okay but what if... a different ofmd s2
I tried several times to make a less tl;dr version of this post, but it's not happening. BEHOLD: a season I just like better. It fixes things that I personally didn't like (and I have a strong Ed and Izzy bias). I wanted to do a few major things:
Keep 2x01-2x03, because I love them so damn much. this unfortunately sets the stakes *really high* for the rest of the season, so...
Rework the characters that canon s2 introduced, to be able to focus more tightly on the Revenge's response to the 2x01-2x03 atom bomb.
Give Ed and Stede more focused arcs (individually and as a couple). Ed and Stede were, emotionally, at completely opposite poles in 2x01-2x03, and in canon I think they didn't connect much after that. So in my version, they'll do basic work to understand why their s1 meet-cute failed and how they can move on to having a real relationship.
Address Ed's very vividly depicted violence from 2x01-2x02. I found the amends depicted in canon somewhere between "unsatisfying" and "horrifying." Jesus did I need to fuck around with that!
the three major acts in the season:
ACT 1 (2x01-2x03) – Trauma!
These episodes remain largely the same as in canon.
ACT 2 (2x04-2x06) – Recovery
I've edited these episodes so Ed + Stede are entirely separated from Izzy + the Crew. This gives the OTP space to work on themselves and their relationship. Likewise, Izzy has space away from Ed to go through his arc of self-discovery and consider if he wants to reconcile with Ed. Izzy and the Crew all get a chance to recover from The Trauma on their own, together as a community.
ACT 3 (2x07-2x08) – Reconciliation
Act 2 has given everybody time to process Act 1 and how they might come out of it as better versions of themselves and a stronger community. Now the OTP and the Crew reintegrate and, in the 2x08 climax, prove all their work has been worth it by fighting together against an external menace. (It's Hornigold. It's got to be Hornigold. This is so obvious to me.)
* * *
THE CHARACTERS:
Each crew member is talented brilliant incredible showstopping spectacular, but in the interest of brevity, the characters in the imaginary episodes are going to be:
Ed and Stede
→ The OTP – Ed and Stede as a couple. Color-coded red so you can follow their arc.
Izzy
The Crew, who begin in Act 1 as three separate crews:
→ the Castaways (everybody Ed marooned/tossed overboard at the end of s1)
→ the Breakup Boat (everybody from canon s2 on the Revenge with Truly Insane Ed
→ the Girls (introduced below)
THE BOATS:
Most episodes are going to have two plots running, taking place on two ships:
The Revenge
The Pearl Diver (again, below)
Last terminology note: I'm going to be comparing "canon episodes" vs. "imaginary episodes" or "new episodes" a bunch.
Ready? Alright, let's kick it.
* * *
ACT 1 – 2x01-2x03 – TRAUMAAA
Ed + the Breakup Boat:
The action on the Revenge remains basically the same, with the torture and the murder-suicides and all the crimes.
Stede + the Castaways:
I'd cut the Republic of Pirates in 2x01. Instead, I'd start with everyone at sea on the ship that rescued them (which also creates an atmosphere of everyone still being trapped by the awful shit that happened in 1x10). What ship? I think introducing Zheng the historical pirate is a really cool idea, but I also think it's one idea too many. Zheng's objectively cooler and more successful ship is always, implausibly, overshadowed by the lovable misfits on the Revenge, since the Revenge is the workplace that the show is about. This is annoying to me (and probably Zheng).
Instead I'd make the rescue ship one of equal goofiness: Mary and Anne's ship. I'll call it the Pearl Diver, just because I can. We can lift the formula from Ed's ship in s1:
s1: gay men // s2: lesbians!
s1 power couple on the ship is Ed+Izzy // s2 is Mary/Anne
s1 crew members who later join Revenge are The Boys, Fang+Ivan
// s2 will have the Girls, a surgeon and her competent sailor girlfriend. one of them is a trans woman, I said so
the set is just the Revenge with different props on, lol
Okay, that's our lesbian ship set up. It'll last five episodes and be a very easy foil for the Revenge.
