#do i want to work in this field later? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

pluggedintosaverockandroll · 8 months

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you know it's exam season because i'm questioning all my life choices

#you know i don't mind going to classes actually but studying and taking exams makes me feel like i'm a cog in a machine #as i got older i started caring less about school actually not because i don't think it's important #but because it makes me feel like a product of capitalism #why did i choose this major?#do i even still like it?#do i want to work in this field later?#like i think that no matter my feelings on my major i'm not gonna change it #bc 1 i already got this far 2 i don't know what else i would wanna do and 3 i couldn't live with the feeling of failure #i just have to make it through another 2 and a half years of uni at least #and right now i just have to make it through the next week and a half #god i want exams to be over #i don't have any motivation anymore and i don't care about the classes i have to study for that much #anyways can you tell that my last exam didn't go well ?#i should be nicer to myself bc it's weekend and i am never that productive for uni in weekend anyway #anyways thanks for coming to my rant #kj post

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ohitslen · 1 year

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Part 1 of this thing that doesn’t actually have a steady flow

But wouldn’t it be so funny that the guy you get along with just fine is the brother of the guy that you feel like wanting to shower after making eye contact? Because I think it is

Apologies for the weird colors I did my best with the lighting I have 🧎‍♀️

#Vash and Wolfwood share an arts optional major #major??? SUBJECT OANEMW #Vash needed the credits and WW wanted to learn after a kid at the orphanage asked if he would be able to teach him how to draw #he saw it was possible for him to take it so he squished it in. he then found out how bad he is at painting big he does his best #and Vash helps him becasue he finds it awesome how a teaching/education major is trying to expand on his field #so he is always encouraging and patient. even if they like very different artistic movements #I also imagine WW being super organized with his notes #he is a generally organized person but he did not care about notes in his previous major #now his motivation are the kids so he really is putting the effort this time.they aren’t flashy but they look neat and do the work just fine #I also think he knows that those two HAVE to be related but is in severe denial until two weeks later after meeting Vash this happens #trigun #vash the stampede #nicholas d wolfwood #trigun stampede #vashwood #trigun fanart #vash #wolfwood #nicholas trigun #Nai saverem #millions knives #Trigun Uni! AU #lenssi draws #pen!

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disdaidal · 10 months

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So, I met my nurse today and she said I'm finally getting scheduled for the ADHD testing on Dec 18th—after all these years. Albeit she said that it may not change a thing, but it's good to test it anyway.

I also had a discussion with my teacher today about my problems and we went through some stuff, and I might feel a little bit more enlightened about some things, which will hopefully help me.

Still. I'm having trouble with planning some stuff at my workplace because the staff there simply doesn't have time, and my instructor is also a very busy person (plus she's fussy and impatient and a little upset/disappointed with me which is not making it any easier for me), so that is still giving me a lot of stress right now.

So, I don't know. On the other hand, one teacher says I'm doing a good job and that I shouldn't quit. Then again, this particular school and their style of teaching simply might not be the thing for me and I expressed that concern today as well. I need help getting through with some stuff and nobody has time for me, so it's obviously not good.

I also need to find another place to train soon and that workplace would have to be something where I wouldn't have to manage 15 things at the same time and well. Finding that could be a challenge, too.

But. I suppose we're going somewhere.

#personal #last week i cried twice after a workday #and my nurse also mentioned today that i still have a learning disability which will definitely make things harder for me #but also that there's nothing that can be done about it so... great #so i mentioned this to my teacher and she wrote it down but #basically there are only two choices for me now #either i pass this training somehow and plan my displays at my current workplace so well that i never have to do this again #or i will only complete my training for this period and then find another workplace and do my displays there #i can't postpone them much later apparently or so i understood. so they are not giving a lot of choices there really #and we did talk about me considering another school as well #where i can spend more time in the classroom actually learning things and less time working and trying to study at the same time #because this clearly isn't working for me. i can't do two things at the same time. not well at least. and i want to do well #but i tried applying for that kind of school in this field last summer. i didn't get in & i was 8th in line #i would've gotten in working with kids instead. but that school was further away and i probably would've found it even more stressful #than what i'm doing now #so i don't know. this is so fucking stressful for me honestly #like i like what i'm doing but i also really hate what i'm doing because this also requires stuff from me that i am simply not good at #and i'd have to put extra energy into it but i don't have much energy in me right now tbh #ugh

