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#do you even understand what im trying to do here. is everything i do a joke
allbark-no-bite · 15 hours
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good boy.
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art donaldson x reader (wc: 2.9k)
summary: as Art’s personal physical therapist, it’s your job to fix what Tashi has torn apart, by whatever means necessary. or in which Art just needs some TLC
warnings: 18+ smut, it could be worse tbh, mentions of disordered eating
author’s note: i’m back ig?? im out of uni for the summer and challengers has me in a chokehold. Art Donaldson the man that you are
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You're standing just within earshot of the doorway, passing a sanitary wipe over one of the tables in the athlete treatment room when you hear the door abruptly open. Tashi storms in with a purpose and Art trails meekly behind her. Even if you had been clueless to how the match had gone rather than on the sidelines beside Tashi not even twenty minutes ago, you could have guessed by the hard line of her mouth that Art was in for it. Not that her displeased scowl was much different from her usual scowl, but you'd been around long enough to know the difference.
She stops abruptly, and Art heels obediently as Tashi turns around to face him. "I need you to tell me when you're going to fucking get it together so that I can stop wasting my time."
Weary and sweat soaked, Art just stares at her with that pitiful look on his face and says nothing in reply. His blue eyes solemnly take in her harsh disappointment as though beyond used to it. At this point it's not all that foreign to you either.
"You may as well be fucking asleep out there," she snaps.
This time his mouth opens. "I- I'm just tired-" he begins, although there's hardly any argue to his voice at all.
"No, I'm tired, Art," Tashi interjects. "Do you have any idea how much fucking work I've put into getting you back onto the court this past year?! I've done everything! The least you could do go out there and try to act like I've done anything for you at all!"
Art swallows, the slight frown on his face deepening. "I am. I just- I don't-"
Before he can even finish his sentence. The open palm of Tashi's hand connects with his cheek as she pops the left side of his face. Art closes his mouth. You pretend to concentrate on wiping down the table. It's not the first time you've witnessed one of these conversations but it still feels private, like you shouldn't be here. You keep wiping the table.
Understanding that anything else he says is only going to make Tashi angrier, Art resigns to once again watching her in silence. His blue eyes are sad. The usually fair skin of his cheek is tinted pink where she popped him. Although it wasn't very hard, you're sure it still hurt him all the same.
"Quit wasting my time," is all she says before she finally turns and leaves, walking right past you and out the other door. You hold your breath as she passes you. Art watches her go but makes no move to follow. You release an audible sigh. It's been a frustrating day for everyone. As Art's personal trainer, physical therapist, and close friend, you felt every loss, every ache and pain, every bad play. And there seemed to be a lot of those lately.
Art is still standing there, watching the closed door that Tashi left though.
Not knowing how to break the silence, you finally pat the freshly sanitized treatment table. "C'mon," you call gently, as though beckoning to a wounded dog.
It takes a moment for him to budge, but eventually he does, his disheartened spirit apparent in the way he walks over. Used to the usual routine, he tugs his damp shirt off over his head as he takes a seat, the lean muscles of his torso flexing as he does so. You allow yourself to ogle at him, only for a brief moment before stepping in between the bracket of his knees. Gently, you cradle his chin, tipping his head back to look up at you as your thumb smooths over the redness of his cheek. His blue eyes blink up at you, sad and dog-like.
"It wasn't terrible," you reassure him. "You had surgery six months ago. You're still getting your feet back underneath you. Most people wouldn't have come back." You're right. The still-pink scars on his shoulder are still fresh on your mind. The stitches weren't even out before Tashi had him in physical therapy. Even though his medical team had released him, it was still a bit early to start doing rehab so soon after surgery, Art's comfort being your biggest concern. But when Tashi wants something, she gets it.
Wordlessly, Art sighs, the weight of his head settling into your palm as he finally lets go of the tension he'd been carrying. It was always like this. You fixing what Tashi had torn apart. You understood where Tashi was coming from. Art needed a firm voice in his training, and you had a lot of respect for the way she put her foot down and never let up, not even once. But there was only so many times you could kick a dog while he was down.
So if Art needed someone to coddle him, you would coddle him.
He trusts you. He needs you, is what Tashi had told you when she asked you to stay on as his trainer full time. The three of you had been in the same year at Stanford all those years ago, Tashi and Art on the tennis team and you helping out as a student trainer as part of a class requirement. Three peas in a pod, the trio of you were. Of course then they both graduated, leaving you to finish up your schooling, meanwhile Art set off to go pro.
A few years later, once Tashi officially took on the position as Art's coach, she began building his team, and that's where you came in. You were hesitant at first.
'I already lost to you once, Tashi. I won't come in second to you again.'
She had paused on the other end of the line. Back in your Stanford days, it was obvious to anyone with eyes that you were head over heels in love with the blonde tennis player. But loving Art was like accepting the participation ribbon for a game you knew you weren't going to win in the first place. It was like standing next to the podium, just lucky enough to be included in the picture while Tashi and tennis took first and second place. And so you let him go.
'I'm not asking you to. This is different.'
Your hand slips from his face, and he forces his eyes open.
“Have you eaten?" you ask, stepping away in order to put some distance between the two of you and look for the granola bars that you keep especially for him. The gels were good sources of quick fuel in between sets, but they were hardly enough to even begin to make up for the calories he burned while playing.
Slowly, Art shakes his head, but he makes no move to take the snack from your hand when you offer it to him. Ever since his injury, nutrition became all the more important. So much to the point that every single thing that he consumed was mapped out to the exact calorie. Although he would never admit it, any sort of change in this routine made him incredibly anxious. Some days it was better not to cause him the anxiety than to force him.
Today, you insistently hold out the bar until he begrudgingly takes it from your hand. You don't move until you've seen him tear open the package and take a bite.
"Were you still feeling tight?" you ask as you walk around the table, stopping at the slouch of his turned back. You reach out to grasp at the joint of his neck and shoulder, your thumb smoothing over the kinesiology tape that's peeling away at the base of his neck.
He half turns his head to glance back at you. "You watched the match. You tell me."
His response is meant to be snippy, but it comes out more defeated than anything. To be fair, you've been his trainer long enough to know that if something was bothering him physically, you would have picked up on it.
"I want to hear it from you."
"I felt fine."
Your left hand follows suit on the other side of his neck, and you use both of your thumbs to apply pressure to what you assume will be a tense spot along the upper part of his traps. Predictably, Art groans at the attention. The muscles of his back contract as he fights the urge to shake you off. Relaxing the muscle hurts as much as it feels good. Besides his obvious discomfort, the rest of his body has gone lax under your touch. His shoulders have dropped at least an inch, and his chin has fallen to rest against his chest.