Stede:
His 2x01-2x02 bit seemed to be "I love Ed, I'll get back to him no matter." I'd push that harder. New s2 will open with Stede as a brave romantic adventurer sallying forth into true love (the same way he was a brave romantic adventurer sallying forth into piracy in s1). So: "I love Ed, I'll get back to him no matter, and the force of our newfound love will be what straightens this all out."
The OTP:
Ed and Stede are both hopeless romantics, of course, but they're coming at it from opposing genres. Ed thinks he's the doomed villain in a big-R Romantic novel. Stede thinks he's the little-r romantic hero in a bodice-ripper. Their job in new s2 is to shift ideas of self & genre to meet somewhere in the middle.
ACT 2 – 2x04-2x06 – RECOVERY
I think a lot of what s2 tried in mid-season succeeded, but it didn't really add up to anything. In order to advance Ed and Stede's arc(s), I'd isolate them from the Crew. This gives everyone space to start clearing up the Act 1 wreckage.
(quick 2x03 note:)
The major change I'd make here here would be moving the Breakup Boat crew off of the Revenge sometime mid-episode so they can recuperate on the Pearl Diver instead. They get to leave the trauma boat, which gives them and us the audience some breathing room as we transition out of the murder-suicide portion of the season. In the Pearl's infirmary they meet the Girls – surgeon and girlfriend – and reunite with the Castaways. There's a palpable sense of each group feeling isolated from the others.
2x04 – really intense cleanup
Time skip: The Breakup Boat crew have been declared physically recovered enough to start repairing the Revenge (and therefore prepared to grit their teeth and return to the scene of their trauma). The Castaways offer to help; the Girls come along in solidarity with their new friends.
The Revenge:
(this is also 2x04 in canon)
Izzy never left the wrecked ship, is doing Bad. The three separate crews do ship repairs, but then come together as one Crew to declare Izzy their unicorn.
The Pearl Diver:
(this story has no equivalent in canon)
Ed: never leaves the Pearl's infirmary, is doing Bad. He's trying to come to grips with the fact that he did all that shit, the kind that his dad and Hornigold used to.
Stede: is focused on telling Ed about their true love rather than trying to understand how awful Ed feels, to the point that he's telling his newfound love~ story super loudly to avoid talking about Ed's pain.
The OTP: They have a moment where they stop talking past each other.
Ed hears Stede when he says that he really does love Ed. (Ed doesn't necessarily believe it, but he's willing to listen.)
Stede hears Ed when Ed says he feels trapped worse than ever (though he's weirded out Ed thinks he's a doomed villain). (Stede, our favorite Ed stan, literally doesn't care what Ed did except as far as how Ed feels about it.)
2x05 – letting loose
Time skip! Again, everyone looks slightly less haggard.
The Revenge:
(this is 2x06 in canon; I've moved it to 2x05)
The Crew: have Calypso's birthday, paid for with the treasure they wouldn't throw overboard in 2x01 because it's their treasure and not Ed's, ffs. Joyful, queer, "we're surviving, we're getting through this together."
Izzy+Ed: I'm aiming to untangle the shitty parts of their codependency and eliminate Ed's outright domestic abuse. I read canon s2 as Izzy fully untangling himself from Ed and then presenting Ed as a gift to Stede, and I did not like that for anyone. I'm aiming to conclude new s2 with Izzy+Ed acknowledging how bad it was at the end (with a little more emotional insight than they might have been able to do in s1 – maybe this huge event in their lives leads to self-reflection and growth!) and how they could move forward maybe as very complicated friends. Izzy's going to be taking the lead on this one, because the codependency very much ended in Ed doing violence to him. He gets to decide what the fuck happens. So:
Izzy: is finally somewhere without Ed, first time in 30 years. Now that he's been unicorn'd (feels supported), he has room to unwind and start discovering what he might like to do. So he does drag. And also sings about his complicated feelings for Ed, come on, Izzy has love for him. In new s2, Izzy still gets to bloom, but he remains closer in personality to his grumpy cunty s1 self, not quite consciously understanding how he's changing.
