#dime: xander

[ofdyinglights]

WHERE: Val's Speakeasy at The Knightclub WHO: Xander Dante ( @colorfulxander )

Dime was a couple of shots and even more drinks into the evening by the time she spotted Xander seemingly by himself. She had seen him earlier, but then he had been hanging out with Minnie, and now she was nowhere to be found. "Get ditched by your friend already?" she asked with a teasing grin, holding out a drink for him to take. "I seem to have lost my brother in the crowd. Maybe you can keep me company."

[riddles-n-games]

There is a very delicate topic that has to be delegated within the world of the Hawthorne brothers: music. While I know we have been somewhat exposed to what the boys listen to in One Hawthorne Night, we have to really dive in to their personal tastes.

Nash-Although Taylor Swift is his pop exception and being a hardcore country fan, he is actually quite diverse with his taste in music. He loves indie folk, acoustic, synth-pop, R'n'B, even some electric. It was actually him that introduced Gray to Frank Sinatra and the other old 50's classics.

Grayson-No surprise, he loves classical music but also listens to jazz and traditional pop. He's not really the type to listen to modern songs with lyrics, sure, as he grew up he loved listening secretly to some popular songs but he gave up on that. He has a deep appreciation for movie soundtracks and live orchestra. The only oddity in his music taste is that he loves energetic music for his workout playlists which can go hard from rock to chase sequence music from favorite films. On occasion, he will listen to ocean wave spa music to relax but VERY RARELY.

Jameson-A classic case of needs to be in his feelings so raging rock and metal works. However, Jameson's go to genres when he's in a pinch with a mystery or needs to clear his head at 100 miles an hour, he is all for hip hop, EDM, rap, and house. Okay, and he may listen to love songs like the romantic sucker he is and will sing them at the top of his lungs.

Xander-The most spontaneous, Xan's choices change on the dime. He could be listening to pop then he'll be listening to rap to dubstep to kid's movie songs. It's clear that he's well rounded (just that might be because he listens to anything and everything when he works in his lab at night). A safe choice is alternative, Japanoise (yes, that's a real thing), lo-fi, K-pop, blue yodeling, cowpunk (also a real thing) and disco.

[harvey-guillen]

i had a big brain moment on the way to work

by which i mean i'm once again going to dx one of my comfort characters as having bpd traits

Spike aka William the Bloody (BtVS)

He's messy, he's passionate, he's malleable! He was a shy, rejection-sensitive poet until he became an overly charismatic, rejection-sensitive killer! He thinks love is everything and gives his many lives meaning! But sometimes that love is not love, it's passionate infatuation and involves repeated unwanted pursuit behaviors (aka stalking). His alliances, stances, loyalties, feelings can often change quickly on a dime! He literally took a coat from someone else and made it his whole look and personal signature style (bpd mirroring behavior to an extreme). He was enmeshed with Dru, hot and cold (mostly cold - abusively so) with Harmony, wanted to be enmeshed with Buffy, did get enmeshed with Buffy through an unstable, destructive relationship. He can be myopically focused only on his own needs (granted he IS a vampire) and fail to see others' unless the situation doesn't involve him, then he can see it more clearly than they can (lovers walk). He has weird chemistry with almost EVERYONE (Xander, Angel) because of his superficial charisma!

He splits (quickly vacillating between adoration/idealization and hatred/devaluation) on Buffy in a big way. She's the ideal women, she's the 'bitch' who won't let him take a stationary 'walk' outside her house every night (ie watching/stalking her), she has 'stupid hair', etc. He does this to Dru as well in "Crush" and Harmony on a regular basis (she's his 'baby', she's an 'idiot', she's adorable, she's his punching bag, etc.)

But most notably: he slides into a LOT of different roles in the show. He's villain, lover, hated ally to buffy in s2, annoyance and philosopher in s3, partly neutralized enemy and thanksgiving dinner 'guest' in s4, stalker and sometimes ally in s5, abuser AND abused in s6, serial killer AND redemptive sacrifice in s7 - then ghost turned ally/comedic sidekick turned final battle warrior in Angel S5. Yes, most of this is due to the writers trying to find ways to use James' appeal as an actor throughout the seasons without having to kill off the character, and reportedly it was difficult to integrate him into the plot in a way that felt organic starting in S4. But the end result of this, factoring in James' chameleon-like and committed performances, is that Spike is a LOT of things and slides into these roles with ease even if they don't fully 'fit' him in a way that feels essential to who he is. That's malleability - that's something people with BPD traits can exhibit and even struggle with. Lack of cohesive sense of self -> trying out different roles based on whomever you are drawn to or idealizing -> altering behavior patterns, style, mode of personal expression, etc.

But most convincingly, his entire identity is based on the strength of his emotions and attachments. They take him down so many paths and change him fundamentally as a person. First Dru then Buffy, from being seduced into becoming a great evil to ultimate sacrifice for love and the forces of good. His entire philosophy of life is that it's driven by romantic passion:

“You're not friends. You'll never be friends. You'll be in love 'til it kills you both. You'll fight, and you'll shag, and you'll hate each other until it makes you quiver, but you'll never be friends. Love isn't brains, children, it's blood - blood screaming inside you to work its will. I may be love's bitch, but at least I'm man enough to admit it.”

Listen when I was 14 I was like "huh the excess grandiosity and passionate yet unstable affect and behavior are a vibe here"

And 20 years later I am aggressively tackling my own bpd traits through all the therapy. But was Spike an early awakening of the fact that my emotions run deeper than I'd like? Maybe, maybe not. Still an interesting question.

NOTE: This is just a headcanon/fan analysis using a framework familiar to me. I am NOT seeking to babygirlify or absolve any of his terrible behaviors. I think much of the show is resonant with viewers because many of the characters have a dark arc at some point. Willow is for the perfectionists who hurt themselves and others in their pursuit of avoiding painfully imperfect situations and their own errors. Xander has hero moments but also deep insecurity from his family trauma and a toxic possessiveness of women. Buffy shoulders the weight of the world but finds it hard to express things that torment her internally with those whom she loves. Angelus is the PERFECT metaphor for the cruelty of a first boyfriend who grows cold and abusive after physical intimacy. The show takes us to VERY dark places - and ultimately that is what I take from it, not one relationship, season, or storyline.

[toxicshipsincorporated]

like...okokokokaaaaaay yall already know im scum but....I am highly fixated on the Mayor and Faith. Like...here's a guy who is highly manipulative, cold, and we are told straight up evil. He tells us that story about his wife and how she died old and cursing him with such passive casualness...its a little chilling

AND YET, when Faith goes missing and is clearly injured, he's rattled. Here's a dude who has RARELY shown any kind of true emotion. Even when something that threatens to ruin over a hundred years of his work happens, he still cracks a joke about how a trashed room was JUST renovated on the tax payers' dime....but when it came to losing Faith...

And like....he immediately factored Faith into his plans after the Ascension. Despite just taking her under his wing like...what a couple weeks earlier? a few months maybe?? he is so down for her. He even gives her this speech about how she doesn't think enough of herself (frankly, for a manipulator, it would have served him far more to undermine her self worth) and then when he finds out she's in a coma and he tells her sadly, "it's your day."

Like...what a strange way for this person to react. He is devastated by the loss of Faith. Its the first time we see the Mayor get truly nasty. Its...a lot lol.

(side note: I HATE how the scoobies treat Angel. Like...yeah, when he didnt have a soul and was literally in canon not himself, he did horrible things but we are shown that any one of the scoobies are capable of horrible things. Look at Xander and Willow as vampires. They were JUST as nasty as Angelus)

[jasper-the-menace]

Got any commander decks?

Part one for those interested.