"Finish your granola bar," you reprimand him, your firm fingers working across his back until you find another spot that nearly has him jerking away. He releases a whine but obediently takes another bite of the bar. This time he finishes it before you have to remind him again.
You spend a few more minutes torturing him before you're satisfied that a majority of the tension has left his shoulders.
"Okay, good boy," you murmur, leaning forward so that your chest is close enough to brush against his back. One of your hands trails up to squeeze the back of his neck reassuringly.
You're close enough to hear him swallow at the name. The skin on the nape of his neck shivers despite how hot he still is from the match.
"Was I?" he asks timidly. "Good today?"
'I can be his coach. Or I can be the person he cries to after a bad day. But I can't be both. That's why he needs you."
Without removing your hand from his neck, you walk around the table so you're standing in front of him. Art widens the spread of his legs so that you can stand between them. His chin is still pressed to his chest, blue eyes focused on the ground.
"Art," is all you say, shifting your grip on his neck to tug lightly at his golden blonde hair. At your voice, he lifts his head just enough to look up at you through the pale wisps of his eyelashes. The irises of his blue eyes shine are wet with uncertainty.
Your fingers loosen their grip to allow your nails to scratch at his scalp. "You're good, Art. You'll always be good."
Art twists his head to nuzzle his cheek along the inside of  your outstretched arm. His lips kiss the crook of your elbow. He swallows again. "Even if I don't play tennis?"
You can tell the question's been bothering him, eating at his nerves, and messing up his game. You know him well enough to know that retirement isn't what he wants, not really. At least not right now. What he wants is the reassurance that it's going to be okay if he can't swing the comeback.
"Look at me."
He lingers a moment longer with his lips pressed lovingly against your skin before he reluctantly shifts his gaze up to you. His look is anticipatory but reserved, as if to preemptively conceal his disappointment should you choose to crush his heart with your answer.
His fear is understandable. Art's relationship with Tashi has always been entirely built off of his tennis career. By being the driving force behind his success, Tashi has vicariously lived out the life she would have had had her injury never happened. Without tennis, Art has nothing left to offer her. He knows that if he gives up tennis, he loses Tashi.
Your relationship with Art was a little less conditional. Hell, you'd been in love with him since the first time you'd laid eyes on him at Stanford. You can still picture him standing there on the court, barely nineteen, scrawny, nervous smile, backwards cap over his strawberry blonde hair. Before he was the Art Donaldson. But when Tashi had stepped into the picture, you figured that was where your fairytale ended.
"I don't love you because of tennis. I love you because you're kind, and thoughtful, and you're passionate about what you do." You smile a bit before adding, "And you're my good boy."
The name turns him bashful again, and he's quick to turn and hide his smiling face against your arm, only the flushed tips of his ears visible. "[Y/n]," he mumbles, likely meaning to be threatening, but it doesn't come out that way.
Art Donaldson lived to be praised.
You laugh, pulling him closer so that his face is held against your chest. The hand that you don't have threaded through his hair trails up the muscle of his defined quad. "You're my good boy. Aren't you, baby?"
Art whines, squirming when your hand reaches the apex of his thigh and hovers over the forming bugle of his shorts. He's not quite there yet, his dick only half chubbed up in interest, but given the day that he's had, you won't make him wait.
"Please?" he mumbles, his face still buried into your collarbone, as if attempting to curling into you, like a small child needing their parent to hold them for comfort.
You rake your nails lightly up the inside of his thigh. "What, baby?"
Not only did Art liked to be praised, but he was masochist even on his worst days.
"Want you to touch me," he mumbles, his voice muffled by your shirt. "Please."
Your hand still scratching through his hair, you press a kiss to the side of his head, unable to suppress your smile at his timid politeness and how it never seems to fail him. The only time he ever resembled anything remotely voracious was on the court.
Palm finding his tented shorts, you cup him through the fabric. Art responds immediately to your touch, his hips shifting further into your grasp. You continue to pet him through his shorts, appreciating the way you can feel him actively responding to your touch.
His nails dig into the padding of the treatment table when you give his now fully hard dick a less than sympathetic squeeze. His breath is hot as he pants against your collarbone, alternating between laving open mouthed kisses to your skin and whining when you pause fondling him just to feel his hips rut up into your palm.
Art was so in control on the tennis court, that often after a match, putting the control into someone else's hands was just what he needed.
When his hips start to stutter, you ease up but continue to stroke him through his shorts. The front of his shorts are damp with the musk of residual sweat and precum.
His breath is shallow—anticipatory.
"Gunna come?" you ask softly, speaking into the blonde mess of his hair, cradling him. He right there, you can tell by the lackluster buck of his hips, his building fatigue, and the change in his breathing.
"Can I? —Please?" Art asks breathily. He hiccups out the last part, his voice catching.
"You know you don't have to ask."
There's a brief pause, as if coming to the realization, before he meekly murmurs, "I know.
It should be sad really, his unwavering obedience, but there are two sides to Art, two polar extremes. On the court, every match, every set, every debilitating second is up to him. No one else can help him out there, and up until about a year ago, he played like it. That was the side of Art Donaldson that Tashi wanted. After the match is a different story. In private, Art needed someone to do the thinking for him, to pull him into a reality where he could believe that it didn't matter whether he won or lost. Tashi had not the sympathy nor the patience for that kind of fragility.
Art comes with a brief cry into your chest, his body arching into yours. Your hand palms at his pulsing dick until he's oversensitive and pulling away. When you relent, the front of his shorts are sticky and wet.
Finally, Art lifts his face from the safety of your chest. His blue eyes are glossed over, but it's an improvement from the detached look they held ten minutes ago. His cheeks are flushed, a mixture of his own embarrassment and satisfaction. 
You can't help the soft smile that creeps onto your face at the look of him, and immediately Art is abashedly trying to hide his face again, his own smile starting to appear. Before he can, you bring your hands back up to cradle his face, thumbs wiping away the wetness from under his eyes. This time he lets you.
His eyes study your face for a second, admiring you, appreciating the love he has for you.
“I don’t want to play tennis anymore.”
You can’t tell if it’s more of a statement or a confession. Either way, you know he’s telling you the absolute truth.
“Okay,” you reply softly, not hint of judgement in your voice. Maybe some disappointment, but that was understandable.
Retirement would be a kindness. Art would finally put back on some healthy weight, start smiling again, put on a real, actual smile. You could already see it, a nice house for the two of you to settle down in, with a picket fence and a dog in the backyard, the kind of things the two of you would have never had time for on tour.
Tennis had brought the two of you together, but it wouldn’t end you.
