#didn't realize how big my library had gotten!

[chickalupe]

@persephinae tagged me in a fun meme! “Shuffle your music library and post the first 10 song titles that play.” yay!

1. “All I Ever Want” by Scouuts

2. “White Winter Hymnal” by Fleet Foxes

3. “Recognize (Inharmony Remix)” by A-P Connection

4. “Already Love” by Great Good Fine Ok

5. “Hands Up” by The New Respects

6. “We Belong” by Sheppard

7. “Space Scraper” by Illuminate

8. “Refresher” by BAD

9. “Worn Sunglasses” by New Reveille

10. “Swim” by Fickle Friends

tagging a bunch of people because I love new music & always want new stuff to listen to: @broadminded @vinelady @a-secret-land @aurelia-which-means-sunrise @the-uss-wossname @princestolastheowldemon @ambersagen @somanyofthekids @cookie-atelier @fineillgettheapp @theenbygoblin @rafssofas @a-smol-procrastinator

... and also anyone else who wants to play! No pressure on anybody I tagged though; this is just for funsies! 😉🎵💜🎶😊

[sserajeans]

bff premium?

kang haerin x fem! reader

synopsis: after distancing yourself from a friend you've unfortunately fallen for, the rest of the group catches onto her sour mood, and all fingers point to you

genre + others: fluff, mutual pining, friends to lovers, non-idol au, high school setting, friend group is rly just nwjns + yn

notes: i swear yail update will come i just had this in my drafts and felt bad for not posting for a while!!, requested, IM SO SORRY IT TOOK THIS LONG I REALLY WANTED TO BE IN TBE MOOD WHEN I WROTE THIS 😭😭😭😭 luckily haerin posted some pics that ive gotten completely insane over.. so!

you and haerin always had something special between the both of you.

you two met in middle school, when your homeroom teacher was assigning seats. she was a quiet kid, and so were you, but one of you had to get over it. so when the class was given a paired activity to "get-to-know each other", you were forced to come out of your shell, and haerin welcomed you (surprisingly) warmly.

it started off as a strictly-seatmate type of friendship, where you two would only interact whenever it was needed. but as you spent more and more time working on assigned activities together, you were beginning to realize that maybe you enjoyed her company more than you thought, and so did she.

eventually, you two began spending time together outside of class; during recess, lunchtime, sometimes after class in the library. it didn't take long until the both of you became really close, a known tandem. you were her closest friend, she was yours, and everyone knew that.

over time, your friends became hers as well, and so whenever everyone was free, your little friend group composed of minji, hanni, danielle, haerin, hyein, and you, would hang out together. at a clubroom, the courtyard, the gymnasium, a cafe, the cafeteria, anywhere.

but no matter how many close friends surrounded you two, it seemed clear to anyone that you were closer to each other than anyone else. the same way hanni was to hyein, and minji was to danielle.

now your feelings for haerin grew a couple years later, and you only admitted them to yourself in your sophomore year of high school. that's about four years or so since you two met, and about a year ago from today.

from the beginning, you had always found haerin pretty. it wasn't hard to admit. she was nice to look at, and the way her cat-like eyes turned into crescent moons whenever she smiled ear to ear... yeah, you knew you were enjoying it a little too much.

and it only worsened the more you got to know each other, because you found out there were so many things to adore.

the way she wouldn't stop talking about frogs, her love for tomatoes, her eyes and the way she blinks slowly when she looks at something she loves (a cat-like habit you picked up when she was watching a recipe video for an avocado dish).

the list could go on and on if no one stopped you, and after talking about it to your mom (who was very supportive of everything, by the way), you came to the conclusion that you liked haerin, in a "more-than-a-friend way".

but you had no idea, not a single clue, on what to do with that realization. what would happen if you told her? if you didn't? would she feel the same? would she be disgusted if she didn't?

crushes and romance was one of the most untouched conversation topics between the two of you, so you had no idea if she was even open to such ideas.

but the one thing you knew for sure, was that she was your best friend, and you were hers. you loved your best friend, and so did she. in a different way, or not, you felt like she still deserved to know. you hated hiding things from her, and history proves it only made things worse whenever you did.

so you decided to confess. great!

and suddenly you see her acting all lovey dovey with danielle.

well, in retrospect, they weren’t exactly being lovey dovey, and you kind of knew that.

danielle was just big on affection, as she was to everyone, and is one of the few people whose pda was complied with (or tolerated) by haerin.

and despite not being much of a pda fan, in that moment, you badly wanted to be in danielle’s place, comfortably smothering your best friend with all the love in the world.

oh, and it didn’t help that people started a couple rumors about them being a couple.

sure, everyone knew you were each other’s number one, each other’s best of best friend, but the way you two showed affection with each other was very different from the way danielle does, to again, everyone, but you didn’t care about that.

the bitter sting in your stomach seeing the two of them made you realize that it was probably a much better idea to just get rid of your feelings (you’re an idiot, you’ve had them for years. they won’t just go away). after all you didn’t want to ruin what you had with two of your closest friends.

and with that goal in mind, so began your plan to avoid kang haerin at all costs!

you’re really stupid.

in the process of avoiding haerin, you indirectly were avoiding the rest of the girls too. you mostly hung out with your other classmates from different subjects like woonhak and eunchae. and whenever you were asked about it by hanni (mostly), you shrugged it off and said it was just “school things you needed help with”.

it was a dumb excuse. everyone knew you were at least top 5 of the class. and what kind of help were you getting if you were going out to places like arcades and karaoke spots anyways?

the girls were bothered, but not as much as haerin was. she was often visibly in a sour mood, ate half of her usual cafeteria servings, and would talk a lot less than she already did.

they were worried for the both of you simultaneously, but hyein and minji put two and two together, which only doubled their worry.

initially, it was just you and haerin's separate well-being they were concerned about, but now that they realized the time frame in which you began distancing yourself matched up with when haerin's mood went down, they were now also worried about what could've happened between you two.

so they took it amongst themselves to at least know what was going on.

"haerin-ah."

"haerin."

"kang."

"kang haerin!"

haerin looked up from her untouched tray of food, her chopsticks poking around slices of beef in sauce.

"hm?"

minji sat across her as the first two to arrive in their usual lunch table.

"i was asking if anything happened between you and y/n or something..."

"oh..."

haerin looked back down and continued playing around with her food before sighing and looking back up, muttering a couple words.

"wish i knew."

"y/n-unnie! is something up between you and haerin-unnie?"

"huh? what?" you were sat in the sound proofed booth of the music room, guitar plugged in an amplifier. you squinted at hyein's figure from outside the room, putting your guitar on its stand and motioning her to come inside.

"can you repeat that? i can't really hear anything from in there..." scratching the back of your neck, you gave hyein a seat from behind the booth's drum sets.

"i was asking!" hyein took a deep breath, you raised your eyebrows signaling her to continue. "if you and haerin-unnie have something going on."

"h-huh? what? what something?"

"no not like that! i meant you know, did you fight or... 'cause she's been so sour lately! she wouldn't even give me her leftover tomatoes... she wasn't even gonna eat them! like at all!"

the expression on your face shifted to what most would identify as worry and concern.

"...she hasn't been eating the tomatoes? she loves those..."

"yeah! and so much more! anyways, minji-unnie and i deduced it was about you, so here i am." hyein gleamed with pride while you chuckled in amusement.

you leaned over to mess with the top of her head and sighed, "i'll talk to her. you don't worry about a thing, okay?"

and you kept your word to the younger girl. how could you not?

you spotted haerin alone in one of the clubrooms, cleaning up some of the materials they used for the day. knocking on the room's door startled her a bit, given by the minor flinch, but she relaxed seeing it was you.

still, you could tell her facial expression was slightly guarded, and it hurt you, but you definitely deserved it.

she turned back around to continue organizing the materials into three separate boxes, not saying a word.

"hyein said you haven't been eating the tomatoes in your lunch." you slowly took your steps towards her and stopped when you were a couole steps away on the other side of the desk she used to arrange the items. "or your lunch at all..."

she paused to look up at you and give you a short glare, before walking to move a box to the teacher's desk in the room. you followed a few steps behind her, arms behind your back as your fingers fiddled with each other.

"you shouldn't... skip your meals, you know..." you muttered, clearly intimidated by haerin’s cold facade. "health... you need to eat..."

seeing as how you still had no reply, you decided it was probably best to just go straight to the point.

"hey... i'm sorry..."

you were used to haerin not saying that much, especially when you got to know her more and she explained that it was simply just too tiring. but you were also always the exception to that.

whenever it was just the two of you, one would be surprised to see haerin as the louder one. talkative, always rambling about something, while you smiled, nodded, and gave comments whenever necessary.

"yangi, please say something"

haerin loved that nickname more than anything. it was pretty foul to pull that card, actually. you came up with it when you two were having a friendly debate over what animal she resembled.

"i don't know where you're getting cat, y/n."

"are you crazy? how are you getting frog!"

"literally everything!"

"no. you're simply incorrect. you're literally a cat in human form!"

"absolutely not!"

"whatever you say, goyangi."

"what did you just call me?"

"go-yang-i. goyangi. go. yangi."

"you're so... annoying."

"okay, yangi."

she let out a frustrated sigh, looking up at you with what felt like her eyes piercing through your soul.

"so you get to disappear on me without a word, but i have to reply when you speak to me for the first time in 8 days?"

yes, she's been counting the days.

but wouldn't you be too if she did the same?

well, you probably would've confronted her a little sooner. but it's not that haerin didn't care enough to do something about it, she just genuinely didn't want to overstep space you might've been needing.

"thats what i thought." she let go of the box, turned her back, and walked back to the desks to grab the 2nd box.

"look... i'm sorry, i really am." you immediately caught up to her with a few steps, eyes pleading with nothing but guilt.

"if you are then can you at least tell me why you were avoiding me?"

she stared at you, observing how your thumbs rubbed over your fingers, or how your breathing got a little heavy, both nervous habits she picked up.

noting how you probably weren't going to say much anytime soon, she let go of the 2nd box to face you.

"you're my best friend, y/n"

that hurt didn't it?

a reminder that that was probably all you were going to be to her.

"do you know how..." haerin took a deep inhale, it was beginning to get shaky. her mind was a mess, thinking of the best words to express the hurt you made her feel over the past few days. but she couldn't.

"nevermind."

knowing the way haerin acted added on to your internal conflict. haerin usually wasn't afraid to speak her mind when it was just the two of you, but now she is. she couldn't. and you knew it was your fault.

but were you really ready to tell her you liked her? now? you wanted to show her you were sorry, but it really wasn't that easy.

if things go wrong, she could continue the game and avoid you forever. and just like that you'd lose your best friend, ruining the group's dynamics as well.

but you figured your brain was just making up excuses for you to not tell her out of fear. what mattered the most now was letting her know you were sorry, and that hurting her was never part of the plan.

"look, i'll tell you, because i really truly am sorry for hurting you," you start off, hands in the air motioning whatever. "but i-... i need you to promise me..."

"what?" her voice was much softer now. still cold, but not sharp enough to make it feel like you were stabbed every time she spoke.

"that you won't be... weirded out, or disgusted, or leave the room. you'll talk about it with me."

"you're the one whos been avoiding the talking y/n, i hope you know that."

you often forget how quick she was with her words. it was like a whip. painful, fast, happens before you even noticed it did. you were just so used to her nicer side. she's never been frustrated with you.

"right..."

you took a deep breath, mentally composing a script of how you felt and how you were going to say it. just like the million times you've practiced to the mirror at home.