I have two Commander decks built, three planned, and ten concepts. Let's get into it.

My first Commander deck is a Vorthos deck, because surprise, I'm a Vorthos player! (Not a surprise, I love lore and the little people on my cards.) It's a Blue-Black-Red deck based on the antagonists of MTG, focused mostly on Nicol Bolas with some of the other little bastards sprinkled in. I recently switched the Commander from Crosis, the Purger to Marchesa, the Black Rose. She is a QUEEN and deserves to lead these idiots to victory, because maybe then they'll finally be successful.

My other built Commander deck is Falco Spara, Pactweaver (to the surprise of no one who has been following me for even a few minutes). It's a "Counters Matter" Green-White-Blue deck. And to save myself the math, it's not JUST +1/+1 counters - it's shield counters, charge counters, keyword counters, et cetera. I used to have a Green-Blue Merfolk Tribal deck that was almost solely +1/+1 counters and it killed me to keep track of the math so I killed it. Spara's deck is something of a spiritual successor to that one, much like my Blue-Red Instants And Sorceries Matter deck was the spiritual successor of my first precon deck.

I may as well just use Spara as my bridge to my three deck plans, since one of them is also about him. I call it, "Are You Sure These Are Demons?" and it's Green-White-Blue Demon Tribal.

Yes, you read that right.

During the writing of this post (and the deck in Archidekt), there are exactly three (count them, three!) non-Black non-Red Demon cards: Falco Spara, Pactweaver; Heralds of Tzeentch; and Lord of Change. Yes, the latter two are from the Warhammer 40K crossover commander decks. As you can probably guess, the Changeling keyword and Shapeshifter creature type are carrying this theme, hence the snappy title.

Hungry Hungry Dragon is a Black-Red-Green Food Token Theme deck headed by Korvold, Fae-Cursed King. Didja see what I did there? Honestly, not much to say here. Make Food Tokens, sacrifice things, the Dragon gets stronger. And yes, Asmoranomardicadaistinaculdacar is there.

Pennies On The Dime is me laughing at Ob Nixilis. I have the same emotions towards this abhorrent man as one has towards a beloved yet annoying younger sibling. So laugh we shall! Iiiiit's Black-Red Devil Tribal. Get out a bunch of Devils that do damage when they die, sacrifice them, use them to empower Ob Nixilis, Captive Kingpin and let him haul ass towards your opponents. LET HIM KILL! And then bully him for getting bodied by 18-30 year old women (Chandra, Giada, Elspeth, etc).

And then there are the ten who have not been built or figured out. These will just be bulletpoints:

Lord Xander, the Collector: Blue-Black-Red mill (because I enjoy being hated, I guess)

Henzie "Toolbox" Torre: Black-Red-Green Treasure Tokens

Ziatora, the Incinerator: Black-Red-Green Dragon tribal

Ziatora, the Incinerator: Black-Red-Green sacrifice theme

Falco Spara, Pactweaver: Green-White-Blue Bird tribal

Falco Spara, Pactweaver: Green-White-Blue Saga cards

Tatsunari, Toad Rider: Black-Green-Blue Enchantments

Tatsunari, Toad Rider: Black-Green-Blue Frog tribal

Mathas, Fiend Seeker: Red-White-Black Vampire tribal

Reaper King: White-Blue-Black-Red-Green Scarecrow tribal (which used to be a 60 card deck and I'm ready to reanimate it)

I hope you enjoyed reading this, anon!

~Jasper

[generalmacnamara]

(Leans very slowly into the medical lab waving hands in peace, well aware Schaffer might make him get out if he doesn’t make his intentions clear from the get go.)

… Schaffer I’m just dropping a message, be ready to head to the cells on a dime if needed, John’s gunna try and fix Xander now.

He is-?! Christ almighty.. he better not die. [She sighs, but nods soon after.] Thanks for the heads up, I suppose. Now get out.

[beingallelite]

Ryzin & Xander Gold vs Dark Order's "5" & "10" | AEW Dark 9/22/20

[alltheselights]

[impalementation]

spike, angel, buffy & romanticism: part 2

part 1: “When you kiss me I want to die”: Angel and the high school seasons

* 

“Love isn’t brains, children”: Enter Spike as the id

For all that I’ve just discussed all of the ways that the first three seasons subvert the romance of Angel, it’s also true that the writing still fundamentally takes him—and Buffy’s relationship with him—seriously. To some degree it has to. Because Buffy is the show’s emotional anchor, if the writing didn’t take her emotions seriously, the audience wouldn’t either. It needs to be sympathetic to her (regardless of whether it endorses her, per se), or else it would run the risk of losing all pathos. Making fun of Buffy and Angel makes for a great gag in “The Zeppo”, and fits with the general way that season three undermines the romanticism of them, but if that was the show’s attitude the whole way through, it would come off as simply meanspirited. It would seem like it was making fun of Buffy for being a stupid teenage girl in love, instead of sympathetically depicting the human experience of being caught up in big, tempestuous emotions.

But at the same time, if the writing were to only take romance seriously, that wouldn’t feel very true either. Or fit with the general Buffy ethos, which loves to flip between serious and silly moods in order to capture all sides of whatever it’s exploring. And therein is the magic of Spike’s addition to the chemistry of the show. Practically from his introduction, Spike parallels Buffy’s romantic storylines, except unlike Buffy, Spike is allowed to do the comic or morally incorrect thing. His status as a soulless vampire means that the show is free to use him to point out both the sillier and darker sides of romance, without tainting Buffy’s heroism or the seriousness of her emotions.

In “Becoming, Part 2” for example, Spike is free to explicitly say that he’s saving the world because he wants Dru back, and leaves Buffy to die once he’s gotten her. Whereas Buffy, despite also wanting the person she loves back, ultimately chooses to save the world rather than keep him. Spike allows the episode to show what Buffy’s, or anyone’s, romantic id might want, without Buffy herself going through with it. He also allows the episode to show the ridiculousness of the romantic id, by giving him comic moments like “Didn’t say I wouldn’t”, or “God, he’s going to kill her”, or beating Angel with a tire iron, or any of the times that Buffy makes fun of him (“The whole earth may be sucked into hell and you want my help ‘cause your girlfriend’s a big ho?”). All of which is in contrast to the tragic seriousness of Buffy’s heartbreak. Spike in season two is not a character without pathos; in fact, he has quite a lot of pathos that parallels Buffy’s--think of the tortured close-up on his face as Angel and Drusilla taunt him in “I Only Have Eyes For You.” But neither is he limited or defined by that pathos.

He plays a similar role in both “Lovers Walk” and “The Harsh Light of Day”. In “Lovers Walk” he’s devastated by the loss of Drusilla, as Buffy was devastated over Angel in “Anne”, yet the way they get out of their respective depressions is very different. Tonally, “Anne” plays Buffy’s misery extremely straight, and when Buffy decides to stop moping and become an agent in her own life again, her version of “agency” means getting in touch with her leadership and heroism. Whereas for Spike, agency means a love spell, or torturing Drusilla into liking him again. The romantic id tries to re-possess the object of its desire, whereas the ego or superego is able to set that desire aside, whether or not it wants to. More obviously, Spike in “Lovers Walk” parallels all of the other characters and their romantic situations. All of them are behaving somewhat selfishly or self-destructively in their love lives (Xander and Willow cheating, Buffy and Angel torturing themselves with friendship) but are in denial about the fact that they’re doing so. And then Spike blazes in with his version of love that is selfish, scary, grandiose, charming, pathetic, genuine, and absurd by turns—and suddenly, everyone’s romantic weaknesses are out in the open. It makes perfect sense that Spike finishes the episode gleeful and optimistic, because “Lovers Walk” as a whole represents a triumph of the romantic id over the romantic ego, if only temporarily. And it’s all handled with a brilliantly whiplash-y mix of comedy and tragedy because at the end of the day, the power of the romantic id really is ridiculous. The way that Spike turns on a dime between being scary and pathetic parallels the way it’s at once absurd, and kind of frightening, that your id would make you, say: cheat on your wonderful high school boyfriend, just to have a chance with your childhood crush.

