#didnt get enough time to make a full drawing so have a doodle

[atzidraws]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE BEST PORT MAFIA EXECUTIVE!!!🧡🧡🧡

I'm like 2 days late but happy birthday chuuya!!!!!

Have some cute and happy Chuuya because he deserves everything!!! 🥺

[floydsglasses]

𝗜'𝗺 𝗦𝘁𝗿𝗲𝘀𝘀𝗲𝗱 𝘀𝗼 𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲'𝘀 𝘀𝗼𝗺𝗲 𝗛𝗮𝗽𝗽𝘆 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗦𝗮𝗱 𝗗𝗮𝗴𝗴𝗲𝗿 𝗛𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗰𝗮𝗻𝗼𝗻𝘀

This is gonna be bad im just warning you im freaking tired and stressed, they are gonna be Sad and Happy and UNHINGED.

Bradley has a little Rooster figurine in the front of his jeep, he got as a gag joke and was gonna leave it at whatever house he got it at but now has emotional attachment to it.

Jake's go to song in Karaoke when he is sober is Queen, he will belt out We Will Rock you, but when he is drunk enough he will sing Dolly Parton's 9 to 5 with every bit of southern twang he can

When Bob is really angry he will drop his midwest accent and go full on southern, like deep south

Natasha lost a bet in high school and had to get a bad tattoo, said tattoo was something like a duck with a cowboy hat, or stupid quote, you decide

Mickey unironically sings the lyrics to Taylor Swift's Love Story, like he will sing the bridge at the top of his lungs going sixty on the highway.

Rueben is the kind of guy to say he won't rage quit a video game then will toss the controller after failing two time's.

Javy would be the kind of guy who would let a kid paint his nail's, pink purple yellow, he does not care he will flaunt it off it because it makes the kid happy.

Bradley would somehow get a cat or dog, like one of those distribution system's like on tiktok, he would say he would foster it but end up keeping it naming it something human like, Kevin or Betty

Natasha say's she dosent like country music, but wont admit she would get down to some Luke Bryan here and there because who wouldn't

Bob seems like if he was put into a situation where him and his friend's got lost, he would be the calm one but on the inside he is panicking, he will see an exit sign with a restaurant and be like. "Guy's its okay there's burgers."

Javy will pull over when he sees cows and take there picture's. No joke would even try and pet one.

Rueben and Mickey are the worst people when it comes to trivia because they are so good at it, when they get an answer right they increasingly get more competitive.

Jake cried playing RDR2 when Arthur died and he also despised Micah like the rest of us.

Rueben is great at bowling, so good that most of the time no one play's with him

Bob will doodle little drawings on sticky note or notebook's when he is bored and give them to any of the dagger's, He drew Natasha a sketch of bird, she kept it in her locker.

Bradley has a mixtape from his dad, Goose, titled "Song's You Need to Hear Once", it's all filled with songs from the Sixties to the Eighties, all classic's from Rock to Motown, after his mom died he didnt dare to touch it, after the uranium mission he starting listening again.

Natasha has bracelets from her little cousin's that she wear's for good luck, they are bright yellow and purple string's, she never take's them off ever

Jake collects stickers from each state, his dad used to bring him a sticker from each of his trips before he got too busy, so he is trying to finish them off himself.

Mickey has a tattoo to honor his family, a way to have a piece of them everywhere he goes. A small quote in Spanish on his side stating Por aquellos que amo me sacrificaré/For those I love I will sacrifice

Reuben like to sleep in a hammock sometime's under the stars, reminding him of his childhood and growing up in the south, when he would play outside with his siblings

Javy is a momma's boy, in a good way, this man will always call his mom or text her about the thing's going on his life, before a big mission or detachment he calls her, tell her he loves her.

Jake has stepped on a jellyfish on a beach, after saying "oh they dont sting'" just for him to get shocked

Bradley broke his arm doing stunts on his bike as a kid, he has permanent scars on his forearm, he did in fact do it twice till Carole told him to not do it again.

Natasha and Bob learned the Rasputin Dance from Just Dance

Mickey has argued with people that pineapple belongs on pizza, he will full on go tooth and nail to defend his claims.

Reuben has knocked the Radio off in the Rec room, and has blamed it on Hangman, it was a whole debacle

Javy has a fear of snake's, he found one once and he took of running leaving his friend's to deal with it.

OKAY THAT IS ALL SHE WROTE, I know some of these dont make sense but I dont care i needed a stress reliver before another stressful week. AND THATS ALL SHE WILL WRITE BECAUSE THIS FAILED AGAIN

[l1nghuarchive]

hello!!! I wish u luck on starting up ur blog! :) being the absolute heizou and kazuha simp I am, may I request them with a sick reader? <3

WEE ONG TYSM FOR REQUESTING AAA YOU DIDNT PUT A GENDER SO I HOPE GN IS OK FOR YOU!! (i wrote this while i was taking the bus home, sorry if there are any spelling errors !)

Pairing : Kazuha && Heizou x reader

Type : hcs

Warnings : n/a

KAEDEHARA KAZUHA

• Being the kind hearted person Kazuha is, he'll make sure to take care of you perhaps even stay back behind to take care of you if you are part of the crux!!

• As a wandering samurai, im pretty sure he has to take care of himself a lot before he had met Beidou so he is quite and expert when dealing with simple symptoms of sickness. If it's a high fever, he'll go to Baizhu to get medication and feed it to you! <3

• If you are very conscious about getting him sick even if he says it's okay, he'll write little poems for you and even draw a small doodle of himself as well as leaves! (ps. His drawing skills aren't really good but his words in his poems definitely make up for it!!)

• "Kazuha , these are uh really nice hearts that you drew..!" "My dove, it meant to be leaves.. But if you think it's a heart then it can be as well."

• Kazuha may seem like a rather calm person outside but he is interanally panicking inside if he is doing enough since he is scared that your health would get worse because he isn't taking good care of you.

• If you're symptoms tend to get worse, please reassure him it isn't his fault or he might actually start panicking and trying a bunch of medicine that he learnt on his travels that he thinks might help.

• Overall, Kazuha really someone who would stay by your side even if he isn't a professional doctor he is really genuine of taking care of you <3

SHIKANOIN HEIZOU

• The best detactive Heizou is almost never called in on a sick day, after all missing one day could mean missing a lot of clues and cases he might find interesting.

• Now when he heard you were unwell, let's just say he doesn't really know how to take care of you </3 and he may or may not have fed you the wrong medicine..

• "Heizou, i think that is the medicine if I'm having if im having problems with.. Releasing gas." "Oh." (you told him that when he just fed you a spoon full of it, you had problems with your stomach a few days later after you got better..)

• Heizou would definitely try to cuddle with you in bed if you are having a headache or having trouble sleeping, of course while you're asleep he might try to think of ways to help you feel better faster. He hates to see you lying in bed all day since he wants you to go on many cases with him all around inazuma!

• He'll try to crack some jokes while you're in bed to keep you entertained while you're recovering. (his jokes are kinda stolen off from google but the fact they are overused makes it funny LMAO)

• Unlike Kazuha who is a wandering Samurai, being a detective requires a lot of time so Heizou always has to leave very early in the morning so he can come back earlier to take care of you though do expect a little note with a few puns and overused jokes next to your nightstand.

• Once you've gotten better, Heizou might have to work extra hours because he did runaway from the tenryou commission to take care of you do if he arrives home late please do welcome him with a hug <3

• Heizou might not be the best at taking care of you but he is willing to sacrifice himself to make sure you're healthy and happy <3

Tysm for requesting, i hope you liked this and sorry if it is ooc! </3

[thatsuccessfulpokemontrainer]

uhuhuh how has sprites design changed and developed over the course of his story? same with beedrill and mari

Ohhhh thank you so much for this RAHH!!

So- sprite is actually two concepts (with two different designs) who got reversed mitosised into one guy, one was a self insert oc from my first full playthrough of pokemon crystal and one was a gym leader oc.

I'm not sharing old art of sprite because honestly looking at anything I've done more than a month ago makes me cringe however- I did an approxmation of "sprites" first design with some fun facts.

Also yes his '!' shirt used to look like that. I actually changed sprites colour scheme because I showed my friend some art and they were like "omg like mcdonalds sprite. is that why hes in the mcdonalds colours." . mortifying. changed immedaitly after.

I dont think I got it across in this version at all but gym leader sprite was supposed to be a punk and had a full patch jacket and stuff.

A lot of sprites design was really open to change when I first started the account, his hair would vary from being over one eye to being over both- his scars would move around since i forgot to make a ref. A lot of stuff just solidified over time the more I drew him the more I figured him out <3. The more I rp'ed as him, the more he became his own character and I got a sense for his likes and dislikes and it impacted his design.

Now drawing him is super duper ingrained into my head and whenever I open a new canvas there is always one of these guys

He also used to have upturned ears, not much to say on those, other than i liked the downturned look more, and changed it in november of last year.

He also kept the blue in his hair after him running away and attempting to dye his hair blue in an effort to disguse himself. He's kept it in the tips since for reasons that he can't explain .

Onto Beedrill! (did some doodles of his old design)

His design changes are really recent because at the start he just wasn't- interesting y'know. just some blonde dude.

But also BD was also first known for sending people meme shirts via pelipper mail so he didnt really need to be more than that. I think the googles and staff helped a little (speaking of which, looking at maybe giving him his staff back sometime)

As his storys become more relevant, I've needed to spice up his design, which I'm happy I did with the funky pokemon esque hair. The fox mask also helps him seem more interesting, but him wearing it isn't common enough to count.

I'm currently doing a redesign of his prosethic finger and another part of his design which i'm excited to share once i'm done.

Now mari!

Not much to say with her old design, her clothes and such were picked out my maris creator and cowriter, and she was supposed to look put together yet ready to fall apart at any moment. She was a real villian, but I've never been unhappy with her design and how it's reflected her personality.

I did like how in maris first apperance, lucians (her bayleefs) leaf was completely seared off along with having severe burns on its body, but by the time she got her blog it was full again as mari has saved up to get a coleus plant implant to regrow the leaf, along with the scars on him fading from her use of burn cream she was sent.

Thank you so much for asking, sorry for rambling haha !!

[gomzdrawfr]

Hi Gomz! Been so inspired by your art, I'm considering picking up digital drawing again haha. What device and app do you use? What would you recommend if I wanna restart drawing? Would be great if you can answer with doodles :D thanks!