"i've been avoiding you 'cause i think i like you. or, well, i know i like you. in a more than a friend way. and i have been for a while, and i was going to tell you because i didn't like hiding things from you, but i saw you with dani one day and i just- i don't know. okay? it's stupid. i know she's like that with everyone, but i didn't like it when she was with you, so i decided that i'd rather just get rid of how i felt to make it easier and to not ruin any of our friendships. so i figured the only way to do that was if i didn't talk to you. clearly that affected us both in a way i didn't want or intend. i'm sorry i ignored you. it was selfish of me to not think about how you could've felt throughout everything."

haerin took a minute just standing there, trying to process the hell of a bomb of information you just dropped on her. her cheeks were gradually growing red the more she realized what you were trying to tell her.

"hey... hello... did you hear what i was saying... or do i have to repeat it... because i'd really rather not..." you waved your palm in front of the girl who seemed to be frozen in place. "but if that's what it takes then i guess tha—"

you stopped talking as haerin slowly approached you, wrapping her arms around your waist and burying her face on your shoulder. she was careful to do so slowly, giving you a chance to move away if you needed to. she knows you're not into physical touch, and it just wasn't exactly the norm for the two of you.

"i was worried."

"hey, i've been eating fine. it's you tha-"

"no, not that. i was worried you might've overheard dani and i talk about you when i told her i like you, and that you were disgusted by it and didn't want to be... associated with me because of it. and maybe you just didn't know how to tell me so you went with the silent treatment.... i was going nuts, y/n. that's why hyein was talking about skipping lunch and whatever. all i could think about was why."

you could feel the guilt eating you up bit by bit on the inside. it quite literally broke your heart to hear haerin, the girl with not a lot of words, express the effect of what you did. it was like acid, burning up your stomach, your chest, your head. except that acid was guilt.

"oh god... i'm so sorry, yangi... the whole thing was a really selfish move and— and i should've thought about you first. i really am so so sorry..."

you held her closer and softly shifted your body weight from one foot to the other, swaying the two of you softly, somewhat like a cradle calming a baby down to sleep.

"hey... it's okay... i know you didn't mean it. i'm just glad we're fine now."

you two stay in that position for a couple of minutes, feeling each other relax over time as a result of finally resolving the conflict you had caused.

that was until haerin broke the silence.

"so... hate to be the person to ask but..."

"what are we?"

the two of you laughed for a while at how the question was so cliche and cringe yet necessary.

"yes."

"bff premium?"

"y/n!"

"i'm kidding! i'm kidding! but... i say we take things slow? get a little used to this, whatever it is, whatever it could be?"

"yeah, i like that."

the two of you smiled at each other with nothing but warmth and care, before ultimately pulling in for another hug.

"minji-unnie you owe me 2,000 won."

"hyein you're being too loud."

"huh do you hea-?..." haerin pulled away with a surprised face, interrupted by y/n quickly stomping towards the door, slamming it open to reveal minji and hyein falling forward to the floor. a result of relying on the door for support.

"seriously? i expected hyein, but minji-unnie?" you sighed in disappointment, haerin walking over to see what the fuss was all about.

"listen, it's for hanni she placed bets too."

"...lame excuse."

"KANG HAERIN!"

[oracle-of-dream]

Submissive and huh?

Minors DNI

Summary: Your friend Taerae recently learned a new term and wants your thoughts. Explaining it might help him understand properly, but do you have the strength to tell him.

Warnings: Male Reader, Idol Taerae, Student Reader, Lewd faces/Ahegao, Mention of arousal and breeding

Wordcount: 1.2k

Math classes had been kicking your ass all semester and tutoring from the professor wasn't working out. You'd ended up being assigned a study partner. The program was meant for students struggling with the class to help each other. That's how you met Taerae. 

He didn't originally introduce himself as an idol, especially since it was an online class. No one had seen his face. But when you met up with him for the first time to study together, you instantly recognized him from TV. You hit it off over a shared hate for math and spent more time together outside class.

He'd complain about his idol life issues and you'd give him any notes from class he'd missed.

You'd just gotten home from a late-night study session at the library. As if it knew, your phone lit up with a text as you sat on your bed.

TR: Yo! Y/N, I met some fans while out with the members today!

YN: Cool. Don't you meet fans wherever you go?

TR: Well these stuck out!

YN: How?

TR: Well, I noticed them, a bunch of guys, giggling in the convenience store and pointing at me and Hao while we were shopping. I didn't want to embarrass them so I just played it cool and ignored them. But then they came up to me!

YN: Okay, some brave fans? That's it?

TR: Just wait a sec! 

TR: They came to me and told me they were fans. But more specifically, MY fans! Of course, I was happy to hear, but they were foreigners because they used a term I didn’t know.

YN: What term?

TR: Submissive and Breedable?

TR: I know what submissive means, they mean I'm not an aggressive person. That's not entirely true, but I'm submissive at times.

You looked at your phone, blinking a few times. Some "fans" dared to say that!?

TR: I can't find anything when I look it up, it's probably slang, right?

Maybe telling him that his fans want to breed him wasn't the best thing to tell your friend. He was just too wholesome for that.

YN: Yeah, it is, but it's not something cool. No one says it really, it's not the trend anymore.

TR: Really? I know trends, I'm not old, but I haven’t heard of that.

YN: See? There's no reason to worry, just fans being weird.

TR: Well, the photo they wanted was also...off.

YN: Off how?

TR: They wanted me to stick my tongue out and look up at the camera, which was super high above me. To be honest–it felt a little embarrassing to pose like that.

You shook your head trying not to imagine his cute self making lewd faces for a group of boys, but it was hard. And so were you.

YN: You should be more careful, they could use photos like that weirdly.

TR: What do you mean?

YN: Let's drop it. Subject change, what are you doing now?

TR: I'm getting ready for bed, I just got under the covers.

You looked at the clock, midnight was on its face.

YN: Oh shit, I didn't even realize. You should sleep!

TR: No, no, I'm pretty awake. Plus, it's nice talking to you. Did you want to video call while you get ready for bed?

You’d done it before, talking on video call into the night, but it was always a little like Taerae just wanted to see you.

YN: Sure, I'll call you.

You pressed the video call button on your phone. It showed your reflection as you waited, automatically you straightened your hair a little and kicked some stuff on the floor out of frame.

Taerae answered the phone with a smile, the camera close to his face.

You laughed as you set your phone on your desk, "Well hello to you too, why so close?"

"No reason, I just want to see you closely."

"Well, I can see you so closely I can count your pores," You scoffed as you went into your closet to find pajamas for the night.

"Is it weird I'm holding it so close?"

"A little, but it's no big deal. If you don't wanna show yourself then why'd you wanna video call?"

Taerae didn't answer.

"Are you still thinking about what those guys said?"

He shuffled in bed, "Mmhm."

"I promise it's nothing bad."

"Then why don't you just tell me?"

You sighed, "Okay, fine, I'll spill."

Taerae's eyes peered curiously at the camera as he waited for you to come out of your closet. You settled on wearing a long-sleeved T-shirt and shorts. You returned to find Taerae's eyes filled with impatience.

You swallowed awkwardly, "You already know what the submissive part means, but the other part..."

"Breedable," Taerae reminded you.

"Yeah–It means," You struggled to find a good way to break it to him with that look in his eyes. So full of trust and purity. "It means, they wanna do it with you."

Taerae's expression dropped into surprise, "Oh, that's it? I read about that kind of stuff of fans wanting me to have sex with them. That's not so bad."

"Well, breedable means, specifically where you'd be the one getting fucked. Likely by a man. Who wants to... finish in you."

You couldn't bring yourself to look at the screen to see his expression. He'd fallen silent, thinking of a response. It felt like ten minutes passed until he broke the silence.

Taerae's voice was deep and serious, "Y/n."

"Yeah?"

"Look at the screen." You looked at the screen to see Taerae in bed, holding the camera above him to show off his shirtless torso that was mostly covered by the bed sheet except for his collarbone and neck. "Am I breedable right now?"

You felt warm in your face as you answered, "Yeah, I-I guess."

"Submissive, too?"

"Sure," You said as you looked down at your hands.

"Yes or no! Sure isn't good enough, and look at me!"

You complied, looking at him. He smiled before making a face; his eyes looking up at the camera as he stuck out his tongue and held up a peace sign with his other hand.

"Jesus, Taerae!" You looked away quickly. Your heart was in your ears, pounding as the image of sweet Taerae's lewd face was plastered behind your eyelids.

He laughed loudly. "I am, aren't I? Submissive and breedable. I take it as a compliment, they like me that much! To be honest, you look all shy... You look a little submissive too."

You moved your phone so he couldn't see you anymore.

"I was kidding! Don't hide from me!" Taerae's muffled voice shouted from the speaker of your phone. 

After you calmed down, you turned your phone back over to see him still there. Still shirtless, and holding his phone at the same seductive angle.

"You're so weird!" You yelled at Taerae, who just giggled.

"And you still like me anyway. Even with all my breedable energy."

"I'm going to hang up–"

"What!? We gotta see you do the pose too, what if you're more breedable than me, we should test how–"

You cut him off as you pressed the red dial button. You turned your phone off before he could call you again. You lay in bed, alone in the dark, thinking about Taerae's face.

And in the privacy of your home, you test if you can also feel submissive and breedable, making Taerae's new iconic look. A secret he'll never know about... As if you didn't already have a big secret.

[gyubaseone]

han yujin. intertwined

❛ no matter what, i'll be here for you ❜

pairings — han yujin x f!reader

genre — fluff, childhood friends to lovers

synopsis — highschool can be quite hectic but for these two, nothing could get in the way of their feelings.

warnings — none! third person pov, lowercase intended, not proof read thoroughly.

word count — 2,143

notes — i'm so sorry to pull the f!reader once again, i'm still getting used to writing with gn pronouns since i dont usually do imagines.. but i hope this was okay ! thank you for all the love on my gyuvin fic <3

★ ( please fill out this form to be on my taglist ) ❕

starting high school was hard, especially as someone who is perceived as quiet. but it was easier for y/n knowing that she had her childhood best friend, han yujin, by her side.

they had been friends since diapers basically, their families being close friends for years. every big life event, they went through it together. all the times y/n cried, he was there for her even if he never truly knew how to comfort her. he was always the bestest friend someone could ask for.

so why was there this envious feeling that pitted in y/n's stomach when he started getting caught up in school events and gaining more friends than her when they entered highschool?

she should be happy that he's fitting in, he deserved all the attention he got. han yujin was one of the most liked students in the grade. with his popularity, soccer and dance skills, and — of course his good looks ; who wouldn't want to be his friend?

but that envious feeling kept on coming back whenever he had to skip out on eating lunch with her because "the soccer team is going out to eat" or whenever he told her to go walk home alone since "his friends wanted to hang out".

she was happy for him, but the idea of him slowly slipping away from her grasp made her heart ache. because the truth was, y/n had a crush on yujin. she had been having those feelings for a while now, maybe before she even realized it.

he was always there to cheer her up and gradually became one of the only things she enjoyed about going to school. whenever he took her to buy snacks, when they played games together, when they went to the park together, and his smile. especially his smile.

y/n sat down in the library since she hadn't fully adjusted to being in the cafeteria. sure, she had made some friends — but she wouldn't call them her close friends. even so, she hated loud noises and the cafeteria was filled with them.

just about now, she expected that yujin would enter the room to tell her about any plans his soccer team had made up to get him off campus for the period which left her all by herself.

as she took a bite out of her triangle gimbap, looking up from her notebook — there he was. the dark-brown haired boy who had been able to swoon her without even knowing it, walking through the doors in a black t-shirt since he most likely just got out of gym.

"y/n!" yujin called out, waving his hand in the air as he jogged over to her, "sorry i'm late, the showers kept being hogged. i didn't want to stink up the library, y'know."

