,65m or something like that.

Jackie: Thank you all so much for all the lovely questions. There were a lot of questions, so I found it hard to select which ones to answer. The next guest is also great though. This is Katja, and she’s going to answer a lot of questions as well. Thank you again for all the questions and see you all next time! Have lots of fun with Katja. Bye!

[alo-piss-trancy]

Ok hi, I didn't wanna say anything, but please don't write knifeplay/bloodplay for Yuri. I def don't wanna spoil anything, but it's learned on a certain route that Yuri has a s*lf h*rm problem (I'll leave it at that).

You honestly seem like you're not trying to be a jerk with this ask, so I'm going to do my best to answer this as politely as possible without compromising my personal beliefs on the matter. This is going to be long and a little serious, but please note I'm not attacking you or trying to start a debate. I'm just laying all my thoughts on this down at once so I make myself clear, because a short answer would leave a lot of nuance out.

I understand what you're trying to do here. For the record though, I also considered that a pretty massive spoiler and I did not appreciate that at all. Even if you all think you're 'helping', don't do that again. Y/uri was pretty much the only character I'd managed to avoid most spoilers on and you killed the surprise for me. This game is already so full of fluffy 'filler' in the beginning that I don't have a ton of big plot points to look forward to in each route.

Now, I realise this is a very delicate topic and incredibly triggering to some people, especially with those two things combined. I am 100% willing to tag it with just about any variation needed to ensure you or others affected can blacklist/block it and never have to see a word of it in the future. I'd also be happy to go back and tag that original text post I made if needed. I mean that. You all are welcome to ask me to tag things anytime, and so long as you're polite about it I'm perfectly willing to oblige to the best of my ability in future posts! If I occasionally forget, just toss me a light reminder and I'll jump into editing and add it in.

That said, I want to make it clear that I am very firmly against censorship. I'm willing to take all necessary precautions to ensure people can curate their experiences on this blog and AO3, but at the end of the day I can still post whatever fictional stuff I choose to. As can anyone else. Same goes for more formally published media.

Now, it's entirely possible I would have gotten to that part of the game and decided 'oh dang, I'm not so enthused about that fic idea anymore...'. My whims and ideas change frequently, and what you mentioned is a heavy topic with a lot to unpack and process. It's also entirely possible that future plot would only provide more fuel.

Fyi, when I originally mentioned the knifeplay I was actually thinking a lot more along the lines of her doing it to the protagonist, not the reverse. But for the record, if I did choose to write it with focus on Y/uri, I would still be well within my rights to.

This next part of my answer is going to address some heavy topics, this is your warning!!!

Sometimes people's kinks are a way to take a thing that is personally scary or upsetting to them and find a way to reverse it. To find pleasure or power or get used to the idea of the awful thing in a safe, controlled fashion. I'm not going to go into the full details on this because there's plenty of explanation and research elsewhere already written up, as well as an excellent book on the subject, and I'm not turning this blog into a discourse debate. But I needed to mention it for my point.

There are plenty of stories that could be explored with Y/uri in this context. Did she have this kink before the self harm events started and it was completely unrelated, or did she develop it afterwards? How did she discover it beforehand? If developed afterwards, did it start out as another way of harming mixed with pleasure in a self-destructive way, often done sloppily and without proper technique? Or was it strictly used as almost exposure therapy to deal with those urges and thoughts in a safer, more contained scenario, maybe even allowing the partner she trusted to wield the knife to prove their bond/reinforce that she can be loved without being hurt deeply, that she is worthy of affection and trust and loyalty. Maybe this finally helps give Y/uri a tool to embrace her 'weirdness' without harming herself and others. Or, what if she thinks it can be a useful tool and is sure she's ready, but partway through the scene she gets triggered or has flashbacks... how does she deal with it? How does her partner? Can it be overcome with effort, research, and taking things slowly, or does she realize this kink is actually completely off the table for her?

What if she has this kink and is excited to try it, but her partner isn't? How does she take that rejection? Or do her poor social skills mean she skipped negotiation to begin with and attempted it in the middle of a vanilla session? Would her partner freak out or even get mad, or try to swallow their fear and let her do it so they don't hurt/offend her, even at the cost of their own comfort?

This topic also opens a ton of potential plots for darkfic, but I'll refrain from discussing that out of respect for you and others.

So as you can see, there's much more to explore than 'Knife=Hot'. I believe those discussions and ideas are necessary and provide important fuel for thought when explored fictionally, especially since mainstream media doesn't cover a lot of them.

~~~

I feel I should take a second to clarify knifeplay for those who may be unaware. It doesn't always equate to actual cutting/drawing blood. That can be an aspect, but usually only by those far more experienced and, you know, actually into that. A lot of participants don't actually go that far. Mostly, it's either about the physical sensation of the knife touching you at all, or the adrenaline/controlled fear and intimate trust of a partner bringing an object like that so close/teasing you with it.

In fact, it's frequently advised in those circles (especially to newcomers) to use a dull butterknife instead, because it simulates the same feelings of metal on skin/can dig in a little without any real risk of cutting/drawing blood. Even if one chooses to use a different knife, it's still pretty common to dull the blade, or some people even substitute with a closed pair of scissors (combined with the partner blindfolded, you can't really tell it apart from the real thing).

These versions of knifeplay are well controlled and ultimately pretty harmless, so long as both parties know what they're doing and stay alert. And more experienced players with sharper knives are even more cautious/have studied extensively to know where/how deep to go without risking scarring/serious injury.

Remember the golden rules of kink: Safe. Sane. Consensual.

With those in place, it is not nearly the same as self harm. Just as controlled, consensual, well-negotiated BDSM with safewords, respected boundaries and a trusted partner is never in the same league as abuse.

~~~

Now that that's out of the way, back to my point:

There's no perfect representation or narrative for everyone, in any group (be that gender/sexuality/triggered by certain things, etc). Every human being is different, everyone interprets media differently, and everyone takes away different elements from stories.

What one person in a particular group may find cathartic, relateable, or painful but necessary food for thought, another may find completely repulsive, personally hurtful, offensive, something they can't stand to hear. And guess what? Both of those can be true at the same time. One side is not immediately right over the other.

There are queer characters or interpretations of them in fics that I vehemently despise, might even find hurtful or sickening and think 'how can anyone create this, it's insufferable! People in 'my group' aren't like that, it's a horrible representation. I can't relate to it at all!' But you know what? Other people can and do, may find comfort in those exact narratives and experiences, may heal their pain instead of inflicting more. And that's great. It's what they needed or wanted and if I don't like it, I click away and do my best to avoid it.

There are specific tropes and narrative themes I personally cannot get through without being triggered into anxiety attacks or dragged back to bad times and places in my life. Sometimes I see them tackled in ways that are hurtful or seem insensitive to me. But I recognise that for someone else, it's exactly what they needed to see to get through that or come to terms with it, or see a way they wish that thing could play out. I would never dream of telling those people they aren't allowed to enjoy it, OR telling the creator of that piece of media or a tv show 'Hey ummm please don't use this plot because it turns me into a human wreck for a week'. Because it's not remotely my place to do so. They can create whatever they want, they have no responsibility towards me or my well being. A few might be kind enough to include a warning at the beginning of that episode or in the description, but they are in no way required to. It's up to me to curate my experience and try to keep my guard up/research what might have those tropes, and in the rare occasions I get blindsided, yeah, it hurts like hell. I struggle, I might even backslide a bit. But I just have to try my best to deal with it and make a note to be more careful next time. Because you can't control the world around you, not even the online world, and you have absolutely no right to. The only right you have is to protect yourself without infringing on other people's boundaries/rights.

And there's also another important point. There doesn't have to be a big important point or explanation for why a creator creates something, or why consumers can enjoy that creation! If someone wants to create a plotline with all of my triggers used in the most 'insensitive', 'wrong', pointless ways possible, strictly for Entertainment or pure kink material instead of some deep dissection of the issues involved? They can go hog wild!!! They are 100% allowed to do so on this earth, and I can't (and wouldn't want to) do a thing to stop them.

One person can read a kink fic and it hits a very emotional theme for them/they think it explores a deep topic well. Another person can read that same fic and get nothing out of it except their rocks off. Both of those readers are completely equal and 'allowed' to enjoy that fic. Both reasons are completely valid reasons for why the creator was 'allowed' to post/create that fic in the first place. Nobody needs permission, nobody has to answer to anybody except themselves. Period. This extends to any topic, any type of fic.

Yes, even for things I find absolutely abhorrent and insensitive and don't understand/want to read ever. I may resent everything about its existence, but I will defend to death the creator's right to make it exist in the first place.

It only affects me if I let it affect me. If someone's making content I despise or am upset by and can't handle, I can choose to ignore or avoid them, blacklist those tags, I can block them and move on with my day. I can do anything within my own bubble, but the second I consider going into their bubble and saying they can't make that thing, I am in the wrong. Because I'm not respecting their space and rights.

If someone makes cookies with ingredients I'm highly allergic to, pastes the ingredient warnings all over the box where I read them, and I still eat one, would anyone cheer me on for blaming them when I have a reaction? Would anyone think it was remotely okay of me to start calling up every bakery in town and saying they weren't allowed to bake those cookies EVER, because some people somewhere might be allergic?

No. They'd tell me I was crossing the line, because I'm infringing on other people's boundaries and lives. I'm expecting everybody else to take responsibility for something that, while horrible and painful, was my fault for touching.

Now, if someone sets out unlabelled cookies not realizing I'm allergic to something in them, and I eat it and have a reaction, that sucks. It's an awful experience. But is it the baker's fault? As long as they didn't do it maliciously, not really. They can be advised politely to label it in the future, and I can do my best to remember to ask/be more cautious next time I come across something I'm unsure of, but they're still allowed to bake those cookies for themselves and others.