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blueiight · 3 days
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“what can the damned really say to the damned?” is what this episode asks. and well… “nothing.” is what the show answers us with.
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we are introduced to louis and claudia as ultimate outcasts to the mortals around them and vampiredom: louis attempts to maintain the illusions of humanity in similar structures once more, casting grace as his lost wife and claudia as his daughter, as claudia seeks to find other vampires. armand, clearly pissed about the interview as is, decides to draw upon 150 years of prior work experience as a playwright toward the end of this episode, which is quite frankly, a bit much considering how daniel’s already scared shitless. and theres a terrible romantic specter in europe following louis thats named lestat. its a lot going on here, and im bound to not cover everything. i do want to cover dreamstat, and me and you(5x) but i will wait for the season to progress to do that^_^
‘He asked me if we could go home. Home? Can there be a more offensive question? Run back to New Orleans. Pry up his bones, why don’t you? Louis de Pointe du Lac, dead weight.’
louis and claudia’s tension in this particular episode revolve around the killing — or the betrayal that prevented the killing — of lestat. et tu, louis? stowaways on ships, trains, and wagons and a totally alien environment where even the blood is hostile to them, is it any wonder louis dreams of lestat? is it any wonder, having access to louis’s mind, in pursuit of some understanding of vampires beyond the facismile of the nuclear structure, that claudia continues to feel betrayed? i always think to myself, if claudia had qualities that made the average fan more sympathetic to her, would they understand how she was betrayed by louis specifically that night? would they be able to sympathize with claudia’s incredible perserverance despite, and because of, everything thats happened to her? and how that betrayal is the underlying tragedy and romance alike of the narrative that made 1940 mardi gras’s aftermath so haunting that louis in dubai did not remember it or was made not to until the other night?
following that in the flashbacks is when dreamstat first appears, clearly an extension of louis’s own mind at this own point, and he asks louis:
Four years of grim wayfaring, and still no sight of the benevolent vampire. So how does denial manifest itself tonight? … Was she worth it?
its so telling that lestat is the image louis calls upon to embody his most bitter feelings toward claudia in this sequence. dreamstat deserves his own breakdown, especially in relation to louis& claudia’s conversation when she first finds the revenant, as well as the wider events in dubai…
speaking of revenants, morgan in the show is a proto-daniel of sorts an abandoned journalist whos interest in photography exposes the illusion of grace the wife and claudia the impossible daughter, and tries to understand louis through the perspective of the mortal hes been given — did he go AWOL, or is he a black bolshevik? louis when questioned absconds, and closes up what little of himself he’s sold to morgan. its a smart way to include him in the narrative, as morgan is witness to emilia’s beheading after she was attacked by said revenant… and louis turns his head, truly embodying the detachment of the vampire in this moment. human affairs, their problem. this is a really good example of whats meant by ‘human affairs’ in the show, by the way. this episode features claudia & louis facing racism from military to children, and thats not framed as a ‘human affair’, but as one of many haunting aspects of their immortal existences.
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claudia, in the pursuit for vampires, continues the metaphor of adoption in how she tries to find some sort of companionship and her current understanding of romania as this ancestral home to the vampire. whats also noticeable here is how claudia trying to make sense of centuries of legends is a striking parallel to how louis in the present day attempts to make sense of whats ‘true’ and ‘untrue’ from her diaries. claudia’s private accounts in the present that she never intended to be so deeply analyzed as anything other than her internal narrative in the moments she wrote them has become, to louis, a similar sort of legend thats necessary to decode for his own sense of self.
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She writes here, ‘I do not dream.’ I can confirm that. At least, that’s what she said to me once when I was talking about one of my dreams which were erratic and often in those years. Of course, she might’ve just said that to shut me up, but yet… she writes it here so… let’s believe it. She continues. ‘We traveled light in our ancestral home. We slept in the earth, took circuitous routes around the mad army goose-stepping its way toward mother Russia…’
I woke that night to the sound of chaos erupting nearby. Claudia was, uh.. . she was dreaming. Her head twitching like you would. […] No, I can feel her. I can feel her next to me. She’s having a nightmare. What’s worse than a nightmare? If your soul’s projecting out its fears, at least it’s up and running. But the absence of anything? The void, the nothing, pieces… coming back. Hours, nights, objects surfacing in water… It was just something she’d wrote. But it wasn’t true. She could dream.
dubai louis’s recollection of claudia and the existential dread of eternally being damned, the terror of lacking a soul, a rather catholic fear but still having a sequence of memories that cycle back into an immortal brain, replay in this inversed sleep cycle, can be malleable, forgotten, poke a hole in louis’s attempt to utilize claudia’s diaries as but an extension of his own narrative, and offers a glimpse at what is truly at stake in this second interview.
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infictionalwonderland · 13 hours
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. . . fred weasley with it girl veela girlfriend (you, bitch!)
babe.
he is your biggest fucking fan
drooling and wide eyes when he even HEARS the click of ur cunty shoes xxx
genuinely stand by the fact he has shirts with ur face on
to him, you’re everything & more
no1 advocate for anything you do
‘yeah, love, you should do that. definitely’
‘mhmm, anything you want darling’
GRRRRRRRR 🐱🐱🐱🐱
eats up every single one of ur cunty fits
you look so damn good babe and he makes sure you know it
‘you’re the most beautiful girl i have ever seen, love. seriously’
‘if you don’t stop smiling like that, im gonna be forced to take you against this fucking wall love’
OOPSIES
HOW DID THAT GET THEERRREEEE
knows the whole school and literally the whole world is obsessed with you and is here for it
(but is also not)
he loves that people know how special you are bc you fckn are
but like
when he sees whores staring at you with gaping mouths and starry eyes he’s like
she’s MINE.
doesn’t enjoy people staring at his girl
10000% the type to wrap his arms around you and pull you back into him, genuinely acting as a shield for the stares
pd(bloody)a!!!
he’s a big big fan
obvs if it makes you uncomfy, he’ll understand and back off! your comfort is his main concern
HOWEVER
if you like it just like he does…
arm wrapped around you waist while you’re walking around
HANDDD HOLDING
he loves cuddling you
ur like his squishmallow 😘😘😘
he really enjoys showing you, all the time, how much you mean to him. how obsessed he is with you. bc he wants you to know
will readily admit to the fact he is very much on ur pink bedazzled leash xxxxx
he’s ur mf bitch ❤️❤️❤️
if ppl try and take the mick out of him for it he literally could not care less
and what???? it’s true
he would kiss the ground you walked on if you asked
if he notices you getting uncomfortable w ppl staring at you, he’s not afraid to confront them (if you want that)
‘yeah, mind looking anywhere bloody else mate?’