"uhm, i think i know?" y/n questioned her answer, she knew absolutely nothing about sports. "wait, so you're actually going to eat lunch with me today? surprised you don't have anything going on, you've been so popular recently."

"what can i say? i'm quite the catch," yujin shrugged his shoulders with such a smug look on his face, "and i cleared everything! i feel like i haven't seen you in forever, i missed you."

he missed her. han yujin missed her. why was she freaking out on the inside? it's not like they haven't had a conversation before. but it felt different, like his tone had changed from the last time they had spoken. "cool," was all y/n could mutter as she tried to cover her rosy-tinted cheeks with her lunch.

but just as y/n was lost in her own world, yujin had gotten a message on his phone. here it goes. "oh my gosh... y/n, i—" he attempted to speak up before y/n shut him down, already knowing what he was going to say.

"go, it's okay," y/n assured even though her heart was breaking little by little. he had friends, other friends than her. it's not like he could spend all his time with her, it was ridiculous. but why was there this feeling inside her that wished he did?

"i'm so sorry, gyuvin hyung broke his leg and now we have to go over the plays again before the game," yujin explained, getting up while stuffing his phone into his pocket, "you'll be at the game on saturday, right?"

"well, i have nothing else to do," y/n slightly smiled, attempting to relax her back from all the tension she felt, "i'll be there for sure."

"great, i'll see you later!" yujin waved at her as he started walking away before he slowly disappeared into the hallways.

y/n was more used to it now, and she would probably have to accept it at one point. yujin was moving on with his life, experiencing new things. high school is meant for new experiences and it seemed like yujin was going through many things.

what she didn't expect to see? him and one of the cheerleaders hitting it off after he scored the winning goal during the soccer game. oh, how she wanted to shout his name after seeing the way he rebounded the ball and got the last goal ; but then she saw him with her.

she never really tried to learn the names of the people surrounding her, another flaw y/n had. all y/n knew was that yujin was hugging her and that she was jealous? envious? oh, same thing.

and from that day on, y/n would attempt to distance herself from yujin as much as she could. it wasn't like he would notice right? he had all his soccer friends and that girl he hugged. can she give up on the girl already?

it's not like yujin was her property, he was his own person. maybe in a way, to let him flourish ; she had to find her own path without him. maybe, this was just her way of masking her feelings for him in a way where she wouldn't have to get hurt.

one thing y/n didn't think about was how yujin would react to this. all this time, she was in her own world overthinking every single little thing. her bestfriend, who knows her and could read her like a book, was upset to say the least.

he thought she was acting weird at first, but didn't think anything of it until it constantly kept happening. all she would do is greet him and suddenly walk off without saying anything else. it was unlike y/n, she would always be the brightest girl whenever he was around.

it was one of the things he liked most about her, her smile. the way her eyes became cresents like the moon whenever she smiled, her lips curving up and the way her nose scrunched up in the most beautiful way.

maybe there were many things he liked about her. yujin could probably go on a tangent about everything he liked about y/n, the reason he smiled so brightly. it was her. so there was no way it was all in his head that they could've possibly had a spark there, right?

so when yujin found the girl asleep in one of the classrooms after failing to study for her biology exam ; he knew what he had to do.

oh how yujin slowly regretted his decision. he didn't want to wake her up, seeing how peaceful and pretty she was when she slept even if she was drooling all over her textbook.

but he knew if he didn't do it now, he would probably be even more distanced from you and he did not want that one bit. so he did what he dreaded doing and woke up y/n from her nap.

"y/n... psst— wake up," he whispered softly, poking her shoulder in an attempt to wake her up but nothing, "there's free food in the cafeteria!"

"huh? free food?" y/n suddenly jolted awake, looking around the room in a daze before her eyes landed back on yujin, "oh... it was a lie, wasn't it?"

"yeah, i knew that would wake you up though," yujin let out a laugh, sitting down in the chair next to y/n, "i'll get you something after school, i just need to talk to you for a bit."

god, there was that smile again. the smile that could make all the problems in the world disappear. why did he have to be the one with it?

"yeah uh— what did you want to talk about?" y/n snapped out of her thoughts, shaking her head slightly before fixing up her hair, "is it important?"

"you could say that..." yujin fiddled with his fingers for a moment, hesitating for a moment, "i just.. i feel like we haven't talked in a while, is everything okay with you?"

"yeah... everything is fine," y/n nodded her head in assurance. no everything was not fine. but she couldn't say anything about him hugging a girl, that would just be crazy. "i've just been a little busy, that's all."

"are you sure?" yujin questioned once again, "i feel like i barely see you now, i missed you and talking to you.." gosh, there it was again. he always knew the words to say.

"yeah, i'm sure... everything is fine," y/n repeated once more, giving yujin a smile that made him feel fuzzy on the inside. she watched his shoulders suddenly become tense before speaking up, "is there something else you wanted to talk to me about?"

"gosh, am i really going to do this now..." yujin looked to the side, taking a deep breath before searching for something in his pockets. "can you close your eyes for me?"

y/n looked at him confused before closing her eyes, feeling yujin's touch on her hand as he pulled it out and opened it up. right after, he placed something on her palm. "alright, you can open your eyes now."

this wasn't real right? this moment was just a figment of y/n's imagination. because why was yujin's nametag in her hand at this moment? she truely thought she was hallucinating, staring at the nametag with 한유진 embroidered on it.

"when we went to get our uniforms fitted, i had an extra nametag made.." yujin spoke in a shy tone, "and i just decided to... give it to you."

"so what does this mean?" y/n asked, wanting clarification for the sudden gift, "do you...?"

"oh so you're going to make me say it? the nametag was supposed to say it for me," yujin joked, hearing y/n's laugh that he loved so much, "fine, y/n... i like you, like a lot."

"that's better, i guess i like you too," y/n grinned, glancing at the sour look on yujin's face when she spoke, "i'm kidding! i like you a lot... and your smile too."

"truth is.. i thought you had a thing for that cheerleader you hugged on saturday," y/n admitted after all the time she spent hiding away, feeling a sense of relief after letting it out. "i was... jealous, okay? that's why i haven't talked to you."

"wow! i knew there was something behind it!" yujin pointed a finger at y/n like a little kid with his mouth gaping, "that's so silly... she's a senior, why would i date someone that much older than me. if anything, she gave me dating advice."

"oh.. yeah well— you've been so busy recently and i don't know what to think anymore!" y/n got off her chest, letting out a sigh after the long sentence she spoke without breathing.

"oh, now you wanna say all of these things? see, i can read you like a book, i knew it!" yujin clapped his hands at his knowledge of his best friend, laughing while y/n looked away out of embarrassment.

as y/n was looking away, she heard yujin's soft laughs slowly fade away before feeling him take a hold of her hand which made her look his way. gosh, he was looking at her with that cheekily smile again and those shining eyes.

"no matter what, i'll be here for you," yujin spoke sincerely, intertwining their hands together, "even if i can't spend time with you, i'm always here for anything you need. i'll drop anything for you."

"well..." y/n opened her mouth to speak but no words came out, leaving her with only one choice. she looked at her uniform, taking off her nametag from its spot and placing it onto yujin's other hand that wasn't holding her hand. "you better get me another one before i get scolded."

and that was it. or maybe, it was just the beginning? they're young, who knows where their relationship could go from there. kind of cute if you think about it, two students intertwined together. she fell for a smile that she gave.

© gyubaseone — please refrain from copying, translating, reposting, or claiming my work as your own.

[lydscare]

ponyboy curtis dating/relationship headcanons pt.2

warnings/notes: ponyboy is a softie, half of these are about the gang’s reactions to y’all dating 😭; no warnings 🙌 (pony is a little insecure, though)

a/n: didn't realize that there's a word limit, so here's the second part to my ponyboy curtis dating/relationship hcs 😭

reader is gender-neutral / my masterlist 

BUT he may put his arm around your shoulders, specifically if someone’s flirting with you and doesn't know that you’re taken

hand holding and cheek kisses are definately a go-to pda thing !!

speaking of, he does always get a little red whenever you lightly peck his cheek, he gets this shy little smile on his face :))

random “kiss attacks” all over his face also leave him a blushing, laughing mess

possibly a little suggestive, but he loves when you kiss him down his neck too (in private of course ;))

you guys have had makeout sessions before though

the first time you guys were getting into it (making out, nothing else 🙃) he didn’t know where to put his hands. hold your face? place them on your waist? (heh, that rhymes) he honestly has no clue, so please help guide him through it :’)

behind closed doors and away from prying eyes though, he loves to cuddle

on rough days he likes being held but loves holding you just as much

ponyboy’s definitely held you, your head on his shoulder, laying slightly on him. he’s reading to you, his fingers gently treading through your hair. his voice is very soothing to listen to

there will definitely be days where you both go to the curtis household and just chill in him and soda’s room 

study dates would either take place in the library at school, or in his room on his bed

ponyboy was very nervous when he first introduced you to his brothers. they both mean the world to him, and he really wants you to get along with them

soda takes an immediate liking to you probably because he’s heard so much about you, before you and ponyboy were even dating. he’s interested in the learning about the person who’s stolen his little brother’s heart

“ah, the legendary mx. y/n l/n. i’ve heard a lot about you.” 

“all good things, i hope?”

“please, ponyboy couldn’t name a bad thing about you if he tried.”

“soda!”

one time soda walked in on you two cuddling and being all cute. pony never heard the end of it 😭

soda teases pony relentlessly for y’ll’s relationship, whether you are in the house or not 

“my baby brother is growing up so fast 🥹”

“soda, i’m 14–”

you two will just be heading up the stairs to pony’s room, and you’ll just hear soda’s voice behind you:

“keep it family friendly, you two ;)”

“shut your trap, soda!” 

“whatever you say, ponywony 😘”

darry’s had to step in before because it’s gotten so bad 😭

at first darry didn’t have too big of a reaction when he found out that ponboy was dating someone, more specifically you; not meaning that he didn’t care. just, with his very stressful and busy life, he dosent have enough time on his hands to be concerned about who his brothers are dating. he knew that pony had a crush, but didn't think much of it—until he actually met you.

the minute ponyboy introduces you to him

oh boy

like he shakes your hand, and you thought you offended him or something

“y/n? are you okay?”

*whispers* “i think your brother broke my hand..”

you thought he was going to murder you for even looking in pony’s direction

don’t worry

it may seem that way, but he would never

not even close..

he just wants to make sure that you don’t have any..ulterior motives

then he sees how much happier a person ponyboy seems to be just by being around you

and sees that you’re a sweet kid

and then he reminds himself that you and pony are just two young teens in love, and is pretty much fine with you from then on

admittingly, he was a little concerned that you might have a bad influence on ponyboy overtime, and make his grades somehow start to drop

but then he walked in on you and pony studying in his room and all of his doubts melted away since then

darry would also be the type to peek in through the door crack every now and then just to see you two interacting and being all cute and couplely. has seen you two cuddle up and take a nap together (he was like: 🥹)

over time darry definitely becomes some kind of a big brother/father figure for you

you often find yourself over at the curtis household; it’s just very homey and comforting in being there (despite it being loud, and messy most of the time)

whether it be due to the fact that you have a bad home life or simply because you like the place, darry always assures you that you’re welcomed there (soda says this too, obvi)

over time, ponyboy introduces you to the rest of the gang

you yourself are a little nervous to meet the group of greasers, but that only ends up making poor pony nervous also

“pony, are you sure this is a good idea? i mean, what if they don’t like me–”

“no. no. no. don’t say that. this is going to go great, you’re all going to get along swell and NOTHING at ALL will go wrong”

“pony?”

“yeah, y/n?”