Hello Cumi! Thank you very much for this ask, to think I can inspire other people with my doodles means a lot to me <;3 ((def not cryin rn))

In this ask response, I'll include some links that you can check out for the appropriate stuff! I hope you can understand some things by the end of it :D

Disclaimer: im no professional, so most of this is just based on my experience!!

Okie dokie first off:

What device and app do I use?

I draw using a drawing pad, the Deco Mini7 on my laptop, and I use Krita to draw :3

Krita is free to use! You can download it here, or if you can afford it, clip studio paint is definitely a popular choice out there, some people use adobe too!

I will say it may seem complicated at first BUT it is relatively easy to learn once you get the hang of it, there have a full tutorial on their website with videos included if you wanna know more! digital art apps usually works the same way, once you get the fundamentals you can draw on any app tbh

Or if you do want to start using Krita, then you can send me another ask in the future and I'll share you my tips and tricks (which are honestly pretty scuff HAHA))

Other recommendation if you want to draw on phone/tablet/ipad!

2. I know you didnt ask this, but I wanted to share my experience starting out with digital painting/using the drawing pad for the first time

the thing about digital painting is that there's a lot of features here and they serve to make the process easier, but it can be quite overwhelming when you start off! examples are layers

drawing pad also means getting used to not looking at the pad and the screen at the same time + getting used to the pen, I had a hard time with it but the more I use it, the more i got used to it :D

funnily enough, I actually gotten this drawing pad bcuz I started using lecture notes online through pdf and such xD

3. What would you recommend if I want to restart drawing?

Not really sure what you mean about restarting, but Im assuming like finding a new artstyle or trying out different art medium is it? (like from traditional pencil doodle to stylus pen) but if you mean literally restarting then uhhhh XD I guess you gotto start drawing then haha?

I think my motto when it comes to drawing is that no matter what it is, just do it

"its gonna look bad" its okay bcuz at least I drew it, yk? xD the thing with art is the more you draw, the more you're familiar with it, the less intimidating it will become(tho it can still be scary, but hey! baby steps right?)

perhaps what I would recommend is testing out all kinds of artstyle, ask yourself:

what am I going to draw? ex: I wanna do self potraits! I wanna do silly doodles of my favourite characters!

what style do I wanna do? ex: Chibi, non-chibi, landscapes

Sometimes, you won't know those answers to those questions until later on, which is exciting dont you think? one day I said "im gonna draw Ghost in full gears" then the next I decided "actually nah screw that im gonna make Ghost cute" -w-

didchu know my first few digital doodles were done on OneNote? haha yes! and on my lecture notes nonetheless pfttt (this was around october 2022)

When in doubt, always ALWAYS start small and simple. Draw a circle, draw a blob, anything! Make it manageable :D

You can, of course, challenge yourself and go big! the most important key is you're drawing for yourself :3 and you should do something you're happy with!

well, sometimes there are moments where you wont like what you draw or artblock, when it comes to those time Id recommend taking a break xD

Finding your artstyle is an ever growing journey, I would suggest looking through websites like Artstation or Pinterest and collecting artstyle that you like! then learn from it, replicate it, trace it(AS LONG AS YOU DONT CLAIM IT AS YOUR OWN AND YOU DO IT FOR PRACTICE PURPOSES!!!) and study it :3

like heck I just found a new artstyle yesterday literally HAHA so you know, enjoy the fun!

4. Other helpful links and video for starting out digital painting:

Marc Brunet, has a ton of tutorials that are useful! my fav one being this one about face drawing and cell shading

Bluebiscuits, very cute artstyle and the videos are always soothing and calming to watch! they did this video about finding your artstyle which I highly recommend! their face drawing tutorial is also really good :3

I also watch tppo occasionally, his video focuses more on how he study other people's artstyle and then implementing it on his own! If you like art studies you can give it a go, like this one!

practice, practice and practice! things like art takes a while to master and get happy with :) like i said, keep trying and dont forget, all of this is for fun!

have a good day! feel free to ask me anytime if you want if you want some clarification <3

[bottled-up]

Arulia...

So there is significantly less to cover and go over with Arulia than Em so we will be starting with her!

Arulia was originally designed to be a romanceable charcter for a scrapped project from around 2017. She was victorian-ish, Jane Austen vibey situation. Think Elizabeth Bennet at the end of the Pride and Prejudice (2005) in terms of hairstyle and mannerism.

This is one of two sketches I have remaining of this Arulia design. Unfortunately, lots of moving and accidental throwing away of documents has nearly caused this version and design to be lost.

After the scrapping of the project she was originally designed for, I took full possession of her character and pretty much overhauled her design (with a few exceptions).

At the time of taking back control of Arulia, I may or may not have been carzy obsessed with the romance visual novel app The Arcana. So there were, and still are, heavy style influences. Not saying I have banished The Arcana from my life lol (Asra is still and will always be my favorite).

I'll do some comparing and contrasting of the personalities after I get through the designs.

I thought, at the time of Arulia's redesign, it would be fun to use her as the MC for the story. It was fun! But much later it didnt quite feel right.

Arulia's new design was COMPLETELY different from her original concepts. Im talking wildly long hair, harem pants, puffy snow white-like sleeves, a skirt AND a sash, and some hair accessories! Because WHY NOT.

To be completely honest, at the time I was extremely proud of this. A lot of it doesn't make sense, the face shape was wrong, and she looked a lot younger than she actualy is. For some reason though, I still loved this design.

Also I had been exploring new art sytles that really didn't work well with this character.

I mean... to me this was PERFECT. Intil it wasn't. I actually don't think this design lasted the year.

There was too much and not enough happening at the same time. Because of that, I took to reworking the outfit, keeping the things I like and though suited her quite well, went back to her original face shape and picked things from her original design that just made sense to keep.

I think this is much more suited for my girl. It fits a little better with the character I created around her, and she fit pretty ok into the Arcana world.

My favorite parts of this outfit quickly grew Arulia to be my most drawn character. The shirt sleeves, the hair style, the massive earrings, and the simple patterns on her top.

This is the design that eventually got some offical color to it, but I was new to digital art and brand spaking new to procreate so a lot of mistakes were made.

I still think she cute though. Also, yes I borrowed a pose to help visualize how clothing would sit on her body.

I did spend a couple of years just skatching and drawing Arulia on paper though. My art journal from last year and the year before have almost every page with atleast one Arulia on it.

She consumed my every drawing hour. Not by force, because I begged her to.

I think a few months after I setteld on this outfit and look, I explored a couple other options too. What if she had these pants? What it her hair was different? What if she danced?

Had some really cute concepts of that! But nothing really stuck (look out for the pictures when they're found).

I settled on her more simple design because it was easy to draw repeatedly, easy for others draw, and kinda iconic. I had a few people telling me they haddn't see something like Arulia before and quite liked the concept.

That encouraged me to use her as the face of my streaming content until it didn't. More on that for a later time.

For now this is all I have to share, but Arulia, BY FAR, had the most doodles, drawings, and sketches, so look forawrd to seeing more of those.

[v-r-i-s-vris-v-r-i-s]

I LOVE BAD ART

hiii im thyme (ze/zir/they/them), one of the 4 ppl w accces to this acct, and sry for spelling, im dysgraphic + actualy typing and not using speach-to-text like normal

ANYWAYS

i LOVE bad art, and i HATE when ppl get upset i say that!

i grew up w a lot of pressuer on me to be good, definetly in general, but also absolutly w art!! my mom was an artist, and i grew up VERY christian. everything i did reflected on god, and more importantly to my mom, on her.

she was so exited to have a kid who LOVED art and stuff like her, but i was never good enough. she would always tell everyone how good i was, how i was gifted by god, and how much i took after her. (she was v self centered and would majorly talk up anything that made her look good, yikes i know)

so ppl would be naturaly interested and exited to see! and then i would be forced to show them some art, which, keep in mind, was verry age appropriate and full of the generally goofy stuff i loved, and 9/10 they would be dissapointed. even if they werent my mom decided to constantly pressure me to do better.

this was really stressful obv, and i stopped drawing for the first time. when i got into middle school, i started again, this time not really ttelling my mom. i was happier, but had already had it impressed down onto me that my art had to be good to warrant existing or taking my time. i was v stressed by it, and as i slowly started to get more comfortable i was imedietly bombarded with competition.

i struggled to get better in the ways that seemed easy for anyone else, PDA kicked in as soon as i felt something NEEDED to be done, and i was compaird to everyone my age and younger and told how much better theye were.

i never wanted to make it a competition, i just wanted to have fun. i wanted to do something hands on that could express me better than my words ever could (undiagnosed autism at the time made me feel verry weird and thuroughly broken, and explaining that wo imedietly getting invalidating and patronizing answers simply did not happen)

i stoped drawing again. i changed schools and had a better art teacher. she wasnt a dick bout my art, but definetly acted overly suportev(possibly im anxiose and projecting past art trauma onto her lmao and she was just being normal, she was cool af tho). i starded drawing more, on and offf, and got REALLY depressed and burnt out. one of the ways it manifested was being unable to be creative.

but things did get better!!! got an autism diagnosis and educated myself more on my dysgraphia diagnosis(got in elementry school), came out, made freinds who brought me to queer music and caberet shows(tysm phoenix), and was able to move out!

as im now on my own, my art drive has rissen signifigantly, especily as im surounded by other art enjoying weirdos(complementary). but i still hate when someone says that my art is good or bad. constructive advice and support is always valued, but there are so many mediums and people and styles, how on earth do we judge that?? having to be good enough for everyone to warent my own existance and hobbies almost killed me, and sucked all of the joy out of my life.

ive seen people who got so happy to doodle, only to stop forever when someone makes a remark on skill with their age. ive seen family stop bc someone joked abt their stick figures or car drawings, because even if the joker didnt mean it outside of a goofy remark, the joke was meanspirited and ment to put the artist down. I HATE THIS??!?!