‘if you done leering at my girl you wanker, feel free to piss off’
if people happen to not heed his warning, he’s not afraid to fight someone for you
(one time he did and arthur got called in to ‘deal’ with his son—he gave him an approving hug and a chocolate frog)
you & the weasels are like this 🤞
ginny does not resent you bc ur a veela, IN FACCTTTT she actually really looks up to you and admires you, knowing you’re so much more than ur beauty
she’s wants to BE you
(apart from the dating her brother part, gag)
george calls you ‘little legend’ he thinks you’re great for making his brother so starstruck and mushy-goey all the soft things.
genuinely cannot wait for the day you become his sister in law 🤧
after ron got over his creepy little crush, he’s grown to see you as someone he adores (even if he would never admit it) and someone he really feels safe with
you make him feel wanted in his family and actually loved—for that, he loves you more
charlie thinks ur an absolute riot 😭😭
the first time you met you had pulled a prank on the twins, turning their skin lilac and giving them unicorn horns with fuzzy purple fur everywhere (human unicorns)
he’s adored you ever since
bill loves you like a little sister and fleur and you are legit best mates!!!
arthur holds you very dear to him as he sees how good you are for his son and how much of a good individual you are in general
molly was slightly hesitant initially
BUTTT then you knitted her and arthur winter hats for christmas, sent them with a cutesy note and some sweets and she knew she’d love you
(she really, truly does)
#fredweasleyisurseximinion
he wrote that himself xxxx
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nevarroes · 2 days
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About the subject of avoiding Triggers (cw. self-harm)
What im about to say might sound a bit silly but I wanted to mention it anyways since I feel like this never ever comes up when people discuss Triggers;,
So...
I used to be a very bitter and unhappy person, my bitterness eventually got so bad that just seeing people being happy triggered me sm that it made me self-harm. I'm luckily over all of this now and doing much better but um... I'm guessing what I'm trying to say is that the trigger debate is a bit more nuanced than people might realize?
People always assume that getting rid of everything "bad/immoral/non desired" would help others feel more comfortable online/fandoms and that no one would ever get triggered again but I kinda doubt that. Triggers are so much more complicated and very dependent on the person. Something that triggers someone might give someone else comfort and make them make seen;, something that gives someone else comfort might trigger another person and so on.
The only thing anyone can do is to look out for themselves, know their triggers and know how to avoid them. Block people if it helps but please don't try to control what others post or not.
Like seriously... I used to have such weird Triggers and It would have been so so sooo silly and shitty of me if I had asked the people around me and online not to be outwardly happy because it triggered me.
(Sorry if I was rambling too much, the point kinda got lost but I hope you understand what I meant)
I hope you dont mind me just sharing because…. yeah this, exactly🙂‍↕️ I still have INSANELY weird and specific triggers as well and honestly? sometimes I will randomly see something that fits the description and it might even ruin my day (even with blocking everything I can) to be quite honest and transparent here but never in my life would I imagine to go and blame or even hate whoever posted that because it‘s…. it‘s me. It‘s a personal thing, no one else is responsible for that
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widevibratobitch · 6 months
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so i am singing that vitellia in the end... but at what fucking cost.
'you gotta sing this softer'
'what'
'this is mozart'
'this is vitellia'
'this is mozart'
'im singing about how much i hate this mf and want him dead before the end of the day'
'this is mozart'
'i wanna murder a guy'
'this is mozart'
'...'
'softer. gentle. mozart'
'...ok'
#they're killing me here#i already bargained for ONE (1) note in chest (thank you so so much that i am ALLOWED to sing an A3 in chest voice <333) and now THIS#THIS is why people hate mozart. fuck you.#i recorded that rehearsal and the first version sounds SO MUCH BETTER. after i did what she asked me to do its just. so fucking boring.#i hate it here#i love this duet so much but frfr im not sure i wanna do it if i have to do it on their terms.#also like sorry to be a bitch but you're a pianist girl. just stick to your stuff and let me take care of mine.#just because you're playing this like you're constipated because tHiS iS mOzArT doesnt mean the rest of us dont care either.#its possible i never will get the chance to sing the entire vitellia so i want to do justice. as much as im able. to this one chance i get#it took me A Long While to deal with the fact that i wont be able to bark that 'indegno' and 'regno' like i always envisioned.#but like. ok. whatever. i can still make it Entertaining. THIS however. no. no fucking way.#and its not even about me being a big-headed know-it-all who thinks she's better than everyone because. lol and lmao clearly im Not#but this is about having a fucking SOUL. its about actually taking the libretto into consideration too. its about trying to figure out#WHY mozart wrote it the way he did. like sorry but this is another fiordiligi case where its CLEAR that the amplitudes the crazy jumps#are there FOR A REASON. the reason is HE WANTED A CONTRAST. some fucking EMOTION. he sure as hell didnt want it to be Soft And Gentle.#i know it because i talked to him and he told me im right about everything as always and you can eat shit girl bye#grrrrrrrr im so angry#i knos i sound so arrogant here but please. please i just want to make this music fun and enjoyable. i just dont want it to be boring#please understand my vision im begging you
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thehardkandy · 3 months
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i have been lurking around online help forums answering questions for probably at least 15 years and to this day it still drives me absolutely bananas when people essentially just post "HELP! I HAVE A PROBLEM" and then refuse to provide any information or context as if you are some sort of mind-reading savant capable of inducing all the information required on the broadest problem imaginable
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cinnamon-notes · 15 days
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i have been ghosting my friends for idk a month??? and they have been doing the same??? except for when we meet in a workplace cuz somehow our jobs decided to cross over :)
#feeling so bad about it but like i cant bring myself to interact with people right now but i am also constantly sad because i dont interact#with anyone out of work :/ but working makes me socially exhausted & tbh all i wanna do is be depressed with my books & my movies &my tunes#but i also crave affection like i realize i have zero social life and i sometimes schedule some hangout with my friends but it's almost#become like idk a task? something i look at through work eyes. like- i arrange our hangouts the way i arrange work meetings. it's so sad.#i know it is. but still- i cant help it. through all my life ive been missing having a lifelong friend who knows me like the back of their#hands and i know like the back of mine. never had it. cant cry over that. it's passed. i cant invent lifelong friendships that never existed#and i gotta make peace with that. plus- what am i complaining about if im just incapable of keeping any friend for longer than a month???#after the first month- maybe the first couple of months- it all gets boring and dont get me wrong i really love my friends but somehow they#lose interest in me and i lose interest in them and we become just people who know each other and occasionally hang out but like- i've never#had a friend who's there for me when things happen in my life. i've always had friends to tell things to afterwards. like- i know i cant#really pick up the phone and say “hey. im having a bad time. can we take a walk? talk on the phone? can you tell me about your day? can you#just be here for me?