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iknowwhereyousleepatnight · 3 months

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sobbing crying not majoring in bugs means i cant go for any of the fun bug internships *explodes*

#what if i just said fuck it and changed my major. what then #sorry there was an internship called seasonal mosquito technician and it is abt studying mosquitos. im dying #god i want to finish school so badly but i mean. i could say fuck it and stay in this hell city in this hell of a home just to add a second #major for bio..... but idk. it wouldnt kill me w the cost bc this school is cheap as shit but god im so stressed idk if i could do it #but also i could just stay w psych and come back later when im older and hopefully less stressed. idk. it's killing me that bugs are so #perfect and i chose fucking. human-oriented field of study *sobs*#idk idk i can still have bugs as hobby. i can be a cool sex therapist and then come back for bugs. but im still dying #but also im always dying. i can be content w psych for now i can do it i can graduate in december and then go for my masters #in smth that actually interests me and i can have fun and then i can come back for bugs when im more ready to deal w school again ig #but still..... mosquito technician......#either way i couldnt do it bc i dont have a drivers license but god i want to work w bugs so bad #maybe i should just get a pet bug or something. raise butterflies. engage more w bugs so i dont feel crazy #i feel like i do this should-i-change-my-major song and dance every few months but whatever #i will be more into psych next semester when more fun classes come up i think i have a gender and sexuality class in the fall that's #fun and cool and will make me less miserable

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mwebber · 1 year

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finally homeeeee oh god. week 2 of law school done and it's hitting like an 18 wheeler. the thing they dont tell u about going 2 school for reading and discussing the faults of society is that when u finally get a break from reading and discussing the faults of society ur brain refuses to use any horsepower even remotely related to reading or the faults of society so u simply. Marinate. on the bright side though im totally free for the weekend!

#i am a VEGETABLE.. that was like only 4 days too 💀#also eating vegetables for the first time in what feels like forever but was probably like wednesday #friends want to do brunch and another friend wants to do coffee this weekend but a) seb also b) i don't know if i have the #will to leave my apartment KJNDKJNSDKFNDSKJFNDSJKFN #i'm sure things will get better as i get more familiar with the schedule... i like the routine of not doing anything when i get home alread #but idk if that's sustainable. maybe i just need to buy snacks and keep them on campus for later nights #definitely need to figure out how to split the readings so i'm not doing. 80 pages of theory a night #but already i've got them by classes and each class has around the same work of 30-40 pages a night... ++ revision of class materials #we haven't even rlly gotten into supreme court cases yet either it's mostly been This Is Why The Civil Code of Quebec [GESTURES] &#introductions to how each field exists in common law legal traditions & let's unpack everything canada's #ever done wrong to the indigenous peoples in a social political cultural and legal sense #droopy cat dot jpeg maybe the busy-ness is just how it is.. not even counting my extracurriculars though ):#loving the overall experience hashtag grateful. but also: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

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shikai-the-storyteller · 5 months

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I'm so burnt out and stressed about a variety of things lately, but a funny / sweet coincidence recently happened that I wanted to share:

Last week, I had a university student reach out to me (via my work email) asking for resources / advice on their research paper because I've written a lot of articles about the thing they're writing about. (I just got back to them today and they were real sweet, I'm excited to see how their paper turns out)

A week or two ago, I had someone reach out to me on RA asking for some specific clip info / date info because they were doing a research paper about Pac, and today I saw that they published their paper and put a special thanks to RA in the notes :')

I just think it's very sweet and a funny coincidence that my work (professional and fandom work) is getting cited in research papers. It made me smile a lot, I genuinely love that.