“..you’re suffocating my hand, sweetheart.”

anways

steve’s pretty chill with you

two-bit teases y’all (ponyboy) relentlessly

then there’s johnny, the main member of the gang who pony really wants you to get along with (pony’s probably talked to johnny about you too ;))

and…you do!

it takes a bit, but johnny actually finds himself being easily comfortable with you and opens up quite fast, all things considered

the rest of the gang is also just as surprised by this, that’s when they knew you were someone special (what, with your good looks, humor, and charm ;))

pony’s just so so happy that two of his favorite people get along, and even more so that the rest of the gang seems to accept you happily into their little family

and if you end up hanging out with them over time, it’s even better!

pony’s literally crying inside, he got so lucky 🥹

(wait, i forgot about dally–)

dally obviously contributes to a lot of the teasing, directed to both you and ponyboy. 

“you’re growing up so fast, kid”

they can tend to be not very family friendly comments, which can make things awkward at times

“great i gotta ‘nother kid to watch out for. *mumbles* i hate kids, man.”

he pretends to be bothered by you whenever you end up taking along, but he’s honestly fine with it

he even comes to like you and you’re humor/personality :))

but anytime dallas makes you uncomfy with a particularly nasty comment or oversteps any of your boundaries, pony will tell him to leave you alone

dally is certainly surprised by this, but then sees that you’re helping pony be stronger in the way that pony’s not afraid of him anymore

despite him having more respect for ponyboy after any of these “protective pony” instances, he jokes about you two being sickening

he still has to keep up his “strong & tuff greaser that’s definitely not moved by two teens’ romance” front (stoic bastard–)

also, dally and johnny probably end up taking along with you guys on your dates (you end up having fun anyways though :))

in conclusion, the gang loves you, he gets you into books and you help him grow more happy and confident :))

#couplegoals, if i do say so myself

y’all make me feel so single, i swear 🥲–

[b1ancastar]

Can I ask you to make a dottore x male reader (or gn reader)? Dottore who feels jealous when he realizes the reader is not in his lab because he's too busy with his experiments and finds the reader in the library with pantalone.

(Oh sorry if my language might be hard to understand, English is not my first language😭)

AHHH Anon you are curing my brainrot of this man. (ur english is better than mine and I'm a native speaker </3)

Library Chills (Dottore X Male/GN Reader)

He knew something was up, watching as the clock hit one. You we're supposed to have been there nearly two hours ago, yet you were nowhere to be found.

Dottore knew that you were supposed to have been there exactly at eleven sharp. He hard went on and gotten a head start on his latest "experiment" and had lost track on both time, and his assistant (y/n). Not many things would make him "angry," but you had promised that you would have been there. It also didn't help that one of his "co-workers" Pantalone had been hanging around you a little too much recently.

Deciding to put a little pause on this latest "experiment" Dottore decided it would be best to send his clones to look for you, and to bring you back, to him, and his lab. Where you belonged.

-

"You know Pantalone, if you wanted to know more about this topic, you easily could've asked someone else for help. After all I do think I'm cutting close on time to get to the lab."

"Oh (y/n), you know I would prefer you're help rather than someone else. And I still will never understand why you insist on being around Dottore and his lab so much, it must be horrible there... Say what about you come work with me for a day."

"Pantalone, we have been over this, I rather be in a lab than having to deal with your world of "banking," that just isn't my place. Being in that lab with Dottore is a lot better than that."

Pantalone let out a long sigh of disappointment. For weeks he had been trying to convince you to take a break from working in a damn lab, to get some fresh air, to let him show you what else is out there, yet you never budged, almost like Dottore programmed you to want nothing to do with the outside world.

He then glanced at the watch on his wrist, he knew it was a little past one, meaning he had at least gotten you to be late to Dottores latest "experiment." Yet he failed to see a clone in the dark corner of the library getting ready to report back to Dottore.

-

Dottore felt something that he hadn't felt in a long time, jealousy. He dismissed the clone that had reported your whereabouts and made his way to the library you were in, with that good for nothing banker.

His footsteps echoed in the halls, anyone who had been standing in his way quickly moved away, not wanting to be in his next big "experiment" Though he wore his mask, it was if the entire nation could feel it get colder.

-

It hadn't taken you long to realize something was wrong, from the smile on Pantalone's face, to the sudden shiver that ran down your spine. You quietly looked up and around for a clock, once you saw the time, any color in your face drained away.

Slowly, you turned around, staring Pantalone, with a gaze colder than ice. Knowing that more than likely Dottore was already on his way to your location.

"Pantalone, what. is. the. time."

"Oh it's 1:45, I guess timed slipped for us both (Y/n), maybe seeing that "doctor" wasn't as important as you made it out to be."

As soon as those words left Pantalone's mouth, the door slammed open. In the doorway stood Dottore. The second most powerful harbinger. His entrance made the library empty, except for Pantalone, you, and himself.

"Ah (y/n), you seem to be late to our meeting by about, three hours now. How about you run along and I'll have a chit chat with our dear friend."

"I..um..yes sir.."

Both men watched as you left the room, as the door closed behind you, they found themselves glaring at each other.

"So, Pantalone, you think it is... amusing to take my dear little assistant away from their work, do you?"

"Well, Dottore, I would say it is rather, amusing to see how anxious they are knowing that they are supposed to be with you. But I must ask... if you're jealous we were spending time together, after all they were just... helping me with this book."

"I suggest you halt yourself from making such, assumptions of (y/n) and I. They are just my little helper... in even that, I know you were attempting to have them relocate to your bank. Which I can assure you, that it will not happen any time soon."

"I suppose, though as much as I would like to... continue this lovely conversation, I must be on my way. After all the banks never stop running."

Dottore watched as Pantalone walked pass him, leaving the book he needed "help with" behind on a table. With a scoff he also left this library, leaving nothing but a chill behind.

-

You had been in the lab, cleaning the mess from Dottore's latest "experiment." Even as the door opened you stayed silent, hoping whatever speech the doctor had planned would be short and sweet.

"You do know (y/n) that Pantalone just wants to take you away from me... from us. Promise me I won't catch you around him again."

"I understand Dottore, I promise it won't happen again."

The end </3 might do a part 2 to include more romance and jealous dottore.

[fob4ever]

patrick stump & neal avron on tape notes podcast (12.15.23)

songwriting stuff, demos, lyric process, a bunch of things! they talk about the songs lftos, heaven iowa and smfsd.

long summary under the cut!

talked about how they sat outside “emo” because they leaned more towards hiphop/rnb, but also how they didn’t fit in the “pop” genre too and how they would be put on pop shows and “comparatively it was like slayer was playing” lmao “but we’re still a pop band!”

they experimented with reggae and 90s shoegaze and hardcore during the pandemic

they recorded most of stardust together in neal’s house :D at the beginning it was mostly just neal and patrick working together, at the end of the day everybody would come in to listen

patrick said he got “kinda obsessed” with streamlining pete’s lyrics in the chorus over the past few albums: “pete is very wordy. he has all these ideas that take up a lot of space.” and that their manager sat him down at lunch and said “don't do that. you guys used to ramble. why don't you ramble?” and lftos was the first song patrick put together after that convo

lftos writing process: patrick followed what he was feeling, and most of what he did in that song were things that years spent working in pop music had scared him off on doing.

the “every lover's got a little dagger in their hand” lyric tied it all together for patrick: “[i was] singing that line and EAGERLY emailing neal: listen to this!”

they play a little of the lftos demo (16:55). it's wild. VERY guitar-forward

“neal and i lost most of the demos for [folie a deux].” the burning of the library of alexandria. to me

talks about how the folie demos were infinitely stranger than the final versions, “psychedelic at times”

for stardust, they didn't really keep much of the demo stuff- patrick: “and my demos are pretty decent!”

lftos piano demo (21:35)

patrick: i want some drama. when i look back at our records, our best ones start off with a sense of melodrama

they play individual parts of the lftos instrumentation (31:25), andy's drums, pete's bass, joe's guitar. <3

bridges are patrick's favorite thing to write, because he just gets to play

patrick: "pete doesn't even send lyrics in lyric-form, he just sends words. and it's interesting when you see it- it's almost like one-liner after one-liner. and i'll just get an email of those, and then you kinda have to figure out what thematically goes together, what feels like the same song. but then i also try to keep lyrics together as much as possible, because i feel he's in a place where it does feel like one thought."

"when i read it, there's almost a passive thing where i just imagine what it sounds like to me. and [the lyrics for heaven, iowa] scared me a lot, because it felt kind of sparse, and i don't really like sparse- i don't really like singing by myself. [...] i don't like being so front and center, and i could tell that there was something really intimate about this song, and it was a big challenge for me."

everybody immediately went for the heaven, iowa demo- it's from the first stardust session and it took the longest to complete because patrick wasn't satisfied with just his voice over keys- "it was too naked."

patrick doesn't ask pete about lyrics because: "first off, he will not explain things. but second off, i think there is something to that. where i'll read his lyrics, and i'll interpret it one way, and years later i'll realize it's another way. there's so many double entendres that i've only gotten decades later, i'll be singing and go, 'OH it's a sex thing.'"

patrick really attaches to the story of a lyric, the craft of it, and then years later he'll be like "oh that was a HEAVY lyric. [and] pete must have felt that thing! i don't really question it when i'm writing- it's kindof unfair on him, like, should i check on him?"

heaven iowa instrumental demo/instruments isolated (53:30)

patrick would tell joe to "go nuts" on heaven, iowa!

neal talks about the ambient guitar pedal joe plays during heaven iowa and how it worked really well. patrick says this was the kind of thing that saved (the song).

patrick and andy double drummed at the same time in the studio for heaven iowa! <3

pete told joe to go "full slash" at the end of heaven iowa : )

patrick almost didn't send out the demo for the title track, smfsd! he was almost sure no one was going to like it, even though he liked it. but he sent it out, and it "kept surviving"

both patrick and neal brushed smfsd off because they assumed they "couldn't do that", but pete really pushed for it, which surprised patrick.

so much for stardust demo (1:25:07) patrick plays drums on it, sloppily. which he freely admits to lol. it is quite sloppy indeed

patrick: "i'm a drummer too, but andy and i are very different drummers. and it's very cool translating our things between each other, because he comes from metal (...) and i'm more a funk drummer."

lotsa joe layering in heaven iowa and smfsd : )

it was patrick's idea to do a lyrical callback in lftos/smfsd, and pete was hesitant about it. but patrick pushed for it, becasuse it made sense as "story beats"- "it's like 'empire strikes back'!"

patrick doesn't like to putz around the studio that much, he just wants to be recording something.

patrick: "my routine [during the writing of the album] was just to make it to the studio as on time as i can be- i have adhd, it's very difficult- but i'd be there within 10-15 minutes of when i was supposed to be there, and then we'd just work through it."

patrick's advice: FROM ELTON JOHN: when you find your producer that understands you, stick with them. patrick: "and that was on a record we didn't do with neal, and i remember thinking [makes unsure noises]..." also prioritize in the short-term, what's important. take a step back.

neal's advice: if music is your passion, do it, and do it all the time

patrick was afraid people wouldn't like him "rambling" in songs, even though it was honest and natural to him. he was terrified of doing it again, thinking people wouldn't like it. but people did! "don't subvert yourself too much."

the host asks for them to choose a stardust song to close out the podcast, and patrick chooses what a time to be alive :)

the end

[black-aurora-nora]

Irreplaceable Pt. 2 | Yandere!Avengers x Reader

It'd been about three weeks since you'd had your life taken away from you.

You'd been living in the Avengers Tower seeing as you had no where else to go.

When you tried to call your parents the first week, Natasha was the one that decided to tell you that they'd been arrested by SHEILD for having relations with HYDRA.