“ and i cant even idk just randomly pop up with a ”oh my god i hate him i hate him i hate him it's a whole montague vs#capulet but if romeo and juliet never existed kind of hatred!!“ i just cant vent right away. ive always thought that that's my problem.#and maybe it is. but still- how's come they can vent to me? im always there right away. i do love my people and i show up for them.#sometimes my depression makes it soooo difficult to hang out constantly but if there's one thing that cannot be said about mw is that i dont#care. cuz i do. and maybe that's the problem#and maybe it's just easier for me to care than let others care? idk? but then again- i did try to open up. i did try to let them care. i did#try everything by the book & off the book but still- idk it's always just an “im sorry” never an “i care so much to say more than im sorry”#and yeah it's my problem cuz i am not a constant person im not that steady in what i do. i still dont know if it's because i havent found#yet the people worth doing it or if i am just traumatized (my ex is knocking on this door lol) but- idk it makes me extremely sad!!!#and ive rambled on way too much but i jusg needed to let some things out of my mind cuz i cant understand whats wrong with me and why i#crave true friendships although im hella scared of and bored of and unwilling to nurturing one :)#cinnamon diary
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strwbrymlkshake · 1 year
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ohh I do want to pass away why am I so stupid
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#mine#🎸#why am i such a terrible person 😇 genuinely what the fuck#me when i want to cry and tear my skin off over a minor mistake ufhdshdjfjg can i stop being fucking stupid for once#crying over a mistake right NOW actually everything is so difficult i dont know what im supposed to do in these situations!!!!!!!#i get in trouble for not knowing what to do in social situations then i have to apologize and i didnt know THAT either.#bashing my head against the wall violence maiming killing death torture bloodletting slicing tearing defenestrating murdering annihilating#me anmd my epic autism powers. shouldnt i know better why csnt you understand!!! who is at fault here! i dont even know#ashshsjdksjfklsfke im wanna cry so hard everything sucks right now im too busy for this shit. for Emotions#why are you punishing me do you hate me?! did you never even like me at all are you trying to make me mad!!! why#im so tired and frustrated i want everything to go perfectly but its not nothing can be perfect in this terrible world he is going to hate#me now. hell why do i have urges like this it always ruins everything im being so selfish arent i aren't i arent i !!!!!!!! why cant we#be FUCKING compatible and perfect snd everything what is the problem am i the problem?!?? why cant you understsnd what im trying to tellyou#maybe it really would just be better if i died nothing good has happened or is going to happen to me since he probably hates me and#my life sucks!!!!! my face hurts from crying i cant cry properly it hurts it feels so hot why cant it end already!!!!!!! why cant#we be perfect like we are supposed to why cant you UNDERSTAND it seems easy to understand to ME whwueh i am mortified my throat hurts#my head hurts i hate this world why couldnt i resist why did i have to be vulnerable id be better off if. well i dont know#i do want to crush bones and flesh beneath my hands to be honest i dont KNOW i thought it was going well i thought it was good#the thread i am hanging on by is quite thin actually why do i care so much why do i care so little im going to explode right meow!!!#my mood is so ruined i dont know if im even used to this whole thing i cannot get in particular moods im so. rgrhrhggr none of this post#is going to make sense i just need to say words while crying then itll be fine probably#this is just another one of god's little tests i think that everyone will hate me no matter what in the end so i have to enjoy it while#it lasts. no matter how hard i try everything always ends up the same way. all this started because of my mistakes and itll end with them
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sexybabystevie · 1 year
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this is to ONE PERSON and one person ONLY. if you're confused, it's not you!
#you know. i saw you posted today from a different account. and it was one i totally forgot about#i didnt even feel like running back this time. was i curious? yes. did i end up looking? yep.#im saying this even though im 98% sure you cant see it but whatever. since when has that stopped me before?#you seemed fine. to say seeing that didnt piss me off would be a lie. oops i guess#i think its funny how the last thing you posted was stolen from me.#today it was one of those tag games we used to do together. your taglist was empty with some excuse of being absent on this app#i cant help but wonder if thats really all of it. if thats the whole story or not. i have a feeling the answer is no#i dont think youll ever understand the impact of what you did to me and the ways that you treated me. how that immensely fucked me up#or how youve basically thrown me to the wolves ever since you emotionally checked out.#you act like i never mattered to you and its been like that for forever. i made so many excuses on your behalf that i never should have.#these days the thought of you makes me go insane. the kind of insane that leaves me up all night and makes me wanna scream at the top#of my lungs. i have been consumed by anguish and hate. yes. im not afraid to say it anymore. i hate what happened and what you did to me#and sometimes i even hate you. and i dont even feel bad about it. im so over that because if theres anything i deserve after this hell then#its the capability to hate. for once in my life.#i saw your post and wondered if you thought of me. and i hope you did. i hope you thought of me and at the very least it stung.#because whether you want to admit it or not i was someone good. i bent over backwards for you every other day. try finding someone to do#everything that i did for you that you never appreciated. try finding someone who will care as much as i did about someone who couldnt be#bothered to tell me happy birthday. i dare you. because im tired of being sad that youre not here. im tired of being the one whos mourning#im so over it actually. because really i did so much for you. i gave up so much to be a good friend and it was never enough. i genuinely#cared about you. im not going to torture myself anymore by overanalyzing your posts or by thinking that i was nothing to you#because in one way or another youll miss me. and i hope the feeling is hell.#in the wise and paraphrased words of taylor swift. karma only comes back around to those who deserve it#in other words ill be fine#em speaks#tw vent ish#sorry to everyone else although i applaud you for being nosy lmao. gotta have my girlboss moment <3
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d0llyrat · 2 years
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Hmmmm
#i need to vent a bit.#if you dont want to read negative stuff please ignore this#but I need to get this out of my chest and I just dont want to annoy anyone about it#everyone knows already anyway. whatever#i know you guys want me to keep going and to not give up#but i feel like i cant bro#everytime something happens i just want to. not exist. i dont want to be here. its freaking depressing and it just gets worse#my dad keeps telling me good stuff about myself and he begs to me that i dont give up. that i should keep going#and show everyone how 'cool' i am. he tells me to tell myself that i love me#but i can't bro i really can't. it just keeps getting fucking worse#my dad probably just sees me that way cuz. duh im his child#but is it really like that? i dont think it is. im not going anywhere. things are always for a bit of time and then i lose it all#i dont even know who i am#i dont know what i like or what i really want. i dont think im doing things well#this just keeps making me lose things. people. moments. everything#im crying bro. i hate reality. i have been wanting to get so distracted that im not even dressing the way i used to#i just take whatever thing i find around.#i just realized ive been wearing the same socks for idk how many days. im unmotivated to work on feeling good with myself#i just keep getting worse#i dont want to hurt anyone. or scare anyone. please understand me. i am really trying my best to keep going but it always feels like#its the same in the end. like a cycle#i haven't started therapy but hopefully i will soon. i hope it helps me.#im so scared and i feel really alone. i need irl affection.#sssndkwjwjdfkkffgh whatever im going back to distractions.#thanks for reading ? dkswjkff