#i talk #job talk #Seeing RA get MLA cited sure was something #I love that #I have such a hard time sitting down and focusing on things but I want to read their paper #even if I have to TTS it (which is what I'll probably have to do)#but I'm so :') about both things #it's unexpected and sweet and makes me feel proud in different ways #I'm sad about work though but I really do need a new job #I love my job and I love the people (minus one but I never see him and never interact with him so it's fine)#but it just doesn't frickin pay enough and I've been in the red for too long #it makes me so sad but it's just not sustainable and it's stressing me out even more #like money is always a huge stressful thing but it's getting worse #I'm just frustrated because job hunting sucks and even jobs I'm overqualified for never get back to me #The job market is a nightmare but especially for my field. You just gotta KNOW people and I'm not good at that #I'm also sad because I know my team will be sad when I inevitably have to leave #I need to do it sooner rather than later though because we have big projects coming up #and the longer I take the harder it'll be on my team #agh #anyways this got a bit negative in the tags but these two things really did put a much-needed smile on my face #so thank you to those two students #I love college kids. I miss my Japanese college students #sideblog shenanigans #storytime with shikai

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carrotpiss · 8 months

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🐰🧡🐻

#in stark contrast to most of my personal posts this is about me being happy and gay #because i need to just get it out my system bc otherwise i am just going to grab a friend by the shoulders and scream (in joy) in their face #i am dating someone and its really really nice and sweet and cute and like nothing ive ever experienced before #and instead its like every tiny little dream about this kind of thing ive managed to hold onto despite every experience otherwise and ahhhh #the lack of focus on just sex or sex appeal is so nice its like there but as a side thing so its nice and i dont feel like an object #i feel like a human person with thoughts and feelings and interests outside if that and feel safe in that and feel safe that everything wont #just be discarded if i dont want to do that like i feel like boundaries and stuff are an option! without jeopardising everything #and el likes me as much as i like them and wants and sees and communicates that they want something long term and ahhhhhhhh #i just want to cry like holy shit this is everything ive ever wondered about like i have spent so long wondering what this feeling would #actually feel like and its so good and so indescribable and ahhhhhhh #waking up on monday night and seeing them in my bed and cuddling me was just so nice i felt wanted i felt... loved #this all seems so out of left field still i still feel like i just never saw it coming but its so welxome and nice and ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh #my pessimism is still there but its less loud now its more learning to accept this may not be perfect forever but letting me enjoy the now #crouch speaks #it feels so nice to not be scared and to feel secure and ahhh #also it made me laugh El remembered me hitting on then at the Dgoals release show making them blush lol #i only remember the time i hit on them later at the groles show so its funny i pretty much used the same line twice and it still worked #i cant wait to see them again i cant wait to hold hands in public again i cant wait to be idiots who keep blushing too hard and accidentally #kissing eachother on the nose instead of the mouth because we are stupid and gay and pathetic about it hahaha #just ahhhh i could gush forever how perfect the 2!!! dates weve been on were and the fact they want more and more and ahhhhh #this is so lame i know i just haven't experienced anything remotely like this before and its just... wild #like wow holy shit what on earth i have been so increasingly miserablely depressed and insecure from the shea stuff last year and then this #just absolutely removed all of that i actually feel like a human person again with value

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sp3llboundgirl · 1 year

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I wish my psychiatrist was more interested in actually listening to me than trying to prove that she's right about everything 🙃

#she uses up all of our appointment time telling me stuff i already know #or just ignoring me and pretending that im dumb and self diagnosing with every single mental illness which im not even close to doing #people like her motivate me so much to work in the mental health field #i finally convinced her that i have ptsd but of course she had to say that not everyone who would be in my situation would develop ptsd #and i probably did because im an exessively anxious person #and she doesnt believe im autistic because according to her autistic people are emotionally disconnected and only ever think with logic #and she doesnt see that in me #she told me that im not full on autistic but neurodivergent because i have autistic traits but not enough #she asked me if i wanted her to write down the word neurodivergent for me to look it up later #and i was like its okay i already know that word..#then at some point she was like “youre not schizophrenic” and i said no and she said “youre not bipolar” and i said no #and then she said “you have anxiety problems” and i said yes #but i said no shit sherlock in my head lmao #i never said i thought i was schizophrenic or bipolar so idk why she was telling me this in the hopes of offending me #oh and she says i used to have a problem with cutting myself only because of teenage hormones so thats wonderful