Because Spike is often treated as the show’s romantic id, the writing’s relationship to his romanticism gets complicated. Like Angel, there is something romantic in his aesthetic and behavior, even if he doesn’t look like Angel’s conventional Byronic hero. He wears a long, dramatic coat, poses rebelliously with his cigarettes, and dotes on his paramour with the elaborate attentiveness of Gomez Addams. But unlike Angel, he is not just a romantic symbol or object, he is also a romantic subject. That is to say, Spike’s romantic storylines tend to emphasize his romantic desires, and use those desires as motivation. By contrast, Angel’s storylines don’t really have much to do with whether he’s “gotten” Buffy or not—instead they have to do with whether Buffy has gotten him. The fact that Buffy and Spike are both treated as romantic agents in this way is a key indication that the two characters are meant to parallel each other. Angel’s side of the Buffy/Angel romantic storyline has to do with whether he can control himself around Buffy, whereas Buffy’s has to do with whether he likes her or wants to be with her. Similarly, Spike’s romantic storylines hinge on the status of whether Drusilla or Buffy want him. 

Not only is Spike a subject when it comes to romantic relationships, he’s also a subject when it comes to Romantic thinking. He is a character practically defined by his romanticism. He aspires to romantic things, and therefore can be used to poke at romantic outlooks. Despite his grand love for Drusilla for instance, she still cheats on him, and he still has to knock her out, do a love spell, or torture her to get her back. Or he’ll make grand pronouncements that are immediately followed by things like getting tasered by the Initiative or falling into an open grave. Because of this, Spike is able to parallel Buffy’s Romantic thinking as well, not just her romantic desires. Notice how in “The Freshman”, when Buffy is feeling out of touch with her Romantic Slayer self, that she has a scene where she’s treated like Spike--she delivers a dramatic threat and then falls through a ceiling. Or in “Some Assembly Required” when she obeys her id and hotly demands that Angel listen to her, she falls into an open grave. This kind of comedy has a lot in common with the deadpan Angel humor discussed in the last section, but notice that the target of that humor is Angel’s romantic objecthood rather than an outlook Angel has. Angel’s role, when it comes to romanticism, has to do with how Buffy and the audience sees him, whereas Spike’s role (at least in the early seasons) has to do with how Spike sees, period.

The show doesn’t just poke at Spike’s outlook though, it also uses him to poke at other people’s romanticism. In season two, for example, Spike is the one who gets impatient with Angel’s grandstanding, sarcastically explaining that “we do still kill people, you know” and “it’s a big rock.” In “Lovers Walk” he’s the one who cuts through Buffy and Angel’s drama, reducing it to “googly eyes” with a dismissive handwave (while also building it up in his projection-y “you’ll never be friends” speech). In “Something Blue” he points out that Willow is barely holding it together. In “Pangs” he’s the one who brings the debate over the Chumash nihilistically back down to earth, and in “The Yoko Factor” he schools Adam on Yoko not really splitting the Beatles apart. In other words, Spike attempts to see both the romance and the reality of things. He is the avatar of both, which I would argue makes complete sense, because in many ways romance and reality are really two sides of the same coin. Poetry and stories are fake and bigger than life, but you use them to tell truths. But being the id, his point of view can be hypocritical and biased as much as insightful, just like anyone’s gut reactions and poetic notions can be. After all, you can use poetry to tell lies, too. 

Lastly, on a meta level, there is a tackiness to Spike that undermines his romantic qualities better than making him dangerous ever could. Spike likes Passions and Dawson’s Creek (in contrast to Angel reading La Nausée by firelight). He lives in a crypt, but the vibe is more “homeless” than “Dracula” (in contrast to Angel’s tastefully decorated apartment). Spike may act like a romantic, but what does it say about how romantic romanticism really is, that the romantic things he likes can be so unrefined? And with the chip, he’s rendered impotent and pathetic. To me, there’s no more perfect image of how the writing uses Spike than the image of him in his black coat, red shirt, and big, leather boots, blasted under the fluorescent light of his Initiative cell. Light that makes his aesthetic seem suddenly fake and silly and surreal. For all that the writing subverts Angel, he is still the kind of character who gets to disappear mysteriously into the shadows, because he is the romance that Buffy has been forced to abandon. Whereas Spike is left with no place to hide. 

If Angel represented the idea of binaries, then Spike represents the lack of them. There is a reason that Spike invites so many queer readings. He is a vampire, but he loves. He is an object, but he’s a subject. He tells the truth, but he lies. He is a villain, but he is a hero. He is masculine, but he is feminine. He is insightful, but he’s a fool. He is pathetic, but he is sympathetic. He is on the outside of the Scoobies, but he is on the inside. These aspects of him are not split between different personas, but exist within him simultaneously. It is telling that the show introduces human, mythos-bending vampires like Spike and Dru in a season about disillusionment, and it is telling that Spike’s role in the show becomes ascendant in the seasons after Buffy leaves Angel and his split personality behind. As Buffy begins to reckon more deeply with her id, and her dualities, she will begin to reckon with Spike.

part 3: “Something effulgent”: Season five and the construction of Spike the romantic

[inkandpen22]

Shared Minds and Shared Souls (1/?)

Pairing: Spike x Female!Reader

Warnings: Angst, mentions of death, swearing

Word Count: 2.9k

Story Summary: Driven by the power she posses as a witch and psychic, Y/N returns to Sunnydale to pay a visit to her family after she has a vision about Dawn. She isn’t exactly like her duty first and justice before all else cousin Buffy as Y/N follows her own rules. She offers her aid to the Scoobies during their drama with Glory. Y/N doesn’t plan to stay long until she experiences an unparalleled connection with a certain vampire from North London.

Masterlist

I never imagined myself visiting a small town like Sunnydale. I’ve lived in many places, but never California. The west coast isn’t exactly my style. For one, it’s hot. Two, the hippy-dippy happy-go-lucky attitude makes my eyes roll. Finally, Los Angeles reminds me of Celia, my cousin. Buffy, Celia, and I were inseparable as children. Dawn tried to tag-along in our make-believe games, but Buffy grew annoyed with her quickly. I haven’t been back in California in a decade for this very reason. Everything about California reminds me of a time when we were just kids. Before everything went to Hell in a hand basket. 

Blasting Green Day in front of the hospital, I park my 1967 bright red Mustang. I take a minute to collect myself before barging in. Buffy and Dawn don’t exactly know I’m coming, but there’s something I have to warn them about, something so crucial that I drove here all the way from New York. The funny part will be explaining to Buffy that I know she’s the Slayer. To her knowledge, I’m just her ordinary cousin who she hasn’t seen since we were ten. In reality, I’m a psychic witch, have been since birth. Well, I’ve been psychic since the womb, the witchy part came later. Oh, and I can’t forget seeing the dead part, I always do. That little twist comes with the psychic part. Yeah, imagine a little ten-year-old me seeing my recently deceased cousin at her funeral… fun times. It explains the whole discomfort toward California. Low-key traumatized, but all good. Any who, I should probably stop the hesitation and just head inside. 

As I stroll down the bitter cold hospital hall, I grip the leather straps of my backpack nervously. 

“Hi Buffy,” I rehearse under my breath. “You probably don’t recognize me, I’m Y/N… your cousin. It’s great to see you- God I sound so stupid!” 