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actualtoad · 2 years
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today was such a day (negative, mostly)
#it’s my sisters birthday#she’s been really stressed because of my parents being so actively vehement at each other all week. she’s okay rn though#um#my friend teacher she/herred me like three four times while introducing me to somebody!!!!!!#and then???? my next hour teacher deadnamed me in front of the entire class because she doesn’t understand having multiple names in multiple#classes and yesterday she was bringing up how a different teacher had called me ari and i was like oh huh yeah okay i go by many names#like trying to be funny and vague about it but then today you know what she did? she called me ari-arthur-anya#she called me two school names and my FUCKING deadname because she doesn’t GET IT and im so FREAKING mad at her and she does NOT get a card#im so pissed im so mad at the two teachers that i thought were probably the most accepting teachers that i’ve ever KNOWN and now here they#BOTH of them on the same day one after another an hour apart!!!! im so pissed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#and i know that mr hidaka didn’t MEAN it he’s talked to me about gender and stuff like!!!! i know it’s not representative of all of him but#it just hurts really bad that people who i know and love who are SO important to my feeling even a little safe at school#it hurts really bad knowing that they don’t even think of me as myself. that mr h can just forget to use my pronouns makes me want to cry#im so tired of it being something that people have to remember to do. im so tired of this other everything being the default#i need a fucking beard or something i guess. give me some time please!!!! i want to be a teenage boy please!!!!!!!! im so tired!!!!#i had a good morning with mr hidaka mostly like. basically i skipped my first hour class i couldn’t do it today i didn’t want to be there#and i couldn’t do it. so i went to his room how i do. and i said can i stay here. and he said of course i could but i would get marked#absent from my first hour but as long as i was okay with that i could stay. and so i did and i was working on stuff. and then#another teacher showed up. and okay something you guys for sure don’t know about my friend teacher is that he’s a frisbee coach at my school#like he’s in charge of the ultimate frisbee team shdhdf. he’s really into it it’s not really a sport feeling thing but it seems like fun#so anyway the other teacher was like hey (hidaka first name) me and some guys from the team are gonna go throw some frisbees do you want to#and mr h was like. yeah sure!! and he gave me the option between i could stay if i wanted but i could come with too and i said i’d come with#but i cant do frisbee. so it turned out to be the kids from the team and the other coach were doing fancy stuff together and me and mr h#just played some catch and he showed me how to do it and it was really fun and nice and it was really good#so it sucked when then the other teacher was like. so who’s this lovely person anyway? (exact words he said)#and my friend teacher mr hidaka said oh she skipped her first hour so shes here with me#and that hurt my stupid feelings pretty bad!!!!!!! i didn’t say anything though#and then the rest of the day happened. and now im home#all i have left for the rest of the school year is just my chemistry final so im not doing homework tonight#im still making finishing his book into a high priority it’s higher than the project
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*head in hands* oh God my parental issues affect my view of Kiryu
#it feels so DUMB and CLICHE like is it not enough for me to fully understand this man and why he does what he does and the fact that it#always comes from a good place and yet his actions nearly ALWAYS hurt those around him so it makes me irratated with him. Is it not enough#for him to be a mirror that reflects back at me and reminds me of everything I hate about myself? Is that not enough?#Noooo I have to go and care about Haruka more than the writers do so what I see is a girl who wants stability and who loves her father#who tries to be like 'im always here for you you can always count on me' but in practice is distant and leaves her to struggle alone#the one man she always knows will be there is the same man she can count in to never be there. his actions being fuelled by love and his ow#untreated issues somehow don't dull the pain but they do make you think you should be grateful for what you have and don't be harsh#It is at this point I May Be Projecting but always I'm correct. Anyway their relationship isn't 100% me n my dad ofc#I wouldn't even say we're both LIKE the characters but I'm seeing the threads. I'm seeing the reflection. I dont like it dnbmhfgndgdn#smol speaks#once again life would be easier if I JUST hated Kiryu but he makes it very difficult to do so but he also makes it difficult to like him#He's so fuckin stupid. But also his upbringing sucked. His views of the world and how he's 'supposed' to act clash with his inherent desire#and nature to be selfless and help others. Trying to prove to himself and others a 'true yakuza' is some beacon of honour#the people's champion. imo he is proven wrong time and time again but he refuses to hear it. At what point does it stop being a case of#standing your ground an act worthy of respect but then becomes bullheaded stupidity#selflessness into selfishness. courage into idiocy. love into hurt. fuck off Kiryu. get some help. you have it#smol plays yakuza
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viosjaan · 2 months
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i don't think you want anything to do with me anymore so i can just vent the texts i want to send to you here
#i am sorry#truly genuinely#ive been trying to justify it to myself that we weren't technically together and you said go kiss other people ill still be here meet your#needs in the way you want#but i think it was#yesterday#this guy flirted with me and i flirted back but then suddenly this wave of disgust and self loathing hit me#like what am i even doing#how could i have done that#you were sitting there thinking we're okay you thought we were still together and im just in a bad mood going thru one of those depressive#episodes you were so understanding when you shouldn't have been because if i say im in love with you i should be there for you every step#of the way.#but you go through so much shit alone and im never there for you or atleast not there for you a lot of times and then i blame you for#liking your bestfriends more like it's so stupid obviously love should be reliable stable#and we were something na. we were everything except the label#i should have told you the moment i started feeling empty and dissatisfied again#but just. this isn't an excuse but like i didn't want to hurt you by bringing up this same fight for the one thousandth time#we agreed that you're not in the position to give more and i agreed to be okay with it and i really was.#but i can't help myself i want to give you everything i hate that feeling that i need to be less love less WANT less. mujhse nahi ho pata#i wasn't lying or pretending to be okay with it i was TRYING my best to be okay with it because i love you and this was the only way to#not lose you forever#now i just want to move on fr and be just friends with you. i can't lose you as a person but i don't know how to make this up to you#i am physically incapable of being in this situationship i want a relationship or a friendship i can't with this in between#which is what i told you in jan. i remember my chest actually feeling heavy with fear bc i was so scared of hurting you and getting hurt#again. jokes on me my worst fears came true all the progress we made by taking space is lost#i don't know if you really deleted my playlist. i tried to listen to more songs from it but they're so. lovely. talking about epic grand#love. which we have. but it's like waving a candy in front of a kid and snatching it away it hurts too much to have all the feelings and#none of the relationship. now that ive talked to some people in the romantic sense i get it#you were my best love my most perfect love there are no flaws there's nothing anyone else can do that can be equal or more to what you did#but idk it isn't meant to be maybe there's no future