The Pearl Diver:
(this is 2x04 in canon; I've moved it to 2x05)
The OTP: have the bonkers Mary/Anne dinner party (their f/f co-captain counterparts). They do their awkward exes bit. In canon s2, they see Mary/Anne as "these guys are so weird, wtf"; in new s2, they're more like "these guys are so weird, omg. remember how weird we were last year? that was so fucking great." Conclusions:
Ed and Stede have more in common than they'd feared (since, like, 1x10)
They see they can be dramatic assholes in love like these bitches and that's great.
But also: maybe they need to be less self-centered than "burn down your ship which is your entire livelihood without considering that this might kill your crew." Maybe Mary/Anne rowing off cackling in a boat together (to, say, China) isn't the W they thought it was.
also also: caught up in the adrenaline of understanding they're mad lads, Ed/Stede do the impulsive "taking it too fast" (canon: 2x06) and BONE.
Lastly:
The OTP ask to reboard the Revenge now that there's no Pearl Diver, mentioning hopefully that they've learned a lesson. The Crew are not convinced. They maroon Ed/Stede on land at close of ep.
2x06 – restucturing
The Revenge:
(this plot is similar to Izzy+Stede's story in canon's 2x05)
Haven't thought of a frame story I like here, honestly. But the point of the episode is that Izzy helps Crew to be better pirates. This does two things:
Izzy's getting a chance to choose to manage people for himself, rather than as Ed's minder or Ed's goon.
Crew are getting competent advice from someone who genuinely gives a shit (Stede or Ed do not fit the bill). This allows them to keep running things in a fairly democratic structure where they do make decisions based on actually, for real, Talking Things Through.
Crew: consider what they're going to do about Ed and Stede – who maybe have had time to sort themselves out a bit? – replete with silly company restructuring metaphors.
Izzy: probably does shirtless swordplay considers how he wants to deal with Ed. Talking to Crew he decides that he, too, can try airing grievances with Ed in workplace metaphors. (It doesn't take much to convince him. Izzy will always love being a professional.)
On Land:
(this episode has no equivalent in canon)
The OTP: in true OFMD style, they attend a modern couples retreat that has 18th c trappings. It is run by the straightest dude ever (Steve Carell levels of Kinsey 1 in 18th c khakis).
This dude is obnoxious, but he does remind them to strike a balance between demonstrating their love by talking through their needs (e.g. 2x04 infirmary, 2x05 dinner party) and by taking action (which will always be bonkers for them, like 1x09 act of grace, 2x05 impulsive boning). I'm thinking of it like: Ed/Stede realize they're whim-prone (as in canon 2x04), and also there's this tool nearby.
They're like, hey, actually I really love you, and make out sappily for a while then wonder, bemusedly, why they didn't do that before fucking a bunch. ("but the fucking was still good?" "oh yeah mate, we should definitely always be fucking")
Unfortunately:
The retreat ends abruptly when they spot pirate hunters closing in on the B&B and have to make a run for it.
ACT 3 – 2x07-2x08 – RECONCILIATION
I really couldn't tell what canon was going for at season's end, starting from about "Stede kills Lowe" at the end of 2x06. I found a lot of it contradictory and kind of ass-pull-y. Major divergences to follow.
2x07 – reintegration
(this episode is similar to canon episode 2x05)
The Revenge:
Having spent 2x06 thinking about what they want to do next, the Crew decide they can take on Stede + Ed on their flight from pirate hunters. Everyone's back on the boat. I'd probably make the frame story here something silly and light-hearted like the Cursed Red Suit. Everyone can mingle in groups that are different from the ones they started out in during Act 1 – permutations of people from the three distinct crews, Stede and Izzy and Ed thrown together with people they haven't seen in a while. These different groups can brainstorm deeply stupid solutions to this probably fake problem.
I'd probably make the frame story here something silly and light-hearted like The Cursed Red Suit. Everybody can mingle in different groups and brainstorm deeply stupid solutions to this probably fake problem.