I follow the signs on the wall toward the Neurology unit. Hospitals, cemeteries, funeral homes, old buildings, all great places to bump into ghosts. The things I do for family, boy do these guys owe me. 

As I turn down yet another peach colored hall- geez this place is dated- my eyes land on a familiar blonde in the waiting room at the far end. Oh great, here we go. Buffy doesn’t notice me right away, being too occupied with doting on a sleeping Dawn resting her head on her lap. I take note of the blondie boy sat beside her. I’m guessing he’s with Buffy. Good for her, a strong seven out of ten. I would rate him higher, but he’s not my type, too All-American boy-next-door. 

“Looks like I’m right on time,” I determine once I’m closer, thus making my presence known. Buffy peers up at me and her eyes widen steadily. Blondie next her looks between me and Buffy. Her surprised reaction makes him tense, I nearly assure him I’m not a threat. 

“Y/N?” She gentle shakes Dawn to wake her as she rises from her seated position. “What are you doing here?” 

“I heard about your mom… ” I explain vaguely. In truth, I saw it in a vision and a lot more beyond that, but I’ll just say my mom told me for now. 

Buffy makes long strides and warmingly embraces me. I can sense the desperation in her touch. Her ora is all out of wack. I could see the mess her colors are from yards away. It seems like I did really arrive at the perfect time. Buffy needs me now more than ever. 

“Y/N!” Dawn gasps behind us. 

Buffy and I part, her eyes stare into mine pleadingly. Yeah, we really need to have a chat. Preferably somewhere we can be frank, truly frank, no bullshit like I’m spilling right now. 

“Oh my God!” Dawn squeals, rushing down to greet me.  She squeezes me like a stress ball as she rambles on about how much she’s missed me. Then, Dawn starts to ask the tough questions as usually does. The girl has never quite had a filter. “Where have you been?”

“New York mainly,” I laugh. 

“How come you’ve never come to see us before?” She rushes out as Buffy continues to stare at me in awe. It could be she thinks she’s dreaming this. 

“Dawn, I-” 

She cuts me off, “how’s aunt Lolly? Are you college? When did you get in?”

“Dawnie!” I laugh, “I will answer all your questions, promise. We’ll catch up! For now,” I look at Buffy. “I need to have a chat with your sister…” 

The girl scoffs, rolling her eyes dramatically as she crosses her arms over her chest. “Of course, you’re for Buffy… everyone is always here for her. No ever visit me,” she grumbles. 

“I’m here for you too,” I assure Dawn. “I just… it’s important I speak with Buffy right now. It’s about something-” 

“I’m sorry, but who are you?” Blondie interrupts, his face covered with confusion. 

“I’m Y/N,” I introduce myself. “I’m Buffy and Dawn’s cousin.” 

“I’m Riley, the boyfriend,” he offers me his hand. 

Wow, quite the introduction. I’m not much of a contact-person, but this seems like the perfect opportunity to gather information on G.I. Joe. As I shake his hand, I’m able to visualize memories and emotions from him. They come as flashes before my eyes. I hear his thoughts, see through his eyes, and feel what he’s felt. All I see Buffy, moments they’ve had. At first, pleasure and immense happiness consumes my head. Then, it’s replaced with doubt and self-deprecation. The obsession with Buffy is replaced with desperate longing. He feels her slipping. 

My visual is cut-off when Riley removes his hand. I’m brought back to current moment, surrounded by chaos of the hospital. 

Dawn frowns, curiosity etched across her features. “What’s so important that you had to come all the way? Does it have to do with Mom?”

“You came all the way from New York?” A male voice questions behind me. 

What is this an interrogation? The sooner someone tells me where Buffy is the sooner I can head back home. Believe me, I don’t want to be here longer than I have to be. I glance over my shoulder, Willow and Xander stare at me in confusion. We’ve never met, but I know of them, the visions. I’ve been keeping tabs on Buffy and the family since… well… since Buffy became the Slayer. 

“Yes,” I answer Xander directly. Turning back to Buffy, I not so discretely tell her it’s urgent. “Please, Buff, do you have minute? I know this isn’t exactly opportune but-” 

“Of course,” she swallows hard. “We can uh… we can talk outside. There’s a courtyard just over there,” she gestures down the hall. 

“I’m coming with,” Riley declares next to her. 

“I’m sorry, is your name Buffy?” I sass, much to his frustration. “What am I going to do her? She’s my cousin. I’m only borrowing her for a second, then you can toss the leash back on her.” 

“Y/N…” Buffy mutters for me to stop. 

Riley narrows his eyes at me- oof, I’m real scared now! While I giggle at her boyfriend’s expense as the two of us start down the hall. I’ve missed Buffy, we used to be like two peas in-a-pod. Once all this drama I’ve seen in her future is over, perhaps we can be close again. I refuse to settle in Sunnydale though. At least we have phones and email. 

Once outside, and we’re certain we’re alone, Buffy cuts to the chase. “Not that I’m not happy you’re here, Y/N, I am but, why are you here?” She hasn’t changed a bit.

I snicker, peering up at the sky as the sun it starting to set. Gosh, I hate the day. That sounds weird because what human hates daytime, but I do. I’m much more… in tune with myself when it’s night time. I thrive off the moonlight and stars. The sun and its rays are hot, too hot. I like the cold and darkness of night. 

“Fine, let’s get right to it,” I smirk at my cousin wickedly. Reaching into my back pocket, I pull out my pack of cigarettes, feeling a bit anxious. “You mind?” I ask her, not really caring but figure I should check. 

Timidly, she shakes her head. Her arms are securely crossed in front of her as she watches me take a smoke. “Those things will kill you,” she advices the cookie-cutter phrase. 

“So can a car accident, yet we still drive,” I remark with sass. “What’s life without a little risk?” I wink. 

Buffy shifts on her feet as her jaw clenches. Her aura is shifting again, Black to red, I’ve never seen someone change on a dime so fast. That’s change is funny, she’s either angry or afraid of me, maybe both. I can’t blame her, I’m not exactly a Care Bear. My black and red attire doesn’t scream comforting. 

“Then again, you would know all about death, right Cuz?” I suggest subtly. 

Her eyes lock with mine and I start to see the wheels turning her head. ‘Does she know? How could she?’ She’s likely thinking to herself. One touch and I could hear for certain what she’s thinking. 

“What are you talking about?” She mumbles, barely meeting my eye. 

I scoff, tossing my head back, why can’t this be easier? You know what, fine! Growing impatient, I hold my hand out, palm to the sky. “Light,” I verbalize and within seconds a bright orb floats above my palm. 

Buffy stares at my magic stunned. Yeah, I was sort of expecting that kind of reaction. 

“How… How…” She stutters. 

“If you’d like a mini bolt of lighting I can do that too,” I offer. “I kind of prefer them, far more powerful!” 

She doesn’t share in my excitement as she slowly steps closer still in awe. “You’re a witch?” 

“Yep!” I smile, rather proud. “Have been for a while now, gotten pretty good at it too, not to brag or anything…” 

“So…” Buffy continues to process everything. “You know about demons, vampires-” 

I hum, “all of it. Including that you’re the Slayer, congrats by the way! Fun shit,” I compliment with a snicker. 

“Not exactly how I’d describe it,” she mutters defeatedly, her eyes still on the orb. 

Closing my fist, the orb disappears and I place my hand on Buffy’s shoulder. Her eyes meet mine solemnly. 

“How long have you known?” She asks unfazed. 

“Since forever,” I answer truthfully. “Sorry I never called or have come to help. I’ve sort of been cheering for ya from the sidelines. In all honesty, I’ve been away perfecting my magic with a coven. I’ve met some pretty interesting people along the way, all dazzled when they find out I’m related to the Slayer,” I gush. 