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hecksupremechips · 2 months
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Posts about bpd need to stop being so damn relatable to me 🤨
#listen im not saying i must have bpd cuz of a bunch of relatable tumblr posts dont clutch your pearls on me#but hm im starting to get suspicious ajsjk#just been spending these past few months really digging into my deeply repressed memories and emotions and i keep discovering more and more#fucked up shit lol like first its being forced to acknowledge that i have a bit more than some ‘minor trauma’#and that ive actually just been like horribly abused like. my entire life and still am 😟#then it was like really trying to think about myself and what ive done to cope with abuse and like ive constructed an entire person#to just live as whenever im in the abusive situations and when i was removed from the situation for the first time ever#i had like a huge crash a huge crisis i both functioned way better than everyone said i would like suspiciously better#but also way worse at the same time#i could handle all the responsibilities of living alone i never once felt scared or homesick i was clean i was efficient i used money wisely#but i also felt like i was dying and i couldnt function when my persona dropped#cuz i didnt need to be that person anymore i could finally be me but then like. who even is me ive never gotten to find out#i dont know basic ways to behave i still have no clue how to exist or what i truly want vs what i pretended to want#its all completely muddled and its hard to explain that i cant tell whats genuine with me and whats fake#cuz ive been forced to live the fake shit my entire life you know? ive had to and i had to accept it#ive never gotten to make any of my own actual decisions and at the same time i have to decide everything for everyone else#im the parent of my parents but never was the child and the child is still there asking for attention but no one is there#then you know i had to return to the abuse and so its like i did get to taste freedom but not for long and i spent all my time in that#crisis mode so it wasnt exactly a fun filled time but being back here is much worse than before cuz now i know whats happening#and how i have to perform and its like how do i discover anything about myself in this kinda environment and no one understands the turmoil#the reason why something simple like wearing different shoes is so impossible for me#its just a horrible environment to be in i am in hell constantly ive no clue whats happening and im very obsessive over everything#aaaaghhhhhhh help girl help lol
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hakugreenfinch · 3 months
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"you should absolutely go for a scholarship abroad" they dont know i spent 5 months studying abroad and during those 5 months only once did anyone that wasnt a teacher try talking to me and even she went "oh" when i said i was an international student and just. left
#hakuna matata#i had a... very weird day today.#i asked a teacher for a one on one discussion#she spent todays class talking about how we should go for a phd#and like... 'if you have a good thesis topic and your consultant endorses it and you know and are friends with every teacher etc#you should go for it!!'#which is like... cool cool.#but can i try it even if my topic is cringe my consultant barely knows what im talking about and im physically unable to talk to people?#(i asked that teacher to be my consultant because. uh. nobody else was willing or had the capacity to deal with me.)#'go study abroad its so much fun' it wasnt fun the first time. what if they send me to the wrong uni#THE WRONG TOWN AGAIN#i believe i do my best here but my spoons are limited and my interests arent high culture enough so its like im just wasting my time#i like doing this. i like being here. but nobody told me if im not super social i might as well wipe my ass with my masters degree#i did an hour long presentation on jojo and feminism. i was so excited to do it.#afterwards the only response i got was from a classmate telling me it was funny because it 'shocked the teacher'#do you even understand what im trying to do here. is everything i do a joke#i dont talk to my classmates because theyre mean and rude and they dont need me in their conversations anyway#but apparently i have to be buddies with everyone i see to get uh. a job i dont even want teaching at this uni.#i dont want to teach i dont want to talk to these people i have no idea when or how they make friends or what i want to do with my degree#im tired and frustrated and ive been crying and tearing up all day#anyway. i asked her for a one on one discussion. i need to talk to her without people that probably already make fun of me behind my back.
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chososlilprincess · 5 months
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last part of virgin!Choso<3 (im gonna write more for him tho, just in other scenarios!!) other parts here: part 1 part 2 part 4
.⋅ ۵♡۵ ⋅.
Virgin Choso who stands on his small balcony, looking over the city, a grey cloud creeping out between his lips.
Choso had taken up smoking. He’d asked Leiri about it when he’d seen her doing it, and she’d told him it helped her to relax. he’d bought a pack right after that. The first couple of times he’d coughed the smoke out. But now he does it smoothly, inhaling and exhaling the smoke with no problem. It makes him feel at ease even just for a moment, and lord knows he needs it right now. Humans are fucking weird he thinks, they’d jepordize their health for a little break from their troubles. Guess that doesnt sound so ridiculous now that he thinks about it. Either way hes a human now too, or a half one atleast.
he squeezes the cigarette into an ashtray and looks at the time when he hears the door bell ringing. Its late and you’re here.
he hears you running up the stairs, and when you get to the top you run to him, giving him a soft hug. His heart keens.
“hi Choso!” you smile and let go of him, he immediately misses the feel of you, “hey,” he mumbles.
“why do you smell like cigerattes?” you huff and your nose crickles. cute.
he raises his shoulders.
“i cant believe it…who taught u to do that huh?” you make a disappointed face and fold your arms, tapping your foot on the floor. And he knows youre just joking, you and Yuji have been using enough sarcasm around him for him to have a pretty good understanding of it.
“Leiri,” he shrugs.
“of course…that hag,” you grin. And you look so fucking adorable, in your little outfit, and the way you look when you smile makes him weak. He has your bag ready on the couch, he had washed your panties before putting everything back into it. But he can’t think about that now, or he’ll turn bright red.
he sighs “i made dinner,” he says, “if you’re hungry,” you stop infront of him and you almost look like youre gonna cry from happiness. “im starving,” you say quickly, “what did you make?”
He’d made rice bowls for you. your favourite. And you eat like a girl who’d gotten her first meal in months. Happily humming while eating your food.
Rather than focusing on eating his own bowl, he thinks about eating every meal of the day with you, sitting across from him.
when you’re done you put your plate in the sink and you yawn, you look adorable when you yawn, you look adorable when you do anything.
you turn around, “Choso?”
his heart skips a beat. he nods.
“it’s really late and um…dark outside and i don’t really want to walk home alone,” you look away, are you….blushing?