WHO DECIDES WHATS GOOD ENOUGH TO EXIST??? capitilism? christianity? the example of two dead ppl from history???

obviosly i dont fuck w that.

art is something made to express something, how are you going to take such a broad catagory and shove it into your biased and sad binary?

so i proudly call my art bad. as an ongoing rebelion against everyone who thought and thinks that something has to fit their binary of goodto exist. i say bd to help myself unlearn the shitty things that were pushed onto me, and as a way of saying i dont have to be anyone's good to warent my own joy.

some ppl will cut in here, theyll tell me not to talk badly about myself (im not). theyl say even if i dont mean it bad, my brain will internalize it as a negative(i dont think that applies here?) or theyll spew some capitlistic bs (HUH, GUESS HOW I FEEL ABOUT THAT.)

no hate to others reclaiming their art and love for it in different ways,this is just how it works for me. in in my art vocabulary, bad means not locking itself into the harsh expectations of good, and i find that incredibly freeing :)

[numbaoneflaya]

Its was a bad weekend :( can you give some fluffy ferret and peeman hcs pleasee

Yeas anon im sorry for the wait 🥺 I didnt know what to write so I just rambled, hope it can lift ur spirits <3

They take baths together a lot to relax- obviously lots of sex and such yes, that is the case. But also they just kind of vibe and talk about their days, Vincent behind her holding her in his arms and washing her hair for her. Rubber duckies which he places on her head. Due to Jillys insistence, there are more bubbles than any rational person would allow. Jilly makes bubble beards and hats for the both of them, which he allows. And then she starts talking in a funny voice and pretending to be a bearded old man or santa and he dunks her under the water until she stops.

Jilly has a little journal she doodles in and writes in when she's bored or taking notes on something. Vincent mostly ignores it but she leaves it laying around everywhere- one day he picks it up and flips through it and its got pages full of “Misses Jilly Metzger” drawn in cursive and “Jilly + Vincent” inside bubble hearts. Stick figure drawings of the two of them holding hands and kissing. He takes pics on his phone and doesn't mention he saw it so that she doesn't stop.

Vincent does grow stubble and it always seems to crop up overnight. He hates having facial hair, it's itchy and weird to him and if he's not careful he'll grow a beard. Jillys obsessed with it, constantly rubbing her hands all over his face when it's there and being like “its so scratchy!!!!” and he's like “yeah. It's facial hair, it happens” and she's like “ITS SO WEIRD!!!!” and he just has to abide by her hands being all over his face until he gets fed up and shaves it. Sometimes he lets her do it, if she's insistent enough.

They are both extremely lazy when it comes to chores and it's a whole production whenever either of them does anything. Like

Jilly: please. I love you. I love you. I love you so much please. please

Vincent: Just take out the fucking trash ooooooh my fucking god. enough.

Jilly gets back from doing something she didn't want to do and lays on the floor like she's dead and killed in the middle of the living room. Vincent just sighs and steps on her as much as possible while walking through. Whenever she squawks a noise at being stepped on he's like wait aren't u supposed to be dead :/ hmm

Jilly gets lost very easily and runs off at exciting things. A hand holding law had to be put in effect while in a crowd or else it's impossible to keep track of her. So they must be holding hands at all times in public places. Both are pleased by this, though Vincent will act like it's an ordeal. If he doesnt get to hand hold Jilly though he will be upset.

[princeanxious]

Longish artist/writer rant/vent aimed at my ADHD under the cut bc I needed to get this off my chest-

Rip to every idea I have that my brain demands I make a reality when in the past year I've maybe managed to doodle something at least once a week and maybe managed write something to posting levels of completion once every full moon

Like. If I had it my way I would have whole chapter updates for at least three different major fics each week, and it would rotate between nine major fics each week at least, and be posting one-shots for random one off ideas whenever they came to me.

I spend so much time thinking up of tons of au ideas because i genuinely enjoy them and doing it, and it hurts so much that I am unable to keep up with my creativity no matter how much I want to. Im well aware of burn out, and thr fact that that kind of schedule is pretty unattainable and would result in burn out, but like.

If I could just pick up a fic/chapter that Ive planned out(because ive got a list, and tons of different notes for ideas I want to create but just can't manage to slow down enough to keep focusing on it) and once a week write even just a paragraph, heck, a sentence, or finish a small silly art piece or a doodle, I'd be doing better than I am right now.

This frustration isnt even born from the aspect of 'gotta keep creating content for approval' thing that it usually is, either.

Its a genuine frustration born from the inability to just get my stupidly scattered brain back together. Creating these things, writing them out, drawing them out, I have so many ideas that I want to explore even just for myself to enjoy!

Im pretty sure my brain wouldn't give me countless au prompts, fic ideas, drawing plans, and animatic ideas rent-free every week if I didnt genuinely enjoy exploring it.

I know that I'm not gonna get to explore every idea, but the fact that I have a good number started already that still cling happily to my brain even if its been literal months or even a year since I've posted about them, the fact that they and so many others are so present in my brain and let me get as far and writing the ideas down or getting to the sketch phase, and then whatever it is in my brain that kept nagging me to writing out for the happy chemicals and excitement of sharing it as well as just having physical existance and evidence of an idea that I worked hard on, something that I'm proud of and just.

Like a whisp ungraspable of smoke, that energy or motivation is gone?

And even tho its gone my brain is still screaming at me to continue it, we still want to work on it, we still have so much left undone, we cant stop now! But we cant.

Its like opening a door long enough to feel the breeze or wave at a dog passing by, but trying to open the door all the way to follow and explore only triggers the door to shut tight.

Its like trying to figure out how to get to the other side of a very tall wall. We know that we cant reach the other side of the wall, we have in the past, but sometimes it only makes it grow higher. We know how to do it, to get through the wall, but we know that it takes time and effort and a very specific amount of work to break down the wall, and we know that trying to do tedious tasks that are boring to our brain like that simply creates another wall. Sometimes we're lucky, and we can climb the wall with a burst of energy and ride that energy for all its worth to get to the other side, but then it leaves us exhausted, and climbing the wall will not be an option again for a time.

Its a frustration born from the fact that I know whats wrong with my brain, I do, Ive spent so much of my life with adhd, depression, and anxiety, I've had to learn whats wrong because thats the only way to know how to tackle the issues that they bring.

Its the frustration that despite knowing whats wrong, I still cant make myself face the wall like I know I should. Knowing about it doesnt stop the issue, using effort to adress it does.

And that's where I am. Stuck inside our head, with a creativity in constant flux, and more often than not inability to pick up a pencil to draw, or pull up a keyboard and write. Staring at the wall in our head with the familiarity of being lifelong acquaintances.

[swordmaid]

creator tag meme

tagged by the local angel @giuseppearcimboldo thank you so much lizzie!

rules: it’s time to love yourselves! choose your 5 (ish) favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2020. tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works!

VERY happy i can fill this out because i’ve been so productive this year lol. also this is all gonna be jb bc ive been RELENTLESS and spamming and i would apologize but i wont lmao 

1. jb eros/psyche au.

i am talking about everything i have done for the au btw, because i’ve done quite a handful of things and honestly i really love all of them--even the doodle ones which rarely happens. anyway, i love this au in general. i think the tale is perfect for them, and i’m happy with the works that i managed to put out most esp this one that’s based on canova’s sculpture of eros and psyche. translating sculpture into digital art was interesting since it was all about converting the weight and structure of the sculpture into the screen and i think i managed to do it imo! i love how brienne looks heavy in his arms, i love how strong jaime looks holding her up and i especially love the way i shaded her dress to mimic the lines that the statue has. all in all, this au slapped and i actually want to do more of it but i have no inspiration right now. 

2. jb as classical art series. 

honestly i never thought that this was going to be a series lol i thought it was just a two time thing, but then i did another one, and then another one, and then another one and now here we are. i love all the pieces that i’ve done for it actually. my favourite thing is that they’re all not direct translations of the original art. there are some aspects that i’ve taken and adapted while also putting my own flair into it. i love the reverse colour scheme with klimt’s kiss and my own rendition of it. the gold being the accent highlight in a field of murky brown/black whereas klimt has the black squares present to emphasis the richness of the gold and yellows. i also like the little thing i did where i put the geometric shapes outside of the subject instead of inside (what he did). i put on the tags that i didnt like how it turned out but i actually like it lol i just didn’t like how long it took me i get too impatient with my art i think. anyway. i love this whole series sm i think all the pieces have their own character, and tbh i always get nervous adding another piece into this just because all the ones that i’ve done has been so well received i don’t want to be a disappointment lool. regardless, i love classical art and i love jb and i love being able to put the two together hehe we love to be self indulgent

3. la belle fleur sauvage commission. 

aka THIS commission that was based from SD’s fic, la belle fleur sauvage. some behind the scenes with that one--that one took me SO long to do, like it was taking longer than i had wanted and i felt very bad and i am forever thankful for sd’s patience 😭😭😭. i really can’t be too mad though since i was working on the third year of my degree, but i still would’ve wanted to finish it sooner than i did. but as for the art itself---i actually love it lol. i always say to zoom in on my stuff to see all the details but i WISH folks would zoom in on that because it’s so big and so intricate. i love how everything turned out; i love how rich the colours are, i love the composition for all three panels, i love how the SKY looked like actually that’s the first time i sat down and painted clouds with that technique and i am so happy and pleased with how it looked im using it for everything LOL, i love jaime’s outfit in the 2nd panel---i actually designed a whole outfit for that and he DOES have his pouches and daggers, etc. stuff that he would have with him if he was a mercenary, but because of the cropping, those details were taken out but it’s THERE. i love the colours and the shading on the 3rd panel. it looks so soft and romantic and it’s everything 😭😭. honestly i didnt know if i was able to finish whole three panels just because of how big the project seemed, but tbqh this piece really pushed me as an artist and im really happy that i had the chance to work on it (-’: 

4. early morning.

this one is a more recent piece and i was thinking post canon jaime/brienne married and either living in casterly rock or evenfall hall. originally the sheets were gonna be red with the gold brocade but i just made it green to make their location more ambiguous. they’re in a castle because of the finery, but which castle i have no idea. anyway i love their faces here in particular--jaime because it’s not often that i draw him old (this is the second time i drew old jaime i think?) and i love how he turned out here. i love how he looks like a silver fox and a dilf and we really do love that for brienne. full disclosure, i have no idea how to draw older folks since i don’t have a lot of practice in that area so im glad my lack of experience doesn’t show lmao. i also love how soft brienne looks here! the little smile on her lips is very sweet, her body language and how relax she seems is very telling abt her confidence in this scene also i think i drew her hands hella well haha. all in all i think it’s a really sweet art! and the full version is not so bad either jaime’s ass was referenced from marble sculptures so you know im aiming for Quality. but i love this headcanon of a younger brienne tiring jaime out, i’ve read a handful fics about it and im happy i can do my own version of it hehe 

5. unravel.

wow we love domesticity. someone said that if you compile all my ns*w art of them together it’s like they haven’t left their bed ever since they got together and you know what? love that for them it’s what they deserve. anyway i chose this one because of how sensual and simple it is. their body language really does all the talking ; jaime’s hand pulling on the ties on her shift, her hand on his hair, how soft and lazy their kiss looks--it’s enough to tell the story me thinks! i just love how simple this whole thing is but it’s very effective. there’s really not much to it besides what you see but that’s really enough.

i am actually very proud of myself with how productive i’ve been. it’s really not often that i get as much drive and energy to post so much art. iirc my art tag is nearly 200 content already (i think it’s 180 ish rn?) and honestly that’s a LOT if you told me ill be making more than 100+ content for jb i would’ve been like nah im too lazy for that lmao. but im really proud of myself this year! i think i pushed myself as an artist and i’ve familiarized myself more with my strengths as well as my weaknesses. i have a clear idea on the areas that i need to work on, and i’ve really gotten more comfortable with being happy with my own pieces and i’m trying not to put myself down more if something doesn’t go the way i want it to. also, i’ve had the opportunity to work with more people this year--so for the people who has commissioned me or IS commissioning me rn--- thank you so much for trusting me with your visions 😭😭 ive never expected to get this kind of reception with my art but i am very grateful for all of it. 

anyway as for the tagging i tag -- @na-bruma-leve / @dreadwulf / @dilfjaime / @fawnilu BUT i would highly recommend you to come along and snatch this tag meme up like a little raccoon because we all should start being proud of our own works imo !!