She pays no mind to my compliments, still in a daze. “Does anyone know? Does your dad?” 

I shake my head and sternly tell her, “he can never know! He thinks I’ve been away at school in Boston. In truth, I’ve been in New York with a coven.” 

Buffy nods in understanding, though I know Joyce is aware of the supernatural world. My mom could never handle it. “Did you come all the way here to tell me that?” 

Okay, here’s the hard part, the real hard part! I finish my cigarette, pondering the last relaxing bit of it before tossing it to the ground. “Okay, so here’s the deal,” I begin. “There’s a this big nasty bitch I’ve seen in my visions- I see visions by the way-” I add in passing, having forgotten it. Then, I remember I can’t forget the ghosties bit. “Anyway, you’ve already bumped into her, Glory. Yeah, she’s a real charmer from what I can see. I’m here to help because based on my visions, she’s kicking your asses.” 

I leave out a crucial bit of information, a part of the visions I’m not sure I can share. One important thing about being a psychic is not changing fate. As much as I want to tell Buffy everything, I know I can’t, not if I don’t want to mess with the world. 

“So, you’re here to help us stop Glory?” She clarifies. 

“It gets real fucked at some points,” I tell her, hoping that doesn’t reveal too much. 

“And I take it you know about Dawn…” she insinuates. 

I nod my head slowly, “you mean that she’s The Key? Then yes, I do. She’s about as human as the Teletubbies, but of course I won’t mention that to her. Who all knows?” 

“As of right now, me and Giles. He’s my Watcher,” she explains. “Did you already know that?” She’s catches on quickly. 

“Kinda…” I answer hesitantly. “Sorry if that’s weird. I’ve tried not to pry with my visions. If it makes you feel better, I didn’t know who Riley was! He mustn’t have been around the last time I checked in!” 

“When was the last time you… ya know… checked in?” She asks, unsure of how to phrase it. 

“Well, I’ve been away with the coven. I joined them right after high school, so I suppose it was when you started at UC Sunnydale. I know all about Willow and Xander, they seem nice from what I’ve seen. Angel, his in-and-out appearance in my visions was confusing for a while until I realized he was doing that in real life too,” I laugh.

“So you saw all of the Spike drama and my mom finding out about me too?” She asks. 

I frown, I saw Joyce learning about Buffy and that whole conversion, but I’ve never heard of a Spike. Based on my expression, Buffy predicts the answer. 

“Spike is the biggest pain in my ass,” she groans. “He and Angel used to be all vampy together. Then, Angel gained a soul and Spike got worse from what I’ve gathered. He’s killed two Slayers, so we’re not exactly friends. We met when he tried to kill me. He’ll show up and leave again, kinda like Angel but less helpful. Except now, he’s acting all infatuated with me and sticking around.” 

I snicker, “oof, so you have a psychotic vampire lusting after you? How did I miss this?!” 

Buffy rolls her eyes, “believe me, it’s not fun.”  

“Is he hot?” I inquire, always interested in a troubled bad-boy type. 

She stares at me with narrowed eyes of disapproval and scoffs, “oh my God… never ask me that again.” 

 “He must’ve showed up and gone between visions,” I determine. “I wasn’t able to check in much after you started at UC. Which reminds me, your roommate Kathy- not a fan of her,” I confess with a bit of humor. 

“Turned out to be a demon,” Buffy explains, much to my surprise. 

I gasp, “no way! Ugh, I saw you move-in, some interactions here and there, but that’s about it. I knew there was something up with her!” 

Buffy laughs, actually smiling for the first time since our reunion. It feels great having someone know I’m a witch who isn’t a witch themselves. Being away in New York with the coven was great and utterly freeing. They were the first people who I showed my true self to. Now, finally, someone I care about knows the real me. I have so much more to share with her! 

Buffy takes my hand gently, “I’m really glad you’re here. Lately… lately things have been more difficult than I could’ve ever imagined,” she confesses, swallowing back her tears and looks at the ground. “With Mom and protecting Dawn, I’m not sure I can do it all on my own. I mean, I have my friends, Giles, and Riley but…” she meets my gaze, tears puddling in her eyes. “I needed you, I just didn’t quite know it. I needed my other sister,” she weeps. 

Immediately, I pull Buffy into my chest and hug her tightly. I should’ve come sooner. I should’ve felt Buffy’s pain. I guess I was so caught up with the coven and I forgot to check on her, so I missed the signs. I’m here now, that’s all that matters. Now, I can help. Seeing Buffy so upset makes my blood boil. Anyone who fucks with my family gets knocked off this planet, which means Glory has another coming at her in the form of a powerful witch. 

__________________________

Masterlist 

[sexyrasputin]

“Oh, hey,” Kat greeted, coming up to the door of Smith 278 where Xander stood outside. He looked up from his phone, shooting her his everyday warm smile. It was crooked, a little sparkle in his eye, and he’d perfected it over the years of acting and schmoozing. Now it was his go to smile. Just imperfect enough to win everyone over and make them feel at ease. It did that for Kat, because her shoulders relaxed.

Xander was a decently big name at their school. He had starstruck classmates at the beginning of each semester. Between his stage acting, his vlogs, and now the teen drama he filmed a town over several times a week? He’d made a name for himself, just like the argumentative Silas Renwick had.

“Hey there, Kitty.” Pink dusted her cheeks and the bridge of her nose, and Xander vaguely remembered she went by Kat. He liked Kitty better, and since she didn’t object, he assumed she did, too.

“Why haven’t you gone in yet?”

An anguished shout of frustration came from behind the wooden door, and Xander tilted his head towards it.

“That’s why.”

Her lips tightened into a flat line for a bit before her smile came back. It was pretty, made her eyes crinkle at the corners.

“Fair enough. Who all is even in there?”

“Lauren O’Grady, Silas Renwick, Sebastian Lowe, and my twin, Atlas. Plus whoever the screenwriter is.”

“Marshall Davidson, I think. I’ve never met him before.”

Xander raised an eyebrow at Kitty’s guess. “You sure it’s a he? The screenwriter was shrieking at Silas too high to be a dude.”

Kitty smiled back at his comment. “Maybe so. You headin’ in anytime soon?”

“Nah, I don’t think they need more bodies in there. Maybe once that Marshall chick and Silas stop fighting, it’ll calm down.”

“What’ll calm down?” Willow, a fashion student who didn’t like rules, asked. Xander hadn’t heard her come up, and judging by Kitty’s slight jump, she hadn’t either.

“Our lovely partners.” He shot Willow a wink and watched her grin excitedly. This wasn’t going to end well, but he knew the two of them would have plenty of fun playing jokes and pulling pranks along the way. Willow had designed a suit for him for the Golden Globes last year when he was up for an award. He’d won almost every best dressed article released the next day thanks to that suit.

“Promising fun, then, aren’t they?”

“Doesn’t anything involving the two of us always do that, Will?”

“Got me there, Alex.”

He scowled. His name wasn’t Alex. His brother was Atlas, both their parents had names starting with A, and their younger two sisters both had A names, Amelia and Annalise. Xander loved his family, sure, but he hated being lumped in with them all and assumed he was just like them. No, Xander was his own person, something people forgot a lot in the early days of his and Atlas’ vlog.

“Ooh, someone’s got their panties in a twist.” Willow grinned conspiratorially at Kitty, who only looked concerned.

“Xander here refuses to acknowledge the first half of his name,” Willow whispered loudly to the other woman.

“It’s a bad name,” he said, shrugging it off. The fighting seemed to have subsided, so he cracked the door open, and when he only heard Lauren and Atlas chatting, he walked in, leading Kitty and Willow behind him.