Now, if I deliberately baked cookies with an ingredient that people are very frequently allergic to (ex. peanuts) and set it out in a crowded buffet without a warning label, that's a jerk move. That's intentionally trying to cause harm to others. But simply baking that flavour of cookies still isn't a crime or harmful by itself.

~~~

I'll be honest, I'm running out of steam and I think I've said most of what I have to say, so I'll wrap it up. I want to reiterate that I'm not ripping into you with this long answer, anon! I understand why you sent me what you did and I'm trying not to come off as harsh. I'm happy to go back and tag things and will tag anything else similar in the future!!! But at the end of the day, regardless of whether I personally end up writing that fic or not, or even want to after I get to that plot, I don't agree with telling anyone they can't/shouldn't write it at all. I wanted to try and explain my viewpoint thoroughly, and I hope you can respect that, just as I'll respect and try to accommodate you and other followers. This is the only time I'll really get up on a soapbox like this, and I have no interest in debating these things on my blog further, but it is a topic I've been passionate about all my life so I'm afraid I'm not budging on it.

[themaskedwriter]

The Screen

Bucky Barnes x Female Reader

Summary: Your whole life is movies, down to the job that you have and where you live. When a mysterious stranger comes into the movie theatre that you own, will your life become a romance? Or something else?

Word Count: 4055

Warnings: Some fluff. Some angst. Pop culture references. Made up movies to suit the plot.

Clues:

1) I have as many letters as numbers in my URL

2) I have three Queens, but only one of them is real

3) I do love a crossover

The movie theatre was a juxtaposition for the senses. In the lobby; scents of popcorn, salt, butter, the overwhelming smell of hot cheese for the nachos and a sweeter smell of mustard and ketchup for hot dogs, and all of this overlaid by sugar from the candy and chocolate available for the kids. Sounds too were rife, children yelling excitedly about the movies they were about to see, parents yelling even louder for them to hush, couples and friends giggling and debating about possible plot lines…

Once inside the screen, however, calm would reign. The movie playing could be noisy, perhaps an action film which deployed explosions and gunshots as often as a comedy would deploy laugh out loud gags. Or perhaps it was a romance, or a thriller, or a horror designed to make you whimper and scream in your seat. It didn’t matter however. The people within the screen who watched the stories unfold would always be silent. Mesmerised by lives that weren’t theirs, dizzying highs and heart-breaking lows. Set underwater, in space, in far off nations that these people would never get the chance to visit.

The screen was a whole other dimension for the senses. A sea of calm amongst the craziness of today’s life. It didn’t matter what type of life you lead, who you were before you entered that screen and watched those stories unfold for the price of $20 including your snacks…

The screen was a safe space for all.

••••••••••••

The first time you saw him, he barely registered to you. The Screen, the name of your movie theatre, was packed. The newest Disney film was out and families had flocked from all over Brooklyn to pay to see it. Kids excitedly trying to cajole their parents into gifting them with just one more candy bar, or pleeeaaase can they have the animated animal themed soda glass? All of this made you smile, your heart light. This was what having a movie theatre was all about.

Making people happy.

Families were everywhere, which was why he stood out to you. Tall, dark shoulder length chestnut hair mostly hidden under a black baseball cap and, most tellingly, he was alone.

You took a second look, mainly out of idle curiosity, he wouldn’t be the first person to come to the movies by himself, but your eyes came up empty. With barely a pause for breath, you mentally shrug and continue to serve the popcorn.

He must’ve changed his mind.

••••••••••••

The second time, the man stayed and bought a ticket, but he went to Faith, your employees register. He didn’t go to see the film about the action hero that everyone was raving about, instead he went into the quieter screen with almost no people, showing the lesser known period movie about a WW2 sweeping romance. Again, you forgot him within minutes, the only thing that played on your mind was that for someone as tall as he was, he seemed to shrink into the background spectacularly well.

Two hours later and the five people, including the man in the black cap, came out. Black Cap was the only one alone, and he looked far more affected by the plot than the others.

“Did you enjoy the movie?”

You had no idea where the question came from, your usual practice was to smile benignly at the customers as they left and give them a generic thank you to top it off.

There was something in his eyes though… they were red rimmed… the man must’ve really been affected by the plot. Those swollen and- blue, such a pretty blue - shadowed eyes swung to yours…

Time stopped for a moment.

You had never felt such a jolt at just a look before. A string connected you, you felt like one of those romantic comedy heroines that you pretended to hate but secretly loved so much. The handsome stranger stared at you, right into your soul, and-

“I hated this movie. Completely inaccurate.”

The spell broke.

Your lips twist in disdain, “I’m so sorry you feel that way, sir. My understanding is that it is hard to accurately portray the horrors of war on screen in a way that really shows what it was like. And what’s wrong with a little love during such a terrible time?”

Black Cap rolled his eyes, scoffed, and walked out of your theatre without a backwards glance.

“Ummm… do you usually go out of your way to be an ass to potential repeat customers, boss?”

The tentative sound of Faith’s voice brought your attention to him, and you shake your head, “Is that any way to talk to your boss?”

Faith just shrugged, completely unbothered. To be honest, it was one of the reasons you liked the young woman so much. You grin at her and sigh, your shoulders slumping in sudden exhaustion when you see the time, “Oh god, I was a bit of an ass, wasn’t I? I just-”

“Yeah yeah, ‘movies are escapism, not real life,’ I get it, boss,” Faith mocked your saying and continued to clean out the popcorn machine, “The man was hot though, sure would’ve liked to see him again…”

Faith was right, of course. Black Cap had been a stone cold ten, you were just realising to yourself, but that wasn’t why you were hoping he might return, and not because of the potential repeat business either. Someone as sad as this man deserved to see movies that made him happy. To escape from whatever put those shadows under his eyes.

Your thoughts continue to drift to him, and you and Faith close up and head home. 

••••••••••••

It was another two weeks before you saw him again, this time he had come in to see a film critics were destroying, but fans all over were absolutely adoring. This one was about a lone ex soldier taking down a government conspiracy. Filled with explosions, violence and one very gratuitous sex scene.

You, personally, had loved every ridiculous second. 

Black Cap came up to your stand, keeping his eyes down, “Can I get a ticket for Saviour, please?”

“Sure, would you like any snacks with that? A drink? My opinion on the movie shoved down your throat, perhaps?”

Black Cap - you really needed to find a better nickname - finally looked up at you in shock, confusion creased the space in between his eyes for a moment, and then he smiled. It changed his whole face into something beyond handsome and dark and into… you didn’t have the words for it, but your heartbeat fluttered almost painfully against your rib cage as you saw it.

“Word on the street is that a movie like this shouldn’t be taken seriously,” Black Cap remarked casually, and pointed behind you at the popcorn, “Can I get some buttered, please?”

He was one of the last people to head to the screen, so you took your time getting his treat, “Something like this plot is so outrageous, all you should do is watch for the fun of it. Just leave your brain at the door and enjoy, you know?”

You turn, smile stretched across your face and hands filled with the gigantic bucket of popcorn, to see an unreadable look on the man’s face. He didn’t look angry, not like the last time, but he did look… 

“What if it’s not outrageous? What if shit like this actually happened? How would you feel then?”

Black Cap took the popcorn, staring intently at you, as if the answer you would give was important to him. You felt it again, that string, pulling tighter. Your answer came unbidden, straight from the heart.

“They had to get this plot from somewhere, right? I would just like to think that, if something like this did happen in real life, that everyone involved got a sappy and happy ending like they do in this film,” A gasp escapes you and you cover your mouth, “Oops! Spoiler alert!”

Black Cap blinks, and that devastating smile returns to his face, “That’s okay. I like knowing that they got a happy ending.”

This time, when he came out, he stopped and talked about the movie with you. Faith kept giving you guys looks and smirks as you talked. 

••••••••••••

Months went on, Black Cap, who you eventually learned was actually named James, would come to your screen maybe twice a month. He would always come in to the last show of the evening and he would always be alone, a fact that you tried to stop yourself feeling relieved about, but the feeling came unbidden, regardless.

What started out as a few words before and after each movie, turned into longer discussions post movie and James helping you to lock up. Soon, James was coming in just to speak to you, to keep you company, and you were able to let Faith leave earlier on those nights, much to the brunettes delight.

Eventually, James offered to walk you home, citing the need to keep an eye on you after dark, and you chuckled, feeling heat spread across your cheeks at his concern, “I actually live in the apartment upstairs, so there’s no need to worry about me walking the streets all on my lonesome, James.”

“Oh,” James had removed his cap, was spinning it idly in his hands and suddenly looking awkward, “right. That’s good. Uh… okay, well, it’s late. I better go.”

“Do you want to come up? I always need a while to unwind after work, I usually put on a movie, you could join, if you want?”

The air became charged again, but you felt more awkward than anything else, what exactly had you been thinking?! You barely knew the man! Of course he was going to say no-

“Really?” James interrupted your inner scolding, “What, uhhh… what movie were you thinking? I don’t wanna impose.”

“I’m feeling actiony tonight, maybe The Terminator?”

“Haven’t seen that, sounds good to me,”

You’re too busy spinning away and turning off lights in mortification at using the term “actiony” to notice how James went pale at the mention of “Terminator”.

You were surprised at how easy it was to have him in your little one bed apartment, and you were more than relieved that you had cleaned up earlier in the day.