“is it okay if i stay here for the night?”
And hes heard the stories. About what happens to pretty girls when they’re alone at night and they don’t see the stranger walking behind them. And his fist clenches at the thought of someone being mean to you. He’s stronger than any human. he’d crush their fucking skull.
“you can stay,” he says quickly, a little too eagerly he realises. And you smile, “give me your plate,” you say, looking greatful that he let you stay, unknowing of the fact that he’d do just about anything if it meant your safety, or your happiness.
You start washing the dishes in his tiny kitchen, and when Choso tries insisting that he wants to help, you splash a bit of water on him. And you laugh so sweetly, when he jumps a little, trying not to get hit.
When youre done washing up, You both stand in silence for a while. For some reason its not as akward as it sounds.
“i will sleep on the couch,” he says,
“no Choso…id feel bad, you sleep in your bed,” you mumble.
You both argue like that for a while, and youre not letting up. stubborn little human.
you both get quiet for a moment.
“how big is your bed?”
“Queen size,”
“so why dont we just…sleep in it together?”
youre blushing slightly again. it must be his imagination.
And then he thinks about it. Friends sleep in the same bed sometimes right? you dont mean anything by it, he thinks, its just you being polite.
“i guess…we could do that yes,” he agrees.
you smile and nod, “okay,”
Choso excuses himself to go to the bathroom then, telling you to go ahead and get ready for bed.
He looks at himself in the mirror. He takes out his buns, his hair falling down to his shoulders. His eyes are dark and sunken. He looks dead he thinks. He looks down, “behave,” he says quietly, mostly to his heart, but also his dick.
he buries his head in his hands And He realizes he cant, he realizes the second he’s gonna look at you in his bed, he won’t be able to stop himself. to stop himself from confessing everything he feels, everything he’s done. that he thinks about you all the time, that you drive him insane, that he stole your pretty panties and came in his hand from the smell of your wet cunt.
When he rounds the corner of his bedroom, you’re sitting patiently on the edge of his bed, waiting for him.
“i am going to sleep on the couch, i don’t think this is a good idea,” he says it quickly, before he changes his mind, before its too late to go back.
you open your mouth to speak, hesitating a little.
“is it because of what yuji told me?”
his brain goes quiet. “what?”
“that you…that you like me?”
fuck. its over. he sighs angrily. that little fucki-
you stand and walk to him.
and when you put your hand on his chest, for a moment he forgets why hes mad, he forgets who he is and what year hes in. all he sees is you. And how close you are all of a sudden. and how youre leaning in, standing on your tippy toes, pressing your soft lips to his, in a short gentle kiss. His world stops for a moment.
And when he regains his senses, his instincts take over and he kisses you back ferociously, it’s sloppy and uncoordinated, but neither of you seem to care.
You walk backwards onto his bed, and you push him down so he’s sitting on the edge. He looks at you like a puppy dog, and his cheeks are flushed red.
When you sit down in his lap his dick twitches in his pants.
“i- i didnt think you…,” he stutters. he doesn’t really believe what’s happening.
“well i do,” you say, while cupping his face in your hands. “a lot,”
“can i…” he needs it he needs it he needs it, “can i eat your pussy?” he mumbles it quietly.
your eyes widen. fuck, he shouldn’t have said that, it was way too fast, you were just kissing.
“oh…uh okay,”
fuck. yes.
he lifts you up from his lap, and you skriek a little from surprise. He puts you down in a chair in the corner of his bedroom.
he gets on his knees infront of you and speaks quietly,
“i…im sorry i,” he sniffles a little, he’s so overwhelmed. And you’re letting him taste you.
you lean down and give him a kiss, biting your lip slightly.
“its okay…we can talk later, if you need it i’ll give it to you okay?”
And fuck he almost cries, and he buries his face in your lap. You shush him a little, caressing his hair. Hes hugging your legs.
He lifts his head, and you start unbuttoning your pants. Slowly sliding them down your hips as they fall to the floor. You spread your legs and he whimpers. Your panties are pink this time, and theres a big wet spot on them. And he doesn’t spare a second, he dives his head into your cunt, rubbing his face in it and licking at the wet spot desperately. you moan his name softly, and he cant help but grind his hard cock against the leg of the chair. Hes pathetic but he doesnt care, he wants you to feel good, he wants to make you cum on his face. He groans into your weeping pussy as he thinks about you cumming for him.
He pulls away a little, silently begging you to remove your panties. He wants to see your pussy so bad. His pussy.
You slide down your panties to reveal your soaked cunt. Choso almost growls. He looks up at you, asking for permission to keep going. you nod, your eyes half lidded. Spoiled little princess, he thinks, and thats exactly how hes going to treat you from now on.
he leans in again, kissing your pussy and it makes a wet sound. He licks his lips and groans deeply at your taste. He starts lapping at your cunt like a dehydrated puppy. He’s making out with your pussy now, swiping his tongue all over. You can tell he’s inexperienced, but it doesn’t matter, he’s doing such a good job.
you feel so good, his tongue is too much, its all too much. You love him so much. And you cum unexpectedly, crying out his name, begging him to keep going and he whines. You thrash around and Choso keeps you steady, his strong hands grasping your hips.
After youre done he keeps licking up your cum, making sure youre cleaned.
“Choso…stop, too much,” you say softly.
He pulls away.
His face is covered in your juices, dripping all the way down his neck. And he looks so happy. He stands up, like its on instinct. He needs to hold you.
He grabs you into his arms and plop down onto the bed, with you on his chest. He squeezes you into him, kissing your hair while you slide your panties on again.
“mine,” he says softly. youre his now.
You look up at him, searching his eyes, “Choso i wanna um…you know,” you gesture to his crotch. you want to make him feel good too.
but he looks away shyly. its embarrassing and pathetic, “i um..,” he sits up with you in his lap.
He doesnt feel hard under you anymore. And then it clicks.
“oh my god did you…”
he blushes furiously and nods, “its embarrassing,” he had cum in his pants the second he put his face in your bare pussy.
“no! no…it’s really…hot,” you reason and he looks less embarrassed. He looks into your eyes then, looks at your pretty little face and he already knows he wants you to be his forever.
“do you want to be my girlfriend?” he asks nervously.
you giggle and nod eagerly, jumping on him, wrapping your arms around him and nuzzling into his neck.
hes the luckiest man in the world he thinks. And you both fall asleep, you laying on his chest.
.⋅ ۵♡۵ ⋅.
guys they didn’t actually fuck and i’m SORRY
now….part 4?? hey!!! HEY OKAY IM SORRY!! comment if yall want more ill do a lil short one where buddy ACTUALLY looses his virginity.
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