He looked around while sitting between his twin and Lauren. Judging by Marshall (if that was her name after all) and Silas’ twin glares, he hadn’t avoided the fire entirely, but he at least escaped the worst of the burns.

“You all need to be promptly on time, if not early,” Silas said, looking at the whole group.

“I had a paying acting gig that ran late. Only so much I can do when I’m on their dime,” Xander said, not making eye contact. Silas scowled probably. He didn’t have to look to know that. They’d worked together on a few short films in the past, and SIlas had a perpetual bad mood and an even more frequent scowl.

“And do you two have excuses?” Silas spat out, turning his glare on Kitty and Willow, settling on the latter. In his defense, Kitty had that innocent look, and Willow exuded snark and annoyance.

“Didn’t feel like being on time,” she said, smiling freely.

“Change that, then, or I’ll make sure you’re dropped.”

“With what lawyer? We’ve all signed contracts.” This came from Sebastian, who didn’t look like he wanted to be there. At least he got Silas to shut up.

“Who put you in charge anyways, Renwick? It’s a team, not a dictatorship,” Willow smarted off, still grinning defiantly.

“I’m the director, and I’m the one here with the most experience in cinema and production. Of course I’m in charge.”

“She has a point, Director. I’m the one most experienced with writing stories, shouldn’t that put me in charge? Or Lauren and Xander, who are most experienced with acting?”

“A woman after my own heart!” Willow shot a winning smile at Marshall, who only glanced her way briefly. “Like I said, Silas. Team effort. We’re all equally important here.”

“If we’re equally important, then we all need to be one time.” Silas’ growl was deep. He was reaching his limit, and Xander hated seeing Silas losing it. It got dirty quickly. Looking to his twin, who understood Xander’s unspoken hatred of conflict, he prayed Atlas could step in and smooth things over.

“We’ll do that from now on, but we’re only wasting precious time,” Atlas said, sounding resigned. “Why don’t we introduce ourselves? Or work on starting off on the basics?”

This soothed Silas’ temper, and Xander noted to thank Atlas later.

“I’ll start,” Atlas sighed, speaking up only when a few beats of silence passed. “I’m Atlas Raptis, and I’m the assistant director.” He gestured to his twin to continue.

“Xander Raptis. Yes, I’m twins with Atlas. Yes, I’m on that show, and that vlog.” He wasn’t being cocky this time; Xander was used to fielding these questions when he introduced himself. “I’m playing Eli Casper, the male lead.”

“Lauren O’Grady, and I’m playing Hannah Mitchell, the female lead.” Her lips straightened as she said the name Hannah. Xander wouldn’t have noticed if he hadn’t heard her drunkenly rant about baby names one night when one of their other friends was talking about trying for kids with his wife. She’d had a whole spiel prepped on the name Hannah and why no one should name their kid that. Xander had teased her about it a few times since, but she always clammed right up when he did, so he’d finally dropped it several months ago.

This led to Sebastian going next. “Sebastian Lowe. Sets.”

“Marsie Davidson. Don’t call me Marshall. I wrote the script and I’m here for any necessary rewrites, edits, or basic characterization tips. Don’t piss me off, either, or I’ll make it hurt.”

Xander didn’t believe that last bit. Maybe she could throw a fit, but Marsie—not Marshall—was just over five feet tall. No way she could cause him—at six foot two—any lasting damage.

“I’ve been doing Krav Maga since age seven. I’m not joking.” Marsie offered this as proof, probably to quiet the doubtful looks the rest of the table wore.

“I’m Silas Renwick, as we all know. I’m the director. I expect you all to take both this project and my directions seriously.”

Xander held back a snigger. Yeah, with that haircut? Maybe his directions, but not Silas himself.

This left Kitty and Willow. Poor Kitty was stuck between the two of them.

“I’m Katherine White. I go by Kat. I’m helping with photography and filming. I’m also really excited to work with everyone.”

She was joking, right? No way anyone could be excited to work with some of the moodiest people he’d ever met. Lauren kept strange company in Sebastian, who could snap at the slightest blow and currently had what looked like a broken leg, and she wasn’t much nicer herself (even if she was hilarious). Then there was Silas, and Xander knew he put on a smiling front, but it wasn’t exactly truly reflective.

“I’m Willow Valentine. Costuming and help with sets and other crap. Now, can we get started already?”

Yeah, no way was Kitty excited to work with this bunch.

[desertfangs]

So I finished Buffy the Vampire Slayer. As someone who’s been a fan of the show for a long time, it’s nice to finally see the last few seasons myself. I’d known about most major character deaths and I knew about the unlocking all the slayers thing, but it was still fun to actually see it all play out (you know, mostly). 

Chosen is a pretty good episode and it makes a good ending. It’s not perfect but it works for the season and the series. The idea of Slayers being awakened world-wide sets up a lot of potential for cool stories that don’t involve the main cast. I love the idea of Sunnydale literally collapsing in on itself to seal off the hellmouth (and I’m super glad all of the residents fled - I wonder what they tell themselves was the reason they all abandoned their homes.) RIP Anya, Spike, and Xander’s left eye. 

Personally, I sort of want to mentally end the series in the middle of Season 6, before Seeing Red, and leave Tara alive and Spike more forgivable. When I started this whole thing, I thought maybe I’d also read the comics that come after, and I still might, but I don’t know. 

Season 7 had a lot of issues writing-wise. It was like the show was more worried about getting characters where they needed to be for the story they wanted to tell than stopping to think about why characters might do things or how they might end up there organically, so a lot of things felt very out-of-character or absurd. Character’s positions on things turned on a dime to suit the story with zero explanation. And everyone was incredibly high-strung and angry all season, which could be due to the First and the infusion of evil in the air or something but I honestly don’t think the writers thought about that. It’s a shame, because I think there were probably better ways to get to the same ending, but for whatever reason they made other choices. 

As for Spike and Buffy, well... before my only reference point to that whole relationship was the Musical, and I thought “hey, that could really work!” Spike had worked with Buffy to stop Angel and Dru before he even had the chip in his head so I could see him really coming to love her, even without a soul. But then I saw how it was written and uh... that is not how I pictured it. I don’t begrudge anyone who ships it (I figure there’s probably tons of great fic trying to fix the mess that is canon and I’m tempted to write some myself!) but the writers really made it a hard sell. 

Seeing Red honestly crossed a line for me that’s hard to forgive, no matter how Soul-Having he became. I do still love Spike in the earlier series--and the version of him I want to exist in the later ones--but the writing did him zero favors. I’d think someone in that writer’s room really hated Spike except that I also suspect a certain show-runner whose name rhymes with Moss did not see or understand or even care why the things Spike did were gross and uncomfortable, nor why Spike shouldn’t be forgiven the second he does some Big Act of Contrition and drops on the floor in front of Buffy begging for forgiveness. 

Anyhow, that’s my long ramble. I might have more posts as I gather my thoughts about the final season. And I might read the Season 8 comics because I never learn. Who knows. 

[livlepretre]

im just curious what you think the story line would be like if there was a real blending of tvd and btvs i don't know why but i've bin thinking about it all day like the melding of personalities like Damon and Spike or Klaus and Angel/Angelus Elijah ,Buffy,Kol,Xander,i swear i would love to watch that show or read that story lol I i think it would be incredible just imagine a conversation between Spike and Klaus or Kol and Buffy the humor and threats would be hilarious

Oh interesting ask! 

Though, I don’t think I have an answer that’s going to satisfy.