Ed/Stede: Crucially, Stede and Ed aren't together in any of these groups. They separate and see everyone and understand that they're not, actually, in charge of Crew anymore. It's weird but okay. They both have to legitimately listen like they've been practicing all season. Ed doesn't apologize but he at least doesn't fuck with anyone, so that's... fine.
Izzy+Ed: They haven't seen each other since the murder-suicide farrago in 2x02.
Izzy: "You can do the big gestures but you're a shit captain, Ed. You can't be there on the everyday stuff." (with subtext: you need to give a shit about me all the time, not just when I can be convenient to you.) It's not any kind of forgiveness, and Ed can't offer an apology because he still doesn't understand them. But this is Izzy saying he'll talk to Ed (with more pushback than canon's 2x06 "oh look it's scowly face").
Lastly:
This has been a monster of the week ep where the first five minutes were like, there's a problem which will affect us in the future! and then the middle of the episode is, but it's not affecting us right now so let's do interpersonal stuff! Sadly, whoever they dump the Suit on at the end of the episode reminds them the problem still exists: the pirate hunters are worse than they thought. Hornigold is on their trail.
2x08 – IT'S REAL PERSONAL
(this episode has no equivalent in canon.)
And here we reach the locus of all my frustrations!
Nose Guy doesn't exist in new s2, so we don't need to blow up the Republic with no foreshadowing as in canon 2x08
Zheng's awesome fleet doesn't exist in new s2. The foreshadowing that she was planning something incredible doesn't have to come to nothing like it did in canon 2x08, when her fleet also blew up with no foreshadowing. (what was that badass montage from canon 2x02 of her crew portaging ships thru the jungle even for ;_;)
Canon s2's sudden decision to make the stakes of the entire season "oh, uh, everyone wants to destroy piracy?" and completely ignore all the interpersonal problems set up in Act 1 – that doesn't happen!
Probably nothing in imaginary s2 will be as intense as 2x01-2x03 were. But new 2x08 will be a claustrophobic, high-pressure situation where everyone will have the resolutions they made in Act 2 tested, in a situation as dangerous as the worst of Act 1.
HERE WE GOOOOO
Cold open on the Revenge:
A scene that looks about as bad as Ed's storm in 2x02: Izzy is dead from a headshot, Crew are panicking, Stede is alone and can only shout to Ed that he loves him from far away.
Ed is kitted out as Blackbeard at his worst – makeup and all – and seems ready to, again, blow the whole ship up. Viewer is perhaps worried that Ed has, again, lost it. We balance on the precipice!!
TITLE CARD!
Chronological start of ep:
Wind back the action!
Time skip from 2x07: The Revenge has been running from Hornigold for weeks, hiding themselves in ever smaller spaces as they get jumpier and jumpier about the pursuit. (Think on deck → main cabin → galley → the secret fucking deathbed under the galley.)
Ed, off by himself, is beside himself at the thought of meeting Hornigold for real once more. He failed to kill him all those years ago – what must he do now to solve the problem for good?
Intercut with Hornigold's ship:
Hornigold is chasing them, being a dick in his sumptious cabin. It's light on the action, heavy on letting us know who he is.
He's cruel and violent, like Act 1 Ed, except (a) he's less concerned about covering up his awfulness with charm and (b) he's perfectly open about "I hate this guy I used to own and I want to kill him" (about Ed) in contrast to Act 1 Ed not being able to say anything of the sort about Stede or Izzy.
We already know what kind of evil shit Hornigold used to pull because mostly-dead Ed told us in 2x03, so, you know, good enough.
Ed has to kill himself and also his dad again, lol, we get it
Climactic stuff on the Revenge!
Hornigold catches up to them; there's some fighting or whatever; it leads us up to the cold open. But then it pushes through to: it was all a fuckery!!
(do not ASK me what kind of fuckery. they are hard to write, they are both deeply psychological and incredibly goofy. This is just an outline of a fake season LEAVE ME ALONE)
Ed was a distraction, acting how Hornigold expected him to act! It works: Stede kills Hornigold!