“This is really nice.”

“Thanks, I love it.”

You start heading to the back and your bedroom, indicating the kitchen where James could make a drink, “This place was my Grandfathers, he built The Screen up from scratch back in the forties, it’s one of the only original movie theatres left from that time in Brooklyn.”

You’re busy pulling off your work uniform, and grabbing up your sweatpants and comfy t-shirt to fully hear James’s reply, but it sounded oddly like “I remember.”

“Huh? Remember what?”

The apartment being so small, it took you scant seconds to get back to James, finding him staring at your table of photographs, holding one up of you and your grandfather outside The Screen when you were maybe fifteen. Before his dementia had taken his memories of you, but not before he had passed his love of this place to you, or gifted the whole place to you in his will.

James’s smile was oddly wistful as he put the photo down, “I Uh… remember reading about this place. At school, I think. History class?”

“Oh.”

“This place reminds me of somewhere I used to go, way back when I was a kid, with my best friend. The guy who ran it, younger than you would think, he caught us sneaking in one time,” James chuckled fondly, but his eyes, those pretty, pretty eyes, they shone bright with tears, “made us learn how to change the reels and clean and tidy them. We worked a whole summer there, and he gave us free tickets after that.”

“Maybe he knew Pops,” You remark, softly, “Sounds like a story he told me ages ago about helping two kids out one summer.”

You’re fussing with the remotes, setting up the movie, and don’t see how James, once again, goes pale.

“I can’t believe you’ve never seen this movie, James!” You flop back onto the couch, patting the spare seat for him to sit, “It’s probably one of my favourite movies eveeeeer!”

James smirks and rolls his eyes at you, placing himself in the seat carefully after he removes his jacket, “Uhhh, excuse me, but not all of us grew up with movies on demand, ya know? Some of us were… busy.”

“Who the hell is too busy to watch classics every once in a while?”

The movie enraptured you, as ever you’re fascinated by the time travel, how Sarah Connor is swept up into a whole new life due to a choice she hadn’t even made yet. The way she starts out as an every-woman style character and eventually becomes such a badass called to you. And then, of course, there was Kyle Reese. The crush you had always harboured for him burned… especially when you realised that James looked just a little bit like him…

Tension fills the air again, your concentration on the movie starts to waver. You’re so close to James, and you just hadn’t appreciated before, how big he was. Your upper arms were almost touching, and the long sleeved top he wore did very little to hide the definition of the large bicep muscles he had. 

“This movie is insane.”

You jump slightly, the scene where Kyle had confessed his love had just happened, igniting more than the usual amount of tension for you. James was so close, and he was clearly as tense as you… Those pretty blue eyes stayed on the screen and didn’t turn to you, however, so you answer, trying to break the tension you were feeling, “Well, yeah, it’s about a time travelling cyborg sent to kill a woman before she can give birth to the man who will stop a war between artificial intelligence and humans in the future. And,” You add as an afterthought, “the poor woman isn’t even pregnant… well, yet.”

You’re trying to joke, the antics on the screen showed that the moment of conception was very, very imminent. 

“That’s not what I mean.” James’s jaw clenches, his eyes trained on the screen, “How can a woman like Sarah ever feel comfortable with Reese? His world… she’s always in so much danger, and it’s because of him.”

“You can’t help who you fall in love with, James.”

You tilt your head along the back of the couch and, after a moment, James turns to look at you too, blue eyes burning with something you can’t name.

“If Reese had just left her alone, the Terminator wouldn’t have needed to try and kill her. He should’ve stayed away.”

“She went into everything with her eyes wide open, James. And she loved him, she wanted to help him, too.”

That connection came again, the string pulling at your heart, and this time you could see that James felt it too. His teeth caught his bottom lip, the plump pink flesh turned white under the pressure… you couldn’t take your eyes off him if you tried…

“I have secrets, Y/N… I shouldn’t be here. I should go.”

He didn’t leave, though, or make any movement to indicate that he would.

“We all have secrets, James,” your left hand inched forward, towards his right hand in the gloves he still wore and he never took off, “but you don’t have to carry them alone.”

“I’m not a good guy. I’ll only hurt you.”

This was it, you could tell that he was serious, and he was trying to give you an out. But you thought of everything you knew about him. How he tried to melt into the shadows at The Screen, but how he smiled gently at the children that had dropped their candy on the floor at his feet that one time, and how he had paid for them to get more.

You thought about how he had raved about the Pixar film he had watched, all the emotions he had felt while watching it, and how he blushed when he said he “wished Stevie had been there with him.”

And you thought about his gloves, and his hats. That he had been some kind of soldier who was dealing with a lot and used your Screen as a way to escape the violence of his past was clear to you. He hid because he was scarred, probably physically as well as figuratively. None of this was your business, though. He would tell you when, and if, he was ready. Until then…

You take his hand. James stiffens at the contact… but doesn’t pull away.

“James… you could never hurt me the way that the ending of this film does.”

This time, your joke lands, and his nose scrunches up at you in a chuckle. It was a bad joke, but that was the point, to make his serious look go away. The string pulled tight again as you both laugh, and the distance between you both closes.

The press of your lips to his is everything you had hoped, and your eyelids flutter closed at the deep groan that rumbles up from James’s chest. As far as first kisses go… you knew none would ever top this one.

••••••••••••

Days later, and you’re in the middle of the late afternoon rush, but never has the sound of people demanding their escapism sounded so sweet as it did in that moment.

James is hanging around, shooting sweet glances at you, waiting for the moment where you would take your break and go outside with him. Most days since your kiss, he would come and meet you, kissing you sweetly and bringing you a flower, or a box of chocolates, old school gestures of courtship that made your heart flutter and your lips never stop pulling up into a smile.

You already knew you loved him. That he wanted to take his time with you and what you both had, only made you love him more. What that man had been through, what you assumed he had been through… who were you to ever push someone like that for more? You would wait as long as he needed to share his body, his soul and his secrets. 

Your watch tells you that you have five more minutes, and you gesture to Faith who fondly rolls her eyes whilst taking the ticket and snack order of the man and his girlfriend in front of her. You don’t notice how the man keeps on looking over at James, or how he is suddenly very interested in bringing up CNN on his cell phone.

You only notice that he drags his girlfriend away and out of the door, not paying for the tickets that Faith holds in her hand, her brown eyes wide in frustration, “Rude goddamn jackass! What a waste of popcorn and soda!”

“Oh,” A frown creases the space in between your eyes and you shrug, “just take it for yourself, Faith. He probably had some bad news.”

James came to the counter, looking over his shoulder at the door the couple had vacated, “What the hell was his problem?”

“Asshole muttered something about an escaped convict and fuckin’ ran outta here like a bat out of hell,” another low growl, then, “this isn’t a goddamn movie. Escaped convicts aren’t a real thing!”

The way the man had behaved didn’t bother you anymore, all you could think about was spending time with the amazing man on your left, and you grab his hand, starting to walk to the staff exit, “People are weird, you know that, hon. Okay, I’ll be back in twenty, you okay here?”

“Yeah, yeah.”

“Wait.”

You look up at James, who was now rubbing his eyes frantically, “Ummmm… rain check, doll? I… I don’t feel so good all of a sudden, probably ate something bad at work.”

Concern fills you, it was possible, James works at a small takeout restaurant in the kitchen, he often eats there to save money and, well, it wasn’t the cleanest of places. You often wondered why he would want to work somewhere with such a shady reputation.

Maybe it was just because it was quiet and he didn’t have to talk to people.

“Sure!” You say quickly, “If you don’t feel well!”

James can’t meet your eyes… he really did look pale…

“I, uh…” he seems to wrestle with himself, his eyes going from the exit to his shoes and to a point over your right shoulder, “I’m so sorry, Y/N… I w-wish I could’ve been different… ummm, I mean, I wish I wasn’t sick.”

“You can’t help getting a bug,” you narrow your eyes, “James, what’s wrong? Are you-?”

“I have to go.”

He pulls you into his arms, suddenly, the kiss he lays on you is sudden, deep, filled with emotions you’re too shocked to unravel, so you just kiss him back, holding onto his biceps with a desperate grip.

You knew he had a prosthetic arm, he told you a while back… a spark of something went off in your brain, a knowledge…

“I’m so sorry, darlin’… I love you.”

His lips left yours, his arms unwound themselves from around your shoulders and waist, and your fingers slip from the warm strength of his body. Without a backwards glance, James left you in the foyer of The Screen.

“He’s sick. He’ll be back.”

Faith doesn’t respond. But there was no need. Barely fifteen minutes later and your Screen is filled with SWAT and agents from branches of the government you had never heard of.

James was James Buchanan Barnes, aka; The Winter Soldier. He was responsible for god only knows how many murders and assassinations.

And you had fallen in love with him.

••••••••••••

So many questions. So many accusations. James Buchanan Barnes has been in your Screen, in your home, so many times over the last few months, and you had no idea about who he was?

It didn’t matter to them that you had only seen the good sides of him, that the Winter Soldier side wasn’t his true face. They dragged you into some dark room and held you for questioning for what felt like days.

You couldn’t give him up. You didn’t know anything and, in your heart of hearts, you knew that even if you did, you wouldn’t tell them anything.

There wasn’t any point, anyway. James was gone forever…

You get home, they release you and make you sign forms threatening prison or worse if you say anything about who was frequenting your establishment. Exhaustion pulls at every single muscle, screaming at you to fall into the blissful oblivion of sleep.