I literally cannot even wrap my head around this? I think there are a couple of REALLY major issues at play: 

1) what is the nature of a vampire? is it the horrific transformation of a human being into a soulless demon? (I tend to think the btvs vampires ARE the same “person” as the human they were, just transmogrified from a human into a demon) or is it the situation we see in tvd... someone who, in my interpretation, definitively retains their human soul, but is pushed outside of the realm of the living, to exist perpetually in the liminal space between dead and alive, cursed with an abhorrent and rapacious hunger for blood that so totally destroys the psyche of the vampire that they eventually divorce themselves entirely from their humanity? 

2) Is slaying a vampire the “right” thing to do? A moral imperative? In Buffy, we accept Buffy’s moral imperative to slay because vampires are unequivocally soulless, ie evil... but what is the morality of slaying a vampire in TVD? They’re not soulless or evil, per se, but they often perpetrate acts of evil, often completely on a whim. Would Buffy and the Scoobies feel compelled to slay Team Mystic Falls? I kind of think... yes?? Like maybe it’s easy to forget that the Scoobies are pretty fast to slay because they end up sort of letting Spike into the gang, but that’s very much so a special case. Buffy doesn’t form alliances with any other enemies, or leave quarter (Faith doesn’t count since she started as ONE of them and is human; look at how the rest of the gang never forgive Angel for what he did without his soul, or how much Xander STILL goes back and forth on killing Spike in the late seasons). I just can’t imagine any situation where encountering Klaus or Kol leads to anything good... maybe Caroline could get off on the same hook as Harmony? Too harmless to bother with? Maybe? 

3) Buffy is very much a show about “fighting the forces of darkness”; if I had to describe TVD, it’s more “succumbing to the forces of darkness” (*cough* Elena Gilber *cough*). Buffy has a capital ‘M’ Mission to stand as a Champion; the characters on TVD mostly just stir up hell whenever necessary to get by. The characters on Buffy often cross the line, but... Spike doesn’t randomly snap Dawn’s neck at any point in the show. The vampires on TVD are SO chaotic and just go off on the turn of a dime; I tend to think this would cause PROBLEMS. 

4) Also... would Buffy be able to resist slaying? In season 5, we explore how she doesn’t just go out because she must; she goes out because she NEEDS to hunt for vampires; she has a demon in her too, and that demon’s natural prey is the vampire. What on EARTH could prevent her from just... slay first ask questions later? Think of how she stakes Ford with not a second’s mercy. 

Like. The only one I can actually imagine weathering this scenario would be like... Elijah? Of course, Bonnie/Elena/Jeremy/Tyler/Matt would do great, and Caroline could probably manage either by flying under the radar or riding on her friends’ coattails. I think the rest of them would be too much like grenades that pull their own pins for anything much to ever happen. 

I know this is probably a super dissatisfying answer, I just think it would be the most chaotic jumble in the world right off the bat, and the vampires on TVD just don’t play nice enough to end up in a Scooby Meeting. 

If you DO have an idea for this story... WRITE IT!!! 

[zarinaeliarte]

No, yo no le voy a preguntar a nadie un coño, yo soy una loca sentada en una plaza, primero empecé gritando y las respuestas negativas fueron atroces (ah wen drahhhhhhhhhh h h h h ma chicaaaaah sié caraj) y ahora estoy murmurando.

Jachtag: si te ah la gana soy tu mamá regañona que hasta yo necesito y me ama desde que era una mínima existencia, yo vivo con tanta fuerza que no se le ocurrió... ¿Cómo dicen? Dicen que era echando vaina.

Amor.

De mi preciosura hablaré, cómo poeta dramática que me la doy y de la que me burles para que te rías y no sufras conmigo lo poquito diminuto malo que me pasa, mis días tienen cosas maravillosas que me alegran el corazón y amo estar alegrando esos corazones.

Con cara de culo y amargada presento con mucho orgullo a La Bebita:

Esta tripona dibuja como tú quisieras manejar ebrio.

El mundo me la tiene creyendo que hasta yo le podría dar la espalda... (Cara que arrugue la vaina esa dónde va la chiva; es que no se cómo se llama... Creo que... Coño.... Qué ladilla un cerebro tan dormido... Era así como...).

Mi hermanita desde siempre ha tenido una mente llena de chispa y poca ingenuidad. Una vez me castigaron "injustificadamente" y me quitaron de la mesa porque no me quería comer mi comida. Yo por allá chillando mi injusticia y por allá baby Michelín que a esa edad ya había aprendido a mandarte a callar la potasisíma boca, sabía decirte que dejaras que eso no era tu asunto y yo aquí en mi peo, tú ni sabes lo que estoy haciendo (mi hermano mayor tiene una mente igual de averiguadora, dirían) recuerdo que desde que nació fue una maravilla (sonríe presumida) y no se por ningún lado que lo haya dejado de ser.

Mi hermanita, ita aunque mide como lo mismo que Snoop Dogg pero toda llena de millones de maravillas que aún no conocemos, pero yo al menos sé que ama de una manera muy tierna aunque es ¿Cómo le vas a decir? ¿Que tarajalla quién? Me haces el favor y te expresas mejor, te amo y lo que quieras pero si no sabes respetar aprende a respetarla a ella... In-ex... Mi hermanita es muy responsable.

Mi hermanita apenas despierta asiste a mi mamá que yo sé no han olvidado que está enferma y mientras no hace eso ¡Es ama... De... Casa! Cuando no le toca hacer esas le toca ir de niñera de un jovencito que... Paciencia. Entretanto también le da chance de hacer sus tareas y sacar las mismas notas que merece el sazón del hogar latino YYYYYY después de hacer todo eso aunque no tenga chance dibuja como tú quisieras maquillarte.

¡Ah! ¿No te dije que también tocaba el teclado? Esa niña es TANTO que se me olvidó, perdón.

Basta de alabar a una persona lo merece y mil veces más que eso porque así el mundo no mejora, les presento al hermanito:

Xander

Desde que supe que habría en mi vida más que la montaña gigantesca que siempre fue La Bebita fui más feliz, cuando supe que NO era niña fui más feliz aún y no te imaginas lo mucho que me emocionaba poder participar en escoger uno de los ochenta nombres que sabría mi mamá me iba a poner.

Toda esa alegría casi se derrumba cuando vino al mundo, hay existencias tan silenciosas que se apagan solas y Xander fue una de esas maravillas que no conoces porque nació muerto y no obstante me iba a quedar sin ma gloria de él también se iba a llevar a mi mamá en el suicidio.

El día que él nació yo me desperté como a las cuatro de la mañana porque la emoción no me dejaba tranquila, no quise salir del cuarto porque los partos son un asunto delicado y no quería que me gritaran de tanto preguntar lo mismo una y otra y vez y una vez y ahí voy nuevo que no me detengo y... Ejem... Ejem... Ejemplo... Ponte los patines pa que me alcances que yo soy ej una fiera que aunque te creas un cualquiera igualito te voy a cachetear (sonido de micrófono contra el suelo) y cuando me dijeron que por fin le había dado la gana de nacer me regañaron la emoción porque no valía la pena estar emocionada por.... No valía la pena.

"Vivimos en una sociedad" en la que la gente sigue teniendo determinación y es alternativa así que igual no me quedé huérfana y sin alegrías en el mundo porque los salvaron a los dos. En Venezuela. Cuando Venezuela ya no valía la pena y no servía pa un coño.

Tuve que esperar nada más un mes

- ¿¡Un mes entero completo todito sin un día más ni un día menos!?

- No sé, no me acuerdo.

- Pero dime.

- No te puedo decir algo que no sé porque el cerebro desecha información inútil todo el tiempo y por eso me voy a olvidar de tu existencia apenas me dejes de hablad

- No seas así chica

- (Con todo el amor que estás pensando en responderle al anterior) Se sintió como muchísimo más de un mes y cuando por fin llegó a mí era feo y estaba todo chiquito y su sola existencia rompía corazones, desde tan chiquito ya era un galán.