[unicyclehippo]

I'd love to see 31 in that prompt list you just reblogged with beaujester!

oh i bet u would What A Surprise

31. “Can I kiss you?”

//

she’s been thinking about it for a long time. since it happened, really, and constantly for a while after that. and then, at some point she can’t quite place...she had thought less and less about fjord kissing her.

saving her life?

saving her life via kiss.

the thought had come back in a big way for reasons she’s not ready to think about yet so here she is—standing with burning cheeks and trembling hands in fjord’s room, waiting for his answer.

he was clearly polishing his sword—not a euphemism, though now that she thinks about it she giggles. the laugh takes on a hysterical note and that’s what gets fjord up on his feet, breaking out of the stunned fish look. with a flick of his wrist, the new sword is gone and he crosses the room in a few long strides. hesitates for a second before settling his hands on her shoulders.

‘hey,’ he says, so gently, so kind, in the way he always is when it is just the two of them, ‘what’s wrong?’

she shakes her head. ‘nothing. just—you can say no, if you want, i just thought—‘

‘jester,’ why does he sound sorry? pitying? is she pitiful for asking? his hands are calloused, warm, as he lifts them to her cheeks. ‘you have to give me a second to catch up. you want—‘ he flushed a little. ‘you want me to kiss you?’

‘i—‘ she leans forward until her forehead knocks against his sternum. enjoys the way his arms settle around her shoulders, hug her. there’s something not quite right about it, he’s being too careful about it like he’s not sure he’s doing it right, or that he should be, and it makes jester itch all over. is it too much to ask that she can be held? hugged? kissed? why does it never feel right? ‘you saved me,’ she says. it’s easier when she can’t see his face. ‘you kissed me.’

‘i—yeah. i did.’

‘were you just saving my life? or were you kissing me?’

she can almost hear his heart, beating away steadily beneath new muscles. maybe that’s why it feels wrong. she knew him, met him, when he was slimmer, less muscular, and she wonders if that’s why it doesn’t feel quite right. if it’s something she has to get used to again.

‘i was saving you,’ fjord says. ‘i couldn’t let you drown. you—we’ve been a team from the start, jes, i couldn’t.’

jester nods.

fjord’s hold lightens a little as though he expects her to leave. when she doesn’t, he hugs her a little tighter and that feels better. more comfortable. she shifts so her cheek is pillowed on his shoulder and sighs.

‘i think...i knew that.’

‘are you upset?’ he asks quietly.

‘a little, maybe.’

‘okay. can i...do something?’

‘answer a question?’

fjord’s hold tightens a moment, then relaxes. ‘yeah. anything,’ he says, and he sounds like he means it. really means it. it can be hard to tell with fjord but even as jester thinks that, she realises that she trusts him with the deep, unshakeable faith she allows for very few people.

‘do you want to kiss me? do you want—‘

‘do i want you?’ fjord asks. she knows what the wildmother sees in him; the warm, the gentleness of the waves on the beach. the sting of salt in a wound. ‘not like that. i love you, jester, i—i hope you know that, i hope i’ve done well enough to show that. but no. i’m sorry.’

she has a lot of questions but mostly they boil down to: do you want someone else? or do you just not want me? but she hasn’t the energy to ask it, hasn’t the fortitude now to hear the answer. it isn’t that she’s upset that fjord doesn’t want her—which is new and novel of a thought, because she was sure, sure that she loved fjord in those big grand romantic ways and to feel very little more than disappointment is...confusing. she’s just tired. tired of not being wanted.

‘okay,’ she says, and hugs him tighter.

‘okay?’

‘yeah. okay.’

it takes a little while but eventually the tension runs out of fjord like a tide, pulling away bit by bit until it reveals the covered shore and she thinks despite the faint hurt and disappointment she might be happy with what she has found in its place. happy with the fjord that hugs her tight and presses a kiss to her hairline, gentle and full of a love jester thinks she’ll always need.

eventually, she steps back. wipes at her cheeks where a few tears have spilled over. fjord offers her a handkerchief—‘such a gentleman,’ she teases, and accepts it.

‘you want...tea? or a nap? or...’

jester smiles, not quite her typical brilliant smile but a good one nonetheless. ‘no, it’s okay. i’m gonna...i’m gonna go read under the tree or something. draw something for the traveller.’

‘okay.’ fjord opens the door for her, walks her out to the landing. he starts down, toward the kitchen, before stopping a few steps lower than her. ‘jes?’

‘mhm?’

‘what—made you come to me? and ask?’

can i kiss you? jester remembers saying to him, almost frantic with the request. it had felt like life or death in that moment, like she was chasing after something vital, something she needed.

jester’s eyes slide down past him, down to the room where she had been before. the training room, packed down hard with sand, and the training dummies. where she had been watching beau fight with potent focus, where she had sat beside her friend, and where they had somehow been drawn closer and closer on the bench as they spoke and plotted how to prank nott or maybe caduceus, he’s a solid good sort, in an effort to get yasha to laugh—or maybe smile, jessie, beau had said, with an awkward tilt of her head, seeing as laughter might be like a second step or something. break the proverbial emotional ice with some light smiles first. the smile beau had offered up was small and sweet and ripe with mischief as she talked about what a really bad fucking idea it’d be to prank caleb, and jester hadn’t been able to look away. how had she not noticed—

‘jes? did something happen?’

jester’s attention darts back to fjord, looking like he’s about to climb back up to her.

‘nothing bad,’ she tells him. ‘i don’t think.’

‘do you wanna talk about it?’ he offers, scratching at the back of his neck. ‘i don’t know if i’m the right person for it but—‘

‘would you be upset if i asked someone else?’

fjord’s expression shifts quickly—the concern washed away by surprise, and then a momentary dark glimpse of something she can’t place, so quick that jester thinks it hardly belonged to him at all. finally, calm settles and she can see nothing but curiosity glinting in dark eyes, like light off capped waves. he smiles a crooked smile, the tip of a tusk peeking above his lip.

‘someone got you in a tizzy,’ he deduces. ‘and you came to me.’

guilt hits her like a tidal wave and jester grips onto the bannister, pulls her bottom lip into her mouth to worry at it.

‘i—yes, but i didnt know, i didn’t realise—i wasn’t using you, fjord, i wasn’t—‘

‘jester,’ he cuts her off, ‘i know.’ he loves her too. she can see it. the deep affection, the adoration, has never been more obvious. ‘i don’t think you’re capable of that. nah, that’s not true. you could do anything you wanted. but i reckon you’d never do it.’ he appraises her silently, then adds, ‘i’m here for you. whatever happens.’

jester smiles, this one trembling. ‘thanks,’ she says, a little choked.

//

she gets a peaceful half hour or so in the garden before someone raps on the door, presses it slowly open. she’s only a little surprised to find that it is beau peeking into the space, blue eyes lighting up when she spies jester seated by the traveller’s shrine cad had made for her.

‘hey. missed you at dinner. fjord told us you were up here, didn’t want to be disturbed.’ she steps in cautiously, ready to leave the instant jester asks her to. ‘i brought up something—just some stew, it’s weirdly good, cad’s a great cook. and,’ with a flourish she produces something that looks like a blueberry but is the size of an eyeball. ‘xhorhassian sweet. it’s a berry, i think.’ she looks at it a little nervously, before shrugging. ‘i’d offer to try it first, but i’m immune to poison and shit like that. i can make nott eat one first, if you want.’

jester laughs. ‘i’ll risk it,’ she says, and beckons beau over. it only occurs to her when beau is approaching that maybe it isn’t a good idea when everything is so close to the surface of her thoughts. but beau is already sitting and handing her the bowl. she lays down next to jester, easy and relaxed, folds her hands behind her head and stretches her legs out long, sighs happily.

‘i love these lights,’ she admits. ‘they’re beautiful. and not just because everyone else around here can’t figure out what the fuck we were on when we grew a tree outta the top of the house.’

jester grins. ‘yeah.’ she glances down, eyes flicking over the play of the light over beau, over her oddly serene face, over her lovely brown skin, the shining flicks of brocade to her new uniform. ‘beautiful.’

beau tenses.

jester lifts her eyes to see her friend watching her intently, but though the tension doesn’t ease, beau says nothing.

jester eats. pretends to doodle in her journal, trying to decipher the warmth in her gut at feeling beau beside her, the warmth of her skin, the slow even breathing, the occasional odd murmur as she shifts, pulls an annoying pebble out from under her back.

‘can i kiss you?’ jester blurts out after she has finished her dinner and set it aside.

beau’s knee jerks in her surprise and then her abs are bunching and she’s sitting bolt upright. she opens and closes her mouth a few times and then says simply, ‘yeah.’

‘yeah?’

‘if that’s what you want.’

jester frowns. ‘what do you want?’

beau looks like she doesn’t know what to say again. her shoulders press back—less of a shrug than a nervous shift. ‘i want...you to be happy.’

‘beau.’

‘i’m serious. i’d—do a lot to make you happy, jes.’

jester ducks her head, unsure of what exactly she’s feeling. happy that she got a yes, but everything else beau says makes her wary of taking it. it isn’t quite appeasement, but...

‘i’m not good at talking,’ beau says. shifts not closer but so she’s turned toward jester. ‘i’m—not great with wanting things. i’m kinda...a selfish asshole.’