Your head hits the pillow… and you hear the crackle of paper. Frantically, you pull the hidden letter out from the pillowcase and hold it up to read;

Y/N,

I’m never going to be able to apologise enough. I just wanted to go somewhere that I remembered, that held only good memories for me. I knew your Pops, way back when.

I wish I could say that I hate myself for sticking around, for talking to you and learning about this amazing woman who kept Pop’s dream alive and knows more about movies than she does about math.

But I don’t.

I’m a selfish prick, but I wouldn’t change a goddamn thing about meeting you and getting to hold something so good in my arms for the first time in a very long time.

I want you to know, your Screen, your love, it gave me hope for the first time since before the war. I’m keeping it with me wherever I go.

I do love you, Y/N. It’s just funny how I now hate that I turned out to be Kyle and not the Terminator.

I won’t be back. I won’t do that to you.

Thank you for everything, Y/N.

Yours, always,

Bucky.

Tears fall, ink runs, and your heart breaks. 

Turns out your life could be like a movie after all, it just wasn’t the type you

[bees-for-the-wildmother]

The 100 Aesthetic/Preferences

Tagged by my favorite @justalittlebluetiefling...and I’m finally getting around to doing it. I will confess that it’s been a while since a full re-watch, so this will likely involve some googling...

Rank the seasons from favorite to least favorite:

Ummm....1 / 6 / 2 / 5 / 4 / 3

I just have so much nostalgia for those dropship days.  Two and six I went back and forth and might want to switch them, not sure. (I did end up switching them, though they’re still neck in neck.) This was so hard to rank.

Rank Clarke’s hair through the season from best to worst:

6 / 5 / 4 / 2 / 1 / 3

Rank Bellamy’s hair/beard through the seasons from best to worst:

1 / 4 / 5 / 3 / 6 / 2 ????

This one was hard (even with ignoring the pilot disaster of hairstyle). I like scruff, that’s just who I am, but his hair is just a bit long during the seasons he has it.

The real debate: the blue shirt or the tan?

Just gonna quote Erin:  “The BLUE SHIRT OBVIOUSLY”

Clarke’s blue dress or pink dress?

Blue, please

Favorite raven season:

I think I’m gonna go with Season Three

Raven’s ark vest or red jacket? ponytail or her s6 look?

Red jacket and ponytail, that is the quintessential Raven look in my brain

Octavia’s hair in s2 (the braids) or s4 (the ponytail)?

The braids, 100%...though she does have braids with her ponytail. I have literally done both looks with my own hair. Braids are what I do

Murphy with long hair or short hair?

Short

Favorite Monty season:

Monty. I love him so. Would literally yell, “Stop shitting on Monty!” when bad things were happening to him, he was my precious baby pure of heart boy. (Yes, I know, I’m putting on a pedestal)  All that being said, this is hard, but I’m going to say Season Five.

Favorite overall episode:

This is where my memory and my tendency to not pay attention to specific episodes instead letting it all merge into a full story in my head is going to get me. Um...Daytrip (1.8) is a classic, Perverse Instantiation (I had no freaking idea that’s what it was called) (3.15/3.16) was epic with its fight and going into the City of Light...at least I’m pretty sure that’s the episode I’m thinking of...

Favorite scene of all time:

What are you trying to do to my Bellarke heart making me choose a thing like this? But of course it’s gonna be one with Clarke and Bellamy.  Options:  Season Two run and hug, Season Five looking out at the new planet finale, the hug and desperation of trying to do better in Season Six.  Ugh!  I can’t choose.

Biggest wish for s7:

A satisfying ending. I will be mildly upset without Bellarke in the ending, because to me at least that’s where the story threads/relationship is going, but if it’s not there, well, that’s what fanfiction is for. But it’s more important that the ending to the story of The 100 feels like it fits and is satisfying. I don’t want a giant twist at the end, I want them to actually be able to find some peace for once in their goddamn lives.  This is why I joked, I don’t remember if it was with Erin or with a different friend, that I half wanted the final season to just be a soap opera, where there was no life threatening conundrum, just drama and angst that is resolved at the end.

If you know anything about me and my tumblr use, tagging is not my favorite thing, but here’s a few people who might enjoy this thing, and I’ve been awfully inconsistent about going on Tumblr recently, so if you’ve already done this, just ignore me:  @thetravelerbewithyou @pawprinterfanfic @thefutureunseen

[hunterenough]

December 13

Notes: I’m co-posting this on AO3 (hunterenough). Written for @notfunnydean for the SPN Advent Calendar Challenge. This post contains NSFW highly technical wing grooming smut.

December 13

Waking up from a nap with an angel was kinda hot, he’d learned yesterday. Waking up after sleeping for a full eight hours was like, very grossly hot in another way. Cas was like a furnace, and between his body heat and the blanket, Dean was roasting. Every part of him felt sweaty. And he had to pee, like immediately, but he couldn’t wiggle his way out of bed.

“Cas, c’mon man.” He gave his angel a little shove. Cas just whimpered and tightened his hold, pressing down more firmly on his bladder, and the urge to pee became urgent.

“Seriously, dude. I have to get up.”

Cas grumbled, but he rolled over.

Dean leapt out of bed with a sigh of relief. The cold air on his sweaty skin was doing no favors to his bladder situation, so he rushed to the bathroom. He detoured to the kitchen for coffee on his way bad to his room, deciding his angel might be more agreeable to morning after his first hit of caffeine. He waited, mostly patiently, for the coffee to brew.  

By the time the pot was three quarters full, he was freezing. The warmth of both his bed and his angel had worn off, and the floor felt like ice under his bare feet. He was debating breaking his own rule about interrupting the coffee brew cycle when Sam wandered in.

“G’’morning.”

“Morning Sammy.”

“Where’s your robe? ‘S cold in here.”

“I just had to pee, wanted to grab some coffee before I went back to bed.”

Sam arched his eyebrow and glanced obviously at the two mugs laid out before the coffee pot.

“I...uh, Cas…” He spluttered.

Sam started laughing.”I’m just giving you shit man. Way to step up and be a good boyfriend. Everyone deserves coffee in bed now and then.”

Dean glared at him as the coffee pot gurgled indicating the brew was finishing up.  Dean filled the two mugs, returned the pot to its home, and pointed at Sam. “You shut up.”

Sam’s laughter followed him out of the kitchen.

Cas was literally buried in the pillows and blanket when he got back to the room. When Dean tapped his shoulder, he groaned and pulled the blanket up over his head.

“I brought coffee. I had to face down Sam to get it, the least you can do is sit up.”

“Can’t we just stay in bed?” Dean was pretty sure that’s what Cas had said, but given that he hadn’t moved from under the pillows, it could really have been anything.

“Cas, we spent all day yesterday in bed. We only got up to eat. If we do that every day, we’re going to turn into fat slobs. Well, I will, you can probably grace yourself all hot again.”

Cas’ shoulders were shaking, and it sounded like he was laughing. He finally rolled over. Dean joined him on the bed, propped up against the headboard. He handed Cas a mug when the angel finally sat up.

They sat there for a quiet minute, enjoying their coffee.

“So, what do you have planned for today Santa?”

“I was thinking of another snow tradition maybe, I don’t know.”

“I like the snow. Were you planning on breakfast? I owe Gabriel breakfast for teaching me about music.”

“First, I think Gabe negated that when he got you all freaked out about the spell. Serves him right if he never eats my cooking again after getting you all worked up. Jesus, either one of them could have talked to me about it first.”

“I’m guessing it would be bad form to mention that talking has not generally been a strength of yours until very recently?”

“You guess correctly. Second, Sam’s on my shit list for calling you my boyfriend all smarmy like this morning.”

“Am I your boyfriend?”

“Ummm, yes? I mean, I kinda assumed, after yesterday, I don’t know! Do you want to be?”

“Hmmm, I would say, yes. So, why does that merit wrath toward Sam?”

“Because, he teased me about it before I even got to ask you myself.”

“Dean, despite the lack of sexual physical contact, I’m pretty sure we’ve been romantically involved for years, he’s pretty late to be teasing you about it. He could have started teasing you when we started staring at each other for extended periods of time. Eye fucking I believe he calls it.”

Dean groaned. Hearing his angel swear had an alarmingly stimulating effect on his dick.

“Fine. I can’t really argue that one. Just don’t tell Sam. I’ll never hear the end of it.”

“Gabriel’s been teasing me for years. I never bothered to contradict him because I couldn’t argue that I didn’t have a romantic interest in you. Usually, I just ignore him until he gets bored.”

“Good plan. I’ve got a better one. Let’s go engage in gross amounts of PDA until he gets scared and runs away.”

Cas grinned. “I like the way you think...boyfriend.”

“Ugh, that just sounds wrong. Maybe don’t call me that as a nickname. Save it for introductions, like ‘This is my boyfriend, Dean.’ But only when we’re not under cover or on a case or something ok?”

“What should I call you? Honey?”

“I suppose, or hon could work, although, I’ve always kinda like the way you say my name.” Dean blushed.

“That...explains a lot.”

“What!?”

“Nothing, it’s just...your soul sometimes.”

Dean lifted his eyebrow.

“I know you don’t like it when I get in your head, so I don’t do that anymore, but sometimes, your soul is just so...I really like looking at your soul. And sometimes, it does this thing, like kinda flares up for a second, red sometimes, but sometimes gold or silver or purple…”

“Get to the point babe.”

Cas preened at the diminutive. “I could never figure out what that meant. The color was never predictable, which was confusing, and I couldn’t relate it to anything in particular, but I’m beginning to understand it was lust. All of those, among other things, are colors of lust.”

Dean flushed. “I thought I kept that under wraps.”

“Dean, I didn’t know what it meant until after we’d had sexual contact. All those colors have multiple meanings. Red can mean anger or anxiety, gold can mean divine protection, silver, growth, purple can mean healing. None of them are out of place in your soul, in fact they’re pretty common to see in you, it was the shape of them that caught my attention. Usually your soul is...I don’t know how to describe it really...like a vaguely you shaped blob of color. Sometimes, when you’re feeling something really strongly, it takes on a more definitive edge, this was like...well, like when you throw a log into a fire and it sends up sparks for a second before the flames settle back down. It was always too fast for me to examine.”

“That actually sounds, kinda awesome.”

“It is, it really is.”