You didn't believe her, but she was quick to bring you to their holding cells.

You and your parents both knew that it was the Avengers doing, but had no power or evidence to show it.

You'd wept for days after that.

Your ex-friends had really taken everything that had meaning to you.

And now, you were laying across one of the many luxury couches in one of the many common rooms of the tower.

You would much rather be in your room, but Tony made sure that Jarvis locked you out after 9 o'clock. He believed that forcing you out to hang with everyone would get you back to how you used to be. Or at least somewhere close to it.

Sooner or later, you would realize that all of this was for you.

Natasha was sat beside you, legs crossed with wireless earphones in, watching whatever on her phone.

There was always someone with you once you were forced out of your room. You barely got any time alone when you were awake.

Hell, you couldn't even get any time alone at night anymore. The anxiety from having your life taken from you made it impossible to sleep and Tony was quick to get you medicated to help out with that.

You still felt like shit either way.

Steve came strolling into the living area, bidding you both a good morning.

You gave no kind of response, staring forward at nothing in particular, wrapped up in a light blue, fleece blanket that you'd received as a gift from a friend when you'd first gotten ownership of the library.

"Hey, (Y/N), did you eat this morning?" Steve asked, at your lack of answer, he sighed exasperatingly, "Come on, (Y/N), you know that you have to eat. You'll never feel better if you just lay around all day."

Natasha began to stroke your head, trying to get you to pay attention but you quickly slapped her hand away and pushed yourself up into a sitting position.

"I'll never feel better. You guys can sit here and pretend that we're one big happy family, but I'm not playing." You started, voice shaky with anger and sadness, "You never supported me and abused your power to take away my life and made me dependent on you guys. And now you guys want me to be happy?"

Steve and Natasha only stared. Were they taking in your words? Who knows. You didn't care.

"No. I will not give you my happiness or my willing compliance. None of you deserve that part of me anymore."

"I have brought poptarts for Young (Y/N)!" Thor's boisterous voice boomed, a warm plate of freshly toastered poptarts in his hands for you both to share.

At the sullen atmosphere, Thor looked between his friends, "Am I interrupting something?"

"No, Thor. (Y/N)'s just a little hangry. Thanks for bringing the poptarts." Natasha answered for you, gesturing for the god to come over, "You guys eat while Steve and I go find the guys."

You watched the two leave and pushed the plates of poptarts away from your person, leaving Thor in the dust and hiding away in the bathroom, ignoring his calls for you.

You lowered yourself to the cool tile, gripping fistfuls of your hair.

Why?

Why did this have to happen to you?

Why did they do this to you?

You wished there was some way to get out of this, but... where would you even go?

You couldn't survive homelessness in New York. And it'd be increasingly hard to find a job now that you had a criminal record due to your 'friends' planting confidential information in your library.

And even if you did land a job, it wouldn't provide you with a livable wage. You'd be barely surviving.

And could you ever really escape the Avengers?

Though the better question was, could you survive playing family with them? You doubted they would ever grow tired of you.

They really made sure that you had no other choice.

A knock on the door jolted you from your spiraling mental, "(Y/N), what did I tell you about hiding in the bathroom?!" It was Tony, the one you hated the most.

You could feel something in your mind cracking again, somehow worse than when your library was taken. Everything was really starting to close in on you.

These bastards... these bastards really wanted you to be happy for them... like some kind of fucking dog they found abandoned in the freezing cold.

Tony knocked more and you could hear Bruce telling him to ease up, "You're gonna scare them. They'll open it when they're ready."

Oh, but you'd never be ready.

The knocking stopped and you continued to stay seated on the ground, staring at the tile and hands tightly gripping your hair.

Why couldn't they have just left you alone like you'd asked?

You were left alone to your spiraling thoughts, your breathing growing more and more intense. Your heart beat through your chest, screaming and riving to be let out.

Your vision was starting to go spotty. Nothing else mattered but how angry you were. All you could see was bright red.

A scream ripped from your throat, splattering the confined walls of the bathroom and spilling out through the crevices of the closed door.

Pain began to blossom on your head, but you didn't care. You were too angry to care about physical pain.

Why and what were you being punished for?

Why had these demons, calling themselves angels, from hell do everything they could in their power to knock you down to try and piece you back together?

What gave them the right?

Now you were on the bathroom floor losing your mind when you could've been helping a young woman find a good book to check out or having a bagel from across the street while you read at the counter.

"(Y/N)! Goddamnit! (Y/N), STOP!" Bruce was on your back, desperately trying to grab your hands.

You fought against him, screaming to be left alone but he didn't. He just kept your hands away from your head and instructed you to breathe.

Once your breathing was under control, you noticed that something was in your hands and slowly glanced over, whimpering when you'd noticed what you'd done.

Thick clumps of hair were gripped tightly in both your bloodied fists. And there were plenty more strands and clumps decorating the tiled floor around you accompanied by droplets of blood.

You tried to stand up but Bruce kept you on the ground and you growled, "Get off! Let me see!" You snapped, tears welling in your eyes.

"No!" He snapped back, "It's not bad... there's no need to look."

"You're a fucking liar." You sobbed, "All of you are liars!"

Once you'd wept yourself to sleep and had been put to bed early, the team decided to have a late night meeting.

Tony took a swig of his scotch. He rubbed a hand down his face. Everyone was silent, waiting for someone to speak up.

"Ok, they're not adjusting. I admit it." Tony spoke.

"Yeah, just like I'd warned." Natasha reminded coolly.

"We should've went about this more slowly. (Y/N) could've easily been coaxed to live here." Clint added, arms crossed.

Steve shook his head, "No, they loved that library way too much... worked too hard to get it. They never would've left that library for us."

Bruce tapped a finger against the table impatiently, "We have to do something. We can't carry on like everything's normal," He had a hard frown stuck on his face, "(Y/N) is not ok. We brought them here for their own good and they seem to be doing worse than ever."

They all went silent again. What were they going to do?

Natasha's eyes sparked and she looked over at Clint with a knowing gaze, "Clint, isn't there an agent with memory-altering abilities?"

Clint visibly brightened at that, "Agent Keller."

_______________________________________________

"(Y/N), it's time to wake up. Steve is almost finished making breakfast downstairs." JARVIS spoke calmly.

With a big stretch, you yawned and rolled out of bed. A dull throb throughout your head made it's presence known and you winced slightly, making your way to the common area.

"Hey, everybody!" You called out.

"(Y/N)!" Steve greeted, "You made it just in time. I just finished the banana pancakes, you want any eggs and bacon before they get taken?" He asked.

You shrugged, nodding tiredly, "Yeah, I'll have some."

Everyone began to make their way to the table, plates stacked with food.

Tony was the last to arrive, smiling at you carefully, "How's your head feeling?"

You smiled back, a fond smile, "A little sore... but the medicine you gave me is making it manageable."

Clint nodded at that, "Yeah, having your hair ripped off by a beggar will do that." He teased.

You chuckled back, "Yeah... also... I had a crazy ass dream last night. I was a bookkeeper with a whole book store. A bookkeeper, can you guys believe that?" You ate a bite of eggs with a thoughtful gaze, "But... it was so nice."

Natasha hummed at that, her chin resting in her hand as she stared at you quizzingly, "But not as nice as being here with us, right?"

You shook your head, "No, I suppose not."

[eventinelysplayground]

A Promise Between Brothers.

Jin and Chevalier have a conversation one night that ends with an emotional promise. This is from an idea I had awhile back and I just finally got around to writing it out. I wanted to explore the relationship between Jin and Chevalier a bit more as throughout the routes they seem to have an interesting relationship with eachother. Not exactly close but not one of hatred or fear like practically everyone else seems to have with Chevalier. WC approx 1050 and shoutout to @aquagirl1978 for helping me out with my question.

Prince Chevalier was done with work for the day and headed for his private library. When he opened the door he was greeted by what had become a familiar sight this past week.

“You're here again?”

Emma jumped a bit at Chevalier's voice and quickly looked around her. Clearly she had lost track of time while reading.

“I'm so sorry Prince Chevalier I didn't realize it was so late!”

“Obviously.”

“I'll just put this away and then…”

“There's no need. Your presence is not completely intolerable.”

“Thank you, I think.”

Emma returned her attention to the book in her lap and Chevalier walked over to the shelves choosing a book at random. Chevalier had intended to leave however he paused momentarily, it was clear Emma's thoughts were now distracted and he stared at her briefly before speaking.

“He is not upset for why you believe he is, not really.”

“Oh..”

Chevalier watched the different thoughts playing out across Emma's face and he sighed in agitation. He turned and left his private library behind walking through the halls until he came to a stop in front of a door he rarely entered.

******

Jin sat at the desk in their faction office going over yet another stack of paperwork. He'd never been the biggest fan of paperwork and since he'd been crowned king there was even more of it. Lately though he found himself not minding it so much, it gave him an excuse to be by himself and think and drink.

Jin had just poured himself another glass of whiskey and picked up an agricultural report when the office door swung open.

“Chevalier? Don't see you around here much.”

Jin watched as Chevalier closed the door and strode up to the front of the desk.

“Must be something big to bring you here, I know you don't like to waste time so what's up.”

“She was in my library again.”

“Sorry Emma's been disturbing you, I can talk to her about…”

“Her presence in my library is not the issue but a consequence of it.”

“Then what is the issue?”

Jin picked up his whiskey glass taking a small sip while Chevalier just studied him in silence.

“Unlike our brother I am not a fool. It's clear your impending departure and the recent news of her being with child has gotten the better of you."

Jin blinked at Chevalier then rubbed the back of his neck while sighing.

“I should have guessed you'd have figured out what was going on, do me a favor and don't say anything alright.”

“Indeed?”

Jin leaned forward resting his elbows on the desk and bringing his forehead to his clasped hands.

“History was already repeating itself but now... Our wedding is eleven weeks out, Leon and Clavis are leaving in a week for Jade and a few days after Nokto and I are heading to Benitoite and none of us will be back for almost a month. I had planned to take Emma with me but I can't now.”

Jin picked up his glass of whiskey and downed it in one go before pouring himself another one.

“Given what happened in the past and the current circumstances it is not foolish for you to be concerned.”

“If I'm being honest it's way past concern at this point.”

Jin absently twirled his glass looking off into the distance.

“I used to have bad dreams a lot. They were all from my past, mostly about before I came to the palace. The worst ones were about how my mom used to struggle and when she was sick and I couldn't afford to get her the medicine she needed. I hadn't had any though in a long time but they started up again the night Emma told me she was carrying our child.”

Jin took a big sip of whiskey.

“This time though instead of me and my mom it's Emma and our child in the dreams. It's her I see worrying about having enough of everything, of skipping meals so our child can eat of her getting sick and dying and our kid being so full of anger and sadness like I used to be. I was so sure I was careful too but I guess my luck finally ran out after all these years. I just wish it could have held out until the wedding, once we're married that's it she's protected as my wife and as queen. Instead though I have to leave her here alone and defenseless and it scares the hell out of me."

“That is where your miscalculation is, she is not alone or defenseless. Do you truly believe any of us are that useless or incompetent?”

Jin just stared at Chevalier in silence.

“When the previous King was gone the responsibility of protecting your mother should have been taken over by his useless brothers, however they decided to forgo the duty they had to their King and brother in that matter. They lacked the basic awareness and intellect to assess the likely outcomes of the situation and caused harm through it.

Our uncles may have been house broken beasts who failed to support their brother and let the court ministers order them around but we are not. Four eyes would never let it get to that point to begin with but if the ministers tried to work around him the rest of us would not hesitate to bare our fangs at them. Jin, myself and the others will keep her safe until you have returned. In fact watching over her will be a simple task.”