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pepprs · 1 year

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it’s actually fucking stupid that journaling actually makes me worse now. like what the hell else am i supposed to do

#purrs #writing (or reading my writing) about bad things that have happened and trying to make sense of them and see how much distance ive gotten #from them now only makes me feel miserable because i was suffering horrors and was literally right about everything and also nothing has #changed or the same patterns are showing up or whatever. idk. it’s fucking annoying bc i only have myself now and i can’t even be there for #myself in the way iknow i need someone to be there for me. relatedly when im experiencing horrors beyond belief i just want to take whoever #im mad at into a giant field and scream at them where no bystander can hear us or intervene or get their feelings hurt. i want freedom and i #want energetic reciprocity. i want to express myself and be met with equal expression. the most helpful thing people can do when im #spiralling is to methodically destroy the spiral and not give up after just one chunk. stay there and don’t leave. like why is it so fucking #hard to… idk. that’s neither here nor there im getting in the weeds. my mental health was doing better for a few days bc i was pretending #none of the horrors happened but i tried to reflect on them tonight and now it’s 1:33 and im spiralling and i have to get thru the rest of t #week and probably be alone and i only have myself now.a nd i always only did i guess. so whatever. i don’t want to be miserable and surly at #work tomorrow but i probably will be and i don’t want to say it’s gonna be a bad day before it’s even started but it probably will be. augh.#delete later

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hourcat · 1 year

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i cant write that fic for real btw because that would mean charles would replace dj and i cant do that to my baby girl

#but we can imagine how that fic would go. extra practices to work through plays etc that end up with charles and pierre up close & personal #they have an easy natural chemistry that presents like friendship until pierre makes a dirty joke to him in the shower and charles cant sto #thinking about it because it....makes his dick jump a little (he's so grateful for the barriers between the showers he'd never live it down #suddenly their ''chemistry'' feels different because charles wants to kiss pierre. or wants pierre to kiss him. and nothing on the field #changes but this is BIGGER than on the field which means charles is twisted inside-out thinking about how his desire is presenting.#meanwhile pierre is off doing like. the espn body issue. being involved in sexy/scandalous ad campaigns #and it's driving charles up the WALL!! because he can't say anything genuinely. he can joke about it though. bc that's safe.#so maybe he makes a passing joke tease/comment that pierre realizes is flirting and after practice he corners charles in the film room #and is like ''did you like my shoot?'' or w/e but he's so close that charles knows he's not just asking to be a tease. so he doesn't answer #and pierre kisses him a moment later so it's not even like he'd have a chance to give a serious response anyway #but i digress. they make out for the first time in the dark of the film room with last week's game tape playing low-volume behind them

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sapphic-hobbit · 1 year

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i really want to get lost in minecraft rn. no, not lost in playing the game, literally lost inside the game. let me live there and pick flowers and stuff

#delete later #so everytime i have to do some work/school stuff my mind goes to my happy place which is minecraft i guess #i want to lay on the grass with the sun shining on me btw is that so much to ask #what if i had a horse that i could ride on a field what then #okay it's either minecraft or rdr2 #i want to get lost in the map of red dead redemption 2 as well please please pretty please #🥺#don't mind me i'm just losing my mind #this is me coping

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scattered-winter · 2 years

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hhoughhghhh,,,

#i just spent 10+ hours in a car driving on shitty sketchy snowy roads so now im the sleepiest tiredest girl in the world #BUT i spent almost the entire time working on my newest minecraft build :]#the last large scale build i did was titans tower from SEVERAL months ago so im super excited to do another one #the fucking terraforming is taking me FOREVER #it took like 2 hours to make the base surface of land and now i gotta add HILLS and FEATURES and BEACHES ugh #its fine. its fine #so far i have the canoe lake; thalia's tree; the volleyball pit; the arts+crafts center; the amphitheater; and the lava climbing wall DONE #all that's left is the big house; the cabins; the forest; the stables; the forge/armory; the beach; and the strawberry fields #im the MOST excited for the cabins tho <3 those are gonna be super fun #im planning on personalizing each one according to what god/goddess it is #oh decoration block section of inventory we're really in it now #ANYWAY. I MIGHT POST SOME PROGRESS PICS LATER <3 I'M EXCITED <333 #ive wanted to do a camp half-blood build for a very long time and now that im finally starting one im <33 #winter speaks

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nonsupe-a · 2 years

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i know i’ve said it probably about a million and one times with practically no real thought other than rambles but the cia wanting to desk him after his incident in russia, talking about the rest of his future as he’s laid up in a hospital bed, in and out of consciousness for the better part of a few days before he comes to fully, and vought essentially taking / buying him off their hands instead just so they can use him as a guineapig for the cv-a serum .... hits me.