~~~~~

Dean had finally dragged Cas out of bed with the promise of pancakes. They’d agreed that Cas could bless the ingredients, though Dean had offered, because Cas’ grace was unlikely to be directly affected by the spell.

“It’s not that I don’t love how open you are when you’re bespelled Dean, it’s just...I’d rather know you’re sharing things that you want to share.”

Dean had tried to explain that there was no compulsion, just no fear of side effects, but the angel had been insistent. Dean had yielded.

He’d dug out all of the ingredients and while Cas did the blessing, he went to find Sam. He wanted to be sure his little brother got his fill of the Dean and Cas show so he’d stop the teasing. He located him in the library, and told him they’d be serving in ten minutes.

Brother inbound, he rejoined Cas in the kitchen. It seemed his angel really did like to watch him cook. “You got a thing for me in the kitchen Cas?”

His angel laughed and leaned over to brush the flour off his shirt. “I have a ‘thing’ for you looking happy Dean, and you always look happy when you’re cooking breakfast for us.”

Dean flushed a little. “I like feeding my family, making sure everyone is taken care of. Food is important.” He continued mixing the batter, then greased the skillet.

“Breaking bread together has been a sign of solidarity since the dawn of mankind. It is a very important social act.”

“You make it sound so formal.”

“It can be, but it doesn’t have to be. When food was scarce, sharing a meal was definitely a sign of trust or intimacy...family. But even in good times, sharing abundance was reserved for friends, or developing trust. Making a meal for someone is a deeply meaningful act Dean.”

Sam came in at the tail end of his sentence. “Whoa. I don’t really think I need to hear about ‘deeply meaningful acts.’”

Dean shot Cas a wink and leaned in for a kiss. His angel grinned and wrapped his hands behind his neck, pulling him close. It was meant to be a chaste kiss, but when their lips touched, the rest of the room kind of...faded from Dean’s mind. They might have gotten a little carried away. Tongues were definitely involved.

“Oh my God you guys! Seriously, I was kidding. I don’t need to see you do it! Gabe! Gabe, there’s porn in the kitchen!”

Gabe popped into the chair next to Sam. “Where?”

Sam gestured to where he and Cas were now leaning together by the stove.

“Dammit Sam, we’re still in our pajamas!”

Cas chuckled and waved his hands. He and Dean were instantly clothed in jeans and faded t-shirts.

“Sam, I think we need to talk about your definition of porn.”

“Shut up Gabriel, I was just trying to get them to stop making out in the kitchen.”

“Ahhh, and I missed it?”

“Dude, he’s my brother!”

“Shut up Sam, it’s not like you’ve never seen it before.”

“No, I really haven’t. Not like that man, you guys were like trying to climb into each other or something. It was like...really awkwardly cute and hot at the same time. Like that!” He waved wildly between the two of them. Dean raised his eyebrow and Cas just laughed. “Gabe, did you see that?”

Gabe looked at Sam like possibly he was possessed.

“The eye fucking. It’s dirty. I really, really don’t need to see that.”

“Sam, I once walked in on you fucking Ruby doggy style. You have exactly zero room to complain.” Dean turned back to the stove.

“That was just fucking, this is...it’s intimate.”

Dean flipped the first batch of pancakes onto a plate and brought them to the table. Cas followed with plates and silverware.

Gabe was shaking his head. “So let me summarize. Your brother seeing you actually having sex with somebody is okay because it was just a physical act. You seeing your brother kissing my brother is not okay because there’s...emotion involved?”

“Exactly.”

Dean walked over and planted a loud kiss on Cas’ lips, then rubbed their noses together, grinning. “Better get used to it man. I’ve got a live in boyfriend now.”

Sam groaned and Cas just laughed.

Dean waved his spatula at the pancakes. “Eat your breakfast before it gets cold, whiner.”

Things calmed down once they were finally eating. Cas made little noises of enjoyment, which made Dean squirm which made Gabriel laugh and Sam groan, but other than that, no further comment was made about Dean’s boyfriend situation. Dean considered it a win. He’d also scored a new way to completely gross Sam out, and those were few and far between, so he tucked that knowledge away for later use.

When they’d finished eating and cleaned up the kitchen, Dean led the way to the crates. “Sorry Gabe, you’re back on the shit list for getting Cas all worked up about the spell.”

“Still thinking I’d rather have breakfast than a present Dean, so I’m okay with that.”

Cas and Sam unwrapped new winter jackets, insulated Carhartt. He’d gotten Sam’s in black and Cas’ in navy. “I know your trench coat is plenty warm, but you look cold in it. And I have one just like this in green.”

Cas just smiled and hugged his coat. “This will look much nicer with my new jeans. Thank you Dean.”

“You guys are just gross.”

“Shut up Sam. Go get some clothes on, we’re gonna teach these guys how to make snow angels.”

~~~~~

They’d gotten bundled up and tromped out behind the bunker. Gabriel’s sledding hill had disappeared, and their snow family had reappeared with a noticeable haloed addition.

Sam laughed and pointed. “I have never, ever, seen an angel with halo Gabe.”

“Had to do something so you’d know it was me.” Gabe grinned.

“Is that a snow angel then?” Cas asked.

“Not even close. That is a snowman, masquerading as an angel. This is a snow angel.” Dean fell straight back into the snow and waved his arms up and down until the snow was well packed around him. He sat up carefully and raised his arms so Cas could help him up. “See? It’s got wings.” Dean grinned at him.

“Those are not wings. I’ll show you wings.” Gabriel repeated Dean’s fall, but kept his arms close to his side. He blinked, and two huge wings appeared at his side. He hopped up on his own grinning.

Dean looked stricken.

“No. Nope.” Sam stepped between Dean and Gabriel’s “angel.” Cas snapped his fingers and it was gone.

“What?” Gabriel looked between the three men.

“Think about it man.” Sam whisper-yelled at him.

“It looked like a fucking corpse you assbutt.” Cas gritted out.

“Oh, shit. Dean. I’m sorry, I didn’t think…”

Dean just shook his head, trying to clear it of the the memory of Cas’ wings stretched out like that. Cas pulled him into a tight hug.

“You just need to see Cassie’s real wings. I swear, they’re actually awesome.”

“He can’t you idiot. Eyes burning out of their sockets ring a bell?” Sam was too busy being protective of his big brother to pretend to be grossed out at the show of affection.

“Not if I help they won’t, idiot.” Gabe shot back. He closed his eyes and started chanting in Enochian.

Cas whirled to face him. “Gabriel, you don’t spell people without permission.” Dean followed him with his eyes. His angel, pissed, was a sight not to be missed, or taken lightly.

Gabriel continued chanting for a few seconds longer, then stopped with a wave of his hands. He squinted his eyes open. “Did it work?”

Both Dean and Sam looked shocked. “I’m guessing it worked.” Cas moved back to his hunter and gripped his shoulder. “Dean, I can explain-”

“Dude, your wings are awesome.” At the tone of Dean’s voice, Cas glanced over his shoulder. When he’d last looked at his wings, they’d been torn and burned. Functional, but barely. Now, they looked, at worst, in need of a good grooming. When he glanced back at Dean, he was still staring at the black appendages. He looked away, flushing, only to see Sam staring at Gabriel’s larger, golden wings with equal intensity.

“Can I touch them?” Sam asked, awe clear in his voice.

Gabriel laughed. “Not without buying me dinner first.”

“Huh?”

“An angel’s wings are...sensitive. Exposing them isn’t really...Grooming is very…” Cas trailed off.

“What my brother is rather eloquently trying to say is that angels rarely expose their wings to humans. They’re part of our true form. An angel can grant a human the ability to ‘gaze upon them’ without getting his eyeballs singed out, but we don’t usually, unless we have a really good reason. Nobody touches an angel’s wings except the angel himself, outside of grooming. They’re very, well, sensitive is a good word for it, to touch. Grooming is...usually not a communal act. It’s kinda like cleaning yourself in the shower. You don’t exactly let just any random stranger clean your junk for you.”

“It’s intimate.” Sam said.

“Yes.”

“Like sex.”

“Yes. And not the kind you don’t care if your brother sees.” Gabriel teased Sam.

Sam, who’d still had his arm stretched partially toward Gabe’s wings, suddenly pulled it back like he’d been burned. He flushed red.

“Don’t want to touch ‘em anymore Sammy?” Gabriel said with a laugh.

Sam just flushed deeper red.

Dean, who’d been listening without looking away from Cas’ wings, finally looked back at Cas. “True?” He asked simply. Cas nodded.

“How long does it last?”

“About an hour.” Cas said.

“Until Cassie turns it off,” Gabe corrected him. Cas’ gaze whipped to his brother. Gabe shrugged. “Archangel, Cassie, I’m smarter than the average bear.”

 Dean grabbed Cas’ wrist and turned toward the bunker, tugging at Cas to follow. Cas caught on quickly, and they popped out of sight.

Sam looked at Gabriel, his eyes wide.

“Count yourself lucky, Samalam, at least you won’t have to watch.”

~~~~~

Cas flew them to Dean’s room, but planted himself on the opposite side of the bed from his hunter.

“Dean. Gabriel’s assessment of grooming was not exactly accurate.” He held his hands up when Dean looked like he was going to crawl across the bed to get to him.

“So, tell me in your own words Cas, tell me about grooming.”

Just hearing Dean say the word nearly had Cas groaning. His mind was flooded with memories of his care with the Christmas tree and the fantasies it had sparked. He swallowed roughly.

“Grooming is a deeply intimate act.”

“Like sex.”

“No. Yes. Not the way you’re thinking. It’s not about reaching orgasm, although I’ve heard that can be a result if grooming occurs when inhabiting a vessel.”

“Then what is it? Because it sounds to me a hell of a lot like spending hours, hours exploring your wings. Touching every one of your feathers, making sure sure they’re lying exactly the way they should. It sounds like taking care of you in a way that nobody else does.”

Cas knew he’d chosen his words purposefully to mirror his own to Dean at the pond, and more importantly, that he’d understood how Cas thought of grooming. “I’ve never let anyone groom my wings for me.” He said it quietly.

“I’ve never spent hours worshiping a lover.” Dean was equally quiet.

“You would want that?”

“I told you Cas, I want everything with you.”

Cas was next to Dean in a blink, clinging to his hunter. Dean tugged him close, but didn’t lean in for a kiss, just held him tightly, their bodies pressed together head to toe, breathing each other in. Dean carefully avoided touching his feathers, though Cas let his wings relax perilously close to his hands.

“Will you groom my wings for me?” He whispered it into his hunter’s chest.

Dean just tugged at his jacket. “I think you’re a little overdressed, don’t you?”

Castiel took a step back and shrugged out of his coat. Dean mirrored his action. They sat at opposite ends of the bed to remove their boots. Cas hesitated before pulling his t-shirt over his head. Dean watched, fascinated, as it seemed to slip through his wings. He motioned Cas to the bed. “If you lay on your stomach and spread them out, I can reach better.”

“You’re not going to take off your shirt?”

“Nah, this is about you Cas, I can get at your feathers just fine with my clothes on.”

“It’s just...I feel very exposed.”

“Cas, I will strip down and groom you naked if that’s what you need. I just want to take care of you.”