Jin was overcome with emotion, not that he'd admit it. He had never had the same issues with Chevalier that their brothers did not really but that didn't mean they were close either. Hearing him use his name wasn't even what mattered, it was his declaration that he would protect Emma for him. As Chevalier turned to leave, Jin called after him.

“Well your private library is certainly big enough to keep her entertained while I'm gone. Thanks Chevalier.”

“If you truly wish to thank me you and Black can procure some rare books for me while you are gone.”

Jin shook his head and chuckled.

“Just give Luke a list for us and we'll get it done.”

[cinnamon-girl-writes]

study hall . . . kokonoi x reader

y/n gets help from kokonoi with her math homework (and something more)

fluff, could be canonverse or real world, semi-canon compliant, they're in junior high/middle school

by @cinnamon-girl-writes

It was a cold morning, nearing the end of fall and the beginning of winter. You sat in the library of your school, furiously scribbling on the papers in front of you. A woolen red scarf hung loosely around your neck.

Coming upon an unusually challenging passage, you sighed and layed your pencil down, covering your face with your hands. I'm never going pass this class.

"Need some help?"

Your head shot up to see a boy in front of you from the class above you. You remembered his name then: Hajime Kokonoi. The boy with a reputation big enough to be known to the whole school.

You gulped. "Uh . . . no. Thank you."

The boy's eyes narrowed slightly before he muttered a brief 'okay' and turned the other direction. You appreciated his offer, but you were too prideful to accept help from some stranger on your math homework. Plus, though you wouldn't admit it to yourself, you were a bit flustered by the older boy.

You saw him take a seat at a desk a few feet away from yours. Returning to your work, you pondered possible careers that didn't require a high school diploma.

A while later, you had the same amount of answers on your paper and had made zero progress. The signs of your struggle were apparent in the eraser shavings that littered your working desk and the wrinkles and tears in your assignment.

You feel a tap on your shoulder. "Hey. Hey." The boy from earlier had gotten up and was standing over you with a frown.

You jumped a little, scooting away. "Hello? Can I help you?"

He appeared slightly more agitated as he responded, "Let me help you. You're obviously not doing very well on your own."

Your eyebrows furrowed, but as you shot back your response the boy was already sitting down next to you. "Excuse me?"

He sighed, "As your upperclassman, it's my job to help you." Yeah right, you thought.

But after some thought, you realized you can't do this assignment on your own; plus, Kokonoi has already been through this class. Logically, you should accept his help graciously.

With great effort, you pushed your ego aside. Sliding your paper across the table, you watched as he scanned the assignment.

"This is fairly simple stuff. I mean, I can teach you."

Despite your pride urging you to refuse, you graciously accepted his help. For the next two hours, he lectured you on the subject, having you watch him solve the problems and explain them then replicate it yourself.

"So you take the equation here and substitute it with these variables," you were silent for a moment and the scratching of pencil on paper was the only sound in the room. Looking up, you realized the once-busy library was now empty and you were the only two left in here other than the librarian dusting shelves in the corner.

Handing you the pencil, he watched you copy how he solved the previous problem, stopping you ever so sudden with a hand on yuour shoulder when he saw you make a mistake. To your surprise, he corrected you with patience and understanding.

His method was actually quite helpful, and you found yourself becoming more and more confident in the subject. Before you knew it, you had completed the worksheet and were packing up your things.

You felt a little awkward afterwards; how should you thank him? He practically saved your grade. Would he expect you to pay him?

"I, uh . . . thank you, Kokonoi," you say, zipping your backpack closed. "I really appreciate it."

He looked away, avoiding your eyes. You swear you saw him blush. "It's no problem. I'm glad I could help."

You were at a bit of a standstill. You both exited the library, then the building, and found yourselves outside the school. You knew it was time to leave, but a part of you wanted to spend more time with Kokonoi. He was an interesting character, but he was also smart an kind.

He turned to you, "Do you want me to walk you home?"

You waved him off. "Oh, it's okay, you don't have to."

"No, I insist. It's getting dark and I want you to be safe."

You let out an internal sigh of relief. You had actually been dreading the long, cold walk home. "Okay. Thank you."

The walk to your apartment was mostly silent. Every once in a while, the two of you would engage in [mindless] chatter about the places you passed or what was happening in school. What [pertubed] you the most was just how normal he was. You knew he had a big reputation, but when he talked to you, it was like you were talking with an old friend.

As you neared your place, you noticed he walked a little closer to you than before. Soon, you climbed the steps that led to your floor and stood outside your door.

"Thank you for walking with me," you said.

"It's my pleasure. Have a good night, Y/n."

"You too, Kokonoi-"

"Call me Hajime."

You feel yourself blush. Accepting his request, you gave him a respectful nod and smiled as you entered your home.

You greeted your mother who was cooking dinner in the kitchen. You told her about your day, about what you had for lunch and how you stayed after school to study (although you conveniently left out the part about who exactly you studied with).

Making your way to your bedroom, you set your stuff down and get changed out of your school clothes. As you throw the dirty clothes into the laundry basket, you reach into your bag to retrieve your assignment and look over your notes.

Everything looks fairly familiar to you, luckily: distributing the exponent, using the variables, multiplying by the-

Something catches your eye. In the corner of the paper, written in neat handwriting, is a cell phone number and a message: call me.

Smiling to yourself, you pulled out your cell phone and entered a new contact: Hajime.

Maybe this course wouldn't be so bad after all.

[thesongmachine]

tysm for the support pls feel free to request one they open back up!!!

Byakuya Togami x Motherly! Reader

It was currently morning. You had gotten up and went to the cafeteria area, where you and everyone else participating in this fucked up game would meet. To insure no one was injured.

You found it reasonable. You didn't blame anyone, it was scary to go to bed wondering if you'd wake up the next morning. It was just hard getting up so early. You just couldn't help but feel worried every time you would enter, wondering if anyone wouldn't show up. But you know you shouldn't think like that, so you try your best to shake the negative thoughts from your mind.

As you enter, you realize that you were slightly early.It was a habit of yours but it still felt a little awkward with only a few people in the room. You give a small wave and a smile as you enter the cafeteria and walk back to the kitchen. You were given the role to cook for everyone which was a job but you managed nonetheless.After an hour, you finished. It was nothing big but it was something. (You can choose what it is lmao) You set it out on plates and leave it. Knowing it was only a bit before everyone else entered. You call out to the others and let them come and get their plates before everyone else.

These were the more quiet and reserved people who weren't much of a bother. Of course not including Aoi, she just went wherever Sakura went. It was a very sweet sight though.After everyone gets their plates you grab one for yourself.

You find somewhere to sit, and sit beside Celestia. You liked her, you both got along well so you didn't mind.You make small talk with her, talking about your night, how you slept, and such. After a while your conversation died down due to more and more people entering the cafeteria, which caused the room to become much louder when just a handful of people were there.

As everyone enters you give them small waves and “Good mornings” here and there. Not wanting to be rude. You had genuinely taken a liking to everyone there. You cared about everyone, even if you hadn't known them long. It sort of felt like your job, that you had to look out for them. You didn't mind, it was in your nature.

As everyone starts coming in one by one, you notice that someone is missing. You look around before noticing that Bykuya wasn't there. Your heart sinks as your initial thought was something bad happened to him. You shake the thought from your head, as you didn't want to assume the worst. You were beginning to feel worried so you decided to go and search for him. You lean over to Celestia and speak. “Hey i'm going to go find Byakua, if they ask tell them I left something in my room.” You say to her, she looks at you and nods with a slight smile on her face. You smile back, “Thank you..” You say softly. Before you go, you grab a few rolls as you leave, deciding that if you did find him, it would be after breakfast so you didn't want him to miss it.You manage to make your way out of the cafeteria and begin searching for him.

You begin by going to his dorm and knocking on the door, calling out his name but no reply. You pretty much search everywhere, but still can't find him.You begin feeling worried before you walk by the library and hear someone in there. You go up to the door and gently knock, calling out his name. “Byakuya.. Are you in there?” You ask. You hear someone sigh loudly before footsteps approach the door. It swings open and your met with Byakuya. You were slightly startled and you managed to give a small smile, and a wave. He looks down and scoffs. “What do you need?” He says sternly, glaring at you. “Well…” You say, trailing off. “I just wanted to give you this. I know you missed it this morning so I just wanted to bring it to you.” You manage to stutter out.As you do so, he looks at you. Confusion slightly displayed on his face. Nobody really liked him and everyone here would rather die than help him, so it obviously struck him as odd. He looked at you and his gaze softened ever so slightly.He takes it and motions for you to come inside.

You catch on and step inside, and watch as he goes back to the desk he was sitting at. He places the plate on said desk and sits down, going back to reading his book. You stand near the door. And before you leave he speaks up. “Thank you… Please tell the others I'll be there in a bit.” He says, before taking a bite of his food.You turn your head and look at him. You were surprised, you had never heard Byakuya be so kind..? You smile softly at his words and nod. “Of course, please don't take too long though.” I say.

He gently smiles and nods at your words and continues his reading. You decided to go back before the others thought something was wrong. You leave but give one last look before walking away with a smile on your face.As you leave he can't help but smile either. Even if it was very out of character for him, he couldn't help it. He didn't like having people worry about him act like his mother, but he was growing to appreciate it. And he was also growing to appreciate you.

[excineribusbooks]

Resource Post: Supplies, Equipment, and Software

So I've had some people ask about the supplies and equipment I use to make my books! This is not a comprehensive list, nor is it an official tutorial on how to make a book (for that, I recommend starting with Renegade Publishing's resource documents, DAS Bookbinding, or SeaLemon's YouTube tutorials -- all free, no patreon required!), but if you're floundering because you don't know what you need to get, hopefully this will help a little bit ❤️ If I discover more good resources or change up my style, I'll add to this post.

Of note: I'm based in the US, so this list is unfortunately pretty US-centric. Apologies!

SUPPLIES

Disclaimer #1: I have a background in book conservation, so I'm picky to a fault about the supplies I use. To make a long-lasting book, you want to look for "acid-free" or "archival" materials -- BUT, a lot of consumer craft stores have realized those are good buzzwords to slap on products even if they aren't really archival. Your best bet is to buy from stores that supply materials to libraries and archives; those tend to be higher quality and stick to actual archival standards. Talas, Hollander's, University Products, and Colophon Book Arts Supply are good places to start.

That said! If price matters more than longevity, hitting up Michaels or Joann Fabrics is totally fine. This is a hobby. The bookbinding police are not gonna come smash down your door because you didn't use archival-quality craft paper. My big recommendation, though: at least get your glue and paste from Talas. High-quality adhesive makes a huge difference in how well, and how long, a book holds together. Bad adhesives can turn brittle with time, stain your paper/cloth, and make all your hard work fall apart.

So, all that said, here's what I use:

BOARD - Davey Binder's Board, 0.098" GLUE - Jade 403 PVA PASTE - Zen Shofu wheat paste (you shouldn't have to buy more than half a pound -- a little goes a long way) CLOTH - Either Arrestox or Dover bookcloth, which comes in a wide variety of colors and holds up extremely well to whatever you want to do to it THREAD - 25/3 linen thread, which I run over a small block of beeswax to make it easier to handle and give it better "locking" properties as I sew. For bigger books of ten signatures or more, I sew onto 3/8" linen tapes for extra support. DECORATIVE PAPER - Hollander's is a treasure trove of decorative papers for endsheets and covers; Talas has some really nice ones, too, but they tend to be pricier (since unfortunately everything at Talas has gotten a lot pricier lately) PRINTING PAPER - Hammermill Colors paper, 20lb, in cream; 24lb is also a good weight that feels a little more substantial than regular printer paper. (I'll probably switch to 24lb once my 20lb paper runs out.) To get the right grain direction, I buy a ream of 11x17 paper and cut it in half to make standard letter-sized sheets (8.5x11). Here's a quick primer on grain direction and why it's important when making a book! ENDBANDS - I've never had the patience to sew my own endbands (though I hope to gain that patience someday!), so I just use premade ones like these.