‘beau, that is not true,’

‘i mean, it kinda is though.’ beau puts her hand over jester’s mouth so she can’t disagree. it’s silly but all jester can think is that even this small contact is right, is good, is terrifying but in this weird, nice, bigger-than-nice, fizzing, and did she mention terrifying kind of way. ‘hold on, i’m trying,’ she continues, and jester forces herself to settle. beau kinda looks like she’s going to puke, or maybe panic. ‘i’m—fuck, okay, i guess we’re doing this—i’m into you, jes. in a big way. and i’m okay with having that in, in whatever way you want. i’ll be your best friend, your roommate, your—protector,’ she says in an oddly stilted, awkward way jester realises is shy. it makes jester want to scream all of a sudden because she doesnt know what this is, where all of this is coming from, how she didn’t know that beau could be like this, be so endearing and warm and noble. she wants to scream because it feels like too much and too little all at once—beau is right there but it feels like she’s too far away, like there is this great yawning chasm between them and jester doesn’t know how to close it, how to cross it.

jester reaches up, slowly, and peels beau’s hand from over her mouth. turns so they’re seated alike, cross legged, knees to knees.

beau looks like she’d rather be anywhere else, holding herself so firmly in place that she’s buzzing with the effort of it. she looks peaceful and terrified, and it’s strange to see her own feelings reflected in beau, who sometimes seems entirely alien—brave and strong and brash and, and lovely.

‘i don’t know everything i’m feeling,’ jester whispers.

beau nods quickly. ‘yeah, yeah, of course, it’s fine, i’m okay with—‘

jester doesn’t know what she’s okay with because she sets her own hand over beau’s mouth. ‘i’m not finished.’

beau rolls her eyes. settles. ‘that’s fair,’ she says, words muffled.

‘i don’t want—‘ jester gulps. ‘to ruin anything.’ she thinks about the chaos crew and girls night and late nights with beau in their room and reading her romance novels together and shopping and thinks about fjord and— ‘can i kiss you anyway?’ she asks, feeling the bite of being selfish instantly, and beau’s eyes lose that little bit of tension in the corners, go sky blue with warmth.

jester’s breath catches in her throat as beau lifts a hand and instead of taking jester’s hand away as she had done, beau holds it close for a moment, kissing jester’s palm before she lifts it away. the touch of it feels like a burning brand, like somehow her hand is buzzing with life, with energy, like beau has made it—jester’s brain stutters over the analogy for a second, because it’s too big and too much, surely, but the words come anyway. beau’s kiss makes her feel divine, worshipped.

jester is still trying to wrap her head around that when beau leans in, traces her fingers down jester’s cheek.

‘yeah?’ she asks, holding back.

jester nods. closes the distance. so that’s how she does it, she thinks, and then she is kissing beau—beau is kissing her—and this, this feels... this feels. she can’t say right, she can’t say too much, she has nothing to compare it to, the way her heart feels to beat too fast and stop altogether, both at the same time. the way she goes hot and cold, and all her world closes down into where she is touching beau and being touched by beau. a hand on her cheek, the still-burning kiss on her hand, her own hand on beau’s neck, the skin so soft and the short wispy hairs that escape from her top knot tickling against her fingers, and beau is kissing her.

[xsandjenos]

Muse / Huang Renjun

Summary: You've never been the most confident person, you have difficulty when in comes to looking at yourself in the mirror. Your boyfriend, Renjun is determined to make you see yourself the way he sees you. He wants you to love yourself, in order to give you a push in the right direction Renjun devises a plan.

Word Count: 1164 words

Genre: fluff, artist! renjun x insecure! reader, art major! renjun

Warnings: self-loathing 

A/N: I’m going to be honest with you, I wrote this because I was feeling really bad about myself one day, and I thought maybe this would cheer people up too so here it is! I hope you guys don't feel like the reader/Y/N in this story because you should all love yourselves  lol I have a hard time when it comes to things like being confident which resulted in me writing this haha

You didn’t feel pretty, when you looked in the mirror, and it was like your reflection was laughing at you. This is what you look like, shame isn’t it you thought. You gazed into the mirror bringing your hands up to your face. You didn’t have the perfect brows, or full lips, in your eyes you were just another average looking person, but to Huang Renjun you were absolutely beautiful, you were his muse, the inspiration he seeked when putting paint onto a canvas. You were his everything.

You weren’t sure what Renjun saw in you, but you were glad he was there for you, especially on nights when you couldn’t sleep. It was those intrusive thoughts of self-doubt, shame and insecurity that swirled in your mind like poison, keeping you up at night.

Tonight was one of those nights. You sat on your bed hoping that your boyfriend had received your text asking him to come over. It was 11:30 pm, he was probably asleep. You flopped backwards sinking into the plush comforter, sighing. I wonder if he’ll show up? It was times like these when you needed Renjun you wanted to feel the warmth of his breath against your face while you laid beneath the covers. You wanted to hear the sweet melody of his voice telling you that you were good enough, that you were worthy of his love. You felt bad that you needed Renjun’s validation, you wanted to be happy with yourself but every time you faced the mirror you only saw your flaws.

~

11:30 pm

Message from Y/N:

Can you come over?

Renjun looked down at his phone, worry spread across his face. He knew that when you texted him this late at night your thoughts were getting the best of you. Lately he had been growing more concerned for you, he wished you could love yourself as much as he loved you. Renjun was determined to change your perception of yourself to a more positive light. Of course, self love was a process that took time and effort, and Renjun understood that. He just wanted to give you a push in the right direction, and in order to do that he needed to come up with a plan.

Renjun was planning on entering a piece in his university’s art show, what better way to show people your beauty than to put it onto a canvas for the world to see. You were Renjun’s muse, whenever he looked at you inspiration would strike. He loved drawing the soft features of your face, and using long, smooth brush strokes to paint your hair. A majority of his paintings were inspired by music he listened to or things he saw in his daily life, but his biggest inspiration was you-the love of his life. He went to work, painting on the giant canvas for hours on end, stopping occaasionally to eat, or take a nap. He wanted to show you everything he saw in you, from the flecks of colour in your irises to the curve of your smile, through this painting you would see it all. Everything that Renjun admired about you was poured into the creation of this portrait, and Renjun couldnt wait for you to see it tomorrow.

~

11:55 pm your phone read, you laid in bed you could feel your eyelids growing heavy, but the knock at your window caught your attention. You walked over, opening the window so Renjun could slip through. You jumped into his arms, you were relieved to see him, you felt so alone drowning in your own thoughts, but now Renjun was there to keep you company. He took you to your bed, the two of you sank into the sheets with ease letting the soft comforter engulf the both of you. Renjun shifted so he could face you. He began running his fingers gently along the contours of your face, brushing any loose strands of hair out of your face along the way. “Y/N, you’re so pretty,” He whispered.

You shook your head, pulling up the covers to hide your face. “I-I’m really not..”

Renjun pulled the blankets down, “You’re pretty, and you have nice lips that I love kissing,” he laughed, pressing a chaste kiss to your lips.

“And you have a cute nose,” he continued, placing a kiss on the tip of your nose, making you giggle. It was a good thing it was so dark, otherwise Renjun would see how red your face was from blushing.

Renjun began to squish your cheeks, placing a kiss on each one, “You also have adorable cheeks,” His eyes fell to the corners of your lips, “and you have a smile that makes my heart race,” he told you as he kissed the corner of your lips that quirked up when you smiled.

“You couldn’t contain your laughter, your sides ached from giggling at Renjun’s antics. “Are you done now,” you teased.

“I won’t stop until you agree that you’re pretty. Say it, ‘I’m pretty.’”

“I’m pretty..” you mumbled.

Renjun shook his head, that’s not good enough. Say it like you mean it,”

“I’m pretty!” You groaned.

“We’ll work on it.”

Renjun sat up, leaning back against the headboard. “Y/N, I have a piece in the art show at my insitution tomorrow. Do you want to see it?”

Your head shot up in excitement, “Did you win the contest?”

The boy shrugged, “I don’t know yet, but I really want you to be there to see the piece I made.”

“What did you paint?” You asked curiously.

“You’ll see it tomorrow. I want it to be a surprise, but it’s beautiful that’s for sure,” he replied, as he played with strands of your hair.

“Way to be modest,” you laughed.

“It really is beautiful..you’ll see Y/N,” he told you, as he traced shapes into the palm of your hand. He continued to doodle imaginary shapes, until you had fallen asleep. He smiled down at you, he wished that you could see how beautiful you looked, the moonlight peeking through the curtains highlighting your features. “Goodnight Y/N. Sweet Dreams,” the boy whispered into the night.

~

The next morning you woke up to an empty bed, and a text from Renjun. You gazed down at your phone, the light from your screen blinding your tired eyes.

10:00 am

Message from Renjun:

Sorry, I had to leave early to prepare for the show today. I’ll see you this afternoon. Love you

You clicked your phone off, you walked over to your closet. You wanted to look nice, you knew how important this event was to Renjun so you wanted to dress accordingly. You tried on dress, after dress. You stared at your figure with a frown, the dress highlighted all the wrong places, you sighed. You wanted to look nice, but no matter what you wore it didnt make a difference. You opted for a nice blouse and denim skirt. You grabbed your purse, and texted Renjun that you were on your way to the art show. You wondered what Renjun had painted for him to say how beautiful it was the night before. One thing was certain, you were about to find out for yourself.

~

Renjun stood proudly next to his piece, many people walked over to him showering him with compliments, and congratulations. The host of the show walked over to him, her heels claking against the tile. “Renjun, this is a lovely painting. Congratulations on winning ‘Best Portrait.’”

“Thank you, I’m really proud of this piece,” he hummed.

“If you don’t mind me asking who is the person in the painting?”

The boy turned to the painting, admiration gleaming in his eyes, “She’s my girlfriend. My muse for painting,”

“I’m sure she’ll be happy to see this. Good work.”

“Thank you.”

When you walked into the art gallery you were’nt expecting to see an enormous painting of you in the centre of the room. You were taken aback, this was what Renjun submitted to the art show. You could feel tears of joy forming in your eyes, you knew how hard Renjun worked on his paintings, he’d stay up until the early hours morning painting, you knew how passionate he was as an art student. You took a step closer, he had captured your image perfectly, the portrait was painted with vibrant colours while the background was neutral. He got the exact colours to match the flecks of colour in your eyes, he left no detail forgotten. Underneath the painting you read the artist statement.