“I would like it if you would remove your shirt, and...maybe your pants. I’d like to feel your skin with my feathers...it’s...they’re mine, a manifestation of my true form.” The idea of being able to feel his hunter without the filter of his vessel was...exhilarating.

Cas stripped out of his jeans and socks and quickly lay on the bed as Dean had requested while the other man removed his own clothing. He spread his wings the small amount that the room would allow, thankful that his wings were smaller in physical form than in in their projected form Still, they brushed the boundaries of the room before being extended fully.

He could feel Dean studying him. He was ashamed at the state that they were in...he hadn’t bothered with grooming much when his wings were so badly broken… but grateful that Gabriel had healed them. It was an impressive gift, and one he hadn’t known the archangel was capable of giving. He glanced over his shoulder, looking for Dean.

“I don’t know where to start.” Cas sucked in a breath at his hesitation. He could see how badly Dean wanted to get it right.

“There’s not really a wrong place, but I usually start in the middle and work my way out.”

Dean crawled onto the bed and straddled his hips, he could feel the skin of his legs against his chest when he drew a breath.

“Okay, tell me if I do something you don’t like.” Cas just nodded.

Dean gently stroked the skin of his back, between his wings, as if familiarizing himself with it’s resilience, and it dawned on Cas that despite their mutually satisfying encounter the day before, they had never really touched without at least a layer of cloth separating them. He breathed in a quiet gasp, and Dean stopped.

“No, I like it, it’s just...new.”

“Yeah.” Dean’s voice was gravely and low as he returned to his exploration of skin. He worked his way back up to the top of Cas’ back and finally, finally, ran the tips of his fingers over the very edges of his marginal coverts, brushing the joint between skin and feather. Cas moaned deeply and Dean drew back with a light hiss.

“Did it hurt?” they asked the question simultaneously.

Dean chuckled and answered first. “No, but man, it sent very pleasant tingles straight to my dick.”

“An...accurate assessment of the feeling.”

“Yeah?” Dean sounded pleased.

“Yes. Please, Dean…”

Dean settled his weight on the top of Cas’ butt and and leaned over for better access, he balanced himself with a hand between his shoulder blades, and carded his fingers through the same feathers, from skin to the edge of his marginals, seeming to sense where the feathers changed before stopping. The pressure was perfect, the tips of his hunter’s scarred fingers brushing into his down, the thicker parts of his digits smoothing the barbs along the vanes. Cas could only whimper. He’d groomed himself many times, but having someone else, Dean, touching his feathers...it was unlike anything he could have imagined. Dean seemed to take the sound as encouragement, repeating the motion again and again until he’d finished with the marginal coverts, Cas felt boneless, and the hunter hadn’t even finished with a quarter of the first side of one wing. When Dean paused and leaned back, Cas grumbled.

“Just checking…” Dean took the base of a single feather between his thumb and forefinger, and gently pulled toward the tip, ensuring that barbs were perfectly smooth. Cas couldn’t hold back his groan. Dean stroked the skin of his back gently with his thumb while he repeated the motion with several more feathers before he moved on to the secondary coverts. Cas’ body was humming with sensation. Every touch and stroke was a caress directly to his grace. It felt like he was going to vibrate out of his skin. He noticed Dean shifting away and a small pained noise escaped him.

“Not stopping baby, just can’t reach.” He smoothed this skin of Cas’ back again as he moved away, careful not to accidentally kneel on the newly groomed feathers. Cas lowered his wings slightly so they brushed against Dean’s thigh as he walked around to the top of the wing he was studying. “Jesus, Cas.” He sounded short of breath.

He positioned himself near Cas’ alulae, which he had spread wide. He skipped those feathers though, digging his fingers through the section of his wider primary coverts, top to bottom, smoothing through his down, caressing the barbs into place with the joints of his fingers and palm.. Cas’ gave up on controlling the motion of his body. It was just to much effort. His his twitched down into the mattress with the first pinch of an individual feather.

Dean gave each primary individual attention, starting with the largest and working inwards, through the primaries and secondaries and finishing with the small section of tertials. He paused again for a second before leaning forward across Cas’ wing to reach his three wriggling alulae. “Don’t want to forget these guys.”

He stroked the most sensitive feathers with absolute precision, careful not to tug even as Cas flicked them away reactively. The sensation, paired with the hunter’s chest pressing down on Cas’ wing made him buck his hips. “Deeean” the sound was ripped from him, a cross between a moan and a shout.

“Don’t get too worked up love, we’ve got a long way to go.” His hunter was sounding downright smug at this point. When Dean had settled his weight over his butt to start with his second wing, Cas gave a quick thrust up, dragging the top of his ass along the hunter’s shaft. Dean groaned and pressed his own butt down more firmly. Cas smirked.

“Cas,” he started, his tone dark, “You start that and we ain’t gonna finish. I’ll stop right now.” Cas grunted, but settled back into the mattress, hips still.

Dean worked the second wing over, more quickly for being more confident in his ability to bring pleasure, but with no less care. He stroked the alulae as soon as he took his position to start on the outer edges of the second wing, rather than teasing Cas this time. When he’d finished with the tertials, he patted Cas on the ass. “Flip.”

Cas rolled over and repositioned his wings carefully. Even without his hunter’s touch, they were buzzing with residual sensation, and the lightest brush against the sheet had him hissing. He was too blissed out to even care about the tent in his boxers. Dean wandered back to the other side of the bed, assessing the situation. He took hold of Cas’s elbow gently, and tugged his arm across his body until he was leaning on his side. Nodding to himself, he worked through the ultra sensitive axillars and his anterior marginal coverts before rolling him to his other side and repeating the same sections. Seemingly satisfied that he could reach the rest of his feathers from a central location, he guided Cas back to lying flat before crawling onto the bed. Cas watched as Dean hesitated for a second then once again straddling his hips. He was careful not to press his weight down, and Cas could see that the situation in Dean’s boxer briefs was as prominent as his own.

Dean glanced up at him, meeting his eyes. “You good?” Cas could see the love and lust swirling in his eyes.

Cas nodded. “Sooo, good Dean.” Dean smiled. He looked truly happy, not smug the angel realized, that he could wring out such pleasure from his lover.

Dean leaned forward slowly, his arms stretched out in front of him, and Cas braced for his weight. Nothing, not a thing in heaven or on earth, could have prepared him for the joint sensation of Dean’s cock pressing against his as he slid his fingers into both wings. Cas’ hips shot up uncontrollably, increasing the pressure where their groins met, and both men groaned heavily, Dean’s hands frozen in his feathers.

“Pleease.” Cas gritted out. Not bothering to control the rocking of his hips. “Dean.” His voice sounded wrecked, even to his own ears.

Dean squeezed his eyes shut for a second, his body held perfectly still. Slowly, he reopened his eyes and restarted the motion of his hands, answering each of Cas’ thrust with one of his own. When Cas didn’t think he could take any more, Dean paused for a second, seeming to assess his work. A dangerous looked crossed his face before he was leaning forward again, pressing his weight into Cas cock to stomach to chest to shoulder, finally, bringing their lips together. Cas sighed at the relief of his oversensitive feathers, his eyes fluttering closed. He missed Dean reaching out. The hunter’s sudden loose grip on his alulae shocked him over the edge, tumbling into his orgasm with a shout. Dean rode down hard against him, shouting his own release.

They came down from the high slowly, Dean gently caressing the skin of Cas’ arms, chest, and sides, careful to avoid Cas’ still fluttering feathers, and pressing soft kisses to his face. When Cas finally opened his eyes, his hunter was staring down at him, a small smile on his face.

“That was…” He trailed off, there weren’t really words for how deeply satisfying that had been.

Dean’s smile just widened. “Yeah, it was.” He shifted a little, then leveraged him weight back onto his knees groaning a bit at their stiffness.

“Would you mind if I put them away? They’re so sensitive that the air is almost painful. These sheets feel like sandpaper.”

“I can’t even imagine. Besides, I want to cuddle, and I don’t want to lay on your wings. But…”

“I’ll bring them out again, some other time Dean.” He reassured his hunter.

“Okay then, do your thing.” Cas tucked his wings back into their dimension then touched Dean’s knee, relieving the stiffness and cleaning up their mess.

“Hmmm. Perks of having an angel boyfriend. Might have to keep you around.”

Cas flopped back onto the bed. “You’re stuck with me now. What’s that saying? ‘Once you go Cas, you never go back.’”

Dean snorted out a surprised laugh and snuggled into his side. Cas draped his arms around his hunter and tugged him closer, burying his own smile in Dean’s hair. He was almost startled when he heard Dean’s silent prayer.

Cas? Thanks for letting me do that. I love you. His hunter buried his face more firmly into his chest.

He whispered his reply. “It could have only ever been you Dean, I love you too.”

[milady-milord-lj]

Community Re-Watch Season 1: Debate 109

Community Re-Watch:  Season 1 Hello everyone! Sorry about the delay. A large part of why it's been so long is because I was getting my ducks in a row for a Master's degree program. The other reason? Doing two of these a week eats up a lot of time. Transcribing is hard, y'all! So, I'll do better, but I really can only do one of these a week. If I can do two, I'll post two. But don't despair! Because this week is "Debate 109"! So, shipper-y goodness for all! C'mon in and play!