#like by all means they were right to do so #he was in no condition and wouldn't be for a long time to do field work #they had no idea what his recovery would look like for a while #but to desk him meant that he would ultimately have to admit that shit happened. that what he went through happened #(which he doesn't really do until later in his life.)#and he didn't succeed in the other part of why he wanted to be overseas in the first place #desking him meant that everything he worked for is just ... dead in the water.#and some part of him was afraid that also meant his fight was over. the fight he'd been living with since he was a young adult #eighteen and in the military #ooooo h boy this is where my minds at today #one day i will do a super detailed meta about it #and his feelings when someone comes to him with the options #when he gets voughts offer #cause oh man.#when i tell you that vought twisted that vulnerability. when they saw the BOY about to lose a sense of himself .... hNN

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youremyonlyhope · 2 years

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#guys i may have a job offer and guys it's in a field i want to work in and guys it could lead to more connections #guys this job offer literally fell into my lap from someone i had just met and i'm surprised it happened #since 5 minutes after meeting them i broke a lightbulb. but 20 minutes later they're like 'do you want me to connect you to a job'#i'm gonna go do like a trial run at the place tomorrow. sort of a trial sort of training. see how it goes for 2 days.#and then we'll see if i join that team or not. i mean part of me is sad i won't have unlimited free time anymore #but guys i was starting to run low on cash #i mean it's basically minimum wage but like. better than no wage. and that's if i end up taking the job.#for all i know i'll do training tomorrow and hate it or they'll hate me but i don't think that will happen.#i'm nervous and excited yay

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steampoweredskeleton · 3 days

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.

Ignore

#delete later #every week is the same as the last. i need it to change. please #and not in a worse way again. i need it to change for the positive. please.#im going to be in my hometown in a week. i dont want to. but i need to. i dont wantttt to. i wont have a living situation sorted and #they're going to be weird about it and i don't have the ability to field that stuff positively bc all my positive thinking is going into #not having a breakdown so its gonna fucking suck. and im sngry and feel guilty im not moving closer but i caaaaaant without #things getting way worse mentally but i feel terrible about it bc i feel like i dont have an excuse for living so far away now #even though i dont NEED an excuse but i wish i had one. and im not allowed to die which is fucking annoying but its still working #as a coping mechanism so thats fine. im also. really upset that the insect thing ive been looking forward to for months i cant do.#it feels like a real kick in the face for wanting something. it was like my one thing to be excited for when everything felt #like it was falling apart abd then things fell nore apart and instead of insect joy im going to visit family and bask in that pool of grief #so. that's great. its just shit. and the only emotion i currently have access to is frustration and a bit of grief so thats also #not ideal. and im both dissociating so much and am painfully present which is a fun combo. shit just sucks abd theres no way out #currently. so i gotta go through it but im bad at that so im just miserable. might try to figure out a way to get the weoghted blanket #to hometown bc going without it is going to fuckinh suvk big time #i also need to have a hard conversation with someone who is way more into me than im into them rn. idk whether its bc i cant #access emotions rn or a genuine thing so im gonna have to communicate this bc otherwise it feels like im leading her on abd thats #shit. see thats one thing that is solidly in my court. like thats a my fault thing. everything else is just a shit situation #god life sucks sometimes. my mum always said things come in threes. i think im up to like thing five at this point

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clios-purls · 8 months

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Yearning™️ this fine Monday morning

#one cmbyn themed tiktok later and i want to be 18 standing in the fields above st andrews on a summers evening again #one soft fanfic later and my god do i want to be HELD #this is so inconvenient of me i need to get some work done

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