Muse - Huang Renjun

Oil on Canvas

This piece was inspired by my girlfriend, she is my muse. I used bright colours and warm tones to seperate her from the neutral background, through the use of colour I wanted to depict how she brings light to my dull gray world. The purpose of this piece was to show how the world percieves people, and the view people have. Mirrors can lie to you, make you feel like there’s something wrong with your appearance, but the image of yourself can differ depending on where you look. Y/N, I want you to look at this painting and know that this is how I see you as, you’re beautiful, and your heart is too. Don’t let the mirror lie to you.

“Do you like it?” Renjun asked, scratching the nape of his neck.

“It’s incredible,” you laughed, still in awe of the portrait.

Renjun cupped your cheeks, “Y/N, This is what you look like, okay? Don’t let your doubts, insecurities, or what you see in the mirror tell you otherwise. You’re beautiful, but beauty isn’t  always about physical appearance. You’re sweet, funny, and strong willed- that’s why I fell in love with you. I know it’s hard for you to love yourself, but we’ll take it one step at a time.”

You could feel yourself reaching the brink of more tears, “I-I’ll try my best. I promise. Thank you, Renjun.”

“Don’t thank me, I wanted to do this for you to help you.” he replied.

“I know, and I love you for that.”

“I love you too.”

The journey towards accepting yourself and all your flaws was a long road ahead, but you had Renjun beside you every step of the way, and that’s all that really mattered to you.

[fangirlinginleatherboots]

so this is my first year successfully surviving to week 2 of inktober after years of not managing anything before. and i realized that theres some stuff that i learned that might make things easier for other ppl who were having trouble with inktober too. (or any other month long projects, like huevember and such)

work small. your drawings do not need to be full scale fully realized works

work simple. detail is going to eat up your time. honestly if a concept looked like it was gonna take more than 2 hours to complete, i just filed it away for after october. that way i could still do that idea justice. i generally didnt spend more than an hour on a piece.

plan early. pick a theme that will be easy to follow and still allows you to be creative (like i picked minimalist demon girls/girls with antlers and all the drawings are variations of that). if you’re going to do a fandom one or a genre one, make sure you know well in advance. i planned a week ahead but didnt start until about two days before.

stick to one style. this helps with planning and with deadlines

plan your tools. this is one that doesnt seem like its gonna be big but it is. are you going to do ink washes? are you going to stick to micron pens? are you adding paint? brush pens? colored ink? if you know ahead of time what you’re doing, you can plan within those limitations. pick a limited palette with limited tools so you can stay on task

get a day ahead. something WILL come up and and youll be glad you didn’t miss a day. i try to stay two days ahead because of how unreliable my functioning is. this took a lot of the stress off. this is also really important if you’re someone who has limited access to tools like a scanner or editing software or has frequent tech complications

unless you are someone who flourishes with prompts, don’t do prompt lists. they put a lot of extra pressure on you to do things in a certain order and at a certain rate and even may lead to you subconsciously competing with your peers. if its your first year, you don’t need the extra pressure. if you like prompts though, go for it! 

set reasonable goals. i had no idea what i was going to do so my goal was to do at least 10! im doing way more than that now but only because i didn’t set the bar too high and burn out immediately 

have some fall back sketches. i did about 20 thumbnails (1 or 2 inch concept doodles) and out of them there were 5 that i liked enough that if i get really stuck, i can do one of those instead. its nice to know i wont be sitting there lost if i have a slow creativity day.

if daily is too much, knock it down to twice a week, if thats too much, knock it down to weekly, if thats too much, try just two drawings this month. it’s not a contest. theres not a prize. its for fun and artistic growth

lastly, not all of these have to be award winning works. im not proud of every piece ive done. i have a few favorites i may turn into prints but not all of them. rn its more important to me to produce work than to like it.

[ask-shakespearehigh]

Q&A post with the Mods!!!!

This is going to be a long one oh boy

How strict is the delineation of creative control vis-a-vis characters/plays between the mods? (@pedanticlecturer)

We generally have the plays split up along lines of “what we know”— we have a list at the very beginning of the blog. Sometimes we’ll draw the others’ characters (mostly me drawing some of Star’s…) but even then the final say on characterization is up to the “main” mod for that play — mod aster

what aster said -- mod star

What is your favorite play? What is your favorite character in terms of how they were written in the source material? (@pedanticlecturer)

I think my favorite play overall is Macbeth, just because I like the vibes (and the fact that I too could kill Macbeth), the fact that you don’t say it’s name in theatres, and the fact that it’s a play I did a full read through and analysis of in class. Favorite character? Puck from Midsummer. — mod aster

uhhhh,, hmm. ive always had a soft spot for midsummer since i saw it with aster esp bc of how fun the costumes were. of the comedies it has the largest potential to be the most visually pleasing bc of the concept of fairies,,,and im gay and dramatic so i love that. id die if i got to costume design for midsummer,,,or be in it,,,yeah. fav character. hmm. probably mercutio?? i recently saw a version of romeo and juliet where mercutio was played by a woman and oh my god it was amazing!!! not to mention mercutio’s portrayal in baz luhrmann's INCREDIBLE version of r n j!!! (I based my mercutio design on him) he just spends the entire time making dick jokes. love that. -- mod star

How do you answer asks so fast? I mean it's great but I'm impressed 😂 (Anon)

Personally, it’s a mix of: notifications on, quick drawing speed, and using the blog to avoid my class work — mod aster

aster is fast and (as you can see from all of my answers) im lazey -- mod star

Are there any elements/characters of the plays you're covering that you would have liked to work into this blog's plot, but couldn't due to the constraints of the setting or the synthetic nature of the blog? (@pedanticlecturer)

I wanted to make everyone gay but unfortunately due to plot constraints we have to have some hets but that wont stop me from making it lgbt as possible. -- mod star

I did want to make The Tempest more of a central play, but it just didn’t translate well. Similarly, other supernatural elements like the witches in Macbeth. This isn’t so much a constraint mentioned, but my own time/energy means that I want to show the Macbeth backstory, in a specific format, but I can’t right now— mod aster

Is there a hierarchy of import when it comes to each play's individualized impact on shakespeare high's general arc? If so, what plays are crucial to the foundation of the story? Which ones did you do mostly for shits and giggles? (@pedanticlecturer)

This is phrased like an ACT question and i might not answer it right so sorry in advance but: mod aster and i only selected a few plays for each of us to do given we dont know all of shakespeare’s works, but we tend to put more emphasis on the the more well known. But it also comes down to 1. How much we have plotted out for each play and 2. What the followers ask about most. Our two most popular are hamlet and macbeth bc people are familiar w those but around march caesar always becomes relevant again. I didnt even have designs for some of the characters until someone asked about them. -- mod star

I would say the same as star— it generally comes down to what people ask about. I will say that the overall plot is sort of separated into “has happened” and “is happening”. Like, the human potion of Midsummer, Julius Caesar, and Macbeth are all in the “aftermath” portion, while Twelfth Night, Hamlet, and Romeo and Juliet, among others, are happening. We’re trying to incorporate as much as we can, and I don’t think any of them were really put in without some thought.— mod aster

What personal significance does shakespeare hold in ur guys' lives? (@pedanticlecturer)

I go to a theater school rn and so ive dealt w shakespeare (although not all of them) it also helps that i was in loves labours lost last year as moth and that i read hamlet and r n j. Theres also a theater in my state that always does One Big Shakespeare per season and they always do them super well!!! My love for shakespeare probably started w seeing midsummer at that theater w mod aster!!! So. Theater kid rights!! -- mod star

To be honest, I got back into Shakespeare Because of the blog. I’ve been friends with some people that got really Pretentious about Shakespeare, and it kinda put me off of it. I did have a book of abridged plays (the plays’ plots written out in prose, basically) that I read as a kid, which is what got me into not only the plots of a lot of the plays, but also the idea of having them illustrated. And, same as star, the theater in state does the One Big Shakespeare— and they tend to do some really cool things with the costumes, setting them in diff time periods. I haven’t been able to see any lately since I’ve moved, but they still slap. — mod aster

🥰😘💙🥰🥰💜💟🥰I 😍💗💚😍😍LOVE🖤🖤 YALL ♥️♥️🧡💛💚💝❣️💕💘💖💗💓💞💝❤️💛💜 okay now i have a question i swear— how long have the two of you been doing art??? and what were your first shakespeare plays??? (@hellaghosts)

Uhh i started drawing when i was like idk 12 and i have the giant boxes of sketchbooks to prove it!!! I moved to digital art at abt 14-15 but mostly stayed traditional until this yr when i got a Neat New Tablet so some of my sketchbooks are sitting abandoned rip. My first shakespeare was either romeo and juliet or midsummer nights dream and i love both of them v much!!! I have a very old piece of art that i did for r n j for my freshman class assignment on it and it hasnt aged well alsdjfjafd circa 2016 i think??? -- mod star

Oh man. I started drawing when I was about 10, but it was Bad. I don’t think I got much into drawing again until I was about 14? Sometime around the end of middle school/beginning of high school. I would say I started getting into drawing as more than doodling/coloring edits sometime around 2015-16? I would draw on my iPad with my finger, then I got a tablet for my computer, and now I pretty much stick to my iPad with an Apple Pencil. My first Shakespeare play was….. uh…… probably Midsummer???? I have No idea. We would go to plays when I was little, so I honestly don’t remember if I saw others before. It may have been Romeo and Juliet— I had that book where it was the original and the “modernized” with the little dog that explained things— which, if you know it makes sense, but if you don’t is probably a bonkers answer. — mod aster

Do you think this blog has like? An overarching thesis (be it b/c intentionally or simply b/c ur own take on the world has bled thru to the point where u believe it’s central to the piece at this point)? (@pedanticlecturer)

Not gonna lie, I had to read that like three times AND dm you to figure out what you were asking from us and all I have is “be gay, respect women, write your own happy endings”. — mod aster

This blog started with an ides of march shitpost and you think we have enough brain energy to write a whole thesis? I projected feelings of found family onto my half of the blog but idk if that counts. Be gay do crime 420 69 -- mod star

What’s the nature/rough dynamic of ur relationship? How do y’all know each other? (@pedanticlecturer)

Met mod aster when i was like 4 and even tho we didnt live close we became like, best friends although the Best part didnt start until we were like 13-ish and eventually we talked like non stop (about anime and homestuck. Yknow. 13 year old kid things) and we didnt see each other a lot bc of Distance and now its even worse bc aster is in colleg.,e but we consider each other siblings regardless of family bc we’re adopted into our own respective families so that bled over into our friendship and it would feel weird calling him anything other than my brother now. We’ve seen each other at our best and worst and if you really want a good insight on what we’re like as siblings watch griffin and justin mcelroy’s overview video of catlateral damage wherein i am griffin and he is the long suffering justin. -- mod star