Debate 109 Commentary by Dan Harmon, Joel McHale, Alison Brie, and Joe Russo Joel makes a joke about the fact that Alison is not wearing any pants to do the commentary. Alison counters that she’s wearing shorts. Joel complains he can’t see them because they’re so short. Alison jokes that she enjoys doing commentaries half-nude. Dan reads a Twitter question, “Did you know it would be so awesome when you had them [Jeff and Annie] kiss or was it an accident?” Dan says that they kind of knew going in. Joe adds that this is the episode that sent the show down the path to “Pascal’s Triangle Revisited.” Alison says that this episode marks a pivotal moment in Annie’s life (side note:  which is kind of sad when you think about it). Joe agrees, and says that Jeff and Annie have interesting chemistry. He quotes something that he read online that states that what makes Annie “attractive” in this scenario is that she is Jeff’s opposite. Joel and Alison go “huh” at that. Dan jokes that he thought it was because of Annie’s Boobs (not the monkey). (Side note: Really, Dan? REALLY?) Joel de-escalates and says that he thought it was because of all the viral Jeff/Annie shipper videos that started cropping up after the episode. Alison says that Gillian was the one that broke the news to her that she’d be kissing Joel. She initially thought Gillian was joking...until she read the script. Abed’s Community College Chronicles cast is made up of people from Channel 101, except for “Pierce,” who is actually played by Chevy’s stand-in, John. John apparently has been Chevy’s stand-in for years. During the scene where Annie, Professor Whitman, and Dean Pelton gang up on Jeff to get him to agree to the debate, Joel remarks that the sheer amount of improve going on between Jim Rash and John Michael Higgins is incredible. Alison adds that this episode was the most fun for her because of Rash and Higgins, especially since she was standing between them while standing on the debate stage as the two of them kept feeding off of each other for the entire day. Joel adds that it was really funny. Jeff’s fakeout as he attempts to escape was Joel’s idea. Neither he nor Alison thought that it would make it into the final cut. Joel says that it was the best “juke” that he ever pulled on anyone, including the times he played basketball and football. Both Joe and Joel tell Dan that they hope that Higgins will be back for S2 (spoiler alert: he doesn’t). Although Higgins was part of this episode, apparently getting him for the episode was not a sure thing. Joe gives props to Chevy because he does every stunt and pratfall himself. Alison adds that Chevy will often suggest it if there isn’t one in the script. Joe points to the moment when Chevy stumbles into the drum set and adds, “That shit hurts!” Dan says the Pierce-Britta stop smoking through hypnosis storyline is based on a true story. Rob Schrab (whom Dan calls his occasional writing partner in this commentary) had “the world’s worst hypnotherapist” (no word on why Rob was seeing one). At one point, the hypnotherapist fell over and hurt his leg, but Rob didn’t want to hurt the guy’s confidence. So, he pretended to stay hypnotized because he felt so sorry for the guy. Joel remarks that Chevy is often stiff in the morning. He adds that it’s no wonder because Chevy’s been doing pratfalls for years. Dan adds that it’s roughly 20 years. Joe remarks that Chevy doesn’t use any padding or protective gear when he does it. Alison recalls a scene (which is in the outtakes) where Chevy falls backwards while seated in a chair and Gillian screams because she was taken by surprise (it wasn’t in the script). She adds that everyone thought Chevy really fell (as opposed to doing a pratfall…which is what it was). “We were terrified,” Alison says. In the scene where the Study Group confront Abed, Joel remarks that there was a big debate about his shirt because the socks had to match the shirt. Dan says he was mad about the joke because Jeff was supposed to protest that he wasn’t vain and then put his foot up on the table to reveal the matching sock. That little bit was cut for time. The debate portions of the show were shot over three days in a high school in Hollywood. Alison says that it was supposed to be a day-and-a-half, but there was a shooting at the school and the cast and crew were on lock-down in the gymnasium. Joe talks about how Simmons represents the depths to which Jeff has fallen. Simmons is the quintessential antagonist for a guy like Jeff, because he snotty, arrogant, and intelligent. There was some talk about bringing Simmons back for S2 (which obviously didn’t happen) and Simmons was supposed to be a love interest for Annie. Alison mentions that in this episode there was a subplot where Annie is obviously attracted to Simmons in a love-hate-he’s-so-sexy kind of way. Joe says that got toned down a lot in the final cut (i.e., as Alison notes, “it got cut”) because it got too confusing/complicated and because the chemistry between Alison and Joel in the episode worked out so well. Joel’s reaction to “the kiss” at the end of the episode was actually a set-based discovery (My reaction:  Ummm, so you didn’t expect it? That’s…huh.). Cue Alison teasing Joel, resulting in Joel mumbling about “it’s called acting” and accusing Alison of eating an onion sandwich before shooting the kissing scene. Alison denies the onion sandwich but cops to wearing lip plumper. Joel says he thought her lips wore swollen because she was suffering from some kind of outbreak. Dan says the Jeff’s attempt at flirting with the blonde debate judge was to give the audience some insight in who Jeff used to be and what he did that made him “blow up the world.” Dan finds it interesting to watch Jeff pull out his old tricks only to see him fail, not because he’s necessarily doing something wrong, but because he’s not playing by the rules in the world he’s currently inhabiting. You can picture Jeff pulling these stunts in a courtroom and getting someone off on a DUI, but in a world of nerds, Type A personalities, teachers, judges, and coaches, Jeff has to humble himself, shut up, and actually do the work. Joel adds, “You need to debate.” Dan says, “No, you have to make out with Alison Brie. Otherwise, you’re not going to…” Alison jumps in, “…win. You’re not going to win. It’s just a good lesson in life.” (Side note:  It’s at this point that I suspect Alison’s enjoying poking the bear — the bear in this case being Joel — a little too much.) Joel says that he’s been emailed by a number of church groups that show this episode to students (Side note: He’s trying not to laugh as he says this), because of the whole “is man evil” debate. Everyone’s really surprised by that. Joel decides to poke back with, “And the church is a really big fan of Alison.” Dan says that he took his hands off the script for this episode. Everyone gets distracted by the entrance of the gay basketball team. Joe says it was a tricky joke. Dan says that he had an “oh, c’mon man, for real” reaction when he saw it in the edit bay. He comments that if it was him, he'd have the basketball team be really awesome, like doing these amazing trick shots and dunks. Joel agrees with Dan. Dan says he took a step back on this episode because he was overworked and he was irritating writers/production because he was nitpicking everything. Dan says that he decided at one point during production of the episode that he’d loosen his grip, In short, he says, he passively-aggressively boycotted the episode. However, the episode turned out great, which (he jokes) “was a slap in the face to me.” Dan says when he sat in the edit bay with Joe, he was complaining that he said he wasn’t going to be that involved and then when he saw the gay basketball team he got sucked into a debate with Joe about it. Like how gay should the basketball team be, and other nitpicky stuff around the gay basketball team joke. Dan remarks that the hallway confrontation between Simmons and Jeff and Annie was the only thing people had for a long time to draw on to make their Jeff/Annie shipping videos, aside from the limited shots of Jeff and Annie looking at each other. Joe states that the vidders did a damn fine job with what limited footage they had. Dan and Alison agree. Joel says that he feels sorry of Yvette Nicole Brown because she has to wear so many wigs on the show. All of her wigs are named “Shirley.” Alison starts laughing when she sees Abed’s video where Shirley is running from a werewolf right by a kissing Jeff and Annie. Alison remarks that this episode spawned the running joke in the cast of “I’ma gonna die by werewolf.” She also says that she loves the cheap Annie wig on Annie’s fictional counterpart. Joe says the study room scene between Jeff and Annie came out of a conversation (he doesn’t remember who with). Joel jokes that he’s pretty sure that everyone conspired to take as long as they could shooting this scene. Dan says that they should’ve seen the editor’s cut of the scene. Alison says she remembers a lot of very specific conversations about her boobs. Joe says the study room scene was actually re-written on the set. The scene as originally written moved too fast, so the re-write slowed it down. He adds that a lot of the chemistry between Joel and Alison was basically being discovered during the course of the episode, which was another driver behind the rewrite. Dan admits that he does love the episode. During the part where Annie leans over Jeff, Joel says, “The crew had never been more quiet and concentrated.” Alison said they kept doing it over and over again. Joel adds that no one was trying to hurry up the process and telling them they had to get moving on to the next set-up. Dan says there was one cut where there was practically a close-up of Alison’s cleavage and Joel basically looking practically down her shirt doing a double-take. Alison says that for all the joking they’re doing, there was actually a lot of conversation and how she needed to stand and her placement at Joel’s shoulder and how close she needed to be standing. Meanwhile, back in the Britta-Pierce storyline… The second hypnotherapy scene was actually stolen from the previous scene. They changed the color of the shirt Gillian was wearing in editing to make it look like the whole thing was happening on a different day. Everyone is impressed with Chevy’s “slow” pratfall in this scene. Joe says that at first Chevy wasn’t sure how to do it, so he told Joe where to put the drum and the instruments and said that he’d figure it out as they went. Back at the debate… With regards to potentially bringing Simmons back (which didn’t happen), Dan says that it’s important to write up to the characters, don’t let there be real villains. They can be villains to each other, depending on their circumstances, but if they bring back Simmons they have to break the rule that he’s a villain. He’s not just an asshole. There’s a reason why he’s an asshole, so the audience understands what it’s like to be that guy. Joe asks if Troy tearing up at Simmon’s speech was the point where they latched on to “When Donald is crying it’s hilarious.” Dan doesn’t really answer, but he says that NBC gave him notes that they needed to guard Troy’s football masculinity, which evoked a “give me a break” response from him. Joel jokes that there must be some adept network executive saying, “Tell Dan to do this and he will do the opposite.” Alison says the debate montage was shot weeks later. They were standing in a crazy rig that involved ladder, a chair, and a platform. Joe says that’s because the high school location in Hollywood where they shot the scenes was crazy expensive so they couldn’t shoot it where they had the wide shots of the debate. So the debate snippets were shot in very tight close-ups against a backdrop on the Paramount sound stage. Joel asks why they had to shoot in the rig they had, and Joe says it was because they needed a very specific perspective on the character’s faces to make it work. The point where Jeff trails off with “like great seeeeeee….” was an on-set joke by Joel. Joe remarks that it was part of the great chemistry they were uncovering in the episode and they just wanted to keep playing with it. Joe says the whole closing bit starting with Simmons revving his wheelchair and ending with Jeff and Annie kissing was tricky, largely because they didn’t know if it would come across as hilarious or ridiculous. Joe continues and says that what made filming S1 so much fun is that everyone was experimenting and adventurous about trying different things and seeing how far they could push the edges. Joel and Alison start cracking up about Simmons flying out of his chair. Dan says the bit where Simmons risks himself makes him not a villain because he’s so dedicated to winning. Joe says the use of “Home” by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeroes was “genius.” Alison says that she hears the song everywhere now and she credits the episode for that. Joe credits editor Peter Ellis for pulling the song out for the closing scenes. Alison points out Jeff’s “look” after the kiss and says “good acting!” The wrap-ups at the end of the episode were another on-set re-write. Dan says the dovetailing of all the storylines in the episode was brilliant. Joe says the various cross conversations between the non-Jeff-and-Annie members of the study group was supposed to take place in the stands, but they had been kicked out of the gymnasium and had to shoot in the hallways. Also, Joel had to leave the set so he could work on The Soup (which Joel completely forgot). The closing scene between Jeff and Annie was actually shot later and was a last-minute add-on to the episode. Alison likes the head pat. Joe says that even the Jeff-Annie closing scene they were discovering the chemistry between Jeff and Annie and what worked about it. Joe says they all felt they needed a button on the episode to touch on their chemistry one more time, which is why the head pat added at the last minute.