The OTP: The murder addresses how each wants to deal with violence in their respective genres:
Ed, when he did patricide on behalf of someone he loved (mum) got caught up the cycle of dreadful murder and trauma he wanted to escape. And now he sees that he can – he's not the doomed Romantic villain!
Stede, in doing step-patricide on behalf of someone he loves (Ed), commits in a real way to ruthlessly murdering bullies. He's a swashbuckler! He definitely likes it! Finally, he's found a way to express romantic love in a grounded* way. (*by OFMD standards.)
It's a deranged pirate sitcom way of turning their tentative courtship into a healthy adult relationship.
Ed + Izzy:
During the fuckery: Izzy is playing murdered-by-Ed, so he's "dead" on deck (vulnerable) amidst the chaos.
Ed throws himself over Izzy to save him from getting shot.
This doesn't erase all the shitty things Ed did! It's a big gesture instead of an everyday thing, just like Izzy was complaining about! But it's definitely an indicator that Ed would prefer not to drive Izzy to suicide and Ed does, even, ask if Izzy's okay afterwards, checking him over, before someone else points out that Ed got shot.
Lastly:
With final approval from Izzy – after a lengthy pause where Izzy looks at Edward panting and bleeding on the deck – the Crew decide to journey forth to find Super Good Medicine to save Ed.
THERE ARE HINTS THAT s3 MIGHT SHOW US:
Blackbeard's historic raid on Charleston (who is playing Blackbeard at that point? who knows!)
Ed and Izzy working on being weird-ass friends again, but without so much murder-suicide
Stede and Ed finally talking about how they want to spend their life together: what's between retirement and piracy?
This is all pretty okay because new s2 ends in a hopeful place where nobody FUCKING DIED jfc where everyone's grown a bit but, as always, still has room to grow more.
the end!
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It's been a while so time for an update of all my S2-based/inspired Our Flag Means Death fic:
First Breath - PG (1560 words)
Blackbeard wanted for unlicensed midwifery [poster]
Finally - R (700)
Introspection in the end of 2x01 [2x01]
Rather Strong Actually - PG (750)
Izzy has a realisation about the man who saved his crew [2x03]
Ring My Bell - E (1060)
Stede gets a rude awakening in the middle of the night ;) [2x05]
It Went Snap - E (1k)
Mary falling headlong for an absolutely wild Anne Bonny [2x04]
Making It Nice - R (1610)
Stede is in need of some sex ed so he can... sex Ed. [2x05]
Security - PG/R (1500)
Stede puts on Ed's collar [2x05]
Quiet - R (1600)
The captains are going slow [2x05]
Sensitive E (1080)
Department of backstory for the original chaotic polycule, featuring Jack, Anne and Mary. [2x04]
Good E (1200)
After the explosive events of Calypso's birthday, Ed came to Stede's cabin. [2x06]
Une part de bonheur E (2200)
Jim and Izzy have a moment, still caught up in the euphoria of Calypso's birthday [2x06]
Undertow R (1k)
After the flight to the Revenge, Izzy wakes up somewhere strange... but familiar. [2x08]
A Safe Space R (1500)
Wracked with grief, Ed makes a decision. [2x08]
Regrets R (1400)
In the quiet of the inn in the dead of night, some truth comes out [2x08]
Visitation R (1500)
Ricky can't seem to shake his unwanted visitor [2x08]
Stark Revelations R (2k)
Turns out sitting with himself means Ed can start to put together some pieces that he had missed in the Stede Bonnet puzzle. [2x08]
Was R (800)
Blood cooling on his hands, Ed just... stopped [2x08]
The Right Vibe R (3k)
Ed realises Stede is making his cabin a home again [2x04]
The Ex-Mrs-Captain PG (2k)
When her ship is raided by pirates, Mary makes a surprising discovery. [2x08]
Shared Death Experience PG (600)
Stede finds an unexpected guest at the inn
A Gentleman's Handy R (2700)
Wherein Ed finds that hand-holding has awakened something in him [2x05]
The Calm R (1300)
After the storm, Izzy says his farewells [2x03]
Coming Hame G (800)
A study of Buttons - written in Scots [2x04]
Tooth and Claw R (43k - WIP)
A re-write of S2 in the world of my Bark and Bite AU. We're in episode 4 territory at the moment.