Star is basically my long distance sibling and functionally the only cousin I recognize bc like their parents are basically an aunt and uncle and like our dads look enough alike that we’ve both accidentally gotten the wrong dad for a hug or similar so like. Anyways yeah Star is the Griffin to my Justin, complete with our absent middle brother who we love dearly— mod aster

Dubiously relevant q but what kind of music do y’all listen to when u do art (if that is indeed a habit either of u partake in) (@pedanticlecturer)

It can depend on the piece? I was working on some (unrelated) oc prints that were song-focused, and for those I just listened to said song on loop. Sometimes I have playlists. Sometimes I’ll just be in a Mood and throw a song on loop. But a lot of time for the blog, I’ll listen to The Adventure Zone for the billionth time, because I have Too Much Attention. I’ve also, on request from Star, linked the most recent “loop song”.— mod aster

I tend to obsess over the same like 3 songs every few weeks so those get listened to on repeat but it also depends on the tone of what im drawing or who im drawing i might genre switch bc of that. If im drawing ophelia i stick to lana del rey and if im drawing hamlet its the neighborhood, horatio is sufjan stevens etc. i have categorized,. Most of the characters i draw into different songs/genres/energies of music but not like i ever follow that. Sometimes i just pull up a really long nonsense video and forget to draw. Essentially: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ -- mod star

How’d y’all come up with ur pseudonyms? (@pedanticlecturer)

I love space so much and my main blog is starryeydsailor space gay rights!! Im also tiny and full of energy and bright so basically i;m star -- mod star

Uhhhh i was like “hey i want to do uhhhhhh flower?” And then I google searched flower names until I found one I liked —- mod aster

How did you end up deciding the rough timeline of events in canon? (@pedanticlecturer)

It’s mostly determined by like. How we choose per story? If that makes sense. Like, we just take story by story, and decide “is it happening, has it happened, and when?” And then we fit them together in relation to each other just by dint of. All existing at once. Like, I knew I wanted Macbeth to be in aftermath, because like, even though there’s no murder, the way I’ve translated it to the AU is still kinda heavy, and it’s something that I don’t know that I could do properly if it were happening right now. Also, it’s more interesting IMO to have them at different times. Tl;dr we wing it per story and slot them together— mod aster (mod star agrees I just can word better, in theory)

If you could tell the story of shakespeare high in a different format than an ask blog, would you? Obviously y'all are making very good use of the format, but would you want to write this as a animated series or like? a comic book? or is the form inseparable from the story? (@pedanticlecturer)

I kinda wanted to do a webcomic or maybe to plot develop through like, animatics but the element of surprise comes from the asks we get and really makes us think so the blog is a good start. We didnt think we’d get this far -- mod star

Pretty much what Star said— there are certain elements where it’d be neat to do as a comic or as an animatic. Like, the fantasy dream is like, an anthology webcomic of each story, where you can like, see other characters in the background and stuff. But to be honest, we develop a lot by what we’re asked— there was a post about developing worldbuilding by being asked questions and then pretending you’ve thought about the answer, and it’s not far off. Personally, it’s hard to just lay out a story, because I have a whole WORLD and what’s relevant? What are people interested in? It’s by getting questions that I can then focus in on an area to develop. And yeah, we Super didn’t think we’d get this far lmao — mod aster

Any headcanons about your characters that you don't think will ever come up on the blog through asks or plot posts? (@pedanticlecturer)

I could make a whole separate post for this!!!!! Mostly its voice headcanons (and by mostly i mean like 1 or 2) or relationship hcs!!!! -- mod star

Honestly same. I don’t think I have voice headcanons for mine, though I bet I could find some. I’ve got a bunch of miscellaneous headcanons that just kinda float around, but like they’re scattered, too numerous for this post, and also not always things I’m sure are canon yet.— mod aster

[hereliesbitches--me]

“You really think we should be celebrating that now?”

Valentine’s day in the Zompocalypse! ( Always accepting) 

“ As good of a time as any. I don’t think we’re gonna have a break like this again for a while.”

       After a weeks of travelling, avoiding the dead and other scavengers, sleeping with one eye open, and rotating in shifts when they had to sleep in the open, this was one of their rare opportunities to sit and sleep in a house that wasn’t tainted by any of the dead. They hit the jackpot. They found sanctuary in one of those gated communities that seemed clear enough to use the house without fear of waking up to a herd caging them in. The suburbs of New York had a sparse population of the undead in comparison to the congested cities. Here, Rosie comfortable let her bag fall into the kitchen, let the dogs roam about and sniff out for pests, and from the corner she watched as the kids excitedly pulled out a collection of colorful papers, scissors, markers , and glue to set out over the dusty table to work on once Eddie had left for some scavenging and clean up in that day. What he came back to find was a mess of paper clippings and cutouts all over the floor, the kids hiding their little projects away from his sights with a whine that it wasn’t ready – more Mia than Thursday, as her brother timidly tried to hide his creation under a dscolored manila folder he found. It was Rosie keeping Eddie in the living room, checking over what remains of supplies and what had been added. 

“ It’s Valentine’s day, ya know.”  She spoke up suddenly, softly, peering up from the collection and smiling briefly at him. “ That’s why they’re making projects. We used to have a tradition to make gifts for each other, just in case things don’t go so well at school.. ”Rosie settled for a moment, letting herself sit in the worn cushion that had once belonged to some unknown person that was probably among the wandering dead outside. It only took them a few months, but they were finally beginning to get along.. comfortable enough to speak with a little more ease. Sometimes she just talked.. sometimes he would listen, sometimes he wouldn’t, but it didnt matter to her (or did it?) , as long as she could just let it out. Those rare moments he actually conversed back, even if it was just a few words, she savored and kept in mind. The mother let her shoulders sink back for a bit, leaning into the groaning seat as the springs threaten to give, and she looked aside to where she could hear her children quietly chatting in hurried voices. The feline features at the top of her head stood tall and rotated to better catch their words. Her smile was always a tired one, but at least hearing them happy brought a warmth to her soul.. 

 “ Don’t ask why I know its Valentine’s day. Its an amazing worthless sixth sense I have for vital dates to keep in mind. I get its probably stupid to you, but its really important for them to still have a chance to keep good memories alive..”  Though Eddie asked for no explanation, she felt the need to defend it even when no one else would think it wise.  There was a conscious self awareness in her soul that always existed even before the end of the world. She was off in many ways, confusing and nonsensical to many, even before her spiral against mental illness after years of service in the military, and the police force. So few bothered to understand.. She knew something was strange inside her.. Something so very wrong that she just couldn’t fix, but she tried her best to hide it. The only one who had ever seemed to accept it was her Rocky… but just like everything else she touched, her illness was the very thing that killed him. She lived with it every day.. Could Eddie see how she wilted in that moment? How her eyes seemed to sink into her skull and hollow out as her racing thoughts remind her of her loss on a supposed day of love..? She practically ran in a state of autopilot, wearing an empty smile while her tired eyes stared off. 

 Wake up, Rosie. Wake up, you’re drifting. Don’t be so insensitive, you’re not the only one who’s hurting.

Suddenly, she blinked again. That’s right, she thought, he had a wife before too.. 

Rosie turned her head back to Eddie, and she mustered all her energy to offer him a warm look as she dug around her back for something that crinkled loudly as she pulled it out, “ I know it’s not much but..you won’t believe the fact that I found really good chocolate not too long ago to share on this day- ”Then, she was cut off by a chirping high pitched voice.

“ ITS DONE! ITS DONE! We finished- EDDIE, EDDIE, LOOK! FOR YOU!! ”Mia practically skid across the floor, her voice much too loud in a world of deathly silence as she skipped towards the two adults with her colorful crafts in each little hand. Even Rosie winced, and her heart spiked up in paranoid fear at the crowd the volume could arouse from outside. The look alone, sharp on her mother’s slim features, was enough of a warning for Mia to realize her mistake. The 8 year old gasped quietly, a warmth rising in her colored cheeks as she gave Eddie a sheepish grin. She lowered her voice in a quiet apology. In each hand she held a small, hand made card with the artistic eloquence of an elementary schooler’s work. To each adult, she offered her mismatching cards with an eager brilliance in her eyes. “ For you.” 

Eddie’s was a cutout heart much like Rosie’s, decorated in small doodles of hearts and stars and other little images in colorful marker on the front, titled ‘ Happy Valentine Day! ’ in bulky, slanted handwriting.  ‘ From: Mia! To: Awesome Eddie!  ’          Signed off with a heart.Mia was practically bouncing on her toes, eyes shining in anticipation while her restless little tail wagged. Rosie held her card, but her eyes were drawn curiously to Eddie’s card more than her own. “Open it!” Mia urged him, impatience clear in her voice. Rosie found her lips switching slightly in their corners. When the hard opened, It was a mess of glitter, stickers, and drawings. A true arts and crafts work with an explosion of color all around the lopsided heart she cut out of the card. In the center, her bulky little words were written with clear attempt to make it formal, though her hand writing send to change direction as she went. It read: 

      “ Dear Eddie, Don’t let mommy read this.        Happy Valentine’s day to the coolest superhero ever!         Thanks for staying, and making Mommy happy.           And you make me happy! And Thursday happy!          And the doggies happy! (Yes, even doggies are happy)          You make everyone happy, and we have lots of fun together!

          I love you lots, and think you’re so cool.          Thanks for not letting the monsters get us.We protect you too!

         I want you to stay forever. Can you stay forever please? 

         P.S. Mommy likes you a lot. I like when you don’t fight.         P.P.S. Keeping secrets are super hard.

             Love you! And Goop!   - Mia   ”

Drawn on the other half of the heart was their little family, made of triangles and circles. There was Mia in the middle, a lovely rectangle and triangle with a circle head, and little triangles that marked the ears on her head and tail. Besides her Could be assumed as Thursday, made of circles and ovals, with a head full of squiggly lines much like Mia’s own picture self. Mia’s doodle held onto a much larger catlike person, made of circles and triangles that made both her body and cat features. Rosie stood on one side, while on the other, holding onto the Thursday doodle, was the large Dorito-bodied persona that was Eddie. He was composed of bulbous circles and rectangles that make his arms and legs, towering above the rest of the family, with a triangle knife in his stick figure hand. Of course, complete with the dogs on the side, tied together with hearts, and dead bodies of green skinned zombies all around. And the family crudely colored in color pencil to complete the master piece.  “ What does it say?” All Rosie could see was the picture, her brows quirked curiously at the long paragraph her daughter had written, but Mia would not have it as she hopped in between the two and pushed for Rosie to read her own. 