[riarklespirfire-blog]

Maybe it wasn’t just a dream

So I took inspiration from the times travelers wife and the opening line might be a flash/imitation game reference. But other than that Smackle and Farkle are only friends in this universe and thats all you need to know, I think.

Chapter 1

Before I tell you my story, I need you do something for me. I need you to believe in the impossible. Okay? If you can do that for me, I’ll begin.

So there’s this girl, the most adorable being to ever exist. She does this thing, where she tilts her head to an acute 20 degree angle. She then smiles, I love the way she smiles. And her giggle, it’s my favourite sound in the world. But the thing that kills me is the way she smells. I’m completely addicted to it. Each time I get a taste, I just want more.

Okay, so telling you that makes me sound like a creep. What I’ve left out is, is the fact she’s my best friend. I’ve known her since 7 when I thought I loved her. It was when I was 13 I knew for a fact I did. After 6 years of knowing her, countless sleepovers and practically spending every waking second together, I came to the conclusion that she was perfect. She wasn’t of this world. There was something special about her. It’s wasn’t just her unwavering optimism in the bleakest of times or even her ability to see the best in the worst of people, it was a je ne sais quoi, a quality that couldn’t be defined.

That was until my 15th birthday. My parents threw me a ‘surprise’ birthday party. I worked out what they were planning 3 weeks prior. They had invited Riley, Maya, Lucas,, Zay and Smackle as well as their parents. It was pleasant gathering and all I wanted. Just to spend time with my friends and love ones. The only thing that slightly bugged me was seeing Riley with Lucas. They had been together for the last few months and although I value her happiness over everything, it still hurt a little. And by a little, I mean a lot. Every so often my gaze would linger at the two looking all gooey eyes at each other and whilst it stung, I knew I wasn’t alone in my jealousy. As I diverted my gaze from the sight of the two, I see Maya staring at them. She looks broken. She had brought the two together, stepping back so they could be in a relationship.

During the party, we eat pizza and stories get told; a lot of embarrassing ones of me when I was younger. All of them involve Riley. I really can’t imagine my life without her. After we finish eating, I receive my presents. My friends surprise me with their gifts. Each gift is extremely thoughtful and is representative of my unique friendship with each of them. My favourite part of the evening is when Riley gives me her gift. She hugs me and kisses my cheek. I can’t help but smell her as she leans in. In that instance I feel content. It’s the best present I could ask for. The party eventually dies down and everyone begins to leave. Riley stays and helps me clean up whilst our parents have coffee in the next room. After we finish, she hugs me again and tells me she loves me. I tell her I love her too. I know she means it, just not the same way I do.

Eventually it reaches 12 am and the Mathews finally leave. They wish me a happy birthday once again before they do. I thank them and my parents for their gifts and the party. I then make my way to my bed room. I change into an old jumper and get into bed. In a matter of minutes I lose all consciousness.

I’m woken by the sensation of a cold arm wrapping around my torso. I look to my side and before I can say anything, I hear a muffled voice say ‘Shhhh, relax Farkle, it’s just me’.

‘Hey Riles, not to complain, but what are you doing in my bed?’  

‘I’m sleeping genius, what does it look like?’

‘Yeah I can see that, but why aren’t you sleeping in your own bed?’

‘Do you not want me here?’ Her voice chokes, it sounds like she’s upset. It pains me to know I caused it.

‘You know I always want you by my side, it’s just unusual that you’re sleeping in my bed’.

‘Farkle, stop being silly, you know why I’m here’.

Instantly I tell her, ‘No Riles, I don’t’.

I hear her sigh. She then tells me, ‘Look at me Farkle. Really look’.

It’s dark but I can still see the outline of her body. Her legs look longer, her body is more shaped. No longer just skinny but defined. If I didn’t know better, I would say this wasn’t Riley. But she smells like my angel and sounds like her too.

‘I’m confused Riles. Your body looks different but your voice is the same. And your scent, I’d recognise it anywhere’.

She giggles, ‘My scent?’

Shit.

I actually said that out loud.

‘Well… you see….ummm…..’

She interrupts my weak attempt at an excuse. ‘I’m just teasing sweetie. But since you don’t actually know why I’m here, I’m guessing it’s your 15th birthday’. I nod and she continues, ‘So when I was 17 we discovered my condition.’ ‘But you’re only 15’. ‘Farkle, honey, please just let me explain. Like I was saying, I have this condition. When I fall asleep, my mind enters a state of flux and it drifts throughout the time vortex. I then wake up next to you in different points in your life. My dad thinks it’s the soulmates blessing.’

Nervously I ask, ‘I’m your soulmate?’

‘Of course you are, why do you sound so surprised?’

‘Riles, you do realise you’re dating Lucas?’

‘Sweetie, it was just phase. Me and you are forever.  Now be quiet. I want to sleep. Happy birthday my genius’.

I wrap my arms around her and take in her scent. It’s still the best smell in the world. I wish I could always fall asleep with her in my arms.

When I wake up, she’s gone. I shake my head; of course it was only a dream. I check my phone, its 7.30. I have 30 minutes to get ready before I have to leave for school.

When I get there, I see Riley talking to Maya at their lockers. My thoughts are brought back to last night and the dream that seemed way too real. My daydream is broken as the morning bell rings throughout the hallways. I make my way to class and try to go through the day unnoticed. The dream is still bugging me. I hate the fact my dreams are better than reality.

At the end of the day and we’re all leaving school, I’m stopped by Maya.

‘Hey, everything okay with you?’ I ask her. She looks at me and says,’ I was going to ask you the same thing. Earlier, Riles mentioned that she thought something was up with you. I told her, she was just over worrying. But I ended watching you for the rest of the day and your face looked so heartbroken every time you looked at her. I know you still love her, like I love Lucas but this, that look you had today was completely different.’

I consider lying to her but I can’t do it. After admitting that she loves Lucas, I owed her honesty. I tell her about my dream, not leaving a detail out. She looks at me with pity, like I’m an abandoned puppy. ‘I’m sorry Farkle, I really am but you know that can never happen.’ ‘I know Maya, that’s why it hurts so much’. She hugs me and I thank her, it feels much better getting it off my chest. We walk home together in silence. When we get to her door I tell her if she ever needs to talk about it, I’d be here. She smiles a sad smile and goes into her house.

 As the rest of the week goes on, things go back to normal. I push the dream to the back of my mind. I have a big lab report due for following week. I stay up until 1 am one Friday night to finish it. I proof read the document and save it. I leave my study and enter my bedroom.

I open the door and switch on the light. I’m getting into my bed when I feel a warm body next to me. It’s a girl and her face is hidden, buried into my pillow. I gently turn her so I can see her face. It’s Riley. ‘Future’ Riley. I switch the light off and lie next to her. I sigh. What’s wrong with me? I’m now hallucinating her. This is beginning to get seriously unhealthy.

My self-pity is interrupted by ‘Riley’. ‘I’ve been waiting for you to come to bed for hours. What kept you?’ I indulge this hallucination and tell her, ‘I had a lab report to finish. Where have you come from?’

She smiles, it’s like she knows I think she’s not real. ‘Well I just had my 18th birthday party. You threw me this incredible surprise birthday party and the present you gave me, it had me in tears.’

‘What did I get you?’

She laughs, ‘You know I can’t tell you that. Even if I could I wouldn’t. You were so cute in the weeks leading to my birthday. You were so worried about screwing up my present because it was the first birthday we had as a couple. I found you asleep in your study several times looking at different gift sites. Sometimes I love my condition’.

As if it were instinct, I wrap my arms around her waist and cuddle her tight to my chest and kiss her forehead. I know she’s not real so I decide to get a few things off my chest.

‘Hey, Riles’.

‘Yeah, sweetie?’

‘I love you. And not just in the way one friend loves another but in the way that your dad loves your mum, the way Romeo loved Juliet and the way Mars loves Pluto.’

‘I know that stupid. I love you too. I always will. Do you still not believe we’re soulmates?’

‘No. No I don’t. You’re just a figment of my imagination’.

She sighs. ‘Farkle, I’m not. I’m real. What is it going to take for you to believe me?’

‘Well, if you are from the future. Tell me something that’s going to happen. ‘

She’s biting her lip, as if she’s having an internal debate with herself. There’s silence for a minute before she speaks, ‘This breaks our rules but I need you to believe.  Very soon I’m going to time jump for the first time and I need you to explain what’s going to me. What’s the date?’

I check my phone. ‘It’s the 15th of March’.

‘Well you get your first B on the 18th. Me and Lucas break up on the 29th and Lucas and Maya get together on the 5th of May. Write those dates down and when those events do happen, I want an apology and loads of cuddles’. She smiles as she says the last part.

I close my eyes and she buries her head into the crook of my neck. I take in her scent one last time. As I do I feel her lips spread into a smile. I can’t help but smile too. Even if this was a dream and it was unhealthy for me to keep doing this to myself, I was happy and no one could take that away from me. Not for a little longer at least…