EQUIPMENT

Disclaimer #2: a lot of the stuff on this list is professional-grade (or close to it) with prices to match. You definitely don't have to buy everything right off the bat. It took me fifteen years to accumulate it all, and you can DIY a lot of bookbinding equipment -- a good googling will lead you to all sorts of innovative ways hobby bookbinders set up their shops. The Renegade Publishing resource documents also have a lot of A+ recommendations.

PRINTER - For text, I use a Brother B&W laser printer with auto-duplex (auto-duplex is key when printing a book); for images, both B&W and color, I use a Canon color inkjet printer set to at least 300 DPI. I fully admit having two printers is an absurd setup, but what laser printers can do well, inkjets absolutely suck at, and vice-versa -- and like I said, I'm hella picky. You can get by fine with a single laser printer! Just make sure it's got auto-duplex to save yourself a lot of pain. GUILLOTINE - I have this model, which goes in and out of stock with some regularity. The trick with this guy is to (a) sandwich your text block between some scrap board so the clamp doesn't leave a dent, and (b) REALLY CRANK DOWN on the clamp as tight as you possibly can to keep the paper from shifting as you cut. This fixes 99% of the skewing problems mentioned in the reviews. PRESS - I have a little cast-iron press I bought off a coworker for fifty bucks; similarly, you might have luck searching eBay, looking at Affordable Bookbinding Equipment (Jim does incredible work!), searching craft stores for a flower press, or even just using two pieces of wood and a few C-clamps. SeaLemon on YouTube also has a good video on how to DIY a book press. PRESS BOARDS - For setting the hinges in the press, I use a pair of brass-edged boards like these. It's a good investment if you want to get really nice, crisp hinges, but it's also 100% possible to DIY brass-edged boards if you want. At my very first job, we even set our hinges by taping sewing needles to the book before putting it in the press! FINISHING PRESS - I have this one, which I use to back my books in combination with these backing irons BACKING HAMMER - To my chagrin, I've discovered that having an actual backing hammer makes backing a book way, way easier. Some folks have had good luck with a cobbler's hammer or just a regular old hammer from a hardware store, but I splurged on a student hammer from Hollander's, and it works fantastically. (I wouldn't recommend buying the "professional" hammers, though, because seriously, $90 for a hammer?! No.) BONE FOLDER - I'm actually not a fan of bone folders made from real bone; I like Teflon folders a lot better for scoring and flattening. (Real bone folders tend to burnish the material, an effect I'm rarely going for.) CUTTING MACHINE - A Silhouette Curio. This is 100% optional, but it's how I do the bulk of my cover designs, including cut-outs, embossing, foiling (with a foil quill attachment), and spine titling. The software and overall quality are way better than Cricut, and its 5mm clearance means you can fit more than just vinyl in there. Sadly, Silhouette has discontinued the Curio, but it's still possible to buy from third-party sellers -- and if you don't care about the 5mm clearance, I've heard good things about the Silhouette Cameo line.

A side note on vinyl, from the obnoxiously picky book conservator: if you're aiming for longevity with your books, using HTV in your book designs may not be the best idea. Not only can the adhesives be questionable, but the plasticizers in vinyl break down in really weird, gross ways once several decades have passed. That's why I tend to stick with cut-outs and foiling instead of HTV. But, again: if you just want to make something pretty, don't worry about it!

SOFTWARE

TYPESETTING - I use Affinity Publisher -- it's similar to Adobe InDesign, but with a flat cost instead of a bullshit subscription model. I am by no means an expert in this, since I've only been designing books for a couple years; pretty much everything I learned, I learned from Aliya Regatti's tutorial, plus or minus a lot of googling and noodling around. I've discovered that it does get cranky if your book is over 250 pages or so, meaning you may have to split longer fics into multiple files. That said, I've been really happy with it, and it goes on sale every now and then if the $70 price tag is too much.

As always, Renegade Publishing has a whole lot of tutorials for other software options, including Microsoft Word, InDesign, LaTeX, and Scribus if you already have access to one of those instead.

IMPOSITION - "Imposition" is when you lay out a book so all the pages are in order once you fold + gather the signatures. Since Affinity Publisher doesn't do this automatically on export, I use Bookbinder 3.0, which is an old but nice little Java program that breaks a single PDF into a series of properly imposed signatures. I usually set it to 6 sheets per signature.

MISCELLANEOUS

IMAGES

The Noun Project is a gigantic repository of basic SVGs and PNGs that are not only great for cutting machines, but for adding flourishes to your title page, chapter headings, and scene dividers. Every single book I've made has used at least one image from here; I pay for the yearly Noun Pro subscription, but it's not necessary to use the site.

Unsplash is perfect for photo elements

Pixabay not only has a great archive of photos, but illustrations and vector images as well

Surprisingly, Wikipedia also has a lot of good Creative Commons photos attached to their articles!

FONTS

1001Fonts is a good starting point for finding free fonts, as is FontSpace and DaFont

If you're willing to pay for fonts (and sometimes it's worth it for a well-designed font that's perfect for your project), Creative Fabrica and Pixel Surplus have some good stuff, including discounted bundles of multiple fonts

[jadedvibes]

Always (I)

Summary: One last bonfire at the beach with your friends before graduation brings to light feelings Bucky didn't fully realize he had – too bad it's too late.

Pairing: best friend!Bucky x reader

Warnings: fluff, dancing, lots of feels, angst, swearing, pet names.

Word Count: 1.5k

Series masterlist

Like, comment, and/or reblog to put a giant smile on my face ♡

This was exactly what you’d needed, a calm night at the beach with friends, sitting around a cozy fire, talking about nothing and everything, eating delicious s’mores without a worry in the world. 

Life had been a lot lately and you cherished the moments where you got to pretend that you didn’t carry the weight of the world on your shoulders, or more specifically the pressures of graduation. As you looked around the bonfire at Nat, Sam, Steve, Wanda, and Bucky, you felt truly grateful for your solid friend group. You had all grown so incredibly close throughout the last four years and you knew no matter what they’d always play a big role in your life. 

The full moon casted a ghostly glow over the ocean, and even though the sun had set, you could still see everyone perfectly thanks to the bright shine above. With limited time left together, you all decided to have one last beach trip before finals and the stresses to come.

Your friends were in a playful but heated debate over whether a bowl of cereal was technically soup when Bucky nudged you. 

“Do you wanna go for a walk?” he asked with a soft smile. “I have a feeling this isn’t going to end anytime soon.” 

Nodding your head, you placed your hand in his and let him help you up off your beach blanket. When your pals got started, you never knew how long their silly debates would last. 

“Be back in a few,” you said to the group, but they didn’t seem to notice. Sam shouted something about milk being a broth and you shook your head, smirking at Bucky. 

Linking your arm with his, you strolled a bit closer towards the edge of the water. The tides were high, and the waves appeared luminous in the moonlight. As a cold breeze washed over your cheeks, you leaned into Bucky for a little more warmth, missing the smile that graced his lips when you did that. 

“So now that it’s just the two of us…” he paused, and you peeked up at him to see a serious look on his face. “Is it a soup or not?” 

“B!” you giggled, pushing him away from you. 

He held up his hands with a grin. “Fine, fine. You’re right, it’d only tear us apart.” 

“And we can’t have that right?” you asked sarcastically, knowing that graduation was going to do just that for you anyways. 

Bucky watched as a somber expression appeared on your face, and how you quickly turned towards the ocean so that he wouldn’t read into it. But he knew you too well, and he already understood where your mind had gone. 

“You know, I’ll always be here for you right? Distance won’t change the fact that you’re my best friend,” he wrapped his arm around you. 

“I know,” you whispered with a small smile.

The two of you watched the water ebb and flow, feeling the weight of the heavy words left unspoken.

You were used to doing just about everything with Bucky. He was your day one since college orientation, and the two of you had been inseparable ever since; from late nights in the library, random pizza runs, to impromptu heavy chats after a long day. You had gotten accustomed to him showing up at your door numerous times throughout the week, always finding new ways to entertain yourselves. 

When you were together, there was never a dull moment. And even in the quiet, no silence between you ever felt awkward. 

You couldn’t help but freak out over losing him, but a great job offer in a different city didn’t give you much of a choice. Bucky had to take over his dad’s architecture firm in the city, and you couldn’t turn down your own amazing offer close to family on the other side of the country. 

What you didn’t know was the brave front that Bucky was putting on for you. He wasn’t sure what a life without you would look like, but he wasn’t looking forward to it. He knew that in a few short weeks he’d have to find a way to be in your absence, and that scared him. 

The only fact that gave him solace was that you were strong, and he knew you could handle yourself. You would be fine. He would be fine – or at least that’s what he kept telling himself. 

“I’ll come visit you, and if you’re ever free you can always come back to see me,” he squeezed your shoulder. 

A sad smile tugged at your lips, and you were about to reply with some half-hearted agreement to his words that you didn’t mean when a jazzy song started playing back near the bonfire. It had to be loud for you to be able to hear it so clearly from where you were. Both of you looked over to see Nat and Wanda moving from side to side, dancing to “Moondance,” by Van Morrison on their portable speaker. 

“Well that’s the perfect song choice,” you let out a laugh. It was better not to ruin this last group outing with heavy feelings about the future, the time for those emotions would inevitably come later. 

Bucky turned towards you, his hand sliding down to grab yours. As his eyes held yours, he gave you a lopsided grin illuminated by the soft moonlight. You couldn’t help but smile back because you knew what he was about to do. He coaxed you into twirling before tugging you against his broad chest, just like he’d done so many times before; at formals, concerts, and bars you’d frequented throughout the years, he was always your designated dance partner. With one hand on his strong shoulder and the other placed in his hand, you moved together to the easy rhythm. 

Gazing into his dark blue eyes, you tried to memorize the way it felt to be with him. From the moment you met, he made you feel safe, valued and special. That was a lot to receive from one person, but that was Bucky. You hoped you’d find another friend like him; although deep down you knew he was irreplaceable.

As he smiled down at you, you didn't recognize the inner turmoil Bucky was hiding from you. He wanted you to stay, he didn’t want this to be your last dance. He needed more time. And he was on the verge of saying something he shouldn’t, when you started humming along to the song. 

It could wait, he thought before spinning you out into another twirl. 

You giggled into his chest when he pulled you back, and what a sweet sound that was to him. It flooded his chest, the echoes of your laughter reverberating in his heart. He wondered how long it’d stay that way, and whether time would fade out the joy that filled his soul because of you. He didn’t ponder for long however, because deep down he knew the answer; you were the light to his darkness, a radiance he couldn’t live long without. He’d always need you.

Pressing a warm, lingering kiss to your forehead, he whispered, “I love you, honey.”

He was playing with fire, his brain heavily blurring the line between friend and something more – but he couldn’t help himself. 

Bucky had uttered those words countless times before, but tonight he felt that it held new meaning. Maybe they always did, but now he knew it for sure. Knowing that he was going to lose you put everything into perspective. 

He was in love with you – and it was too damn late. 

“I know, B,” you smiled before nuzzling your face into his chest. “I’ll always love you,” you murmured, knowing that you would. Comfortable in his embrace, you pushed away the lingering thoughts about how much you cared for him, and how truly you meant your words. He was your best friend, you couldn’t go there. 

“You think those two will ever get together?” Sam asked Steve, the duo watching as you both swayed together.