Off in the corner, 6 year old Thursday stood quietly, bashful of the two cards he had in hand. They were not as elaborate as Mia’s… he couldn’t draw like her.  His handwriting was still shaky and in the works.. and worst of all, he decorated his cards with the flowers he picked from outside. Boys dont pick flowers.. men don’t like flowers.. He chided himself and felt the need to sulk away in embarrassment. Eddie would laugh at his card..He was about ready to crumble his creations, up until his mother noted her silent son hiding behind the wall.“ Honey, do you have cards too? What are you doing over there?” Rosie looked at him expectantly, smiling affectionately as she waited for her youngest to come over.. Thursday was startled that she mentioned him. A fearful feeling rose in him suddenly, a horrible ache in his muscles that didn’t let him move. The little boy felt his stomach drop under the eye of both adults, his face growing hot that showed blatantly on his pale freckled face. With wide eyes, he found himself frozen like a deer as they all turned to look at him. Especially Eddie… The light look became concern from Rosie when she noted the fearful shake that overtook her young son. How his breathing changed.. and his body shook like a leaf with the signs of tears that already threatened to fall. Rosie was quick to stand and hurry over to him , but by then he had already taken cover behind the kitchen wall and curled up. The two had vanished for a time.. Thursday whimpering and crying, Rosie’s hushed voice quietly soothing, until they both could talk low enough to not be heard. Mia frowned a bit as the attention was taken away from her card but she turned her attention to Eddie with a shrug of her shoulders. “ Sometimes, Thursday can be so weird. I can never tell why he suddenly cries..”

Rosie emerged once again with her son after a few minutes had passed, holding him in front of her, while Thursday timidly held his card desperately behind his back. His mother already had her pink card in hand, and smiled  gently as she ushered him towards where Eddie sat, “ He made you a card, Eddie. But he think you won’t like it because it has flowers. Isn’t that silly? Everyone likes flowers, right?”Thursday seemed to shrivel even more the closer he came. The boy dropped his head as he grew even smaller than he already was before his idol, stricken with fear that couldn’t make him stop his shaking. Rosie pursed her lips, and looked at Eddie expectantly for some comfort for her son. Her eyes expressed her desperate plead that he say something to encourage Thursday. As they stopped , Rosie knelt down and gently tapped on Thursday’s arms to bring them forward. From his mother’s touch, he nearly recoiled. Rosie grew more worried than before as she carefully put her arms around him, “ Thursday, please.. You didn’t work hard on it just for Mr.Eddie not to see it, did you? ” “ He won’t like it..”“You won’t know that unless he sees it. And I don’t believe he thinks flowers are bad, baby.. It looks so pretty. I bet he’ll keep it forever.”

Her assurance seemed to work to some extent. Thursday raised his head up just enough to look at his mother, and Rosie gave him a nod in return. He felt fragile and pathetic.. more than normal as he was put on the spot. But Rosie was right.. he wouldn’t know unless he tried. If Eddie liked Mia’s.. then he could like his own, right? Right. He swallowed the lump in his throat, and mustered all the courage he had in his little body to will his arms forward, to offer the black card of hearts.    “.. I-I hope y-you like it.. “

Yes, it was simple. It was not like Mia’s , who’s card looked like a rainbow threw up all over it with her abundance of stickers, glitter, and drawings that made it up. No, Thursday kept his card simple and clean. To the true nature of a fan, he kept it black and white themed, having written in chalk ‘Happy Valentine’s Day’ on the cover with each letter a struggle to keep at the same size, and decorated the outside with an array of little flower blooms from lavender to yellow. Inside were drawings much like Mia’s, however oriented around action as ‘Venom’ kicked Zombie ass and protected them all. His text was much simpler, and expressed all he wanted Eddie to know :

    “ You’re my favorite Hero.        You make me happy. Please dont go.

       I love you.” 

Just like Mia’s, Rosie had taken the hint enough not to look.. Perhaps she’ll glance in later when the kids sleep. Satisfied with the scene, Rosie sat down on the couch, and pulled both her little ones into the seat besides her before once more reaching in to pull out a silver bag for them all.The Jackpot: Half melted hershey’s kisses. 

The sight of chocolate drew both the children’s attention onto the crinkling bag with slack jaws gaping. Chocolate had not been seen.. in months. almost  a year? Not edible chocolate at least. The fact that they let out audible gasps of excitement was enough to earn a rare titter of laughter from Rosie as she grinned,

“ I say since we passed out the cards, its about time we get into the chocolate.Dessert before dinner sounds good.

Anyone disagree? ”

There was not a word of protest from the children as golden smiles lit up across their faces. This would be a good Valentine’s day..

Even with their new friend.

[tumblunni]

Aaa im so full of poke hype and lovv! <3

I feel like maybe doodling my kid self, for some reason?? Like embrace the nostalg and also show some love to that awkward lil kid who didnt really know who they were yet. Its interesting how much i've changed over the years!

Hell i might even draw personas of myself dressed as all the protags from all the different generations? But they'd be mostly the same for like the first 20 years, just me getting real tall and fat lol. I had almost floor length hair for SO LONG it felt really freeing to chop it all off and i never went back! I think i kept it cos it was loke.. Camoflage? The only 'girly' thing i had so i could pretend to myself that i was straight and cis. Plus a literal shield cos i could be 90% hair and just one eye poking out XD So yeah it'd be funny looking at me over time, its just this girly-looking kid getting increasingly more macho outfits and increasingly more girly hair and increasingly more socially anxious, until within the space of 18-25 i suddenly have this giant self discovery freedom explosion and change completely! Its funny how if anything i look less masculine now? Like im way more comfortable with the fact that i'm someone in between genders, and its not a binary of having to be something i'm not just to escape some other thing i'm not. Its also kinda funny how these gender roles felt so restrictive when i was crammed into one of them, yet dressing with both at once seems just as freeing as having neither. Tho still no matter how i dress i always get misgendered one way or another since non-binary acceptance is still far from the norm. But still im so much more me than i've ever been before, and its great to look back so i can realize how far i've come!

So lol maybe i'll just draw old kid me playing "her" first pokemon game, and leave out the next decade and a half of the same thing but taller. And i could just draw current me in a few different attempts at a pokemon outfit? Like when i did my sprite edits i just did me in my usual outfit i wear IRL, now im thinking maybe i shoulda designed a wish fullfillment ideal gym leader costume or something? Tho im too lazy to start the sprite edit project all over again with this new design lol. Oh and maybe also draw my pokemon go outfit? I dont wear it all the time but i had a fun lil look i wore the other day that i ended up laughing at cos i accidentalky wore all blue even tho i picked Team Valor! Now i wanna wear it all the time lol. Oo and maybe cosplay as my fave characters? If i cant afford to do it IRL i can at least draw it!

So yeh in summary somehow i feel really confident in my identity today and i wanna draw pics of me. Mild ego time!!! Or rather just wishing i could fly back in time and motivate my kid self by showing them that they woukd actually have the freedom to be themself some day. I dont even really think of it as "I used to be a girl" but just that i was always feeling this way and didnt know the words for it, or that other people felt the same way and it wasnt an 'abomination against god'. And for some reason playing a gane with selectable genders really helped me let out some of my feelings during that confused childhood of absolute repression. "I just pick a random gender each time cos it doesnt really matter right? Doesnt everyone just pick the one with the outfit they'd rather wear?" I absolutely knew that was a lame excuse and none of these other kids actually felt that way, but at least it kept people from suspecting i had queer reasons for my queer actions. In a time where i didnt even know what queer meant except that it was Somehow Bad. Gah, this is why sex education needs to be inclusive! Even when i was old enough to learn about straight sex i apparantly wasnt old enough to learn about gay and trans people! Let alone asexuality lol... Man it was a whole nother mess to be dealing with an anomolous lack of sexual attraction at the same time as i was repressing something everyone told me was 'inherantly too dirty for teenagers to know about'. For so long i was just told that crossdressing was 'a sick fetish men have for wearing women's underwear' not just.. A woman is a woman and is telling you she's a woman and you wont listen to her. And for some reason they always obsessed with MTF trans folk in these sensationalist hate sermons, i guess because 'a man who gets off on dressing like a woman' just sounds like the more disgusting version when youre a sexist homophobic transphobic piece of shit throwing your bigotry at children. And at the same time also aphobic and telling me i need surgery on my genitals if i dont want sex. Mannnn kids those days.. i really hope kids these days have it better! I hope everyone who dealt with that shit managed to find love and support eventually, even if its still a damn crime they had it denied to them during their most important childhood years. The whole concept of 'an innocent carefree childhood' is so unknown to me, its ironic people claim they want to keep "lgbt politics" away from children in order to preserve that innocent childhood...

Aaaaanyway im rambling lol! In summary pokemon was one of my only coping methods during that childhood and the only small way i could pretend someone accepted me. Even if it was just by whispering no when the professor said 'are you a boy or a girl' and being happy at the little genderless mons like magnemite or the legendaries. I dont think i would have ever realized it was actually POSSIBLE and had words for the complex dysphoria i was feeling, if i hadnt played this dumb lil series of games.

Anyway thats probably also why i never had any attatchment to gen 1 despite being born right as the first wave of pokemania was coming out. The memories i have of those times are complex. Im just excited to revisit kanto as a new and happy person and maybe make new memories! I already barely remembered actual Yellow compared to FRLG, it was kind of a trip to play it on virtual console and remember all the tiny bits of sexist writing that games used to have during that era. It was like 'whoa i never noticed this was wrong as a kid, this finally explains why it made me uncomfortable!' Also the gameplay was glitchy and the plot nonexistant and the translation rudimentary and limited. And the mons weren't very good and i prefer pretty much every other generation and especially Garbodor and Vanillite, dammit!

Ok im going offtopic again

So yeah like i said im happy that Let's Go has managed to make me hype even thougj i didnt enjoy kanto the first time around! And its good how much it represents my journey out of that shitty childhood so now i can revisit it and pretend this is my first time and None Of That Happened, Thanks

So anyway bunni draws past self. And gets emotional. And rambles for hours in a dumb post.

Ok bye