Cuando Xander se levanta no sé que hace porque no le gusta usar el teléfono tanto como la computadora y casi no sé de él, a veces pasan siglos hasta que le da por postrar ante mí su existencia que aún me rompe el corazón por unos segundos a veces, un fragmento de minutos otra, unas palabras en una nota de voz que alguien más me envía no tan seguido como los segundos que lo veo en la pantalla de la llamada con mi mamá.

Xander es en la casa el padre amargado que apenas hablaba con sus hijas y puro leía el periódico, los hombres suplantaron alguna cosa por otra sin dejar de hacer lo mismo porque a eso, mi ciela, a eso es a lo que yo le llamo cambio.

Si te atreves a mirar al viejo regañón a la cara verás un niño lleno de amor por mí, por mi mamá, por la bebita y aunque tú creas que no le importas déjame te explico algo:

Xander va a salvar el mundo.

¿Qué crees que esconde tanto silencio? Nosotros les hemos mostrado tanto la belleza del amor que al igual que yo tienen claro que falta algo importante y ellos no solamente saben que es, te van a meter las pilas por dónde crees que se enchufa un cargador.

Nosotros somos lo que la influencia de otros nos dejó; quién nos influenció a toítos de los que también hablaré no aún porque no me da la vida para tanto de una sola vez:

Mummy.

Vamos al grano, mi mamá no se va a morir, era jugando.

Desde que comencé a trabajar en Bogotá soy la mamá de mi familia en Venezuela ¿O el papá he sido? Y cuando mi mamá se enfermó yo agarré todo lo que se que tengo en mí y le conseguí toda la plata que le estaban pidiendo porque a mí no me van a dejar sin mamá, menos en la pata cuarentena.

Moví con mis superpoderosas y mágicas lágrimas que tanto ayudan todo lo que se me ocurrió mover y entre sacudí por allá a los homeópatas y mira que funciono ser una persona alternadora ¿Cómo era? Ay perdón, era alternativa.

Mi mamá tiene la magia de que haya una homeópata a menos de 5 minutos corriendo como si te quieras desbaratar en el camino y cuando La Abuelita Rosa habló con ella lo primero que necesitó decirle a mi mamá fue: "deja de creer que te vas a morir y vive plenamente que yo te voy a ayudar a sanar".

Estoy muy agradecida con los resultados de su primera sesión, está tan feliz porque se siente menos hinchada, ya de entrada comienza el alivio que las pastillas esas del coño nunca le han traído a nadie, todo lo que hacemos es un libro sosteniendo un mueble de pata rota... Porque todavía sirve... Y así con eso nos meten el webo bien lubricado para que no nos demos cuenta de que nos están violando.

Cuando a mi mamá le dijeron que se iba a morir estaba sola en la consulta.

Entonces como ella va sola a su consulta es una mujer que está sola en el mundo y ahora también triste y de paso moribunda, mámalo.

Nosotros lo que queremos es que nos tomen en cuenta y por eso vamos a cambiar la manera en la que hablamos, para sentir que nos miran... Porque ser invisible no es fácil... Voy a salvar la vida de mi mamá tan bella y maravillosa cambiando el lenguaje por uno que sea... Ya va... Que sea... No me grites que estoy pensando... Será llamado Lenguaje Inclusive y amén aunque me quieran incinerar.

Ideas de eli para hacer un mundo utópico.

Los doctores pueden ser unos plastaj de mierdajnjjjjhhhhjjjhhhhjhjjhjjj y todo lo que quieras pero siguen teniendo una vida personal y un límite profesional que todos queremos mantener en nuestro laburo, la falta de tacto no es más que falta de tiempo, entre tantos pacientes no se pueden enfocar en ayudar a uno solo de entre todos.

Debería haber algo así como una organización o algo a la que los doctores les digan: "Mira, este coroto de mujer a la que nadie quiere y siempre viene sola se va a morir, busca decirle a su familia para que ella pueda al menos disfrutar a plenitud lo que le queda de vida sin sufrir innecesariamente porque ya se morirá pal coño e la madre".

Les recuerdo además quienes son los que nos enseñaron de medicina y de como llevar un hospital y nos enseñaron que debemos tener límites y respetar los de otros que aunque podemos hacer algo no queremos porque esa persona no nos deja... No podemos... No podemos... No podemos...

¿Morirá la belleza de madre que tengo?

[imagionary]

Here's Xander!! ✨😎✨ Better known as Xan to his friends! He's Sam's boyfriend and bestfriend.

Xan had overexerted his psionics when he was younger, for circumstances still unknown, and ended up giving himself irreversible brain damage that ended up altering his ability to function or act correctly. This greatly decreased his mental stability further, as he had already been suffering with bipolar disorder before the incident. He stutters quite a bit, and has a bad habit of hitting his head with his hands when overstimulated. His mood can switch drastically at the flip of a dime, and he can come off as pretty unpredictable. Along with his stuttering, he has a strong lisp and a tendency to slur his words when he speaks, which makes it difficult to understand him at times.

Xan appears to be a chimera, due to his hard split in coloring and physical traits. He has two sets of antenna, with both larger ones splitting, and the smaller on his right splitting as well. His tail appears to be two tails that fused together to make one, the top half having small feelers, and the bottom half having long feelers. Both tail tips are longer than normal. He has two sets of ears that fuse at the base, and feelers on his jawline. His neck gills are frizzled and longer than the average Alimen's, but his chest gills are protected with gill plates.

He loves hacking and modding his gaming devices, and will often be found in the back room of Sam and his trailer playing video games in the dark. When not huddled in the dark in front of the tv, Xan is out skating, exploring, and doing stunts with Sam. He loves and appreciates her so much, and is glad that she continues to love him despite everything.

When Sam and Xan were younger, the both of them wanted to be pilots. Due to the incident, Xan can no longer become a pilot, so Sam gifted him her mom's old pilot's helmet, which he wears whenever they go skating or doing stunts.

[crystalelemental]

“alphakuriboh: You sound joking but I would take Summer Leo in a heartbeat lmfao. I’m like... the one in 200 Feh players that likes him. Mine has Swift Sparrow 3.

Hot Springs Elise is actually not bad just such a weird color combo. Bow Hinoka is a high possibility. Ryoma... maybe dancer? Same for Xander. Summer Takumi is actually kinda good BUT they won’t do him AND Bow Hinoka so maybe Fallen Takumi as a Grails choice? Camilla probably her Beach alt, although they have done Braves. More likely they do her awkward Hot Springs alt as a Grails choice tho...”

Then I hope that can happen for you, because it would mean I can pass and you can get a unit you want.

Xander and Ryoma would almost certainly be Dancer versions, since those are the most interesting, I think.  They’re also the most likely to be foddered, and we did get both Dancer Micaiah and Elincia on the last run, so it’s possible, at least.

I could see Fallen Takumi being the grail choice, for sure.  Beach Alt would be possible for Camilla, especially since there were beach alts of all the other Nohrian siblings too.

Also we totally forgot to include the possibility of Corrins, who are all but guaranteed.  I doubt the Fallen forms will be added, and the base forms are a dime a dozen.  Beach F!Corrin is possible, and I admit to finding her outfit one of the few tolerable ones for beach alts, so that’s a thing.  Same with NY!M!Corrin, who I think was also a grail unit?  So that could do it.  Also oh!  Oh!  Dream alts!  I would love to get Adrift F!Corrin as a Forma, that’d be so good.  Mine’s already got some decent stuff, but getting high-cost alternatives would be amazing.  I really hope it’s them now.  I’d take a pure Adrift focus.