Lady Luck R (10k - WIP)
A re-write of S2 in the world of my Lady Trouble AU. Episodes 1 & 2 have been posted.
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9-1-1 Lone Star Owen Strand (Rob Lowe) Whump
1x01 Pilot - Discovery of lung cancer, in shock, saves son from overdose
1x03 Texas Proud - Chemotherapy, feeling the side effects, weak, drunk, throws up, angry outburst
1x04 Act of God - Chemotherapy, feeling the side effects, pale, throws up, confronted about hidden cancer diagnosis, comforted
1x05 Studs - Chemotherapy side effects (its not puking <_<)
1x06 Friends Like These - Threatened by "nemesis," reveals cancer diagnosis, threatened with retirement/betrayed
1x07 Bum Steer - Collapses/passes out, sweating, exhausted
1x08 Monster Inside - Emotional
2x01 Back In The Saddle - Emotional talk, risks life
2x02 2100 - Bottling emotions, watches friend die, in shock
2x03 Hold The Line - Helicopter crash, trapped in abandoned mine, passes out from lack of oxygen, collapse, carried, IV
2x05 Difficult Conversations - Emotional (but this man does not cry), falling in love again
2x06 Everyone and Their Brother - Life in jeopardy saving someone in a minefield
2x07 Displaced - Emotional damage
2x08 Bad Call - Son kidnapped, emotional damage/breakup
2x10 A Little Help From My Friends - Drunk, severely depressed, relatable talk with lonely child, depression intervention, dog health scare
2x11 Slow Burn - Recovery, tight lungs/coughing, "unmoored" (bro wtf), knocked unconscious
2x12 The Big Heat - Wrongfully imprisoned, unnerved from talking to a psychopath, bandaged/blistered arm
2x13 One Day - Stapled, gunpoint
2x14 Dust to Dust - Caught in dust-storm, almost falls down elevator shaft, betrayed
3x02 Thin Ice - Falls, unconscious, bleeding, headache, taken hostage
3x03 Shock & Thaw - Taken hostage by cartel, hurts his head, tense standoff, taken hostage again, dangerous fight
3x04 Push - Emotional
3x05 Child Care - Emotional Pain
3x07 Red vs Blue - Patience tested (failed), gets in a fight, bruised face, bandaged wrist
3x08 In The Unlikely Event of an Emergency - Plane engine blows up
3x09 The Bird - Scratched by bird, reveals depression/PTSD after 9/11, emotional, guilt, emotional talk with The Bird (;-;)
3x11 Prince Albert in a Can - Hurt hand punch, emotional moments with girlfriend, life targeted
3x12 Negative Space - Life targeted, two scary encounters
3x13 Riddle of the Sphynx - Strange argument with girlfriend (anger management issues)
3x14 Impulse Control - Talks about anger management therapy
3x15 Down to Clown - Anger management therapy, clown induced panic attack
3x16 Shift-Less - Facing trauma, emotional pain
3x17 Spring Cleaning - Punched
3x18 A Bright and Cloudless Morning - 9/11 PTSD, cancer resurgence, caught in building explosion, trapped under rubble, serious head injury, bleeding, hallucinating, emotional, hospitalized, rescued, weak
4x01 The New Hotness - Coping with loneliness
4x02 The New Hot Mess - Tense, risking his life
4x03 Cry Wolf - Mysterious black eye, paranoia
4x04 Abandoned - In danger, threatened by the Honor Dogs
4x05 Human Resources - Life targeted
4x06 This is Not a Drill - Upset, paranoid, facing the Honor Dogs, in danger, knocked down from explosion, risking his life with a bomb, jumps out of moving vehicle, exposed to laughing gas
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