“If they haven’t by now, I doubt they ever will,” he shrugged. “It’s a shame though, they’re the happiest when they’re together.”

“Yeah,” Sam nodded. “They are.” 

When the song ended, you both made your way back to the group, knowing that the cereal debate was tabled for the time being. Bucky wordlessly tugged you closer so that he could keep you warm, and the two of you snuggled up as you fell into easy conversation with your friends around the bonfire.

As you peered up at the vast night sky, you saw a bright star twinkle before shooting across it. There were so many things you could have wished for upon that shooting star; an easy transition into your new job, winning the lottery, finding a great new love. However, looking at the guy whose arm was linked with yours, you knew exactly what to wish for.

Sadly, you weren’t sure that it could come true – nevertheless, that wouldn’t stop you from believing in it. 

Part II

[rotationalsymmetry]

I love libraries.

One time I found this book in the library -- I'll just go to a library and wander around the shelves and grab a book that catches my interest -- called "why people die by suicide" by someone who both has a relevant professional background and who had a father who committed suicide, so he was pretty invested in figuring out why. As was I.

People. The book didn't talk aboht chemical imbalances. It offered up two main reasons why people want to kill themselves -- perceived lack of belonging, and perceived being a burden -- and talked about the difference between someone who wants to die and someone who goes through with it, which is largely about how much (I think he meant physical) pain they've already been exposed to -- suicide is a very extreme form of self injury, and people generally have guards against self injury unless something has happened to take them away. Which is part of why past suicide attempts, even ones that didn't have a realistic chance of ending in death, are the main predictor of suicide, basically sometimes people need to start small and work themselves up.

This very much checks out with my own experiences. Sort of peak wanting to die for me was when I was 21, it's not exactly that things had gotten worse relative to my teenage years (my teenage years sucked) but suddenly now I was supposed to be an adult and I went abruptly from succeeding at high school with flying colors, to failing miserably at doing the sorts of things adults are supposed to do. And agonizingly conscious of how much my college education, which I was not paying for, was costing. And at the same time I was having attempts at connection that were failing. Lack of connection, feeling like a burden.

And overall, the two things that most reliably affect how much I want to die are being in a relationship or not (and if I'm in a relationship, whether we're in the middle of a big scary conflict)c and whether I'm working or not. That's kind of settled down now that I haven't been working since early 2016, apart from a small amount of transcription, because I've mostly made peace with being disabled and not being able to do that shit, but I'm able to do that because I'm married to someone who does in fact earn enough for both of us.

It was also pretty huge when I went from assuming that being able to talk about very personal stuff had to happen within the context of a very close relationship with someone who'd always be there for me to talk, to realizing that actually a discussion group of near strangers worked very well for that as long as there was some mechanism to let me take my time and not get interrupted. Absolutely liberating. As a side note, I'm not in a group like that right now, but...I gotta say tumblr's been largely filling that role. Tumblr in Reddit. I get to go off about whatever and take as long as I want and no one interrupts me, and maybe strictly speaking it'd be better for me to be face to face with people listening and taking it in, I don't know, but just being able to get it out where at least in theory other people can read it is still pretty huge.

and private journaling is lovely and I very much needed that as a teenager, but I think there is a different quality when it's not private. But is anonymous :-)

[twothpaste]

fic snippet featuring lucas & porky & the profound disillusionment of realizing you're never gonna get through to a motherfucker 😔

It laid, back then, a hundred n' fifty some-odd feet from the shoreline. No walkways of wood nor metal carved the path. If an audience with the king was what you sought, you'd have to rough it to his throne. Through the soggy stench of rotting cardboard. Drenched facades melting, squelching, and pooling at your heels. Traverse his skyscraper's serpentine spine. Either atop its precarious columns, or beneath its ribcage archways. Today, the big stupid spikes with which he'd adorned the sides've since been weathered away to moundish stumps. In 2 ADD, though? They'd formed a sharklike jaw line in the treacherous muck. Dentition to rival the Dragon's own.

She soared high. Black streak on a gray blanket. Wouldda blotted out the sun with her wings, if it'd been up there to begin with. Even back then, New Pork's desolation had a notorious propensity for overcast weather. Lucas had to wonder whether that was her doing, too.

Lord of the Rings wouldn't make it into his repertoire for a long while. Leder's library had yet to scavenge any copies. The Hobbit, however, was a White Ship stowaway. The old judge kept it in a secret stash, with the rest of the survivors' forsaken tomes. Lucas'd been the first to read it, once the locks were finally broken. He couldn't help but think of it. Here of all places. Stony imagery of a lost mountain kingdom. A darker dragon, hoarding ill-gotten gains. How small he felt. How bitterly humble. To traverse these halls.

The Absolutely Safe Capsule didn't sit atop a gilded pile. Just purple-gray rubble. N' acid rain puddles. N' concrete.

A broad, hungry, window-bound smile greeted him. Upon his arrival.

Lucas didn't humor it with any of his usual salutations. Not even a glance. Just trudged right past the pane, and seated himself upon a closely-nestled boulder. He remembers his chewed nails clawing against the harsh, clammy surface.

"Y'know, Lucas," Porky purred. With no particular forward. Whether the king thought his visitor's silence haughty, amusing - or perhaps even infuriating - he didn't bother to say so. "I've been thinking," he simply announced. Craning his miserable neck, right up to the glass, as if tryin' to catch whatever delightful pout or scowl might grace the hero's dumb, pimply face.

"I bet," said Lucas. Flat as a burnt flapjack. That made Porky grin, too.

"It's sort of funny. Hilarious, even. That your so-called new society's here, to salvage my city."

This came about as outta left field to Lucas as it probably does to you. Which is to say, hardly. Weren't never really conversations, to be had with Porky. Whatever happened to be on his mind, he'd barf it right onto your sneakers. Then glance at you, expectantly, almost innocently. Like he was awfully eager to watch you clean it up.

"My city," he repeated. With a cough. "Which, as you know, I modeled oh-so-painstakingly after our old world."

Lucas turned those slatey eyes of his toward the Capsule. But held his tongue. Again - you can call it patience.

"It's almost as if nothing starts from the ground up. You're always recycling something rotten. Always on the shoulders of man-eating giants. Even if you try to pretend otherwise."

"Yep," Lucas contended. Gray as the rock he perched on. "That's the idea. We're learnin' from the past. Y'couldda stood to do the same."

Porky's prison emitted a raucous cackle. If Lucas were still looking, he'd've seen a curled lip. A snarling smirk.

"Oh. I learned plenty, my friend."

To sigh would be to appease him. Spoiling a bad dog.

"I don't really get why you won't apologize," Lucas mused, instead. "Why y'won't even fake it. There's folks who'd fall for it."

(He prob'ly would've. He thought. Up until three days prior. He'd decline to add that, though. Let Porky guess it for himself.)

"Heh. What can I say? I'm an honest guy. Much more honest than you cheating, stealing, hypocritical hicks give me credit for. Besides -- Agh..! Haahhck…!"

Porky's bone-popping shrug was cut short by a trademark wheezing fit. Lucas waited. Nails grating.

"Ah.. Hagh… Besides.. Little ol' Porky Minch's got nothing to apologize for, anyways. All I've done is reveal the cold, hard truth. Taught you sorry lot a thing'r two 'bout human nature." His royal highness dipped into a mockery of the peasants' lowly drawl. Before extending one hand, to count his points on his wretched fingers. "Uncertainty, control, anger. Frailty. Self-destruction. That's always been the long n' short of it. N' always will be."

"Agree to disagree," Lucas maintained. His low, crackly, teenaged timbre shifting an inch closer to a growling grumble. Porky ate it up. When you've been stuck in an oversized baseball for two years, you tend to develop a ravenous craving for the smallest of crumbs.

"Fine by me. Your descendants'll realize I was right all along. Even if you're too proud to accept it."

"My mom always used to say somethin' 'bout pots n' kettles."

"Ha. So, you admit you're the kettle."

"I'm more of a skillet, I reckon."

"Well, ain't that goddamn charmin'? My mom bashed me over the head with one of those, once. I ever tell ya that story?"

"Y'didn't. M'sorry to hear that."

A snort.

"No you're not."

In lieu of an answer, Lucas could only stare. Impasse was a recent addition to his vocabulary. He'd read it in one of Leder's books. He traced its edges, in his mind's eye. Chewed it, silently, between his tongue and teeth.

[whoreadsnowadays]

Hello! I just read your most resent post, answering “splattysplattington”s request for the reader flirting back with Leo and him getting flustered. It was so cute and I was wondering if we could get a part two of the date they planned for that night? Either way the post was adorable and I love your writing

Thank you !! If Im honest, I'm not as proud of that specific work as I am my other ones I've posted so far, so to hear you all liked it so much, (enough to want a part two even!!) really means a lot ! Hopefully this is just as cute as that one was!

(And I have a half hour break period to write stuff let's go !!!!!)

-

Warnings: cussing, a pigeon is mentioned to be choking

Part 2 of ( Romantic ) Rise ! Leo x Gender Neutral Reader

-

Fluster The Flirt (One More Time)

Okay so.. maybe you should've agreed on a time.. or an activity.. or maybe talked this through for even a second longer.

Leo thought all of these things and more as he sat on a rickety park bench, watching a pigeon tear into a hot dog left in the grass.

He had gotten a little too excited and had made it to the park hours before he was meant to. At least he assumed? He really hoped he hadn't missed you, he doubted it, but he still hoped.

So here he was, watching this pigeon choke on a hot dog peice too big for it's throat.

He debated grabbing the pigeon to help, but as soon as he saw you on the sidewalk in front of the library, all thoughts went out the window.

He blinked owlishly as he watched you check the street before crossing. You had to have gone home to change, your new outfit was a bit warmer for the chill of late new york, and you were absolutely rocking it.

He had only spent a minute or two on his appearance, being too excited to even think about doing anything except grab some human clothes from his closet and rush out of the lair.

He only snapped back into reality when he realized you were fucking scaling the closed park gate.

He shot up and rushed over, looking up to see you were already at the top. "Holy- Oh my gosh what are you doing?!" He asked frantically, watching as you looked down at him with a grin.

"Climbing the gate? What does it look like I'm doing?" You snickered as he continued to gape at you, hovering his hands over the bars of the gate.

"Wh- that's so high up!" He continued to protest as you started your slow descent on the other side of the gate.

"Relax L, I've done this plenty of times before." You grinned, hopping down to your feet once you made it far enough.

He blinked, staring at you for a moment before shaking himself back to reality. "Right, okay. I guess that's fine, but just.. be careful next time?"

You smiled, rolling your eyes and starting towards the bench he was previously sitting on. "You're starting to sound like Raph."

He gasped, stomping his way over to follow behind you, "I am not! That was so uncalled for how DARE YOU!"

You laughed along as he ranted defensively, so far this didn't feel like a date at all, it felt more like two close friends just hanging out, and really that was perfect. You didn't feel any pressure to push yourself into romantic actions, and truly you were grateful.

And Leo had all but forgotten about his previous anxiety, simply happy to talk and goof off in your presence. He was so nervous about what this date had in store, what did people on dates usually do? Hold hands? Hug? Kiss? Oh god.

But now he didn't feel any pressure at all, he simply enjoyed the moment with you, and every moment after that.

And sure, when he got a little too cold without a jacket, you offered him one. And maybe that flustered him to no end.

And perhaps when you saw him sat there in your coat, it made your heart beat just a bit faster. And MAYBE you couldn't look each other in the eye for the next ten minutes.

But you both knew there'd be no rush for anything more than a simple clothing exchange. This was more than enough for both of you.

At least until Leo's brothers got word of this, then you were fucked.